Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Hannah Brown Pt. 1

Episode Date: October 27, 2020

Welcome back! Kaitlyn’s guest is former Miss Alabama, Miss USA, Bachelorette AND on a season of DWTS. She’s been through a lot and she’s here to tell us how she did it, what she learned, tips for taking care of yourself emotionally after relationships and SO MUCH MORE. Stay tuned for Pt. 2 coming soon! EXPRESS – Text VINE to 397-737 to receive $25 off your purchase GEICO – Go to geico.com , and in fifteen minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance BEST FIENDS – Download Best Fiends FREE on the Apple App Store or Google Play THERAGUN – Go to Theragun.com/VINE right now and get your Gen 4 Theragun TODAYSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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slash vine. We are going to take a quick break. One thing that I am always working on is being confident and comfortable in my own skin because let me tell you it's not always an easy thing and not something you can just do overnight. Part of feeling confident has to do with what you're wearing and how you present yourself to everyone around you. If I don't feel like I'm looking too good, I'm not going to be feeling too good and projecting the confidence that I would if I felt like I was killing it. And that's where Express comes in. Express has pretty much everything you need to feel your best, from cozy work from home looks, to jumpsuits and rompers, to staple pieces that you can make work for literally any occasion. And Express is really focused on making sure you

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Caitlin is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves. Get ready for lots of laughs, tabby topics, unfiltered advice, and wine. Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. Hi. Hello. Hi.

How are you? I'm good. How are you? Wait, gallery view. Oh, there. Okay, this is better. Okay. I honestly don't know what's going on with my computer, but every time I go on Zoom, it just shuts me out and, like, shuts down my whole computer. And it's a new computer. So I'm like, I don't know what the heck's going on. Anyways, dancing gave me an iPad to use. And what? I mean, I have to give it back. But because everything's virtual for interviews and everything. And when they gave it to me, they were like, yeah, it's a brand new iPad. And so I opened it out of the box and I like turn it on and it says oh this is Wendy's iPad and I've like I like actually

this is kind of a confession I saw other people's dances in the first week because something was linking all of the I cloud to the one iPad and I was like oh God I can see other people's dances I felt like I was cheating actually you would have if it was like normal you would have been seeing people's dances so you weren't like really okay that makes me feel better because I felt wrong I would totally I would be the girl when I was there I would like they would make fun of me I would like peek my head in and be like hey what's up guys I want to do that it's so weird doing this show in 2020 with like like can't hang out with the cast can't hang out with anybody if we're in the room together like at the

the ballroom were six feet apart with COVID officers being like actually could you take three more steps back from one another like it's just it's something that I'm really sad about obviously happy the show still going on but sad because it's that's part of it right is part of it the bonding experience absolutely and like just that that that time when you're all waiting together watching everyone dance and like yeah that's one thing that like when I'm watching you guys I'm like, dang, that sucks. Like, they're not getting to see each other after, like, being able to high five and be like, that's awesome.

That was so much better than rehearsal or like, oh, my gosh, like, you're killing it. Don't be hard on yourself. And, like, you see how people get before they perform and how they're either, like, so pumped or nervous or not feeling confident and then to see them out. I don't know. There's just a bonding experience in that that I think is really unfortunate that y'all don't get to have but just like you said it's so awesome that the show is even happening yeah and like still while we're we we get to watch everybody from the balcony and we've got like our little plastic shields

where we can be like you did really great like there's certain things like that or we'll just text but i know it would be so different uh i actually wanted to talk to you about that obviously mirabal winner i don't know how and i've said this to you before but obviously i have to say it on the podcast because I need people to know this. I don't know how you did it, let alone that long. And one, after everything you've done in your life, you went from, no, I could be, I should have wrote this down, but this is what I think. Miss Alabama, Miss, you know, Miss America, then Bachelor, right into Bachelorette to

Dancing with the Stars. Now, I know, for some people, it's a happy ending, and you can have that support. system other people it's hard to jump into a TV show right away even if you have that quote unquote fiance but you were going through so much at an age in my 20s like if i went through what you did i wouldn't i would not make it and then went all the way working your ass off on dancing with the stars to win i don't know how you did it how did you do it how did you like find the the strength to do that because I'm struggling on week six mentally, physically with like five years out of that kind of spotlight.

I think I faked it really well, maybe. Yeah. It was so hard. I actually was going through some of my journals today. And I found a journal entry of like me talking about how hard it was. I was so thankful, obviously, for being on Dancing with Stars. Like, I would never imagine that. but I was just like I feel like I can't I don't have time I went through like no time for this

no time from that and honestly do I even want the time because I don't even know if I can process to people what or to myself what I'm going like it was almost a nice distraction to just be there and doing focusing on dance yeah like I I think I found the hardest most draining distraction I could find to not deal with what had kind of gone gone on yeah because I mean I had just, before I went missed Alabama, I had just graduated college three months before Miss Alabama. Then it may, then that May, Miss USA, and then that July started the bachelor process, then, I mean, it was just back to back to back. Like, I think the most I ever had was three months when it's not, you're preparing for something else. So it was really hard. And

I'm so thankful for winning and it was the best experience, but I do, I, I, excited and like love watching you because like you know you have a little bit more I think you're just freer in a better place to really enjoy it yeah when you're like using it as a distraction it's like I have to win like I was like I need a freaking win yeah I got to win and like I said super thankful but it was so hard I actually went to physical therapy for the first time yesterday and it's like not only hard I mean I think definitely emotionally and emotionally for sure but physically like I'm still like where like how you're like still trying to recover yes and like because you're just trying to make it through and I'm sure you

already know like it's it's a very like you have a physical therapist and like doctors on staff but it is a we're going to ease the pain so you can get through but it's a get through not actually like fixing the problem that's exactly what i i feel how i lived my life like i'm getting through we haven't the problem yet right now i think i'm finally fixing the problems physically and emotionally um it took me a while that's interesting that you say that because i i just i always give you credit and and that could be also even another confession that when you were going on the show was like i just like i like she's not responding or i want to talk to her Now I'm like, how did you even do any of this, let alone, who cares who you responded to or who you talked to?

You need to do things for yourself to like get through anything at this point because sometimes I think I forget how far removed I am from the show too, that after I came off, I literally and everybody has different experiences. But for me, I, even though I ended up with somebody, I didn't want to talk to anybody. I was bitter at so many things but trying to be so happy because how can I not be grateful for this opportunity and for finding love and all these things and like you said you go into now another show

of Dancing with the Stars where you are known as the Bachelorette to be this strong ass, fierce, independent, tell it how it is, girl that going into another show you had to keep up that kind of persona was like you couldn't just be like actually I want to break down I'm not okay you had to keep up that you know I am this tough girl and can do anything which you are and you did but how hard

was that to not just have the time to to let it all out or break down or or not be okay oh I totally did break down they just didn't show it yeah right like I'll be I was so not okay during that time um but it was like i had to learn to suck it up like i would be in the fetal position in the corner of the date studio like telling allan like it's it's not about the steps i'm just like bring room right now and then having to dry it up and pretend like i'm so excited to do this magical rumba and i was like so hurting and but then you feel like you said like you feel like you should be happy and like I was in moments but as far as like what was actually going on like I was having those breakdowns actually the other night um I went

back I was watching the show and went to watch like I don't I've never watched my season of The Bachelorette back but I finally like went and looked at my YouTube videos from dance and some of them have like the intros before and I was like goodness gracious no I was such a crazy pants like I was cross all the time like I thought the judges were so mean to me and I do feel like that they were the hardest to me but I took it all so personal because I was so hurt so like you were looking for any kind of affirmations like I needed affirmation when they they struck the one that was like the whole thing with kary ann like she she's a woman so she's very intuitive i think of like what my emotions were and i was like

she i'll say like she was right a lot of the time but i'm like you can't be right do not point out what's happening on national television right now because i'm going to burst into tears and i am trying to keep it together you know and that was a lot of it but i watch it back and i'm like Dana, they weren't even that, like, they were giving you good, they were giving you affirmations, but, like, also helping you, but in that time, like, I could not. I truly couldn't handle it. Yeah. And then the whole thing with, I know we talked about it a lot. Like, I always felt really bad about not responding to people during that time. But like you said, like I was trying to make it. Like, my parents will even say. say I mean I was what I had to shut everybody out to just get through it and I got through it but then at the end of the day it's like now I'm having to like I finally have the time to kind to kind of go back and kind of make amends not only with other people but with myself of just

like all right what just happened who are you where do you want to go you've already been there but where do you actually want to go type thing and Right. But nobody, like I love now how we've been able to chat and I feel like there's even a deeper connection between us because nobody else, even though, you know, mine was right off of the season and I was not in the best place, but to have like somebody who understands when I say how Bachelorette was really hard for me to go straight into dancing with the stars. And now you're the only person that can actually understand when I say how hard that was. And I still can't fully because I haven't done it. I can only have empathy or compassion for it because it makes so much sense now where, I mean, even just from talking to him, we've luckily been able to just have great conversations and talk through things where I'm like, that makes so much sense. You literally were just trying to keep your head above water at a certain point to survive mentally to go through so many things that you're going through in every way possible. and you did it with such grace and you might have been struggling and not responding, but it all makes sense because you were just doing what was best for you.

You were able to do what a lot of people can't do. And that's be selfish in the best way possible. It's to do it for yourself to make sure you're okay and not worry about other people's feelings. And that's where other people need to have a little bit of a reality check and say, this isn't about me, you're going through something right now and you're doing so much and you have so many people pulling you in so many different directions that for you to be able to stay sane and even though you probably didn't feel sane sometimes, for you to be able to get through it, you had to just be there for yourself. And I think that's really cool that you did

that and really important. Oh, yeah. I truly didn't have, when people would, even like my close friends say something to me um my parents would always be like we we came and saw you and we didn't even see you till 10 o'clock you know how the practices are and I think with COVID restraints it's not even as much as you did yeah like I would have eight hour practices but then still have to do all the like um cold open shots and then I always had some package thing where I had to go somewhere else and then like I said my body was broken so I'm driving to some people. physical therapist's office all the way on the other side of L.A. and just trying to get back. And then I'm like, I just need to have a little cry. I need to have a little cry and then I'm

going to go to bed. And let alone coming off of Bachelorette. So how do you banish high rates on car insurance? You switch to Geico during Geico ween. October is their favorite time of year. And the folks over at Geico have been working even harder to cast out high rates and craft just the right policy for you and your family. Switching to GEICO isn't so scary, especially when they could brew up some spellbinding savings just for you. So get a quote today at GEICO.com and see just how much you could save. No, I've needed. Happy GEICO ween, everyone. 2020 happens, which I'm sure there's so many things you had planned or on the go, which you wanted to accomplish and that probably put a damper on things, which we'll get to. But this is probably such a blessing in disguise for you to

take a step back and after everything that you've gone through, whether it be the highest highs, the lowest lows, you are able to sit back in process. And like you said, you journal and you look back. You must have been in the last, I don't even, I've lost track of time now, how many months COVID's been or whatever, but you've must been able to really dig deep into who you, who is Hannah, who you are, what you want out of life, what you've been through. And, and probably grow just immensely from from everything oh my gosh so much i'll be honest the first the first part of all the quarantine i looked i was so used to distraction after distraction to yeah to i was not ready to deal with it all because i just compiled it so much that it was like i do not want to open

this can of worms and so i i found i tried to find every distraction um i could that kind of led to like my own demise and you know self um destruction i believe for sure and in many ways and you know for me it takes me i can't uh i can't listen to the little whisper something Sometimes of like, hey, maybe we should like figure this out. No, like I got to get like somebody screaming in my face and fall all the way down. And I did fall all the way down. But like this has been honestly been the best thing to happen for me because I couldn't. There was no more distractions anymore.

It was just me and having to really get serious and look within of like what just happened? like what has the past year and a half been like and like who even were you before that and have you lost that girl or is that girl the same but just different or am I just somebody that I don't even recognize you know like really having to have those like hard harsh realities reality checks with myself and there was a lot of things I didn't like about me anymore and it was actually really cool going back to dancing with stars and like all that I had a friend come in town she's a flight attendant who had come see me during the show and she hadn't seen her since then and she was here a few weeks ago and it was so great to see her and she looked at me

and she had like tears in her eyes and she was like you're back oh and I was like Oh, she was like, I remember coming home crying because I could just tell you were just so broken and so distracted and just not you. And she was like, I know it's been hard for you the past few months, but like, you're back and I've missed you. And it killed me, but it was also like validating. because I know I've done a lot of work and I know that I lost sight of things, not even because I lost side of things because I couldn't even stand to look at it all and feel the pain of it all. But I finally did and it's like I actually like this person again.

The other person, I didn't even know I was just making it through. And so to hear somebody who's like known you. From, you know, we grew up together to seeing me in the, like not to step in and kind of see me in the thick of it to then see me now and hear that. It was like, yeah, I'm back. And it feels good to be back for me too. Of course. You're probably like, when I think about some of my hardest times I've been through

in life, I just remember one of my best friends, Jess, saying to me, you were an absolute shell of yourself you weren't you and it's so like you said it's validating to know that people can see that in you that means they're good friends that they can see when you're not yourself and they can appreciate you when you said like quote unquote you're back and it's i mean i think about the hardest times i've been through and then i think about what you've done and i'm like so much of what you have gone through is heavy and what i really respect is that you've taken it as an opportunity to grow. You haven't had pity parties. And if you have, that's okay, too. And but, but, but I mean, you've, you've, you've taken what you've gone through as an opportunity

to grow and you have put in, I mean, I know because I talked to you, so much work. You've put in so much work into yourself and to, to be a better human and a better woman and a better person to show up for yourself. Like, and you haven't done it for anyone else but you. And to do that, it and I don't mean to keep saying something about your age. I just know I compare it to what I was like at your age and I just I was not self-aware. I didn't know who I was. I hadn't gone through anything really difficult before so I just coasted through life where you have used everything and you've you know even on your your YouTube you're like who are you and you make people ask the same question and I know asking this you can probably come up with

some regrets, but when I think about it all, you probably don't regret a lot of things because of how much it's been able to help you look within and grow as a person. Yeah, about the pity parties. I for sure. I mean, we all have them. I always like, I feel like laying the ground and cry and like, woes me. And then I look around and I'm like, oh, nothing's changing. So I'm see, but you're able to come out of that.

You don't sit there forever. You're, that's, that's my point. Yeah, no. And I don't because it's like, okay, I'm not proud of this. This is not me. Like I, I know that there's something so much bigger than me than even the stuff that I've done. And like, I'm never going to get there if I keep, first of all, blaming other people and not taking ownership of my own responsibilities and even the things that people would be like, oh, well, this and this and this. And no, like, I, I give other people power.

I make porridge choices like really accepting that but being gentle with myself also like learning that's probably one of the hardest things like I've had some of the meanest things said about me but the worst critic about me is me and it's like it hurts to hear what some of the mean trolls say but it's like unfortunately I'm the meanest troll to myself and learning to be gentle with that and then to take that to take that gentleness but also like with humility. and then with the perseverance, I can't say, perseverance to like keep going and it's not finished yet. Like I'm not done. Oh my gosh. You are just starting. Yeah. And I have made, I have had some of the biggest victories and the biggest failures and

all the in between and learning how to combat that. I think I'm really just like in the preparation mode. and sometimes that's hard because like there was today like there was something that happened and it's like that shame cycle all like the shame for me is the thing that I really struggled the hardest because like I said I can be bullied or told how awful I am so many times about other people but I'm already telling myself that you know it's really getting out of that has been the thing that I've been working on a lot lately um but I can can say that I like progress. I'm like happier and in prouder of the girl that I'm

a woman that I'm becoming. And think of where you'll be in I mean five years from now. How exciting is that to know how far you've come in only a few years to how I told you right about 27 being pivotal. Yeah. Yeah. That we had that talk. I can't wait for you to call me and tell me I'm right. One, because I like being told I'm right, but two, because I just want you to see, like, how far you've, you've come and how much you've, you've already experienced so many things in life that people would never experience, which is only going to lead you to be a better person. And it's just, I always just find it so crazy. Like, to go through that in your 20s, you are going to be just an outstanding, you already are an outstanding person, but you're just

going to be so successful in your 30s and even in your 20s still because of what you've gone through and because of looking inward and discovering so many things about yourself. We're going to take a minute and I'm going to have you guys picture this. It's 2 a.m. You're in bed on your phone while your partner's sleeping next to you. You should probably be sleeping. Not going to lie, but you can't put your phone down like myself. You're not on TikTok, Instagram. No people. You are on best fiends. This game makes it extremely hard to put your phone down, but listen, don't worry about it because you're not just scrolling through people's picks or tweets. You're actually using the old noggin to solve

puzzles and then to beat that level that Jason is on or, you know, whoever you like to challenge. Best Feens is the Can't Put It Down mobile puzzle game that's free to download. It has over 100 million downloads so you can say people are pretty much loving it. Once you've downloaded Best Feens, boredom does not stand a chance. So if you're sitting at home, chilling, taking a little break in your workday, try something new and download the game. game. I think I'm actually at the point now where almost everyone I know is playing the game and they all can't put it down. My favorite part, personally, is the moment when I beat a level that I've been working on for minutes, hours, maybe days. It's the best little rush of adrenaline

and there are always more levels so that you don't have to worry that there won't be a next level once you beat the one you're on. Trust me, it's there. They have 5,000 levels and counting. Download Best Fiends free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's Friends without the R. Best Fiends. back with more Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Tell me what you have coming up because who doesn't want to tune into that? Yeah.

Well, I think what I've realized is I had so much going on at, like, I'm an achiever. I want to be the best at whatever I do and I want to put everything into. it all. But when you spread yourself too thin, you just kind of become miserable and resentful about it all, you know. And so what I've really been working on a lot is the balance. And I'm not very good at that, I will say. It's not like a struggle. But this is really sad. But I've thought I've had more of a freedom in COVID than I did before of like even just being able to hang out with one or two friends. I didn't know what that was like because I was just working, you know, I'm being too tired.

So I've been really trying to, like, the thing that I've been working on the most is myself and the balance and like what is joy and what brings joy and what brings fulfillment and what brings impact and figuring that out instead of just jumping into everything. And so right now, the thing that I just recently launched, was my YouTube channel and like that was we actually talked about it when we saw each other and um it I was a little bit nervous about it but it actually like I love it I think it's so fun it's just another like open um and and show more of like my story and it's not coming from anybody else like me being able to create my own content that's still more than I can give

over like a cute picture on social media or a few stories like really allowing people to see like hey do you want to be a part of this or is this not like you know but like really getting people to come on this journey with me that I think I'm just preparing for so you too's been going great and well let me just say something about that first because that must be extremely liberating for you where you come from a pageant world where you are you know you're still you, but you're having to put on this facade and you're having to say the right things and look a certain way and have this pressure. And then you go on this show where it does all the same things to you, but on a much, well, I mean, you're already on a big platform, a even bigger

platform. And you're edited. You're, we all know that show's edited. You're, you know, they film however many hours a day shown two hours a week. And to be able to, I remember Snapchat being a big thing when I came out the show and being like, how cool is this that I get my own voice, that I get my own platform to share who I am and to tell my side of the story and have nobody but myself to edit it? So for YouTube, for you,

it must just be so therapeutic to be able to be you, to know that this is your story, to be able to share it in a way that you want to do. And I just love that you get to do that. Yeah, it's so fun. And, you know, I think a lot of people think, which I do, I am proud of myself because I do think you saw a lot of sides of me that are me on The Bachelorette. However, like you said, it's being filmed 24 hours a day for however long, it's only two hours a week. So there's only so much that people get to see.

So to be able to show, like, I just have the opportunity to decide, like, hey, I want to like, let y'all in on this part of me or I don't know. I think I would have really realized with YouTube. Is it something that I enjoy and it's in a way like like it's it's something that even though like sometimes every starting a social media channel can have its own struggles, but it's like do you enjoy the journey? And it's like there's a lot of some things in my life that I'm like I don't enjoy this journey. I don't enjoy any of this, but this is not that at all for me.

It's been really fun. And, yeah, I'm just excited to see where it goes and what all, like, people, like, I want to hear what other people want, you know, to see what. Because that's also a fun interaction. There's so many people that follow you that know you from The Bachelorette, but like knocking on my door. Oh, what, do you want to check it? Yeah, I'm just right here.

let's see this could be oh who's there such a mystery oh my gosh I appreciate it all right bye oh my god what is that my neighbor told me he was making

pumpkin pie and made me oh wait what that's the sweetest thing in the world is your neighbor Canadian he sounds Canadian he might be I should ask oh my gosh that's like a fresh did he make that he made it oh it was really sweet is he like is he flirting with you is he just sweet no he's just sweet actually he um he's always just like we seen each other in the um down the stairway in the other day he stopped me and he saw

that i had pumpkins and that's why i know he makes pumpkin pie and he was telling me up the pumpkin pie and I was like well if you ever make one and need somebody to try it out I'm your girl and he was like yeah I'll bring you one and then he was like you know I didn't know who you were he was like but my my I think is like his granddaughter started asking him about like I don't remember is he the guy that we met on the patio no that's Bob oh Bob okay yeah we love Bob we love Bob he remember this guy's name but anyway it was just so funny and then he was like yeah you've made us cool now. Oh, little angel

and he made you a pumpkin pie. That's, I mean, there's a pumpkin pie. No, don't ever be sorry about getting a dessert delivered to you. That's a, I like live for neighborly gestures. I think it's the cutest thing in the world that makes me feel like it's like the world is

still okay when neighbors are like that. No, I feel like I have been pretty blessed with the place that I'm staying right now. and like all my neighbors are really nice and um i feel like i got a little community which is so good is what i desperately needed right now was that a crazy move to la like that must have been scary because even when i thought of being here for a few months i was scared of not having

that feeling of community and friends and whatever so was that scary moving to la i you're like what's the worst that could happen no i think i was just like in such my parents were like why do you want to move back right now? Like I don't understand and like, you know, I just gone through a lot just personally and was trying to figure out what was next. And it's like, why not stay in the comfort of like home? But like I had to get out like the, it wasn't comfort anymore. It felt so complacent.

And like I really wasn't doing what I was supposed to do. And was it absolutely terrifying, signing a lease, going back to Ellen, LA when I didn't really know many people here or some weren't from TV shows right um because I like I wasn't answering you I wasn't answering anybody it's not like I was building community at all right um so to make that move was I'm really like that was brave that was very brave of me um to do but I'm so glad that I did it because like I was taking care of like I knew I was supposed to do it like you know there's just those moments when you know like I don't know how I don't know why this seems scary but like I'm supposed to do this that's what

I felt like and that's exactly like that's how I felt like so thankful for just kind of like trusting my gut which I'm not usually good about doing and just knowing that that pays off because it is going to be okay. I've been through it. You're like you that's that's exactly right. You've been through so much and and even people who haven't been through a lot. It's like what is there to be afraid of? Okay, you haven't been through the things that you personally have been through. But everybody's got fears of what could go wrong instead of thinking of what could go right and what could you know, it's all about perspective too. Like moving there, you're going to get a new perspective on life, on who you are. And, and, and, and,

the goal to me in life is always evolving and becoming a better person. And that comes with change, which I'm not good at. But it comes with change and it comes with hard times and it comes with failure and all of those things that you have gone through on a whole other level. All right, we're going to take a break and be real for a second. The last thing I want to worry about in the morning when I'm getting ready is what I want to wear. It's just another thing on my plate before I get started with my day and it's not always easy to pick out an outfit that's going to be all the things I want it to be cute comfortable flattering maybe even take me from my day of work to my night of hanging out with a friend or Jason or the dogs but I think I found the solution to make it easier

for me and I'm talking about Express you guys already know how I feel about Express I talk about it every podcast and it's been such a great way for me to freshen up my wardrobe in LA now that we're heading into fall but their pieces aren't just for a season or two they have some amazing classics and staples that will last you for many seasons to come. I also love that Express has such a focus on comfortable and flattering fits because there's a lot of types of clothing. Like business casual clothes, for example, that I typically don't love putting on. That really hasn't been an issue for me anymore because their clothes are so stylish and flattering so you know you'll feel good in them. They also have something for pretty much any style or any occasion. So you just head to

their website, check them out on social media. You're almost guaranteed to find something that you love. their tops on their site the other day and immediately found something that could work for a Zoom meeting and something else that would be great for post dance rehearsal. I'm talking the cozy faux fur hoodie for when the weather starts to finally cool down. So go check it out. Let me know what you think. You can also text Vine to 397-737 to receive $25 off your purchase. I think it's so cool that you're doing a YouTube because I think it's the perfect platform for you to, you have so much to say and so much to offer that an Instagram post is not enough. It's not enough.

And like, it's just cool to, I don't know. I was like talking to my team today about everything. And I was just like, I have this idea and this idea and this idea. And it just, like I said, like right now it's really about like for me. It is such a like, yes, my career is like really important to me. But for my career to be what I want it to be, I've got to like know Hannah and know exactly what motivates me and not just like externally but like internally and I think I'm still in that discovery mode and there's there's a lot of other things that are in the works too but I think

that creative outlet and being able to share more and to see what resonates because ultimately what I think that I've been put on here on this earth to do is connect with people and so building other ways to connect to people and seeing what is the strong hold and like where I can really be of impact um is what I am and trying to do right now therefore I can like really find joy in the process and in the purpose that is my life instead of just like you know how it is there's so many opportunities afterwards and then it's like but do I really want this or am I just doing this or is this really something that like you know What is something that is going to, in the end of all this,

be something that I'm proud of? Like, I'm not just trying to make a dollar and sell my soul so that I have this, that, and the other, it's like, I'm so thankful for this opportunity. I'm thankful for the platform that I've been given. But, like, what am I going to do with that platform that's lasting and what's the legacy? And if I don't understand me, then how am I going to create a legacy that I'm proud of? But do you know how far ahead you are the most people at that stage in your life? To be that aware of wanting to leave a legacy and what your impact will be and who you are as a person?

I discovered that like in my 30s and it was something that wasn't even on my radar back then. Even coming off that show, it just wasn't. It's something that usually you grow into. And that's just, you know, living proof and a testament as to going through hard times and how that will make you have perspective and grow and see what other things are bigger in life than you, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, no. I mean, I guess like you said earlier, like, do I really regret stuff? Like, it's like, I mean, there's some things I'd never want to do again. And would not want to live through that again. But I do believe that there were lessons that I had to learn for being prepared for what it's become and so sometimes that sucks and it's like you're in the suck like sometimes I even say I'm still in the suck there is my life where I do believe like I'm still in the suck and it's not always fun and I don't have the answers but it's just like knowing that eventually

it's going to be like oh that's why why it sucks so bad or I had to just release them let go and so that I could take on this next thing but I needed to I don't know I mean there's just been a lot that like I said been hard but I'm grateful for it and yeah that's that's that's the right attitude that's to to know that it was hard and that like I mean I always think back on obviously the thing to do when you want to feel empathy. with someone is to put yourself in their shoes and there's only a small handful of us that can do that with each other even though every situation so differently and for me to put myself in your shoes i had the hardest time being on that show it was really really hard for me bachelor at the

best time bachelor i found it very challenging and just i yeah the bachelor was so fun it was so fun i was like the most i was very well i think i guess i still am like a very polarizing character people you were like character person yes people love me that hate me but especially on bachelor it was like that but as far as that time it was a freaking blast yeah i totally agree a bachelor just a whole other world that's that's how i felt i felt like people either hated me or love me but the thing about that is like you wean those people out that hate you over the years like you will only grow, there will always be people who have something to say, of course, and opinions, but because you're the same way that I was where you're like, I don't want to do

something to just make a dollar. I want to do something that is genuine, that is authentic to myself, that makes an impact that's going to be something of like the longevity of not just another, you know, dollar in the bank right now of monetizing on that. And that will create such a loyal, loving community that it's the best thing ever. That's what I feel like, like even just the people who listen to this podcast, I feel like they're a family at this point. It's a community. Everyone has just become so.

People have made friends. And that's what you're going to do, right? That's something that's important to you. And so that's what's interesting about coming off a show like that where, like you said, what a cool. I'm not going to say character like you said you're like no I'm a human being but what a cool but what a cool thing to to know that you are polarizing because that means you're being authentic that means you're not being cookie cutter as to what people want to see from you you are being

fearless of the bullying and the hate that can come your way even though it still has an impact on you and it hurts you are choosing to bring that on to be true to yourself yeah and it's definitely a choice because let me tell you a pageant girl knows how to turn it on and i totally easily well that was that's my sometimes what i switched to i can turn it on and i can know what to take i'm just tired of i just i just want to be me and and i don't want to do the bullshit anymore and it does mean that like me being me is making some big mistakes but those victories that i do have are going to be like so much more impactful and satisfying for me so of course of course i'll i'll take that but yeah we'll be back with more off the vine with kaitland bristow

tell you chico pit pool mr 305 better said mr worldwide amandito grista and peris i had to use the real name why because not's the podcast from negative to positive which you can catch on Apple Podcast, Podcast, Podcast One, and Spotify. Flo to the rider. Woo! I don't even know if you know how much they play you around the road or anywhere, my brother. No matter how much bread we make, dog, you can't take it with us. No matter how many houses, cars, whatever we acquire, can't take it with us.

With that said, anything we make is always to give back, dog. Why are we starting a podcast? Well, it's real simple. With the times that we're living in right now in the world, I think you need to be motivated, inspired, educated, aware, positive. So what I'm here is just to motivate the world and let them know when we talk. We call Spain to Spain.

So you're going to hear the truth. So I look forward to the podcast. I look forward to showing y'all, teaching y'all how to take it from a negative to a positive. So get ready. From negative to positive, which you can catch on. Apple Podcast, Podcast, Podcast, One, and Spotify. Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow.

I know we are saying, like, coming off the show, you can feel grateful and you can feel gratitude you can also feel frustration and anger and you went through such a hard thing that I can't relate to of picking somebody that you see a future with it's that that was just an added layer of toughness on that so my question to you is this is something I struggled with after can you watch back now are you watching Claire's season I tried watch I did watch it but I was sitting here watching it like and I it's just like mind-blowing and yeah hard to kind of take in that that was me because I never watched the show before I was on it like probably why there was such an authentic

version of me because I know what the heck I was doing what it was but it was hard I'll be completely honest it was it was hard to watch and to realize like I did. I had like two girlfriends over and I don't want to say I didn't have a pity party, but I was just like I went on that season, that show so like when I think of Hannah then and I like also was looking at my journal saying it's like, oh, sweet baby. Yes.

It's just like a sweet baby just was so doe-eyed. Yeah. And so innocent. and I'm proud of my season and how I grew from that, but to know that there's been a lot that's happened since then and then to watch somebody else and to realize that that was you. Like, that was me. People were sitting like I was watching me like do my life,

not play a character, do my life. And I think about the impact of all that. that people saw on TV wasn't just a two-hour week thing that then got talked about on Twitter. It's like, no, I'm still healing and learning from that first two hours I was ever like on TV and just realizing the impact of that was like a whole season later was difficult. And so I'm trying, I want to watch and I want to be a part of it, but I definitely think there's a part of me that has kind of step back a little bit.

Yes, that's, I had to do that myself, Jojo was the Bachelorette after me. And I had to do that too. I wanted to watch. I wanted to be supportive. I wanted to show her like, I'm here for you and I'm supporting you. But sometimes, and some people know this, sometimes I had to take a step back and I had to get my friend to watch and tweet and do things for me because, again, I wanted to show my support. but it mentally for me was not good to go back into that place and it was too soon and to feel all those feelings again and see it all happen and it brings up a lot of like anxiety and that too

soon feeling and I totally understand where you're coming from on that on that part but that's why your season was so successful though is because it was so relatable it was you were able to see yourself in you and dating and the ups and downs. And I think that's what people crave to see in a bachelor and bachelor at these days. So again, props to you. I hope one day soon. I think maybe my therapist asked me. I can't remember who asked me about it. Maybe a life. I have a therapist and a life coach right now. I'm telling the girl is working on herself. Somebody asked me about like what it would be like if, you know, I watched it kind of knowing, what I did now, even about the relationships and like watch it through the lens of me now,

not looking at it as some, like, a viewer, because it is and you don't see all the person watching what is happening, what I know, what I know now a year later, and like how I feel. Like, I would love to be able to do that. But, you know, I think that's going to be a process for sure. But I think it could be really good to be able to, like I said, I like to journal that. And I hope one day to be able to share all that. And I think it would be just really interesting to see what I've learned and when I can pick up on knowing what I do now and go through the process that I could not go through for so. long we'll get back to the podcast in one minute let's talk about the stress of daily life and how

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and get your gen 4 Theragun today. That's Theragun.com slash Vine. I was wondering what kind of advice you would give Matt because we all know you guys are so close and obviously he's filming right now that must be so hard to not just be like, pick up the phone and be like, what's going on here?

What's going on with that? But what kind of advice did you give him? Obviously that was one of it, or one of the pieces of advice he gave. I actually sent him a journal. I, like I said, a journal. I write a lot. And I wish, I wrote a lot when I was on the

bachelor because you had so much free time, I think if I would have taken that time more, like I said, you're so, you know, like you're so exhausted. I was like sleeping while Gina was doing my makeup, but I wish I would have journal a little bit more. And even looking back at mine, I can see like, I'll be like, what the hell, Hannah? Like, if I would have just read back when I wrote, but I tried to talk to how like important that was. And I sent him two books that I had had read that I was like I don't know it's like I've never like known somebody on the show beforehand like this and like actually care like cared for his heart and want him to just be happy after this and like think okay there's a reason we're both in each other's lives like

life is so weird like going from like not really having the fondest feelings about him to like I'm talking to his mom like being his mom talking about time to um just caring just so much for like kick heart and making sure that he's prepared for it. So I made him, I got him a journal and actually like wrote like a letter to him and sent him his face really important to him too. So I sent him some scriptures and actually got his mom to write him a letter to. That's so nice. That'll make all the difference for him too. Like could you imagine if you had some like that to go to those levels to bring you comfort during such a hard time he's probably like oh i'll be fine and then he gets that that's going to reset everything for him to you know

yeah so i kind of wrote the like my biggest thing for him is just like remember who you are like this these are your choices it's your life like make sure you have prepared i kept telling him like prepare write down what do you want like in a wife like what type of life do you want and so that when you go on these dates

you can kind of look back and be like is this lining up or was that just a magical date because there were fireworks and the and the horses and the violinists and the ball like amazing but what do you want

and to know exactly who you are because that's the only way that I think ever the best way for it to be successful as if you, like, actually know and don't get, um, kind of wrapped up in it because you can. And it's nobody's fault in that. It's just a, it's a, it's an alternate reality. Reality TV. It's still real, but it's, it's different. So that, that was like my biggest thing that I've, like, wanted him to just like, like, knowing that the power is still

in him. Yeah. Like, you decide if this is what you want or not. And I think that's really important and sometimes hard to hold on to in the process. And, um, but I, I'm like really, I'm like excited for him. I'm cheering on Matt because he's my friend and that doesn't have to be done publicly. It's a, we have a real friendship. And so I do that that way, but it's hard not being able to talk to him. So me and Miss Patty, his mom, we just, we, we, we, we,

keep up with each other and and it's hard for her she has no idea what's going on like think oh that's that's the worst part knowing your mom like my mom and dad were so just like grasping for any type of information but to be this patty who has never even doesn't know anything yeah he's ever been on a season because you're used to speaking to somebody you love every day and surrounding yourself of people you love and then all of a sudden that's just taken away your phone taken away you don't have the people that ground you you're you now like of course his mom's going to look into like what does the show do and what is happening and you're probably seeing like serious stuff on the internet it must be so hard yeah so i'm glad that we've like

matt put my mom me and his mom in a group text before his text was gone so that like you know he would she would have somebody and like that's incredible it's been great so we've like kind of just been rallying around her and trying to help her and she must find so much comfort in that because I even like my mom my mom's like all the moms and dads or whatever whoever should be in a support group for when their kids go on the show yeah absolutely sometimes I'm like oh my gosh mom you don't understand but then I think one time me and mom like had a serious like especially after everything would good jed stuff happen like and even like you this past May when I you know had a really hard time and watching your child kind of go

through things on their own you know from their even if they did it to themselves or you know just in this thing that they bit off too much that more they can shoot or then just completely heartbroken like they feel helpless like I can remember my mom just like crying and my dad just crying me and like I don't know how to help you and they there's like you're in this public eye and they're like you're but you're still like somebody's son and daughter and like it it's it's hard to watch and to not really know and so yeah I now like really you know respect my family for just handling the way that they have have and just thankful to have them but also like acknowledge that it was hard for not just

everyone the adjustment but I mean it wasn't just hard for me the adjustment of life but for everybody I know I always say that that your family doesn't sign up for it you do but your family doesn't and then they're thrown into that when I hear you get I'm like I love your friendship with Matt so much you're like imagine that was like a love story where at the end of the day he picked nobody and then it's like you guys are like wait we're more than friends, I feel like it could be a like a rom-com movie. That does sound like a rom-com, but

I just said, I wrote in his journal, in the journal, I was like, just make sure she likes me and she's okay with me being your BFF. Because you're stills are going to be weird about that. I just, I just think we would keep in to each other's life and it's been such a like a good relationship to know that like the boundaries are there and their respect is there and there's it's just good it's probably just a very

healthy relationship in your life your relationship it is all it's awesome like yeah i told tyler i'm like i'm 1,000% stole your best friend i mean we can share i'm not giving back my share like he is mine you're like you came on this season but the real reason was the universe bringing this friendship with Matt you guys do yeah I just feel like you you you care about certain people's well-being especially when they're going to go through something that you've gone through and you know how hard it can be you just genuinely care for his his happiness and that's you know that's a healthy healthy thing yeah yeah all right you guys Hannah and I just had a little too much fun recording so we're going to make this a two-part podcast so stay tuned

for Part 2 with Hannah and I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Brisco. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on Podcast1.com, the Podcast One app and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's that with OTV?