Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Promposals, Date Escape Plans, & Prank Calls

Episode Date: February 10, 2022

It’s time to revisit the ole’ OTV Hotline to find out what our Vinos have been up to this week and to dish out some “take it or leave it” advice, which we’re recommending you take this time. Kaitlyn is answering questions about everything from finding friends as an adult to moving on after an engagement to “will you go to prom with me?”. We hear two confessions that might just be the most wild ones we’ve ever heard on the pod, and then we prank call Casey’s boyfriend who is just trying to plan a fun Florida bachelor party… poor guy. Be sure to call into the hotline ([phone]) to ask your questions, leave your confessions, and prank your loved ones because pranking IS a love language. Oh, and by the way, happy National Cream Cheese Brownie Day! OURA RING - This Valentine’s Day, buy an Oura Ring, and get $50 off a second smart ring! Go to OuraRing.com to claim your BOGO $50 offer, and get a free sizing kit today. THE PILL CLUB - Go to ThePillClub.com/Vine , to get your first birth control care package and donate to help more women in need of affordable birth control. TALKSPACE - Visit talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month when you use promo code vine at sign-up. MERRELL - Merrell’s pink products are the perfect thematic gifts for Valentine’s Day. Head to Merrell.com to check i t all out! PROGRESSIVE - Get a quote today at Progressive.com and see why 4 out of 5 new auto customers recommend Progressive.  CYRANO - Don’t miss CYRANO, only in movie theaters February 25th. Learn more at cyrano.movie.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Cirono. Don't miss Cirano only in movie theaters February 25th. Learn more at Cirano.m. Today's episode is Brought to you by ORA Ring. Does Valentine's Day buy an ORA ring and get $50 off a second smart ring? Who's on with OTV? Podcast One presents Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Caitlin Bristow's going to answer your question. Drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more.

Here's Caitlin. Welcome to Grape Therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now starting. Before we hit record, we were just talking about, like, oh, maybe we could talk about, like, you know, it's probably National Something Day when this podcast comes out. Maybe we can, like, dive deep out of something. And Madison, who is my producer, started Googling what National Day is.

What is it? Well, thank God that we can talk about this, because it's National Cream Cheese Brownie Day. And, like, if we had not known that, I don't know how we would have lived. So embarrassing if we found out later. and didn't celebrate. Yeah, and National Umbrella Day. It's like two of the biggest holidays in one. Umbrella Day?

Yes, correct. Why isn't that in my Google calendar? I think you should add it manually and then just set it to repeat each year. I'm going to so that I never forget again about National Cream Cheese Brownie Day and Umbrella Day because we need to celebrate those two things together in one day.

Such a specific type of brownie too, like, I feel like National Brownie Day would have been specific enough. Yeah. But why do we need to celebrate a day for umbrellas? I'm going to look this up. What? When was the umbrella invented? Maybe it was on February 10th.

This is a very educational podcast. Early umbrellas are as they were known. Parasols were designed by the Egyptians around 1,000 BC. The first models were made from Fed. feathers or lotus leaves attached to a stick and were used to offer shade to the nobility. So this might be really stupid, but I don't think that there were dates. Like, it wasn't February back then. Right.

Are dates man-made? Yes. I mean, you can't just, like, find them. They didn't just, like, discover dates. I wonder who came up with the dates in the months and time. Time is a man-made thing. Do you know that? Yeah, like, none of this is real.

nothing. Nothing is even real. And on that note, on that note, happy grape therapy. And Madison, my producer, obviously, is here with me today. She has all of the voice mails for the hotline, and I haven't listened to any of them. So she's going to play them for me. I'm going to hear them for the first time on this podcast. And I am having a day already today. It's 11.30 a.m. and I've already cried. And I'm just, duh. Uh, period. Uh, let's put up my period tracker and see what we've got, P tracker, one day left until my period. There you go. It's like clockwork. Oh, my gosh. hilarious. Um, but I am actually pissed about something, but I'm going to let it go.

Okay, so let's, uh, should we just get right into it? Yeah. So last week, we actually threw up a question box on Instagram asking what to name the advice segment. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What have people say? I left a comment and you left a comment and I have to say that ours were the two best ideas. Not trying to pump our tires, but yours was take it or leave it.

Yeah. And mine was bad advice. Oh, bad advice. And I feel like those were the two. Like, I feel like we should just have people vote on those. Well, bad advice because, but sometimes it's good advice. It's just you never know what you're going to get. It's like a box of chocolates.

Right. But it could also be, like, badass advice. Like, it could be, like, bad in another way. Bad ass vice. Badass vice. Yeah, let's get people to vote on take it or leave it or badass vice. Okay. And we'll come up with a jingle.

Yes. Oh, yes. I have a jingle in mind. Oh, thank you. Yeah, we'll hear. You'll hear. Are you bored over there? Me?

Yeah, you're just coming up with jingles on a weekly basis. Oh. Well, no, no. I put a lot of thought into this. Okay. Well, that's why you're my producer. This is amazing. And so we also thought that because Valentine's Day and Galentine's Day is just around the corner. Yeah. We pulled up some questions about relationships and friendships that people left you on the hotline. So are you ready to jump into those?

Well, even though I cried this morning because of a little argument with Jason, let's get romantic. I know there's nothing more like real in relationship than that. So not to overshare because I like you know how on Instagram it's like oh you put out everything that's perfect but then when you put out stuff that isn't I'm like do people really even want to hear that like that's it's kind of depressing I think that they do I think that you're always going to get both sides though of people being like why would you share that and then people being like I'm so grateful you shared that yeah that's true it's just a silly little argument about a ticket a dancing with a star ticket at the end of the day it was just lack of communication and yeah he's so logistic that he's like okay well this is what happened and i'm like but this is how i feel and it hurts my feeling yeah and then it just turns into like me just be like i got to go and then i just cry well the p tracker told you why i think it's just it's just bad timing yeah hormones man they control me they're stronger than me they're the devil the devil lives inside of us the devil who lives inside of us is our period okay all right

well let's let's get lovey-dovey up on everyone yeah so this first voicemail is from karl who is a male find now carl hey carl good to see you that's what i think of anytime i hear is someone named carl from billy madison car good to see you okay let's hear what karl has to say Carl from Houston, Texas. You know, you've kind of gone through a lot of heartbreak, you know, just with the whole, just having your old relationship on the spotlight. Just speaking from someone that recently just got out of

and engaged in myself, I was just curious what your thoughts are about, you know, how you navigate a relationship or how you find a relationship as wonderful as you had with Jason, how that works and seeing, you know, what are advice for newly single people that used to be engaged. Love you, love your show. Hope you're doing well.

it's a bye wait why am I going to cry about Carl oh no Carl oh my gosh Carl

I'm so sorry why am I crying okay this is going to be a very soft Thursday okay first of all I am so sorry

because when you get out of an engagement you have this idea while you're engaged that you're going to spend the rest of your life with somebody

and you've already like pictured so much of your future with this one person and I'll never forget what one of my therapists said to be about losing someone when you have this idea of life with them and she said it's actually sometimes harder than losing someone to like someone dying because you still have to grieve them and they're still out there living their life and it's so hard but I think you just have to think of it as grief like you're allowed to be so upset and like grieve the loss of somebody

you're allowed to just be like so lost and feel like where am I even going with my life now? And I think the biggest advice I would have is don't worry about what the other person is going to do now. Because I think often we like get out of relationships and we have this fear of the other person being happier without us and like that they're going to move on or that they're going to find their perfect person. But this is like the perfect opportunity for you to like just don't even go there with your brain. stop it immediately and think about what your future could look like now that you don't have a relationship that clearly wasn't right for you. Like you broke up, I'm hoping for a reason. I hope you weren't blindsided. It sounded like, by the way he delivered that message, it sounded like it was like a decision they made. It doesn't seem like he was like, where the heck did this come from?

Now what am I going to do? So I think it's like even Google the steps of grieving and what those steps look like so that you can feel, I wouldn't say normal, but you can feel justified in your feelings with going through these steps of grief because right now you're probably in the like how am I going to go on with my life and then you're going to go to the next step. So Google those and write them down and then just like go through those steps yourself and be like, oh, I'm in this phase now. Let's talk about it either to my therapist or in a journal because if a engagement ended. That just means like it wasn't the right relationship for you and I would turn off all the noise like, but I'm this age and I'm supposed to be here and I should have a marriage and I should

have this. Go through the steps of grief. That's my advice. I think that's really good advice. I love Carl. Even just hearing Carl's voice and for some reason I just have a good feeling for Carl. I feel like he's in the right place in his life. He just doesn't know it yet. I also feel like if he's letting himself call and ask for advice, that's like a very good emotional place to be in. Like, he's asking for help. What a beauty. Oh my God. I love Carl.

Okay, Vinos, it's almost that time to celebrate your loved ones. And this Valentine's Day, let's flip the script on the day of love and celebrate all the important relationships in your life, including the one with yourself. Today, we are sponsored by ORA Ring. And ORA provides accurate and personalized health guidance that helps secure the health of your loved ones and yourself. When you give an aura ring this Valentine's Day, you'll also get $50 off a second ring, including a six-month free membership. Gifting an aura has never been easier.

Jason is obviously in my future, so now when I focus on my health, I'm also thinking about how we can both make healthy decisions. Two healthy bods and hearts are better than one. That's what they say. And when one of us sleeps well, so does the other. This Valentine's Day, I'm making sleep a priority for both of us, which I am so excited about because I love sleep. or it helps you unwind, monitors your sleep quality, respiratory rate, heart rate, and more. Being able to track my activity and knowing when I have to prioritize rest is key to living my best life. Love is giving the gift of good health, so buy an aura ring for your loved one and get $50 off your own.

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This is Monica from Sacramento, California. I'm 31. And first off, I just want to say that you constantly inspire me. I feel like as I am into my 30s now, you remind me how we really get better with age. Honestly, we age like wine. get better each year. When I see everything you're doing, it reminds me that I always think that maybe I've already reached my peak and my fullest potential. And then I look at you and I'm like, no way, it never has to stop. So keep doing what you're doing because it reminds me to keep doing

what I'm doing. But I did have one question. And as a 31-year-old woman, I really feel like I have learned to come into my own, to be independent, to do things by myself and to just live life to the fullest. However, feeling like I have found my tribe has been difficult. I have friends. I have friends who I've had for years, but really feeling like I have my community, people who are there. I do not feel like I have that. And although I do have my girlfriend, they have different lives, they live in different states. So proximity-wise, it's not ideal. And so I guess my question is, how do you find your tribe or your community? Because I know you have one, obviously, the Bynum.

So anyway, love you, girl. You are awesome. You're killing it, as always. Bye. Okay, I love Monica's energy. She has great energy. She has really, really great energy. I wonder if she's new to that city or if she's been there for a while

because it sounds like her friends are in different areas or maybe they've moved away. But that's a tricky one. But I feel the same way. Like, I'm really lucky to have my core group of friends that I've had since, well, some since I was like seven years old, some since like I was 19. And I've had the same group of friends since then. And they're like my core people. But they, too, are in different areas and different states and different countries.

And I think that's okay. It took, like, even in Nashville, I've been there for five years. And I still don't feel like I have one best friend there. who is like my, honestly, like, turned into my ride or die. I'm obsessed with her. She's like the best kind of person. But it took me like four years to find her. And I still feel like I don't really have like my solid tribe of people in Nashville.

I feel like I have a couple good friends and one best friend who is my person. But I don't think, I think it's more like quality over quantity. I don't even think you need to find like a group of people. The fact that she's so solid on her own. and like figuring things out for herself and loving herself every year is like even more important than finding people to surround yourself with. But I would say just keep in touch with those people that are far away. Like download the app Marco Polo, schedule face times.

Like you can surround yourself with those solid people even though they're far away or make trips together. But honestly, if you're super independent and okay on your own, I would embrace that. Yeah, that's pretty cool. And I feel like one thing, and it happens to me too, is like if you look on Instagram and you see a group of girls and you think like, I wish I had like 10 best friends. Look at them. You have no idea what's actually going on there. I think it's very rare. Yeah. If you're realistic about it, I think having a few really close friends who are important to you no matter where they live is you're winning. Yeah, I agree. I agree. And even like, okay, if you want a couple more like try something different in where you live, find people that. that match your energy that have like the same like that align with you and give it time because like I said it took me four years to find my best friend in Nashville and I didn't trust a lot of people and I didn't vibe with a lot of people and like now I'm like oh I don't even need a big group I just

need my little cat Campbell. Okay so the next one is an anonymous voicemail. Should you play this one? Yeah. How did you know Jason was the one and how are you not freak out about the pressure to figure it all out? I didn't know if he was the one. Do you think there is a one? I think there could be for some people. I don't think there is for others. I go back and forth on believing in like,

there's only one person out there for you because how would you know there's like however many people on the planet? But I just feel like at first I didn't know Jason was the one. You know, we all know I friends owned him. I think to know someone is the one is to actually be with them for a while and feel like they listen to you, that you trust them, that the respect is there, that there's like a feeling of comfort almost that you know, like, okay, I can argue with this person or I could love this person or we can go through like the highest highs and the lowest lows. And there's like this sense of trust and safety with them and comfort that you can get through all those things. and like, you know, like even if you hit rock bottom with them, you're like, oh, I know we would figure it out.

I don't know. There just can't be like fear. If you feel safe with someone, that's, I think, the number one. If you can be yourself with someone and feel safe and don't have like the fear that they're going to leave you or that they're going to hurt you or that they're going to disrespect you, I think that's when you can know this is your person. I don't know if you need to like put that pressure on yourself to be like, oh, this is the one. How do you know it's the one? You don't have to know if it's the one. You just have to

feel those feelings after time with them, I think. Yeah. And I kind of feel like you decide that it's the one. Like every day. You just are like, if I'm going to come back to this person, I'm going to wake up every day and do that. Yeah, 100%. You decide that they're the one and they decide that you're the one. Look at us. I feel like that's good advice. Are we getting paid to do this? This is amazing. Okay. We have another voicemail. from Alexa. Let's play this one. Hey, this is Alexa, and tonight I'm going on my first date in a few years after my fiancé broke things off, and I'm just feeling nervous. I don't know how to get over it. All right. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Bye. That's so cute. Oh, how exciting. Okay, this is great. Even though this is, I didn't take my own advice, I moved on pretty quickly. But if her husband, or sorry, fiancé,

decided to break things off a few years ago, that means she's really given herself time to process all of that. Some people need that time. Some people don't. Yeah, because if he broke it off, she probably needed some time to process her feelings. The end of my engagement was like very clear it should end. So I love that she's taken time to process her feelings and that she's getting herself back out there after time. I mean, obviously I would say have confidence in this first day. Even, like, even if it goes terribly and this isn't your person, like, have confidence that you're like, I'm ready to date again. And I'm going to put myself out there and I'm going to like be completely who I am because you should never hide who you are because that will come out eventually. So like be yourself, be confident and have an escape plan.

An escape plan. I don't know her like story, but I already feel proud of her for just being like, okay, I'm going on my first. date since this happened because that just shows that she's like, I picked myself up, I got through it. She probably was at the face that Carl was in where she's like, how am I going to go on and how do I navigate this? She's done it and she's going on her first date and it could completely fail or it could be like such an exciting new chapter. Okay, if this comes out before the date happens, I think that Alexa, you should go to the bathroom during your date, call the hotline and let us know how it's going. Oh, that's a great idea. And if it's going really badly, that could be

your escape plan too. You can like call the hotline and pretend it's your friend and be like, she needs help. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's a great idea. I like that. I'm trying to think of, okay, yeah. If it goes great, we still want to hear about it though. But if you need an escape plan, call the hotline and tell us about it. I don't know. How would you escape a date if you were on one and you're like, I got to go, would you just be straight up and be like, this isn't, I'm not vibe and or would you be like, something suddenly came up? I think, the first thought I had, which is terrible, is like, I have two little nephews and I feel like I would use them as an excuse somehow.

I'd be like, they need me. I just, they just need me. Yeah. I just, I guess this is where I'm out in my life, but I wouldn't have done this earlier. But, like, now if I was single, one on a date and I wasn't feeling it, I would literally just be like, do you want to grab the check like this? I don't know if you're feeling it, but like, I'm not. Yes. Okay.

I think that in some situations, if they're like mature about it and you think they're going to react okay, that's fine. But I feel like some people get like so angry. And it's like, I know. I hate that though because then you're supposed to worry about how they are going to react because they can't handle it. Now the responsibilities on you. I don't like that. No, I don't like that either. So just call the hotline.

I think that's what I would do, honestly. Call the hotline, have an escape plan, and be confident. Yeah. There you go. Hi, Caitlin. So I got cheated on after a little over four years. And we had an amazing relationship, like, wanted to get married. Like, literally, amazing relationship.

I have no complaints. But he's been having a problem with binge drink. Anyway, the other day he cheated on me. Wow. And he let another girl touch his crotch. And now he wants me back saying that he'll change, he'll never drink again. So my question is, is once a cheater, always a cheater? Am I stupid to take him back?

Oh, I'm stuck. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm angry at him. that's it he clearly if he's binge drinking some people who have a problem with alcohol really don't know what they're doing when they make decisions and they have so they go into such shame spirals the next day because clearly you don't know right from wrong if you're binge drinking and take it that far so i would say like the thing is there's so i have had a friend in the past who's husband cheated And the thing is, if you are going to forgive him, you can't become like a helicopter parent and then get his phone and look through his texts or always be around his, like, you know, peaking over his shoulder at his phone or what he's doing or when he goes out now, like you're obviously going to have all these fears.

God, I don't know if I could forgive someone. It would obviously depend on the situation. If he's going to continue to binge drink and make poor decisions and hurt you, I would say get the hell. out. But if he is like, I have a drinking problem, I have to like go get help. I need to go to counseling. I can give you space so that you can build some trust back. And I'm going to show you like prove himself and just like show up for a while. And then you take him back. I would say just don't be the helicopter partner after because it's going to be one of those situations where fool me once, shame on, you know, that whole thing. But it depends how much you guys really love

each other and if he's going to, you know, get help, get the help that he needs. I don't know if I could do it because trust is like obviously such a huge thing in a relationship, but if he knows he has a problem with drinking and that he does things that are going to hurt you and that he's willing to quit drinking and go get help and like put in the effort, I would say that's, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I would say make sure he does the work first. therapy therapy therapy therapy and maybe some rehab yeah yeah about that he needs okay i have to see the best part of my life are the relationships i have with my friends my family and those around me but relationships can be pretty hard sometimes and i want to make my relationships the best that they can be

and a lot of times for me that means talking to someone and getting perspective and tools and that's why i love therapy truly i love it it's just something that helps me navigate life in general If you felt like you could use a little help, but I think we all have felt that way, I would definitely recommend checking out Talkspace. Talkspace gives you unlimited access to licensed therapists so that you can work through relationships and focus on being the best person you can be. When it comes to relationships, talking to a therapist has really given me insight into what I'm going through and help me become a better partner, a better person in general. Talkspace provides all the benefits of traditional therapy, but without the hassle and waiting. Your dedicated

Talkspace therapist can help you get to the root of your problems so that you can work through them instead of ignoring them or trying to deal with it on your own. And you can work on a schedule that's actually good for you instead of waiting around for an appointment. Your struggles are unique and personal to you and it can really help to talk to someone objective who understands that no matter what the relationships are in your life and what they look like. Join Talkspace today and start the journey to a happier healthier relationship. Just visit Talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month when you use promo code Vine at Sign Up. That's $100 off at Talkspace.com promo code fine.

Okay, this Valentine's and Galentine's Day season, we're so happy that our friends at Merrill are helping us spend it outside with our gal pals. So we'll be hiking in our bravadas and Moab speeds from Merrill. And I can't think of a better way to soak up some sunshine and fresh air to take care of ourselves and our gals. I mean, who doesn't love a hot girl walk with friends in Merrill shoes? And guess what? I heard a rumor. and the team at Merrill is launching a women's hiking club later this year. It's awesome.

Led by expert hikers and some of our favorite celebs. I actually can't wait to learn about their favorite hikes and experiences on the trail. I know some of their stories will be things we're dying to know. What's more, Merrill's pink products are the perfect thematic gifts for Valentine's Day. We love the bravata in Erica or Moab Speed Gortex in a range of colors. So if you're in warmer area, the Hydromock or Hydro Slide are perfect picks too. Already have my eyes on those babies for the summer. Head to Merrill.com to check it all out. Okay, I'm not one to hide that I've definitely gone through some periods of insecurity and self-doubt,

especially when it comes to love. I mean, did you watch The Bachelor? Well, the upcoming movie musical, Seren-O, centers on a heartbreaking love triangle plagued by insecurity, something many of us can relate to, and I cannot wait to see it in theaters. It's February 25th. know I love a musical. So Sirono is adapted from Sierno di Bergerac, which is one of the oldest and most famous love stories of all time. Peter Dinklage, which I love him. He stars as Sierno,

an incredibly talented poet and Swordsman who falls madly in love with Roxanne, played by Haley Bennett. Feeling insecure about his appearance, Sirono writes Roxanne beautiful love letters under the guise of Christian, a more conventionally attractive soldier. Roxanne believes she's in love with Christian, but the catch is that Christian feels inadequate himself as he cannot compete with the true connection that Sierno and Roxanne share. Sierno is directed by award-winning director of Pride and Prejudice and Darkest Hour Joe Wright and features a completely original score by Bryce and Aaron Dessner, members of the band The National. It's actually been receiving rave reviews and people are saying that Peter Dinklage gives a career-defining performance. I truly cannot

I can't wait to see this in theater. So don't miss Cyrano only in movie theaters February 25th. Learn more at cerno.movey. This is off the vine. Grape Therapy. Okay, we have one more voicemail before we get into some confessions. Okay. Play this one.

How do I get you to go to prom with me? Ah! Stop it. Oh my God, I'm flattered. Wait, prom? Carl? Look, I sounded like he was like 30. Yeah.

Carl's, are you? Wait, cute. Okay, when is it? When would prom be? Like, may? Like, yeah, I think around then. Did you go to prom? No, I never had a problem.

Prom wasn't really a thing in Canada. I feel like we had like a graduation. Well, yeah. You have to graduate. Yeah, I had a graduation, but not like a prom. I want to go to prom. I mean, it could be fun. Okay, wait.

He didn't even say what his name was. And I didn't give you a lot of information to go off of location. Yeah. Yeah, where does he live? When is prom? What's your name? And what's your favorite color? And what's your favorite color?

I need more information because I feel like I kind of want it. I mean, like, if it overlaps, like, you're going to be in a city and then proms that night, like... Yeah. Or maybe he's in Nashville. Oh, maybe. I don't know. We need more information, Mr. Joe from O. Joe.

Call back, Joe. Call back, Joe. Give us more deets. Okay. I actually feel like I was in my fields today. I gave some good advice, don't you think? That was some take it shit, not leave it shit. I know.

Maybe you named the segment. We'll see. Okay, okay. Well, just a friendly reminder to keep calling in. I freaking love this. This is like actually kind of turned my day around. Call me middle of the day, middle of the night. Use this number. Use it and abuse it and share it. 434-696-8-4-66. Yeah, I want to hear from you. And we had two confessions that I wanted to play you. These confessions were like, unlike anything I've ever heard in my life. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. I don't know how you're going to react. So, you never know. Let's see how this goes. Let's play the first one. Oh, God.

Okay, so I actually have a confession that I have wanted to get the vinos to hear for like a long time. Because ever since I heard one of yours, it made me think of one of mine. Okay. Remember whenever Jason drank your embeciline water, Well, there was this one time where I was cleaning my Diva cup and I had a special mug that I would boil water and I would pour the boiling water into the mug and then I put the Diva Cubs in it and they just leave it there and let it sit. Oh, my God. Well, one day I actually took it into my room with me and whenever I took the Diva Cup out, I just left it there. And the next day, the cup was not there.

It was on my husband's bedside table. The water was gone. And I still don't. I've never said anything to him about it. I didn't say anything then, but I think about it from time to time. But I think he drank my dea cup water. But yeah, I just wanted to share that. That's hilarious.

I love you. You're amazing. Have a good day. Have a good day. Well, that's going to haunt me. Well, thank you for sharing that. That is so funny and so, I mean, it's just vagina blood. Yeah.

You just drank some vagina blood water. It's probably boiled and cleaned. No, I don't know why I'm making excuses for this. That's terrible. That's really unfortunate for your husband, but funny for the podcast. it's it's kind of like machine gun Kelly and Megan Fox like drinking each other's blood oh yeah how romantic I think it was romantic maybe he did it intentionally because he wanted to feel closer to her yeah maybe it's like they're like blood brother and sister now and they're just on a whole other

level of intimacy like yeah like Megan Fox that's very Megan Fox and machine gun yeah but also not but also that's just us trying to make things better The next one is even, even a little darker. Oh, boy. Here we go. Hey, Caitlin. My name's Ashley, and I'm 32 years old. I'm from Arkansas.

Shout out to my girl, Tia. But now, I just thought of a funny story. It's kind of funny, kind of sad that I just wanted to share with you. My cat, I've had her for about three years now. She's blind. So we bring her in the house, and, you know, one day I'm getting ready for work. And, you know, my routine in the morning is I usually just, I'm a nurse. So I throw my scrubs in the dryer, you know, because I'm too lazy to earn them.

So I threw my scrubs in the dryer, you know, not even thinking. I usually put them in there for about 10 minutes. and I go to the dryer and my cat was in there and yeah so I had been trying my cat for 10 minutes and I was mortified I was so felt so bad and I get her out I don't know how she made it but she did I swear she literally has mine lives but whenever I get her out her whiskers were literally like

singed off like it's like made me want to cry and she was like hyperventilating it was really sad she almost didn't make it that day but she did that was a few years ago so yeah I just wanted to tell you about that story

about how I almost got rid of my dad that was already disabled so oh my kind of fine and bad but I just wanted to stop by and say hey and share a little something with you and I am actually planning on seeing you in Memphis March 1st so I'm super excited I hope I get to meet you I think that you're amazing you're killing it keep doing what you're doing see you later

That is a confession that I'm like that wow I don't even know what to say that I am so like sad but glad that the cat survived and that we're all talking about it like okay it happened the cat survived it happened singed a couple whiskeys but like that is so sad because you just okay now I'm going to cry you just picture like the little blind cat just like being humble dried and like probably so scared it's i don't know how to react to that confession i don't know either because like wow that must have felt really nice to get that off her chest and be like this happened and like thank god that cat survived or else i don't know if i could handle that story no we wouldn't have played that i yeah but i hope now that ever since that happened like i hope the cat doesn't have like PTSD from the hearing the dryer or like that cat's probably so scared about where to go or what to do because you don't know if you're going to get well he's blind so it's like he already was i hope that cat just gets so like spoiled rotten

and just gets like what is the like cat nip what's that stuff like every single day and just feel so loved now and that nothing bad will ever again happen to that cat no that cat is going to have an amazing rest of his life has some really good karma coming its way for if I had to go through that. Oh, God, sad. If I ever did that, I don't know if I would live with myself. Like, if I did anything to hurt my dog, even if they were okay, I think I would hate myself forever. Not that you should.

Cat, parent, cat lady. Cat lady. No, you know what? It wasn't, you didn't know. It's not like she did it on purpose. It was an accident and the cat is okay. And that's, you know what? The cat's okay.

That's what I'm going to keep telling myself. all day today. The cat's okay. The cat is okay. Yeah. The cat is okay. Yeah. Okay. On that note, I don't know if you're in the mood to do a prank call, but we have a couple people. I've got to turn the beat around here. Well, people were really into Karen from the Fah agency. Oh, they were? Yeah, they wanted more. They really wanted more. Okay. So we have one voicemail from Casey. She wants you to call her boyfriend Tyler. Let's play that voicemail. Okay. Hey, Caitlin. My name is Casey, and I was wondering if you would prank my boyfriend, Tyler. He's going away on his bachelor party in April to Florida during Master's weekend. And the flight company is screwing up all of his, like, travel arrangements and changing the times of his flights. And he's super frustrated. So I was wondering if you could call and pretend to either be the flight company. or his Airbnb and change his reservation.

His number is. Thanks, Caitlin. Oh, my God. I just got like a, like, tell me not because I'm, he's going to yell at me. Yeah, you might get yelled that. He's for sure going to yell at me. I don't know.

But she needs, she needs to, like, record his reaction when he hears the voicemail. Is not available. Hi, Tyler. This is Amanda calling about your upcoming stay with our Airbnb in Florida. Unfortunately, there's been a double booking and we are going to have to cancel the reservation. I've tried calling a couple people that's in your party, but just wanted to give you the heads up that, yeah, again, there's been a double booking. So we are so sorry about the inconvenience.

We will refund you. And if you have any questions, you can just call me back. All right? Sorry again. Oh, no. What if you like? What if he cries? Oh, my God.

No, wait. Okay, I'm going on the off the vine page right now. And I'm leaving a story. Okay, Casey, I just called. You called your, I don't remember, fiancé, husband, boyfriend, Tyler, and I left him a voicemail. He didn't answer. I tried calling twice. I left him a voicemail.

I really want you to record his reaction to my voicemail. I told him his Airbnb had to be canceled in Florida for the prank call section. So I really need you to, one, try and record that if you're around him. And two, if you're not, please tell him it was a prank. It's not canceled. Okay. I thought I would come on the off the vine page. and tell you that.

And obviously everybody can listen to others think because this is funny. Okay, so I will say when people call in for print calls, I would recommend. I think the strategy is

you have to tell your significant other or friend or whoever that they might get a call about like a reference or something like that. Yeah. On Mondays or Tuesdays so that they answer.

Okay. Yeah. So everybody, if you're going to plan the prank, tell your people to answer their phone. Tell them it's important. It's very important. Oh, gosh, that's fun.

I love pranking people. Oh, that was good. Yeah. I hope that she records it. I feel like the vinos are always, they're coming in clutch. What if he's, like, immediately, what if he's at work right now?

And then he's like, I'm not answering this private number. And then he's listening to the voicemail right now. Oh, I should try calling back one more time. You should. And I think what you should say is if he answers, be like the other option is you can all stay there, like the two bookings.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see if he answers. Oh, my God. No, okay. Whatever. Well, he's got a voicemail now. He could be listening at any moment. Gosh.

That actually makes me like, like, I actually have to go poop because my stomach just got all naughty because I was like, oh, my God, this guy's going to be so upset. And I need him to know. that that was a prank soon. He'll feel really relieved when he finds that out. Like, it'll be fine. Also, do you have a Paul Rudd update for me? Great question.

I think you're an excellent interviewer. Okay, I do. So somebody messaged on Off the Vine and they have some sort of connection. Like, it's not the best connection I ever heard. It's like a friend of a friend who has a connection with Paul's dog. Oh? So we're getting closer. Okay.

I mean, that is a step in the right direction. A small step, but could be a big step. Yes. And I leave in four days. Oh, my gosh. So it's happening. Okay. It's happening.

But I was thinking, like, I don't want to go interrupt him if I see him, like, eating with his family or doing something because, like, one time I followed Katie Perry into a bathroom and, like, it was not a good look, you know, like, it's not, that's not okay. Yeah. So I was thinking I could, like, write a letter. Yeah. explaining and maybe I can just like leave them in a few different places around town like yeah it'll just you know you'll get to him somehow leave little like um like almost like

like a little treasure hunt a treasure hunt for paul yeah and then you can leave little notes and then he can read them and then like maybe at one point in his life he watched the bachelor's so maybe he like knows oh i remember a bachelor named kately and then he would read it and then And if that doesn't work, we'll just keep the stock and going. Yeah. No, I can get creepier. I can definitely get creepier as the months go on. We have until June.

Okay. So plenty of time. Okay. Yeah. How do you feel about people like going up to you in person if you're... Well, I don't like being followed into the bathroom because that has happened to me. And people think that I don't notice. Yeah.

But I do. I just want to pee or poo and peace. That's fair. And then, but I don't mind people coming up, as long as I'm not eating or like in the middle of like a very intense conversation. Like if they just read the room or the energy, sometimes I'm in a bad mood at the airport. But I'll just tell you that if that's what's happening. So otherwise, I'm cool. Yeah.

One of the finals had an idea actually for if they see you. Okay. Let's play this voicemail. Hi, Caitlin Bristow. I was just listening to your podcast from last week, and I had a thought about the vino mating call that you could do when people see you or we want to identify ourselves to each other. And I was thinking something like, you know, like birds, sparrows and tattoos and all that stuff. Anyway, you get it. Goodbye.

Thoughts. Wow, subtle. So subtle. Oh, that's funny, but I'm not mad at it. I think it could be good. And then if you, like, look over and smile, then maybe that's, like, the cute approach. Yeah. Yeah, but if I'm, like, in an airport and I'm rushing to my next destination or something, I'll just cacao back.

Yeah. But I got to go. Right. But the cacca's funny. Have you noticed that I'm not wearing pants? I haven't. No. Now I do.

Yeah. That's just, that's my butt. Okay, great. I am wearing pants. I, oh, that's sweet. I'm a true professional over here. Seriously, though. I, yeah, I'm covering up with my jacket and I'm not wearing pants and I feel pretty good about it. Good. As you should. I'm wearing sweatpants and then like an actual shirt. Oh. So, you know, we all do our own thing. Thank you so much. Stop showing off.

Amazing. Well, cacao it is. Cacall! Okay, well, as per usual, this is my new favorite podcast, is just doing this for, I could do this for hours. It's so fun. Thank you for doing it with me, Madison. It's, it's an honor, and I'll keep you updated when I leave on Saturday to head toward Paul. You need to keep me updated on Paul, on Carl, on the cat. The cat, and there's something else. The date. The date. Yes. Oh, and on Tyler.

and how Tyler's doing after that prank call. Probably not well. He's probably not well. No, probably not. I'm going to send him something at his Airbnb when he gets there. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, let's figure something like that out. Okay.

Okay. We'll set that up. Okay. Well, until next week. Now it really is grape therapy because I'm giving advice and it's like therapy. And now I really can say your session is now ending. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Tune in to hear new minisodes every Thursday and check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday, exclusively on podcast.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

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