Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Caitlin Reilly’s Life as a Thespian & Bachelorette Impressions

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

Actor, shingles survivor, Imagine Dragons critic, and youngest woman alive Caitlin Reilly joins Kaitlyn and co-host Lo VonRumpf in studio to talk about a wide array of important topics, including but not limited to: panic attacks, High School Musical 3, magicians, and Bachelorette hometowns. Kaitlyn and Caitlin (the inferior spelling) reveal the details of their most mortifying auditions as they tried (and failed) to break into the entertainment industry. Luckily, things are going a little better for Caitlin now as demonstrated by her roles on Loot and Hacks (TBD on Season 3). Caitlin also gives us an update about her Bachelorette-connection Roby, AKA off-Broadway Ted Bundy (we love you Roby), and reveals all her thoughts on Gabby’s hometowns as the WASP mom of a final contestant. If you’re a fan of young people, rats who can cook, or semi-stand-up comedy, this one’s for you. Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: HYUNDAI - Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com.  PROGRESSIVE - Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. This episode of Grape Therapy is brought to you by Hyundai. Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com and Progressive. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. Wine. It's time for Off the Vine Grape Therapy. Welcome to your weekly session.

Caitlin and friends are here to share unfiltered advice, lots of laughs, and some major breakthroughs. So put your feet up, pop a cork, and get ready for some grape therapy. Are you, in the cameras? Yeah, they are actually. Remember last time when you thought it wasn't doing anything and it was watching you touch your boobs the whole time? I'm wearing a really expensive bra. Oh, what does that feel like? I don't have bra on.

Good. Oh. Except my shingles rashes. No. Well, they're old now. I'm not like, I don't like. Yeah. How awful is that?

I thought only pirates had shingles. Like. That's so fucking intense. I just emailed her a picture of my wreck. I said, just that you have reference. Yeah. The shing. I had a.

them too. You did you really? We need to talk about it. Left side of the body only. Me too. Wait, why? I woke up. I have prolonged nerve pain. Did you have the nerve pain? I did have the nerve pain. Okay. And how long was your recovery period? About three months.

Okay. All right. That's normal. Yeah. I'm in like my second month of like, you know. Oh, it took me out. Yeah. Same. It's very painful. My life, I was bedridden for three weeks. Just like, you serious? Yeah. Yeah, because it's not like you're sick, but there's this, your body's being attacked. Yeah.

It's so painful. And it's incredibly painful. Wow. I thought my back went out or like, I broke a rib. Yeah. Because it attacked the nerves and mine was my left back and then wrapped around my rib cage. And you're okay now? Yeah.

But you can like still see the rashes. God. Yeah, I had a rib area and then down my thigh. I had there too, which was weird. And I was scratch. I was itching it a lot. Ooh, I was really good about not itching it. But lately, since it's been healing, it's like really itchy.

Yeah. Well, I did some research on shingles when you had it. So don't Google shingle images. Ever. It hurt looking at it. Yeah. No, it's bad. But Google also said people of all ages could get shingles, but most cases are in people over 50 years old.

So I think there's a COVID connection. Really? Yes. Because when I had shingles. I knew four other people that also had shingles at the same time that I did, which is weird. And you're so young to get it. I'm the youngest woman alive, yeah. On the planet.

Thank you for noticing. Really young. Yeah, but now you're welcome into adulthood now where your chances of getting shingles are 87% higher. I'm sorry. I got to sit down. I went to my mom's birthday dinner the other night and I was like, it's 8 o'clock. I got to go home. I'm exhausted.

Yeah, you're a shingles survivor. Yeah, I'm a survivor. Yeah. You are so brave. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for having me. Yeah. It's really brave of her to be here.

Did we start recording? Yeah. Oh, okay. We're in. We're here. We're in. We're here. We don't have to talk about shingles anymore.

I don't want to talk about it anymore. I refuse. We're done. I recently had shingles. I survived. It was awful. I want to talk about it. about panic attacks.

Yes. I haven't had one of those in a while. I almost had one this morning. Really? Really close. Let's talk about it. Do you know the feeling that you get after you just drank for two days straight and then your body goes into this?

I don't know what it is. It like goes into shock where it feels like it's dying. Yes. Yeah. And I was, we were doing this drive on the way home and I didn't eat breakfast. I was so hungover. I had just been on like this wine tangent of vendor. Vender.

And it wasn't like, I got drunk at a wedding. I was drinking wine all day for two days in like wine country. And so this morning we're on the drive. And Jason doesn't really understand full panic attack, like what that feels like. Has he seen you have one before? No. I love how men generally, and this is a generalization, but men don't like, I don't understand like mental health. Yeah.

Like what is that? He gets it. You get it. Oh, yeah. Panic at a guitar. And so I just said, just for my well-being this morning, could you just be really careful driving because I already get anxiety in a car? And he was kind of riding this guy's butt, and I went, Jason, and I was way too dramatic,

but my anxiety was just like through the roof. But yeah, no, it was just like, you know, when you have to talk yourself out, I was like, I'm fine, I'm going to be okay, but I felt trapped in the car. Yeah. And then I had all this like anxiety lately. Yeah. That's a new one that's. come with ages claustophobia yeah i never had that before now i get panicky on planes yeah it's not good

i used to get panicky on planes then i stopped because i was like if this is how i go it's how i go you know i don't i have a general malaise to life yeah um that's been helping my anxiety so instead i'm just like numb and depressed instead of anxious i like that which it's kind of nice it's kind of nice just sit nice with a little bit of uh the depression a bit yeah sit with that. Yeah, I'm just tired. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's, you said you went, what is your bedtime? It's bad. It's bad. It's like, I've been going to bed lately at like 1 a.m. on the dot. Oh, why? And then, that's late. I know. Because my brain does not shut off until 1 a.m. So if I look at the clock, I've trained my brain. If I look at the clock and it's 11, I'm like, oh, I got two hours. Really? Yes. Are you a night owl typically? Yes. I always have been, but I love getting a good night sleep and I do love waking up early. Yeah. So, especially with eye shingles, sleeping was really difficult. And I didn't know if I was going to see the other side of it, but I did. You got through it with thoughts of prayers?

Mm-hmm. Thoughts and prayers. And I would wake up in the middle of the night, scratching myself, so I wouldn't sleep. Anyway, long story short, I go to bed late. I thought you were going to say you'd go to bed early because you're like, yeah, it was my mom's birthday, dinner, whatever, a night to leave by eight. And I was like, that is so me. No, I'm just miserably tired. but I'm like awake.

Yeah. And then I did something really funny for those of you they're listening. Yeah, it was like, I was like really funny. It's something that I just didn't see it. No, we're going to put it on one of the clips because I was like, that was funny. Okay, good. And people need to see that face that I just witnessed.

Yeah. I have an idol to though. Yeah. And an early bird. No, I'm not. Oh, well, I am. Well, I love waking up early. I hate it.

I love it in theory. And when I have, I'm like, yeah, I'm better than everyone else who's sleeping. But this morning. I woke up at 10.30 and I was like, awful. I can't. It's so bad. What did you do for three weeks with shingles? What did you do? Nothing. That's so sad. I was immobile. So I had gone to Vegas for a bachelorette weekend. I came back. The entire bachelorette party got COVID. So I was like, all right. And I had had COVID before, but I was like, I guess I'm going to get it my second time. So I was legitimately sick for a week. I tested myself every day. I never tested positive. So I was like, okay. but I know that I had it, right?

I had, like, baby COVID. Yeah. And then two weeks later, or a week and a half later, I thought I threw my back out. And then I was like, what's this rash on my back? And then I had such intense pain. I almost went to the hospital, like, drove myself to the hospital, went to the doctor, had shingles. And, like, my boyfriend was in Texas at the time. So he was coming back.

I was like, hey, so I just need to let you know. Like, I can't move or like walk to the bathroom. I've been crawling and crying and lying. It's awful. So he had to do everything for me. Were you really stressed out? Because they said mine was brought on by stress. I was 23 when I got it.

And it was after a big loss. And then it broke out. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. I mean, I have been really stressed lately. There's just been stuff going on. But I also, I do think it has something to do with getting this last round of COVID, like this last surge. Because the amount of I posted about on Instagram, the amount of messages I got from people being like, oh my God, I had COVID and I have shingles now.

too like what hundreds community no seriously hundreds of messages jeez so yeah there there has to be a connection there has to be i'm scared watch the fuck out it's on its way for me and it can come back bitch oh no if did you have chickenpox as a kid yeah it's coming for you yeah and it's where i would rather have covid 10 times over really than have shingles again i'm scared i feel like i'm going to get it it's going to happen now she does motivational speaking on I love that. It's so good. Watch out, bitch.

Watch out, bitch. Did you at least find any, like, good shows? No. No, she's excruciating pain. And no books, no movies. I listened to Jeanette McCurdy's audiobook. Is it good? Oh.

It was amazing. Really? I'm glad I'm glad my mom died. Thank you. Yeah. That's what it's called? Yeah. It's incredible.

Tell my mom. A saga. Tell my mom. It's so good. Well, she goes. to like, you know, her relationship with her mother that she didn't realize was abusive until much later in her life. And I don't know, just into her life as like a, you know, Nickelodeon child star and how gnarly that is. And, and, you know, her bout with EV. It's just, it's, it's,

it's incredible. She's such an incredible writer. Who, I don't even know who this is. Jeanette McCarty. Yeah. Jeanette McCarty. Also, so at one point she starts talking about, you know, how like a lot of child stars. You're like, I'm a musician now. I'm a singer. Right? Just like get on board. So she had that moment for herself. She was a musician, right? Yeah. She did like country music for like a moment because they told her too. But I got very curious. So I went on Spotify. Yeah. With Ariana Grande. Yeah. No. No. That's salmon cat. Oh, thank you. The fact that I know this. No, that's the show Salmon cat. I didn't. I don't know. That's the show Simon Cat. She's right. That's absolutely. I just listened to the book, though, so it's all, oh, yeah, in my brain.

Fresh in the brain. Do you prefer reading or audiobook? Audio book. I don't have time to read. Oh, I do. Who is time to? What do you mean? I love to read.

I love to read. Yeah. I felt like I was in, like, I was in, like, kindergarten class. I love to read. But it's so time-consuming. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I still, actually reading helps my anxiety. True.

Yeah. Yes. So that I've, so I'm reading a lot. But places, like a plane is a great place to crack open the old bus. To read? Yeah. To read. Yes. When you fly on a plane.

When you're flying on a plane, you read. Yeah, exactly. But other than that, I'm more of an audiobook person, you know, running around, driving. It's just easier to get through it. Yeah. I'm in the middle of the seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo right now. Oh, I have that book. And is it good?

So far on board. Oh. Okay, same. Everyone speaks so highly of this book. And I brought it, um, when I did the dance with start. tour for the bus. Wait, you are on Dancing with the Stars? I won.

Oh, my God. I have a mirror ball. Wow. Yeah. Huge. That's my biggest accomplishment in life, actually. It's a huge accomplishment. I'm really proud of it.

Yeah. But I was trying to get into that book, and I, too, was bored. And everyone speaks so highly of it. They're like, it's the best book, hands down. And then I'm like, I got a few pages in, and I was like, I'm about, well, I don't, because I haven't been reading. I've been listening. about like 45 minutes in.

I don't know what page that would be. Oh, that's fair. But I'm bored. Okay. I'm bored. But the Jeanette McCurdy thing, you were going to say about country singing, I was interested. What happened?

Yeah. So if you, so I got curious and I went on her Spotify and I was like, I got a list of these goddamn songs. She goes into it in the book. It's just, she's such a brilliant writer. And she's narrating it. Narrating it. Oh, I love.

It's so good. I hate, I love it when the author narrates. If it's just some random bitch, like so. Especially if it's a like autobiography. I feel like it needs to be. Jessica Simpson wildly has an incredible audiobook. Really? I need to get into that.

You should. I actually was so surprised by it. It was really well done. Nice. Yeah. Jessica Simpson and Demi Moore. I heard hers is good too. And her voice is so sexy. There's something like a little raspy about it.

It's really good. I want to know more about Maya Rudolph. You just got to work with her. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I can't say much. Oh, I can't. No.

I have celebrity friends and I can't. I can't. I can't dispel. Wait, I just, I'm dying to know. You listen to the music. Oh, yeah. Can you just, can I just have. She keeps interrupting me.

I just want to know what the. She keeps interrupting me. It's not my fault. I went to Spotify. I looked up Jeanette McCurdy's music. Yeah. She has a phenomenal voice. Really?

Who knew? I didn't. Country strong. Beyond. incredible voice. Reba McIntyre level. Oh, God, I love Reba McIntyre. Yeah, same.

That's my reason. It sounded like Shakira. Yeah, well, Cher, Shakira, Reba McIntyre. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But wait. They're all the same to me. Do you want to know what Jason, my fiancé's toxic trade is? He doesn't know who Reba McIntyre is.

I can see that because it's one of those, I feel like that's a deep cut of pop culture. Really? He's not a big pop culture. I introduced him to Chaudet. Jadae? Yeah, he had no idea who shot A was, the singer. I don't know who that is. Wait, you two.

What is Jason's, like, favorite song, favorite band, favorite kind of music? The Killers. No, his favorite song is. If it's an Imagine Dragon song, I'm getting up and I'm leaving the studio. It's Frank Sinatra. Okay. I love that. Yeah.

Yeah. Classic. Matchbox 20. I'm so sorry if anyone who's affiliated with Imagine Dragons loves this podcast. I'm sorry that you just lost a subscriber, Caitlin. God damn it. I love Imagine Dragons. You're in the wrong space.

Yeah. Oh, he does love Dave Matthews band, too. He does love Dave Matthews band. I feel like every, like, straight cis male guy is like, oh, we connected over that. His bitch energy. It was nice. It was like, okay, I love Dave Matthews band too. It was cool.

I actually don't. Oh. What is there one song where it's like, um. Passion to me. Yeah. It's like, Oh, la, I don't know.

Oh. You've got your ball. You've got your chains. Anyway. I don't, I don't think I've ever, I don't think I've ever heard Dave Matthews say one audible word. No.

In any of his songs. He's got peanut butter on the roof of his mouth. What the hell? Everything is a mumble. Yeah. Wow. Okay. What is he saying?

That's, I feel the same way about Pearl Jam as well. Yeah, 100% Yeah, 100% What? There's another band like that, too. It's very 90s, like, oh, Creed, where the laws are open? Are they Canadian? Creed?

Yeah, they have Canadian vibes. For sure. Nickelback is. Nickelback is Canadian. He used to work at a Radio Shack. Oh. Yeah. Look at this photograph.

I'm looking up creed, is creed. I know they're super religious. Really? Yeah. Like, I mean, creed of Christ, I don't know. Interesting. No, they're from Florida. Got it.

Well, okay. Not similar vibes to Canadians. No. Depends on the region, but yeah. It's either Canada or Florida. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. Fair enough.

You know what I mean. I used to call ass sweat creed. because I just hated Creed so much as a band and their music that I was like, it just, I, it reminds me of, I forget how I got there. You don't just call it swamp ass? Because that's what I call it. No, I do. But, like, back when Creed was big and I thought they were terrible, I, I was like, ew, there's annoying as ass sweat. I could imagine you at, like, a high school or college party being like, guys, listen, Creed? Creed is like ass sweat. I never know. Right. I probably did.

I was like anything to get attention on me. I fucking hate Crete. Yeah. And then one boy would tell me he loved Crete and I was probably like, I love Cree. Yeah. I love Cree. They're not that bad. They're not that bad.

I love that. All right, Vanos, let's talk about Hyundai for a second. Everything is better electrified. And Hyundai has the. widest range of electrified vehicles on market, including their first ever Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. Their turbocharged engines have quiet, rapid acceleration, and you can use electric when you want or gas when you need. So it's your journey. Evolve it beyond the pump in the 2022 Tucson or Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. Visit your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at HyundaiUSA.com. Call 562-314-603 for complete details.

What is your ideal gig in your industry? Well, because you do like, you've done some pretty cool stuff. And you're funny, you're smart. Hot. I'm hot. Super hot. Stop that. I'm not even into chicks, but like, I'd have a go.

I am honored. He would go down on you. Thank you. not many would even with shingles not many would thank you so much wow

yeah but I feel like because as a comedian and actress do you guys still say actress or is it actor only now I read this so I don't really care but I feel weird saying actress same

like it's like that's kind of like saying I don't know another way to equate that there's another there's another job where it's like a male version and a female version. I'm like, that's weird. Oh, yeah. I just say actor.

Yeah, okay. So I also feel like saying actors, like, I'm an actor. Like, that sounds pretentious and weird. I'm a thespian. I'm a thespian. Yeah. I've never even heard that word. It means actor.

That will squat. I know. Just to send it to you. My favorite is when she does that. And when you do your, your bro voice, your bro voice, you're like, oh, they're just all stupid. My boyfriend's like, do you hate men? I'm like, kind of. I mean, you haven't been doing great lately.

You haven't been doing great lately. No. Okay, wait, back to my question. What is your ideal gig? Anyone that someone will give me. Just a steady job. Okay. But as an actor, you know, portraying characters.

Yeah. I'm a storyteller more than anything. Okay. You know. Yeah. I'm joking. I am. You are.

I don't know. I mean, any, I've, like, really lucked out in the stuff that I've done so far, like two of my favorite shows, like, Lute is awesome. I'm the biggest fan of Hacks. And every single time I see the creators of the show, this is a true story, every single time I see them, I'm like, so what's going on with season three? Desperately and really embarrassingly just trying to get in there.

I freaked with you on Hacks, you channeling that like boardroom energy. Oh, my God. Thank you. Loved every second. Have you watched the show? No. Oh, it's so fucking good. It's, it's like brilliant writing.

Really? Yeah, it's amazing. On Netflix? Is it on Netflix? Oh, my God. Like, do you watch TV? I'm embarrassed. It's show.

HBO Max. Oh, HBO Max. Yeah. Yeah. It's an HBO Max original. You will love the show. But I'm like, Grey's Anatomy. I can't, but you and my sister are the only two people that so watch Grey's Anatomy.

Oh, no, there's a, well, there's all. I'm obsessed. But I would love to work on Grey's Anatomy. you should you should get I have no qualms against that yeah patient with shingles

get her in there yeah patient with shing yeah I have experience being ill yeah method but get on hacks

you will love it it's our type of show for sure it's so funny who's I just talking it's like it's smart it's so vested and I can't wait

for the next season yeah I can't remember who I was just having this conversation with some guy named Vince. It doesn't matter. I was at a wedding. No, you would have loved Vince. Oh, okay. He was such a vibe. But he

was talking about auditions. Is he an actor? Yeah. And a singer. That was his last name. Oh, you don't want to say it on the podcast. No, I don't know it. Oh, okay. I really, I just met him for the first time, but he, I actually found him very fascinating. But he,

we were talking about terrible auditions because I used to audition for, for commercials in Vancouver, just because I was like, no, why not? And one time they were just like, tell me a joke. And then another time they made me, like, throw a girl against a wall and, like, kiss her neck. No. Yeah. What?

Bay was that porn? It was for porn. No. I didn't know. It was for a song. I thought it was for Starbucks. It was for a music video. Bith naked.

She's Canadian. That is wild. I have some pretty. But that's what I wanted to ask you. I want to know your worst audition story. I have one. I actually told this story the other day. So I, when I graduated high school, I got an agent.

Yeah. And I was like, I'm not going to college. I didn't take my SATs. I was like, I'm going to be a famous actress within the month. Damn. Oh. That didn't happen. And I struggled for 12 years and was incredibly destitute.

Here in L.A.? Yeah. Okay. I grew up here. So. Beautiful. So I got an audition. for high school musical three.

It was the third movie. I was 17 or 18 at the time. And the part that I was auditioning for was Ashley Tisdale's character, Charpe. It was her younger protégé. Now, Ashley Tisdale and I are the same age, I think. But I looked younger, as I still do. Yeah.

You're the youngest woman alive. I'm the youngest woman alive. So the character was supposed to be 14. I was like 18. But anyway, my mom had like, a huge stage mom moment, and she wanted me to dress like Sharpay, which was Ashley Tisdale's character. So she bought me hot pink pants and a gold LeMay shirt and a gold purse and gold platform, high heels. And I was so invested in the audition and the role.

I was like, this is it. My life's going to change. I'm going to be in high school musical three. This is it, baby. You know what I do? And at the time I was like heavily into musical theater. So I was like, I'm the best singer, the best dancer. Nobody knows that.

But they're about. They're about to. But then I found out in college like, baby, you're not a good singer. Oh. And that's okay. And that's okay. And that's fine. You're going to find something else.

So I spent like a week obsessing over the song that I was going to sing. And then with the, you had to do six bars of a song and then do the sides, the scene that they wanted you to do. And so I go to Disney Studios in Burbank and my mom drives me and she waits in the car. And I have my gold LeMay shirt, my hot pink pants and my gold platform heels and my gold purse. And I walk into the audition and I'm like, my life is about to start. And I walk in and I am the oldest person there. There are people that are going out for the same part that are literally 12. No.

Okay. Not kidding. I'm like a foot taller than all the little girls sitting next me. So they call me in. It's giant. They call me in. And the casting associates or the casting directors were so cold. You're like, all right, so stand there.

You're going to slate, do the song, and then, uh, do you want to read the scene? I'll read the scene with you. Like, they were fucking over it. Oh, I hate that. Which is weird because it's Disney and you're dealing with kids and it's like, be nice. That was not my experience. God, them. Look it up on IMDB, figure out who those people were.

Um, because I don't know who they were. And so I do my song and I sang dance. in the street like everyone yeah so at one point I'm like dancing in the street like completely cracked it was so bad and I tried to cover it I was like oh sorry I just got a little nervous she's like tried to play it off like it's fine I'm impenetra ball oh no and then so then we did the sides and it was just so awful it was so so awful and I was like anyway thank you so much for having me and walked out of there and I went back to my mom's car and I sobbed and she was like, did you fucking blow it?

I was like, I don't know. I was the older person there. Like, what was I supposed to do, mom? Like, we got an argument in the car. It was so toxic. Oh, my God. Jeanette McCarty over here. Yeah, well, that's why I relate to Jeanette McCurdy.

Except I wasn't working and she was. So at least she got to go to set 12 hours a day. But that was, that's the worst audition I've ever had. like one of my first auditions. That's awful. At the very beginning of your career. At the very beginning of my long, dry career. Was that kind of good?

Because the bar was so, like, in hell that you were like, you know, I can only go up from here in auditions. Sure. There was one. I had another audition when I was like 18 or 19 where it was a script that was sold where that script, that movie ended up getting made like seven or eight years later, starring Hallie Berry and I think like Abigail Breslin this girl gets kidnapped she's in a trunk and she's trying to call 911 and the 911 person is like coaching her how to get out of this trunk right because she doesn't know where she is she doesn't know what card it like nothing right so it's so awkward and the size are really physical and you have to like physically be in a trunk

and be like hello hello help I'm trapped I don't know what to do so it's like that whole thing And so I'm like, well, I'm not going to do that ridiculous physicality because I'm going to dress. And it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon in an office. So I'm not going to do that. You figure it out, right? So I'm standing there. Or I think I'm sitting in a chair and I start doing the lines. And he stops and he was like, you're in a trunk.

Are you not? The casting director. Oh, shit. And I was like, oh, yeah. He's like, so if you're in a trunk, you need to physically be acting like you're in a trunk. I'm only trying to help your career. I hate him. I love him because we got a great story out of it.

So I, at 18 years old, in some fucking cocktail dress, gets on the floor of this office in Beverly Hills with these sides in my hands being like, excuse me? The most demeaning. I'm stuck in this trunk. And then him being like, so did you? believe yourself or like he it was so bad and i don't think like i don't i think maybe he must have lost his job or like the the movie didn't get made until like 10 or 15 years later so like i maybe it was his yeah monster's ball it was a monster's ball i do remember it was the hallie berry's daughter right that no it was maybe i'm getting it wrong but a girl is stuck in the trunk of a car

and she is calling this 911 person who I think is Hallie Berry and Hallie Berry is like, I'm going to find this girl and I'm going to help her. Yeah. I'm like, that's the movie.

Yeah. You know? I do remember. And I think the girl was Abigail Breslin, but I could be wrong. Damn. Yeah. Are we tired?

No, I didn't know who. Abigail Breslin? I don't know who that is. Little Miss Sunshine. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. She's incredible. She's great.

She's really, really good. Yeah. I would have preferred you. Well, yeah, of course. I would obviously prefer to you. And I feel like if I got that part, we'd have, like, flying cars by now in society. You know what I mean? A lot would have changed.

Oh, for sure. Turn the industry upside down. On their heads. Yes. Really shake things up from start to finish. Do you prefer acting or comedy? Like, stand-up. I don't do stand-up.

You don't? No. Why the f*** not? You can be a comedian and not do stand-up. But I want... That's not really true. No, I don't do stand-up. If I do a show...

comedy show what is it i'm a ridiculous heightened version of myself and then i come out and do characters and that's not stand-up i don't think so it's like you're only kind of one-woman show yes essentially if so if i'm doing someone else's show i'll do 10 minutes where i'm like i'm coming up as this character or if i do my own show which i'm doing on september 15th at the largo oh exciting yeah basically it's like kind of a one-woman show but i'm having other people on as well and I'm just, like, being crazy. But I don't know. I mean, I guess that is.

No, I think it's probably, I mean. It's like a form of stand-up. There's a classic stand-up format. Right. I've never done stand-up comedy. You, Mike, Spotlight, just freaking. Yeah. Being another person.

Yeah. I want to see you do that. Come. Yeah. Do you just do one or do you do like a tour? I think it's just that one. And then if I do, well, there might be more. If they're like, we never want you to come here.

Oh, they're obviously. where can people get tickets the link is in my bio or you can go to the largo website okay yeah and then what what can people expect when they come a lot of sexy weird energy okay awkward sexy uncomfortable yeah off the wall unexpected you don't know what's going to happen next you're like julie chan from big brother expect the unexpected expect the unexpected wow my julie chana Thank you, Julie. Okay, that's fun. Let's talk about Bachelorette because I really want to know your opinion.

Oh, is that what we're here for? Well, I could actually not talk about Bachelorette at all and be completely happy. But I'm curious on your thoughts because I feel like you... I have lots of thoughts. Before you finish that sentence, why the... Uh-oh. Are they on a boat? I know.

If that was my Bachelorette season, I'd be pissed. Yeah. Well, it's better than the last two Bachelorette seasons. They were stuck in, like... Katie, who was just here, she was stuck in New Mexico in New Mexico for the whole season, just stuck in that one place. Well, that was because of COVID, though. Yeah. Yeah. But the cruise ship was a weird choice. But then I'm like, because I've heard them talk about this before where they struggle to find places to film because of their budget, which I think it's crazy because I think their budget is insane. But then they also spend their money on things that don't make any sense. I know. Whatever. And The Bachelor gets like, you know, the nicest place is bachelor they're always like yeah yeah yeah it's much different i feel like they really

go out for the bachelor and the bachelor it's like this is nice right yeah are you having fun this is nice right you're like convincing you but yeah yeah they're a world renowned country singer you love this band you love these guys yeah you should be a producer oh god i would love that yeah why are they on a bull they're off the boat now but yeah that was a weird interesting back and drop, if you will.

Okay, so how do you feel about two bachelorets? I don't, first of all, I love Rachel and I love Gabby. They're such big personalities, both of them, and they're both so dynamic. Why do we need to, why did we need two female hosts? Why do we need two bachelorets? Because I think that one can't do it on their own. Right, exactly. It's really, really frustrating.

I feel like we were talking about this earlier. Did we already say this when we were recording that we don't know any of the guys' names? because there are quite literally two shows going on at once. Yeah, I was trying to look at it through a lens of like, okay, great, let's like, because I was being a little bitch for a while about the two bacheloretts because I was triggered by it from my season of having two bachelors, but I was like the whole time. And I was like, you know what?

I'm going to turn the beat around. I'm going to like look at it. Like we get two seasons in one. And then I was like, no, this is just confusing now because now I don't feel attached to anyone. Right. I don't remember names. Yeah. I get confused on who's dating, who still.

Like the hometowns, I'm like. Oh, I thought he was on team Gabby. Yeah, and then guys would flip-flop, and it's like, yeah, I just don't understand. Well, that's my impression of Gabby. He goes good. But I love Gabby. If you ever imitated me, that would be a form of flattery. Like, I would be flattered.

I love her. It's like if Anna Ferris and Ariana Grande had a baby. Wow. That is, yeah, yeah, no, I'm having a really good time on this date. Yeah. Yeah. that like she had it's like chocolate like I love her voice it's I agree yeah yeah yeah like that's how she talked yeah no it's gonna be great yeah yeah it's so good it is it's

she's got a really like unique cute sexy yet not voice yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like that uh-huh mm-hmm yeah yeah so good it's so funny I bet like I feel like when people go on shows like that aren't cut out for TV. Not that she's not cut out for TV, but you know what I mean? Like you weren't expecting to be on TV. You just kind of got thrown into it from a reality show. I feel like then having someone like point things out about you are things you've probably done your whole life that you've never known until like the world is laughing at you for it. They see that too. Yeah. I had no idea. I had big teeth until last year. What? Surprise. Surprise. People used to make fun of my teeth and then I changed. That's

Bitch has big teeth. Big chompers. Nice to your teeth? They're nice, though. Really? I think I need to get them lightened. Great chomp. Oh, I have to do, too.

I have Envisaline. I only have three weeks left, and so I buttons all over my teeth, and it causes them to be yellow. Did that become a thing, though? Like, someone commented, like, hey, big chompers. Or, like... I have gotten a lot of comments on the internet about how big my teeth are, or how many teeth I have. Like, they're like, your mouth is unsettles.

unsettling to me. Like rows of teeth. Yeah. Well, because, like, I feel like in some of my old TikTok videos, I'm doing, like, a lot of, like, mouth action. Yeah. Which is my fault. It's kind of like Ariel Vandenberg. I feel like she does a lot of mouth stuff so you see more teeth.

Yeah. I don't know. I feel like it's... Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't say, like, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

No, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. Well, I'm having a really good time. Yeah. Terrible impression.

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Yeah. We love Rachel. Although in this episode that we watch, that we are discussing, the hometown? Uh-huh. Okay. Is his name Dino, Tino? Tino. I call him Mickey Blue Eyes.

Mickey Blue Eyes is a great nickname for him. Anyway, that hometown was brutal to watch. It was really brutal. That was, remember I was telling you the dad, like, was like, so you just are ready to get engaged after two weeks. Like, what's it? And he was so. He's never heard of the franchise. But I kind of love it.

I kind of love it. Yeah, you've got to have one family. Because I also feel like, if you think about it, all the hometowns and the families were so precious and great. So they were probably like, oh, shit, we need one bad one. So they probably went into that and was like, you know what? You know what? Your son's really going to go for it. And maybe you just want to reel them in a little bit.

Like, you know, so I'm like, oh, did they get the family get? Do they really do that much manipulation? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's so crazy. That's Chino, Mickey Blue Eyes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's really cute. He kind of looks like Miles Teller a little bit. 100%. He looks like a combination of Blake Horstman from Becca Cooffron's season of The Bachelorette. Yes. Mixed with Miles Teller. Who's he dating? Giaena from Love is Blind. Interesting pairing, but it like makes perfect sense in my brain. It does. I hung out with them in person and they are so in love.

I love that. Yeah. It's pretty cute. The guy that she was hashtag Married or engaged to was what the f*** is going on there. A douche canoe. So, like, he was, oh, he was the worst. So do you know what she told me? That when, so they obviously couldn't see each other on love is blind.

So I was like, did you ever ask him? Like, what do you look like? And she was like, yeah, he told me that he was a combination of Gerard Butler and Zach Ephron. Shut the fuck up. Wait, I need to look at that. Oh, my God. You're going to pass. You're going to pass away.

You're going to pass away. Forrest, Lon, you will be buried there. We're going to call for us long in about 25 minutes. Time of death. Because you're passing away, baby boy. Time of death, 4.30. Low. When you bring him up?

I'm dying to see him. I'm picturing, okay. And we're allowed to be this mean and shallow because this guy literally is a fucking asshole. Yeah, he's an ass. If he was nice, I wouldn't say one mean thing. I'd be like, yeah. I can kind of see it. That's what I would say.

Yeah. Take a couple glasses of lines. Okay. Yeah, maybe bone structurally. Sure. Bound structurally. Yeah. Gee and Nina.

Okay, wait. Maybe you remember his name. your skeletons next to each other. I see some of my semblonsas. Yeah. Damien. Damien. That was his name.

Name of the devil. Do you remember that one scene where she was like, this is in love is blind, but they're in an argument. He's sitting in the bedroom and she's in the kitchen and she's like, I never wonder why when you kiss me, I don't kiss back. Like she was just so desperately did not want to be with this man. He said, I don't know. I want to work through it.

God. She was like, do you ever wonder why I don't initiate anything with you? It's not the best sex I've ever had. She was just like, wasn't holding back. Oh, that makes so much sense because she said on my podcast the other day, I asked her for a confession and she said, Blake is the best sex I've ever had. That's not a confession. I could deduce.

I could figure that out. Yeah. Hold on. Okay. Gerard Butler, Zach Ephron. Here we go. Oh, sorry, I blew out your mic. Can I see you again?

This guy's out of his mother-mind. Because I was like, what did you say? You look like it? She goes, I don't know, kind of like a Kate Upton. I'm like, I get that. She looks exactly like Kate Upton. Yeah, she really does. Yeah.

This guy, this little. You know what? Who's the guy? I do love the actor. A little bit in the eyes, I will say, Schmidt from. Oh, new girl. Thank you.

What's his name? I love that actor. Matt, um, Greenfield. A little bit of that. Max Greenfield. Yeah, like a ginger version of that. I could see that. Gingerly version of that.

Yeah, there are skeletons. We're not going to each other as sure. I could see some similarities. Oh, my God. I actually could see the Max Greenfield. I can't, yes. Do you know it on bad days? I actually just YouTube Max Greenfield scenes from.

I love that. Thank you for sharing that. You know what I do? I will YouTube office bloopers. Oh, yeah, I do that too. Oh, that's great. You can't, I hysterically laugh watching those. The office bloopers on YouTube will turn the day around.

The office got me through, like, my worst breakup in my life. Really? One, like, it'll always hold a safe or a happy, what am I saying? Happy, sacred, safe place for you. You want, you get it. Rickett, Javis, the UK version, or are we talking to the U.S. Are you Australian? Okay.

hurtful because the actor actor over here. No, my accents are so bad. I recently had an audition where I had to just be like a normal convincing British person. I'm a manager. It's like, I'm not going to send this in. I'm not going to send this in. I wouldn't do that to you. I'm not going to do that.

They're probably hiring local anyway. Yeah. I'm sorry. What are you saying? Ricky Jervais, the UK, or, the U.S. version. There's two offices. Yeah, so I feel like it's I want to use this word

sacrosanct. Oh, let me Google it. To say the U.S. office, but the U.S. office is funnier. I agree. And I agree. It is. It's funnier. It's moodyer. It's the characters are funnier. Yeah. Steve Carell is funnier. But I love Ricky Jervase. I do, yeah. There's a redemption, like a, I don't know,

you're really rooting for Michael Scott in the American version, whereas Ricky's just a really good asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're just, like, cringe, but, like, there's a sweetness with Michael Scott. Yeah, there's also, like, a dumb factor with Michael Scott. Yeah. Like, he tries to track down the woman in the catalog because he's convinced, like,

it's his future wife. Like, that kind of, like, just this devoid of logic human being. It's phenomenal. That makes sense to me that the office would get you through a breakup. You know what got me through my last breakup? What's her? Moana. Oh.

That makes sense. Really? Yes. Okay. And, like, because two days before that ex broke up with me. I washed Moana And then I went back And I rewatched it

Yes There's something comforting about it It's sweet And like I don't know Now I play it And I'm to like fall asleep Or if I'm packing

Like anything that stresses me out Oh I love You want to be inspired Moana's a really good one I was like so surprised At how much I loved that movie More than Ratatoui Yeah

Ratatoui is my number one Same Same sis Yeah 100% I'd go down on you. Okay. Yeah.

I said that. Yeah. Actually, I said that. No, I love a rat who can cook. The music's great. I love a rat that can cook. I love a rat that can cook. I do.

God. Anything with food, too. Yeah. I love studio Ghibli movies. Cheebly, Jibli. I don't know to say it. Wait. I don't know what that is.

Okay. Well. Okay. We both like rats like Japanese animation. Okay. My friend. throw kick his delivery service spirited away no I'm picking up what you're putting girl no you would love those good down the rabbit hole I would all on each they're all on

HBO max really yes okay had go down the rabbit hole it's okay hacks her show you can also stream it's not my show okay okay fair you're on it I'm done yeah Caitlin she's always I've never seen it I know I'm okay I'm I'm in one scene in season two. Oh. So, yeah, watch it. I just loved it. I was,

you were great in it. Thank you. It's almost like, that's why I said, the boardroom scene. That's why I said every single time I see the creators, I embarrassingly make jokes about wanting to be in season three. And their responses,

I love them. But that's kind of her character. It's all business, baby. That's so funny. That's kind of the character she, like, plays into that. Oh, I can't wait to watch. Yeah. But the show, forget me.

Who cares? The show is incredible. Well, I care. You're on my podcast. I clearly care. And I didn't even know you're on the show. I still wanted you here. I just like your presence.

We're best friends. Yeah. My best friend. She's a real band, bitch. Kesa, have you talked to your friend Roby? I know we talked about this off the pod. Can I talk about it on the podcast? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he, well, he listened to our last podcast episode. Yeah. And he was very upset that I said that he looked like an off-broad way Ted Bundy, but then I said to him, that's quite that. So good, though. I know. I'm sorry, that's a phenomenal reference joke. It's phenomenal. Yeah. Yeah. But also, so I was like,

listen, Ted Bundy's very handsome. Yeah. As awful as the things he did, like, dude was a looker. Right. So, like, handsome dude. Yeah, we weren't saying you act like you. Yeah. So he was like, I don't remember you calling me handsome, but I was like, oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, no, I'm not getting out of this one but I was like but you know how was the experience how was everything and for people that are listening he was the magician on he was the magician who got sent home day one like within the first yeah whatever

4 a.m. Yeah I don't know I was surprised at how upset he was about our at not at us at getting eliminated oh yeah I think you know they're a lot weighing on it for him yeah he's got his sister shoes to Phil

yeah lily lily sobieski yeah incredible actress yeah the glass house was a movie that i frequently watched really 19 years phenomenal movie i have seen it same with joyride yeah never been kissed never been kissed phenomenal yeah i think he thought he was you know going for the gold there with the franchise and he you know i i said i tweeted it i thought he was gone way too early i was like justice for the magician because i really thought he would bring some entertainment value to that show. Imagine came on the cruise ship. Doing magic?

Doing magic? Hello? I would have loved to. Hello. Skyrocket. I would have freaking love to see it. We need a little more magic in this world. Okay.

Am I right? We need a little more magic in this world. I do. Have you ever dated a magician? No. But you would be into it. No. Okay.

Fair. I wouldn't. Are you kidding? There's something about it. There's something about it. There's this really hot magician I follow on TikTok. David Blaine. No.

But there's a hotness to David Blaine. There is. He's, okay. David Blaine's really hot. All right? I'm into it. David Blaine? I would date David Blaine.

That's a, that's a cool kind of magic. That's a, that's a, I, I really got you there, didn't I? Yeah, I'm going to pull a goldfish out of you right now. Yeah. Hello. Yeah. Yeah. But there's like, there's this sort of breed of magician guy.

There's like a lot of eligible bachelor magicians out there that I'm noticing on social media. I don't know why. Because your phone probably read your algorithm talking to Roby. No, but no, it was on TikTok, but I literally listened. I watched like one magician video, but just imagining like, so what's your boyfriend? Oh, he's filming a lot of content with his

magic assistants. They're doing just some tricks around town. Like, I can't. I'm sorry. I cannot do that. Drawing the line. I can't and I won't. Oh, my. Find dining at the magic castle. You'd love it. And I've never been to the magic castle. And I'm dying to go. I know. I've lived in L.A. my whole life and I've never been to the magic

castle, which is, but I've been to Yamashiro's. You got to be invited. What's that? It's the Japanese restaurant. Right on top of the magic lake. Really? Yes. It's been out forever. That's beautiful. Like hundreds of years old. Maybe not. Yeah. It is. Yeah. It's super old. Really? Mm-hmm. We'll go. It's great. Okay. Jason's brother can do magic and he's really good. But is that his life. No. No. Okay. No. What does Jason's brother do? He owns like his own marketing firm for Broadway in New York. Okay.

So we're integrating. Yes. There we are. Yes. I like that. And he is a brilliant, brilliant man. And magician. And magician.

No, he's really good. He used to do birthday parties. That's how he met his husband. That's really true. What's his name? Stephen Tarter. Okay. I literally thought I knew this person.

Really? Yeah, I swear to God. What does you have another story like that? No, I just almost had a heart attack. Oh, my God. Why? No, no, no. I can't.

I'll tell you later. I can't equate the dots. I thought, I thought I knew that. Sorry, I'm operating on three hours of sleep. Oh, my gosh. So you're, because he has sleep apnea. My boyfriend is a sleep apnea. So does Jason.

You have to wear the mask. Does he wear the mask? No. Same with Jason. I know. This is the whole thing for Jason. I won't wear the mask. Literally.

He's like, I can't really sleep with it on. And I'm like, I can't sleep with you going next to me. No, no, no. I have like industrial earplugs that are for like manual labor jackhammering and building like buildings. Yeah. His snores will vibrate the bed. Like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

He got a sleep study once where they said that the volume barometer of how loud his snores are equate to that of a blender. Wow. So that's like how loud it is. Can't do it. But he is, but he is, he did get no surgery for it and that did nothing. That was like really invasive no surgery. I've heard that that does nothing. And people keep getting the surgery and that does nothing.

Well, he did have a deviated septum. So he does breathe better. Like, good for you. But the snoring. But yeah. So now he's getting throat surgery because he went to the specialist and they were like, it's in your throat. Your tongue is doing a weird thing in your throat.

So we need to like bring your jaw at front because it's your. Yeah. It's that thing. Yeah. It's not a nose thing. It's a throat thing. Wow. So now he's going to do like this crazy invasive throat surgery.

Oh. So he's like he's, you know, like he's had surgery. Yeah. So I can't get mad that he, you know, that's true. Didn't want to do the CPAP machine. But you're like, get another surgery, babe.

Yeah. Get another surgery. God. Make it invasive. But isn't sleep apnea when you stop breathing in the middle of the night? Yeah. Like several times through second. Yes.

But it's coupled. It obviously comes along with. snoring as well. So my best friend Bree, her husband, is in the sleep app business, the like machine. He sells them. And so he, he like sends me all these facts to tell Jason about using it. And it actually increases your sex life. Sleep apnea? Yeah. Like the machine. Like giving yourself a better sleep. Okay. Because I was going to say like, we're both exhausted. I'm not having sex tonight Because you would sleep better

And he would sleep better if you use the machine Exactly And so there's all these facts About how it like Increases your quality of life If you use the machine Well no I mean absolutely I've I mean

I'm not going to talk about my sex life on a podcast Who am I? I do No but it's like we we don't sleep together That often especially lately Because it's gotten worse Because I can't get any sleep I wouldn't get any sleep.

Oh, because you or I have to sleep, I have to sleep two hours before he falls asleep. Yeah. So I'm in like deep dreamland and I don't get woken up by it. It's a whole, it's a whole thing. That sounds awful. Yeah. I hate if I don't get sleep, I'm a monster. Yeah.

I'm a, I'm tired today. But he's miserable too. I want to put you on a spot. I'm in a miserable relationship. Oh, okay. Super unhappy. Super unhappy. I want to put you on.

a spot before I let you go. Okay. Your WASP mom character? Yeah. Could I ask you some questions as in you or her? Oh my God. I haven't channel turned so long. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, who am I? What am I doing this going on? You're in an ITM interview, which is in the moment on the bachelor. Oh. So, you know when they do those little side interviews? Okay. It's good. They're called an ITM. Okay. In the moment. So I'll be the producer asking you questions and you are, and you are the Bachelorette. You're the mom and your son just brought Gabby through the door. Gabby. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So can you state and spell your name for the camera?

My name is Cheryl, C-H-E-R-Y-L. Johnson. It's a long lineage of family names. It was Johansen, but we shortened it. J-O-H-N-S-O-N. And what are your first impressions of Gabby? You know, Gabby is young, which is fun for us. I love my son. And she has, my God, have you seen her skin? Wow, it is tight. It is, it is. It's like she doesn't sleep on her face.

Okay. She's a kind young woman, and I'm sure that she has friends. And, you know, I'm sure she has a bank account. Her clothes are beautiful. So that is nice. Cheryl. For her. For her.

Yes. Do you think your son is ready for marriage? Yes. I don't know if I am. No, he is. He is. But it needs to be with the right woman. And, you know, I just, I don't know if Gabby's the one.

I feel, you know, I have an idea for a show. How about this? How about the mothers decide who their sons marry? I don't want a stranger of my Thanksgiving table. You know what I mean? So I'd like to have a say, I don't want to waste my china on Gabby if we don't get along. I don't waste my china. Cheryl would say that.

If your son ends up engaged at the end of this, what would your reaction? be. Wow. I haven't thought about that. Wow. You know, if my son is engaged at the end of this journey, you call it? Is this a journey? I will not, I guess I won't have a choice but to be

supportive of my son. I love that character so much. I just love it. I fucking, it's always good when your last podcast guest can make you laugh this hard because my brain is like a little mushy. Me too. And, but no, but you're so good. Yeah.

Chicken suit for the teenage soul. That's what you are. I lived off of those books. Me too. Me too. Oh, we all loved it. Yeah. Canadian version?

Why is the Canadian version always better than me? No, it's always worse. No, it's not. The Canadian McDonald's is better. Canadian McDonald's is better. Right. Canadian television, not good. Degrossi?

We've talked about this already. Degrassy is everything. We love Drake. Whatever it takes. I know I can make it through. Yeah. Did you watch it? Degrossi?

Yeah. Love to make it real. That should be the outro to your. podcast. Well, it just was. Bye, everyone. Oh, just like that. Bye. Bye. No, I do want to say have fun at your show on the 15th. I wish I could be there. Thank you so much. And for everybody that's still somehow listening to this. Yeah, if you made it this far. Wow. Congratulations. Go get your tickets. It's in LA, right? It's in Los Angeles. Yeah, Los Angeles, California. Perfect. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. I love being here. I'm

Caitlin Bristow, your session is now ending. Thanks for joining us for this week's grape therapy. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow on your favorite podcast platform. And tune in Thursday for your next session. All month long, the biggest movies are streaming free on Pluto TV's popcorn summer movies. Watch star-studded blockbusters like Titanic and Transformers. Avenge of the Fallen or Fall in Love with charming rom-coms like Hitch and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The best part, Pluto TV is 100% free. No credit cards, not even a sign-up. Plus, Pluto TV

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