Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Claudia Oshry

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

Kaitlyn is joined by meme queen, comedian, co-host of The Morning Toast podcast AND author of Girl With No Job: The Crazy Beautiful Life of an Instagram Thirst Monster, Claudia Oshry! She comes on to tell her redemption story of flying close to the sun, being face-to-face with cancel culture, and coming back to speak on self-growth. Kaitlyn asks Claudia questions floating around pop culture news like: Kim and Kanye news, Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles and more before recapping the latest on The Bachelor! GEICO - Go to geico.com , and in fifteen minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance CRATE & BARREL - Create your Crate & Barrel registry at crateandbarrel.com or at a store near you. TALKSPACE - As a listener of this podcast, you can get $100 off your first month on Talkspace by going to Talkspace.com and use code VINESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Podcast One presents Off the Vine, Great Therapy. Caitlin Bristow's going to answer your questions. Drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more. Here's Caitlin. All right, everybody, welcome. to grape therapy. Today on the podcast, I have someone you probably already know, love, see every day on your

IG feed. She is a multi-talented entertainment personality and media entrepreneur who also happens to be friggin' hilarious. Her Instagram account at Girl With No Job has been one of my favorite accounts to follow for years. I'm guessing you follow them too. Her, them. I don't know. She's probably got a team.

She's the host of the podcast and Morning Show, The Morning Toast. She has co-founded the podcast network, Toast News Network. and she's releasing her very own book this month, where we hear all about it on today's pod, which is really interesting. And I think she takes a different approach than what she thought she would while writing a book. But we get to hear all about it. We're also getting into a quick Bachelor recap to discuss the second episode of Victoria. I mean, Matt James' season.

So far, very entertaining. I hope you enjoy my conversation with Claudia, aka A.K.A. Girl with no job. Hi. Hi. Oh my gosh. I was just like on Twitter sitting here and I just saw that more than 11,000 containers of ice cream are being recalled for having metal shards in them. Devastating. Absolutely devastating for the ice cream community. But you know what? Well, T's and peas, thoughts and prayers for the ice cream community. But at the same time, seeing news like that really brings me joy. I'm like, is that all we've got going today? No, it's a great day when the only thing are people swallowing metal shards. Right. That's like a really positive way to start 2021. Woohoo. Yeah, I know. I've just brought a really big smile on my face. I had to bring it up on the pot. Anyways, how are you? Are you at home in your room? I'm at home in my room where I spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. I haven't seen you since you became like a memorable champion dancing queen around the world. And I just want to let you know, I love you and I'm so happy for you. Oh my God. I freaking love you too. And thank you. And can you believe that it finally all happened? And you were, how long did you say justice for Kate La Bristow?

You know what? Jackie and I have just, Jackie's my sister. She co-hosts my podcast with me. We have just known about the drama behind the scenes of the Mike Fleiss of it all. And then you getting your spot taken away from you on Dancing with the Stars, which was so unfair because so many people from Bachelor Nation have been on Dancing with the Stars, which I love. But you're like one of the very few, I want to say only, with a dance background. I know. And then you can't use that as an excuse of like that's cheating because it's basically a voting show on who is the most Instagram followers or the most loyal Instagram followers. 100%.

The bestination in the Bell Army do not around. No, if the Olympic gymnasts can be considered, you know, amateurs, so can you. Yeah. Oh my gosh. And how good was Johnny Weir? He was so, so good. You know, the only time where I really feel like it was a little iffy on whether or not she should have been cast as an amateur was Heather Morrison from Glee. She's like an actual trained like backup dancer, like has been on tours.

Like, that is a little weird. Did she? But she didn't win, right? I don't think so. I think there was like legit backlash. That she didn't win? No, that she was cast because she could easily be like a Julianne Huff. Like she could be a pro. Right.

Yeah. She would, yeah, I remember that. And I remember being like, somebody said it was like a big shocker of how early she went home. And then that just made me think that because of the backlash, they were probably like, get around on her. The backlash is real. The backlash is real.

But let's talk about something else that's real is that it's 2021. and you have a freaking book coming out. Isn't it crazy? I, well, not really, actually. If you think about your whole journey and what you've done, it's really not that crazy. It's just like, I think you're the same as me where when we were younger, if you would have said that we would have the ability or skill set to write a book, I would have been like, probably not. But now I'm like, it's not that crazy.

No, it's not that crazy. I mean, I was really, like, I was not a smart kid in school. Like, I just was not good with like tests and writing and deadlines. I was just, I'm a more of a street smart kind of gal. But when I did start, like, my whole journey on the internet, like, I really started blogging with these like diary entries that were awful, but that is how I started. So it does feel very full circle. And when I was writing it, I was like back in my college dorm, like making blog posts about

manicures, you know? Well, it's true because you did start off as blog, um, writing blogs. So do you do enjoy that writing process? No. I mean, it's, I heard it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. And also, like, I didn't intend to write about, like, so much deep stuff in the book. And, you know, I've recently started therapy.

And what I've learned is that, like, I suppress a lot of my trauma. Like, I don't want to talk about it. That's why my memory is so bad because, like, I refuse to acknowledge the bad things that have happened to me in my life. But I thought it was really important to put a lot of it in the book. So I had to, like, dig really deep. And I would, like, literally spend hours just, like, crying and then, like, go back to work. Oh, my gosh. How therapeutic for you.

You know, I actually do think it was therapeutic in a way. Well, I mean, it's probably a lot to unpack in a book, but then you probably, if you're saying you have pushed all of these thoughts down and don't want to like think about them, it's forced you do. And then now you're going to therapy, which I bet do you love it or I bet it's helped in some way. Because I, we all know I love it. Okay. Like I was never did therapy. And when I started like last year, I thought I was going to be so excited. It's basically just like paying someone to listen to you when all I do is talk. Like I love to hear the sound of my own voice. I think I'm like the most important person in every. room and and I had heard that like some people don't like therapy because they're confronted by you know their demons and I was okay with that like I'm like bringing up demons but I didn't I didn't like I've been like shopping around I don't like that I felt like maybe I'm just self-conscious but the therapists were just like making assumptions about me do you know what I mean yeah were they fair assumptions or unfair assumption unfair and like and I didn't even give them that information to come to the conclusion

So I feel like they like Googled me, which is like the worst thing you can do. I have like the worst Google search history ever. That's why I'm excited for my book. Like this is my side of the story. Take it or leave it. Love me or hate me. But this is my piece. You know what?

That's so true because if you're going to like, you know, share your story, you might as well put it in a book. 100%. And like there's so many things that could float around about you. And what a perfect opportunity to be like, well, here's what I think. And there are so many things that float around about me. And honestly, for a while, my method has always been just, like, keep your head down. Like, keep working hard. It'll go away.

And it just hasn't. And so I'm so off the cuff. Everything I do, like, I just wing it. Like, I'm just, that's like my brand of comedy. And when I podcast, like, that's just how I do it. So it was very different for me to, like, sit down and think before I speak, which is not something I always do, which is probably one of my biggest downfalls as a person, as an influencer, like a podcaster.

No, that's one of your greatest, like, attributes. to the world like that's that's what why people love you that's why you have a brand well now it's interesting to see like this is what happens when i actually think thoughtful things and write them down meaningfully well i already think you articulate things very well and your comedy and your wit and everything is so good that i can only imagine how good the book's going to be if you actually thought about all of these things you're going to say before writing them that's very sweet and i probably would say this even if I didn't write the whole book myself, but like, it's so good. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited to read it. And can you tell everybody what's what it's called? And I'm

dying that you're naked in a bathtub because that's just so you. It's so me. It's called Girl's No Job, The Crazy Beautiful Life of an Instagram Thirst Monster. And it's really autobiographical, like starting, you know, as a nut job that I was as a kid, growing up starting my business, meeting Ben, my husband. We've been married for three years now. And then like just kind of blowing up on Instagram and like where all the places that took me and then um in 2018 getting like so canceled like the most canceled person ever everything taken away um money everything and then having to rebuild and going from that in 2018 to like literally no one in town answering my phone calls couldn't get an agent to like save my life to 20 at that beginning of 2020 like selling out the beacon theater

doing comedy like so it's a story of redemption that that is a good redemption story and also um Quite the journey you have been on in your life. You know, every day is an adventure. What is the most shocking thing that you realized about yourself while writing this book? What were you like when you sat back? You're like, oh, shit. I mean, I guess I had always known this about myself. But when you like, when I looked at my life as a whole, like, I've always had this emphasis

and like this desperate need to like be well liked and be popular. And that's like from like the movies I used to watch as a kid. Like people idolize like sexy boys when they were in middle school. I idolized Regina George. Like I wanted to be funny and mean and I didn't care what I said or who was upset. Like if someone laughed like and I got attention, like that's all that mattered. And you can see like in every facet of my career like my obsession with popularity and how it's so toxic and but how it's like motivated like most of the decisions in my life. I mean, I love that you're so self-aware and can say that.

But at the same time, I'm like, but that's, I mean, you also are an entertainer and that's what entertainers do. yeah but and what i talk about in the book is like when when your whole foundation is like built on validation from other people and then in a second overnight like it's gone and like you are so controversial everywhere you go it's like oh she's hit like it's so earth shattering and like how to rebuild from that obviously in terms of your business but like my self-esteem like that's the stuff that hasn't come back yet like the business is back but like on the inside like i'm broken I'm so glad you're going to therapy I mean I can't even imagine how hard that would be on

you know the ego on your you know after you've worked so hard for everything you have and then having to rebuild but I mean you're doing it and you're telling your story about it and before like people come after me like I want to make it very abundantly clear like what happened to me like I deserved like I said I made terrible jokes like awful jokes and I really like I had such a lack of understanding

for like the world around me and it's so evident like in just the content I used to put out and I'm actually really proud of like the growth that I've had and I'm like growth is everything to me like every day you got to grow you got to get better and that's been like a major kind of like pillar of my adult life but when I was writing the book like I had to put myself back in the headspace of like the trash teenager I used to be which was just not fun yeah I get that I mean I was kind of a piece of shit back in my day as well and um I I I too like to I mean, I haven't experienced the cancel culture, and I'm praying I never do. I am praying for you every night, sister.

I mean, we all make such terrible mistakes through our years. And that is how you grow. And that is how you become who you are today. So that look at you. You've been there, done that. Now you're writing a book on it. Yeah, no. And honestly, I've become like the face of cancel culture, which I'm kind of okay with.

I find like every podcast I go on. Like, do you want to talk about cancel culture? I'm like, yeah, sure. Like, what else am I going to talk about? it's like that's my thing and you know what I'm actually I feel as much as I wish like none of that shit ever happened I don't know if I would be like as good of not that I think I'm amazing but like I think I'm a good person like I really do I think I'm nice and I think I'm really like put a lot of emphasis on like self growth and self love like and I don't know if I would have been that

I think I might have still been the monster I was if I had never been course corrected so I'm not mad that it happened um yeah I think in a lot of ways it was a very good thing for me yeah I, hey, I love that outlook. I'm, I'm proud of you. And I think it's great. I can't think the other way. Like, if I do, like, I'll just drive myself crazy. You'll spiral. Don't do it. How long did it take you to write a book? Because I know that's a quite a long, long process. I started February 2020 and I handed in my first draft June 1st, 2020. So like five months. Wait, good for you. I mean, it's 240 pages, very snackable. Everyone can enjoy it. Um, I'll have snack on that. But, you know, I got, like, I had a book proposal and what the book is and what it was proposed as, like, is two totally different things. Really? Because so much happens. I'm like, we got to get this book out tomorrow because things where I'm like, I'm like, I'm keep adding new things I've learned. That's so true. I, I keep thinking about if I were to write a book, but then I'm like, it wouldn't come out to like 2032 because I literally yesterday listened to a meditation on procrastination. To procrastinate working. Of course. I was like, ooh, that's, that meditation's for me. And if I listen to this, I won't have to work.

The literary world is full of patient people. And the fact that I've made it to the, I'm two weeks away now. Like, the fact that I made it to the day of my book coming out, like, I'm the most impatient person ever. Like, I cannot wait for the microwave. I cannot wait for anything. So the fact that I made it here, like, it's probably one of my most, like, the things I'm most proud of. I totally feel that microwave comment right now. I, it's like.

three minutes when I put my I'm only thinking of the three minutes because I just did this like an hour ago but my heating pad for my sore muscles that are still sore from dancing I love heating pads in the microwave for three minutes and I was like the longest three minutes of my life waiting for let alone if it's good food I would literally rather eat like food that's like hot on the outside and like frozen in the middle than wait like three more minutes I am right there with you and Jason is the opposite and he over microwaves everything and it drives nuts and does it splatter all over the microwave and then you have to clean it yeah that's my life exactly what happens that's so annoying i love those tic-to trends that are going around where it's like um this is um our apartment and my boyfriend

decorated it perfectly with see how he just leaves his jacket like laying so softly on the side of the bed and just so chic and here he has his McDonald's cup which he placed perfectly in a center gorgeous that's so funny i'm obsessed with ticot like to a sick point okay like you how many hours could you sit and scroll you know let me just pull up my screen time for you and let you know i've never done this before for it's so sick how do you pull up your screen time by the way it's like an app oh here if you swipe all the way yeah it'll pull up for you in your setting so today let's say this week i have been on TikTok. Oh, not so bad. I'm averaging about an hour and 21 minutes a day. Oh, that's not bad. No, actually, I'm quite surprised. Oh, it's the beginning of the week. That's why. Oh, that's just for the last two days. I must have been busy.

No, that's good because I think I spent two hours on TikTok scrolling today trying to like see what funny things I could do. I've had to stop like bringing my phone into the bathtub because like I'll never get out of the tub. Like I'll just call TikTok for hours. Yeah, I feel that. And your TikTok's good. It's really, it actually makes me feel so, like, I usually think I'm a creative person. I get on TikTok, and I'm like, I am a dud. Like, I've got nothing going for me on TikTok. And, like, how old do you feel?

I feel like a grandma. I feel like the oldest person on TikTok, until I see other people making fun of themselves for being old on TikTok, and then I'm like, it's my crew. And then I feel even older because then you're like, oh, I'm like one of them. That's what I look like when I want TikTok? Totally. And it's like the Gen Z ears refer to the millennials as old. I'm like, we refer to Jen Y, the baby boomers.

Like we refer to them as old. Now we're them. Now we're them. I know. Whenever they do those things like how old fresh prince of Ballet is and I'm like, do you feel old yet? I'm like, yeah, I already did. But thanks for rubbing it.

Thanks for ruining my day. Yeah, thanks for that. You also have a special that came out in 2020. 2020 was a great year for you. You have a special that's code. It's called Disgraced Queen. Yes. So you came to my show, I believe.

Where was it? Nashville. Oh, that was fun. And that was like one of the first stops on the tour. So I went on a comedy tour for like two years because I just wanted to do comedy. And I was like doing small comedy clubs. And then it started to get bigger and bigger. So I just literally kept going.

I did like 90 shows. And I document that in the book a lot too. So at one of my last shows, I recorded it. It's available on Amazon Prime. And I, it's like, honestly, I actually hate watching myself, even though I'm the biggest narcissist of all time. But I watch my special every night. Like, I love it.

Oh my gosh. Wait, I'm going to watch it. It's on Amazon Prime. That's big time. It's really, really exciting. And I just can't believe like my face is on TV, you know? I have no right being there. Your face is supposed to be on TV.

Your humor is supposed to be on TV. And you are fucking funny. Stop. I love you. and smart because you have to be smart you have to be smart to be funny but you know what as i feel like i've grown up i talk about this a lot in the podcast because like when you're growing up in like high school there's such an emphasis place on academics and it's so competitive and it really chips away at yourself worth like if you're not doing well like i was a very below average student and it really

made me feel like i wasn't smart and then when i started to be successful in my business i'm like wait maybe there's different types of smarts oh my gosh i actually relate to that so hard i was the exact same way i was a terrible student things did not register for me numbers were not my thing getting homework done i got so overwhelmed that's what started my whole anxiety in life and i was like not a good student at all and i was like you're meant to think if you don't have that education if you don't have those smarts that you aren't going to go anywhere yeah and then i was like well i'm not i'm high school i'm done school like that's it for me i'm not school it is not for me. And so then it made me question my, my intelligence through my years. And I almost done

myself down through my 20s. Right. Now I'm like, same thing as you running businesses and doing the stuff. And I'm like, wait. Am I smart? Yes. You want to know where I figured this out when I went to my high school reunion. And like I said, I really wasn't smart. And I went to a very competitive high school where it was like, you knew who the smartest kids were. A bunch of kids in my grade went to Harvard. And when I went, you know, you expect like the kids who were like geniuses to be like rocket scientists. And they were all just like, you know, having jobs like everyone else. And there was a kid actually in my grade who invented this like brilliant, um, medical software or virtual reality, like this huge. And he like is like the most successful kid in our grade. And he wasn't really like

in, you know, honors classes. Like he was just a standard kid. And it's just goes to show you like, of course school is important, but I definitely feel like as kids like you put so much of an emphasis on like grades when it's like it just chips away at you it does and it's nobody's ever sitting there grilling you on do what you love do what makes you happy like follow your dream yeah and nobody says that it's always like well you got to get this or got to get a tutor and you got to get brains and then those people are like you know what do you have to show for debt right no you're right like it's so toxic that's like also when I was writing the book like you just realize like growing up like you just realize so much stuff about your childhood is like such bullshit you know oh my gosh it almost

makes me want a parent very differently than I thought I ever would like I think about this all the time even with my niece and nephew when my niece comes to me with like boy problems or like girls being mean I want to be like oh my god fuck them like you don't even remember and I want to get all like real talk with them but that's obviously not the right way to approach it maybe it is I don't know I think it's fine I'll like tell my 13 year old niece yeah my kids are going to be like you fuck you like getting kicked out of school like fucking that jobs out I'm going to be like mommy's so proud of you heard it on a podcast stop oh my god I think you don't need to go to high school just start a podcast exactly do what you love I get why you wouldn't want to not encourage

your kids to like it's all about like just of course like you know working hard and striving for excellence but part of growing up is realizing there are different types of smart and it doesn't mean getting 100 on a test yeah i feel that i feel that this episode was sponsored by crate and barrel wedding registry flutes and coops cooking and cabernet sundays and sleeping in make your home undeniably yours with a crate and barrel wedding registry whether we can attend them or not marriages and weddings are still happening. People are still falling in love out there, and wedding gifts still need to be given. Love doesn't stop just because there's a pandemic, everyone. And whether your movie buffs, budding home chefs, wine lovers like me, Crate and Barrel can help you create a

wedding registry that fits your unique partnership. You can even reference sample registries other real couples have created to inspire you. Not going to lie, I know I'm already going to use crate and barrel for my wedding registry one day. And I already know there's a hundred things I'm picking up. I love crate and barrel. That's why I'm telling my family to get these gifts for us. Anything from Creight and Barrel, I'm a happy camper. All right, everyone, we're going to take a break. I'm still having a hard time believing it's 2021 right now. First of all, never thought I'd ever say goodbye to 2020. It felt like it was the longest year that never ended and not really in a good way. But I am actually feeling hopeful about the new year because I've been talking through it with my therapist and they've

been helping me to be grateful for all that I have in my life right now, which is a lot. I've been very open on the podcast and just in general about going to therapy could not be a bigger fan of talking to an actual professional and doing something great for yourself and your mental health. It's so important, so, so, so important to take care of yourself. And professional counseling through Talkspace helps you do just that. Talkspace lets you send and receive unlimited messages with your dedicated therapist in the TalkSpace platform 24-7. With Talkspace, you set goals with your therapist.

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As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $100 off your first month with TalkSpace To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use Code Vine to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's Vine and Talkspace.com. This is Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Before we get into the episode of The Bachelor, Bachelor, because that's what I recap when this podcast comes out, I have to ask you because you're always my favorite person to talk to about, like, pop culture and things going on in that world because I'm always out of the loop, but I see it. And I'm like, oh, I don't even know. Like, I don't know what that person is.

I can explain anything you want. I know. That's why I go to you. Okay. Harry Stiles and Olivia Wilde new romance. Is it for PR or is it real? Well, so a lot of people are, you know, inclined to think it's for PR because they are working on a project together.

Olivia's directing him in a film. But Harry Stiles and Olivia Wilde are very, very A-list. And I do believe those types of shenanigans are really reserved for B-list. And I think they might be too good for that. Like Harry Styles doesn't actually need more press. So I think he's above that. I think it's real. Okay.

I like that. Kim and Kanye's potential divorce. He said something, didn't he, didn't he, like, say something on Twitter probably. That's what Kanye does. But do you think it's actually happening or are they just on the rocks? I do. And I actually think, like, as a culture, we should be like a little bit more sensitive when we speak about them. Because I feel like people love to make jokes, blah, blah, blah, because they're the butt of every joke.

and that's just kind of why they're so big. But I think that a lot of people can probably relate to Kim's, you know, journey in these last few years being married to someone with who struggles very publicly with mental health issues. And I do think that maybe it's, you know, she's had enough. I'm devastated. Personally, like I've been crying wearing black all week. Like, it's the worst news I've ever heard.

I live, breathe, eat, sleep, and die for the Kardashians. Like, I will defend them on the battlefield in the comment section until the day I die. And I'm so sad for. for him like and of course like i'm a child of divorce it sucks like four kids like it's actually really sad like when a family you know splits up i i actually agree with you i was reading comments because i mean i knew what the comments were going to be oh shocker i'm surprised they lasted this long yeah he's well connie's losing his mind no he's actually suffering from a mental illness that it's it actually made me really sad too um because you can tell that they really tried hard

over the years like they've been vocal about struggling they have kids you know that kim doesn't want to go through another divorce no but like good for her for being strong and i you know what i mean and i think she tried really hard with him i always try to like sound like we're friends but you know what i mean like they're very obviously very public yeah and we know a lot about them and like when kim sprung on the scene like it was so much a part a part of her brand to be like a social like dating a bunch of guys but now she's really like a mom and she's she's 40 now and I just feel like she's really not interested in you know running around dating I mean again I don't know her either but like that's just the vibe that I get um and I'm sure she wanted this to work just as much as everyone

else you know and I'm devastated for her and I will be here to support her when she's ready to talk to me yeah she wants to call us after listening to this podcast we're here for her crazier things have happened like what a lot I don't know if crazy shit happens every day in 2021. Oh, I see what you mean. I thought you had a good juicy story for me. Okay. Oh, I didn't need her once. I acted like a fucking animal. Here's the thing. I went to this. I work a lot with the Gift of Life bone marrow registry. And if anyone listening to this podcast is not in the bone marrow registry, it is so easy. Please look up Gift of Life, be the match. It's so easy. I'm writing this down right now. Oh, my God. You have to. You could literally save a life with just like

putting a Q-tip in your mouth. Like, it's so easy. Done. Done. And so I, I went to like a charity event and Kim actually was really helpful in this one case someone it's all based on your background so like I'm most likely to match bone marrow uh with someone who's Ashkenaz Jewish Eastern European and it goes with your background so there was someone who's like he went kind of viral on the internet because he had a very interesting background and could not find a match and Kim heard about it and like posted about it and like over 10,000 people registered and they didn't end up finding a match for the person and really unfortunately he passed away but Kim became like a huge advocate for bone marrow. our registry and we were both at this event and they promised me i could take a picture with her but obviously no one was like thinking about me when kim kardash you could like walked in the room um i saw her leave and i high-tailed out of there chased her down and took a picture with her in the most unflattering lighting of all time in the ugliest photo ever and then when she left i followed her out the door and i got in some of the paparazzi pictures behind her and the one that she posted you could literally see like my ass like my i was wearing a blue jumpsuit you just

see like my big juicy ass and that's but it was iconic I wish you would have just tagged your butt. I did. Oh. Wait, is this, can I like, is it on your Instagram or is it Googleable? Which, the pictures? Anything. I will send them to you, honey.

I got you. I want to see this terrible lighting because I'm like, could Kim Kardashian look bad in terrible lighting? I'm so glad you brought that up. Make up by Mario, who is her like, you know, go-to glam. He's amazing. He commented on the Instagram and was like, wow, you really did me dirty with this lighting because he did Kim's makeup and like she actually looked bad.

I actually want to say she got caught in the really bad lighting. I got caught in like the eh lighting. I actually looked more beautiful than her. And that's how you know it was really bad lighting. Oh my gosh. That's that's some serious lighting. That's amazing. It was the best day of my life.

Like I'll never forget it. I have told this story so many times on my podcast, but I totally embarrassed myself in front of the Kardashians do. which at the people's choice awards all of them what happened all of them i walked right up to them and started bowing down like they were like i don't think that's weird oh i like i feel like they would appreciate that like someone who's just you know silently letting them know like you guys are queens but i won't bother you here's my then i went on then i went on to tell them that i fall asleep to them every night because it's comforting stuff that's amazing and and Courtney was like

oh my gosh thank you oh no nice I was like and then I walked away like idiot idiot weren't you surprised at how petite they are like short petite they are so tiny like I think I was taller than most of them yeah no and I am was too and I'm literally five feet they I seriously aren't they like five one Kim is literally like 5-1 and she was wearing heels like she's so short wild crazy stars they're just like us short um what was my oh um Ariana Grande is this new engagement gonna last I hate to be a pessimist and like be like she's always getting engaged but me things now yeah okay um sex in the city reboot officially happening but without Kim Cottrell your thoughts I mean would you like would you remake you know mean girls without Lindsay Lohan like it's so silly like I'm actually I actually love sex in the city and I would pretty much watch the women do anything like even though those movies were trash I personally loved them so I'll watch anything but like of all the characters to go it being Samantha hits particularly hard yeah I agree and how are they going to address it because

they have to they have to and it's just devastating like no one was more real or honestly more in the words of Tanya Radd no one gave off more modern woman woman energy then Miss Samantha Jones like owned her own business like would not be controlled by men while the other three of them are like stirring about men like she was the true like progressive feminist icon that we needed and the fact that she's not returning is like what's the point oh i love that outtake that was a hot hot take it's a hot take but i'll still watch it see i never watched it in the first place so i'm like i mean obviously i know i'm i'm insane what i tried to i went back i tried i could not get into it. I've never

heard that. That's a hot take. Like, I've never heard anyone say that. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Something though, for sure. I know. That's crazy. I mean, I know. And you would think it'd be right up my alley like girls drinking and like.

Yeah. Dating. Work fabulous. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I was just too like I didn't get it because I grew up in such a small town in Canada that I was just like that was not relatable to me. I don't know. past season one. No. Okay, season one is really weird. They changed the format after season, after season one, but during season one, they would like address camera, like break down the fourth wall. It was a weird format. And I can actually see someone starting season one to be like,

this show's fucking weird. I actually think you might want to persevere. Okay. What if I just, do I have to watch season one to understand season two? Well, no, all you need to know is that she meets big in season one and like she just can't shake him. Okay. That's all I need to know. Or I could even just go to like a YouTube. I'm sure there's like a season one recap video. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to give it another shot.

Okay, good. I'm so excited. Okay. Let me know. I'll let you know how I think. Okay. So we saw Matt's second episode this week of The Bachelor. Obviously you're watching because you always have the best commentary.

Now, here's my question for you. Because I think we're kind of in the same boat here as, as you know, growing into these emotionally mature women that we are becoming. And I'm like, it's so hard to be nice to Victoria. It is so hard to see her side. I know the show's edited. I know that it's produced. I know things can be manipulated, but it can only do that so much. And I just want to reach out to her so bad and be like, how do you defend this?

Yes. And tell me the real story because something is not adding up. And when people are like, she's got to be a stage actress or like an undercover producer, I'm like, sadly you're not because that news would eventually come out. There people would put things together. It's not. That's really just how she's behaving and I want to know what's happening. Yeah, I mean, as a Bachelor fan and you obviously been on The Bachelor like multiple times,

like you know that editing is like a huge part of it. And I actually feel like now as a seasoned watcher, I can watch and know when things are being stitched together. I lot of last season, just because of the continuity with Clarenetia, I could see the choppy edits copy and paste. Like I'm actually have a good eye for that. And I was trying to. like really give her the benefit of the doubt and be like okay what did they take out of context

but at the end of the day like she said that shit and she did that shit but it is really hard to judge a fight between two people when you didn't see the fight you know their roommates obviously had an argument in the bedroom and this is just me being devil's advocate even though victoria is definitely crazy when she confronted um marianne is that her name yeah when she confronted marian mary anne actually apologized and if you didn't do anything wrong why would you apologize that's true i was like is she canadian because she was like sorry and then i was like what is she sorry for is yeah i'm like don't be a wussy like you didn't do anything so now i'm like well you know what we didn't see the scene i'm just trying to be fair you know

we didn't see the scene and this girl did apologize but all the other evidence the circumstantial evidence against the people versus victoria is not looking good like she's truly insufferable but do you think she's playing a role to like get attention on tv because Because this is another reason why I don't feel as bad sending out all my bitchy tweets because I went to her Instagram and I watched her story. And she's like reposting people like say things about her. Like she's like reposting. She's almost like embracing the role.

She turns off all mean comments. Yeah. Only ones that like refer to as the queen she keeps. And I'm like, is this a fun game for her? Because I'll keep playing. Well, it's a really interesting strategy because obviously there's wonderful outcomes that can come. from being on the show. And the longer you stay on the show,

the more opportunities there are going to be, the more Instagram followers. And I think that this is the most cast season yet. They have like 30 girls. It's really hard to stick out. And this is one way of doing it. I think she took like the Corinne method and took it way too far.

Because Corinne, say what you want about her. And I loved her. She was never really mean. She was crazy, but she wasn't mean. So I think Victoria saw the success. Corinne, like blew up. She went on Ellen. Like everyone loved her.

And she only came in fourth place. Like Corinne had a real life after the show, even though she didn't win because she was memorable. And I think Victoria is taking that strategy like a little too, like seriously and taking it too far. But she just wants to be remembered. And honestly, I think that if it weren't for that, she might have been sent home already. And she knows what's on the table. And she wants the followers. I agree.

I think that's also why she wore the dress. People are going to talk about this. Explain to me your tweets about the dress. Oh. What's your theory? Well, my theory is because. I fell for an Instagram ad once. I remember.

And I was like, okay, that's, you know, that there's a dress that looks super cute on these models on Instagram. So I'll probably look like that if I wear it. And then you get it and you're like, oh, this was definitely just like hand stitched by somebody in high school and home at class. And like, somehow it made its way to my house. But that's what I think happened to her because I found the dress. and it looks so beautiful on this model

and it just wasn't working for Victoria and I hate to say that because I feel like a mean girl I also feel like in general the outfits and the fashion have really been elevated this season because we're in the midst we're in the presence of like fashion royalty with Kit being Cynthia Rowley's daughter

which is something I'll truly never really understand wait who is this kit the blonde girl is whose daughter Cynthia Rowley who's that I'm like she's like a huge fashion designer like kit is a socialite she's loaded like she had 25,000 Instagram followers before this she watched the season premiere with a bunch of celebrities like she runs in a fabulous circle of people I don't know why she went on the bachelor or the bachelor like I don't know what she wanted to gain from it true love good one I like that that's good

thanks I'm here on night that's just so I didn't know that and I of course I don't know anything about fashion. I'm wearing a fucking Bill's shirt right now. I actually think that's the coolest sweater. I was just watching your Instagram stories. It is a really cool sweater. I love it. But I've never like been into like high end fashion. Me neither. I know that I know that that dress, Victoria was wearing was was not, um, supposed to go with that bra. Oh, no, of course. And her wedding dress, her bra was sticking out too. She was like two for two. And that's just one of my pet peeves, like when people's bras stick out. Like they make so many different types of bras. please anyone go back and absolutely destroy me, grill me, roast me, because my fashion was

atrocious when I was on The Bachelor. So I'm not saying I was any better. I'm just, I just have some questions. Yeah, but no, I feel you. Like, I definitely feel like in the last few years, the way I talk about The Bachelor, like, I used to just like say crazy things, like mean things too. And these are like real people. And I think maybe it was like becoming friends with you and like other people from

matronation that kind of like softened me up i'm like you can't be such a bitch like you have like you have to filter yourself i know and i i keep thinking because every time there's someone i don't like i didn't like ben it and then i had him on my podcast and i was like oh my gosh he is like such a sweety pie a hundred per cent so misunderstood yes i have had that as well people come on the podcast and i'm like you are a delight like margaret you know margaret josephs of new jersey no she's a queen and she came on her first season and i just like literally hated her so much like with a passion and then she came on the show and she was one of this like this literally an angel like she's one of like my best friends now like she's an angel and it's just like crazy how of course

we all know you know reality tv is manipulated but to see it in real person versus real life and you feel awkward and you feel bad i i do like i kind of lost a little bit of sleep about it last night because i was like i was really ripping on her and i don't usually do that i usually give everybody the benefit of the doubt while watching that show and I was just like just going nuts because it was so easy but she's making it really hard yeah I know I know and I know and I just want to know know all sides of the stories but then at the same time I'm like this this is why people watch the show but I hope people are watching knowing like there's always got to be someone like don't be too hard on her where you're like I like sending her death threats like yeah you know what I mean

like well that's like you know the perfect example is like Olivia caridi because she was yeah really villainized and then you meet her in real life she's so quiet and almost like a little nerdy and sweet and it's like you are not this girl like it's shocking and i think like what bacheloration how they treated her like really set a precedent for like moving forward like to be nicer because she got like the worst of it she really did and it and she suffered very badly from it And that's why I almost hope that Victoria is like in on this joke. Yeah. Because she seems to be really running with it.

And it makes me feel better because I do worry about people's mental health when they come off any kind of TV show. Yep. Because we all struggle with demons. Yeah. And when you go on a show like that and all of a sudden you go from surrounding yourself with the people who don't make you feel like you're the worst to America hating you, it can do it take its toll on your mental health and then you can just go into a spiral. And it happens literally overnight. overnight yeah absolutely so i hope i hope um i don't think she listens but i did see that i think she watched my instagram story and i think that's why i lost some sleep last night oh god that's

terrible i know i know do you think i should like message her and be like jk jk um honestly just leave it a little like just let it go because then i'm like well what if she's awful next week and i'm right you're like dmming with her yeah i can't do that yeah i can't do that all right binos i'm here to ask you the question we all know I ask every podcast, and that is, do you own or rent your own home? I'm sure you do, and I bet it can be hard work, but you know it's easy? Bundling policies with GEICO. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowners or renter's insurance along with your auto policy. And it's a good thing, too, because you already have so much to do around your home. Go to GEICO.com, get a quote, and see how much you could save. It's GEICO easy. Visit

guyco.com today that's guyco.com you're listening to off the vine race therapy okay i'm trying to think i'm like that basically was the victoria show like not a lot to read that because it was just for me as the president of the brie fan club last night was a great episode for me because i love brey and we got a one-on-one with bray and i think she's the most gorgeous girl like i've ever seen in my life like beauty that's just not really real like it's crazy and i thought they had such great chemistry you know talking about their backgrounds and like the similarities between like how they were brought up and how they like always gravitated towards their friends with big families and they can't wait to create their own

family i just thought it was like so sweet and so real and i love her i i have a feeling she goes very far i don't know the ending i would never spoil it um yeah i have a feeling she goes very far but i have a feeling matt doesn't pick her i don't know why that's just my feeling yeah i i i i think she goes very far. I'm a very big fan of her. I think she is just like this like classical, beautiful, like strong woman who just doesn't even like know that she has a light shining in from the heavens on her at all times. That is so well said. Yeah, thank you. I love her. Yeah, I do too. Who else are your like favorites right now? Love Rachel. Ben calls her Cammy Mendez because she looks just like Cammy Mendez from Riverdale. I think she's gorgeous. She didn't get a lot of airtime

last night but she was definitely a star on the first episode wait i'm blanking on who that one is she is kind of thick eyebrows she was on the group date and she got sent home and she was like so bummed not home back to like the mansion she was so bummed that her team didn't win what's her name rachel r a c h a e l oh wow curveball she's so pretty and jimmy camel i think predicted her as like one of the winners oh really like one of his top three um bachelor okay and then who is the other girl that oh sarah was um i mean who didn't love her after that episode and i was like don't show her having a panic attack at the end because that was genuine and we all know that like if we don't see an ambulance it's like oh that's it's not really a true bachelor season without an

ambulance i know i felt like her pain was so real and i've actually like had a panic attack before and it's so fucking scary and when matt came over i honestly wanted to like tell him go away like she needs to be like she doesn't want to be seen like this like it's very dark when you're in a panic attack like you need to be around people who are really make you feel safe and i would just honestly want to matt to go away because like she's probably like now even having more anxiety because she's like embarrassed at this guy she's trying to date like seeing her having a panic attack and it was just honestly the whole thing gave me anxiety it gave me anxiety too i felt so terrible because i put myself in her shoes and i just keep going like

i just want to be either no i actually always want to be alone if i have a panic attack or if i'm like i want nobody to be around me i don't want anyone touching me i don't want anyone to ask are you okay because that that triggers me and even more if someone says are you like telling you to breathe like you breathe shut up I hate that you can't know that's actually the whole problem is I can't I hate that I hate one piece it's like when you're crying in someone or if you're about to cry and then they're like are you okay you're going to start bawling it makes you cry more because now you embarrass me yeah exactly oh well I hope I mean I'm sure she's okay but I hope that she like wasn't too badly affected by that because that is scary she's cute i really liked her on her date um she was wearing a lot of makeup and when she went to kiss matt he pulled out and his nose was covered in foundation it was so funny that's like a real problem i can relate to that that actually was funny i didn't notice but i saw a tic talk about it me too i was like oh damn that totally happens to me anytime i like well i mean now it's always

jason's shirt but anytime i was um like with bachelorette or do i would always be like awkwardly hugging people because I don't want to get makeup all over them. Yeah. And it is a real thing. You know, logistically, I did have a question about that. Like in terms of wearing lipstick and like shiny sticky lip gloss, what was that was not a thing, right? As the Bacheloret. You should have seen I wore on my one on one date with Chris Souls with Jimmy Kimmel. I wore bright red lipstick and had freaking he had red all over his face. And I don't know why I thought that was a good idea. No, that's not a good idea. But I always wonder, because I never see anyone wearing, like, really shiny gloss. But that must be like a logistical detail.

It's probably learned from me. Yeah. Like, don't do what Caitlin did back five years ago. I feel like they learned a lot from you. I like to think so, but. 100%. You were one of my favorite bacheloretts. Like, honestly, because, and you know what, whenever we recap on the podcast and I talk about, my favorite thing is when people are on dates and they're just not feeling it. And they stop the date and they're like, know what, nothing against you. I don't want to waste your time. You have a family. You have a job. Like, I'm going to send you home because I don't want to waste your time. I know it feels maybe a little

mean in the moment, but it's honestly the most respectful thing you could do, just like not wasting people's time. And you did that on multiple occasions. And it's honestly one of my favorite things. And I started to see other people who do it. But when you did it, I was like, yeah, send him home, bitch. You know what's funny is I'll never forget sitting at a fireplace sending Clint home. And Bennett, my main producer was behind Clint going, no, do you bring home? him and I was like okay got it and then I looked him I was like I can I walk you out no you can always tell when the lead is listening to the producers and when the lead is not listening to the producers and it's always more interesting when they don't that's why it's that's why it's interesting watching Matt because he's like a deer in headlights in as the bachelor but also doing a really really great job for being so um new but because he is well spoken and he's really sweet and it's like he's kind of quirky and like doesn't really get it and I kind of like that yeah well he's like a little too nice like when marianne was like in uh at the at the row at the row ceremony cocktail party before she got into the fight with uh victoria she was like i don't know i just feel like you

don't want me here and it's like well obviously not because you didn't get a date like it just it was just like it was just like you're just like i felt the same way i was like there's 30 other girls he doesn't even and then the orchid thing he brought an orchid i'm like oh he remember that was your favorite flower he pulled that orchid out of the production warehouse with all the props like it was a last minute thing i just felt like that was such a lame thing to say it's like you're one of 30 girls like so many girls don't feel like matt even remembers their name it's a night too like it just bothered me a lot yeah i didn't like it was it was too um like you got to you got to you got to play the game a little bit like you know even if you're feeling wildly

insecure because all of you will be it's that's the nature of the show you got to play it cool the first couple weeks because you are one of many she showed her cards too soon. Yeah, it was, it was very unfortunate. But I will say I'm excited that the hot tubs are back because I really miss them in Lakeita. Now, let me ask you something about Lakeinta, because to me, Lequinta was such a dark place, like, you know, emotionally for everyone. And in terms of budget, it was incredibly low budget. I mean, the taxi date made out of cardboard. Like, it was just pathetic. And now we're at Neiman, which is sickeningly gorgeous and there's planes and ATVs and hot tubs in the middle of nowhere, fireworks. The production value and the budget seemed to be like a huge

disparity. Well, yeah, because they saved it all from Lakita. Yeah. Oh, right. Okay, so now they have more money is what you're saying. Because they saved. Yeah, they're like, well, we didn't travel. We didn't have any, like, it was like they had no budget. They had Chris Harrison, like, running around doing everything. Like on a horse. Yeah. It was, it felt very low budget. I was like, this is weird. And then, like, even the way that like, Tasia rolled up. to Lakinta like in the pool where it's like Matt rolled up in like a G-wagon and then a red Corvette Corvette Corvette how been a motherfucker oh love that dance don't get me started don't get me started that is like okay but after boo bitch I'm a ghost like I was so hooked on that for so long

me too and I was like sweating doing it and I'm like oh bitch I'm a ghost like I didn't know I didn't see the tutorial on how to do it so I just like have you know what's funny oh my gosh i got to show you this this is good the the thing about tic-tok is like they oh there's a tutorial for everything it's so helpful there is a tutorial for everything look how many drafts i have oh my god how many drafts do you have total oh um let me see how many i have oh wow i have one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen okay kately it says it on your on your profile it'll say in the top left drafts colon Oh, 15.

I have 81. Oh my gosh. Will they ever see the light of day? No, because, you know, I love to sing on my TikTok. I think I have like the most amazing voice when I have like a pretty average voice. But I'll perfect it. I will perfect it 100 times. But I keep the ones that are like drafts because I like to watch myself singing late

at night. I do that too. But then I get embarrassed when it's the dancing ones because I'm like, I'm better than that. Yeah, no, but you're a good dancer. So honestly, your TikTok is fire. What I've learned about myself in the last year. is that I don't think I'm a very good dancer. Like, I have rhythm, but technically, like,

I just can't get the moves. Also, the moves that are choreographed in TikTok dances are not real dance moves. No, they're not. They're like, they're like back in our day. Yeah, no, like, I went to dance class. Like, I know potabouret, kickball change. Like, I know the real dance. These are not dance moves. They're body rolls. Yeah, they're body rolls. And is the woe still a thing?

Because I'm not over it yet. I can't do it. Yeah. No, that was really good. it's so hard oh my god you look crazy that was so funny like why did I hesitate it for so long I was like it's really a hard dancing

like you don't ever look stupid not look stupid it's true and nobody ever has like Justin Bieber actually looks pretty good doing it though some people on TikTok and those are the ones who made it really far mastered the art of the woe that's they should do a tutorial for me on that um what else did anything else stand up uh stand to you on this episode or was it i mean i feel like we hit all the points yeah i feel like it was it was a good episode it was pretty standard um yeah you know very standard for a week too yeah

matt is very perfect like he's just does everything right eyes open oh yes i did notice that quite a few times and it's like not like an eyes wide open that would be really terrible but it's like a, he's like, pekin. Yeah. Yes. So he's like perfect, which isn't always entertaining to watch. Right. But I think the girls are, you know, really making up for it.

They're a wild bunch. They really are a wild bunch. We're definitely going back to the like original format of the show with the immaturity level. Yeah. And I've always felt like, you know, there's two shows that we're watching. One is like the entertainment silliness with the gimmicky editing. And then there's really like the love story. and I hope we definitely have the gimmicky.

I hope we get the love story. I totally agree because the only reason I put up with a gimmick is because I'm like, okay, this is just all the fun bullshit we have to get through to get to the real love story. And I really want to see a love story out of every season. Me too. Hardcore. Yeah. Do you, okay, I have two options for you. To wrap this up, we can either play a game or if you have a really good confession,

you can tell me that. Okay, I have a confession because I was asked to prepare one. And unlike myself in high school, I did my actual homework. Good for you. Look at you, Regina George, growing up. I actually, I've done your podcast before and I'm always afraid of repeating my confessions. And I know I've already told one, so I'm not going to say it, but I, this is more of like a general.

It's not necessarily like an incident, but like we talked about in the beginning of the podcast, part of growing up is owning yourself 100%, the good parts and the bad parts. And one of my bad parts that I used to be kind of embarrassed about, but now I'm just like starting to own it. I don't know if it's one of those things like you should own, but I am. Okay. And that is that I love to pick my nose. Okay. I do.

Not in public. Not in public. Well, no, of course not. But all the time, like, do you like, okay. You like it because it's satisfying? No. No, no, no. Oh, I like it because I'm a human being who's nose produces like all this stuff.

And blowing my nose is a decent option. But it's worth mentioning that blowing your nose, like, doesn't get into the nooks and crannies. And sometimes you just have to go up with your finger. And of course, you should wash your hand after and always have a tissue nearby. But I just think, like, the stigma behind, like, pigging and nose is gross. And, like, you didn't do it past kindergarten. Like, I know plenty of adults who pick their nose. And I want to know.

Everyone picks their nose. Everyone pees in the shower. Yep. You either pick your nose or you're a liar. I could not agree. more some people take it to the next level by having like booger walls which i do i mean i've got a bugger graveyard under my seat my car i don't have a car but if i did i would have one that's where they would go no like that's that's honest and i really appreciate you not making me feel weird about it

no i won't make you feel weird about any confession that's my job here as the host to to comfort you when you come to me with really embarrassing stories reverend bristro it's it's really tough to pick your nose with nails like this. That's tough. Yeah, because you don't get in the nucks and crannies like you mentioned earlier. But if you have nails that are too long or sharp, that can be destructive as well. Yeah, you can really do some damage on your nasal hole. Tunnel. Yeah.

Nostril. Well, that's good. You know what? I respect you for your honesty. And thank you for sharing that with all of us. And I'm sure that other fellow nose pickers from the community will reach out. Yes, off the viner's who pick their nose. Please, you're not alone.

Reach out if you need help. Yeah, we're here for you. Just don't do it in public. No, please, nobody, everybody knows that. That's sick. Okay, I know I have a bugger graveyard, but like not where people can see you. Like, you got to be flying on a highway with no one around. I was just going to say, like, if you are stuck in traffic or at a red light, do not pick your nose.

People are looking inside your car. They're always looking. but at 80 on a highway no one can see you yeah exactly you got to know got to know the right time um thank you so much for coming on the podcast i always just i could talk to you for hours and hours because it's just so fun and it like it's such a good way to end my day i had a very busy day this morning i did all this press in canada i did like nine no more i think 12 back-to-back interviews on different radio stations Canadian queen yeah i love doing my my Canadian press about was so tired after. And then I got like some sort of burst of energy. I think because I tried to have

so much coffee in the morning that I started organizing my whole house and like cleaned out my fridge and was just going to town. And then I was like, oh my gosh, I have to podcast. And then I was like, wow, this is a really pleasant way to end my day. It just felt so productive. And I'm ending it on such a high note. I love you. Thank you for having me on your podcast to let me shell my book, girl with no job.com slash book available anywhere books are sold, the audio, ebook and print versions. Oh, and if you buy the print version, there's a little photo insert with pictures of me that I mentioned, like moments reference in the book. So I really like the hardcover, but whatever floats your boat.

And Caitlin, you'll be getting a copy to your house soon. Can I get the picture kind? Of course. Okay. I really want the picture kind. I was going to say tell everybody where, but you did your whole spiel and tell everybody else about. I don't need to be told. Tell everyone else where they could buy you on Instagram, on podcast, on everything that you're doing otherwise.

So I do a daily podcast Monday through Friday on YouTube and anywhere. you can get your podcast called The Morning Toast, Toasted with me and my sister, pop culture, Bachelor, Reality TV Recaps, everything of the sort. And I'm Girl With No Job. You can follow me anywhere that floats your boat at Girl With No Job. I love it. Thank you so much. And let's talk soon. Maybe another Bachelor recap in our future. I would love that. Love you. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Tune in to hear new minisodes every Thursday. and check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday exclusively on Podcast1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

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