Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Why Kaitlyn is Annoying with Jared Freid

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

They’re both admittedly a little nervous, but the self-described idiot yelling Bachelor commentary from his apartment (Jared) & washed up Bachelorette (your host) are doing the damn thing. Comedian and co-host of the U Up? Podcast with Betches, Jared Freid, may have chirped KB in the past, but they’re putting their history behind them and sitting down in suburbia to talk about one thing they do have in common: The Bachelor. Jared is all about giving his takes on dating and The Bachelor in an honest and open way, and they’re doing exactly that in today’s conversation where they cover the reality of living in the follower economy, his least favorite Bachelors (& his thoughts on “Garbage Truck Joe”), and his hot takes on dating and advice for DM slides. They also get weird (no surprise) and play FMK with Disney characters, talk Threads, and reveal what Jared looks for in a partner (yes, he’s lookin’ ladies). Plus, Jared’s confession is one that ALL the Bachelor fans out there are going to want to hear!  Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: LUME - Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with Lume Deoderant and get $5 off your Starter Pack with promo code VINE at LumeDeodorant.com  SHOPIFY - Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at Shopify.com/vine.    MODERN FERTILITY - Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/offthevine.    APARTMENTS.COM - The place to find a place.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Control body odor anywhere with Lumi Deodorant and get $5 off your starter pack with promo code vine at loomidotrient.com, spelled L-U-M-E. Shopify, sign up for $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash vine, all lowercase. Modern fertility, get $20 off your fertility test when you go to modern fertility.com Off the Vine, and Apartments.com, the Place to Find a Place. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now starting. And why do you feel me? Welcome to the show. I'm a little bit nervous.

Why would you be nervous? I don't know. I'm nervous. No, no. Why? Because have we started? Yeah, we're starting. We're starting. This is it.

Because I've been critical of you. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm actually very thankful you have me on. It shows a lot about you to, like, come on. Like, you know, in my mind, like, I'm playing with everybody. Like, the dog. Like, I'm playing with the show.

Comes in with the ball. You know, like, I'm making fun in a way. Like, the show is the show. The show is a petri dish. Yes. I go, okay, what's going on in the petri dish? Like, I don't understand when, like, outside things get in. I'm just like, and, like, I'm sure you get this, too, where people are like,

they have to come up to you and tell you, how much they hate the show. Yes. Yes, of course. In this passionate way where I go, I don't care. Right. I don't work for the show.

I do a different thing. I like yelling at it, making fun of it. The story arc of the show works for me. And, you know, and also I'm so adjacent to The Bachelor world. I'm an idiot yelling from his apartment. But you're also a comedian and I feel like it's kind of a bit. Well, everything's a bit. Like, yeah, like, I think, like, for me, the Bachelor universe offers, like, an opportunity for me to talk, to make fun of things that, like, why are you here?

You know what I mean? Right. And, you know, you and I are the same age. I can't. The dogs are really just fucking... Look at how comfy, cozy there. Get in there. Okay.

Which ones? This ramen or... That's ramen. Okay, ramens... He likes to be smushed and then Pino likes to just eat a ball. Right. Meggy, can you come get him? Okay, yes.

So, we're the same age. Yes. So, like, and I came into the Bachelor universe, I think right after you had had your story arc of sorts. Like, it was right, dancing the stars, you know, 2020, but it was before that you were the Bachelorette and you were on the season. I think all your stuff had happened before I had got. Ben Higgins was after you.

Oh, yes. Okay. Oh, so I would, you came after my season. Right, so I don't have a relationship with you. My only relation with you was as Bachelor commentator. Got it. in a certain way. And so I get these, like, stories from, like, probably a publicist.

Yeah. That's put out from a publicist. It's a little snippest from this show. Yeah. And some of it, like, I roll. Like, when you come on and say, you get, all the former bacheloretts are like, good luck, charity, good luck, charity. And you go, I'm the washed up bachelorette here.

And I go, Caitlin, you own a wine company. You're a fucking millionaire. Like, oh, old Caitlin, back again. I roll that. To me, I'm like, you're hot, you're like a business woman. Like, you've done really well. Like, I don't think you need to do that. I don't need to, but let me tell you if I came on the other way, well, I guess I wouldn't be like, I am the business owner. But I always, don't you do the same thing where you kind of have to, like, just kick yourself a little bit, like, or humble yourself a little bit? Like, I feel like people are already going to say that, so I kind of get in on the joke. right I trust the audience like to me anyone who needs that is an idiot yeah do you know what I mean like I we have to live in a world where there are idiots that respond to us too as much as there's like I actually like when idiots respond to why well because that means I'm doing something right right I guess if you're not making noise you're not making if you're not angering or well that's that again this is the stuff that kind of like I know you're doing I know what you're doing Caitlin you're you're even know what I'm doing yes you do you're smart you're smart enough

to know that I'm the washed up Bachelorette is connecting you to someone on their couch going, me too glass of wine. And then you have branding in the back of yours. No one else had branding but you. You're a businesswoman. You crush it. And the thing is you never

come out with like, yeah, we live in the follower economy. We do. We admit to that. The more people that listen to this, the more people that use the promo code, the more people, eyeballs, eyeballs, eyeballs. I don't think we want to be in the follower economy like i don't think like that was our goal but that's just the way it ended up you know there's a

reason like all these s andl people aren't on podcasts all the time they don't have to they don't have to they don't have to that's like my five-year plan to be like i'm not doing podcasts anymore right like i like i like you also go you know i don't you know i do agree with you like if i go on stage and i'm going to talk about my body which i talk about all the time yeah i understand i have to acknowledge there's someone in the room who is has body issues too but that also goes looks at me and goes, you're my body goal. Right, right. So I have to acknowledge, I understand.

So when you do a stand-of-act, you have to address, like, what is your feedback going to be? So I do understand the idea of getting in front of it and being like, hey, I'm the washed-up bachelor, and making the joke before someone else can make it or giving the feedback. Yeah. So, but I've been critical of you, but not in a way where I'm like, I don't not like you. I wouldn't have you on if I thought you just hated me. That's never the case. I get being critical, and I especially,

get in your world I think I get more bothered when women talk negatively about me and I don't know why that is right well sometimes you know I guess women go after like you know a lot of times they go after like you know in the way that people come after me they know what where to get me you know they would go like oh like if they've heard me talk about body stuff they'll go well you're just a fat unfunny loser and unfunny you know like got me yeah you know if you go on podcast and I think women in a way like your own know how to get you more than anyone else. There's an envy that I have, you know, because I do think

the best way to go about being a former bachelor contest, in my opinion, and please I would love your opinion. My opinion on that is the best way is to just have no opinion at all. Like, to always go with the flow of the internet. Because if you stay undisagreate,

if you're never disagreeing with the internet, you're always kind of right. The internet's always going to take the right opinion. So if you take a nuanced take, which podcasts are kind of made for, a fuller conversation you kind of can't put kerosene on your fire you know like i if i come out like here's like you know i'm not fun when i say you know when i go well you know this have you know a comedian's job i think is to go here's an opinion now let me explain yeah you know and then explain and the explanation

joke joke joke punchline oh i get funny funny you know what i mean so i think like that doesn't really there's always going to be someone especially like you know like you know like One of the opinions that I saw through publicists, I understand that comes out, the idea of they're doing two bachelettes, okay? And I know that you had experience in that. Yeah, it's deep wound. What's that deep wound?

Well, the way they did it to you guys, I don't think could ever happen today. No, they wouldn't. They wouldn't get it again. The men vote off one woman on her season is like actually crazy that they did it that way. It's crazy. I wasn't watching the show at the time.

Yeah. But when they had two women that were like with each other, I was like, I get why they. do this. This is a lower rated show. They need some sort of stunt. I don't think it like made for a better in looking back, it didn't make for a better season. Right. No, not at all. But I go

You know. They have to try something new. They got to try something new. And when someone's like, look what they're doing to the women, not the men. I go, come on. It's a lower rated show. It's not a woman thing versus a man thing. It's a money thing. But people aren't able to look at it that way. And so my approach is like

I get to have a voice for this situation. Right. empower women, but I also get your approach where you're like, of course they had to, it's business, it's money, like I'm at both sides, I just have to pick one on the internet. Right, well, this is my point. There's a fun one that's like,

woo, right ladies? And everyone's like, yes, queen, ah! And then there's like the not fun way, which I always, like, end up doing, because I can't help myself. I go, well, money, you know? Like, I understand why they don't touch The Bachelor. That's the more

successful franchise as far. And successful is like a stupid word for that, that's a dumb word. It's just the more higher rate of one because again, like, there's a reason that one was creative first. A bunch of women in their 20s fighting for the heart of one man isn't entertaining for all the wrong

reasons, but that's why we watch. I'm actually shocked you're still watching. So this is another, like, I just love the concept and the arc of the show. Like, I like following it from beginning and the end. I like that I can talk about dating topics. I have been doing

a dating podcast for almost a decade now. I've been talking about dating related stuff and it's mostly because of our age. Like you and I, when we're in college, Facebook comes out. And then we get out of college and like dating websites go from like the guy in their parents' basement to regular people.

And then the swiping, Tinder comes out, then Instagram, then Snapchat, and then now TikTok, and then like this whole mix up world that we have grown up along side and the interaction of technology and dating, I'm not an expert, but I'm also a guy, a straight guy who's willing to have a conversation about this

where a lot of straight men, especially publicly, do not because they're, I think, either afraid or just not sure how to say it right. Like, I've come over the years, I've probably said things worse in the past, but now when I talk about dating, I do understand that, especially for women, this is the hardest thing in some of their lives. They're crushing in their job and they're like, I can't figure out this guy thing.

So I've been, my position in the podcast world, other than the bad, bachelor has been to like give you know talk about dating in an open and honest and sometimes icky way but then that's where the bachelor comes in because I go this is a show where a first kiss happens first date um breakups um somebody just right weed whacking the weird I told you before we started it is so weird to walk into like suburbia I felt like I was in like you know what like you are in this is picture ask for the listeners at home behind this off the vine millennial background there is 1920s

you know it does feel like Pleasantville a little bit a little pleasantvilleish out there and it's funny because it always happens I don't see anybody outside ever it's like people just like come home from work get their mail and like go in the like the

what does that show the Stefford Wives Stefford Wives is exactly the reference I was like about you're right you're absolutely right it's DeFer Wies out there and then of course we start recording and somebody's weed whacking and I'm like somebody's outside once a week and it happens when I'm on the podcast. Okay, so take it or leave it advice for you, but I suggest you take it. We're officially in summer. Don't let summer funk ruin your summer fun.

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People in the neighborhood know who you are. Do they go, yeah, they must. I've probably told this story on the podcast before, but my neighbor, Rosemary, bless her. She's... That's the most neighbor name ever. Rosemary's... Do you have any sugar?

She does. Oh, my goodness. Got to have tons of sugar. I feel like I'm in a time warp when I talked to her because she like bakes me things. She'll like, if I'm alone, she'll bring me. But the funniest thing is when she lived next door for six months and I actually lived in the same house with Sean. This house. No woman would allow for such a thing.

I moved in with my girlfriend, my ex now, when it was like, no, we need our place. Oh, and I would have burned the bed. Right. No, no, no, no. This is not. It just shows like Jason is a guy. It's like, oh, how? No, I walked up the steps.

I said to you, I go, it's been so long as a New Yorker for 15 years. Of course. It's been so long since I've walked up the front steps and knocked on a door. Hi, is Caitlin home? It's bizarre. It was bizarre. It was bizarre. I came from downtown Vancouver.

I lived in a 420 square foot apartment for 11 years. And to, like, live in a house, I was like, this feels weird. And especially to have a neighbor named fucking Rosemary. Rosemary, the neighbor. I mean, that's like sitcom. Oh, it's, you know, that's. And it could be. And I hope she listens because I love you.

Yes. Yeah. And she literally came up six months after I moved in with, it was, I think it was February. She comes in with Christmas soaps that are already used. And she goes. Use soaps. Yep. And she goes, oh, a bachelor's my program, you know.

And it was then she realized it. And then she went to church and then all the neighbors started on. I love this because she just wanted to talk to you, obviously. So she's like, what can I give her? Put in some soaps. Fred! I'm just imagining her husband's, Fred. Fred, get me the soaps.

That's how my mom. Get me the soaps. I'll talk to her about the soaps. Except exchange that for a southern accent. You're right, right. I mean, I always make everything a little Jewy. I always go Jewish. Once I get loud, it's Jewish as hell. Can I say Jewish out loud in Nashville? Do they allow that here? Probably not.

Especially in the same word I should. Do you? Did I hear Jew? That's why they're weed wagging. They're like, we got to, we heard, I heard matzas on the block. They saw you come in. That don't look right. Rosemary. I think I saw one of those Torah men outside. I may like start playing congey wet to get you out.

Comey wet. Put on your yeasies, Rosemary. The Jews are in the neighborhood. That'll be the noise someone your publicist takes out. Jared Fried yells the Jews are in the neighborhood. Can we please make that? the headline. The Jews are in the neighborhood. Yeah, this is, outside, it looks very

Christmas wreath. It looks wreathy out there to me. Like my block growing up outside of Boston, we were in an Irish Catholic-ish town that kind of became Jewish over time. And my neighborhood was known as like Hanukkah Heights because it was all Jews. And then there was one house that did Christmas lights.

Really? Right. And you just like, be like, what? It just looked bizarre. Yeah, you're like your dick. Right. Come on. Yeah. Go with the theme. We're miserable. read your audience right read your audience that's funny so listen i so i do want to say i i've been critical but in a way that like i criticize everything on the show i i have a podcast where we literally complain people writing with their complaints and we complain yes so but then here's the thing i will say i i hope this brings it back to tell me anything everyone that i know that no has met you yeah great

things to say oh that's which is like the most important thing yes because then i go oh and then i so i end up coming around to the point where I'm like, yeah, she's a businesswoman who sees, hey, we want you to do a 10-second drop on the Bachelorette. What am I going to do? I get it. Like, I get it in the most, in the most, you know, honest way possible. And then, you know, when you guys hosted the show,

I just didn't, I didn't think, I didn't think it worked. But I also didn't think you could, I think when it's, I thought it was a bigger, worse thing for you to have two hosts. It's worse to the women than two bachelors. Bacheloretts, that's my thought. I do agree with that. It felt like they couldn't rely on just one to do the job that we would need to have, like,

and then they made it so silly where we were super professional for a lot of it, but they would, you know, make us look silly and stupid and a lot. I just feel like we weren't set up for success there. They had to empower you. They had to, I really believe this. I think making, and of course you're not going to say, well, get rid of Tation. She's not going to say the same thing about you. So you're both like, this is an opportunity.

Opportunity to be on network TV every week. I understand why you take the job no matter what the job ends up being. Yeah. And then they're making you, it was Kristen, who it was. Katie? Katie. Yeah. They make you Katie's, Katie, who's been very nice to me, great.

They make you her gal pal instead of a host, which I'm like, that's demeaning. That's the thing. They didn't want to pay us the host role. Right. You're like, you guys are mentors. You can't be pregnant. This is crazy. I know.

And that's what they, yeah, the mentor thing didn't work for me. And it's also like, and it comes. off as two evil step sisters because you guys are glowed up you've lived in L.A. You've had the, you've gotten the 50 sponsorships, you've got the money, you've got a little bit of toe in your pocket. You're not like...

Oh, Katie. Right. Yeah. Oh, did you wear your American Eagle? Yeah. Oh, your boxy t-shirt? Right, and you have a glam squad that you've been introed. I'm sure she does too, but she has like the TV given one. And you have like people

you trust, which for women, I don't know this world, but I know that if you trust the hairstylist, you're going to go back to them $1,000. You're going to bring your own. It's true. And also, once you go on HD once, you go, let me figure this shit out. Oh, my gosh.

Let me tell you, back in my day, when I was on the Bachelor, I didn't even know how to do mascara. Right. And I noticed that like whenever the, it's my fate, you know, I host the Bachelor podcast. I have 7,000.

I never shut the fuck up. How many podcasts you have? It's two. I have three podcasts. How? The U-WP podcast is the one I'm here that I think your listeners will love If they want an honest take on dating

Especially if you live in Nashville This is one of the harder places to date in the country The ratio of men to women here It's a joke Lots of women and lots of visitors If you're in a town that men visit You're kind of fucked Because you're like

You can have this like magical weekend And then all of something like Oh and my wife and kids are at home You know It's true So here is like It has an element of like And, like, I was on a flight here, and there was, like, a guy next to me just, you could just see the testosterone running through his veins.

Oh, God, just couldn't wait to get to Broadway. There is an element, because you know women come here because they feel safe. It's, like, a smaller city. There's that one street. Go out, put on your cowboy hat, go in the back of a van. Throw an air tag on. Good to go, right? Throw an air tag.

Yeah, exactly. Mom can find you. Yeah. And then, but you go, like, there's a certain, you know, bro who's showing up, or I hate bro, but, like, guy. Yeah. It's a wolf in the headhouse type of thing. Oh, yeah. You know, I know women are hair.

going to be going crazy. I'll be a guy with my boys getting crazy. And I've probably told me, I'm like, probably a good place for a bachelor's if you want to meet single women. But again, there's a difference between living in a city where you're single and visiting a city when you're single. Well, and also there's those, I see those things on TikTok where they go, if this is your husband, he's cheating on you right now.

I'm always like, oh, God. I mean, and then I saw one where she was wrong. Oh, I saw that too. That one went super viral. They like ruin the person's life. Right. It sucks. Those videos

No, yeah, I'm not for that But I understand You see those and you go Also, it's hard to look away from You know, you go, it's juicy as fuck You know, you go, it's juicy Right, who doesn't? There's a reason we watch

30 women dating one man So you, okay, but what do you feel about Paradise? Do you watch that? I like it, I, so again, this is me being a miserable comic I hate that everyone's in on the joke now, you know, like I'm there to like, I like when they take themselves super seriously and it's like That's why it's fun to make fun of, because it's like, it's very, again, it's very this neighborhood, the wisteria lane.

It's very, the romance of, of I'll take you on this helicopter. The delusion. And you kind of live in it if you're a fan of The Bachelor. You get to the Paradise, it's more like real dating, actually. It's very much bumble. It's very much Tinder. Okay, I'm dating someone else. Let me keep swiping.

Someone comes down the stairs. True. And here's someone new. Do I swipe right or left in real time? It's a shit show. I do watch Paradise, I like it. So you like Bachelor the best. Yeah, I always thought that The Bachelor would be better off.

They're doing like the older Bachelor, but it feels like they're making into a joke too much. I think the best version of The Bachelor would be, first of all, this sounds bad, but like, I think whoever's the main character has to be killing it. Like, I think business person. Like, I think you, or something where they have, like, made it in a way where they have the time to do this show. Like, I always thought, like, I think the best version of The Bachelorette. is like mid-30s woman like crushing it like totally making whatever she's doing just crushing in business or law or whatever you usually have that I need something where they're like Forbes level crushing it and then you have these men who are in their 40s and 50s who have done

well yeah but they don't pay the lead enough to have someone like that because they'd be like why would I why would I jeopardize my whole crushing career that I'm just like that's well I guess you know you would possibly ruin my reputation lose my job and what the women don't really um get ruined in that way ever do they yeah what do you mean like I think the actual leads the leads like how would they ruin their reputation like I mean I think the men are like you think you ruined your no they tried they definitely helped how did they try they were they wanted me to be like the slutty one who everyone hated and they like made a thing that everyone hated me, but it ended up

working out in my favor. Because everyone's like that's exactly how I act and how I am. Like I like to fuck. It was like middle America like Rosemary probably hated me on the show. And like all my Canadians and like more progressive people are like, yeah. She had sex. Right. Let's bring in Rosemary now. I brought her.

Can you imagine she walks her. She goes, no, I f*** Frederick every night. I suck him off like crazy. I've been sucking on Frederick's bowls since. It's the beginning of the... We bought the house in No Jewville. No Jewville.

She walks in. I just like, you know, I know what you mean. Like, there's a very conservative group that watches the show. And then there's also, like, I don't know, I'm in that group of like, I just think it's just... I've watched reality of my whole life.

I've watched every show. Yeah. What's your favorite? I mean, I do really enjoy The Bachelor. I, like, I, like, you know, I watch... But I've just always, like, All those rock-a-loves, you know, like all those... Flav-a-Flave or Flav.

I watched Joe Millionaire the first one. Oh, that was good. It's great. Like, I've always had an interest in this, like, what are they going to do when they're proposed with this thing? Like, to me, this guy, what's, Brayden, the dangly earring guy? Brandon is fantastic. He's like an old, he's like from the old school of reality TV to me. Oh, okay.

Wait, I would love this different take on him. because I was like, get him out of here, but also what would we do without him? He's easy to poke fun at, and that's what the show's about, yeah. Absolutely, he's a fun punching bag. Yeah. Because he's the old school version of, like,

I don't think I'm just me. I don't get it. Why wouldn't I wear a dream catcher earring? And a tablecloth for a scarf. Why? You think it's funny? Why would you think that's funny? He's very 24 in that way.

Like, he's very idealistic. I kept being like, oh, God, Braden's your age is showing. Right. Because at 24, you go, you know, you're very like black and white with your opinions. You're like, there's no nuance to the world. And you can tell. He's like, just me and my gal, we're just going to go to the mountains and we'll do some shrooms. And who has responsibilities?

I'm a travel nurse. I'll leave here in three months. Right. And it's like, Gen Z, 24, which is like, what, men can't wear earrings? And you're like, well, no, I think it's just funny to make funny. Oh, really? I know. So I guess you're into the, so I guess you're a part of the patriarchy.

Yeah, like, he would, like, come back at me with that, I feel like. I'm telling you, I made fun of his earrings for, like, 20 minutes on my last podcast, and I was scared of the whole thing. I was like, oh, God, Gen Z's are going to come after me. I saw Braden, and I go, it was like, it was like one of these dogs. Like, easy, easy. Don't be Mr. Old Man. And then when he got to the sixth earring of the episode, I was like,

he had seven different, I love someone like that. I love someone who's... Well, because it makes your job very easy. Right. I love that person as a person. Like, it makes my job easy. But, like, when they don't get it, like, when they don't see the irony, when they don't see the, that he's went from, like, it was out of, like, it was out of a spoof movie.

It was, like, out of the movie, Airplane. It was a bit out of space balls, right? It wasn't it like where it just kept getting bigger and bigger and you're like, and he doesn't know what's getting bigger. A scary movie three when her hat just keeps getting bigger and she can't get inside the car. That's the second time that references come up this week for me. I don't know. Really?

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was maybe someone did that. Talked about it. It might have been Kay. I don't know. I'm sorry. I told you, I don't shut the fuck up.

I'm sorry. And I haven't shut the fuck up here. One of your listeners is like, this Jew won't shut the fuck up. One of your conservative listeners is unhappy. They don't understand this energy I'm giving. This is very northeast Jew energy. This is my favorite kind of energy because it makes my job very. easy too because I love to banter

I love to laugh and you just take it away I listen I I love podcasting I do enjoy the whole thing I try my best I'm good at it I want to know your top three things that annoy you about me about you yeah that you're playing the game of the internet which is like it's undefeated you just take sometimes you take a stance and I'm like of course that's the opinion I do do go women

or she kind of acted like a dipshit there and he's kind of like okay like what tell me one time I acted like a dipshit I don't know this is the other thing it's like and then when people told me you're like great I go I go what is my one example I go I don't even have I'm like now I'm I'm doing my own bit you know where I have to go no but I've always like I you know it's this thing the internet is is done in retweets okay everyone love and hate those are the only two things people retweet, love and hate. I'm very much

on everything. Like, I mean, I can rail about stuff, but that's kind of why I like the Bachelor. Again, this brings me back to why I got into the show. It offers me an arena to have an opinion on things. You know, whereas, like, you know, I don't, you know. You're probably saying a lot of what a lot of people are thinking, too.

Well, that's the other thing. And the things, when you say the thing that a lot of people thinking, they're in the back giving you a thumbs up. They're not at the front being like, yes, queen. They do it in silence So like when I make fun of something And they're like thank God you fucking said that

You know because they couldn't say it You know I'm not doing genius shit You know like so What bachelors drive you insane I mean I thought I thought Matt James wasn't great I mean he was just all energy

No substance But also we didn't really get a chance to know him that well in that season And I heard from everyone And they're like, that guy is a total character. Like, from when people I know that know him in, like, the fitness community. Yeah. When he was announced as a bachelor, people were like, that guy, he is a bolt of lightning. He's going to come in.

But they wanted to put him in a box to keep him safe. Right. So that's the one thing where I go, well, we didn't even get a chance. But I'm like, you know, I'm trying to think of who else. Who do I roll my? Oh, Vial. He stinks. Vial is the worst.

He won't have me on his show. What? That guy. Oh, because you chirp? I don't care. Like, again, like, I chirp at you. Yeah. But you're having me on and you're having fun with it.

I love it. But I also have never said anything about you that I wouldn't say to your face. That's the other thing. Okay. Real talk here. Did you guys know that one out of eight couples struggle with infertility? Well, it's a staggering statistic that most people don't know or aren't ready to talk about, I guess. I'm definitely starting to see more people be open about it.

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So when you need a place that's pet-friendly and human-tolerant, checkoutapartments.com, the place to find your pet-friendly place. That's the thing. I always have anyone who asked me to come on, I go, let's do it. Let's figure it out. That'd be fun. So I don't understand the other way. So I have come a long way with being sensitive, though, as well, where I probably turned down going on Betches, like, a while ago because I was like, oh, they hurt my feelings where now I wouldn't turn it down. Like, I think I've come a long way with being sensitive.

You would be awesome on you up. And, like, that's the thing. When I have someone on, like, I'm here to make it. We have to be great. Yeah. Like, when you have someone, we just had charity on. She was fantastic. Isn't she lovely?

So nice. So great. But in her, I write reviews of everyone. before they go on the show, of their profiles. Yeah. They had something about her wanting to live in Disney World. So I was like, are you a Disney adult?

Like, I need to ask you this question. And she was like, no. This is like out of nowhere. Good, now we're on the podcast. I'm having a conversation about it. We played fuck Mary Kill with Captain Hook, Ursula, Captain Hook, Ursula. And who was the other one?

Jafar. Oh. Who you going? I would kill Ursula. kill ursula okay um wait hot ursula or under the sea ursla what's hot ursula oh yeah she changes too yeah she goes in to make herself look like the little mermaid who's pretty and has the voice and she's hot i only think of under the sea ursula okay kill urs i don't see looks i do i think she's hot in both ways go women

yes queen ursula i'm sorry i took your all ursulas are beautiful i I don't want a fat shame Ursula, but I would kill her. Okay. I would fuck Jafar because he'd be a freak in the sack. Okay. I would like to see that. But he would have to leave the bird at home because I'm terrified of birds. No bird.

Okay. And then hook, I would marry because he'd protect me. Okay. All answers are correct answers. I like the answer. Yeah. I'm marrying Ursula. Okay.

Eight tentacles. They could go anywhere. Fair. But you have to. Okay. Yeah. What I have to what? She's smell like fish or something.

Listen, once you're in the smell, you don't notice the smell anymore. You just get used to it. Right, that's our smell now. See how beautiful this could be? That's really romantic. It's romantic. I'd marry Ursula. I'm fucking hook.

What? That's terrifying. Take off that, that hand. That's on there for good. Put attachments on? No, that hook's on there for good. For good? Yeah.

Yeah, we can have fun with the hook. I'm fucking hook. I'm fucking hook. Fuck me with the hook. Right. Whatever. Throw the hook up my ass while you blow me. You know, why not?

That sounds kinky and something you would do. Hey, I am here. Straight male ass play. All for it. We don't shame. We don't yuck people's yum on here. I'm in favor of that line. I need to know what you think about threads, though.

Love it. Okay. Do you think it's here to stay? I think so. Is it to fuck you, Elon Musk? there's a we it's all weird i like i you know i like using twitter i use twitter as like a notebook i was like see let me see how this tweet does you know whatever as far as like joke premises and stuff as a comic i've taken tweets and brought them on stage yeah it's a little bit open mickey to me

yeah um threads is good for my purposes because most of my following is female yeah and threads kind of like made you know i think twitter was always this like like wasn't as female as Instagram. Yeah. Instagram is now kind of like, hey, come on in. It feels like there's this new group that wasn't on Twitter on threads, which I kind of like. I agree with that. And the people who didn't really get to love and appreciate Twitter now get it on Instagram,

and they're like, oh, this is great. Right. Yeah, like, and you see this a lot probably with a bachelor. I'm not a bachelor person. People do that. They don't want to, they don't want to not know something. My wife. Right.

My wife. My friend. Oh, my God. Do you understand? Oh, you're the goal. I hear on my wife's Instagram Listen I get I get the The funny part about like my space

In the world is that I A lot of women comics and I have similar stories To tell of like the boyfriend Oh my wife my girlfriend brought me And I didn't think I'd like it And it was pretty good And you know dude I didn't think And then duty comes out of their face

You know like They get into duty talk And I go yeah Like it's like that dude they got dragged to the show Then I go Yeah I'm not Because they think I have if I have a Bachelor thing in a dating podcast

I must be lying to women is what they think or gay or gay I guess right so and I'm like and then they come to my show they go oh this was like a show that I would go that we could hang that we'd hang

this is your saying things that I would that I have fun with too so you know the only again like you know with you where I see you doing some of the things that I have been critical about it's because like I know that game too like the reason I got into The Bachelor as much as I did I was sick one night

every night I do stand up I've been doing standup for 13 years and I was doing open mics in New York City then move on to clubs and then start traveling and all that stuff. Stand up is the goal always was, always is. I love doing stand-up. But when you're in New York getting on stage every night, it's this like,

okay, I got to find, I wasn't getting cast in anything. I wasn't, no one was looking for me to write for their show. I'd submit packets to be a writer. It wasn't working out and I was like, I got to create my own shit. I always had to. So I created a podcast a decade ago.

So then I, you know, U-Up starts with Betches. And then I was living with my younger brother. And we were like, I was sick. And we're both on both couches, like, laid out. Yeah. And the Bachelor comes on and I start, like, tweeting stuff about The Bachelor. And then I was like, oh, and then the response was like, and this is like right after you. Well, it was right after you were done.

But you know, like, at that point, like, that's when the internet got involved. 100%. So, like, I'm like, oh, these are like getting, like, real traction. I can be funny in this, like, here's a stage. And I could do it from my couch and not... Not have to leave the house. Go grind in New York City. Right.

And hope someone casts me and something. So I was like... And the thing is, if you can put butts in seats, it doesn't matter. So it's like... You know, so I started tweeting about The Bachelor. Then I started doing this thing called dudes watching rom-coms, where I'd watch romantic comedies and I would, like, put commentary on them just me being me. Right.

And I was like, oh, how about we put together, like, the live element of, you know, the show with, like, the dudes watching rom-coms, like my... So I put them together and then Instagram stories comes out. So now I'm like, I'll just scream at the show on my Instagram stories. And people started like, I saw the shares were up, people are getting involved. So I would take off the night every Monday for The Bachelor. And like I go to the comedy seller in New York City. It's like the greatest club in the world and you're there with all these older comics.

And I'm like, what? You do what? You do what? You take the night off? What the fuck are you doing? Right. You know, and you have the, and people looking at you like, you're crazy. And this was like before comics started like putting things on the internet. I was always putting things on the internet.

internet so it's funny because like you know with the show you know you got people that are like you still watch it like yeah i still like making jokes you know like uh i guess and i was thinking you had started since the beginning yeah well that's the other thing someone who are probably listening right now you probably have these people that know have an encyclopedia like knowledge of the show yes i don't have that like people like if if wampablo's name comes up it's like I have no reference to Juan Pablo. I started with Ben Higgins and, you know, JoJo and like those seasons. Now I'm like, I can't believe how long I've been doing this.

And I like, and I like doing it. Like, I like dressing up. Like, if you go to my live screen from last week, I dressed up with like, you know, a clothing hanger on my ear. And as the technology got better, like, so could the live screen. The show got better because I could go on TikTok. I could make videos of me with a green screen, like me, like when they, you know, like put myself on the show like where I could go

hey like I could go do my entrance because I had the green screen now so like what would your interim limo entrance be? Cleo Patrick style I would be on a bed

with like a bed like laying on a bed grapes above me being fed grapes 10 gorgeous men holding me and then they'd bring me

bass the woman and then they'd bring me down I'd put my hand out for her to kiss my hand and then I would go inside but then the whole rest of the night the men would carry me around laying on this thing so I'd be you know how they make them do it the whole

what was your entrance? Oh God do you know Robin Shaw of course yeah she still calls me Caitlin Plow on My Field Bristol. That's hilarious well Rob and I are good friends from like doing open mics in New York City

and doing stand-up Yeah she's unbelievable and like to see her success She has a podcast with Betches now too doesn't she? Yeah she just started a podcast And, like, it's funny because, like, the people I've been around, you know, to see them pop up places. And, you know, all of a sudden, TikTok, you know, Robin during the pandemic, like, blows up and you're like, good. Thank God. You know, like, I, she's so funny, so much fun.

And such a sweetheart. The best, the best. I mean, like, the thing is with comics, like, when, you know, stand-ups, it's some of the best and worst people in the world. Yeah. You know, you don't really find a middle, like, they're okay. Like, it's always, it's also someone like. Cilantra. Right.

It's total cilantro. Right. Right. And I'm sure you see that in the Bachelor world too because like what is the impetus to go on a show? Like you're either like this like, you know, snake oil salesman. Yeah.

Or you're just like fun thing to do. I'm a fun person. Yeah. You know, like I don't know if there's anyone that's medium. There's a couple of people that genuinely do go on for love. Yeah. Which is crazy. Which is just got to be a tough person to relate to.

Like I can see how love could have. happen. Right. That was my perspective. I was like, I'm definitely going on for an opportunity to have fun, see what happens, and if I fall in love, great. Added bonus. Yeah. Yeah, there was, who did I meet? I met. People didn't like him. Who?

He was nice to me. Actual Bachelor? He was the Bachelor. Georgia. Dated Andy. Oh, oh. He, I think he hates me. He does? Josh. Josh. No, Josh Albers was my season. Murray

Josh Murray Josh Murray Yeah he was very nice to me When I met him in person And you know That's all I can go by But he said something very specific He's like he's like

It's crazy to fall in love on the show But he's like When you're in it This like small thing You're sharing something with someone That you like no one else has Right Any relation to on earth

Yeah You can and and then every day You're getting asked like How do you feel? What do you think? And it's about love Yeah And I go from that perspective

I can understand How someone falls in love quickly Oh, yeah. Like, I totally understand that. It's just tunnel vision on love. Right. You don't get to talk about other things, except for falling in love. Right, and then you go, no dating apps.

You know they're not dating anyone else. Yeah. Like, it's very unrealistic in that sense. So, yeah, you get to zone and we'll tell me about your family. Yeah. You know, who's doing that in the second date? You know, second day, you're having a few drinks. You're having fun.

You're seeing what's all about. I still feel like the real relationship happens off the TV show. Even though you can get to know someone so deeply and, like, have this time and then go to Fantasy Suites, meet their family. You're still like, I'm on camera. Right. Yeah, you've got to be a version of yourself. You got to be on.

Yeah, of course. And, of course, they, you know, fill you full of alcohol and no sleep and blah, blah, blah, to make you not your best version of yourself. So you get snippets of the messy part, but that's what makes you relatable. Right. But then after it's like, okay, here's me not done up. Here's me without extensions. Here's me, like, on a bad day, PMS, anxiety, farting in my sleep.

Like, this is what you get. this is what you bought and I've been on those things where the producer will be like hey yeah that'd be cool if you did that and you're like I'm not an idiot see I was the idiot

I was like you think that'd be cool let me go do it I'll do it bigger than what you just said that's what I did I'm in right well it's like a great idea because I have that mentality where I didn't know

what television was all about how old were you on the show 29? 29 yeah 29 29 I mean and I hate when someone's like 29 you should know better it's like yeah That's always a person that, like, never left their house.

They got married at 22, and they never, like, had to make a hard decision. Of course, I didn't know any better. No, you don't know any better. I'm 38. I still don't know any better. I don't know any better. I still learn every day, I'm like, oh, shit, how am I still here doing this? Do you get scared to get canceled?

No, I, no. Someone's always going to be mad. We do live in the follower economy. Like, the thing about the canceled thing is, like, you know, comedians, when you hear from comedians, like, the question always, becomes like, you're afraid to say what you want to stage. Yeah. Funny always beats controversial.

If it's funny, people always like it. And then they go, oh, it was kind of funny. Yeah. If it's about a topic that shouldn't be talked about. Yeah. So all topics can be made funny. The people that have issues are usually people who are lazy with it. Yeah.

And listen, there's someone out there that's seen something I've said and been like, that dude, I'm out. That's okay. I think when they, and that's the beauty of the follower economy. Right. is that someone can go, oh, I'll leave, but then they never leave quietly. You know, they always go, whoa, right, everybody, look at this, you're mad too. And again, you go, all those, I guess you could all leave.

You know, I don't think I've always acted honestly. I've always said, you know, the thing that I felt. And it's okay to agree and disagree. I've never had, like, I've never wanted to get somebody. So, like, I never want to, like, you know, I think also, like, my stand-up is personal. Like, everything's a personal story. Everything started in complete and other truth. Like, the things I'm talking about right now, I'm talking about my family.

You know, like, but I, you know, you, that stuff, I don't know, everyone has the, I block people so much. And to the point, oh, every day. Oh. Because I believe with social media is, like, my party that I'm throwing. Yeah, and you're not invited. You don't like the music? You should go. Yeah.

Right? That's the music I play. Yeah. That happens a lot. You go, and someone, I had someone on TikTok the other day. They're like, can you unblock me from your Instagram? And I go, I must have had a good reason. Maybe we can start again here.

Yeah. I didn't do it for no reason. Yeah. People said that to me too. Can you unblock my sister? I'm like, well, obviously she said something that really, I don't block people very easily. No? No.

Oh, I'm like, get out of here. I don't need you here. I don't need them there, but I don't care if they're there. See, I just like, I'm like you and I were human beings. Like, we see these things, they hurt our feelings. Yeah, some really do. Yeah, and you go, listen, I'm, all I'm, my, my goal is here are entertainment. Yeah.

My goal isn't to like, change your mind on shit. Right. I'm going to go, I'm saying this because I think it's funny. If you believe it, good. If you don't know, that's okay, too. That's, like, I posted a bikini pick and I was like, is it wrong that I'm not wearing blue, white, or red American colors? I'm Canadian. And people are like, this country's done so much for you.

Go back to Canada. And I was like, it's more amazing. Right. And it's also like they're getting such an adrenaline rush. I'm being able to tell someone that can't come back at them. Because if you come back to them, it's like, don't you have better things to do than talk to some nobody? And you're like, this isn't a fair discussion. You know, like, yeah.

But then I'm like, blocking takes more time to me than just letting it go. Yeah, I'm just like, get out. But I like that perspective too because I, like I never heard someone say, You don't like the music? Yeah, let me lead you to the door. Yeah, I like that. You know, like, sometimes, like, and also, like, I'm, you know, I'll be yelling at the, I'm also, like, very in touch with people who follow me.

Like, I, you know. Same. Right? You have a personal relationship. Like, that's the other hard part is, like, it's hard to separate. Like, you know, I, someone messaged me. Like, hey, my friend can't get into the show. I go, I got you.

Yeah. Like, done. Like, smallest favor in the world don't care. Yeah. I'm not, but, you know, I do like the idea of them being like, wow, Like, that was a nice thing that he did for us. You know, like I... I agree.

And I like doing nice things and then not showcasing them. No, I just bring them on this podcast and I talk about them as much as possible. But I do, like people said to me, you only respond to negative. I was like, oh, I absolutely do. I have some really incredible conversations in my DMs with incredible people that follow me. And we have very, like, genuine, thoughtful conversation. Oh, you know, well, that's something I didn't do comedy for. You know, like, I didn't do it to, like, I just need to help these people.

Yes, Queens. Yeah. No, I did it for a very, like, personal reason. I want to be funny for money. Yeah. I want to make a living being a stand-up comedian. Yeah. And you do.

And I do. And then people come back to me, and you get these messages, my Monday is so helped. And you go, this is too much. I don't know what to do with this. I'm like, thank you. I'm so happy I can help you through whatever you're going through. Like, I am genuinely happy this helped. It feels a little weird because that was.

wasn't my goal. You know, you don't want to be stolen valor over here. I do feel like my goal and you might roll your eyes at this. Oh, no. Come on. Caitlin, don't do this. You live in a mansion. You don't have to do this. So I feel about like Janet Jackson doing a meet and green at 57. I'm like, Janet, you don't have to do this. You don't have to do this anymore. You're fine. But I genuinely want to be a light for people. And I want to make a lot of money doing it. Sure. Okay. I also want to make people laugh. I love making people laugh.

I love money, and I love nice things. But I do think I was put on this planet to make people, like, feel good. Okay. I like that for you. Yeah. That's good for me, not for you. Well, I get, like, that's the thing. That's where I get into, like, yeah, of course.

I don't know. Like, what I'm, like, I'm now to turn the punch bowl. What's that? I feel it in my soul. You feel in your soul. You feel you were placed here in this world. To shine, like, whatever I go through. To shine a wine.

And you can buy spade and spare sparrows. Promote, shining light. You can have both. I also feel like I put on this flight to be a business woman and be good at what I'm doing, but also be this. Like, you can be so many different things. Yeah, it's, listen, you can. And I agree with that.

It is, don't get me wrong. When someone writes me a message like that, you go, wow, this is the nicest thing. This is a feeling I can't, I didn't expect. I'm excited. I'm like, I like it. But, you know, when I go talk about farting for 20 minutes, it's really unexpected. And I dress up with a spatula on one ear and a hanger on the other going, hey, I'm Braden. These cool cats, you know, like I'm doing stupid shit.

I wish I did more stupid shit. I always have these ideas in my head that are so funny to me. But I always think if I put it out there, they're not going to. to be funny. Bombing is the most is the most instructional and humbling. No, but it teaches right away. Nothing teaches me more than saying something

that gets no laugh. And it's also like falling flat on your face. It sucks. It doesn't feel right. But it's also like, oh good. I never have to say it that way again. That's true. It's kind of a nice thing.

I like when people think of failures as learning lessons too because that's how you get through life. I have to. I fail so much. Listen, I do so many stupid things the internet. I was yelling at chertutery. I'm the board lord. I was, um, I yell

at the bachelor. I, I, I go, you know, like, what is the, there's been so many things. I give dating advice as a single guy who's 38, never marry, no kids. What's stupider than that? This is the dumbest. Maybe that's why

you're single and you're like, everybody else is doing it wrong. Well, coach. Actually makes you happy. Right. Well, the coach is coach and players play. Maybe I'm more of a coach when it comes to love you know i like that you know bill bellichick never played in the NFL he's the greatest coach of all time so i don't know i listen it's so much easier to give advice than take advice like that's the other thing yeah i do agree with that i'm like i could sit here

and talk to you what time are we at right now i'm never leaving i'm moving in i'm not done with you yeah tell jason jason gave me a shout on his podcast uh him and tyler's always been nice i like tyler a lot that guy he must have been kissed by by fucking God. The luckiest, here's my two luckiest bachelors ever. Tyler Cameron. All he did was say,

a woman said, I don't want to fuck you because I already know I want to fuck you. And he was like, yeah, no problem. I totally get it. And I was like, wow, feminist icon. The bar is in hell. In hell.

Like crazy. Yeah. Garbage, no, grocery Joe. Garbage truck Joe. Garbage. Grocery Joe. The guy was on TV for 15. minutes. I know.

Everyone who watched the show created this Hallmark Fantasy movie guy. I know. And now he's never going to work again? Is that what's going on? You know, he's just given the Bachelor sponsored podcast to? And he's not a man of many words.

I got to say no one has said less and been nominated a podcast in like the history of podcast. I don't, nice guy. Don't get me wrong. The nicest. Couldn't be nice. Serena, she's a fucking champion. Serena's like,

Like, she came on as a guest on our podcast, and it was like, we were blown away. Like, like, awesome, awesome, awesome. Can't say a... Canadian. Canadian. We love Canadians. I've had this thing. Canadian women.

There is a thing. They make you roll your eyes, but they also make you laugh. They do. They do. And it's good to do both. No, everyone said even the woman at Zanis. Do you know, Lucy? Yes, of course.

Loves you. Wait, I love her. And I love Lucy. Yeah. I mean, what are my fucking catchphrase? And I love Lucy. But da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. So, yeah, Lucy loves you.

You have five shows in Nashville. Five shows this weekend. That's crazy. I always, you know, is that. You always do five? Yeah, it's a weekend. It's a comedy club weekend. You know, listen, not everyone, you know, I, this is, I've had, like, listen, my life is good.

But I've had, like, this progression that is very little by little. That's, we love a micro shift. I'm a micro shift. Yeah. Some have said the same about my penis. So, no. I love a microshift. that's what I call getting hard

I don't so the you know but I've you know more and more people come every year and it's really nice but I'm here to like work on material

like you go to a club like I'm working on this like story that I'm like excited about and talking about my parents and people see like what I love about it is that I get like mothers and daughters

and fathers and sons and families that come and like really like it and it's not like I'm not a clean comic you know there's some clean comics that are out there like that's a business

decision. Yeah. I'm going to say shit that I would say to my parents. Like, my parents come to my show. I'm like, if they're okay with it,

then, like, I don't, if I, honestly, I would feel weird saying thing that I didn't think was, like, I'm not that inappropriate,

but I'm inappropriate enough that it's not like a, I'm not like, yeah. That's how I am. My parents just laugh and shake their head at stuff that comes out of my mouth.

But what are your thoughts on Matt Rife? I don't know them. I don't, I don't, I, do you get a schick? Do you get it? I've never,

It's hard to say, because I've never watched a video. What's that? I always wonder what comics think of it. Because he's like a pretty TikTok boy. Listen, I think he's funny, but. I've never seen his bits. Oh, okay. It would be stupid of me to be like, I don't, I have no opinion because I don't know.

I know he's a good looking dude who's found like a crazy audience. So, you know, with that, you go, good for him. Like, that's great. Like, stand up, you, you know, there was a time where stand up like, the only people that, there were like five people in the world who could tour without having another thing. Now, because of social media, like,

there's a lot of people, like podcasts for me and live screams. Do you find it overwhelming to have so many podcasts and be touring and doing shows? Or are you like, this is what I was, like, meant to do? Like, do you thrive in the chaos. It's hard for, like, starting a life. Like, I want to, like, date.

I do want to, like, be in a relationship. Let's get you dating someone. Let's get a little. On the listeners. Oh, my God. This never works well. No, no, no. This is, this is, no.

What's your type? Do you have a type? I like, I did a whole episode where I made a list of things I was looking for. Amazing. You know, and, you know, Jordana. What's that? Everybody should have a lift. Yeah, I think it made it easier.

Like, I like a curvier woman who's fun, likes to go out. Yeah. You know, Jewish has been kind of the road I go down. I feel, you know, a familial connection with Jews. Robin. What's that? Robin. Robin would be nice.

We're friends, you know, that's, so, I mean, like. I would root for that relationship so hard. But it's, you know, it's a funny, it's a tough thing, too, because it's like, again, it's hard to, like, get something on. I have my thing where I've, like, been in relationships, you get out and you go, I don't, you know, if anyone's been through a breakup, they go, I need time to, like, not do that again. And, you know, I've had the issue of, like, getting past, like, date one, two area to go, you know, am I

am I having fun because I'm here or am I having fun which is a true narcissist but I like I can make a first day fun. I high fived myself at the end of a six hour road trip once because I was like fuck you're fun to hang out with like I was so serious I'm the greatest time hanging out with me

for six hours like I was like I'm fun that's the problem with being single in your 30s is like people are like you know the more you say I'm okay with my life the sadder you sound you're like I think so. I do. Of course. It's hard to defend. Oh, I like being alone. I love it. I swear. I don't eat anybody. It's my favorite thing. Yeah. You never sound. I like eating alone in my bed. I eat wings and crumbies. I cuddle with the crumbies. You know, like, you know what I mean? Like, it's just like, and especially like, again, I hear from a lot of women, you know, because a lot of women listen to the podcast.

What's the craziest dating story you've ever heard of question or what's the best advice? Tell me something about your podcast where you're like, that was. had it for so long there's a lot of stuff I the one thing that we I guess like my best thing is my best thing is I think a lot of women do this thing where they try to say I'm so confused yeah they always am so confused yeah you're not confused you're turned off yeah they don't say they're turned off right yeah and and they but they'd women rarely say they're turned off and it is something that's very powerful they don't want to own because they're going, well, because what happens is I'm looking for love and then someone

else is giving me attention so you can't complain at all. And it's like, how about you were just turned off? You don't like this person. Do you like this person? Do you think you should tell that person that you're turned off or just cut it off and just decide? That's the thing. People think they're pushing aside good hands to find for no hand. And it's like, no, you're pushing aside a hand that isn't yours to go find the right hand

for you. And what I've noticed is just, it's just from the. women that talk to me, they'll be like, he does this, he does that, and he does this. And I'm like, yeah, you don't like him. Yeah. How about you don't like him? That's okay. That's okay. I have gotten to know you and I am turned off by you. And also, like, what ends

up happening, if you start saying that you're turned off by stuff, you create a standard. And, you know, men don't, the whole chase thing, the whole idea of like, it's so dumb. It's so dumb. Yeah. But what I will say is, if you have no standard, then there is no chase. Yeah. So that, I think

men chase standards. You know, where you go, and that sounds very hokey. Again, I'm now in, yes, Queenland. That's why I was like, yeah, this really speaks to you. But it's like, you get in this thing where you go, like, and it's hard for me, too, as a guy. I'm just saying I hear from women, so like, but for me, it's hard to go, am I annoyed or am I turned, like, am I confused or turned off? Yeah.

And it's like, I'm really turned off by this behavior. Yeah. And it's like, oh, they don't text me every day, but, you know, but, and then you go, it's okay to say a text turns you off. It's okay to say the way they're talking to me turns me off. It's okay to say their lack of a plan turns me off. And it's okay. You can go to someone and go, hey, your lack of making plans has really turned me off and I'm going to move on.

And then what you're going to find is that that person doesn't chase or they're going to make a plan. Oh, I better make a plan. And they're coming to you for advice. People always have to justify if they feel a certain way they have to be like, but he's really good at this or they always have to make. But you're like, that's not what we're here for. We're here to dive into the hardship.

Right. If it doesn't matter, if this thing didn't matter you, you wouldn't be coming to me yeah so it's like you know am i turned off i think is like the biggest thing that people don't ask themselves enough yeah and you know i get turned off all the time like and it's fine it's not that this is a bad person just not my person you know i think that's i like that advice actually thank you i try my best you should have a podcast it's called the ua podcast tell everybody where they can find it you a podcast i thought i was going to confess something today oh yeah that's right before i let you go okay okay good oh this is i want you to tell everyone where to You a podcast, it's every Wednesday and Sunday.

Like, the way I would consider, I co-host it with Jordana Abraham. She's one of the creators of Betches, which everyone knows and loves. To me, there's nowhere that you're going to have a more realistic dating conversation. It is a place where uncomfortable subjects are had in a comfortable place. We have uncomfortable conversations in a very comfortable setting. So, like, you know, my whole life, I grew up with a lot of women friends. And they would always come to me for, what does this guy mean? this text me in and then some of them the worst ones would be honest I would be honest

and again I try to be palatable I try to make this thing an icky subject less icky but they'll go well that's just you and I'm like okay yeah yeah I'm the only one with the f***inus yeah I'm the only one of the fuck yeah it's just me I'm the only disgusting animal everyone else is just the same you know like it just gets so fucking yeah I'm the problem yeah okay what I always say is I'm 10% away from every guy you're dating I'm within 10% I'm not 100% the same I'm also not 100% away right So I'm your brother. I'm the guy who dated, the one who dumped you, the one you dumped, your cousin, all that type of stuff.

I'm there to, like, be, you know, to tell you why it's raining and why you better bring an umbrella. I'm not going to tell you, I'm not going to go boo to the rain. Right. Fuck these men. I'm not going to do that. Which I think is why you probably have, like, how long have you had this podcast? The U.S. podcast has been around for like five years. That's incredible.

Yeah, it's been fun. I like talking about these things. Yeah. This has been fun. This is great. I'm super happy. I came out to the burbs. You don't.

I hope you don't see Rosemary on your way out. Rosemary. Frederick, the Jew was outside again. Yeah, it just feels very... Don't put it out with your boots, tan. It is... No, this is a beautiful neighborhood. It's a very cool thing.

And I do thank you for having me. I think it says a lot about you to be like, oh, this guy's a piece of shit. But let's have fun with them. And I think that's kind of, that says a lot about you. I do believe that. And again, Lucy was like, she literally was like, she's fucking awesome. I like her a lot.

And I go, oh, yeah. And I love Lucy. I got it in. I did the thing. I did the thing with the line. That's so nice. Yeah. No, I feel like I'm, I totally understand.

I do it. I watch the show and I make fun of people. Of course. And then I'm like, hey, you want to go on my podcast. Well, Zach Shallcross, I made fun of that guy. Did you really? I mean, who didn't? Wait, was he taceous?

No, the last bachelor. Oh, yeah, of course. People tore him. Oh, yeah. Him and Clayton got it pretty bad. Clayton and him got it bad. Clayton, by the end of it, you know, he didn't. They both fucked themselves over in ways that were like, but very relatable.

When I talked about that, the way they fucked up, I knew exactly. And I asked Zach if he made this whole sex pledge because of what he saw with Clayton. And he was like, yeah. And I was like, I knew it. There was no. And Zach. couldn't have been nicer. He's so sweet.

He is like, and you go, I get why everyone make fun of him. He's this tall white dude. Again, the internet allows it. Yeah. You know, that doesn't have a lot of personality as far as on screen. Right.

But he came on the show. He was total men. He was a good guy. Yeah. And Katie. Canadian. Another Kate. She's like, and again,

you go, in the same way, Serena, in the same way, you go, I get why she won. Yeah. get why she stood out, like, she's a total, like, fucking catch, you know, and so it's funny when you get in person with someone, you realize it changes everything. Even if you follow them religiously on social media, you still are not getting the full picture. Even if they're, like, posting every morning and afternoon and night, you're still not getting it. Totally. I mean,

Brayden and I are doing an earring making class and then going for yoga. Tell my dad. So I'll let you know if he's cool, too. I have a pair of earrings I actually want to give him of mine You got to I know

That's a video you should make One thing to make fun of Okay tell me your confession now I'll give one that bachelor fans will like Okay I actually thought about this I talked about it on a live show But it wasn't on tape

Okay And I'm a little embarrassed about it I love this That's the kind of Again, I take my own advice. So I kind of flirted with Ariel from... Which one? Oh, New York one.

Zach's, yeah. Yeah, of course. Ariel, and then she took... Ariel's, so I was like making fun of Ariel, but the joke about her for me was like that she had Jewish family and she was gonna bring home Zach who'd never met a Jew in his life. And being Jewish myself, like, I'm made...

Now I get to do like summer camp jokes, I can do like stuff about, you know, Passover. I can really go like, niche and people you know people are Jewish that followed me were like loving it so like over the course of the episode I'm making fun of this girl but also like she's this like Jewish chick living

in New York yeah she's fine and she's hot as shit and she had like sent me messages like laughing I'm sure people were forwarding her my stuff all the time we don't follow each other but I was getting DMs from her yeah so I sent her DM ask her out never never well did she see it and not respond? No scene

okay fair but I think she might I mean at this point she is figured out a way around seeing it. Can you see, like, is the first line where... I'm going to show it to you. This is a great confess. I figured out of all the confessions, because I'm a little embarrassed.

Like, you know, you put yourself out there. You make yourself vulnerable. And again, when people DM me, I get DMs asking for dates. I'm not a, you know, I'm not saying I'm the, you know, the washed up bachelor. You know, I'm not doing this game. It's not your game to play. Right.

I'm not doing the bristow. Right, yeah, yeah. So, but like even I tagged her. So I went, Zach and Katie came to my show in Austin. Yeah. So we took a picture. So she saw that and I put in the picture. Thank you, Zach and Katie for coming tonight.

Couldn't have been nicer and more fun. Let me know if A. Frankel, you know, I tagged her, needs a date for the wedding. Right. Saw that no like. So I was like, that's a bad sign. In the past, she has responded to things. Like, I put up this one, like when she dumped him or when she got dumped, this is a video of people doing Sahara and it was

I wrote Ariel's family celebrating that there's still a chance she might marry a Jewish guy and they're like Yeah they're doing that right right right so I put that up

and then so she laughed at that she wrote back this is spot on yeah so like she's like she likes my humor so to speak so I was like I'll take a shot

and this was encouragement from what's that I'm proud of you thank you well this was encouragement from like again you know I was fine that on the dating apps, I wasn't, like, excited. And I was like, maybe I need to pursue.

Yeah. And maybe I don't pursue because I'm so afraid of being turned down. And maybe I'm not getting excited about dating apps because, again, dating apps promote laziness. Men are generally lazier than just women. And there's a reason that men act the way they do on dating apps. It serves all our kind of worst things. So I was like, and so Jordana was like,

maybe you need to message this person and see what, And I see, you know, get excited about like taking a chance. Yeah. So I wrote. Okay, let me picture this. So this is, so I'll give the DM. Okay. Is this embarrassing?

This is a fun thing to share. Yeah, oh, this is incredible. This is when you're the producer. You're like, oh, please, people. Well, I'm not. Well, the thing is when I asked, people ask me all the time, how do I DM slide a guy? Yeah. I'm like, well, you have to show some vulnerability and then also like, I think, I

I think with guys, we love vague options in dating. Men love vague options. That's so true. Having the ability to, that's why you're texting with a guy for months and months and never going to explain. Just likes the option for when it's convenient for him. So if you're going to DM slide a guy, my advice, and no one ever listens to my fucking advice for this,

they always do the thing that hurts them the least. As I am a person who would do that as well. They always go, what they should do is, hey, I think just saw your profile. You seem like you're a lot of fun. I'd love to get a drink sometime. Here's my number. Make a plan and I'm down.

So when you give your numbers, say make a plan and I'm down, it's now you've taken a vague thing and made it A or B. Make a plan and I'm down. So now you get to be turned off. If they go, well, where are you from? Guess what they didn't do.

Make a plan. They didn't make a plan. You're out. Also, your profile has to be public of certain kind because you have to give them ability to see you as much as you've seen that. Yeah. That's my advice.

They are playing field. I do understand why people don't make their things public. That's okay too, but you have to understand maybe the DM slide isn't for you. Right. And you're getting into a situation where you could hurt your feelings. Your feelings might get hurt a lot. Yeah. Guy follows you, looks you over, doesn't answer, unfollow.

You know, like, right, that's something I wouldn't even, that would hurt me. Yeah. So I wrote, hey, so I had already said, like, I'll be your date to the wedding. No response, but it seems. see the scene? Yes, okay. Okay. Hey, I totally understand not answering my plus one offer.

You need to vet someone before an event like that in regards to their wedding. See how they'd handle the pass-around app situation. I'd love to get a drink if you're around town. Totally understand if you've got other things going on, but I would be upset with myself if I didn't put myself out there and ask. Nice. I think that's a nice... I think she would...

I'm surprised she didn't just put a question mark. You? You? You and me? Like that would be the response. I understand non-answering. Like, look, yeah, there's shit going on. I guess I was thinking of, like, we were trying to think of, like, what the level, like, what would you want?

Like, how do you want to be turned down is really what it is? The not-seen thing, maybe she's saying, I'm going on paradise and I don't want to. Oh, she's 1,000% going on paradise. Right. So maybe there's that. The most positive way to look at it, the most negative way to look at it. Yes. Most positive, I'm not going to look at it.

I'll put it in my not red so that. I can get to it if I want that option after. That's the most positive way. That's what I think it was, and I'm not just saying that. Okay. Here's the most negative. Who's this chubby loser? No fucking way.

I'm going to leave this unread forever. Deleted the whole conversation. I actually moved it to unread than deleted so it won't even show up that I've read it. And usually the negative is never, that's usually just us lying to ourselves about what that option probably is. The answer is always in the middle. Yeah. You know, it's never like, I've got to wait. until you know I'm waiting for the perfect timing for the universe to put us together

and come back to this it's not that right not that fucking loser right so it's like probably like I'm going on paradise I'm young and hot I'm gonna go you know see what's going on there yeah and then in five years she'll be like hey back to that DM how am I just seen this hey so I heard you don't do you don't do comedy anymore you're an accountant now I like a safe bet right a good run, I guess. You got canceled when you went on Caitlin Bristow's podcast. The Jewish community came after you weirdly. Oh my God. Thank you.

Is it a good reveal? Yeah. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating and review. Housewives. Bravo. Dating. Motherhood. It's all just one big party in my book. So raise a glass and join us for Turtle Time. Okay. If you haven't figured it out, that's Ramona Singer. And I'm Avery Singer. And you probably know us best from the real Housewives of New York. And Turtle Time is actually our new podcast. Avery, I am so excited to be doing this with you. I'm so excited too. And now we're inviting you to, Turtle Time. We'll have some fun and learn something,

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