Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Terrified, Empowered, & Everything in Between with Lindsay Ell

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

Started in the prairie, now we here! So, let’s go girls. Lindsay Ell, a Canadian gal turned Nashville star, joins Kaitlyn IRL for a long overdue catchup about everything from a recent trip with her boyfriend (yes, boyfriend!) to her upcoming tour with Shania Twain (yes, Shania!) to a rock bottom moment that’s further proved that healing is a lifelong journey. The two have plenty to discuss when it comes to comparison culture and true vulnerability, and they are both opening up about all things body image, relationships, and self love. Lindsay reveals how her upcoming tour with Shania came to be, the beauty of laughing in the places we once cried, and how she’s learned to care less what everyone thinks. And, her confession takes place during her first time performing at Madison Square Garden. No biggie. This conversation will leave you feeling inspired to both manifest your dreams and offer yourself some much deserved compassion. Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: PELOTON - Explore Peloton Row and their financing options at onepeloton.com/row.  TALKSPACE - As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com.com/VINE.   PROGRESSIVE - Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 29 million drivers who trust Progressive. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. And Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.

And Harris Dickinson from Baby Girl and Where the Crawdads Sing is Mr. Darcy. And honestly, the chemistry, you guys, it's everything. Plus, you've got icons like Glenn Close, Bill Nye and Will Poulter in the mix. Talk about a dream cast. Now, what I love is how Marissa pulls you right into Lizzie's world, her stubbornness, her wit, her messy family dynamics, and of course, her complicated feelings for Darcy. And with a vibrant new adaptation and original score by Grammy-nominated composer, it just feels so fresh and modern while still keeping that timeless Jane Austen charm.

So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. This episode of Grape Therapy is brought to you by Peloton. Right now is the perfect time to get rowing with Peloton Row and they can promise and so can I that you've never rowed like this before. Peloton Row offers a variety of amazing classes for all levels and game-changing features that help you get rowing or just the advance what you already can do. Explore Peloton Row and their financing options at OnePeloton.com slash row. Talkspace.

As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $100 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com slash vine and Progressive. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 29 million drivers who trust Progressive. It's time for Off the Vine. Great Therapy. Welcome to your week. session. Caitlin and friends are here to share unfiltered advice, lots of laughs, and some major breakthroughs. So put your feet up, pop a cork, and get ready for some grape therapy.

Welcome to grape therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow, and today's guest is a talented little musician beauty who is opening for it. I don't know if you've heard of her, but Chenaya Twain on her upcoming Queen of Me tour. She's a dear friend of mine in Now, Nashville, but fellow Canadian from my home province. Lindsay L. is back on the pod. Just a couple prairie girls, because it's been a few years. And unlike last time, we are able to do this in person, which is always a freaking little treat. So she tells me all her exciting updates in life, how she became an American citizen. And we have a really beautiful and deep conversation about kind of hitting rock bottom and mental health and an eating disorder and truly just

talking about caring for ourselves. So you know what? Hit it, Shania. Let's go, girls. Your wine is so good, Dan. Thank you. Well, we'll send you more. There's more where that came from. I'm excited to genuinely just catch up with you because we've been trying to get together for so long. And I'm like, fine. If it has to be a podcast and make it work, it doesn't feel like work.

But let's just have some wine and catch up. But also, we should totally plan like an actual sit down. Yes. I'm actually here for a lot of February now. Are you? Me too. I have like one show. at the end of February, but February is my like in-town months.

Okay. Great. That's perfect. Oh, what are you going to go open for Shania Twain later or something? What the hell? So crazy. Dude, I am so excited for you. Okay, first of all, you were in Vegas yesterday. How are you here? And you were at a wedding today. What's happening? I mean, planes are beautiful things. And you know this. Who am I talking to? Like, I guess so. You're like, I've been in 13 cities in one day. And I guess I know how that works. Yeah. You know how this works. It's just like, When we're building businesses, you got to do things in the middle of the week and fly random places. It's true. You just somehow figure it out and make it happen. I always think about moms. Like, I know. Sometimes I'm like, how do moms do what they do? Moms are like true heroes in my mind.

Me too. And they just are like, you just do what you have to do. Sometimes you don't know how you're going to do it or how you're going to get through it or like where the strength will come from. And then you just do it. I know. All my friends who have kids say the same thing. They're just like, you figure it out. Like you Google it. And you figure it out and you make time for the things you need to make time for. Thank God for Google and airplanes because otherwise where would we be. Gosh, so true. What were you doing in Vegas? So my boyfriend, would I never said anything about? Tell me more.

Surprised me. I thought we were going to Vegas for like, and you're married. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah. We got hitched. You're like spilling it here on off the vibe. Perfect. I'm not.

No, I thought we were going to Vegas for a charity thing that he was. he was doing. Yeah. And normally I always have chick going on whenever he's doing things. And so I'm just like, have fun. But I was like, I will come and support you. Absolutely. And so he planned this whole thing. He's like, hey, the charity event starts like 8 p.m. whatever. And so I just went along with it. And I'm normally so busy in my phone and whatever. And I was just like, hey, cool. Like 8 o'clock. I'll be ready or whatever. So we show up. And he surprised me to a Bruno Mars show. And I'd never

seen Bruno before. Oh my gosh. Was it everything? And it was like so inspiring to my soul like oh i bet in ways that like right now in my life because i don't know if you ever feel like this but i feel like so many things are coming together and everything is falling apart at the same time yes it's weird how that could both happen yeah and it's like it's terrifying and super inspiring and so like being able to see bruno at like this point in my like chaotic life was exactly what my soul needed it was so amazing to watch like an artist in his true artistry. Yeah. Not give a crap what anybody else was thinking. And it was just him. And like the band was so musical. It's one of the most musical shows I've seen. Really? Which I'm a nerd about

that stuff. I bet. And yeah. And so it was just like man, it's like really good to fill your heart with things that like you're passionate about. And like we don't make time for these things very often. Like if he would have been like, like let's go to a brunoire show i would have been like i don't have time yeah we don't have time like i can't fly across the country or whatever but because i thought that it was for this other reason and i was like being really good and supporting my boyfriend it was like okay cool i'll just it's like i compare it to either having sex or getting to the gym yeah like the hardest part is actually getting there and then once you get there you're like why was it i know how good this feels

i know how it's going to make me feel why was it so hard to get here no it's like so hard oh i'm glad do you like your soul needed that you did it yeah and you got inspired and i can only imagine as like a true musician like in doing your like that's your job that's your life that's your passion that's all the things like it's pretty much who you are to watch another artist like in their element do the things that they're loving and not caring about what other people think like just got gotten to the point in their career where they're like i know i'm talented and i'm amazing and I'm going to just do what I love and I'm going to make this show for me and by that other people will love it. Absolutely. It's one of the most inspiring things for me to watch to like see someone

fully in their element. Whatever it is, whatever that means. Yeah. Like you can just feel it when someone is like really connected to like what they love to do. Yes. And it's so wild how whenever we're chasing what we're chasing we get like kind of thrown off that. Yes. I know I've been in Nashville 11 years. And it's crazy, like, you come to town and you have this dream and you have this vision and you go after it. And then it's, it's crazy just how like you get pulled in different directions or they're like, Lindsay, you should record this kind of music or you should be like this or you should be like this. And from like the young little blonde, wide-eyed girl that I was when I moved to town, now fast forward 11 years, it's like, wow, you can be pulled in so many different directions. I was thinking that for you because you have always craved making music that you want to do. But in, I'm sure every industry, maybe I'm just hearing more about it because I'm in Nashville,

but I find that you get placed into a box of what you should be doing and of what you should be singing. And here's how you are successful if you do this. Are you breaking through that and realizing how you can still succeed if you do things for yourself? because I feel like they just want you to believe that. I think they do. And I think that we tell ourselves to believe it. Like if I record, for instance, in my situation, like if I record this kind of music,

then I will be played on the radio. Right. And none of that's guaranteed. Right. None of it's guaranteed. And you wait for an artist like Sam Hunt to come on the scene when nothing else was sounding like Sam Hunt. And he like took the genre in terms of country music

and like pulled it a whole new way. Yeah. So it's like, okay, if you don't fit the mold, you will be, like, pushed away until you find that one artist who, like, then changes the trajectory of a format. Right. And, I mean, Shania was that way when she came on the scene. Like, she changed the trajectory of country music. People were like, this is ruining country music when she first came out.

And now we're like, Shania, Wayne. I mean, like, she's, yeah. And so I do feel like right now in my life, I'm battling with those things. Like, I am 33 years old. Yeah. I left my record label a few months ago. And I'm finally just taking control of some of these decisions. And it's the most terrifying part of my life.

And it's also the most empowering part of my life. I was going to say the word that just came to my mind was empowering. That must feel so empowering. I think that does come with age too where you finally decide to do things for yourself and not for other people. And then you somehow feel the reward of it where you're like, okay yeah maybe I'm not like with the label you dreamt of or thought you should be with or the one that sounds the most successful or what you know but what really matters is that you're with the label that sounds good on paper or that you're literally chasing your dream doing what you love

writing the music you love and making your soul happy I know because I just I think so hard to do so congratulations thank you I mean I'm in the middle of it and it's like freedom is incredible and it's also terrifying. Are you journaling? I'm journeing a lot. Okay, good. Like my journal, now thankfully it's all digital

because if it was like a journal journal, I'd be like, so heavy. But I am trying my best to. Well, because if you think about it, some of the most beautiful music comes from the hardest times or the biggest change. Yeah.

And so if you're writing all these things that you're feeling right now, you're probably going to feel inspired by your own self. Agreed. And I think that we're so quick to get in these ruts that we tell ourselves, well, okay, I'm envisioning it, though, to go a certain way.

And if it doesn't end up this way, then I'll have failed or whatever the language is. And it's like, since when are we, that's not real life. Projecting how our future should look and have to follow that. Like, that is not real life. That is not reality. That's not how it should unfold anyways. That is such a big thing that I've learned in the last couple of weeks is perception versus reality of what you think should be going on of what you think will make you happy, all the ifs. If I do this, I'll be happy.

And they said, like, people do have be. So if I do this, if I get this job, if I have this amount of money, I'll have the perfect partner, the perfect job, the right amount of money in my bank, and I'll be happy. Where really you should be, have due. Right. If anyone's still following me. No, I'm right with you. But it's, it's so important because perception, of what you think you're supposed to do and again, all those ifs of if I do this, if I do this, if I do this, I'll be happy is not real.

It's actually not real at all. And we keep, all of us keep chasing that. Even if we deep down, no, that's not right. Right. Because we see other people do it. Totally. And then we compare ourselves to other people doing it. On social media,

societal precious friends and family. You're right. In comparison is the thief of joy. But I think we get so used to it that we don't even realize we're doing it, our subconscious brain. And then we're just miserable. And then you're like, what is real? Because let's say even if your career ended, it's not going to happen.

But like today and everything was taken away from you. We all have to know that we'd still be loved and okay with just who we are. So like everything else is just perception. It is. But as like aspiring females like with their own businesses, that's terrifying to me. Oh gosh. I have like defluse it. behind who I am from what I do.

I know. And so it's like, who are you outside of your job? I'm like, I don't know. My job is me. And I always say, well, my job doesn't feel like a job. But at the end of the day, it's like, we'll answer that question. Like, I don't know. And that's something I hope everybody wants to like dive into a little deeper is without

what you do, who are you? Yeah. And I think that's such an important question to ask yourself. Great. But. or as they say in therapy and and and I know that I feel like I'm in a therapy session and your feelings are so valid to feel that way too because it is scary because you do work so hard build your empire go after the things that you want so you don't want that to all go away obviously tomorrow it's just more of like being able to think about this thing and like not being able to fight the universe we can say but to not get like so heady like right just kind of go with the flow with it and And if life happens to bring you in, like, slightly a different direction than how you envisioned it all unfolding, think cool. Maybe that's going to be turning out so much better.

Uh-huh. Yeah. There's a reason for it. Yeah. There's a reason for it. Do you find now that you're writing more music for yourself since you've, I mean, I know it's only been a few months, but what I think for you is, you know, how you think you're supposed to write music that will resonate with other people. but if you actually just write for yourself somebody will always connect to a story that you write totally i i do and there are artists who can like write these incredible stories of like other

people's personas and and make it happen but i'm i'm so much in that category of like the more personal you get the more vulnerable you get the more real it feels and when i look at all my favorite artists they're the same way they write about their life and even if it is a a story about a situation between them and whoever in a relationship or in their family. Yeah, you find ways to relate to them, even if it's not in like the same dynamic in your own life. Right. I feel like I am getting really vulnerable about things. And I've always thought that I've been a vulnerable person, but I'm just like, I learned that too this past week.

I'm going to say that a lot in my next few podcasts. But it's the same way. Like I thought I was so vulnerable and putting myself in that position. And I was like, well, I'm open to anything and I'll try anything. And I'm super vulnerable. And I got there and I like froze up. I like panicked. I realized certain patterns that I had about what other people were thinking about me.

And I was like, wait, what? Yes. And you like learn so much more about yourself. You learned so much. And I'm like, what do you mean? I've always been so vulnerable and open and friendly and loving. And it's like, no, Lindsay, you actually have a lot of walls up. I'm like, what?

I'm not like that. Okay. So I absolutely love this next sponsor and you're about to hear why. So if you are anything like me, there are definitely times when you feel down, like really down. Some would call it rock bottom. I try to be open about these times with you guys because we all have them. That's one of the many reasons. It's really important to all talk to a therapist.

And what I love about talk space in particular is that they make it so easy and convenient to find and talk to a therapist online. So you can really get the help that you need whenever and wherever you are. It can be super challenging to actually find a therapist that works for you. you. And that's not even mentioning all the, you know, wait times and driving to appointments and all that stuff that comes with it. So taking it into your own hands with Talkspace is such an incredible option. Plus, it's actually affordable. At Talkspace.com, you can sign up online. Get a personalized match with a provider that's right for you, typically within just 48 hours. Talkspace lets you send messages to your therapist in between sessions, too, so you don't have to wait for

your next session to let it all out. And there are therapists that can help with really specific challenges you might be facing. It's the number one online therapy platform with licensed therapists in over 40 specialties, including anxiety, depression, relationship issues, and so much more. So as a listener of this podcast, I wanted to get you $100 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash Vine to match with the licensed therapist today. Go to Talkspace.com slash vine to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's Talkspace.com slash vine. Okay, when you've got a lot going on, it can be really hard. to find time or motivation for a workout.

I know I've been there a million times before, but Peloton has really motivated me to get it in however and whenever I can. You guys already know how I feel about Peloton eats my pave. So I've had their bike for a while now, take classes on the app, but the Peloton Row brand new to me. I went to their showroom in Nashville. I need to get this rower immediately. You guys, I'm serious when I say I actually had fun working out and feel like I got in

a brand new type of workout for me, just full body. Peloton is bringing motivation and energy to rowing like never before with a variety of rowing workouts on and off the row and all new world class instructors who will help you get in a great workout while having fun no matter what your experience level is. And rowing is no joke. You can work on 86% of your muscles in only 15 minutes and get all your cardio and strength in one shot. The technology was really cool when I tried it in the showroom. It helped me get into it the right way and they have this form assist while working out. So it's like a breakdown. of what you're doing right and wrong and it'll help give you the proper form and the breakdown

is at the end so you can go even harder next time. Right now is the perfect time to get rowing with Peloton Row and we can promise you've never rode like this before. Peloton Row offers a variety of classes for all levels and game-changing features that will help you get rowing or advance what you already can do. Explore Peloton Row and financing options at onepellaton.com slash row. also I'm like spur you said boyfriend earlier we haven't even talked about I know somebody you've been with for a while is this out there we it's not out there this is literally podcast exclusive I I haven't I haven't really talked about it like he doesn't really like to be in the that's fair in the limelight of things um we don't have to say his name I so appreciate yeah and so um so

it's been so amazing yeah we've been dating for like I don't know. A while. That's great. I knew you were seeing somebody, but we still haven't just sat down. I know. We haven't. It's so long to actually just talk about it. But that's awesome. And I will say that the minute you're in a safe relationship, you start to uncover some real shit. Well, yeah, because again, you said it safe. If you feel safe with somebody to be able to do that, you're not afraid of them walking away from you, not making you feel worthy. Or being like, oh, I can't deal with this. You're like, no, this person makes me feel safe to do this. That's awesome. So, yeah, it's amazing. And I'm so grateful for him. And I'm also like, oh gosh, hold on for the ride.

Yeah, here we go. But I guess that's the point of being in a safe relationship, you know. I mean, think of how boring life would be if there wasn't ups and downs. Girl. So, so true. It really is. I'm not saying we should enjoy the rock bottoms, but hitting that rock bottom knowing. that you'll come out of it is fun?

No. I don't know about fun. That was probably the wrong word. But like it's, it's, I mean, I guess because I've, I've been rock bottom,

my own personal rock bottom, I have felt. Yeah. And then some of the greatest things in my life have happened since. So now I, you know, the benefit of hindsight,

I can say that. Well, I, man, this is just all coming out on your podcast. I didn't even think I was going to talk about this. It's the truth serum.

I had a whole new kind of rock bottom last week that I didn't even see coming. Really? I basically discovered that I have an eating disorder. And that's something I've been in denial of for like, yeah, a good 15 years. Wow. And yeah, I just, I hit a rock bottom that was like so hard that I just eventually, I, was it like an eye opening moment for you where you kind of went, okay, I can't fight this

anymore? I was finally like, I can't fight this alone. Yeah. I can't do this. myself and you know food became this thing that was like a drug with how I was abusing it and not eating and eating and it was just like this relationship that was no longer a healthy thing yeah and yeah when I when I hear rock bottom I'm like oh yeah yeah rock bottom but I definitely felt it wow I'm sorry that you hit rock bottom also thank you for being open

and vulnerable for sharing that It's been crazy because in the past week, I feel like I'm like now opening up doors in myself, even as a songwriter. Yeah. That I never would have accessed if I hadn't gotten to the point of being like, okay, this is a problem. And I think that like, I don't know, when you start to look at yourself under my magnifying glass like that, it just shows up in every area of your life. Yes, because it probably isn't, obviously it's not just about your relationship with food. Like I've struggled so many times in my life with certain eating. Like I say disordered eating.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just because I don't know how to like put myself in a category of it. But I, my gosh, that's why I started. That's a big reason why I started therapy was because of that. And my body dysmorphia and certain things that I still to this day, part of the reason I went to Hoffman is because of that too. So I think a lot of people feel so much shame around it and don't talk about it. but I bet so many people listening have been in denial too or like even even when you hear

someone else talk about it to me personally it makes me feel okay to talk about other things too you know what I mean too and I'm sorry to hear that as part of your story but I'm with you I think it was like hearing some of my friends talk about it finally sitting down to a few different therapists about it and being like oh wow this happened when I was 13. Oh, yeah. And like, these things happen

when we're kids. And that trauma is trapped in your body that you've also been denying. Right. Yeah. And I think that

in our brains we have a vision of like, oh, someone who's anorexic, for an example, should be like 90 pounds,

skin and bones, whatever. So I must not have. I don't throw up so I'm not bulimic or whatever. I just have these like, Same. That's why I get confused about the disordered eating and eating disorders because

I've never thrown up. I didn't, I mean, I did get down to like 97 pounds, but that was stress. But I still struggle with disordered eating. I still struggle with body dysmorphia. I still struggle with like the way I speak to myself about my body. So it's interesting because you're like there's so many different levels or like, I don't know. Yeah. And it's like food became this thing that like had so much power over me that I'm like I would love to just like I love food so much but it's just always been this difficult relationship and I'm like I would love to just be able to enjoy food yeah for what it is and not have it be this like negotiation all of the time yeah wow and so do you feel like from hitting that rock bottom or having that

moment that you now at least understand that that you can do something and like get more help for it like where do you go from here i'm just thinking about for people listening who struggle which i'm sure so many people like for for example there's i did like an intuitive eating course or there's certain things yeah there's like a lot of cool resources out there for people but what what do you think you're going to next steps like what are your next steps going to be for yourself i think the first step was definitely that awareness and I felt so much hope from basically admitting to myself that I had a problem. Yeah. And not in a way of like, oh, I am this. So it's like something to blame, but more in the way of, oh, wow, I've, I've been letting this, this thing have so much power

and take so much energy for my life. And it's not like eating disorder or disordered eating is not even the problem, really. It's like having a headache. Like having a headache is not the problem. It's like whatever in your body is giving you that headache. The headache is the symptom. Like the eating disorder or disorder eating is the symptom of whatever is deeper in your mental health essentially.

So it's been huge awareness for me to be able to be like, okay, I have a problem here. I can no longer fix this myself. And so I am going to go get help. Yeah. And that's been like a huge weight off my chest. am I like anywhere closer to a healed place? No, definitely not. But the fact that I'm like, okay, Lindsay, you have a problem with this.

And I've been at least showing myself grace and like trying to love myself through it. Yes. And knowing that it is deeper. Like it's not tied to me like restricting my eating or binging, eating or whatever. It's tied to like false core beliefs that are like. Yes. deeper. Yes. Okay. You need to go to Hoffman. Apparently I do. Apparently I do. But that's what it, it's trauma. Like I said, trapped in your body. And the body, they say, holds score where you, you could work through as much as you can, you know, on some level through talk therapy or whatever. But when you realize that it's actually like deep integrated into your life from a time that you don't even really recall, it takes serious healing. And I, I don't. I don't. don't want anyone to feel discouraged either because it doesn't matter how old you are when you realize

these things because everybody has something, something in their life that they need, something traumatic, something trapped inside of them, something that they need to heal, whether it's abuse that they suffered as a child, eating disorder, anything that you've went through in your life, that even just recognizing it, okay, well, now you know you have a whole life of healing. And you will probably, this will be something, and I know from experience, that this, it's something that will just be a life time of healing. One of my girlfriends, I was talking about Hoffman and coming out of it and going, I'm scared I'm going to lose what I just learned because it was so much at once. And, okay, I'm going to read this too, because I just love what she said, because you can kind of relate it to anything

people are going through. But she said, it's likely for your entire life, we will be on a journey of healing, just in different ways. Your toolbox and self-awareness has been cracked in a new way now, which is from getting help. So you've been given the gift of being able to go deep, see things differently. That in itself is healing. Awareness is the most of the battle. And as you overcome something, you will find something new. Your curiosity will keep seeking ultimate peace. So try to have self-compassion and honor and enjoy and appreciate the journey. It's so beautiful. Isn't that? That's what I said to her. I said, okay, because she's like, she's funny. She's business, go, go, this, that.

To hear her speak so deeply like that and so profound, I was like, oh, shit. That was exactly what I needed to hear. Yeah. Because, again, being like, what did you say about awareness is the most of the battle. And then to just forgive yourself during a life of healing. That's so beautiful. Because I'm such a fixer. Like, I just want to find out like what's wrong and then figure out how to fix it.

That is a big problem. too. I want results immediately. Yeah, me too. And I'm like, okay, we'll call this person. Let's do this and let's do this. And then you'll be good. Like everything will be fine. And it's like, no, this is, this is a lifelong thing. I'm really proud of you. Oh, dude. I'm just like, okay. Because now, like, all of life feels more vibrant, but also like a little scary. Very scary. Yeah. And just like, I feel so so vulnerable, like so delicate that I'm just like, I'm crying all the time. I get it.

And I'm like, same. Why is life so hard? Yeah. Everything just feels like harder. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. One step at a time. Yep.

But then I guess the real moments feel more real. Like the highs feel higher in a great way. I'm telling you, getting cracked open is a blessing. It truly, it truly is. It really does like the, think about getting cracked open. It opens up so many different. areas in you that you didn't know existed and from that like one of my favorite sayings of all times is that vulnerability true vulnerability creates connection so the fact

that you can like you know probably share these things with your boyfriend or on this podcast or with people that you trust or things like that creates connection where people will come together and say I struggle with that too I didn't know she did and like I can heal too and I don't need to put a timeline on it you don't need a timeline on it you could literally heal the rest of your life, just being aware and doing what's best for you. Yeah. And it's like not living in denial. It's, I think, so easy to live in this state of like, I'm good. Everything's cool. Or, you know, for sure our lives, like, we're so used to like having being like, okay, camera on, lights on. We're rolling. I'm smiling. Everything's great. Yes. And it's like, everything's not great. And I think I got so used to being that way.

Because you're a performer. Right. That I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm so used to like push down, push down, push down, push down. And now I just got to the point where I'm like, I can't handle it anymore. And your life is about to get so much more beautiful from it. It really is. Whenever things like this happen, I'm telling you, that's when life gets more beautiful. That's, I mean, I know from. Well, likewise, you just got back from the top of himself.

I want one of my favorite things I saw you do on Instagram. One of your captions was go laugh in the places you have cried and changed the narrative. I was thinking about all the places I've cried. I was like, starting at the Bachelor Mansion, booking my trip. But I'm like, that's such a beautiful thought. Yeah. I mean, obviously I've been doing so much enlightening work in this last week that it made me think, like that's kind of what I've done is I went back into all these.

It didn't even have to be a physical place that I went back to. Emotionally, I went back to certain places that broke me and was able to either I mean, cry and then and then laugh and like look back at those times and think of how all these things shaped us. So we're somewhere that you were like, I'm going to go back and I'm going to laugh instead of crying. Goodness. That is terrifying. I mean, this is like even embarrassing to say. But like the first thought that comes to my mind in this conversation is like my pantry. Like in my kitchen. Like there's there's so many patterns of like emotional eating from when I was little.

Yep. And that I've now taken into being an adult and having my own house and living. And so I don't know. I guess I just need to work on being kinder to myself, even in, you know, your own home. I'm telling you that makes so much sense to me. Like even I think about going into like, oh my gosh, it's sad. I again, I want to preface this by saying I've done about a decade of work on body stuff for me. So I am an. a better place. Well, there is hope because I've been there and I have worked so that I actually for honestly about 10 years have tried to change the narrative in my head of when I walk by a mirror and I have lied to myself for years to get to a place where I believe it and know it. I don't walk by a mirror every time and go, yeah, you let me do it. I'll get out of a shower sometimes and be like, hmm, yikes, like you have not, you know, but whatever, but then I just turn it right around and I go, stop and I'll high-five myself in the mirror and I'll like tell myself something I love about myself. Like, I've really gotten into a good pattern of that. But I will say

even from 10 years ago to now, I still struggle. Really? But I'm so proud looking back. Like, think of you start now. Think about how fast five years goes by and where you could be in five years from now, just from acknowledging what you're going through. Totally. It's time really does heal a lot of things. And it's just you can't ever look to get completely healed. No, no. And that's the part of me that's like, what?

Yeah. Like, this will always be like pending. Yeah. Like I like to wrap things up and make sure things are like, cool, all solved. And it's like, no, this will always be a part of me. Yeah. And I think that goes for a lot of things. This might be like one of your deepest.

patterns. And for me, I have a lot of deep, deep ingrained patterns in me. And I just always have to know that it's okay that I'll never solve it completely. It'll never be 100%. Hey guys. This is Wells Adams. And this is Brandy Cyrus. We do a podcast called Your Favorite Thing Podcast. Basically, we talk about our favorite thing. So like our favorite binge-worthy shows. Books we're reading and, of course, music we're listening to. Sometimes we have on some of my musical family members like Noah Cyrus. Of course, we also talk bachelor stuff because the bartender in paradise.

You can find our podcast wherever you're listening to this podcast. It'll be your new favorite thing. I got it in there. This week, scrape therapy is brought to you by progressive insurance. Let's face it, sometimes multitasking can be really overwhelming. Like you know, and maybe your favorite podcast

is playing, the person next to you is just chit-chatting and your car fan is blasting all while you're just trying to find the perfect parking spot. Why's it got to be so hard? But then again, sometimes multitasking is easy, like quoting with Progressive Insurance. They do all the hard work of comparing rates so you can find a great rate that works for you, get this, even if it's not with them. Give their nifty comparison tool a try, and you might just find that getting the rate

and coverage you deserve is easy. All you need to do is visit Progressive's website to get a quote with all the coverages you want, like comprehensive and collision coverage or personal injury protection. Then you'll see Progressive's direct rate and their tool will provide options from other companies all lined up and ready to compare so it's simple to choose the rate and coverages that you like. So press play on comparing auto rates quote at progressive.com to join the over 29 million drivers who trust Progressive.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, comparison rates, not available in all states or situations. Price is vary based on how you buy. You're going on free. you're opening for Shania Twain. Girl, I know. And it's like, if you were to tell my 10-year-old self that I was going on tour with Shania, my childhood idol, literally.

I would be like, you're crazy. And now it's happening. It's happening. How did this happen? So over the past few years, I've gotten just to become close to her. I went to see her show in Vegas. I got to open for her last year at a festival called Boots and Hearts. Oh, yeah, Booth and Hearts in Toronto, right?

Of course, you know. It's just like an Ontario. Two hours out of Toronto. Uh-huh. It was wild. 50,000 people screaming at the top of their lungs. I go out on stage, like a massive storm came through. We thought the festival wasn't going to happen.

And then it all happened. Yes. And Shania's show was like killer. She crushed it. She's a queen. And afterwards, like, I was standing there with like a bunch of her family because it was really close to Timons, Ontario, where she grew up. And like her aunt made this strawberry cake. And she was like, Lindsay, have a piece of cake.

And I was like, okay, when Shania hands you a piece of cake, you eat it. You eat the cake. Yeah, absolutely. And so I'm standing after the show eating strawberry cake with Shania Twain being like, what? You're like, what turn did I take in life to get here? What is this? Yeah, is this real? And yeah, her husband and her son and just everybody was there and they were so, so sweet.

And so she's just like, she's so inspiring. I mean, I can go on for Shania for days. But like to look at a woman who. who has consistently kept her career at the level she has for four decades. That's wild. Sold more albums than most artists will ever see in their life. And she still stayed relevant

and she's still crushing the game. And she sounded amazing. And it was just like, wow, like watching a woman who not only has like broken the record she's broken, but still stands up for what she believes. and supports the cause that she believes in and says the thing that's hard to say sometimes and it's like

in her late 50? I know, isn't that? And that right there inspires me so much because people try and put a lid on women because of age. I know. It stresses me out every day. I'm like, I'm 33.

Like, does this mean my, my trajectory's going down? I'm 37 still going strong. whatever. You don't look like a day over like 20 ones. That's a lot of Botox. Thank you, Elizabeth. Yeah. Yeah, I, you know, and you see her on like the People's Choice Award and she has this

like pink wig and she just put like a blonde wig. Oh, her blonde. I just saw that for her album. She looks incredible. She looks amazing. And it's like, okay. Like age is truly just a number. And when you watch people like Shanaya just standing up there being herself, standing in

her own. Yeah. So I have gotten super close to her in her camp and I just love her to death. And the fact that, you know, this is a massive year. It's her first tour away from Vegas, I think, in 10 years. Wow. Oh, wow. And she's like going everywhere, man.

Like, her tour is so massive. That's so much international stuff. And we start kick off the tour with her. And I just cannot wait. Like, you've manifested this without even, like, you, this is probably one of your wildest dreams. It is truly one of my wildest dreams. And at the same point, when I say, like, everything's coming together and everything's falling apart, like, I decided to leave my record label.

I love them so much, but it was just the right decision. And so I'm, like, figuring out how to get music out around the tour and figuring out, like, how to get my team together. And it's just, like, everything's crazy. Like, everything's chaos. And it's so amazing. And I know it's all going to work out and happen. And the fact that you have someone like a mentor like Shania Twain who you can watch still thrive in her late 50s doing what she loves to do when she came in and broke down barriers and did it her own way and how she's just still, you know, it's anything can happen for anyone. I know.

If you, you know, you're someone that wants to see results right away and blah, blah, but like doing things you love and getting the results. takes so much patience. So if you look back on when you started or first moved to Nashville to where you are now, like that couldn't have just happened overnight. You worked really hard for that. Yeah. And I do like I am a believer that like we learn the lessons in our life

when we need to learn them. And slowly as life unfolds, like we just keep being put in the situations that we need to to grow to the next phase. And somebody was telling me earlier this morning like, okay, just think of a plant. And like a plant in a certain pot sometimes outgrows the pot like the roots are out right just are outgrowing of what the pot

can hold and so you need to transfer the plant to like a bigger pot sometimes and there's like a shock phase of like the plant getting used to like new soil even if it's more fertile soil in like a healthier pot yeah in like a better place to live but there's like a shock period of where the plant's like whoa this is weird and I feel a little crazy right now. And so I love that. I'm in the shock period. I love that metaphor. In like a new pot trying to figure out what's up.

You just need to water yourself. Yeah. Exactly. But I'm like on this, I'm in like this whole other realm in life now where I'm like, but we are plants. Like I'm like, but plants are us. We are all energetically connected. So I'm like, this makes so much sense because you are the plant. You're talking to the right person because me too.

Everything is one. It's true. And that makes so much sense. I got a Hawaiian blessing from this guy in Hawaii the other day. And he said, the most patient people are farmers because you have to plant that little seed and then you have to water it every day. And then you have to watch it grow and wait for it to like, you know, anyways, he had this whole beautiful thing that I'm going to fuck up if I say. But it was the same idea. Like same idea as the transferring the pot. I love that. I know. I know. But I relate to it so much because I'm like, I'm definitely in the shock. phase. And in the midst of that, like, when life is chaotic, sometimes that's the most incredible time. And so all of this amazing stuff is happening. And I'm also like, oh, gosh. But that's so cool because you're being self-aware. You know you're being transferred to the bigger pot, but you know that eventually that's where you belong is in the bigger, healthier, better pot. Because you've grown. But it's just a matter of like, being like, well, this is, I'm in the thick of it right now. It's all going to be okay. What a beautiful place to be. Oh my goodness. Well, you're going to love this time

in a year from now. You're going to look back and be like, yeah, that was the best time. I do feel that way. Like, there's this like DGAF feeling that I'm just like manifesting in every aspect. And I'm just like, I'm just going to do me. Because right now, a lot of shit is like, I don't know how it's all going to fall together. So, no, that's true. Wait, I saw something. What is, it was like the first thing that I saw on your. website. First of all, also, congrats on being fucking American citizen. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Dude. That's great. It was, it was, it was a long process. Yeah. How long did that take you? As, like, you know, these things. Well, I'm just done a work visa still. Hey, I've been on so many visas. Yeah. And I got a green card.

And will little big town throw me a party when I become American citizen. I will throw you a party. Okay. Thank you. Carly. We'll get all the girls together and we will throw you an American party. Now that I know how to Throw one. Yeah, a little big town. They're so sweet. It, like, I officially passed my test in the summer. And so they, like, had, like, Lee Greenwood, like, singing as I walked into the room and had, like, a cake. And how cool. Like, Kimberly and Karen went to Target to buy all of the red, white, and blue things they could find on the road when they, I'm sure, had so many more important things to do. But they went to Target and, like, basically bought. That's so nice.

So nice. But yes, it's such a crazy. process to become a citizen of another country. It's a lot. It's a lot. I was going to take 30 minutes of this podcast to ask you questions about being American citizens. I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

I studied so hard. I made my whole band like quiz. Did you? And ask questions. The questions are like difficult. I don't think a lot of Americans would know. Yeah, that's true. That's so true.

Okay, this is what you said when I went on your website. I've learned to care a little less about what everybody thinks. which is how do you get there by caring a lot what people think that's a good answer and then it disappointing you wholeheartedly yeah and you realizing that that's not the best way to go yeah that's such a good point because i've been that's i was a while back not too long ago like really finding myself going down a slippery slope of caring what people thought yeah and i like to pride myself on not caring and I was trying to deny the fact that I was caring but I really was and that was you know something that I've just been really the whole thing that we were saying

earlier about perception versus reality is I I can care so much about my like you know followers or people that are invested and loyal to me and so because I do genuinely care about them. But I can't let that care get confused with running my life and what I do on social media or what I am doing with or who I'm, you know, being with or everything that I'm doing, I can't be doing for them. Yes. And they wouldn't want me to either. No, exactly. Because they, they are following you and listening to you and subscribing to this podcast because they love you for you. And they love the things that you say and that come out of your heart and brain. And the minute you try to be something else, you're not like staying true to what they started

following in the first place. And I will say like my whole battle with all of that was anytime I would do something for the sake of numbers or for the sake of this is going to engage really well. Or I need to do this to keep my engagement up or whatever. Then I felt like it was coming from a wrong place. And then I felt like I was doing things. That's what other people? I was like, I don't care if there's trolls. Right. And then I'm like, okay, what, what are you actually doing this for, Caitlin. Right. Because I don't want to be in that place. Like, well, and people will always, like, they're so courageous behind a keyboard. Yeah. They'll say whatever they want. And oftentimes they're saying things that they are really feeling in their life about themselves. Right. But they're too scared to confront themselves with that. So it's easier to like comment on someone's Instagram picture to somebody else. Oh, it's so true. And I know that. I just was like, uh, I would. But again, that's when I had to snap out of it and go. Okay. Use the tools in your toolbox. Right. Exactly. Now your toolbox has been like added to. Oh my gosh. It's so full. It's been fertilized. I honestly like even my girlfriends have already noticed just from like phone conversations with me. Amazing. The way I speak about things. It's crazy. I was also laughing because last time first of all when we podcast last it was like over two years ago. That's wild. But I was looking at our confessions. Oh gosh. I had confessed last time about my. my Venmo request to my trainer saying thanks for licking my butt instead of kicking my

butt. And I didn't notice for like a long time. And I looked back and I was like, oh my God, I said thanks for licking my butt. And then you confessed about tweeting to Dan and Shea, congrats on your dong instead of your song. So I was like, oh, I wonder if we have any, do you have a confession that you'd like to share with the class? Well, I guess the only people who saw this were the 18,000 people at Madison Square Garden. But other than and that nobody else saw this. So I guess what happened? So Hardy was playing Madison Square Garden and I happened to be in New York.

And so I went to go sing one beer. It was like awesome number one song that he sings with Lauren. And so I sang Lauren's part. And so like the thing with one beer is like if he has a guest, the guest like brings out a beer on stage. And so I was like, okay, I had my mic, my music. my beer and his beer and I'm like walking out on stage and then I give him his beer

all's good and so we're like we're like singing the song everything's good on stage Madison Square Garden and this is my first time on stage of Madison Square Garden by the way so it's like big moment oh yeah it's huge

walking down the catwalk oh no then then there's a like halfway through the song there's a part where like you basically like cheers and then you like take a sip of your beer and then you like throw the rest of the beer

out into the crap. It's like, it's a thing. It's a thing. Yeah. So I was like, okay, cool. I'm ready. Like singing. I cheers him.

And I wasn't holding my solo cup hard enough. And so I drop it. Oh, no. And it like spills on stage in front of 18,000 people. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Pick it up. Are you trying to sing at the same time? Yeah.

I'm like, I like ruined the bit. Like, this is also Hardy's, like, pretty sure first time played Madison Square Garden and I, like, spilled the beer on stage. Oh, shit. And so thankfully, because he's so sweet, he, like, poured some of his beer in mine. So I'd, like, have enough to cheers him, drink and then, like, throw the cup and draw audience. But I was so mortified. Oh, that's so. I mean, that could have been worse.

I thought you were going to say you're going down the catwalk. You, like, tripped, tumbled, spilled the beer all over yourself. Oh, my God. Well, I did. But it was, like, all over me and on stage. And, yeah, it was terrible. What is that feeling like being on stage at Madison Square Garden? Like, what is the feeling of opening for Shania Twain?

What does that feel? Like, how do you describe that feeling of like, holy shit, I did it? It's my favorite moment, like, when the lights go down. Yeah. And everybody's just like, ah! Yeah. You hear that, like, first rush of the crowd. Yeah.

It's just so magical. Like, thousands of people being under one roof being, like, sitting there like ready to be inspired and connecting over music like art like it's the reason why I got into this is to be able to like create art and help people feel inspired and like connect them to who they are too well you're doing it dude I mean one day at a time I think but you are you are doing it look what you've done and like I hope you I hope you do take moments for yourself to be like I'm doing it like and I'm doing it the way I want to do it now and I'm doing this for me and I'm working on that aspect a lot.

And I hope you know you can do anything. I truly do believe that. Yeah. I truly do believe that. That's such a good feeling. Yeah. That's and I'm telling you what, it takes hitting rock bottom to feel that. Because you come out of that and you go, I can do anything.

I feel that fully. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm proud of you. Thank you. And I just think you're inspiring. Even just this conversation will inspire so many people. I know.

We got deep. I love that. I kind of do too. I'm like so grateful to you for it. But I need to do your confession. I don't have one. You don't have one? Excuse me?

Isn't this like, I guess you must have to have confessions all the time. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah. But I really want to think because over the last two weeks, I know at least twice I thought that would be a great confession for my podcast. I should write it down. And I didn't. So let me think. Well, I'm not really embarrassed about this, but it's kind of funny. I thought my room at Hoffman, like nobody.

would be going in it because it's my room. Yeah. Didn't even think about cleaners coming in, but I like had sunny side up panties just sitting there with like period stains on them. And just like they came in to bring new towels and I was like, oh, that's awkward. But I don't really, I'm not really really embarrassed about that. I was like, I'm a woman who gets my period who cares like. Yeah, you have to think.

I always think like God bless housekeeping staff. Yeah. Who like have to deal with people's room. But I'm sure they see. like some weird shit. Oh, they probably didn't even blink an eye at my period panties. Like, they don't care. They probably were like, uh, whatever. They don't care. They've seen it all. Like dead from anything from dead bodies to like shit on the floor. I'm sure they've seen it. I am sure they. So I was like, I was embarrassed for a quick second. And then I was like,

but that isn't even one of the ones I was thinking about. I'm, I'm going to have to think because I know two happen that were really good. I did get probed this morning at the gynecologist. And I can't, I don't know what it is, but I cannot relax when someone. something's up there. I mean, unless it's a beak, but. But like, there is one exception to that rule. But, like, if it's like a foreign object or like a doctor's fingers, like, I'm like, get out of here.

And I, I, like, close up. And she was not very nice. Like, she was like, all right. Can you relax? And I was like, no, I can't. And it was super. You knew gynaecologist. Yeah.

The one I usually have is quite lovely. I think this was just the ultrasound technology. Got it. By the way, people are going to be like, she's pregnant. Yeah, it's like, I got an ultrasound because I think I have PCOS. That's why I was getting probed. But I don't know, there's just something always uncomfortable. Like, they dim the lights too because it's, right, it's for the screens.

But I'm like, are you really dimming the lights and like putting lube on this wand to shove it up there? And then I'm like, so, how's your day? Yeah, yeah, you're just randomly casually having conversation. Yeah. I had an IUD put in years ago. Yeah. I ended up getting it out because it was, it was a painful. It was, it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

And nobody warned me. I mean, I went into the appointment thinking it was just going to be like having a pap or something. Yeah. Be like, okay, routine, whatever. Yeah. When they like stuck that thing, I remember holding the nurse's hands being like, yeah, yeah. And she's like, I know.

It's worse than childbirth. She's like, I've had three children and she's like getting an IUDE is worse than childbirth. And I was like, what? Holy shit. Like, anyways, it was terrible. It was so bad. Oh, like worst pain that I've ever experienced. Yeah.

I've never had an IUD, but I've heard. But I already get, like, when I was in Hawaii, I was on the floor of 1.30 in the morning, I was on the floor of my bathroom screaming, no, because I was in so much pain from cramps. Like, I get it so bad. Yeah. Like, I literally was like, this. This is probably what childbirth feels like. Yeah.

Like, that's how bad it was. I was blacking out, almost throwing out for the pain. That's why I need to figure this shit out. I'm like, not only am I fucking in so much pain, I'm also having male pattern hair growth on like cyburns in my chest. So like, can we figure this out? Hey, I've had like unbalanced hormones for the past, I don't know, a few years. Yeah.

It's so. And it just gets worse with age, just so you know. Great. Yeah. Lovely. Yeah, I've had like, I'm four years older than you. And I swear to God, I have a. full beard.

Okay, well, I have, like, acne like I was a 13-year-old girl. And I'm like, look, I thought this was supposed to get better later. I had the worst happening in my life at 33. It was, it's awful. I had to go medication for it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, like, almost at that point, like, deep cystic acne.

Yeah. And I'm like, I am not a 13-year-old girl anymore. No, it's called hormones and they fuck you up. And they don't stop because then you got to go through like menopause and all that shit, too. God, bless, I know. Okay, let's stop. Yeah, wow. We've really gone like great.

What else can we cover on here? I know. I'm talking about shit in your pants or what? Okay, tell us where we can see you opening for Shania, where we can find tour dates. Okay, yes. So I will be releasing new music. I will have new music out in March. Wait, stop.

I want to talk about that for a quick second. You have new music coming out in March. Yeah. I really want a new music out around the tour. Yes. And so I've been writing really, really, really, And, yeah, I'll have at least, like, one song up by March and then more music to come later this year. Okay.

And so you'll be performing some of your new music when you open. I sure well. Our first date with Chenaya is April 28th. And that'll be here like tomorrow. Okay. Yeah, it's going to be here so fast. Yeah. Holy.

And then is there like a website where people can see the dates and cities and stuff that you're going to be? Yeah. Like just my website, Lindsay L.com or like Instagram or whatever. What is your Instagram? I mean, I follow you, but I don't want your handle. It's just at Lindsay. Oh, perfect. Lindsay with an A, E-L-L-L.

Nice and easy. Lindsay with an A, E-L-O. Well, thank you for sharing and being open and for sharing your gift of your voice with everyone. And I'm so excited for you. Shania Twain, whatever. Let's go, girls. It's going to be crazy. If you want to come, let me know.

I'm coming. Okay. I'm there. If I can just like say, let's go girls with Shania Twain, I'm not kidding you. Okay, here's something funny. In my brain when I was 20, 7. 28. No, it's 28. I said, I will sing Turned Down for What was Little John at some point in my life. Everyone in my life knew that that song hyped me up to the next level. I would like do splits on the bar in Edmonton and like do shots of tequila.

And I'm not kidding. Within six months, I found myself at a party in L.A. with Lil John as the DJ. And I have a video of me and him going, Turned Down for what? And I just made it happen. Okay. Ultimate Manifestor. I will do, I can do anything. Okay. You know what? Next year, see you on tour. I'll be with Shania Dway. Okay. Love it. No, I'm so excited for you. Shania. But I can't.

2024, maybe. Just a few Canadian little bitches touring the world. Just hanging out. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm so excited. Thanks so much for putting that out in the universe with me. Great.

The ultimate manifestor, Caitlin Bristow. You know what? I really am. I love it. I'm Caitlin Bristow. your session is now ending. Thanks for joining us for this week's great therapy. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow on your favorite podcast platform.

And tune in Thursday for your next session. Okay, when you've got a lot going on, it can be really hard to find time or motivation for a workout. I know I've been there a million times before, but Peloton has really motivated me to get it in. however and whenever I can. You guys already know how I feel about Peloton. It's my fave. So I've had their bike for a while now, take classes on the app.

But the Peloton row brand new to me. I went to their showroom in Nashville. I need to get this rower immediately. I should have asked for it for Christmas. Maybe I'll just get it myself. Merry Christmas, Caitlin. You guys, I'm serious when I say I actually had fun working out

and feel like I got in a brand new type of workout for me, just full body. Peloton is bringing motivation and energy to rowing like never before with a variety of rowing workouts on and off the row and all new world class instructors who will help you get in a great workout while having fun, no matter what your experience level is.

And rowing is no joke. You can work on 86% of your muscles in only 15 minutes and get all your cardio and strength in one shot. The technology was really cool when I tried it in the showroom. It helped me get into it the right way and they have this form assist while working out.

So it's like a breakdown of what you're doing right and wrong and it'll help give you the proper form and the breakdown is at the end so you can go even harder next time. Right now is the perfect time to get rowing with Peloton Row and we can promise you've never rowed like this before. Peloton Row offers a variety of classes for all levels and game changing features that will help you get rowing or advance what you already can do. Explore Peloton Row and financing options at onepellaton.com slash row.