Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Jana and Mike

Episode Date: December 29, 2020

Hosts of the Whine Down podcast and New York Times bestselling authors Jana Kramer and Mike Caussin join Kaitlyn this week! Jana tells Kaitlyn about her work with Lifetime, then they share some tips to follow for a healthy relationship before discussing their new book The Good Fight: Wanting to Leave, Choosing to Stay, and the Powerful Practice for Loving Faithfully. They finish up by answering some questions from fans like: what their love languages are, parenting together, turn-ons and more!  GEICO - Go to geico.com , and in fifteen minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance SPRINGTIME SUPPLEMENTS - Save up to 55% with free shipping on your first order with code VINE when you visit Springtime.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Caitlin is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves. Get ready for lots of laughs, tabby topics, on filtered advice, and wine. Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow today on the pod. I have a couple.

who have defied all the odds, stayed together after their marriage was rocked by infidelity. She is an amazing actress singer. He's a former NFL player. Together they are parents of their two amazing kids. They co-host their pod, wind down. Earlier this year, they co-wrote the book The Good Fight, all about their relationship, which quickly became a New York Times bestseller. And for all the parents out there, we talk about the possibility of a third child for them, what they would do differently. And also we're talking about all things relationships, so including the newest trend of couples sleeping in separate bedrooms and so much more. I hope you guys enjoy this podcast as much as I did. Vinos, do you own or rent your own home?

I'm sure you do, and I bet it can be hard work. You know what's easy is bundling policies with Geico. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowners or renters insurance along with your auto policy, and it's a good thing too because you already have so much to do around your home. Go to geico.com, get a quote and see how much you could save it's guyco easy visit guyco.com today that's guyco dot com now back to off the vine with kately bristow so good to see you guys um looking all cozy are you in your bedroom right now we are yeah isn't it glorious to be able to podcast and still be able to work and do all this stuff just from like the comfort of your own bedroom it is really nice i will say though like it's been awesome but at the same time like i do miss like

going like to a studio you know because like there's a different vibe but at the same time like it is really nice we live like where we're at right now like there's construction going on or like if we hear the kids i feel like oh yeah that's fair feel those things that like can kind of draw you out of like this zone yeah so but then again it's like the positive is like staying home and being cozy and not wearing pants and yeah it's true there's there's pros and cons to it but you're right sometimes it's nice to have some structure or like routine of going somewhere and feeling like you either just more especially in person too podcasting with someone in person is just so much different when you're in a studio face to face it's it's a lot nicer but i'll take what i can get this year

because holy shit how ready are we for 21 i mean so ready but then at the same time i'm like you know i just got an email from our pastor being like hey you know we're not doing christmas eve service and it's like we're not going back again until the end of the end of January so I'm like gosh like just like when you start to know a little bit of like hope and opening like it's so I feel like 2021 like I mean I'm really excited for it I will say that there's a lot of things in 2020 that I really did enjoy like I mean I know it was really hard it was stressful and I had a lot of anxiety and you know work was tough but the time that we got to spend with the kids was like the time will never are you good there for me while Mike's taking off his belt

No, my belt's still done. Oh. It's comfortable. No, but I was very, I was like, what are you doing? I looked at the computer, I realized my belt buckles

are hanging down. So that's how. I just noticed when you started unbuckling your side. I was like, what's going on here? I mean, we're there. We're all friends here. It's good with me.

What I was saying, I was like, you know, it was, I remember in the beginning of this year in January, being like, oh my gosh, I'm gone almost every single weekend. And I'm just starting to think of, like the stress and I was about to cancel like a girl's trip because I'm like I can't be away

for my kids this much and then it was just like ha ha God's got a different plan for you right I feel like you know they're I'm trying to find like the positives because if not I can just spiral so into the negative it's oh there I'm like queen of spiraling that's that's the thing I always want people to not feel guilty to if they had a good 2020 like talk about the positives talk about the huge wins for for your year you guys had a book that came out which did so well you guys are killing the podcast game you have so much going on just as a couple and individually and as a family and it's allowed to be a good year for people i mean i think i'm just ready for the calendar to say 20 21 because the like the numbers 2020 just seem like a dark

place to me so i'm just excited to see that calendar change but how have you guys been during 2020 because some relationships um thrive some struggle some do both i know for myself and jason personally like it was it was kind of like we we are kind of new when the whole pandemic happened like we're only a year together maybe yeah like a year maybe a little more and it was like a really interesting thing because he moved in and you know we still had our work we're still both traveling all the time and as soon as the pandemic hit at first we felt really close and connected through it because we're like we're going through something really scary together and we're just like here for each other and then it got to a point where we're like get out of my face and then it got to a

point where we're just like can you stay upstairs i'll stay downstairs and then we kind of came back together after a while and felt like we're in this together again so what does it look like for you guys yeah i mean similar i mean for us you know a big thing early on was learning even better how to ask for what we need right because you know we can't expect each other to read each other's minds be like can you see i'm struggling and can you please take kids so we got better at being like hey, I need five, I need an hour, can you take kids or whatever? So that communication is something we grew better at. But, you know, just like everyone, it's when you spend this much time, which we're conditioned

to spend you way more time than most couples do because we work together, we travel together, we do pretty much everything together. And yet it's still taking a toll on us because even early on the pandemic when you weren't going out to eat or doing anything social, even those little separations during the day was enough to kind of be like, like, okay, I haven't really seen you today, but now let's hang out. But early on, we didn't have that. So it's just like all the time, rubbing elbows. It's like, well, plus parenting on top of that has got to be really challenging. But you're right, it's those, even those small things of like

going for a dinner and coming back or just being able to go and do something. And I think it's the added anxiety and stress of a pandemic that no one has experienced before. That's just enough stress to add to any relationship, whether that's a family, friends, a couple, a family. Like, that's just something that is so the unknown that we're all struggling with. And, like, pandemic fatigue is a real thing, the stress of it. So it's hard to cope with all of that. And like I said, especially having a family. And I heard on your podcast, you were thinking about a third.

What? Is this going to happen? I don't know. We go so back and forth. I mean, kids are at such a great age where they now can, like, play together. And we have, we can be like, hey, do you want to go play Monopoly deal for 15 minutes? Because we have 15 minutes that they can just, like, hang out. So I don't know.

I mean, I think we'd love to, we just have to figure out, you know, like, I've had so many miscarriages. It's just, it's been a struggle to stay pregnant. So I don't know if we want to go through that again. Totally. I mean, we're discussing. We haven't closed the door on it, but we're not sure yet. So you're just, I mean, yeah, that's what I heard on the podcast. I said, you're just talking about it, which I can, you are such a, oh, Mike, and you're good, too,

but I just love seeing you as a mom. You know what I mean? It's like a motherly thing where it's just, I knew you before you were a mom, and now I see you as a mom, and I feel like you're meant to do this. And you, too, as a couple parenting, I just love watching you guys do what you do on social media, because I don't know, your kids are just so sweet and happy, and you just seem like such a, you know, like you're meant to be doing this. So I cannot put myself in your shoes and I cannot imagine going through those miscarriages and

having that on you, like the stress of that, even thinking about going through that again, because I've had so many friends that have gone through it. And I know it's like one of the hardest, darkest feelings in the world to go through that nobody can understand unless you've gone through it. So to put yourself through that again must be absolutely terrifying. But I love how open you've been about all of those things because I got so mad when Chrissy Teigen posted and someone was like, keep that to yourself and that was that whole thing. Because I'm like, how many women out there, like, think about when you were younger and what you

had to look up to as a child. You probably looked up to these magazines that were all about women being perfect, getting their body back, all these things that didn't ever open up dialogue for the struggles, which now we have social media, we have podcasts, which can be, you know, the whole social media comparison, but also opens up doors to talk about hard struggles that you go. through as women. And I just think it's really important that you, I love how open you both are about everything in your life. And I had a question about that. Do you ever talk about where you draw a line with what you talk about? Or do you just go on the podcast, talk about anything that comes

up? Or are there some things you're like, let's not go there? I mean, we pretty much talk about everything. I mean, there's certain things that we hold close, like, you know, details of maybe like his affairs or like things like that just because we don't need like our kids are already going to read enough like we don't need them to read like you know how bad it was or whatever it's just it's just personal information yeah um i mean it's all personal but you know but i i'm saying i i really appreciate how open you guys are and i've always said that to you i just think it's it's just so um so nice for women to be able to listen and here i mean i'm sure there's like two men that listen to this podcast or like I don't know how many men listen to your guys podcast

but for couples to just relate to that and and know that there's like marriages are such hard work and I think it's cool how open you guys are about just how hard it can be yeah and that's kind of like what we say like it's you know it's whether you have infidelity whether there's you know whatever in your marriage it's marriages is takes a lot of work and you guys are always constantly changing and you want to just continue to grow together and communicate and it's just it's hard especially when the when the honeymoon phase you know wears off and it's like oh wow like and you know and then you then start to be like okay the childhood wounds like what he what he brings the baggage he brings to the relationship what i bring to the relationship and then like

mold those together it can be it can be really hard jason and i were just talking about that because we've been so open about how we're ready to start a family and how excited we would be to, if, you know, that's in the cards for us to have a family, how excited we would be to do that. And I said to him, I think it was last night, I said, I would really like to go to counseling and see a therapist before we start trying or thinking about it because I think he, it's so hard because he had such a good childhood. And I'm like, but there's got to be something. Like, you can't just sit there and say that it was perfect and you have no childhood wounds or trauma. Like, I don't believe it. So I want to go because I know what all mine are and I know what I'll need to work on as a mom. But I'm sure as a couple, we would need to go to therapy and figure out how we would parent together.

And I know you two are always open about therapy and doing that. Now, if you had a third child or just parenting in general, what advice would you give to, parents out there. If you had a third child, what would you do differently parenting this time than you haven't done in the past? Honestly, one thing about Jan and I's relationship with all the bumps and the bruises that we've gone through, parenting's been the most consistent for us. Like, we've always shared similar goals, similar beliefs when it's come to parenting. So we can't say that we necessarily do anything different. I think you'll just be, us figuring out how to do the same things with a third along with having to you know a young

daughter and a toddler and and everything like that but that's been the one area that consistently we've been on the same page about yeah i was i was really with with jolly i was you know nervous but jace's kind of like okay like i got this like you know i've already done it but you know with yeah like what he's saying like with a third it would just have to be i would have to learn to not be a structured, which is kind of, for me, I think having a structured baby is so important. I think it needs structure and they need all that. So I don't know. It would be tough to change that. Yeah. No, I hear you. And on your podcast, I also heard that you guys talked about such an interesting topic. And I needed to bring it up because I want to know your thoughts.

The trend in 2021 of couples sleeping in separate bedrooms. Is that a trend? Is that what's going happen? Apparently that's what our producer is saying. There's what, one and four? Yeah, one and four. No, we don't, we don't say that's, we don't, um, at all promote that. I think it's nice at times. Like I will say like it is nice to just like, because I like, I sleep like a starfish in

bed. So, um, it is nice to be able to have the bed to ourselves, but I will say, you know, something he always, Mike would always say is, you know, he thinks it's okay to go to bed angry and you know just everything I've always read and what people say is you know you should never go to bed angry and I told him just like a week or two ago and I was like I don't want to go to bed angry anymore because I don't like the way I feel when I wake up in the morning because why we don't really end up talking until like one or two the next afternoon and I don't like that I don't like the energy like I get why they say that and I'm like and I don't want to promote that we

even think that that's okay I know space and like you I still want to be able to come together we don't have to be like hunky dory kissing right because that's not really realistic when you're at each other's throats, but like to not go to bed angry and just be like and still respect each other when you go to bed. Yeah, it's so funny because I just had this conversation yesterday on my podcast with the shrink chicks who are these two therapists. Have you had them on? Oh. They're amazing. They're so funny. They're so just like, like they'll swear and they are drinking wine while they talk. It's so they're amazing. I love them. And they were saying that whole thing about not going to bed angry and how they believe you should go to bed angry.

because you wake up the next morning and maybe you're like, oh, I'm so glad I slept on that because I feel better. And I'm the same way, but Jason doesn't like to go to bed mad because he wakes up with bad energy like you. Where I'm like, let me sleep on this. And then I wake up and I'm like, I'm over it. I'm the same way, Kaylee. I'm the same week where I wake up and usually, you know,

actually bother Janet Moore. So they're like, hey, honey, good morning. She's like, no, I'm so effing pissed at you. What's barking up the tree? Yeah, like, no. like even today like we're we're in a little tip right now and he was like he texted me he was like i love you and i just said i'm back like a hissy cat face like i was trying to be funny he didn't he he never laughed at it but i thought you know you never said anything to it i just saw it and i was

like okay i thought it was like an icebreaker yeah sometimes a little humor can go a long way i'll never forget in high school with my boyfriend we were in such a big fight and i was sitting in his truck crying and i was holding um a mug of coffee and all of a sudden a big booger just dropped down and like landed in my coffee and we just laughed so hard and that was like the end of the fight because sometimes you just need to laugh i know i agree but i guess it didn't work today katlin i'm sorry i'm sorry um i wanted to talk about your guys's book because i thought that was how cool that you guys have released a book together and it hit new york's best time sellers right yeah it was awesome just that's

pumped about that yeah that's incredible and it came out in september where first of all where can people get it i'm sure everywhere that you can buy a book yeah i mean it's um it's cheaper if you get it on amazon but i mean you know i'll always say like support your local bookstores but amazon um yeah barns novel is called the good fight um yeah um i wanted to commend you both for writing this because i know you you actually sat down and wrote it yourselves right yeah we don't have we didn't have a ghost writer it was just all of all of all our words and it's interesting because people that know me like know that I'm not like the greatest writer and I write how I type so I'm like oh my gosh hey it's me like in the book so it's like and my

editor was very awesome our editor she she know she didn't she didn't really touch too much of our tone because I'm like that's not what I would say that's not so right yeah I mean that's that's so much work but I always commend people for one putting yourselves out there like that and two writing it yourself is such a big job and and must be so rewarding now to have it to have it done. But how difficult was the process to write the book? I'm sure you've talked about this so many times on your own podcast and stuff. But for my listeners who maybe haven't read the book or who are going to read the book, how hard was it to write that book? Obviously, it's going to bring up certain things, certain fights. Was it hard to separate that and not let it trigger you and go

backwards to that fight? Or was it therapeutic to write it out and move on? It was both. I mean, we had our moments depending on what the topic was depending on where we were emotionally that day there are moments where you know it was re-triggering for us and we had to process through it all over again or kind of separate for a little bit and come back and then there's other times where we like you're talking about human we'd laugh at ourselves being like I can't believe we acted this way in a situation um you know because we try to start every uh chapter off with like a fight or some kind of conflict and right so it was a little bit of both um but it was challenging especially because we work in two different ways.

So we had to find, you know, the best thing to kind of mix those different work work ethics. Yeah, I mean, in some days, too, like, if I was typing something, I would just be like, I literally don't even want to look at you right now. I'm so angry. I'm like, I'm not, I'm done for the day. Or, you know, and like he said, like, there are some days where I'm just like, you know, this is, this is great and look how far we've come. But it was definitely, it's not fun to relive those things.

But, you know, we know at the end of the day that it's hopefully helping people and, you know, for me, like, I needed this book four years ago when I found out about everything. I needed to know that a couple went through this and now they're stronger because of it. Like, I needed some kind of hope. So I hope that, you know, for the people that are in that spot, get that hope. And then also,

you know, just to, we've learned so many things from therapy that, you know, we still struggle with, you know, doing ourselves. But it's, this book is almost a reminder for us too. Like, okay, we need to communicate better. And the things that like, we wrote, like, we still have to, you know, do ourselves. get better at. Yeah, absolutely. Well, I'm sure you've helped a lot of people with it. So, and then what else

have you guys been out to lately? Janet, you did a Christmas movie that's out, which is, I am like the biggest fan of any Christmas hallmarky, like any kind of Christmas movie I'm watching. I do, didn't we talk about this the other night? I do a Christmas movie every single night. I love that. You guys only do once a week, right? Yeah, we do once a week. Yeah, which we kind of missed the other night. But yeah, We can double down. Yeah, we can double down since it's Christmas. But yeah, no, I did, it was a movie, what was it called? Oh, my gosh.

Welcome Home Christmas. Yes. I was like, I totally forgot. I did that. And then next year, I just signed a deal with Lifetime. And I'm going to, we're going to, I get to produce and create my own lifetime holiday movie. So I'm just like going to be dreaming up ideas. That's going to be fun.

I've got a few other movies in the world. works that I can't really talk about yet. And then we got some work stuff that we're going to hopefully do. And then, you know, I know you know this, Caitlin. Like, we had just started our wind down dates. And it's like, we love that so much. But now we don't know when we can go back how to do that. Right.

Yeah, that's hard. But you guys have to keep podcasting because you're so good at it. Oh, we love podcasting. It's challenging at times, but we love it. Yeah, we'll keep doing that. But it's just, you know, we do miss the live. aspect of things on the road interacting with people as you know so you know we're just trying to roll with the tie like everybody else for this coming into 2021 and just keep doing what we're doing

great you guys jana you have to like keep your christmas decorations up for the whole year to get inspired for your next movie and just like live christmas through the whole year that sounds like a dream mike are you a big christmas guy or is it just me and jana i'm a huge christmas guy too it's definitely my favorite and it's just funny because you know jana wants like decorated rickens up like the day after Thanksgiving. And I think did we? No. No, I want him up like two weeks before Thanksgiving. That's right. I'm sorry. Two weeks before Thanksgiving. And we did around the perfect time this year. Yeah, but then it's like the day after Christmas. Jan's like, all right, they're down. Let's go. Really? To the next thing. Yeah. Oh, not me. That's, wait,

you were like that after you guys wrote the book too, right? You were like, you put all this time and effort into it. And you're just such a little hustler that you're done the book. You're like, okay, what's next? Yeah, we got into a huge fight about it because we were like, we were two you're cheersing, like, we've finished our book. And then I'm like, okay, what do we want a book to about? And he gave me, like, this really negative look. And I was like, what? He's like, can't you just enjoy?

Like, isn't this enough? And I'm like, oh, my God. Because his big thing with me is like, nothing's ever enough. I'm like, it's not that it's not enough. I'm just saying, like, let's just. You're all motivated. Of the future. And like, what's next?

And he was so, and we ended up getting into a fight that night. Yeah, I was just, I mean, personally, I was exhausted from the whole process. And it was the last time, like, we put any words or any edits, like, there's going to be no more typing, no more work. It was all in the publisher's hand out. And, yeah, we were cheers on the back porch. She's like, okay, what's next? I was like, we just got done, like, putting the last words on the page.

I was like, give me a second. I was like, let's enjoy this. Soak it in. Then tomorrow, maybe we'd say, hey, what would we want to do next? That's funny. I took to my Facebook group to let them ask you guys some questions. And people were, like, dying to know. there are so many questions in there for you guys.

So I'm going to just give you a few. A girl named Caitlin, great name, wants to know. Can you guys talk about your check-ins? How often do you have them in your relationship and tell us a little bit about them? Your check-ins are something that, you know, we actually were doing a bad job and doing it consistently. We've recently gotten more consistent again with it. For a while, they were doing it every night. And it's all about just the way I like to explain, it's like a temperature gauge for your relationship.

it's to check in about your feelings to affirm one another on on things they might have done that day or that week to express any needs that you might have coming up to own anything that you might have done and then in my case there's an S on the end of the acronym that's talks about sobriety meeting plan and all of that but yeah it's called Thanos feelings affirmations needs own and then if you're in the program you used to say like and I usually say like hey I'm going to therapy next week or just like a way or just like a way to like what you're doing to like um be healthy and take action i i actually meant to write that down last time we were on your podcast because i was like that is genius i'm writing it down

right now i and you do it once a week um no we should do it i mean we really should like if you're in the midst of things right now like we all it's it's important to do it every night um but we should do it like probably every other night or something but yeah for at least once a week Couple starting out, yeah, at least once a week, you know, especially maybe on like a Sunday night, we going into the week. Yeah. But you're able to express like needs that are coming up and, you know, whatever maybe. Okay. And Erica wants to know, what do you guys agree the most on about parenting and disagree the most on about parenting?

I think the most would be like food. like we're like yeah like we're like oh it's fine just give him a yogurt yeah like we're just kind of like yeah like we're yeah we're neither one of us are huge stick where it's like our kids eat enough they eat well

we have them on good diets but we're not going to lose sleep over all he didn't eat his peas good night like he's got you know with with Jolie we were we were that way but with the second he was like hey they're going to be okay yeah it's like here's a part dude like enjoy dinner

yeah What we disagree on most is probably like, like he... It's as much as Jana is a structured parent, I think we disagree on structure when it comes to like, Jana, just pull them out of school. Let's go do this today. Or let's, you know, we want to take him out of town. And for me, I'm like, all right, I know kids need structure.

So, but Julia's dance or Julia has this. And she's like, okay, she's five. Like, it's got to be okay. And so that's where we probably, buttheads a little bit more. Like just the other day, Jolie slept at her friend's house. I was like, whoa, whoa, she has school tomorrow. I was like, she's four, Mike. Like, she's like,

it's basically daycare. It's not school. Yeah. That's fair. Those are fair arguments to have, though. Shannon wants to know what are your love languages and how do you meet each other's needs by using those love languages? So I'm, my highest is touch in words of

affirmation. My lowest is acts of service. Mike's highest is acts of service. and words of affirmation. So it can be really difficult because how I receive love is his least favorite and vice versa. So it's hard, but I think just like acknowledging, okay, like if I clean his, if I do his laundry or if I clean my mess up in his car, like that's going to show that I hear about him. And if he comes and gives me a hug or and kisses me and tells me he loves me, like that's going to show. So I think it's just acknowledging that though ours are polar opposite,

it's just how one another, um, you know, feel loved and appreciated. Yeah. Do you try and do that every day because I find that really hard to do because I am definitely not a physical touch person and Jason wants physical touch. And I find it, I'm just not like a lovey, dovey, like mushy person. And I find it so hard every day to try and do that, even though I mean, we hug every day or, you know what I mean, but like for me to go up and show physical touch and do that for some reason is really challenging for me. But do you try and do it like every single day? Well, what is that in your childhood wounds, Caitlin? Where does that come from? That's so interesting. I've tried to figure this out because my parents were both very affectionate with, even though they got a divorce later

in life, they were quite affectionate together and to my sister and I. So I'm like, where does that come from my sister's so affectionate and i'm like i've always tried to figure out where that comes from maybe you were like annoyed of it or maybe subconsciously you're like if i get physical touch it's just they're going to leave because your parents got divorced it could be i'm just that's i just believe that some things people are just biologically different and it's you know what i mean like i don't know if i can contribute it to one thing for me either but i just but to answer your initial question, it is something that I'm more conscious of because of knowing it's Gina's love language. So if I pass her in the kitchen, I'll just walk by. I give her a little

pat or, you know, a little kiss on the head. Yeah, it's not all the time, but I'm conscious and try to do it more. I think that's the most important thing is just being aware of it and conscious and being like, oh, I wouldn't actually usually do this, but I'm going to because I know it means something to them. Kelly wants to know, what is your individual biggest turn on within your marriage? I turn on. I mean, he's a great chef. Ooh.

So he's not having him kind of own the kitchen and, you know, just taking charge. And then I would say that and just how I would say that and just how he greets people. like he's just role, like a strong presence. Yep. Mine would be, you know. And he's a great dad. He hates when I say that. He's like, why do you see him a great dad?

Because you're a great dad. That's, to me, that will be like, I think a turn on for me with Jason is seeing him be a great dad. Well, yeah, and Mike said one time, he said, how would you like it if I said you were a great mom all the time? And I was like, I would love that. That's where it's when it's like, what do you love most about Mike? And every single time, he's a great dad. dad. He's a great dad. I was like, okay, but is there something that I do that affects you individually, not just you seeing me with our kids, but that I do for you or do to you or

whatever? Well, there you go, chef. And your presence. You've got a good presence. And I'm a great dad. That's not a bad thing. You know, mine for Janet, for me, not to get too deep into it, comes down to this book that I read called Love and and respect that I highly recommend for any person and any couple. And where he talks about ultimately women want to feel loved and men want to feel respected. And when I feel respected by Jana, whether I make a decision and she doesn't, she's very inquisitive and always wants to ask why. He just respects my answer and says, okay, or, you know, if I'm too tired to be, you know,

physically intimate that night, it's not a, why wouldn't you, you know, be with me? physical touch, it's just like, okay, it's all right. Like, you know, good night, I love you. Yeah. Having that, that grace from her actually makes me want to lean in more. Yeah. And it's just, that's how it is for me. Yeah, I like that.

That's a good answer. Jenna, do you like that answer? No, but it's fine. No. I can see you leaning further and further away. Okay, Katie. I would like them a great mom, honestly. And you know, great mom.

Thank you. Oh, a few Vynos wanted to know who you stay in touch with, Jana, from your One Tree Hill days. Shantelle. Chantelle and then Joy. I was closest to Sophia filming, but we're not really, we don't really stay in touch anymore. And now it's Shantel. And then I've spoken to Joy a little bit too. And by the way, she's got an awesome Christmas album out of that snow.

So, but yeah, those two. Amazing. All right. I was going to say I'm sure you are aware by now. but I actually hope you're aware of by now that I am a crazy dog mom. Okay? I can go a little extreme at times, but hey, love the pups. One thing I know is an extreme is making sure ramen and pino are at their optimal health.

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slash find to get free shipping on your first order and learn how you can save up to 55% during their annual holiday sale. Podcast listeners will receive free shipping on their first order with code Vine when you visit www.springtime.com. Hey, do you own or rent your own home? Sure you do. And I bet it can be hard work. But you know what's easy?

Bundling policies with GEICO. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowners or renters insurance along with your auto policy, which is a good thing too because you already have so much to do around your home. Go to GEICO.com. Get a quote and see how much you could save. It's Geicoeasy. Visit guyco.com today. That's guyco.com. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. I've got one game for us to play and then I'll let you guys go.

What are you doing today, by the way? We're on cheekwood to see the lights. Oh, that's amazing. So let's go to do a confession and then we'll play a game and we will let you go enjoy your Christmasy day. Oh, you're so good. Okay. Okay. I don't have a confession for you guys today because I'm fresh out, but you guys feel

free to share with me. So I will say that about a few months ago, I was really, like Mike and I got into like a kind of a bad fight. And I took his toothbrush and I like put it like on the like countertop and smeared it and like and then put it like underneath the thing on the bottom and then I put it back so I was like are you just finding this out now or did you already know she did that no I didn't know she did that sorry listen to put it in the toilet I almost thought about ringing it in the toilet oh no oh my gosh if you did the toilet I would be like but it was just the counters look he's so mad right now inside the things and on the bottom of the sorry okay Mike get her back I think I should you should just call me tomorrow and I'll have a good

confession for you I should you know I don't even have a confession towards Jana that's nice mine the first thing that came to mine I don't know if I've ever shared was I've dine and ditched once once in my life oh when that's so rude you know all the waitresses that, like, in my time that, like, I would get stuck with, like, nothing. I know. That's why this is the confession. We're forgiving and...

Look, I was... No judgment. Okay. I was 18. Okay. It was beach week. So, beach week, we would go to Myrtle Beach. Wait, that's when he would steal from the tourism places, too.

He just confessed that to me over... He was like, I used to steal from the surf. What was that place called? You know, all those, like, surf shops and stuff. You went on like a... How can you feel like walk out with a surfboard? No, you know those like tourism, big like one's like sun shop or whatever. Brinkets, yeah, I see what you're saying.

That's my confession, so I guess I'm back on down. But we, it was our last meal before we left. It was like our last night, we're, you know, high school kids. So we have no money left. Between like 12 of us, we had, I don't know, $12 or something, like a dollar per person. Yeah. And so we had two tables. And amongst everyone, like, we had dishes everywhere.

Like, we ate like King because we're like, I mean, we can't pay with this anyway. I hate to laugh about this, but it was a long time ago. Yeah. You know, we like stuff like a couple dollars under these plates, stuff like a couple dollars under these plates. Like, all right, thanks a lot. See you later. As soon as we leave the walk, it was a waffle house. As soon as we get out of the waffle house and turn the corner, we sprint our cars, get on our cars.

And the worst part about it, we had to drive back around the front of the Waffle House, like, on the main road. And we could feed into the restaurant and the waiters pick something up and then throw it on their ground. Oh, no. I feel bad. I still feel bad. I wish I could find that lady and pay her. Maybe we can. Maybe there's a way in life to, like, find out who that lady was if she remembers and pay her back.

Or I think we should go to Waffle House in Brentwood and pay for everyone's meal. for like one hour that day. Like everyone that comes in, we pay for their meal to pay back for your waffle store. Because usually the Waffle House bill is like 20 bucks, max. Right. So, oh my gosh, that's a really good idea. That's, this is why I love the confessions.

You can have a good karma come around. I like that. And I'll get you a new toothbrush. Yeah. The electric time. Like a really, really nice toothbrush. I start right again. You'd be like, well, you deserve it, you waffle house stealer.

I love that it was a Waffle House. You're like, we ate like Kings. Oh, they ate like Kings. Yeah, Denny's. I was thinking like this like steakhouse. Oh, that's amazing. Four seasons, breakfast, brunch. Waffle House.

Oh, love Waffle House. Waffle House. I'm sure you do, and I bet it can be hard work. You know what's easy is bundling policies with GEICO. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowners or renter's insurance along with your auto policy. And it's a good thing. too because you already have so much to do around your home. Go to geico.com, get a quote,

and see how much you could save. It's Geicoeasy. Visit geico.com today. That's guyco.com. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Okay. This game is called Useful or Useless. Very simple. We have all heard the cliche lines about relationships or marriages that are said to make them better or stronger. So I'm going to read you the cliche quote. And you You answer if it's useful or useless, okay? Happy wife, happy life. Useful.

Okay, explain that. I mean, the wife does a lot, and, you know, I think it's good for the man to acknowledge the things and, you know, make her happy because she's holding, I believe a woman holds up the family and with everything that we do. There's a certain level of dependency in every relationship with the, wife and the mom as a mother and it's just it really is my day is better when i know jan is i like that i think that's sweet you know and it's if you don't then you're just kind of an asshole i concur i concur okay if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all

useless because i think there's a way to say something from a good place constructive criticism yeah i think there's a way to say like you know you're being a dick but in a nice way you know because i think it's important to like like we do like the temperature gauge you know but say it in a nice way i i struggle with saying it a nice way me too that's my my delivery is always very poor yeah okay time heals all wounds oh useful useful yeah one thousand i agree oh children will save your relationship useless I mean, I wouldn't normally agree with that, but I would say useful because when I was about to divorce him and I found out I was pregnant with Jace, stay together. And I will say that he helped heal our relationship.

Yeah, he helped heal it, but more times and not, it's going to be useless for sure, I think. You can see both sides. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. And last one is, forgive and forget. I think it's more, I would say useless because I almost want to correct that and say, forgive, don't forget.

Because, you know, you like that. Yeah. You don't, like, forgive, but as long as you both don't forget, you can lean into each other around whatever it is, whatever the wound is. Because if you try to forget, you're never going to forget something that is that hurtful and impact. thoughtful. So you're going to, in an unhealthy way, you're going to push it down. You're going to let it just fester inside of you, you're come out as a resentment and all that instead of choosing not to forget it and addressing it in a healthy way and leaning in together about it. Yeah. I actually really like that. That's a good one to end on. And then for anyone listening, tell, tell us what you, do you have like a mantra, is that what it's called? A mantra. Mantra? Mantra. I think Canadians say mantra mantra do you guys have one in your relationship

that you'd want to share with anyone listening or any advice to give couples out there that are listening yeah you know we both kind of I think we both said this at times a lot and because we're both guilty of not doing it that well and it's you know treat each other like with grace or treat each other don't treat each other like the enemy

don't treat each other like the enemy because when you you know you got to remind yourself that your teammates you know you're you're working for the same goal so instead of you know going head to head like be side by side going the same direction so that's something we constantly try to work on and get better at because you know I know for me personally I'm bad at that at treating you like the enemy so that's our biggest thing don't treat each other like the enemy I actually I'm going to take that with me as well because I think I have a tendency to forget that that in a relationship, you're on the same team and that you're supposed to work together,

not against each other. And I like thinking of that. Don't treat the other person like an enemy. I like that. Yay. Good one. I like that. Thank you guys so much.

And congratulations on everything that you've had in this year. I mean, you guys always crush it. But tell everyone where they can find you and listen to your podcast. And we heard talked about where they can get the book, but all of the things. All right.

So the book is called The Good Fight. You can go on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or over your local bookstore. Our podcast is called Wind Down, wherever you listen to your podcast. And then at Kramer Girls, my Instagram, and then Mike does Mike Mondays on my Instagram. It's kind of like a shared account. So I was going to say that. I like what he does Mike Mondays.

So, yeah, because you guys, that's a cool thing to you, your Instagram is basically your families, right? Like it's everything you guys have both got going on. It's about your family. Mike does Mike Mondays. And it's just a great account to follow. I do. I love you.

and thank you and I love just I appreciate you and appreciate you having us on so of course any time love you guys and have fun at cheekwood tonight looking at all the lights send me pictures and uh we'll see you after the new year game night Sean again done okay all right done thank you guys love you bye I'm kately bristow I'll see you next Tuesday thanks for listening to ospa vine with kately briscoe get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast 1.com the Podcast One app and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Do you own or rent your own home? Sure you do.

And I bet it can be hard work. You know it's easy. Bundling policies with GEICO. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowners or renters insurance along with your auto policy. And that's a good thing too because you already have so much to do around your home. Go to GEICO.com, get a quote, and see how much you could save. It's GEICO easy.

Visit geico.com today. That's guyco.com.