Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: The Awko-Taco Bachelorette Recap with Elyse Myers

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

Elyse Myers, best known as the girl who paid for 100 tacos on the most awkward first date ever and who also makes hilarious videos of her husband “not watching” The Bachelorette, joins Kaitlyn to recap this week’s episode of Michelle’s season! But before they get to that, they dive into how the hell the taco situation came to be, how she got out alive, how she gets herself in all of these ridiculous situations, and how she met her husband at the meat counter and immediately knew he was “the one” because he was dressed in “house clothes”. Then they jump into discussing the absolute mess that is Jamie on this week’s episode of The Bachelorette, including how he thought if he closed his eyes nobody could see him. Elyse’s husband has some final words for Peter and it’s all wrapped up with a “1” to “Taco” rating on some vino-submitted awkward moments. You can find Elyse Myers on IG @elyse_myers and on TikTok at @elysemyers CHINET - Chinet Brand makes premium disposable tableware for all of life’s gatherings. Visit mychinet.com to find out more. CANVA - Design like a pro with Canva Pro! Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you use my promo code! Just got to canva.me/VINE to get your FREE 45-day extended trial. AWAY - Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials at awaytravel.com/vine. GEICO - Go to geico.com, get a quote, and see how much you could save. It’s GEICO-easy! LEE FIORI - Create your everyday fine jewelry collection, from dainty to bold. Visit LeeFiori.com/vine and use promo code VINE15 to save 15% on all orders. ROTHY’S - Right now, you can get $20 off your first purchase at rothys.com/VINE. Head to rothys.com/VINE to find your new favorites today! OXICLEAN - Work your magic with Oxiclean White Revive! Visit myoxiclean.com for cleaning tips and tricks. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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slash vine to get your free 45-day extended trial. Away, start your 100-day trial and shop the entire away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases at awaytravel.com slash vine. Geico, go to Geico.com, get a quote and see how much you could save. It's GEICO easy. Visit guyco.com today. That's GEICO.com. Lee Fiore. Create your everyday fine jewelry collection from dainty to bold. Visit Leefiori.com slash vine and use the promo code Vine 15 to save 15% on all orders. Rothies right now, you can get $20 off your first purchase at Rothes.com slash vine. Head to rothies.com slash vine to find your new favorites today.

And oxyclean. Work your magic with oxyclean white revive. Just visit myoxyclean.com for cleaning tips and tricks. All right, quick minute to talk about something that's actually downstairs in the kitchen right now. You've heard me talk about it before, and that's Chinat brand, and it's something that is always necessary to have on hand, especially when you find yourself hosting. Chinette brand is a people-focused brand that provides premium disposable tableware and pretty much everything you need when you're getting together with your friends, family, co-workers, you name it. Anytime we're gathering food and drinks are a big part of the picture, and it's convenient to have their durable plates, cups, napkins, and table covers,

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and durable enough to handle all the delicious food while you're entertaining. Got to check it out. You can visit MyChinette.com to find out more. Podcast One presents Off the Vine, Great Therapy. Caitlin Bristow's going to answer your questions, drink to your confessions, and hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more. here's Caitlin.

Welcome to Grape Therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now starting. I feel honestly honored and privileged to have done this week's recap with the gal that married the not taco guy, Elise Myers, who has totally blown up on TikTok with her hilarious videos, especially the ones poking fun of, you know, all of our boyfriends, partners, fiance's, husbands who are definitely not watching every single episode of The Bachelor from behind the couch.

if you've seen this TikTok, you know what I'm talking about. She is so funny. She's also so sweet. And she shares about her ADHD and becoming fixated on certain tasks or projects, which for her currently is making Google Docs, which overall led her to her obsession with making closet TikToks. She used to hide away from her husband to do them. All about the hilarious and awkward moments that she gets herself into living what she

refers to as an odd existence among others. We have reciprocated fan girl moments we both receive. And then we hash out this week's Bachelet episode and ditch the dirty laundry of Peter and Jamie that we do not receive. We talk in depth about sweating, anxiety, badees, a good cry, tacos, approximately 100 tacos, and Elisa's ability to control time. You're going to see what I'm talking about once you hear this episode. It's so good, you guys. So enjoy my conversation with Elise. Don't judge me.

for what I look like right now. I'm so, oh my gosh, your face. What a vision. No, I was saying to my producer, I was like, I'm so embarrassed to get on this Zoom right now because I had the most, first of all, I'm putting my nails done like a little boozy bitch over here. Yeah. Because you just got to kill two birds with one stone sometimes. Yeah. I had one of the most epic meltdowns of my life last night.

It was- Tell me all about it. It was really therapeutic. and one of my best friends was here and saw it all happen. My fiancé saw it happen. And they were both like almost in shock at just how rock bottom I hit. And I've never felt better today because sometimes you just have to like have that meltdown and then like turn the beat around. It's like emotional constipation.

All of a sudden you just feel so much better. Exactly right. It was a buildup. I was so overwhelmed with so many things I had going on and then I just let it all out. And now I'm like, okay, let's go. Let's do the damn thing. Dude, are you feeling, you're feeling better today? You're wearing your snuggie sweater.

It's like, I just, I feel great. Yeah, I've got a little warm hug on a cold day in here, get my nails done. And yeah, I feel much better. But my eyes are so, look at how swollen my eyes are from crying. Like, they look like little sausages on top of my eyeballs. And you can't see it on the computer, but I'm sure you can see it in real life, but it's not translating through the FaceTime camera. So you're good.

I'm glad. I'm not even in my office. I'm just, I'm just really. you know what i'm showing up authentically me today and i feel like you're the appropriate guest to do that with honestly i bought a ringlight at walmart for this entire conversation so i you're more authentically you than i am at this moment you look so sweet and i'm so excited to talk to you i don't even know how much of a recap of the bachelorette we're going to get in here because i just have so many questions for you all the vinos who listen to this podcast literally shit their pants when

they found out you were coming on the podcast and like oh my gosh everyone sent in a million questions and i like like you are just so good you're so funny you're so like you're just blowing up right now and i just um need to know how like what happened in the past few months for you did you see this coming no oh my gosh no i so i just had a son and he's his name's august he's like nine months old and i like oh my gosh i love him and so i started making videos because I have terrible ADHD, so I always like hyper fix it on one thing. It's like, it's that thing and it's the only thing for like a few months. And then it's like, all right, on to the next thing. I've mastered that. And so I started with like TikTok and was like, I'm just going to make a few videos. And I literally would like go in another room quietly like so that my husband wouldn't see me. So I'm like, I am so embarrassed to be making these TikToks right now. Like I was like, he cannot know. And so that's why I started waking up and doing coffee talk at like four in the morning because I was like, it's the only time anyone's not going to see me. And then all of a sudden, just people started watching it. And then they found the video of August saying, Mama, for the first time.

And that's, like, the thing that kind of catapulted that. And then, and then all the taco story just blew everyone's feet up. And then now we're here. I've never in a million years. You're like, if I was going to blow up for something, I would come up with a better story than a hundred of those. Or people that think I was lying. And I'm like, do you think I would make up a story that made me look like an absolute idiot? Like, no, I would, I would, like, make it me doing something that made me look incredible, like a hero.

Right. Okay, wait, were you ever into stand-up comedy or have you? No. Okay, so that's the thing. It's like, I feel like comedians will tell like embarrassing stories. Like it's a bit, but you're just a bit. That wasn't a bit. It was like an actual thing that happened. And for people who don't know what happened on this taco date that made everybody that made like the TikTok went viral. My, my girlfriend, Kate, who's doing my nails, she was like when we were discussing this podcast, she's like, oh, I know that girl. So what happened? First of all, hi, Kate. Second of all. So what happened? So I was 18 and I was like fresh out of high school and I started dating online. And like this was not when like online dating was a thing. So it wasn't like I could just tell someone like, hey, I'm going to meet somebody.

And then it was like, cool. I was like ashamed that I was having to find someone on basically Craigslist. And so I like, that's like how it fell. I'm like, okay. So I went on. this date and this guy is just a real creep like walks up to my car i'm like still trying to like suss out whether this is like the person that i even was talking to and he's like on my window and he's like hey i lost my car my car keys can i you know go in your car like yeah sure sounds

great and i'm just thinking like what are you doing but i just am so like confrontation is zero out of 10 tacos like not my skills in any way and so i like take him and then he like orders 100 tacos at Taco Bell and then I he has me pay for them and I'm like yep this feels right this is the only natural way to end this day is by me paying for his tacos so then we eat them at his house and his dad just is looming over us eating tacos with us it's it was perfect oh and then he asked me to go to see his studio and um I was like no that was and I was like this is either I'm going to like die or yeah okay I draw the line at the studio like sorry. And so I just, like, I didn't look at anyone's face. I was just, like, shoveling

tacos, like shoveling them. And if you saw, there was a video I posted that got taken down, actually, but it was a video of me ordering 100 tacos from Taco Bell now. And my whole car was full of them to show representation of like, this is how many tacos I carried out of this man's house. And anyways, I walked out with them and they didn't get tacos. And I was like, bye, bitch. These are my tacos. Why did they take that video down? They just didn't like the way the tacos were presented. So they just... Taco Bell needs to send you like a hundred tacos to do a photo shoot and pay you for it.

Yes, they do. I agree. I receive it. Taco Bell, I receive it. That is literally the perfect brand partnership you could ever have right now because it's so funny, you're probably so sick of talking about Taco Man and like answering questions about tacos, but that's literally what everybody wanted to know. And it's just, it's so funny.

And, Kay, has he responded? I saw something like that there was a response. No, you haven't heard from Taco Man. No, I think he's in jail, probably. I would assume, like, him and his dad are somewhere in prison. But there was a guy that created a Taco Guy account. And it was really funny. The first one, I was like, okay, cool.

Like, he's giving his perspective. And then he just, every video was, like, the Taco Guy responds to couch guy. The Taco Guy responds to, like, every trend. And I was like, okay, like, I get it. so I just had to like part ways with that but no he has not reached out that I actually would believe that he might be in jail if he hasn't responded because like you went viral you would think that he would want something to do with that if he couldn't like afford 100 tacos but ordered them anyways you would think he'd like want some sort of like fame yeah yeah he's for sure in some prison so probably

in another state because he just like hopped states just taco taco dating people I mean I still have so many questions like why a hundred tacos but i'm not going to go there so um okay there's so many things that happened to you like all the the eating spaghetti at your dad's house filling on the floor the reason you eat out of bowls dressing up for nerd day the mat a mascot costume for your senior year meet your husband family having allergic reaction like you you got you hung up on ryan seacrest like what kind of bad what do you have what is happening over there i okay so people think I'm making these up and I wouldn't sleep at night if I made these up like Caitlin I literally would like lie awake and being like I feel like a horrible person like I would never

sleep so I think I just like have been delving so deep like into these like memories that all these are just now like surfacing and I'm like I'm just going to tell all of them like everyone likes listening to them so I'm just going to so I like made this Google Doc of just this long list of like my category like elementary school junior high high school and I'm like as stories come i throw them on that google doc and like i'll just keep telling them until i don't have stories anymore like i love that you have a google doc for this that is i mean google docs are my ADHD fixation right now it's like i just put it on a google doc that's well it's smart because it's working for you and you need to remember all these stories and i'm so glad you do you need to write a book about all these like a coffee

table book that people can just like open up and like laugh at like a random story yeah you write a No. That's, it's so funny because it's like, I do feel like there's certain people that things just happen to. Like, it's not like all, it's not bad things that are happened to you. It's just funny things that are happening to you that you are able to turn into TikToks and we're all here for it. So tell me. So you, you blew up on TikTok. All of a sudden, Ryan Seacrest wants to talk to you.

Yeah. But like, how did that happen? So I, so I finally, after everyone I've been flooding my internet. inbox. I signed with a manager because I was like, I feel so overwhelmed. Like, I cannot do this. And so she worked with Ryan Secrets for like a very, very long time. So they, she reached out to them because I, some like show in Canada. It was Kiss FM in Canada. It was like, do you want to be on my show? So she's like, Kiss FM in Canada is talking to her. Do you want to talk to her? And he's like, yeah. So they like wanted to chat with me. And then they did that whole like call at this time.

And then I was like, what time do I call in? And they're like just a little bit early. And I called two. early and then I thought I was on live air and I wasn't on live air so I just hung up it was a whole thing and then I was like legitimately Jonas my husband was watching me through the window like window of our living room with our son and I am like freaking out I'm looking like he can see me like holding the steering wheel like does anyone hear what's going on right now like Darcy is catching her husband cheating and like they think I'm Darcy like I just was losing my mind and so Then I hung up and I found out it was all just happening in my ears and no one else could hear me. No one told you that.

That's like, you know, I remember the first time I ever did a radio show, they told me. And I remember thinking, thank God they told me otherwise I would have started talking thinking I was in on that conversation. Like I'm sure that happens a lot. So somebody should have said that wasn't on you. Did you see the producer found me and made a TikTok on her account? No. So she found, so I said, and I'm so thankful I talked so, like, well of her because she was a great girl. And I was like, this girl is super happy to be alive.

So then the girl commented and she's like, happy to be a live girl here. And then so she told her side of the story, duetting my story. And she was like making me feel better because I just was like, that was atrocious. Like that was the worst thing that's ever happened on live air. And she just was making me feel better about it. And like that video blew up for her. And I was really happy. And I was like, yes, we're doing it.

Oh my gosh. I love that. All right. So making content is a very essential part of what I do to keep this show on the road and promote my other brands. Some may even call me a content creator, okay, but that's not always easy creating content, especially when you're putting out as much content as I am between the pods, State and Sparrows, do edit, The Bachelor. Scal's got a lot going on over on the old gram.

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home. Go to geico.com, get a quote, and see how much you could save. It's Geicoeasy. Visit geico.com today. That's guyco.com. Now back to Off the Vine Grape Therapy. Okay, I have non-taco-related questions from listeners, which is probably a nice break for you. So Kay Jolie asks, as Taylor Swift liked her Wildest Dreams Post yet, it's hands down the best cover I've seen, he has the voice of an angel. That's so nice. From what I know, I don't think she's seen it. But Taylor Swift is very aloof on social media. So I would imagine she'll find it in like seven years and then be like, this is the best thing I've ever heard and then create an entirely new album of just

Acapella Music. And I'll be like, that's great. I would love to listen to all of that. And then maybe at that time, like, you know, people blow up and then sometimes they have to have a little fall from Grace and then she'll pick you back up again for a round. Just on her back. We're just like hiking up a mountain together right in an album. It'll be great. And then we'll go off in the woods together and record it and come back. exactly that's i see that happening in your future if that's going to happen to anyone i feel like it's going to happen to you you know i see it it's okay i receive it too for you um hey jolly also ask how do you get over the anxiety of putting yourself out there and making content you've talked

or joked about your anxiety and i'm wondering if you've done anything to help overcome the fear of posting online for potentially millions of people to see yeah yeah so honestly it it's not as big of like a fear because I'm only talking to like a phone like so this nervous but this like on my phone no not nervous first of all I'm talking to my literal idol right now so I don't think you actually yeah no I don't I'm I'm like I came in I was like please don't fan girl at least what it's happening so okay so I have been up since 4 o'clock I've had my shirt ironed since 430 I like couldn't eat my oatmeal this morning my husband took my dog and our baby to another house so that it wasn't loud in here.

And I'm screaming in his office downstairs in the basement. So let me just collect my breath. Wait, I'm obsessed with you. This is like, the feeling is mutual. I was fan-girling over you. And when I saw it, the follow-back button, I was like, oh. Girl, oh my gosh. You just, I, okay, so all of that to say,

this is way more intense than, like, recording to my phone, like, in the morning. But once I saw, like, people respond so well, and especially people that were like, I have had anxiety my whole life or I have an ADD my whole life. And like, I've never heard anyone put words around experiences the way that I experienced them. That was like really powerful for me. And I just started seeing people respond so well. So I was like, well, I'm not going to stop now. Like, this is so cool.

If I can help people feel a little bit better about their just like very odd existence like through life, it's like, yeah, let's do it. That's so I feel the same way. Like even during my mid meltdown, I was like, I should put this on social media. Yeah. And it's so funny because, you know, so many people don't do that. And if I do, like, if I ever have a meltdown and talk about it, people are like, oh, you're just looking for attention. I'm like, no, no. When I'm like posting my filtered photos and trying to be perfect, that's me looking for attention. Okay. That's when I want all the likes. Thank you. When I'm like rock bottom, I'm literally doing it so that other people don't feel alone and I'm not looking for attention. In fact, I'll probably turn my phone off after that and put it away for a couple. Just chuck it into a river somewhere. I don't want it. I'll get a new one. I don't want it. I don't want to. I don't want to. Yeah, I totally get that. Yeah, no, it's so funny because, I mean, that's the beauty of social media is, I mean, there's a lot of ugly to social media, but the beauty of it is finding people that are so relatable and making you feel less alone. And like, it is, it is really cool. And you are definitely that person. So many people are just like, like, I look forward to your videos because this morning. In fact, when I woke up from my meltdown sleep, which is also the best sleep, after you have.

a meltdown. Oh, gosh. It's the best. What a refresh to the day. I wake up. I get my nails done. I already feel better. And I get to talk to the least today. And it's just like, yeah, it just turns my day around. Okay. Another question from Brittany Nicole. She says, please just ask if she's taking any friend applications at this time. I think she is my friend slash soulmate. And I swear I'm not creepy. I bet you get a lot of people being like, can we be friends? I have never seen so many people want to be my friend. I, like, I am the type of person that I have maybe one or two, like, really good friends, and that's pretty much it. I have probably thousands. I, like, need to hire someone to go through my Instagram messages because I'm like, it's too much. I'm like, I just want to delete the

whole app because people are like, I just can, like, this is my best friend application. I had a girl make a PowerPoint. She made a PowerPoint, and I, like, watched it on my computer because I was like, yeah, yeah, we'll be friends. She made a PowerPoint. person I can be friends with a PowerPoint presentation speaking the first point was I'm a real human being oh and I was like that's it that's all I needed that sounds great check she should have put like you know in those online like you're filling something out and they're like are you a robot and they make you like pick out the cross-ca yeah yeah yeah she was like if you could just fill this out that would be great thank you get it back to me in five to seven business days we'll be friends

like yeah love that for us wait are you the person that I do this when you see like when they're like pick out the crosswalk to say you're not a robot I am so scared I am this much of like a stop sign in the corner you're like what is a stop sign anyways like I start being like is the government going to think I am a robot if I miss that one square are they testing me and I just don't know someone did you hear that thing where someone's like they do that so that robot like artificial intelligence knows what stop signs are and aren't and I'm like then why are they asking us if they know the answer though like if I get it wrong. I cannot proceed. They know the answer.

I don't understand. Do you like this color I went like? Oh, I really like it. Are those your real nails or are those acrylic? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. My real nails are like, I don't even know how you would expect them. They look like. No, they're worse than that.

That's my, my nails are about half the size of that because I chew the shit out of them. Oh, yes. Yes. Is it like out of anxiety? Yes. Yes, I pick too. I like to pick all this, oh, a blood everywhere. It's horrible.

It's like, my fucking bloodbath. My husband's like, are you nervous? And I'm like, yeah, you betcha. Yep. Look at the hands. Yeah, I do that too. And having nails on like this actually helps me not do that. That's really smart.

Yeah. So now I look like I've got my shit together when I really don't. It's like makeup for your hands. It's makeup for your hands. That's exactly what it is. How do you type? That's like the only thing I've never understood. Well, type.

Actually, it is a problem. But the thing that's the most concerning and difficult to me is wiping your butt. Ooh, that would, that would be hard. Yeah. It's like you got to, like you got to do this, this number. Yeah, yeah, that's what, I try and keep them at a reasonable length, but I always think that way it was like Kim Kardashian or the Cardassian. I was just thinking that.

They put their butt with those nails. They pay someone to do it. They pay some, duh. They have a, they got, they got that money, money. Yeah, they have those fancy toilets that wash your butt and then they have someone dry it for them. Have you ever used a potato? yes oh my gosh do you like them or no big fan actually okay ordered one ordered one online actually

have yet to set it up but it's in my bathroom in a box but i've got to set it up i've asked him two a million times really i can do it myself i just it seems pretty simple i went to bolly on the bachelor so many years ago and they had one in that uh you remember that oh yeah girl i i i when i tell you that You, it's, it's, yeah. I even forget sometimes. Okay, so we were in Bali, and I was with my producer, and she had the room next to me, and I was, there was telephones on the wall with the, what is it called, a bidet? Biday, yeah. Yeah.

And I was like, let's go on the phone and on the count of three, do it for the first time, and we'll see. It's a shock. It's definitely a shock. And we were like, three, two, one. And I fell in love with it, ever since that. that because it's scary it's like weird watershoot up there are you a fan no so i but only because it happened when i didn't expect it so that's a whole different experience so you need to throw this in the google dock and tick to talk about it okay you're right you're right i will do this i will do this

the exclusive on off the vine tell us it was a season where i lived in texas and this like beautiful woman the saint of a woman let me live in her house in like her spare bedroom while i was going to school and like all of her her toilets had a bidet on them and it automatically like goes when you like flush the toilet so i didn't know that so i like flushed the toilet and it just like all all all all of it and i was like no no thank you so i got up and then the water was squirting out me and then it hit my face and i was like no no and like it just that toilet violated me so it's like i can't you know okay so you yeah you had a traumatic experience yeah it's like no i'm okay i get it i'm okay i get it I'm okay. That's okay.

Yeah. You understand the concept. You know why people would like it, but not for you. Just all good old TP. It's all good. I'm okay. No, people like that. Yeah. That's so funny. Oh, my God. Yeah, I get it. That's, that's, it's a scary thing if you're not expecting it. I had to count down. I had to like mentally prepare myself for it.

And then the smallest little bit of warm water. You're like, three, two, one. And then I screamed at the top of my lungs and then I was like, I really enjoyed that. I love that so much. Does your husband just think you're hilarious? Is he funny, too? Like, what? Yeah. So my husband thinks, obviously, thinks I'm funny.

Not obviously. He thinks I'm funny, but we, like, we don't, we get each other going in a different way where he'll, he's so deadpan. Like, I'm deadpan in my videos, but I'm also, like, very expressive. He is a solid five on the emotion scale, like, all the time. I'm a 10 and a 1. There's, like, no in between, you know, and it's, like, very fast. Yeah.

And he, and I always ask, like, are you okay? And he's like, I'm just pacing myself. And I'm like, for what? Like, this is the moment that you should be spending energy. And so it's different. We don't like, rile each other up because he's just pacing himself for something. I don't know what he's facing himself for. But it's for something.

And he's saving it for something. Yeah. And then how did you guys meet? So we met, we were going to the same school in Australia. So we went to the same school, different campuses. and we met in a grocery store. So I was buying food near his house and he had a party and went to the store

to get stuff for pasta salad. So we met at the meat counter and I was holding like a pound of roast beef that I ate in one sitting in a bunch of keshos. And he was getting pasta salad stuff in house clothes. And I knew I was in love with this dude because he wore his house clothes to the store. And I was like, yeah, that's it.

That's the one. Close. Clothes, you know, the clothes when you get home and you change out of your like outside clothes into the clothes where you're like, yeah, these are my comfortable house clothes. Oh, like PJs almost. Yeah, yeah. It's like PJs, but you're like, you could sleep in them or you could also like go to the store. It's like the soccer shorts and the

sweatshirt or like not like a flannel button. I always dress unless I have like somewhere fancy to be. I'm always in clothes. That same here. This is my nicest shirt. You are getting my nicest shirt and it's from Target. So. No, you know what I actually think I have? Is it a set? No, but it looks just like the pajamas. So I could make it my pajamas, too.

I have it in white because I was like, this is the coolest shirt I've ever seen. I'm getting it in every color they have. Target's one of my favorite places to shop for clothes because they actually have good stuff. Yeah. And then sometimes they don't. But most of the time they do.

95% the time they do and 5% no, nothing. But then you spend like $800 on everything else anyway. Yeah, like plants. Like I'm like, I have so many fake plants I don't eat anymore. And you're like, but this one is in a different pot. So we'll see. if I need it anywhere. That is me to a tea. I always think I need a new throw pillow and it's my like a new throw blanket. It's like yeah, I need that. I'm using it. It's so cold down here. I'm in

the basement. Oh my gosh. You were hilarious. Okay. You knew he was the one at the meat counter when he was wearing house clothes. That's very romantic. How long have you guys been together? We've been married like four years now, I think. So together like five and a half. So not super long, but long enough to be like, this is good. I like this. Yeah. I don't have to know you want to have a baby with him. Yeah. I'm like, we can make another small person. I'm okay with that.

I can't wait to see what his personality is when like... Do you mean August? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he like, he has got so we, so 95% of the time we call him August, but whenever he's like being really like, wow, something is wrong.

We call him Gus. It's like his alternate like, we call him grumpy Gus. And I'm like, please don't be Gus right now. Jonas is gone. I'm really tired. Please don't be Gus. But most of the time, his little Aggie personality is just so, he's so tender and sweet. Like, you can just tell he's going to be like a band geek or something, you know? I'm like, man, after my own heart. I love band geeks more. That's what I pray for my unborn child is that they are a band geek.

Just, it's going to happen. I just believe it. Yeah. I received that for you. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I receive it. So what's funny? I don't know. Do you, like, do you ever say that? Or are you saying that because I say it? I say it because you say it. Okay, good. Well, not good, but I want you to keep saying it. Because, like, it's so fun when people, like, compliment me or don't compliment me and do the opposite of that. I can just say, like, I don't receive that. And, like, I genuinely mean it. Like, someone the other day was, like, just, like, dragging me in the comments. And I don't care about any of that. Because I'm like, whatever you have to say about me, I've said so much worse about me. And it's embarrassing. So it's like, it's all good.

like you would be shocked at what I can say about myself but like but like because you go through all of that like when somebody like drags you in the comments you're just like I don't receive it and then you just like walk away it's like really powerful using that or if someone's like you look really beautiful today you can be like I receive that and it literally in it like in your mind it it's like you are taking it and you're you're taking it like basically it's really cool I am definitely using that because there's a lot of messages I don't want to receive and yeah just going to not receive them anymore yeah And sometimes you accidentally read them when you don't mean to.

So then if you accidentally read it, you can just be like, I don't receive it. And then you'll like physically receive it, but then mentally not receive it. I don't receive it. And say it out loud, even if no one's around, you'd be like, I don't receive that. Because like your brain hears that. And it's like, okay, we don't receive that. I really like that. That was simple.

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No, I'm a web developer, so I write code. Okay, that's what I thought, but then I watched a TikTok where you were talking about, did you used to be a barista? Yeah, I was a brista for a long time in Sydney and then when I moved back to the States. And do you think I'm a psychopath because I drink coffee black? No, I love a good black coffee. if it's like a cold brew or a nitro, I just also want to be able to put cream in my coffee. And there are some, like, people that really, I had a guy walk out on me on a first day

because I ordered a cold brew with cream. He just, like, didn't even get through, like, paying. He was like, I've seen what I needed to see. I'm good. And, like, just walked away. And I was like, okay, this, yeah, that wasn't good. Oh. Yeah.

I can only assume it was the coffee with cream because nothing else had happened to that point. So as soon as I said cream, he was like, I was like, I mean it. No cream. I mean it. Wow. I mean, that's someone you don't want to finish a date with anyways. No. I'm like, if that's what tipped you off, I don't even want to wait. And I don't want to hear what you like think about anything else. No. No. I sold out sugar. Oh my God. Imagine I like ordered a like cookie on the side. No, no, no, no. I don't even want to go murder somebody. Like, no, thank you. There would have been a crime scene. I would. For sure. For sure. Um, okay, so tell me about your husband who pretends to watch The Bachelor. Let's talk about this week's. Did, who is his favorite person and yours on Michelle's season right now? Okay. Okay. So, well, first off, obviously, we love Joe. Joe is great. We love Joe. We love Joe. But Clayton is like, so Clayton

reminds me a lot of Jonas. And, like, they're both from, yeah, there's a lot of guys from the Midwest right now on this season. And, like, Midwest guys are just, like, built different. Like, I'm married to a Midwest man. I'm like, I get it. Like, they're good, good people. They don't make them like that. No. And so, and so Clayton reminds me a little bit of that. So when I watch him and Michelle interact, it just feels so comfortable.

Like, they just seem like they're already almost a couple. So I'm like, that warms my heart. He's kind of like a crowd favorite in our home too. Yeah, he's a big sweetie. He really is. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah.

I mean, I feel like they're not showing even as much as they should with him because he really got to see a lot of that. Yeah. And he's just really. a stand-up, stand-up guy, which rumor has it. I can't confirm or deny that he's the next bachelor. So maybe we will see more of that. I have not seen any of that. And I'm on all the Reddit. I'm just like, give me all of the information. Really? Oh my gosh. I stay the hell away from Reddit. But do you? Well, as a bachelor person, I believe it. If I was ever on, had a whole sub-thread about me,

I'd be like, no, that's okay. I don't, that's none of my business. Yeah, no, I don't even go down that hole. But I'm sure there's lots of good information on there, which I will hear through other people. But if it's a threat about me, I don't want to see it. It's scarce. That would be scary. Honestly, to be a lead or to be on the show in any way, it's like you just open yourself up to this world of hatred. It's like, like, as many people that love you, I feel like more are just like want

to shit on you in every way. Yes, they really do. And it's, it's sometimes funny. I always say that it depends on what time of the month it is for me. Sometimes I'm like, I'm not worthy of being on television. and I am not good enough. And then two days later, I'm fine. But that's when you just break out the, don't receive that, sorry.

Honestly, Jason's going to get really sick of me saying that because. It's okay. No, he'll just start saying it. Well, he's just going to be like, hey, do you want to do this tonight? I'd be like, I do not receive that. I don't receive that. Yeah. When Jonas is like, I'm like, you want to go this place?

He's like, I'm tired. I'm like, I don't receive that. Yeah, he doesn't work that way. Just abusing that phrase. What do you guys think about Peter? The whole Peter situation, he's such a duture. Okay, wait. So I wrote this down that Jonas said about the episode, and I laughed so hard.

Can I talk about the end of it, or is that okay? Yeah, so when Peter got sent home, Jonas just said, buy pizza Peter, have a nice slice. And I just laughed so much. Have a nice slice. That's good. He's the piece of prenuir, right? That's the pizza guy. Oh, bye pizza, Peter.

Have a nice slice. I just, I laughed. And I also, also I was like a glass and a half into your cab. And so I was like, already just everything was so funny to me. But that sent me. I was like, that's it. We're done. That's really good.

I actually like want to clap for him for that, for that level. Okay, what else happened in this episode? Oh, what do you think about Rodney? Oh my gosh. Okay, wait, I have notes because that was a hell of an episode. Rodney. Okay, so I'm not going to lie to you. When he came up on the screen, I was like, I feel like I went to high school with a guy named Rodney. And Jonas was like, everyone went to high school with a guy named Rodney. Then I was like, you're right. We did. He just, I didn't expect him to have such a good connection with Michelle. I don't, I don't mean to be rude. I just thought he was going home. When he brought a suitcase, I was like, this is it. Like, this is the last time we're going to see Rodney. Totally. I felt like they, I felt like the, I felt like the, producers wanted people to think that because seeing a man on The Bachelorette drag his suitcase and have high hopes is usually a sure sign that's going home right off the cliff yeah it's like there's no hope for this person he might as well say bye now right and so yeah they do he is so funny and so like

there's so many different sides to Rodney he is hilarious and so like sweet and so deep and like he's just got his ass too and I got to got to see his ass cheek. On a scale from 1 to 10. How was it? It was good or bad? Yeah, he had cute cheeks. It was so funny because we actually were on that whole date spying on them.

So we were like behind the wall watching them like go through the presence. And we were like in the kitchen setting up their food. And we were the ones that like put together all these little dares. So we were just like hiding out upstairs waiting for this moment to happen. Oh my gosh. And I felt a little creepy because like. he thought they were the only people there and then all of a sudden like except for the cameras in the entire world watching but other than that i guess i don't feel okay i don't feel as creepy because if anyone wants to call me creepy the whole world just watch that too but they got black box version and i thought um everything and was it really was he really naked or was that just like a fake black box okay i don't i don't know you never know you know it's like don't trust the black box you never really know you can't trust the black box but i am here to tell you that that he was fully fully naked affirmed he was yeah he was full naked.

I can confirm that that the black box was covering his actual butt cheeks. He was just so funny and he's just down for anything. And then I, because of course I don't see everything that's going on. I didn't see him like that deep conversation that they had. And I thought that was like their connection and comfortability. It was really sweet. Like the way she can open up to him and the way he can like respond. And I don't know.

I really, really, really like their connection. Yeah. And honestly, Michelle's conversation in that moment was so deep. Like, it's like the way that she is able to express her experience as like a half like black, half white woman. Like I'm just, I'm amazed by her. Like she is so well articulated in that. And it's like you can tell she has spent time like thinking about this. And like in a way that where she's like I want this to be able to come across like well. So I want to be able to say it well. And like she's just I'm like I want to give her a hug every time she talks. It's she's so incredible. So that date was really magical in a very unexpected way for me. So I really liked it. I agree.

It was really magical. And Michelle is just, there's something like, you know how, you know, when they pick, I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but when they pick a lead, like, it's because there's something special about them or they think they, you know, can carry a show and make people feel comfortable and have the depth and everything. And I feel like she's one of the best bacheloretts that we've had in the franchise. Yeah. because of how well-rounded she is like she's so smart she's so beautiful she's so sweet she's so

well-spoken she's got like ambitious goals of like changing the world and doing good things like she's got a heart of gold i just adore her and she's so she's so like normal and not in like a like wow you're like basic normal it's like no like i see myself in her like i don't feel that way about a lot of leads it's like i just i watch her and i'm like i can do that you know it's like i know i couldn't I would melt under the pressure and absolutely faint, but like she makes it just come off like it's so natural. And that's just so powerful, I think is like people need to see themselves and a lead and feel like they're being represented. So I just think I really, I really like her a lot. Yeah, I completely agree with you. Who do you think she's going to end up with? Do you have any

predictions? My prediction is, honestly, either Joe or Nate. I really like Nate as well, but I think it's either Joe or Nate. What do you think? well i oh you know sorry i i keep forgetting okay that makes sense i know but i just i do like her connection with a few guys right now and i totally see how you would say Nate and Joe Joe's just so sweet and Nate seems very like kind of like he stays above yeah all the crap that's going on yeah just like enjoying his wine and being like dude like what are you doing and i like that guy but uh what's his name the guy that would no not Peter the guy um that was it Jamie

Jamie yeah when Jamie made all that stuff up like Nate was standing there and he's like just don't talk about it it's all good and I and I was like that why do people waste their time I scream at my screen like every season people will just waste their time

making up lies or talking about other people with the lead and I'm just like don't waste and Nate just got it he's like just don't even say anything let it go Jamie's like you know what I'm going to do the exact opposite of that and they just went in and like created this whole thing. So I think Nate's just a stand-up dude regardless of whether he wins or not. I just think it's awesome. Yeah, that's so funny. I feel like Jamie did not understand

the assignment. And he... Not even a little bit. He didn't even read it. He didn't even read it. He just got the prompt, ripped it up, and threw it in the fire. It was like, I'm good. I don't need that. You know what? I got this. Yeah. I'm going to go my own... You really don't. You don't. Pulling the producers aside, say, me, like... The spring break? yeah like what he's he's really something he's like not on camera like or it can't be heard does he think like I'm in the dark so if I close my eyes like they can't they can't catch me that's I always wonder that about people because you're on a TV show you're miced the entire time I mean I've been in a position where I'm like oh man like being now on this side where I can like you know peek behind

the curtain a little more than I ever have I'm like oh my gosh when i was on the bachelor bachelor bachelor i probably embarrassed the shit out of myself like saying like forgetting i was miced or not knowing cameras or always on me or like same things but but that's when your true color show like i probably just talked about like a like a wet fart or something i was going to say i would go to the bathroom with my mic on that would be the extent of it and i'd just embarrass myself that way talking about how nervous i am or like i would lose it yeah but yeah but i would never like be like yeah yeah but i would never like be like yeah this caliber of women like I'm so much better than them and like where is it nationwide search where

is it I'm like you absolute lunatic close your mouth I don't know there's something off about that guy to me yeah and I feel like he like is a cult leader well okay so he could straight okay the compilation of everyone talking to Jamie about who they think like spilled the beans to Michelle killed me that's the funniest thing I've ever seen on the show ever and he just was like I don't know super weird like and I'm like you are a psycho I would be sweating my all my clothes I would be drenched in sweat yeah someone was like I don't know who said anything I'm like yeah me either that's so weird I would like come clean in a moment and he just like made it through 17 conversations of just like yeah super weird I don't know it's just like normal chatter around

the house I'm like no dude you you lie so much that it's you believe yourself now like that's the thing he he has convinced himself he's so delusional and he like literally coughs and chokes on his own spit trying to come up with a story like i don't i don't know it's i'm glad that Michelle saw through it and like sent him home but his face leaving in the car and he's so confused he we thought he was going to rip everyone to shreds and he sat in complete like silence and i was like that's worse this is worse that's worse i know oh my gosh well that's that's yeah that episode was it was fun the next episode is even better though they just keep getting better i can't wait i feel like i'm going to have you on for more than one bachelor recap because do it okay do you remember

the most sorry i have to cut you off for this because i like was losing it so there was the moment when peter and wait peter and will we're talking and i wrote it down because it was so funny let me find it he said so so they're like fighting and peter looks at will and Will's like, or no, Will looks at Peter and Peter's like, stop looking at my mouth like you wish you had my mouth. And like, and then the camera looks, the camera looks at Nate and just slow pans in on his face. And Nate's like, I don't know what to do with myself right now. It just like grabs his drink. And I was like, Nate is all of us in this moment. Like, that needs to be a gift. The weirdest chirps come out of these guys' mouth when they can't think about it. Like,

that's, that's what he said. You wish you had my mouth. What? How many times have you said that that's just in your arsenal ready to go? Like, what are you talking about, dude? Is he, okay, I have to know, is he that weird or are they just editing in that way? Like, is he just getting a villain edit or like that's him? Pretty crazy. I feel like from what I saw, that's just definitely his personality, which is really, have you seen the cartoon Doug? Yes. That's what he looks like. Yeah, that makes all the sense in the world. or how good was the like when I was watching I was like god this show is so good when they you know his his jacket was jacket was in the pool and Michelle and Martin are like dancing to like symphony music and getting his jacket out of the water symphony in the background oh my gosh so good I well I was like pissed because I'm like that was a nice jacket I was like so mad I'm like is no one going to try and recover this like it's not burned into a fire like

I can tumbo dry it. Yeah, it was floating nicely. The only thing that was going to go wrong was the tissues in the pocket was going to be, you know, felt it. I'm proud that he didn't say anything, though. He could have, like, torpedoed the whole night, and he really didn't. He kind of, like, warmed my heart because I was really upset about it. You know, you've just, like, there's so much built up emotion in when you're going through that process. And he just, like, got emotional and came back and he was like, I didn't want to ruin Michelle's night.

I'm like, you sweet. That's a good man. Yeah. That's a man that's there for her. Like any other guy would take that as their opportunity to be like, you know what? This is my moment. I'm getting an edit right now where people are going to see me. And he's like, I'm just, if I'm really here for her, she's going to figure out his character and I'm going to still be here.

And she did. And that's exactly what happened. That was really sweet. I really like, like I felt like he became one of my favorites in that moment. I was like, but a little sweetie pie. And oh, how about his line where he was like speaking in, it was Italian? And then she's like, do you need a bucket? And he's like, I just need you?

okay like okay like I'm good thanks I'll have the check now thank you like that was like how do you think so quickly as you're about to puke like that was a very quick line he he's a smooth one I really yeah I really like him by the way she looked incredible in her khaki like oh good one piece thing I was like okay I would get the worst front and back wedgey in that but you look very good I said I actually said that I I call it the front wedge you call a veggie, like a vagina wedge. That's better than camel's hell. Yeah, a veggie. And I actually said that in that moment when I saw her, I was like, I would have such a bad veggie in that suit. And it was like 110 degrees outside. And I would have like, like,

smart marks everywhere. I do not receive that. I do not receive that jumps in on myself in the heat. And khaki, because that, you would sweat through khaki. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know how he doesn't sweat. Her and Tasia don't sweat. And I just am like constantly, like, look like somebody through a bucket of water on me i i sweat be just thinking about sweating it's not it's not good i'm the same way okay i'm going to make you confess something to me because i've been looking forward to a confession on this podcast ever since you jumped on here so i feel like your ticot is kind of full of confessions but tell me something you don't know that's okay so that you want to get off your Just.

Okay, so I actually just told my husband this, like a week ago. So I fully believed I could control time until I was like freshman year of high school. So, no. So, okay, I grew up always like, there's nothing that, nothing that caused me to believe this other than my own imagination where I was like, I was sitting in class and I'd be like, I could make this go faster for everyone, but just don't really feel like it. So it's all good. And then one time I was waiting for my brother to come pick me up.

And like, you know when you're waiting too long outside of school and then like the teacher will come out and be like, can I call to come get your parents, you know? And like, you just like don't want to go back into the classroom to call. I already was getting picked up from the YMCA like half of the week. I was like, I can't be the kid that gets picked up from the YMCA and the kid that gets back in the principal's office to be called for their parents. can't be both kids. So I'm like waiting there for my brother and I was like, I'm just going to count to five and then finally I will like be able to use this power to control time like alchemy

and my brother will be here. So I count to five and out of nowhere my brother is here. He just turned the corner. Like he was late. He turned the corner and he was there. And I was like, I, I had a suspicion and I confirmed it. I can control time. And then I realized that it probably didn't happen around like my freshman year of high school because I was like, I just don't never want to talk about it. So if I don't talk about it, it's not real. So that was how I decided I didn't control time anymore. That's pretty late in the game to figure out that you don't control time. It was like less magic and like I can bend the forks of time at my will. It was like a whole thing. And then I just remembered that because I was playing the game, we're not strangers or we're not

released or something of that. And something was like, name of time you couldn't explain. or something and I told my husband and I was like yeah well I can show time with my brother and he's like that's this not what happened. I was like okay. Oh that's good. Oh my gosh. I used I've told this on my podcast like years ago but I used to think that I could have when I was like in the third grade I thought I could control a camera where if I said the camera was on my crush in the third grade could watch me so I'd start acting really cool. No no no no no no and I would call it the Mike cam because his name was Mike and I was Mike cam on and then I'd be like I have goosebumps from like the sheer secondhand embarrassment of just like you in a room alone with a was like a camcorder do you

was it like a normal camera it was like a secret camera that like you couldn't see oh like it didn't exist no it didn't exist I I knew it was there and I would be like Mike cam on and I would pretend I was so cool and one time I forgot to turn it off and I got in the bathtub and I was like and I was mortified and I said Mike cam oh No, third grade. Micah, stop. It's like the circle. It's like you were living the show The Circle, the whole, as your childhood.

Wow. Big Brother, constantly watching, but the Big Brother was Mike. Oh, my gosh. That's incredible. Really quick game before I let you go. It'll just take two minutes. It's called Akko Taco. And I love it.

I had my Vino's submit their most awkward moments and you have to rate one to 10 on a scale of awkward from being one being low to 10 being taco. These are actual stories from vinyl. Oh, I love that. Barted on a shoe bench while leaning over flying on Birkenstocks. 20. No.

No. When you're on the toilet and you make eye contact with a stranger through the stall crack. Oh, God. that's like a two for me because I have no shame in that if it's a stranger if it's someone I know oh 10 if it's someone I don't know then it too that's okay so sometimes this is really weird but sometimes people follow me into the bathroom if they like I believe you if they like recognize me they're like oh I'll go and then I'll wash my hands at the same time as I'm like oh hey and

so if I'm like I'm like I can't poop in public anymore because I'm like so scared that's going to happen and then they're like waiting for me out there that is the absolute my nightmare That's my nightmare. So that would be a 10 for me. Okay. That's different. Okay. Someone got asked, are you pregnant?

And she wasn't. Oh, sweet summer child. That's so sad. Less awkward and just, I'd be angry. So like a three. Yeah. That's called body shaming. That's called like none of your business if I am.

Even if I was. It's like, excuse me. No. You don't ask somebody if they're pregnant unless they're like literally like their water broken. Telling you they're pregnant. Yeah. Even when their water's break, it's like, no, she just piqued herself.

That's not, she's not pregnant. It's like, no. Okay, what this girl said, so glad we finally met. And this person said we've actually met a few times. Oh, 10. I hate that so much. I have the worst memory when it comes to faces and names that I just assume I've met everyone. And then Jonas can tell me if we've never met.

If that's a 10 for me. Yeah, I hear you. Boyfriend's dad was eating a sandwich next to me after walking in on me and my boyfriend doing it, and I still had no pants on. A hundred and twelve tacos. No. No. I love hearing these stories.

I'm like, oh my gosh, like, we think we have a bad with our embarrassing stories. I cannot with that. I cannot. How does she not just like, or he just pass away? Wait, this is my favorite one. Are you ready? Okay. No, but yes.

I held Shaq's hand in a meet and greet photo. Like she was like. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my gosh. I want to see 10, but I feel like Shaq would take that so well. He just would be like, it's okay. Like, you know? Like, he wouldn't just, like, be awkward.

He would just hold your hand back. He would just be like, okay. Yeah. So, fun fact about Shaq, do you know? The reason why I say this is, so do you know that, like, he has, like, this huge brand deal with, like, Walmart because he, like, decided he wanted to make products for people that parents, like, shopped at Walmart. and he, like, wanted to give kids the ability to wear, like, Shaq that shopped at Walmart. So he's, so he, like, got rid of all of his brand deals, which I hope I'm remembering

this story right, but my husband told me because he's huge into the NBA. So he, like, he got rid of all of his brand deals and, like, now, like, exclusively did this, like, deal with Walmart so that, like, kids could go shop there and wear cool Shaq stuff if their parents were from Walmart. And, like, I'm like, that's all I need to know about Shaq. Yeah, he seems like a good one, doesn't he? Isn't that sweet? That's really sweet.

I like great stories like that. Yeah. Yeah, me too. So I would imagine he would just hold that person's hand back. Yeah. That's actually kind of a nice moment. Like now if I ever meet Shaq, I'm going to hold his hand and see what he got. Yeah. Even if it's like you're not shaking hands, like you'll run up to him and just be like, excuse me, sir. And just, and his hand would be like 80 times the size of mine and he would just go to interlock them. Yeah. You got to make it real good. Just interlock. Yeah. And then I would come back on this. I would have that girl on my podcast and talk about our experiences. It's a whole hour right there. another movie on. That's an whole hour. I don't have everything to talk about other much sacks and size. How warm were his hands though? It's like, wow. Yeah, I have so many questions

about his hands. Thank you so much for being on this podcast. I, like, had so much fun that I don't want to end the podcast and I'm just having a great time, but we shall do it again sometime. And now we're like Instagram and TikTok friends and real friends. So, wow. This makes you so happy. What a time to be alive. And I'm so glad that you feel better about yesterday. That just makes me really happy that I was the guess that got to be here for after all of that. And I was genuinely looking forward to it because like sometimes if you have that kind of night, you don't want to work the next day. And I genuinely like jumped out of bed excited to talk to you.

So thank you. You are the freaking best and tell everybody where they can find you on TikTok and Instagram. Yeah. So TikTok, I'm Elise Myers, just my name. And then Instagram, I'm Elise underscore Myers because there's a poor girl who has my name and everyone has been attacking her on Instagram. so please just leave put the underscore in yeah and leave another one alone yeah oh my gosh well i'm so excited to see what uh what story you have for us next and i'm just so excited i got to meet you and talk to you

thank you so much and come on anytime okay okay deal i'm kately bristow your session is now ending thanks for listening to off the vine grape therapy tune in to hear new minisodes every thursday and check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday, exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's that with OTV? Alrighty, I'm no magician over here, but lately I've been feeling like one when I do my laundry

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