Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Cobb's Comedy Club take 2 with Bri Cook

Episode Date: January 10, 2019

This week Kaitlyn and her BFF Bri Cook recapture the magic of the lost Live Show from Cobb's Comedy Club. Join in the fun as they share stories from their youth, play some fun games, and address some of the juicy rumors surrounding Kaitlyn. Liquid IV - Visit Liquid-IV.com and enter code VINE for 20% off your order Quip - Go to GetQuip.com/VINE to get your first refill pack free See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. And Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. We're on with OTV. Podcast One presents Off the Vine, Grace Therapy. Caitlin Bristow's going to answer your questions. Drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more. Here's Caitlin.

Welcome to Grave Therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Deep dragon breath. You have to stick your tongue out. Oh, is that out of dragon breaths? Yes, that's what I teach my four-year-old in preschool. Do they laugh? Yeah, they always laugh, but it calms them down.

Oh. So pro tip, if you have a preschooler. Okay. Pre-K. Yeah. We're going to be doing a lot of pros and cons, apparently, this podcast. Yeah, that was your first pro. Also, we need to introduce you. Bree is back on the podcast.

It's been a hot minute. Oh, hello. It's been a dragon breath minute. It's been a long as dragon breath since I've been here. Oh, I looked the mic and I didn't mean to. Before we start, I actually brought a really nice bottle of wine. No. Oh, no.

What did you get? this. Yeah. Where did you? It's a yellow tail. Cabernet, Savillon. Where did this come from? How did you sneak this in? Well, I pretended I drank it the other night. So we got to tell the story. Because we definitely have to tell it now. So I was just home over the holiday season. And my, my dad bless his beautiful, beautiful heart. Beautiful. His beautiful soul. And his one, two, three, four, five, six abs. He's ripped. My dad's ripped. Caitlin just found it her dad is ripped. I knew my dad was jacked, but like I didn't know how jacked until he was like showing me his like that sounds weird, but let me start over here. He was just showing you something in his arm. Yeah, like something happened to my arm and then he lifted up his shirt and I was like, dad.

And then she told the story and he went, am I attracted to your dad? Bree, not me. And I said that. And I said, dad, have you had a carb since 2004 or is this what we're working with here? Okay. So here's what happened. Circle back. So I went home for the holidays and my dad has not had a sip of alcohol in 30 years.

Yes. And he, it was a choice. So 25 years ago, I'm not good at math. 30. But 20, okay. So he was sober on his own for five years. He just decided to stop drinking. Yes.

And then after five years, he was like, you know what I'm going to go to, um, AA meetings and, and be a mentor for other people and help other people. And he hasn't missed a Monday meeting. since I know I love that about him he's such a gem and he knows that I like wine and he's not like Caitlin you shouldn't be drinking because he spends a lot of time around me he knows I don't have a drinking problem he doesn't judge and he wants to be a good host so when you come over he buys wine he knows I just like to have wine with dinner he's a provider yes and he's a provider yes and he's a gentleman and a scholar and a gem and just but that's just a terrible terrible

somelier so I go The worst wine picker. The worst wine picker in the week. Oh, no. Is Yellowtail getting mad at us? Well, you know what? Sorry. You know, it's not, it's not that we're dissing it. It's just that we're better than that.

It's just that deep down we are. It's that, you know what? I loved Yellowtail when I was 18. Yes, 18. And that's what your dad remembers. And that's what my dad remembers. So he goes, Kate. I did something that I haven't done in a long time.

And I said, oh boy, what happened? And he goes, I, I went to the liquor. store. And I said, oh, okay. And he goes, I wanted you to have wine when you came to stay with me. And so he said, you know, and I remembered what you like. And I got you a yellow tail, 2017, shraz, and a cabsav. And I said, wow, dad, in my head, I'm going, oh, that is actually so cute because that wine, I just, I'm over it. My palate has gotten a little more, um, beginner wine, but thank you very much. What do they say when your palette's a little more, um, refined? Oh, I was going to say advanced, But advanced, refined.

And so he gave this two bottles of Yellowtail to me. And in my head, I'm going, well, I'm not going to drink it. But the gesture, yeah, you know. And so then I go to podcast with my sister. And I'm going to drive there by myself. And I'm like, Dad, do you mind if I take your vehicle? I'm going to drive to Haley's and we're going to podcast. And he goes, well, let me drive you.

And I said, oh, no, Kate. I'll drive you. I'll drive you. And I said, okay, but do you mind if we stop at a liquor store, I'm going to pick up a bottle of wine before I get to Haley's. And he goes, well, I got two bottles of Yellowtail. Well, why would you? Because I bought these two fabulous bottles of wine.

And then I'm like, okay, well, I guess that's the wine I'm drinking. So I put a bottle of yellow tail in my bag and off we go. I get to Haley's house and we ended up going to get another bottle. And so I had the yellow tail ball in my, in my podcasting bag. Then Brie drives from Calgary to Edmonton to spend some time over the holidays with my family and have dinner. And we had a little Adduke, Alberta. night and I go brie she texts me on the way can you please stop by a liquor store you have to get some wine because my dad only bought yellow tail it's so cute but like please we can't so then i go

and i get three nice bottles nice bottles it was in the italy section the front section the spain section yeah and then i get there and i was like hey i bought these wines and then your dad goes oh well this one's already open because he had old because he opened a bottle of yellow tail for me for dinner and I was like so he poured you a glass me a glass yeah and then um we were like hey we're not going to get out of this wine unless we leave the house right so then we were like let's go out yeah so we can like not have to finish this my stomach was hurting yeah I felt a little sick it felt like I was drinking vinegar and you know what again this is we just we're in our 30s now we've got a more refined house okay anyway and then and then um

So the next day we wake up in the morning And we're like, Kayla, let's drive back to Calgary Because now we're in Calgary, we're at my house And you're going to fly out of Calgary tomorrow And we pack, Kateleine does not pack light. Oh my God. Never. She has one huge suitcase The size of this desk.

And you can't see the desk, but think of a desk And think of a suitcase that size And then add two more suitcase to this. We almost couldn't fit all the stuff in the car. So we finally pack, we shove like Tetris style all this all your suitcases in the car and then your dad goes don't forget the yellow and it was a half open bottle of wine from like as much as we could possibly drink out of the bottles because we'll just throw it out because he doesn't drink and little does he know we threw it out

and then you somehow just surprised me with another bottle that must have been in your podcasting bag from before it was i was like how'd you sneak this into the house yeah yeah it was uh let you into the house Who let you back in? Hey, who let you bring a yellow tail into my house? But we also have a grey monk chardonnay. People always ask me, what's your favorite wine? And they're always from BC and nobody in the States can get back. Well, we've got to Grey Monk together.

It's the best winery in the Okinaugan. It's such a beautiful winery. And the food. Oh, my God. The Shikudery board with the cheese plate. All the rosal. All the rosal. The chikida cheese pot.

That's our wine. Okay, we have a few of those. Okay, so let's, let's, what are we doing? Okay, what are we doing here is, okay, later we're going to get to the pros and cons of getting older because, oh, that ain't no cork. That's a screwed up. Yeah. Get it, girl. For the go, go, go.

Go. Go. I'm a professional voiceover artist. Cheers. That sounded like a. It was not expensive, but it is. Oh, we can do better. You're holding it wrong.

Oh, yeah. That was depth. That was depth. That's the stuff. Dreams are made of. Use it first. Guys, if you are like me, you're going to try and drink more water this year. Well, good luck to you.

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Everybody was like, why didn't you air the podcast with Brie? Because the sound quality was so shit. She sent me a clip and it was like the devil was speaking. It was nobody's fault. It was just terrible quality and it was like a sound. Something weird happened. But for a while we felt like, okay, well, we still,

that moment still exists. Yeah, it was a missed opportunity. And we shared it with the whole room. And remember how we thought the room was so small. And then later, like so much later into the podcast, we realized there was a balcony and we're like, Oh my God, there's so many more people here than we were really going off because we thought it was a smaller venue. This is so intimate.

Just kidding. What? The funniest part was when we're like taking the Uber to the venue and you're like, oh my God, Brie, I can't believe like all these people like this sold out so fast. Like all these people are here from me and like, why did they even like me? This is like what? I can't believe this is my life. I'm so grateful. This is so awesome.

and we roll up and your name spelled wrong on the marquee? It really took me down a notch. Yeah, we're like a douche. And then I called the vent. You're like, wait, there's people lining up outside. I can't just like walk in the front door. So I called the marquee or I called the place and I was like, hello. I'm Caitlin Bristow's agent.

First of all, first of all, who spelled her name wrong? I've got a couple concerns here. And they were like, we're going to fix that right away. What else? And I'm like, how do we get in? Yeah. Numeral two. They're like, how do we get in the building?

They're like, go in the back, Ellie. And you see all those garbage cans? Yeah, right there. Go through the garbage cans. So two things brought us down a notch. We're like, okay. Yeah. I really, I was like, okay.

Stay humble, Caitlin. So then we got there and you're like, the one thing you had to do is bring the podcast equipment. And you're like, oh my God, I forgot it. So then I had to run back to the hotel and get it. And then it was probably me. Like, I was like, I grabbed you. I probably like, I was like, I grabbed it.

I probably like, I screwed with the setting. I screwed it. I screwed it. I poached it. And then it sounded like the devil giving birth. Yeah. So we're going to recap this podcast that we did together.

Like as much as we can remember from our notes. Because it was so good and we're going to call the San Fran 2.0. Yes. And we, I do remember a lot of times in the podcast we sang. We did. Like, if you're going. to San Francisco and everyone there was like oh yeah they were like we we hear that all the time okay so one of the first things we did in San Fran well first we recapped our adventures yeah we did have a few

of those yeah so we saw the full house house shu-da-ba-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ba-da-ha we check pictures in further that's the first thing we did we're like full host oh so yeah we did straight at Mrs. Doubt Firehouse. Oh, and we went to the Mrs. Doubt Firehouse. R.I.P. Robin Williams. But we were so taken aback by all the passive-aggressive signs. At the full house, they're like, there are neighbors here. They hear it. We hear you all day.

Yeah, we get it. You like full house. We get it. But keep your voice down. Yes. And so we were like, let's take a picture on the steps. We were just trying to be like, we were very respectful. We were very respectful. Then some lady jog by

And we were like, can we take your picture? Oh yeah For you want us to take those. Why, that is true. Yeah, it was so aggressive. And then it, then when we post the pictures, everyone's like, what are all those signs? Anyway, they ruin the photo. We love full house.

And. And, Mrs. Del Fireball. Oh, and, oh my God, and Mrs. Delft. And Fuller House. You've a, you've a, you've a denied the doubt five. I thought you're going to be like, you have a vagina. And I was like, yes, I do. go on and i have a vagina and we vote and you virginia doubtfire dear you have to never okay no you got this

oh scrooge you've had too many what's her name i have had too many shardine this is so weird this is usually nailed this i nailed this you've got you got this and take three uva genia doubt fair dear oh used to be what i used to be what Okay, I can't do it anymore. It was a drive-by fruiting. Yes, it was a run-by fruiting. Oh, run-by. Well, we screwed that up.

Okay, so we did. It's relatable. When you screwed something up, it's relatable. When you nail the Mrs. Delfire accent, it's like, but the whole crowd cheered. In Sanfran, they cheered. Yeah, well, that's, you know. Do you remember how he came out on stage?

Yeah, we blew that, too. So our theme song together is, Who Let the Dogs Out? who oh controversial we found out that who led the dogs out lyrics are not they are not who let the dogs out whom whom whom whom they're actually who I don't believe that no okay isn't that isn't like it correct to say whom whom whom okay but it's not we thought it was who let the dogs out who who who who who like who did this but they're woof but we found out it's actually woof woof but they're like it's not like actually like woof woof okay but i i figured it out because

like the confession early but i googled the lyrics because you tweeted something about who let the dogs i'm like oh i'm going to come back at her with some lyrics i'm like well i better not screw those up that's our theme song so then i was like what does that say? Woof, woof, woof, woof. Yeah.

So I said, did you know it's woof, woof, woof, and not who, who, who, who. And so you retweeted it and so many people,

actually it was about 50-50, but so many people came at me and went, you didn't know it was woof, woof, woof, you absolute idiot. Yeah,

and then, yeah, you were awesome, Lee horrible, go kill yourself. Yes. So many people wanted me to die for not knowing it was,

yeah, welcome to death threats of the Instagram, of the Instagram, the internet i was like what i get what it's like to be kate on a small scale uh but oh i was like it became the the same kind of controversy as if people like pineapple on their pizza like for people to know the lyrics by the way do you like pineapple on your pizza who cares i do you know kate you know what i care listen i hear a little bit i have two strong opinions

i don't personally love pineapple on my pizza but i'm not going to stop someone who thinks pineapple belongs on pizza if that's what you like you deserve to put whatever you like on pizza yeah i like red onions on my pizza love red onions i love spinach on my pizza love sprigula love it i love bocincini on my pizza so like i don't want anyone fighting me for what i like on my pizza so i'm not gonna take it's a very great area of what's weird on your pizza you do you and your own pizza yeah and then my other thing is about die hard oh yeah here we go if if that's a christmas movie to you yeah it's a christmas movie to you I don't care what Bruce Willis said. I don't care what your neighbor thinks or your best friend thinks.

If that's a Christmas movie to you, then it's a Christmas movie. That's your Christmas movie. And by the way, to me, it's a Christmas movie, but it doesn't matter what I think. And I've said it before and I'll say it again. Elf, I don't care if it's a Christmas movie or not. I watch it in March, April, May, June, July.

Exactly. So is it a Christmas movie? It's good all year. Home alone? Why do I only watch it in December? I don't. Good all year. Every day.

Every month. The father. I'd like a. extra large bed and one of those mini fridges you could open with a key credit card you got it you know what Peter McAllister the father when I first got Snapchat and when you could first do slow motion videos yes I would do remember that I would do that just wait watch this oh you're going to go back to it no watch oh hello this is Mr. McAllister the father I'd like a extra extra large oh i screwed it up who cares credit card you got it now listen okay five four three

two five oh this is me for my gosh you the father yes it's like uh extra large oh sorry credit card you got it so yeah okay yeah i remember that oh well replay who uses that anymore um remember when we went on me on a snapchat tangent and everyone went you didn't finish the tangent no in one of our last podcast i was like oh snapchat's really grunted my gears because and we forgot yeah circle back because that's what i do well i remember i remember i just we did we just touch toes no we did i try to avoid it and now we're playing the footsies I just remember they changed the format And never went back

And I've been Off it for so long I'm pretty loyal to Instagram But I'm never mad at Snapchat Anyways But it's only Okay circle back Yeah

San Fran Okay Where were we We sang a lot of songs We screwed up our dance To who let the dogs out We actually the night before Did a

Like a choreography prep And we're like Let's come out Dancing to Who Let the dogs out And then I got like Bewildered by the ground And I missed my five six Seven, eight, and one.

Yeah. And then we actually went, oh my God, Bray screwed it up. Let's come back out. So then we made them start it over and we came up. And we did it again. And I'm just going to say because no one was,

I mean, the people who were there are great, but no one's going to fight me on this. There was a standing ovation. Yeah. Totally. That happened. Yep.

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That's your first refill pack free at G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash fine. So let's get to what we did in SanFran, the Ken You Knott Friendship Edition. Yeah, this is what it's, it's, wait, do you still have your notes or am I just reading mine? Yeah, you're just reading yours. This podcast was timeless because we did some can you not, some would you rather's. And I think later in the podcast, we're going to address some rumors too. Well, we are actually going to... This is a big pod.

Okay. Address the rumors that weren't going on in San Fran that are just going on now. Definitely. Yes. That the people, like, people have been asking about. 80% of my DMs are about these. Okay. Okay.

But first, can you not? Can you not? By the way, oh my God, are you the voice on my can you not? Okay, you know what? I know. When I voiced your can you nots, so when you are a voiceover artist, such as I Yes

such as you You don't just give them One option to choose from You give them a few takes So for your can you not I was like Can you not And then I was like

Can you not? And then I went And they didn't use that But they also changed So if you listen to your podcast It's not Can you not in my voice So changed it to a lawyer

A lawyer A lower men's voice And it sounds like Can you not? And I'm like that's me, but they lowered it. And they made it sound like someone also like, ew, Bree's voice.

But I kind of like it. Yeah, well, me too. I love when people just like make me sound like a man. Okay. Okay. So my, can you- What was our- friendship edition, right?

Yeah. To our friends. We each had, no, to each other. To each other, right, right. And we each had five. So I still have it written in my iPhone notes. And you suck. You know what?

Maybe you still have it. Can you not lose all the notes? That's a good one. Okay. So I wrote, not steal all my jokes and i said can you not be funnier than me and that everyone laughed just like adam applause and then i wrote can you not be prettier than me and the whole crowd was like they felt sorry for me they're like it's true no they went oh no you're like oh no yeah yeah

she is that's like a family guy i have to that's like a family guy i have to that's All you ever say in our friendship. It's like a family guy. Can you not know all the words to every song and outperform me? Can you not expect me to not outperform you? Yeah, that was basic it. Then I went, can you not live in a different country? Duchet with that one.

Can you not still live in Canada? Still live in Canada. Born here. Can you not be in a city that doesn't fly direct to Nashville? Well, take that up with California. Calgary, Alberta, because that is just rude. Calgary loves Nashville, and Nashville loves Calgary. We want to go back and forth, so just like make it happen.

Can you not, I wrote, can you not immediately hit send on your Insta story when we're being weird? Is that we said? Because remember that night? We went, we went, ala, alaetta, jaoletta, jaute ala, jean aloeita, plumare, plumare, and then you went, say hey. I'll say hey. we were like so weird you know what sometimes i get i get trigger happy on the send button for my instagram stories and i think i'm so funny at the time yeah and then in the morning

you go delete delete delete all my dms are like i think you've got a drinking problem kately and i said nope my dad doesn't think so so we're good here he's a professional but let me delete all of them you did delete a few and then um but when we brought that insta story everyone laughed because we were so weird the weirdest and even just last Last night, I actually went, did you have to press send when we were doing charades? I'm like, oh, cool. Oh, and I loved that one. I know.

And I was like, I don't like the way I look. Don't. Okay. So those were our Kenyanauts, friendship edition. I mean, you really, you had a lot more than me there. I carried that one. Which means you, I like you more than you like me. What?

I don't get that. I like you more than you like me because you have a bunch of Kenyanauts and I had struggled to find one. That means? that you like oh yeah okay okay okay you're like oh right it means okay yeah you're right you're right and you're right no it means I take better notes than you that's fair that's a little bit more organized tough but fair but you're still prettier than me so I'd rather be funnier and you are and it was my first one oh wait wait wait you stole all my jokes

oh yeah can you not steal all my jokes okay which I do and she does okay so then we can confess to some thing. Yeah. Wait, before the confessions. What? I told my greatest idea of all time at the podcast. You're right. I like this.

So this was, we were, we always talk. Sometimes I like to ask people how they would enter the, the mansion or like, what their limo entrance would be. Yes. Because I think that's a great question. And how would you do it? Some people are like, some people are like, I would be so in your face. I would drop F bombs.

like myself I would do this I would be so blah blah I'd be memorable and some people were like no I'm gonna go classic somebody like I wouldn't say anything somebody like I'd be too nervous yeah you had a genius idea and the reason I I wanted to share my idea is because a I'm never going on the bachelor I'm married oh right too even if it wasn't married I love how you went from a to two okay and two and B and B a two and B no remember home alone he goes A two and D. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You little trout sniffer.

But I am too old and I'm married. So this is never going to happen. Okay, fair. So my idea, and the reason I want to share it is because I want someone to steal it. And my dream was for someone to steal it for Colton season. Right. But then, like, this never aired. So I don't think anyone stole this unless they were there that night.

So whoever's the bachelor next. Okay, so whoever is the bachelor or a bachelorette next. So my idea is to like, tell the limo driver um instead of going to the mansion can you please go through the drive-thru so which one well can i say which one yeah oh mcdonalds of course of course so so the first thing that would the camera would just be my foot coming out yeah foot and then hand with my bag and what would be funny if your foot was like a chipped pedicure with like a like a a sneak or like a like a flip-flop either way like I want to look classy but the next thing that comes

out is McDonald's bag they'd have to pay for that though I know well then I could whatever it's just a bag of food okay it's fast food so then I'm gonna stroll over to him with my bag yeah and I'm gonna be like hey so I heard the first night goes on forever and that the bachelor doesn't get to eat all night even if that's not true he doesn't know it yet right He doesn't get to eat all night, and it goes into the wee hours in the morning. So I picked up a bag of nuggets, fries. Oh, I'm already turned on. Burgers.

Shakes. Oh, God. I'm like, I'm so into it. Sotas, because he's American and he says soda. Soda, not pop. Even water and salad, if that's your thing. And I didn't forget the ketchup. Oh, the milk chop.

I've got dipping. sauces, I got it all. I got it all. His mouth's gonna water. He's gonna be like, you're my girl. Yeah, that's so true. And then, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, so when you get hungry and you're sick of talking to all those girls, you can find me. And we're gonna have a cheeseburger picnic. And I'm gonna walk away, wafted in his face. And walk away. And that whole night, every time a girl talks him, he's gonna be like, I want that cheeseburger. Wow. And also, I've gotten enough to share with the girls so they'll be my friend.

Oh, so you're there to make friends too. I'm there to make friends so they don't think I'm intimidating, but I'm also going to give most of the food to him. Wow. Yeah. I'm only going to give them a little bit so they don't go to share. Like a few bag fries. Like a few bag fries.

No, I'll just like probably hand feed it to them so they can't go and share it with them. And so you feel powerful too. Yes. Yes. And they'll be like, wow, she's such a good friend. And also... And then I'll win the whole thing. Wow.

Just because of the first night. You know what? If somebody did that for me, I wouldn't be in the position I'm in today. Keating in my heart. Why was I there? I wouldn't have gone through heartbreak. I would have been happy right now.

And your tummy would be full. And my heart and my tummy would be full. So I did need to get that out because I needed someone. I need someone to take that. Just touch your foot again. Oh my God. We're totally flirting. That is genius.

And you know, it's great. Is if somebody is. in the future. If somebody listens to this or if somebody gets that idea, we're going to be like, we know what you did. We are the matchmakers of our generation. Oh, yes, because they will win. They will win. They will win. You're welcome. Quick question. Has anyone else out there been waiting for a show to come along about being in your early 20s? One that's actually like being in your early 20s, 20-ish? You know what I mean. I'm so here for Free Forum's new series called Good Trouble because it Nails being 20-ish.

It's from the creators of the also amazing series, The Foster's, so you know it's going to be good, it's gritty, it's grounded, it's sexy, the two main characters, Callie and Mariana. Adams Foster moved to L.A. after finishing college and law school and have their dreams shaken by a cold, hard dose of reality. And I mean like having your U-Haul and all your belongings stolen reality, not to mention starting their first jobs and realizing nothing is what they expected. I'm sure we can all relate to that.

I know I can. Series continues Tuesday at 8 p.m. Don't miss it. Okay. So then the second thing we did was confessions. And I did a confession that... For me. I did one for you because you didn't have one.

And I sometimes I feel like should I have said this? Like, I didn't know if you were mad at me after. One? Because it was like kind of... Illegal? well it's sad almost what i did yeah so should i say i mean yeah you can say it it's something i'm definitely not proud of and but at the same time but but karma comes around yeah lessons in the story lessons were learned there's um some enemies become friends some frenemies because

wait wait um her feet are up right she put her feet up on the desk she's chilling out relaxing I'm punching, crunching some numbers on this, uh, this calculator. I'm going to take a picture. But here's what happened, okay? The yellow tail. This is a really embarrassing, um, a really embarrassing story. It is definitely a confession. Not your proudest moment.

I was 18 and, uh, karma got you immediately. It was one of those, like, it, it was a real riveting story where, here's what I was trying to get at. Rividing. It was riveting. There was a beginning, middle, and an end. There was a plot. The reader found out the journey

Isn't always an easy one Some friends became enemies Some enemies became friends And we all learned a lesson Okay, so here we go So we quite often talk about our bar scopades And one night we were at the Iron Horse Or the, as we like to call it, the metal pony

Wait, what would you call yellow tail wine? Purple snub Yellow bum Oh sorry Red bum Yeah red bum Okay go on Okay

So we like to do that So we were at the Iron Horse Which was this huge Bar in Edmonton On White Ave Side note another time got kicked out For bringing a Mickey of vodka Into the bathroom

Because we were too cheap to buy drinks We always did that. Wow. Okay, so it doesn't exist anymore. It's something else for sure now, but it was a huge place. Anyone from Edmondton knows. It's like a beer brewery now.

Yes. I just do. On White F. My confession. Excuse me. Confession within confession. Inception. Wow.

Okay. Okay. I wish we heard it. Oh, no. Mine are always silent. Always. Come on. Always.

You're the one who, no. What? Dude, you could, you could say anything. What? The Toot and Illumina. Yeah, but that was silent. Oh, but it was over a bump.

It's always silent. You don't just like force it up when it comes out funny. No, my ex-ex boyfriend used to call me. Which one? I know all their names. Brett. He used to call it getting a flat tire all the time because it'd be like, remember. Remember when.

Oh, she's flat tire in me. Remember when you taught me about turkey farts after Thanksgiving? Yeah, because you eat turkey, you get turkey toots. Yeah, but you meant the smell. Smells like turkey? You meant like how they're deadly because I stink. Turkey toots. And I thought you meant the sound.

You thought when I tuned it after turkey, it went com, come, come. Yeah. Oh, my God. And for the longest time, I thought that was a turkey. Wait, that's why I thought your dudes were loud because I thought you did gobble gables, but I just remembered I misinterpreted a turkey dude. Wait, side, side note, a lady reached out to me on my Instagram DMs and goes, I heard your podcast with the therapist, and I'd like, like you to know that you're at Gemini and you don't like deep thoughts and then and then she said perhaps you need to explore your parents divorce a little deeper because Gemini's don't like to go deep and then

I'm like sitting here laughing over turkey tooth and I'm like uh touche you're like uh tushie okay don't you're where were I don't take okay where were we you're telling my embarrassing confession from the iron horse so we're at the iron horse and um we were So cheap back then. Like all we wanted was for people to buy us drinks. Yeah. We weren't like sluts about it. No, no, no.

But that's what we wanted. We were like classy whores. I don't know if you can say that. We weren't. But we also like, we would show up early to get cheap drinks. Like we've said that before. Yeah. So we went there and some man came up to, what are you doing?

Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah. Some man came up to us and he was like, can I buy you ladies a drink? And this guy was. And we said, can it be yellow tail? can it not can it not okay that was that was for the gram yeah it was for the ground oh now it's reverbing okay okay okay oh my god let's get back on track so my fault he goes can i buy you ladies a drink

and we were like yes and um oh my god he this was an older guy we were like 18 and I would say he could have been old enough to be our grandpa probably in a place that had a lot of younger people so we were like yeah he came up to us okay yeah So we were like, yes, you can. And then he goes to the bar and he slaps down a hundred dollar bill. But he's not looking. He wants everyone to see that he's got me and you and a hondo. And so he's looking around and he doesn't keep his hand on it.

He just puts it down for the bartender. So you look around. And you snatched it. For the state I was in, I was kind of like a con artist. Yes, he snatched it. And then the guy looked and he goes, hey, where did my money go? And then we're like, what? Weird.

I thought I won the lottery that night. Yes, we were like, oh, my God, we can retire. So then he slaps down another Honda and does the same thing. Doesn't keep his hand on it. It looks around waiting for the bartender to approach him, but the bartenders ignore us and you look around again and snatchita it again. Hey, fool you once shame on me. Will you twice shame on you?

Exactly. And then we're like, oh my God, you did it again. And then he learns his lesson, slaps down the third hondo. Clearly a drug dealer. Keeps his hand on it and looks at it, buys us and drink. And we're like, thanks, bye. And then we run to the bathroom and then you go to celebrate. You're like, yeah, I got 200.

and you're like throwing it around and I'm like making it rain all the you did you made it rain with two like slow flapping two hundred dollars and then and then you go to the bathroom come out and we're like let's go get more drinks with our 200 bucks and then you go you like feel your boobs you like feel your pants and you like look in your brain like I lost and then we spent like 20 minutes looking for the hundred dollars with somebody obviously like somebody else snatched it for sure gone so it was instant karma like stole it stole it gone gone celebrate gone but wait why isn't there more to the story i remember buying a hot dog outside later and trying to do the same thing to another guy and he was like no no you tried to steal the hot dog with a bang

and the guy was like give that man i was a cheap skate we were con artist all we cared about was like we got to get free drinks and we got to get free rides home. Or? And. A little bit am I'll start. But we, not only would we try and get free rides home, if we couldn't, we would just sleep in my sunfire in a parking lot. Wow. And we don't.

We still too soon to talk about it. So last night when your dad drove us four minutes to the Leduc bar we went to. It was very nostalgic. Ladoop has bars now. Yeah. Yeah. So we didn't have to go all the way to Edmonton. And he drove us to.

the Canadian brewhouse Which was great It was awesome But Minus the tuna He goes Remember the last time I drove you girls

Somewhere And we both went too soon Too soon And it's been 15 years And it's still too soon Because I was an asshole Of my jam of a dad And then I said

Wait which time And he goes both times We're like Too soon Because he's such a beautiful man The beautiful list You'll spend the rest of your life Making up for that

I will and I have Okay And then the other confession I told everyone in San Fran, which I threatened the first row over it. I was praying to Gord that you would tell this confession. And I didn't know if you were going to do it because before we do the podcast, you shouldn't be. And before we do the podcast, I'm always like, I don't want to know people's confessions

because I want a genuine reaction. So when you told this, I was like, A. So back then, it was June. So I was still breastfeeding. I'm not anymore. Yeah. But when I went to Sanford, it was a weekend away. So I had to like, when you're still breastfeeding, it sucks.

Being away from your kid. It sucks, but it doesn't suck. But nothing's sucking. Because no one's sucking. I had to pump while I was there. And so we went out the first night I was there. And we went in, oh, my God. We had the best oysters.

The lobster. Oh, do you remember the place? Yes, the place was so good. Oh, Rod. No, not Rodney's. I'm just trying to think for if people are in San Frandon want a place to go. Oh my God. I'll look it up.

I'll look it up. That oyster place was so good. But anyway, I got back and my boobs were like hard as rocks because I hadn't pumped. And so you didn't like understand what that was like. No. So it was like, feel my boob. And you're like, whoa, it's hard as a rock. And then I went, look what can happen.

And I squirted the milk out. And I squirted you with my milk. You did. And everyone in the place was like, oh god they were all like so grossed out and then i went shut up i'll squirt any one of you the whole front row was like oh god the front row was like no don't do it we'll laugh at your jokes the rest of the night it actually was really funny though because it did you figure out the i didn't i'll let people know it leo leo was it leo i feel like it was called leos was it i don't remember

either way i escorted you with my boob milk and i laughed harder than i've laughed in a long time so thank you for that oyster bar uh-uh really uh sacramento no we weren't in sacramento we definitely were not san francisco no i'll just say san francisco okay um yes san francisco california 9 4111-1 u s a that's got to be it oh i'll do images that's it are you trying to find it yes it's it look at the day four it is too

so on the calculator you just wrote boobs yeah I did but what I'm a Gemini and I like

deep thoughts and conversation if you really want to go deep you write boobless boobless okay okay so

the the confessions we did that was that but I think we should do some now confessions

Oh, okay. Because something happened recently. What? Oh, yeah. No, when we were talking on Marco Polo. Yeah. About Pee-Wee Herman. I finally watched.

In Netflix Canada, they just added the Pee-B-Herman Christmas special in 1980. I don't know if it's on anything else, but because I watched it in Canada. So they added Pee-We-Herman's Christmas special in 1988. It took me 30 years to realize I am a huge, huge. Pewey Herman fan. This is like the best comedian of all time. And so I mean, mine is the whole like, nothing about that. Yeah. So I went on Marco Polo to explain how great Peeby Herman was. And I was like, Caitlin, you have no idea. This was so funny. And I'm explaining it to her. But Marco Polo, Merry, Merry Christmas. Pea's Christmas. Merry Merry Christmas. Okay. So I went to explain it to you,

but it's Marco Polo. So it's not like FaceTime where you can be like, Like, I know. Yeah, so I have to wait for you to get through the whole video of explaining. You have to wait for like 20 minutes to explain how awesome Pee B. Herman Christmas special in 1988 is. And then it's your turn to talk. And I had tears. She started her Marco Polo crying.

And it was not crying from laughter. So you're like, oh, no, what's wrong? I thought it's not like, oh, is she crying from laughter? I'm like, oh, God, what, oh, frick. I'm talking about Pee B. her memory of what happened yeah it's a it's a family trigger yeah and really she was trying to get to this one funny part in in the movie where they're making Christmas cards and they're using a a potato cut in half and putting paint on the potato and making stamps and to look like candy canes

yeah and the guy goes no yeah and I made a Christmas card out of the potato Frankie and Annette yeah don't know who those people are of course I know Frankie and Annette are there yeah I'm me too. What were you born in 86? Yes. But anyways, and Peewee goes, Mm, Potitory.

And Bree thought it was so funny. And the whole time she's explaining it to me, I'm going, I know, I know you're going to say, um, pateter because that's my, since I was probably five years old,

my sister and I have watched Peewee Herman's Christmas special every single Christmas. And I don't know how I didn't know that because I guess you've just never told me. I was embarrassed. And then you, and so I had dying.

through me telling you um potatoe because i was crying and i was going this was like a christmas miracle to me that you knew what potatoe was and and my whole life i have i have made that joke every time you make potatoes every time you go um potato but nobody's understood except for my sister and then you cry and i cried because i cried over pee we herman and brie goes this has to be a confession on your podcast are you crying all about power But then even though I watched this two weeks ago, every day, some sort of potato thing has come up in my life. And my husband and I look at each other and even my sons go. Yeah, subbed it this morning.

It was worse. But so then this morning we went to Tim Horne's naturally in Canada, as we do. As you do. And we got hash browns. And I said, gosh, these aren't even greasy. They're just really a potato. And it was landed. Hey guys, every car I think we know comes with a share of stories that ding in your bumper when you nervously get picked up from a first date, the luxury package you got after a big promotion, or the mileage you saved by riding your bike all summer.

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with their 200th episode as they do what they do best. You know what it is. Spill the tea on hottest gossip. up with some great guests. Check out Lady Gang every Tuesday and Thursday on podcast one or wherever you find your favorite podcast. Now back to Off the Vine Grapeer Therapy.

So you've read up with Peeby and Hermit and then also in the car ride back from LaDuke to Calgary. Somehow you, I don't know, you were like were you plucking in the car? How did we get onto two years? Yeah.

Yeah, because I always like being outside and using the natural light to pluck hairs and then you go like oh why do i have six hairs on my chin i said i think 86 but i'm exaggerating and then i went you know i only have one chin hair and you went yeah i only have one like i was so mad i thought you're going to take the wheel and just like kill up because i wanted to just take the take the wheel and be like because i thought like i was not okay okay i remember the first time i felt my chin hair. It was two months after I turned 30 and I thought I was pregnant because I was trying

to get pregnant but I wasn't, it turns out I wasn't pregnant, but I thought I was and I went to a bachelorette party so I had to like pretend to be drinking. I had to order fake shots. I had to like get my friend to drink all the real drinks that were given to me and she was such a trooper and she got twice as drunk. No, it was Sonia. And then I was like sitting at the table so bored. and I put my hand on my chin and I went, what's this?

I felt a little pokey. What the hell is this? And I was like, of course, I turned 30. And then I went back to the house and I plucked it. And then I started to think, should I have done that? Like, I know it's not true if you pluck a hair that it comes back thicker. Like, that's a rumor you all need to know is not true. Is it?

Yes, that's not true. But how come I pluck one and then one grows next to it? Is that a rumor? Because that seems to be a fact Girlfriend because I've only had one for two years And I don't have anymore What? It's like the more I pluck the more I grow No no no no no no

Well then what's wrong with me Well we'll talk about that later Am I producing too much testosterone not enough estrogen What's going on? Listen we're talking about my chin hair Okay oh sorry so Trying to take away your pants It's special

So then I was like I plucked in I started to panic like well oh my god how am i going to know when it's come like is it going to come back i'm not going to remember where it was like oh my god what you're not so then i was like i'm going to let it grow out so i told you i kind of like letting my chin hair grow up she did and she said it to tell them what you said and i went because i'd rather know where it is than guess where it isn't and then i said and what if i plug it and like that gave me special powers she literally thinks her one chin hair gives her special powers

which means I have 86 special powers stop plugging your chin hairs they give you strength grow a beard Caitlin you should no I'll never forget I will never forget going to a restaurant

with my friend Colin and what you call G and I will never forget there's a man who had a very large mole on his chin and there was four hairs growing out of it and Colin went sick beard man that's so mean I know and I was so I mean again we were like 18 so you don't know any better but I remember thinking like you asked Kate

the thing about that and this all ties in is because when you're 18 you really don't know any better and every time someone's rude to you on Instagram I'm like they're probably so young that they think it's like cool to make fun of people totally and also like the chin hair thing. I'm like, well, that's definitely getting older. So then we talked about, and then you tweeted, um, I thought, first of all, my son was reenacting the three little pigs for us. Yeah. And he goes, snap of the hair. My chin it, chint, and then you're like, I never understood that line until I turned 30. And then I was like, tweet it. That's good. Yeah. That is good material. And then you did tweet it. And so many people related, they're like, I'm really,

this at 26 while plucking my beard and then we were like oh my god how are so people relating to our chin hairs and does anyone else think their chin hair gives them power and i told and i told brie if i ever go into a coma or if something bad happens to me to pluck your chin hairs i know and and i will and but that got us thinking about the pros and cons of getting older yes so we took it to the twitter we took it to the I'm going to say it. The twots. Yeah, the Twatskis. People twadded at us.

And we found some funny pros and cons to getting older. Oh, the last thing I just Googled was Frankie and Annette. And they were hot. Yeah. Okay. What were they? I don't know. Still are.

A duo. Oh, a singing duo. Yeah. Okay. We want to download their music right after this. Okay. So we wrote pros and cons of getting older. And someone wrote, Kayla, wrote the morning after drinking at 21.

and it's a picture of people jogging on the beach so fit and in shape the morning after drinking at 27 and it's like what's this guy's at Terrence what's his name Terrence I don't know who that is but he's got like an oxygen tank in he's a super famous actor named Terrence really god I hate myself or not remembering he's the guy from that empire show you sounded like Miranda sings are gone people are probably screaming his last name at me but anyway I'm not a message for all my heinous. I actually don't know who you're talking about. Why are you so obsessed with me?

I actually don't know. She's funny. Okay. Okay. So, um, it's him with an oxygen. Dying and sweating. It's so true, though. It's like you hit 30 and all of a sudden, like, hang over as you can't.

You can't hang anymore. Mm-mm. But I have noticed the tolerance goes way up. Like, I can drink so much more. Like, I've spent so much more on wine. Because you're probably getting not yellow tail. I know. That's boring.

I'm going to me. They're like, boom, bum, bum, bough, bong, fail horn. Go on. Price is right. Okay. Someone else wrote, Christina, wrote, needing antacids to eat pizza. And we related so hard. Yeah.

Both of us are big believers in Gaviscon. Yeah. And it's gone. I literally had to go find the Italian version of Gaviscon when I was in Italy because I'd I'm dying on. I had acid reflux for the first time. Acid reflux, if you've never felt that, it's so much worse than heartburn.

Oh, my God. There it is. You thought I was being rude, probably being on my phone, but really I was just trying to do this. Yes. Okay. I got a car.

There's an ad. Stupid ads. You've ruined the podcast. Okay. Kate Dlin wrote, pro, cake for breakfast, Khan, having to lay on the bed to zip your pants.

And I relate. to that. I ate McDonald's every single day of my high school career. We would go there for lunch all the time. It was a McKatlin cheeseburger, fries on the cheeseburger, the mayonnaise on top, dipped in sweet and sour sauce with fries and an iced tea. Yeah. And I would eat frozen McElwilinas.

We also danced seven days a week. Six or seven days a week. Yes. But I literally ate McDonald's every day of my career. Yes. So did I. You weren't cool if you didn't go to McDonald's for lunch. You weren't cool.

But now I go to McDonald's once a week. And when I do, I lay on my bed to zip up my pants. Oh, yeah. And everybody can be like, oh, Caitlin, you're so small. It doesn't matter. You haven't seen me naked. You still get the gut. I've seen you naked.

And I have the gut. Mm-hmm. Especially. How dare you? You've got the fit gut, I mean. Yeah. Okay. Marissa says, pro, you can stay up later,

a con you never want to that's so true i get so mad at my kids when they're like we don't want to go to bed oh i was facing i mean with the best thing ever sydney tonight she goes we're going to pull an all-nighter with her little cousin and i said i would actually die did you hear what i said to her i went you're not going to feel very good tomorrow you're going to get sick or when they're like why do i have to take a nap i'm like i would give her a nap why would you want to stay up all night why do kids want to pull an all-nighter i just don't want to miss anything i remember hanging out with Stacey Rikart, who Kersh and I call her Stacy long cord Rikert, because her phone in her house, the cord was so long you could walk anywhere in her

house and stay on the phone. Was it the curly guy? Yeah, the coily. Coil had like a weird, like, thing where it wouldn't go, it was like, you could go anywhere in Stacey Rikart's house. Oh, man. And my coil was so messed up from the stretching. Yeah.

Well, Stacy and I pulled an all nighter. She perfected it. And we watched Saved by the Bell all night. And why? Because I was sick the next day. I was so tired and it's like, but we felt so cool. The first time I stayed up all night

was the sleepover at Jasmine Garing's, the whole grade six girls class. Yeah. We prank called everyone in the world. And then I came to call me. Because you were in grade seven. Oh yeah, a little cooler. You weren't in the class.

It's just a little bit. Hey. Wait, we did. Anyway. I wore a shirt with a mini fridge on it that says, I'm just a little cooler. save it for the end of the podcast and then uh the next day when i went home to my parents house i sleptwalk for the first time because if you that's a thing kids do from exhaustion if they stay up

all night they're not getting enough sleep it's like a trigger for sleepwalking well my parents are like you were so weird don't do all night or don't do all nighters kids yeah you could get a sleepwalk and get arrested yeah okay sleeping is cool sleeping is so cool it's good okay okay Megan says, pro care a lot less about how I look when I'm out in public con metabolism. And we just talked about that. Emily says, all I have is a pro. Okay, this is like serious, but good quote. So I liked it.

I once saw a quote that said, don't fear getting older as it's a privilege denied to many. And it has stuck with me and completely changed my thoughts and how I view getting older. And I also try to think about that, Emily. So thank you for reminding us. That's so true. Yeah. Sarah says, bro, wiser, con, gravity. See, I love the duality of those two tweets.

It's like, it's like I could totally appreciate like life tweets. I would never change my wisdom for anything, but God, gravity does suck. Kelly goes, pro, grandbabies. And you know what? Her picture is so cute. She looks like the best grandma. And then con, my knees crack when I walk. My knees are so cracky.

Wait, I just remembered something. Me and my mom's cracky knees. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. I remember when we were at a bar in Vancouver once, and one of my buddies was, like, running the bar, and he was so drunk, and he was talking about girls' vaginas. Ew, I hate when guys talk about that, but go on. This is part of my story about how much you hated this back in the day, and this was a long time.

And he was talking about gravity with vaginas when you get older. And he was talking and talking about it, and you looked at him, and you said, do you forget we're girls? yes go me yes go 18 year old me you like you just looked at him with disgust and you said do you forget word girls i looked at you a disgust like why are you telling this go me your balls get saggy too bro you don't hear us talking about it than our flappy vaginas yeah get in dresses bro you stop caring so much about what other people think con perfect timing for the wrinkles gray hairs and female chin hairs to show up and that circled it around Mine is, um, so when I was young, I was like, well, at least I don't like chardonnay.

That's for old ladies. Yep. Guess what we're drinking. Chardonnay. Chardonnay is my jam and that's how I know I'm an old lady now. It's so true. But then the other thing was the last night when Brody and Sydney were, your niece and nephew were telling us about all the things that are cool.

Oh, yeah. I'm like pro not knowing what the kids are talking about. We're now that generation. Not knowing what the kids are talking. We are now that generation where we're like, what do you mean? Box has bite. Johnny. Oh, my God.

Barquist. Okay. I said to Sydney. Okay, so explain a fortnight. Oh, yeah. And actually, we were playing heads up. So you guys had to be doing acted out. And it was the best.

It was flossinging. And Sydney's doing the flossing dance move like the backpack kid. and you're literally flossing your teeth. That is how you know your old. Wow. That was a moment for me. It really, and I got to witness it from the outside. Yes.

And it was like, and we were so mad. We didn't get it on film. Yeah. On videotape. I still say like, Nick, can you, can you videotape? Can you tape this? I do too. Like if I mean to like hit record on the, as we say in Canada,

a pvr, but what you say in America's DBR. It's like, can you hit record it? I say, can you tape it? And he goes, oh, on the VHS. I'm like, yes. I used to want a tattoo of a cassette tape and it's set. I heard that. Ew, sorry. It's okay. Oh, my God, that just reminds

me of last night when we're sleeping in the same bed. Your misophonia and you chugged water. I chugged water. I looked at her and I go, don't wake up, do wake up. Because I was like, go, go, go. And I didn't wake up. But I wanted to a tattoo of a cassette tape that says mixtape 85 the year I was born

that's cool idea but if it was executed not it's not a cool tattoo I still like it oh you do yeah but where would you put up cassette tape doesn't flow with your bod do you remember having the VCR cleaner and it would take like four hours

to run please be kind and rewind no but the actual like liquid you had to pour in the special tape and then stick it in the VCR my parents told me My parents told me their first VCR cost like $1,200 bucks. $1,200? Like back in the day.

Did it? It cost so much money because it was such like a sick-ass technology back then. You guys don't even know. I guess we were rich. We were rich. We have to you VHS's. Okay. Okay.

What next? I'm actually mad that I didn't keep my VHS. Okay. We had these funny would you rather instead and find much we want to circle back to. You know what we should call this pod? The most random pod of all pods. And I like it because you know what? It keeps the people on their toes.

Yeah. If you're still here, here we go. If you're still with us, get a load of these. Would you rather? Would you rather? So stupid. Viginas for ears. And then I literally wrote penis for fingies.

Would you rather? Vigineskies for ears or penises for fingskies. Fingis. No, fingies. I would rather vaginas for ears because your hair can cover in. But why don't you want to show up your vagina ears? Well, if they were tight, like my little paper cut, then I'd be okay. God, you're always bragging about your paper cut.

Yeah, because my vagina looks like a paper cut. Okay, good for you. Thank you. I've had two kids, and I'm, like, pretty proud of my vagina. vagina ears. Hey, everybody should be proud of the vagina. I'm actually so proud of my vagina. Whether it looks like a paper cut or a turkey neck. It is

not a turkey. Do you not remember what girls? Okay. Hairy legs or hairy armpids? I always have hairy legs. So hairy legs. That's what you'd rather. Yeah. Huge on the butt.

My God, I wrote huge. Huge on the butt tattoo? You mean a huge tattoo on your butt or a huge butt tattoo on your face? I said we're a small butt tattoo on your face. I asked this question a lot of my podcast. Oh, you copied it. Probably.

That's what I do. I wrote huge on the butt. I would rather. Obviously huge on the butt. You don't want a small butt on your face. Yeah, like just really in the hairline. So you can't see it. A little kim garrette.

A little peach in the hairline. Okay. I said give up podcasting or Instagram, and the whole crowd went, oh, yeah. I would rather give up Instagram for sure. You're just saying that because we're on the podcast. Yeah. Hey, review and leave a comment and subscribe. Review five stars or get out of you.

Drink a shot of urine or drink the juice from the bottom of a dumpster. Yuck. Ew. Who's urine? I'm going to say, Rando. Don't answer. Who cares? Stupid. Okay. Hear chewing noises.

At least you know it's pure from the body. You don't know what's going on in the garbage. That's true. Hear chewing noises for two hours straight every day for the rest of your life or be swarmed by a flock of birds for 20 seconds a day for the rest of your life. No, it's chewing. Chewing. Oh, oh.

I said, lose your verified Twitter or verified Instagram. I'm really like, Twitter. Love you, Twitter, but bye. I said have a sex tape come out or a video of you pooping. You're like, sex. Yeah, that's my plan B. Oh. Hello.

If I, like, if, if Caitlin Bristow fades in the next three years, she's going to come out with the sex tape. Wait for it. Have a nip slip on stage or toot on stage. Toot. Yeah. I'll toot right now for all I guess. Because it's silent all the time. Yeah.

Flatter. Nick and I, my husband, always say, we wish. Toots said the name of the person who did it. It's like, brie. It was like, no, it's like, brie. Oh my God. What? That's a confession.

What? Do you have two during sex? No. Oh, God. Ew. No. What? That happens all the time.

Don't you me? Oh, just kidding. The other day, so I was getting ready in my bedroom and my kids were in there. and of course I let one rip this is me and my kids they're four and one even if they were 18 and 19 you let it rip

yeah no I like let it rip loudly I'm like I can do whatever I want yeah and then of course like five seconds later Nick walks and I'm like oh god and he goes he like points to the bathroom door he goes did you just take a dump and I went what no

because that's the truth I didn't and then he goes oh does he points to our baby does he have a stinky diaper i'm like probably but it was me wait back to stacey rickert what why i had the biggest crush on her brother chris rickert oh yeah we all did and uh i too did so many times in in uh stacey's room and her brother came home and i was like oh god no please don't come in the room please don't come in the room and he came in and i was like trying to be so cool i was like hey chris and he goes Smells like poo and he.

Should we get to the rumors? Or do we have more? I did have a couple more. Would you rather? Oh, perfect. I love them. No. No.

Oh. It can't. Why? Are they bad? Nothing. We have to do with someone that we don't associate with it anymore. F it. Okay.

I'm going to just change one of them. Okay. Would you rather have a guy find your... find your panties sunny side up or have a guy find your panties with a tiny skin mark oh that's a good question sunny side up because we all know girls you know the vagina is an amazing organ and it releases fluids the discharge it's really just such a wonderful thing so sometimes don't be ashamed are left sunny side up and sometimes you get a little skid mark i'd rather um no the skid marks from your bum right i'd rather i'd rather the study side up yeah me too it's like

you don't know how to wipe your bum vagina juice is like oh oh she's normal she's normal she's regular okay so the last thing is oh my eyes like my mascara is running i can't believe that why not your nose is there like not a freaking napkin napkin in here i just saw i just made out contact with gritty get me gritty I gave my husband a framed gritty poster for Christmas. And if you don't know who gritty is, go follow them on Twitter and Google them right now. Just juggle it.

And I'm going to dojolet. Frankie and Annette Fredfrew and screaming at me over the age of 60. Okay. Address the rumors. So, um, paradise. What are your thoughts on paradise? Almost paradise. What are your thoughts on?

What are Jaws thoughts? My thoughts are. Here's the thing. it's a nice place it's a great way to uh stay in shape that's family guy katelyn get over it get over it uh it would be a nice two-week vacation but i'm too busy to have a two-week vacation and um so you're never going to go to like costa rica you know well yeah but i don't want it being documented hawaii but i don't want it documented i am rolling my eyes so hard at you right now You think I should do Paradise.

Did I say that? No. What do you think about like just the word paradise? Oh, oh yeah, I'll go to Hawaii for kids. That failed. Okay. What do you think of Sean? Oh.

Because I heard he's taking a social media break. Well, I really love his music. Wait, wait. before we get into his music because I don't know if a lot of people know about that Oh Who's he dating? Do we know who he's dating? I don't know because when he takes a social media break

It makes me think something was out in the media about it And that he's trying to like cover for it Wasn't he like somehow with like who Justin Bieber's married to Really? She wears scrunchies so part of me wouldn't be sad at that But I really love that song Is it in my blood? Sean Mendez

Oh yeah What a great guy. What a great guy. I am going to continue to follow Sean Mendez on. Yes, I hope it comes back to social media real soon. Totally. Okay, so let's just move on. Okay.

What do we think of Jason? Because, okay, let's just talk about his hair. Oh, my gosh. How do you like Jason's hair? I think it's so sexy pushed back. And I just like it, like, long and flowing. Yeah, will you tell him it looks sexy pushback? I don't know.

I don't think he'll ever talk to me. Oh. But he is. so sexy right like the way he is it's dance moves oh my god and like the way he swims oh yeah but then like oh my god he's getting so famous so like too famous it's like ridiculous because i remember watching him and then being like oh he's so great but now he's so famous i'm just like whoa are you like too famous yeah like are we in the same category anymore can we date can you please pronounce his last name i don't know how to pronounce it i feel like it's like mammoa mamoa is it mammoa jason mammoa jason mammoa

aquaman aquaman yeah god god what a god what a god what a god what a god or goddess whatever he he is yeah the sexiest man alive oh my god i'm calling it now what next year sexiest man alive Jason Mamoa. People magazine. Okay. So last thing, last rumor to address. Okay. Wine.

Oh. Do you like wine? Did I not just spit it through my nose? Do I like wine? I like it through my mouth and through my nose. I've got regurgitated wine right here in this cup, but I'm going to drink it again. As you should. And go on.

And you know what? We'll end it with this. Grape therapy is about to get a whole lot grapier. And off the vine's about to get a whole lot of the vineier. More off the vine. It's about to get a lot more whiny. Because my wine, I mean, people know that it's coming out, but we're going to address the rumors.

It's going to be spring. I'm going to do a spring podcast tour. It's all coming into play. And it's just, you know what? My off the vine family, my vinos are everything. and they are what's keeping me afloat. They're why I can have nice things. And I want to share my nice things with them.

So leave a rating and review. This is a real rumor that we're addressing. We're not just like playing with you now. No. But you really screwed it on the Paradise thing. Oh, I know. I couldn't get. Why would I do that?

I was like, I'm so above paradise. But I'll go to Hawaii. But I'll go to Hawaii. Love Paradise. that's bear it as to me should we end with a couple jokes oh my god a couple yokes okay let me okay because you don't know it okay listen to me look at me in the eyes I'm looking at you and I what do you call a sleepwalking nun oh oh I wasn't prepared for like a real joke what what do you call a sleepwalking nun wait do you want me to guess or do you want to just nail the joke

I'm like because I'm the kind of person that I hate when somebody says my punchline. I'm not asking you again. I was like repeating it so I could just say the punchline. Oh, okay. What do you call a sleepwalking nun? What? A Roman Catholic. That's good.

I like that. I like that. Oh, that's good. Okay. Go ahead with yours. Oh, do I have one? Well, Nick gave you one. Oh, right, right, right.

Okay, I'm going to have to, um, okay. So, so breathe. husband his name is nick and he is a french canadian he's super french so nobody out there who's french canadian get offended by me saying this joke because it came from a french canadian and first of all nothing ruins a funny joke like having to explain it before you tell it okay so just say so here it is why can't why can't a french canadian count a count to three because a tree's in the way one, two, three. I don't feel like it was going to laugh.

All the Americans would be like, now in Spanish, please. Because they duck one, two, three. One, two, three. Okay. I'm going to do one more just around. I should have one second. Yeah.

Okay. I've got one more. Okay. My husband left me because of my obsession with Lincoln Park. But in the end, it doesn't really matter. That's good. I told, so I went on a hayride with my family the other day in, in Edmonton. Yes, this is the best.

And we had one, like, you had stops, like, oh, we're on the hayride. This stop is like, the snow angel stop. This stop is the joke stop. And everybody had to tell a joke. And so I said, oh, I thought you were going to talk about D-I-C-K. Oh, that's funny too. I stood up in front of my whole family. And my dad always, since I can remember, since I was born, he's a rocked a mustache.

And I've said this on another podcast, but I said, you know, know what my dad used to not like his mustache but then it grew on him okay tell the dick one okay we're gonna end it with this so we're we're warming up in the car it's my niece sidney me and my dad and on the hayride it was the name of the man who ran the hayride and quick shout out to dick larsen because dick larsen ran the hayride and the sign said it and sydney goes papa auntie there's a sign on that hayride that says something very bad and I was like what yeah and I said what and I mean dad and I looked and we both started laughing and my dad goes oh dick and Sydney goes like and my dad goes oh you're right you know if if that was my name I would

definitely change it to like Dick Smith or something that is where you get your humor I love that. My dad is like, my mom's like firecracker funny in your face. My dad's subtle funny and they're both good looking. So I guess I got the best of the world. You know, bing bang shibong thong, bong, bong, bong, bong. Gail and bristow. Oh my God, is that our new song? Yeah, and we just play flittsies again. Dump's like a truck. Drug, truck. That's like what, what, what, baby movie butt, but, but, but. I think to sing it again. She hit dumps like a truck. Thank you for joining me on Grape Therapy today. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy.

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