Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Sisterly Bonds & Teenage Confessions with Haley Bristowe

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

It’s been a hot minute since the Bristowe sisters caught up on the mic, and today they are having a (grape) therapy session all about their sibling bond that includes plenty of childhood confessions and 90s throwbacks. While Haley is busy being a mama, she has still managed time for some dating horror stories, and we get to hear about the most recent on today’s episode. Plus, both sisters are sharing stories from childhood including ones that neither had revealed before - even to each other - and giving some take-it advice about long-distance relationships and raising sisters. Kaitlyn and Haley are also answering Vino questions from the Facebook group, sharing Vino confessions, and making two calls from “Janice” and “Amanda," one of which is a prank gone wrong. APARTMENTS.COM - The most po pular place to find a place. PROGRESSIVE - Quote at Progressive.com to join the ov er 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And Progressive. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. Introducing the first ever Hyundai Ionic 5. This thing has all the tech you would ever want, fully electric inside and out, your journey at its most evolved, the Hyundai Ionic 5. extremely limited availability available in select states only contact your hunday dealer for availability details podcast one presents off the vine grace therapy kately bristow's going to answer your question drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything bachelor let's shake

it up some more here's katelyn Welcome to Great Therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Okay, so usually for my guests, I have like a little background check and I do research. And then this time the background literally on the computer on my note says, she's your sister. You better know the background. I love it.

It reminded me of when you had to do background checks when you were filling out paperwork for me to go on The Bachelor. And I've said this on my podcast before where you and Bree were filling it out. And you guys were like, have you been arrested before? And I was like, no. And then you were like, wait, really? And then everybody was shocked. I was actually kind of shocked. What?

If you thought I was going to get arrested for something, what would it be? Hmm. Either public intoxication or public nudity. Public nudity. Why? Because I'd probably pee in a bush. Yeah. I mean, I have been known to do that too.

So whatever. Very girls. I feel like if I was to get arrested, it would be for, Ooh, I don't know. I feel like I'm just a little angel lately and maybe a little bit of a speed demon on the road. Ooh, don't get too crazy. I know.

I don't know. What would you get arrested for? I feel like you'd get arrested for stealing ideas for mugs. You can't get arrested for that. You can get charged. But you can't get arrested. Buffy, right? I don't know.

Everything you guys do is so genius. We'll get to that. But how are you? Just really, like, quickly. Catch up. I know we just talked like probably hours ago. How are you doing? I'm okay.

I'm okay. I'm busy with work. Yeah. And the kids' sports have slowed down. Oh, that's nice. So, yeah. Yeah, Brody's hockey season is done. Yeah.

And Sidney just had her last year practice last night. Oh, she did? And she's just back flipping and shit. That's pretty wild. Oh, yeah. She is crazy good. Crazy good. Yeah, I know.

Did she listen to my podcast with Gabby from Cheer? I don't know. actually. That's a good question. I'm sure she probably did, but does she listen to my other podcast? No, say it in self. No, no. No. Well, I mean, I don't know, but she says she doesn't. Well, that's scary. Well, I guess she follows me on Instagram and she knows who I am. So really there's no surprise. She's 14 years old. Oh, really. But in my mind, she's still three. I get it. I get it. Me too. But her attitude tells me different. Oh, four months. huge hormones yeah it's crazy i just we registered her for high school last night oh no no no no yes oh that's yes that's when i started getting wild i know i think about it and i'm like oh grade 10 is when i like started drinking oh that's bad to say but whatever i started drinking and i got a boyfriend and like i feel like kids kids these days i feel like you're not

drinking like we used to i feel like like it's like the new vaping or like doing other things but i feel like drinking isn't as much of a thing with kids these days because they're like that's poison at all and we're like cheers yeah sidney sydney's always like i choose life yes that's what she says even like to like vaping or smoking or like drinking i choose life i you know yeah i choose life she's like you know how responsible i am i'm like oh my gosh pinot oh my goodness pinot thank you for being so sweet he does this every podcast he just he goes right to the microphone okay so you're busy dealing with well the kids busy just being a mom is busy yeah a single mom but are you single well i don't know you're going on

dates i've gone on like three dates with the same guy okay but i mean it's it's not i mean it's you know we're taking it slow well as you should and we're all everyone that's listening right now is just going to put out some good vibes that he's not a complete douche canoe because seriously I seem to find them all well it's rough out there on the streets of dating I don't know how anyone does it because I truly feel like there's I mean maybe it's just because there's TikToks and Instagram stories and everyone's like telling their worst date stories and talking about them but what is what is the worst date you've ever been on Uh, okay, I have a few to choose from.

First. Well, I don't, I don't know if it was the worst day. I really haven't had like super bad dates, but like the situation. Okay. You know, I've told you about this, I think. Met this guy online, decided, yeah, okay, we'll go for supper. Cool. Went for supper.

Everything was great. He was like all about it and like totally interesting. interested and then a couple days later I get a text is this haley like mm-hmm and I'm like who's this and she's like I think you've been talking to my husband on tinder oh boy so he was married married with kids that he didn't tell me about and it it was just a whole icky it was just gross yeah that's ick for sure yeah the fact that his wife texts you and then was she was cool though wasn't she she like i was like i was at the end of it i was like girl because then i told her to call me and at the end i said girl you don't deserve this you deserve so much better she's like i know

and like we were yeah super good about it i do think she's still with him but whatever not my problem well you know what i did my due diligence yeah you did and i saw a meme there's this woman her name's vienna and she is one of my favorite people to follow on instagram because She is a therapist. Okay. I'm starting therapy next week. You are? I am.

Oh my gosh. I love it. You've been before, though. I have, but I've never really found anybody that I truly like click with. You know what I mean? Okay. Well, and so this is a brand new therapist that you're trying in LaDuke or Evanton? Well, they're based out of Edmonton, but you can just do it on Zoom.

Oh, yeah. See, I love that. That's what I'm doing Friday morning. Nice. I've got a Zoom. And this woman just changes my life with about, you should actually follow her. Mindful MFT. I'll send you it.

Just a reminder that second chances without growth are just patterns. Oh, that is good. I know. And that is so true. I know. And she does, like this is her own quotes. Like she doesn't take them from anyone. She like is the most articulate woman I've ever met my life.

And she comes up with the most incredible. Like everything she says, you have that. that reaction, you're like, oh, oh, who, who. It's amazing. That's deep. She's amazing. And I'm just like, very cool. I worship her in a healthy way. And that is okay. Yeah, but I'm excited to do therapy because it's just the best, especially if you find someone that clicks, like, I feel like you have to shop around until you find someone. You do. You're absolutely right. And then finally it'll just feel like, okay, this feels good. And I'm going to continue. Because I would go like one or two sessions with one and then be like me didn't really feel it and then you have to start all over again oh god so that's i've got

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Now back to Off the Vine Grape Therapy. Okay, and you recently just got back from a vacation with mom and the kids and Rob and I was super jealous because I know like why is it so hard for I feel like since I was 19 for us to all just spend time together it's always such a challenge because maybe if you wouldn't have moved away well then we wouldn't be having this talk right now this is very true a podcast but I was so jealous I just love family time so much and you guys like mom and Rob's place and in Mexico and it just looked like the most fun ever it really was and you know what every day I was like maybe Katie and Jason will walk through the doors. Maybe they'll just surprise us and walk through the doors. But I mean, it's obviously, it's fine. And we had a friggin' amazing time. And Brody was in his glory because he could watch hockey there and life was good.

And it was just relaxing and Sydney surfed. And it was just really cool. Yeah. They're so, they're both like they're both good at golfing too, which was incredible. Yeah. They're athletes. It's, yeah. I'm like, where does that?

come from well i feel like you did sports all through high school yeah that's true and junior high and junior high and was brad athletic uh he played hockey and ball hockey and uh yeah and baseball i think so yeah i guess i guess well there you go it's uh no it's in the blood um okay we have questions from vinos obviously which i always excited to get to because you're like you're a vino yourself in there and everybody loves you and it's so funny because I remember how many years ago was that like five years ago you were like I said I'm going to meet up with some binoes but it was in the time where people were like making up rumors about me and people were talking about me and people were trying to get close to me and I was like you can't do it but now I'm like I know it's for life

like I see them in the airport I'm like what up yeah exactly what's your scrunchy gang yeah and big one of it guys so that's one of my favorite things on the planet now is when somebody comes up to me and they're like if i know i'm like i love you that's so awesome i know it's the best so well yeah they're good facebook questions from them so let's get into a couple are you ready well i don't know i don't know i just i didn't read because you told me not to read jessica asks no says oh says jessica says you both admit a confession to each other from childhood or beyond something that you did that you didn't want the other to ever find out about. Do you have something? No. I don't know if I have something. I don't either. Like I never took

your toothbrush and like brush the toilet seat and then put it back in like I wasn't that mean. Is that sarcastic? I'm like did you? No. We weren't like horrible to each other though. No. Like we really weren't. And I also feel like we just would tell each other something of I don't know. I just feel like there was really no secrets in our household. No, there really wasn't. We were just open and honest and such good humans and just loving sisters who just never did anything wrong ever ever but i'm going to think about that and come back to it in case i think yeah yeah i know i'm like something juicy for you guys is what i don't okay Erica asks how do you maintain a good relationship living so far away well sometimes it's really hard because we're both

busy you're literally a single mom working her little titty's off and being a and I'm obviously all over the map and we've been in different time zones but I feel like yeah we text a lot we do text a lot and face time when we can like even if it's for a quick five minutes like hey how's going you're good I'm good or if it's like I need event session yeah or whatever facetimes because otherwise we yeah touch as much but I feel oh we used to play words with friends but I was just whooping your ass too many times that you quit you totally quit on me i did because i was sick of getting beat i am good at that game but you are really good at that game i'm really good and i'm like one of those losers that plays offline like when i'm on

a plane i like you practice rounds against the computer and i like take the notifications every day where they say like word of the day and i'll remember it and i just i'm like got it written in her notes and her phone but i i think i kick your ass and wordle see i do i do i do we have a whole from when it started we have a whole group message well i'm going to go back and look okay do your due diligence and i'm going to let me know on that because i'm curious and then yeah if you do then i'd like to go back to play in words of friends please so i could feel like a winner no i quit forever yeah so did i'm pretty breed it i played with so many people and everyone just quit because i'm too good actually brie was even better than me

it was yeah i bet you she's good at that game so good at it. She's good at wordle too. Um, yeah. Okay. Well, so I feel like maintaining a good relationship long distance. It's like any long distance relationship, whether that's a sister or a brother or a cousin or a relationship or a business. You've got to just make the effort and time. And sometimes we're really, no, you're really good at it. Sometimes I'm really bad at it, but that's okay. I feel like you'll call me up on that. You'll be like, I just feel really distant. I'm like, oh, so fair. Yeah, I just did that a couple weeks ago. What? Sorry, can you hold on yeah brodie i can hear you yelling stop it what's he yelling about oh who knows maybe at the

basketball game or something i don't know he's into basketball huh huge huge he always anytime i was with him on shumper from nancy with starts he's like can you tell him i love basketball and i say hi it was so cute yeah excuse me and brodie stop yelling oh children they can't hear you Children go where I send you. How will I send you? I'm going to send you one by one. One for the little bit of baby. Wrapped in swaddling clothing.

Lying in a manger. Born. That's really hard to sing a song together on Zoom. It really is. It's terrible. You got this one? Okay, I'll take it. Okay.

Jackie says, I have two little girls. Is there anything your parents did growing up that you feel health your bond. Okay, I've got it. Matching outfits, matching braids with ribbons in it and bows at the bottom, matching curly socks and shoes, and they will bond. Just kidding, don't do that. Please don't do that. I always thought, like, I'll never be the parent that dresses my kids the same. But then when I see it, I'm like, that's fucking cute. I mean, it is cute to an extent, right? Like, you're like, I don't know. I'm lucky that I had one of each. But I think we just, we did a lot as a family, right?

And we did a lot like vacations or even just like family movie night or TGIF night. Oh, TGIF nights. Yeah. Family parades. We would get parades going around the kitchen. Seriously, we had a whole band. Yeah, we had a family band. We did.

I always played the triangle. Well, I always played the tambourine. We really could have done something with that. Music's in our family. We should have formed a family band in tour. the countryside should around with it what would our family family be oh uh the dysfunctional four boom yeah that's it that's it right there yeah oh or no it would be it would be every other christmas no but we never did that did did did we yeah yeah well they split when i

I was 18. So I was like an adult. I thought I was 18. Well, maybe. No. I was 17. You were like 19. Maybe 20. Yeah. Okay. That is weird having your every other Christmas. You think even at the age of like 20 and 18 or whatever age we were when they divorced, do you think that still really affects you in relationships? No, it's all the fuck nuts that have done it. No, I really don't think so. Yeah, because I always thought mom and dad were like, in love for the long haul and I just thought they would always make it work and then when they didn't I was like love is dead and it will always be dead and there's no hope for anyone out there at night. Yeah, but I see lots of my friends have gone through divorce and then got either remarried or in like a stable relationship and I look at them and I'm like, see, there is hope. I'll always be like a hopeless, romantic, grossy like that, but you are. I'm very opposite. I know, I know.

but no I don't know if it really affected me or if I just didn't let it affect me and I just buried it and like then we'll be talking about it in therapy next week I don't know because uh I said that if they're going to find out one thing in that first hour it's going to be if the divorce affected you as a child yeah yeah yeah one's 18 they'll be like still and then they'll just look at you and say how did that make you feel and then you'll start crying and then you'll call me and you go okay it did affect me no but then I think I'm like oh my kids are going to be like that. Dang it. Basically, Jackie,

your two little girls just don't get divorced. I'm just kidding. No, you be happy. You be happy and do whatever makes you happy. Yes, that is the best thing you can do for your two little girls is show yourself self-love and confidence. Absolutely. Make sure that they see that in you and how you talk to yourself and they're going to be

sweetie pies. But they're probably always going to. I mean, they're going to fight too. And that's okay. Of course. But of course. But the sisterly bond. never leaves.

Yeah. That's true. There's something about sisters. Okay, Morgan wants to know. Biggest lie you guys told your mom. I mean, it was probably like she thought I was at a friend's house, had a sleepover, and I was actually drinking vodka in a field going to die. Yeah, I was right there with you.

And I think one time you and your friends found me, like, in a snowbank. And I was like, outside of one of your friends' house parties, God, how did we survive? I don't know. Like, literally, I look back at my life and I'm like, wow. I am just really thankful. I'm still here. Like, I know. It's scary when you grow up in like a small town,

like the things to do is go drink in a field. That's like all we had to do. Do you remember the time that you were walking home from the bar and you guys jumped the fence to the outdoor pool, but you got caught on the fence? Yeah, I ripped my pants. I ripped your jeans. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you made me throw out the jeans before mom saw them. Yeah. I just saved your ass. See, I would have got. got arrested for breaking in an entering. Very true. Yeah. It's true.

That's true. And then I remember the reason I found out my pants were split is because I was on Derek shoulders. Yeah. He was like, it feels like I got a bear ass on my neck and I was like felt and I was like, oh, my pants is. Yeah, that was fun though. We did a few rebellious things. Like,

I sacked an over past sign once. We were on like crime watchers. I didn't, okay. I didn't do it, but I was there. Yeah, I remember that happening. And I was like, wow, that's insane. We had, like, cell phones, and there was people on the first overpass and the next overpass saying if they saw cops.

And it was, like, middle of the night. We had ladders and people were, like, going across the overpass sign like that. No. Just like an overpass sign on the side. It was, like, a pass, like, over the whole highway. Over the whole highway. What an idiot. I was there.

And I was like, watch. I remember it. Like, that's one of my vivid memories. from when I was probably 17 years old. Wow. Maybe we took Scott B. Bam. Wow.

I didn't realize that you were there. Oh, hi, beepies. You know, I did not realize that you were there, but I knew about that. Wow. Okay. So that's probably my biggest lie. You weren't there, but I, okay, there. That's something I didn't tell you growing up.

There you go. I mean, yeah, I really don't think that I knew that. That's, I mean, I don't think I've told anyone that in my whole life. okay so there you go love it damn juicy content totally riveting compelling um okay

Christine asks did you ever crush on each other's boyfriends um that was a hard no actually you probably totally had a crush on right no I didn't I always looked at him like a little brother always always that's true you used to like give him rides home from school

and that's how I met him yeah I think we both made out with a you same people what who Derek yeah you made out with him oh god yeah what okay who else this is exciting oh um oh there was a couple others too uh oh uh Dallas Dallas oh my gosh you made out he was hot did did more did more than that that was my high school board the great and I like did him for like he was way younger than me oh my gosh i did it for like two weeks um oh yes yeah what about donnie nope never uh nope never actually wait i didn't either i wanted to

oh really yeah yeah farmers really did it back in the day yeah yeah well where are you from that well that was what chris souls the whole thing everyone was like jimmy kimball's like could you really date a farmer i'm like yes yes absolutely i'm sorry i I thought they're all hot. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure there's many more that we have, Caitlin. I'm not even joking. Okay, that's really funny. But, okay, boyfriends. No. I think about your boyfriends. I feel like I hated them all. You did. Yeah. You literally did. And like, you just stare them down and you just hated them.

I did that one. Do you remember my first boyfriend? Yeah, me too. Yeah, the hot one, Percy? He was hot. It was so hot. I know. He was, like, jacked in, like, a hockey player. I still actually am friends with him on Facebook.

Is he still hot? Yeah. Yeah. But he's a huge podhead, so. Which is fine. But whatever. Remember we met at that wedding. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Shania Twain was, like, the head box back then. And it was called MT Town. And it looked like Empty Town and there's nobody there. That's right. And we- That's right. Chinaya Twain. And the girl stood on a stool.

to kiss her husband. Because he was so tall. Yeah, that was his name. Well, yeah. And I remember on the way home because, like, after you were so mad at me. I can't. Haley thinks she's so cool because she has a boyfriend and like just so mad at me. And I was like in La La La La, I'm listening to Schneide Twayne on the way home.

Like, I have a boyfriend. You're like, I hate you. You're like, from the moment. I'm like, that'll be our wedding song. And you're like, gag me. I hate it. Do you know what's funny is? If you ask Jason what my number one pet peeve is to this day,

it's when people think they're cool. I wonder where that stems from. I feel the same way. It really bothers me. Like, I'm like, who do you think you are? I remember you and Trina, like, laughing at a carrot because it looked like a penis. And you guys were like, Caitlin doesn't know what a penis looks like.

And then I was like, you guys think you're so. cool with your carrot penises. Did I know what a penis looked like? Yes. And then you guys would twirl up Kleenex and tickle your nose with it to try and sneeze. And I was like, that's stupid. Wow, the 90s. Talk about riveting. Well, isn't that funny? Like now kids like probably don't. They're just scrolling. They're absolutely just scrolling. And like, I think about like our childhood and like in our town.

we had a siren that went off at noon for lunchtime and at 10 o'clock like get your ass home and we would just go home when the streetlights came on well yeah and like we'd hang out on the what are those the utility boxes or the green boxes whatever they are yeah and like play what did we call it catch no no chase chase yeah it's just so interesting because I was like man I still remember like that nostalgic feeling and like the spill of when it was like summertime and it was so laid out but the sun was still up and it was like just going down it would just get dark and you're like but I want to stand all night and you're the best time yes I know and like my kids I don't think they like maybe like when we're camping and stuff like that they they get that

but other than that they don't get it around like the neighborhood or anything I'm like just crazy as soon as it starts getting dark I'm like get your ass inside yeah it's scary world out there now it is it is scrolling how do you monitor the kids it's hard yeah it's hard yeah and like brodie i'm telling you like he knows more about sex

now what oh he knows everything everything but he started coming home and like asking questions and stuff and said i said okay do you want to know and he's like yeah i want to know and so i told him we watched a video on youtube not of people having sex but

He's like, I've watched a porn out. What do you mean he launched a video? No, of like how babies were made. And so it was a video of like the sperm going in and blah, blah, blah, and all that stuff. And like now he learned sex ed in school, right? So. Gosh, that just seems so. I'm like, but he's so little.

I know. I know. But. And it's, yeah. So scrolling, like, it's tough. But you just have like open communication. Open communication. Sydney knows that I go through her phone all the time.

I go through Brody's like almost every night after they go to bed. I'll just go through their phone, look at their messages, just make sure that everything's okay. So they both of them. Delete it before they go to bed. Exactly. But then I am like really sneaky and snoopy and like check their trash and like all that stuff. Oh, in history.

Yeah. Yeah. I do. Yeah. I do. I do. No, as you should. I like, I'll be like, yeah. I mean, I, you know, I let them be semi-independent and, like,

like, you know, their own thinkers and stuff like that because that's important and I let them make mistakes and I let them find out things that maybe they shouldn't. But then they always come and talk to me about it and we always just have that open communication. And that's huge. That's how I want to be too. Yeah. Gudos. Goodos. Thank you. This week's great therapy is brought to you by progressive insurance. Let's face it. Okay. Sometimes multitasking can be overwhelming. Like when your favorite podcast is playing and the person next to you is talking and your car fan is blasting, all while you're trying to find the perfect parking spot. But then again, sometimes multitasking is easy, like quoting with progressive insurance. They do the hard work of comparing rates

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affiliates, comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. Hey guys, this is Kail Lowry. And this is V. Rivera. We're the host of Baby Mama's No Drama. Every Tuesday, we talk about parenting, co-parenting, lifestyle, and sex, pop culture, current events, and pretty much all the things you want in one podcast. So download and subscribe on your favorite podcast app. Listen to us every Tuesday and join us with all the tea. is off the vine grape therapy i like giving genuine advice we always call it take it or leave it

and i'm always you should probably leave it if i've been drinking but if i haven't take it maybe um so it doesn't be good it just has to be what you're feeling and what you're feeling can't be wrong because it's your feeling okay so all right so on the hotline we're going to give some take it or leave it advice for the vinos So, are you ready to listen to some voicemails? I'm so excited. Yes. Okay, bitches, take it and leave it. Well, there was this one time.

And so I guess my question is, I don't know if I want to share my name. I have a really good succession for you. We were literally trying to remove my dog's pimples, let's tweet. I just called to say I love you. So my name's Kayla. And my fiancé and I started dating in December of 2019. In December of 2020, we got engaged. We quickly began picking out our wedding date and booking the venue.

Fast forward to now, we are supposed to get married in seven months, and we have zero intimacy in our relationship. It's just like we're roommates. He also has lied to me about several things. Right now, we're just taking some time apart. He's living at his parents, and I'm staying in our apartment. Do you have any advice on what I should do? Oh. First of all, Kayla, I'm sorry because this should be like such an exciting time to be planning a wedding and like going through all that. But you know what? I think a lot of people go through this. And I think I don't think a lot of people talk about it. I think people and I could be wrong. But I want to know, Kayla, if you have had any cold feet or like feelings of like, oh my gosh, like do you ever initiate or like want to do it and he doesn't like.

I would like to know that, but I think it becomes there's so much pressure when you have a wedding date. I'm going to sound like I'm projecting right now, which maybe I am a little bit, but I think people put so much pressure and then all your family and friends are like waiting on a date and they want to take off work and then they want to like, and I just feel like couples get under all of this pressure and maybe have, I don't have cold feet, by the way. I should actually say that. Let me make it very clear. It's not that I have cold feet. that's that I sometimes feel pressure and sometimes with our schedules I just feel like so disconnected to like sit down and plan a wedding. I'm like, can we just catch up on our lives first? But I think people feel the pressure and then they start to back off and then they start

to overthink it. And I think that they need to maybe go do some counseling, marriage counseling. I agree. I agree. And yeah, there's nothing wrong with going to counseling and and, you know, facing that problem head on if you both really want it to work and you want to go through with the marriage, I think that, yeah, counseling is probably your best bet. And just like look at it, like, you know, actually just sit down and have like a real, just a raw conversation and be like, okay, what went wrong? Was there a time that it just switched? Was it over time? Is it because I resent you for lying to me? Is it because, you know, we have this. wedding to plan and that's taken over everything and everything else is put on the back burner

and if so do we want to fix that do we want to change the burners you know what i mean but our us yeah put it on the front burner right so i mean i don't get that back burner thing because i always put shit on the back burner like that's right you i never use the back burner ever oh i always do it's like the bigger one and i put it back there and i feel safer about it because the dogs hang out by the front burner so i put everything on the back burner anyways I think you're totally right. I think there's clearly not a lot of communication going on, and especially if he's lying and hiding stuff.

I think you have to ask yourself, is this your person? Do you really love him? Does he feel the same way about you? And if the answer is yes, you go to marriage counseling, and you do everything you can before you call it quits. My thing is, too, I just want to add this really quick. My thing is, is whenever my friends or something are like having, you know,

doubts or questions or whatever, I just say, can you see your life without him? Yeah. Can you see your life without him? And she has to ask, Kayla, unfortunately, has to ask her fiancé that. Can you see her? That's right. And I mean, it's better to find that out now before you walk down the aisle, too.

100%. I know a couple people who have been engaged and called it off. And you know what? That's totally okay. It is okay. And I think there's so many, like, tools and podcasts or Instagram accounts or therapist accounts or therapist accounts to like follow and I bet you can read other people's stories who have felt the same way and that's right you can also find a community for anything find a community on

a Facebook group or an anonymous group like anything Reddit freaking articles I'm sure there's shit out there for that absolutely community and feel supported and then do some deep diving on what's happening and that's your other person has to do that too okay next voicemail here we go I cannot believe I'm calling in. I've never done this before. I wanted to ask your advice. I am about to turn 24, but I am in my, like, first serious relationship, and I, like, the guy I'm with, I'm like, maybe he could be the one, which I've never really experienced before,

but I recently got a new job where I can be virtual and live wherever I want, and where I live currently and where my boyfriend lives is a little bit farther away from my family than I would like to be. So I am considering moving. He wants to stay. Part of me is like, I'm too young to like stay in a place where I don't want to be for a boy. But like what age do you start making like big life decisions based on another person?

Do I even try long distance if I were to move? Because that sounds horrible. So anyways, I just love your advice on kind of how to approach the situation or what I should be doing. Yeah, thank you. I love you, Caitlin. Bye. A little cute. A little cutie.

She is so cute. Okay, that was really cute because she sounds like she's got like her head on, yeah, more than I ever did at that age. So it's always hard for me because I compare it to what I was like at 23, almost into 24. And I think about relationships I was in, and I did long distance in that time. And I was like, no, that's never going to work. But she sounds like she's in a better place than I was. She works virtually. She sounds like she still wants to have, like, life experience and see other places.

And that this is just, like, maybe hindering that, but she really likes him and he could be the one. So I feel like, I think this is my advice. And again, take it or leave it. But I would say go because if you go and you're doing long distance, you're never going to regret doing something that you think you should do or experiencing like life in another place or meeting new people. If anything, that will just solidify your feelings for him and you'll either be like, oh my God, I've made the wrong choice or let's ride this long distance out because if he's the one, he's the one. But you need to meet all the people you can meet in your 20s and go do the job. jobs and do everything that you can to get to know yourself. And you can try long distance with him. And you will know if this is your person or not once you do that. 100%. I mean, I had my first

kid at 24. Maybe I was 25. Anyways, nonetheless, I wouldn't change it for the world, obviously. But I definitely did miss out on like I never moved away from home. I never kind of branched out. I just kind of stayed around. I don't feel like you had that. urge to but i could be wrong yeah i didn't at the time i guess so but but looking back i'm like god i wish i would have like traveled and like gone and just you know done all that stuff not that i would change it for the world because i wouldn't but i know what you're saying i definitely agree go go do all the things if he is really into you and if he really is the one and if you are really into him you'll make it work you'll make it work and you'll make it work and

And, that will speak volumes, volumes. Totally. And on distance, if you look at it through the right lens and have the perspective of, holy crap, I get to actually miss this person and we can have some little trips to see each other. And we can face time and come up with creative dates. And when we do and when we are ready to be together, we can be. Like, if you look at it through, that's so not like me to look at it like that because I'm usually positive patty over there.

I'm trying, okay? I am cutting down on my meds. I went to half my dose, and that's a really ballsy move for me, but I feel good about it. And that says a lot about how I feel in my life. But I feel like, I think I can cut down. And so I'm putting it in half, and we'll see how that goes. I'm on day four, got the zaps. It's really fun.

I get those if I miss mine for two days. Oh, yeah. If I just forget to take them, the brain zabs are intense. Yeah, it's happening to you from cutting down. Yeah. Well, good for you. That's our take it or leave it segment. Now it comes to my favorite part.

When's the last time you made a prank call? Oh, God, are you going to make me do this? I mean, yes. I can probably do it. Okay. But I haven't made one since, like, probably junior high. I'm obsessed with doing prank calls. Yeah, feel up to it.

We'll try. Okay. Well, what are we going to do? Okay, tell me. Okay, there's two. This is, we'll play the first. first voicemail of what this person wants us to do. Okay.

Hi, Caitlin. This is Cassidy. I have a pretty random prank that I think would be pretty funny. She's got this like her fingers are, they're beautiful hands. I just give her shit, but they're like very long, skinny fingers. And so I always call her spider hands, something to do with her spider fingers and her sister entering her into some kind of competition what she won because of her lengthy. looking little

spater fingers. Hopefully you can give her a call. Oh, also, I already talked to her and told her that in the next few weeks, that I'm going to be having someone call from a blocked number to get a reference for this volunteer program I'm doing.

So she will pick up, hopefully, a blocked call. I have prepared so that you can actually talk to her. Her name is Shannon. So if you could, just give her up price. It would be amazing. Okay. Love you. I'm going to go now. Oh, this would be so funny.

Okay, bye. Okay, wait, so what is it? Did she say spider fingers? Her name is Cassidy. She wants us to prank her sister Shannon, who apparently has spider fingers, like long, creepy, crawly fingers, I guess. I don't know. She wants you to pretend that she entered her in a contest because of her fingers by submitting

photos and that she won. Can I, can we maybe do it? Is this too much? like a dildo hand model that's funny for for oversized dildos because we need long fingers we need long fingers that can get a good grip and feel the girth and show the girth yeah oh god like are you doing it or am i um okay do you want to do the next one oh okay perfect okay but like should i mute myself so that i don't laugh maybe i have to okay okay i have to um well here we go and i just don't think about it, I just dial and just go.

Yeah. Okay, I'm moot. I'm muting. Okay. Hello? Hi there. Is this Shannon? Yes. Hi, Shannon. This is Courtney from Joplin modeling agency. I just have been going through some of our people who have sent in

photos and I'm sure you already know that I was going to call because you, all of your pictures were sent in, I'm assuming by you. But we just wanted to let you know that you won the contest for a hand model because of your long fingers. So we just actually... Oh, great. Yeah, so we, oh, did you send them in? No, I didn't, but keep going. I'd love to hear more about this. Okay, so you, do you know? No, but I don't know, but I have a feeling where this is going. Tell me. So my sister thinks I have really creepy long fingers. Okay.

And so I'm pretty sure that she put you up to this. Oh, she sent in the photos. Yes. Oh, so you don't want to be a hand model for an oversized dildo with your spider fingers. Well, that kind of changes things. Of course I would do that. I feel like you know. This is a prank call.

Yeah, I listen to all the time. I always make your voice right away. I never get busted. Really? Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it was like immediately new. What was? I should have done it.

Yeah, I should have my sister do it. My sister's on the podcast. I should have done it right now, and she should have done it because you totally recognize my voice. But would you have known, if I had a different voice, if I was like a man,

would you have been like oh shit i won just because of the hand thing and it being such a thing that my sister like makes fun of my hands that i don't know if i would have gone for it can i see a picture of your hands like can you send me that to my off the vine podcast page because um i really need to know what she's talking about yeah you know i've been told by other people that they're perfectly normal but for some reason they creep out my sister and so i really like played that up over the years and I sort of like tangle them in front of her or like put them on face and all the weird things

I could possibly do. That is so something I would do or do you have like the Kardashian fingers when they do like their, you know, when they do Photoshop and also in their fingers look like spider fingers is that what your hands look like? Well, that's funny because that's never happened on the podcast before.

Nobody's ever just called me. I like, I knew too. I was like, this girl, no. Yeah, I knew it too. Well, shit, that blew everything. But we're still going to end it. That's funny. And you're amazing.

I seriously listen to you every week, so it's a pleasure and then I'm there to talk to you. Oh, my gosh. How freaking cute. Okay, well, you know what? Cassidy is going to get it back because that backfired big time. Let's find something on her, okay? Oh, my gosh, I have so many. This is amazing.

Well, slide it to the DM, send your hand and we'll become friends. Okay. Great. Okay, cool. Okay, have a good night. I do. Bye. Oh, that's so funny.

My gosh, she's like, I was like, I couldn't even go for it because I'm like, I feel like I'm just going to, like the joke's on me at this point. Yeah, I absolutely knew as soon as she answered. I was like, oh, yeah, she knows. Hi, Caitlin. My name is Mary Kate and I want you to print call my big sister, Kayla. She works for a school, but loves to party at night. So teacher by day, partying by night. I would love if you called her and acted like you were like a superintendent or like a principal or something at her school and tell her that like a parent submitted a video of her shaking her ass in Chicago and ask her to keep the ass shaking to a minimum.

I think that would be so funny because she loves to party, but she's also an amazing teacher. her phone number is she's also a huge fan of you so you might have to change your voice up a little bit but this will be great thanks have a good day bye enter haley enter so okay i can't say that it's like the principal from her school because do we know if the principal is a lady or say you're another um another parent like from a kid at school so i'm a parent from a kid at school and there is a and say you i i got sent a video yes you got sent a video of her shaking her ass and that you'd like her to keep it to a minimum um as the kids teacher okay because that's that's i mean

it's a little inappropriate what's your name janice i don't know janis I'm always a man I've been waiting for this moment okay okay Janice so your name is Janice and if she asks whose parent you are to say you would rather not I would rather stay anonymous if possible thank you yeah okay okay I get so nervous like I start getting so nervous okay okay so how do I start six seven I don't even know how to do that you do star six seven but I mean then Then what? And then the number? What number is it? 9-1-1. Hello.

Hi, is Kayla there, please? Yes, this is her. Hi, Kayla. My name is Janice, and I am a parent at your child's school. And at the school that you teach at? yes yes okay um i had got sent a video what is the um what is the what is your crowd saying um i'd rather stay anonymous actually and just leave that out of it i'm just wondering um there has been a video that has been sent to me

of you uh shaking your ass at the club and uh i just really think that's really inappropriate and I'd like you to keep that at a minimum please um okay I haven't been to the club in a while so okay well there's there's just a video so so I just really like that to uh to keep out a minimum because you know you are a teacher and all it's just the respectful thing to do okay thank you okay thanks so much bye bye I'm sweating. Oh my God, she was so uncomfortable. She was so uncomfortable.

I just want to be like, I'm kidding. I'm sorry. It's going to be hilarious because she's probably going to tell her sister and then her sister's going to die laughing. People always want me to call them back. And I'm like, no, I want her to sweat. No way. First of all, when she was like, what school?

I was afraid that she was going to ask that. And that's why I said, you're like, just keep going. Just say what you need to take it. I was like, oh, God, panic, panic. Oh, my gosh. That is freaking amazing. Wow. Good job.

Oh, thanks. She just was not. She wasn't happy. Oh, well, you know what? Neither is. Stop shaking. Stop shaking your ass then. Kayla.

Kayla. She's like bullying Janice. Like a hundred percent. Looking up all her kids' parents. That's amazing. Oh, my God. I haven't been to the club. She didn't say I haven't done that.

She was like, I haven't been there in a while. Shit, that's so good. Oh, my God. I love it. And Colleen runs in a family. You nailed that. Apparently. Yep.

That was freaking good. Binos had a couple confessions. I just want to read you two. Okay. It's about siblings and you have to rate them one to ten. Okay. One being good, bad. One being like, eh, I would have done that on a Tuesday.

And 10 being like, I would take that to the grave from my sister. All right. She says, I don't know if this is allowed, but I'm giving a confession. and on behalf of my sister. So my sister flushed a tampon in her ex-boyfriend's house. She went to dinner and when they came back,

the whole house was flooded. An old house with plumbing issues, but also PSA don't flush tampons. His family had to move out for six months while the house was repaired. Six months, needless to say, this relationship did not last. Did they know what was her?

Did they know what happened? I don't think so. I don't know why she said, needless to say this relationship. shipped and last because to me that's not a confession that would be like oh they knew and that's how it ended but i think they didn't know six months i would like to know how much that costs that's gonna be some karma karma does not have a deadline everybody i'm worried about her oh karma is coming oh no whenever she owns a house some it's gonna flood i hope it doesn't yeah i hope it doesn't but like

that's karma right there that happened to me that happened to me it wasn't a tampon it was poop But I told this as a confession on my podcast, like when my podcast first started. So I don't even know if people will remember or if there's new people here who wouldn't remember. But I, in my little tiny apartment that you were at in Vancouver, the little 420 square foot apartment with the bathroom that was basically in my kitchen and living room, I went to the bathroom and flush the toilet. Now, something must have happened because I got at one in the morning from my landlord,

really worried about me. And I was like, what? And he was like, your place is flooding. And what had happened? I had just bought in a brand new bath mat that was red. And the red dye was dripping into the apartment below me. And they thought I committed suicide in the bathtub. Yeah.

So I had to pay for a lot of damage per month for how that ruined. Not only my apartment, but the one below it. But how is that your fault? It's the toilet's fault. Well, yeah. I don't know how that was my fault, but I paid him. He probably, oh, damn it. They're probably like, that sucker.

Damn it's the shit. He made that up, and I fell for it. I was like, okay, I'm so sorry. I just didn't want to tell him it was poop. I was like, I think I dropped a bobby pin in there. Whoops. Like a bomby pin would do it. My God, K-1 to 10.

Where is that at? I'd give it a solid, solid seven. Okay, that's a good one. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This one's called the night. my brother saved Christmas. Michael was six years old, and it was Christmas Eve.

It was time for bed, and my parents always told us not to come out of our rooms, because if we saw Santa, he would lose his magic. So Michael wakes up in the middle of the night, and he's got to go to the bathroom, but he can't leave his room because he doesn't want to see Santa. So he proceeds to shit in his closet, right on top of his neatly folded Christmas PJs. Santa's magic was protected, but my mom woke up to less than a jolly surprise. I love that. that's what number one that's just good storytelling right there yeah that is that is i love the more of that

please the confessions with the storytelling is really going to be my favorite is at wow i just had the most brilliant idea oh i'm going to make like a gorgeous coffee table book full of people's confessions love it oh yeah that's perfect yeah yeah definitely definitely wow yeah that's That's pretty funny. That's not, I'm like, he was a kid, so it's funny. It's not like, if you're an adult, I'd be more concerned. So that's just like a straight up a 10 on the funny scale. Yeah, Michael, you are funny.

I'm so thankful that you did not let Santa lose his magic. Yeah, you know what? Thanks for taking one for the team there, Mikey. Yeah. That's absolutely. Yeah, you don't want Santa to lose his magic. Okay, before I let you go, let's just give the people what they want and give our own confession. It doesn't have to be simply, shit.

Just any kind of confession. I'll go first because mine's really short and sweet and stupid. I have been dabbling in the edibles because, I mean, it actually helps my anxiety and I use them to sleep. It helps you sleep. Yeah. But sometimes if I take one, I get, I don't know why, but I get like triggered by Instagram ads and I'll buy anything. Okay. I don't drunk shop. I don't sober shop. But like if an edible kicks in and I'm not sleeping, I'm like, I should probably buy that. And I was mesmerized by an earwax cleaner the other night on an Instagram hour. And it was like literally, because you know how you're not supposed to use Q-tips, even though I know you do every day. Yeah. This is like a coil that you just put in and pull it out. But it's like a whole contraption and there's like four parts to it. And I was like, this is Genius. And I bought one.

And you bought one. Yeah. Well, you just let me know how that works because maybe I'll buy one too. Yeah. What if it's life changing? So here I am to say that I was a little high and bought an earwax cleaner. It's not that good, but it's something. It's not that good. But it's okay. It's not okay. It's a solid three on the confess. Soft three. Soft three. Hard to do soft three. Okay. So mine is in 2000. and nine. I went to the Dominican with the kids' dad. And, uh, we went on one of those booze cruises, all day drinking, all night drinking, hardly ate anything. So I was done. Yeah. Yeah,

like should have been tits up by nine, but it was like probably like I party till two. So anyways, yeah, so the kids dad went to bed earlier than me. So I finally stumble up to the room at like, I don't know, two o'clock or so. And, uh, I stumble in and I stumble out to the balcony and I sit on the chair and I just start peeing. Stop. Just pee and I start on your balcony. Yep. Pee and they're going to say pooping. So this is a win, but okay. Okay. Yeah. No. So and Brad comes out and he opens it. What the, are you doing? I'm like, ah, and he's going in a bathroom. And he's like, oh my god so he pulls me in he gets me to bed oh he finds me out there again doing the same thing an hour later i was peeing again on the balcony maybe you heard the sounds of the ocean and you

were drawn to it and you're like i have no idea at the edge of the water water as i can remember and you never really knew why but you had to pee i mean maybe but i what's funny is you don't really drinks. So when I hear drunk stories about you, I'm like, that's funny. I know. I know. And I was just so like, glad, I'm going to the bathroom. It just, yeah. So, you know what? Not once, but twice. That's the, that's, that's the good part of the confession. Being on the chair once, whatever. But I did it again. Doing it twice. Now that's embarrassing. Oh, hi, Pino. Hi, baby's. Lady. Okay, well, this has just been so fun. And the time flew. bye and I thought it was like 35 minutes. But these are so funny. We love hearing all the

Vino's confessions and their voices especially. And everyone's so sweet. So just a friendly reminder for everyone to keep calling or texting. I'm still listening. 434-696-8466. Share it and use it and always abuse it. So any time of the day, call, ask me a question, leave me a confession. It's so fun. I spend too much of my time on this. You are an absolute delight. Thank you. It was so fun. Let's, um, I mean, let's do it against it tonight.

Let's face time later tonight. Cool. I know, I'm like, I'll probably talk to you in five minutes anyways, but I love you and I love you too. Thank you for doing the pod with me. Thanks for having me. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy.

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