Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Zanab Jaffrey Spills the Love Is Blind Tea & Coffee

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

If you’re a fellow reality TV fan and you love love, then today’s episode with Zanab Jaffrey is for YOU. While Zanab might not agree that love is completely blind after deciding to opt out at the alter with Cole Barnett, she definitely has taken many lessons away from her time in the Love Is Blind pods, and she’s sharing what went down on and (maybe more importantly) off camera during her experience on the hit Netflix show. Has she been in contact with Cole since the reunion? What are her thoughts watching the “Cuties” scene back? Did she get coffee with Cole's ex-wife? Who did she & Cole share as their celeb look-alike while “blind”? And, what’s her biggest takeaway 1.5 years after filming? Kaitlyn is asking all of these questions and more, plus getting a confession that even confession-queen KB can’t relate to. Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: ADVOCARE - Grab a bag of Spark for someone on your gift list or treat yourself this season when you go to AdvoCare.com/OTV and get 15% off your first order. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Caitlin and friends are here to share unfiltered advice, lots of laughs, and some major breakthroughs. So put your feet up, pop a cork, and get ready for some grape therapy. Welcome to grape therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Now, if you're obsessed with reality TV, like I am, then you're probably already very familiar with today's guest from the most recent season of Love is Blind. She ended up getting engaged in the pods. Unfortunately, things took a little turn at the altar. Zeneb is joining me today to tell me about everything we saw on camera and things we didn't get to see off camera, including the controversial combo with Cole that changed everything. We're also getting into why she decided to go on the show, what her relationship

with Cole looks like now, and what she's learned from the process as a whole. And did she meet up with Cole's ex-wife for coffee? But what did she learn? Well, stay tuned. Enjoy my confo today with Zinnab. Hi. Hello. I was just saying, who was I, one of my girlfriends I was just talking to and I was like, I wish I had cute headphones. I need to get a pair of cute headphones because mine are just like these big ugly things. So I just have these in right now.

And then you came up and I was like, yeah, I need some of those. I don't know. These always made me feel so efficient. I was a broadcast minor. in college and I DJed for a college radio station. So these are like the OG beats and they're massive, but they still do the trick. Well, they look great. You look great. Someone said that I resembled you in my comments today and I was like, oh, biggest compliment ever. Well, I just gasped to that's the biggest compliment. That's, you know what? I'll take it. I'll take it. You have been through

a very unique experience. I can't wait to talk to you about so many things when I was doing my like prep doc and everything. I was like, you've been through such a whirlwind and the craziest thing is the timeline. When I think about love is blind with the timeline you guys go through, it's so interesting to me. So I have a lot of questions for you today, but I first wanted to start with big fan on your side. Totally hear you with a lot of things that you've brought up and just wanted to know what made you want to go do this experiment or go on reality TV because I kind of always thought I would like in my mind I was like I'll probably go on reality TV when I was like in my 20s that's like what I thought so and a lot of people like never saw this coming so how did you get there you know I think I was just 31 and single and did all the dating apps every single one of them like let's keep in mind that I've been around dating apps since Tinder was all we had to everything from like coffee meets bagel bumble hinge I've done them all I've dabbled the league wait what's what's the best one for those who are looking like what do you You think the best one with the best results with the best guys are?

I honestly think they're all the same now. I did appreciate the league because it kind of cross-checked your LinkedIn. So at least you were getting guys that were like educated and you knew it gainfully employed according to their LinkedIn anyway. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah, you know, pros and cons. Totally.

But I just think, yeah, I was, I think maybe two years ago I was sitting with my sister in London on the couch. We were watching the UK Love Island. And my sister just looked at me and she's like, you should go on TV. She's like, you'd be good quality for money. Is that what she said? Wait, I love the accent too. She goes, good value for money. It's what she says I am. So I was like, okay. Okay. Respect. And then, yeah, girl, I had a glass of wine one night. Big Brother Marketing popped up on my phone and I was like, F it.

Yes. Yes. So. And that's how it'll have. And then they reached out. And were you like, holy shit, it actually happened? Or did you have a like, I have very strong intuition. gut feelings like I manifest a lot. Did you feel like this is going to happen for me? Or are you like, we'll have a glass of wine and do it? Nothing will come of it. I was nothing will come of it until literally I was asked to go. Because I told my mom, I was like, Mom, don't worry. I'm not going to get picked. Mom, don't worry. Oh gosh. But yeah, no, I got a call from like L.A. Like within a few days. And I remember it being COVID and I was walking. And so I got a call from LA on my phone. And I just thought it was spam. I was like, lady, what do you want?

You applied for this. I was like, is this real? I know. It always feels like a prank call when that happens. You're like, this is not happening. It's like a weird like out of body experience where you're like, am I? Is this actually happening? Like, because you just fill out, you just never know what the heck is going to happen. But it's now you're talking about your sister. Are you from London? What's happening? How come she has an accent? Yeah. So I'm, I'm from England. I lived there until I was 11. I moved to the States. So I got put into elementary school, middle school, middle school. high school. So I probably lost my accent by my sophomore year of high school. My older sister stayed in England. So she'll just always have her accent. She could live here for the rest of her life and she'll always have it. That's amazing. So how does your family feel now that this is all happened? And because of the timeline, was it a year since you walked down the aisle? Yeah, like a year and a half. It was last, last summer. So, I mean, they would have had to be there for you while you processed all this before it aired, but then now having to relive it a year later, like all this time has gone by. And now the internet is involved and everybody's involved

in your business. And it's a he said, she said. And obviously your family was, your mom was concerned. How are they now with everything? My mom, my, so my bonus mom and my bonus brother have been so supportive. They showed up. They were present. You know what I mean? So they, they know what that was for me and they knew how important it was for me to, you know, be my authentic self through that. So they've been great. Yeah. The international side of the family, because it was really filmed during COVID for the most part. Like my sister couldn't come. And I didn't involve a lot of the international family because no one could come. So it was a lot more of my friends. But everyone that was there has been extremely supportive. I've got a good squad behind me.

That's always I feel like the most important. I feel like you can get. really lost, obviously, in all the craziness and, you know, surrounding yourself with people that are like, oh, you're from that show or you make all these friends. But if you just stay with, you know, the people that were your squad before, they can humble you and keep you sane and feeling good. So I'm glad you have that squad because that makes all the difference in the world. Yeah, it's definitely going to stay grounded. Yeah. I'm really happy you have that. Thank you. But would you recommend like somebody to go on it if they were like, because people always asked me that about going on the bachelor or the bachelorette. They're like, would you recommend

people doing it? And sometimes people reach out to me and say like, hey, what should I do? I'm in the application process. And part of me wants to go, don't do it. And then another part of me is like, oh my gosh, it changed my life in the most beautiful way ever. And I'm living my like dream right now. So I was really bitter after the show and now I'm able to look back with gratitude. Are you at a point where you can tell people like, yeah, it's a life changing experience. And, you know, Like, what advice would you give them or would you say don't do it? It's 100% a life-changing experience. I don't think that I'm where I'm at now where I'd be like, absolutely go do it 100%.

I think I would have a very real of just like have the thickest skin possible. Even if you think it's thick, it's not. Have your squad, like humble yourself, ground yourself. I think for my personal experience where I'm at now, like you do have a beautiful man. You are living your dream. I'm not there yet. Yeah. So where I'm at in the same.

Think of it now. I'm like, I'm not the one to tell you to go on and do it. But like I see my friends like Brennan and Alexa, Matt and Colleen in very happy relationships. And I know it works. Like I did believe in it. And I believed in the experiment to work. So for my own personal experience where I'm at now, I'm like, if you think you can handle it, go for it. I think it takes a very special person to go on something like this. Be vulnerable, be yourself. And then get the backlash of it. You know, that. that has not been great. But outside of that, I met incredible people and I learned so much about myself. So I feel very, I mean, overall, it was a wonderful experience. I know what you're saying. I know exactly what you're saying. I know it's hard for some people to obviously relate to that because they wouldn't know what that all feels like. Because to a lot of people from the outside, it's like awesome. You get to go on TV and you get all this like attention and fame and TikTok views and all these things and people think it sounds like such a dream. But your mental health can really suffer. And if you're not taking care of it properly while you go through that because, I mean, you open up your world to

just so much hate and verbal abuse and bullying. And it's, it's really hard. And was the timeline enough? Like, did you get to see Love is Blind season one before you went? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So season one, um, yes, season one had come out. Season two and three were really filmed back to back. So I hadn't, two hadn't come out by the time we filmed. Was it what you expected or was the whole thing just, like, so surprising to you. I personally, I mean, I watched it, but I personally did not reach out to anyone to be like, hey, I'm in the cast. Like, I did not.

I went in with just like a, okay, be a guinea pig in this experiment too, right? Because at that point, as much as we were season three, it was only the second time to me it had ever been done. So it was surreal walking in on set and stuff and just seeing the pods. Like, it's like, wow, this really looks like this. But no, I had no insider intel going. in. So for people that don't know, I've interviewed a couple of people from other seasons, and I even forget the answer to this. So for people who don't know, how long is that filming process and how many

hours would you say you spent with Cole? Oh my gosh. Pods were 10 days. Okay. It was 10 days of dating. I think proposal was day nine, reveal is day 10, so maybe eight days. Okay. But, you know, all your devices are taken, you've got no phone, no phone a friend, no internet, nothing. All you're doing is living, eating, breathing, finding your soulmate. Yeah. Hours wise, like I dated Cole every day and every night. We'd have day dates and night dates. So, like, a lot of the times when you saw us like bundled up in blankets and in PJs, it was like our night dates. Yeah. But I mean, I mean, dates went from seven minutes speed dates to ever, like for everyone day one to like, I think my longest date with Cole was three and a half hours and we had like a full sit down meal in the pods and everything. So I mean, if you, if you just think about having no distractions, you don't have your phone to pick up in text, you don't have anything to like you're literally sitting in there and you're just talking for hours.

Well, yeah. And I feel like you talk about the same thing with like Bachelor and Bachelor, it's obviously a very different experiment. But it's still the same kind of like people think, how. can you fall that fast or have that confidence? But you're like, yeah, all of those things are removed. There's no games being played. You literally are talking about things you would never talk about on a first date. You're getting deeper than you ever would with anyone on a past date ever. Um, so in the pods, did you form a connection with any of the other guys or just, was it just Cole? No, actually, so we, we like, ranked them. Uh, Cole was always my number one, but Brennan was my number two. I had great conversations, great dates with Brennan.

Him and Alexa found each other really fast. And so it was like, okay, Brennan's off my list. Right, right. And funny enough, Bartis was actually my third. So I'm glad that I had made connections with men that at least were there to get engaged. Like I was glad I picked men that at least were going to get there. But for Bartis and I, for me, it was just like he was always just like my buddy. I couldn't get past like buddy vise.

It was never like chemistry through the wall. It was more like, you're my friend. Yeah. What about when you like saw him for the first time at like the parties or something, were you like, oh, or were you like, yeah, no, friend vibes? No, I've had my share of Bartis's. So I was just kind of like, you look like stress. I'm okay.

I'm really sure that was my take too. Like, nope, I've had someone ask me, what do you feel now that you've seen him? I've had a Bartis or two in my time, and I'm okay. I'm Bartiste out. Yep. Yeah, that's fair enough. That's fair enough. You and Cole kept saying, let's go back to the pod life.

So what types of conversations? I know I had just said it's probably like you have the deepest kind of conversations about like how like religion, politics, money. Like do you go there with them? Like what kind of conversations did you have and what conversations made you fall in love with him? Definitely like our pillars of faith. we talked so much about family I loved how much he talked about his family

I asked so many questions like would they accept me what do you think they'll think about this and he was like yes they'll love you like they're gonna absolutely adore you and I for me personally I'm not just interested in I mean I will marry a man but I hope to marry into a family that is so large and just takes me in

because I have lost a lot of my own and so it was it was the talk of family it was talk of faith we talked so much about, like, moving in together, how are you going to raise our kids, the type of dog we were going to get. There were so many questions, like, that was the basis, but, you know, faith and family and, like, our hopes for building our own family, too, like, kids. And we talked kind of, with me having real estate and background, too, we talked about, like, building out our own brokerage and, you know, where our real estate career could go. So it just

kind of seemed like we had, as much as you don't see it in the pods, we had a lot more in common. And I thought that that faith and family bond would just be enough that, you know, all the physical stuff was just extra. Right. I remember talking to G. And I don't even remember the guy who she. Damien? Damien. Yeah.

So I remember that she was like, yeah, when we were in the pods, we would say like, oh, do you have a celebrity look alike? Because that way you could kind of get a idea of who they look like. Did you guys do that? Or did you have no idea what each other could possibly look like? look like. We did. Yeah. He gave me sexy Paul Rudd and I gave him, well, first, I gave Eva Longoria, but he didn't know who that was. What? I know. That was one of the times I was like, oh, your age. Okay. So then I went to, I was like, okay, go with me. And I was like, Kim Kardashian back when she was Reggie Bush's girlfriend

and BFFs with Paris Hilton like when she still like, you know, had a tan and stuff. And I was like with a little less ass. I was like, that's what I got. So. That's amazing. I was thinking, you do look like Eva Longoria, though. Thank you.

Thank you. He didn't know who that was though. But I think she's beautiful. That is one of Jason's celebrity crushes. And we were ended up on a red carpet with her once for like, it was like the premiere of. a new show she did, but it was also mixed with, I think it was an ABC show. So it was with another premiere of like the first night of Hannah Brown's Bachelorette season. And so we were on

a red carpet together. And it was so funny because I was like, you know, like, the celebrity crushers are supposed to be unattainable. They were like making eyes. And I'm like, oh, shit. Wait a sec. Is there a trans? This is unfair. But that's it. He just could stop staring at her. And I was like, oh my gosh, bro, over here. He didn't miss the mark far, did he? I mean, it was kind of funny. I was like, yeah, but if, like, he wanted to have a threesome, like, I'd hit that. All right. So since you've been listening to my podcast lately, maybe you're new, you know that I can use

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1-866-531, 2,600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. Were there any conversations that stuck out to you that were really, like, pivotal in the relationship that didn't air? Gosh, that was so long ago. I know that's what I was thinking that when I was writing down these questions I was like this is so long ago for her I don't even like I wouldn't be able to remember stuff from a year ago not to be like overly spiritual or but there was one night I found out so he and my mom that passed away share the same birthday and I got like super like I just I remember so like we'd have our day dates and then we'd have our night dates and I was I was still dating three guys I think and when I got down to night dates. I only had two guys left. And I was like, oh my God, someone's cut me. And so I went in one date and I think it was Brennan. And so I only had one date left. And I just remember being outside the pod. And I like said a little prayer before I went in because I was like, I really need

this to be cool. Because if it's not cool, like, I need to go home. And I went in and he was like, I heard his voice. And I like went in front of the wall and I sat down crisscrossed apple sauce. So I was like, I'm so glad it to you. And we just. We just. got to talking and I don't I don't know how birthday came up but I just was like when's your birthday and he told me and I like teared up and I was like that was like that was my mom's birthday like I just feel like that's just I don't know something that I was like it just makes me feel really connected to him that makes a lot of sense I'm a very spiritual person and like that to me is obviously a sign even if it's not like that was your person and here it was

it's still a sign that you're on the right path and that things were you know you know that's just that's the path that you were supposed to be on. So that's really beautiful. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. That is that is yeah, that's a even, you know, if you want to take away any special moments from it. I mean, I'm sure there's so many highs and lows, but that could be like such a special takeaway from it that, you know, your mom was giving you a sign there. So that's so, I love that stuff so much. And when the reveal happened, I mean, he just seemed to be an absolute awe of you. So where do you think the shift happened in the relationship? Like, At what point did you realize it wasn't going to work with him?

I think we had tons of hiccups. I think I always had hoped and thought that it would work. It was such like it wasn't a straight line for us, right? Like, sure, I read into our first night together a little too much. And I was like, hey, how was last night? It was great. And he's like, yeah, it was good. I'm sorry, it was good.

playing. I would be the same way. And everyone's like, oh, let it go. And I'm like, excuse me, there's a difference between good and great. Like, my, I had a fabulous time. Did you not? So I understand. It just wasn't a straight line. Like, you know, we had our hiccups. There was the pool party, him seeing other girls. I think the pool party was a huge turning point for sure. It definitely put some guards back up for me. But then, you know, we had really beautiful dates like right before our wedding. And like with our sailboat and our dance lesson. And it did seem like something in him had changed where he was like, I can actually see myself marrying you now. And it's like, okay, well, like, I've been there for like four weeks. Is two weeks enough time, you know, or however much time we had left. So, you know, we spoke before the wedding, like two days before the wedding week. We got together and we kind of discussed where we were both at and just kind of like,

yeah, we're probably just not each other's people. I was like, yep. Was that on camera? No. No. it wasn't and um i'm hesitant to talk about stuff that's not on camera but i'm pretty sure he just did an interview and he said that we talked and we did um yeah and it's he remembers some parts of the conversation and not all of it yeah he just he was just saying that i said i was going to say yes

which i never said i was going to say yes um we both kind of had a conversation that it was like hey we're just we're not it you know yeah and i did say i followed that up with yep and there'll be no drama at the wedding. I did say that. Yeah. And then he followed up with what happened at the bachelor party. And that was one of the last conversations we had before wedding day. So, so what happened, wait, what happened at the bachelor at party that he gave his number to a girl or something, right? Yeah. He, um, like I said, we talked before the wedding, a few days before the wedding we were hanging out. And, um, he told me, he's like, hey, I need to tell you something that happened at the bachelor party. I was like, okay. And he's like, I told this girl, like, I was like, hey, I'm getting

married like this week. Um, I want to kiss one more girl. Will you kiss me? And, and, And I was like, wow, what did she say? And he was like, oh, she said she doesn't do cheating. I was like, oh, that's nice. Like, good. There's good women out there, right? And then we just kind of kept walking a little bit and something in my gut made me ask. And I go, Cole, did you get her number?

And he goes, yeah, I did. But like, I didn't do anything with it. So I'm like, great. Well, I mean, the asking to kiss is even worse. Like, that's to say like, oh, gosh, I'm getting married. Like, let me make out with one more girl. like again i know he's he's younger and like i don't know if at that point you're like you know it's going to i don't know i don't want to make excuses for that because i don't agree with it

but that's so interesting because uh he's denying that he's totally that's why like i hate to bring it say it again because i know the internet wants receipts but if he did not want it brought up he should have never told me like i don't have to make up i have not made up anything that he is said. I could go off of just what was shown. There's plenty enough for what I said at the altar. But he shared that with me. And that's why when he's like, he's fine with bringing up, you said there would be no drama at the wedding. I absolutely did say that. Right afterwards, you told me what happened at your bachelor party. So that was the taste that was left in my mouth before the wedding. Absolutely. And it's like, okay, two things. One, why did they let you

hang out off camera? Because I feel like that's when stuff happens where you're like they don't let you do that on Bachelor, Bachelorette, you do not get to hang out with a person off camera because some storylines can get mixed up and kind of like this. How did you guys get to hang out off camera? I think it was very poor advised and probably frowned upon. Like, I don't think we were meant to, but. Got it. He was like, I want to see you.

And I was like, yeah, let's link up. Okay. Okay. That makes sense. And then do you think that's why he's now being able to deny it? Because he's like, no receipts. Well, it's funny how he's choosing to deny it because he's like, I got an Uber home. No one said you didn't get an Uber home.

Right. I have an Uber receipt. Yes, why. Everyone has Uber receipts. I didn't say you went home with the girl. He's like, I didn't even go back to Dallas. There's not girls in Fort Worth. Like, come on now.

Like, this is, it's not a direct answer. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure in other lives, other guys have confirmed that they went out after the Bachelor party there was stops so yeah you're it's so hard to because you're like if you want to be that way like i it would be so nice to be able to just let it go but why would you not like and screw you know certain people on the internet that say oh you're lying or whatever are you not allowed to have your own voice with your experience he's having his with his with his experience and this was your experience and i don't why do you think um the guy said

they didn't go out on the reunion. Probably brocode. That bromance is... That's what I was going to say. Is wild. But I know it's been countered a couple of times and some people have said that they did. So I'm sure none of them wants to be the one that's like,

yeah, we did this afterwards, you know? But again, it wasn't third party information. That's direct from Cole's mouth. Right. And that's why I said, I was like, this isn't something I heard through the grapevine. this isn't something that like Matt told Colleen that Colleen told me Cole chose to share this with me before I walked like before we got married.

So it was one of the last conversations we had, if not the last conversation we had. And like when you're walking down that aisle, obviously I think at that point and you tell me, but you knew you're going to say no because you everything that you said to him in that moment, I was like, woo, woo, woo, like standing up during because I'm like, Yeah, like, I mean, when people, I think a lot of people are like, why did she wait till that moment to say that? But that makes a lot more sense when you're saying that was the last conversation that you had with him. You kind of are left with thinking, wow, you have diminished me and my whole being of who I am as a person, what I look like and everything I'm like, like that's your moment to kind of have your own voice there on camera. Yeah, there was there was an opportunity. I did take it. I, you know, putting on a. wedding dress and having people you love and respect gather and you told them, hey, I'm getting married this day. Please come to my wedding. The people pleaser in me was so like, is there any way I can get married today? Because I've gathered these people and I've

told them it's my wedding day. But I just, I looked up at him and I just, in my romantic head, I want some blubbery mess that's like, that's my woman. You know, like that's my best friend. And I just looked up and he looked like a scared little boy. And I just was like, there's so many reasons we can't do this. The first two rows on his side were empty. His family did not come. It was just like 15 of his friends. And yes, I had an opportunity to speak.

He had to listen to me up there. He couldn't dismiss me. I couldn't be told I wasn't being sweet. I couldn't be, you know, urged to be unassuming. My mental health couldn't be questioned. He had to listen. And it was uncomfortable for him. Yes.

Because he said he was blindsided. Even though you both had said it was, you probably weren't each other's people. Why do you think he feels so blindsided? I don't know. There was never a, I'm going to say yes. There was, like I said, a conversation where when I said there'd be no drama, I was like, we're just, I was like, there's a much better suited girl for what you want. And he said to me, he was like, yeah, and I think there's a better guy, like a better suited

guy for you. I was like, great. And so there was never a conversation of a yes. There was no inkling that either of us were going to say yes. So the blindsided is a bit dramatic. He probably didn't expect me to say what I said, but I don't know why you wouldn't expect that if one of the last conversations we had was about how you were out of line at your bachelor party.

It was just like the last thing of disrespect. Yeah, that checks out because if that's the last conversation, and I mean at the reunion, the cutie orange story got brought up. And obviously everyone has been talking about that since. Now, I think a lot of women who have suffered with self-esteem, body image, really felt your pain. I, for one, did. I've talked about this on my podcast so many times. I've totally suffered from body dysmorphia and so many things along that line.

And I think when people don't understand it, I'm like, oh, what does that feel like? Because there are so many people that have, you know, so could you maybe just explain your feelings about that scene? Yeah. I think you either get it or you don't, right? And like you said, congratulations if you don't. If you were not triggered by that, if you've never had a weight, insecurity, body dysmorphia, any insecurity around food, count yourself lucky. I verbatim said what happened. Cole sat there and said, that never happened.

Then he wanted it played. It played out exactly as I said. And yeah, then the internet's like, you're a liar. But I would say, first of all, it was 4.30 in the afternoon. Dinner was at seven. One of two cuties ever ruined an appetite. What same man comments on what a woman is eating, period. But I think what really stuck out to me in that was my body language and my answer.

I think I say something like, are you okay with? Like, it was just very defensive. Like, yep, I am. You okay with that? And I would just say that's not the normal response of someone. who has only been asked once about what they are eating or what you, you know, are you going to eat that? Are you sure you want to eat that? That is not a normal. Like I would, if it was the first time he was ever asking me, I'd be like, yeah, babe, it's just two oranges. What? Why are you

asking me that? You know? I thought the same thing with your reaction. I'm like, clearly that has been asked before or has made you feel some type of way about what you're eating when you're eating it. Like that I felt your pain so much in that moment because I was like, he clearly is someone that has never dealt with it or been around anyone that has dealt with it or know the repercussions or the pain or the mental health awareness around it. And so for the internet to like say you were overreacting, knowing they're watching a TV show where they don't see everything always stresses me out so much for the other person. I'm like, I want to like take on that pain for you and like fight the internet for you to be like, how do you not get it? it. Thank you. That's so kind. You don't have to be sorry. Unfortunately, my takeaway is that you just can't win everyone over. Yeah. If you do not see it like that, if you did not see any of the microaggressions through this season, then consider yourself lucky. Like you truly have never

dealt with it. And that's a blessing. That's a blessing for those people. I always find it interesting too, because you would never come at those people for not experiencing that. You know, You wouldn't be like, you little bitch for not knowing how I'm feeling. Like, screw you. But it's like, you're just understanding. You're like, oh, bless. Like, that must be so nice. Congratulations.

That's so nice for you. That's not my experience where they always have to be so nasty to, you know, the person that's suffering. Like, why are we being nasty to people who have suffered from something? My dad used to always say, he had this saying that he was like, if they're given me a hard time, they're giving someone else a break. And I told my sister that the other day. She was like, wow, he really did say that.

And I mean, he's been gone now for like 20 years, but I remember my dad saying that. And I'm just, it's kind of where I'm at. I'm like, fine. I'll be the punching bag for this, I guess, as long as someone else is getting into take off. Wow. I really, I like that.

That's saying's going to stick with me too. Yeah, I will. Thanks, Pops. And Cole mentioned a podcast on a podcast that he had texted you and you just liked it. Now, have you talked to him at all? What is the story there? No contact is best for me. The only thing I have said to him since our wedding is like when show dropped and he was sharing pictures of us, I just said, hey, will you send me what you have of us?

Because I did switch phones and I lost a lot and I wanted the mems. So he sent them and I said, thank you. That is the only interaction between us. He tried a couple times replying to stories. and I think someone had tagged us and were like, please make it work like about me and him and I had re-shared it and he just wrote, he goes

we tried really hard and I liked that. Like I just liked it. Yeah. But he says he messaged me and said, how are you handling this? And he did. He texted me first week. For the first text I've gotten from him

since our wedding. So you're not just going to, all of a sudden, like now we're friendly and you want me to share how I'm doing. So text me, how are you handling this? And I did not do anything to it. I did not like it. That would be super.

I mean, I am petty, but I would not just like it and not answer. So I think he might have the DMs confused. I've liked to reply to a story, but I did not ever text him back to how are you handling this. Okay. But since then I have text. Like I said, I text and I said, hey, can you send me what you have? And he did.

And I said, thank you. Right. That's it. interesting context is so interesting isn't it it is interesting and again it's interesting the narrative that will work for you but let's let's stick to facts right right for are you just like no contact is like you said best um is that like you're just done with it or would you ever talk to him again i will see him where i'm contractually obligated to oh right i guess you'll have to that's that's really that's my extent um and that's not like anything special for

weren't whole, I don't really deal with exes. When I end a relationship, I close a book, I move on. I'm not friendly with any of mine, not because they didn't end well, but it's just like, there wasn't a friendship to save there. Like, I haven't been blessed with the relationship that's my best friend too, right? So, and so much of that is out of respect to like my future partner. Like, I can't be like, oh, X, Y, and Z, babe, they're still a part of my life. Yeah. So, yeah, no contact works best for me. And so, obviously, I've had to have a bit of contact with him because of everything. But outside of contractual obligations, no.

Okay. And that's fair. Yeah. And because of how this whole like liked messages and stuff's going down, they'll be limited, if ever, a text again too. Right. No kidding. I mean, at this point, you're like, I'm not doing anything.

I'm not even going there. I'm not doing anything. I'm not going there. I mean, people are also going nuts on the internet about you getting coffee with his ex-wife. So did you two meet up? We absolutely did, yeah. How did this happen? Who reached out to who? What was the purpose of meeting up? How did it go? Tell me everything. So I'm always like, spill the tea on the coffee. Okay. I will spill the tea and the coffee, but I will also tread lightly because she obviously did not go on reality TV.

Yeah. She did not ask for this attention or anything like that. And she does not deserve her private life to be completely blown up like that. I respect that. But she reached out to me while episodes were still coming out. And I've kind of joked with my mom for the past year and a half. I was like, God, I need to meet that woman and just buy her a drink. Like I just said that kind of lightheartedly. And she reached out to me.

And I started crying as soon as I read her message. My mom's like, what's wrong? And I was like, oh my God, it's her. And she just reached out. And she was like, if this isn't for you, ignore it. But she's like, I really just wanted to reach out to you. Something told me to. And I wanted to validate your feelings and share my experiences.

And we did meet for coffee. I waited for everything to come out first because, of course, if she thought I was a nut job, I didn't want to pressure her to meet me. So when everything was all out, I was like, hey, girl, if you're still up for it, I would really love to meet you. And we did. We went to coffee. We sat for hours, talked.

And it was one of the most cathartic. experiences of my life. And I am so thankful to her. She's an exceptional woman. And I think it takes a very big woman to do something like that. And I bet you were able to validate each other and just like feel seen and heard. Yep. Absolutely. That's incredible. Hey, Friday Night Lights fans. It's not only football Friday Night Lights and Beyond is an episode by episode discussion of the hit TV series Friday Night Lights hosted by Your truly Scott Porter, who played Jason Street on the show, and my two wonderful co-hosts. Me, Zach Guilford, aka Matt Saracen.

And me, May Whitman, aka someone who wasn't on the show, but really, really loves it a lot. We will also bring on some special guests, answer your questions, and tell you about what's going on in our lives today. It's not only football. Friday Night Lights and Beyond is available now wherever you get your favorite podcasts. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. Did you ever get a chance to meet his family? No. No. They would not meet me.

Really? Okay. They don't reach out to you or anything. No. No. Like I said, his mom and his sister followed me on Instagram while we were filming, but they wouldn't meet me.

So I think I removed them after the wedding or whatever. So they don't. If they do, they're buried deep in there somewhere. So I don't see it. They're one of the bots. I also wanted to talk to you about the fact that people are trying to compare you to deep D. Now, this is such a problem, in my opinion, for so many reasons. But I wanted you to obviously have your own voice in this and people, you know, trying to turn your story into hers.

But that is almost impossible, right? Mm-hmm. First and foremost, don't pit two women against each other. That's one of my problems. Like, you're never going to get gasoline for that fire from me. Yeah. Secondly, her wedding was 10 days before mine. So the world didn't know who Deepty was.

I had no clue who Deepty was. We could not be more different also. Like, look at how she said no. Look at how I chose to say no. I just stop comparing women. Like, the world does that enough. like we're not I'm not no I just it didn't happen like that's that was one of the things I put in my like internet apology which wasn't ever meant to be an apology anyway um was like I couldn't

have possibly tried to be a deep I didn't know who deep tea was right no one on the internet knew who deep tea was right that's why it was impossible for you to try it's so I was saying this to my producers before we came on I always wonder if I get like if the internet is your little safe place to like release your anger or gossip and like unfortunately they don't know what it feels like to be on the other end but if that's your little world of doing that now I wonder if when they're wrong like if now you say that and the people that had been shitting on you for oh you're trying to be her you're trying to have the same story and now hearing that do they feel silly are they like oh my god I'm such a loser or they like I'll move on

to another thing and troll someone else? I don't know. I think some of those people have no sense. So I don't even know if that like would shoot off and make sense. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if they connect the two. I think people like that, if you feel able to go and write something so vile about someone that you don't know online, I don't think you have it in you to hear that

and be like, oh my God. Yeah. I was wrong. Right. Like I just don't think the two coexist. Yeah, that's true. That's actually a really good point. And then and then that's what you have to be remembering too when hearing these comments about yourself is who these kinds of people are. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Getting that social media response and you know obviously there's so much love for you I wanted to say too because when we were doing the social media stuff like there are so many. And one of my best friends, Bree, I was talking to her on, do you know the app Marco Polo? Yes. Okay. So I was talking to her on Marco Polo. And I was telling her, her how I was having you on the podcast today. And she was like, tell her that I am on her team. And that like, I love her so much. And I just, yeah. And that's, I get a lot of that response.

So I know that the, the nastiness is loud, but and the love is like a little more quiet. And I always say it's hard to respond to love without feeling. Like when people are like, oh my God, I love you so much. And you're so this. It's hard to be like, thank you. But when people are like tearing you down, it's really easy to stand up for yourself and be like, no, That's not who I am and you don't know me. So people are always like, why are you responding to them? But sometimes it's just like it fires you up and I understand that too. But did you expect that kind of social media response from people?

Because I mean, we obviously knew from other seasons airing how passionate the internet was about this show. So was that, you know, what you expected? I knew that there would be a divide. I knew that he would have his fans. I didn't think that there would be that much hate for me. I was not No I just don't think anything can prepare you for that Even if they're like hey people on the internet are going to say ugly things

But like when it's 11,000 comments of hate and DMs that are just saying these things to you Yeah, I definitely I definitely didn't expect it and it was a lot at first But now I've been called everything under the sun and now I'm not phased like there's literally not an insult that someone can give me, that I'd be like, oh, ouch. Yeah, I understand. I sadly understand that. Fortunately, yeah, you do become a little bit numb to being called every insult under the sun. And that's really sad, but also like silver lining, like it doesn't have to affect you the way that it used to.

And you can brush certain things off. But I know it doesn't like, things still hurt. And it hurts to have people just saying awful things about you when you're, feeling a certain type of way. So I did want to just ask, like, in this moment, I know you're, you know, dealing with it. But how it, like, do that, does the show provide help for you guys after you come off the show to, like, get therapy to prepare you? Yeah, they do. And they offer, you know, we had psyche vows, like going in and going out. Yeah. I went and got my own therapist after, after the wedding. Yeah. Big fan of therapy, big champion of therapy. Think everyone should go.

everyone could benefit from it been multiple times in my life deaths of my parents divorce of my parents all of it so this is probably the longest i've been in therapy but yeah started going after the wedding literally walked in and was like i just did this thing and in about a year and a half i'm going to have to relive it and i want coping mechanisms and i want to be able to separate myself from like who i was then to who i am now so i could not be happier and healthier in my mindset and I'm so glad I started therapy so long ago for this because I can't imagine me just four weeks ago being like, help me. Yeah, no, that's so true. That's how I felt it was like three years, I think, before I went on Bachelor, I started doing therapy. And I was like, thank God for that because I'll

never forget one of the things my therapist told me was that I had no coping skills. And I was like, what? And then it all started making sense. And then so after I was like, thank God she gave me tools for coping because holy crap yeah i'm glad i'm glad and happy for you that you did that now i heard you have before i let you go a good confession for me which i make all of my guests do so don't feel like i'm just trying to single you out i back in the day was talking to this guy named ryan um which also happens to be my stepbrother's name. And so I did send quite a risque message to my Ryan, which happened to go to my stepbrother Ryan.

And then I had to intern run interception with my sister-in-law at the time. And I was like, go get Ryan's phone right now. And he had to delete this picture before he say that. Oh my gosh. Wait. So did he see it or no? No. She was like, she was like.

grabbed it done it was on the counter i got it oh my god thank god for the the new iphone update like you can unsend stuff now okay i've heard this and i desperately need to learn because i feel like update your phone yes okay okay got it got it yeah no that was my grimy little thing but yeah i can only imagine like the this feeling of your like heart dropping into your stomach and then wanting to vomit it back up sending a photo like that to someone of your family like i would that is thankfully knock on wood i have never done that and i i used to be a big fan of sending nudes back in the day i was like i was all the nudes in the long distance relationship with jason and i was like god thank god i never did that because that was that's always like a fear so i'm

sorry that happened but i'm so glad he didn't see yes me too like yeah i think it was before like really these high tech iPhones too so hopefully if it was anywhere still out there it'd be grainy and old pixelated and not usable that's funny I know I have like I have I probably 10 old phones

just sitting in a drawer I'm like I should go through them and see like what I was doing back then because I'd probably be like either I'd pat myself on the back and be like look at the confidence or I'd be like oh dear God last question is what was your biggest takeaway from love is blind I think I just learned so much about myself and I think what so like with therapy i've done tons of like self-help books tons of self-reflection and one of my love languages when i came out of love is blind was words of affirmation like i very much need that or wanted that from someone so what i focused on the last year is just pouring that back into

myself and i actually did the quiz like a couple months ago and i'm no longer a words of affirmation person like i give i give that to myself now i gas myself now i gas myself self up. I am kinder in the way I speak to myself. So I no longer seek a partner to do that for me. So now I'm still, I'm still a toucher though. Touch is still my other love language, but mine's quality time now, which I think is like a deeper love language for me. You are me. You are me. That exact same thing happened to me. I used to need words of affirmation until I was like, give it to yourself. And I switched the way I spoke to myself. And then my love language changed to quality time. And now I feel like that's a deeper form of love for me. That's so interesting.

Yeah. I love that. Yeah. No, I think it's just it's awesome that you can change that within yourself. And especially with partners that love differently, I feel like it would help people to know that they can shift that and give some of that to themselves. And then there isn't that expectation on a partner to do so much of it. Oh, I love that. I think that's really, really, really great advice. Because I realized not even actually that long ago that I did the same thing. And I was like, oh, it's because I gave it to myself and I stopped needing that from someone else. So cool. I have an appointment. next week, I think, for, have you heard of brain spotting? No. Okay. So this therapist that I found in Nashville, first of all, I've, I have like three different therapists and energy healers and like psychics and mediums. Like I have like all these people and this girl in Nashville who Jason and I have gone to see she does this thing called brain spotting.

And she made me sit in the chair the other day just to give me a feel for what happens at the beginning of the session. And what it is is it's two sounds like kind of going through your ears. and there's two speakers on either side of you. And so it's like waves and it'll go in and out and in and out. And then it triggers places in your brain to remember trauma and to like heal those parts of your brain and shift that part to like heal from it instead like because it gets stuck in the brain. As I'm sure you unfortunately know all too well. And so I was like, oh, maybe you've heard of that or maybe that would you would be something you would be interested in.

Oh, I would so be interested in it. Yeah. Yeah, you should look into it. But after next week, after I go, I'll message you and tell you what I thought of it. Please do. Oh, my gosh. Please do. Yes. I'm so glad I got to meet you and talk to you and hear your side of the story. I think it's important to hear your side and context. So thank you for sharing. I know it must be hard to like relive and dig up the past and talk about it and then deal with the present. That's dealing with the past. And it's just a mess. But you're handling it beautifully. Thank you. Thank you for having me. This was fun. Yes, any time. Come back. And if we have to, you know, clear up any more rumors, we'll bring you back. Oh my gosh. Please do. I would love to. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. Thanks for joining us for this week's grape therapy. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow on your favorite podcast platform. And tune in Thursday for your next session. All month long on Pluto TV, stream the biggest Tyler Perry movies free. Watch your favorites like Medea's witness protection and Medea's big happy family.

Join Tyler Perry as he goes on a couple's retreat with Sharon Leal and Why Did I Get Married? Or Idraselba and Gabrielle Union in the Tyler Perry directed film Daddy's Little Girls. Plus, Pluto TV has hundreds of channels with thousands more movies and TV shows, available on live and on demand. Download the free Pluto TV app on all your favorite devices and start streaming now. TV. Drop in, watch free.