Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - James “Murr” Murray | The Impractical Jokers Punishment That Made Him Rethink His Life!

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

#979. James “Murr” Murray has spent 15 years getting publicly humiliated by his best friends. Somehow, he’s also found time to become a bestselling author, make a horror movie, and develop a very questionable approach to date night. Murr is back on Off The Vine, and Kaitlyn is getting the stories you don’t see on Impractical Jokers. He takes us behind the scenes of a punishment so insane it left him questioning his life choices, and opens up about what happens when the cameras stop and he goes home to Melyssa.And apparently, married life is not exactly quiet. Murr shares their hilariously unhinged date nights, the unexpected way they met, and how a drunken DM turned into a friendship with T-Pain and a role in his new horror movie. He also reveals how a book that sat unread for years became the start of a whole second career, proving that sometimes the best revenge is becoming a bestselling author while your friends are still trying to shave your eyebrows off.It’s chaotic, unexpectedly sweet, and very Murr. Tune in for the stories that somehow make Impractical Jokers look like the normal part of his life. If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these AMAZING deals!Macy’s: Go check out the exclusive designer collection in store or online at Macys.com.Dose: Ready to give your liver the support it deserves? Head to dosedaily.co/vine for 35% off your first month subscription.Nutrafol: Right now, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com promo code VINE.ASPCA Pet Insurance: To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/VINESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by Macy's. Go check out the exclusive designer collection in store or online at Macy's.com. Dose, ready to give your liver the support it deserves. Head to Dose Daily, D-O-S-E-D-A-I-L-Y dot CO-S-V-V-V-E-D-A-I-L-R-A-F-O-L for 35-M month subscription. NutraFOL right now, NutraFOL is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit NUTR-A-F-O-L dot com promo code Vine and ASPCA Pet Insurance. To explore coverage, visit ASPCA Pet Insurance.com slash Vine. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow.

Hey everybody, welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And today I am hyped all the way up for this one. I am such a fan of impractical jokers. And today's guest somehow has made a 15-year career out of letting his best friends publicly humiliate him. And somehow it just only gets worse from there. James Murray, whatever you want to call him, I call him mur because we friends. He is one-third of impractical jokers, which is currently in the 13th season.

And somehow after all these years, coming off its highest-rated season, but what I feel people may not realize is that while we've been watching this man get tortured on television and laughing at him, he's just quietly. built an entire second career. He's an international best-selling author with nine books. I've heard it takes like three years to even write one. So that's insane. He's a producer. He tours his own interactive comedy show. And now he's written and produced his first horror movie. Don't move. I watch the trailer. It looks really good. It hits theaters September 10th and 11th. And the timing just could not be better because literally last week his best friend sent him outside the 103rd floor of the Empire State Building, dressed up as a human mop. He's going to talk all about that and more.

We have a lot of things to discuss. So everybody welcome Murr to the podcast. Okay, I was good at ease you into this interview, but then I saw what Sal and Q did to you last week, and I thought absolutely not. First of all, how easy, did you need a bunch of security to get up there? Because how did that couple do it? Remember they got engaged up there and they like hung a flag?

They did. We thought for sure that you're talking about the Empire State Building. So if you don't know, yes, several days ago, several days ago, they dressed me as a human mop on impractical jokers. It'll be the mid-season premiere in January. And I, for real, took a step off the 103rd floor of the Empire State Building and repelled down to the 90th floor and had to use my own body to clean the outside glass of the skyscrap, the most famous building on Earth, which no one has ever done in the history of humanity, right? And I, yeah, so a month before, of course, that couple freclimed up to 104 and hung their flag and got engaged. And so we were terrified because the guys have been planning this punishment for 10 years.

You know how hard it is to land the Empire State Building to do this stunt? It's crazy. That's why I was so confused how, because I read somewhere that you guys, they'd been planning this for 10 years. And I'm like, how did this couple just get on up there? They snuck up and busted a lock and climbed up to the top. I guess you guys didn't get arrested. We didn't get arrested. We had security there, you know.

But I said the guys after we shot the intro, and when they revealed to me what I had to do, I said, who do you email at Empire Staple and say, say, hey, Todd? Yeah. You know, can we have MIR clean the outside with the, like, who do you send that email to? Because that's got to be a pretty crazy, like, thing to sign for risking your life. Yeah, no kidding. Like, so they, thankfully, they took a very nice life insurance policy out on me. to do it. But my wife was there on the 103rd floor. Give me a kiss before I stepped off the ledge.

But also, you know, part of your mind is a human being is like, I hope no one cuts the, you know, like, hey, I'm sure as money spends. No, my intrusive thoughts would be doing all of those things. I thought of that too. I'm like, what if somebody just? And then I, then I was like, I was out there for like an hour and, uh, my wife was so very sweet. She was like calm and rational, wasn't emotional. Meanwhile, I'm bawling like a child. Like, I'm like tears as I'm about to step off the top. Because you were scared? Yeah, I was terrible. But then like, you got to settle into it because I'm like either the equipment's going to fail or not. You know, when you step up, the first step is horrifying. And then I then I calm down and settled into it. And then I repelled down a story to where the guys were. They were on 102 below me. And when I, I lowered down on the outside of the Empire State Building and the guys are running the inside of the glass. And the guys are running the inside of the glass. separated by two feet, but a world of difference in danger, you know? And then I saw a sow freaking out so much that I started to get into it.

So then I started, I let go with the ropes, crossing the equipment, and I started doing the macarena. I start, I start freaking dabbing. And he goes, you asshole, hold on to the ropes. And then I started swinging from side to side. Would he ever be able to do that? No, no effing way. Yeah.

No chance of it. I mean, walk me through the morning because you didn't know that this punishment was happening. I did not know. I knew it was Empire State Building. I didn't know what was going to happen. Did you have any idea that's what you'd be doing? Can I curse?

Please do. No. No. Who would think that you have to... I thought for real that when they said Empire State Building, I thought I was going to be a window washer. Okay. Right? On a scaffolding, which is terrifying.

Yeah. But I didn't realize that I... You were the water. There was no scaffolding. It was just me in a rope, you know? That's really funny. Yeah. It was a unique experience.

And then after I was out there for... an hour. I repel back up from the 90th floor up to 103, come back in, and again, a motion reaction, tears again, seeing the guys, our crew, my wife, that I lived. And then we went out, so, so I was drenched in sweat. I was out there for an hour, right? Repel. Drenched in sweat. I tear the costume off. They have a shower there in an empire. And I go to take a shower. And while I'm in the shower, just an arm, a disembodied arm comes into the shower with a double Tito sprite for me. It was from our boss. That's amazing.

down to the shower. I was like, that's a good boss. He knows what I need right now. I love that. Because I watched the interview. Was it E.T. that did an interview with you? And you're like, they're like, what's running through your body? You're like, Tito's. So we go back and then the network can set up like an hour of press. It was the biggest stun we ever pulled off in 16 years of jokers, right? And so I come into the room where they're doing all this press and the ET was there, TMZ and a bunch of other things outlets, right? And, uh, and I said, I need a goddamn drink. I would do. And the guys, too, who was the last day of shooting for the season, right?

So before that ET interview, I was like, I had two double T's rise. Boom, boom. And I was like, and no joke. While I was doing the interview, I was like, I hope I don't sound drunk. You didn't. I'm starting to get drunk. I can feel it. You know what the feeling that happens, right?

And I was like, I feel it coming. And you know how you start, your brain starts to form sentences a different way when you're drunk? I was like, form a sentence that you won't sound drunk in, you know? I do that all the time. Yeah. One time I had to record ads. And I was hammered. And I was, I can't remember.

I was at some like, oh, the wildflower farms. It was like this like really beautiful like farm to table hotel. And it was my birthday. And I forgot to record the ads and a different whatever. And I sent them in and they told me they're like, you got to redo this. It's, you sound wasted. So I'll tell you a funny story. Last year I get hired by Bush Mills Irish Whiskey to film a national whiskey commercial.

Yeah. I'm like, yeah, let's do it. Half hours. Let's do it. I drink whiskey. So they wanted me to go out in the streets of Jersey into our local town in Princeton and go up to fans of Jokers and say, excuse me, does your name start with the letter J? If it does, take them into your favorite bar and for real buy him a shot of Bushmills, almost like an FU to Jameson, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, Johnny Walker, right? Yeah. So I said,

I totally get it, man on the street, snarky, let's do it. We shot the commercial, but then I started drinking the whiskey for real while shooting the commercial with fans of Jokers. It was supposed to be a half hour shoot. It took us four hours. I was a slurring idiot by the end. I could not finish the commercial because I was so fall down drunk. Now, do they love this or are they like? Well, we edited it all out. Great. But when I'm on tour in my solo show, I show the unedited footage and I'm a slurring idiot. I can't say anything. And in the moment, you think you're fine. Yeah. I do that all the time. I'm like, I'm killing it right now. And then if there's any footage, I look back and I'm like, what? No. Yeah, I'm getting killed right now.

It's the worst. I did that all the time at like my live podcast shows. It was such a party and everyone in the crowd was drinking and people were always sending me shots and I'd be like, I'm hilarious. And then I'm like, watch it back and it's always funnier in your head than in reality. And I was like, well, people are having a great time. They're laughing and then I watch all the footage back and I'm like, you loser. But I had a great time.

And that's all that matters. I always think about when I hear that they've been plotting something for 10 years. Do you ever wonder what they're doing right now thinking about like plotting your next death? You know, I think that Sal got even with me on the Empire State building because last season, I think I pulled off the greatest punishment in show history. I faked my own death. Actually? Yeah.

So here's... How did I miss this? I'm such a fan of the show. I had planned it for five years. The crux of it was this. I had a new book came out last year called You Better Watch Out, right? It was like a serial killer thriller. And so Sal believed it was my punishment.

And for real, they'd worked out with St. Martin's Press to use a charge. chapter of the audiobook that got released. It is out for real. A chapter of the audiobook was going to be my voice instead of the narrator's voice, reading a chapter while strapped to the hood of a race car going like 100 miles an hour around the track. So I got a helmet on, a fire suit, my book in my hand, and I'm screaming for real as I'm on the hood of this car whipping around a race track. And it was real. I did it. For real. What he didn't know, Q knew, and the whole crew knew, is that we'd been rehearsing the stunt for hours before he showed up on set. And at a key moment in the race, as the driver pulls around a blind spot in the track, I had arranged a duplicate race car to pull

out with a stunt guy on top holding my book, dressed just like me, same helmet, same fire suit, and they cut me off the car, and the stunt guy goes around the track. And I got cut off the car, ripped my clothes off. I had an EMT outfit on underneath. Put a fake hair on, a hat on, ran into a nearby ambulance and a key moment around the track, the driver takes the turn too tight and the stunt guy who Sal believes is me across the track flies off the car, hits the ground, rolls, rolls, rolls, rolls, and is dead, right? The whole crew, we'd rehearse for hours, reacts, screams, Q reacts, Q goes running to the other side of the track to check on my body. Sal goes running too, of course, he's my best friend. He goes running too. The ambulance pulls

around the track. I jump out with other ints, holding a big giant duffel bag of medical equipment. I'm working on my own body on the ground. And I've got the wig on. Sal doesn't recognize me. And Sal literally was like, what did I do? I just killed my friend on this stupid punishment on the TV show. And at a key moment, I stood up. I took the hat off and the wig off. And I said, well, Sal, is actually your punishment today. And all he did, he stood there for like two minutes, stared at me and then turned around, knelt down and put his head in his hands. It was me faking my death took three real years of my friend's life. I was like, we have to end the show. It's the greatest punishment all the time. That is evil. Yeah, it's epic, man. So I think he got even

for me with the Empire State Building. Just when you think you can't get any crazier with your punishments you guys do. And the fact that you've been doing this for 15 years. Yeah, it's crazy. And somehow, like, standing on top of the Empire State Building doing your biggest punishment, like you're like, where can we go from here? Outer space. I'm going to shoot Sal in orbit next season. You have to. Right on the Blue Origin space rocket with Katie Perry. I'm going to set him flying.

You have to. I mean, you can't go anywhere, but there now. That's insane. Wait, also, isn't your show crushing it more than ever right now? We had a really great season. Yeah, we're at a ratings high in 16 years. I can't believe it. I love that.

Things are looking good for more seasons. So do you think it's because the new, like there's a younger audience now seeing the streaming and the clips and stuff going to. You know, I think it's a, I think it's a generational show, right? Like, I think what the reason people love the show is because I think a lot of things. We reminded them that they're friends they grew up with and the things they used to do. Yeah. So it's very relatable.

It's like a half hour when you turn off your brain. And I think as the world becomes increasingly crazy and polarized, I think it's just great to, for a half hour, forget about all that. It really is. And it brings, like, the kids love the show, the parents love the show and the grandparents love the show. It's kind of like your background dinner show. Yeah. And we're on a bigger network now. We're on TBS.

We're just saying parent company as True TV. So we switched like two years ago over TBS. So we have a bigger audience. I just love it because it's always back to back to back episodes. And I'm always just giggling so hard. I was having a meeting this morning with this, this girl we're doing this perfume company or a line of my own. And she was like, oh, what do you have for the rest of the day?

And I told her I was podcasting with you. And she was like, she was geeking out because she loves you. Her husband loves the show. Her stepson loves the show. It's like good old. fun for the whole family. We always joke that our biggest demos are, you're a fan of impractical jokers if you're in prison or a hospital. That's it. If you're in hospital, that's all they play 24-7.

And in prison, they play to keep the prisoners happy and laughing. So, yeah, this is our biggest demo. Oh, that's your biggest demo. Okay. Because I'm like, I'm in there somewhere, but not those two. Also, I want to go back to the, I'll get over the Empire State Building thing in a second. But your wife, she was being all supportive and stuff, but she also held up a sign that says, I'm late. I know. She freaking got me. So like, you're already getting got. And she got you while you're getting got. I rappeled back up to 102 where the guys are.

And through the glass, she holds up a sign. The first sign says, please stop doing this. Right. Which is so funny. And then she flips the sign over and says, I'm late. And pardon me. Now I'm hanging 1,200 feet in the air. And I'm like, uh, you know, Sal's joke is I started cutting my own rope.

You know what I was like, oh shit. No. But, no, but I was like, A, if it's true, it's amazing. B, what a way to find out if that is true. It wasn't true. And I said, sad that it's not. And then she says, it's not true. And then she said, afterward, we're joking about it.

I was like, you pulled that joke on me. She goes, James, we were like drinking heavily two nights ago. We had like two and a half bottles of wine. I was like, so what? My mother drank and smoked through all three of my sisters and I's pregnancy. Maybe you just found out last night. The only downside for me was the hair, you know? Otherwise, I'm fine.

You think that's what did it? I, no, I tell you what did it. The reason I'm bald, because my father got ahead of hair, my mother's father, whatever, is on the mom's side of the family. I think the reason is because when you grow up with two older sisters, they torture you in psychological ways. Brothers physically beat you up. Sisters torture with you. That's fair. So my sisters, for like six months when I was in my formative hair years, convinced me as it just for shits and giggles that I should be using, that can, I didn't know the difference between conditioner and shampoo. And they said, no, no, you have to use this. It's the best. It makes your hair super. soft. So for six months, I used conditioner only, which just destroys your follicles. And so I blame them. Oh, interesting. That's a, I didn't know of that. Yeah, don't use conditioner for six months straight and not shampoo as well. Okay. So that's why I lost my hair. That educational lesson there. I did not know that.

I don't know if that's true. It is true what happened to me, but I don't know if that's biologically true. That's what kills your hair. But that's, okay, so you and your wife would be obviously excited if you had a baby. Now, if you had a kid, would that change your perspective on like doing this crazy shit because you know people go like oh they're daredevils and they go and then they're like well now I have a kid and they go it's not worth it anymore yeah well I mean like in in jokers I jumped out of an airplane and I was terrified as my number one fear heights right and then in the joker's movie that came out during COVID I flew outside of an airplane I climbed out onto the wing and held on as the plane did flips and turns and you know upside down everything but I had very little to live for back and now I'm six years married and I'm

I'll tell you what, the next day on last Wednesday, I woke up and they sent me the drone footage, which I put up on social media. And when I saw it, the scale of what we pulled off and in the insanity of what we pulled off, I had another giant existential crisis. I was like, A, am I a bad husband for doing that? Because I finally have something to live for, you know? And yeah, I had a moment the day after saying, maybe I shouldn't be doing this kind of stuff. Maybe you should have those moments before you do them.

I know you're right. I did thank my wife. We got drunk two nights ago and I said, and I very heartfelt told her. I said, I appreciate you greatly for, you know. She knew it was important to me to pull off something that big, you know, and she's very supportive. But I'm sure kids will change the equation. She's got to be like, does she have to sign some sort of agreement?

Like, what does the contract look like for women entering your guys' life? I don't know. You know, I mean, she would be the benefactor of the insurance. policy, so, so she'd be okay. But, no, she's very thoughtful and put up with my hour hijinks. That's so good. Six years, you guys have been married? Six years, yeah, in two weeks. So what are you, like, what's a cute date night for you guys? We do date nights every week. I think that's the key to a great marriage. I agree. It's a weekly date night. And we have date nights all the time. So, like, like, two nights ago, we sat out was a beautiful night.

We sat us off by the fire. And we do different types of date nights. If we stay home with the dogs, we do, well, we used to do Zillow date nights where we type in a zip code and just start browsing and looking at other people's lives and we like this, we blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just so much fun, right? Wait, I got to love that. Yeah. Then, but now we've switched into chat GBT date nights where, let's say there's something we don't like in the house or an area of the yard or something we don't like. We'll take a picture of it. We'll upload it to chat and say, pitchers ideas.

and then it just cranks out renderings and gives you the link to what you could change with it. So, like, just on that, we built, we had an extra room in the basement that used to be in Melissa's, like, candle company office, but then we moved our offices to bigger spaces. So it's just an empty room. Yeah.

So it's like, what do we do with this room? It's only else in the house. So it pitched us a Pilate studio. So we freaking built a Pilate studio downstairs. And it's super zen and awesome. Then we had an area of the backyard that we didn't love and we said, pitch is an idea. And it pitches an outdoor movie

theater. And so for my 50th birthday, a few months ago, my employees got me a projector and a screen and we just redesigned the landscaping. So now we got like a little outdoor movie room. Honestly, chat GPT is, it's creative, it's smart. It's like it does come up with things that I would have never thought of. There's so many things like even for my apartment, I was like, what color scheme? And it like, it gave me all the links for everything that I wanted to do. It's really crazy. Can I tell you another crazy date night? that we do. I want all of them. We do two stories, two stories. So, so this is, I mean, I don't really want to give this away because I still want to do it, but it's fun. Okay. So we'll go on Zilla,

we'll look at a house that's way out of our range and we'll message them, the real estate agent, to set up a real in-person meeting to see the house. And I would say it's Murr and practical jokers. So the real, the realtor, let's say he's a $25 million home. I can't afford it. Right. So I'll go the real but the realtor says uh you always murrah and private little joker's you they're good for they're serious about buying yeah so they'll always set up the the meeting and then my wife and i'll take an uber there we'll get well before we leave the house to go to the the the the real estate listing we'll drink like uh like four double tito sprites and we'll bring like a 20 ounce a polon spring bottle of straight vodka and then the goal is to try to keep a straight face where we're completely hammered and have

no intention of buying that house. And just trying to keep your composure while looking at someone else's house to buy it. And we always make it right by it. Like, because I have no intention to buy the house. Right. And we love our house that we live in now. So we always make it right. We'll always turn the real estate agent down, appellate and say, so sorry.

It wasn't, didn't fit our needs. And we'll always send like a couple bottles of very nice wine or like a nice edible arrangements of real estate agent because what the, and we have to keep our composure while we're completely fucking hammered looking at a house. Now, do you have like a loser has to do this? No, no, but we do. Sometimes we'll bring friends with us. Yeah.

And we all get a character we have to play. And I'll tell him as we're on the way there, you are a blank and they'll, and they have to stay in that character. It's a lot of fun. God, I really wish I lived in Jersey near you and I could be a part of these date nights because that sounds. Well, you get on a rotation of the other thing we do. And it works half the time and it ends up disastrous the other half is if we're a bottle or two wine and we did it last night. If we get a little bit drunk, what we'll do is that we'll be watching a horror movie or something like that. And something will pop in my head as like, I should be friends

with that person. And so we'll go on social media and I'll drunk DM a celebrity. I do this. And five out of ten times they'll write back. Three out of ten times we hear nothing. And two out of ten times I get blocked, which is so funny to me. The blocks are funnier than the friends. No. You know? So like this kind of these kind of drunk nights. So I drunk. So I drunk. DM John Mayer. No, a drunk message John Mayer the other day, and he wrote back, but we're friends, right? But T. Payne is in our horror movie, don't move. The reason he is, is because about two years ago, I was drunk in the pool, we're having a party, and T. Paine's on the radio, and I turned to him and I was like, we should be friends with T-Pain. Like, I love T-Pain. I've been a fan of his

forever, so I drunk DM'd him. I sent a very sweet message, a video message, on Instagram to him, and he wrote back like a minute later. I have no idea if he knows impractual jokers. I said, T. Bain is Mur. I don't know if you know our show. I'm a huge fan for many years now. And we should get you on Joker someday. And he wrote back like a minute later. He's like the biggest fan.

He has like an encyclopedic. Oh my God. I love that. And so he goes, come to my show in New York, whatever. So like a month later, I go to his show. We hang out backstage. We're drinking tequila to like four in the morning. I'm showing clips on Jokers that haven't aired yet.

We're crying, laughing. It was him and his wife and Melissa and I. It was so much fun. And then I said to him, I was like, dude, I'm about to make a horror movie. It'd be great if you were in it. I can't afford you. Would you do it?

He goes, yeah, I'll do it. And so he's in the movie playing a serious character in a horror movie. That's incredible. And now we're dear friends, right? I have a question. If you're dear friends with T-Pain, do you still call him T-Pain? Yeah. You do?

I don't call him like Chuck. Yeah. Do you know what his real name is? I don't know his real name. I don't know his real name. I don't know his real name. I got to look it up. But then the blocks are as funny as funny to the friends I make.

Like I'm very proud to say I'm currently blocked by like Mark McGrath, you know, Sugar Ray. Yeah. Every morning I'm blocked by him. Of course I know who that is. But wait, why? Just too many times? Just too many drunk DMs. Not like what are the, what are you saying to get blocked?

They're always very nice. Yeah. They're always very flattering. And it's always with, you know, Sugar Ray on the radio. But sometimes you message one too many times and that's what happens. I'm offended that I've not going to drunk DM from you. And I'm blocked by Isaac Slade, the lead singer of the fray. You know, how to save a life I messaged him too many times.

which is so funny to me. The blocks are better than the friends. That's like, for me, it's all my bucket list to get booed at a stadium. That's like, to me, that would be so, yeah, I think that would be so funny. Yeah. And yours is getting blocked by celebrities. We, we, we did that on Jokers. We, for years ago, to punish his cue, we said, buddy free, we're in a baseball stadium, right?

I remember this. It was a minor league stadium. So there's like maybe 8, 10,000 people in the stands, right? And we said, Q, your punishment is very simple. we have to do is say the word no. He goes, what do you mean? He said, we said, you'll know when the time comes, but the only thing you can say is the word no. And like, seven thing he says, and Schrecht comes around and the announcer says, we'd like to invite our Brian and his girlfriend, Samantha, to the mound. And he goes, what? I said, go out there. And this beautiful woman

walks out with him. And she deals down on one knee and prop on a microphone in front of the entire stadium proposes to him. And he has to say no. And the crowd was fucking booing. him, chucking shit on the field at him. It was the worst, man. It was so much for it. There's so many times I watched that show and I just like internally go like, I can't handle watching this. Okay, my fashion people, Macy's is doing something very cool for fall. And this is going to be one of those drops you're going to want to know about before everything is gone. So they brought together six American designers for one exclusive collection. Now you have iconic names like Tommy Hill figure and Michael Corrie.

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And it officially launches September 8th. It is limited time. Don't forget that because once it's gone, it gone. So consider this, just me giving you a nice little head start. You're welcome. So mark September 8th in your calendars. Go check out the exclusive designer collection in store or online at macy's.com. But you told me five-ish years ago that I could come on in practical jokes.

I mean, come on a show. When? We're going to start filming again. I'm not just going to show up one day. We don't show up. No, we start filming again for the next season. We go March through August every year. I am a huge fan.

And when you told me that, I was like, I think I might die. And then radio silence. Do you want to be in a challenge? What do you want to do? I want to be a human mop and go down with it. I don't. But I do want to drink Tito's and do something crazy. Okay.

Let's figure it out. Let's figure it out. I got ideas. Okay. Yeah. We got more guests. So we just finished shooting the season. But we got a bunch of other celebrity guests popping in the rest of this season coming up.

Do I count as a celebrity? Yeah, of course. Oh, sweet. Also, this is so cute that you met Melissa at the launch party for your first book. I did. That's adorable. You want to talk about how weird the world is, right? So, 26 years ago, on a dare, I wrote my first book, right?

I spent a year writing this, like, sci-fi thriller. Did you always want to write? Yeah, I went to college for fiction writing and for, you know, creative writing. You're like, oh, do you double dog dare me? You wanted to do it anyways? And so I had an idea, and my friend said, I dared to write the book. So I spent a year writing this thriller, but I wasn't famous. I wasn't on TV.

I didn't know anybody. It was just a regular guy from Staten Island, right? And so I sent the book out to every publisher in New York City. They sent it back to me unopened. They wouldn't even read it because it was unsolicited, right? And so a year of my life sat on my computer unread by anyone except my mom in Q. Yeah. Right.

And so years go by. We sold them practical jokers many years later, and we're like five, six seasons into the show. And Q says, Mer, why should you do something with that book you wrote? It was awesome. And I was like, you know what I should? So I sent the same book into Harper Collins and they bought the trilogy. And the first book that I wrote hit number one on the UK Sunday Times and bestseller list in America. And it launched this whole like literary career of writing horrors and thrillers.

And I've got nine books out now. That's insane. And a 10th one coming next year and an 11th one coming the year after that. And the first book, that first book I wrote 25 years ago, I wanted to do something different for it, right? It was like a sci-fi thriller, creature feature set in the subways in New York City. So most book launches are pretty lame, right? It's like a bunch of people in suits sitting around sipping wine as the author reads a chapter. I was like, that.

Let's do something more entertaining. So I built the book into an experience and fans flew in from around the world for a weekend-long experience. We built the book. So I had, you start, it was like a haunted house. You start in the subway car torn about by creatures. You're in a real subway car we built, right? And then you just send down into the, into the tunnels itself at the subway. We built the tunnels.

And that's when the creatures attacked. Yeah. And then you climb stairs down into the nest where more creatures attack you and you come running out of the final room. And I was there to sign your book for you. It was freaking awesome. That is brilliant. It was so much fun.

Sounds like a big budget. After parties at night. It was really a wild kind of book launch. And my now wife came to one of the after parties at this book launch. And she was dating someone at the time. And I was drunk on whiskey. And in front of her then boyfriend, I said, if you're ever not dating him, let me know. Which is whiskey courage, right?

I wasn't so forward as to ask for a phone number in front of him. But for unrelated reasons, they broke up a week later. Three months later, she finally let me know. But you talk about like that dare from 25 years ago, had I not done that, it would have never led to me meeting my wife. It really is crazy when you think about all those little twists and turns. Are you married? No. I've been engaged twice, so does that count for anything?

It does. And just called it off both times. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which I'm really happy about. I said from the beginning, neither one was right for you. I said it from the beginning.

You did say that. I did. Yeah. Talk about things happening in your life for a reason. then you make a book into a movie. Is that on your vision board? Yeah, I always wanted to. That was the plan with all our books.

All our books, well, my job before Jokers was I ran development for the TV company that makes jokers. So my job was to pitch and sell TV shows. So over the years, I've sold a lot of shows to lots of different networks, including impractical jokers, which I just happened to be in, and it kind of took my life in a different direction. But because I've written so many treatments for TV shows to pitch, which it kind of trained me to write thrillers in such a way that they read like movies, right, or like TV shows. Yeah. They really do.

They've got fast-paced, action-packed plots, cliffhanger endings, just like you'd write a TV show, right? Yeah. And so we write our books with the intention of them being movies or a TV show. And the idea was that I would then pitch it as a TV show or sell a movie based on it. And then my fourth book, I'm sorry, my fifth one, don't move. Yes. got turned into a movie. So it comes out in two and a half weeks.

Yeah, it's a temper. And in the movie, it's got such an interesting cast. In the cast, the leads are the rapper Russ, who has never, it's his debut lead role in a movie. And he freaking nailed it. He's so likable and charming in the movie. He was amazing. And Lindsay Fonseca, from every Hallmark movie you ever seen,

is so unbelievably likable in the movie. And then we got Ruffalo. Rob Riggle, T. Payne, Tom Cavanaugh, Q is in the movie. Yeah, you have a little cameo in it, don't you? I have a brief came for one scene. Yeah. But wait, I saw the preview for it, and I like horror movies. Yeah.

It looks good. Okay, hypothetical question. Yeah. You're on the last Spirit Airlines flight to leave Dallas-Four Worth. Yep. It takes off, it goes the wrong direction. It creans over the South Pacific. Okay.

The plane goes down. Oh, God. All right. You're the only survivor. You crash land on a deserted island. in the middle of South Pacific, you have no hope for being saved. You're going to live out the next 60 years of your life

on this island. On the island, somehow, is a solar-powered VCR and old tube TV. And you have one VHS cassette tape, one VHS tape of any movie, any horror movie, any horror movie you could ever have. And this is the only movie you get to watch

for the rest of your life. Now, you probably don't want to choose something so scary you're going to be your pants on the island, right? Because you're on the island alone. Yeah, I would not want to watch a horror movie every night. You have to choose horror. Let's say horror. What do you choose? Oh, I'm so bad under pressure. I'll open it up if you want to any movie.

Oh, any movie. I'll open it up if you don't do horror. Any movie, but this is the only thing you can watch for the next 50 years of your life. Well, this is RIP Dolly Parton, but Steel Magnolius. Fantastic movie. It's one of my favorite. Great movie. It's a top three movie for me.

Great movie. What would yours be? You know, I asked the guys this question, and I think Salar Q said, back in the day when porn was still on VHS tapes or DVDs, they used to have like these six-hour compilations. That's what they make. It's a smart move because you've got 50 years to fill. A six-hour compilation is better than steel magnolia. That's really smart. You know, like it's a six-hour compilation.

Why'd you pigeonhole me into a horror movie? Well, because we're talking about horror. I would say the six-hour porn if you gave me the options. Well, I don't even know if they make those anymore. They definitely don't. I would go comedy. I'd probably choose airplane and then it could gone. If I went for horror, I would do like aliens.

Oh, okay. But I don't know. It might scare me. Like every sound in the jungle you're hearing, you're like, there's a freaking alien about to jump out of me or something. That's what I was thinking. I was like, why would you do that to me? Why would I want to watch a horror movie every night if I'm alone for the rest of my life.

I don't know. The only blockbuster video on the island only has horror. I don't know to tell you. I like, I like those spoofs on like, like, I like scary movie three. Oh, yeah, that's great. That's great. We just watched the new scary movie a few weeks ago. Is it good?

It was great. It's still stupid and funny. Yeah, but stupid funny is my favorite. Like ones that you're just like, what the fuck am I watching? But those are the always the ones. Scary movie three is, I said airplane or naked gun. Yeah. Which is the Zucker brothers.

Yes. And Dave Zucker made Scare Movie 3. Oh. Uh-huh. There you go. A little fun fact for you. Look, I just realized you're also wearing the merch of your shirt is the... My wife may be embroidered a little...

That's so cute. That's really cute. I'm still dying that T-Pain is your friend. For some reason, what's sticking with me from this podcast. But, okay, so for anyone who hasn't seen the trailer yet, so a group goes to on a retreat in the Ozarks, which already I find spooky. Yep. Ozarks, ends up in the wrong part of the wilderness and discovers they're being hunted by a prehistoric spider that hunts by vibration. Yeah. What did a spider do to you growing up?

Like what? What would happen? I tell you what, we wrote the book during COVID and my only view was outside the window of the house, right? We're all locked indoors and there's like a forest behind the house. And I was like, and I just started to imagine what like the forest I've never been in it. It was just kind of pristine and it mentally took me to a place of like, what if there were a pristine forest somewhere on Earth, untouched by evolution, right? Where back in the day, millions of years ago, insects and creatures were much bigger, right? And lizards and dinosaurs or whatever, they were much bigger. And mosquitoes were the size of like a small Volkswagen. So it's like, what if there were a part of America, a forest untouched, like a virgin pristine forest, untouched by the outside world?

Humans have never stepped foot there. And so that's where it mentally got us to a prehistoric kind of erected, a creature that can hunt by vibration. Because that's, you know, a spider web, the way they trap things is they, you get stuck in the web, they feel the vibration and they go and that's it. So it's like, how terrifying would it be? Especially for a woman that's our lead character is traumatized by this kind of horrific accident that takes her, that takes her family from her at the beginning of the movie. and then she goes on this kind of camp retreat, this church retreat to kind of reset herself and overcome her trauma.

But what if she's got now is it's a fight for survival? So the great thing about don't move is as a horror fan, the horror works in three levels. It's human versus the other, this creature that can't be reasoned with or lodged with. Human versus each other, the inner conflicts of the group as they come to heads. And human versus herself in our case,

in that she's got to fight her own trauma and own inner demons. to overcome it by the end of the movie. Will history repeat itself or will she survive the day? So I love horror movies that work on those kind of levels. And she's what I love about Don't Move. By the way, go see the movie. It's fantastic.

It's a great date night horror movie. It's not like creepy crawly spiders. It's not like gore. It's a great daynight horror movie. And get chick as a don't move movie.com. But what I love is that all the characters don't move, these are my favorite kind of horror movies. they make smart choices.

Yeah. They're no, not, no one's a moron. Yeah. They all make smart, rational choices and sometimes it works out. Yeah. And sometimes it doesn't. Wow. Which is the way life is, right?

Yeah. And also, there's some real comedy in the movie. Like, Riggles is hysterical in the movie. Tom Cavino's hysterical. And so, like, the movie has layers to it, you know? I love that. Sometimes we'll watch a horror movie. I'm like, it'll be like an hour into the movie.

And I'll turn to my wife and be like, no one smiled yet in the movie. No character. And that's not real life, man. Real life, even in the most horrific moments, has humanity to it, you know? You still have to relieve pressure in some way, you know? So there you go. That's like me. I laugh in very uncomfortable situations.

So if I was in those movies, I'd be laughing. Are you going to have a movie premiere? Oh, yeah. We're doing the New York premiere on September. Oh, you should come. When is it? Labor Day Monday, September 7th. I'll be in Canada.

There you go. Otherwise I would have been. And what are you in Canada for? I'm from there, so I'm visiting family. I go once a year to my lake house and just... We're in Canada. Just outside of Vancouver. Oh, okay, very good.

We were supposed to shoot, don't move in Canada in Winnipeg. Oh, Winnipeg? Yeah. That's scary enough already. Oh, my gosh. And then we pivoted like two months before and shot it in Kansas City instead. Oh, really? Yeah.

Why would you have filmed in Winnipeg? Forest, cheaper, better tax credits. Yeah, that makes sense. But then Missouri has amazing tax credits, so we pivoted there. Yeah. But we do New York. on September 7th, Kansas City on September 8th, the Tuesday 8th, and do the Chinese theater, the TCL Chinese Theater in Los Angeles on September 8th.

And it comes out, I'm sorry, September 9th. And it comes out theatrically September 10th all across America. That's amazing. Congratulations. That's really exciting. Now, will you watch the movie or will you watch the audience watching the movie? Oh, good question. Thanks.

So are you implying that I'm going to set up a chair facing the audience? Like, would you be so uncomfortable for the audience is I'm just sitting there. I've got a cigar, an unlit cigar in my hand, you know, like a satin robe on as I'm just judging their reactions. It's always worth a joke to do that. It really is. That actually would be really funny. But that's whatever, like if I ever have like a birthday or something, I never want someone to bring gifts because I hate the idea of sitting while everyone's staring at you and you're like, because then I'm like, what reaction do you want for me? It's so uncomfortable, right?

Yeah. It really is. Like that, that, well, you open the gifts during the party? No, I wouldn't. But if they're like, open them, I'm like, ugh. I know, I know. It's, it's so. But that would be like you sitting there watching, wanting everybody and then they'd want to give you the right reaction.

So a friend of ours is pregnant. And my wife is throwing her a, what do you call the baby thing? A baby shower? The baby thing. You tell I don't have the kids. What do you call that baby thing? The party for baby. Oh, the baby shower.

Yeah. She's throwing a baby shower, which I've never been to one, obviously. But isn't part of the baby shower to let the, the, the, the, the, the, not the bride, the mother opens the gifts. It's part of it, right? And the same thing at a, what's a wife to be? A broader shower. You can tell I was such a guy, man. What's the wife to be thing? Oh yeah, the broader shower. And they opened it there too, right? Which has to be so uncomfortable. How hard is it to feign like, oh my God, is a, I just won't for an hour straight? If it was me, I would just be like, put your presence aside.

I will open them later. But I just can't. I don't like doing it. It makes me uncomfortable. So maybe don't watch people and their reactions, but like do out of the side of it. I will promise you this. I will do it for one screening of the movie because I'm also traveling America in September. I took the month off from touring.

We just finished shooting Jokers for the season. And I'm traveling America in September, surprising audiences and popping into movie theaters all across the country. And like literally, it doesn't matter where in the movie it is. I'll walk in the light, the movie freezes, so people will think, just like we did with the Joker's movie six years ago, people were like, oh, like something happened with a projector. But then I walk in with a microphone, thank everybody to take photos and the movie continues after I leave. But I promise you this, here and now, I'll text you a photo of me wearing like a smoking jacket and an unlit cigar staring at one audience across America. Yeah, it's so funny. Okay, I happen to love a wellness habit that requires all.

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you know, high energy guy. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, because God bless my mother. Yeah. But when we were kids, grew up in Staten Island in the 80s and 90s, my mother would say just to there was no iPads, right? Yeah. So my mother would give me a, a tub of Duncan Heinz frosting. and say, go, have fun. And in one sitting, I'd eat the whole tub of frosting. Or she gave me a box of Twinkies and I eat the whole thing, 10 Twinkies. Incredible. So I think I'm still coming down with the sugar high from childhood.

That's why. That's still coming down with it. Twinkies are so underrated. I haven't had one in a long time. Oh, I love a Twinkie. Is this still good? It's not good. It's probably not good.

It's just so bad that it's good. It's so bad as good, yeah. I don't know. I just, and we, I don't think we had them in Canada growing up or something. I remember thinking it was like a real special treat that you couldn't get anywhere. So then I was like, okay, let's go for it. Spear Airlines crashes South Pacific. You have one guilty pleasure.

Okay. A candy, a chocolate, whatever it is, one guilty pleasure for the rest of your life on the island. Now, keep in mind, there's food in the island. You've got to cook on the island. Sure. If you learn out of spear. But you got to be careful. Like if you eat a twink of a day, you'll die in about three years, right?

Right. I'm saying that based on nothing. So please don't sue me Twinkies or hostess, okay? I don't know if that's biologically true, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know. So I have to pick something that also has nutrition? No, no, no, no.

I don't say that. It's a guilty pleasure. Okay, okay, okay. Does it have to be sweet or salty? That's up to you. Oh, McDonald's fries. Oh. Yeah, potatoes.

You can't eat, if you eat McDonald's fries every day, they're potatoes. You'll be dead in three years on this island. So Twinkies and McDonald's fries, that'll get you in thines. I don't know. Again, I say based on nothing. thing, please don't sue me McDonald's. I have to McDonald's sues you from this podcast.

You'll be wild. Please don't. All right, because I love McDonald's. They're gray fries. Well, you go fries over nuggets, huh? For McDonald's? I would. How interesting.

The fries. Nuggets with sweet and sour sauce? Come on. That's my favorite. Wait, please promise me you will try a McKatelyn whenever. Nick Caitlin? Yes. Is that a real thing?

Well, it is in my small town, Ladook, Alberta in high school. I used to go to the drive-thru. The Duke? The Duke? It's Ladook. Duke. Yeah. And when I would drive through the drive-thru at McDonald's,

if I said the McKathletland because I went every single, no, this is proof. You don't die if you eat McDonald's every year. I ate McDonald's every single day in high school, 10th grade to 12th grade, every day, sometimes twice a day, a McKatlin, which is a cheeseburger, fries on the cheeseburger, mayonnaise on the fries on the cheeseburger,

smush it, dip it in sweet and sour sauce. Oh my gosh. I'm not even do that tonight. No, but I can't go to a, like, McDonald's, you know, on 34 and 70. And say, Mckeleton. No, no. They're like, who the fuck is McAid?

No, no, no. There's nobody would ever know. People in LaDuke would say, a lot of that up. So it's a cheeseburger? Yeah. Cheeseburger, fries, mayonnaise, ketchup?

Yeah. Cetchup? Yeah. Letchip. Yep. No lettuce. No lettuce. No tomato.

No tomato. Just like the plate, the good old cheeseburger. And then sweet and sour sauce is the key. Did it give you the... Yeah. That sounds really good. I'm getting very hungry.

What is your McDonald's order? I do a number two. What's the number two? Is there two cheeseburgers, French fries? Oh, that's it. You can make two of my Caitlin's. Yeah, too good. But, no, my go-to, I don't really go there.

Look at me. You know, I'm not doing McDonald's much anymore. But if we do, well, I tell you what, you cannot eat McDonald's breakfast. Oh, my gosh. But are you a McGrittle or do you like just like a classic? I can't do the McGrittles anymore. It's too much? Because of aforementioned sugar rush, it's just too sweet for me, but it's

fantastically good. It is. It's so good, but I can't do it. So I just do a sausage jacket with a muffin with a two, I do two of the home, you know, oh, the hash browns. The hash browns. And, you know, OJ. I need McDonald's after this.

That's what I'm literally doing it. What would your guilty pleasure be if you. One guilty pleasure. And why is it weird airlines? Cookie dough. Oh. Cookie dough. Like you get a freaking, you know, they sell them of the freaking packs that, you know,

whatever and they got the squares. Yeah, I know exactly. It's my guilty pleasure. Yeah, that's good. Cookie dough and a spoon. I need a spoon. Yeah. It would be great.

Oh, I saw something online that was like ice cream and then cookie dose smushed on top in like a martini glass and then they poured chocolate over top. Yeah, it looked unbelievable. There's just warnings all in the back of cookie dough saying do not eat raw, blah, blah, blah. Has anyone ever, do you know anyone in your life that's gotten sick from cookie dough? No, it's one of those things like our parents told us don't have their lights on in the car when you drive. It's the same thing. They're just like, don't eat the cookie dough because they don't want you to eat the cookie dough.

It's so funny you mention that because on the way here, I had turned the light on in the backseat of the car and uh and i was literally i was like oh let me turn off quick because isn't that like a weird trope and we all believe that it's going to cause a crash yes i don't know anyone that's crashed their car because the back light is on i've heard a lot of reasons why people crash a car and never once because it's there once been that no yeah it's we all believe it i still and all like oh quick quick or turn it too oh i feel so guilty if i turn especially if i'm in an uber i'm like my rating's going to go down me too i'm a psycho about my uber rating though i'm like every time i leave the car. I'm like, I will not slam the door. I'm like, drive safe. Okay, you be careful now.

Thank you so much. I'm so weird about my, I'm like a teacher's pet with Uber. It's so it's so it's so it's so it's so funny that it causes anxiety of, for us as passengers, our rating, our rating. I know. I will tell you, in my life, Uber's been around what, like 10 years, maybe nine years, 10? I don't know. I guess maybe two, mid-2010s that came around. I have never looked at my Uber rating. Look at it right now. Let's compare. I just scheduled an Uber for tomorrow. I leave tomorrow morning for Detroit. Oh, Detroit. One tour.

I don't even know where to find my rating. I hope it's not bad. Okay, go to... Okay, go to account, maybe? Yeah, account. Top left corner. Top... What is yours?

490. Oh, you got me crushed. 4.85? Is that okay? No, mine was just there. I don't know what makes it go up and down. Apparently putting on your seatbelt is a big one that gets your rating up. Yep.

4.85. Is that a good rating? No, that's actually good. Yep. Yeah, it is. 4.85 is good. I'm going to ask chat. Anything below that?

I'm going to ask chat. Yeah, okay. Well, they'll give you the truth. Is a 4.85 rating on Uber good or bad? Yeah, that's been really good. Yeah. On Uber, anything in the high 4.8 range usually signals that the driver's solid. Wow.

How cool? Okay, shut up. Yeah, that's enough out of you now. Sure, Jeff. I just needed validation from you and then you stop. Oh, that's a solid rating. Solid rating. That's so, yeah, no, that's actually really good.

I'm glad I'm not a dick in Uber's. And don't be, now you'll care about your rating. I mean, I'm always a polite guy. Yeah. Well, I feel like people would also in New York City. I still wonder how you guys still get away with the show when everybody probably recognizes it. I'll give you a perfect example.

So a new episode tonight. New episode next week is the mid-season finale next week. Then we take a break for two months and it comes back on the air. Next week, the punishment is absolutely epic. We wanted to prank a wedding, right? But we can't go to a wedding anymore because everyone's going to recognize us. So we found a bride and groom that are fans of the show. and they had a 300-person wedding in Jersey, and we had Sal in prosthetics for five hours.

Stop. Let me find the photo while I'm telling the story. Okay. We had him in prosthetics for five hours, turning him into a woman who we called Aunt Sally. And he looked like a very large, weirdly looking woman. Yeah. And he went into the wedding reception, and no one in 300 people recognized him. Only the bride and groom knew he was there.

You're not going to go with a photo I'm about to show you. I can wait. And this is Sal at the wedding. Scroll left. And I'll show the camera. There's like, I think, four photos in. And no one, no one recognized him. Oh my gosh.

What camera can I show this one? Yeah. That is, that is so funny. We can also just like put this on. Oh yeah. I'll send it to you. that's so that airs next next thursday and he no one had any idea and we had him just causing chaos of the reception then we had him get called up to give a speech we wrote the speech for him it was in his purse oh the

funniest thing we did i'm going to upload the clip next week uh but the funniest thing we had him do was uh oh the video the funniest thing we had him do was he's at the table with strangers they don't know who he is whatever introduced himself as aunt sally and we had planted a tupperware in his purse we said sal take out the Tupperware and start loading the leftovers from your dinner, your Chateaubriand into the Tupperware. And people at his table were crying, turning away at this idiot loading up leftovers. And then we had hired a stunt woman to be in a gown at the reception. And when the bride's time to toss the bouquet, all the women on the dance floor go to the dance floor. Sal goes up as well as one of the women.

And we said, Sal, the woman in purple, that's a stunt woman. She's expecting what you're about to do when the bride toss the bouquet, not. her to the ground to grab the bouquet. And so the bride tosses the bouquet, Sal shoves her. She faceplants on the dance floor, and he rassels and grabs the bouquet. And the wedding was in complete shock

at what just happened. It was so... But that really was a woman that was planned... Oh, yeah. She was someone. She was like, oh God. Ready for it. That's hilarious.

Yeah, that was great. The father of bride during the speech was so peeved, he stormed out of the wedding. We had to bring it back in. And then he went and we realized it was Sal, who's like, oh my God.

So then you did like a reveal? Yeah. It's one of the rare punishments where we keep the reveal in. Because Q and I came from back and joined Sal on the dance floor. And when everybody saw, then they pieces together. There's Q, Mur, and they looked over to this crazy looking woman and realized it was Sal. It was great. We kept the reveal in on the episode next week.

That's unbelievable. Wait, I can't wait to watch. And then you're going to Detroit. You're doing your tour. Where can people find? Oh, yeah, I'm on tour. So I'm in Detroit, four shows this weekend. Then I take September off for Don't Move. Get your tickets to Don't Move movie.

You're going to love the movie. It's a great date, night of horror. And for like an indie movie like us, it all depends on pre-sale. So if you have the means, please get your tickets for that opening weekend. And that'll depend on, that'll affect how we expand. But we're in like 500 theaters first weekend. So it's a great, great cross-section of America. And Canada.

Oh, my God. We haven't announced it yet. You're going to hear it right first. I've a lot of Canadian listeners. But we'll be playing. Oh my God, I haven't even said this yet, but we haven't announced it yet. But the top 30 cities in Canada don't move is about to be announced in the next few days. Okay, that's so exciting.

I feel like Canadians love you guys. Oh, thanks. I hope so. Yes, and they'll support. That's even my podcast producer, Taylor, she's so sweet. She was like, I'm really proud of Mur. That's such a weird, funny comment. I know.

She texted me that. She was like, I'm really proud of them. She was like, the trailer's really good. Oh, good, good, I'm glad. It was. And then I'm on tour. I start touring again. I go on vacation after the movie

you launch in September. And then so mid-October, I start touring all across America again. That's awesome. And oh, you go to merlive.com for my tour. I was good to say, is there a website? Yeah. Merlive, what?

Dot com. Dot com. It's easy to find me. Just, you know. Look it up. Yeah. Google it. Chat GPT me.

Yeah. Yeah. I swear one of the weirdest parts of having dogs so far is that you basically become fluent in a language that they don't speak. I know that I need to go outside stare. I know that give me whatever you're eating stare. I know that I'm hungry bark. I know the please stop working.

Pay attention to me. Give me your phone stare. They just don't have to say a word. I just know. And when you know your pets that well, you want to take care of them the best way you can. So today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. The ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program offers customizable accident and illness plans that can fit your budget, your lifestyle, and even your pet's particular quirks. Because let's be honest, vet bills can add up. Having pet insurance. has literally saved me so many times too. ASPCA pet health insurance has been around for almost 30 years and has covered over one million pets. And when it's time to submit a claim, it's very easy. You just use

their app. Receive reimbursement for eligible vet bills directly into your bank account so you can get back to focusing on what really matters and that is your pet. So to explore coverage, visit ASPCA petinsurance.com slash vine. That's ASPCA pet insurance.com slash vine. Again, that's ASPCA pet insurance.com slash vine. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and not engaged in the business of insurance. I have a few just like hilarious listener questions and then I'll let you go. Listen to questions. I love it. They are funny too. I picked the first.

funniest ones because I do have really funny listeners. Okay. Mur, what is the most humiliating thing you've done on impractical jokers that still wakes you up at 3 a.m.? Oh my gosh. Well, what people don't necessarily realize is that the punishments don't end when the camera stop rolling, right? There are certain punishments that are forever.

I have a tattoo of a ferris skydiving on my thigh. Yeah. But also for 10 years, it only expired three months ago, four months ago. For 10 years, my driver's license had no eyebrows. Oh, I know. People thought that when the episode ended, that was it. But this was my license for 10 years. Show the camera.

That's incredible. Ten years. I look like a see something, say something. Like, do you know what it's like? And we tour all the time, right? Do you know what it's like to go at 5 a.m. to go through JFK, you're going through TSA? Oh, no. I'll tell you a funny story.

So a few months before it expired, it was like Newark Airport. It's like 5 a.m. I've got to catch a flight where we're going. and the TSA guy has his head down at the desk and I slide my license over and he looks at it and I swear to God he looks at it he goes, what the fuck?

And then he looks up with me and bursts out laughing. Ten years I dealt with that. That's insane. I got flagged at airports every goddamn time. Yeah, that's just like very inconvenient. Yeah. And then my passport still to this day has Q's wig on it. Still, the wig killed me. I got two more years of the passport. Oh my gosh. That was a passport

photo you had to do that way? My passport photo has Q's long, disgusting hair. Yeah, that was so gross. It's still my passport. Gosh, that is so funny. Every time I go on vacation, it's so embarrassing. I'll show like TSA, like, that's not you. I was like, it's me, I'm wearing my best friend's hair. He's like, they're like, what?

I'm thinking I'm wearing, they shaved it all I'm wearing my best friend's here. You have to pull up the clip. Like an absolute liar. Oh my gosh. That is hilarious. Somebody wants to know if you could permanently delete one punishment from the internet, which one are you scrubbing? Oh, gosh, what a funny question. If I could permanently delete, I mean, me getting my nipples pierced wasn't the most flattering

of lust or a prostate exam. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've gotten four prostate exams in public now on the show. Four. I'm good for 40 years. My asshole is good for 40 years. I'm four. That's wild.

Okay. Does your wife ever get the ick from watching you doing punishments? The ick? The ick? Yeah. Is she ever watched me? She did. Last season.

So last season, George Washington, our first president famously died from leech therapy, right? So he had like a flu and the doctors back then decided to put leeches on his body to drain the whatever. And he insisted on this leech therapy. This is real, right? I did not have this. If he hadn't done the leeches, he probably would have recovered from the freaking flu. Oh, sad. And he didn't.

He did the leech therapy and he died, right? And that's how we lost our first founding father. Wow. So the guys last season had me, uh, they, we were at, um, uh, downtown at, uh, Liberty Hall, not Liberty Hall, that's Philly. Um, at, uh, the famous, uh, Federal Hall, Federal Hall, right? Where Washington gave his first speech as president, right? Uh, they had me reenact Washington's life.

and they have this tour group that's there. I'm dressed as Washington. I have to look like Washington. And they put leeches all over my body. And Melissa came in after dressed as Martha Washington. And that's where she said for the first time, please stop doing this. My entire body was covered in leeches.

And I still, to this day, that was a year ago, have marks on my chest that did not heal. Yeah, it was so painful. Oh, that like. So she got the, I did not get laid that night. Yeah, that'll do it. That would kind of give me the icky. somebody says what's worse knowing a punishment is coming or seeing sal smiling before it starts

yeah seeing sao smile is is the worst for sure because you know he's got something planned you know he can't hide it he has this like vindictive look in his eye you know that I know something bad is coming somebody says who is the worst person to travel with sal why he would say me He would say me Because I don't do this anymore But back I'm a huge super fan Yeah So back in the day I would

Off bring broccoli cheddar soup on planes Which is a no-no Which is a no-no Which is a no-no Smells like farts No shit Or I would bring the hard-boiled eggs You'd get those in like

The pre-packaged eggs But I would do it to with Sal Right And his egg yolk Flying everywhere Sitting next to him On the plane And I would do it to mess with him

right more than anything and and if i knew our seats were together on tour i would oh i would buy the like the pickle in the bag they sell at airports yeah i'd get a pickle in the bag two hard-boiled eggs or if i could find a panera or whatever broccoli cheddar soup you know just to fuck with him you know so he would say he would say me okay i would also say him that's fun you know because sal's the kind of guy he's got like you know the hood on sunglasses uh he's you know head down backpack on his back barreling through JFK to not get recognized, right? I don't. I have a recognizable bald spot. I'm not, you know, you know, so, so people always see me and they see this weirdo sitting next to me who's clearly Sal. I, but I would if I saw Sal doing that. I'd be like, well, don't bother that guy.

Yeah. So it's working. The two and I don't travel well together. We'd each choose each other, I'm sure. When strangers recognize you, what percentage are about to say something nice versus yell the name of your most traumatic punishment? Uh, yeah, I hear, uh, I hear, well, The funny is sometimes I screw my name up. The best is one woman at an airport says, she goes, is you MRF? Is you MRF? Is you MRF? I was like, yes, I is Murf.

Okay. Another time, another time a guy at the airport goes, yeah, oh, my God, you're one of the four assholes. I'm like, yes, that's me. I'm one of the four assholes, you know? And then another, we run into a few blocks away, right? This is how I knew I was famous but not famous, right? People are like, oh, when did you know the show is hitting? I was like, well, our fan base always keeps us humble.

So we come out of the subway and the guys and I, and these two women come up to us and they've got thick Long Island accents, big hair, aquanette hair kind of thing, right? And they're there with their fucking Long Island boyfriends. And the girls are like, oh my God, babe, do you know who these guys are? And the guys are like, no, who the fuck are they? And they're like, no, you don't know who these guys are? These are the impossible pranksters on every Wednesday night on Comedy Central. They get every detail wrong. We're Thursday nights on TBS and it's impractical jokers.

And that's how I knew I was quasi-famous. But not really. I'll take it. Keeps us humble, man. That's a nice place to be, though. I'm an impossible prankster on Wednesday nights on Comedy Central. Oh, God. That's good.

True story. That's funny. This one is oddly specific. Murr, how many times has your ass been blurred on national television? I'm always naked on this show, man. Truly. I start my live show. with the most shocking video ever.

So there was a punishment last season on Jokers where Sal, we said, buddy, we want you to be like a motivation speaker at this real company in New York City. He goes into a conference room. There's 20 employees there dressing suits and former wear. He goes, well, what's the punishment?

We said, you'll know when you know. 20 minutes into his presentation, one by one, all the real employees of this company started taking their clothes off until he was in a conference room with 20 naked adult strangers. And he's such a germophobe. He like lost his mind.

right and to cap it off at the end they wheeled out a giant birthday cake for one of the co-workers and i popped out of the cake also completely naked but i had crazy glued on a prosthetic penis and crazy glued on i had to use crazy i had 20 seconds to get into cake i had something it was onto my body and so it took me an hour rubbing acetone to get it up and uh and so in my live show i show the clip that air on tv but then i show the unblurred footage of what my prosthetic looked like and it the building shakes with laughter. It is so funny. Oh, yeah. That would, that's, do they realize

it's a prosthetic? I might have the video on my phone. I can't show you on camera, but I'll show you personally. If I have it. Please. Okay, if I can, if I, I think my cousin just emailed it to me. What? Because I needed it for a, uh, I was on tour.

I think my cousin just emailed me. That's a weird thing to say, you're right. That's a weird thing to say. My cousin's my employee for 10 years now. Okay, okay. That does make it better. If I find it quickly, I will show you. Okay. I'll give you a snippet of it.

Please. It is wild. That's, I've never seen. Oh yeah, I guess I have. There is a show I watched on Netflix and I was like, there's no way that's really that guy's penis. It was the sex life or whatever on Netflix. And then I looked it up and it was a prosthetic.

I was like, that's my thought. Yeah, it was a prosthetic. It's a prosthetic I wish I had. Yeah, yeah. Well, you're not going to get a prosthetic that's sad. Yeah. Yeah. The prosthetic made me smaller.

Yeah. Oh, finally. Okay, we'll show me later. Please. Yeah. So I've been naked a hundred times on the show. Okay. Is there something that any of the guys have done to you that you're technically still mad about?

Skydiving was crazy. Yeah. Because what's not on TV, it was my number one fear. I think I've conquered my fear of heights at this point. You know what I mean? But back then, it was my number one fear. And no part of me thought we were skydiving. We had worked on creative material to be instructors for,

for weeks, right? We had, I walked on set and we, I had written 20 pages of material that I wanted to try out. And our show is ostensibly an improv show, right? And we throw half it out the window, but we still generate hundreds of jokes per challenge. So, and the guys are their own set, choosing their, what they want to try, things like that. They had students there. So I'm thinking I'm training students on the ground. Something we've done many times. We've done challenges where we're teachers of some kind or like instructors or employees or what have you. So nothing felt off to me. And then on the spot, they revealed that I'm going to jump out of an airplane. And what's not on TV is I ran off set.

I would not come back. I locked myself in the men's room. And I was locked in for a half hour crying hysterically. And from the men's room, I FaceTime my mother to say goodbye. I love her. And she rejected the call because it was the one day sale at Macy's and she was shopping. She said, can't talk one day sale at Macy's. I was like, my pick up FaceTime.

Actually, I do have a segment for the one. You can't. It's a one day sale. That's hilarious. So, but that's... Chipp on my shoulder by that. This is, I have a severe fear of birds. Truly.

Like, I can't, walking through New York, like, I really panic. You mean big, any birds? Anything that, I don't even like a moth or a butterfly because it flaps, but especially, like... Because they're unpredictable? Yeah, and because my mom had a huge fear and she put it on me. It was nothing. Where did your mom's fear come from? Her mom.

It's been passed down from... So this is your grandma. Yes. Yes. Where did your grandmother get the fear from? Generational trauma. Generational trauma. That's the finest.

We should do an ancestry and track down who got attacked by birds and your family that led to this. It's a serious phobia. And that would be, Chris Harrison tried to put me in a room. It was like a date on my bachelorette season. And it was one of those escape rooms. Oh, yeah, yeah. And the first room he tried to get me to walk through was a room of pigeons. And I, no.

I couldn't do it. I just went into a corner. I started hysterically crying, shaking. I would rather jump out of a plane. Yeah, really? Yeah, but you're statistically very likely to hit a bird when you're jumping out of an airplane. That would be the worst. That would happen to Fabio, famously.

It did. Do you remember Fabio the guy? He was not jumping out of airplane. He was on a roller coaster. Do you remember? And he slammed his face into a freaking pitch of hawk or something. That is. And busted up his whole face and nose.

Yeah. That's my fear. That is a, that's very unlikely. but still that would be fear of mine for going on a row of that. He thought the same thing and look what happened. That's true. And that's caused generational harm to him. I'm sure.

He's going to pass that down to his kids and grandkids. Well, even when I'm around like my nieces and nephews and my godson, I'm like, don't have the fear. Because they're like birds and they like run in and they all go flapping and I'm like, oh God. My godson got, they got chickens for their yard. And he was like, come look at my chickens. And they're just baby chicks at the time. And I was like, cute. Okay, they don't like the little flaps, but they weren't really going anywhere.

They're adorable. I didn't realize how big they got. Oh, yeah. When they were about to take them outside, he was like, come look at them. They were birds and one started flapping in the case. And I lost my shit. And I probably passed on my fear to him. That's it.

And so that's contagious. Yeah, it's how it works. I'm just going to be careful of what I, that's, yeah. On the bachelor, the producers, I swear that everyone's like, don't tell them what your fears are or they will make you do it. They'll use it against you, of course. And that's what I did. with the birds. I was like, you, motherfuss. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. You guys for having me. There's a lot of fun. This was so fun. Of course. Everybody read all the nine

books. Go see the movie. Go see you on tour. All the things that you're doing. It's just so cool. People love you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah. It's and it's fun. I was so excited. I literally was excited all day today. I was losing my mind waiting for 5.30 p.m. to come back. Okay, everybody, don't move in theaters. September 10th and 11th. New episodes of Impractical Joker's airs Thursdays on TBS, and you can watch Murr Live on tour. And everyone listening, make sure you're subscribed wherever that you get your podcast. I'm Caitlin Bristow, and I'll see you next Tuesday. And welcome to Pluto Fo. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream

it for free on Pluto TV, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, the legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Welcome to the real world. Mean girls. Shut up. Titanic. key in the world. And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24-7. That is so a fetch. On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. Hey guys, it's your friend Michelle Collins, and I'm here to invite you to listen to the Michelle Collins show.

Yes, that's my show, unfiltered, unscripted, unhinged, and covers pretty much everything you're going to want to care about. It's funny, it's fearless. It could go off the rails at any moment and often does. So follow, rate, and review. with the Michelle Collins show wherever you get your podcasts and let's spiral together