Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Ben Smith

Episode Date: January 7, 2021

Kaitlyn is joined by Bachelorette fan favorite Ben Smith this week! He comes on to discuss his time on the show, opening up about mental health and what he's up to now. Later, they play a game of How Do You Proceed and Ben spills an embarrassing story about being walked in on while naked! Stay tuned for Part 2! GEICO - Go to geico.com , and in fifteen minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance RITUAL - Visit Ritual.com/VINE to get 10% off during your first three months JENNI KAYNE - Get 20% off your first order when you use code VINE at checkout at Jennikayne.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Ritual vitamins. Better health doesn't happen overnight, and right now ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first three months. Fill in the gaps in your diet with essential for women, a small step that helps support a healthy foundation for your body. And Jenny Kane. Make getting dressed the easiest part of your routine at Jennykane.com and get 20% off your first order when you use Code Vine at checkout. That's J-E-N-N-I-K-A-Y-N-N-E.com promo code Vine. podcast one presents off the vine great therapy kately bristow's going to answer your question drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything bachelor let's shake it up some more here's katelyn all right everybody welcome to great therapy i'm your host katelyn bristow i have a guest today that i think a lot of you will be looking forward to hearing from especially the ladies

Not that any men listen to this anyways. Maybe you already slid into his DMs. Maybe he reads them. Maybe he doesn't. We talk about that on this podcast as well. But you know what? I put out a questionnaire on my Instagram story. You know, like ask questions for Ben.

And so many girls were like, did he see my DM? Would he date a fan? I was like, uh-oh. Okay. There's a lot of you. Anyways, he was a fan favorite on the past season of The Bachelorette and was very open and vulnerable about his experience, struggles with mental health.

truly inspiring. He was very open on this podcast as well. We talk, of course, about his time on The Bachelorette, dive into what he's up to now. We also get into his confession, as per usual. And we enjoy a new segment, which I like to call, How Do You Proceed? Where I put him in an awkward situation, and he tells me how he proceeds. I hope you guys enjoy today's podcast. It was a really, really great conversation. And now here is Ben Smith. Do you own or rent your own home? I'm sure you do, and I bet it can be hard work. But you know it's easy, bundling policies with GEICO. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowners or renters insurance along with your auto policy, which is a good thing because you already have so much to do around your home. Go to geico.com,

get a quote, and see how much you could save. It's GEICO easy. Visit guyco.com today. That's guyco.com. Now back to Off the Vine Grape Therapy. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. I feel like this is just the 2020 way. You know what I mean? That's why you meet people these days.

We go on weird reality shows and we meet online and all the weird stuff. Yeah. I'm surprised your new trophy is not in the background. Oh my gosh. You know what's so funny is it was. And I was interviewed. This is how nice and Canadian I am. Okay.

I was interviewing a girl, Jeannie Mai, who is also on Dancing with the Stars, and it was her birthday. And I was like, I'm going to move the trophy. I don't want to rub it in her face, you know, have it. That's really nice. Finding behind me. And I was like, that I, that just shows my heart and my character. It does. Right?

I've learned so much about you in just that now. So I think I know everything I need to know. It's so funny because I'm like, all my friends used to cut. call me an undercover softie because I try and be hard and I act like I'm all tough, but undercover, I'm like a big softie. Same. I feel like you're the same way. I can see that about you.

Anyway, so nice to meet you. You are currently where Venice Beach right now? Yeah, I live in Venice. Okay. How long have you lived there? About two years. I was in Santa Monica for a year before and then I've been here in Venice about a year. Okay.

California is obviously a bit of a hot spot right now with COVID. have you just been laying the F low or do you still have a like gin gym to run like how's that going? Yeah. So our gym here in Venice is outdoor. So we follow like the strictest COVID protocols of all time when I'm coaching. I wear a mask. The whole thing. We've had zero COVID transmissions from the gym. So it's like we're doing something right. But we have two other locations. The business I actually own is at a gym in West Hollywood. And we're like completely shut down because they're indoor. But it's a pain in the Wait, are there like, is that a thing in Venice, is outdoor gyms, or is there only one? Well, so Muscle Beach used to be, it's right on the boardwalk.

It used to be an outdoor thing. It's kind of like, last time I was over there, the equipment wasn't out anymore. So I don't know if that's a COVID-related thing or they've just like started to like shut it down. But we're the only spot that's actually, it's called deuce gym, but it's the only spot that's like specifically outdoor or was already outdoor before COVID, which is kind of cool. I'm like lucked into that. When did you launch this gym? This one's been here since like 2013. Oh, amazing.

Okay. So is that what you were doing like before the show too? Like that's you. Yeah. Immediately before the show. I've been coaching. So I've been coaching for this gym, this like family of gyms for like about the last 18 months. A business partner, a guy that was associated with the gym and I started another company called Bodybuilding Club.

And it's like an online training thing. We have a brick and mortar. location in one of the gyms. But we started that about six months before, officially before I went on the show. But before that, before that I was like in the army. I did like a sales gig in the digital marketing thing. And I was really unhappy. And so I just decided to pursue something that I was passionate about. How cool. I mean, first of all, not a big sales guy. I feel like I could never, like I'm just not cut out for the nine to five. And I'm nothing to people who are like

some people like that structure some people like that routine it's for some people some people are miserable and that's where i'm here to be like get out like i always want to motivate people to do something they're passionate about and get out of a job that they're miserable with so that's cool that you did that and that was and you did that before the show it wasn't like you went on the show it gave you these opportunities and then you went on something you were passionate about you actually were doing that before you went on yeah so in in february of 2019 i left like official nine to five work and I was not unemployed. I was doing some like freelance coaching here and there. I started with nutrition. I was doing nutrition coaching. And then that turned into me working for this gym here

locally. There's like this long story about how I tried to come and gain employment. And they're like, yeah, like we don't just let you do that. And so there's like this really long, uh, stressful, like indoctrination process similar to the army, which is kind of cool. I really appreciated that. and then so like about a year later so let's say like before then maybe like November of 2019 I was like officially a coach there and so I've been like doing this full time now for now over a year which is cool I said 18 months earlier but it's like a little bit less like than that it feels like a lot longer yeah I basically worked every day uh since then and the show was like weirdly a nice break uh a nice opportunity to pursue something that I hadn't in a long time I hadn't been on a date

in like a year. It was insane. Why was that? Why were you not, were you just not in the zone? Yeah, I mean, I was coming out of like a lot of things. I'd been in a relationship that ended up not working out.

I thought it was going to last forever. The Army was a career that I thought was going to last forever. And like transitioning out of that into a job that really didn't fulfill me at all. I was like, Jesus, this is like ridiculous. And then leaving that and trying to pursue something that like fulfilled me again, I just couldn't dedicate enough energy to like the coaching.

thing and also another person yeah um i tend to do this thing where i just like completely pour myself into whatever i'm pursuing uh so it's hard for me to do multiple things at once um i'm learning you know as i mature but uh i don't know and also i was like afraid like i think that might be like a thing that people don't talk about a lot but i was afraid to date uh i've been hurt before i'd hurt people before and so i thought that the show was a really cool opportunity you know without external stressors you know being totally removed in the corner bubble or in the bachelor at bubble, I was able to like try a new thing, be vulnerable, uh, express myself in a way that's like really uncomfortable for me. Uh, and like to be honest

with you, the way that I'm talking now, like being this open, uh, it do in large parts of the show. Like I feel so much better about expressing myself and like not being afraid of what people think. Isn't that? Isn't that? I think that's one of the coolest parts of the show. There's so many different ways to look back at that opportunity. And I went through all of the emotions. I was pissed. I felt manipulated. I was so upset. I was like, I'll never talk to these producers again in my life. Like, and then I went through, they're all my best friends. They're my family again. They opened me out to like, like this emotional capacity that I didn't know was inside of me. And I'm like, it totally broke me down in good and bad ways, but overall in the best way possible. And I always,

noticed that shift in women and men, but men specifically who I think it's because you realize the benefits and you see the benefits of opening yourself up like that where you go into it and you're like, and if you were anything like me, I'm not sure. I was like, I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to like fall in love with this guy. That's so dumb. I'm here for the opportunity. I'm actually here to make friends. Like I was so in it for all the opposite reasons. I wanted to like build a brand. I've always been really honest about that. And then after, I don't know, two weeks and we didn't have the two drink limit rules, a lot of tequila. I found myself just like craving that time with producers to get things off my chest, to be vulnerable, to talk about my feelings. And it was

like free therapy every single day. And it helped me grow tremendously as a person. And I see that shift a lot. And guys who come off the show, they do one of two things. You either surrender to process and you allow yourself to be like the man you should be and be open to those feelings or you close up the walls go all back up and you hate the show from it and and I can see obviously that you're taking that route of allowing yourself to talk about your feelings and that must be liberating as you know as just a human being yeah it's it's really cool uh you know I was very intentional with this process uh you know I was legitimately going there to just try and date somebody.

It was clear at the beginning and then ended up turning into Tasha and Tasha and I had a real connection. You know, it didn't end up paying me out and like, I'm so thankful that it didn't because she and Zach should be together. But my intentions were to either have a wonderful relationship or a meaningful relationship with a woman where to learn something about myself in the process and then also have my faith restored in humanity because like, you know, shit's weird and like people treat you poorly and you can treat people poorly. And so I was just hoping to maybe like find one of those

three things. And I got all three. And the like therapy thing you talk about is like I was using this as like a capstone experiment in therapy. I've been in therapy for a couple years ever since leaving the army. And and I was struggling, applying the things that I learned in my real life. And I was like, holy shit, this is like the perfect chance. Even though it's a TV show, even though it's like whatever, it's produced that edited the whole thing. But like I had an experience there. And for me, the experience was real i look back and i watch it and i'm like holy shit dude how did you how is that you uh and it's wild because america only sees like one percent of who you are yeah and i'm i'm thankful that they saw like a pretty okay part i think but uh yeah you know it was so good

business is probably okay girls are probably lining up at the gym to come work out and like has that yeah business i'm assuming it has which is incredible i get this so i get this question all the time. Damn it. I'm so, it's not. It's not. So, you know, business is all right, but like, I'm a professional. Like, I was a professional before this thing. And like, like, look, I can see through it if you're, like, not actually into training. You just, like, want to talk to me. Which, like, that's okay. Like, you do your thing. Like, shoot your shot. But, but also, like, come on. If you're not, like, here for the real thing, then, like, you're not going to stick around. And, uh, in the same way that I'm very intentional with like the way I approach the show I like have tried my

hardest to stay grounded like I don't I said this before uh on a couple podcasts recently that like I don't read the DMs I try not to read the comments I like you I've had a lot of really great people in my life uh who are much older than me I I have a friend group that is you know I'm 30 most of my friends are 35 40 even older it's like a very this group of people that I've like fallen into here in Venice and I'm just very lucky that they've like kept me grounded and they'll call me on my bullshit like if I'm like doing a thing that I shouldn't be doing like oh did you see somebody said this thing about how like I'm a sociopath and they're like dude you're like not a sociopath like please don't please don't read that because it's like

ruining your day right and so I've tried really hard like and it's that's huge though because that's that's the difference between gosh I mean I can't even say that for myself when I came off the show, I thought I was, you know, thick skin could handle any feedback. And I, I didn't, I never, and I still swear by this, I've never in my life been on Reddit. I've never read a Reddit article. I just won't put myself in that position, but I have let it. I can't go on Twitter. I haven't gone on Twitter.

Really? No. It's so funny because people love you. And I bet the majority of, you know, I was actually quite hated for a while. And I at first thought it was funny. And then I was like, damn, like these people mean. People are mean. They're so mean.

But come on, do you really get a lot of mean? Or you don't know because you don't read it. I really don't look. I mean, people send, like, I'll catch a thing every now and again. I think it's really funny. You asked the question about, were you doing fitness before the show? A lot of people think that I just, like, tried to build a thing right after the show. Not true at all.

But, like, they, I love it when, like, this is probably a more, like, deep-seated issue. But I love proving people wrong. And, like, anything, I've always said this. Anything great that I've done. great I've done in my life. It's because somebody told me I couldn't do it. So there's this weird retrospective thing happening where I'm like, I did a thing and everyone's like telling me that it was something else. And I'm like, nah, like I had my experience and it was great. Let's take a quick break to talk about simple New Year's resolutions. You got to make it easy on yourself. Small steps, you guys.

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This is Austin Vine, Grape Therapy. Well, it's, it's funny because I was like, before I went on the show, I was working at restaurants. I was helping open restaurants. I was teaching skin. I was kind of just like trying to find my way in the world. And I genuinely went on that show to, you know, build something or find an opportunity or do something greater in life. So you never know because, I mean, you can't fault people who go on the show. And I always hate people like, they're there for the Instagram followers.

I was like, you damn right they are. So what? Like, it doesn't matter. anyone who goes on that show would not think I don't want more Instagram followers to be like a business for myself like who cares if people are there for that and who cares if they happen to fall in love along the way that's the beauty of that show and um I just you know I guess I'm maybe a little bit jaded because I my the guy who I got engaged to from the show he built a fitness brand after and that became his thing when which is great and

That's what I meant. Like, when I asked that, I'm not like, so did you just do it because he went on TV. I was wondering if that was truly a passion of yours, which I love that it was. It's like the only thing that I could do or the only thing that I should be doing. I left the army and the thing that I was missing was the ability to impact people. Like I said this, I was on Nick Vial's podcast the other day. And I told him. I don't know who that is.

Yeah, I don't know him either. We hate him. I'm kidding. We don't know how you feel about him. But he was really nice to me. Do you know our history? I know a little bit about it. I know that they like came on your season.

Yeah, we're totally friends and fine. And I like, we do each other's podcast. It's totally. When I was starting, podcast, I was like, I hope I don't ask all the same questions Nick did. No, you're fine. Listen. And if I do, I'm sorry.

No, you can. It's okay. No, but so he's actually been one of the people that's been so incredibly nice to me just throughout the entire process, like as a former, you know, contestant multiple times coming in second. The whole thing. He's like out of all of the bachelor world, he's been so nice to me. And like, I didn't expect any of that. Like, to be honest, I had no expectations in this entire process. Like, I didn't, I think anyone would give a shit about anything that I did or said. Like, I just.

Yeah. And it's, but it's been really nice to have people, uh, either like resonate with my story or like appreciate me for just being me, which has been really great. Yeah. But you're, you're, I can't remember what you're just saying. I say Nick, Nick asked me a question and I can't remember. Was it something about fitness or building a brand? Oh, I can't remember. It doesn't matter. I always, this is like story of every podcast I laugh at myself because I'm like supposed to be the interviewer and like keep track of what I'm talking about.

And then I'm always like, what are you saying? I don't remember. No, it's fine. That's me too. I have like a little flight of ideas thing. But what I was what I will say back to your point about people going on to like build a business or like gain Instagram followers. It's like everyone is doing that in their own life.

We're just not doing it on TV. And these people just happen to do it in front of a camera. And like, we're all just doing the best that we can. We're all living our own experience. And like not everyone was on that show to find love. And that's okay. Like my reason for going was to like finally date a girl without being weird about it. Yeah.

And it just happened to be in front of a TV camera. Right. Like the fact that I now have a platform and people like like, like that I take my shirt off is like a weird byproduct. of the fact that like I was just trying to date a girl and like that in and of itself is insane but like I think it's so cool it is it's a unique opportunity and you have to look at it through the right lens like you have to you know there's I think the people that say that are just like they kind of secretly wish they could go on a reality show and build something more you know important than

what they're doing and I think that's where the hate comes from but also I think there's a lot of people out there that totally respect what you're doing and especially with your background and where you came from before and you know that's that probably has a lot to do with that you probably enjoy and it probably makes you happy to have structure and fitness those kinds of things in your life and I know I'm thinking about other things that you could be passionate about I know fitness obviously I've seen that there's um lots of dogs on your Instagram I am like dog obsessed to a point where like sometimes I can't sleep at night because I like I'm thinking too much about my dogs who are these people's dogs on your Instagram just anyone who

brings their dog like, so this is actually like a funny thing. The most important person in my life is my friend's dog, dingo. It's the black one that's all over my Instagram. Yeah, he's a Belgian Malamaw lab mix and he's the love of my life. But I've always had this like thing with animals and I don't own a dog. I used to have a cat. A former girlfriend had a cat that was also named Ben and it was like this.

We had this super great bond. But I haven't had an animal in several years. I actually live with the guy who owns Deuce here. He's like my best friend, guy who owns the gym that I coach at. And he's not, he doesn't want animals. But shortly when I move out into my own place, I will definitely be getting a dog. I, uh, no, there's something cool about animals where they like, don't give a shit about how they look or what you think or whatever.

And it's like this authenticity thing that I'm just so drawn to. Yeah, that's, that is, I genuinely. like look where are my dogs right now they're both just like sleeping at my feet but i'll i'll like look into their eyes and start crying because i'm like yeah all you want is love and to give and receive love and it's unconditional it's completely unconditional yeah they're the most precious i mean i i'm like animal obsessed oh my god jesus making fun of me because all i do we were trying to play a card game last night and i just had the um the giraffe at the nashville zoo like live cam up on my phone because she's going to give birth. And I'm like, oh, that's very important.

It's so important. Yes. It's so good. I love it. I love it. I love all animals so much because they are just like so authentic and so loving and just like so non-judgmental and like nothing matters except for like love and care and nurture. And it just gives me so happy. Oh my God. What kind of dog is your dream dog to get when you when you move out? Okay. So I really want to get a German Shepherd. I want a German Shepherd, but they're not like the biggest cuddlers. And so I, physical touch is like my, that's the way that I like give and receive love. And so I don't know, maybe I like transition to something like a lab or I don't know. I'm going to adopt.

Okay. I have a plan for you. Send it. Okay. So I rescued both of my golden retrievers from South Korea. Okay. And the, so in South Korea. Korea, this is really tragic. And like, I've said it so many times that I can finally get through it

without crime. But in South Korea and China, they abuse dogs because they eat them. Well, not all parts, but like some people do. And they abused golden retrievers the most because of their loyalty. They take it so well. Yeah. Just like the saddest thing in the world. So this organization that I went through called bunnies buddies i i um rescued two of the best golden retrievers they're like i had a golden retriever with my ex before this these two dogs know they were saved and they're the cuddliest like almost too cuddly which is not really a thing with dogs but like at night i'm like okay yeah i do like they only speak korea and that's weird it's i i tried to do like google translate and when they first got here i'm like trying to google translate like

sit and like i love you in korean but i've taught them english at this point but you need to rescue dogs from south korea and get a golden retriever that's going to cuddle the okay okay okay done i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna name i love dogs that have human names same gregg hilarious so good yeah yeah my uh my therapist i like literally just did a therapy session like an hour before this but my therapist has a dog named jerry and i like can't i can't look at him he's a little english bulldog like a little tiny thing named jerry and i just can't look at him without laughing that's funny i wanted to name my dog douglas um or i wanted a golden retriever that was a girl and name her like blanche from the golden girls or like betty's really good but there's layers

to that they came with their names golden girl which ramen and pino are their names i'm not mad at those either those are great names yeah great dog names raman and pino oh my gosh we're going to find you your little jerry or whatever whatever his name is yeah great like Stephen Stephen is like a hilarious dog name that's really good I know too many human Stevens so that might get be confusing but yeah okay I'll think of a good one why do I feel like this is my duty now I'm like no I will can be no it can be we can yeah we'll tag team this all right we are going to take a quick break before we get back to the podcast you guys know I love coming home to a space that feels cozy homie and like it's just for me And Jenny Kane has made that super easy.

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I've asked you this question many times, and I'm sure you do. bet it can be hard work. But you know what's easy, bundling policies with Geico. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowners or renters insurance along with your auto policy, which is a good thing, too, because you already have so much to do around your home. Go to geico.com, get a quote and see how much you could save. It's Geicoe easy. Visit geico.com today. That's guyco.com. You're listening to Off the Vine Race Therapy. I always thought I would start a business that I would come up with people's Instagram

captions because I think I'm so witty and I think I'm funny and I'm like, hey, you guys want a good bio or like an Instagram caption? Like, come to me. I'll generate one for you. I always thought that would be my business idea. But speaking of bios, do you get asked this all the time? Why do I love to use in the bio? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Another typical comment. You may tell you. I've never, I've never answered this publicly because I didn't think I needed to. So a lot of people think that it's because I didn't say it to Tatia on the show. It's not, it's not why. Everyone thinks that. It's not why. Okay, let's, it was never, it was never, it was never that. So, I went through like a really rough period in my life. We don't like need to talk specifically about it. We can.

But like leaving the army was, leaving the army was incredibly challenging for me. While I was in uniform, I never thought that I would like have a challenging time. I was like, no, I'm like the baddest dude around. Right. the most incredible thing. I'm going to like get this high paying job. I'm going to just be like doing all the things that I saw people that were ahead of me doing. I left the army and had like the complete opposite experience. I left a relationship. I moved across the country. I took a job that I knew I probably shouldn't be in. I didn't do well in that job because I didn't find any

meeting. This is what I was going to tell you about Nick Vial. The thing that I missed the thing that I missed most about being in the army was my soldiers. I didn't give a shit about the uniform. or the awards or the fighting or any of that. I loved developing younger people. And in that experience, I met a lot of young people who you could just tell are from backgrounds or experiences that maybe didn't have a lot of love. And so as an army officer, as a leader, I would be overly expressive in how much I appreciated my soldiers.

And so now in this new context and my new life and this new job that I do, after my like tough experience you know a couple failed suicide attempts like being very uh self I'll call it a selfish thing I was selfish for a while with myself I was only focused on myself but now I have this incredible opportunity and I've been doing it for quite a while now but like to tell people that I love them and like platonic love and romantic love are different like I love you but like I'm not in love with you but and it might rub and like that story might rub people the wrong way like no it's not for Tatia like I don't have any Tatia is with somebody else and like I'm so happy for that.

This is like a, this is like a, this is like a me seeing other people where they're at. And I understand that maybe other people don't have as much love in their life as I happen to have now. So I'm going to give it every chance that I can. What did you think? Because I know obviously you watched the episode on Monday and religion, it's clearly important to Matt. And I didn't think anything of it. I'm not a super religious person myself. But I watched Matt.

And when he said like you would like. like to like start it with a prayer i was like good for him because that's important to him that sets the tone if he's going to find a wife they need to know that's important it's his journey it's the girl's journey too but the same way that there's a dildo in the room and there's that humor he respected that even though it might not be up his alley um the same way these women can bow their heads and appreciate that he prayer is important to him whether they're jewish whether they aren't catholic whether they're you know whatever they are did you find that was too much, or did you respect him doing that?

No, I respected him a great deal. I think he carried himself wonderfully throughout the entire first episode. He's so well spoken. And you can tell that he's thoughtful. And you can tell that he like cares deeply. Empathy is like a huge, huge thing for me. And he isn't apathetic towards any of anything. Yeah, you can tell.

And so I think that that like shared level of respect between the girls and him. And like me as a viewer, I respect the hell out of him for doing what he did. that's an important thing for him. He sure is hell better do it right off the bat. I agree. I completely agree with that. I was like, that's good for him. Set the tone. Like, that was my whole thing. Going on The Bachelor, I was like, my sense of humor is very different from most. I'm a little bit inappropriate, like a little bit of a dirty sense of humor. I'm like, thank you. I think so. And I went and my jokes did not land. And I'm so used to surrounding myself with people who think I'm funny and people love me because they're my friends and my family and then I'm around all these women who are like

that's not funny and I'm like what do you want to know two things one when you say that you want to tell people that when you have the opportunity and I'm sure this is always a topic of conversation with you is why why was it so hard for you to tell Tasha because I saw it in your eyes when you left in that car and you had a moment I don't know if this was just TV or I really saw this but you had this like click where something shifted in your brain where you literally in that moment realize like oh shit is this because i didn't tell her i loved her like it was like something i remember that very aware of that like it something shifted where you you in that moment realized is that why i'm sitting here right now um yeah what what was that for you that you didn't um open up and say it were

you just waiting for the perfect time yeah so uh my biggest flaw is that i will wait or i'll hesitate on the thing because i want to make it perfect like oh of course i'm I'm going to get a rose and I'll go to next week and I'll have this opportunity to do this grand gesture and I'll make it perfect. And it's funny that like my platonic relationships or my friendly relationships are so much different than a romantic relationship. And I think it's like an abandonment thing or like I'm afraid of like maybe caring for somebody in a way that I don't care for other people and then them not reciprocating. Even scarier, I'm afraid that they'll reciprocate because the only thing worse than being hurt by somebody is hurt.

hurting somebody. And so going through my head, you know, the end of the hometown date, like, I could have said it then. But I was like, you know what? This is weird. Like it's at the end of the day, it's rushed. Like she's about to leave. I'd rather like do it where we have like more time to like sit in the fact that we may actually be in love with each other. Right. And, uh, and I'm not trying to do like a, hey, I'll see you later. And also I love you. Yeah. Yeah. But then after she dumps me like if you knew me for more than five seconds you would know that I would never in a million years do a thing where I'm like wait don't dump me I love you right like she made her decision and I said that in the moment I was like look like I wish it were different I said something

along the lines of like I'll be all right or I'm like I'm always all right which like I am and I'll be fine and like that was me shutting down but like there is no amount of money to get me to like a like pity right uh like no don't let me don't make me go like oh that's insane yeah um you're not like you're not like desperate to get like to quit before you get fired it's not like absolutely not yeah yeah and so i i like in a bunch of interviews following i i kept using the phrase like i ate it like i just i ate my feelings i like just sat in that experience and then getting in the limo i was like holy shit all i had to do was tell her yeah but even then i I was like, you know, in the moment for me in the limo, I was like, I made the right

decision. That's how it should have been. She obviously didn't want me here. And then going back into my room during the quarantine, I was like, I got to talk to somebody. And like, I didn't even expect, so full disclosure, I didn't even expect to speak with Tasia. Yeah. Yeah, I reached out to Chris. Opportunity. You just know, yeah. No, I reached out to Chris Harrison because nobody knows what in that world. Yeah, I kept, I kept seeing, like I would be in the gym, with Chris and like I would see Chris everything I was like yo can we like chat and I like me being a naive non-TV person I was like no we like don't need to film this like this is I just want to talk to you and and so I go talk to Chris and then he's like yeah we can like make this happen and

I had zero like zero thought that I would get to come back it was like it was like I just want to share my side of the story I can't remember if it was shown on TV but I said the line I said, like, look, I showed up for you in the best way that I could, but like, this is for me. I need to share a bit of my story. I need to like stand up for myself. You mentioned the dogs that just like get abused all the time and they don't know how to like value themselves. But like I needed to stand up for myself at some point. And so I did, she was receptive, you know, in the moment. And then I ended up coming back on. But yeah, I don't know, it was such a weird thing. Well, it's, I mean, that whole world is weird. There's no right. There's no wrong. It's, it's, it's very much as much as people think this could be a scripted show or whatever. It's very much a real personal experience for, and that personal experience is so different for everybody. And you don't know if you can come back or if you can't or if you can talk to her. Like you, you're putting these weird boundaries of, well, she's with the producer right now and the cameras aren't on. So no, you can't talk to her. And so you don't understand what, you know,

what it is you can do or can't do. But I loved that you came back. And I didn't really agree. I think a lot of people, and I'm sure you've seen this, but maybe not because you don't read the tweets or whatnot. But like even Rachel Lindsay was saying something about like intentions with trying to be the bachelor. And I'm like, I don't think people think in those moments about that. Maybe I'm just, you know, speaking from personal experience, but I never in my life thought I would ever be considered the bachelorette I was I've said this a million times that it just I didn't fit the mold or I didn't so everything I did was very genuine to like towards the end of how I was feeling I wasn't doing it for any other purpose and to just like be myself and um when you were going

back and you were just expressing with yourself that was like 1,000 percent just true authentic ben just trying to yeah talk about his feelings and and get that up there before so you had no regrets no like what i i told chris i said i would have regrets if i didn't at least get a chance to talk with him yeah like share something with somebody uh again this is like this incredibly cathartic experience for me i get to like shed all of these layers and like i don't have any secrets now which is like an insane thing um but it's funny to me you know that people make comments that my intentions were to be the bachelor to do a thing i'd never watched the show before right so like I don't even know, I don't even know how that works.

I didn't know that like coming back or leaving early. Someone came and found you to be on the show, right? You didn't apply. No. Right. I didn't apply. I was found. I didn't want to do it at first.

And then, you know, I was like, you know what? Like, just it's a cool experience. You may, you may learn something incredible. You may find an incredible fiance. You're like, something might happen. That's great. And so I just decided to say yes. but no, I never had any intentions of, like, doing anything more.

And I don't like when people say that because they already had their next bachelor. Totally. Yeah. And we'd been told, you know, that was, like, the information provided or the, like, understanding going into Claire's season was like, hey, look, like, the bachelor is coming right after this. So you're here, you're here to, like, date this woman. And I was like, hell yeah, like, let's date that woman. Yeah. Um, and it's funny, uh, I saw a little bit of stuff, uh, just people send me things,

but I saw some stuff about me going back and like expressing to Tasha like, hey, like, I don't expect anything from this. Like I, I don't expect you to like take me back. I don't actually know like what I'm asking for. Uh, I just need to share this with you. And like, that is completely authentic and completely real. And like, yeah, I like don't know how to do a fake thing. You know, TV's weird.

And, like, I think, I hope that most people understand that it's an edited show. But, like, I don't know. I mean, there's a small percentage of people who really don't. And they're usually where the trolls come in. But the majority of people do know. And, and of course, like, not to, like, we all love the show. We all want to watch it. We all, you know, it's a great show.

But it is like the most important experience in my life. It was the most important experience in my life. All right. Everybody, I know you want a little more. from Ben so we have decided to split this up and you will hear more about Ben on Tuesdays Off the Vine. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Tune in to hear new minisodes every Thursday and check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app and subscribe on Apple Podcasts.