Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Heartbreak Healing & Food For Your Feelings with Laura Lea Bryant

Episode Date: November 23, 2023

After a divorce and several difficult breakups, Laura Lea Bryant decided to create a mind and body approach to healing from heartache. She joins Kaitlyn to discuss how she combines scientific research on grief and attachment styles with wellness, including the foods you eat during a difficult time. They unpack what it means to “start over” after a breakup, how to navigate heartbreak around the holidays, and what foods you should eat during the different grieving stages. Like, should Kaitlyn drink a bottle of Primal Kitchen Spicy Buffalo sauce? What foods are digested properly when your body is in fight or flight mode? Is it better to eat healthy? Learn more about how to move through difficult times and give your body what it needs to come out stronger and happier on the other side.   Get a Recipes for an Aching Heart: Healthy & Easy Meals to Help You Heal from Grief, Loss, or the Stress of Everyday Life Cookbook HERE.  Book a free call with Laura Lea HERE.  Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: WELLA ULTIMATE HAIR REPAIR – Try the Ultimate Repair Miracle Hair Rescue, a leave-in spray treatment to repair your damaged hair in ONLY 90 seconds. Use promo code 10VINE for 10% off the travel size on Amazon.   CUROLOGY – You can get up to 6 skincare products FREE when you go to Curology.com/VINE.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor free of charge but mGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario i'm kately bristow your session is now starting thank you for coming to how many years a lot like five yeah like it was for me it was for me it was literally really a lifetime ago. I don't know her. I don't know her. I don't know her. I don't know. It's crazy how much life happens in five years. Like you think, and it's, it's like encouraging and scary at the same time to think five years from now because I'm like, oh my God, I'll be

43. Same. Probably on my eighth, not divorced, but not, I won't even get to the marriage. Roundabout. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be on my eighth roundabout. Who knows? I know. But that's the thing, or it could be the opposite. I, like, I just can't. Yeah, could have a baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. just so much life happens in five years. But I could read your bio, obviously, that the reason I have you here is, will you tell everybody what you do? Because you do a lot of things. You do a lot of things. How would you describe your career, your brand right now? Yeah. So I have been a holistic chef for a decade. And in the last two years, I switched over to being a holistic breakup coach as well. So I really coach women going through divorces and breakups, but really more

specifically women who identify with kind of an anxious attachment style can't get out of the room you know the rumination the looping thoughts all of that yeah how did you transition to that career how did you go from being a holistic chef because weren't you in law school at one point two you're good yeah you are good i wasn't in law school i was on the trajectory i was a paralegal Paralegal. Decided that was not for me. Went to culinary school. And I moved back to Nashville in 2013 and started my business. And to be honest, some of it is I'm just kind of saturated on the food front. Like how many times can you talk about paleo banana bread? You know? I felt that way about scrunchies. I was like, how many scrunchies can I really sell? Mm-hmm. Exactly. It's a trend. We're over it. Fricin Brussels sprouts are still having their moment. Like paleo, whatever. Okay. So you. Tell me about the transition. That's where I was going with that. That's okay. I'm thinking about the snakes and

Brussels sprouts thing. Have you seen that? Yeah. Snakes and Brussels sprouts? Apparently, people found snakes and Brussels sprouts. So, I know. Well, what do you mean? Oh, no, it's broccoli. I just ate broccoli. I literally just ate a bowl of broccoli before you came here. I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's fine. They're not. Yeah. No, there's not.

I mean, if you think about it, vegetables grow out of the ground. Mm-hmm. We find bugs and stuff in them. But you mean people open up a bag? Bugs of snakes. of broccoli and there's a snake in there? Snake. Yeah. Never eating broccoli again. Thank you. Yeah. Don't vouch for me on that, though. I'm definitely doing my research after I'm calling you out of your line.

Anyway, so that's my reasoning for getting away from the food stuff. But no, I mean, truthfully, I think it was, it was partly that. I was just, I was, I love it, but I felt like I had reached. I was, I had reached at saturation point. But I was also, not only had I gone through a divorce in 2018, but I was, was on my second relationship post-divorce and this one just really it was a doozy like the heartbreak was bad it was really nerly yeah and i moved out of his house in a snowstorm in february 2021 woke up the next day was living in an Airbnb with my Canadian friend Megan yeah Megan's so

great she's an amazing therapist actually um yeah yes well handy friend to have a breakup wow the best and I just truly starting that day I was like I've got to do something different because when I was writing my second cookbook and going through my divorce I was doing everything wrong like drinking way too much eating like absolute garbage and all of this while writing a health food cookbook so had a lot of like cognitive dissonance right it was just not being honest right and I also was so physically ill from the grief of the heartbreak that none of the food that I normally, I mean, it was a very humbling experience because I didn't even want to make my own food. I didn't have the time or energy for my own recipes. Yeah. Like even when I'm going through stress, I know what that feels like, that rock bottom heartbreak, that awful, awful feeling where you can't get out of bed and you just don't have the energy to even cook. And I got down just like 97 pounds at one point. I've been there. But even when I'm stressed just over, even if I have a clear head on, it's the right thing or I'm stressed about something. Like eating really gets.

affected by moods. And it's interesting because I'm sure eating the right thing can actually benefit your mood and energy levels and hormonal balances and all of these things. So is that what you have found over your research and switching into this career path is how much food does affect a mood? Yes. So yes. And I mean, food definitely affects mood. But what I was so interested in, because even when I was trying to eat healthy-ish things that were simple, I was not digesting them well. And so I specifically started to study the science of grief and how that relates to your mood and what you need for grief specifically because, again, like a kale salad with quinoa is like probably not going to go over well when you're in certain stages of grief.

Some of them, it works fine. But initially our, when we're in fight or flight like that, our blood flow is getting diverted to basically to your muscles, your brain, as if you're going to be attacked by, you know, wild animal. So you just don't have a lot of energy for normal digestion. Not to mention there's a lot of other things that can change. Like there's science that shows that you have more increased salt cravings because that can help sort of manage stress and all of this stuff that's very specific to not just grief, but actually sort of what we perceive as romantic rejection. So you can experience rejection even if you ended a relationship. Explain. Yeah. So I nodded my head. I went, yeah. And then I was like, tell me more. Tell me more.

So yeah. So the work that I pull this from is is from a woman named Dr. Helen Fisher. And she talks about how withdrawing from a traditional rejection, you know, someone deciding they don't choose you, can very much mimic substance abuse withdrawal. But when you add that to the lens that most women see the world through, which is that we are responsible for the emotional climate of a relationship. That's kind of what we're indoctrinated into. Even if you and the relationship, often I see with my clients, there's a lot of self-blame and shame. Like, I should have been able to make it work. I just ended it because I feel like I tried everything, but it's still got to be my fault somehow. Right. So during a heartbreak and going through these different

seasons, how do you know what to pair with emotional healing, like what phases you're going through? What foods are easier for your body to digest going through these times. Yeah, so I would say I try to break it up into two sort of big chunks. So you might have heard of the stages of grief by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, kind of like the denial, shock, anger. But with Dr. Fisher, because she has this kind of like romantic heartbreak bent to it, I really like how she separates it into protests and resignation. I wouldn't say I like love the word resignation because it's actually more like acceptance. Right. But when you're in that first initial stage, you're almost in a fantasy line. where it feels safer to focus more in reconciliation than to actually acknowledge what's

happening. And so that's where we're really in fight or flight. Our dopamine's really high. We're not digesting a lot. We're kind of tired and wired. Adrenaline and cortisol can be really high. This is a time, again, where I would not be putting in a lot of really like fibrous foods, spicy foods, acidic foods. I would focus more on nutrient dense liquids, soups, smoothies. Again, relatively bland. If you're going to have vegetables, cooked vegetables, coconut water, not only are we all crying a lot, but a lot of us are not thinking to hydrate, like minimal caffeine, that kind of thing. And then as time goes on, our appetite starts to come back. But then what happens is it kind of like comes back with a vengeance. And so that's where we start to crave

like double time. Yeah. And that's where your dopamine actually goes down. And so you kind of start wanting that head of dopamine again. And food's a great way to do that. Food is a great way to do that. That's like a scary thing though, because it's just crazy how much food is tied to emotions, like emotional eating and if you're you know the comfort food and wanting certain things like going through a heartbreak wanting soup makes sense you're sick you don't feel well soup like it's interesting how there's probably science into that as well yeah it's amazing I know I actually do a whole class it's about an hour long on how to kind of like deduce what your cravings are because sometimes you need the thing like not like a healthier substitute you really do need the food to give you that

to give you that comfort so you're kind of choosing like where do you want the comfort to come from. I know what you're saying, but I don't know the order or exactly all of them. But what is the first phase of grief? Yeah. I mean, so typically for most people, it is going to be like some form of protests. It is going to be like shock and denial, essentially. Like this can't be happening. And that's also just your brain protecting you. I mean, it's just too much, you know, to sort of digest for lack of a better word. As things sort of start to, we sort of acknowledge the reality. We move more towards anger. And so when my clients, I always see about halfway through our program, they typically start to tell me they're really

feeling angry as if they're doing something wrong, but it's actually a sign that what we've done is move them through their suffering. So suffering is the stories we tell ourselves. Grief is what we are sort of biologically meant to process. It's not fun, but we can handle it. But the suffering comes from the stories we make up, the meaning that we make. And so my job largely is to get my clients out of suffering so that we can make way for grief. and that's when they feel that anger, and then you move more towards a non-clinical depression.

So all my clients have to work with the therapist as well. But it's a non-clinical depression and then acceptance. I think a lot of people have been taught to not feel anger and to like bury that down. In these phases of grief going through a heartbreak, people always, that's like the number one question I get asked in my DMs is like, I'm going through a heartbreak, how do I deal with this? I can't like fathom. fathom what's happening, I'm broken, all these things. Do you suggest actually really taking the time and having the patience to go through each emotion and each phase of grief to fully heal?

Like I think a lot of people think, I don't want to be angry and they'll like skip a step, but is that bearing something deep down? Hmm. Yes. I mean, yeah, I would say it is. It is sort of repressing something that again does. I mean, grief is not linear, but it does have an overarching beginning, middle and end. And we really can't bypass it. It will come out sideways somewhere. But the biggest thing I find is that breakups or divorces can kind of fall into two categories. One is a client who comes to me. I do a compatibility call and they say, this happened and I'm just really sad. But like, I'm sure it was the right thing. I'm sure it's the right decision. I'm just really sad and hurting. I can't really help them. I mean, I can offer them food resources and maybe some kind of self-care.

but that really does have to move through on its own my job is for the other kind of breakup or divorce and this can be someone who comes to me and this could be three or four years later and it's when they can't get out of the the thoughts the obsessive looping spiral thoughts if i had just done this one thing would it all have been different is it my fault i'll never meet someone again that's that's really where i come in how do you answer that so i use a couple of tools. I would say one of the primary tools that I use is attachment theory. I'm really interested in that. And also some of the work of Dr. Fisher, just sometimes normalizing what's happening can be really, really helpful. But the thing is, we can't, we can't even get to the point

of letting all of those stages of grief come up. Like, we want to feel the anger. We want to tell someone to feel all those things. But if you don't feel, like, at your core with your fundamental paradigm, the belief system that you have, if you don't think it's safe to actually be in the world on your own and fully grasping that you are now once again sort of an independent entity, you won't be able to get to the grief process. So we have to literally repattern their brains around those beliefs and come up with a new paradigm. I just, I always think about things like your enneagram number, your love language, what personality type you are. With attachment styles, you're saying people can evolve through them and switch attachment

styles through work. Yes. I absolutely think unlike Enneagram or, I don't know, like numerology or whatever, attachment is absolutely environmental largely and very much malleable. So it can develop pre-verbal. I mean, before the age of two, although there are a lot of researchers, and I agree that really traumatic early relationships can impact your attachment style. But the work that I do is to show them that I believe anyone can become secure and I watch it happen with my clients. How cool is

that? Oh, it's the best. It's so rewarding. I can't even imagine because I'm sure from therapy and everything I've done, I've watched myself completely change with attachment styles. But how does one, like what's the perfect resource or way to find your attachment style? There is a YouTube channel called the personal development school. And it's run by a woman named Taise Gibson. And she has a quiz on the personal development school website. And I love it. It's the only really nuanced attachment quiz that I've found. It will give you percentages of each. Because everyone's, you know, if you're in this world, if you know the language, everyone's like, I am anxious. I am avoidant or I am secure. But we're all a mixture of all of them. And so she'll let you know kind of where you are on that spectrum.

and you can see your different, yeah, your different percentages. That's what I'm like, I think I'm like all the above with love languages, except for physical touch. I'm not good at that. I got to get better. But like I'm like, yeah, give me all the gifts. Give me all the time. Give me all the like.

I just like can't everybody be more than one thing, which as you're saying, I'm sure you can. And this kind of breaks it down for you a little more. Yeah. We definitely pretty heavily lean or a lot of people heavily lean into one or another. It's kind of like what our tendency. is what we get pushed into really largely again based off of early childhood experiences but i have seen people go from one relationship to another where they just like ping pong because of the

person they're dating it's crazy because i really think of how different i am in each relationship i've been in over the last well let's say like let's include my ex before i went on the show like so let's say three relationships in 13 years i'm like man if i keep going at the age of 50 I'm going to be the most solid person in a relationship like do I just wait but I'm not seeing this to make you feel silly because it's more for me and we're kind of the same where you go through these breakups and divorces and you're you go how do you get over the fear of starting over I think that was a big one for me and I think it is for a lot of people where you're like well it's not terrible like he's not a piece of shit so must be something with me and then like

But I don't want to start over, and I'm 38 years old, but really it's like the brave thing to do to choose yourself to know that you could be happier or even that you could treat the other, that the other person deserves to be treated, you know, the way that you would want to be treated. I would hope that somebody would think, like, Caitlin deserves to be loved this way. He deserves to be loved this way. And how do you get over the fear of just like, I'm too old and it's too late to start over? I mean, a couple things. one, I would offer, I mean, I talk about this a lot in my work, that we have these like

faulty or sort of broken equations that are taught to us. And what you said was, so like he's not a piece of shit, therefore it must be me. And I would say that's an example of sort of this faulty equation. Like it's not actually how that works. But it's so understandable. And again, I really do think a lot of this is what we're indoctrinated into as women, but also cultural influences, you know, the fairy tales, the one that got away, the soulmate, the twin flame, all of stuff is so damaging so yeah I mean for sure I think that's one thing is that a lot of people feel that way is that somehow it must have been them and then they label themselves as a problem but I would also just invite a new definition of starting over too because I mean I do not know a long-term

marriage in which both people don't fundamentally start over as separate as their own person become a completely different person but the relationship often totally starts over you know and so I mean I think when we think about what that really looks like, and we also know that a lot of people, death grip relationships just to have the longevity when they're really hurting both of them. Yeah. So true. And you find all the reasons in the world to, you know, try and make it work. But from your experience, how do you balance the pressure of, I guess the pressure to maintain a healthy lifestyle while dealing with the difficulty of a heartache? Because I feel like when someone feels heartache, I've tried, even with a friend who's going through something hard, I'll go, you can just sit,

just let it all out, like lay in bed all day and do this, but you've got at some point balance of maintaining that, like a healthy lifestyle and getting out of bed and doing things to make yourself feel better while going through the process, I guess. Yeah, I mean, honestly, that's literally why I started to study it, because as, like, I was a health food person and all I wanted to do was nothing. And so I really, that's why I kind of researched a protocol. So I have something that I call honestly, it's such a cheesy title, but I call it the master chart on grief and healing. Don't judge me. I think it's great. So what I did is I took multiple scientific theories and I combined that with my knowledge of nutrition. And so I give this to my clients where they can literally pinpoint the

stage of grief that they're in. And I have self-care and food and wellness tips that are actually going to be a good fit for them in that stage. It's actually conducive. Like, I wouldn't recommend someone immediately post-breakup, go for a run or something like that. Also, when speaking of the anger stage, like, going to a rage room or one of those, like, smash rooms is a great thing to do, you know? Oh my gosh. The way your body can move through anger without you even knowing how angry you are, like, and how much that can help, you know what I mean? Like, even when I'm feeling angry, there's, it's so funny. I started working out based on hormones, too, where when I, I'm in my PMS phase, I fully box for the week. Like, or I'll do two boxing classes in the

week. And it's just crazy how much, like, we, we just have these thoughts of, I shouldn't feel this way and I shouldn't do this. But anger is a feeling, a normal feeling. So it's about how, I just had this conversation with these two moms who, they do a lot of research around like parenting and children's behavior. And anger is something that you need to move through to get past. It's just about how are you dealing with the anger? Like maybe don't go punch someone in the face, but punching a boxing bag. Like, you know, you've got to move through it. And I just feel like we have so much shame around feeling angry.

Yeah. And it's really part of a grieving and healing process. Yeah. Yeah. Throw it in the science category. Like, I mean, it's there. It's part of it. But yeah, I mean, women are sort of taught.

We're not supposed to. I kind of touched on this too. But there was something you did on Instagram recently that talked about the scariness of starting over. We kind of were just talking. about that. But I feel like a lot of people who listen are in this phase of life, I think like a lot of people in life right now, transitioning, whether that be jobs, careers, relationships, and everyone is scared to like, even me right now, I'm so scared to let go of this house and move into a new one. I've gone through so much in this house. I feel like there's a weird energy in it, but it's like

my home and my first purchase. And I just know this big scary change and something that I want to invest in is going to be so good for me, but I'm scared to do it. And I'm just like, what am I single and 38? I'm going to move into this big beautiful house by myself for me. But you know what I mean? Like, we have this fear around starting over with either something or someone. And I feel like you just did an Instagram post about this recently. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I talk about it a lot in different facets. I mean, there's so many, there's so many different things that come to mind. One is I do think we have this idea about kind of like motivation or better feeling that we kind of like have to wait for to feel the motivation or

feel the better feeling but actually it's on the other side of like just doing the uncomfortable thing and and that's another thing is that I would say sort of collect collectively colloquially we're taught that we're supposed to try to like move out of negative emotion rather than just coexist alongside it yeah and then I think also asking like what's the alternative to not do it you know that's where I've gotten with this can be a whole other conversation but with aging I've always been so fearful of aging and just the simple thought of like but what's the alternative yeah you know like what would you rather right it's like how do you move through the fear i guess that's such a cool thing is moving through the fear because like you said it's on the other side so you got to move through

it to get to the other side but it's just it's so uncomfortable for people to feel fear so uncomfortable and it's so crippling it's almost easier to just stay comfortable when really you're making yourself uncomfortable either way. So choose your hard, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's so true. Coming up on the holidays, I feel like this is a big one with people at home that are listening or watching going through a heartbreak, going through a hard time, and going into the holidays. We all have that one aunt or uncle. It's going to say something about your grandma, about you being single and where's this? Where's my grandbabies? And, you know, there's people experience this weird dynamic with families in the holidays. But I think a lot of challenges come up for people

emotionally and also with around food as well for the holidays. I guess what advice do you have for navigating this time of year? Let's start with heartbreak. Yeah, I mean, I think some of these answers, maybe they'll be a little bit similar. I think with heartbreak is just remembering that at the end of the day, especially as an adult, like you've got to protect yourself and set your boundaries and put yourself first. Because first of all, no one cares as much as they make it sound like they care. You know, it's their own projection, their own drama, their own stuff. As adults, we so, we have separate wanting someone's approval from needing it and having it actually have anything to do with the choices that we're making. Remembering that like going into these situations is going to be

it's going to start, it's going to stop. It's, you know, and so we think we make a lot more drama about the meaning of it than actually just, yeah, setting our mental boundaries going into, going into it. And honestly, there are some people who when they're talking, we have to, what is it like the, the Muppet who like this had like the squeak or a beaker or something? my favorite one right yes so like almost when they're talking to you literally pretend like it's beaker talking and just be like yeah i like that i'm gonna definitely do that i just feel like it's so hard like i was talking to somebody who's been single for the past i forget what she said i think it was five years and she has started to hold so much resentment around the holidays because she always feels alone and sad and like she's

pathetic because everyone's showing up with their significant others and it's a family time and you know family with the who have kids or even you know relationships and she always feels so triggered by the holidays going in especially if she's going through like she was kind of seeing a guy they broke up and now she's going into the holidays again alone like is there just is is there something you can do for that i mean i think the biggest thing and this might sound cynical and there are some amazing relationships out there but keep in mind and i'm sure you know this that the loneliness you experience in a relationship can be far worse in the loneliness of being single. And we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. So I think we have this idea that somehow holiday with person

equals better than holiday alone. And a lot of the time, that's just not the case. And I mean, you don't have to do the, if you want to do holidays with your family, you can. But you also don't have to. You can take a mental health vacation to Mexico if you need to go instead. Yeah. And then let's talk about people's relationship with food going into the holidays as well. And I always, I struggle with this because I think over the last, God, I don't even know how many years I've been working on my relationship with food. And I've got to a really good place, but the holidays, why do I feel so much shame around the foods that I'm eating when it makes me feel good and it's comfort and it's with family

and it's, you know, the potatoes and everything? I feel some sort of shame around eating that way. and I know a lot of people probably struggle in other ways, but is there any advice that you have for people that struggle with their relationship with food going into the holidays? Yeah, I mean, I think that comes from a lot of other sort of stories like shame, feeling out of control, you know, but I think keeping in mind that we think of the when we say holidays, we act like every single day of the next three months.

But it's like really a handful of days, you know? And so to me, it's like enjoy those days, have the things that. that you want but but don't don't let it don't let it be this sort of like big looming monster yeah that's a good point i think that too i'm like well december's coming up so i'm going to be like i think i'm eating like potatoes turkey and cheesecake and pumpkin pie every day for the next 20 whatever days like you're right it's it's what are you doing to feel good on the other days and i'm all about intentional eating and it's about what you're doing on the days where like what makes you feel good what makes you feel energized. So in your cookbooks, can you explain them to me? Do you talk about,

like, is it kind of like a story with the cooking? This one definitely is for sure. This one has a whole section on that breakup. And I mean, nothing like crazy detailed, but, you know, some of the lifestyle tips and changes that I made and things I went through. So I would say the first half is this own little, I don't know, ebook kind of thing. And then the recipes themselves are really meant to be for just like next level easy i look back at my first two books i love them i'm so proud of them they are not super realistic for a lot of people price wise and logistic and time wise yeah i do feel like this one is more for anyone like it's not yeah well because it must be hard as a chef and a trained chef to not want to give them like these intricate recipes where you're

like it's i know what i'm talking about but and how do you simplify like you just is it just going back to the basics of cooking yeah Yeah. I mean, my first two books also, I honestly, like I had a, life wasn't as expensive, but I had a bigger budget. And I was making like $30 cash cheese and was not thinking about that. I mean, the ingredients are incredibly expensive. And I'm grateful that there are a lot of people who benefit from the recipes. But I also think I needed to hedge that and have them be a bit more accessible. And I also think I was in a bit of like ingredient overload. And then with my second book, I was single. And so the recipes. took a really long time because he had nothing else to do. So looking back, I'm like, why does my chicken parm take like three hours? I would never make that now. But people do, I mean, they love, they love them. I just, I needed something for, yeah, someone who, someone who just like really does not have the time, money, or energy to like, yeah, do something fancy. I think that's so fair. Like, when I do cookbooks, I, well, I love cooking. And I like sometimes when it's like a little more complicated

because I feel so proud at the end. But if you're talking about mixing heart, break with food and people's energy and like dopamine levels and everything that goes into the time and energy to even get the stuff you're like make it simple please just make it simple and make me feel good got to what do you think that the three biggest like if somebody was going to take three takeaways from this podcast about what to do or how to feel going through the worst heartache of your life like what are three big takeaways like I'm sure eating what watching what you're put in in your body and all those things. But what are, what are three takeaways? Honestly, I think my biggest takeaway is to really start to listen to the words and the

things that your brain is telling you about how you feel about this breakup. I mean, the words that we use are so powerful. Even a word like rejection, like throw that out the wind. Like, what do we, and ask yourself, what do I even mean by that? And whose voice is it that's telling me that? Whose definition? Do I even agree with that? We hurt. The most pain comes not from the grief. It comes from the things that we are like saying and we're not even picking them apart and questioning them. And I'm sure they're lies. I'm sure so many things. I'm sure the most pain we ever feel in our lives are from lies we tell ourselves. A thousand percent. Isn't that crazy? I have no doubt. No doubt. Yeah. And then when you do that and you really start to ask yourself whose opinion that is, is it your ex's opinion? Is it a movie's opinion? Is it a parent's opinion? When you clear, a lot of that out. And I mean, it is nuanced work. It is the work that that I do. But when you get rid of that, yeah, I mean, you still absolutely, I would say pay attention to your body. Because a lot of

the time, especially if you are someone who has kind of a diet that you follow, you consider yourself a healthy eater. I use diet sort of like as in the food that you eat. You will naturally want to carry that and your normal workout routine into your breakup and especially as a means of control. But start to really pay attention because a lot of that your body will not be responding to it the same way and it's kind of course correct based off of what your body is telling you yeah and I mean I also would say you just reaching out to to so many people for support like the people in your life will emotionally save your life if you are willing to and they want to be there for you they want to you you always feel like you're I'm speaking in general for people but people feel like they're a

burden yeah when they're going through something like that and they don't want to feel pitied or taking care of. But like if anyone close to me was ever going through something like that, I would want to help in any way that I could, especially knowing that I've been there. And I know what that feels like, you know, the people that love you want to take care of you. 100%. I was just to say, isn't it crazy that a woman's body can literally grow a child, grow lungs, a heart, veins, fingernails. Yes. Like, I just think of like every little, like it nose the girl like hairs in your nose like every little thing that your body can do that yet we don't sit there and go what does my body need right now and and believe that our body has the answers 100% again

I mean it's the same it's like this cocktail of the people pleaser and the anxious and and for some people I say this I'm not diagnosing anyone from a non-clinical perspective but the concept of the fond trauma response I don't know if you're familiar with that so there's a guy named Pete Walker who wrote a book called complex PTSD. And we are, a lot of people have heard of like, you know, fight, flight or freeze. But he added in the fawn response, which is actually a trauma response in which we seek to merge our identity with that of another person and take on their qualities to stay safe. And that is a thing that a lot of women do. A lot of people do. Men do it too. So that's another thing. It's like, it's just for a lot of people, it's just like not.

safe to differentiate yourself or to be super checked into yourself because then you can't be selfishly not sorry non-selfishly sort of bending over backwards for everyone in your life gosh isn't it so crazy that we're probably going to like learn all these hard lessons and then turn 100 and be like can I do it over? Kaelin we're not close to that I told you my fear of aging I just think I'm like I learn so much every year about life and love and relationships and myself that I'm like like, I honestly, this is my therapist is always like, yet you fear getting older, yet every year is your favorite year because you get to know yourself better. Imagine how great you're

going to be at 60 where I go, yeah, but my double be saggy. I'm so shallow. No, we're material girls in a material world. We're not shallow. It's like everything around us. That's so true. God, I just saw this whole thing about AI, how there's like women on the internet now who you can talk to and they're AI. But, oh, God. Yeah. I know. And of course, they are exactly what we've all tried to move away from in the media. There are big boobs, tiny little waist, blonde. You're like, me. I'm like, damn it.

I see them. Why are they popping up on my feed? I see them popping up on my Instagram feed. Me too. And I don't know why because I'm like, I want nothing to do with you. Leave me alone, robots. I don't want it. Get out of your.

I'm already freaking trying to work through all my insecurities. Don't make me worse. I did have a question actually because. So Primal Kitchen sponsored my friendsgiving that I just had, and it was so incredible because I really am a foodie. Like, I love different foods and I love pairing them with wines and everything like that. There's something wrong with me where I think I ruin everything with spice, but they sent me this spicy buffalo sauce.

I could drink it. Like, I could put it in a cup and drink it. It is so good. Does that say anything about me? Does that mean I'm like a spicy buffalo sauce? Yeah. Like, I don't know. Are you what you eat?

Am I just a spicy human? Is spice good for you? I just like it hurts so good. You like the pain? Yeah. Yeah. Is that sick? But like different phases of grief or different things that you're going through. Is spicy anything part of it? Like is it good for digestion? Is it good for metabolism? Do you have any thoughts on spice? Because I'm like a freak for it. I mean, so I would say from sort of like a woo-woo meta perspective, I mean, there could be a sense of like you no risk, no reward. You sort of like the, you know, the reward of it, right? Or sort of like the maybe you're a bit of a dare to. level type of thing. Or you might like that, I mean, when we are eating something really spicy, we will feel a little bit of an increase of the stress hormones. And it can give you like a nice little energy boost for sure. I'll tell some people who I feel like are trying to get their anger out, like they're trying to feel some of that anger to eat some spicy food. But I'm thinking of my friend, Dr. Barossa, she's the founder of Shen Medicine. And I think a Chinese medicine

perspective on that would be super interesting. Oh, that would be interesting. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to look into that. I'll ask your doctor. You probably have so many, like, cool friends in your life that are doctors, therapists, and experts. They're amazing. I mean, yeah, hit me up for any wrecks. You're going to regret that every hour, just texting you something. How can someone start incorporating healing foods into their daily routine during challenging

times? Like, what's an easy first step to doing that? Because I think people get overwhelmed very easily. Maybe I'm speaking for myself. But it's like a simple thing of how they can start. I think the first thing is just to keep in mind that your body is really resilient and strong and we don't need to be just like inundating our bodies with like the rainbow every single day in order to heal you can come up with a very simple routine and just stick to it for a while

so i'm trying to think of what an example would be for someone early on like a really nutrient-dense smoothie again i'm a big fan of of coconut water it's usually better chilled i know some people think it tastes like socks um but then um yeah but then so a lunch might be some really good quality bone broth with a little bit of white rice in it and some some people will they'll whisk like eggs into it or pulled rotisserie chicken put that in there and then at night it might just be like some roasted veggies with avocado and I mean buy like this is the time to buy prepared food I mean I one thing I talk about is having a rainy day breakup fund which I know sounds so cynical but I truly think we we can heal in a vacuum per se but my clients who can throw some money at the problem

and indulge in some things like, you know, a sauna membership, like a, what am I trying to say? Like the hot yoga, like Fahrenheit, some quality prepared foods. If you're saving up for that, it will make the healing process easier. And it will also make you more distracted to do the thing that a lot of us have a hard time doing, which is not reaching out. That is so true. Great points. Really great points.

And then my last question is, what other practices or techniques can you do to complement the healing power of food? I mean, I think really understand the, this is not to scare anyone who's going through a heartbreak, but I heard an analogy from a therapist one time that going through a really bad breakup or divorce is like trying to reverse your blood flow. I mean, the way it changes every aspect of your life, you are living in a different time space continuum than the rest of the world. I mean, it is very analogous to grief, like quite literally losing someone.

And so if you, and there's a thing. called disenfranchised grief, which is basically grief that our society doesn't really recognize. Like, rarely will you get days off from work for a breakup? Like the world just keeps spinning and everyone's moving and you're just stuck in this. Yeah. And it's like nobody else is paying attention to it. You know, pet loss, job loss, those are other forms of fertility stuff, disenfranchise grief.

And so really understanding that you kind of have to be at the helm of treating yourself with that level of delicacy. I tell my clients to treat themselves like they are post-ops. I'm like huge surgery. You know, what would you do to take care of yourself? You know, if no one else were going to do that. It's true. Your body does get rocked in so many ways that like, and we don't think about prioritizing,

like taking care of ourselves the way we would have a patient or somebody else that's going through something really hard and hurtful and painful. Like, it really does take a toll on your body. Oh, my gosh. I feel like I hear people say all the time. I feel like I got hit by a truck. Yeah. You will have physical pain.

Yeah. That's so sad. Yeah. It really is. It is sad. So for anyone that's going through a heartbreak, we hope this helped. And I think it is to kind of knowing, one, you're not alone. Like, you always think when you're going through this, you're like, but it couldn't have been

this bad for somebody else. You know, it's just, it's such a hard feeling. But I do think the takeaways that you said, like surrounding yourself with people that want to take care of you, allowing yourself to go through these process. processes, that's not word? CES? Processes? Processes?

I don't know. Go through like the motions, the emotions. Yeah. And get your cookbook. Thank you. No, but I think where can everybody get, I'm sure it's all online and do you have a specific website that you send people to? So it's on Amazon and in most bookstores, but you can go to my website to get most of the information,

LLBounce.com or my publisher's website is Blue Hills Press, and that's where you can get a personalized hardback if you want with those limited edition and then i want to know do you take clients online oh they're all online all of them yeah all virtual so anyone so people listening could like sign up to take courses or speak to you or yeah how did they do that yeah so if you go to my website you can go to my consulting uh i think it's my offerings page and you can book into my calendar for a free compatibility call we'll chat yeah oh that's awesome okay well i'm sure you're going to be getting a lot of calls. I'd love to. I feel like it is the season. It is really. I mean, really. Yeah. Isn't it crazy, though? I bet you see it, especially in the work that you do,

that it is in phases, like when it's, like, it's always happening, but like there's really breakup seasons and heartbreak seasons and like tough times for people. It's crazy. What about the new year? Well, I mean, it's like what you were saying. A reason I was a reason I cackled and did a creepy laugh is because it's like, a lot of people have like a second wave of grief, even if it didn't just happen. Yeah. Because there's so much drama around the idea of the new, like the new year and who you're supposed to be and all of that.

Throw that. I keep a bucket for the words that we throw out. That's like one of those things we just like throw it in the bucket. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't like new year, new me. I hate it. I really don't like it. And I was that girl.

Well, really? I mean, in the health food world, it was like hard not to be for a while. I posted a quote the other day where it was like, the scariest. place to be is in the same place you were the year before, like, to grow. Some, some girl got a little bit mad at me. She goes, no, this ain't it, KB. This isn't the quote. And I was like, oh, I was like, well, to me it meant. Can it be mine? Yeah, I was like, well, it really spoke to me because, and she goes, well, what if you're happy? Like, what if you actually are content and happy? And, like, I was like, well, in my opinion, there's always room to grow until the day I die. I hope I

grow every year and I hope to always be in a different place than I was the year before in the best way happiness capacity to love to learn like to grow so I don't know I was like but that's just how I approach new years is I just want to be more intentional than the year before and always just expanding in whatever way I can't I totally agree I totally agree I'm on board with you especially because it doesn't take into what her perspective I mean I would say I her perspective is valid but it's also why people say money doesn't buy happiness because as humans, we reach thresholds of happiness and we have to move past them because it's not just the happiness of having these things that other people would technically want. It's like you're saying, it's up-leveling and growing. I do think that's

fundamental to happiness. Right. Yeah. I agree. Wow. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you. I love listening to you talk because you are knowledgeable, but you also use really big words. And I'm always so jealous of people who can use big words because I'm like I can I can talk sometimes I struggle with articulating my feelings but I could talk all day long you won't hear one big word come out of my mouth though not one and you're over serious I don't know sometimes I nod and you say something like Googling it after I was like what but that's so cool no honestly thank you so much I feel like people are always fascinated by anything to do with heartbreak or loss you know it's we all deal with it's all something we collectively deal with together and separately sometimes but

we all have to go through it at some point. Yeah, there's no getting around it. So it's always nice to hear people who are professionals or people that understand it or people that give you hope, you know. Thank you. There's light at the end of the tunnel. So thank you. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating and review. Thank you.