Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Real Talk with Big Wine Guy Elyse Myers

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

Our recent Big Wine Guy Zoom with Elyse Myers was just TOO good, so we had to share it with all of you. Everyone’s favorite TikTok sensation whose life changed with a video about 100 tacos is here to get candid and vulnerable amongst the best family, our Vinos. Kaitlyn and Elyse are talking about how to deal with the haters, how to recover from a menty b, and how to accept the love we truly all deserve. They’re giving some take-it advice to the Vinos on the Zoom chat, answering questions ranging from dealing with stolen vows to opening yourself up after heartbreak. There really is nothing better than a night with Spade & Sparrows, friends, and vulnerability, so tune into this Big Wine Guy event and feel like you are a part of the fam (because you all are!). HELIX - Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for my listeners at HelixSleep.com/vine.  VIZZY - To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/VINE.  STARBUCKS - Starbucks BAYA Energy drink is available online, at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide. PROGRESSIVE - Get a quote today at Progressive.com. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. And Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. This week's great therapy is sponsored by Helix. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for my listeners at helixleep.com slash vine. Vizzi to find out where you can purchase Vizzi, go to Vizziehardteltzer.com slash vine. Starbucks. Starbucks, Buy a Energy drink is available online at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide. And Progressive. Get a quote today at Progressive.com. All right, Finos, you have to check out the new Starbucks Bioenergy drink with caffeine

naturally found in coffee, fruit, it's energy that's good. Starbucks Buy a Energy drink is available online at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide. Podcast One presents Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Caitlin Bristow is going to answer your questions. Drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more. Here's Caitlin. All right, welcome to grape therapy.

I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And I had the absolute honor of having a little grape therapy Zoom session with Elise Myers, one of my favorite humans and the big wine guys. couple of weeks ago, and I just knew as soon as we were done that I had to share this gold with all of you. It was our little Zoom from our wine club, but we just really wanted to share it with you. I love Elise. She's so funny and kind, and she's just a gem of a human being, and I'm so glad that she's part of our crazy little dysfunctional, but amazing Vino family. We talk about weddings, brides, bacheloretts. Okay, also speaking of weddings, the season is upon us, okay? And do I got some news for you?

So whether you are a bride-to-be, a maid of honor, a best man, a bridesmaid, a bridesmaid, or maybe just the happy-to-be-here guest, if you know someone who is getting married, I've got a giveaway to share, and it's so good, like really good. Do is doing a veil collaboration with the Jane Ryan collection for Do's Bachelorette Edit, and we are calling it Doos before I do. So here is the Dealio, yo. If you're not familiar, Jane Ryan is a luxury veil company based out of Vancouver, BC.

It's small, female-founded business. I love it. There are two different hues of pink to choose from. Their veils are handmade to order, so each piece is truly unique, one-of-a-kind, just like you. And they've actually been featured in British Vogue and Us Weekly Magazine. Not a big deal. So the giveaway launches on April 14th, so today, at 12 p.m. Pacific Time. And if you want to enter, here are the Dietz. So five lucky winners will receive one veil from Jane Ryan and the Ducalab, and a 50. dollar gift card to spade and sparrows. Oh, delightful. This giveaway will be open until Sunday, April 17th at 1159 p.m. Pacific time and winners

will be randomly selected. So be sure to follow and check out at DoE Edit, D-E-W-E-D-I-T for more details. I can't tell you enough how cute these freaking veils are. Such a good gift for somebody or if you're a bride to be, here you go. Good luck and may the odds be forever in your favor. I'm so excited. Everybody, obviously, you know, sometimes we surprise you guys with our special guests. If you haven't heard of her, you've been living under a rock and haven't been listening to Off the Vine either. So you're in trouble. But during the pandemic, Elise went from owning her own web design firm to viral TikTok star sensation, some would say.

Basically overnight, right, Elise? Like you really just posted the worst date you've ever been on where he asked you to buy 100 tacos. from Taco Bell. If people haven't seen that, it's a must watch. How many reviews does that thing have on TikTok right now? I think it's like 28 million or 25 million. It's ridiculous. Too many people have seen the worst date of my life. It's like, no. When I made it, I was like, no one's going to watch this. I love seeing all these comments. This is just like great. It's the best. It's so fun. I actually look forward to doing these all the time because everyone here, I'm like, we're friends right like yeah every single one of you is my friend and i like so much better than like

ticot lives there's like 3 000 comments and you're and like half the people love you and half people do not and it's like oh my god i mean i don't even know what that feels like to get 30 000 comments so i can't imagine i get like a hundred on if i get 100 on ticot i'm like cool go me no girl it's all i would so much rather have like a thousand a hundred whatever comments from people that love you than 50-50 of people that are like, I like you also want to tear you apart. You're like, well, that's, I mean, that's social media in general. The bigger you get, the more 50-50 it becomes.

When I first came off the show, it was 50-50, 100%. But now I've leaned out some haters and I've got a lot of lovers and it's amazing. It's so fun. But then every once in a while I'll get that hater. And depending on the time of months, dude, I'm like, yes, I still have haters. Or I'm like, ow, that really hurt my feeling. See, I've developed such a cool community where like people are super socially anxious, like usually moms, usually like later like 30s or whatever. And I'm like, this is great.

So when I get the hater, I'm like so taken aback by it. I just like, I don't know how to process this. And it doesn't bother me, but I think about it. And I'm like, how can I use this to kind of like grow from it? But I think about it too much. And I just I don't want to. Like I'm like, would you speak to my son that way? No, you wouldn't.

No, but you have a healthy balance where I find, I was telling my girlfriend, Kat, I was like, Elise has this really good way of like articulating her feelings and getting a point across if somebody's a hater without really like, it's not passive aggressive, but it like drives at home where the person that said it was probably like, she got me. Yeah, she got me. I'm a little embarrassed. I think that that's what healthy confrontation like does. I think that that's the only natural result of, like, really healthy communication. I think that you shouldn't feel ashamed and you shouldn't feel put down, but you should feel confronted. And, like, if that's what you're able to do with being healthy and responding to that, like, I think that that's the only natural way to respond.

And so I'm glad people feel that way. And also, I love when people come to my defense, not like in a nasty way, but when they're just, like, so supportive of me. And they're like, how dare you feel that way? It's like, yeah. Yeah, how do you? Like, that's more of a reflection of who you are and what you think. about yourself than it's about me like I'm a stranger on the internet you know nothing about me so there's no way you can know enough about me to criticize me so that's just how you see yourself

so I want you to work on that for you it also blows my mind that people could I mean I say this about so many lovely people that I know that online they get hate where I'm like you of all people I don't get it but it's the it's your response to them is like so mature and really like It makes them think twice and be like, wait, am I the drama? And it's, you are. I hate you, but you are the drama. Do you think even if you, like, respond in the best ways where you're like, I could not have handled that better, do you think that people still will say things just to get you to react?

Or do you think, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. So the last video I posted, like, highlighting all of the, like, really negative, like the worst of the worst comments I've gotten, I talked about how it's like, it's not, I don't exist to make your eyeballs comfy was like the caption and someone's like you can still care about yourself and present yourself well like after that video they were like you can still look nice for me and I was like I really respect your opinion but I very much disagree and like that's a huge issue that like you're expecting everyone to present themselves picture perfect every single day of

their life like do you think that people don't have anything going on and I respectfully just responded and I wasn't going to give him any more of my energy or attention. And they said, no, no, no shame. Like, I love you and you're so funny. And I'm just like, I don't want you to think I'm funny. You are not my audience. Like, you are not my target, like demographic. That's what I do.

And I have like the people that have, well, in the past really come after me. I'm like, unfollow me. I don't care about the number. I don't want you as my audience. I don't want you around. I really don't want to convers with you every day. That's how people should feel also like even if they just have that energy in their life. forget social media or numbers or followers if you just have that kind of energy in your life

where people aren't just like supporting you yeah like exit the scene bye bye see you it was really nice to see you but i don't want to see you anymore if i respect your no what is it i i care but i don't i don't agree i care but i don't agree wow that's really good yeah because it's really easy to yell back like you're wrong because that feels really dismissive of somebody's And it's like, I don't want you to feel like I don't, I don't care that you feel that way. I just, I don't think that that's lining up with reality or what I have chosen to be like a value in our relationship or my life or how I's like, people will straight up just be like, you're ugly. And then I'll be like, that hurt my feelings. And they'll be like, I thought you said you didn't care what people thought of you.

And it's like, no, I obviously care. I'm a human. Like, I don't agree with what you're saying, but that hurt my feelings that you would like come at me like that. And so I think that's like where people just don't understand. Like I'm not a robot. Like I'm not just somebody that exists online. Is this like poster of myself? Like I feel things.

So don't try and hurt my feelings. I'm going to cry about it. But I'm also not going to take it on. Wait, that's actually a really good point. I feel like I always have this battle with myself of do I care what people think or do I not? The truth is. We do. Of course.

But those opinions don't need to rule my brain. of your business. Yeah. None of your business. I need power over me. Yeah. This is a great therapy session. It really is.

We did it. We did it. I didn't even finish pumping your tires. I wanted to say, you got the attention of Forbes. Yeah. I've been in Forbes women, which I'm like, why is there a woman section? Why isn't there just Forbes? But it is cool.

Wow. Good point also. Why do you think? I don't know. It's weird. I'm like, this is such an honor. And I'm like, wait, it is, but it isn't, but it is. It is. It wasn't an honor. It was a huge honor to be in Forbes. Ironically, so really funny. Sorry, I'm going to, I'm going to like really talk too much. So you just tell me when I need to stop talking. No, this makes me so happy. So when I, when my husband left his job and I took over, I thought I was like taking over financially for the family as a web developer. So everyone's like, you're really making a mistake, Jonas. Like you shouldn't leave your job. Your wife's never going to be able to make enough money to support your family. And, like, first of all, you would never say that about a man, like, ever.

Like, you would never walk up to a man and be like, dude, like, your wife isn't working. Like, how are you guys going to support on one income? She's just staying home with your baby. Like, that would never be a conversation. So when I started working and Jonah stayed home, everyone was like talking behind her back, basically, in Omaha. Fast forward, like, two weeks. I go viral. And this is like our life now.

And I'm in Forbes. And someone's like, yeah, I guess you guys are doing okay because she's in Forbes. And Jonas was like, we would have done okay either way. You don't know my life. And I'm just like, I love you so much. So Forbes was like, I guess, like, the tell for his like past job that like we were going to be okay. And I'm like, you should just trust us.

It's all good. Just trust us. And also like, why is the see in a conversation? I genuinely don't know. I like, I do not understand why people don't believe that like a woman can just be successful for her family. It just makes, it makes no sense to me. We have come so far.

and then, like, no far at all. Okay, Vaino's at the beginning of this episode, you heard me talk about Starbucks Baya Energy Drink. It sounds so good, and I need to tell you more about it so that you can get excited to try it with me. Okay, it's actually crafted from caffeine, naturally found in coffee, fruit, as well as antioxidant vitamin C,

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They offer several different mattress models to choose from because everyone is unique, so you're sure to find something that is perfect for the way you sleep. And after you take the quiz, you order the mattress and it's shipped right to your door for free. You don't ever need to go to an awkward mattress store again. Just go to helixleep.com slash find. take their two-minute sleep quiz, and they will match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Heelix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for my listeners at helixsleep.com slash vine. So happy sleeping, Vinos. Now back to Off the Vine Grape Therapy. Okay, I have some things to ask you just because I think

everybody in here and myself are just so excited, you're part of this. You are not only funny, you're wise you're just so well spoken you're articulate you're amazing you're a great mom you are the tic-tucker of our generation oh wow but all the good things that's what you are so you've done these incredible bachelor recap videos like you you go in there with your little backpack oh yeah if anyone doesn't know what i'm talking about please make sure you're following because you like insert yourself into these bachelor scenarios where you are the most related out of anyone and you like say what you would really say in those situations with your little backpack it's one of my favorite things of all time so i have to post all of like the um edits that

i had to cut out when the week that you were on um where you hosted like the like the short circle situation so i had so many i had to cut out so i just need to post it and tag you in it because it was like it was like a whole episode in itself because i was so excited to see a face that i knew And I was like, my friend. So I filmed way too much about you. And I had to cut it all out. So I'm just going to push it. Bluper reel.

Hit it. Yeah, definitely. Those are so fun. So it's funny is that it's actually like kind of random. But so when I got this like house that I work out of, the second day I was working in this house. I was like having a little bit of a breakdown because I was like, I feel really guilty that I'm renting this space that I feel like I'm not going to use. And like my family is at home. I should be home with my family, like, just a full, like, mom guilt, breakdown.

Yeah. Like, who am I to think that I should have this, like, space for me, you know? Yeah. And I'm eating lunch after creating content all morning and having meetings. And I'm catching up on The Bachelor because that's just, like, what I do in my free time. And I felt like, how funny would it be if, like, I made something where I was in The Bachelor. And just having the space to not have, like, noise happening to me and at me made me, like, just instantly more creative. Yeah. And I just started filming right on the spot. And like that was before I was posting videos more than just like once in the morning. Like I was just doing morning videos and that was it. And that was like one of the first times I decided like, I'm just going to post things because I love them and they're funny. And they like make me laugh so hard. And I like ran home. I edited it and I came home and like ran in the door and I was like, Jonas, you have to see this. And he just thought it was the funniest thing where I like opened the door. And I was like, Clayton, how the hell are you? And I like walked straight off then. And Jonas was like this house.

is already like paying for itself in a way where it's like you just you feel like you can be creative and you're like you're free to just like explore and so yeah really really cool and so honestly the bachelor that like if I were a contestant it feels so like precious to me because it's like that is a direct like link to me having this space to do what I love to do and what I'm good at and so it feels like this natural like next step for me in that space so it's really cool you should not feel guilty you should feel so proud of yourself and yeah not allow that guilt to creep in because you worked hard for this and how great is it to be able to be a mom, like you're so hands on, you're such a good mom and then be able to have such a

great supportive husband and then be able to have this space where you can work. And it doesn't mean we have to shame anyone who can't do that or feel sorry for them or we can celebrate you for being able to do that. And I think that's incredible. And you're doing what you love to do. and it's going to make you a better human, which will make you a better mom and partner and all of it. Being able to, if you're a creative person, no matter what your little niche is, if you're creative and you get to have that outlet, you're going to be a better person. So we should all like high five everyone who can do that.

Oh, yeah. Well, it's cool as I like was having a stressful night a few nights ago. It's also funny. I'm putting my hair up. I literally spent two hours doing my hair and I'm putting it up. Story of life. Clue and I always do that. But so I don't know what it is about me.

you but every time we connect one of us has like a mental breakdown like the day of or the night before so full mental breakdown today and i just like really got to this point where i was like i'm going to annoy people with my face like people are going to be so tired of me like i don't know what it was like my fear just like really crept in and i was like i'm not a good mom like it really hit me and jonas was like what are you talking about like when i go to the grocery store do i stop being husband like do i just not exist his husband because i'm like picking up bacon from the like grocery i'm like no he's like you don't stop being mom because you go to work like it doesn't work that way like and that was so huge for a man to say that to like it wasn't like another mom it was like i don't know it was just

more powerful when it was your partner yeah like and i'm like you need to say something like that online like women need to hear that not just from other women but like other men and that was just Jonas does have a brother, yes. He has two of them. I was going to ask that. I was thinking other people were asked in chat, which they have whole stories that are just, like, wild. And I would love to share about their stories one day. But yeah, like, it was so powerful for me to hear that. Like, do I stop being husband when I go to the grocery store? I just started, like, crying so hard. Yeah. It was so good. So, yeah. Wait, that's, I'm going to take that with me for when I am a mom because that is so true.

like you're trying everyone's just trying to do their best especially as a parent you're just trying to do your best if you want to be a working mom if you want to be a stay-at-home mom if you want to go get groceries you need you know if you need health with watching your whatever you want to go on a girls weekend that has nothing to do with work or being a mom at all you just need to go like have some fun all of it like you were allowed to do all of it because it makes you a more round and better person. Yes, absolutely. I love that.

I think it's so important. And like you said, like it's so important to hear from a husband or a partner or somebody that's not just somebody that relates to it, somebody that can be like, I can't relate to that, but let me show you my support in this way.

And I think that's, like you said, so powerful. It's so amazing. And what a great life to live with a partner like that. Like I'm so happy for you that you have that because it's wild. How did you find that and how did you get in a place in your life where you accepted that kind of love?

Oh, man. It was so much work, dude. Like, I've talked a little bit about it, like in my stories, but I chased this person that, like, no joke. Every time I read a song, Jonas will still be like, oh, is it about film? Like, literally, like this, we never dated. And he still is like somebody that burned my soul more than, like, anybody. I ever dated. It was like six years of like me just desperately wanting this person to love me and he would like give me just enough to keep me around and then would like take it away and like

I really believe that like at the core that was like all I was worth. And it took so much work for me to actually believe Jonas. So every single time that we had like a pivotal moment in our relationship I thought he was lying to me. But like every time he said I like you, you're my crush. Like will you date me? will you marry me like i love me like all of it i either hung up ran away or thought he was joking and it was lying to me because like my my value system of who i was was like i fundamentally do not like deserve this and it really took somebody being like that's okay you do like that's okay you do like that's all right you do yeah over and i could cry literally thinking about it like yeah yeah he just was like i know you don't believe that you deserve this but you

do and so much more so I'm just going to keep saying it to you until you believe it and like dude it was wild like I still he will be like you're so beautiful right now and I will say I believe that you believe that because I just want to believe the things that he believes about me like it's just it's it's it's something that takes a lifetime to kind of figure out when you grew up the way that I did which was just like real messy like so messy and but it's good like it's just so pure. I don't know. His love is so pure. And it really just like pierces through all of the trauma that I kind of carry with me. It's really powerful. That does take somebody who's willing to reiterate and drill it and say it over and over getting frustrated or saying like, God, how many times can I tell you? Like that's so beautiful. He's like, I'm going to tell you until you believe it. And the fact that you have been able to say, I believe that you believe it has. probably taken like you said a lot of work years but having somebody like a partner and and

I think that would help a lot of people like I'm sure everybody can raise their hand in this chat right now saying like I've been there or I'm there right now or I'm working through those things right now to know like you know it takes work and believing in yourself and working through trauma and I have done the same through therapy and dating I know how is it when you met Jason like What was that initial, like, dating phase of like, do we get together? Do we not? Like, what was that like for you? Because I know that your whole, like, dating relationship was like televised and everyone saw it. And then it was kind of like, it was so messy and confusing. And like, what did that look like with him? Well, that's exactly right. It was so messy and it was so confusing. And I was like, how do I transition into what I think could be a healthy relationship? Yeah. And share it with everybody. I don't want to hide anything, but I don't want to overshare because it's so soon. but I was so, like, excited about being in a healthy relationship that I wanted to share it. But I honestly, I was the same way. I would just doubt everything.

I would be like, you don't mean that. Like, even still, he'll say something to me. He'll be like, you're so pretty. And I'll go, wait, really? And he's like, what? That's a part off. You're like, no, no, I know that you think that. Yeah.

And it's the same. I think, you know, Jason has come from a very healthy relationship background. And, like, the parents have been married for like 37 years. They're incredible people. And my parents were also, like, such a good example of love, even though they were divorced. They were still a very healthy example of love to us. So I feel lucky for that. But it really took a lot of convincing and it still does for me to be like, okay, I believe you.

Okay, I feel like there has been a lot of good vibes in my life lately. Jason's book coming out, good vibe. New Netflix shows to binge watch like pieces of. of her, mm-hmm, always a good vibe. Spending time with my pups after tour, best vibe. Well, another big vibe in my life lately is Vizzy Hard Seltzer. Trust me, this is always a good vibe. As the first hard seltzer with antioxidant vitamin C and bold, delicious, dual fruit flavors, Vizzy Hard Seltzer passes that vibe check. Vizzi also just launched the first nationwide mimosa hard seltzer. They have taken that classic OJ and champagne duo to a new level by creating a hard seltzer

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To find out where you can purchase Vizzi, go to vizzihardselter.com slash vine. That's Vizziehardselter.com slash vine to get updates on their latest flavor drops and more. Sign up for their emails at Vizziehardtselter.com slash subscribe. That's Vizzihardtelter.com slash subscribe must be 21 years or older. This week's great therapy is brought to you by progressive insurance. Hey, Vine knows whether you love true crime or comedies, celebrity interviews, news, or even motivational speakers, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue, right? And guess what?

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you're so like driven yet you have empathy like you have so many things that which i always want to be like we can be all of that like the other day i did this with dance with the stars i was like what should my next career goal be because i love working and everyone was like stay home and be a mom and I'm like, I would love that. But me personally, I also need to do work and I can do both. I would like stay at home with my baby too. And it's just like whoever you are inside as a person, whatever drives you, do that. Yeah.

So I did the whole stay-at-home mom thing for seven months. And I will tell you, I loved it. And it also killed me inside. Like genuinely, Jonas and I are wired completely upside down from the natural, like, normal. home model like when you see a mom stay at home yeah i wanted that so deeply like genuinely when anyone ever asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up as a kid i always felt like a mom and i was like i want to be a mom i want to be a mom and like to then get to the point where i was staying home with august and i felt like such a failure because i would get to like one p.m and i'm like i hate this

like i love him and i hate this and jonas was just like desperate to be home with august and we switched it and it was like our hearts just like lit on fire for what we were doing Jonas loved doing like the stay at home dad thing he kills it he goes to target they go Walmart they go grocery shopping they go out they go to the zoo unless like I never could have done that like I was barely hanging on playing like the dancing veggies YouTube videos and I'm like I can't do this I don't know like I think that I think that my brain is more built for like the toddler age like the two three year old like playing hanging out i'm like i wasn't built for this age we're at right now and so it's okay like

you just have to be good at what you're good at and like accept the fact that like your brain's wired a certain way and it just doesn't have to be like what anyone else is and all the mommy bloggers just like ruin it for everyone else like i'm not lying like they just decide like this is the one reality that everyone else has subscribed to and if you don't like feel this way then you're basically a failure as a mom and it's like i wish you didn't put this out there like that like you're really not doing anything for anyone with that opinion right there this is why you're a true influencer because you shoot the truth and like connect with people who are like yes thank you for making me feel better great therapy here

we go we're going to give some advice it's like i say on my podcast take it or leave it but um i would leave mine and take the leases after this whole conversation so um okay this one is interesting to me. So it says, my sister is my made of honor by default, which first of all, I'm already like, don't let that happen. This is your wedding. Yeah. And oftentimes makes things about her and complains about every inconvenience. How do I navigate this while also enjoying my wedding festivities? No, dude. There is no one in your wedding by default. Nobody. You choose all of them. Yes. This is, what do you do if you're in this situation where you are getting married you your partner or whoever is like this has to be you're made of honor or whatever like what

how do you navigate that me do you guys yeah i honestly i'd sit down and have a conversation i'd take them to coffee and i'd say i love you so much and i want you to be part of my day and i would love for you to support me in the way that i deserve and if you can't do that then that sucks because um i don't get to have you on my day but i would rather have it be a healthy day that allow me to like enjoy it really and not be worried about your feelings because your feelings that day just like aren't as important. I love you and they're just not as important. And if they can't completely but on this day it's mine. Exactly. And like if it was their wedding day, the person that was starting like initiating this conversation bummed out bride would feel the same way but opposite. Like they'd be

like I want to support you in any way that I can. So I would have a really honest conversation and just be like If you can't be the person, I need you to be on that day, then you're not. And that's okay. Like, you can be in the audience in the crowd and enjoy it and dance and drink for free, all that. But, like, you're not going to be my right-hand person. Yeah. That's perfect advice.

I hope that helped bummed out bride because that's what I need to keep that in mind for my way. I don't think there's anyone in my family or friends or Jason's family that would ever do that. But I keep that in mind for the day. Okay. What I do about a friend that stole your wedding vows? use them but didn't ask or warn you but like cut out a chunk and change some words but it's very obvious that this happened I personally like a little bit like I would I would be flattered I would be like wow I didn't think I was good with my words if you're going to I wouldn't change

a thing yeah I wouldn't change a thing are you kidding me no way yeah right you can't change something that was like from your heart if they needed a template to like speak their truth and like from their heart that's on them that's not on you if they need help with like speaking the way they feel about their spouse like they have to they'd have to go to god with that one like that's that's that's not between you and like the people you love no way that's true debby says at least you did it first it's flattering but also seriously yeah yeah so i think that's funny because I am a bit of a like comedy thief I call myself where if I find something funny I write it down in my notes and I'll like use it in my own way but that's not right now I'm going to invite

myself to your wedding and if I'm not invited it's okay but I will reserve a spot in my brain mentally and if it doesn't happen it's I'm not going to be sad but I do want to plan for it I am going to give you the tea right now I hope this wedding happens this year and if it does Well, even if it happens next year, you're invited. Okay, great. I'm going to just put that on my pocket and sleep at each. I'm so excited. You were literally, we were making our guest list the other night, and we were like,

D-D-A-L-L. Oh, my God. I'm going to dance all night. I'm just going to, like, sprinkler it out. We should make a big wine guy, like, fancy dress. Oh, my God. I will. I'll wear it.

Whatever you need. I know you will. I know you will. I like this question. How often do couples have sex? Hi, Mom. And is it okay to be the initiator? Backstory with my boyfriend and I started dating.

We had sex every time we hung out. Fast forward. Well, first of all, that's every new relationship. Fast word to a year and a half later. And we have sex, but I feel like I initiated a lot. And it's been like a week. I'm like, I need sex now. And I don't understand how he doesn't feel that way.

Maybe he does, but he doesn't say it. I need advice. And Nicole, thank you for sharing your name because I think this is such a, regular topic that we should talk about and an okay topic to feel safe and talking about it because yes i think every single human being and body is so different it depends on the hormones your time of the month your phase of your cycle um what medication are you on is he on any what stress going on in your lives like there are so many factors that play into your sex life that literally doesn't mean he either likes you or doesn't or loves you or doesn't or you're more this than him and it's

like a bad thing or a good thing there's so many factors that play into it that we get into our head of like what what is right and wrong and again I think it goes back to what Elise would probably say and that's an honest conversation every time that's going to be my answer to everything is like it's it's funny because like everybody wants to be on the same page they just don't want to go through the process of being on the same page and they think it's so awkward and like if this person loves you and like is literally inside of you like they should want to have a conversation like that's that you shouldn't be awkward and if it is then like that's another point of intimacy you guys should explore and figure out how to do and like if you're needing more physical touch and more physical

intimacy than you're getting like that's that's worth talking about and for like for me and Jonas like there's definitely been seasons where it's like I'm more into it he isn't he's more into it I'm not like all of it and like if you're not willing to talk about it like there's going to be far more like awkward things to talk about later in your future that are not about like YouTube but about your kids or like family and like just getting into that rhythm of talking about it is so important and the earlier you can do that the more healthier and like successful your relationship is going to be so just have a straight up conversation and be like I do I need you to touch me more.

If you don't or if you don't want to or if you can't, why? Because I need to understand because I know it's not me. Like we're, you know, in this together. So honest, good conversations. And sometimes those can start as uncomfortable

but end up being like the most pivotal points in your relationship. Huge, huge, like pivot points for your, your friendship and your relationship. Like, it's not just like your physical, like romantic heat. It's like not heat. It's like, it's literally building.

a foundation for your love. And like if you can't talk about those things, like, there's bigger issues. And so just bring it up. And if he doesn't feel comfortable like having sex, like there's other things happening. And you want to open that door to be like, hey, what's going on? Like, I want to help you and I want to give you the resources that you need to fix that because I want you to like love this portion of a relationship. Anyways, that's all thing. That's all very valid and incredible points. And I think that's a conversation that more people should have because I bet they would find out a lot, you know, through true friendships and honest conversations. How do you heal from heartbreak?

Two years ago, I found out the man who I thought I would marry was cheating on me. No. I saw her. Our son was five months old. I know that I deserve happiness and that his actions don't reflect on me, but I'm struggling allowing myself to be vulnerable and find love again, who really wants to date the single mom with two kids and two baby daddies, my oldest 13. K from Ontario, Canada

put all of you this is kind of the same thing with the last conversation that is your ego thinking that is not like a logical side of your brain thinking everybody heals from heartbreak even though it still feels like a loss and you have to grieve certain things

that person could be five years out of your life 10 years out of your life and you could still feel like you miss them or like aren't over it but you're much in a much better place than three months out of the relationship. But I think the thing to think about is that you will all heal from a heartbreak and don't feel silly about the pain that heartbreak causes because I feel so ashamed of myself for like having to go to like therapy and go on antidepressants about a heartbreak.

But we love to see you. And you will find somebody that loves you for that because there are other men out there who have baby mamas or daughters who are also in the same but who understand are there's people who have empathy for your situation and it just you just never know it could come in five years it could come tomorrow you just don't know what's around that corner ditto all i can say is like the best thing k that you can do is like show your kiddos that like you're a woman that loves herself and values herself as a mom as a woman as a parent like as a person like and you don't need a person you want a person to love and to have for the rest of your life like as a partner

and as a it's just so powerful to have a kid and like to have them like these little eyes like watching you and so if you're seeing this like it's genuinely so powerful to be like you know what if I don't find someone it's fine because I've got everything I need in you guys but I want somebody I don't need them I want them and like to have to have like I wish I would have up with my mom to watch, she dated when I was a kid, like to watch her be like, I love who I am. And I'm not looking for that in anybody. Like I know and I love who I am. Like that would have been really powerful for me as a kid. And so if you can get to that point, the love that you are wanting will find itself in your life. Like naturally, it will. But the best thing you can do is

to show your kiddos that like they've got a mom that's killing it and like knows what she's and will not settle for anybody but the best. So, yeah. I love that. Those were, I went one way, you and another, and it was all like, yes, best guy ever. Okay, this one, what is the best way to move on from a five-year relationship that ended out of nowhere? She said, I mean, thank God for this most recent Spade and Sparrow's delivery because I need something. Samantha, I had to heal from one of the worst heartbreaks of my life where I felt like my mom and my sister can attest to this.

I it it took me probably five years to get over you just have to know that every single day you move forward a little bit even if it's like an inch you do move forward a little bit every single day I feel like I feel like I could get better advice but I'm uh that's all I've got because when I went through it I was like nothing helps nothing helps except for time just time one day an hour that's it one hour at a time even a day it feels like too much like just an hour I always wanted to give better advice for heart breaks like that and I'm like it sucks because you feel so helpless but you're like literally that's the only thing that helps is time and you just have to accept it and in that time you have every opportunity to grow and learn and do the work on yourself and reflect and all those things but time is unfortunately

the whole thing that really is. This time. Yeah. Okay, I am a young widow with two small kids. I'm finding it really challenging to date. First of all, bless you. We are all here for you. It always gets really awkward when I inevitably tell a guy I'm interested in about my history. Obviously, it's not a first date conversation, but even small things like explaining why I have moved recently, they've become uncomfortable when I tried to dance around my circumstances. Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated. I, of course, horse could not relate to this so I can't imagine how hard that is but that is your truth and I think the whole um zoom that we've been on tonight has really actually been celebrating like living our truths and like sitting in that and I think that's the only thing you can do because that's not something you should feel shame around that's not something you should hide that's not something that should either make something awkward or deter a person or anything like that should should be part of your story that somebody accepts fully. So I can't imagine being in that situation.

But I feel like, again, it's, that's you and that's part of you and that's part of your story. And there should be zero shame or awkwardness around it. I'm crying. So I'm going to let you take it. I just feel sad. I feel sad that like, it's just so, it's so powerful that you can share that, like, I love so deeply and I want to find it again.

Like I, and I don't know. I'm just going to cry. So I'm going to let you take it. I think, but I mean, I'm sure there's somebody in here. Oh, here, Nancy, as a widow, what helped me was five-minute deep breathing exercises on headspace. Like there's so many, I'm sure, tools that you're probably aware of. Again, I know it's probably easier said than done for me to just be like, yeah, just, you know, that's your truth. So share that story. I know that's, I can't put myself in that position.

So I can't imagine how hard that is. But from our advice, or from our, like us as human beings who can only just empathize for you without being in that circumstance, I think it's just like feeling comfortable with someone. You're going to just know one day when you feel comfortable enough with somebody. I talk to Michael A from Katie's who's a widow all the time. And he like has found himself on widow dating apps or I feel like there are so many people out there who can probably understand. send or, you know, like people out there who would genuinely have empathy and listen and understand. Because if you think about dating, gosh, how many awful people do you run into dating no matter what? There's so many people out there that would listen to your story and

your history and your past and empathize and fall in love with that story and know like, oh, this is a woman who has been through a lot, but also knows how to love deeply. I will say too, like, so when Jonas and I met and started dating, there was a lot for my past that I had briefly touched on, but not really expanded upon, that were, like, pretty traumatic. And, like, we didn't really get into it until a little bit further into our relationship. And I didn't really feel like it was relevant to bring up because I'm like, either you're going to love me for me or you're not. Like, this information isn't relevant to you deciding whether, like, I am worth loving. or in accepting or not. And until like months into our relationship, I brought up like, hey, I've dealt with this. Like, this has happened to me in my life.

Like, I really got to see who he was as a person through it. And like the people that didn't want to stick around for that, like they were not worth my time. And like, you're going to get some looks, some weird looks where people are kind of like intimidated by the fact that like they have to kind of deal with it. But number one, you're the person that has to deal with it, not them. they just have to love you through it and like you you're the one that's responsible for a kind of

like getting the help that you need to like make yourself a healthy person moving forward and if somebody is willing to stick by your side through it like they're not worth it and so genuinely like seeing jonas's face as i told him what i'd been through like it was worth that all of the people that had spoken to that like couldn't handle it like so i would say like I don't think you have to lead with it, not that you have to hide it, but like, I don't feel like you have to lead with that on your first date. Like, that's not everything about you. That is a part of your history, but more than that, like, you are you. And you need to share what makes you you you, and eventually you can get to that. And if they have an issue with it, like, yeah, they're not your person. And they can just go move right along. So I don't want you to feel like that's a reflection of who you are or your worth of being loved or not. Like, that's no measure of your worth of being loved. if that helps at all yeah this is i love this because you're like every either podcast or wine zoom or anything live podcasts like you never know what direction it's going to go and this feels like

super healing to yeah if i can't relate to it like i feel like it's a super healing conversation and i hope everybody feels the same way because this to me i'm like oh my god true great therapy this this one from olivia um she said this is hard for me to admit i've never even said this out loud, but I don't know if I'll ever want kids. And I'm terrified of being judged by family and friends for that. My mom has been dropping hints for years about the fact that I haven't given her grandbaby yet. I'm 29. I've only been married a year. I always assumed after I got married, I would start to get excited about the thought of being pregnant someday. I'm still not. I'm terrified of not being able to get pregnant or a postpartum depression or just the thought

of bringing a child into the world. That's so scary right now. I always assumed one day I would be financially stable and everything would fall into place. But I make great money in my job. I'm thankful, but it seems like the cost of everything is constantly going up. I just don't understand how people even afford children without going into massive debt. My student loans are almost paid off. So the thought of paying those off and then immediately putting myself back into debt for a child seems ridiculous to me. I'm also really afraid of being pregnant, giving birth. These are all such relatable things.

Dude, I literally could have written this myself. Yes. I feel like people are constantly scaring me away from wanting kids. I always assumed I'd wake up one day and be excited to start up. family, but instead the fear just gets worse each year. Yes, I'm sure so many people can relate to this. Olivia, I will tell you right now, even when Jonas and I decided to get pregnant, I still was not like, yeah, this is something I for sure want. Like, I wanted it because Jonas wanted it and I loved Jonas. But never did I ever feel like financially, yeah, we got it. Like emotionally, yeah, I got it.

When I got pregnant, I was the most depressed and anxious I've ever been in my life. Like, not that that's the goal. Like, you obviously want to be the healthiest you can be to bring a child into the world. But, like, it felt right for our family. But if it didn't feel right for our family, like, we wouldn't have done it. Like, if it didn't feel right, we would have decided, like, what's best for our family is what's best. Nobody else is going to be there to harbor the financial burden that a child brings to your

family like unless there is somebody going like you know what i will give full daycare i will get i will pay for all of the possible bills i will pay for all the diapers i will pay for all the food if you can't breastfeed i will pump for you i will buy all the milk i will buy all the form like unless there is somebody that like will will do all of that for you which nobody will even if they will they won't you know what i mean like there is never a time in your life where it's like this makes the most sense but if it feels right like it's it's like a feeling you're the person that has to grow this human in your body and like if you don't feel like it's right it's not right if it's if like my dad gives this beautiful analogy of like two people that are married or just living life together

that are they're growing the life together they both have to have the key like the turn key to like make it happen like the launch key in like a rocket office. I don't know, where the, like, launching the rocket in space. Like, both people have to turn the key to, like, hit go. And if both people don't turn their key, like, it doesn't work. And that's kind of how it is with having kids. Like, unless you feel fully ready to, like,

sacrifice your body for this whole person. Like, it's not right. And so I just don't want you to feel any shame. Like, there is no shame in waiting until you're 35 or, like, ever like to never have kids to adopt or you're 40 to like give a kid that has that already had biological parents that didn't have the opportunity to grow up with a family that like wanted them like there's never an opportunity that is too late or isn't like right for you I don't know there's no right opportunity it's just the one that's right for your family and so I wouldn't put pressure on yourself

I would just make it right for you and um everybody else that has an opinion can go for themselves because they're not the person that has to carry the baby and they're not the person that has to pay for the bills. I don't mean to cuss. It's just, it's really frustrating to you and people have pressure on you and they're not willing to be there in all the dark times. Please cuss because nothing gets the point through quite like.

Yeah, the word really just derived at home most of the time. If you ever have to get a train across, you just throw the f-bomb in there and it's, yeah. It's really, it's like, it's my favorite word. Yeah. Y'all. Yeah. I love that.

Okay, wait, let's see what people are saying. I love the support that goes on in this group. This is just every time. This is good. Every time. This is like really good. I really like this group. Elise, you are truly what the world needs.

And I'm so blessed that you are actually a friend. I can, I literally connected with you the second we talked on Zoom for my podcast. I was, you were like, and you know, you can talk. talk to me about anything. I was like, I feel that. I'm so glad. I just want to be that. I want to be a lot of people. You are. You are. I think everybody in this chat can agree that you are a safe place and you make everybody feel happy and joy and love and like a little sense of like, like it's just real. It's reality. And I'm just so lucky that I know you. And you're incredible. Thank you everyone for coming on this zoo.

Yeah, this is so good. It's so, isn't it just like, it's just the best group of people that I've ever not met in my whole life. You are just my favorite human. Thank you for joining us tonight. I think everybody in here can agree that you just like, I'm going to sleep tonight with just like a very positive mindset, a very empowered mindset, and you are just incredible. I love it.

Thank you so much for having me and your little family. This is like the best gift ever. You are family. I love you. Spaded Spheres, weird, dysfunctional family. Yes. Yes. We love a dysfunctional family. I love it.

And that is all of us. I love y'all. I'm going to go get some sleep. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Tune in to hear new mini-sodes every Thursday. And check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday,

exclusively on podcast1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's that with OTV? Hey, guys, it's your girl V. Rivera, back again with a brand new podcast. This time it's with my lifelong friend, me on Sandra Gonzalez, and this is Vibin and Kind of Thriven podcast. Tune every Monday to hear all about our victories, our failures. I can't forget about the bout team. That's gossip in Spanish in case.

So come vibe with us and be a part of this beautiful and kind of thriving sisterhood. Follow us on Instagram at Vibin and Kind of Thriven. We'll catch you on Mondays.