Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Meg Boggs

Episode Date: June 11, 2020

Writer, advocate, feminist and mother Meg Boggs joins Kaitlyn for Grape Therapy this week to discuss her passion for health & wellness through body positivity! She shares her journey to empowerment through writing and exercise, as well as how to deal with body shaming. Kaitlyn and Meg also talk about having self-confidence and leaning into the moments where you feel like a badass. Later, she shares a confession that you won’t believe! GEICO – Go to geico.com , and in fifteen minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance BEST FIENDS – Download Best Fiends FREE on the Apple App Store or Google Play LA CROIX – Enjoy La Croix sparkling water, a healthier alternative for you and your lifestyle. CALDREA – Get fr ee shipping on orders of $50 or more when you buy online at Caldrea.com  BREYERS – To fin d out more about Breyers CarbSmart click here: https://www.breyers.com/us/en/products/carbsmart.html  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything bachelor let's shake it up some more here's katelyn welcome to grape therapy i'm your host katelyn brisso today on the pod we have a multi-talented writer athlete activist and mother who is inspiring women daily by sharing her journey around fitness body image and mental health she shares stunning photos on her instagram that often feature her beautiful baby girl and husband giving us a little behind the scenes into her life Her willingness to open up both her struggles and sources of strength is helping so many people and she rocks a matching workout set like no one else. I'm very grateful.

We're getting a chance to connect today. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the pod, Meg Boggs. Hi. Wow. Thank you so much for having me. What an intro. I love the intros. It's always like, I always say this on my podcast where it's just like a chance for you

to sit back and hear what other people think about you. And you're like, wow, that's so nice. Yeah. Yeah, all very positive things. So happy to have you on because so many of the Vinoes and some personal friends of mine have recommended you and wanted you to come on for the podcast for a while now. Oh, cool. Really? Yes.

Jillian Harris, remember I did a podcast with her and I asked her like what kind of Instagrammy we should give out? She said yours, right? Oh, my gosh. Yes. Yes. When that happened, my DMs were exploding from Vinos that also follow me that were like, You will not believe it. Jillian Harris was just pumping your tires on the line.

And I was like, oh, my gosh, I haven't even listened to this episode yet. Like, I can't wait to hear. Like, it was really, really, really cool to, like, see all the communities kind of combining. Absolutely. Yeah, because you've been super open about how you have suffered from depression, panic attacks. And pretty shortly you got married to your husband. And a lot of this stemmed from your negative body image and mental health disorders. Was this a lifelong struggle?

struggle for you up until this point? Or why, like, did this just happen when you got married? No, it was my entire life. Like, I've struggled with body image since I was in grade school. Like, I was made fun of. I had, like, balls thrown at me during recess. It, like, it went all the way back then. So it's just always been a struggle for me. And when I got older, it just kind of was building and building and building. I never talked about it. I just pretend to like, oh, yeah, it's normal that I'm not skinny. So once I get skinny, then I can be happy. Then I won't have these mental health problems.

It's all going to go away. Like, that's what I believed. When I met my husband, he was like, he didn't see me for my body at all. He, like, saw me for my passion for my artistic, creative side. He saw all the parts of me that I didn't think were possible to see, like, beyond my body. so that like when we got married it like exploded like full on explosion I was a teacher at the time I taught music in elementary schools so that was really fun but I was struggling with my body really bad and I had a full on panic attack in the parking lot and my like co-workers saw it happening

I was driving into the parking lot I started like shaking I couldn't breathe that just came out of nowhere. I was just my thoughts were spiraling that morning. And they had to actually stop the car for me and pull over and like press on the brake to like, they opened the door and had to press on the break because I was literally like shaking. And I couldn't see. And I was like, I, that day I quit my job. I quit teaching. I said I was never going to do it again. I needed to find something different. I need to focus on myself. And we had just been married for like a year. So my husband was like, we talk about it now, but he's like, you know, at that time, I was like, well, I just got married to her. Right. Either we're going to push through this

on my salary and we're going to figure it out or like, or we don't. And I'm just so grateful that he actually loved me for me, not for anything else, and was willing to push through that with me. So after that, I kind of started trying to focus on myself, which I thought was losing weight. So that's what I did. I started dieting. I started exercising like nine times a week. I just went all in. I was like health, fitness, wellness. I'm going to be a better person. And none of that really happened. I ended up losing almost 100 pounds, but none of that happened. I lost weight. And there I was just hating myself more than I had ever hated myself. in my entire life because I was like I'm still not happy people still don't respect me

people still don't like acknowledge that I'm a person who deserves to be treated like anybody else I was still considered plus size I think that's why I was like it's not enough I need to go more I need to lose more I need to diet more I need to tear myself apart more and then I got pregnant with my daughter and that's kind of when everything changed like my whole mindset shifted whenever I had her because all I could think about was her. Like, oh my gosh, like 10 years from now, if she's getting bullied, if she's having body image issues, she's just going to look up and see me looking in the mirror, poking at myself, being like, oh, I'm gross.

I'm not there yet. And she's when I think she's never there yet. So that's kind of what completely shifted my mindset. That's, it is crazy how, well, first of all, how much kids listen and see and watch sheer every move and you know they're so um just fragile at that time of what what the what the parent is showing them and I think that's really crazy that just like having that you know having being pregnant knowing what you want for your child is enough for your mind to shift over anything and and be as strong as you need to be because I mean I'm trying I lost my train to thought because I had

something about um being a parent having them see what you see Um, I lost it. It'll come back to me. But, oh my gosh. I'm, I never do. I blank, but I like usually pick it back up. I'd something so important I wanted to say and I lost it. Anyways, I'll come back to that.

But, but yeah, it is, it's crazy how much your mind can shift because, oh, I know what I was going to say. I remember. So, you know, um, do you know Brett Kessel, country singer? Um, okay. So him and his wife, Cece are dear friends of ours. And they started a podcast and they did a, they showed a clip today. on their Instagram, and Cece had a bit of a struggle growing up in her childhood. And, you know, we all have different traumas and different things that we go through. And she said, and I think this

is something that you do, she, you might not know you even do it. She sees herself, she has three kids, and she sees herself as her fourth child. So she, you know, kind of is treating these kids and and herself as if what she needed when she was younger. And I think that shows a huge sign of you as a parent and a person that, you know, you're that strong and mentally able to shift your mindset for your little girl. I think that's, you're going to be such a good role model for her. Oh, thank you. That's definitely what changed it all for me because all I can think about was me whenever

I was at age, you know, whenever I was crying and I was just really confused about my body. And, I mean, I never saw my body represented. I mean, still to this day, it's really difficult to see my body actually represented as something other than funny, something other than like a villain, something other than somebody who's changing and transforming into a smaller version. Like, that's all you really see represented in a body type of mind. That's because that's the thing, you know, there's so much, there's been so much media and certain things around body image. that shows, like, well, you're not healthy or, you know, in shape unless you look a certain way. But you are so healthy and you're an athlete. Like, tell me about that.

Well, I started exercising during that whole weight loss journey. I just saw this punishment, pretty much like anybody does. And I started weightlifting probably when I was like eight weeks postpartum. I had just had my daughter. I was recovering. and something in me was like, do something that you've always wanted to do that you've never done and embrace it and see, see how it goes. And I've always been interested in like powerlifting and just being strong physically. And so I was like, well, let's do it. So I started doing it maybe

once or twice a week. I would hold the barbell and practice very, very, very slowly because I thought my bones were going to break in my area down there. But eventually I realized, like, this is so much fun. Like, how fun is this? Like, just the adrenaline it gave me, made me excited. I was excited to go work out. And it didn't even feel like a workout because it was, like, going and having fun. So that transitioned into me being like, okay, well, let's, like, actually compete.

Let's go, I don't know if I'm going to win, whatever. let's just go have fun, compete. I bet that adrenaline rush is crazy cool because I've never really had that. I got kicked out of athletics in ninth grade for beating up a girl. So that just that dream ended a long time ago. But you could tell it you have a passion for it. Yeah. It's just so fun.

And I always encourage people, find something that makes you happy. If that spin, if that's yoga, if that's walking, if that's rowing. I mean, whatever, stand volleyball with your friends. whatever it is that you can be active and have fun while you're doing it that's like the best kind of workout so for me and it's powerlifting i have so much fun doing it and i've learned that if i'm not doing like what i used to do where i'm doing like a hundred minutes of cardio every day then yeah i'm probably not going to sweat and have this like massive transformation in my body which is normal and i'm okay with that like i'm okay that health-wise i'm just doing

fantastic, like the best I've ever been in my life right now. Every time I go to the doctor, they do try and find something, but they can't ever really find anything. It's like, well, I guess. Because you're doing all the right things. Yeah. Let's take a moment. We could all use a break every now and then, but just because we're taking some time to relax doesn't mean we have to stop using our brain. That's right. I'm talking about one of my favorite apps on my phone and games to play, and that's best fiends. Whenever I need to take just like five minutes to pause throughout the day, sometimes more than five. I find myself reaching for my phone to play

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It's constantly changing with new events, new levels, which always keeps me on my toes and brings me back to the app. And I have to admit, now that I've been, at home more. I've stepped up my game even more. It's really a unique and exciting puzzle experience, unlike other puzzle games out there. Best Fiends updates the game monthly with new levels and events so it never gets old. Plus, it does not require internet to play, so you don't need to worry about Wi-Fi access or using your cell data.

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I did that. And then when I got pregnant, I was like, well, I'm going to take a break. and just be a mom just for a little bit and then I'm going to go back find a new job because we moved up here to Dallas. We used to live in Houston and then we moved up to Dallas to be closer to my parents when I got pregnant. And when we moved up here, I was like, oh, I don't want to go back to teaching because I just, I don't know, something, it just feels like trauma when I think about a school and like I'm going to have to probably work through that therapy once may see my daughter starts going to school because being like in a parking lot of an

elementary just really gives me like anxiety and it just triggers something so I'm going to work through that so I knew that I couldn't go back to teaching so I started just sharing my own personal experiences of motherhood on my blog I like created a blog in the middle of night when I was like let's do this let's just write about how I'm feeling and I started doing that I started realizing that writing was also giving me that same sort of feeling that powerlifting was giving me. It was like releasing something and it was therapeutic. And while power lifting was helping my physical health, writing was helping my mental health. So I was like, okay, this is great. I'm finding things that work for me. So now I basically just for my job, I guess, is I just blog and I write

and I share just content that's special to me. I don't really know. I don't like calling it influencer. I just, I don't feel like I'm like totally understand that because I feel like turned into that. And I'm like. I know. But you, I mean, you do influence people to live their best life and, and to be, you know, empowered and happy and healthy.

And you do influence people in a good way. Yeah, that's what I'm hoping. Yeah. I don't really know what to call it. I'm like, I'm a blogger. I'm a content create. I'm above all else, I like to think of myself as an activist because I'm constantly speaking about things that I'm passionate about. And sometimes I'm able to get sponsors to, you know, help me be able

to supplement doing that work. Sometimes it's kind of hard to explain that. I know, but it is, it's such important work. And, you know, look at the times we're in. That is a job. You know, you've made that job for yourself and it's and it's doing you know like teaching and and everything that was important work too but what you're doing it you have a you know a bigger platform and you're able to have a um a louder voice that way for people you know to change their lives for the better so i feel like you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and that's incredible because i remember um while you're talking about like when you got pregnant and thinking about um how you were going to talk to yourself after in front of your daughter because you were told

when you, that you were going to have troubles getting pregnant, weren't you? Yeah. So once me and my husband decided that we were going to go ahead and start trying and having kids, I went to my normal appointment and when I was back in Houston with my old doctor. And the first thing she said was, oh, honey, like, I just have to be really, really brutally honest with you. There's just really not a way that I would be able to continue being your doctor. We would have to send you to a specialist because the chances of you having a very complicated pregnancy are pretty high you would be high risk at your weight so i just want to let you know like yes think about it go home y'all talk about it however just keep that in the back of your mind

and maybe consider diet and exercise that might help you you know get to a better weight to where i could be your doctor and i was just like wow like are you serious and but at the time i didn't have the mindset that i do now so back then i was like oh well we got to get on a diet i was like okay I got to look up weight watchers. I got to look up like, how do you count calories? How do you really do? So that's like when my whole obsession with dieting and exercise started was whenever I found that out. Wow.

It's so crazy because I've heard so many stories of, you know, different doctors and things that they say. It's so scary to trust people out there, isn't it? Like for what they tell you, especially as a doctor, somebody you would hope would have the knowledge and, you know, support to not say things like. like that when you obviously had a very healthy pregnancy. Did you not? Yeah, it was like extremely healthy. Like even my, my doctor then, whenever we delivered and everything, she was like, you know, you had such a great pregnancy. And I'm like, thank you. Thank you for acknowledging that. And, you know, it wasn't, I didn't have any issues. However, throughout my pregnancy, they did test me like every week. They were checking like everything because they were just so worried. And I would be like,

it's fine like I'm okay it's yeah that's so wild I mean there's I remember um being in I don't know if I've told the story on the podcast but I'm sure I have because I repeat myself all the time um but I remember being in um the delivery room when my sister was going to give birth and I got shamed by the nurse in there and she was she looked at me and I was like trying to say something to my sister to make her laugh or something I don't know and the nurse looked at me and she goes your sister doesn't need a little skinny bitch in here telling her what to do right now what yeah and i remember just being like and my sister was just so distracted because she's having contractions and doing it and i remember being like how dare you like and i just remember thinking nurses and doctors are

supposed to like the one be like some sort of comfort to you while you're in a hospital no matter if it's a happy, sad, hard, you know, whatever it is, they need to just, you know, have a softer approach sometimes. It's crazy. That's horrible. I know. It's, I mean, body shaming in any level is horrible. Exactly. And what is your advice to others out there who may be, you know, facing the same kind of struggles that you found yourself facing throughout the years? Like, how can people begin the journey to become healthy without focusing specifically on weight loss? I think it's just finding what makes you enjoy the things that you're you're wanting out of it like take out of the weight loss part think about it in a in a way of like okay if weight law if i wasn't going to lose weight

my body wasn't going to change what would i be doing actively for my body that i would enjoy if i knew that i wasn't going to lose weight it wasn't going to change me in any way physically it was just something that I could do that I knew would help my body, but it wouldn't change it necessarily. And that's kind of what I had to think about it. I had to just take away all of that stuff and be like, okay, what would make me happy and me have fun moving my body? And if there's really nothing right now, which that's kind of what a lot of people think,

they're like, okay, well, I'm thinking and I'm thinking and like, everything sounds awful. Everything's triggering for me. That's usually because you've done so, you've tried so many different things, and it's always been attached to punishment. It's always been attached to losing weight. And it's hard to, like, pull those apart. But if you really just continuously think about it, I wrote a lie, journal a lot. So that's something that I, I don't know if it works for everybody, but that's what I would advise is really write out, what are the things that maybe from your childhood, what from your childhood was fun, like during recess or during athletics? Like, what were

the things that made you the most excited? Yeah. That's kind of what I would think. when it comes to physical activity. Right. Yeah. And I mean, I always wish you're a beautiful writer and that's why you have a successful blog and everything. But I find it so hard to like actually write out my feelings. But I always know it makes me feel better.

And I love looking back on journals. I kept a journal the whole time I was on the show. And it's one of my favorite things is to look back and see how far I've come and like what my thought process was through that whole situation. But I find that after I'm like writing. for like three sentences, I just want to give up. Like, how do I get through that? Start with a word, a power word. I mean, what is the one thing, if I could have just put one word down for what I'm wanting to experience during that activity, what would that word be?

And then leave it at that. And then be like, I'm going to come back to that tomorrow. I'm going to come back to that next week. That's what I do. What I'm trying to really understand what I'm going through in a moment is I'm pulling that one word, that one word that just kind of sticks to that situation or that experience. And for me, whenever it was powerlifting, I was like, okay, what is it that I'm looking for? What is it that I want? And I wanted something to make me feel strong. I kept coming back to that word, strong, strong, strong. And that's the feeling that powerlifting gives me. It makes me feel strong, no matter what the hell I look like, no matter how my body is shaking whenever I'm doing the activity. Like literally, who cares? Like,

why is that important? It's not important. Just try and think of that one word. That would be, That's actually really good advice. I really like that. Grab a coffee and discover nonstop action with BudMGM Casino. Check out our hottest exclusive. Friends of one with Multi-Drop. Once even more options. Play our wide variety of table games.

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We'll be right back with more off-d-d-vine, grape therapy. This is off-d-d-vine, grape therapy. You use social media so much for, you know, good and spreading positivity, but obviously, and for me, this happens, social media can be a trigger when it comes to certain people, certain accounts. So what are some tips you have for people who might feel like social media can be a negative place and lead them to play the comparison game. I mean, I think we all do it.

Oh, my gosh. And follow everything that makes you feel like shit. Like, and follow it. It's hard whenever it's like somebody you know that you feel like they'll notice if you want follow them. Well, then mute them. There's a mute button. Just that's what I've had to do. I've had to do it to people that I know that I just had to feel like I have to meet you for a little bit because you're on a weight loss diet, crazy journey.

But I love you as a person. I don't think that you're a bad person. That's just very triggering for me right now. So I'm going to have to mute you for just for just a second. How nice would it be if everyone can just be that honest and not take it personally, right? Yeah, yeah. Because it's like when you say it out like that, it's just honest and true and makes so much sense. You're like, oh, of course.

But if people hide things and don't be honest with how they're feeling, then people lead to assumptions and it just turns into a mess. I'm a big fan of the honesty. Yeah, I did a little Instagram cleanup not too long ago. and it is it's it's really crazy how much good that can do for your mental state while scrolling because i didn't even realize and then some of it i'm like oh that it is triggering for me or it does um make me feel some type of way when i when i see that and i don't want that anymore and i did i went through and did a big cleanup and it felt so good felt so good um it really is let's talk about lecroy lecroy sparkling water delivers refreshment flavor and sparkle with an innocent

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from the vinos and people on Facebook okay so Tracy Lynette O'Donnell she says where does she find her confidence and how does she handle negative self-talk oh my confidence you know confidence isn't going to happen overnight like I always think of it as don't show up after you're confident show up until you're confident you know that's kind of the mindset that i've always had i didn't want to go to the gym and people see me and like watch me and like i don't know how to use this machine yet i'm learning and it's like terrifying like i'm going to show up anyway i'm going to show up and it's not going to feel very comfortable i'm not going to feel confident but you know what at some point i will at some point it's because it's going to become

normal for me to be there and i'm going to get through those anxious feelings but if you wait into your confident you're never going to show up you're never going to do it you just have it's an uncomfortable feeling but you have to step into the uncomfort to feel the comfort to feel the comfort eventually you know what i mean yeah i still i'm still to this day intimidated by gyms i i i like spin studios i can do yoga but the gym is a very intimidating place for me and I still don't have the confidence there like and I I like to do exercise I like to work out but for some reason I I don't know what it is about the gym it's just you do feel like people are watching you and like if you don't know what you're doing I just feel like it's it's

kind of my fault too for assuming these people are all judgmental and going to judge me for like you know that's that's kind of my fault but they're all worrying about you looking at them too yeah yeah and they're all probably just worried about themselves doing their own thing they don't care like you know right i don't care when i'm at the gym and other people are i'm you know you're in your own zone but yeah that's a good i like that um that saying though what what was the saying again you said um don't don't don't wait till you're confident show up until you're confident yeah don't what i don't even know what did i say i just i just blurt things out this is how things work that's great like don't wait until you're confident to to show up

show up until oh wait yes no that was right yeah you know don't wait to show up till you're to you're confident show up i don't know i feel like we said it in there somewhere and it made sense yes it did rewind but that's good i actually really like that advice and then how do you handle a negative self-talk um you have to lean into it like you can't just brush it off and be like oh, I'm not going to think about it. I'm just going to think happy thoughts and positive thoughts. That's not how it works. That's not how our brains work.

Like, if you feel like there's times where I feel like I look in the mirror when I'm at the gym and I'm like, oh, my gosh, like I'm doing this exercise and that's how I look. And I immediately start thinking like, like, ew, gross, disgusting. Like I hope nobody's looking. Well, I'm going to lean into that. Why am I thinking that? Are those really my thoughts or are those thoughts that have like evolved? into what I'm feeling right now because of outside sources, because of what I'm seeing in the media,

because of what I see on magazines and movies and TV and social media, is that what's telling me to think that? Like, it's just really leaning into it. It's hard for me to describe because this has been such a, the journey for me has been so up and down. And there's days where I'm like, I'm not, I'm not going to, I'm just going to, that it is what it is and I'm gross and I'm ugly and it just is what it is. There's days that I feel that way. And then there's days that I'm like, no, screw you. Like, I'm badass rich and you need to back up. Like there's, it's like up and down, up and down. But if you feel it in the moment, lean into it for a second and really think, like, where is that coming from? Who is that coming from? Why do I think that? And if you don't

have the emotional energy to lean into it at the time, then just sit with it and by I sit with it, I mean, just let it consume you for just a second. And then you just move forward. And if it comes up again, maybe try leaning into it that time and then analyze them while you're feeling that way. That's really good. I find that my negative self-talk comes up as excuses. I'll like shame myself in some way just to get out of something. You know, like I if I feel crappy about myself, I'll be like, well, you're just like, you're useless today. And you're just depressed so just stay in bed like it'll use it as an excuse to not do anything and i find that's where my self-talk comes from is just trying to make excuses yeah oh it's so hard it is i mean

people just have to understand that it's not it's not like this journey that's constantly going up and up and up and you're you're having all these like revelations and you're like oh i'm just bathing and self-love like it's literally a robo coaster and you're just being yanked in every direction and you just got to sit in for the ride don't jump off sit in for the ride because it's going to be like crazy it is crazy i've i've been on the you know self-love train now for probably like i don't know seven or eight years of like really being conscious of it and working on it and and therapy on it and all these things and i'm the exact same way where sometimes i'm like you are a badass bitch and then other times i'm like you are a

depressed loser and I like won't look at myself in the mirror and it's so the journey is never the same the two days are never the same but if you're if you're constantly aware of yourself talk like that's one huge step it being just aware of yourself talk it is it's huge yeah and it's the biggest difference maker it really is I agree with that okay let's see what other questions people have for you um Caitlin Carver schoolfield said love her so glad you're podcasting with her what is her favorite part of being a mom. Oh, all the new things that, like, seeing the personality come out and, like, really seeing them become into a person, like a human.

I know when they're little, they're human. They're like, how old is she? She's two and a half. Two and a half. So she's, like, now starting to express herself a little bit more, be a little sassy here and there. And I'm just like, oh, gosh, it just makes me feel so good. Like, that's probably my favorite part is just like.

Like all the other stuff, yeah, it's great. But it's just those experiences of seeing her become who she's going to be. It's like, oh, I just love it so much. Oh, I can only imagine. I mean, I like think about this day all the time about when I'll have. Do you? Oh, yeah, I cannot wait. And it feels like every year and then even starting now, like every month,

I just get closer to being like, okay, I'm ready. Like, let's do it. I know people are always like, you're never ready. but I'm like, I'm kind of ready. Yeah, some days you're just like, let's do it. Yeah, I just think being a parent is such an important role, especially in this day and age. And it's just such a, like, you know, some people are just born to be moms. And then other people don't even realize they were until they have a child.

And then they're like, oh, my gosh, I was always meant to be a mom. Okay, so back to Tracy. She asked you a couple questions. She said, I've always been, and in quotes, a plus size girl, ever since I've been a kid and now I'm at the heaviest I've ever been. I'm getting married this year and I'm really struggling with how my body is going to look at my wedding photos. Also, as a newly married women, I want to feel sexy in the bedroom and I struggle a lot with negative thoughts about how my body looks and I can't seem to find an ounce of confidence anywhere. Do you have any advice?

Oh, the wedding. You know, I didn't have a wedding. I mean, I had a wedding, but I didn't have a wedding, if you know what I mean. We got married to the courthouse. So, and it's a wedding. It's all because I didn't want to wear a dress. I didn't want people to look at me. I didn't want it to be about me because I was embarrassed. So, oh, I feel that so much. Something that me and my husband do that I don't think I've ever even shared this on my platform, but we do something a little interesting where when I was going through all of the stuff, I did not, like, he couldn't see me naked. I'd be like, I'm always wearing something. I'm always covered up. The lights are off. where if we're in bed like don't touch me in certain areas because they were like I didn't want them to

see those areas and it's really hard to get through so something that we started doing is I would be like okay we're going to take little steps and I'm going to show you my stomach and it was terrifying because I was like okay I'm going to just show it to you and it's going to feel awkward for me but I need you to see it and I need you to not react. and so that's what we would do little things i would like show him in my stomach and we would sit there and he would like put his hand on it and i would literally get shivers and like chills run down my entire body because nobody's ever touched me like that we had been together for so long but i still wouldn't let him touch certain parts of me especially my stomach wow i bet that

did that just change your relationship for you because yeah because i think that would make you truly believe that he does see you for you and you know that your body doesn't define you and you have a beautiful body yeah yeah so that's that was a big deal um for us now i mean i walk around naked i'm just like flapping everywhere and it is what it is um but i mean in the beginning stages i would recommend that if you're if you're somebody who's whether you're plus size or not i mean we have all these all of us have these issues with parts of our bodies that you just feel really insecure about you feel like it's unlovable and then I think that's what we think about we're like oh really it's unlovable there's no way that he or she could love this part of me I don't even

love that part of me certainly they won't is taking that moment and being super vulnerable I mean they love you they wouldn't be doing all these things with you and experiencing life with you if they didn't love you and so really just channeling that and like okay I'm going to do this I'm going to show you this part of me. And if you want them to react or not react, let them know, be vocal. Really, really communicate that. And I think it says a lot. It said a lot to him whenever I started telling him that.

And I'd be like, I don't want you to see my boobs. They sag, they point down. I don't want you to see my stomach. It's got marks and it's got rolls. I'm like, you're not attracted to that. And it just took that moment to really just let it be seen. And it's so scary. so scary but it really changes your relationship absolutely that's a really beautiful thing between

you two and and he is attracted to that you know it yeah absolutely it's all so beautiful i just think i just i just love that you're able to you know share that message and all these um pieces little pieces of advice you've been giving are just really important so thank you thanks of course all right let's take a moment i know you're definitely familiar by now with caldrea which is absolutely one of my favorite brands i've talked about their hand care products their cleaning products and their air care which fills my home pretty much all the time recently caldrea is a consciously crafted home and body care brand that combines thoughtful ingredients with incredible sense making caring for ourselves and our homes a beautiful experience so their hand care products includes both

hand soaps and moisturizing lotions that are so effective, smell incredible. They're formulated using a combination of essential oils from flowers and herbs plus other thoughtful ingredients. Now, obviously, we know how important it is to wash our hands, and you're about to be washing them even more often than you already do because of these products, I promise. I wash my hands now and kind of for fun. That sounds so crazy, but I'm serious. I've absolutely been loving the ginger pomelow scent, which is so warm, bright, makes it. me feel like I'm in a spa, even though I'm just in my kitchen or bathroom. And if you haven't tried Caldrea's products yet, trust me, you're going to love the way

they feel and the way they smell. Get free shipping on orders of $50 or more when you buy online at caldraea.com. That's C-A-L-D-R-E-A.com. Visit caldrea.com and add wonder to your washing. We'll be right back with more off-d-d-d-vine, Grave Therapy. Hey, I'm Autumn Calabrese, and I have a question. question for you. How do you do life? I might be a superstar trainer, but I'm also a boy mom, sister, daughter, friend, and entrepreneur. You might think my life is all working out

and cooking healthy, delicious recipes. But trust me, there is so much more to it, and this is it. This is all of those real moments you talk about with your family and friends. Ever wonder what else life has to offer? Bring your curious appetite and let's do life together. Subscribe now at Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Podcast.com. Divine Grape Therapy. Got a little rapid fire question for you. By the way, we didn't cheers. You're drinking.

I know. I am. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Absolutely. I didn't see you're drinking wine. Okay.

So rapid fire questions just kind of about you as a person. Okay. I'm ready. Okay. One self-care ritual that you try to make time for daily. Self-care ritual. I always, and this sounds so influencer-like, I always do my skincare routine.

Oh, yeah, that's me. I cannot go without it. Like, it is, it just makes me feel so refreshed and like, oh. I'm the exact same. It's the start of my day and it's the finish of my day. And I take it as not only an opportunity to, opportunity to, like, care about my skin. It's like, I like, I, like, Aaron Trelor, who I'm sure you know of. Yeah.

Yeah. She was talking about how, like, you know, if you feel the cloth on your face, breathe in for a second. feel what you're doing to your skin like for me it's like every day how I start and finish my day and I make it like a very um like present like I'm present when I'm doing it I'm in the moment and it sounds silly and like you said it sounds like an influencer thing but I'm the same way like my skincare it just makes me feel so refreshed oh me too it's literally the best what's your one favorite skincare product oh um there's like a sugar scrub from Frank Body. Oh, I love Frank Body. Oh, have you tried the sugar scrub? Is it like

the coffee one? No, the one for your face. There's a sugar scrub for your face. No, I don't think I've tried that. I've only tried the body ones. Oh, so good. It's so good. That's probably my favorite. Okay. That's probably. That's fair. Okay, what is a mantra that helps you when you're having a rough day? Oh, what is something I was think? there's so many um it depends on what kind of hard day i guess if it's like a body hard day or mental hard day i'm trying to think of the most common one this sounds really simple and it's like kind of hard to explain sometimes well i guess it's not hard to explain but just repeating like you are still here and it's for a reason um that's probably the most common just a more general

thing that I think about a lot. Because I did, I actually, I was in an adolescent unit for a while when I was like 18, 17, because I tried to commit suicide. So that kind of always makes me think, like, you know, I'm still here. And there's a reason I'm still here. There's a reason I'm choosing to be here. And it's nobody's choice but my own. And so that's probably like the deepest one that I think about most often. Wow. Well, I'm so glad you are here. And who is one person on social media that inspires you? There's so many. I mean, Sarah definitely inspires me. Yes, of course, birds of fire. She's incredible. Who else? I mean, that's a good one if you want to stick with that. Yeah. I mean, there's just so many. It's like I could name a butt. Like, there's people who even,

like, they don't even share real pictures of themselves. There's somebody that's called what's her handle the fat sex therapist yeah i love her because she doesn't share like photos of herself or anything like that it's just it's just very straightforward um battling just weight stigma and transphobia and things like that and so that like the way she's so powerful and open about what she's talking about that's really inspirational to me too there's just so many i like that one okay um what what is a good first step in trying to change your mindset when it comes to weight and body image. Just one first step. When you walk by a mirror, don't suck it in. Yes, that's a good one. Yeah. Usually, have you ever found yourself doing that

when you're about to walk by a mirror and you're like, okay, I'm going to fix my body right before I get in front of it. Change my body a little bit. That way I see what I want to see. And then I just relax after. And that's like a big step, at least for me it was. I grew up in a dance studio constantly surrounded by mirrors and constantly comparing my body to other girls in their tight body suits and what I wish I had and what I do have or didn't have and it's it's such a terrible place and spiral to be in it seems like a simple step but it's hard to do it at the beginning no that's when you said that I was like oh shit that's a good one I mean I do it too what is one tip you have for women who are pregnant or planning to become pregnant um

A tip? Like, it could be just like, don't let the stress, like, you know, of certain things get in the way of, I don't know. I feel like stress is, you know, there's so many stories out there of women who think they can't get pregnant and then the second they stop trying or stressing about it, that's when they get pregnant. Yeah. I mean, because we're currently trying right now.

Are you? Yeah. I'm trying to think, like, well, what is something? and I would tell myself right now, that I'm trying. And what I would probably tell myself is just to be patient with my body. And a lot of the time we start blaming our bodies for, you know, not conceiving fast enough or exactly when we want to or what's going to happen when we do get pregnant and our bodies change. It's just just be patient with our body.

Our body knows what to do. It's going to do what it needs to do. And that's probably my best advice. enough because you don't know what's going to happen it is good advice because your body's going to do what it's supposed to do and that's important your body doesn't have a certain way it's supposed to look it has a certain thing it's supposed to do and as long as that's it's doing what it's supposed to do you're right have patience with it yeah that's really good advice uh okay and then last one what is one word or phrase you would love people to think of when they think of you and your influence. Like one word? Mm-hmm. Probably empowered.

Yes. That was what came to my mind when I thought of you. Yeah. Yeah, probably empowered. And just in that could look however it looks for you, whether it's physically empowered, mentally empowered, just no matter what you look like or what you do for a living just as you are, just feel that empowered feeling. Yeah, absolutely. And you said it was around 18 or 19 that you found yourself being feeling thoughts of suicide and trying to commit suicide. So what helped you? I mean, that's just such a heavy thing. And I'm sorry you ever felt that way and had to go through that. Do you think that's something that helped you come out of into where you are now? I think so. During that time, I didn't learn a thing. I mean, I went into this. adolescent unit, I can't tell you anything I learned from it. I just know that I came out of it. And I was like, okay, well, I guess I can't do that again because, I mean, if I were to, I mean,

this is where I was at at that time. I was thinking, I can't do that again because if I do, I'm going to go back there. So if I do it again, I need to make sure I succeed. And that's what was going on in my mind. And so that just kind of kept going, kept going up until I was married. And then that's what it started exploding. And then when I got pregnant, I had my daughter and then all these things just like when you become a mom you have all these hormones every emotion you've ever felt your entire life is like an explosion and your whole oh it's just crazy and so all those feelings came back up I ended up getting postpartum depression and it was like I started thinking about those thoughts again because I was like oh she's just going to have

this terrible mom I'm literally the worst like she's going to have all these issues because of me like she deserves better than me like that's what i started telling myself um and it really wasn't until i was like maybe seven or eight months postpartum um when everything started kind of changing and i actually started thinking a little bit more clearer and out of that postpartum fog when you're in that postpartum fog do you know you're in it no i mean i wrote a blog post when i first started writing my one of my first blog posts was called like the postpartum truth or something And I say in this post, I haven't deleted it off my website, because I'm like, that needs to be there and you need to see that this is what you go through. You're blinded.

I wrote in this post, I'm like, you know, I'm feeling all these things, but I think it's just baby blues and it's not depression. Thank goodness I didn't get postpartum depression. But here I'm writing it, like, in the shower, like probably that same day thinking about like what I could do while I'm in the shower to just end it all. I mean, you don't realize it. you just assume that, oh, I'm just so exhausted that it has nothing to do with those part of depression. And how are you supposed to get help in those moments when you can't even acknowledge that's what it is?

Exactly. And it's even hard for your partner because, like, my husband, he didn't know. He just assumed I was tired and that I never wanted to come out of the bedroom because I was just exhausted and it had nothing to do with what it was feeling. I mean, he didn't know. We actually went to a, like a conference up in Pittsburgh last year, and it was all about maternal mental health. And he actually got on stage with me and spoke. And he told his story about how, like, men need to start recognizing these things.

You need to start asking your wife or the mother of your child. You start asking her, is she okay and really, really okay? not just brushing it off because she's tired, really ask her. And I mean, he just balls his eyes out on stage in front of her. And I was just like, oh, my gosh, but it's true. Like, it's going to take both people to realize what they're on. Men are built in a way where they usually just want to fix things. Like, I think that's, like, proof.

And I'm not trying to, like, you know, pigeonhole all these men into this one. But I think that's how they're wired. They want to fix. And women need, you know, the emotion. emotional help and to talk through it and to be acknowledged. And men always just want to fix it. So it's really incredible that he's able to see that and pass on, you know, a message. And that is really a good point. Like it does take two. And it does take the partner to be able to sit down and really ask how that person's doing and what they can do to help. Because I mean, you're, I mean,

you know this. I don't. Your body and everything inside physically, mentally, you're changing. everything and the hormones are going all over the place and you can't really explain how you're feeling if you don't know deep down where that's coming from you know but for for men to just or whoever your partner is acknowledge that like you're feeling something and that they're there for you is one huge step right yeah and you know that's actually probably also a good tip for somebody who's trying to get pregnant and start a family is to have that conversation with your partner and be like okay if you know here let's look up some phone numbers that you could call if you really don't know what to do and you feel like I'm telling you one thing but you're seeing

another thing this is a number I need you to call because I may not be okay with it you know yeah that's that's actually a great advice that probably is never given but that is really great advice I think that's that should be number one that's yeah I don't know I didn't think of that we actually have me and my husband have like in his notes he has different websites and different phone numbers that he could call locally or even some of my friends he could call who know about maternal mental health and who to call because a lot of the time you're just going to deny it in the moment i know i will i'll probably be like oh i'm fine you know totally and and they want to believe you that you're fine because they don't want you to be you know in in that state of mind

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and this is the perfect sweet treat for me. I also don't have to feel guilty after treating myself, so it's really the best of both worlds. Try Breyers Carb Smart for your next sweet tooth craving available at all major retailers, Walmart, Target, Kroger, Amazon Fresh, et cetera. Go to briars.com slash find to get a coupon to try it today. All right, it's time to confess. We all know we do this on the podcast, and we are ready for your confession. Okay. So people ask me this all the time because I talked about it once and I never really fully explained and people were DMing me like crazy. Like you didn't explain this. So there was this one time I was 18, 19 maybe and I got shot. What? You got shot? I got shot. My husband's going to be like, I cannot believe you're telling this story. Oh my gosh. It's like my number one fear in life. Oh my gosh. Okay. So it's a It was our first day of school in college, our sophomore year.

And me and my boyfriend, now husband, but boyfriend at the time, we were, like, on a break, quote unquote. And so we weren't talking at the time. First day of school, I'm walking across one of the parking lots in between two dorms, and it's at night, probably like eight or nine o'clock. All of a sudden, I hear like a gunshot. And I look down on my left elbow, and there's, like, skin hanging off my elbow. there's blood dripping down my fingers and I'm like, what just happened?

Probably a couple seconds later, I pass out and I wake up and I'm in an ambulance and we're like on our way to the hospital. And I'm like, what just happened? What's going on? They're like, you're okay. Like, it was a CO2 gun. And I don't know what that means. Am I going to die? Like, what's happening? So we get to the hospital and they fix me all up. I'm all good. The next day at school, you went back to school. next day? It was the first day at school. I was like, I can't miss school. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I know. And so I show up at school, and everybody's, like, glaring at me. And I'm like, why people being so, like, weird to me? And one of my friends is like, oh, it's because they

completely, like, the cops and everything, completely raided every dorm room, like, tore them apart, raided everything. So, like, people were getting caught with more guns and, like, probably who knows what else really but like I was like the girl that had everybody get their rooms right in and I was like okay no I was like it's not my fault I was just walking like why is this my fault you get shot in the elbow and it's your fault that they were caught with guns right no bitter about that but so they call us into the dean's office and he's the dean is like talking to me and he's like okay, so tell me what happened. What did you see? And I'm like, I didn't see anything. I literally passed out. So I have no idea. I have nothing to give you. They had, like nobody was fessing up.

They found a lot of guns. Like a bunch of people had guns in jail. Those like CO2 guns, I guess. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. But long story short, they end up finding out who it was because somebody told on him because they saw it happen he ends up admitting it and then they bring both of us in and i'm sitting there with this guy that shot me and he was like well you know i didn't mean to we were doing this you know we were playing this game thing or whatever whatever the excuse was um but i could tell he was like super troubled like he definitely like you could tell that he was just not in the right mind yeah um so i felt kind of bad for him at the same time because i'm like clearly this guy like

he's got, you know, issues. So the dean is like, okay, well, either, you know, the school is not going to pay these medical bills. So we're going to, like, what do you want to do about this? Do you want to press charges? Do you want to, like, what is it you want to do? And I'm like, I don't want to do anything, honestly. Like, I just want to move past this because everybody's like, I'm the girl that got shot that got everybody's rooms rated. And I just, I want to leave this behind and not let this be like. Oh, my gosh. What an uncomfortable position that the dean put you in. I know, right? I think back to that and I'm like, really? Like, you really put me in that situation? I was 19 years old. Oh, my God. You're like 50 cent. You got shot and you're still here

to talk about it. I know. But the craziest part of the story is that's what got me and my husband back together. Oh, my gosh, that's crazy. What a wild story. I know, but I'm so glad that we didn't, but I didn't like do the charges or anything like that because he was troubled. Yeah. He had like one family member and his mom actually passed away like the next week. And it was like so tragic. So I was just like, oh, this is one of the craziest experiences, but it brought us back together. So everything happens for a reason. I guess. Wow. That is crazy. That's, that's a wild story. But at the same time, like, what an angel you are for not pressing charges and seeing that he's troubled because I don't think a lot of people would have seen that. Yeah. I could just, I could see it in his eyes. I could tell like, and I at the time, I didn't know that his mom was like going through those issues. So that makes sense why he was like, last. then it's scary because it's like what if he did it again i know i know but they confiscated all of the all of the guns and everything at school so it was wild it was wild that's wild oh my gosh that's like i just keep thinking i'm like yeah i keep forgetting you're not canadian i'm like where do you grow up

and then i'm i remember that yes texas texas well not just texas i'm i forget that like yeah oh that's so crazy. Wow. That's a wild confession. Thank you so much for opening up and being on this podcast. And is there anything we miss that you really wanted to touch on that you, you know, anything at all, even if it's your blog, anything? Um, not really. I mean, I'm working on a really, really big project right now. And I'll probably be sharing it soon. Maybe in May. I don't know. But I've been like, it's something really big and I'm really excited about it. And I can't. I can't. can't wait to share. Oh my gosh. Yay. So May, you said? Yeah, I'll probably announce in May. Okay. So, and will you announce it on your Instagram? Yes. Okay, so tell everyone where to go for your

Instagram. My Instagram is at meg.orgs. Okay. And then you're, and what's your blog? It's megbogs.com. Megbogs.com. Awesome. And I mean, anything else, you just let me know. Did we cover everything? I think we covered pretty much everything. Yeah. I just, I just appreciate you and your voice and thank you for sharing what you do it's it's it's it's everyone wanted you to be on this podcast really yes so many people and because your message is so important and it's it is empowering so thank you for sharing and being on the podcast today and everyone go follow her and we're excited to see what happens for what what you've got coming up in may thank you i'm so excited yes as you should be that's anything anytime anyone has a project like you lit up you can tell when somebody's excited about something you know it's a

passion project you can tell oh i've got something big coming up i just Just see your eyes light up and it's so excited for you. That's amazing. Well, cheers. Cheers. Cheers to the grape therapy. And your session is now ending. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy.

Tune in to hear new mini-sodes every Thursday. And check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday, exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's done with OTV?