Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Happy Birthday, Karen Bristowe

Episode Date: June 18, 2019

Today it's a packed house, or should I say hotel room, when Bri Cook and Lo Von Rumpf join Kaitlyn as she celebrates her Birthday! Katilyn is going full Karen starting off the podcast saltier than Dead Sea but Bri and Lo do their best to intercede. Lo sharing his early exploits with the opposite sex leads to some down south self love talks. And of course they make sure to answer all the questions from fans like you! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We'll be back with more Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Okay. Did you hear that door slam? Did you catch that? Yeah, I caught the door slam. I kind of deserve the door slam. Honey.

But it's the kind of door slam that is the... Is someone calling you? No. I'm just trying to pull up a clip. It's the kind of door slam that is like... It's a hotel door, so it's going to slam regardless if someone's mad or not. Let's set the stage. Let's set the stage.

Hold on. All the listeners take a deep breath. We don't want to strut this podcast off on a stressed out note. Your energy is ruining this, Caitlin. Your energy did this, Caitlin. Everybody just to start off, I'm in L.A. with my bestie Bree. You all know her. Hi.

A lots of wine. and we are I'm stressing the F out My anxiety is through the freaking roof today And I realized that I'm angry right now Yeah But I don't know why I'm raging What we have learned is we both suffer from a little bit

Lowe's here He can't come in hold on I'm going to put the mic down Okay I'll keep talking Five six seven eight and go Lo is joining because he's styling me For this event I have tonight And hi Lowe

Lowe. Hello. How are you? Hello. Hello. Um, you guys, hey, focus back over here. I'm podcasting. Oh, okay. We're live.

And I'm just, um, I'm setting the stage and telling everybody that I am honestly in the bitchiest mood of my life right now. Low, you have no idea. But look. Oh my God, your outfit, Kate Lynn. Yeah, so cute. Okay. Okay.

Thank you. Low. Everybody goes low too. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Hey, everybody. He's like, I'm going to talk. No, no. I said deep breath in, deep breath out. Do you want me to breathe into the mic?

Why are you glowing so hard? Oh, I have Kevin Aquan cosmetics. Thank you so much. God, you're too cute leave. You're just, you're not allowed to be the... Lowe and I've never met and we're like bonding right off the bat. I don't think he knows who I am, but I know who he is because they follow his meme account. Uh-huh.

Huh, honey. Yeah, your little video account? I'm always like, first like, first comment. Just kidding, I don't say that. Okay, here we go. I am in a mood. It's PMS. I just was so bitchy.

I just, I hate when I'm in a rush. I hate when I have somewhere to be when people are waiting for me, and I'm just like running so late. Everybody's waiting. Okay, if this makes you feel better, nobody's waiting. Well, I don't know what's happening. Anyways, this is, we have something going on tonight because I'm assuming it's

we're doing like a little friends get together with photographs with only it's just me and this is the get together hon so just stop worrying because nobody it's only the most important people are here and it's me and Lowe that's what happened

and you know what Katie can you just give a hug because his jacket is so goddamn soft that I literally was like can I fall asleep in your arms tonight a really Terrible energy Podcast

We're turning it around Hey hey hey Okay One two three Turn it around Okay When my son Every now and then

I get a little bit lonely And I'll see the fucking Look in your eyes Yes Girlfriends Okay What should we talk about

Okay hold on Hold on hold on Hold on Bradst to talk about her son First of all Oh That goes both Sorry

I'm dark I almost said... It was gloomy today. I hope that the mic isn't picking you up because I was about to say move right next to me so the mic could pick you up

but then you said really dark shit so like get back over there. Do you know my nickname is Loseifer for God's sake you little angel you little angel I'm like

I love you. Welcome to the dark side. Welcome to the dark side. It's gloomy in L.A. That's why you feel off. It was really gloomy today we just put two mics in his face. It was really gloomy today in L.A.

So that it's affecting people. Oh my God. You're so bundy in L. old and like yeah i am i'm wearing a little jacket yeah is it just so cold outside in l-a 73 but you would think what does that mean it's celsius baby oh convert oh okay 73 degrees i don't know what that is that's about 26 oh that's a great day what are you talking about oh yeah no okay it's like 24 i don't know yeah anyways i feel like this is already a shit show of a podcast we're all just talking over each other okay okay what i was going to say

I am. I have a son who is four and a half, another son who's two. When we need to just turn it around, we literally turn around. Move your body. Lois turned around. I'm turning around a circle. Stand up. Kate, Caitlin is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen.

Look at her makeup. Yeah, well, Emma, the less kills it. Okay, I'm turned around. Okay, and now turn back around a full circle. Don't go the way you just came. Come back around the full way. at a... No, don't.

You're not supposed to stop when you turn around. I can't even talk. Katie. Caitlin. I'm in a mood. I'm in a mood. Give me the mic.

Lo and I are checking over. Now, five, six, seven. Okay, turn around for reels and a full circle. Yeah. Oh, God, girl. Pour the wine. What? Pour the whole thing.

You deserve it. One, two, three, four. I mean, is there a little bit left for me? Okay, here we go. You have to share with Locefer. Locefer. Well, there's coffee because I don't want to share the wine. It's fine.

I just met you and I love you, but I also. I also, like, we're not there yet where I can share wine. I am, I'm not even there with a lot of family members. Yeah, it's like, are you my twin? Yeah, I would never do that. Like, I feel like you're already my brother, but are you my twin? Definitely need to.

We need a topic. Wait, this isn't coming to an end. We have to go. Here's the topic. No, this just started. Okay. I need you to Caitlin Bristfinger. Stand up and really turn around.

Okay. then can we have a topic? Yes. Turn around. Stop. Breathe. Turn around. Did that make you feel better?

No. Well, you didn't do it right. Give me my mind. I think it's better. Maybe if you are like on the younger side, like four. How old are your kid? Four and a half in June. It's not working on her.

Well, but she was turning one way and turning the other way. That shit doesn't work. Okay. I'm upset now too. Okay. Five, six, seven, eight. It's a national day. It is June 18th.

Caitlin's birthday is tomorrow. she's turning the big three for which isn't maybe that's the reason I'm grumpy listen no I don't care that's a great age what are we talking about I just feel like we are not getting anywhere already and I'm in a mood and I need to get somewhere

it's national what we found we googled it it's national splurge day and we were like stupid what is that that's stupid you know what I don't think I've ever had this kind of energy in a podcast and I'm just going to own it because I can't change it's national splurge day

No, n-it-girl. Splurge. That sounds like splurge. Splurge didn't feel guilty over stuff? I'm sorry, no. You know what I am going to do? It's Tuesday. Splurge doesn't sound like Tuesday.

I'm going to choose my own day. National, choose my own day. What do you choose a little? Go. Tuesday. National? National what day? Choose my own.

Oh, I want it to be like, wait, what? Choose my own. Oh, I need time to think about this. Tuesday. choose day so i choose rose day okay i choose bitch bitchy bitch bitch bitch bitch day okay i need to change no we all feel like this all the time like last week was my time that i felt like this and i was like i'm so angry and i realize that my anger was coming from depression mine is coming from full blown anxiety yeah it comes out as rage low you walked into a shitstorm no you listen

But this is real life. I know. No, don't you yell at me, my sweet little angel. Okay. Don't you yell at me because. Oh, we are children. Okay, no. Is that going to help?

We are shining. Two chimes. In the darkness of the night. Hope for this world. Clap, clap, clap. Joy through all the land. Touch the heart of everyone. Take everybody.

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Visit home depot.com for more information. We're going to jump into questions from Twitter. Yeah. Because guess what? It's my birthday tomorrow. I'm not upset about my age I'm really not I think I'm just PMSing

But it's okay to feel this way And you know what I like I feel 92 Internally externally though Oh God Yeah baby looks Baby looks like she's like a newborn baby Like she just fits right into my arms

Thank you Oh my God yeah Okay here's my topic It's like annoying how beautiful you both are What do you expect from your significant other For your birthday And go do you expect a trip Do you expect

I expect a card from my kids That has a beautiful Really drawing that I can't decipher what it is And also just like loving words from my husband That's all I want And a Tesla? I mean I'd like a Tesla But my husband just buys that for himself

Not for me No you get to use it and abuse it I just drive it all the time I'm part owner Get you low What's the question again? Like when it comes to your birthday Do you expect extravagant things

What do you expect from a significant other I think the best thing is to not expect anything because when you set yourself up for expectations, it sets yourself up for failure. In my opinion, unless you're like vested in and you've been with someone for however many years, you've got a couple babies, whatever the situation may be over here. I don't know what her stitch is. No, if you expect a Tesla, whatever you do you. I don't expect that. She just said that. But yeah, I think because anything that I'd want, I probably would treat myself to it.

I do like, the only thing that I hope for is thoughtfulness. I like thoughtful. Like sentimental? Super sentimental. Me too. Even if it's like your favorite cupcake or something simple. Samezies. That's what I was going to say.

A slurpy. That's what I was trying to say. And then you said Tesla and I was like, oh. I was just joking because you just got one. I did just get one. I didn't expect that. That was my husband's own father's day gift to himself. Well, happy fucking father's day, Nick.

Happy. I actually got my dad. Okay. I actually got my dad a trip to Carlsbad, California. go get them custom fitted at Callaway anybody I'm like so obsessed golf right yes but what I you're so cute

what I would expect for my birthday is just a really fat diamond ring and no I'm just kidding I'm just kidding I'm I don't like gifts I like I told Jason he goes what do you want for your birthday I said a really nice card like I just want something thoughtful words mean everything to me a thoughtful card all of that I have in my

in my filing cabinet I have a file that's cards because I can't like of them go grab the card that i wrote last night while i was drunk i don't remember what i wrote in it you wrote me a card last night just kidding you're like uh really go are you joking go find it because i don't remember what i said but i thought you started crying oh i thought you meant the gifts from seb yeah my son made you a bookmark glad you remember it's amazing okay let's see what other people think because you know there's people out there who really need um hey don't creep on his text I saw that

Well, I just wanted to know what was going on Somebody Sarah Oliver said I expect something thoughtful No, it's because I can't talk I expect something thought I'm being so bitchy I need to really snap out of this Okay

What did you do last time? I tried to make you Do what you do last time When I was upset Um I just Bang your head against The table

And then you're like Do you want me to do that again? And then you're like, I love you, Bree. Sarah Oliver said, I expect something thoughtful. I don't care how much. Yeah, same thing. Someone spent on me, just want to know. I really want.

Agreed. Oh, Ellen says, expect. I expected to remember when it is my birthday. I plan what I like to do and hopefully he'll join me. Ellen, you little independent, saucy mama. I like it. Ellen, your man deserves to know your birthday, honey. Quality time.

Attention and pizza. Yes, Taylor Gwyn. yes oh do I want pizza yes I get it do I want attention yes actually not right now I want everybody who's here is just me and low nobody else well I don't know you guys I'm just really struggling today I feel like it's okay to talk about anxiety and depression and yeah it comes out as rage it's fine and five days a week no five days a month five days out of the month I swear to gosh I'm usually the most chill happy cool Five days of the month, I am like, I'm Satan.

What's going on? Okay, when's your period expectancy date? Let's look at my app. Because mine is, Lo, what's wrong? I can tell you're off. Mine is literally any day. It's your energy. Your energy did this.

Your energy did this. Yeah. You're right. It is. He just doesn't know how to act. He's like, do you want me to dress you or do you just want me to leave? I know I have to be somewhere. So in my head, I'm thinking about that being on it.

So that's all. That's it, but I'm good. Will you? I'm okay. Are you allowed to come with me or do you have to go early? Come with us. To the event? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. So we're going to do other questions. First of all, does anybody have a good confession for me? Because that could really turn things around for me. Nope.

You bring it. Last time I drank my own pupe, you get it. You know what? You two are my top confession people. Like you always bring it, yes, the two of you. That's so sweet. I'm trying to think of one of mine. That's so gross for me because I ate my own puk.

What did you do? Well, I sip, I don't eat it. I drank it. What's going to make me. I just threw up so much the other day. I thought it was water and it was my own barf that I forgot. I did in a water bag. What about?

Yeah. Oh, I just ruined them more. I mean, just kidding. I drank. No, that's fine. I get it. Coffee. mine was I just scooped my own poop out of the toilet

I'm sorry that's grosser than no that was the old confession I thought you were saying it happened again like just today I was like what is happening no no no not today okay that was my old confession is always for ramen now because I'm like he gets like I've never seen boners like this dog gets boners it makes me uncoct no it's not even lipstick it's like it's like this big

like how do you explain what that size is like a pog it's a like a slammer paw yeah no it's actually disturbing and I'm really worried that something's wrong with the size of his boner maybe he's just blessed it's that thick

he's hashtag blessed but you told me about his boners and I met him and he didn't get a boner over me should I be a little offended yes it was it was just lipstick size when I met him Six size

So my confession is I'm a little sad That Roman didn't get a boner over me My confession is Roman just ran out the door And ran into Ed Sheeran Ed Sheeran was in the hallway Yeah And also Steve Ayoki was in the hallway last night And I was like

Stephen Don't call me Stephen Stephon Stippon He has pizzas right Cakes Cakes What are you talking about?

Congolian food. No, Steve, what? Steve Ayoki does, he has a pizza place. Oh, he does? It's called Ayoki pizza. Oh. What the hell? He does that.

Well, he, he, he has a cake company too. He's a DJ, right? Yeah. He throws cakes at people. He throws cakes people in the crowd. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, okay. But honestly, anytime,

we're both, right. Ramen just wants to get out. He feels like a prisoner, apparently. And so I opened the door, and he just jet it out. And I, like, look up, and it was Ed Shearing and in two other guys. And I was like, play it cool, Caitlin. And then I was like, she's really nice if you want to pet him and just hang out.

I know. I was like, why are you like trying to get? Usually when your dog runs out the door, you're like, get in here. You're like, I was using it.

I was like, he's the bet. I was trying to lure in Ed Sheeran with my dog. I tried to wheel Ed Shearin with my dog. You know when those creeps go to dog parks to hit on people? That's me. Just today in the hallway. But also he was like,

I met a party that I don't want to be at. That's Justin. Just, just kidding. I, you know what, for everybody listening, I just straight up apologize for this shit content. Your heart rate is through the roof. Look at your Apple Watch.

Is it like holy scrooches? Hey, hey, okay, it's time for an ad. All right, let me paint a picture for you, okay? You're on your way to work. You're listening to your favorite podcast. Mine, duh. What snacks do you have? Are you craving something sweet?

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that your breath sucks Listering coolment pocket mist 7.7 milliliters is your oral caramist in a USB form

I don't know how it works I'm not selling this but I do feel that you can break the seal and Lowe is going to take it away there's some sort of liquid in here is this drugs or is it mouthwash? Go ahead Lowe mouthwash

Okay, let me tell you that those were a go-to On The Bachelor Every producer had that in their back pocket Yeah, Listerine strips And that was anytime you know You're in between makeouts Just pop in a Listerine strip and go to the next I gotta say as like as slutty as I am

I need to have good breath Otherwise I couldn't be the slut that I want to be So Oh shit I want I am married I've only kissed my husband for the last 10 years And you know what's funny?

And we've been together for nine. I was on my Facebook off the vine page, just creeping as I do. And this girl was like, hey guys, I just wanted to know if anybody out there went through a hoe phase. Oh, I just want to know that I want through a whole face. Yes, girl, you get your whole phase. Get it, girl. Did you have a hoe face? I wish I had more of a whole phase, but it's more like, oh.

An experimental phase? No, no, no. It was. have you been with. Yeah. Zero. Oh. But it was more like, yellow.

How many girls have you been with? Seven. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, wait. Tell me everything. This is the content we need. No, yeah.

I've definitely dabbled in the lady pond. Oh, what do you think about vaginas? They're fun. Yeah. I think, you know, here's the, here's the thing. I, because I was figuring myself out a little bit. Yeah. So, so yeah.

As I was trying to, on the road to self-discovery, I was, I dabbled with some vaginas. Some vaginas. Can I ask you a question? Were you in denial or were you just didn't know? About what? Well, clearly you've been with seven women. I don't believe you're still with women. So what was the denial?

Was it denial or was it? Experiment. I don't actually know. Well, my wife and I now. how uncomfortable is she my wife and children you fucking judgmental no I'm kidding

no it was how dare you pigeonholme no I definitely have crossed the bridge and now I'm but wait I want to go back to the girls you've been with what was your type

just answered the first question and then go to the second well I think it was a little uncomfortable I just okay okay was it too far Oh, did you, oh, wait, sorry, what was the question? I was like, did you, when you were with seven women, were you like, I want to like this? Or were you like, oh, oh, oh, okay.

So I've actually been asked that before. So how, like, how can you get it up? How can you get a boner if you're a gay guy? That's my question. Yeah. Yeah, sure. That's not my question. I just tried to take your guy.

I was like, yeah, that's my question. That's what I've been wanting to know the whole time of knowing you. Yeah. So basically, at that, because this is like young, low days. So I was, what, like 17? I was 17 when I lost my virginity. Okay. So, and I think at that age, anything really, like a gust of wind can give me a bone

for God's sake. Yeah, like if Caitlin was wearing a little clinic happy, ooh, like that. What a point, ginger. Yeah. Or like, I don't know. Even like, what was that? There was one specific lotion from Victoria's Secret. Lavender spell.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Love spell. Love spell. Yeah. That would have given you a bonner. will get me going when I was 18. Yeah. So I think I was just so excited and like my hormones and I, boy, yeah.

Yeah, and I was just like, yeah, trying to figure it out. So, but I was, I was attracted to guys, but like, I don't know. At that age, anything got me excited. So it was like experimenting and like figuring it out. But then once I figured it out, I was like, this isn't for me. Yeah. I know it's not. I was 100% certain.

But I had to like, some people just know right away. They're like, I love it. And I just wasn't that guy. Yeah. I had to, yeah, I had to kind of like do a little soul searching. So, yeah. And now I'm good. I love that.

And you can end up anywhere. You could be like, I love Dick. I love Dick. I love a little bit more dick than vagina. I love a little bit more vagina than Dick. I love everything in between. And I love, and there's also, I love nothing. Don't touch me ever.

But I want to be romantic. You just listen to this for sex. There's just so many things. That could be like a bowling website. Yeah, but they don't really show dick going in, which is a huge concern. I didn't realize that. Plus, have you ever seen a vagina by itself? Not for me.

Not for me. That's what I think of. That's what I think of what I think of you after seven vaginas. And, you know, have you ever seen one by itself? Yeah, not for me. Like a vagina on its own, not for me. Not my cup of tea. Yeah.

Yeah, I get it. And is it bad that I look at my own vagina and I go, not for me? because I've had two kids and I'm like it's yeah but you birthed lives I look at my vagina and I think wow what a little paper cut yeah okay she just loves her vagina that's her

I do but I'm gonna say that like I'm excited about what my vagina did and I'm excited about what she feels because celebrate her the vagina or cesarian that's the other way right I had them to the vagina one I had no What's the word for that?

I don't like the word natural because It's natural to just give birth So you can give birth through your vagina or your stomach But it also People think natural means zero drugs I had both my kids Through my vagina So I had them vaginally

No I didn't do the water birth But I did because when I was in labor I thought I would like water I'm like did that water off I turned into a monster today I was like don't you touch me But the first baby, I had an epidural, so I didn't feel him coming out of the vagina. And the second baby, I couldn't get the epidural because I was just so fast in labor that it was just happened.

He just walked out twirling a cane. No. I felt every push and my fucking God, oh, my God. How long were you in labor? Okay. I'm not going to lie, my labors were short. my first son I had I was in labor for about five hours and pushed for 45 minutes and I had a rap music no that was that was my first one I was very like freaked out because I went to labor 16 days early everyone told me I go overdue and I was like why is this happening and I was just when they said you're having your baby tonight I just didn't believe it I'm like yeah right but then I just did and then when I only got the epidural for the pushing part so it was 45 minutes of not feeling anything. I'm like, well, the pushing part is the greatest part.

Oh. But then my second baby, I had a terrible allergic reaction to the epidural with Seb, as you know, where I, it was, for me, I thought I'd rather give birth with my second than feel the allergic reaction again. Wow. To the epidural where it was a week of pain instead of like a few hours of pain. I can't wait to have babies. So, no, no, no.

listen I I 100% they did offer me as soon as I went to the hospital they're like do you want the epidural I was like I do but I'm going to say no I'm just going to try it without because once you know there's no turning back you can't change your mind right and I did feel I did feel the whole thing and they say it's like pushing a watermelon out of a garden no that's not true it's more like um your vagina's on fire oh cool they call it yeah they ring of fire and And it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire. But, but I only push for 10 minutes with the second one. Oh, geez.

Well, everyone hates me. They're like, you, bitch, shut up. 10 minutes. Because I was like, get out. I actually screamed, get him out, get him out. And so what I'm trying to say is after that, sex actually feels better, which is weird. But, but I'm like, get from my husband for like sticking with me because it's Two whole bodies came through that thing.

Yeah, because he loves you. Doi. Yeah, but I wanted him to be like, Oh, God, no. Yeah. What did you say? Like, thank you. You're okay.

I know he had a backpack, but he decided to stay, and I'm thankful. No, he likes your husband. He loves you. Yeah. No, that didn't happen. It's good. You're together, so. But what I was circling back to, for me, I'll look in the mirror and go,

vagina, not for me. So glad it's for. him. So I'm glad it's, hey, you know, it didn't change. Yeah, not for me, but for you. With age, it will. Yeah. Not for me.

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You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. We're going to get to some questions from the Twatterland. And M said, Caitlin, if you were to cook a dinner that would represent Bree's personality, what would it be? And to that, I say macaroni and cheese because you always talk about how it sounds like finger-banging when you stir it. And for you, I would say horse meat. Because I chew like a horse. Oh. Yeah.

It's because I do this thing in my lip called the lip flip, where I get Botox all above my lip. That's not why I just said it for shock value. No, no. Because no, no, because it's, horse means. Oh. I'm just a vegetarian. I'm so out of the loom. No, Jason has a code word for me.

When I chew like a horse, he looks at me and it's not subtle. He just says, horse. And I go, oh, okay. Because I have Botox above my lip. So I don't. You always take little bites when I eat with you. Oh, I'm being so polite. Are you?

No, but I am a disgusting human being when I eat. I did yell horse at you three times today as a joke where you have definitely never in front of me chew liquor. Look it. I can't even rub my lips together because it's numb. Yes, you can. You just can't feel it. To be fair, though, I probably, every time I see you for like the last five years, we've only had sushi. Yeah, we only have sushi.

Sushi or we drink wine. We have a saviant blanc, a hand-baked crab roll. Yeah, some etymame. some edamame and um that's about it and some froyo and froyo yeah so i don't even like froyo i just do it because it's quality time with you thank you for that okay so for me i just uh horse meat yeah yeah okay but i really do cookie eggs over rice with avocado and i'm a very good breakfast maker and that's what i'm proud of she's getting drunk i'm like okay we still have all night.

Turn around, you know what I do? When you get stressed out, I just drink more to try and make you laugh. Remember when someone brought you a whole cake to a podcast show? And then I took my hands in the cake. I'm like, she's not happy.

He's Steve Aokied it. I took my whole hand and I put the whole cake in my mouth. It was the most delicious cake. But I just was like, it's going to make her laugh. And then I started put my feet up on the wall and twerked on the wall to make her laugh. It's really good. It wasn't funny.

I was like, actually that's a skill you're like well now i'm mad at you because you're better at twerking than me listen to this girl's name is d which n a d on no give me the d kately this is my favorite tweet i've seen katelyn how do you feel that i named my new car after you i've chose your name because you've been such a light in the darkness for me and i wanted to make sure my car is a badass like you i don't even care if that thing is a honda civic yeah that okay i want to know what kind of car i don't care what kind of car but now I'm curious and D spread a lot

of love oh that's her Twitter Hyundai Sonata maybe a new Camry I kind of hope it's like a Jeep a G wagon okay yeah yeah a Bentley

a Bentley maybe even a Prius a Sunfire that was my first car oh one more question and then we Yeah, we're going to, yeah, we are in a bit of a rush, but we still have some time. If I could go on AT311 once in a know, if you could go on another season of any show, what would it be?

I want to know this for all of you. What show would you go on on TV? I would go on. Handmaid's tail. Oh, my God. I definitely would not. A thousand percent. Okay, reality.

A reality show. Bless it be the fruit. Oh, shit. Sorry. Under his eye, though, bitch. Yeah. Oh, a reality show, though? Okay.

Yeah. I would go on... I would have to do Survivor because I... Do a love show. I can't do a love show. Do big brother. You could do a love show. Like, you could be like the littlest couple on TLC.

No, no, no. Or, okay. Or you could be a host. Listen, listen, I could get pregnant with quadruplets and get my own. TLC show. Yeah. It'd be like the Duggers.

Yeah. You know what? You know what I should go on? The Dugers. I want to go on botched. But you're not botched. But like. Bad procedure.

No, I didn't. But I can just like pretend I did so it gets better plastic surgery from the two best guys. I would go on Dr. Naita 2 now. Is that still a show? Well, it should be.

I would go on the Kardashians. Oh. Okay. When I landed in L.A., this is the second time I've ever been to L.A. and the first time I was 12 and I went to Disneyland. So it's been 20 years and now...

It's been 84 years. It's been 87 years. And then I just landed and I said to my husband, I go, Nick, we're in the same city as the Kardashians. And he's like, Bray, shut up. I still haven't seen the Hollywood sign. Take me there. Bye.

I would go. Yeah. Okay. I honestly, I think it's so funny just because there are so many like famous quote unquote famous people here. I honestly, can you think of anyone you'd freak out over if you saw them?

Ed Shearne. No, but we both recognized. We're like, there's Ed Shearin and we're both like, you looked at me and I looked at you. We're both like, we're both like, don't say anything. I think I would freak out over like

any of the Friends cast members. Oh, shit. Like anyone from Phoebe to Joey to Jennifer Aniston. To John Snow. To Crop Egg. I'd be like, oh, If we saw a Crosk?

We saw a Crabbeg? If we saw. Consuela. Well, crap bag's in both our, I will F you list. Paul Rudd. Who's in your top five low? For. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Oh, um, oh, um, oh, um, oh, um, Oh, especially because he doesn't age. He doesn't. No, he looks incredible. But when we say crap bag, you know what I mean? No. It's from friends.

Didn't watch it. Mm. I know. I'm one of the rare people that didn't watch friends. Sorry. His name's crap bag. Craffag. Who's in your top five?

Oh, Gerard Butler. Oh, good one. Yeah, Gerard Butler's a great. Your foot, multi-operator inside my mind. Gerard Butler. Holy shit, I forgot that was him. Okay, go on. What's wrong?

And then I thought his name was Jared Butler. Ew. Young Ryan Reynolds. Any Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds. I like young one from that. What was that movie that he did? Oh, Vander.

Van Wilder. Van Wilder. Yes. Yeah, I loved him in that. And I'd go with like, who else would be a good one? What about, um, okay, so for me, Drake, Prince Harry. Prince Harry's. Chris, Chris Hemsworth, Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling.

I can just like name it like that. Chris Brown in there. Oh, what? Lo. I did it. I said it. No. We can set it.

Low. I'm on Chris Brown. I'm on it. Okay. And that's your... No, that's your opinion. It's for press. It's not for...

Yeah. Any press is good press. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. I'd rather Rihanna. Rihanna also on the list. Rihanna would be on mine.

Bad gallery reason. Here's my top five. Sorry. Chris. No, sorry. Uh, sorry. Uh, Prince area. Swapped you up for Rihanna.

Thank you up for Rihon. My top five is Ryan Reynolds, Chris Hemsworth, Bill Nye the Science guy. Sick. Bill Nine the Science. Imagine how experimental he'd be in the bedroom. Oh, all those beakers and your veggiesies. Oh, Adam Scott, too, is on mine. Sorry.

Okay. Adam Scott's great. He's very sexy. And who's my other ones? Oh, Ellen DeGeneres and Megan Fox. Oh, yeah. And Justin Bieber. Oh, yeah, and Beeps.

We had a body We don't want to be Mava Nama Nama Nama Okay, so those are our top five What was I saying before? Jordan Mayer wants to know How do you keep your BFF connection

While being so far apart Inquiry minds need to know Before we lose all our old best friends Well, we do Marco Polo We've said it every time Lowe and I do just text Call, Instagram FaceTime

yes yeah if you want to it's called technology it's technology uh lindsay felicee says oh she just said yes can't wait that's nice oh she can river wants to know did you decide on your best friend tattoo okay well we already have matching tattoos but we want to get one we just us but you want to get two lines i just want to get two lines but i also talked about doing that with my sister so it would be one of the two but we if i don't do it Well, my sister and I can always come up with something else. Don't already get mad about it. My sister, oh, I have a boo-er.

She's family. I have a booger. I did a poll one time on Instagram. Is it booger or booger? It's booger. It's booger. Thank you. It's an American-Canadian thing.

Booger? Yeah. Wait, B-O-O is boo. Booger. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to look up. I'm going to look up booger. How do you do it so you can hear it?

Definition. I'm on YouTube. You can do how to pronounce booger. But also... Okay, that was a really sexual booger. Bougar. It said booger. It did say booger.

You're on like a Canadian website. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Now, a piece of dried nasal mucous, another term for bogey man? Boogie man. I got to say, if someone is your boo, you call them your boo or your boo? Yeah. Do you call a...

boo. Like a ghost says boo. Right. Yeah. So B-O-O-O-G-E-R is boo. B-O-G-E-R. And there's a little swoop over the O-O, which means you pronounce it, ooh. So it's booger. There's not an accent mark. Yes. Look it. Two against one. Booger. No. Let me just. Booger. It's definitely. It's a. Booger. Booger. She's saying it's so cute. Booger. I'm like a trying to emulate it. Anyways, I've got to I got one. Oh, yeah, like, I definitely have boogers all the time.

Don't know. She's got, like, the tiniest little nose. Like, no one could pick boogers out of that nose. Anyways, maybe not. And I'm like, as you do, are you, no wonder, you don't like women. You're like, ew, she stuck her booger on the floor. And I'm like, yeah, that's what we do. I would never do it on an airplane.

It was just, it needed to get out. And I was in, I'm in a safe place. I'm a safe place A little bit judgment Tad A little salty Hey Well we used to teach dance to three year olds

We would like After all the kids would leave the room We would see A line on the wall Of the boogers that when they used to line up against the wall To go across the floor Line of boogers Everyone

You don't remember that? Yeah Yeah It's so gross Everyone picks their boogers You know what But no one picks their boogers that's not nothing.

Boogers. You really think it's boogers. It's spelled B-O-O. It's boo. There's a few words like that. I want to look them all up. Okay. Okay.

Bugatti. All right. It's that time again. Get those stopwatches out, kids. 60 seconds. That's how long this commercial lasts. And you know what else you can do in about a minute? I know we've talked about this before.

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Do you do that low? You just got... I do. Oh, okay. Can you keep doing that low? It is. Well, my birthday is at the end of the month, June 30th. So do you use June as your birthday month or July?

June. Okay. Yeah, I just make the whole... So at first, you're like, it's my birth... So you're a cancer. What does that mean about you? He's crabby. Yeah.

No, that's me. Are you... Oh, you're a... I'm a Gemini. Oh. That's right. A little bipolar situation. I'm like, well, apparently, let me just throw this out there.

Somebody message Jason, excuse me, somebody messaged Jason that and said, Caitlin's not at the white party because she has a personality disorder and she'll never support you. He was like, oh, my God. And you're like, I'm barthing up my dinner, bitch. You know what I wanted to do? I wanted to take a picture of my diarrhea or my vomit and just tweet it at them and be like, look. You ask for it. Okay.

White and diarrhea do not go. White party? Diaryish? No, thanks. Hey, so what cancer? What does that mean again? Cancers are sensitive. They're little crabs.

So it takes a lot for them to come out of their shell. Very emotional. I think the number one sign for me is a Scorpio. Okay. Yeah. And it's a water sign. So, like, you know, I love the water. Are you dating anyone right now?

You never tell me this. kind of juice. I always do. I always do. I just haven't done it on the air. Oh. Hey, Bree. Oh, yeah. I like the lips on you. How do you do? I smeared it on my cheek, but like I will keep it as a little blush so that. We do need to get you ready. Okay. You know that I am not as hot as you. Yeah, you are. And let's end it with a song. Ready? Everybody follow my lead. Five, six, seven, eight. Tonight. No, you got to just sing with me. Tonight we will have fun and we will have the wine because it's my birthday birthday and I'll cry if I want to cry if I want to cry if I want to cry. If I want to Cry if I want to

Can we do karaoke? You would cry too If it happened to you This mood turned around And I'm ready to go Put my dress on low Because I'm here to go No, that didn't rhyme

It did but it was too many And that is the show So bye Thanks for listening to Oscar Vine With Caitlin Briscoe Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's done with OTV?

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