Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Heather McMahan | Hilarious Comedy Bits, Bumblebee Dads, and Life as the Breadwinner!

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

#778. Kaitlyn Bristowe welcomes the hilarious Heather McMahan for an episode full of laughs and chaos. Heather dives into her new Netflix special, "Breadwinner," where she jokes about making more money than her husband Jeff. She also shares her go-to therapy routine—looping around a Target parking lot blasting Rage Against the Machine. Things get interesting when Kaitlyn tells a story about a horse, leading to Heather's unfiltered commentary that will leave you in stitches. Plus, Heather makes a hilarious plea to Mark Cuban to be her new "daddy." You won't want to miss this rollercoaster of an episode! If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE! Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals! Brooks Running Shoe: Feel like you can run forever! Visit brooksrunning.com to learn more! Chewy: That’s Chewy.com/vine to save $20 on your first order with free shipping. Minimum purchase required. New customers only. Terms and conditions apply. See site for complete details. LMNT: Receive a free LMNT Sample Pack with any order when you go to DrinkLMNT.com/OFFTHEVINE or use promo code off the vine at check out. Progressive: Quote at Progressive.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor free of charge but mGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario off the vine hey everybody welcome to off the vine i'm your host i don't know why i say i'm your host kate lemurso every time you know who i am by this point buckle up i don't even know i'm like buckle up for this hilarious conversation heather mcmann she does not fail to make my gut hurts my belly hurts i my body hurts from laughing so hard like

I just feel like we got into everything. There's nothing we didn't talk about. It was like everything from therapy to I'm not even going to say the other things. You'd have to listen. Otherwise, I might get canceled right on the spot because you would just take this and plop it on a headline. But just listen. If you want a good belly laugh and just to feel so much better about life, listen to this podcast. I just did EMDR therapy like two hours ago.

Okay. And I thought like, oh, God, how am I going to have energy to bring for this podcast? Have you ever done EMDR therapy? No, what is EMDR? I have to follow a blue dot on the screen and like it like. triggers certain points. Wait, is this the brain mapping? They also got brain mapping.

It's like that. Okay, wait. I've been wanting to do this because one of my girlfriends, Olivia, did it and she lives in Arkansas and she said she came to Nashville to do it. But I didn't know as, I didn't know his MDMR. She just got a brain mapping. And she said it changes your life. Yeah, I've only done four sessions and I can't believe like this, it's not even small shifts that have happened. It's like significant shifts that have happened in my brain like for anger. Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm not like a super angry person. but like certain things really irritate me

that I don't want to irritate me and I'm like I want to be at peace and four sessions I've been like I feel a lot better because do you have to go home and like wear the thing and then do the the things do the exercises yeah I mean so the one I do

because I've done one where you hold a buzzer in your hand and you like click it and you close your eyes and your brain naturally like goes back and forth or your eyes do but this one I found this therapist that I'm upset with, but she's in Vancouver. So I have to do this virtually. Yeah.

And it's literally just like a blue dot on the screen that I follow with my eyes. And then we'll like bring up certain feelings. And then we'll dig into that and then keep going with the dot. And then it keeps going deeper and deeper. Wow. And it like turns into like at the end. I was like, it's not him. It's my mom.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like it really makes me aware of. It's more about me. Like why am I reacting this way? what's it's more like um not doing this more than doing this my therapist i had to switch therapist because she was too busy literally she i couldn't get in i thought maybe like a touch of celebrity would help did not help and then her response for everything anything in my life i'd be like man i got

frustrated because you know this amazon delivery was upset the like the dumbest shit right i'm just just a horrible example and she's like well they need to go to rehab ever her excuse her response to every problem ever was just everyone is an addict and has to go to go to rehab and at some point I was like, I don't, I don't think, I think I was just frustrated that my day got thrown off about something stupid. She's like, well, yeah, everyone needs to go to rehab. So at someone I was like, not everyone is an alcoholic, but I'll, okay, okay, sure. Yeah, so she was too busy for me. And then I thought like maybe she was actually drinking during our sessions. So it's a little bit like projection, man. Yeah, it was a lot of projection. So I quit. I was like, I'm an action steps person.

I really enjoy it. You're like, listen, I don't like to sit and stew and shit. Yeah, yeah. Like, I want to move through it. Like, life is too short. I lost my dad. So I'm like, when people like sit and like marinate on shit all day. I'm like, let it go. Yes. You know, and now granted there are, I mean, I joke about this all the time. I'm like, that will probably be what will eventually, you know, I'll let somebody get away with something and then I'll either lose all my money or I'll be murdered because it was like, I let a go get too close. You know what I mean? But there, I like, I like an action steps. I'm like, tell me how to fix it and then I want to fix it. But have you always been like that

or did it take something like a serious loss in your life to get that way? I've never really held on to shit. That's nice. It's really just not my thing. It actually. It actually, actually, like, arguing to me is more exhausting. Like, my husband's hot-headed Italian and really loves it. Like, he loves to fight. He's turned on by it. Yeah, oh, he's turned on by it. And he gets hot when I'm like, shut the fuck up.

Because I rarely get, like, really rattled. But then, especially after my dad died, I was like, oh, my God, y'all, unless you're, like, actively in the hospital bed dying of cancer, it's not a real fucking problem. Yeah. You know what? My best friend who is here earlier, who loves you, by the way. Her and her sister have seen you live and they just love you. I think I message you and I was like my girlfriend, Liz and her sister are going tonight to the show and I like connected you guys or something. Whatever. That was a long time ago. But they lost their dad like a year and a half ago. And I like admire how they live life from this loss. And they're so like they do not sweat the small stuff at all. And they kind of were the same. Like they never really did but that even more. So made them like live a different way. And I feel like that's rubbed off on me just hanging out with them. Like it's a good thing to be around. I mean,

it just puts things in perspective in a different way. Now, granted, there are things that I probably should get upset about that I probably have let's slide or whatever, but I, and then I do think at some point people can when you do the work, which is so important, because I love doing the work, but I like getting it off my chest.

I'm more of a therapy, like, let me just bitch about it for a minute. You tell me if I'm being an asshole, because I can take the criticism. If I'm being an asshole, if I'm in the wrong, just tell me, and I'm like, all right, well, I need to go to apologize. You know what I mean? But I'm like, work through it, but I think sometimes like, especially our generation, we over therapists in a way where it's

you're cyclical. I'm like, I'm still paying this therapist who then keeps wanting me to come back and I'm like, well, I'm going to send this person to rehab too. At some point I was like, I'm paying this woman a lot of money to just tell me that everyone's an alcoholic and I haven't seen one of my relatives drink in a minute.

It got to the point where I was like, we're now just, we can overtherapize. You can get to fix it and move on. I agree. I had to leave my last therapist and I love her, but she was like this older southern lady that like I just I grew out of her like yeah really helped me at one point in my life yeah and then I she just kept like I I would know exactly what she was going to say to me every time I came in but this new one is like going a little bit deeper and I'm I'm I'm kind of like you but it took me a

while to get there I used to throw temper tantrums as like a 28 year old like really yes and it was it was actually looking back I'm like I was a child I was so embarrassing I didn't know how to like cope with emotions. Uh-huh. And so that's actually why I started going to therapy. Now I'm like, things don't phase me as easily anymore. And if they do, I'm like, I'll just move through that emotion. Like, close my eyes, see the blue dot and get out.

Like, it's so much easier. Yeah, at some point you find yourself just like sitting in like a target parking lot. And I just, the way I deal with it is I'll be in my car by myself. And I'll listen to rage against the machine. And that's, I literally, I need to do one loop around a target parking lot listening to rage against the machine. And then I pull over somewhere, get a little sweet treat. and I'm good. I'll go to Chick-fil-A get an ice dream and I'm like, I'm solid.

Because that's what you need to be. That's what I need. That's so funny. I'll tell you a funny story about rage against the machine. I'm obsessed. Yeah, same. And when I was, I can't remember how old I was, probably 14 or 15. I lied to my parents saying that my boyfriend wanted that CD for his birthday.

Of course you did. But I just really wanted it. And I would wait until they left the house and I would put it in my CD player and crank it. Crank it up. Get my rage out. I, you know, I write shows and stuff and I had this fantasy sequence scene in like this television show that will hopefully eventually one day get picked up, like the millions of other ones that I've also

wanted to get picked up. But I just have this closing ending scene and rage against the machine plays and I'm smoking a cigarette and I'm playing a character with like a crunchy wig and I'm driving a Mazda Mata and like Bulls on parade comes on and I just, that is like the closing scene and everyone stands up

at like the Venice Film Festival and they're like she did it! This is going to happen because I've manifested this. I've written the scene. It's done. People talk about Manifesting, but when you just visualize it, I'm like, I believe that that's going to happen. I hope so. I'm going to be there.

I'm going to stand up and go, she fucking did it. You know, because nowadays. I just invited myself. Yeah. But nowadays, you know, it's everyone's like, oh, Keanu Reeves got a six-minute standing ovation. Or, you know, Kate Blanchett got a 12-minute standing ovation. I want a 45-minute standing ovation. I'm saying it right here right now.

We're going big. We're going big. Now, wait, I have a question. Okay, about this brain mapping ED-E-DM. Is it EDM? What is it? I think that's like rave. Yeah, honestly, that's how I, but that's my therapy is the light starts flashing.

Is rave music. Do you know that that's my sign that I'm on the right track is blinking lights like that? Really? Like the weirdest shit happens to me where like even talking about that right now, I was like, oh, I love talking about being in the right place and like no, I'm mad to fessing. And that started going off. I love that. EMDR.

Yeah. It's EMDR. But also we need to go to an EDM fest. Yeah. Now that you mention it. Yes. But what we're going to ask? But so what are you pinpointing in the therapy?

Like it's, it really is about moving through those emotions. Okay. I don't know if that would be good for you because you already seem to know how to do that. For me, I like, I very much avoid emotions now. Yeah. Instead of just like moving through them. Uh-huh. And so this is helping me like, like, even, I won't even know what I'm thinking about.

And I'll just be following this blue dot. Uh-huh. And all of a sudden I'll, like, want to cry. Yeah. And then I'll feel anxious. And then she'll get me to like breathe and say what. Then she'll say like, okay. sit with that emotion and I'll be like angry or something.

Something will trigger my brain and I'll be mad about something that I thought of. And she goes like, yeah, sit with that. Yeah. And so I'll sit through that emotion and I'll let it pass. And I feel like that's, it's just kind of training my body to like sit in the emotion rather than avoid it. Got it. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure I do a heavy amount of avoidance.

But it's just, I deal with it in my own way. I deal with it alone and I cry about it or I get upset. And then I'm literally watching The Real Housewives and I've got to be over it. I just, I can't, life is truly too short. I completely agree in the, I don't know if it's just the older you get or if there is a glitch in the matrix, but do you find that time is going so fast? So fast. Are we just all too busy doing too much?

What is happening? It's a mixture of both. And it's interesting because they say that like, especially with grief, that time, you know, time heals everything. It doesn't. I actually find it's different because with grief, it's coming up on like the ninth anniversary of my dad's death. And I find I'm like, oh, it actually makes it harder for me because I think I'm like,

think about things in a linear way. Like, okay, well, it's been nine years since I've talked to him or seen him or heard his voice or anything like that. So for me, time does not heal. Time doesn't heal things for me. I get that. Because I feel like time... Rehab heals things for me.

We all know that. Sending everyone to rehab heals everything. I'm literally booking my session. I'm going to rehab after this podcast. No, I feel like I'm not, I'm like, I drink and party and do all those things, but it's never been like a really I don't have an addiction problem. I'll tell you, there's some days where I'm like, I would love to just go away for two weeks.

And get fucked up? Yeah, get fucked up. Or just, just not even a rehab. Like a wellness retreat. I'm so jealous of the people who do like the Wimhoff or the Hoffman Institute. I did it. Okay, you did it? I've talked about this so many times on my podcast.

I feel like they're paying me to send people there because I talk about it so much. They're not. But I'm obsessed with it. I don't want to talk to anybody there. I don't want to do any of the work. I just want to sit and maybe listen to rage against the machine on the end of a dock somewhere and just have my phone turned off for a week. That would be great.

Here's the thing. I can just tell you a few exercises that we did. And one of them is taking a bat and bashing a pillow. Okay. Put on rage against the machine. Yeah. Bash a pillow for a couple minutes. Uh-huh.

And that helps you move through a lot of motions. And then you're good. And then I'm good. And then I'm a little DQ. Yeah. We're great. Wow. Okay, great.

Look at this. We've already solved all my issues. I love that. I love working through it. Action steps. Action steps. Yeah. They're like,

a comedian, Heather McMahon, gets kicked out of the Hoffman Institute because she's destroyed everything in the lobby. She won't quit playing her playlist with rage against the machine. Sorry guys, I'm working through it. You don't even get a music playlist. You get nothing. No, so I

couldn't do it in silence. I don't like to feel the feelings in the silence. I like a movie soundtrack. Yeah. Yeah, Hoffman is not for you. Oh. Because you need to work with other people and you don't get rage against a machine. Okay, well then I'm f*** now. All right. Terrible suggestion. Okay, then on site. Yes. On site.

in Nashville. I heard amazing things about them. My girlfriend who was telling you about she, who lost her dad, she was saying the same thing about time. I lost the best friend when I was 18 years old and I still like can't listen to a song that they played at her funeral. Like it's still she's been gone longer than she was alive and it still rocks my whole world. Like it's just I agree with you that time doesn't heal. Just everything's different every year. Yeah. Every year just feels different. But I hear you on the, yeah, there's songs that my, that connect, I have a playlist for my dad, and there are songs, like if I get good news, I have all these quiet moments in my car. I literally am riding around in an Audi Q5 hybrid, just really feeling my feelings.

So if you come up next to me at a red light in Atlanta, Georgia, and I'm just weeping. Just know, it's a good day. But I will, like, if I have a meeting or something, and then I'll, like, on my drive home from the office, I'll play my dad's playlist. And that's just a way I feel connected. But it's interesting, you get signs from the universe that lights blink. Mine is my dad comes back. I swear to God, as a bumblebee. As a yellow jacket or a bumblebee, he was at my wedding. Wait, yeah.

There was one on the step on my way in. A giant yellow bumblebee. Yeah, that's my dad. He was stopping by everywhere. He's everywhere. Like, I've never seen a bigger one, to be honest with you in my whole life. And that it's top to you in your tracks. Well, dad, he's very happy I'm doing this podcast.

Wait. It's crazy. I asked for a sign a long time ago, like right after you passed. and I was at the beach with some of my friends and I got stung not once but twice by two giant yellow jackets and I was with my friend's dad who my dad really loved

and I was sitting with my friend Marybeth her dad, Dan on the beach and I was like Dan you're my new dad basically and who's now my attorney and same thing. Yeah, he's the same thing and I got stung twice and I haven't been stung by a bee in a long time or a yellow jacket. My dad was a big

Georgia tech fan and their mascot is yellow jacket. So I mean I'm talking like in wild in your face ways has had these little critters shown up in my life. I completely believe in this more than you even know. And my friend who, again, I'm talking about, her dad is like a red cardinal. Yeah. And the way that this red cardinal shows up when she needs it is beyond

me. Mine is pennies. My girlfriend like knew she was going to die. It was the weirdest thing. But she was like, well, when I die, I'm going to leave everybody pennies because that's what my grandma said that people do when they pass and when I like tell you the penny show up at the times that I needed I'm like like the anniversary of her death was the other day and I was like thinking about her all day

and like I opened the door to my car and there was like a penny like not even on the ground it was on the like step up to my car the runner yeah yeah and I was like and I don't have coins or anything in my car like it was I was like oh my gosh I just love that shit so much so last night I was scrolling

and I I never watch a video unless it's like comedy comedy, you're comedy, my kind of comedy. And or if it's spiritual, like something spiritual. Those are like two things. So this one video comes up and I see it's quite long and I don't know

who this person is but she was like talking about reincarnation and she just was a really good storyteller and I watch from start to finish. It was probably a seven minute video and I'm sobbing at the end because she was three years old and she was obsessed with horses and she was so connected. bit of a weirdo.

Yeah. Okay. All right. We're talking about a horse girl here. All right. I don't know if I'm buckling in for this one. Really? I'm a horse girl. Yeah. Okay. I'm picking up on it. Yep. Getting it. Got the vibes. Didn't want to say anything, but I'm getting horse girl vibes. Continue. She's going to tell her therapist about a writer and I'm a raging alcoholic. Yeah. Yeah, we're sitting in horse girl rehab. Can't wait. I'm obsessed with horses. I want like 10. Okay. So she was talking about this horse and then she saved up her money since she was three. If she found a quarter on the ground, like no matter what. So when she was 11, she was, she had $4,000 and she went and bought this horse

that ended up being like her sole animal best friend she was so connected to this horse but she always wanted an orange horse but the horse was white that she fell in love with the horse used to roll around in like if it found orange mud or anything orange would roll in it anyways fast forward to however many years the horse was pretty old she had to put it down

and she couldn't get over it and she actually went into like heavy drinking and drugs because she was so depressed and like Horse? Because of the horse. Okay. Because of the horse? Listen. Not the choke. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Listen, we're all grieving. Because of the horse? She had to go to rehab because of the horse? Then I don't think she was having an appropriate relationship with the horse. I'm going to tell you this right now. I think I got it. My asshole clinched a little bit when you said this the horse was her soulmate. No. She needed a man. What the fuck are you talking about? Were you on the dark web? Wait, as I say it out loud, I'm like, read your audience, Caitlin. As we're talking through it, starting to realize this woman had an inappropriate relationship with the horse.

Wait, have you never had a sole dog? I have, both of my dogs right now. I say that I carried them. And I was a cat person growing up, so I've rescued a lot of kitty cats. I also say I carried my dogs. Yeah, I did. I birthed them. They were in my room.

Like, they are from me. But I think the horse thing, I think the horse thing gets a little weird. And I'll tell you why. Because the horse is the same size, if not bigger, than a human. Animals are, you know, a dog, a kitty, it's a lap, pet, or whatever. You can have a, I don't know, a bull mastiff. You can have a big dog, but there's something a little too, I don't like it. It's a little, it's a little weird with the horse.

And I love horses, okay, I'm a horse owner. I like, yeah, I have a race horse. I'm so confused. I'm into horses, but I don't have a, I don't have a, I love horses. Okay. But I'm not in love with my horse. Do you know what I mean? I respect it as an animal.

But what you're saying this woman is, she may even do some extra strokes on the back. And I don't like that. I'm so sorry to this woman. She's going to be very upset. Okay, continue. Let's hear this sweet moment. I actually think if she heard this, she'd like it,

she seems to have a good sense of humor. Okay. I think she also knew like the sounded crazy. Uh-huh. Okay. But when she had to put the horse down, she was like, okay, no, you know what? This is going to get weird.

No, no, I want to hear it. We're finishing this story. It's going to get weirder. So she had a dream. The horse came to her in a dream. Oh, okay. Here we go. Yes.

To me, I'm like, of course it did. Yeah. He was wearing a leather vest. And he had a little beret on it. He laid her down in a field and he made love to her. That's where this is going. But it was a vegan leather vest. A vegan leather vests, of course.

Of course. So the horse named Chase came to her in the dream. Named Chase? The horse is named Chase, which could be a boyfriend. name but continue interesting observation yeah uh so the the horse said i've been reincarnated and i am a dog that needs to be rescued uh-huh they're doing a sale at pet smart okay she went and she said i know i know i'm going to send you this video and i'm going to put it on my instagram so everybody at home can yeah follow along so she went to the pet smart and in her dream

the horse said it's going to be like an orange dog like you wanted like the orange color. And he said, I'm going to be the last one there. She went. The last dog there, orange. She got him. And right when she was picking him up, a boy went by him, wanted the dog, but the dad said no chase or chance. It was one of those two. Okay. Listen, I believe it. I got goosebumps. You did? I believe it. I believe it. But I also think she may be a white witch. Okay. I don't know how I feel about any of this. Oh, she's for sure. white ditch, but I love that. I love that. I mean, listen, my dogs

were the end of their litter. You know what I mean? They were the last ones that showed up. I got one of my dogs at the Georgia-Tennessee border in a Waffle House parking lot, and I do believe that my father, I do believe that my father has sent me all my pets since. But I'm also like, I am a woman who went on the internet and found a French bulldog breeder. Like, let's also

just know, let's also just call it what it is, okay? I'm a woman who had extra $3,000 in her bag and was like, I think I'd like a Frenchie. You know what I mean? So I'm just saying. I am saying that. Actually so crazy, and I completely forgot about this.

So this summer, my husband and I were in Italy. And my, so I wear this ring on my right hand, and it's my mom's original wedding ring. And my husband wore my dad's original. They, you know, upgrade and got things later. So I love this ring. So we're swimming in the ocean. The ring falls off my husband's finger, right? My dad's, like, first original wedding ring.

And I was really bummed down about it. but I've never been really too tied to, like, materialistic things. We looked everywhere. It was a rocky beach. You can't find it. Everybody at the resort's looking for it. Can't find it. So I think I'm fine about it.

I'm like, oh, I have no connection to this. Whatever, we'll get another one. It's fine. It's fine. That night, I have too much wine at dinner. And I'm like, ugh, you lost my daddy's ring. Like, losing it.

I have a full nervous breakdown. And Jeff's like, are you good? I was like, Jeff, I have not emoted in a while. I have not felt anything. I'm like, you know, I turn on rage against the machine. I'm on a balcony at this place called Pelicano. in Italy and I'm smoking a cigarette drinking, you know, pino-grisio

just like feeling the feelings. So I had this real cathartic release of how much I hadn't cried in like nine months about my dad. The next morning at dinner, okay, we're at, sorry, the next morning at breakfast. A yellow bubblebee delivers the room. A yellow jacket comes over and I said specifically,

and I, Jeff is with me. He's basically holding me all I'm crying. I was like, Dad, I need to know that it's okay. This rings in Italy. Like, I'll like hysterically cry. Yeah. The next morning, Yellow Jacket comes, lands on the plate. My husband, who's like a tough New Yorker, sobbing. Sobbing at breakfast.

He's like, oh, my God, you just asked for this sign. Like, I said it out loud. And this yellow jacket comes back. And I said, I know it's my dad if he comes back and he lands on my eggs. So, you know, an Italian breakfast is like pastry, sweet treats. Sure enough, this yellow jacket flies off. He comes back. He not only lands on my eggs, he picks up a chunk of the egg and f***es takes off with it.

And now my husband and I are both like, screaming, crying. Everyone at this resort, we've already become vacation friends with, is like, are y'all good? And I was like, my dad just took egg. And they're like, what? And I was like, it's a B.

Like, I just couldn't get the words out. So then, how do you explain it? Later on, like two weeks later, Tina's here. We were at one of our favorite restaurants in Atlanta, the chastain. And I kept saying, like,

dad, if you're with me, like, land in my hand. And we were at dinner and a yellow jacket, literally just sitting in my palm. And Tina's like, oh my God. Yeah. Yeah, we have a video of it.

You're a freaking kidding. And he's just sitting in my palm. I didn't, and then just takes off, like, wild. So very, very, very, like, in your face, I've asked for this specific thing. I'm telling you, I, if you, like, really believe in that and you ask for signs, I do believe that they show up for you. Yeah. Like, the blinking lights thing, the bumblebee, the cardinal, like, you can't make that shit up.

You can't. And I don't know. Like, I think my dad's path. I think he's moved on to the next realm, you know. But I definitely think that I think it's a guy. thing where he's like, I know you need this. We're going to send this blinking light so you don't kill yourself today.

Send to the bee. Send to the bees. She's unwelled. She's ruining a very expensive vacation. Double down. Get the eggs. That's it. I literally, I think my father was like, I know how much you're spending on this very expensive villa per night. So I'm going to send a sign so you don't jump into

the ocean tomorrow. Yeah. Sensible. Was your dad funny? My dad was so funny. Yeah. Yeah, it was actually, we were driving up up here to Nashville today. I was like, you know, one of the things I, we were listening to this podcast with Mark Cuban, and I was like, God, I wonder if I could email Mark Cuban and ask him to be my daddy. Just because I feel like he, my dad was really great with business. I'm like, this seems like a sensible guy.

I need a, I need an adoptive father. But that's what I miss. I miss the most just being able to razz and like talk shit with my dad. Because he, we both had very similar sense of humor. Yeah. Like that's what I miss. I miss the witty banter back and forth. I totally.

And now, do you have that with your husband? Yeah. Oh, my, my husband. I feel like an Italian, like, and I've seen him on your Instagram and stuff. So that's nice that you still. have that. No, we definitely do. And there are moments too. And the reason the egg thing was so important, my dad would go to Waffle House every single

morning. Like, if he didn't have a full lumberjack breakfast, he could not, you know, go about his day. Like, if he didn't have the All-Star special every morning. And my husband's the exact same way. Like, Jeff has to have the full spread, which is, I'm not even a br-I don't even like, I have a cappuccino and then I eat lunch. Okay, I mean a rack of ribs at like 11 a.m. All right? I'm not a breakfast girl. But anyways, yes.

And there's so funny seeing my husband now, I'm like, they couldn't be more different, but I also, I'm like, oh, I also married my husband in a weird way. Oh, I totally am. I mean, I married my father. I can't talk. I've had my blood sugar's low. I apologize. I'm literally, I've said way too much crazy shit in the last 25 minutes. I apologize. I haven't even, this is my first page of notes and I haven't even looked at them, but that's, I knew it would be like that because that's what I like, but I was like. Manic. I only know because I am. Yeah, you get it. No, I totally get it. I totally get it. We walked in, this is so weird. I feel like sick saying this.

Mark Cuban was literally being interviewed on the TV. What? On Fox News, he was just being interviewed. So that's a sign that my dad wants Mark Cuban to be my daddy. Yes. That's true. Mark Cuban is literally my dad. I wanted to be my daddy.

I know he has three other children, and I'm not looking for any financial compensation. I mean, I'll take a nice Christmas gift. I love how you're looking down the barrel. I'm looking directly to the camera. Please cut this. Like, hey. He actually listens to the pod. Sell it right now.

Mark Cuban. Hi, my name is Heather McMahon. I need none of your money. I mean, I will, again, take a very nice Christmas gift. I'll show up for Hanukkah. I do have, I think I'm like a quarter Jewish. I do have Jewish roots, so, you know, mazzled. And either way, I'm just, I'm looking for a daddy, not a daddy, a dad.

I'm sorry, didn't mean to make that weird. I'm looking for a father figure because mine's dead. But he looked, you know, he was a great guy, and you're seemed like a great guy. So anyways, let me know if I can come to Christmas. I'm sorry, a Hanukkah. Please, I hope you celebrate both, you know? I'm sorry, I know you're Jewish. Why would you?

Why would you invite me to Christmas? But my dad would celebrate both. Yeah. So I'm ready. Wow. If he doesn't accept that, Piss. I'll be so upset. I'm tagging him in every clip for that.

Please do. Please do. And hoping that he sees it. Yeah. At Mark Cuban. It's so funny because I feel like we all get something from our parents. But a lot of people who are comedians, they always are like, it comes from darkness. Yeah.

But I feel like a lot of times it's also in your DNA. Yes. I do think I was always just a very joyful kid. I giggle in the most inappropriate times. I only really, I don't cry at sad stuff. I cry at happy things. I'm crying at everyone's wedding. I am inconsolable in the corner.

Like, they only, you know, they're only going to make it a year, but damn it's going to be a good year. Like, that's what I cried. I've never been really somebody to like stew in it. But I mean, listen, I grew up with a savage mom from Boston, like Italian. And my dad was like this good old Southern boy. So I just, I grew up in this weird hodgepodge of just everybody in my face. family, when you came to dinner, you had to bring your A game, your best material. My sister's incredibly funny. She won wittiest at her high school. She's, you know, was the smart one to take

all that talent and turn it into a law degree where I'm like literally a clown. I'm like tap dancing for dinner, okay? But it was just, you know, truly there are days. I, you know, I have a stylist now and I keep calling it my costumes. I'm like, what time is my costume? What time are they delivering my costume? And Sonia's like, Heather, it's a dress. I'm like, no, it's a costume. I'm a Wow. Okay. Yeah. But no, I, I, I, you know, yes, there, you know, my first special was about losing my dad and there were so many funny things that came out of those dark moments. But I mean, all of it's kind of rooted in like, you know, darkness. But at the end of the day, we also just have to giggle. But that's the thing, too. I think you help a lot of people who go through grief because you are able to like insert your humor into certain things. And even just now, I'm like, yeah, life is so precious and we got to giggle at certain things. And it's funny to laugh at like at ourselves, like about a bumblebee grabbing the eggs. Like the lady's horse passing away like.

Man, we're so sorry about the horse. And I don't want the horse community to come after me. But just everything that you did to set that up sounded like she was having an inappropriate relationship with the horse. I respect my horse for what he does. I love him. I'm a horse girly. Like I love that. My father grew up on a ranch in Texas with horses.

It's like, I love that community, but you can't the horse, okay? Just letting you know. That's illegal. Absolutely disgusting and illegal. Don't you have a new show coming out? Yes, so I have a new special coming out on Hulu. So my next special is called Breadwinner. And it's about making more money than my husband.

And so that is coming out October 11th. Is it a stand-up special? Yeah, stand-up special. Cool. Yeah, and we shot it in Atlanta, Georgia at the Fox Theater, which is like my, like, home spot. I've been there, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, just wheeling and dealing. You know, making comedy specials. I've sold a lot of TV shows. We're selling another one. So hopefully you'll see me on, you know, on Thursday nights. What's, like, your most favorite thing you've done in your career so far? I mean, here's the thing. I love stand-up because nobody can regulate it or no one can tell

me no. I always say, as long as I can put asses in seats, I'm telling jokes. And I think the TV development world has been wild. Like, I'm an actor. I want to ask. and play somebody other than myself. But that's just, there's so many other people who can either close the door or open the door for you. Stand up is, I'm doing my thing. So that's been, that's my love. It's what keeps me going.

I mean, I got to play Radio City, which was unreal. That was insane. Yeah. That was a big one. That was a big one. And so that was really cool. So I've just gotten to travel the world. It's great.

There's still so much shit I want to do. So Mark Cuban, please, send me money so I can make my dreams come true. Fund my bucket list I said earlier I didn't want money But I feel like you have a little extra It's going to a good cause Yeah it's going to a great cause

Yeah It's the Heather McMahon Fund Dead Dad Fund You should feel bad My dad's gone Give me money I gotta find something like that

Yeah we all do I'm like my dog has a fractured hip right now Give me money That's a oh fractured hip Well no it's even sadder than that He's a rescue And when they found him in North. I like how you always throw that in.

Anybody who has a rescue throws that in. Just so you know, I'm better than you. I got a rescue. I got a rescue. Yeah. Both of my dogs are rescues, just so you know. I rescued mine from a very sketchy breeder. See? You still probably helped us. They were the last of the litter. This is what I will

say. And I don't want to copy your story about your your sad dog with the bad hip. But I just want to say, I they were already born. What was I? I didn't seek it out. I was lonely one night on the internet. And then I found them. And then I then I took them, but they were already born. It wasn't like I put down money and the dogs hadn't been born.

You've already sold. Okay, thank you. Continue. I'm so sorry. And your dog is unwell. He was found with a fractured hip in South Korea when he, in the ditch. So I'm, okay, this is something we can connect on. I'm obsessed with the South Korean dog rescues.

I am. Okay. My next one I said is coming from abroad. Oh, yeah. Go through Bunny's Buddies, buddies. That's who I went through. Bunny's buddies. Okay, good to know.

I think I follow them. I have two. dogs from them and they're my they're my soul dogs. Yeah. I love that. You know how it is from the womb. So the dog was found with a broken hip but a fractured pelvis they think from being kicked. People are disgusting. People are disgusting.

And so now he's always had a bad hip and it just keeps getting worse. And we got x-rays and they had to like dig really deep to see it that make sure it wasn't a tumor. Good news. It's not. Thank God. God is good. Yes. And so but now he has stitches and he got it shaved and I realize it's like a baseball sticking out of his hip.

And it just breaks my heart. But anyways, he's going to be okay. I really do feel that, like, that's also something I would like to do is, like, maybe I listen to Rage Against the Machine. And instead of beating pillows, I just go, and I physically harm people who physically hurt animals. I will join you. You've beaten a dog. I will join you.

Just leave me in a room with you. Yeah. With my feral rage, my hormone imbalance, feral female rage, feminine rage, I'll fuck you up. I will, I'll f*** you up. If you get on that five days before my period, too. Forget it. Forget it. You kicked a golden doodle.

It's over. It's over for U-O's. Yeah, I don't f*** with that. I do not with that. See, in the rescue community, they really came after me when I got my dogs. And I'm like, I've rescued 20, no less than 20 cats. So I do want to say to the rescue community,

they're all about dogs, but they don't also bring the same heat for the kitty cats. You're right. And I just lost my kitty cat Delta. I lost her. She was almost 20 years old. Yeah. So I just want to say

You need to give the same enthusiasm To the feline community as well I agree I'm very angry I'm so sorry She hasn't eaten you guys I need a snack She needs a snack

No it's fine We're almost done no no we're good we're great We're cruising I think I'm giving you great material Like Heather McMahon is never allowed here again She gave a sad Like plea to Mark Cuban She talked about her dead father

She screamed at rescue people Yeah and talked about horse Like, there's no need for me to be on this podcast right now. Weirdly, you're the second person that's talked about horse on the show. So you're in good company. Oh, go, that's what it was. De Ney? My girl.

Shout out to DeNay. Of course, she talked about them goat. She did. I am obsessed, though, with the pygmy goats. What's that? They're the tiny little goats. And I see them on Instagram all the time. And they're bouncy?

Yeah, they're bouncy. And they'll, like, basically, parkour all over your house. I do kind of want a couple goats. Well, you sound like you've got the farm for it. I do. That is my dream is to have a like a Frenchy farm. And I will rescue the, you know, the bulldog with one eye. Of course. You know, that's my dream. That's your, that's your heart too. Yeah. I also say that's my like 10 year plan is to have a golden retriever farm of rescue Goldens. Goldens are the best. I know. They really are great. They're my favorite. Like I,

I also, and everybody at home knows this, I already see a grief counselor for when they go. Yeah. Yeah. I hear you. I'm moving through it. I hear you. I love that you're, that you act to, because I think what I, when I started following you is because I saw your Brenda character. Yeah, Brenda Carlyle. Yeah. I haven't done Brenda in a long time. I was going to ask about that.

Well, here's a thing. I was doing Brenda, and then I realized, now characters have become big again. Like, I was kind of doing characters before everybody on TikTok was, and now they'd become big again. And I used to open as Brenda Carlyle, who's Mississippi's number one real estate agent,

I used to open for myself on the road as her. Incredible. And like, diehards knew it was me. but I mean I really get into character and some people did not know it was me no way some people come to the meet and greet afterwards and they'd be like that woman who opened for you was deranged I was like that was me in a wig and a gold jacket

how the fuck did you not know we have the same face but yeah so I used to do her a lot and I and I stopped doing the characters because life got busy and I was focused on selling specials and being like me that stand up but I think I need to get back to the characters that's what brings me joy well it's I think it's how I found you What made you, like, what was your viral moment

that got you out there? A lot of characters, a lot of doing just unhinged shit that now everybody who's like 14 does on TikTok and it really burns my tits. Pay your dues. Like there's this guy who's been doing like beerfacintess impressions and it's literally like word for word the shit that I put on Instagram forever.

And it's fine, it's fine. I'm not going to say anything, but I'm like, I'm like, do I release my videos from 2017? I'm like, no, I'm not going to be that old. No, no, no. No, do I want to? But I'm literally like, it's a shang bit, sir, that I took on the road for two years, but okay. But don't you find that the internet these days is just everybody copying everyone?

That's what the internet is. This is what makes me nuts. It's not even, but dance trends make sense. Yeah. Even to get ready with me trend makes sense. We're all showing how to do a smoky eye. People are taking literally the exact same joke, the same bit. Yeah.

And then redoing it. And getting more than the other person and then that person doesn't get. There's nothing original. And that stresses me out. I hate it. Like, even when I do it, I make myself cringe. If I do like a lip sink or something, I'm like, what the fuck I'm doing? Yeah.

Like, it's just everybody's copying everyone. And then people will be like, Caitlin, you're copying this person. I'm like, we're all copying everybody. It's all copying. Unless your horse. I'm so sorry. That's not inappropriate. You can cut this out.

I'm so sorry. I just said that's merch. I thought you said that's rich. Which is something like an aunt would say. Like if you say something foul at Thanksgiving, that's rich. Heather, that's rich I thought I was getting scolded, I'm so sorry That is honestly great merch

And what's a horse, chance or chase? You know what was Chase. You know what was Chase. It was Chase. If it wasn't, it is now. It is now, yeah. Oh my God. And are you going to tour right now?

No, I'm just warming up shows so the special's about to come out and then I realize, oh, now once that comes out I have to have all new materials. So that's a thing when you create these little you know artistic babies, you work on them for so long, You tour the material for a year and a half.

You shoot the special. And then once it comes out, you go, fuck me. I got to start from scratch. So I'm going to do some shows at Zanies this weekend. How do you, like, get your material? Is it just from, like, real life shit? Well, I think I just wrote a new hour just now. Yeah, it's real life.

And I'm like a psycho and I leave little voice notes. And then, you know, I sometimes will wake up with sleep paralysis with a great idea. And then I leave a voice note and then the next morning. You're like, that's not funny? I have no idea what the fuck I was trying to say because I was on Trazadone.

So it's a little. lot of that. Do you know how many times I've done that if I take like a Larazepam. Yeah. Oh, Larazapam hits hard. It hits so hard. And I'll like go past the sleepy point. And then I think I'm like hilarious. I think I've got genius ideas. I do the same thing. I do a voice note for like, oh, this will go viral. And then the next day I'm like, that's not even close to funny. Like I once did a whole text conversation between me and myself at night. Like I was writing to my number. a text and then I was touch schizophrenic maybe you were you were talking to the sleep demons yeah I put her in as Linda too Linda yeah so that's even scary

oh you named her yeah you named your sleep demon Linda oh you know where we need to go the Hoffman the Hoffman we need to go do the hot we're going to Hoffman bring Linda I'll bring Brenda you bring Linda grab your bats let's go let's go I love that I would like if I wasn't so embarrassed of it I thought the was just incredible. If I wasn't so embarrassed, I would show you what it was. The best is pitching new material to my husband. Like I was writing this week and I'm like pitching him shit. And, you know, his reaction, like, that's genius Jeff. Giggle. And he's like, I need to see it on stage. I'm like,

okay. Do you, Jeff? You need to see it on stage. Terrible audience. Terrible audience. But actually it was cute. The other day, I walked in actually yesterday and he was in our guest bedroom downstairs and he loves to like watch. He watches barstool sports like it's his religion. And he was watching an interview that I did with the guys on KFC radio from like two years ago. And I heard my voice and I walked and I go, what are you doing? He was, I just wanted to watch it. I just wanted a refresher. It was a really good interview.

I'm like, he listens to my podcast. Like, he doesn't have to. He's living with me and Brenda all day long. He knows. Don't make fun of my Linda. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we all have a, you know, second personality. But I was, I was like, this is actually very cute.

That is cute. And how does it feel about the breadwinner? He loves it. Oh, good. The first time I did, the whole special is kind of ripping on Jeff, but the first time I did it, I was in Augusta and I walked off stage and I was like, he was in the wings. I was like, he's either going to be really upset or love it. And I was like, what do you think? High risk, high reward. Yeah, like, what do you think, babe? And he's like, you could have gone harder. Really? Yes, because at the end of the day, think about it. I'm slinging jokes, maybe at his expense, but he's playing golf. So it's a win-win.

More Jeff's out there, please. If Jeff got on, you know, male comedians have been doing it, forever. They say whatever the f*** they want about their families, their kids, their wives, drag women through the mud, and everyone just like, oh, what a genius. You know what I mean? So I'm telling you that the nuances of my husband and then all people are like, wow, you really shouldn't treat Jeff that way. I'm like, Jeff's, join his second country club. I don't want to hear it. Jeff's a okay. Jeff is thriving. Jeff's thriving. I got Big Daddy at Tahoe. Oh, yeah, he's fine. He's fine. Oh, he's living his southern dream.

That's awesome. Yeah, I don't want to hear it. Yeah, I don't want to hear it. My off-the-mind listeners are like the most supportive. They have the most off-side sense of humor. They live for the shit and they love you. They're very excited that you're here. Well, I'm excited to be here. We've been trying to do this for a minute.

A minute, yeah. And it finally happened and I would like to do it again because now we've got to wrap up and I don't want to. Well, I don't want to either. And I'm sorry, it came in here with low blood sugar. I will apologize about that. In fact, I hope you do it next time again. I tell you what?

I think that's your thing now. Maybe that's my thing. I just come in starving. I come in starving and then I'm just like, let me tell you about my thoughts and feelings. Yeah, I actually think it's great. We hit all points of today. We really did.

I mean, you know, if you're listening at home, I hope you get the therapy you need. You know, I hope you just live, laugh, love. Be the you today, you want to be tomorrow. That's what I always say. Oh, shit. I was going to say live, laugh, toast, bath, but yours is better.

Yeah, there you go. I always get my guest to tell me an embarrassing story, a confession, something that you want to get off your chest. Oh, God. Well, here's a thing. I think this last hour, 45 minutes, was pretty much horrifically embarrassing for myself. I guarantee it gets like my most downloads.

Yeah. The thing is, I mean, embarrassing. It's all a little embarrassing. I am embarrassed as a 37-year-old, how many times I probably shit my pants. In the last, you know, the last couple years. Yeah, yeah.

You know, I didn't, I don't see it coming. IBS or? No, it's not IBS. Actually, fantastic gut flora. I think it's just I buy a lot of tinctures off TikTok And because, you know, I'll be on the tracidone at night And then I buy the tinctures off the ticker I keep seeing just a lot of probiotics prebiotics

I keep getting the videos of the girls who are like I just ate and like you know they look three months pregnant And look I took this probiotic and I You're taking like the shitting tea like the flat tummy tea Not the flat tummy tea I'm just buying medical grade probiotics off an app And mixing them And I'm mixing them

And they have not, I've had a couple whoopsie daisies recently. That'll do it. That'll do it. And, you know, what would you think would be the solution to this? Yeah. Don't buy products, medical products. While you're on the Tresodone on the Tic-Tocs, just don't buy them from an influencer of Tick-Tock, but I keep doing it. Yeah, I know.

They're so convincing sometimes. Sometimes they're not. And sometimes they are. No, they really never are, but I still buy it. As soon as I see the orange shop, I'm like, lies. Lies. Lies. Yeah.

But if it's an organization. organic one. I'm like, well, I'll buy that. I mean, if they look thinner, I'm buying it. Anything if you're like, you'll lose five pounds, I'm like, we're trying it. You got to kick a dog in South Korea. Listen, I'm sorry, but I'm going to be thin, okay? I'm kidding. You should never do that. And what is it, Bunny's buddies? Bunny's buddies. Bunny's buddies. Yes. Because I follow a couple of the ones from China. Yeah. And that fuchs me up. It facks me up so bad.

In fact, I'm really thinking about getting this German Shepherd from there right now because it's, it hates men. So we're already aligned. Yeah. we are good to go I got I went for dinner with my girlfriend Carly the other night and I was like I drove because I was like

I'll just have one glass of wine which is always rehab yeah yeah yes because I said one and then it turned into like three bottles we're listening to a voice note and I won't say who from

but we were like laughing about it and her the table went like down and up and our wine went flying and we spilled all over these two girls red wine oh shit this is my confession by the way and the girls ended up being so nice and they actually knew who both of us were, so they were like,

Oh, thank God. And so we bought their wine. Oh, thank God. So I ended up taking an Uber home because obviously I was not going to drive. And I get home and I opened the back. I was sliding doors for my dogs to go outside. Yeah. I opened them up for my dogs and I went, oh, I am wasted.

And I haven't been that drunk in a minute. And I was like, maybe I'll just lay down on the couch while they go to the bathroom. So proud of myself that I didn't pass out. They come back in, go to bed. wake up in the morning I had left my back doors open the whole night because my drunk ding-dong ass

just like forgot to close them I could have had possums or in my backyard sometimes skunks, a murderer I don't know It doesn't that make you feel bad too When you wake up and you go No one tried

No one stalked me No one followed me home for the restaurant No one saw this hammered thin woman Get into an Uber and think I'm gonna take advantage of her And follow her home No one I was a little offended

Yeah that's how I feel that way A lot of times. Yeah. Yeah. But I did have my security system on. So I don't know how that would have worked if they... Is it sent just by sensors? No, it's like if the door is unlocked, I'm like, why didn't...

You know what? Vivint probably told me your back doors are open. Yeah, your back doors open, bitch. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm saving German Shepherds in South Korea. Fuck you. What are you doing for the world? Yeah.

That's usually my go-to. You know what? You shouldn't be embarrassed, though. Again, we're not apologizing for anything on this podcast. It's you went out and you had a time. And you needed that. And I haven't had a real drunk time in a minute. And I'm going to allow myself after my show's on Sunday.

I'm going to go. What's good at, is anything open on Sunday? Yeah, there's so many. I'll send you a list. I want to go. I'll send you a list. And Zanies is so fun. Backstage at Zanis is one of my favorite.

They're all so great there. Are your shows sold out? Yeah. Of course, yeah. Yeah. And I mean, we're literally letting it rip. I have no idea what my show's going to be. But we're starting from scratch.

Weed, I love that. I feel like that's very, are, I feel like you would thrive in a, I don't know what I'm about to say moment. Well, you know, you, you just get all of this material, but I now have to put it together. So we'll see. I mean, I told everybody, I'm like, it may work, it may not. But this is, this is a creative process. I honestly think you could say something that's not funny and people will laugh because you're funny. No, that's the problem. It'll be Sunday. I'll be so tired from all the other shit I had to do that I just get on stage. And I'm like, I've been doing this

brain mapping therapy. And it turns out, I never really dealt with my childhood obesity. That's what's going to happen and then it's not going to turn out great and then everyone's just either going to go silent or laugh really and then i'll blame you yeah you know what that's amy schumer was on my season of the bachelorette yeah and she said when all else fails blame your bad jokes on somebody else yeah say like oh god that person told me to say that i knew that wasn't going to be funny so that's what i did i went up there and i bombed one joke and i was like britt told me to say that yeah you just say my boyfriend chase he's been writing material for me for a while he thinks he's you know he started a podcast he's a YouTuber but uh this guy

I really just won't shut the up. That's what you do. I'm blaming Chase. I'm like, who's Chase? Like, don't ask. Sky dated. He's slid back in my DMs. I can't talk about. I swear I am. Everything I'm thinking about lately has been merch because I'm going to create some off-the-vine merch. And that is something about Chase.

Chance is going to be on. Or like take a chance on Chase or just do it for Chase. I think you have sweatshers that just say, I did it for Chase. And then you make people come up and they're like, who is Chase? And you're like, Chase was my boyfriend who died on spring break. Like you come with this like horrible backstory.

But you have to be a real fan to know that it was about a woman who was having an inappropriate relationship with a horse. Yeah, like I'll wear it at the airport until we pass. And if they know, they'll be like Yeah, and just put like RIP though. You know what I mean? Maybe like it makes an in memoriam like a comfort colors

t-shirt. Yeah, I think that's what you do. I love a deep layered layered inside joke. Me too. Me too. Like speaking of horses, I will beat one until it's dead and then it's past life and then I'll just keep beating it over and over again because I love family guy humor is so funny to me because they take things too far and then you go and you're like

they're still going with this and then it becomes funny again because they're still going with it and then yeah and then the cop show up at both of our homes because they're like we listen to this podcast and we have questions we've got a search warrant yeah but if you don't send me this Instagram video this woman weeping about her soul horse I've been very upset I've been holding my phone just to make sure I don't forget to send it to you thank you so much thanks for having me podcast is there anything else that where can people find your special? The special is going to be on Hulu. It's called Breadwinner and catch me on tour, Heather on tour.com, and I'll be wheeling and dealing and dealing and shaking my tits for cash.

Buying horses, baby. Love you. Bye, Mark Cuban. Bye daddy. Bye. Chow. I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday. Thank you. Thank you.