Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Becca Tilley & Hayley Kiyoko Are Here! (& Queer)

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

Everyone on this podcast is at least a little bit gay, and that is A-OK! Possibly the cutest couple on planet Earth, Becca Tilley and Hayley Kiyoko, join Kaitlyn and Lo for a double date to talk all about their relationship & more. But first, they’re exploring the love affair between Kaitlyn and Becca during Chris’s season of The Bachelor, because their connection with each other was definitely more important than their connection with the lead. Hayley just got back from tour and we get to hear all about her thoughts on tour life and Becca’s intricate surprise visit. Hayley & Becca open up about their five-year relationship, including how and when they decided to come out publicly, their love languages, and why Becca regrets manifesting a long-distance relationship. Plus, Hayley opens up about her song turned music video turned debut novel, Girls Like Girls, now officially a New York Times Bestseller based on her personal experience. This book and episode is for anyone who has experienced falling in love, growing up feeling unsafe to fully express yourself, or watches Grey’s Anatomy… so everyone!? We hope you enjoy this absolute lovefest.  Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: HONEYLOVE - Treat yourself to the best shapewear on the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com with the code VINE. EARTHBREEZE - Go to EarthBreeze.com/vine to get started and save 40% when you subscribe.  ANGI - Your home for everything home.  MEATER - Shop now on Meater.com to access the Special Father’s Day 20% off deal. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in. Grab a coffee and discover nonstop action with Bud MGM Casino.

Check out our hottest exclusive. Friends of one with Multi-Drop. Once even more options, play our wide variety of table games. Or head over to the arcade for nostalgic casino thrills only available at BetMGM. Download the BetMGM Ontario app today. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you,

please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor free of charge but mGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with eye gaming ontario this episode of grape therapy is brought to you by honey love shapeware should be flattering and comfortable at the same time which is exactly what i've been loving about honey love from their superpower short to their bras and tanks i truly just love everything honey love has to offer so you can go treat yourself to the best shapeware on the market and save 20% off at honeylove com with code vine earth breeze right now my listeners can subscribe to earth breeze and save 40% go to earthbreeze.com slash vine to get started angie your home for everything home and meter shop

now on meter dot com to access the special father's day 20% off deal i'm kately bristow your session is now starting Welcome to the shit. I'm already cut it the fuck out because it's just been a journey. And I'm like just so happy for the two of you and you're so cute. I'm too. You guys are beautiful. Yeah.

Beautiful energy around both of you. Really, really good energy. She's a good energy. I'm like balancing out. I'm like the dark cloud. I'm the dark cloud that hangs around with the light cloud. You're not dark. You're serious.

Yes. Are you more serious? Yes. I'm pretty serious. That's what we would expect from lesbian Jesus Jesus Yeah, it's her street name

Yeah Lesbian he says what they call me Did they really? Oh yeah I'm obsessed She's our leader I thought you just made that up right now And I was like that's amazing

What? Welcome to pride Caitlin Welcome so Welcome to the good side I'm gay Yeah I'm a little gay

There's some gay energy I just saw you're talking about this Yeah I'm a little gay Yeah I saw I love that And I was like, yeah. They're like, I learned something new about you. Yeah, I guess I just have never said it out loud because I've always just dated guys. And then I was like, I don't know, I never wanted to make it like a big thing.

Like I'm going to do an Instagram post about it and talk about it. I was always like, but yeah, I just am. But like, I don't know. I don't talk about it. Yeah. Outside of Megan Fox. Oh, I would talk about that all day long. I would do inappropriate things to Megan Fox.

Oh, I get it. You do. Yeah. I think everyone gets that, right? I would suck her tootham. Is it, is it partly because, like, you kind of look like her, so it's kind of, like, wanting to do it with yourself? Thank you so much for breaking the ice.

Yeah. Is that, like, super narcissistic going? It's all like a narcissistic move? You're like, I want to just have my way with her. You're like, I have had a crush on her since I was like, I don't know, whenever she, we all did. Yeah. Yeah.

She was, we all did. Mm-hmm. It was a collective. feeling. Yeah. And it was a collective feeling. So Megan, if you're listening, we all love you. She totally listens to the podcast.

She's tuning in. I don't think I look like Megan Fox. I look like Craigslist Megan. I hate that you say that. I need to get you a T-shirt. Craigslist Megan Fox. Did you guys see it on how I met Machine Gun Kelly when I was on the carpet for Sports Illustrated, which faked my way onto that carpet somehow.

I don't know how I got there. Wait, were they together? Yes. They don't want carpet together. They didn't walk the carpet together, but they were, yes, and then the girl who is running the whole party, she was like, oh, yeah, we've had to sneak her into his hotel the past few nights. And I'm like, why are they doing this to us? Like, why are they just being like, we're not, I'm not cut up. Are they still together? No, they broke up. But they are together. And now new, no. Caitlin knows. Caitlin. Yeah, she gets weekly updates. No, they're definitely together. All things lie.

Okay. The breakup's alive. Yeah. Oh, the breakup was just like publicity. I don't know for sure I live for this But I think I think something happened You're gonna learn a lot today You are

Not a bunch of useless information Thank you so much for having me Yeah She's like like I'm on TikTok And all I do is scrolls She's on TikTok to like post And then she's there's no scrolling So did you see

Yeah my TikTok still thinks I'm straight Wait no That's how Your for you page is just No way It hasn't discovered me yet Have you all seen the thing where it's like Get your parent or grander

and parent to, like, dance and then pretend they're eating a sandwich or a cereal. So I was like, I'm just going to try on Haley and see if she's seen it. I don't see any trends. And she wasn't with me. So I was like, can you send me a video of you dancing and then one of you pretending to eat like the best sandwich you've ever had in your life? And she sends it. It's so cute, but I put the song over it.

The weirdest part about the whole situation is that when she said to send a video of me eating a sandwich, for some reason I ate the sandwich like this. Like a corn on the cob. And I was like, yeah, of course. Yeah, I was like, I've never seen you eat a sandwich like that. I'm going to have to look that one up. I'm going to do more research on it for I can prove. I scroll of the full troll me.

I scroll the hell out of TikTok. Me too. It's bad. But I don't find it bad because it makes me belly laugh and it puts me in a good mood. And I learn things sometimes. Yeah. Like, it's bad maybe that I'm looking at my phone that long. Yeah.

But I'm not like upset by it. That's the thing. It's not like it doesn't put me in a comparison spiral mode. Yeah. where Instagram does. But it definitely makes me very unproductive. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's okay.

Is your algorithm all funny videos? Yeah, yeah. Okay, it is. I guess I should introduce you guys. Yeah, we're here. Hi. Welcome to talk to my podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Ristow, today on the pod.

I always ask what people think, like, what would Becca say about you if you weren't in the room? Um, that would probably some nice things. Yeah. Yeah, I would say so. Okay, wait, that's two. Should we find out? Should I leave the room? No, that's too nice.

That's too nice. Well, if you were on a plane. She'd probably just troll me. She's really good at trolling me. Are you? Yeah, but like nice troll. Like, loving troll. Yeah, like she just makes fun of me all the time, but like nice flirt.

She's funny because she's kind of like an 80-year-old woman or 80-year-old man and then she's like a child sometimes too. Yeah, I'm like 80% old man, 20% five-year-olds. I like that ratio. Yeah. Thank you so much. I'm doing really well with my life. This is my way of trying to get people to introduce themselves on the podcast, but this isn't going well. Oh, yeah, we're still introducing.

Yeah. Introduce. Go ahead. Am I introducing Haley? You introduce yourself. Oh, hi. I'm Becca Tilly, and I am on Off the Vine with Caitlin, Lowe, and Haley Kioco. Hello, everyone.

I'm so happy to be here. That's Haley. I don't believe you. I'm not convinced. I need everyone to know that Caitlin and. I have known each other or known of each other for years. And we embraced for the first time today. And it was really magical. And I'm thrown off because I feel like we've known each other for a very long time. I wonder if there's something to that. Like I feel, I wonder if there's

something like energetically to that. I don't, well, I just have heard so much about you. I also follow you. But also like Becca thinks the world of you. So therefore, I also think the world of you and I know how amazing you are so that's really sweet becca is one of the best humans i've met in my whole life i think i'm about start my period don't let me cry i mean so soon in i get so emotional when i'm about to start my period but you really are we were so close on bachelor and then so before you two came out as a couple if you googled becett tilly lesbian it came up as Becca and Caitlin First lesbian couple

to come out of the Bachelor franchise Yeah we had a very Like really looking back I'm like Did I have a crush on Kate or? I think I energetically Was very attracted to you Yeah I just felt like

We had a very close relationship And now when I look back at it After like meeting Like having my feelings for Haley I'm like maybe there was something there Yeah because Caitlin on our season specifically was, like, so cool. Like, everyone...

This is all I hear about. No, I'm serious. It was like, she would just, like, do, like, a break dance in the middle of the road. How funny you are. Yeah. She was so cool. And I was, like, this, like, sheltered girl from Louisiana that came in and was, like, a virgin. And she told Chris she was going to...

What, next one? I'm about to fuck. Oh. Plow the fuck out of his field. Yeah. Yeah. And I was just, like, I... It was, like, this essence of...

You were very opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we're very opposite. Are you? Yeah. So y'all were actually each other's first love. Well, I remember being so, I remember being so sad to, because you thought you were going home at one row ceremony and I was like, I can't lose you.

Like, I was so concerned with, when he called your name, I was like, we like grabbed hands after like, thank God you're still here. And we like shared every moment together. I found a picture of us the other day actually of I'm just like napping on your lap and you were just like playing with my hair yeah see i'm not trying to make you jealous i'm totally fine i'm just kidding i'm just like eight years ago but yeah we were just like we just had this bond yeah the whole season it was really it's a very intimate experience all of you guys it really yeah yeah like that's not a normal thing yeah oh my gosh the most time with each other at like

all hours of the day we shared a room yeah like everything it was 24 hours and you're just stuck for so long. So when you find someone that you actually get along with I was like I was there to make friends I really was I made a lot of friends but yeah you know how when they're like and they'll say they were roommates like when two girls

Oh yeah yeah Caitlin's not on on gay TikTok yet I know she bowed Caitlin you gotta get your algorithm like yeah I need some gay shit in my life It's Pride Month, come on We'll do some TikToks again Oh my gosh I had What is her Ashley Gavin

She's this lesbian comedian that she came on my podcast, I'm obsessed with her. Not in that way. She's really funny. She is so funny, but she was like, because I think she has such a niche audience of,

and so she's like, I know everybody is just like, wants me to talk about gay sex and I'm just some dyke on this podcast. And I was like, oh my God! I'm like, what? She was so funny and lovely.

And yeah, she's, I like her. That was in New York. Did you do that in New York? Yeah. Okay, cool. New York. You were like,

are you allowed to say that about yourself? Yeah, that's what I thought. I was like, I was like, do I laugh? Yeah. But anyway, she's funny. So how's your week been?

What do you guys do you? You're back from tour. Yeah, I just got back yesterday. That was really cute when Becca surprised you on the bus. Oh my gosh, yeah. That was incredible. I didn't see that. I was so sick.

It was so cute. So we try not to go, when she's on tour, we try not to go longer than like two weeks, because that's about when I start picking fights. And two weeks was like, was that half, or the two weeks after you left? Yeah. So Denver is where we were supposed to meet. up. And then I was like, oh, I can't do it anymore. I have a work opportunity. I have to take it. So she was

all upset. I made up this whole elaborate story. It was so elaborate. Like literally, go ahead. Sorry. No, no, no. Go ahead. You can tell well, she basically, she was going to come see me in Denver. And mind you, I've been to Europe. It's just a two-month tour, like, 34 shows. So

I was, like, really sad because we always, like, after two weeks, if we don't see each other, you know, there might be some drama. We saw she's like, I can't come. Like, I have this the Croix branding event in where was it Arizona Phoenix San Diego San Diego yeah and she was like I have to go and it's like right on Sunday it doesn't make sense and I was like really sad and so Saturday she texts me and she's like oh my gosh Ali can't like her manager can't go and so

I have to go with this new girl like I don't even know her and we're going to have to sit in the car for like six hours I'm like oh my gosh and they're sharing a room and I'm like oh my gosh what's her what was her name what did you name her Ashley was a made up human No, she actually works at the company, and I would have had a lovely weekend with her, but her name, I made up, well, the name was Sierra. Sierra. Okay, so she's like, I'm in Sierra with Sierra, and I'm like, this is so, she was like, should I listen to a podcast? Do I do this? And I was like, oh, you should listen to podcast?

Podcast, that's a good idea. And so literally she texted me like, oh, my gosh, it took forever to get there. Because my father was delayed. Oh, shoot. And then they went out to dinner. And then she like, literally, literally she faced. Literally, she facetimes me, and she's like, hey, like, Sierra just left the room, like, I, like, finally have, like, one-on-one time. Like, I just wanted to call you before she comes back into the room.

And, you know, so we could just have some quick one-on-one. And I was like, oh, my gosh, this is so weird. Like, why do you have to share this room with this girl that we don't know? And, like, you have to do this event, blah, blah, blah. So this whole thing was made up. There is no Sierra. But her best friend flew out. Because she was saying earlier than the week that she really missed her friend.

So I flew her best friend out. So that was Sierra because we were in the same room. So I was like, I can't be in the same room with her or else I'm going to get away. So I basically woke up and at the time I had sinus fiction. I had two rounds. It was like, I was really struggling on the road. And so I woke up and Becca surprised me on the bus. And then we went into the hotel room and then my best friend Monica was waiting for me.

And she was like, this is Sierra. And I was like, you are maybe sick in the head. Like the fact. To that extreme. Sick high. Like sick. Like I am like. fully invested in her and Sierra at this point.

That is hilarious, but also very romantic. Very romantic. Becca's the best at surprises. Really? Yeah. And I'm like one of those people where I'm like, I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you and I'm going to give it to it at 3 o'clock. And it's kind of like this kind of shape.

I love surprises. Like I just, I give it away immediately. And so. You love giving the surprise. I get too excited. Is that your love language, gifts? Do you guys know the five love languages? Oh, yeah.

There's seven now. Oh, there are. Oh, there are two. Oh, there's shared experiences. Oh, trauma bond. Yeah, that's mine. The other one is basically, I can't remember how it said, but like needing to be seen, essentially, which feels pretty standard in a relationship. Yeah.

I don't even know what mine is yours gifts. Love it. Love to give them. I love to receive them. I love. Thank you. Thank you. Just some water.

You look parched. Yeah. Oh, weird. A little dehydrated. Mine's definitely not guess. I don't really... And physical touch is my other one. Oh, not for me.

Nope. Not a big physical touch guy over here. No. So, if you haven't heard, we only got one planet. Okay? There's no planet B. And did you know that 91% of those annoying plastic jugs that your laundry detergent comes in

end up in landfills and oceans harming our planet and marine life. I didn't know that. Or I guess if I really thought about it, I would have figured it out. But no thanks when I think about it. So I found the better way to do laundry. And that's Earth Breeze. This has changed the way I do laundry completely. Earth Breeze, laundry detergent, eco sheets, they look like dryer sheets, but they're not. They actually have revolutionary liquid list laundry detergent that dissolves 100% in any wash cycle, hot or cold. No measuring, no mess, no heavy plastic jugs, no guilty conscious, just toss the sheet in, the packaging is lightweight, biodegradable, and plastic-free, and their eco-sheets are hypoallergenic, dermatologist tested,

so they will work even on sensitive skin. I know a lot of my friends couldn't use certain detergents because of that, and this is tested. They also offer flexible subscriptions that could be adjusted, pause, canceled by you at any time, and most importantly, you still get a powerful clean. These sheets have worked so well for me, and it's honestly just, so much less annoying than using a big jug to do laundry. It's convenient a.F, as the kids would say. Switch from the old-fashioned goo to something new, and right now my listeners can subscribe to EarthBreeze and save 40%. Go to earthbreeze.com slash vine to get started. That's earthbreeze.com for 40% off.

earthbreeze.com slash vine. Okay, Angie is your home for everything home, and they've made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done well. Now, if you own a home, you know how much work it can take. It's a lot. I always say it's an ongoing project and whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. So easy. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience and they've combined this experience with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can

handle the rest. So from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of, you know, just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I-com. I like quality time, I think. Yeah, maybe that's fine. Acts of service? That's how I show love, which I think that one sucks.

No. Because I love acts of service. Really? Yeah, I think that's words of affirmation. That's a strong one. Oh, because then, well, I made the bed this morning. Like, you're well. Like, I was me.

I love you. Yeah. And I'm like, what I cooked you breakfast. And he's like, I don't care. And I'm like, what? I would love to be cooked breakfast. She cooks me breakfast. I'll cook me breakfast.

What are you whipping up for breakfast? just a simple egg I'm pretty good at one egg she's pretty good some scramble eggs some toast well that's my only thing when it comes to cooking

do you like she's really good at Postmates in DoorDash I'm so good at that I'm so good at that she's like and when I do it the delivery always gets lost

or they forget it or they cancel it I must have a terrible rating I don't know what's happening so I just can't even order things at this point what maybe you pissed off postmates at one point

I think I did I need to start over I need a new name do you feel so happy you to be home now, like in your own bed? Or do you like tour life? This was my first tour that I, like, genuinely very much enjoyed because normally, I mean, tour is hard.

Yeah. If once you get sick, which is what happened, we're not saying. I'm just thinking of Michael Jackson. When they did that interview, did you ever see that? And they go, Michael, do you like touring? He's like, I hate touring. It's the worst. And they're like, Michael, like, you can't say that.

So then they like cut, let's run it again. Michael, how do you feel about touring? He's like, I love things. I'm just bust up laughing because it is kind of a nightmare to tour at times it's a lot. That's what I'm saying like it's a lot and you know especially if you have health issues and mental health issues but

this tour I was able to enjoy myself enough and really it's been four and a half years since I've headlined a tour so I really enjoyed myself and once you get through the sickness and the antibiotics and trying to make it on stage every day and find your you know but it's crazy to get home because now I'm

like still I guess and I'm so used to like okay I'm getting ready for the show at 6 o'clock and I do my meeting greet. It's my Q-night and I'm like, you're always on a schedule. So to be home, I'm so happy, but it's very weird. I'm just staring at all my suitcases. And I'm like, I don't even know where to unpack or where to begin or where to start. So it's packed for months after I call. Yeah. So yeah, it's a lot. But I'm really happy to be home. Yeah. I feel like when, and I know you very well. So yeah, if we both know each other very well. But I feel like you are the type that like you like to be busy and doing stuff. You're like,

I literally just said that, Caitlin, you're not reading me at all. But I feel like you're good at being still. Very, too good. Yes. Some might say too good. She could stay on a couch for like three days. Oh, me too. I can't.

And like my only movement is getting up to get my order from the door. Oh, I like that. Like if they could come in safely and bring it to the couch, that would be I do you know. Remember we sat and watched my 600 pound life for like hours and ordered Taco Bell? And we were just like, I was so content. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm very good at being content, doing nothing. And, but if you'd need me and Phoebe to put on some applause and you perform, we can.

In the living room? Yeah. Have a craving? Yeah. If you have a craving for just, like, an audience? Do you ever do that where you just, like, give her a performance? No. Caitlin.

No. Okay, do you know who Harry Hudson is? Yes. Okay, so he was on my podcast yesterday. I am, he is incredible. Yes. And he has a tattoo here that says singers sing. and he said it was because his dad used to be like sing a song for me and he'd be like

I'm not just going to like sit just because that's what I do I'm not going to just sing and he goes singers sing Harry and so then he'd like sing for his dad and if I had someone with your voice and your talent I'd be like perform for me hit it hit it heyley three two five six seven eight where's the rainbow flag where's your rainbow flag Caitlin oh shame on me shame on me I should have I was like I'm wearing I've got rainbow underwear on it's a good balance though I appreciate Becca very much because she has brought stillness

into my life and being able to take the weekend off or even if I don't have a full day off taking that half day and driving up to Lake Arrowhead and it's not too late and I'm very like you have to plan you have to have the full weekend to take off otherwise what's the point and so

you know it's a good balance that sounds like a nice balance she gets you to sleep in yeah she's very good at sleeping in because she works so hard. Like, I don't, I don't even think people can, like, understand. She does so much. Like, while she was on tour, she released a book. I was going to say that. You also, and my album came out last week. And writing a book is a process. Yeah. So to be doing that on top of tour, and you're probably doing a million other things. Well, that's what I'm saying. And she

somehow gives, like, a hundred percent to each thing. So, like, when she lays down at night, she's out. And if she, she can sleep. I can't sleep. Which I'm grateful for that. Oh, it's so important. Sleeping. I can, I mean, you know, I've literally, we're in mid-conversation last night. I was like, I have a heart-tar. And I would do that without alcohol. I love him in.

I love a mid-conversation pass out. Yeah. It's kind of my mood. You're like spilling your, you're like, your heart. I'm finally coming out of the closet. She's like, like, I can't, snoring. She's snoring. She's like, so I finally told my dad.

I'm like, I'm like, Caitlin. I'm sorry. You should know better than have a lot. late night conversations. I know. I know what I'm in for. And also, I'm on Nashville time. So that was really like, oh yeah. That was like four. Four. Yeah. Are you guys here in L.A.? Yes. Yes. Okay. You live here. Do you love living here? Yeah. She grew up here. I'm born and raised. Yeah. I've never left. This is all I know. Yeah. Same. Yeah. Oh, really? Unicorn. Oh, I love that. Oh, I love that.

Well, Orange County. Okay. Nice. But I came to L.A. when I was like 16. I haven't left. Yeah. I'm a California girl. Yeah. I can't see myself living anywhere else. If I were to leave L.A. I would still stay in California. I feel like I'd go north or, you know, there's some cute spots out there. Wait, were you like in L.A.? No, I grew up in in Gore Hills. Okay, yeah, yeah. Right next to the bathroom mansion. Oh, I was good to say that. I have been connected to the bachelor's since my inception.

Yeah. Did you know it was there? No, she pointed it out. I was like, I have driven by this mansion my entire life. Like my youth. Can you Airbnb be it now? Yeah. That's crazy. Like $2,000.

to get it for the music video before the girl's music video. $2,000 a night. It's actually not nice in that Bachelor Mansion. It needs a paint job. It does. I don't understand. They make a lot of money. I don't know why they can't just paint the house.

And I met the guy actually that, oh, God, I hope he doesn't hear this. That owns it? Yeah. It's shit. Your house sucks. But there's like mice at one point. Oh, no. Not on our season.

Jason said they saw mice there. And then the dishwasher never works. But I think that's. They do that on purpose. It's psychological. Yep. I think because then that's something to, like, get annoyed at for other people, they don't do the dishes. They want to break you.

It would take so long to do the dishes. I never did them. Pal and love into dishes. I know. I always somehow found a way to get out of dishes. I did it multiple times. Oh, sorry. Sorry and thank you.

Oh, yeah. You have to make your own food. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. So who's cooking? We had Ashley, S. I just remember her cooking. She was so.

hammered one night and she was making an egg and I was so concerned for all of our safety because she was like the burner was on and she was like flipping and she made some good food though she did but I'll never forget she was flipping it and she looked at me and said how about them baseball cards and I was like what it didn't make any sense and it was that's how I remember and it was the best egg you've ever had it was delicious yeah and jade remember she because she went to cooking school and so she was a really good cook. I was like the margarita maker. I love that.

Yeah, drinks. We're bartended. I'm bartended. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now they have a bartender because they have to track how much you drink.

Oh, all the time? Oh, like a liability. They have a little, like, tick when you get your, they have a bartender and they have a little tick by your name when you've had a drink what time so they can schedule like, yes, because you can't. I wonder if people are like sneaking like edibles or anything else in there. Oh, I wonder. A little shroom.

Becca snuck a phone. Just a little. I did, but I wish I had been able to sneak edibles. would have been a good time. Y'all would be giggle monsters. Oh, could you imagine? The content would have been iconic. You were already so giggly. Kate, when you were with Chris, did you actually, like, really love him? No, that was my whole storyline. I never said I loved him. Oh, right. Yeah. But did you actually feel, like, attracted to him? I was physically attracted to him. But, like, I was more jealous

over Ben. Like, I got, I got, like, I remember the girls would come home when Chris's season. I'd be like, tell me everything about your date and I'm like this is weird that I'm alright in my head I was like I'm so chill like I'm such a cool girl and then ben sees and I was like oh I'm not that chill I had in my brain that Becca was going to marry Ben Higgins yeah she Caitlin set it up basically I was like Becca was the first person I called when I got my phone back and my mom sorry mom I call Becca and I said I said there's this one guy Ben I said he's gonna be the next bachelor they really loved him he was he came in third and I feel like I could see you guys together and then you went on his season

and obviously it wasn't meant to be but no but like I remember that season was so much harder in that sense where I was like How did you sneak a phone? Like did you not get caught or did they just not care? No I didn't get caught. Wow.

But I didn't take it. I mean I just threw you under the bus. No, no, no, I've said this. I remember that they didn't actually check my bag on the first season. Like they didn't go through my bag. They were just like, give me your phone. So I gave them a phone

and then I have my old phone and like really I would hear like the producers be like hey what's the Wi-Fi and I would repeat it in my head and memorize it until I could get my phone out and put it in my gosh babe that's so much smart phone and then I think I messaged you and I was like I don't think Ben's into me

and you're like well that's how they they wanted to feel I was like oh yeah you said me and Whitney a group texted you said that and then you also said you're like there's a girl here that reminds me of Whitney and a girl that reminds me of you Lauren and Jojo. And I was like, oh, that's so funny.

Jojo's wedding looked just beautiful. It was so beautiful. That was right before we came out publicly as a couple. Really? It was really. Oh, wow. Wasn't the same? No, it was right.

Right before. The weekend before. And it was. Maybe this is none of my business, but how did you decide, like, okay, we're going to say we're a couple now? Because you're like, well, we're not going any, like, this is it. Well, I was, I was kind of, I don't know, it kind of came from. Becca to a certain extent because she, I was trying to figure out what to do

for my music video for the girls. Yeah. And I didn't really have much of a budget. I was like, I need to do something that's like cheap. And she thought, like, why don't you do like The Bachelor? You love The Bachelor. Yeah. And like, why don't you just do one of those? That was a great video. I was like, that's genius because it's cheap. We can have terrible lighting.

We can have cheap cameras. You know, like we don't really have to plan anything. We can just shoot it. And then as we're, you know, planning it, correct me if I'm wrong, planning it, we talked about, what if you came out of the limo at the end? Yeah, I wanted to actually play the drunk girl. Yeah, she was wanting, initially she would like to play the role of drunk.

Really? Yeah. But then the actual actress got the job and she was great. So I was like, okay, I guess I'll come out of the limo at the end. Yeah, she was kind of bummed. She was like, I've already come out of the limo. And I was like, I know, but this is like third times a charm. Like, this is pretty, it's different.

The weight is different. I had full body chills. I was like crying. I mean, it was a whole thing. And the song is so good. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

How fun. You have my dream. Like, if I could pick another career path in life, it would be to be, like, a performer, like, singing and dancing on stage. Yeah. It's not too late. It's really not. You have the dancing. Okay.

In the singing. Yeah. Tina Turner didn't have her first number one hit until she was 54 and then sold out stadiums around the world. I love that. Oh, my gosh. That's a good point. It's number one. I've been trying to get Becca to do a country career.

I was like, she looked at. so good with a guitar in her hands. Can you imagine? I can't sing or play. Yeah, I can. Tomorrow's a new day. No, I feel like music's either in you or it's not. It's in me and how I listen to it, but it's not in me and how I perform it.

I love lyrics. You're a lyricist. Yeah, she's so much of, hi, my name's Beckettelli, and I'm a lyricist. I literally will sometimes write out my thoughts, and I'll be like, I wonder if Haley would want this as a song, and then I'm like, shoot. Oh, you should. I got excited. You should write a song for her.

I feel like she'd roll her eyes. I write the cheesiest things. I love, like, cheesy, like, lyrics and stuff. What's your favorite? She gives me some ideas. Okay, honey, I just love me some shapewear. I'm so cheesy. Well, if you haven't caught my drift,

support for today's show comes from Honeylove. So trust me when I tell you that Honey Love should be your go-to for all things, shapeware. They have truly revolutionized. compression technology so you no longer have to feel like you're suffocating while wearing effective shapewear you'll immediately feel and see the difference and i have an exclusive offer for my listeners so you can get 20% off your entire order with code vine at honeylove.com i really like to feel comfortable and confident in whatever i'm wearing which is why i love

shapewear and now i'm just glad i have both i'm comfortable i'm confident it's a win-win honey love is just as easy to put on as it is to take off because shapeware shouldn't be heart. You know when you get like, I said suffocated earlier, but I almost get anxiety being stuck and things like that. And their products make you look good and feel good. And when talking about shapewear, Honey loves best selling superpower short is one of my go-toes. It has targeted compression technology that distinguishes between areas where you want more support and areas you need less compression. Their signature X targets and sculpts your midsection without squeezing your natural curves is designed to work with your body, not against it.

But doesn't stop there. Nope. Honey love is more than just scalpware. They have incredibly comfortable bras, tanks, leggings for everyday support. I love and live in my honey love bra. So treat yourself to the best shapewear on the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com with the code vine. Use code vine at honeylove.com. Okay, dads.

Dad's out there. Gotta love them, right? Gotta love my dad. And you got to know what's coming up. Their special day, Father's Day. I don't care if you are a cat dad, a dog. dad, a real dad, you want to be a dad, you've lost a dad, any kind of dads that want a dad out there. I know it's soon, but not too late to shop for Father's Day in this year. He doesn't need

a wireless phone charger, portable speaker, knee braces. Actually, I might be one of those. But what he really needs is a meter. Meter is a sleek, smart meat thermometer that guarantees the perfect cook every single time. So whether he's an amateur chef or the experienced grill master, this is the gift for him. Okay, meter gives a countdown for the cook. so he can spend time with family, have an old fashion, watch a movie. No matter what he's up to, he will know exactly when to take the food off the heat and when it's ready to chow down. It's super simple, super easy.

You want to have to pretend while chewing on some overcooked meat that everything's great, okay? Everything will be great and just perfect for you. It comes with cloud service so you can still check in on the cook while you're either watching TV or running to the store while you monitor the steaks, lamb chops, prime ribs, chicken, whatever. You can do it all from the app. So this really is the perfect gift and cooking tool for the dad in your life to level up on his grilling game. Shop now on meter.com to access this special Father's Day 20% off deal.

Barbecue season is coming up. Actually, I believe it's here. Get dad grilling with the best meat thermometer out there and get it now at 20% off. So that's meter.com, M-E-A-T-E-R dot com for 20% off. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I mean. You've posted about this like 45,000 times. My favorite song?

Lavender Hayes. No, I love Out of the Woods. I love Out of the Woods. Because it reminded me of us because we were in that in between of not being out for so long. Yeah. It was very symbolic in that way. And then I love Clean and I love, it's depressing, but I love the new one. You're losing me.

Oh, I haven't heard it. It might be her, like, best songs she's done. lyrically and you've gotten to work with her yeah you guys are like friends I got to perform with her yeah yeah yeah yeah that's like work you need to calm down I just did like I shot a bow and arrow oh cool yeah I got to go back to watch that that must be crazy because you love Taylor Swift but and you've obviously got to meet her and

stuff and she just seems like she's such a lovely healing we were dating when we when I perform with Taylor at the Gillette Stadium and was it 2018 yeah right after we had been dating for a couple months Yeah. And I met her that night. And back I came. Yeah. It was crazy.

Yeah. Wait, you had been dating for two months at that time? Yeah. Uh-uh. And she knew I loved Taylor and she's like, hey, like, do you want to come to Boston? Taylor asked me to come out and perform with her. So I went and had the time of my life. And then I was back in my, and Haley's green room.

And she and her mom were with Taylor and her mom and Taylor's green room. And I was just like going through all my videos. And Haley's security guard comes to get me. And he's like, hey, Taylor wants to say hi. It's like, who's Taylor Who? Yeah. Tay would like to say hi. She's really sweet.

That's awesome. It was really cool. Yeah, she is, I love how, like, when I saw her in Nashville, I love concerts, and we had went to Janet Jackson the night before, and I was like, that was insane. I love Jet. But I went to Taylor Swift, and I went, I, like, felt different walking out of there. Like, I felt like a changed human walking out of her show. It's like Hoffman.

I really did. It was Hoffman for me. I had, like, childlike experience. My inner child was just thriving. No, I really, like, I walked out of there and I was like, what just happened to me? That's what I don't know. That's what music's all about. That's really cool.

I wasn't into it until I was. Interesting. I made you a Swifty. You did. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I respect her as an artist, I think she's fucking incredible. I just didn't know, like, her catalog of music besides, like, her number ones.

I didn't dive into it. And now you've, have you, have you, now you're in. Dove? Oh, I've dove in. Yeah, I was trying to figure out the correct. I dove in. Dove and divin. You're dove and doven.

And I'm like, oh, you're dove and dive. This is incredible. Yeah. I was like, oh, she's amazing. Yeah, she is. Okay, wait, I have written down here because you had a TikTok. Okay, yeah, you had a TikTok that said when you manifest a long distance relationship because you like your alone time and now you're dating someone who tours for months at a time. Mm-hmm.

Do you still, do you love your alone time? No. Oh, okay, what? So why did you manifest? Because I've never been in love before. I had never I had never been in love before So like in my mind

I was like I don't want to I liked my alone time I didn't want everyone bugged me So when I met Haley Even to this day I was honestly I was like probably my worst Self this tour Really?

Yeah five years in I think if I was like traveling And I was doing my I had stuff going on But I'm alone a lot You know I don't have like a set schedule My job is not like a traditional job So I think when she's busy all day and, like, is surrounded by people 24-7 and then I'm alone, I think I feel it a lot heavier than I would if I was, like, you know, also busy and, like, have stuff going on.

Do you lean into your feelings or do you fight them? I have recently really learned to lean in. Good. But I miss fighting them a little bit. I kind of, I do miss a little bit of my, like, unhealthy tendencies because I felt like they protected me a little bit, you know? Well, that's what they do. Yeah. Yeah, it's like your nervous system is like trying to protect yourself from fear of getting hurt or whatever it is.

But vulnerability is everything. Isn't it? Being vulnerable? Yeah. Oh, I love it. I mean, I think it's the only way to build actual connection with anybody. Yes. It's to be vulnerable.

Yeah. But you're doing a really good job. Yeah. Five years in. You probably feel safe enough, you know, to be vulnerable now. I think I'm most vulnerable daily for sure. That's great. That's your safe place.

Are you good at being vulnerable? I'm a walking. ball of vulnerability. I love it. Who are as lesbian, Jesus? That is a vulnerable. That is what makes good artists. I could cry anytime, any moment, any place.

Me too. I just feel. Like, anytime I do the meet and greets or if I, or any, like, just life. But me and greets, like, when, if someone says, like, I love your hair, like, I start crying. Or, like, if they're, like, you know, like, if they say anything remotely nice, I start crying. But also just in, like, everyday life, I'm just, I don't know. I just, I love, I love emotion.

I love communication. Yeah. So that's just been a part of my life, I guess. She's helped you with stillness, and you've helped with vulnerability. Yeah, yeah. And that is awesome. Did you grow up in a house that was very open with feelings and emotions? That's what's interesting.

So I grew up in a house where emotions, I didn't really have space to express my emotions. So my parent, my mom's, like, basically, like, my coach, because she's, like, really, like, intense. and I get my drive from her. My dad's like the goofy guy. But I never felt safe expressing my emotions. I never felt safe expressing my sexuality. I never felt safe to just have a conversation about how I was feeling. So it was interesting because I grew up in that household, but yet I feel and cry a lot.

And I haven't... When did that switch for you and how? Probably once I was fully out, I would say. I mean, I mean, as a queer boy. and you come out like 45,000 times. But like on the final one, which again ended up being like my public coming out in 2015, I was in my 20s,

I think that that was a big switch for me. But I think also was just like accepting myself and loving myself. And I've always wanted to express myself and I have always expressed myself, but I've done it through music. Of course. So that's a thing. It's like I didn't have that space,

but I had that space through music. I wrote music since I was like six. and so I've had that communication skills through music. Interesting. And also you connect so much with your fans through your vulnerability of music too. Like when you read the back of your book, I was like, like that was really, like you, I could tell that that meant. No, it's so beautiful.

Hearing what her, I don't want to cry either. Hearing what her fans say about her is, like I I know the impact she has on people but every time I go to like a mean greeter here or people come up and tell me or message me it's like it's a never ending thing that I get to experience with how much Haley has helped people just to feel safe and like the space she has created for like a whole community of people trying to find out who they are or you know no I'm going to I told you I cried. I told you I cry.

I'm upset. That is so nice. Like, you do make an impact. And you do too without even knowing you do. You are a light, Beckettilly. Yeah. You are. You sure are.

Even just, like, through Instagram story, like, you are a light. Thank you. One of the only people I haven't muted. I fucking love her stories. That's great. I'm like, I'll take all the Becca content. That's great. That book must have changed so many people.

lives like for you to I feel like you did it for your fans yeah well and for you of course but like yeah it's been a really so Girls Like Girls was a song and then a music video and then that music video was my coming out and that was eight years ago so

I've been working on expanding the story for eight years wow and what was fascinating about writing this novel is I created these fictional characters in this music video and then those characters became a vehicle of telling my story of when I fell in love with my best friend in school. And so these protagonists, what they go through is what I went through, but they're in a different setting. And so it was a way for me to tell my story and navigating my self-worth and

my self-love. And so the acknowledgments and why I get emotional thinking about is that, like, I didn't have that community growing up. And so even though like my fans are like, oh, you did this and that for me, it's like, no, but you guys really created a space for me to feel accepted to chase my dreams as an artist and they created that space and allowed me to really just be my authentic self and so I get very emotional about it because it's it's created a purpose for me yeah absolutely yeah it's so cathartic and the book is a YRA romance and so it's like it's really for anyone who's fallen in love or have gotten their heartbroken or are able you know it's set in 2006 which is 2006 when I fell in love with fell in love in quotations obviously yes

And when I was like 16, 17 years old. And so it's been really beautiful to get to share it. I mean, it's only been out for, it came out last week. I found out about New York Times bestseller tomorrow. So fingers are crossed. I don't know. I don't know. We don't know what's happening.

But yeah, so it's just new. And it's just so wonderful because so many people have watched that music video over and over again as a safe space. And now I did this book specifically so they would have a tangible item to carry with them, to hide in their bed, to put in their backpack, to put on their shelf. So any time they're not feeling safe or they don't live under a roof that, you know, provide safety or comfort, they can go into this book and escape. Yeah. You guys are just releasing a safe space into the world, right in time for Pride Month. Yeah.

Incredible. I, wait, I'm like, how do we get you New York's best? I know. Go ahead and buy the freaking fun. I can never say that. New York Times bestseller. I can never say New York Times bestseller. It's so weird.

I always go New York Best Time Sellers. And she's like, how can you not say that? That's so weird. How do we do it? Well, it had to have been done. I think Sunday was the last thing. But, yeah, please go support by the book. And also, on top of that, I had to record an audio book for it.

I was going to say, yeah. You did the audio book. I was going to ask that too. My first and my last. It was so exhausting. It was so exhausting. Oh, thank you so much. It's nine hours of my voice.

So if you don't like reading... You have a nice voice, though, obviously. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, beautiful speaking. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. You guys, listening to your own voice is actually really, like, very vulnerable and scary. Well, and when you do an audio book, you have to say words so specifically.

Well, and I grew up with an R impediment. So, like, I realized as I was reading the book, I was like, I put so many R words in this fucking book. I am going to kill myself. It was like, writhering, rathing the world. And I was like, I literally, it almost broke me. I'm not even kidding you. The audio book almost broke me. So please listen to it.

Yes. For the love of God. I'm going to. I'm excited for this. There's music. It's like a whole like, it's very cinematic. Like the audio book is cinematic. I, oh.

You got to go? Got like a couple of minutes. Okay. We have like three, four minutes. Okay. Let me get to. I drove separately. so I can stay if y'all can want to extend it.

I will send me a little bit of the fuck out. Oh, okay. I did want to ask this about community because I'm sure you were afraid of what the community would say, you know, accepting. And everyone was so obviously incredible. But have you noticed that your audience has changed at all? As far as having a new audience. Yeah. Like do you feel, and same with you.

I bet so many people's eyes were opened who literally had one way of thinking that followed you that maybe changed their way of thinking and their perspective to give you a new audience too. Yeah, I've had a lot of messages where it's people that are like, I totally shifted my perspective on how I view things. And I, even the people who maybe message me and they're like, I just don't get it. I get it because I used to have that mentality. So I've never been like, oh, like, how dare you? it's just kind of like, okay, you don't have to get it for it to be real or for it to be true and for you to be kind and empathetic towards people. Like, to not understand something doesn't mean you automatically have to use hate or cruelty, you know?

But then her, I always thought like regardless, I got to a point where I was finally like, regardless of what like my following or where I come from and that community thinks, I knew that the community that she was a part of was going to welcome me with Oklahoma. open arms. So I was like maybe I'll lose some people, but I'm also going to gain some people, you know, that... The right kind of support me. Yeah. I think it's just all connected to the fact that like

representation and like normalizing relationships that you know, for people who are just not exposed to it and maybe have grown up and thinking one way. Right. And so I think that that's like just our job and our work as humans is normalizing queer

people and their experiences. Yeah. So, you know, with Becca coming out and sharing our love, you know, it can look like this. Yeah. You know, it can also look many other ways. Right. And so we're also really good people. So it's not like we're going to like ruin your life and like take away all of your rights and attack.

So I think it's just for people who grew up in, you know, the South and other areas that aren't used to it, just like, hey, we're humans. It's the fear of the unknown. And so, again, putting yourself out there. And so people that listen to my podcast are just like, oh, I didn't realize he's gay. I'm like, really? He's like, well, you like me. So you like gay people. Yeah.

Yes. So, congrats. Yeah. Yeah. See, no one's stretching you. Wasn't that bad. Wasn't that bad. Thank you so much.

Do I have to do like a wrap-up thing or do I just disappear from the podcast? Oh, no. We'll just say Haley has an appointment. Yeah. And she's got to go. I have an appointment, but I love you all so much. Have a great time talking about me. Yeah, we'll talk about you.

you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, now we can see what she would say about you when you were in the room. Becca, do you do all of your podcasting with Tanya at her studio? Or did she have in her home? We did that during COVID, but now we're at IHeart. Oh, you're at the IHeart studio. Oh, nice. Okay. Yeah. Oh, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Raise Anatomy. Oh, yeah. I've been very excited. You got to interview Joe twice. Yeah, yeah. Well, so she was on in 2000. maybe 2019 and I had a commercial like a national commercial with L'Oreal and so I was like I couldn't just be like yeah it was amazing but I was like can we reschedule her yeah I was like devastated because that was in like the peak of my like obsession oh wow yeah so did you get to do it that time

I got to do it this most recent time oh okay um and also Owen yeah I didn't like on the show but I liked him on your podcast he was great we loved him he changed our whole whole perspective and Tanya was basically like I hate Owen yeah and he was like okay she said that to him yes because like we literally shit talk him so much like there we couldn't have him come on and be like we love yeah so like Tanya was like I'm just gonna tell him I guess that does help because it's a character you know what I'm saying yeah and and he was so lovely that like I still don't like his character but it did it shifted something in me a little bit I'm so he's an amazing actor if If you hate the character,

like, oh, my God, he's killing it. He really is amazing. But when I saw him on your podcast and I was like, oh, I actually love his vibe. Yeah, he was so chill. I thought he was going to be a real piece of shit. Yeah, I thought he was going to be like Owen-y. I thought he was going to be all Owen-y and stuff and he wasn't. No, he wasn't Owony.

He was awesome. And also, who would be your dream guest to have? Obviously, besides Meredith Gray or Derek Shepard. No, you've probably had it. No, you've talked to him. Tonya met him at like a celebrity softball game. and then I saw him in Nobu and took like a creepy video

but that's the extent of like my being in the same room with him who would be your dream guest obviously those two Jesse Williams Jackson Avery duh oh my God Jackson Avery

so I'm re-watching again and I'm on season six where he comes in season six is great season I weirdly have been watching old episodes in there for season six Really? Yeah season six is my favorite That's the strongest season

It's a good season. Season like one and two and then six and then it kind of got weird. When is the musical episode? I can't. Is that season six? I think that might be coming up for you. Yeah. Maybe season seven.

They try and pull off a musical episode. Have you watched Grace? I'm okay if you don't. Okay. Yeah. He judges me so hard for not watching sex in the city, but I'm okay with you not watching Grace. I also get judged because I'm adding this to the I don't watch Friends list.

I know. I really can't believe we're friends because of that. That's pretty. That's tough. That's a tough one. Friends is, like, so universal. Grace is, like, kind of dark and, like, medically, so you're kind of, like, if you don't like blood and needles and guts, like, you probably shouldn't watch it.

So, Catherine Hegel and Ellen Pompeo just did the variety actor on actor-on-actor interview. You know where they interview each other? I do love Catherine Hegel. I saw clips, and Ellen Pompeo was saying how she fought so hard not to do the scene where she says, pick me, choose me, love me. She was like, I just didn't think it would translate. I like I fought to not do it and she goes it ends up being like one of the most like iconic scenes in the series and I was like that is so fascinating I want to watch the whole yeah yeah I know is it with Hollywood reporter like inside the variety yeah yeah yeah I like the Kardashians always make me laugh when they do those ones when you guys started the podcast obviously it was about Gray's but now you've like been able to well it wasn't it like started off like recapping Gray's episodes but it was more when I started I was it was just me and I was doing it as a because it was like you absolutely Ashley and Ben were kind of in the Bachelor podcast world. And I was like, how do I follow,

like, how do I join the Bachelor podcast world with those people? Like, they are covering it all. Yeah, literally. So I was like, how do I do it? Like, what do I even talk about? And Amy Sugarman, who's a producer, she was like, what if you just talked about your favorite shows that you're watching and kind of did recap, which I think the first four episodes I'm interviewing people and kind of doing that. And then we had Tanya on. Well, my sisters were on the podcast. Cute. And I thought it was going to be so funny because they're, so funny. And as soon as they got in front the microphone, they like froze.

My mom did that too. Yeah. But they weren't, so both my younger sisters are gay and both of them were not out yet. So I was like, and I didn't know that they were gay. So I was like, so what do you look for in like boys? And they were just like, you know, totally shut down. So like now it's like

kind of funny. Had they been on since? No, they actually, they're like never again. Really? Yeah, because they were like we got so nervous. So that was when Tanya filled in because she was still in the studio. And so that's how it became... I didn't know that. That episode is like how it became both of us.

Did you know instantaneously? Because I love Tanya. I've known her for years. Oh, her energy is incredible. She's great. And so did you know pretty right away? Like, okay, this is a thing. We should make this happen? I looked at Amy in the room and I was like, yeah. This is it. Yeah. Would you ever go on Chris Harrison's podcast?

Yeah. Oh, great. I love to. Oh, yeah. You should. I should. I should. I got invited to his wedding and I was kind of surprised. What's why? Yeah, but we've been through it. Oh my God. Yeah, but I think he respects you and I think you respect him, right?

Yeah. Yeah. At the end of the day. Yeah. I don't respect some of the things he's done, but I respect him. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like as a human being.

I respect him as a human being. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, in Kentucky, when we had seen him, he was like, it's really good to see you, Caitlin. Oh, yeah. And you're like, you sure about that? You're like, you're sure about that? You sure?

I don't feel like he's... Like, I'm positive. It's really good to see you. What? Did I miss something that happened? Oh, he like stopped talking to me when I was hosting the Bachelor at. And I was like, oh my God, I've pissed him off. And I'm, he, but really he was just going through his own shit.

Yeah. Water under the bridge. Yeah. Now you're going to be toasting at his wedding. Yeah. She's, yeah, you're a bridesmaid, right? I actually was like, I don't. didn't he asked me to marry them.

I want to marry somebody. It's like on my bucket list. I'm shocked you haven't. I feel like that's going to be completed for you. Really? On your bucket list. I promise you. Well,

I'd want you to be my maid of honor, but you could marry me. My first marriage. My first one. That's a big one. The second one is for real love. Okay, you do the second one then.

Okay. This is also, I don't mean to like. What just happened? Oh, he always talks about a second marriage. I'm just like, I think I'll have a couple marriages under my belt. Just going on my family.

Just wait until you fall in. love yeah that's true oh i know if i have this love that they have very different very different vibe do you guys ever talk about getting married like we talk about it but we're kind of on the same page but i don't feel like drawed them i've never i was never one of those people that like dreamed of my wedding or like what dress will i wear you know like so when my friends talk about i'm like i don't relate to it like when um we were downtown l.a and we were like at the jewelry shop and there were all these rings And I was like, I don't even know, where do we, how do people even begin? Would you like some advice?

I've been engaged twice. I can help you with this process. Yeah, you have a rock. Yes. But now I'm, I like almost want to take the ring off because my nails are so bad that I don't want people looking at my hands. I'm trying to let the nails breathe. Yeah, yeah. It's good.

It's healthy. Is it? I think you could put maybe like a polish on them and help. Give them a chance. It's really bad. Give them a chance. Like, what's happening with that? Did you rip it off?

Oh, yeah. Is this anxiety? Oh, yeah. It's a whole... So I usually have nails on, like, a false nail, either a presson or, like, a dip with a tip. And so then I don't bite them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then once they, like, either grow out or I rip off my pressons, I just freaking go to town on them.

I pick, I bite. I think that's why I was such a good immune system, though, because I'm just, like, eating... I can't. I, that, I used to bite my nails all the time. And, like, when I think about what was going into my mouth, I get so freaked out because it was such a habit for so long that I was like, how did you break it? Did you put that stuff on your fingers? I just always have my nails done. Yeah, that's, like, gel or like, I always have them done.

So it just helped, like, you know, I go to bite and be like, ow. Herb your appetite. Literally so sick. I'm like, ew, like, what's even under there right now? There's some dark. I know you, you've been talking about. having some anxiety on Instagram and stuff. Oh, it's bad.

Is it new? No. I mean, is it something that's, is it just like, do you live with that? Yeah. Oh. And it'll come out of nowhere. I'll have like intrusive thoughts in the middle of the night and start being like, oh fuck. And I'll like start going so dark about like my dog's dying and like people in my like and I'll just go spiral and then my whole body turns into like a heat register.

Like I just start sweating. It's bad. bad and I never know when it's going to hit. So is it like, you know how we talked about how post-period, what's it called, P-P-D, no, P-M-D-D, I have that so bad. I know we talked about it. Is it around that time? Yes. Okay. It's more so around that time.

So it's kind of predictable with that because it really, it really shows up in the week before my period. Like I'm way more stressed out. I'm way more emotional. My anxiety, depression, it's all just like the perfect storm. and then other times it's like I'm on medication though and that's really helped so I take something every day and that has definitely made it not so not so dark for me but yeah it's you know what I do think it's the mostly PMS well it's like every month I go through I start getting really emotional and mad and like I'm like everyone hates me and like I hate everything yeah and then I start my period but this happens every month it's like I should should know that when that feeling comes that it's like oh what's the day okay i know what did you see i still was like well and then i'm like wait yes that is what it is it's i call it clockwork it really is every single month there's five specific days where i am not well yeah

and other times it's just like i'm i'm i'm the person that goes like i'm not doing enough like i'm so busy and i still i'm like well i haven't been on tv in a minute and i was hosting i was on a role and now I'm not doing enough. Oh God, the intrusive thoughts. Yeah, it's bad. I don't have that. But like I wish I did. I think I well, just a little bit because I think I'd be a little more motivated. Yeah, but then nothing's ever enough for me. Like that I could maybe, let's say, hypothetically, all of a sudden I get offered this TV show and I go on, I have my own TV. I would still find something else to be like, well, I'm not doing enough here. It's just, it's a curse. Yeah, a blessing and a curse. A blessing and a curse. Blessing at us. You're driven as hell, but also, like, to your own detriment at times. But it's funny, too, because I am really good at being still and sitting on the couch for three days. So I'm like- I think that's your body's way of shutting it down. Yeah, it's like, if you're not going to do it for me, I'm going to make you. That is exactly. And then I go, oh, I think I'm fighting something. I think I'm sick. My body will actually make me get sick. So somebody posted, people always ask me, how do you find balance between work and family? And he said, if I'm answering this question quickly, I'll simply say, I integrate music into everything I do with my family and I integrate family into everything I do with music. First, I don't necessarily believe in balance. A mentor of mine once told me that balance means you must take away from one side to give to another side. And that can be exhausting. So instead, I try to achieve symmetry. And I loved that thought.

So he said this means both aspects of my life can mirror each other and forge ahead in a positive way without having my music and career take anything away from my family life or have my family life take anything away from my career. And I loved that because I always try and think about balance and how to, and I'm like, I just, I don't have it. And I'm like, but balance depends on who you are as a human. What balance means to you. It could mean something different to everybody. but really nobody really has the perfect balance No you know

No and I think that your body We're so our bodies are so intelligent That if your body is at a state where it's like I need you to stop Yeah you're gonna get sick Yeah Like our bodies are intelligent enough to like make us slow down Which I think is really cool that we're like created that way

I do see bodies are Our bodies are so much more than we think they are Absolutely yeah I do have to wrap up the podcast just because I It's been over like an hour But I'm so happy I'm so happy right now

I'm feeling so happy I'm like I'm getting anxiety thinking about getting on a plane right now I'm like no But then I get to go crawl into bed with my doll Yes yes I'm obsessed with it I know can I just show you this picture of that I'm Caitlin Bristow

Your session is now ending And if I'm being honest I wouldn't mind a rating and review. Pick up that class of Pina Grigio, your drink of choice, and come have some fun with us on Turtle Time. We're going to do more than just drink and party on this podcast, Mom. I know, I know.

Okay, if you don't know who I am, well, I'm Ramona Singer, and that's my daughter, Avery. and you probably know us best from the Real Housewives of New York. And now you'll get to know us even better on our podcast, Turtle Time. Let's make more iconic moments together every Wednesday. It's Turtle Time. Follow rate and review now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See what hit blockbusters are streaming free during popcorn summer movies on Pluto TV. Watch the first four Indiana Jones movies or Minari and Made of Ones. Plus, Pluto TV has hundreds of channels with thousands more movies, available on live and on demand. Download Pluto TV on all your favorite devices for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.