Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Getting Rowdy In Nashville with DeAnna Stagliano

Episode Date: April 12, 2018

Former Bachelorette/TV host/kick-ass mom DeAnna Pappas Stagliano pops by the studio to talk about her almost-identical experience on The Bachelorette, the weirdness of meeting other celebrities that are fans of them, and their love for Ellen. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Caitlin Bristow's going to answer your question. Drink to your confessions. And hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more. Here's Caitlin. Welcome everyone to Grape Therapy. Your session is now. starting. I'm your host, Caitlin Bresto, and we were just talking about Canadian stuff and why

we spell it color, C-O-L-O-U-R. Yeah, I don't know why you have to add the extra O or U in things. This is a question I don't know the answer to, so any Canadians out there, you can respond, but I was saying that we say Americano and we say like, not Nevada, we say Nevada, we don't say like certain things. So I'm like, is it Deanna? Or is it Deanna? It's a great question. Because you, it's Deanna. That's what I, because I'm like, I need to make sure because my Canadian wants me to say Deanna, but I know that it's not. That's all right. Everybody says Deanna, and I will totally answer that, but it is Deanna.

Deanna. For the life of me will never live down when I was on The Bachelor. Yeah. With Brad Womack, Night 1. And he called you Deanna. He called me Deanna. And so when I went up to accept my rose, I'm all like, it's Deana. And people rip me apart on blogs and stuff because they were like, how rude you corrected him.

I'm like, well, wait a second. I'm supposed to be dating this guy. He doesn't know my name. He would feel stupid if you didn't correct him because then he would call you the wrong name the whole time. He said my name right. Every time after that. I was like, it's Diana. We watched it back several times and we laugh so hard because I totally do go in.

I'm like, before he even gave me the rose. He goes to lean in and give me the rose. I'm like, it's Deanna. Well, wouldn't you? If someone was like Catlin, will you accept this roll? I'd be like, it's Caitlin. Like, I hate when people don't pronounce my name right. And it's Caitlin.

And, like, I was thinking, people probably call you Deanna, Stagliano. Yes. And it's Stagliano. Yeah. Deaio. Wow, that's a very, that's a very nice name. Well, thanks. Yeah.

I was actually very happy because when I got married, I was a Pappas. Yeah. Great, strong name, right? And I was like, I can't marry someone whose last name is, like, Brown. No. I have to have something else that's, like, big and powerful. Like, booth? That's not.

No. I'm like, what's booth? It's Irish. We were watching Sean, uh, Sean's Instagram stories. Yeah. And he's got a. new app that's coming out. I was like, how clever.

It's not boot camp. It's boot camp. I know. I was like, that's really cool. I know. It's genius. And when I do my confessions on the podcast, we call it the confession booth. Oh, you guys are real cute.

We're punny. Stephen would really like you guys. Instead of making an office, you could just make him a spare room. He was so happy. Well, we met him at Jaden Tanner's wedding. And that must be so funny because you're from The Bachelor World and then his twin is Michael, who was on, who's a friend. who's season, Jillians.

Yeah, yeah. And he did Bachelor pad and they're twins, so people always think you married into the Bachelor family. And all the Bachelor producers are like, oh, it's Stephen. This is Michael's brother. So fine, Stephen. Same thing. Yeah, same.

So then, success story, yeah, totally. Same same. How's your wine? Is it too sweet? No, I love it. It's helping this situation that I have going on. Okay, yeah. Tell me what you did last night, and are you free, are you free, mom?

Wild animal. Wild animal. Wild animal. I feel like I missed out. Oh, my gosh. I used to be a wild animal for a really long time. Me too. And I lived in Nashville for five years.

And I, like, loved it. I swore that when I moved from Nashville, I left a part of my heart here. Yeah. Because I just loved it. It was, like, my early years. Yeah. Like, I just did so much of my growing as a human being and as a woman. And I was also a wild, wild woman.

You got it out of your system. I would never say out loud to anyone. Dang. Until the confession booth, right? Yes. And so last night, my good friend, Valerie, just moved to Nashville. and I ended up being here for work and so I was so happy to have a layover

and I was like this is it, let's do it I didn't drink all weekend I was like prepping for Nashville yeah well this is the right place to do that well I did it yeah I did it I was not messing around that you don't in Nashville

well even if people do yes that's true there's a lot of messing around in Nashville but I'm wishing today I had not yeah vodka vodka is your poison really well no I typically only drink wine we were talking about that this morning I was like

when have you ever soon we have a vodka soda. It used to be my drink, but now I'm like, mom, you know, I've got to be responsible. Responsible moms just drink wine until they pass out, right? Yeah, not vodka soda. Not vodka sodas. So we went and I had a vodka soda and Baller was like, oh, all right, okay, I'm going to get a Moscow meal there. And I was like, let's do this. We met my uncle downtown. Yeah. We ate a smidge, which was probably not the best choices. Right. And then we partied real hard. We decided to do all the tourist bars, which I know. Yes.

Yeah. It was just fun to, like, walk down Broadway. Oh, yeah. Because I used to live here to just see how everything has changed and grown. It was wild. It's blown up. It was wild. And there was so many drunk bachelorette parties.

Oh, did you get recognized? I did. You did? It was so embarrassing. I was very embarrassed. My uncle's homie's like, yes, it's her. Do you let me take your picture? That's so funny because I really believe that, like, it's so weird that that's always

bachelor at parties in Nashville, and Nashville's very touristy. And it's like they're looking for the bacheloretts here. But it wasn't even a woman. It was a man. sent her husband over. He was like, did we go to Michigan State together? And I was like, mm-mm. That always happens. And I thought I was explaining to my friend this morning, I was like, this is a weird part because you don't want to be like, oh, I'm the girl from the Bachelorette. No, you don't want to do that. But I do something. Do we work together? Yeah.

You let them just figure it out? Sometimes. Sometimes I do. If I'm working, I do because I hate being weird about it. Yeah. If I'm out with the kids, I don't, because I don't want people to get weird. Because I really put my kids on Instagram. Yeah. And I go back and forth about that because it's not their choice. Right. And I want people to get weird around my kids. Yeah. You know. But last night I was just like, I was having a good time. And I was out with my friend. You're like, really? Yeah. It's me. We go to Michigan State together. I was like, no. He was like, what about something, something? He asked me two or three questions. I was like, I know I know you. And I was like, oh, I'm that girl from the bachelorette. Yeah, I knew it. I knew that's what you were. I just, I didn't want to say it. I knew it. But he was

actually super cool about it. But I had seen all the girls at his table staring when we got in and sat down. And no shame. Like they flipped around and we're staring the whole time. The whole time and I was just ask just ask I get I get Broadway anxiety like yeah like going down there just even if I wasn't on the show I would still get that but bachelorette parties you know they're just like they know we Sean and I live here too so they're looking yes and and I just am like because you know I get wild too we've had some wild nights I've been kicked out of honky tongs I got kicked out of nudie nudies last night oh god I hope no one recognized me because I was I got on the stage I yeah and apparently you're not allowed to

to do that when the band is playing. I was just having the best time ever. I got on the stage and the security guard came over and he said, get down. I was like, oh yeah, my bad, my bad. And the second he turned around and walked away, this is my wild side. You were like, he didn't get two feet from me. He had his back to me and I turned around. I got back on the stage and I waved a bell and kept on dance.

And then he came right back over and was like, get out of here. And I was like, please, I'm just an old mom. Don't throw me out. He was like, get out. So he was actually, you know, a bit of an asshole. Yeah. The other security guard was not. He stood up front.

He was like laughing at me. He's like, I'm really sorry. And I was like, I can't believe he's going to kick an old mom out. I'm just an old mom. You don't look like an old mom, so there's that. He was like, I know. He's probably, oh, I should probably mute my emails. He was probably like, look at this young haughty.

Thinking she can get up on stage. That's what he thought after I peed my pants. You peed your pants? One of the perks of having children is that sometimes you pee a little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happens to all moms. Well, so my girlfriend Valerie said, well, I haven't had kids, and I still pee my pants a little. Here I am.

The best song comes on. And Valerie stepped out to go to the bathroom. Valerie's my best friend who just moved to Nashville for the listeners who don't know. And she's also here listening in on our podcast. And she's also a hairstylist in Nashville. So go to local honey. Local honey. So I've got to take a step.

Nurse my hangover. Oh, yes. Do that. Although laughing is curing it. Yeah. Laughing is making me feel much better. Yeah, of course. So the best song comes on.

It must have been journey or something. I can't remember. Don't stop believing. Yeah. Yeah. Something awesome. Yeah. You have to just be wild and jump up and down and sing.

Valerie goes to the bathroom and I'm dancing with my uncle Tommy It's not weird We're just two young spring chickens out there dancing With no one else And we're at the front of the stage Everyone can see us I'm dancing and I take one good jump

And I hit the ground and I was like Oh shoot Beat my pants a little But it didn't stop me No It did not stop me I love you Stephen would be so embarrassed by this story

I can't believe you're telling people this No way this is what this podcast is about I love it Well, yeah, but Stephen is like... Will he listen? Oh, yeah. Loves podcasts. Oh.

Love podcasts. And he's my biggest supporter. So anything that I do, he's like, yeah, he will totally listen. He'll probably be like, you damn right, she peed her pants and she got back and she kept on going. Oh, yes. I did. I went to the... Yes, I jumped several more times and peed each time.

You let it all out. You're like, if I'm jumping and be in, I might as well get it all out and then go to the bathroom and take my panties off and throw them in the trash. Wow. What was I going to do? What was I going to do? We still had to keep going out. And we went out. Just three more bars.

This is... I mean, I didn't, like, pee a lot. You are my hero. Well, she's amazing. I have this, like, secret, like, animal inside me. I'm, like, so mad. I didn't go out with you last night. Yeah, it's too much.

You're probably better. You would never look at me the same. No, I'd probably be right there with you, like, drying out your panties and the, like, dryer in the bathroom store. Oh, no, those were done. She dropped poses. I didn't even take my jeans off. I ripped them from the sides.

I didn't take my jeans off. I didn't pee a lot, mind you. I should say. that it was just like mothers who are listening will know it was just like a little dribble like but then why take them off because it was enough trouble gross it was enough to gross me out that my jeans weren't wet but my panties were yeah yeah yeah panties is gross too no i like that word oh i don't no panties sounds so nasty i know a lot of people feel the same way but i actually like the word i think it's cute you don't like moist yes i do no yeah i like it and the combination moist

Pannies? Yeah, it kind of turns me on. See, I like you, too. I'm like that's, it's, I like the word moist because of how much people hate it. No. No. Like, when I watched a show, what was it? Oh, New Girl, I love New Girl. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you guys do? But you can't pick a favorite character, right?

Yes, I can. Shmit. I like Schmidt. I like Winston. He's like the most lovable douchebag. Whitson is growing on me. Yeah, he is. He's definitely underrated, but Schmidt said, I'm going to bake a cake so moist. All the girls are like, ew, you said moist. I do love that show. Great show. After I came off, Bachelorette, I was staying in a hotel, and I saw Cecee at the bar,

and I just don't have it in me to ever be. I know, I don't have it in me, but I was like, look at the C-C. I know. And in L.A. You see famous people all the time. I love your bangs. Right? And I fly for a private jet company, so I see celebrities all the time.

So every time I see one, I'm like, oh, I'm not going to see it. Wait, you what? I work for a private jet company Oh I don't ever talk about my real job Yeah I was like wait I didn't know that I know that's how I ended up in Nashville Okay

I had a plane that needed to come to Nashville And I hitched a ride Oh Yeah so I see celebrities all the time And I don't want to be like You're so awesome Do they, do celebrities ever recognize you? Yes which I find so weird

Yeah It's just the Bachelorette When you think about it you're like Yeah but people I had never even seen the show before I was on it Sean Penn I like love him as an actor and he watches, and he was on Jimmy Kimmelons, and he was like, I'm team Caitlin, and I was

like, die, dead, dead, yep, RIP. Your life has been made. RIPA. Who did? Oh, yeah. See ya? I like... How do you know it was her? I have a friend who is friends with her. Okay. And she went to a baby shower, and she was there, and she was like, oh my gosh, just see it. But she was like, you wouldn't know it was her because she always has her wig on glasses. I would never know what she looks like, right? She was like, she was super nice. She was like, tell me where she bought plates on Amazon.

Like, she was, like, super cool. And then she was, like, saying how she loved The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. And so my friend was like, I'm friends with Deanna. And she was like, no way. Girl, I watched Sertie. She knew all about me. She knew where I was from. She knew I was from Atlanta.

I was like, I want to be best friends with Sia. Yeah. And so then she was like, well, we should host Bachelorette viewing parties, and Dianna can come. And I was like, anytime, see it. Girl, I am there. Yeah. You're like, Kay. Very happy.

See ya. Very happy. That's amazing. That's a cool one. I know, especially from someone who's on the show so long ago. Yeah. So it like took a lull, right? The ratings weren't as good, probably when I was on.

May. No, yours will be 10 years. I watched yours. No way. Yeah, and I remember, actually, this is so funny and creepy. I remember when I was going to be. Why would she choose that guy? It's the number one question I get.

I think he just followed me on Twitter, too. Oh, gross. Stay away. I actually knew one of his good friends. Who? Nick Baumgartner? I don't know. He was like a snowboarder.

Anyways, I remember going on... A real one, though. A real one. Yeah. I went to go on my season. I remember being like, I need my body to look like Deanna's did on her season. You were so in shape.

Oh, I really wasn't. I really wasn't. But thank you for saying that. It makes you feel very good. No, I remember some purple bathing suit. I put me in a swimsuit. And I remember one opening scene. So my producer is not on the show anymore.

I, like, loved him. He was this little gay dude. And we got a long. so well, and he would come to my house when we had to film or whatever, and he'd be around my big, fat, Greek family who are, like, you know, like die-hard, like Greek Orthodox people, and they did not know he was gay, and I'm like, how can you not know? Like, listen to him, you know?

And my aunt Tina said, Dominic, we should bring you to the church and introduce you to a nice young woman, and he said, well, don't know that would work for me. You know, but he was wonderful, and I remember shooting some of my opening things, and I hated being a swimsuit. I was like, please, I don't care who you are. I think that everyone has issues with their, own body and it's a shame. Every single person, and it is a shame. Right. It is a shame. We pick ourselves apart and we are our own worst enemy, right? And so I remember him putting me in the hot

tub and he was like, okay, now get in there and get your hair wet and then flip it back. And I was like, and you do that, right? I did do it. Yeah. Did they air it? I think it showed in some of the opening credits. I feel like I remember seeing a picture somewhere. Yeah. But he was like, what would make you do that? And I was like, all right, somebody go get to get a one. Yeah. And we drank the same thing, me and him, we would drink vodka sodas all night. He and I would sit in the hot tub all night long and drink vodka and sodas. And he'd be like, okay, here's your vitamins, here's a little juice shot, go to bed, no wake up by the morning. Aren't they so, like, you get so spoiled? Oh, yeah. I'd be like, I want sushi, and this is my favorite kind of wine, and we bring it

to me in bed, and then I'd like a massage at, like, eight in the morning before I get my hair and makeup, and then you get so used to that for so long. Except I didn't do all of that. I was kind of stupid going into the show. I was too. Andy told me. She's like, she was like, oh, tell me you'd, like, go through, like, um, what is that at the airport, like, like, yeah and get and buy and let them buy you all these things I'm like what no no I don't do that and she's like I remember girls saying that they used to go to like Disneyland and they would get a massage every day and they would do all this stuff. And I was like, really? Well, as a contestant? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Because I guess back then, right? I think it's a little different now. They get to do lots of things. But back then we got like, I think it was like 100 bucks a day. And you could choose how you wanted to spend it. Right? If it was going out to a nice dinner or if it was going to six flags or if it was buying clothes. You know, you got to choose how to spend it, but that was all you got. And I literally would be like, I'm a rule follower. So it's funny that I have this side of me that's this wild animal. I am also a rule of honor.

I'm the same way. Yeah. And I felt really guilty if I had to like, like I don't like to take advantage of people. No, me either. I am very, very honest. Yeah. I don't lie about anything. I'm the same way.

Not even what I ate for breakfast. I couldn't. I ate four donuts and that's okay. Yeah. I'm not going to lie about that. Yeah. And so I would. I would be like, oh, well, they said stay in my room.

I'm going to stay in my room. And then I would hear girls being like, oh, no, no, girl. I snook out and went down to the pool and laid out. And I was like, what? I was the same way. I didn't even watch TV when they had us like in the hotel before we moved into the mansion because I thought you weren't allowed so I didn't even turn my TV on. And they said you could spend 60 bucks on food.

I spent 59.95. But then I'd like break out and during the season and be drunk and like go down and try and find the guys and be like, what's that? Oh, I did that once and I got in a lot of trouble. I got in so much trouble. They like, they made me feel like a child. Oh, me too. And I remember saying I realized what I did was wrong and I feel bad and I'm really sorry,

but I'm not a child and you can't talk to me like that. Oh, I would, same. I did. I snuck out. My producer went to bed and I snuck down because they lived at the house with me. Yeah. Oh, what? Yeah. So they, what at the production... In the mansion? In the mansion, right? I lived in the mansion where they used for filming, right? I lived in the mansion. You did? I did. And so they turned what was the production garage down there. Actually, the guy who owned the house, it was a studio for him. He was a photographer. He used it as photography down there. They cleaned it out and turned it into like a bachelor pad. And the guys all

lived down there. They had bunk beds. They had an outdoor shower and the shower happened to be right by my bedroom window. Perfect. Carrie Fatman would go and watch the board shower. You couldn't see anything because they built like a fence up so you couldn't see anything

but you didn't see them when they were down the chair. And there's that tiny window in the closet and Carrie Fatman and I would be in their life. Oh my gosh. Carrie Fitman is like the designer. Yeah, he dresses.

He's been there the whole time, hasn't he? Designing all the... Yes. Dressing all the leads? Yes. And you were on Brad Wilmax season his first or second time? First.

And he picked nobody. He picked nobody. The rumor was I picked nobody. and they were like, that hasn't been happened since Brad Womack. I should have pulled a Brad Womack, but. Well, yeah, but you, I mean, did you think in the time that you were really going to marry that guy or did it? And then you learned later, or were you like, shit, this is my best option. Kind of that.

Yeah. Kind of that. I really, really liked Jason. And if you have ever met Jason, you would really like him too. So lovely. It's delightful, right? They're amazing. I really liked.

Yeah, because Jason Mesnick was your runner up. Yes. Yeah. Well, originally how I had it all mapped out in my head. Yeah. It was going to come down to Graham Bunn. and Jeremy Anderson who don't ever hear from anymore

Right Those were going to be my final two Right final four was always going to be Jesse Because I wanted to learn how to snowboard And he was fun Great reasons Yeah, of course It was very fun

So it was going to be Jesse Graham and Jeremy obviously And Jason Yeah Jason was a I wasn't so sure But I thought I like him He's cool, he's cute

Yeah He's good looking He was like my Jared Like you're like I don't know what's going to happen I think we're friends Yeah, but I knew he had a son. Yeah. And that's a very important part, and I just wasn't ready for that.

Yeah. And more importantly, I knew that if I wasn't going to choose Jason, I didn't want to keep him there because I didn't want to keep him away from his son. Yeah. But unbeknownst to me, the producers had a different plan. Yeah, so Jason stayed, right? Grand Bun was forced to go home, told to go home. Yeah.

And then Jeremy, I knew it was never going to work because we went on a date in Palm Springs. Yeah. And I remember getting in the hot tub and he was like sitting against the stairs, right? So it was the camera guys and they were in front of him and he was sitting down the stairs and he was leaning back like this you have a hot

pretty much husband anyway so you're probably used to his abs I don't typically date beefy guys it's just not my thing never has I like food I happen to be a bad food he was sitting on the stairs

and he was all lean back on the stairs and was like flexing his eyes because the camera was on him and I was like mm-hmm that will never work yeah and he was like looking at him to make sure that they looked and I was like nope never gonna work

I mean even if you're in even if you're in even if you're into the ripped fit type that's unattractive because you're like get over yourself and i was like i'm here i am this is supposed to be very romantic we were in um palm springs and we were at no i can't remember his name of the worst names anyway um we were at his house in his backyard who like a producer's a guitar shaped pool what who is he yes wayne newton no no whatever doesn't matter anyway we're at his house supposed to be this big romantic day i'm in my i'm in my

I'm in my swimsuit that I'm obviously not comfortable in because he's ripped shreds. And here I am. Welcome to my life. Eating cereal every day and drinking with my producer until a wee hours of the night. Yeah, it was terrible. Terrible. That was me. I gained 10 pounds.

You did? Yeah. So you know what's funny? Carrie Fetman told me that I, at that time there had only been four bachelorets. I was four. Carrie Fetman said, you're my only girl so far that hasn't gained any weight. And I was like, really? My weight doesn't typically fluctuate.

Anyway, how the belly fat does and how it looks in my jeans. But I typically stay about the same amount of weight, right? And he said, I've had several girls that I would find that candy bars in their suitcases. And I was like, what? He said, oh, yeah, one girl, I'm not going to mention names. But if you can count, there were only four. Definitely wasn't Trista, so you can get down to two. They said she gained like 30 pounds.

Like they had to resize all of her stuff at the very end. And he was like, I'm amazed that you haven't gained any weight. And I was like, well, I'm starving to death. You won't let me eat. Yeah. Why can't I eat while we're filming? What's wrong with that? You can't serve all this good food.

Why we can't eat? But I don't typically fluctuate and weight anyway on a scale. But, yeah, I thought that was so funny. Oh, man. I was like, my face was so round after my season. Oh, you think so? Oh, it was. I'll show you'd be like, oh, now I see it.

Like, you couldn't really tell during the show. Yeah. But now if you look back. It's probably the same thing because you see somebody every day. So everyone tells me now they're like, oh, you look too skinny. I'm like, I'm actually at my normal weight that I always am. I just gained 10 pounds on the show because we went. to Ireland and all I drank was Guinness and ate meat and potatoes.

Oh my God. I've done the same thing. Ireland's beautiful, isn't it? Okay, let's take a quick break I want to do. I guess you could call it a humble brag. I found the cutest, cutest dresses that I love on Threadup, which are from one of my favorite stores, free people. Finding a great deal is such a thrill, but digging through clothing racks at your local

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Don't you miss it? on the show, besides having a lot of fun, we're going to answer financial questions from listeners, and maybe, just maybe, we'll even put you on so we can have a chat, wouldn't you just love to talk to me? So be sure to check out Women and Money on Apple Podcasts, Podcasts, podcast1.com, and the new Podcast One app. Now back to Off the Vibe, Great Therapy. Your kids are so cute. I don't think so much.

It's ridiculous. No, there. Her dance. Now I get to be the proud. Yeah, of course. Her dance movies started because she would see Instagram or our, what's the other one? Snapchat? Snapchat.

Of other kids like dancing or whatever. Oh, I want to do a dance movie. And so that's how it started. She didn't realize that she's taking the video or whatever. And so that's how dance movies started before she would say, I want to do a video. She would say, I want to do a dance movie. She is just so precious. Like.

She doesn't have a shy bone in her body even. She's a lot like me. Oh, good. looks like Stephen. Yes, she does. Everyone thinks they're not my children, that I'm the nanny. Oh. I'm like, Austin, a little bit, right?

Austin does look like you a little bit. Yep. This is the babysitter. Some of this yesterday's. Oh, look at him. She's a little hammock in the backyard. I mean, I've obviously been following you for a while, so I watch your kids grow, and I'm just like, oh, my gosh.

It's hard for them. It's hard for Val to move because she's, right. Ball to like a baby. Oh, yeah, of course. She didn't know I was saying goodbye. Yeah, she's like, why do you need to get the app, Marco Polo. Oh, somebody else. Tell me about that.

Yeah, Becca did. What is that? I'll tell you about it after because I could go on for hours, but it's like my favorite app to keep in touch with all my best friends. Oh, okay. It's like changed my life. Like, I'm a happier person because of that app. God, they should pay me.

We should do that. Because we involved. You should be able to put that in. We'll take that in. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. We evolved like babies. I can't even go a week, clearly.

I get that. I totally get time. And they don't know the difference. They're like, hi, bow. Yeah. Hi, Belle. Oh. Little tiny voices.

They are pretty, great, cute. I love kids. was not that person though i like liked kids but i wasn't like oh god i love kids oh i'm i'm really i love babies and i love kids teenagers scare the shit out of me oh well they should yeah they do because especially if i think about myself i think about the things that we have to deal with with a boy girls fine right girls you can have an adison's a heartwriter yeah yeah i'm like stephen you got that they did it's true you know it's so funny i don't know why this is the story i'm choosing to tell right now But my ex-boyfriend from, I think we were 22, told me that the first time he ever masturbated

was to the thong song video. Oh, gross. That is gross. It's so gross. I was like, what? And then I went and watched it laughing so hard because I'm like, that's what you did it. That's what you chose to do it to? Yeah.

Thong song. And he's just now like two, and they do get little baby boners. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he'll like laugh at it. Yeah. He's obviously like, what's it doing? Yeah, yeah, because they don't get it. is funny. I'm always amazed

after having children how God designed women and men. So I think that parents must recognize if their child is gay at a very young age, right? Because my children, Addison is a girl and Austin is a boy. He's a man baby. He's a man baby. That's what he is. An animal man baby. That's what we call him.

Because he will totally like take his pants off and look at his wiener and be like, look what I got! He's super proud of it. And he's like two. Like a little baby. Maybe, you know. But he'll look at girls and he'll be like, he'll wink at him and he'll go, no.

When we leave the gym? Because I do work out, only to drink more wine and eat more food. Me too, me too. That's me too. That's me too. It's ridiculous. No, good for you. He will, there's always pretty girls in the gym working and he will leave and he'll and

Steve will say, say bye, and he'll wait at him. Oh, my. Steve's arm out and he'll go, mm-mm. Oh, my. And the girls are like, it's the cutest. And he'll look at the girl. And I'll go to that side eye. The side-eye.

The side-eye. It's a man, baby. Yeah, I do. I love following you watching your kids. They're wild. They're friggin' adorable. They're the cutest. Addison's great.

She's like my rule follower. She's solid. She's a sweet girl. She wants to include everybody. Yeah. Austin is a wild animal with like a good... The second one usually is, right? Yeah, wild.

How many... Because he just like dives face first off the couch. How many siblings do you have? I have three total of us. So I have a brother who's a year older and a sister who's a year younger. Oh, so you're all very close. Yeah. And I'm a typical middle child.

That's very typical. I feel like I seem like a middle child, but I'm not. No? I'm the baby. You just have the one sister, no? Yeah, just an older sister. I have six steps sisters. I know because we message each other on Snapchat.

You do? Yes. Oh. She's like, your kids are cute. I'm like, you probably loves you. I know, she's very sweet. She's the sweetest. She's the sweetest person I've ever met.

Like, I'm like, why we are so different? Like, not that I'm not sweet, but... Is it a big age difference between you two? Three years. Oh, that's so bad. Oh, that's so funny that you're so different. We're very different, yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah. But, I mean, we're very close as well. Yeah, yeah. She's amazing. I wanted to say, just to get it in there because I'm obsessed with Ellen. You got to, like, go on Ellen. She got to announce you as The Bachelorette. Did she not?

Yeah. What did her hair smell like? I'm not going to lie, she's super cool, and she, like, loves the show. You know that. She loves the show. I know. But legit, we filmed. I've never met her in its dream.

Oh. Yeah. I can't believe she didn't have you on. She loves the show. My show was. No. Sorry. I just fit all over because it's like an inside joke.

I'm always telling. Caitlin, I'm like, he told me no to you. That's right. It's fine. Guaranteed. I tell myself it's because that she was filming when it was, or she wasn't filming because it was during the summer. So I'm like, fine. But in my head, I'm like, Ellen.

Yeah. I've been wanting to meet Ellen since I was little like, like I love her standup. I loved her on her show. And I've been saving a pickle jar because she loves pickles. Not many people know that. But she loves pickles, but she always said on her standup that she didn't like putting her hand in the pickle jar because of the juice. So for so long since I was like probably 15,

I've been hanging on to this really old school Tupperware container where you open it and then you pull up this handle and it strains all the pickle juice and then you pick a pickle and it's called a Piccadilly. And so I've been hanging on to it. You just made Valerie's world. I'll show you.

I haven't. You've just rocked her world. My mom sent it to me from our home just in case I ever end up on the room. Oh my gosh. And you... Actually, I've seen this before. Yeah, and it strains all the juice.

Yeah. I used to drink pickle juice and I was a little. So anyways. Now I just drink wine. I love pickle juice. Do you ever have a shot of whiskey and then do a pickle juice? No, but Valerie does. She told me about it today and I'm like, I like pickles and pickle juice, but I'm not so sure.

So I think that what you should do is just start, like, harassing Ellen on all social media. I realize people are probably running it. And it didn't work for you. But you know, Kelty? Yeah. Kelty told me I got to play it cool and not do that. Oh, I don't know. She really responds to the...

Oh, she does? Yeah, I think so. I think she responds to the people who, like, give big gestures. Okay, I'm gonna keep trying. She just go stand out front with this time. Ooh, that's a good idea. I should make a banner.

You know how she does something? Like, to meet George Clooney, she like went all over. She should go to start a Caitlin Meet Ellen campaign. Let's do it. People would really be happy about that. Everybody listening can be behind it because there's quite a few listeners.

We should get signatures started. We should get signatures. And then we should get like a mariachi band outside of her studio and like do all these funny things to just get. yes you know how the Kardashians have all those flowers you should just start filming all those flowers yeah she's super cool we were we filmed um so she announced that i was the bachelorette yes then we filmed an episode at the studio and like for real the producers were like

okay you know this is how it's gonna go go blah blah and ellen opened up her green room was like getting her and talk to you shut the door didn't let a producer in a camera crew or nobody she was getting her hair done and i was like holy crap oh my god i'm an ellen's green room what do Oh, my gosh. And I remember standing there and she was like, so tell me, how's it going. Like, for real, no one's in here. Yeah.

I want to know legit how it's going. And she was so cool about it. She, like, you know, she doesn't know me from anybody else, but she just, I think, loves the show and was just so awesome about it. And, like, didn't have to do that. Yeah. You know, she's Ellen. She's freaking Ellen.

She sat there while getting her makeup done and questioning about the show and wanted to know which guys I really liked and which ones I could pick on and which ones she could, like, tease. You know, she was awesome. I would make out with her. I know. We all just nodded our head around the table, yep. And Portia, too.

Oh, Portia's so hot. It would be so great. Yeah. So great. Maybe they'll come over one time. I mean, I live in L.A. You could come. Ellen likes, like, home decor and stuff, so maybe she'd like my house.

She probably really would like your house. Yeah. I mean, I like your house. I'll invite her over. Maybe I'll just stay. Maybe I'll never. I think we should get a Deanna move to Natural Campaign, though. Okay, yeah, I'm on that train, too.

You'd have to really, really. Thanks, Stephen. He's in his dream job. He's at his peak. Stephen can be my co-hosts for the podcast. I know. He would really like that. Yeah.

Yeah. He has his own podcast, but. Yeah, what is it called? It's okay. We can edit this. I know. They're about to launch it. Hold on.

I will tell you. They're launching it. They're launching it. Oh, it hasn't started. It's a gaming podcast, though. I'm a gamer. Like for... Like Dungeons and Dragons?

Um, Call of Duty. Stephen works for Riot Games. Oh. Have you ever played League of Legends? No. But do they, does he talk to Jared from my season? Because Jared's trying to get into, like, that industry of being like a critic for video games. Oh, no way.

I didn't know that. In L.A., yeah. So we met Jared one time at, it must have been Jade and Tanner's wedding. I feel like you met everybody at Jade and Taylor. Yeah. But I was also pregnant with Austin, so it was massive. You were pregnant. And I was sitting at the bar, eating a burger.

All I wanted was some food. Stephen got a drink. And I was like, I'm just going to sit here and be pregnant and eat this burger. And here comes Jared. I see him from across the bar. it was like us old people and then it was all the young I was hanging out with you I know but don't you think it is funny how there is a there's a real definition in the the people from the show now yeah like there is the young crew yeah yeah oh am I not the young crew anymore I'm not you're right

no no there is a definite yeah you're right definition like you're right between us right um and we remember Jared coming over and I saw him because I saw him sitting with Ashley I and her sister and I saw them looking at us and I was like oh my oh my oh my oh They're talking about how fat I am. I just know why. They're talking about how big I am. Because I was like three weeks from giving birth, and I felt like a massive animal sitting at the bar.

Well, you look beautiful. Chowing down my burger. Thank you. It's amazing. Very kind. And he comes over and he's like, hey, Michael. And Stephen's like, oh, no, no, no, no, I knew you would do that. I'm actually Stephen.

And he was like, no, I don't believe you. You're Michael. And he was like, oh, no, no, we're twins. And he was like, no, I'm his twin brother. This is my wife, Deanna. And he was like, hey, yeah, Ashley. I told me that. She thought that you were that old bachelorette.

No, he did not say that. He said that she told him I was that old bachelorette. Not like old, like that old, like that old, that old. That old. There is a hard D. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And I was like, oh. That's what she said. I've never said that's what she said in my whole life. And then I just heard hard D and that's what I went to. But that's it. You also like moist panties. I know. Hard D.

Moist panties. I don't get shit. Oh my God. Ouch, that hurts. I know, I was like, all night, I was like, I can't say hi to her. I'm not going to lie. I felt like the old Bachelorette when we just went on to give Becca advice on her season. And it was like, Rachel was next to her, then Jojo, than me.

And I was like, oh, I'm next out of here, you know. Yeah. Those girls don't even know me. They're like, who are you? Well, you introduce yourself to me. I was like, I know you. Oh, no. And I introduced myself to Ben Higgins too because I've been such, like, he's such cool dude.

Steve's like, you're not going to go say hi. And I was like, yes, I am. And he was talking to him, and I slid right in. next to Andy and said, girl, aren't you doing your band? Stephen was like, I'll wait here. I was like, hi, Ben, I'm Diana. He said, hey, I know you are. Nice to meet you. And I was like, you know who I am?

Yeah. Thank you. Because Ben was going up to be The Bachelor after he had just, or his season was airing or something like that. Yeah, I think his season was airing. And so Andy was talking to him and I was like, girl, girl, throw me a bone right now. He was my number three. That's when you talk about. Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah. I wish you were in New York. Is he really like legit? The sweetest. Is he? Yes, the sweetest. And when, sometimes, but sometimes too sweet. Like, I'm like, like, are you, or are you just like trying to be the perfect Ben that Bachelor show gave you the title of?

Or is that persona thing, like he just wants to be viewed. Because he is that sweet that I'm like, what? But that's, I wanted him to be second and Nick to go home third. Anyways, we should confess. So I've been so weird and depressed. and sad, but before that, it apparently takes about three weeks to kick in, and I was talking to this hormone specialist, and she goes, how's your sex drive? Like, what are your emotions, all these things? And I'm like, I don't know, like, two children. I was like, I don't know, I just feel

like, now he's looking, Tucker's looking at my foot. I'm like, everything seems like, okay, and she goes, oh, I'm going to get you on this, I'm going to get you on this, and I'm going to get you on this, and I'm going to get you on this. And I'm like, She hasn't seen any blood work. That's so wild. She puts me on testosterone cream. She puts me on estrile. She puts me on progesterone, all this stuff where I'm like... Without even like seeing you?

Yeah. It was Skype. Wow. And so I go on all this stuff and... Well, and even more so you trusted her. Yeah. You were like, she hasn't seen my blood work. It's fine.

I'll take all those things. Yeah, I was like, she gets it. She gets it. She must know. And so two weeks in... I'm like growing a mustache two weeks and I had a few glasses of wine and I go home and Sean is laying in bed with me and I go hey and I lay there and I looked at him and he was like what are doing and I go I think my testosterone cream's kicking in he was like ew he said

I like thought I was being sexy by telling him what testosterone? cream and he was like ew and I was like then I dropped a line from the drunk guy of my season from night one I was like and he goes what do you mean and I said I'm horned up I said my testosterone cream is kicking

in and I told him I was horned up did he like that no he was like that's kind of gross and then I was like good night babe yeah and then we went to bed yeah and then a week later I marriage and then a week later i started feeling really depressed i had to go off this medication because it just has not worked for me oh you happened again i don't think i need the other four

things i don't think i needed it i don't think i don't think i was just being no are you trying to get pregnant maybe you're pregnant i no i tried i took a test oh because that would be a good explanation but you realize they lie they're not immediate you need to wait till for like two weeks speaking of i still oh man what we only want two children Oh, and you, so you need to get, yeah. Anytime now. Yeah. Waiting for the old dot.

For the old girl to come from the bump. Oh, Lord. No. Anyway, it doesn't. It's not immediate. But I didn't need it. I wasn't like, I wasn't like, I'm crazy. I need to go on hormone medication.

I was like, ooh, I heard it helps grow your hair and makes you all horned up. So I just get pulled up. Then we would all be taking it. Right. And it did the opposite for me. I was like, honestly, I was a mess. And so I went off it. So my confession is that I tried to turn on Sean by talking about my testosterone cream

and saying I was horned up, and it definitely did not work for me. It's a good one. Oh, that is really good. Yeah. I'm going to have to put some thought here real quick into my confession. Well, I mean, you did pee a little and cut out your... I mean, I did that too. You know what?

Well, really, I didn't cut them out. I was in a bathroom stall by myself, so I had to, like, lean down. And rip them out. I've been doing yoga. I had to lean down. I can't get them going with my teeth. I had to bite them and bite the lace. I'm like, wait, you're not talking loud enough.

People need to care of that. You bit the lace. I did in the stall by myself. So you dribbled a little, all moms can understand. All moms. I dribble a little and I haven't had kids yet, so good luck, Caitlin. I don't do it a lot, but I definitely. You were probably dancing to, hey, hey, hey, and here I go.

Hey. And you're probably doing a shower. And then you peed a little. Yep. Yeah, and I kept dancing too, which is so impressive. And then you went to the stall and you ripped your moist energy. I leaned over in the stall. And you know how you have the crack in the door and I'm like, oh, I'm just drunk enough.

I don't care if anyone sees me. And I lean down as far as I can get. I stretch these out and I bite the lace so that I can rip them. I get one side. And then I do the other. Good for you. I have boots on. The floor is gross.

Yeah. Taking my pants off in here. And I just come off and throw them right in the trash. I did that with Spanx. I was at a wedding, and I had spanks under my dress, just spank underwear. And so I took them off because they were really cramping my style. Yeah. And you need to just, like, have a drink and dance.

Let that thing out. And some guy brought over a bunch of shots, and it spilled everywhere. And I'm kind of a neat freak sometimes. And we all took the shot, and I used my spanks to wipe up. Stop it. Yeah. And then I just threw it behind the bar. I do have a good embarrassing story.

I don't get embarrassed a lot. It takes a lot to embarrass me because, why? Hey, people do stupid shit all the time, right? I think doing embarrassing thing is kind of cute. Right. Because you're like, oh, she doesn't care. Yeah. Have you ever pooped your pants?

Not like really pooped your pants, but almost pooped your pants? Yeah, of course. I do it a lot because I have a fear of pooping in public. Oh, yeah, I can't either. I don't. I'm not a big poop in public guy. No, no. I want to do it at home on my clean toilet.

Yeah. It's very clean and private away from anyone else. So sometimes I like push the limits, you know? Yeah. And if I think I can make it home, I will try. Yeah. And this was probably right after the Bachelorette was airing.

And I was in my hometown. And I was like a hometown hero. Yeah. Right. Of course. Yeah. Small town. Yeah.

And I had a Starbucks and those really get me going. Oh, Starbucks. More like poop box. Yes. And I went to the eye doctor. I needed contacts. I was going somewhere for press or something. So it was all the way across town.

So it's small town, but it's definitely a 20-minute drive because there's nothing but an open land. where I'm from. Yeah. Nothing but heels. Heels. I am not going to poop in the contact lens place. I'm just not going to do it.

Yeah. So I think, I can make it home. I'm pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good. My car is already in Los Angeles, so I'm driving my sister's car. And it's this old beat-up Honda Civic before she graduated college and bought herself a nice car. Yeah.

And so I'm driving it across Fayetteville into Noonan. And I think I can make it home, but I get about halfway home. And I'm on a back road. And I'm like, I'm going to die. I'm going to die or I'm going to poop my pants here in this car and someone's going to find me and I have poop all in my pants. I'm like, what happened to her? I am all up on my right side in my car, you know. Clenchant.

Clenchant. To save my life. Yeah. And I realize I'm not going to make it. So I pull over in this place called Palmetto, which is in between if you take a backroads. And the only restaurant in the town because the town is like one mall strip, right? There's like four places. No one's in there.

I'm like solid. I have to do it. I have to do it or else I'm going to poop my pants here. So I pull my little car in and I go in and no one's in there having lunch and I'm like, hi, could you direct me to the bathroom, please? And I'm like rocking and I'm sweating and I'm so uncomfortable. And the two little girls, you could tell, are starstruck. And I'm like, oh, no, no, it's the worst.

Not today. Not today. And they're like, ah, it's right back there. And they point me in the direction of the bathroom. So I go. Go to the bathroom. There's an Easter bunny behind you. Oh.

It's so cute. It's like cleaning its face. He is. Anyways. He's got a little cotton tail. Go on. I go to the bathroom. I do my thing.

I'm so embarrassed to leave. I probably drop my paintings in the trash because I do that. That's your thing. That's your move. It's so weird. That's your move. I come out and the two girls are standing there and I'm like, thank you so much. And they're like, are you the girl from the Bachelorette?

And I'm like, oh, my God, I just pooped in your bathroom. Did you see that? No, but I was like turning red, and they're like, are you the girl from the bachelorette? And I was like, I can't say no, because I look like the girl from the bachelorette. Because you are the girl from the bachelorette. And I'm like, I am her, yes. And they're like, oh my God, do you live nearby? And I was like, yes.

I do. And then they take my picture. I didn't order anything. I came in to use the bathroom. I tore the bathroom up. They take a picture with me, and that's before Instagram. like Twitter launched the day my show was done so it was before any of that you know

and I'm like I'm so uncomfortable I'm so uncomfortable and I've never been more embarrassed to my life so you know they know they know I came in but did they go in and smell the bathroom probably maybe when I left they went in well that's weird on their part maybe but I came in I didn't order a thing I didn't buy anything I asked to use the restroom I was in there

for a while yeah so you know I wasn't just peeing yeah then came out and then they asked to take a picture with me yeah and then I left shamefully and my sister's beat up Honda Civic. That's okay. I forgive your sin and we can wash it away with wine. Poop my pants. You know what?

There's so... Poop or peeve my pants. All of my... Poop or peeve my pants. What's wrong with me? People are never going to look at me the same. Are you kidding me? Every confession from every guest I've ever had

on my podcast has been about poop or Pete. Oh, all right. I feel right at home. I almost poop my pants a lot, though, I guess. I don't like to use public restroom. Stephen's like, you just need to do it. And I'm like, I can't either. I take one look at that toilet and I'm like.

Nope. I can't either. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't. No. No. Because then I'm like, oh, somebody can hear me. Somebody can smell me. Someone can see me. I've almost pooped my pants at church before. I'm like, I've got to go. I've got to go. I'll come back and get you in the kids. And he's like, are you serious? I'm like, yeah, I've got to go home. I'm the same way. I just can't. And it's just so satisfying in your own home. Yes. Unless your kids come in and they're like, what are you doing, mommy. It smells in here. I'm like, get out. Can I please just have two minutes while I poop by myself? Do you know what I heard? You know how dogs stare at their owners when they're

pooping like look and they look all scared and they're hunched over and they look at you apparently they're counting on you to protect them if something comes up behind them and they can't do anything and then i'm like why is Tucker oh when they're pooping yeah and then i was like why does Tucker always need to be in the bathroom with Sean and why is he always need to be in the bathroom with me he's protecting us for if something happens while we're pooping so now if I'm doing that in the bathroom and Tucker's right there I'm like I love you yeah you're protecting me and it's like so funny i've never heard that before but I mean, it could be made up, but...

Because they do. They literally will... You know how they turn circles. Find the right spot and they face you. And then they look and they're like, don't you let anything happen to me. See this. Okay, just because we're running out of time, even though I don't want to do. I have to go out and drink. You got to go out and drink.

We got to get to Ken You Knott's and then we're wrapping it up. So Ken You Knot, I figured with my confession and with hormones, just always messing with women. You know, no matter what age, it's like I get one week out of the month where I actually feel normal. It's the perks of being a woman. The perks? Yeah. I know. I didn't say that happily.

That is... Wait till you have children. I'm scared. You'll never look at your nipples the same. I'm scared. They do go back, which is great. I know. I had really great ones before I had kids.

Shoot. But they do go back. They do go back to almost the same. But, but... Oh, man. Okay. Well, let's do Ken You Not hormones because I've got quite a few. Um, first of all.

Oh, shoot, my phone's on airplane mode, so I can't read it. Okay, what's your, can you not hormones, so then we can go from there? Oh, man. Why has it seen someone running out? Can you not make my face look like I'm 17 in my high school again? Yes, I've never experienced acne until I was 30. And hormones. They're not even like little pimples that no one would notice.

They're like, I got beat up, and they're like, who gave you that on the side of your face? Yes, I've got one on my head right now from the hormone medication. I had a cystic zit for the first time. That all day. For the first time in my career as a woman from hormone. Your career as a woman? Yeah. Okay.

I guess. My career. Right? Yeah. Okay. Can you not give me symptoms when I'm ovulating, symptoms the week before my period and symptoms during my period giving me only one week to feel normal. Dang.

Isn't that the truth? I mean, there is one week, and Sean can probably be like, normal. Sean can probably know, like, you know, he'll probably be like, ooh, this is your good week. Right. Like, otherwise he's like, get me out of here. Anyways, and same thing, the zits. Like, can you not? Can you not, wreck my face so that I can go out in public?

Yeah. Like, all I want to do is go get a poop box. I'm just pooping my bathroom. Yeah. And you're stopping me from that, you know? Yes. So some people wrote in about their can you not to, which I love. Can you not make me crazy?

Can you not make me lose my mind on Stephen on a monthly basis? Can you seem? Can you not make Sean out to seem like he murdered our dog just when he left a dish in the sink? I'm like, are you? Canning me? We had to make it a competition. So the sink will never be dirty now because I've made it a competition. If you lose the sink competition, you've got to massage my feet.

Sinks never been dirty since. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah. I'm not so sure that it works. You can be like, yeah, mama. Oh. Massage your feet. You know what that turns into.

Yeah, that's true, too. We've been married for a long time. We have two kids, so he'd be willing. Wait, that's romantic. You've been married for a while. You have two kids, and he'd be like, yeah, let me massage your feet. Can you not? Daddy, it is 8.30, and I'm real tired.

Yeah. I got to go to bed. That's, guys can just turn it on. My podcast can. came out this past Tuesday. Oh, we saw that. Yeah, sex expert. She was saying the same thing.

Like, guys can just get boners and be like, ready. And you're like, I'm not the same way. You got to warm me up. Yeah, you got to warm me up. Work on this. Yeah. Yeah. Work on this.

Can you not? We've married all seven years. You're still working on it. Yeah, that's probably an ongoing. I was willing to put in the time in the effort, though. And I'm like, I'm a little tired now. Yeah. I got a bet.

That was one of Jillian Harris's confessions on my podcast was she faked her period to get out of sex. She's like, yeah, I'm still on. I couldn't do it, though, because I'm not a very good liar. I'd be like, I'm not very. Yeah. Totally. I'm like, trash from my tampons because they're not in there. Because I'm lying.

Jessica was probably like, yeah, whatever. This girl, Brooke Peachy said, how about just can you not ever? Hormones. Like, just, just can you not make me cry over a Subaru commercial. Yes. Oh, the crying. Yeah, the crying. Anything.

This is us while you're hormonal. Don't even try it. Don't even try it. Don't even try it. wouldn't i'm i'm a veteran i wouldn't do it and can you not in those like gross public bathrooms with the like just stick your tam dirty tampons in here wrap it in a piece of toilet paper oh it's so disgusting why you have to push it open it was so disgusting didn't somebody teach you my mom died when i was young and someone taught me yeah same same um can you not make me feel like it's the end

of the world when they're out of dessert at the restaurant oh i don't have that problem i'm not a dessert i got i have the second glass of wine me too me too me too me too worth. Okay, can you not make me an emotional person, and if you don't have the wine I want. But no one ever doesn't have any more wine, right? But maybe they don't have the one you want. And then it's like, can you not? Yeah. Do you have any more? Oh. Can you not make me look three months pregnant when I'm not pregnant at all just because I'm bloated? Oh, we did this last night. That's why you get the mom joints that come high-waisted. I only wear high-waisted.

I only wear high-waisted. People think I have abs and I'm like, no, no, I'm just tucked. And I've got two abs on top. Two abs on top. I told Valerie. I said you have to tuck your shirt in. That way there's just a little lip. That way if it hangs over the top of your jeans, no one sees it. They think your shirt's just pooping out. But really, it's your gut.

Yeah. Can you not? Can you not? But, I mean, we work well with what we've got, you know? Oh, so are you. Valerie. That's what I always want to say when I hear that name. Anyways, okay.

I think we should wrap it up. Can you not just come ever? your hormones oh i was i went really dirty there for a second i went your way i was like wait i'm like but i'm like isn't that a good thing stephen would tell you that his most favorite thing about me is how i mix up like sayings like the grass is always greener on the other side and it's like but that's not you don't use it in the right context right so i say them or i attempt to say a saying but i don't ever get it right and it's not on purpose i just simply it's a dianaism cannot

remember that's me I do um you can get two birds stoned at once yes yeah and Stephen will be like now he just looks at me at first it was like you know we're dating no kids and he's like oh it's like I didn't even know that TM like when you own something TM what does that mean again oh no oh shoot see I don't remember when it's something's patent like it is a TM isn't it in a little circle it means trademark oh you're asking the wrong person yeah I learned that like this week Okay. Joke time?

Joke time. Okay. You tell me a joke. Tell me a knock-knock joke. Okay. Knock-knock. Doors open. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

Thank you, Valerie, for being here. I had the worst time. It was terrible. I hated having you here. It's a real unfortunate podcast, so. Yeah. It's the worst time of that. I don't even think people are listening anymore.

No. No. I know. They're going to be like, you are old. Go home. You're a sish. What? But. But it's been 10 years since I was on the show. Happy tenure. I know. It's like I...

Should we drink to that? I'm becoming an adult. Yeah. Cheers. I've got a tiny sip. This is actually my favorite part of your podcast when I hear you picking up a bottle. I know because you're like, oh, it gives you the feels. I know. I can hear the wine. I can hear it. 10 years, I've got to do something.

Yeah. That's why I did the website. Actually, Valerie built it. What website? Tell us. Which is? Now I've got to have, like, it's crunch time. I really got to do it.

What is it? Deana stag.com. I used to be Deana Pappas, but now I'm really going with this, Deana Stag. Okay. And I'm just going to join the blog world. Good. If I have time. Oh, my God, let me help you.

If my kids nap. Yeah. You know, if they nap, if they don't, I'm going to be like, bye, see you next month. But if I can. Yes. Real life blog. Yes. Real life blog.

Raw. Real. Yes. There's no jokes about this. And I'm not getting paid to do it, which I think is. very interesting people will love it you are hilarious you are very authentic and you're and you're unique you really are let's review my sponsor shall we third love get 15% off your first purchase third love dot com slash vine thread up 30% off your first order threadup dot com slash vine and

amazon keep the podcast free while you shop amazon dot com slash shop slash kately bristow whenever your blog and everything is ready tell me and i will tell the peeps and we will get everyone there because you're going to get me on Ellen and help me help you see yeah and then I can come to and I just sit in the corner and stare true friendship I don't need to like talk well you well I'm not sure she'll be like who are you again when were you here and when were you there oh okay your session is now in me thanks for listening to off the vine grape therapy tune in to hear new minisodes every Thursday and check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday, exclusively on podcast1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

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