Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Prank Calls with Jason & Tommy

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

On today’s episode, Jason is back on the mic with Kaitlyn to continue their conversation from a few weeks back... you know, the one where Kaitlyn "wasn’t" high. This time, Kaitlyn is drunk on water (which she hates) in preparation for their upcoming ski trip. You know you are in for a treat whenever Jason is on the pod! This episode is full of surprises from Tommy freaking Jason out to Britney Spears potentially releasing new music to putting a $10,000 deposit down on a horse named Symphony (you’ll just have to listen to understand). We all know these two are little pranksters, so it only makes sense for them to do some prank calls together. Needless to say, they crushed it but may have left a vino’s boyfriend thinking he lost out on a Lego brand deal (sorry, Ben). Too much fun was had, and now you get to enjoy it in your ear holes. Apartments.com - The most popular place to find a place. Progressive - Get a quote today at Progressive.com. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing pride and prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. This week's grape therapy is sponsored by Apartments.com, the most popular place to find a place, and Progressive. Get a quote today at progressive.com. Bristow's going to answer your questions. Drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more. Here's Caitlin.

All right. Well, welcome to Great Therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Go ahead. And I am your guest today, Jason Tarr. How's everyone doing out there? When did we podcast last? Because we were like on a friggin' roll.

We were like, you kept asking if I had edibles and. But really, we had just drank a lot of wine. You had come home for Valentine's Day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you seemed like you were, like, so stone. Oh, I wasn't. I was just high on life. And you were just like high on life.

You don't seem stone today. I could tell you that much. I'm drunk on water, which I hate water. You hate water. I hate it, and I'm trying to drink so much because we're going to Colorado. Oh, yeah. We've got a little ski trip coming up. Let me just tell everybody,

tease and peace, thoughts and prayers for my legs, for my well-being. I've never skied before. Not kind of wood, I feel like. I'm nervous. And I've never been on live TV before. Do you know what that is? No, I was not from. It was this little kid that was on Ellen. You probably know that's when he kept going, apparently, and

apparently, that was like a video from like, honestly, five years ago that really stuck, and this kid was hilarious. His name was Noah. And then he was getting interviewed by this news reporter. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I have to show you it. It's so funny. Roll the clip. I've never been on live television.

before, but apparently sometimes I don't watch the news because I'm a kid and apparently every time apparently grandpa just gives me a remote after we watch the Powerball. That's hilarious. This is so funny. This moment reminds me I was just on Adam Carolla show and he asked me a question that I didn't know. And I asked, like, I was like, do you know? And he's like, I don't know, but he had this little screen in front of him.

And his producer could like type into the screen. He's like, oh, yeah, it is. It's from when he, like, called it out, but he's just reading the screen. Oh, I need those. And I'm sitting behind your computer, but I know you're not researching. And I'm like, shoot, I'm feeling like I'm back. I can't believe you don't know that apparently kid. I'm so bad with that.

Well, we're back for what we, I guess is part three, because we still have leftover voicemails and things to catch up on from that same episode. I love this whole thing you got going where people call on. I know. Isn't it fun? Yeah, it's fun. It's also fun being in here in the Off the Vine podcast. room with the proper lighting like no ring lights the lighting is dim candles the neon light

going we got a mood going we got the dogs here i really wish we had wine 15 candles going uh there's three but one two three four there's three oh that's just the reflection of that big ass crystal oh that's oh my god that's the weirdest shit that's ever happened wait this shit always happens Oh my god This shit always happens to Caitlin And I don't believe her And now I witness it Tommy has followed me

From the butts all the way home Guys, it's like someone had my back When I was like there's all these candles And Caitlin's like talking shit And instantly Four feet away from me The ring light just turned on How did that turn on? It's off

You turned it off Is it not plugged in? No, it's plugged in for sure Okay, it's plugged in Yeah, but I switched that right off. And it's going dimmer. Oh, God, it's getting brighter. No one's touching anything.

Oh. I told you, I, since I've been on the bus, there has been a ghost who I call Tommy, who has been haunting me ever since. Hang on. Hold on. Hold on. You turned this off. I'm rattled. Okay. Hang on. Hang on. A moment of truth. What do we got here? I don't know what's going on. Well, turn it, keep it off because I was talking about Tommy, I said I liked the mood. I said I didn't want a ring light, and he turned the ring light on.

Wow. Who the fuck's Tommy? He's my ghost. Why do you call him Tommy? He's my tour bus ghost. I don't know. It just came to me. I felt like his name was Tommy. That was, I don't like usually believe in that shit, but that was weird. How do you not believe in it? He just proved. Hey, Tommy, if you're here, do something else crazy. Do something crazy. Do something crazy. Oh, my God. Wow. Okay. Let's move this topic on. Okay. Well, anyways, glad we have him in the room. So, yeah, we're going to, where we're going?

Beaver Creek. Beaver Creek, right outside Vail. I'm so excited. But I heard that. the altitude. Anytime in I'm in a place that has altitude, I blame the altitude. So,

altitude, so people say like Denver, right, mile high, that's 5,000 plus feet. Where we will be is 11,000

feet above sea level. Yeah, and if you're at the bottom, it's 8,000, but we'll be at the top. 11,000. So if you have like one drink up there,

you are feeling it. And let me tell you, the hangovers are not fun. Oh, God. Well, looks like I'll be doing edibles the whole weekend. that's my girl

well whatever okay March Madness let's talk about it for a second excuse me yeah podcast in my I was reading my audience what a curveball I was reading my audience March Madness it's March Madness do you have a bracket Canadian Caitlin wants to talk about March Madness yeah yes because Caitlin I have a March Madness pool

with all my restart networking members we have over 200 people in it that's why I am supposed to be in it you were in it you didn't fill out your bracket and I got confused I can't believe you're talking about March Madness. Well, I just wanted to know how's your bracket going? My bracket's going all right. I got Arizona to win. Okay.

What do you have to win, Kate? State University. Of New York? Yep. They're not in it. Oh. There's like a thousand state university of New York. Michigan.

Michigan's in it. I know. I remember because we went to Buffalo Wild Wings the other night. Yep. I wonder did they win that? Oh, no, wait. Did they win that game? No, Michigan didn't win.

lost, actually. Yeah, they played Villanova Thursday. 629. Anyways, I just wanted to see if your bracket was doing well. Yeah. I wonder if anyone else has a March Madness bracket going on out there? We watched Duke Coach K. win. Oh, that's what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do Canadians, this is such a ridiculous question, but it was March Madness being Canada, did the Canadians participate? I think so. Because it's all United States-based colleges. I don't think it's as big as it is in the States, but I think Canadians still watch March Madness, the same way we still watch NFL. We're just not as

invested as you Americans. Gotcha. Yeah. Anyways, I also have a really fun update for you. Let's hear it. According to Twitter, Brittany Spears is working on new music after six years hiatus. Wow. That's amazing. Do you think there's a risk in like she's so high? Everyone loves her so much. Like everyone's so happy for her now. Is there like a risk that if the music sucks, it could. I think we'll all just support her no matter what, because we're just seeing the hell she's gone through. Yeah, she's still talented. Like, she was going through hell while she was doing live Vegas residents. That's true.

She could still, she could still throw out a freaking banger. Yeah, and like, everyone's going to listen. It's going to crush it. The dog is fighting under the table. She just signed a book deal and got a $15 million advance. Yeah. Why did I think it should be more than that? Yeah, I thought so too.

Okay. Just based on her reach and audience and she's going to sell 10 trillion copies. Yeah. In 30 seconds of Britney Spears releasing her book, she will sell more copies than I will sell in a year of that or another book. Well, yeah. It's Britney Spears who has like such a crazy-ass life story. I didn't say one year to one year. I said 30 seconds. Yeah.

One, two, three, four, five, six. Yep, there's a year. 100%. It's wild. Yeah. She has Britney Spears, man. Power. She has so, she has such a story to tell.

Oh, my gosh. Why are the dogs being crazy now? Britney Spears is. You guys are being so good. A legend. She's a legend. That was just a fun fact for you. Oh my gosh.

Pino. Tommy. No, it's Pino. Pino, can you lay down, buddy? Oh, he's in a play mood. Oh, great. I feel like this always happens. You know what it is?

It's you. It's me? It's my fault. No, remember when we were sitting, every time we sit in here, and I'm like, he never does that when it's just me. It's because you toy with him. You hold his toy when it's in his mouth and act like you're going to play.

So Pino reads energy And when Pino is Terrified of something He sprays juice out of his butt hole He sprays very smelly juices out of his butt It's like secretions and it smells like It smells like dead fish

It's terrible. Yeah It's not a lot It's not like he poops everyone It's like to smell It's like a stink bomb went off So there's been a couple scenarios Where he's like really one time Caitlin Was having like a breakdown and he did it

And the other time his leg got stuck in the like so he's in the back seat and his leg got stuck yeah and we I got it out no problem but I think he could see that I was like I was so scared because I thought I was going to have to hurt him getting it out I feel like a bad dog he had why why because I had a breakdown and I scared him oh it's okay and he then he had the little fishy secretion and so I think that he just like feels energy and knows that like I want to play with him so bad and he's just like let's go where ramen just like nurtures you that's a very very good that's a very good very interesting way of getting to

how he reads energy talking about his anal secretions. I think we just needed to clean his anal cleanse. No, no, you know that's not true. He was scooting his butt. When we first got him, you had the anal thing going. Oh, yeah, you did. Oh, poor little baby, he's just scared little pup. Where are we going

with this pod? What's next? I don't know. Okay, well, I just love how... I love how... Are you high? Right now? Are you high right now? Are you high? Do you ever get nervous? Are you single? I heard you Your girl, is it true? You get money?

You think them bitches you with is with you? And I say, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Fucking right. You fucking right. All right. We say, hell yeah.

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So I wanted to have you back for what we, I wanted to do this anyways with you the last time, but we ran out of time. Okay. So now I'm home. You were just in your element. I feel like we gave a lot of take it advice and said, leave it advice. Let's talk about it. We just didn't even make it through half of the voicemails. I like these questions.

These are fun. And you and I give completely different perspectives and agree on absolutely nothing. So it's perfect. That's kind of scary, isn't it? Okay, here we go. Well, there was this one time. And so I guess my question is, I don't know if I want to share my name. I have a really good succession for you.

You were literally trying to remove my dog's nipples with a tweet. I just called to say I love you. I can take the first one and then you can take the next. We'll do it like that. Okay, ready? Go. So this is Ashley from Pittsburgh. So I have a great idea for a prank call.

I recently had a TikTok of mine accidentally go viral. And it was a TikTok of my boyfriend and I doing Legos as a date idea. Super silly, really had no intentions of it blowing up like it did, but it did. And now my boyfriend is convinced that we are going to be the next big TikTok couple. and we can make so much money from it, blah, blah, blah. But he really wants it to be Lego-related. He seems to think that would be super cool. I'm trying to keep him humble, but it's a little difficult.

So I think it would be super funny if you prank called him pretending to ask him about a partnership or a sponsorship or something of that sorts of Legos or TikTok. really playing into that, he would totally fall for it. And I think he would be so shocked. It would be so funny. This is amazing. Anyways, thank you. I love you and I can't wait to listen. It's amazing.

Okay. I have a quick funny business stat on TikTok and Instagram if you want to hear it. Okay. And I encourage everyone to put things out there. You never know what can happen because tomorrow your life could change. I agree. But what's interesting is the analytics behind TikTok right now are not being considered. reliable. And so a lot of the advertisers and companies aren't putting big spend behind TikTok

because the numbers and analytics aren't reliable at all like Facebook and Instagram is. So still, TikTokers with millions and millions and millions and millions of followers will make a very, very small percentage of what someone on Instagram with like a couple hundred millionaires. I mean, I have, I literally have decks. I can pull it up right now. No, no, no. Of like there are people. that I have like 4 million and I have the rate cards and it's like $2,000 per post, $3,000 per post. So it's interesting that TikTok could be cut as a potential.

That's a ton of money, but I'm saying when comparing it to Instagram, it's just interesting because they're saying that there could be this potential where if TikTok can't get their analytics correct for the advertisers to get these people paid what they should be paid, then it could be another vine situation. It's like a big discussion being had. That's interesting. I'm not having to find. So there's a little fun business back there,

but let's get back to the fun stuff. Cut Jason off right now. There we go. Pranking her boyfriend, Ben. I don't know what I'm going to say. See you from MTC. Hello? Oh, hi.

I'm looking for Ben. Yeah. Hi, Ben. This is Amanda from MTC agencies. We are reaching out about a Lego brand deal for Ben and Ashley. Okay. We were just wondering if you had a brand. deck and could share some insights of your TikTok numbers. I don't know if you have a manager

we can go through. I do not. I actually am currently a little bit busy to be able to go through that, but probably get a number to call that. Yeah, for sure. I just, can I ask you a couple more questions? Yeah, for sure. How often do Lego? About once a week, once every other week. And what type of Lego do you build? Mainly the Marvel ones, but really any. But I started it. Like I started into it with the Marvel ones. Okay.

And then are you open to negotiating a fee for a TikTok? Yeah. Okay. How much do you think you would charge for? I think the brand was looking for two posts. Okay. Um, how much would I be looking to charge for that? Yeah.

I'd probably have to ask, uh, or talk at least with Ashley, the other person in the video. Okay. Um, but I definitely could ask her about that and get back to you. Okay. That sounds good. How many plays were played on that TikTok? Uh, I believe it's right now at 4.4 million views. Oh, wow. Okay. And have you ever tripped on a piece of Lego? and would you be willing to document it? I have, and I have not documented it, but I'd be willing to document it.

Okay, great. Okay, if I can give you this number, you can write it down. Okay, yeah, let me get the... He's on mute right now. I'm dying. Okay, it's... So I need to get you... I feel like...

I want to be looking to charge for two users. Yeah, two users. And how much work do you guys be wanting, like, us to post? Well, so that's why we wanted to look at your brand deck. We just wanted to see your analytics and insights for numbers. But so we're just going to have to go from here. If you could give us a call back with that information, that would be great. All right.

And then, like, what's the best time to reach you at? Because I probably within, like, the next hour I could look at that. Um, just a little bit busy with work outside of... What time zone are you in? I'm in Eastern. Okay, yeah. If we're on Pacific Time, so you can give us a call back anytime in the next few hours. What, Jason?

Okay, perfect. Okay, thank you. Yeah, thank you. Bye. Oh, my God. I have so many questions. I wanted to be like, what does he do for work? Yeah, but I didn't...

It would be so wild to be like, what if he, like, yeah, like $20 or what if he was like $2 million? I wanted to know, like, his... range. I know, but okay, I panicked and I honestly, my heart is pounding because I actually feel so bad that I just got him excited. That was really funny. Well, I mean, I get that. But the I feel bad. The funny part was when you said, would you trip over a leg? Have you or would you ever trip over? I actually felt bad, too, because you actually believed it. Like, prank phone calls are never good when you get full for it. Well, now when we have to tell them. No, I can't. He's going to call Ashley right away who set up the prank call and be like, Ashley, I got a phone call. And then she's going to tell him. Okay, okay. What callback number did you give him? I did a I don't know. I made it up. By the way, what's a brand deck? It's a brand deck. It's a media kit. It's a same thing. He's going to look at brand. Oh, do people call it brand? Yeah. I've only heard people say media kits. It's the same thing. He's like Googling right now. What is a brand deck? Oh my gosh. Why do I feel so bad? I want to give them something. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm

buy him Lego, marble. Honestly, for 4.4 million views, we should. That's amazing. Good for them. Wait, I need to see that video. Something. I know. Maybe you play it on your social. Okay, I'll play it. Yeah. Ashley, follow and play it. Yeah. Ashley, send us this TikTok because. Yeah, we need it.

I need to give Ben a shout out. We need to give it more views. Yeah, let's get Ben more followers. Oh, that'll make me feel better. My goal is we're going to source them a deal. How about that? Okay. That's amazing. Oh, my gosh. Why does that make me? me. It's so uncomfortable. Okay. Like, it really gets my adrenaline up. I'm shaking a little bit. I love it. This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by Progressive. Progressive helps you get a great

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some puzzles? Whatever brings you joy. Get a quote today at progressive.com. It's one small step you can do today that could make a big impact on your budget tomorrow. Progressive Casualty insurance company and affiliates. Comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. Now back to Off the Vine Grape Therapy. Hi, Caitlin. This is Jasmine. So my husband recently let me quit my job so I can focus on school. And so he's been like the main provider. And we're doing fine financially. But like I have been like mentioning maybe getting a part time job. And I know he would die.

if he got a call saying that you're calling like as a reference for me to like work at McDonald's and like it was part time because I put him down as a reference before and I had him pretend to be like an old manager just because I don't really keep in contact with like previous employers anymore and I thought it would be so funny if you called pretending to have gotten my application to work at McDonald's and you're calling him like as a reference for me So if you could give him a call, his name is Ethan. But it's cool if you work at McDonald's. It is cool if you work at McDonald's.

They have a great minimum wage. It's a great company to invest in. Yeah. Own their stock is unreal. Do you want to call? Do you want me to call? Yeah. What's his name?

Ethan. And you're calling for a reference. What's her name? I'm going to work at McDonald's. Jasmine. Jasmine and Jasmine. Jason and Jasmine. Hello?

Hello, is it's Ethan? Yes. Ethan, how's it going? It's Ben. I'm the manager at McDonald's. I'm here just going through applications, and we're looking for references. This is a reference for a part-time crew member job for Jasmine. Do you have five minutes to take a couple questions?

Sure. Sure. Okay. So we're trying to just hire someone for the night shift. We're open 24 hours, so it's part-time. It's probably around like 10 to 2. as far as Jasmine's concerned, we've had a lot of employee turnover. Would you consider

her someone reliable for those hours? Oh, yeah, definitely. Okay. And as far as her work history, she's listed this. Can you please confirm just so we can, we've had a lot of issues with people putting on false work history? Can you just confirm her last employer so we can just make

sure that, you know, it's a whole process here with the resumes we get, so I really appreciate it. Uh, nailed it. All right. It's good to find some honest people out here i'll tell you what we can't usually get that with resumes um good good stuff and she hasn't had any type of criminal records or anything that we should be aware of no okay and then the last thing is she didn't mention her relationship to you what

is there a relationship to brother or uh husband husband okay good stuff and Ethan, it is Caitlin Bristow and Jason Tardick, your wife, asked us to break you. I literally, I lost it. I thought I recognized your voice. Oh, no.

Oh, my God, I was trying so hard not to laugh. But you went along with it. Oh, my gosh. My favorite is when you're like, I'm her husband, like, because it would be so stupid for her to put a reference of, like, asking you her last employer and, like, is she have a criminal record?

This is her husband. That was amazing. Ethan, you're a good sport. Yeah. That was interesting. You didn't see that one coming, eh? Yeah. Well, tell her, we say hi, and sorry for bugging you.

And Ethan, at any point, if you want us to prank her back, you let us know. Sounds good. Okay. All right. All right. Bye. Oh, my God. Is he mad?

know. I don't know. I couldn't stop. You know what made me laugh. The relationship is I'm looking at Caitlin and she's like dying over there, like slap at her knee. I'm like, I can't. Oh my gosh. Ethan. I feel like he was not impressed. I should totally change my voice. I don't know why I did. Well, she's like, you never, you never think like, I don't know. You always just assume husbands aren't listening to the podcast or like, you know who we. I don't know. Oh, that's funny. God, that's amazing. Should we do one more?

I love him, though. I love him, too. Should we do one more? Yeah. Okay. Can we do a tag team? Like, is it possible to be like, yeah, we're calling on behalf, like, 2V1? Yeah, we're going to say his wife just put down a deposit for a horse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Johnny and Crystal. Let's change our voice. John and Crystal, we're the horse owners. Hey, y'all. This is Johnny and Crystal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, too.

Yeah, yeah. That was terrible. Okay. Hey, this is... No, we're overthinking it. You just got to go. That's how it works the best. Is Edward?

We run the horse and phone. No, Jason, you sound like Forrest Gump. What's wrong with that? No, we're just going to call. Okay, I sound super Canadian. Yeah, we actually run a house up in Toronto. That didn't sound anything like a Canadian. Do a couple dangles here with a little one-two punch.

First of all, a horse owner wouldn't talk like a hockey player. talk like Edward That doesn't sound Canadian Come on, let's go I think I'm just going to handle this one I want no I want part I don't like your accents I want them fake

I want part of it man No they sound fake This is Zachary calling it Okay we're gonna say I'm gonna sorry I'm gonna be like It's Johnny and Carol calling Johnny and Carol calling from The Ranch in

Oh my gosh I almost called Ethan again Oh don't call Ethan Okay Just just saying you're calling from the ranch my wife has just expected to put your deposit you and then you can like your wife's deposit yeah my i'm going to say my wife's just accepted your wife's deposit honey can you tell her what the details are no i'm getting too nervous about this i'm going to sound too fake okay here we go it's a deposit of a horse

bobby bobby hi this is janet calling from the ranch your wife called about savilla right Is that how you pronounce your name? Yes. Yeah. So I'm calling with my husband, just because we own the horse, and your wife put down a deposit for young. Oops. Which horse did? Wait, my wife put down a deposit for a horse?

Symphony. It was Symphony, honey. Oh, Symphony, the horse Symphony, put a 10,000 deposit down. We're just looking to schedule a drop-off date. I think you got the wrong number. I don't think that's a... Seville? Or maybe it's...

Um, Sylvia or Savilla? You're going to drop off a horse at her house? We just need a date. It's symphony, honey. Symphony, the horse, yeah. Do you have the right number? Um, do you have her number? Yeah.

Is this like a joke or is this real? Do you have her number, honey? A joke. Do you want us to call her? Let me give her a call, yeah. Okay, perfect. We'll call it back. We'll call her back.

Honey, it's simple. Did you tell them it's simply. an answer, and it might be the CEO trip later? Sure. Oh, oh, is this for, is this for Mexico, is this for when we're on our trip? Yes.

Oh, I thought you said my wife bought a horse. No, she put a deposit down. Oh, oh, yeah, okay. And he dates for when we're in Anguilla. No, no, no.

Oh, maybe. Why don't you give her a call? Yeah, I'll call. I'll call her. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'll call her. Okay. I don't have your number. I want to call you back. Oh, well, do you want to put, you can, like, include her in a three-way call? Do you need the other seat, honey? Okay. You're so bad. I thought. He's laughing the whole time. Hold on to unmute. He's doing a three-way call. Wait, wait. I just want to hear what he says. What's her name? And he got excited about the horse now. Watch Pino's here in the candle.

What is it? Hey, watch Peter's ear the kettle. Hey, what is her name? Savilla. And so what is he now? He thinks it's a horseman. Like, she's surprised them. Maybe they booked a.

But he's still not phased. I said $10,000 for hours. Oh, my God. He's three-way calling her, but it's not. Are you there? Yep. Is this? Seville, are you there?

Hello? I don't hear her. Yeah, maybe she hung up. Okay, can you, I miss the beginning of your whole, what you said. So we own the ranch that your wife came to visit. She said you guys were looking for a horse. And so she put a $10,000 deposit down at our ranch, and we need to figure out a drop-off time to drop off your horse.

Like, but where are we going to keep a horse? We don't have a horse property. Oh, well, she told us you had a stable. oh um i i i think okay i can't talk to her i can i can i let me call you back okay okay he's so mad that she possibly put down a ten thousand dollars that was a roller coaster okay the fact that we got three of the guys to answer usually people see star six seven and don't answer we are three for three right now and he thinks that was a roller coaster we don't have room for a horse.

Oh, my. Well, I mean, at first he thought it was for their trip and he was like so excited. No, at first he was pissed. Then he got excited because he's like, oh, ho for our trip. And then it's like, no, the rants. Where are you going to drop it? That was amazing. Wow.

Wow, this is the best thing that you've ever done in your podcast. Wow, that was a good one. Honey. Oh, people handle these situations so much better than me. I would be like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what, hi, what'd you fucking order? Oh, my God, that was amazing.

I love a good prank. Speaking of. Plus, I would just like, I would drill down. I would be like, explain to me exactly what you're saying. Like, you're telling me that my wife went in and like, I would want more detail. Yeah, but when you're in the moment of like, you're panic. You're like caught off, guy. But wait, April Fool's is coming up.

My head is going to be on a frickin' swivel. Do you have any plans to try and get me? I have no plans. No. Every, I'm just going to sleep the whole day of April 1st. I'm just going to stay asleep. Wow. That was so fun.

That was, that was the laugh I needed today. I have a vino confession that's going to rock your world. Let's hear it. I don't think any confessions can lock my world anymore. This is vulgar, so brace yourself, okay? I am confession proof. Okay. About seven years.

ago when I was a young, naive 19-year-old, I ate spaghetti for dinner. I later on got hammered and was having sex with a very nice-looking muscular man. While I was giving him a blowjob and my gag reflex came out to play, I threw up noodles on his wiener. Thank God the lights were off

so I just grabbed the noodles and threw them and kept going. He never said a thing. Woke up the next day and there is dried noodles stuck to him. No, get the fuck out of here. I guess, did you say she was shit-faced? Yeah.

How is that possible? What do you mean? They were drunk. She gagged. She puked a little noodles. You tell me a guy wouldn't know if the girl was grown up. Maybe he was wasted. Blackout.

What? Yeah. Wow. That's a confession for the books. What's her name? Can we get a name or no? No, there's no name. Can we get a location?

Her name is noodle dick. Neudled dick from. I don't know. It doesn't say. There's another one. Canadian. It's called the parent trap, part two. This woman said,

I slept with my on and off again's ex-twin brother after we split in college. We each swore to take it to the grave, and I've kept the secret for the last 12 years, and you're the first person I've told this to. Can we get a name on this one? No, it's all... Incest, bang? It's all anonymous. It's not incest.

Yeah, she banged the brother. No, her ex-boyfriend's brother. Her ex-boyfriend's twins. Oh, so she banged both the twins? Yeah. And the one twin didn't tell the other twin? Oh, jeez. Is there what?

What is this like that hotline? Yeah, it's the hotline where they tell us all of their dirty secrets and I don't expose them. Just a little friendly reminder to those listening. Keep calling. Middle of the day, middle of the night. Anytime you want, we are obsessed with this. 434-696-8-4-66. Use it, abuse it, share it.

You can text it to. Just, I don't know, I just have so much fun with that. Do you, did you have fun? I had so much fun. What was your favorite one? The horse guy. Yeah, a horse guy was unreal. He was just so, yeah, because then I got a little glimpse of him as like a happy guy.

Like, he was so mad and serious at first. And then he was like, got excited about his trip. And then it was like a little bit of relief and then back to very angry. McDonald's guy wasn't even faced. He was just like, okay, I'll answer these questions. He was literally not faced at all. Like, okay. You know what, though?

That's a nice husband. He's proud of his wife. that she wants to work, wherever she wants to work. That actually is really sweet. You didn't get mad. He was like, all right, I'm here for this. That actually is really sweet. Go, Ethan, you beauty.

I want to follow up. Can we somehow at some point? No, we will get follow-ups. I'm going to have a whole episode dedicated to follow-ups, I think, because there's so many I need follow-ups from. What did you say the horse's name was? Symphony. Symphony!

You panic! I was going to say, like, young fella. Oh my gosh. Wait, also, April 4th, for anyone that's in the area or wants to fly out to Nashville or for anyone who lives in Nashville, Jason and I are doing a live podcast. It's going to be very intimate, I think only 300 people or something, and we're going to be talking about Jason's book, we're going to be talking about our careers, we're going to be talking about our high highs and our rock bottom lows, we're going to be drinking spaded sparrows.

It's going to be so fun. It is going to be so much fun. We might even bring the boys with us because it's the right bench to bring the boys. And I'll be out there. I'm going to be signing some books. We'll be drinking some of your wine. Life will be good. And it's at City Winery. It's a great spot. I've had a live podcast here for. So even if you're not in the area, literally it's like the number one destination to come visit. So come book a long weekend and have fun with us and start your weekend off right. Takeaways from this podcast. Okay. My takeaway? I know what March Madness is. Okay. Brittany Spears has new music coming out. I suck a prankful. No, you don't. You were great. my break phone call game no you were great for the you said it exactly like someone calling from

McDonald's do you want to know it was really fun though I haven't done this in a long time being in a position where you're trying so hard not to laugh like that just gave me a weird high I know we did that on the bus positions not like trying to like laugh when like it was so funny wait I have to share this kid again yes I have to share this story so um me Sasha Coco Sophia Who else was played Brit? There were some people that weren't on the bus this night But we played this game where you couldn't laugh

And you could say and do whatever you want to other people So everyone starts at a circle And if you make someone even smile or laugh They get a yellow card But the next time they do that smile or laugh, they're out And you literally do anything I started making fart noises with my knees I mooned the girls and clench my butt cheeks

So it was all like cellulity just to make them laugh and like you can do anything you want and the other person cannot laugh and it's so funny some of the stuff that comes out of people's mouth when you're trying to make someone laugh it's a fun game I highly recommend it um okay well thanks for being on the pod today well thank you can't wait for our live podcasts and let's prank some more people in another time i'm in for april fools we should let's prank let's prank someone on the live podcast oh that's a good idea yeah if you come you're going to get pranked okay wait prank someone that's there? Okay. Yeah. Sure. I'm in. Just let's leave it with, since your book is, wait,

I know it's pre-sale right now, but it doesn't it? It's on pre-sale now. And doesn't it launch, so technically it launches April 5th on shelves, Barnes & Noble Target, wherever you get books, but we're going to do it. It's like a pre-launch that day. We actually have like a rep coming from Barnes & Noble that's going to help us sell books here. So that'll be the first time ever. they're out for sale. Exciting. It's going to be so exciting. And if you want to pre-order a copy, you can just go to Amazon, put in the restart roadmap. And it truly means the world to me that you're supporting the book and also the small business we run,

which is based on financial literacy and career management. Cool. Sweet. Hey, Siri, tell us a joke. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Earthquakes in Australia. Huh? I'm Caitlin Bristow, your session is now, I do.

Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Tune in to hear new minisodes every Thursday, and check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday, exclusively on Podcast 1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's done with OTV? Watch Yellowstone for free on Pluto TV. All this weekend, Pluto TV is streaming a marathon of seasons one to three of Yellowstone,

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