Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Work-Life Balance & Finding Your Why with Jenna Kutcher

Episode Date: June 2, 2022

On today’s episode, Kaitlyn is catching up with a friend, Vino, and incredible entrepreneur who is passionate about women pursuing their passions (and getting paid to do it)... We’re talking about the amazing Jenna Kutcher! Jenna wrote a book during the pandemic that asks a very important question, "How Are You, Really?", and dives into how to find your purpose and use it to live your most authentic life. Kaitlyn opens up to Jenna about her struggles to follow her path and go against hustle culture in a time when it seems like everyone is moving a million miles a minute, and then the two open up the OTV Hotline to give some advice. From finding inspiration to applying to jobs in a creative field to making financial decisions to dealing with loss, KB & Jenna are digging into listener questions to help the Vinos start living their best lives outside of the tired cliché of ‘having it all.’ Plus, you will not want to miss these confessions… HELIX - Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for my listeners at HelixSleep.com/vine.  PROGRESSIVE - Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. HYUNDAI - Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com.  STARBUCKS - STARBUCKS BAYA Energy drink is available online, at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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available online at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide. Podcast One Presents Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Caitlin Bristow's going to answer your question. Drink to your confessions. And hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more. Here's Caitlin. Hi. Hi. Hello. Oh my gosh. You look so cute. Well, I usually don't look cute on podcasts. I'm usually like looking like a solid too, but I have to go to a charity event after my next podcast. So I was like, I have to be ready to go after these interviews. Exit the building. Yeah. I even have my shoes on like I'm ready to just like roll out of here because it's supposed to start at 515 and

I'm probably going to get there at 530 so I'm like it's it's something it comes with a level of self-awareness where you know yourself well enough that like if you don't do this it's like sleeping with your clothes on as a kid like you don't just lay your next day clothes out you sleep with them on so you can roll out do you know I actually do that I really do sleep in like my gym clothes sometimes just so I'm like in the morning I'm like oh I'm really I have to go and I'm like but I'm I'm already in my gym closed so let's just go like last minute get out there and do the damn thing so anyways it's so good to see you I know Drew is like tell Caitlin hi I was like and she doesn't know you but she will absolutely say hi back I feel like I do though I feel like I do it's you know the whole world where

are you right now by the way so we have a little lake house in Minnesota and this is our little guest house and it's like this little cabin and when we bought the house I was like if I ever write a book this is where I'm going to do it because it overlooks Lake Superior and this is alas where I wrote my book during COVID. Oh my gosh. I love that. Good for you. You do so many things. I wanted to start off the podcast by having you tell my listeners a little bit about yourself and what you have going on in life right now because it's a lot. So tell us. Tell us everything. Oh my gosh. Well, I'm so excited to be on this podcast because I am a Vino and I have been in your Facebook community for years. Like your Facebook community is amazing. So anyone that's listening that's not in that community,

get in there. It's just amazing what people share in there. It's really cool. But my name is Jenna Coucher. I live in Minnesota in Duluth, Minnesota, so right off a Lake Superior. And I am an entrepreneur. And I used to not be able to explain what I did very well because I just assumed people, wouldn't understand it. And so I would just kind of downplay my life's work. But I am so passionate about women pursuing their passions and getting paid to do it in whatever form that looks like, whether it's a side hustle or full-time entrepreneurship. I'm also a mom to two little girls. And that is my, I work so that I can live the life that I live instead of living to work. And that is my mission. And I have learned to never say never, like Bieber says, because I said I would

never write a book and I wrote a book and it's called How Are You Really? And I am so excited to get it into the world. I never thought I would one write a book and two be excited about it. But that's where I find myself today, which is wild. We're just evolving human beings. I know. Isn't that crazy? There's so many things that like my bucket lists have changed. My goals have changed. And they like, usually people have a five year plan or something. And I'm like, I can't, I don't know. I don't you know what my five minute plan i have a five minute plan exactly what made you like if you were like i'll never write a book what made you be like you know what i'm going to sit down and write a book because that's a really challenging thing to do i know from jason just writing one that it is so much work and

like you have to really have your head down and be like into it and in the zone and you have to be in the right head space and mind space and heart space and you're also a mom and you also have so many other things going on so what made you be like you know what i am going to write a book yeah Well, first, what's hilarious is when you find my book on Amazon, Jason's book is one of the number one recommended books underneath my book, which is incredible. That's awesome. So for a long time, I feel like in life there are times where we covet money and like money is the most important thing.

And then there are times in our life where the scales tip and time becomes our most important thing. Like time becomes our currency. And for a very long time, I could never understand why anyone would write a book. Because while you can get a really great book deal and I was super. fortunate to do that when you look at like spending two plus years on one project in the world i'm in i'm like oh i could do eight million other things and make that amount of money in way less time and i think the scales had tipped where i was like this message matters more than the money

and the other piece of it is that i did the entire thing backwards intentionally because i wanted to make sure i was committed to it so i had a folder in my gmail titled if i write a book and i told my team put any requests from agents or publishers in there. I don't even want to see them because if I do this, I want to make sure that I do the book that I want to do. Because for a long time, and I know this has happened to you, people tell you what they expect of you, right? Like, they're like, I have this really good idea that you should do. And it's not your idea and it's not your calling. And so I wrote the entire book during COVID in silence. I didn't tell my audience. I didn't tell my mom. I didn't tell a publisher. I had none of it. And I was like, if I care enough to write a book,

I'm going to do it without getting paid. Because I think there's a huge difference between writing words that sell and writing words that tell. And I was like, I want to do words that tell. And so I sat down and did it and didn't tell anyone. And now it's coming out into the world, which is bananas. Wow. That's so lovely concept that you write to tell and not to sell because I think I've thought about writing a book a few times because I have a lot of stories and the book might get me like all honestly I might be single by the end of it but oh hey Jason what timing right on cue what the timing no I said if I was to write a book about all of my lives I've lived I might be single if it came out like if you were to write a book Jason I have talked about this

Jason, if you were to write a book about life in your 20s, would I want to read it? A nice little switcheroo right there. That's a master at work right there, everybody. It is a master at work. That's a bad timing. I was like, yeah, I'll be single. Hey, honey, love you. But I just feel like that that's a good intention that I would want to have because so many things that I do, I try.

Like, of course I like money. Of course I like to like, you know, live this life that I have from working hard getting paid but I also have never been the person to like really stay motivated by money like and sometimes I have to check myself when I start doing things for money because it will like take me off my path like it won't align with what I want to do and then I'm just doing it for money and I always have to take a step back and be like Caitlin do you really want to be promoting this or do you really want to be talking business really align with you or are you getting a little greedy bitch yeah or people like give you ideas where they're like this is what you should write about

like but that's not like and i people have given me really good ideas but i'm like i can't write 300 pages about that idea or like that's your idea for a book but maybe not my book so yeah i love that i get it so do you have like a system of how you wrote the book like is each chapter something different or does it all like go into a storyline how did you write it so there are three main sections so the first one is who you are. And it's really about like coming home to yourself because the whole premise of the book is like, and Caitlin, you know this. Like when you sit down with somebody and they're like, how are you? And you're like, I'm good. I'm busy. You know, life's full, whatever. But then if you're with someone that you feel safe enough and they're like, but how are you really? And they like lean in and you're

like, I have a safe space to share. The premises is like, one, we don't have conversations like that enough between people we love but we also don't ask ourselves that like how am i really like am i exhausted am i happy am i faking that i'm loving my life am i content am i disheveled like where are we at and i think so much of it is that like we don't know who we are and i think covid revealed that a lot when you know how much of our lives have we been like when the when life slows down i will you know eat healthier or move my body or read more books and then it's like oh guess what life slowed down for a lot of the population if you were lucky and were you living into the things that you said you would do because now you've gotten this like opportunity on your

calendar how are you living into that so the first section is who you are the second section is who you have and who has you like community because I feel like dang it we are so lonely these days and then the last section is what are you going to do about it like what are you going to do about these dreams and these ideas and these notions and these fantasies that you hold for your life when your real life looks nothing like that. So I actually, it's really funny because like Jason and stuff, like I'm obsessed with business and marketing and strategy. So when I first wrote the book in silence, I wrote a business book. And my, when I finally got an agent and got a book deal, they were like, we love you. But this is a conversation much bigger than business. And so we had to

scrap a lot of parts of it and reframe it because I think, too, when we look at the workforce, women are leaving in droves. Like, we are not happy with our jobs or the workplace cultures or balance and whatever that's supposed to mean these days. And so it's such a big conversation that I think is just happening naturally. All right, Vanos, let's talk about Hyundai for a second. Everything is better electrified. And Hyundai has the widest range of electrified vehicles on market, including their first ever Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. Their turbocharged engines have quiet, rapid acceleration, and you can use electric when you want or gas when you need.

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Now back to Off the Vine Grape Therapy. What is one way that you, yourself, or maybe a suggestion for other people, like, how would you be like, this is how I got to know myself? So that, because I take myself on dates or all, like, write little journals or like, but I still, like, sometimes I struggle with like, okay, but who am I? Like, who is Caitlin Bristow? And then if I really dive into it, I can get there, but it takes so much time. And I change. And like we were saying earlier, we evolve and we change. And our ideas of what we want can change. And so how do you get to know, Jenna, if you're feeling a little lost? Yeah. Well, so for me and for you, autopilot is do, do, do, like more, more, more. We get in this state of motion. Rest takes a lot of work for me. Like if I'm trying to rest, it takes more work than just doing the work itself, right? Like it's like, be still, stop thinking. like rest your body, don't feel guilty. And I feel like so many of us are on that treadmill. I mean, it's like the same reason why we can't go pee without bringing our phones with us.

Like we're afraid to get quiet with ourselves because we're totally terrified of what's going to bubble to the surface. It's like we're so good at packing down. And the other side of that equation is that like I've gone through a lot of evolutions in who I am as a wife, as a mother, as someone who has experienced loss as an entrepreneur. And I think that a lot of times women, we resist change because we don't necessarily know how to define ourselves. It's like we're simultaneously on this mission to prove that we can be multi-passionate and multi-fasted while at the same time trying to box ourselves in and be able to explain what we do and who we are. Right. And so it's like we struggled to like accept these evolutions or to contradict ourselves. And for me,

it takes so much work to come back to myself and to ask myself, how am I? Like, am I really okay today? because I think we don't know how to be comfortable if the answer is no. If the answer is no, you think the next step is like, we got to, you must not be busy enough or you're not doing enough or you're not like, yes, something's missing. And that doesn't have to be the truth. But for some reason, that's what we tell ourselves. Isn't it crazy? I know.

And that's what I think is really interesting is I think the world is hitting this like collective burnout. Like we've had to juggle so many hats and wear so many rolls under one roof. if we're lucky enough to be able to work from home. It's like we're working from home. We're living at home. We're dreaming from home. We're ideating from home.

Right. Where does one identity of ourselves start and where does it stop? And how can we like bring our whole selves into the conversation and feel like safe to do that, which is interesting? I'm kind of going through that right now because I've been so back to back busy and not home. And like it felt like I went from dancing with the SARS to back. back hosting of The Bachelorette to a tour that was so long that now I'm actually able to sit with myself and have this time where I was craving downtime. Now I have it and it's scaring me

and I almost don't want to go where I usually am capable of going and that's deep and figuring out what I want and where I'm at in life. And I've been avoiding it and I'm not really sure why. I do know why it's because I don't want to acknowledge the change that's happening within me and I don't know where to even start right now because I went for dinner by myself the other night and I took a little notepad and I started to write and I just was like this is really overwhelming me and usually I'm like really then I'm writing down all my goals and I know exactly what's going on but I like was looking at a blank page being like why am I so lost I don't like this well and it's like sometimes I feel like did you did you ever have like journals or

diaries and I would almost write like in case somebody found this they're not going to think psychopath like just like let me just sprinkle in a little normalcy so nobody thinks I'm like crazy but it's like I feel like we kind of do that through life and it's like with social media and immediate feedback and constant criticism and all of these things it's like we're almost waiting for someone to tell us what to do next it's like just pull me in the next direction and it's like we don't even know how to like point our sales anymore because we don't know what we want yeah yeah that's that's what i'm struggling with i think i've i've been pulled in so many different directions and all those directions i've wanted to be pulled in i'm like right this is so exciting this is so

exciting and now i get home and even though i still have you know my podcast to look forward to my wine business the scrunchy company like even though i have all those things established and i love doing them i'm like but what's next and i have that constant little voice in my head of well why don't you have a plan like why don't you have a next like gig or job or hosting thing or what what are you doing And then I start going down the spiral of, well, you're 36 and you're almost 37 and you haven't thought about kids yet. And then I start going down that hole. And it's a lot. I think that we've confused, though, like we've confused as a culture, the difference between being content and being complacent. And I feel like women, like the minute that we're like, I am like happy in my life,

we worry. Like, did I lose my zest? Like, did I lose my like gusto to like go after things? And especially people that are achievers, it's like when we're so wrapped up in our output and what we do, the second that we're not creating something or doing an output, we feel worthless. And it's this literal identity crisis. I literally say it's almost like doing a couch to 5K, but in reverse, where we're constantly running the 5K, we need to learn how to sit our asses on the couch. It's so true. I do. And like, I've been doing that. I've been sitting my ass on the couch and I've been having my downtime. but I'm enjoying it somewhat, but on the other end, I'm literally constantly thinking what's next for me. I need to read your book. I'm excited. I got it for you. Don't worry. And you're going to

have the audio version of it too, right? Yes, I recorded that. It was honestly so fun. Here's the funniest part about this. So when I wrote my book, I know so many incredible like leaders and authors and like the message that they like share with the world is the message that they need the most, you know, like where you're like, I'm struggling with this. And I was like, if I'm going to do this book, like I'm going to do it so that it is so aligned with my values. And so my publisher was like, hey, we need you to fly out to like a different city to record your audio book. It's going to take five days. And I have two little ones. Like I have like a really little baby. And I'm like, I'm sorry. Like I can't do that. I was like, let me figure this out. I'm not going to

say no without figuring it out. So my next door neighbor runs the radio station in Duluth, Minnesota. And I was like, hey Mary, do you have like an audio booth that I could record in? And she's like, yeah, I think we can figure this out. My cousin is a DJ at the radio station. So he did my sound engineering. I did it in our hometown. My brother, like his offices across the street. So I'd go get lunch with him. And the lady that was on the phone with us was like, it literally sounds like you guys live in Mayberry. And I was like, well, kind of. But I was like, if I'm going to live out the mission of balance and like boundaries and like saying like yes to the right things so it was honestly amazing it took me two and a half days to do it I busted it out got to tuck my babies in every night and like it was amazing

it was so awesome god what a feeling that's Jason really hated that part of the process was yeah doing the audio recording because he just said like it is it's just like hours of talking and pronouncing things maybe in a different way that you like I would say potential and they're like it's potential and i was like i clearly cannot say the word potential yeah you realize that you like don't say things struggling you have to pronounce things like a certain way and redo it and then you get tired and it's it's draining talking for that long so um you and i are good at it though i mean i really could i really could talk to myself or i'm the things that come out of my mouth when i'm by myself sometimes like this can be my confession actually i've never like been like

I'm going to try this diet or I'm going to try. I've never been like that, but I for some reason got, I was talking to a couple of the girls who dance and they're like, oh, you've got to do celery juice. And it's not just celery juice. You don't just drink celery juice for your whole day and that's it. It's you start your every morning with celery juice. Yeah. And what happens is you literally shit your pants for like the whole day.

And I'm like, I don't know my body's supposed to be doing this. But I found myself saying out loud, no, no, Kaelim, we don't trust toots after celery juice. I like said that out loud. And I was like, oh, my gosh, like this is so, if people heard me say the things that I say to myself out loud, it would be a whole other podcast we could make out of it. Oh my gosh. I freaking love it. I feel like, so with two little girls, I've like told Drew, I'm like, you can never make them feel uncomfortable about tooting. Because I was like, girls are walking through life, holding in toots and their bellies hurt. Like, and so I was like, I will not do that to my children. They can toot whenever they want. So now whenever Coco Toots, where I was like, oh, your belly is saying hello. it's your belly talking to us hi belly like it is so funny because she'll be like my belly is it needs to talk right now I'm like let it talk girl wait I love that gosh there must be so many things that you think of as a mom now to kids like that of how how you speak to yourself how you speak about like

food in general or you know like everything do you have accounts that you love to follow on Instagram that like teach you lessons as a parent because I follow accounts so many yeah I need to send you them there's like big little feelings which is really good with emotional intelligence because it's like you know in my book there's actually a chapter called like feelings are meant to be felt and I feel like as adults like we are constantly just trying to get to a state of happiness so we just kind of rush through like sadness or anger or frustration and it only came to me when I was trying to teach my toddler who's feeling all these things like it's okay to be angry or it's okay to be sad and so yeah big little feelings is a really good one um shoot i got to think of what her name was drew drew and i were like

texting each other we'll like find these things on instagram and send them like instead of saying this say this i'm like okay just give us all the scripts of parenthood because sometimes we look at each other like we don't know what we're doing um it is crazy everybody's just doing their best and that's all you can do on this podcast we do advice which i feel like you're going to be great at because you have so much to offer. And I love having people on with different life experiences, give advice to my listeners because everyone has their own perspective. So for a little bit more on your background,

I know that when you were 23, you quit your corporate job, bought a camera, started your own business as a wedding photographer. Like, I feel like there's so many people that are listening out there that would love to, you know, be like, I got to quit my job and do what I'm passionate about. Where did your motivation come from? to say I'm not going to do this anymore, especially at the age of like 23.

I don't think a lot of people really know what they want in life. But how did you find the motivation to quit what you were doing in your job and go after what you loved? Yeah. Well, it was crazy because I used to be a really creative person. And then once I started college and it was just like a grind. Like I paid my way through school. It was always climbing the ladder and had this like huge aha moment when I was sitting in a meeting

with my boss and it was a female. and I saw this picture of her kids on her desk and she never really talked about her kids and I was like, oh, like, tell me about your kids. And she was really like sad about it. And she's like, well, if I'm lucky, like I get like a half hour with them before bed every night. And like that was because she was working so much. And I remember like going back to my office and I saw this picture of Drew and myself when we were young and married. And I was like, I'm like working and I'm never going to see this guy. And we have this vision. for our lives and it's reserved for like the weekends and like the one week I get off a year and we're planning our lives around this work. And I never went to school for photography, never took an art class, but I bought a camera because I was like, I don't even know what it means to be creative again. Like I don't even know what it means to like feel excited about something. And I started studying photography and I was a bride at the time. So I was like, I know how important wedding photos are. I'm looking at all the blogs and stuff. And I stopped in.

visioning myself as a bride and was like, what would it be like to be the photographer? And I wanted to just get out of that corporate ladder climb because I feel like for so many of us, people can present to us, kind of like what we were talking about at the beginning, like a five year plan. And you're like, where does life fit into this five years? Like where do I actually enjoy what I'm working for? Right. And so, yeah, I burned the candle on both ends, which is not recommended to do all the time, but is totally necessary. You know when starting any business. And I was able to match my corporate salary and leave within a year to be a wedding photographer. And I learned as I went and I just had tons of confidence. And it was really just like I needed a vehicle out. And then I trusted

myself to be able to steer that vehicle once I got out of there. And that's exactly what I did. And I think so many people just think that the things that they're passionate about are curious about are so random, but it's like, man, those things can really make you come alive. And I think most of us are going through lives. Like, we're not actually awake to what's happening for us. And so I just encourage people to like really pursue those curiosities. Totally. I love that. I'm excited to get into these voicemails that we're going to listen to. Wait, did you do your confession that you toot after celery juice? Not toot. I doot my pants. Like I literally have to not toot because I have to run to the toilet, but that is my confession. Why? Do you have a good one before we get

into these? Oh my gosh. Yes, because I have listened to your podcast for years. And anytime I do something really remotely dumb, I'm like, if I ever, if I ever. So last night, Drew and I were brushing our teeth and I was like, babe, I'm going on Caitlin's show tomorrow. And I was like, I got to tell you my confession because I didn't, I hadn't even told him this. Okay. This is so good. Okay. So recently, my college roommates, we were all in Arizona and we went to the spa together. And I was like postpartum, whatever. So we're having a few drinks by the pool. And then we go to get massages. And I have this excellent massage. But you know how sometimes massages make you have to pee? Like you like, you want to jump off the tape. I was like, this postpartum body is not going to hold this pee in. So the guy like finishes the massage, closes the door. And I'm like, I'm either going to pee in this sink. I'm going to pee in this sink. I'm going to. in my cup. So I had, I had this water glass and I was like, oh, it's, I'm not going to make it to a bathroom. So I peed in the cup, dumped the cup in the sink, rinse the sink out. The guy comes back in after I'm like in my robe and he goes and he's like, oh, let me fill up your water. Like we just did

a lot of work. You need to detox. So he fills up my cup. And then he's like watching me to drink because he's like trying to convince me that I'm dehydrated. I need to drink it. I'm like, I cannot drink this water because I just peed in this. cup but I couldn't say anything so I'm just sitting there like holding the cup and like trying to make small time and then I just like fake drink it and I was dying I was dying that is hilarious I was like you did that and I was like babe I wasn't about to make it into like back into my swimsuit back into the road back to the bathroom like I had to go isn't that funny and like it would have been way worse if you like peed yourself or peed on the massage table you didn't you were resourceful

you used cup you rinsed it it was all good. That's amazing. That's a great confession. Oh, Lord. Thank you for sharing with all of us. No problem. I've been waiting my whole life to have a good confession and that was it. Okay, so one thing that I think you guys know, and it's very important to me, is getting a good night's sleep. I mean, I feel like we all have a lot going on and not sleeping well can sometimes just ruin your day. And sleeping well does the exact opposite. It makes me that much more productive, just in a better mood. and that's why it can be very important to invest in a mattress that works for you. And Helix is such an upgrade when it comes to getting the best sleep possible.

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Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, National Annual Average Insurance Savings by New Customers, surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2020 and May 2021. Potential savings will vary discounts not available in all states and situations. This is off the vine, grape therapy. Okay, so we're going to give some advice, help some women who may need a little motivation, guidance, or just maybe an open ear. Hi, my name's Lauren. I'm from Buffalo, New York. I have been having a hard time lately searching for jobs. I work in a creative field, graphic design, communication design, and I'm living at home.

I graduated in May. I'm just having a hard time, like, believing in my self-worth, and then I can actually do creative things, you know. I don't know why I'm not getting a job. I've interviewed. I've applied to, like, over 100 jobs, and it's not happening, and I feel stuck. And I know other people feel that way. but it would be great to get some advice about it.

Thanks. Bye. Sweetie. I just want to give her a hug. I do too. So she's having a hard time. She's feeling stuck. She's in the creative field.

She graduated in May. What is advice for feeling stuck in your career or at the start of your career? Like, I want to know who doesn't feel stuck at one point in their lives, you know, career-wise and everything. But I think it's really hard when you're a creative mind. When you're a logical person, your brain is just always logical. When you're creative, you go in and out of, like, waves of like, I don't feel creative. And now I really do. So I feel like if that was me and I was stuck, like, not feeling creative, I would just, like, go do things that inspire me.

Like, I don't know what would that look like for her personally. But, like, for me, like, going to some sort of convention with women or listening to a podcast that's, like, inspiring. Yeah. Well, like, during COVID, we did, like, puzzles and, like, random stuff. where it's like, oh my gosh, I can actually do something with my hands and not a screen, which is huge. Yeah. One thing that I would say when it comes to the creative field like that, because I was a

photographer, is a lot of times when we are using portfolios of work that we were hired to do, it's not work exemplary of what we want to do. I remember I interview this gal on my podcast, who was a stationary designer. And she created stationary suites off of like her favorite Harry Potter characters. And it was like work she was so excited about. And then she started booking clients that liked that kind of work. And she got to do the work she loved. And so I would say if you're feeling stuck as a graphic designer,

create your dream client and create work and let that be your portfolio because that's probably way more exemplary of the work you want to do. And it'll probably appeal to the right people instead of just leaning on a portfolio of stuff you've been hired to do. That is really incredible advice, actually. I'm glad I could help. That was really good. I love that.

That's great advice. Okay, we hope that helps. Next, voicemail. Hi, Caitlin. My name is Andrea. I have a small clothing store in my hometown, and I just have been having a hard time finding the inspiration. And I would just love to know tips and tricks you have to finding inspiration again in your business.

And, yeah, I think that's about it. But I just love any business on our advice, I would love to hear. thank you so much for your time i hope to hear from you bye how do you get inspired for each new line of like your scrunchies like what where do you draw inspiration from a lot of times it's just what i have going on in my life like i'm like oh i'm like gonna have a bachelor at a bachelor's let's do something really fun what would i want at my bachelor's party i want visors i want neon i want like i just thought of stuff that i want and i think that's a lot i think that's always good advice for people is create something that you would want, like being authentic to who you are

obviously and putting out something that you know you would want to see. And I think that comes with inspiration for like a small business with clothing especially. Like what are you craving in your wardrobe right now? I mean, I'm such a dork for a Pinterest board. I really am. Any outfit that I want. I go, um, okay, I'm going to a charity tonight. So charity outfit inspiration. Like, I'll just type in anything or, like, airport outfits. I'll literally use Pinterest for inspiration to find outfits for, you know, whatever. So I think that would be a good thing for Andrea is what is she craving in her wardrobe right now? And what, like, go on Pinterest and type in little outfits that she would want to wear them.

Yeah. And I would say, too, take it a step further. She's a huge fan of you. Imagine what Caitlin, what if you could dress Caitlin, what would you pick for her? Because a lot of times, too, it's like, I think as entrepreneurs, our realities are so not glam, right? Like the real daily grind is like sweatpants and on your couch. And I'm like, oh, like, think about somebody you follow online and like would be your dream client.

Like you would die if they shopped at your boutique. What would you want them to see when they walked in? Because I think it's a lot easier sometimes. Kind of like if somebody you love, like if your sister was like, oh, I hate myself or I hate my body what kind of loving words would you say sometimes creativity when we think about like who would i die to work with even if it's a stranger on instagram it can get you so fired up of like oh i've eight million ideas for them that's so true damn it you got you you should write a book that's so good yeah okay that's Andrea we hope that helped because yes that actually

that inspired me like for my next to do it. it drop i want to be like well and think too if somebody reached out to you like let's say you have like a muse or someone where you're like this one person if they wore it think if you reach out to them after and say you inspired this line like i envisioned you wearing it you can make literal dreams come to life through that like through that connection but also just letting people know like hey you've made an impact even though if you don't know i exist i design this off of you I mean, I know I would open up that DM and respond to it pretty quickly. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Same. Okay, well, Haley Beaver. Here I come. If you're listening, here I come. Okay, next voicemail. Here we go. Hi, Caitlin.

My question, I suppose, is how do you, like, pick yourself up and, like, try to move on after dealing with, like, hardcore loss? my dad died a week ago and i am like a hot mess i have no motivation to do anything whatsoever and i don't know i guess i'm like looking for advice to like pick myself up and like start going back to doing the things that i love working out eating healthy doing stuff for work doing stuff for nursing school like stuff like that so like yeah how do i move on and like pick myself up and like go at it. I am like way too fragile for that. Like I want to cry right now because that's I can't even imagine like my brain can't

go there sometimes when I think about the loss of like a parent. It's only been a week for her. I don't know when she sent in that voicemail. So maybe longer now. But still healing for everybody looks so different. And what I might do to heal might not be what would be best for her. But if that was me, I honestly would. I would go into a hole and I would probably allow myself to sit in that hole for a very long time.

And I don't know. I don't know what I would do. There is a, it was interesting. I actually sent it to Chrissy Tegan when she lost her son. But there's a line in my book that was like, we don't move on from grief. We learn to move with it. And I think that a lot of times with grief, it's like we're trying to like go back to normal, kind of like the pandemic where we're like, what are we rush?

back to like what is normal and I feel like the same is with grief like you don't just move on from it you start to learn to move with it it's like you pick it up and you start moving with it that doesn't mean that you're you just ignore it it means that like you're strengthened and changed by it and you accept this new identity and I think that when when situations like this happen it's like we're waiting to go back to normal and we've all learned like normal isn't coming back to us like we've got to create that new normal and so with grief it's like how do you start to move forward with this new perspective and with this new empathy and with this new understanding of how precious time is and like with honoring the relationship that you had doing that and so that

that pressure of moving on should never be a piece of the grief equation in my opinion yeah i agree i feel like she seemed like she was almost feeling guilty for not getting back up and getting herself together and doing what she loves, which that will like, I think a patience is probably a big, that's like a word I would probably keep telling myself, like write it on paper, just patience because grief does not go away. And you're allowed to like sit in that feeling of loss and knowing how tragic that is. And you're not just going to pick yourself back up and start doing the things you love and eating healthy again. But you have to really take care of yourself in these moments too, which maybe that does look like you're eating healthy just to like feel

better and nourishing yourself. But you really do have to take care of yourself. Be patient and like let let people help you. I think that was a big thing for me when I know, I always feel silly talking about heartbreak as loss, but it really no is. And I went through such a hard heartbreak and it felt like lost to me. And I had to allow people to help me. And I was like, I were voice texting a lot when you were going through all of that. And I was in Hawaii and we would be texting back and forth about what was going on and everything. Yes. Loss is lost. Like there is no like, I think a lot of times. And I mean, part of my book is like about this where it's like because we know people have it worse than us, we belittle our own pain. But like we're not meant to like measure our pain.

Like pain is pain. And like I think a lot of times we belittle like our unease with life or our grief. or whatever because we know we're aware, we're conscious that people have it way worse than us. But in doing that, it's like we don't actually like live into like what's actually happening with us. And I feel like I bet you, I bet you can relate to this. But I feel like grief too is like, imagine standing on the shoreline and you're just watching waves. Like some days you can just watch waves and be like, wow, those are powerful. And then some days you get sucked in and like you are not swimming anymore. And you don't know when those days are going to hit and it can hit randomly or it can be a date or an anniversary or it can just be like the most random thing that triggers you

and it's like some days you're just like watching it happen and some days you're in it and I think that is like where we have to have empathy for the grieving process and that it does look different. Yeah, that's so true. That's every day it's going to look so different. And like I hope she's in my Facebook group because I know so many people in that group have experienced loss. And when you have that community of people to talk to and who can relate and tell you it's going to be okay and just hear you. I think that has such a huge impact too. That can be so powerful to have a community. Yes. Oh, your community is insane. I mean, the stuff that people share in there, though, I'm like, this is the most authentic version of

lives. Like, people really share a lot. I think it's literally the best Facebook group I'm in, but it's incredible how people rally around each other and have empathy and advice and encouragement and like I watch people in your group connect in real life and it's like it's amazing it's really cool it is really cool it's probably like top three things that have come out of you know from me being on the show or anything that's happened in my life like if I think about something I'm the most proud of like the community that's been built that's in that Facebook group is up there like they're just all such incredible human beings who just I could not have better I don't want to say followers because at this point they're more than that

Yes, I hear you know. Okay, next one. Hey, Jalen. This is Jessica from Jacksonville, Florida, and I'm 33. 33. It stinks up on me. So I'm kind of in a tough spot right now. My husband and I got married two years ago right before COVID, and we're living in a house

with a roommate. And, of course, we're kind of ready to move on. But as soon as we said, hey, let's get a house. we realized that the housing market was absolutely crazy. So we waited a year and nothing changed. And so we're just going to kind of top spot us to do we go overpay for a house so that we can move on or do we stay here to save money and see what the market does and feel kind of stuck and like we're wasting this time wishing? It's stressful. And then of course I add my biological clock into the mix like, oh, we can't have babies until we have our own place.

but I'm turning 34 this year and everything is very stressful. I don't know if you or Jason had any advice on the housing market, wait, don't wait, do what your hard desires. I'm really envious of you that you were able to freeze your eggs and I wasn't. It's kind of hard just having that biological clock ticking even if you're not ready. But I didn't have any words of support or advice and any of that. Gosh, I feel that. My biological clock, even though I, when I froze my eggs, I was like, I don't have a biological clock anymore. But I still do because I'm like, I still want to be like a younger mom.

And I still want to like, you know, be able to get pregnant naturally and all these things. And so I understand that that clock is ticking. She's still young. Obviously, you just turned 34, didn't you? Yep, yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's, gosh. the pressure of what you're supposed to do in a timeline is so frustrating because, I mean,

women's bodies were meant to have babies at like 16. And obviously, that's not what's happening in our world. And we're all working and setting ourselves up for other things in life first before having kids. And that's amazing and incredible. So, I mean, my advice, oh, gosh, my advice is to freeze your eggs. But I know that's not for everybody because it's, so expensive and I'm not saying everyone can just go out and do that but that's like the best investment I've ever made in my life was freezing my eggs so yeah I would say too like I can give it I mean I didn't want children for the first five years of our marriage and we said never and then it's like you spend so much time money and energy trying not to have kids that when you flip the

script it's like whoa and I feel like women's like innate fear is that like they would desire your motherhood and it wouldn't come for them and like you said it's like we're made to do that and when I experienced my back to back losses I like felt like a failure and I was like here we finally made the decision to start our family and it's not happening and like it's not a well paved path right but even things like the order like I know you were just talking to Ashley I about this where it was like you don't necessarily have to follow like you know you get engaged then you get married then you have the kid then buy the house then you get the dog in the minivan like I feel like we're a stage where it's like we can't keep waiting to live life for this like perfect sequential

storm to happen whether it's the housing market it's always going to be something so it's like what what do you want and what can you control because we all know that there's so many things in life that we can't control we've all experienced it so what can you have certainty in and what can you start to pursue with certainty and clarity and you know for me it took us three years to have our first child. And I can look back now and see that the time that I spent waiting was just as important as the child I was waiting for. Like I needed that time in my life to like wake up to like, what do I really want? What's important? How do I build a business that supports my life and not a life around my business? And like there is a lot of things. And so trusting in the timing of your

own life, I think is huge, but also not waiting to live because of things like the market. Like, we can't control that. So, like, what can we control? That's, that's so true. You cannot control. I mean, I'm having that same issue right now, too, but that's so fair. And I mean, all this stuff can go back and relate to your book as well. Like, the book shares your philosophy on how to live a life that exists outside of the tired cliche of, like, having it all. Yeah. And I just love that. And I'm just, I'm proud of you for writing this book and it's going to help so many people and I know you like you want to live outside the hustle culture and I feel the exact same way as you and setting those boundaries for yourself to find like that point where you're like enough

like what is important. So I'm so excited for people to read your book and you also have a podcast gold digger. Yes. You've been a guest and we need to have you back because it's been a hot minute since you were on. I'd love to come back on. I just everything that you do with your like who you are in your brand and your business and and I really respect it and tell everybody where they can get your book and listen to your podcast and follow you on Instagram. Well, thank you so much for having me on. So Jenna Coucher is the hub in the place of all the things, spelled like Ashton, not related unfortunately. And I host the goal digger podcast, G-O-A-L digger podcast, not gold. I sometimes regret the name of that one. Well, it's perfect.

And when you see it, but it, yeah, if you, I feel like when I tell people, yeah, and they're like, oh, and I was like, no, no, my husband's a stay-at-home dad. Like, I'm the bridewinner. It's gold digger. And then the book is called How Are You Really? You can get it anywhere books are sold or go to how are you really book.com. And I am so excited for people to get their hands on it. It has been a long project, but like the best piece of my life's work that I'm just so excited to get out there. It feels like a legacy piece.

Oh, I love that. Ooh, that's amazing. Okay, well, I can't wait. And I'm just so excited for you and tell everyone in your family. I say hi. Your kids are so freaking sweet. And I'm just so happy for you. Thank you. I'm excited to see this next vision and see if your psychic was right on the timing of it. I know. I'm like, could you imagine? I'm like, I can't imagine. And I'm excited for whenever that happens. We'll trust in the timing of it all. Trust in the timing. I think that is such a good way to live. live. Trust in the timing of your life. Thank you, Jenna. And let's plan so that I can come on your podcast. I would love to. Yeah. I love you, girly. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Tune in to hear new mini-sodes every Thursday and check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.com, the podcast one app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's done with OTV? This week's pod is brought to you by Hyundai and the 2022 Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs.

Learn more about the widest range of electrified vehicles at Hyundai, USA.com. I'm Lindsay Crissly. Join me for the Southern Tea. It's a weekly heart-to-heart from this Southern girl and boy mom who's just trying to navigate life. Nothing is off limits. I talk about it all. Life, career, family, motherhood, faith, and everything in between. It's an ongoing conversation and I can promise you one thing.

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