Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: World’s Best Weed Wacker with Lo VonRumpf

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

Kaitlyn’s Kardashian hair is clipped in, Lo’s trashy sangria recipe is in hand, and we’re ready for a BFF catchup with the dynamic duo that is Kaitlyn and Lo. Today, they’re chatting about everything from body hair preferences (#dolphinvibes) to Mickey Mouse (ever heard of him?) to the upcoming American royal wedding (Kaitlyn and Jason, duh). Lo catches Kaitlyn up on the status of his love life and his apartment, which is full of original designs because we just found out (as did Lo) that he is an artist extraordinaire. The two talk about some potential travel plans, because Kaitlyn accidentally won her first auction item and it’s the perfect excuse to take a spirital journey to Hawaii. Last but definitely not least, “Amanda” and Lo make a couple of calls because they’re in desperate need of a weed wacker and a pube trim!  HYUNDAI - To learn more, visit HyundauUSA.com.  STARBUCKS - Starbucks BAYA Energy Drink is available online, at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide. TALKSPACE - Match with your dedicated therapist today at talkspace.com and use promo code vine during sign-up to get $100 off your first month. APARTMENTS.COM - The place to find a place. PROGRESSIVE - Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor, free of charge, but MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. This week's grape therapy is sponsored by Talkspace, match with your dedicated therapist today at Talkspace.com, and use promo code Vine during sign-up to get $100 off your first month. Apartments.com, the most popular place to find a place, and Progressive. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. This week's episode is brought to you by Starbucks Bia Energy Drink with caffeine naturally found in coffee fruit.

It's energy that is good. So Starbucks, Bia Energy Drink is available online at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide. This week's pod is brought to you by Hyundai and the 2022 Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. Learn more about the widest range of electrified vehicles at Hyundai.usa.com. Podcast One presents Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Caitlin Bristow's going to answer your questions. Drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor.

Let's shake it up some more. Here's Caitlin. Welcome to Grape Therapy. I'm your host. Caitlin Bristow, your session is now starting. Ooh, pretty hair. Oh, wait, have you not seen yet? No, seen what?

Get ready. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. Oh, my, I love it. That looks great. Thanks. I did it because I'm going to Miami. I felt like I needed to be a sexy bitch because that's what Miami is full of sexy bitches.

And I need to keep up. Your hair's what? Like, you add like 12 inches to it? Yeah. Ugh, amazing. Actually, I think 22. Perfect. Yeah.

I think for. From here down, it's 22 inches. Pino, sir, I would like to sit in my chair. I would like to sit here, too. Okay, there. Okay, tell me about trashy sangria. What's happening in there? Trashy sangria is, this is a drink that I came up with during the pandemic.

Okay. So I was, you know, hard times. Hard times during that pandemic. Hard times, yeah. Perramore. Yeah. And so I basically had some frozen fruit in my freezer. and in a bottle of liquor.

And so I was trying to, I really wanted a drink, like a cute bartender to make me a drink. And that wasn't happening during that time because L.A. was completely closed down. So I took some ice. I found some crystal light in my cabinet. Do you know, like powdered crystal light? Yeah, it hurts my gut. It's incredible. Wait, what do you mean?

What? I don't know. Every time I drink crystal light, my stomach hurts so bad. That's so interesting because I'm trying to figure out what's in it. Because if you look at the ingredient list, it's there's, nothing except I don't know a little mercury baby who knows but like it's literally no no sugar no cholesterol no nothing and so I took a little of that crystal light powder found at your local Walmart yeah and threw a can of LaCroix over it threw some frozen berries in there and a couple

shots and uh and now this is trash is in grit minus the shots I'm not doing alcohol right now just you know it's a little early in the day alcohol either I'm doing coffee right now oh perfect but yeah it's a delicious drink and that does sound quite nice, actually. And it's beautiful. If you had the berries into it, it makes it even prettier. Well, okay, so the stylist for The Bachelor and Bachelorette, Carrie Fetman, he loves vodka and crystallite lemonade. Loves it. And it always gets so refreshing. And so I was like, oh, I'll try that, except, of course, with tequila because I don't do vodka. And I had the worst gut rot for days. And then I was like, oh, that must have been something else. Then I had

crystallite with water, severe tummy ache. And then I tried one more time just to be sure. And sure enough, shit my pants. Shit. Anyways, okay, I was just looking on Instagram before you. What did you do you have something in your mouth? Yeah, I like some puby or something. My God.

Pewby? So it feels like it can't be though. Could it? Maybe. I don't know. I just, yeah. Well, I mean, let's talk through this. Like, who's dick did I just suck?

No one. No. And anyone I would, I hope they were perfectly manicured down there. We like to, you know, trim the grass. Trim or fully shave? I don't like a fully shaved look. Are you into? Oh, really?

Okay. Yeah. Well, especially for a guy, it's a weird look. Like, I tried it for myself. I had nothing. It was a bald eagle style. Yeah. And it just, I don't know.

There's something like, first of all, let me just preface this by saying women can not shave their armpits or I just personally like, a bald eagle look for myself dolphin vibes and but for men I prefer like a little hair down there I feel like it's like I don't know just a little something but again well manicured my balls are hairless no hair on the balls what yeah um how come uh like what what happened like it's a genetic. No, I just have no hair on my, I made sure I just, I shaved it. I shaved it, but I started shaving it. How? Early on. Oh, yeah, you got to be careful with that one. Yeah, that is a delicate scene. And then I did, and then I had a good old-fashioned Brazilian. Yeah. And I've done that a few times. I did the Argentinian, like, it's like a hot molasses, or not hot, it's like a room

temperature, molasses type looking wax. Yeah, I did that. And so I've, I've waxed and done so much to my nut sack that at this point there's just hair doesn't grow there anymore. It's weird. Nutsack is one of my favorite terms for balls. It's hilarious. A little sack for your nuts. Anyways. So, yeah, and now I just keep it perfectly manicured. You know,

a nice trim, but there's hair, but it's well cut. Wait, how do you wax the flimsy little ball skin? Oh, yeah, just like you're doing ever so gently. You just kind of, yep, you kind of pull it. So it's like nice and, what's the word, like, tot? Taught. Yeah. And then

and then put the, yeah, I know. It wasn't fun, but. Yeah, no, that doesn't tickle, I bet. I was just looking on Instagram before you came on here, and I just saw that Jojo Siwa and her ex got back together again, and I just love a good, like, full circle moment of, and her caption was perfect. Let me just find it for a second,

because it was literally what I saw right when you were logging on Jojo. I didn't even know Jojo Siwa was dating anybody. Yeah, she had a girlfriend. She's 12 years old. Yeah, in my mind, Jojo is still 12 years old. Jojo is, yeah, forever young. But she said, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, dot, dot, dot.

And I was like, oh, my God. And they're so cute in Disneyland. And I just feel like I really liked them as a couple just via Instagram. Oh, that's really sweet. And so when they broke up, I was like, wait, that's sad. And then I got back together and I was like, true love does exist. Yeah. Maybe true love really does exist.

Thank you, Jojo, Cewa, for that. How cute. Are you a fan of going to Disneyland? I see there in front of the magic castle. It's such a thing in California, huh? Like, is it like an Instagram? Well, in the United States in general. Oh.

Oh, is it like a popular theme park? America. Yeah, it's, you know, up and coming. This little guy named Mickey Freakin' Mouse. Heard of him. But I heard of him. But, you know, I wanted to go with you to Disneyland because I thought that would be really fun for something we could do together, especially once they started serving wine,

which is, oh, yeah. They've been doing it for a while. while, but on the California adventure side, which is, this is the Anaheim Park here in California, but they have the other two parks, the main one, and then you walk across, same price. It's like, I don't know, 200 bucks to get in, but they serve wine. And so I thought, oh, that'd be cute, because then we could have wine, going rides. And I was trying to sell it to you pretty hard. And yeah, you weren't picking up what I was putting down. Let's put it that way. You look like you rather do anything else. I actually do like the idea of going to Disney with you, but here's my issue.

I need to do Disney boogey style. Like, I don't want to wait in lineups, not because I think I'm better than other people, because I just don't like waiting in line for rides. And that's one of the reasons I don't like going to theme parks because I'm like, oh, you guys are going to wait so long? And then I'm like, well, does it make you appreciate the ride more possibly? No. No, it makes me a bit resentful because the rides all of what, three minutes, but I waited

over an hour? Yeah. Brutal. No. Yeah, but I would, oh, could you imagine what kind of funny photo would we do when they, when it's like, you know, when you come around the bend and the roller coaster snaps yet? Oh, on the log ride? Yeah.

Flash. Tits out. Okay. Yeah, you have to do. Did they, like, kick you off the ride if you show your tits? I think people have done that in the past, and they're very aware, so they don't release the photo. So I'm sure if they saw you in line, they'd be like, we know that Nipple Pearson's coming out. You're not letting her that little Canadian maple delight on this ride.

Not today, slut. No. Yeah. But I, I love going to Disneyland, but you're right about the rides. But you could buy, which is very expensive, a personal little mousketeer to walk your ass around, a tour guide. Yeah, I would do that. How much is it? I priced it. Before the pandemic, it was like $6,000. Are you shitting me? I think it was around $6,000. But there was like, yeah, and that's a minimum of like, I think for three to four hours. There are people that listening to this right now that are very, into Disneyland and they're going to be like wrong you know like there are people that are so in that that's a whole different world I mean can't I just do like a um click the link and go to Disneyland doesn't Disneyland need some serious promotion like couldn't I help out on my Instagram

it's so crazy you would think I have a couple clients who are little Disney stars and so I was excited to work with him because why I thought you know I'm going to get myself a little fast past front of the line situation no it doesn't know even to their own people Cool. Yeah, they were like, I think they offered someone a guide, which was great, but it was only up to a certain amount of people. And it was only for like an hour. Disneyland, they know they have a good thing. And so. Yeah. They've got to figure it out. Disneyland is dialed in. Yeah. They sure. There's other brands that are like, oh, what's that brand? Golden Goose sneakers. That's a brand. They have everybody wearing them. Those are the sneakers that look completely worn, like they've been buried in literal dirt. Yeah. And. They're like, what, five to seven hundred bucks? They're expensive. Are they? I don't own a pair, but.

They're pricey, but they don't really do celebrity gifting. Interesting. I always find it, I mean, that just such a flex when people don't do celebrity gifting. You're like, I actually don't need Jalo to wear these shoes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was talking to their PR person and she was like, we don't really do gifting for people because, I mean, Rihanna buys them in bulk and, you know, a lot of people are wearing them.

So there's not really a need for us to do that. And I was like, so Caitlin flies in on Thursday and she really wants them. Oh, fair enough. That's crazy. But I mean, we can do other things. Like we can work bridal places, right? For my redress. Yes.

Oh, for sure. Well, because with your wedding, I know you're going to want to, one, go big. Not because of you. I don't think that. Let's just call it what it is, Caitlin. Okay. What is it? This is Jason Tardick's wedding.

this is a tardic special because if it was your if it was just you planning it I feel like it would have been a really cute barbecue type moment like sponsored by Hot Topic you know it just packs on and ketchup like I would have ketchup everywhere and just like it would be really low key easy more of a party I don't think it would be very like over the top just because you're not that person in my again I don't want to speak for you but we've talked in the past and you're like hey I just go to justice of the piece and get a cute little jumpsuit yeah I see I'm okay that is me and then or I'm polar opposite where I'm like okay but if we're gonna do it yeah because middleton here she comes yeah like this will be the royal wedding of America and I will have like acrobats I will have acrobats I will have acrobats and champagne fountains, and, like, I don't know, like the... Like finale of Dancing with the Stars when you came down on that giant thing. That's how I will come down on the aisle. That's perfect. But then Jason's more in the middle where I'm like, okay, so I think we should do it here.

Oh, no, that's just so expensive. They're going to just take advantage of us because of this. And I'm like, oh, okay. So backyard then? No, no, no. That's too cheap. Oh, my. Is Jason handling, like, the negotiation?

because get him in there, you know, the shark tank. Here we come. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He will be handling all of the negotiations. That's, I did a- Except for me styling. Let's just not go.

Can I handle that with someone else? You deal with me. Thank God. Maybe I don't need the jacket low. I'm sure I could find now. I'm like, oh, my God. Jason, come on. Maybe I don't need the jacket is so something he would say.

All right. So whatever you're doing and wherever you might be listening, to this pod right now. I bet it could be even better with a little Starbucks. Okay, am I right? Well, I have a nice little wreck for you. Starbucks has a Baya Energy drink with caffeine naturally found in coffee fruit. Okay, that's energy that's good. So here's the deal. It comes from three delicious fruity flavors. There's mango guava, raspberry lime, and pineapple passion fruit, and it really is refreshing fruit flavored. It's a boost of energy in a way that only Starbucks can really deliver. Gosh, I trust them. I love me some Starbucks. I'm really

excited to try this, especially this summer since it just sounds refreshing. I feel like it would be the perfect little beverage to bring on the go since it comes in a convenient can. It's perfect for road trips, for walking the dogs, just grabbing some energy in between meetings, which I could always use. You can really just take it with you or throw it in a bag or purse to bring along no matter what you have going on. So why don't you try it with me? Okay. And let me know what you think. Starbucks, buy a energy drink is available online at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations. nationwide. Okay, a lot of us are doing that thing now. We've all been in our places a lot recently. So we're doing that thing where you look around and you imagine what you really want your home to be,

like having a balcony to have your own outdoor space or maybe an extra closet or you might want a room for an actual home office. Now, the cool thing is that there's a thing for that. It's apartments.com. They've already helped millions of renters find their perfect place to live with powerful search tools and 3D virtual tours to narrow down exactly what you want. Apartments.com is just the thing to get you into the space you keep imagining. Visit Apartments.com, the place to find a place. Now back to Off the Vine Grape Therapy. First of all, first of all, we've already gotten into a million things. How are you? What are you? What are you?

Look like you have a new chic background, but that's still your apartment, right? Yeah, well, studio up here, an apartment downstairs. And, yeah, I repainted everything. Yeah, you told me that. I just haven't seen it. Oh, it feels so good. I went through this phase in my life where I wanted everything. This was pre-pandemic.

I liked my place to feel very sterile and cold, like a dermatology office. Okay, welcoming, yeah. Yeah, very welcoming, yeah. And I always keep my, as you know, well, I would warm it up for you. But typically, I keep my place at a nice comfortable 64 degrees. That's some serial killer shit. I like it to feel like an urge. care or your local emergency room i like it chilly also like wear rubber gloves and yeah it's like a

kill room i'm like i just like it cold i don't know i grew up in a colder house you know temperature wise and so but once the pandemic hit and i was at my spot and again it was like just to give listeners a visual well you were here but it was a lot of like concrete gray and that was pretty much it just very monochromatic, grays and black and a little splash of white here and there. And so it didn't feel warm and cozy at all. So, wait, this is the room that used to be all black? Well, it was, yeah, it was gray and black. And so now I had this awakening during the pandemic.

And I was like, I want like trees and I wanted to feel light and bright. And so now everything is cream and beige and chocolate browns. And it's very warm and like coniac colors. And there's an olive tree. And it just feels like completely. completely different. Yeah. I love the vibe now. A legit olive tree? Yeah. Well, it's fake. You're like a restoration hardware restaurant over there. Super fake, but. Oh, okay. I was like, did you change the, what is they do in the restoration hardware in Nashville? Oh, that's right. They like changed all of the plumbing and had their own irrigation under the building so that they could grow real olive trees. And I respect the hell out of that. Can I say, Caitlin, I've had a lot of beautiful dinners in my day. I've been wind and dined by some. of the greatest, the Sultan of Brunei. Sure. No, not really, but some pretty powerful players. You know, I've been in this Godforsaken industry for a while, so I've had a few stakes in my day.

But nothing really, top of the heap, I'd say top five moments, was sitting at a table, having a delicious, very expensive glass of wine, which I knew nothing about, but you were very familiar with the vineyard. And we were drinking what you, Jason, and I, we were sitting there at this little corner table, booth. It was all granite countertops. It was perfect weather outside. A little bit stormy, but nice for just like a nice little sweater. Yeah. Sweat, weather. Sweat of weather. And it was just, yeah, we had steak and we had desserts.

And it was, I was like the best night. The conversation was great. That was a good night. That was a really nice little date night the three of us had. Oh, I loved it. And I was like, man, if I replay it in my head, I was like, that was just really special night. I love those moments with you. I love those moments with you, too.

And I feel like we've had a couple of those special moments. at Restoration Hardware. So if you're listening Restoration Hardware, please sponsor us. Oh, that place is incredible. Oh, God. I could just, yeah. I'm mindblown that they don't have social media. They don't have an Instagram. They don't? How sexy. I know. Yeah, I was, remember I asked the waiter and he was like, yeah, we don't have any Instagram. You can like hashtag us, but no, it's something to do with the owner. He's not into Instagram or anything like that. And so, Well, he goes against my theory that if you want to build a brand, you need to have Instagram. He's like, go fuck yourself.

No, you don't. Yeah, we're just going to put olive trees everywhere and charge, you know, 50 bucks for some chabata. Yeah. It's worth it. A little olive oil. I will say it is worth it because that olive oil probably comes from those trees. Yeah, it does. Yeah.

Well, I didn't know, too, like the whole irrigation system and how to keep them alive in a Nashville climate. And they built a whole restaurant around olive trees. and they are massive. I thought they were fake, but yeah, that's a beautiful spot. I didn't know there's other locations. I think there's one in Miami. How long are you going to keep this long hair for? Just till Monday.

Oh, okay. Wait, is it just clippins? It's just clippins, yeah. Oh, okay, because I went with one of my girlfriends and she had these, they like bonded it. Yeah, no, that takes so long. Plus, my hair can't handle the bonding. My hair will just fall out because my hair's so thin in the first place that if I do the bonding hair extensions, it literally just, I'll brush my hair.

and like eight pieces will come out at the same time and then I'll look at the root of the tip and like my real hair root has come out with it and then I go bald so. Oh, so it's definitely not good for your hair. Like you have to have some very strong roots to get that shit in. Yeah, that's why I only do clip-ins

and I only do it for like the weekend. I'm going to just clip them in. I won't sleep in them like it'll be... Oh, that's perfect. Yeah. Yeah, and I've never seen you with long clippins like that. No, I've never done it. Like, I went to my hairstylist today to be like, hey, can you cut these for me? And he was like, why don't you just rock them long? And he's like, like,

Kardashian style. And I was like, say less. Yeah. Done and done. Yeah. It's great. I was like, I'm, I'm down. I can't wait to see you with a bob. I just, I want to see you with a cute short haircut. I think, well, you've done short, but like, I think you could pull off a very cute. I want to go short and pink so bad. I just loved having pink hair. It was one of my favorite things. in the world was having pink hair. Oh, I didn't know you when you had pink hair. What? Surely you did.

When was that? Well, it was only for a brief moment. Like, it was definitely in a time where I used cake spray to make my hair pink. Like, Walmart cake spray that you would spray a cake with. I sprayed my hair with it. And then I left it in for 48 hours. Oh, my God. And then I washed it.

and then it went to a really nice, pretty pink color. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Didn't damage your hair at all. No. It's edible. So it's probably...

Lennon Stella was the one that taught me that trick. Who's Lennon Stella? God forbid. Lennon Stella is like... She's actually Canadian, but she's a singer and she is such a vibe and she's like got the coolest style. She lives in Nashville. She was on the show Nashville, but her music career has really taken off and... And she should have.

you that little hat. Yeah, she gave me that color dupe. The little color dupe. It was literally $3 cake spray from Walmart. Did you paint that painting yourself in the background? I did. Holy shit, Lo. Yeah, I'm an artist now.

Switching gears. Oh, I sold. I sold a painting on Offer Up and I framed it. I painted it and I sold it for $650. Sure did. Wait, that's awesome. I can't believe someone bought it, being honest, but I mean, it looks cool. You should start doing that stuff.

Do you love doing it? See, here's the thing, Kaelan, I was so proud of it, and I was definitely feeling myself because I had sold one, and then I had a couple friends over and they're like, oh, my God, these are beautiful. And basically, it's just taking, like, plaster, but there's a very specific type of plaster, and then you could add colors and stuff to it. And then you could, there's different, like, masonry type tools and you could do cool designs. And so I got really into it during the pandemic.

And I was just, I made like six pieces. My mom's like, we're good. You got to calm down with the paintings. I'd also take like, yeah. Also, if there was any old painting, it didn't matter. You could just cover it with this plaster. So it wasn't like I had to go buy fresh canvases. So it's much cheaper in that sense too because canvases are expensive.

Like that's awesome. Yeah, it starts adding up. But then I got so into it and then I ended up meeting up with one of my friends and she's big on TikTok. And I was like, look at these cool. paintings I'm doing in this plaster and acrylic type art and she was like yeah it's like a TikTok trend I was like what a TikTok trend she goes yeah every like everybody's doing them and so she showed me the videos and and they're much better than mine and they're hundreds thousands this good and if you kept going to made it into a thing and we could like auction one

for charity every once in a while but then you sell the other ones that would be really fun we You could have, like, a whole auction. I'd be like, hey, but-a-da-so, oh, guess what? I had my first, I'll take it, bid, and I didn't think I was going to win, and I won, but I'm going to Hawaii. Oh, yeah. Wait, what? When was this? So, Jason and I did this event called Waiting for Wishes, which is this ex-football player, his name's Kevin Carter.

He's incredible, and he's done this for 20 years, this thing called Waiting for Wishes, and he has celebrities come and wait on tables, and all the money. And he goes towards his charity and they make wishes come true for little kids who are like going through a lot. It's amazing. And so I've done it. This is my third year. And you serve the tables and you make tips and all the tips obviously go and they do auctions. You probably got so into it back to your roots because you are the best waitress. No, I was the worst because I was like, oh my God, I thought I'd never be doing this again in my life. So I would just work people for their tips instead of actually serving. I'd be like, what do you want me to sing and dance? I'll do a song and dance for you right now. Anything to not carry a plate of out?

Yeah. You're triggering. Yeah, I was. But they were doing a little bidding war. And so we had a break. And so I was sitting at the table with Worth and Kat. And I'm sipping on a little wine and they're doing a trip to Hawaii. And I was like, well, that's for a good cause.

And they get, you know, $2,000. Do I have a $2,500? And they get up to $55. And it's just going. So I was like, yeah, $5.00. And then nobody went for six. And I was like, oh, shit. Okay.

And then they really. You know, like on Friends, when Joey bought a boat and he didn't even realize it, he was like, I just thought it was like, whoever gets to the closest amount of money, like, write it down. And it's like a silent auction. And he, like, won. He's like, cool, I was the closest one. But he had to buy the boat. That was me. I was like, yeah, Hawaii, 55.

I just wanted to raise my hand during an auction. And I did it. And then the bidding stopped. And now I'm like, that's okay because that's, you know, going towards a great cause. And I get to go to Hawaii out of it. It is. Yeah. Yeah.

And you get to go to Hawaii out of it. Hawaii. Wait, do you know when you're going? Is this a specific time? Or you can just use it whenever. Yeah, you can book it, I think whenever you should book it like three months in advance. And I think I might go on like a solo mission and have like a spiritual awakening. Ooh, I love that. Yeah. Find yourself in Hawaii. Oh, I want to go now. That would be so fun. Yeah. I'm going to Hawaii. Yeah. That's on my bucket list. I haven't traveled the world with you. I just want to go to one place. I've done Nashville. That's good Hawaii. Yeah, I want to, sure, Hawaii. Yeah. I'll go for like two days and then you come meet me for three days.

And then... Oh, that's perfect. It'll, we'll get the best of both worlds and we'll just get off spiritual and shit. Because I know you've had a good time with Cleo. You guys are ultimate travel buddies. And so she was like, Caitlin's actually so fun to travel with. You should travel with her at some point. Yeah.

I'm a good traveler. I feel like I'm a good travel buddy because I'm like, go with the flow. Nothing can really throw me. off when I'm on vacation. When it comes to a trip, would you rather have everything planned out, like the itinerary? No. Oh, all right. You just want a free fall. Okay. Wait, I can, as long as I'm not making the itinerary and someone else is doing it for me, I can appreciate a schedule or an itinerary on a trip, but I don't want to feel the pressure that I have to do all of them. Fair enough. Yeah. Okay. But you won't catch me making an it. Got it. Well, that's where I come in,

because I thrive with the schedule. Well, not the schedule. I just love like, these are the hot spots. at the great restaurants that hopefully we can go to and let me just make reservations. I depend on people like you on vacation because I need someone like that to go with me. Otherwise, we'll just be... In our hotel room. Yeah, ordering chicken fingers,

which is nothing wrong with that. And skinny dipping at night. And that would be our trip. But that's, okay, we definitely need to do it. That's crazy actually that we haven't traveled together. I mean, we've, yeah, that's stupid. We've lived a lot of life together, but we haven't actually done like a trip

of some sort. But I thought, well, for your Bachelorette party, like I'll get to travel with you there, throwing a little Hawaii moment. That's great, too. I think I want to do my bachelor party in Canada. Oh, okay, sure. Miskoka?

Um, no. More like Lake Okanagan. Perfect. I don't know where that is, but it sounds beautiful. That's where I go every summer. You've seen it on my Instagram. Oh, yeah, Lake Okinawa.

I'm down. Okanagan. Oh, perfect. Let's talk about May. Well, because it's May. And if you didn't know, May is a very important month. It's Mental Health Awareness Month. It's the perfect excuse to take a pause and think of one thing that you can do to prioritize your mental well-being and then write yourself a little permission slip to get out there and do it. One thing I always want to do for my own mental health is make time in my schedule to talk to a therapist. I do try and do a lot of things on a daily basis and weekly to make sure I'm just taking care of me, but this is a must for me. So whenever I make time to see my therapist, I know that it's not only helping me through whatever issues that I'm dealing with, but it's also benefiting all parts of my life and my relationships. And what I love so much about talk space is that they take some of the pressure off therapy and finding a therapist because

it's a really flexible and convenient way to get high quality care. So once you match with one of your licensed therapist, you can message them anytime throughout the app and talk to someone 24-7 without needing an appointment, which just makes the whole therapy thing just so much easier and it fits into your schedule. So consider this your permission slip to put your mental health first. Match with your dedicated therapist today at talkspace.com and use promo code Vine during sign up to get $100 off your first month. That's $100 off at talkspace.com with promo code vine. This week's great therapy is brought to you by progressive insurance. Now most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. While you are listening to me talk, you're probably also maybe

driving, cleaning, exercising, walking, maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, because safety first, there's something else you can be doing right now. And that is getting an auto quote from progressive insurance. It's easy and you can save money by doing it right from your phone. Drivers who save by switching progressive save over $700 on average and auto customers qualify for an average of $7.7.00.comers qualify for an average of seven discounts, discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner, and more. So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now, quote your car insurance

at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, National Annual Average Insurance Savings by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2020 and May 2021. Potential savings will vary in discounts, not available in all states and situations. This is Austin Vine, Grape Therapy. I have a game I want to play with you. Okay. It's called First Thought, and it's just 10 words that all start with low,

but you have to tell me the first thing that comes to mind when I say the following words. It can be a person, a full-on story, a word, a character, a body part, anything. Interesting. Okay. Oh, I love these. Is this like a psychological game? Like, based on my answers, you know, if I'm a sociopath or not?

Yeah, I do have someone writing down your answers and studying them and researching what it means. No, I'm just kidding. It's just really a stupid, pointless game that we're going to have fun with. What comes to your mind when I say, the lottery. Oh, lottery. Depression. Depression comes to mine. Because I automatically go to, oh, L-O, got it. Okay, I was trying to figure out where you're going with that. I think of the lottery winners who are so excited to win and then they have this huge amount of money and then they end up, you know, losing everything and they're miserable and they're like, I wish I never won. I'd be much happier in my trailer, you know, stuff like that. Wait, is there a documentary on people that have won the lottery and then gone broke? there has to be I'm sure I haven't seen it

but that would be a great one I'm sure it's been made or is about to come out because that's such a good idea but I know I've watched a lot of different type of videos YouTube stuff news they'll talk about people

who date line specials why do I want to pitch this as a show and I'm the host where I go around and talk to people who've won the lottery and this has got to be a thing this has got to be a thing no it's great concept

and I'm sure it does exist but I always so yeah lottery I'm like depression people And I just watched something about a guy who lost everything after he had the world. And he was like, yeah, my friends took advantage of me, my family. He's like, I just, you know, I overspent. And, yeah, he's miserable. Yeah, fuck the lottery.

I hope I never win. I would love to win. I was kidding. I know. I was like crossing my fingers and toes. Yeah, I hate money. That's depressing. Okay.

Long. Long? Mm-hmm. is very long. I thought you were going to say a penis, but... Oh, a dick. Dick. Okay.

Love. A priority, crucial. Everything. Oh, that's nice. Oh, yeah. It is everything. Love is everything. That's nice.

Loyal. Oh, I think of labs, but that's just because I always think of like a loyal lab. But loyalty, yeah, I'm just to go to Labrador. Cute. Dogs in general. Fair. Pups. Wait.

Is anything going to? on in your love life? Your L-O-V-E-L-I-F-E? You know what? Yeah, I went on a couple dates. Okay. It was fun. Here's a thing. Here's the situation. I, in the gay world, it's a thing where it's like no one wants to commit and no one wants to, you know, because especially that's just the gay world. Oh, yeah, for sure. That's not just the gay. I know my girlfriends are saying the same thing, heterose. But with, with gay, but with gay, but with gay, too, like, I feel like it's very sexual, you know, a blow job

is like a handshake these days. Oh, shit. So, so I definitely, I don't like to look up right away. I've had a couple one night stands. It's not my favorite thing to do. Yeah. But what I've noticed is I'm not looking to commit right now. I kind of just want to, you know, date

and I have so much happening. The podcast styling. I want to go and like hang out with friends, see, there's a lot. We're all juggling here. Remembering to drink enough water. I'm dehydrated. Thank you. Yeah. Take a freaking sip. And so I am just not in the mental place. Summer's

coming up. I want to do fun stuff. And so I'm not trying to be locked down with anybody. But the few dates I have gone on because I'm not sleeping with the person. I'm just asking a lot about them. And I just want to have great conversation. And that turns into you're going to get booed up. And they usually take

it as you're looking for something much more serious. Just because you want a deep combo that's meaningful and you want to get to know somebody? I think that when, I mean, and fair enough, that usually doesn't happen, I guess, on a lot of dates. And if it does, it's just to hook up right away. So if I'm not doing that, then it just usually leads to any guy I've talked to

you thinking, like, this is pretty serious. I'm like, it wasn't, it was, you know, it was cheesecake factory. And it's not that deep. Not that deep. But it was really nice dinner. And I enjoy, you know, and great walk, whatever. You asked me with a cheesecake factory? He asked where I wanted to go.

And it's low key one of my favorite spots. so he was like you want to go to like more ends or like a fancy spot and I was like honestly like I'm craving brown bread I would I would kill for some cheesecake factory those Thai lettuce cups appetizer menu you save a little bit of money when you go on to date with me and so nice yeah and so he's humble and so well that well he doesn't know me yet and so little does he know like I will not stay in anything less than a five star no I'm boozy on certain things. but not a lot of not a lot of people yeah we're same in that way not a lot of people know that i i do love a good chain restaurant i live for a chain restaurant chris shout out to chris jason and i went on a date the other night where we played because you know we live on that golf course i always feel so bushy when i say like you know we live on a golf course what you do yes oh this whole neighborhood backs onto a golf course oh is that what that is yeah uh you like i thought it was just a few land and some nice, well-madicured lawn.

I thought it was just like land that's going to be developed and they just had pretty grass. But, oh, it's a whole golf court. Okay. Amazing. Yeah. So we went over there and we play this putt putt putt game and we bet on dinner, which he had to buy because I won that putt putt. I also lost $65 to him, but he'll get you. But we went to the outback and had a great time with our bartender Chris. Yes.

Blumen onion. some great cocktails. They make the drink strong at Outback. There's one in Burbank that I will drive to. Oh, I just loved it. You know, it's so funny. You just talked about Outback because I want, I was craving it. And so, do you know, she's a friend of mine, you know, the singer, Jesse J.

Yes, Jesse Jai. Does she like the Outback because it's from Australia? She's literally from. Oh, shit. Where is she from? She's from the UK. Oh. She's from United Kingdom, London.

Oh, shit. I actually did know. that. Yeah. But she'd never heard of it. And she, you know, she likes a bougier restaurant. So she's from London. She lives in L.A. We became homies. And so I said, I'm going to take you to it. She's like, maybe we'll go out and have a nice dinner. I said, I'm going to take you to one of my favorite spots. It's where I only take people very special to me. We're going to the outback. She's like, oh, the outback. Like Australia. And I was like, yeah? And so we went and they serve this, they serve a brown loaf. And they do have one there and have a big knife in it. And so she was like,

Oh, my God, look, they have a big potato. And she thought it was like a giant baked potato. And she was just overwhelmed by the portion size the Outback has. The Simple Life. Remember that? Paris Hilton and Nicole, we need to do something like that. Oh, I love The Simple Life. That was very, like, we're going out to wherever no one visits.

The Outback. Sure. The Outback. But it was like a culture shockerun because she'd never been to a place where, you know, they give you big bread and huge. appetizers and very strong drinks and she loved it it was i mean hey she's a fan now but that was like she'd never really been to a commercial type chain restaurant wow well her eyes have been opened to the glory be that is a bloom and onion yes oh it's so good oh and jason didn't want to go and then

he left and he said thank you for making me go there that was a wonderful experience yeah do you know what jason's favorite commercial chain restaurant is um buffalo wild wings oh okay yeah that would count for sure does it because that's more of like is it a restaurant um i feel like that's like a subway yeah it's got it's got tables and chairs and TVs okay okay wait do you know are you questioning me no yeah i'm just curious that i was surprised to learn i just well he did a brand deal with him but it's actually his favorite spot talking good old pf changs oh he does love pf changs yeah i didn't know that i was like what it's so random he loves like asian style food or chinese food are his two like favorite favorite foods in fact we have struggled to find good chinese food

in nashville and i'm taken to him to a spot tonight at 630 and i forget what it's called but it looks it's like chinese cuisine but like elevated with like nice cocktails and it's like in german town and it's it looks really yeah it doesn't make sense but oh okay yeah it's it's a Germantown has a bunch of really good restaurants. Oh, okay. Great. Yeah. So this is one of them. I'm really excited.

Okay. I was thinking we could do some prank calls. Prank calls. Yeah. Okay. Oh, this is something. Prank called someone. Probably 1998.

I don't know. It's been a while. Yeah. When my phone still had a cord on it. I'll put it that way. One of the longest cords ever where you could literally go from the kitchen to like the downstairs bathroom and still be on the same phone with the long cord. Yeah. Okay. Well, we prank call some binoes around here. And I get so nervous. Like, I think I burn calories because my heart rate goes up so high. And I'm like, I think I start to break a little bit of a sweat because I get so nervous.

These are your listeners. We're just going to cold call like telemarketers. They send in voicemails because you can call my voicemail number. Oh, okay. And then they leave ideas for us to prank call people. Got it. Okay. I'm down. Have you ever had a prank call happen where someone's like kind of irritated? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love it. Okay. Great. In fact, in fact, the vinos have suggested that I please tell them at the end it is a prank call because they feel like it could be a form of bullying because I hang up and I go, oh, ha ha ha ha ha. And then they leave thinking that like. You never tell them. What the f fink? Oh, so that is bad, eh? Yeah. just end up like with their day but I always assume that

the person's going to call their significant other and be like this just happened to me and then they can laugh and break the news to them because you want them to live with that fear inside them for a little bit no oh I'm evil because then you just assume that like oh that must have been good old

Caitlin Bristow and like how would they know either it's probably there's like people go into therapy now these days oh shit yeah we gotta tell them at the end. Okay, we'll tell them at the end. It's not like Ryan's roses. Ryan's roses. Isn't that where Ryan tries to see if like someone's cheating?

Which you should, oh, that would be good. Caitlin's roses. It falls in line with the whole Bachelorette vibes. Yeah, we can get people cheating up on here. Yeah, but he would call and be like, would you like to send roses or someone calls them with a voice or whatever and says like you won a free floral arrangement or something like that. Do you want to send it to anyone? And then the guy will usually be like, yeah, send it to, you know, Myra, but his wife, Maria.

Maria. Yeah. And it's like some side piece. And then he's like, did I say Myra? I meant Maria. I know. I just screwed that up for myself. Wasn't a change in names.

But you get what I mean. I was picking up, but you're putting down. That's amazing. Okay. So you haven't done this with me yet, but we each have one to do, okay? Okay. I will do the first one. So let's listen to the first voicemail, okay?

Hey, Caitlin. My name is Lauren. I'm from South Carolina, and I love listening to your podcast. I think it would be really funny for a prank. So my husband, his name is Tyler. He's really into buying and selling things, anything he can, on Facebook Marketplace. He'll do furniture. He'll do golf cards.

He sold a lawnmower that he's gotten from somebody. over and sold it to somebody else on Facebook for more, so he's always making money on this stuff. So I think it would be really funny if you came up with some item and claim that he has an ad for it on Facebook and say that you're interested in buying it, make it some kind of funny item that would just make him go and look, and he would have no idea that this is coming.

He's not into a podcast. He doesn't understand how I listen to podcasts. So, and then he would tell me about it, and I would just die. So his name is Tyler again, and his number is. Bye. Okay, what do we say that he put an ad out for? So you, God, I wish we could actually look it up, but, and find out. Same.

Just do like something, I'm like a lawnmower. Yeah. You want a good weed whacker. Yeah, I'm about that. Someone told me that you were, that you were selling a, a high-end trade washer. Yeah, and I need it

now. And I'll give him $7 for it. Yeah. Okay, stand by. Why, I'm curious, seven? I don't know, should I say something way more?

I feel like this is going to go terribly. Go $7. $7. $7 is. Hello. Hi, I'm looking for Tyler. Yes, Tyler.

Hi, Tyler. My name is Amanda Shaw, and I saw a ad on Facebook for a weed whacker for a weed whacker yeah and I um it looked like you had like the most high end

weed whacker I've ever seen in my weed whacking career so I was just wondering if I could put in an offer who is it who did you say you're Amanda Shaw Amanda Shaw yeah do you sell things on Facebook right yeah dude on the market

who did his number from your Facebook Oh my Facebook Yeah, to buy the weed whacker I don't have a weed whacker Can you get one and sell it to me more So you can make money Lauren give you this number

She's sitting right beside me She was lying She told me to call about an arm wire Or something I'm talking about the weed whacker man I probably found you one I've tried to that's sweet oh you changed your tune for me thank you i didn't think you really wanted me to have a weed wacker but now i kind of believe you do does loren know who's calling you right now

yeah she does now i think she knew all along she went the truck she's wrong man i asked phone she kept uh came together for a minute and she started cracking off that was the best i was about to be like i got this number from loren and then i was like no kately this is a prank call you dummy um man Did I have you convinced for a second? Yeah, you did for a second. Amazing. Okay, then my job here is done. Can I talk to Lauren for a second?

Yeah, you can. Okay. Hi, Lauren. Oh, my gosh. Hi. You guys are so cute. No, that's good because I was just telling, because I'm podcasting with Lowe, and I was just telling him how some of the vinos have been like,

Caitlin, you really need to tell them at the end that it's a prank call because otherwise you're like kind of bullying them. I was like, okay. So I was getting close to telling them anyway, so it's okay. No, I was hoping it would happen when I wasn't with him because I'm just not the type person that can keep it together. Well, you did good for about a minute there, and I almost lost it, too, when I said Amanda Shaw, because every time my go-to-name is Amanda for crank-calling people, and it just comes out of my freaking mouth.

So thanks for sending it in. That was fun. Thank you so much. Have a good day. I'm a close to you. Okay, bye. Okay. Are you ready for your turn? Okay.

Hi, Caitlin. My name's Michelle. I'm from Long Island, New York. My friends and I are big vinoes. We were all at that epic New York show that will forever go down in history. I was calling to ask you to prank my friend, Alexa. She owns her own hair boutique. And she comes across as the most innocent, professional, sweet person. but we all, her friends know that she has a dark side. And I think it would be really funny if you called her and asked if you could set up a, for her to do your wedding hair, but then transition into wanting to do something special

for your fiancé, maybe like braiding your pubs or something crazy like that. I think she, I don't know what she'll do. She might go with it or she might freak out. Then I think it will be hilarious. Her business phone is, I think it would be awesome. Thanks, Caitlin. Love you. Bye.

We're not seeing brave pubs. They're going to know it's a prank call. I think you should call as low. You're looking for a pub trim. Okay. Here we go. If someone called me from a private number two times in a row, I'd be so freaked out. Who the hell?

I'd be hiding in a closet looking at my window. I'll tell her like we were going to prank her. Hi, you've reached Alexa at Alexa's hair boothie. Say you want a pub trim And they'd be like Just kidding It's low We're trying to prank

call you Yeah Let her initially think Tuesday through Saturday And close Sunday and Monday Okay Please visit my website Alexa's hair boutique

com To book appointments online Oh So please book appointments As far in advance as possible Yes bitch You can leave me a text message Or a voicemail

And I will get back to As soon as possible Thank you have a great day Oh my God You are a booked and busy bitch. The boss bitch. Alexa, this is low.

And I'm calling with Caitlin Bristow, Canadian Maple Delight. And I was going to prank you and ask if you could trim my pubs or give me a nice wax, but that's not going to happen. And you'd be too busy to do it anyway. And so you're definitely not hearing this prank. But that's okay. I'm leaving your voicemail and keep killing it, Queen. Because she's so, she's so busy.

We're proud of you, Queen. Yeah. You are busy. And yeah, leaving you a voice. have a beautiful day. Bye. Boom. I don't think she could hear anything you said because you're on my

headphone. Well, hopefully she can listen to the pod and realize what I said. Oh, okay. Great. Yeah. Okay. Amazing. I have to run and I took up a lot of your time. So thank you. We're going to talk to you later. Okay. Thanks, Low. Love you. Bye.

Okay. Bye. I'm Caitlin Bristow. your session is now ending. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Tune in to hear new minisodes every Thursday and check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's not with OTV?

Hi, podcast listeners. This is Kelty from the Lady Gang podcast with over 150 million downloads and about 150 negative reviews on iTunes, you know that people either love us or they hate us, and that makes a great show. Lady Gang is a twice-weekly podcast where we help you feel less alone in your life

with the help of our favorite reality stars and housewives, but mostly me and my two friends, Becca and Jack, talk about the ugly and ridiculous and crazy things that happen in our lady life. Come get inspired. Come get a virtual podcast hug from us every Tuesday and Thursday, wherever you get your podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

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