Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Gabi Elnicki On Heartbreak, Healing, & Hindsight

Episode Date: April 6, 2023

We all watched on our screens last week as Gabi got her heart broken by Zach and then confronted him on After the Final Rose, but what happens next and what didn’t we get to see on TV? Gabi joins Kaitlyn to share how she’s feeling now that her Bachelor journey has officially wrapped and why watching the season back differed from her in-the-moment experience. She opens up about her journey with mental health, including the importance of therapy in her life and her ADHD diagnosis, advice for future leads of the show, and why she’s feeling stronger than ever post-show. Is she over Zach? Has she forgiven him? And, what will her relationship look like with him moving forward now that he’s engaged to her close friend? She’s answering these questions and more, including whose DM slides she would respond to and what she’s planning next in life, love, and career. Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: LUME - As a special offer for my listeners, new customers GET $5 OFF a Lume Starter Pack with code VINE at LumeDeodorant.com.  JENNI KAYNE - Find your forever pieces at jennikayne.com/home and get 15% off your first order when you use code VINE at checkout. HYUNDAI - The Hyundai TUCSON with America’s Best Warranty. It’s your journey. Call 562-314-4603 for complete details.  PROGRESSIVE - Quote today at Progressive.com to try the Nam e Your Price® tool for yourself, and join the over 29 million drivers who trust Progressive.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in. It's time for Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Welcome to your weekly session.

Caitlin and friends are here to share unfiltered advice, lots of laughs, and some major breakthroughs. So put your feet up, pop a cork, and get ready for some grape therapy. This episode of Grape Therapy is brought to you by Loomi. As a special offer for my listeners, new customers get $5 off a Loomie starter pack with code Vine at Loomidotorant.com. Jenny Kane, find your forever pieces at Jenny cane.com slash home and get 15% off your first order when you use code Vine at checkout. Hyundai, the Hyundai Tucson comes with America's best warranty, good for 10 years or

100,000 miles. the Hyundai Tucson with America's best warranty, it's your journey, test drive, the Tucson at your nearest Hyundai dealer, or learn more at HyundaiUSA.com. Call 562-314-4603 for complete details and Progressive. Quote at progressive.com to try the name your price tool for yourself and join the over 29 million drivers who trust Progressive. Welcome to Grape Therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now starting. Gabby E, as we like to do in The Bachelor World, has just used their last initial, is on the podcast today to talk about how she remembered things versus what she saw on Zach's season, how doing work on her mental health has affected how she handled herself both on the season and after, and what led to that gut feeling of it not being her. She was honest, vulnerable.

We talked about the Fantasy Suite Week. She's very self-aware. I asked her the very important questions of, is she even over Zach? enjoy my conversation with Gabby. Hi. Okay. Okay, I think we're in business. I wonder if it was because I literally turned off everything of Wi-Fi in my house right now.

I wonder if that's what it was. But regardless, we're doing this new setup in my house. And we've got like cameras and lighting and all this stuff. And I'm seeing you for the first time when usually I've like, usually you'll see me from here up. um and now but i'm i feel very far away from you right now um and i feel like you're getting just like a full crotch shot of me right now so and i'm yelling i haven't seen i was so excited to talk to you i i've so many compliments to give you that i will do over the whole podcast but you i know

you did some like healing work before you went on the show and it really showed and you like your um heart and your mind and everything felt so connected and And I love when this shit happens to women because we're already these intuitive beings. And I just watched you go from like an already incredible woman to even though if you felt like you got weaker or the show stripped you of all of this confidence that you had going in, I didn't see that. I saw you grow and get centered and get more connected even though you got your heartbroken. Like you just, you weren't blindsided, which is just kudos to you for all of that.

I'm, I think I said this on Instagram, but like I don't know you and I felt like proud of you. Oh, well, thank you so much. That means a lot coming from you. So thank you. It was a crazy journey and yeah, I didn't know if I was like healed enough going into it. Like even with the day I had done, but like just because I'm not healed doesn't mean I wasn't like and I'm not deserving of love and like I can't have love. So it's like an interesting. life-changing experience. Yeah. Well, one of my favorite things to always remember and to always tell people,

and I'm sure you know this, but just reiterating the fact that there is no destination to being healed, you will always be deserving of love, no matter how much healing you've done, how broken you are, how many times you have to pick up the pieces, you know, like there's, it's not ever going to be a time in your life where you go, oh, actually I'm completely healed and now I'm deserving of love, which you obviously know. And I think it was really cool to see someone like you on this show because I might get in trouble for saying this, but classic me anyways,

I feel like the show doesn't showcase women empowerment enough. We don't showcase women being intuitive, trusting their gut. We don't show them go through the ups and down so gracefully. It's almost like this stigma around so many things of like being a, I mean, I was, I was emotional the whole show, you know, like that's, you're just going through so many things. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself because I'm so excited. You go on this show, for those who don't know, what made you want to go on a show like The Bachelor? That's a, that's a great question. I had gone through a pretty bad breakup that really took a lot from me. And, you know,

I knew what I, like, although it hurt me, I knew what I wanted and I knew that I wanted to be loved. And I think my friends saw me going through so much pain, but then also still trying to, like, heal myself and work on myself so that I, you know, I could be in a healthy relationship and overcome all those things that I had gone through. I was going through therapy. I knew what I wanted. I wanted a relationship. And I think my friends saw me as a very deserving person of love, as everyone is. And I think they just wanted to push me to get. out there again and, you know, overcome what had happened to me. And I never in a million years would have thought that I actually would get casted on the show. I think everyone's just kind of like, well, we'll see what happens. It's good to interview for these kind of things and just see what happens. But when I got the call, I was like, oh, my goodness. And even until I got out of the limo, I didn't think it was real. I can relate to that. I felt the same way. I went through the

worst heartbreak of my life the worst breakup of my life it's it's interesting too because doing all of this work on yourself to go you know believe in love again trust yourself to fall in love again can be really scary but don't you feel like now coming out of this whole situation that you're stronger than ever and you're like i can handle literally anything yeah no 100 And even throughout the whole thing, you know, I was very emotional and I'm somebody who feels emotions very intensely, very quickly. But I learned through therapy, like, it's okay to feel emotions. And it's okay to, you know, face those emotions. That's actually how you get through them. Like if you just, you know, keep them inside, you'll never get through it. I definitely feel like on the show, I would, I've become so much stronger. And even going through that terrible break,

breakup and then putting myself out there in such, you know, a strange way to some people, it does teach you how strong you really are. Even if you don't feel strong, it has taught me a lot about myself and that I've healed once. I've healed. I'm healing again, or not healed, but, you know, I've gone through multiple things that have hurt me deeply, but I'm still here. I'm still, you know, I have sad days, but I have really happy days and, you know, such as life. So you just got to keep moving. I'm like, that doesn't get, I'm 37. I still have those days.

It's never ending. It's going away. It doesn't go away. It's all about working on yourself and getting through different seasons of life. There are times where I'm like waiting for another shoe to drop or thinking like that life is too good right now. And then it does. And you go, okay, you got to enjoy those ups, enjoy those downs and everything that you're going through. And it's, I'm sure, interesting because you went through it in front of so many people.

and that adds a whole other element of stress to it. What has been the feedback that you've been getting? Because I remember Jesse saying something like, we've never received so much love for somebody on this show. And I was like, that makes me very happy because obviously there's assholes out there. And I wanted to know what kind of response you were getting from people because from what I've seen, it's a lot of support. Yeah.

I mean, after the last episode, I've been so fortunate. to have so many people reach out and just show me love and support and encouragement and so many kind words. And yeah, there are negative words, but the kindness I've seen has outweighed that. And I remember going into AFR. I was like, I was very nervous because, you know, you don't watch the breakup until you're out there. And so all I remembered was how I was feeling going into that day. So watching it again brought up a whole new wave of emotion. um and stress for me but in addition to that the week prior with fantasy sweets it was very difficult and the reaction wasn't as positive that week and um you know that was disheartening

because you know I was watching it back and I was like I mean I don't remember this going this way um and so seeing that is difficult because you're like I know who I am and I know my character and I know, you know, where my intentions were, and I know where my heart was. And it was tough to watch. And then some of the feedback coming off that week was very difficult. But at the same time, there was still so much love and support. And being able to speak on, you know, my experience, my truth after the final rose was really, really important for me to share, you know, how I was feeling. watching it back how how difficult it was for me yeah so you said it watching it back it wasn't

how you remembered how do you remember it for people that are listening that are going what do you mean it wasn't how you remembered yeah i think the whole day and i and i talked about this after the final rose as well you know people saw me all of a sudden like freak out um and just like come on hinge and you know there's a lot that led up to that and i think people also saw you know, Zach's mood towards me change in that moment where he did show me that support. And there was a lot that went on, you know, behind the scenes that led to that moment. And it, it was difficult to watch that, like, we had so many positive, fun moments. And that's what was shown.

And I said that. I've said that before. And even, you know, at our dinner conversation, I said this to Zach after the final Rose, but we had a really in-depth conversation about our insecurities, our healing journeys, how I've been to therapy. He was so supportive of that. He was so encouraging of that. It was just like a really special moment that was not shown. And unfortunately, you know, things go out of order sometimes. And in like some of those interviews, like, I know who I am. and I think people saw me, for me, the entire season.

And so for people to see this side of me, that's a seductress, I don't know what the, I was like, what is this? Like, I don't know, I don't know her. So, you know, it is, I know who I am and, like, I know my truth. And at the end of the day, that's what matters. And I'm thankful that I was able to share that after the final rose to a certain extent. But I do think, you know, it's tough because, people are only seeing such a small portion of every single thing that goes on.

So, you know, that was very long-winded. But I have been overwhelmed with love and support. And I'm beyond appreciative of it because I really needed it, you know, coming off of watching that last episode and the one before it, actually. Okay, have a little question for you. I think the answer is obvious. Do you want to smell better naked? Question mark?

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you realize that, like, wanting to align yourself with people that give you the feedback that you need versus the feedback that trolls are going to give you. Like, you don't want their feedback. You don't need their advice. You don't need these people that see a tiny glimpse of you. And for one week of fantasy suites, they give you like, heat for a bit that's you're you're not you know they're not aligned with those people and their feedback you know like that's it doesn't matter especially i love hearing you say i know who

i am i mean you were you were in love with somebody you were having a moment with somebody that you thought was your future partner in life if you were ever to be the bachelorette which obviously everyone would love uh what advice would you give yourself or a future bachelor's going into Fantasy Suite Week? I think that no one's going to do things perfectly. And I want to recognize that. Like, I'm not bashing on Zach by any means. I was disappointed, but I'm not holding resentment towards him.

And I don't, you know, I think he did the best he could, you know, given the circumstances. And so I think it's important to keep that in mind. I think Fantasy Suites especially, it's a, it's a delicate week, right? And I think, you know, those conversations are conversations you should be having with your future partner. And I think that leaving some autonomy to them to have some sort of, you know, not, it doesn't even need to be about sex. Like, it's not about that. It's about having off-camera time. There is intimacy in many forms.

And so I think that, you know, to just leave it to like physical intimacy. and that's all that matters. I just don't think that that's how I would probably approach it. I would probably want to approach it as more of a, let's have a conversation of what you're comfortable with. And even approaching the week, think, you know, they're probably not going to use the scenes of you talking about fantasy suites,

but I think gauging someone's comfortability of like, hey, like we know going into this week it might be difficult. If you have, you know, concerns, like I urge you to come and talk to me. I think that you do have, you don't have that much freedom,

but I think that if you were really concerned and you voice that, you would probably be able to have a conversation like that if you felt it was really necessary. And no one in this show is, you know, trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable by any means. That's not how it works. But I just think that if I were to go into this week, I'd probably make it more of a conversation that was private

about what it looks like and what our partnership looks like. I think that's the hardest part, too, because that does feel like a time for a little bit of privacy in three months where there's no privacy. It's a little glimpse of hope into having some privacy between you and somebody else. And I know he had told you he wanted to keep it private. Do you, watching back, did you get some closure or any kind of moments where you were like, you know, I felt produced at times.

He feels produced at times. He probably was told this. Or were you like, that was a private moment. You went against our word. No excuse. I'm not excusing because I agreed with what you said after the final rose. What I think is difficult is that I think the repercussions of it, of exposing me on the level that he did,

I wish that he had thought that through more. There was a way to have a conversation and say, I was intimate with someone this week or I was intimate in some form this week. But what hurt me was it wasn't just to Katie. It was to Jesse. It was to all of his interviews time and time again. I mean, how many times, like, I mean,

I could play a drinking game with how many times it was said I had sex with Gabby. Like using my name, which is yeah right what watching it back i was like what like are you kidding like could we not leave like any room for imagination here like it was sex of any kind is off the table like right but it was just so explicit of what what had happened and using my name time and time again that hurt me and that's what i was trying to address that after the final rose because i yeah i knew that you know the secret had been shared i got i got the gist of that based on his speech and you know

my conversation with katy afterwards but i didn't know to the extent of what was shared so i i do want to give him some grace and understanding of hey i understand there's pressure here there's pressure to tell you know this secret you felt like you were holding and you probably felt like you were holding a secret more because you had all this pressure um So I do recognize that. Have you forgiven Zach at this point? I am not somebody that holds grudges towards people. I don't hold resentment.

I don't hold anger. Do I think I'm going to be like pals with Zach? No. Am I still angry and hurt? Absolutely. But he is going to hopefully marry one of my close friends and I plan to stay in Katie's life. and you know for me to hold hate towards him and anger and resentment I'm hoping I can let that go at some point but I do think that at this point like I still feel violated and I'm still getting

over all of it so I don't know if that answers your question but no it does and I hope you know that that's so valid like you feeling that way and still feeling like actually that really hurt me and I still feel violated. I hope you know is extremely valid. You know, you have your own timeline. Nobody's expecting you to forgive and forget. And because you're friends with Katie, you can get past, you know, you're still allowed to have your own feelings.

And on that note, obviously I had Zach and Katie on the podcast. And I do love the friendship between all the women. And I thought that was so important. And I do love that they showcased that. And we were able to see that through your social medias and everything. but how hard is that supporting such a good friend with somebody that has hurt you who you still feel hurt towards?

Yeah, I mean, it's difficult because I only want what's best for Katie, but I don't think that Zach is a bad person. I don't think that he is a vindictive, mean person. I don't think he meant to hurt me. I think he just did because he cared, he wanted to save his relationship with Katie, and that's a person he loves and he wants to spend his life with. And so I can't fault him for that.

I'm upset and I'm disappointed and I, you know, I have a lot of emotions and some of them don't necessarily have words. But I want the best for her. And so if he makes her happy and he respects her and he shows her, you know, love and he protects her, then I'm happy for them. And, you know, if I ever see that not happening, I'll be like, Katie, you need to walk away just like I would do with any one of my friends and whoever they're dating. So I'm trying to separate myself and my experience from judging their relationship from this point forward. And yeah, it's going to take time.

It's awkward, right? Like, it's a little awkward. Awkward as hell. I mean, this, your final three kind of reminded me of my time on the show with our final three. And it was me and Becca Tilly and Whitney Bischoff and we were all so close and all somehow weirdly rooting for each other and did not want to see the other person get hurt. And then we also became a team at the end when it was Whitney and Chris and we just wanted him to treat her well, but, you know, still holding on to real feelings that happened to us.

And it's all very confusing and to process it in real time. like people you know of course there's been time that's passed from when it was recorded to when it's aired to what it is now but it's it's real heartbreak it's real emotions and i love that you said i have emotions that sometimes don't need words because it was like oh amen to that yeah the nice thing about this this strange world that we're in um is you know something i feel like is maybe something I don't want to share with Katie because I don't want to hurt her or her relationship. I can talk to Ariel.

I can talk to Jess. Like those are two close friends I have from the show who understand like what all goes on and I can share with them. And it's not because I don't want to share with Katie. It's because I don't want to impact their relationship in any way when I'm still healing from this. So I think it's she's been nothing but supportive to me.

And, you know, anytime I've spoken about, like, how I'm feeling, she's, you know, encouraged me to speak how I'm feeling and she'll support me. But, you know, she also supports Zach, too. And I'm fully aware of that. So I'm really grateful for the girls that we have because it's helped me. Yeah. It sounds like everybody supports everyone else's boundaries. Like Katie can look at it through a lens of that the guy that she's with, broke your heart,

disrespected you you're going to need some time but she also is able and deserving to be happy right now too well like there's so many different compartments to you know feelings that you can't just feel one way it's it's it's it's a lot um let's talk about that day with your oh i just loved that was one of my favorite i don't know breakups in the proposal history um just because i want to know how how you got there from my experience and from what i know the producers are very um they can influence you in so many different ways when you're sitting there and feeling like it's not me i just have this feeling in my gut i would picture a producer saying you don't know that or blah blah

was somebody there allowing you to trust your gut or was somebody there challenging you on your intuition. You know, I think there was like some even to me like questioning like, well, what if what if it's not my God? And like there was a level of hope, right? Like there was a level of hope because like you said, like you are having a lot of conversations with a lot of different people and a lot of different support teams. And obviously like no one's going to be like, yeah, it's not you. Um, like they don't, first of all, they don't know that. And also like, why would they say that to you that's like mean so i did have a lot of that but i i know my gut and i knew something was off and so yeah like walking in there i mean i had so many interviews and

interviews and interviews and i would be like yeah it would be great if it was me like awesome if that happens but it's not so so it's so like yeah yeah i i just knew okay the hunday two comes with America's best warranty, good for 10 years or 100,000 miles. It's like a mental vacation from worry that no other brand offers, whether that's up into the mountains to hit the slopes on a ski trip or cruising down the coast to the beach or wherever you go to get away from it all. And add in three years of Hyundai complementary maintenance and five years of roadside assistance and the Tucson makes that mental vacation even more worry-free.

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Call 562-314-4603 for complete details. This week's off the vine is brought to you. buy progressive insurance. Hey, Vinos, whether you love true crime or comedies, celebrity interviews, news, or even motivational speakers, you call the shots on what is in your podcast queue, am I right? And guess what? Now you can call the shots on your auto insurance too. Enter the name your price tool from Progressive.

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It's just one of the many ways you can save with progressive insurance. Quote today at progressive.com to try the name your price tool for yourself and join the over 29 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Price and Coverage Match Limited by State Law. what point was it like at what point did you know that that wasn't you was there something that shifted in him is it that is it what we saw at home so what i think started it was after fantasy suites my privacy like was violated in the little amount that i felt and saw and like i knew

something was going to air of some sort of physical intimacy i did not know the level of like detail it would go into that broke my trust because we had an agreement that it was between us and in any normal relationship it's between you um and i didn't know the conversations that you know he was going to have like i didn't say like hey tell me exactly what you're going to say and who you're going to say it to um but in my mind it was okay he is choosing to like go against our word and decision we made together and reach my trust to save another relationship. So anyone who loves me wouldn't do that to me. And so I knew that.

And you saw me going into meeting his family. I was like, I'm not meeting his family unless we iron this out right now because I am so uncomfortable right now. I feel like I've committed a crime. I feel like I'm like an accessory to a crime. and this is not something that was a crime. This was literally like I thought we were falling in love and this could potentially be my partner.

So we did have that conversation. And meeting his family, I did feel so in love. But I really do think I was craving love so badly. And you probably understand this of like, you have all these people around you, but you're always kind of on edge, right? Like you don't have anyone you really love who knows you through and through.

who you can truly, truly trust to your core of like this person loves me and they're looking out for my best interest and I know it to like in my heart. And so I think I was craving my family so badly. I'm so close with my sister. I talk to her every single day. Same with the rest of my family. Yeah, you and your family are so close. And so I mean, I felt so much love for their family and, you know, that's awesome that they do have a great family dynamic. But I think I felt like family love, and maybe I labeled that as me being really in love in that moment, but I think I just really wanted love. That makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, it was a weird, it was such a weird wave of emotions. And then I would go home and I would think about it again. I'd be like, hmm, something still doesn't feel right. And then on the last chance date, there was just something about, like, I don't even know to explain it. I could feel the aura changed. Like, I could feel that it was not me. And I can't, again, I can't put words to it. It was just a feeling I had that was so deep and sure. It's not me. But, you know, I had a little bit of hope. Like, maybe it might be crazy. I don't know. You just never know. So many people had opinions on the fact that he didn't just tell you.

in that moment, that he allowed you to get out and think that you were going into or possibly going into a proposal. And of course, there's the argument of, well, it's the format of the show or he shouldn't have made her go that far. Watching it back, were you able to maybe have gratitude for being able to have a voice in that moment and going through? Because that was such a powerful moment for you to walk out of there and have that intuition and walk up and the way you handled everything,

would you change that? Or do you wish you would have still let you go earlier? Are you happy you had that moment? You know, I think I was like not expecting him to make me go out there and get all dressed. And like, there's so much that goes into that day. And he was probably, you know, just preparing his speech for Katie. Like maybe he was distracted. And I'm sure it weighed on him a lot.

And I'm sure there was, you know, a lot of people saying there's no time. There's no time to go talk Gabby. Right. But yeah, I knew going up there. So, you know, you're to prepare the speech and like all the reasons why you think you guys would be perfect together and why you're so in love, everything. And, you know, I, I didn't, I didn't practice a speech. I knew it wasn't me. I, you know, I had some, you know, notes jotted down of why I really cared about Zach.

and why he was great. But I'm glad I had that moment of goodbye. And, you know, I want you and Katie to have a, you know, I want the best for you guys. And I wanted him to know that genuinely. Like, I do want the best for you guys. I think going up there, like, it does take courage to go out there when you know what's coming. But I also, you know, think it's important in a. like a weird way like face your fears and he had to face me like he had to face me and like

break up with me and say goodbye to me as well so I don't know I think it's it was really hard to watch back and it was hard going up there and I was kind of I was honestly kind of pessimistic and like a B word the whole day um I was just angry but that's okay I don't think being angry you're being a bitch or being pessimistic means that you're in the wrong you were being I'm a pessimist so I can say this I feel like you were just being real with yourself and you were just you know you're trying to prepare yourself for I mean they've definitely made your storyline feeling second time after time and here you were going again and you're like I don't know I just I'm really glad you got that moment and that sounds maybe really wrong

because people are like, no, he should have, you know, sent her home as soon as he knew and saved her from all that. But I believe that that was such a powerful moment for you that your true self really came through. And I think that's okay that you may have seemed negative or that you were not a B word. I'm glad I had that moment to, you know, I was nothing but true to myself the entire time. And so anytime I saw things that weren't true to me, I was like, that's why I was like saying that earlier. I was like, what is that? Um, and people got to know my personality. And honestly,

like, that was my personality. And I wasn't going to fake it and pretend like I was going to go up there and just pour my heart out and, you know, make a fool of myself when I knew what was happening. And, you know, yeah, do you have parameters in this? And do you have pressures? Of course you do. But it doesn't mean you have to change who you are. It doesn't. mean you have to say certain things that's absolutely not the case it's not scripted by any means and i was like i i know what's going on and i'm going to be true to that and i'm going to be true to me so i am glad that they showed all of that because i i felt like i was very vocal about knowing it and i didn't want to i didn't want to look foolish in that moment and you weren't and

you didn't look foolish at all. And it broke my heart because after the proposal, you said, why am I so hard to love and why am I so misunderstood? Do you still feel that way or do you feel differently about yourself now? No, I think those are deep rooted insecurities. And I think that that will take time to heal. Do I think I'm not loved? No.

I think that I am misunderstood. I think that I have a personality, like I've shared this before, but I do have ADHD and my emotions. I feel them super fast, super intensely. I think there's a lot of stigma around it. So people don't always understand me and I don't always share those things because I don't need to tell us to me I have a disorder. But I do think that people don't understand me at first. I am a little bit quirky.

I'm pretty sarcastic. you know so I just feel like sometimes I am very misunderstood by people and it can be very frustrating it's been like that my entire life like my mom always say like you've always been misunderstood Gabby like people really get you um yeah and it's you know it's disappointing and so I've learned to bite my tongue in a lot of situations and just like does it need to be said now does it need to be said by me probably not

don't just by my tongue I'm like no let your freaking flag fly say it all do it all because your quirkiness and your uniqueness and your emotions and everything that you are that's what makes you you that's what and we can all see that Zach did fall in love with you

it's not like he was just like oh no actually after I see all that that you know like he did fall in love with that and that about you So I think that's part of it too. Like I did let that guard down of like saying what I was feeling and I showed all my emotions. And so I was like, why like I showed like who I am and I'm again, I misunderstood or I'm not lovable. And I think everyone though feels these emotions at some point like I'm not lovable right now.

Like in when you're going through such a deep rejection like it is a deep painful rejection on such a public. Oh my gosh. with all these like crews of people around you who are kind of like scared to talk to you because they're like well like we can't interfere with this they can't hug you like it is a strange feeling and I just felt I just felt so like sad like it was like all over again yeah yeah you do you feel really alone especially with what you were saying earlier with you don't have those people that ground you your family your friends to have that mixed with your real feelings is so complicated and then you know you go through it all in

real time then you have to relive it and watch it all back but luckily in that time you know you're back home you are with your family your family is i wanted to be adopted immediately you have this incredible loving supportive kind close family now that it's all over you're back home you're working through things what are you doing now for your mental health moving forward um you know i think just being back on a healing journey like therapy um i work i'm back at work um you are yeah i've been back at work since like the week after i got back i think i went i bow down to people who do that i'm like how that is so impressive i know it was it was a lot but i also think that it's a nice distraction of like back into normal life that

doesn't feel like, I don't know, like this simulation of whatever the world was. Yeah, it's a little sense of normalcy, normalcy for you. It's normal. And so I've been doing that, surrounding myself with the people that I love, my friends, working out a lot, trying to eat healthy. There's like so many things I've been doing that are like on a daily basis of just like, I work out a lot, but I need the endorphine. like I need that regulation.

I've been eating a lot of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, like a lot. Like a pint of day. I love it. It's like the classic like rom-com heartbreak, just like eating Ben and Jerry's and crying on the couch. But I love that you're allowing yourself to do it all. You get out, you move your body, you work out, you eat your Ben and Jerry's,

you surround yourself the people that love you. You do your therapy. Like you are so ahead. of your time like what how old are you again i'm 25 oh my you're so i'm so proud of you again that's incredible i love that you're doing all those things and i actually was in a boxing class this morning and um i think a lot of people have been talking about mental health lately around nashville with the recent shootings and so this this girl that teaches our boxing class she was talking about she went to church last sunday and they were talking about and they were

talking they brought in like a professional on media mental health and what they're saying is like we have not consumed media trauma the way that we really have in the last like 10 years and that actually moving your body and working out even if it's a walk going boxing lifting weights whatever that looks like to you is actually healing like some mental trauma to physically move your body and obviously I'm not going to do this conversation justice because I didn't I wasn't there for the full conversation but when she said that I'm like that makes so much sense our body can't react um with fight or flight when you see it on media so if you see a shooting or trauma or anything that's really going to affect you in in if you're in the situation you have fight or flight

but taking it in through media you have no outlet and that doing some sort of physical activity can help you release, you know, that kind of pain. So I'm glad you're, you're literally doing it all right. There's so many, there's so many tools you can learn to in therapy, which, like, I'm a huge advocate for a therapy. Like, get, you know, it's not, I, I think there's a stigma around it. Like, maybe it's embarrassing or something or it's like, oh, you're in therapy. It's like, no, yeah, I'm in therapy. I love therapy. Like, you want to meet my therapist? I love her. So, like, I don't like the stigma around it, but I think that it's becoming more and more common and more acceptable, which thank God it is. But there's so many tools of just like, even with my therapist, I'll practice

breathing. Like she'll be like, okay, five deep breaths really quick. And like the signals that it sends to your brain to do five deep breaths or, you know, sometimes when I'm really stressed, like you can ground yourself, like grab onto your countertop or, you know, do something that makes you feel grounded. There's just so much to be said. about these little things you can put into your every single day life of okay I had a stressful call at work deep breaths five deep breaths take a lap around the office and get back to your your equilibrium yeah yeah it's your oh my gosh I can't wait to see you evolve over the next five years with all the work you're already doing on yourself it's going to be incredible I want to like

put it in my calendar like five years from now just have you come back on and where you're at in those five years because it's incredible and I know I heard you were kind of up in the air about Paradise and all of that because, you know, you've just been through the ringer with everything, but heard through a little grapevine that you're interested in Tyler Cameron or Avin or Spencer. Have you slid in any of their DMs? Please tell me yes. No, absolutely not.

No, I think right now I probably need to focus on me for a little while at least and not not jump to put a band-aid on what I'm feeling right now. It's okay to be alone. And I think I need to learn that a little bit. And I'm surrounding myself with people I love. You know, if Tyler Cameron reached out to me, I would respond. But I'm probably not going to shoot my shot right now. I love that.

You're very self-aware. I always said that going on The Bachelor and being the Bachelorette was actually a lot of therapy in itself. if you look at it that way, if you can look back on it as all those interviews you have with producers, all those times talking through your feelings, all those times talking through your traumas, what you've been through in your relationship, just getting that out of your body that's probably been trapped in there is so therapeutic in itself, which is so cool because a lot of people, which myself included at first, I was just so angry about my experience.

And then I was able to see how much it helped me grow as a human being and how much that was therapy in itself, just in those interviews. Yeah, it is therapy. And like, in a, it is a, it's literally a giant therapy session, I swear. But no, you have so much time. And I remember when I got back, like, you know, my mom asked me like, do you regret like doing the show? And I was like, honestly, I don't. I don't regret it because I learned so much about myself. And there's so much time for self-reflection. It's actually the only thing you really can do besides think about Zach all day long is reflect on yourself and I learned so many areas where like I still need to heal this about me. This is a deep insecurity and like it shows. So there's so much

that was worth it. So even though yeah, I'm hurting a little bit still, I learned a lot and it was definitely therapy. You can be hurting and still be over someone, but are you over Zach? I think I thought I was over him. But when you leave the bubble, you are saying goodbye for good, right? You don't, you can't call them. You can't text them. I'm not hitting him up on Instagram. He's with, you know, one of my best friends and I knew they were together. And I wouldn't have wanted to reach out to him anyways. But you know you're leaving and you're saying goodbye for good and he's with, likely with someone else. Yeah, I think for me, I thought it was over it because I had gotten back into my normal life my normal routine and everything felt normal right and like my clients didn't know what was going on

i'm in sales and you know the only people that knew were like the people who were watching the show or you know my my friends um but then watching it back was definitely more difficult because i saw it from all points of view and i also you know was like wait what is what is true what is not true because i knew my truth and it's like you know is any of the this fabricated like how is this you know you just have so many questions that come up from watching it back which i think was difficult but for me i don't think i'm over how violated i felt um by the end of the show and how hurt i felt but i am over Zach that's fair if that makes sense yeah i don't know maybe I'm not over him.

Well, I'm just saying there's there's levels to it, right? Like you can be over the idea of him maybe, you know, but you could not be over the real feelings you had and the hurt that you felt. Like there's so many different levels to that was a broad question. And sometimes it helps to just ask the questions. And then you're like, oh, wait, maybe I'm feeling something here that I need to work through. Like am I trying to get him back if he came running to me and was like, I mean, I want you back.

I'd be like, no. Okay. Okay. That says a lot. That says a lot. And obviously people would have loved to see you as a bachelor. I'm excited for charity. I think she is a doll, an actual living human doll.

She is. She's a Barbie. She is. And like, I don't know. She just radiates like this beauty that is so inside, outside. She knows herself. She's going to bring out. a lot of emotions in men,

which I think will be really cool. But of course, people want you to be the Bachelorette as well once you have time to heal and those people are me. And if they asked, like down the road after everything you know about this show and everything you know,

because you know you believe in the process once you've gone through it because you go, oh, wow, I really did fall in love. Could you ever see yourself of being the Bachelorette? You know, I'm not going to weigh it out. You know, I can, never see myself doing it. I, you know, I think at some point there was a part of me

that thought I could be, but at the end of the day, you know, I'm not healed right now and I don't know what that'll look like. And maybe I will meet someone who sweeps me off my feet and I won't need to be the bachelorette. And I hope that, you know, maybe that does happen for me. But I think I think from this experience, like I am going to grow a lot. And so maybe a few months, down the road or a year down the road, I will feel strong enough to take on that role. But it is so much, you know, you are not only responsible for your own emotions and your own feelings and your own mental health, but you are responsible in a weird way for everyone else's. And if somebody is, if you're causing pain on someone else, I think that was the

hardest thing for me to think about was what if I, what if I inflict the pain that I felt onto someone else i don't i don't want to do that um but you but you like almost are it's like you have to you have to and so i don't know i think i need to probably get a little stronger no no no you're stronger than most people you need to give yourself credit for how strong you actually are it is the worst part of it is how badly you know you're you're going to hurt somebody um but it all works out in a way where if you hurt that person they learn so much about themselves you're actually doing them a gracious favor they actually start to like open up with emotions and feelings and healing and it's it's hard to see that in the moment but i

did ask zach that when i interviewed him i said do you have a different kind of um empathy level for rachel now that you're kind of like in her position and he said absolutely because it really is once you go through it you're like gosh there's no way around hurting people and and there's no right way to fall in love on TV with multiple people and it's it's it's just a lot but i you hope you give yourself more credit for being strong well thank you but that is a that's a really good point of view and something i honestly hadn't thought about so thank you for that um of just like even i think about myself and like what i've learned about myself and how much better i'm i am right now, having gone through this experience. And so, yeah, it hurt in the moment and still

hurts a little bit. But I do agree with you. Like, there is a different point of view that you do see, having gone through it and having your heartbroken, where, you know, there are some positives that come from it. Yeah. Oh, there's so many positives. And you'll see them the more time that goes on, the more positives you'll see that come from it. Just a couple more quick questions. So many of my listeners were very excited that you're coming on. They had hilarious, sweet, loving questions that I can't get to all of them. Somebody was like, I just want to know how she makes her boobs look perfect all the time. That's amazing.

I thought that was hilarious. Oh, my God. I have, I have like literally the smallest boobs ever. Me too. Itty-bitty-titty committee for life. Yeah. I love it. Yes.

No, it's, I had, people were just like, you know, just really supportive of you. A lot of people wanted to thank you for, you know, seeing people on TV be relatable is really refreshing. So to hear someone talk about ADHD, a lot of people do. I'm sure you found so much support in that. And so many people probably were like, thank you for speaking about it.

Because, I mean, it's so much more common than people even think. And it's not a flaw. And it's misunderstood. It's misunderstood. I was talking about this with my girlfriend the other day. Gosh, so many people have it. And it is life changing once you realize it.

Yes, it really is. And I didn't figure it out until I was actually like a sophomore and junior in college. And I was like, mom, there's something wrong with me. I can't, I can't do these large lecture halls that I just, I'm not functioning while here. And I had all these tests done. And I think there's a stigma even around that of like, oh, you're just helped diagnosed ADHD. And I'm like, no, I go to a psychiatrist. I have a psychiatrist that specializes it in ADHD. And it's crazy how it impacts men differently. then it impacts women and it impacts adults differently than children. And there's just so much to it that, you know, I do think there needs to be more light shed on the entire disorder because it's it's just misunderstood. And there's these stigmas that you're like. But how incredible does that feel that you have this platform and voice to be able to shed light on that? Like you have shed so much light on that and probably helps so many people feel less

alone in in feeling that way and maybe even go talk to a professional and you know to to go talk to somebody about it and actually have a reason behind it and go oh okay this is who I am and everybody's got something you know and it's just it's empowering to know what it is and what makes you you and I think that you've definitely shed a light on that so thank you for for being so open and honest with everybody and and I hope you continue to do so I mean you've you're in sales you went back to work but I got to know does the influencing bug get to Gabby are you like I could see myself doing that what is the future look like for you now um well I'm not very good at Instagram um which makes you great at Instagram not very good at TikTok either um I think that you know

I'm always going to want my career I think what I would love is, you know, I have been given this platform now, and I would love to shed light on therapy, on ADHD. I'd love to use that to make people feel more comfortable in being themselves in their skin and, you know, feeling emotions and feeling not awesome every single day. But I also would really love to someday, like, open a Pilate Studio where it's really like a place of wellness

and it's a place of acceptance and it's not an intimidating Pilate Studio where you go in and you're scared to, you know, fail or whatever it is. And so I'm hoping that, you know, I do have a platform where I can encourage people to come and, you know, be a part of that with me more so than, you know, selling sugar, bear, hair, gummies, nothing wrong with that. But I just don't necessarily see that.

No, I have the same outlook. I have the same outlook. used to always joke about sugar bear hair gummies and doing the flat tummy tea influencing. And there's there's a lot of responsibility that comes with influencing and a lot of really beautiful opportunities as well. So yeah, I think I'll just be, I'll be selective with what I choose to influence people on. And it's only going to be things that I'm passionate about that I think will improve other people's lives.

And, you know, I love skincare, things like that, mental health. it's just, I want to be careful about that because I didn't go on the show to be an influencer. I'm not an influencer. People see that on my Instagram. Like, it's not beautifully curated. And like that is what we like. I like that.

I think people are craving that kind of content these days anyways, because it's just so much more real. But whatever you do, I think you're going to just absolutely thrive. I love, I love already where your head's at with influencing, quote, unquote. And so I'm here. for you through literally anything. If you want to talk mental health, feelings, business, or whatever, I'm, I'm here for you.

And I just think you're a light. Well, thank you. And I, you know, I appreciate you and how vulnerable you are and how open you are with everything. I think that's refreshing. And so I'm honestly so glad I came on here and got a chance to talk to you because I felt like if anyone could relate to me and like somebody who I actually really, you know, care about having a conversation with, you know, you are one of those people that really stands

out to me. So I appreciate you using your platform for topics like this because not everyone does. Yeah, I find it so important. I mean, it's because I've been on my own journey of, you know, so much. But my, I give a lot of credit also to my listeners because they, they, I truly believe they tune in to like learn more about somebody that they thought. they had an idea of and here, you know, that person have their own voice and hear that side of their story. And you have such an important story. And I just think it's, it's incredible.

And I can't thank you enough for coming on the pod. And I just know so many people are going to listen to this and feel, you know, so many different things. Empowered, they're going to feel vulnerable. They're going to feel encouraged to be who they are. They might even be encouraged to go talk to somebody and think they might have ADHD. You know, like you, you do have that power. and you're using it for good.

So whenever we're in the same city, we'll go for coffee, chat. Well, and, you know, I'll give you my number after this and we can. Yeah. Yeah. Heck yeah. I'm Caitlin Bristow.

Your session is now ending. Thanks for joining us for this week's great therapy. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow on your favorite podcast platform. And tune in Thursday for your next session. All month long on Pluto TV, stream the biggest Tyler Perry movies free. Watch your favorites like Medea's Witness Protection and Medea's Big Happy Family. Join Tyler Perry as he goes on a couple's retreat with Sharon Leal and Why Did I Get Married?

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