Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Living, Laughing, & Loving with Tinx

Episode Date: April 21, 2022

Tinx, TikTok’s older sister and a fellow lover of the finer things in life (including Botox, therapy, and a good beverage), is joining Kaitlyn to talk vulnerability, self-growth, and red flags. These two open books are getting real and raw about everything that goes into self-care, the silver linings after a breakup, and why it’s important to share the good, the bad, and everything in between on social media. Then, Tinx and KB are giving some take-it advice in this episode’s Hotline segment, where they’re answering Vino questions about timelines, anxiety, and dating assholes. Plus, Kaitlyn's alter ego makes a very important phone call to NFL quarterback, Aaron Rodgers' future water boy. You wont want to miss it. PROGRESSIVE - Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. LIVING PROOF - Go to LivingProof.com/VINE and use code VINE to get ten percent off your first purchase. TALKSPACE - Match with your dedicated therapist today at talkspace.com, and use promo code vine during sign-up to get $100 off your first month.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in. This week's great therapy is sponsored by Progressive.

Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. Living Proof, go to livingproof.com slash Vine and use code Vine to get 10% off your first purchase and Talkspace. Match with your dedicated therapist today at Talkspace.com and use promo code Vine during sign-up to get $100 off your first month. Podcast One presents Off the Vine, Great Therapy. Caitlin Bristow is going to answer your questions. Drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more. Here's Caitlin.

Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm so good. How are you? I'm so good. I'm so excited to be here. So excited to chat with you.

I am the most excited. Also, excuse my appearance. I just got Botox. I'm fresh off the table. So same zies. I was going to say to say, I'm surprised that my face isn't like a tomato right now because I did RF. I don't know.

It's like it feels like microneedling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I literally just came from the doctor. I was like, who I'm going to look ugly in this, but that's okay. Who cares? Live, laugh, love. Look, this is, this is who we are. And we are.

Accept us. Yeah. All of it. Yeah. All of our Botox and needles that go into our faces. Exactly. I always call myself a pin cushion. I'm like, just hit me.

Hit me with. Oh, yeah. I'm like, fill her up. Let's get a full tank here. That's me. That's me every time. And my best friend, like, she works at the place that I go to and then my other girlfriend owns it.

So I'm like, can I pop in today? And they're like, oh, yeah. And they're like, yeah, but I noticed this and I noticed this. I know. I'm like, there's another little line here. And then they're like, okay, girl. One thing, you find another thing. You find another.

Yeah. The fun little spiral we go down. It's a fun little game. I was so excited to have you on the pod because I'm like I feel like people probably tell you this all the time. Some people say this to me. If I meet them, they're like, I feel like we're friends. And that's how I feel like you. I already feel like we're friends because we have we like therapy. We like Botox. We like a beverage. And we're just yeah. And we're just willing to talk about all those things. You know, I think it used to be so like known as embarrassing to, you know,

say that stuff and to show different sides of your personality. And I think now it's really just like I want to show every side of it. I want to show the fun, the drinking, the fun, also the wellness, also the Botox, also the, you know, crying, also the sleep, also the therapy. Like, it's all relevant. And if I'm going to share my life, then I feel like it's my duty to share all, all different sides of it. And so, yeah. It's refreshing. And I feel like as time goes on, I feel like more and more people are starting to open up about certain things. And it used to be such a taboo topic to talk about Botox and filler. Hey, why is this? I'm like why. It's like because people buy their hair. I get my nails done. It's like you do your makeup. You alter. I know. Feel good. So why is Botox such a taboo topic?

I know. It's so crazy. And it's like, you know, we have all this makeup and people are so open about makeup. And makeup is such a fun thing that we like bond with with each other. And you know, to say how we do it. And listen, of course, there's an extreme which no one should go to with Botox and whatever, but like, it's just, I don't want to gatekeep and I don't want to lie. And I know I have younger girls who follow me and I'm like, I don't look like this because I drink a lot of water. Like, you know what I mean? I mean, my forehead doesn't move for a reason. And I don't want anyone who's, you know, out there looking at me and saying, well, how come my face doesn't look like this when all I do is drink water?

It's like, you know, I get a little help with with the talks. I guess a social is a fraud. This I, yeah, I drink like two sips of this and I'm like, well, I hate water. I think it's so important, like, for people to follow people that inspire them. If people piss you off or bother you or you don't like what they're doing, I'll never understand following those people. But you inspire so many people to just, like, live an authentic life of, like, being honest and real with yourself and do it makes you happy.

And I'm sure it wasn't always like that for you or was it? Because people ask me this sometimes are like, were you always just like an open book? And I thought about it. And I'm like, I kind of was always like that. sometimes people go through something to make them be like that. So how did how did you get there? I feel like I'm kind of the same as you. Like I was always pretty open. I think it's kind of part of being like a girl's girl. I feel like that's just part of it is like being vulnerable and being open and honest about the highs and the lows. And I think, you know, one question I get asked a lot is like,

oh my God, like you have a lot of girlfriends. Like how do I make better girlfriends? And I'm like, vulnerability is the number one thing. So it's like if you're an open book, like if you go to a group dinner with a bunch of girls and you sit down and like there's always that one girl who's like my life is perfect like my relationship's perfect. My body's perfectly. Like, you know, not saying anything, whatever. It's just like, okay, that's cool. But like it doesn't make you want to get close to them. But if someone is like with you and they're like, yeah, like I'm struggling with this or, you know, I'm feeling this way. Or by the way, I tried this cream and it worked really well. Like that immediately makes people know, okay, you're open to friendship. You're open to closeness. You're open to all

that so i think like you i kind of was always like this it's just it just translated really well to a career in social media so and for you like the public eye like it just translates well and it makes people feel comfortable in your presence because they're like okay this is a real person this is not a liar this is not a gatekeeper and to your point i know i don't understand why people who don't like people follow them it's like stop with the it's just the trolls i'm like stop like if you don't like me keep scrolling it's that easy guys it's that easy it's so simple it's it's like these people actually love to hate which is I mean you no they do they get off on it it's like they're it's like their it's like their hobby some I'm like you must be really bored

if you're taking on this time to write out this message like please go watch a movie or something it's not a good use of your time uh anything yeah I know it's it's cool though because I do think you're right I think people crave community and people crave authenticity and vulnerability and I one of my favorite sayings is that vulnerability creates connection because it really truly does and you write about that how you make girlfriends how you make real relationships even in business like no matter what relationship you're making if you're just like completely vulnerable and open with who you are and you're like like hey today i feel like shit and but i'm here and i'm showing up and like that's okay how are you feeling and i hate the generic like how are you feeling good like i hate

that conversation i'm like yeah how are you actually feeling because i love to connect with people like that and it when i say it it creates this community people feel safe when they speak people and they follow people who are able to just be real with themselves and share that online because it's scary enough to just be yourself and, you know, in a small circle. But to put that out there online, I think it's so important. And there's just certain people that can do that. And you're one of them. And I really respect that. I mean, back at you, sister, like I totally agree with everything you just said. And it's true. It's just like it puts people at ease. It makes connection easier. And it shows people that you're actually.

actually confident in yourself because it takes confidence to to share what's scaring you what's difficult what's hard your ups your downs it's a lot harder than to just say like oh everything's great like life is groovy you know all that good stuff so no and sometimes and i know you you've been the same way you share like really low points or crying and i do that all the time and then i have people be like why are you sharing this and i'm like you don't want to see this this is your own problem of you feeling uncomfortable it's total projection no it's it's it's It's like, it's like you are afraid of something or like this is, you know, triggering something in you that, you know, whatever. And it's like you, so much of what people have to say as criticism is actually a projection of what they're going on inside of them. Right. And I think that we do have a responsibility to show that like, you know, social media used to be such a highlight real. It used to just be like the, you know, the good moments and like the free stuff and the like perfect relationships. And it's like that's not what life is. And that's what's created such an realistic not only like a beauty standard but also like a happiness standard where you know people

are like they they follow certain influencers and they think gosh like this person's life is so perfect they never have a hair out of place let alone have a really sad day and it's just you know I don't want to add to that ever so I know I'm like not only do I have hairs out of place I got hairs on my chin I got hairs on my chest like hairs hair's hair is a Kimbo you know what that's actually where I'm going next. I'm going to get laser this afternoon. So, you know, all the hair is going to be under control. We're having a little, you know, an overhaul day. I like that. I do the same thing. I'll like whenever if I'm gone or traveling or working. And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh shit, I need to like do all of the things. All of a sudden. And yeah, it's like, you know, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. And then

all of a sudden you're like, if I don't get my nails on tomorrow, I'm going to freak out. Like, this is not okay. It's just then you stack your appointments. You have a whole day and you feel amazing. Oh, I know. The next day I wake up, I'm like, who is she? I'm like, I'm beautiful. Life is good. I have the power, like, quite literally. And we're those girls on social. Where those girls were like, I'm like, we have a perfect life. Literally. This week's grape therapy is brought to you by progressive insurance. Hey, by no, so whether you love true crime or comedies, celebrity interviews, news, or even motivational speakers, you call the shots on what is in your podcast queue, am I right? So guess what?

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progressive progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverages match limited by state law all right so i'm sure that you guys have heard me talking about how i'm trying to get this hair healthy seriously something i'm forever working on but especially after what it went through on tour and the good news about getting my hair the best it can be and having a little reset moment is that living proof has a reset button for every hair type and texture everything at living proof starts in their labs founded by a team of scientists and hairstylists each product is scientifically engineered to solve the toughest hair challenges, never conceal them. And we all know that there is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to hair care. So Living Proof addresses

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That's livingproof.com slash vine code vine for 10% off your first purchase. Livingproof.com slash vine and use codevine. Now back to Off the Vine Grape Therapy. Well, we both also have the sad thing in common of going through a public breakup, but are you, do you care about talking about that? Or are you like, yeah, I'm happy to talk about it. I made the choice after that that I didn't, I wasn't going to talk about dating anymore for me, just like made that choice that for a couple of reasons, not just that. And like, look, in the end, I'm really glad that I was able to share that because, and I don't regret it for a second. Like I think, you know, a lot of people were shocked that I. would share that I was cheated on because people think it's embarrassing, but I don't think it's embarrassing. I don't think it's something to be ashamed of that I fell in love and trusted the person that I loved. And, you know, again, to our point, that's more about him than about me. You know, that's nothing that I did. And I made the choice to share it because I was like, look, if there's a

young girl or anybody, anybody out there who follows me, if they respect me or they think I'm cool or whatever. And if they're going through the same thing, they can see that it's like, it's nothing to be ashamed of. And it's not, it's really about the other person and not, you know, about anything that you did. And I don't regret it for a second. It was definitely raw. It was definitely out there. I definitely had family members being like, are you sure you want that out there? Right. On the internet. But it was a moment in time. It's who I was at that time. And then after that I was like, you know what? I love my followers dear, like more than anything in the whole world, but I just need to keep this one thing for me. I need to keep dating. It just got a little complicated and

whatever. But yeah, I mean, it was it was brutal. Like I had people coming up to me as I'm sure you did on the street being like telling you their opinions and being like this and that. And I'll never forget one woman came up to me. I was like outside of Runyon Canyon. And she was like, the city of LA is with you. And I was like, thank you. I was like, I was like, this is really nice. But yeah, no, it was sweet. It was really sweet. And again, if any good came out of it, I'm all about silver linings. And so it's like, yeah, that was a really shitty month. That was a really shitty time. That was a very difficult little bit there. But I cheesy. Everything that you talk about in the past sounds cheesy, but like I did come out of it so much stronger. And I, it really

reminded me that's the other thing is I feel like a lot of the time with cheating people are like it really can scar them and make them feel like it's something I did or this is going to happen again or whatever. And to me, I just decided not to take any of that on. I was like, all this relationship did was remind me that I have an enormous capacity for love. I love being in love. I love being a relationship. And this just wasn't it. And that's okay. And like, it's okay to be sad and breakups take time. But sometimes you like take the, you know, take the lesson. Don't take the baggage. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's, I always say that it's any like thing that feels like a failure or anything that feels like rock bottom that's okay but it's always an opportunity to learn something there's

always opportunity for growth and you just have to like be okay with sitting in the sadness and then finding the growth or um how that could change 100% and there's always so much to learn about yourself in those situations which i'm sure from that i mean you learned that you might want to be a little more private with your relationship now or that it isn't your fault or certain things like have because it's what has that been like a year now since that happened like how much have you grown since that it's so much and and so much like everything happens for a reason and even like the summer that I had last year was very I was very raw but I think that in a way like kind of made everything else more heightened and then I started working really hard and a lot of

great career stuff happened and it's like sometimes you can't see why things happen in the thick of it but when I look back now I'm like wow thank God that happened at that time. it saved me from a lot of stuff and it just opened up so many doors exactly yeah and open open things up and just open my eyes and made me you know sometimes it's good to be a little raw because sometimes it makes you more driven or it can make you more inspired or you're just more empathetic too like that was another thing that came out of it is you know you have empathy for people sometimes like one thing that my therapist is always like when I'm feeling bad or you know I call my anxiety Mr. Anxiety, like when Mr. Anxiety is here, she's like, think about what you can do for others.

That's like one of our big tricks is like when you're feeling at your lowest, you're like, flip this and be like, what can you do? Because it like immediately takes your, like yourself out of your head. And it was like, it really did make me closer with my followers as nuts as that sounds. Like it made me feel so close to them. It made them see a different side of me because they, they saw me like in this space of a pure happiness and joy and love and where I was just like, I was like the living heart eyes emoji and then it got like punch from the side just like without any warning and they saw like wow okay this is an influencer we follow and now we see her at this different point and talk about sharing like low points um so i think it was like a cool moment for us

to grow together as a community and i'm grateful for it like i really i really am grateful for it and it's like now you know a year out i'm like i don't even like you know it's fine it's fine so you're so removed from it now because you've again some people i don't know this i shouldn't make this a gender thing because i just feel like it's just maybe a personal experience but from all relationships that i've had i feel like women are always just the ones that take so much out of that and grow and want to be better and work on it and then it's like you shed that layer and all of a sudden all these opportunities align with like what you want in life because you're creating that own path for yourself i i totally agree with And it's like every girl that I know after she comes out of relationship, she's like,

good or bad. She's like, this is what I learned from it. This is how I'm going to do it differently next time. I think that women like, listen, I'll make it a positive. I won't make it a men or sucky, whatever. Because I hate that and I don't believe in that. But like, but I'll make it a positive. I'll say that I think that women are very interested in growth.

I think they're very interested in self growth. I think they're very interested in being a great partner. I think they're interested in bringing a lot to the table. and that they're committed to showing up for themselves. And that means taking a long, hard look in the mirror and saying, okay, like, how did I show up in this relationship? How was I? Like, did I, you know, was I the most present or whatever?

Like, they're committed to growing. Again, massive generalization, but I am lucky to know a lot of girls who like that. And I certainly know that, by the way, my followers are like that because they are always writing into me saying, you know, how can I do this better? What can I do? You know, whatever. So I know that for a fact. Yeah.

Yeah, you give so much good advice. And I think that's, I mean, just even on your TikTok, I always get scared to do like a like a me just talking on TikTok because I'm like, can't I just lip sync or like do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm always inspired by you talking about just like real shit all the time and just saying how you're feeling on that platform because so many people use it to like do other people's stuff, which is also fun.

Like how did this career start for you? Honestly, I downloaded it in the pandemic. And I was just kind of like, you know, to your point, I hit kind of rock bottom. And I was just like, you know, I'm so out of my mind. I got to just do something. I got to try this. And I picked up the phone and started. And it's literally feels like that since then because it's all just things have aligned. And and it just I felt like I finally found my true purpose. And that I just, you know, I didn't find my thing until I was 29 almost 13. And once I started it, I was just like, this is what it's supposed to feel like. And I'm just so grateful for every second since. Isn't that the best feeling? I always think about my mom in certain situations because I feel like I saw her the happiest that she's ever been at like the age of 60, like 60. And I'm like that it is just never too late to find.

No, happiness. Never, ever. I know. I love the mantra. It's not too late and you are not too old. I had a follower yesterday. I asked me, oh, my God, it broke my heart. She was like, I'm in a long-term relationship.

I'm 30, but I'm scared to start over. And I was like, 30 is so young. And also it doesn't matter if you were 60 and writing me this. You can't, you know, people get caught in the trap of like the sunk cost. They think, well, you know, I've spent this long in the relationship or the job or the city. You know, I might as well just double down on it because if I move now, then everything's a waste. That's not true. The second that you feel like a different choice could be a.

better investment for your future happiness like that is the that is the way to do it especially when you are in the thick of feeling that weight on you it seems like it'll never get better or like it seems like a hundred percent possible to start over but think about like if anyone thinks about where they were at a year ago to now you'd be like oh my gosh I didn't remember I did that a year ago like time does heal and move so quickly that you could literally live like at 30, 70 more years of your life unhappy or you could have a year of feeling like rock bottom two, maybe three. And then absolutely like change your whole trajectory of life and what happiness looks like to you. Agreed. It's it's so it's so crazy. You have to just you have to make

those choices in the short term that are going to pay off in the long term because people just get stuck that way. That's why so many people are like in their their middle age and their later age and they just get, they feel stuck. And it's like it's those choices in the moment that really pay off long term because you have to, you have to advocate for your happiness. Yeah, you have to choose yourself always. And especially if you've got that that feeling like people in like certain people have such strong intuition. If you know like this doesn't feel right and I am scared to start over, that's your gut telling you something like that is your gut feelings are guardian angels I believe that strongly like you have to listen

to yourself like you have to trust yourself like you've gotten yourself this far in life so it's like if your body if your brain is being like I'm waking up every day feeling sad because like this job isn't fulfilling me or like I'm waking up every day feeling sad because like I don't feel like me and my partner in love anymore it's like okay is it going to suck for a year like you said yes but it's like exactly as you said a year, I think back to a year and I'm like, I can't believe that I was torn up about that guy. Like, I can't believe that I lived in a different place. I can't believe that I didn't have my pocket, you know, all this stuff.

So it's like, you just have to make the choice in the moment and be like, this is going to suck for a little while, but then it's going to get it so much better. And it always feels to me like it's, it's more about what other people are going to think than your own, like, suckhole that you're about to go into. Like, people are so worried about what other people are going to think instead of just being like, like, I got so upset about a hell of. line or something the other day. And I'm like, who cares? This is going to pass like two seconds. And it's not like everybody's Googling my name. Like this will only come up to certain people. It's going to pass. And it's just like that's just what being in the media is. Sometimes that's going to happen. And you just have to like, I mean, that was a stupid example, but certain things. No, it's not. I'm, I'm nodding. I'm nodding because I'm getting used to it too. And I'm with you the same way. Like I, I'm really

getting used to it. I'm new to this world. But it's like, yeah, it's a muscle that you have to train where it's like honestly like yeah like this celebrity was talking shit about me on Friday he's never met me and and I like I was really proud of myself because I like got in my car and I was like you know I'm actually going to choose not to be upset about this because people are going to say things to get a rise to get a headline people are going to read it my followers know who I am I know who I am like this guy's passing judgment on me he's never met me like what do I really care but so I'm nodding because I'm agreeing with you because it's like oh it's a lot it's a lot of this this person said this and this and that and you're just like wow but like you said it's like

no one else cares it's like we care more than anybody else does like nobody you know what I mean like it passes it's it's fine about celebrities or people who play characters or like people who have you know known their whole life that they're in the spotlight and not to take anything away from how words can hurt them too but for people who now just get you know overnight fame through TikTok or social media in any way like you all of a sudden do like you said you have to train that muscle to all of a sudden be like wait I'm just being myself I'm not a character I'm being hated for who I am and I need to find a way to brush that off and that's a really hard thing to do and like talk about gaining fame like you're at 1.5 million followers and you've got a podcast and you

have a live call in radio show which is so freaking cool by the way it's all from you being good it giving advice and like how cool is that that you built a career out of this you know you know bonding with your community and giving advice yeah i always try and give advice on my podcast i'm not as good as you but i call it take it yes you are now you're so good you're so you're so articulate and good you're so good well thank you sometimes sometimes i am and sometimes i'm like giving advice and I'm like, oh shit, don't listen to me. That would really terrible advice. I love it.

I love it. But since you're like the advice guru, I thought we could help some of my listeners navigate the current dating scene. We're going to pick out some red flags, some green flags like you like to do. And we're going to listen to a couple voicemails and give these listeners some advice if you're ready. Amazing. Let's do it. Well, there was this one time. And so I guess my question is, I don't know if I want to share my name.

Dave, have a really good discussion for you. You were literally trying to remove my dog's temples, let's tweet. I just called to say I love you. Hey, Caitlin, this is Sarah. I recently started dating again. I got out of a pretty serious toxic relationship, and I started seeing this guy. Now, he's, like, super attractive,

and that kind of caught me off guard. But we've gone on two dates so far, and he still won't give me his number. only wants me on Snapchat, which I thought was kind of weird. Also, he only will hang out with me on Thursdays and Sundays, which I also thought was really weird. And he only messages me once a day about once every 20 hours. And he won't tell me, like, his beliefs or standpoints in anything.

And he says that he wants to just get to know me and learn those things slowly. So other than that, he's a pretty awesome guy. he's very attractive he's such a gentleman so sweet so nice like pays for the meals everything it's been super fun getting to know him so far but i have some concerns and i wanted to know if you think that any of these are red flags they're all red flags but yeah i i think that they're all red flags i really do think that that's like the number thing is so weird like i find snapchat to be it's not for older people like sorry but but it's i mean you can use it but like definitely not is your main mode of communication

it's very weird yeah well it's just like also you've been on two dates with him like he knows who you are like this is so bizarre the thing about only hang out with you two days a week in specific days sketchy super sketchy i would like to know what like does he has he given her a reason or is he just like nope these are my days that like does he have kids does you have an ex way honestly my first thought was like does he have a family like is he because it's just that's really, really weird. And then just like not sharing all that stuff. I mean, it seems like, look, I think that the scale of why he could be doing these things

goes from like, you know, just that he's a little bit of a weirdo to like that he full scale, like he has another family. But like either way, it's it's not good, you know, because at the very minimum, it's game playing and it's manipulation and it's just like, I don't like that. So it's like, why can't you just be up front? There's a literally no reason. If he said whatever, I don't know, I'm going through a divorce and like it's a hard time and I have my kids these days so I can only see you that day. Fine. No problem. But all the secrecy and the Snapchat, I don't like this one. I don't care. I don't care if you think he's nice. There's a million other nice guys out there. Right. And good looking ones who are nice. Like you, that's when you're asking if I think any of those are red flags, I'm like all of them. Those all speak a little bit like right off the bat. You need to know like if you're serious about dating somebody you need to know all of the like boundaries the like totally why they can only

see you on those certain days like if you're serious about dating someone now if you're just having sex that might be another thing but it sounds like she's invested in this so yeah Sarah all red flags all red flags please please no please no yeah please no that's that is our advice and we suggest you take it okay let's take a break and talk about this important thing and that's taking care of yourself. There's just something rejuvenating about getting down to what's essential, starting fresh, which is why I actually look forward to decluttering my house each spring, but the same thing goes with your mind. Over the years, thoughts, emotions, they can all build up, and that's why it can be so beneficial to talk to someone who is actually trained to help you declutter your

mental space. I've been going off and on to therapy for such a long time now. No matter what I have going on, I always find it to be such a helpful and important experience for me. Talk space therapists make it so much easier to get the help that you need because they are available to message anytime you need them. You don't have to wait for an appointment to come up or drive to an office. You have it right there in your hand on text, audio, and video. No matter where you are in your mental health journey and what your past experiences look like, talking to a therapist who is trained to help you can make such a huge difference. And they have thousands of therapists across dozens of specialties to help find whatever it is you need. So if thoughts and emotions

are piling up, a fresh perspective can help you feel better, match with your dedicated therapist today at Talkspace.com, and use promo code Vine during a sign-out to get $100 off your first month. That's $100 off at Talkspace.com promo code Vine. Hey, everyone. You might remember me from Teen Mom 2, but my 15 minutes is almost up. So I'm back with another podcast. I'm your barely famous host, Kail Lowry, and I'm catching up with people from my past, putting my exes on the hot seat, and chatting with TikTokers, influencers, and other reality stars. Get Weird with me every Friday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podcasts One, or wherever you get your podcast.

This is Austin Vine, Grape Therapy. I'm a miss Courtney, and I am calling because I am 33. I'm about 1034, and I am still single. And my question for you is, well, I've been. two questions. One is how do I still stay hopeful that it will happen for me? And then also, you know, when I do date someone, I can't help but have some anxiety around it going bad. And I know that is not healthy, but at the same time, you know, I've gone through a lot of bad apples. So, you know, when you started to date Jason, how did you kind of work through or was there any fear?

How did you kind of overcome that? And then, you know, do you have any advice for trying to differentiate what is anxiety? What is maybe an intuition that something isn't good? Cudy. Good one. First, that is such a good question. How do you decipher whether it's anxiety or intuition? Wow, that is a great question.

Really, really good one. Yeah. No, I'm actually excited to hear your take on this. Like, I really want, I want to know. Yeah. Well, she had two parts. So, I mean, first thing, I had never felt more secure in my life of being by myself when I met Jason. There was, like, I had never in my life been like, I'm actually so good on my own. And if I found somebody, that would be such a bonus. But like, I'm not looking. It really is just a different feeling overall when you know you're okay alone. To me, that was like. I agree. Yeah. And I wouldn't have cared how old I was. I was 33 when I met him. So I was 33 and single. Same exact thing. And I just had to feel so okay on my own to even be open to a healthy relationship. And I feel like that's just something you can't overthink. You can't be like, well, I'm 33 and I'm single because now you're looking and you're worried so you might settle. So you exactly. That to me is a concern when people are like, I'm worried about my age and being single. I'm worried about my age and having. kids but that's not good like to me i i can't sit there and dwell on that because i'm not gonna you know just force myself to have kids because i'm at a certain age you just have to feel so um like confident in who you are and where you're at in life and not do things because you think you're a certain age and that's what's supposed to happen yeah you have to remove any stress of the timeline because i think it's like the timeline is just something that's made up and it's as you said you can't hold yourself to a timeline that you didn't create right everybody's different and and

we say that but we don't internalize it and then we hold ourselves to these magical timelines that we don't have any control over and then no wonder why we're stressed out yeah okay but say say what you think about the second part because I'm really interested to hear what you have to say my brain's kind of going all over the map right now because I'm like gosh I haven't ever thought about that and trying to come up with a like answer for how those two things are different because I'm like, I still get anxiety. And my sister, I was just talking to her about this the other day because she is a single mom and she's had just nightmares with dating. And she said, I've just met this incredible guy and they've gone on a couple of dates.

And she's like, I feel so good about it. She goes, but I have that anxiety that he's going to turn around and say, ha, ha, just kidding. I actually don't like you as much as I think. And I think that anxiety stems from your past or traumas or certain things that you've gone through. and that can kind of get confusing with intuition because you're like, oh, I think my gut's telling me he's going to leave me or my guts telling me because that's what the past has shown me. Yeah. I think it's having to separate your past and like even like writing things out to me sometimes.

Like what is a trauma to me? What is my past? What am I afraid of? And then what is my gut telling me? Like almost down because you at that point, if you're confused, you have to separate the two and like make it clear to yourself what it is agreed i think writing it down is a great a tip and then it's also like trying to maybe separate between head and gut right because there's like we all have that anxiety that voice in our head who is like so unwelcome and so unwanted and then we you have those

feelings that are kind of more quiet almost like not to get too woo-woo but it's like it's the difference between a then he might turn around and say he doesn't let me go da da and like there's like a deep alarm bell going off like inside of me. And it's it's you have to try and differentiate the type of noise of internal noise that you're picking up on because they we both have got instincts and anxiety. So it's like, but they do sound different if you listen closely. It's so true. I actually did a meditation the other day that was for aligning your head and your heart because those two things can tell you such. Yeah. Yes. Agreed. Agreed. And it gets so twisted and confusing. And I think, I think, have you heard of Insight Timer on the app?

No. Oh, it's one of my favorite apps right now for meditation. Oh, my God. I need to get an insight timer. Okay. It's amazing. They have like, they have a meditation for everything, like anything that you could be feeling they will have a meditation for it.

And they also have courses that you can take that are like. I need to get into this. Oh, it's incredible. And they're not a sponsor. But hell, yeah, please, they should be because I am so invested in this app. And okay, I'm going to check it out. It's amazing. And I think that she should absolutely look into this meditation app

because there is actually one for what she's feeling right now. Yes. And I'm going to check that out too. Really helpful. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Amazing.

Did you give all your advice? Did we give all that? Yeah. I know. I think you nailed it. I think you did too. Okay. These text messages are specifically for you and I.

Oh. So this is going to be fun. Okay. This person says, I'm texting because I need help. I feel like I get ghost a lot. because I think I'm kind of a boring person. How do I change that in this vicious cycle? She said, send help.

Now, the problem is when people say, I'm a boring person, I can be boring too. I don't think boring is necessarily a bad thing. I think you'll just find the right person to like either if you want to come out of your shell from being boring and you want someone to challenge you, that's one thing. But if you want someone to like match your energy, there are people out there for that. I think that the key is that you have to stop thinking that you're boring. you are placing that judgment on yourself and you I think it's more detrimental to dating that you view yourself as boring than actually being boring you know like own whoever you are if

you like to stay in and you like to read and chill that's who you are that's not boring and it's like if you go into the date thinking oh I hope I'm not boring like I hope this isn't boring for them trust me they're going to pick up on that and I think that is actually way more a cause of of ghosting or yeah I think like that would way more be the reason than actually, you know, there's no way that that's really why. And like Caitlin said, it's like you're going to find the person who's right for you. But the number one thing that I would advise is stop viewing yourself that way. Do some self-work. And until you, you know, it's exactly what you were saying. Like you were completely ready for your relationship because you were so happy

and satisfied in your own life and in a good place. That's way more important than like we're not going to come here and say, oh, we'll talk about these five topics on your date. So you sound really interesting screw that there's going to be someone who's interest and they align completely with you and how they like to spend time but you know how you're going to attract that person is by looking in the mirror and saying i have so much to offer and it it's great whatever it is yeah i love that advice actually that you can't put that label on yourself as being boring because you're probably not one and two if if you are that more introverted person who doesn't like to like step outside your comfort zone and do all these crazy things and you're just comparing to like what other

Instagram people are doing and they're living this full life I always say this too like you have to own who you are as a person and if you are more just to yourself that you're going to find somebody that will align with that as long as you're cool with being that way yourself and putting that out there because like you said the second you try and put out something else so like an image of someone you're not people do pick up on that and that is probably where the ghosting comes in agreed agreed yeah dang this is a question for tinks i am 35 divorced at 28 although i she said although i often forget i was ever married i want a relationship but constantly find myself either happy alone doing something long distance or temporary is my subconscious stopping me from settling down

am i surrounding myself with the wrong people i feel like i'm going to be alone living with my dad forever cute cute i i know i don't think so i think you're dating i think you're dating and i think that we we have wrongly built up this notion that dating is a zero sum game right like either you meet someone and you it does work out and that's a win or it doesn't and that's a lose and that's not true because what you're doing is first of all you advocated for your own happiness by getting a divorce and saying this isn't right for me congratulations that's incredible and now you are back to dating you are you've had that experience you know what it doesn't feel like that was a piece of data on the graph and now you're out there just learning more about what you want and I think that you know the fact that you said

happy alone is such a great thing because that's okay and like the person will will drop in and in the meantime you should be dating maybe it does it's long distance maybe it is temporary because they're not the person right why would it be long term if it's not the person that's so true especially if she was married like who knows how long but if she was divorced at 28 she probably didn't have a lot of time to like do self discovery and like and get to know herself like I feel like if you're divorced at 28 what a perfect opportunity to date in your 30s and totally and what you actually want 100% yeah I'm not I'm not concerned about you at all you're this is great yeah especially as soon as I read that she's happy long I was like well you're great you're going to be

just fine yeah yeah next okay this one says hi tanks and Caitlin love you both so excited for episode looking for advice here i matched with a guy on bumble months ago and nothing came of it we never met fast forward to today we ended up on the same rec softball league via mutual friends he's an asshole texter in groups but super kind and friendly in person and great with kids i may be developing a slight crush on a crushy crush she said but can't stand assholes do i go for it or is it a red flag he's an asshole on group texts yeah okay maybe maybe I'm being too, like reading this too literally, but in my head, I'm understanding that they're on this league together and then they're in a group text. Now, to me, I can, I'm very like rough in how I play,

like I can be like a shit talker, like whatever. Okay, maybe I'm reading way too much into this, but I'm reading it like they're on a group text with the rest of the league and maybe he, he talks like, you know, oh, well, we're going to win this week or what have you or you're a bad player. I don't know. To me, it's like, it's just. just, you know, important about how he makes you feel. Now, if he's in the group chat being like calling people assholes and like being mean, then okay, yeah, that's a red flag. But if it's just like playful banter. Yeah. Yeah. And if and if he's sweet to you when he's good with kids and you are developing a crush, I'd say pursue it. Why not? Like, you know, you're just developing your crush.

Like you're not signing a contract. Like go check, go investigate. That's so true. You're not signing a contract. I love that. It's so funny, though, that she, it's interesting that they met Bumble months ago and then nothing came of it. But now, you know, because sometimes nothing can come up something over the internet, but then you meet in person and it's a completely spark. Yeah. So agreed. I'm curious if her crush is reciprocated or if she's just like, also sometimes it's like ego, like when you, when nothing comes of it online and then you meet them in person, you're like, well, now I want them to like me because they met me in person or what I have you so right but just pull the thread i think see where it goes for sure for sure because if he's kind

to you in person and good with kids and all that that sounds like green flags to me that sounds green flags yeah yeah and i kind of like an asshole texter because i'm an asshole texter yeah it's funny yeah i think it's fine uh okay i love that okay so another thing we do on this pot is we prank call people it is so funny do you like i'm so bad like i literally it's the one thing that i like i but I said I need to watch you do it because I'm literally I need to learn because I'm I'll I'll actually I can't I'm like it's the one thing that I'm just like I can't I'll laugh or I'll like start crying like I don't know please but I need to watch this it's so funny because I kind to get the same like I my heart starts racing I start sweating I feel sick sometimes when

the person's like believing me and I'm and then I get guilty and I'm really curious if this if people will answer though because I was call from a private number and sometimes I have really good luck and people will just pick up and sometimes it'll go straight to voicemail, but I still leave one. And I seem to always go to this name, Amanda. I'm not sure why. It's your El Drago. We love it. We love it. Yeah. I need to like discover who Amanda is because I do keep bringing her up. Okay. So this person, her name's Hillary, she wants to prank her husband, Bronson, who played for the Green Bay Packers and he's friends with Aaron Rogers. She wants me to call and pretend I'm Aaron's assistant to ask if you'd come back to the Packers as

Aaron's water boy. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, okay, do it, do it. Do it. I'm literally freaking out for you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Hey, Caitlin. This is Hilary Capucci. Love your podcast. I just have an idea for a prank call for my husband. So he played for the Packers, the Green Bay Packers, was last season, and we're in off season right now, free agency. And so we're friends with Aaron. We love Aaron Rogers. And I think it would be funny if you called. And instead of, and you're acting like Aaron's assistant or something to ask if he'd come back to the Packers, but as Aaron's personal water boy instead of having him playing with the team, I think it would be funny. He would be

so thrown off. But anyways, love your podcast. His name's Bronson. So anyways, I thought it'd be hilarious. He would get a kick out of it. Okay. I feel so sick right now. Like my legs, Do you ever get the feeling where you're, like, so nervous at the back of your legs, go numb? Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. That's what's happening right now. Okay, here we go. Hello? Hi, is this Bronson?

Yeah. Oh, hi. Hi, I'm good. How are you? I'm doing good, thanks. This is Brittany Kamsen. I'm Aaron Rogers' assistant. I think we've met actually before.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I want to say a year ago, and I met, your wife is Hillary? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We met. I just wanted to call because we actually were speaking to Aaron. We had a meeting the other day, and he wants you to come back to the Packers to be his water boy, and he's serious. Would you be down for that?

Oh, hey, whatever that man said, I'm going to do it. He said, he thought you would say that. So we were just wondering, okay, so we're actually serious, though. Would you come back? Of course. Go, Pac, go. Go, Pac, go. Of course.

Okay, well, I'm going to pass this along. And then if we could set up a meeting, is this the best number to call you at? Wait, are you guys, Sparrell or? Oh, yeah. Oh, you don't remember me. I don't remember you. Oh, I'm going to try and not be offended. by that, but yeah, we did.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, that's okay. I connected a lot with your wife, Hillary, and I did think, well, she'll remember me. You can ask her. No, I will ask her for sure. Yeah, did you guys exchange numbers or something? Yes, she has my number. So if, okay, if you're down, I'll have, I'll put together a meeting and send you guys a Zoom link,

and then we can go from there. Oh, man. Is this, is this for real? I'm so sorry. I can't. There's no way. I can't. Oh, my gosh.

Okay, my name is Caitlin Bristow and your wife called me to prank you on my podcast. Oh, this is Kaylin. I was trying so hard. And then I was like, well, he kept like asking it. And I was like, I can't do it anymore. I'm going to laugh. So I had to tell you. But oh, my gosh.

Did you really believe you could be as well? Potter boy? I was like, there's no way. I was like, we got pretty good training room. That's a great job. So I don't know. I'd probably do a worse job than them. I was like, I don't know. I don't want to take anyone's job. Oh, you are so, you're like so nice about it. That was amazing. If I were you ought to be like, I'm going to hang up now, you weirdo. So thank you for playing along and being a good sport. And tell your wife, is it your wife or your, yeah, it's your wife, right, Hillary? Yeah, yeah, my wife's Hillary. I know she's listening to your podcast. She loves you. That is amazing. Well, now I love you guys, and you tell her to tune into the podcast because we kind of got you for a while. Yeah, I was like, when you said your name, I was like, I feel like I know a lot of people and all the players like people.

And I'm like, who is this? And then when you said, do you remember me? I was like, oh my gosh. I forgot. Usually I remember everyone. I was like, no way. You were so honest. I would have been like, yeah, totally. Oh my gosh. Aaron's assistant. Yeah, absolutely. Got you. That's amazing. Well, thanks for being a good sport. Oh, well, thanks. I love it. Okay. Well, you guys have a good day. Tell your wife, I say hi. I will. I will. Okay. Bye. You're so good at it. Oh, my God. You're so good at it. I'm like, I'm taking it back. Like, you're so good at it. I would have lost it. I would have like literally blacked out.

You're amazing. Oh, he was so sweet, too. He was so cute. He was like, oh, yeah, whatever he wants. Yeah. Is this really? Oh, my God. That was really cute. And he was like, go back. Oh, cute. That was really sweet. I usually will commit to the whole thing that when I was just like, I can't. It was too sweet. Hillary, you have a very sweet husband. That is so nice. I can tell he's a nice guy. That was really, really cute. Okay. Do you feel inspired? No. Are you joking me? I'm all the more certain I could. Never. I could, I would literally just, I would be like, it's tanks. I'm sorry, I'm pranking you. And then hang up. Do another one. Do another one. Do another one. Okay, well, maybe we can do this one together. Okay, Lexi wants us to call her husband Cade. Call him pretending to be their landlord. Okay, I'll do this one. Tara about complaints of him being naked in the window. Oh, yeah,

we got a voicemail. Okay, let's hear it. Hey, Caitlin. I totally screwed up. My name is Lexie. I just barely called about my husband Kade and the landlord. I forgot to give you his number. So it's again, if you could just call him, pretend to be our landlord Tara, saying that you've gotten multiple complaints about him being naked and spotted in the windows. Again, thank you so much. And I love you. Bye. My gosh. Okay, this is the last one. This is, here we go. This is so good. Hey, it's Tara, your landlord?

Oh, how's it going? I'm good. How are you? Pretty good. Okay, good. I just have something to run by you. We've just gotten a couple of complaints about, I think it's you, maybe one of your friends, but someone being naked in the window all the time and neighbors are complaining. Okay, what's going on? We're getting complaints that someone in your window.

window is always naked. It is a man. So I don't know if it's you or one of your buddies. So cut now. I just can't quite hear you. I'm sorry. I'm muting him right now. What a liar. He can totally. He's lying. He knows she's caught. Okay. Stop being naked in your window. Bye. I'm dead. He literally fully wanted. He was fully caught. That was amazing. He is like fully naked in his window. Totally naked. I I mean, there's a call them out for that, for the, Tara would not call unless she was, you know, telling the truth. He's always naked in the water. That was amazing. Oh, my gosh.

That is amazing. Okay. This is our last thing we're going to do. It's called, does it give you the ick? So I look at some common and weird dating icks. And I want to give any of these would do it for you. Okay. Okay.

I love this. Would this give you the ick? Okay. Talking through burps. You know, when people burp and they just continue to talk through it. Yeah, I hate that. Like, really gross me out. would i would not like that at all okay chewing with an open mouth yeah i don't like any like foodie

like any just like lock it up you know oh my gosh same do you have um misophonia not fully but like i just really don't like it and i really just it really yeah okay yeah they are a loud talker that doesn't bother me yeah not necessarily yeah um using romantic pet names no because i always have a nickname and it's bad i've always have terrible nickname names for people and everybody around me, especially my boyfriends, and they always have weird ones for me. So, no, that's fine. Okay. That's not a nick for me either. Okay. This one makes me want to barf. Tugging a full glass of milk. Yuck. I would literally kick someone out of my house if they did that. I'd be like, get out. What the F? No, I, that's disgusting. Block and delete and all of them

yeah. Yeah, no. Yeah. Okay. Talking way too much about themselves. Yeah, ick. Really bad. frequent emoji user you know what this is such a double standard but i do feel like it's an egg for a guy like i use a million emojis and i'm like hi rainbow unicorn cloud cherry but like for a guy i'm like you can have a smiley face once in a while yeah fair enough i'm kind of with you on that okay dirty fingernails being rude to hospitality staff immediately dumped immediately gone yeah that's a big for me. Oversharing on social media. Well, again, the double standard because here I am.

So, like, social media is for me. And then the guy can just, no, yeah. I'm the same way. I like, oversharing needs to be, I'm going to use the buzzword, so authentic. Yeah, it needs to be so true. And if people try and overshare to, like, try and be relatable, that is the biggest it for me. It's the biggest I ever agreed.

I'm so glad that this podcast happened. You are amazing. You're amazing. Thank you for having. You are more than welcome anytime. And one day, I always say this, because I'm like, freaking Zoom, one day we will pod and meet in person. We will. We will. And have a big old glass of wine. And I can't wait for that. I love you tons. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much. Have such a good day. Thank you. You too. Bye. Bye. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending.

Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Tune in to hear new minisodes every Thursday. Check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday, exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's that with OTV? Stream the biggest movies and TV shows for free on Pluto TV. Watch movies like Titanic and G.I. Joe, The Rise of Cobra, plus TV shows like CSI and Star Trek the next generation. Starting this month, check out the 24-7 Stargate channel. on Pluto TV, plus hundreds of channels and thousands of movies and TV shows, absolutely free. Download the free Pluto TV app on your favorite streaming device and start watching today.