Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Jeffrey Keller | Getting High With The Gummy Guy!

Episode Date: June 4, 2026

#951. The second Kaitlyn discovered Jeffrey Keller on Instagram, she had one thought:"I need to get high with him."If you don't know Jeffrey, he's the comedian who accidentally became the internet's favorite gummy guy. One edible, one cooking video, and suddenly he's selling out comedy shows across the country.The original plan was to talk about his rise from musical theatre kid to stand-up comedian—and to be fair, they did. But somewhere along the way, Jeffrey pulled out his vape, Kaitlyn decided that sounded like a good idea, and the interview took a turn.What followed was a wildly unhinged conversation filled with Broadway stories, comedy, spray tans, New York rats, exes' initials tattooed on ankles, why Jeffrey's dad still isn't impressed by 47 tour dates, and the anxiety of pressing "post" on the internet.Also, Kaitlyn may or may not have gotten a little high with the gummy guy.One thing's for sure: by the end of this episode, both of their stomachs hurt from laughing. Enjoy! If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these AMAZING deals!Macy’s: Shop in stores or online only at Macys.com!DirecTV: Go to directv.com/genrepacks and sign up today to get MyEntertaiment for just $34.99 a month.Progressive: Visit Progressive.com and give the Name Your Price tool a try. Apartments.com: The place to find a place!EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: (7:41) – Jeffrey explains the real reason he got into theatre as a teenager… and honestly, it tracks.(17:27) – Jeffrey is considering throwing himself a second Bar Mitzvah for his 30th birthday…(31:16) – The moment Kaitlyn's dream of getting high with the internet's favorite gummy guy starts becoming very real.(46:06) – One random comment sends the conversation completely off the rails and results in one of the biggest laugh attacks of the episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of Off The Vine is brought to you by Macy's, shop in store or online only at Macy's.com. DirectTV, go to directtv.com slash genre packs and sign up today to get my entertainment for just $34.99 a month. Progressive, visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try. And Apartments.com, the place to find a place. You're listening to Off The Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey, everybody, welcome to Off the Vine podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. I have Jeffrey Keller on the podcast today. He is someone I found on Instagram, I don't know, maybe eight months ago. One of his videos came across my page where he was eating a gummy and cooking food. And it was just like, there's something about him where I was like, I must eat a gummy and have him on the podcast.

And I think there's like a mix up where his team was like, no, he probably won't do an interview while, you know, taking a gummy because he doesn't usually do standup. He's a standup comedian while high. But mid-podcast, I decided to bring. it up and he said, well, then why don't we just smoke? And so we did. I will just say that. Enjoy this podcast and tell me how bad your tummy hurts after this pod from laughing. Or do I just think I'm funny and I'm actually just high? Who knows? You'll find out. We look like a black and white cookie except the orange and white cookie right now. I hate this look, bro. I hate it. That's so funny because I really feel you. What kind of self-tanner do you use?

Let's get you a brand deal. Oh my God. I want a brand deal with sugared and bronze. Do you know if you're going to bronze here? I want that, dude. I talked about this recently. What's tough for me is sometimes I'll go, because I like sleeping in it. Yeah. Wait, wait, before, what brand do you use?

I'll, I kind of taste the rainbow. Nice. Okay, that's kind of where I'm at. I want to say the most reason was Saint-Tropay. Oh, yeah. I think they're great one. They're good. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. But no, sometimes when I used to do musical, sometimes I'd be like, I would be like the UPS guy and legally blonde and I have to be all like buff and tan jacked. Yeah. And so I would get spray tans for that. And I would like sleeping in them to let them set.

And so I'd get the sugared and bronzed latest appointment. And they'll go to like 10.30. Did they really? Yeah. Okay, good to know. Which I love because then I'll just go home and go to bed. Yeah, I love like a little chicken breast I am. But I'll do it.

I'll go. But because it's so late, I'll pop, I'll like smoke or pop a gummy or something. And so then I'm getting, I forget that I did that. And then this girl is just spraying. my balls and I'm like, You go balls out? No, but you know what I mean. Because you're wearing underwear, but then you scrunch it because you want the most coverage

as possible. So you're in a speedo. I go full nude. Really? Yeah. Are you worried about your chotch? What, like about some chemicals getting out there? I mean, it's going on my nose holes.

You're so right. You're so right. Who cares about the coots? You're so right. I'm breathing it in. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes they're wearing like the nostril thing and I'm like, shouldn't you offer me some?

I actually ask for them now because. I'm like, I do spray tans so often that I'm for sure... How often are you doing it? Once a week? I should do that. I want to. Okay, it makes sense that you had to for theater because that's like when I was on Dancing with the Stars.

It took me like a month to get off the spray tan layers. I know that we are supposed to be talking probably about me. But also, I'll be honest with you. You have been nothing but so lovely to me. But I don't know your background. So I just learned that you were on dancing with the Stars. We just come from different worlds, which, and you've been nothing but like we vibe. Everything is lovely.

And you're so wonderful. But I just learned that in this moment. If I'm being completely honest with you. I love the honesty. Yeah. But how was that experience? I mean, for me doing research on you, I was like, oh, I got to learn so much on you for doing this. It was amazing.

When were you want? I won. Whoa. Dude! Did you guys do this? One dancing with the stars? Dude, that's sick. Everyone who watches knows obviously.

She actually talks about it on every podcast. Dude, I would too. I would too. I really do. I bring it up at any chance. I think I even have it. Maybe I can't remember what bio it's in, maybe Instagram. But it says like Mirabal winner and I'll bring it up at any chance that I can.

Of course. Because it's like my, I'm actually surprised I didn't bring my trophy to New York. I'm actually really mad at myself right now because I drove to bring my dogs. But not, but you forgot the trophy. It's okay. We can ship for it. I'm going to. Yeah, because it needs to be in every.

room that I'm in. And I'm, yeah, it's my most proud possession. That's awesome. And that's hard, by the way. I have a degree in musical theater theater. I know dancing very well. So that's literally first thing, theater life on my notes. Because I cannot believe. Yeah. When I learned that, because I'm a theater nerd and I grew up doing musical theater and I just love theater so much. I didn't know that you were doing full time. By the way, I just saw chess. Have you? Yeah. I haven't seen, I haven't seen this, but I'm familiar with chess. I haven't seen Leah and Aaron. and today in it, but I know. Yeah, yeah.

Every time I go to a musical, it could be happy, sad. Whatever it is, at the end, I just burst into tears because I'm, like, so overwhelmed with, like, emotions, and I'm just blown away by people's talent. And I've, I don't know why my girlfriend got us row one. So I was, like, in the splash zone with the spit. And I was just like, ah, like, I loved it. I was so happy. Yeah.

No, I, I, I, I nerd out about theater. Obviously, I love it. I have a degree in it, but it did a, and I did it professionally for a very long time. A lot of people don't know live theater is the only art form where because it's live and it's such a breathing and living thing, it's the only art form where the audience heartbeats, they sink up. Stop it. Yeah. And so it really is like a truly wonderful living, breathing thing. I think it's 2018.

I could be wrong. It's a Stanford study. Nerd alert. Zoinks. Wait, that's actually a really cool fact, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did not know that. Yeah, no, I mean, theater rips, yeah.

It does rip. The problem, like, 2020, when that all happened, where were you in the world? I was here. You were. Yeah, yeah. So I graduated 2018. Yeah. And then I was booked through the rest of that year.

And so I moved here January 2019. I had a year of being in and out of the city because of, uh, uh, theater, basically what they do. This is all a layman's terms, but every theater in the country essentially comes here to audition, all the actors, which is why all the actors are here. And then if you book something, they'll fly. you out to where you are to where they are you'll do the show two three months come back repeat and so i would have a i had a year start of 2019 of doing jobs in and out of the city 2020 hit um and then i left for a while because obviously there was no reason to be here yeah where'd you go i was in chicago for a little well oh fun i i'm sorry you ask a very simple

question but it's a very uh complicated answer i was with a lady at the time and you know so we went to my house, because everyone thought it was going to be two weeks. We went to Florida for a little bit. We went to where her family was for a little bit. Then we went to Chicago for a second. Then I was just back here. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

What about you? Where were you? But I was in Nashville, which I've been in Nashville for 10 years. Oh. And I was there. And I, like, of course, don't love the sad things that happened out of it. But I personally, selfishly loved COVID. A lot of people had a good one.

Yeah. Which is tough. Which is tough because obviously it's a great tragedy. But, like, if you had a good setup. Because, like, I'm shocked. Because, like, I wasn't in a good place in my relationship, but I was in a better place than, like, the other few years. And for some reason, like, we really got along in that time. We just, like, played cards, drank wine, played with the dogs outside.

Like, we just did so much more, like, outdoor theaters and, like, I don't know. It was just so. Yeah. No, I totally get you. Yeah. Yeah. I feel bad. I don't know how I got to 2020.

Oh, because I was like, where were you? Okay. But where did you come from? Before New York, where were you? I'm originally from Fort Lauderdale Oh, you are? Yeah, I'm a little Florida boy And then I went to school

In the middle of nowhere, Illinois And then right after Squaw, I moved here So I can't imagine like a Florida boy Getting into theater How did you get into this? Yeah, I mean, it's terrible douchebag answer But I wanted to kiss more girls It's just the, it's the honest truth

No, you know what's so funny It's when I was in theater in high school I, it was like the cool thing to do in our school Interesting, it was not for me No, it's very bizarre. It was always like the cool kids did theater in high school. And I was so excited because I got to flirt with boys. And like we would like be backstage and we'd give me.

I would get them to like play with my hair. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I loved it. Peaked for sure. Yeah. No, so I was I would play sports, played football. They would all make fun of me because I'd have to go to rehearsal. But my sister did theater.

And she was like, yeah, I mean, that's where all the girls are. And I was like, you're so right for that. That's, I grew up dancing and doing theater. And the same thing when the guys were like, they were like, I had to surround myself with hot girls. Yeah. It's also so funny because it's also a joke on me because I went to make out with girls and I did. I'm not going to lie and tell you I didn't. I did.

But also I just fell in love with the art form. So now I'm just like, I guess I'll just commit my life to this. Which is so cool though. Oh yeah. Acting is the best. I'm not good at acting. I can do like theater. Like I got to be on Broadway actually for.

I know. In what? Again, it was a flop show. Like, they went bankrupt. I didn't even get paid and I still would do it again. It was just like an eight week show for called home for the holidays. It was like a Christmas show. Oh, that's so cute. A hallmark Broadway. That's so cute, dude. It was really cute. It was 2017. Someone make that for me, but Hanukkah. Yeah, someone make that like home for Hanukkah. Yeah, there is definitely not for, it was for the like. The Christmas crowd. The Christmas crowd. Yeah, of course. I couldn't think of the word. I was like, I was going to say Christians. And then I was like, I mean, I guess. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah. But it was like, I got to sing, but I think my microphone was turned off, which I don't blame them. But I got to like, quote unquote sing, but I was the host of the show. Oh, that's great. And I just like growing up doing that kind of thing. I was like, what turn did I take in life to be doing Broadway when I have no business being here? Like, it was so funny. When people asked you when you were a kid,

what you wanted to do, what would you say? Oh, I want dance. That was like, I wanted to be a backup dancer for Michael Jackson my whole life. Or sing. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome.

Or do radio, which I kind of am doing it all. You are. My first ever musical was like, it was in middle schools in seventh grade and then I just did the one musical a year until I graduated. But the, like, people I know that like want to go to school for, they started voice lessons at four.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's truly being an athlete now. They're ready for Broadway by 16. That's true. It's crazy. It's like can you cry on command? Like if you're acting?

Not on command, but yes, if I'm acting, I can. What do you, how did you just think of something really sad? Yeah, it's just really sad. I could do, I could, I could do that. I literally, I have like the most intrusive thoughts and anything. If I think about my dogs, I could start crying at any. Oh, 100%. Yeah, no, 100%.

What was your first, or I guess what was your favorite musical you ever did? Ooh, okay. So you said you're a theater kid, right? Yeah. So, like, because I have like deep cuts. Okay, I might like. Okay. My favorite musical I ever did was last five years. Don't know it.

Yeah, it's a two-person musical. And it was a, it's, it's by Jason Robert Brown. He wrote Parade. He wrote 13. He wrote Bridges of Madison County. He wrote a bunch of stuff. He's a star. And that was my favorite. I'm trying to think of one that you would know. That was my favorite. I'm kind of like a fraud. No, no, no, no. You're good. Zanadu? No. Okay. Good. I'm glad we're over two. I was a fiddler in Fiddler on the roof. Love Fiddler. I want to retire. and play tevia for the rest of my life. Well, like, when I hit like 55 and I'm fat, I just want to play tevia for the rest of life.

Yeah. 100%. Right. 100%. Yeah. If I were a rich man, yeah, I'd eat that up. Yeah. That's it.

I know every word to every song, of course. It's so good. When I get ready for anything, even this morning when I was put out of makeup, I listened to Broadway songs, but. Interesting. I don't. I had a lot of it for so many years. That's kind of my thing.

A lot of people are like, now that I'm not doing it, like, I don't think I've done my last musical. I apologize. I didn't mean to cut you off. I was done, I think. I don't think I've done my last musical, but I'm done for now. Yeah. I mean, other things have taken the front seat.

Yeah, they sure have. But yeah, but I've been inundated with it for so long. I don't mind not seeing a show for a couple years. I don't mind not listening to it for a couple years. Now, once every two weeks, I'll get like a crazy itch and I'll be in the shower and I'll just like bump my Broadway tunes and I'll just belt my face off. Oh, yeah. I always, my dream is to be in New York and have a neighbor who does Broadway so I can just hear them in the shower. That's funny because everyone hates that person except for you.

I'll probably hate it after like a month. Yeah, of course. But for my thought, I'd be like, oh, this is so New York. Like the other day I went for dinner and the roof was leaking and it was like a brick building, but it was like dropping into my drink. I was like, this is so New York. So funny to get like asbestos and be like, so New York. A rat is in your food.

You're like, so New York. Oh my God. It's on my pizza, New York. I'm trying to get used to there. I've seen two rats from being here. It's a lot. I've kicked one before accidentally. Like they run over your feet and you like jump.

That happens. Oh yeah. That's sick. I mean, and you got to think that they're in a lot of restaurants. Is this your first time here or first time living here? Living, yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, I guess I got to when I was here for, I was here for 10 weeks for the Broadway.

But I lived Upper West Side when I, no, Upper East. I don't know, 92nd and not Broadway. It was like one. West. Westside? Upper West. Yeah. Yeah.

If you're near Broadway. Okay. I was Upper West Side and I didn't see any rats then. I don't know you personally like that yet. We're going to be best friends forever. I can't wait. But I presume that the place you were staying and was not very rat infested. Oh, maybe not. Yeah. If you were in a nice place at the Upper West Side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But even just walking down Chelsea, that's where I saw the rat the other day. Yeah, you're going to see him in Chelsea. Oh, okay. Yeah. But I'm like they're for sure just in the food and all restaurants like scratching around at nighttime.

That's like got to be a fact because they were in Vancouver too. Not as much rats, but more mice. Yeah. Anyways. Going from like structured theater and like rehearsed environment to stand up, Mike, no safety net. How did this happen? This is, so I actually, I've been in love with Stan. The first time I ever did Santa about 17.

Oh, really? Yeah, stand up was always the main goal. Okay. Yeah. Standup was always the main goal. I just loved being on stage. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Literally all my dreams came true I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Wow. Yeah, no, I truly feel like the lucky. person on them. That's awesome. Yeah. So the first time I ever did it, so I don't know how old you are. And I'm not asking. I'm just telling my age, like when I was growing up, and social media was obviously a thing, but it wasn't, it hadn't like popped off yet. And so nobody was posting stand-up clips. The only place that posted clips of stand-up was the laugh factory in L.A. And they would post it on their YouTube. And so I would just scroll that for hours.

Really? Really? And at 15, I was like, oh, I can just yop about my dick forever. I'm going to do that. And so I've had a joke folder in my notes app on my phone since I was 15 years old. Same, but I don't do stand-up. But I always, I think I could because when I do live podcasts, I feel like I kind of come out and all of a sudden I'm doing a bit and I'm not even realizing it. But the pressure of knowing I'm actually doing stand-up in a space where, like, my girlfriend, Katie Thurston from The Bachelor World went into stand-up and everyone just thought,

like, you can't do that when you come off of like a reality show. You can't just go in a stand-up. but there's so many things that people do know after they come off TV. And by the way, as someone who I know, I come from these wild different worlds now and I have lots of feelings and lots of thoughts because I've been doing stand-up for a year. So ever since I've been in New York, I've been doing stand-up. Like when I wasn't doing a show, I was doing stand-up every single night. Yeah. And so I've been doing stand-up for years.

And you get, I'm not saying I'm great. I'm just saying I've been doing it a long time. It's always been the main goal. Right. And so when you're trying to get on these stages and you're trying to climb the ladder, and you're trying to climb the ladder. or everyone's like, oh, you can't get on because nobody knows who you are. You don't have a following. And now I pressed post and nobody knew I did stand up, but I've been doing stand-up.

The only reason I pressed post was because I was doing stand-up and hopefully one day could sell tickets. Funny. And so- Your videos blew up. Yeah. And but now I judge people because like if someone just tries stand-up for the first time after they get a million followers, I'm like that person. Yeah, totally. I'm a natural. I totally get that.

I would be the same way because it's such a grind for most people and you have to like really like get the grit. Going to open mics for years in New York City for you show up at seven other comedians who want to hate you because you're their competition. Nobody's looking at you because they're worried about what they're about to say. It's the saddest thing on earth and I was doing that for a year since 2019-ish. And you still loved it after all that. It's the best thing in the world. Yeah. Wait, I'm going to ask you.

How old are you? 29. I turned 30 next month. I invited you to my birthday party. I know. I might bring my girlfriend Katie, who I was just saying. Please, please, please. Did you ever watch New Girl?

I'm Schmidt, yeah, of course. Well, you're turning 29? Remember what you did? 29? Judy has some son? Yeah. No, I'm turning 30 and I'm, I truly feel like the luckiest guy in the world. A couple brands learned that I was turning 30.

Yeah. Brands that I work with. Yeah. And they're so lovely. And then recently in a video, I was just really high in a video. And I said, literally the clip is, I need to like become a man. What if I had a second bar mitzvah? And somebody texted me from a brand I work with and said, what if we three?

your second bar mitzv for your 30th. So you're going to come to my 30th. Oh, I'm so excited. Yeah. Yeah. I've never been to a bar mitzvah before. Well, this isn't going to be a real one. It's just a party. But I'm not reading from the Torah. Well, I don't know what I want to go to when when I have kids and bar mitzvah, you'll come. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, perfect. Do you get like a pony? Oh, this is just the movies? Do you get like a pony? I thought people brought like ponies. Or is that like the really rich people? I will say botan bar mitzvahs do get crazy. in terms of who it honestly becomes a big dick contest with the parents. Yeah.

It's like, oh, your kid had this person. My kid gets DJ Khalid. Yeah. No, I didn't get a pony. Oh, okay. Well, maybe I'll bring one for your kids. I don't even think my dad said he was proud of me. Oh, no.

He is now. No, he's not. Oh, what? Dude, my dad is very, um, if it doesn't make sense in his very niche world, it doesn't make sense at all. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I think I'm going to do, I haven't counted. I think it's 47-ish cities this year on a tour.

Wow. And I sent the screenshot of the tour poster to my parents. And he said, try to remember us when you make it. Oh. Wait, is he funny or was he serious? No, he was 100% serious. Oh, my gosh. I was like, I don't know how many more cities I could do.

Really? He loves you? I'm jealous. Oh, he? I could like he sat me down. I've said this on my podcast before. So again, people would be like, you repeat yourself a lot. But I've never heard it. Yeah, exactly. And maybe your audience will watch for you and they will have never heard it. Exactly. He like sat me down the other day and he was listing all my accomplishments. I thought he was going to tell me he was dying because he was like,

I really want to sit down and talk to you about something. And I was like, oh, God. And he's like, let's do it after dinner. I was like, no, now. What are you going to tell me? And he like sat me down and went through all of my accomplishments. And then he was like, and I know I tell you all the time that I'm proud of each one. He goes, but the main thing I'm proud of is just who you are as a person. Oh. Yeah. That's why you're so nice.

You had a loving dad. That's why I do comedy. I didn't. I love my dad. He loves me, but it's a very complicated relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not even toxic. He's just, he's very like in his own world.

Yeah. Very old school. Very old school. Very, very old school. That generation is. so funny. I'm very lucky. My dad is my hero. My mom is also my best friend. I have a wonderful sister.

I'm, yeah. You're living the dream. Me and my sister, we don't really speak. We're not a strange. Okay. Everything is fine. If she needed me, she could call me and I'd answer right now. Yeah. But we're not like friends. You know what I mean? Yeah. I talk to my mom a lot. Love my mom. Jewish mama's boy for sure.

Oh, I love Jewish moms. Yeah. Love. That's me. And then my dad is very, he's very serious. Yeah. Very serious. Are your parents still together? Yes. What about you? No.

But they're friends. My parents got divorced when I was, I think I was 17 or 18, and they're both remarried. Interesting time in your life. Very interesting time because I thought I was old enough to be like, this doesn't bug me. Yeah, but it's like. Like my sister and I were both like, hey, I think it's time. Like you're not doing it for us anymore. Like you guys should go be happy somewhere else.

And then they did. And I'm so, I love my stepmom and my stepdad so much. so much. Like now I have bonus parents who also love me. Oh, dude, you're living the dream, dude. You have so many parents that love you. Okay.

I'll wait another joke about how sad I am. You get to make jokes about it and like laugh your way to the bank. Oh yeah. No, I'm truly, truly my, I also am playing it up. I want you guys to know that I'm fine and my family's fine. I feel like this is very, you're so comedian right now. It's giving comedian. It's giving comedians.

Serve. I'm serving, bitch. Serving comedians. No, that is such a thing, though. I feel like I still, I really did think I would do stand up at some point in my life because I like making people laugh so much. I'll bring you to a show. I'll bring you to another one. No, I'm done with that idea now because it's too, it's way too intimidating.

And I feel like I just, I think I'm more sensitive in my older age. Like, the older I get, the more I give, which is supposed to be the other way around. I don't know about you. know when you started your journey of being in the public eye. I pressed post 13 months ago. I had 2,000 followers. Really? I pressed post in end of March, early April of 2025. N-uh. I swear on my life, I had 2,000 followers a year ago. And so when I tell you that I'm being thrown for a loop, I'm being thrown for a big old loop-de-loop. Like in a good way or like having other people's opinions? All of my dreams came true. I'm super fortunate.

I'm very lucky and I feel very grateful. I also don't sleep. Yeah. I've aged a lot in a year because of how much, how many I give, how anxious I am, how tickets are doing. This week I'm in the process of moving. And because I'm in the process of moving, I am so anxious about posting on social media that I only post once a week.

And because I'm moving, I'm not posting this week. And so this entire week, I'm like, I've lost everything. Everyone's going to forget who I am. I'm not posting until next week. I'll lose everything. Because it really, I got into the space 10 years ago. So it's a breeze. It should be a breeze now for you.

It's, it's, I feel like I'm more sensitive in my everyday life, not so much online. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. It is interesting because I, I still give too many things on social media about posting because I know that it's my business now. And it's like the algorithm does its thing. And so when you aren't consistent, like you do start to freak out.

And then I'm like, this podcast to me is like the most important thing. My social media is like when it comes to business, not life. But social media is second to it. But this drives the podcast. And I get in my head so much about all of that just because I'm like, also there's so many podcasters out there. There's so many comedians. There's so many. And everybody's online.

And you compare yourself. It's a whole thing. The only reason. It's tough because like all I want to do is do stand up. But the only reason I'm able to do stand up. is because I'm posting and now I have a following. So now I have to keep posting. But now I'm like, I'm not posting this week.

And I'm worried about second half of the tour ticket sales. And I'm like, I better. I'm freaking out, sis. I'm freaking out. But it is in a good way because it's like you're freaking out over your dreams. 100%. Yeah. It's one of those cliche quotes.

It was like I'd rather lose sleep over this than dream about. You know, I used to be dreaming about this. And I'm losing sleep over it. And I'd much rather be here. Yeah, I like that. That's nice. Okay, I need to talk about a vibe that I feel like we're all craving right now, especially going into summer, and that is this whole, like, tropical fantasy energy. Like, when I say that, what comes to mind for me is the feeling of being on vacation where everything just feels lighter.

You're near water, your skin's a little more glowy, you're dewy, your hair's doing its own thing, and then somehow it still works, and your outfit's just easy and it's flowing and maybe a little sheer, a little shimmer. nothing feels tight or overthought. And I think the best part of that feeling is it's not just about where you are. It's about how you feel and what you're wearing. It's that relaxed, confident. I didn't try too hard, but I still look good kind of energy. And I have been thinking about this a lot because I feel like summer style can sometimes just go one or two ways. It's either just so casual, like throw something on and go or it's very going out and feels a bit overdone. And I feel like what I actually want is something in between. Like I want to feel like, I want to feel like, comfortable but still styled and effortless but still interesting. And that is why I'm really into

this trend Macy's is calling tropical fantasy because it kind of has that balance perfectly. It takes that dreamy, beachy, ocean-inspired feeling. It makes it very wearable for everyday life. And it's inspired by this like mermaid island vibe, but in a way that doesn't feel like a costume. Like it's not overdone. It's just little details that elevate your outfit. So think things like soft sheer fabrics except move when you walk, flowy dresses that don't cling, pieces that are breathable, easy. There's just a lot of that iridescent seashine look, soft metallics, aquamarine tones, subtle shimmer that catches the light in a really pretty way.

So then there's accessories, which gets so fun. Shells are really having a moment. They really are. And also now it's water pearls, which feels a little more elevated and less expected. But I do feel like it is those little touches that make an outfit feel styled without doing too much. So even the shoes are part of it, strappy sandals, thin wedges, even jelly styles that are kind of making a comeback, which I love because they're easy and they're comfortable and they still feel very on theme. So I think what Macy's does really well is they take these trends that you're seeing everywhere, like on runways or all over social, and they translate them into pieces that you can actually wear in your real life and you're not guessing how to style it. It just works.

So you can build a whole look around this vibe, or you can just add one or two pieces to what you already have and instantly feel more summary. also a scent. Throw a scent in there's so underrated part of the vibe. Like if you're really committing to it, you need a full experience, you know? Carolina Herrera's La Bamba, such a perfect match for this trend because it's bright, exotic, super sunny. It has notes of dragon fruit, red peony, and this warm vanilla, just feels very vacation. And I love that it comes in a smaller size too because perfect for travel throwing it in your bag. Overall, I do think what I like most about this tropical fantasy trend is that it's not about dressing for a specific place. It's about bringing that feeling into your everyday life. You don't need to be on a beach to feel like you're in that mindset. You can be

running errands, grabbing dinner, and still tap into that same energy through what you're wearing. So it's just about choosing pieces that feel a little more fun, a little more you. So if you're ready to refresh your summer wardrobe or just want to play around with something new, such a fun trend to try. Shop the latest tropical fantasy styles at Macy's. Okay, this one's for my TV lovers, my entertainment from from DirecTV gets you 60 plus channels and Disney Plus, Hulu and HBO Max all in one pack. It's genius. But here's the thing too.

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Learn more at directTV.com. Restrictions apply. So wait, you only had 2000, not only for people of 2,000 followers at home. That's actually like a shit ton of people when you think about it. But for you to like get that kind of success, I love it that you do it from eating gummies too because I love eating a gummy. Yeah, of course. But I feel like Instagram, I would worry that they would, like, not push that out. I got super lucky.

So when I, the classic comedian thing to do right now is like the classic talk to camera. Yeah. And so when I first pressed post, that's what I was doing. And they did pretty well, but it wasn't anything crazy. Yeah. They got me, in a few months, they got me to like 60, 70K. Yeah. And then I don't know why, but I feel like TikTok is fake to me.

Yeah. Like I'll like test things on TikTok. I don't really care as much about it. Yeah. And I don't know if that's real, but that's just how I feel about it. And so there was one day I was about to cook dinner and I was like, you know what? Let me pop a guy. Like this was, I was going to do this anyway.

And I was like, what if I turned on the camera? Yeah. I turned on the camera. I edited it up the next day. I posted like a minute clip of me high on TikTok, not thinking anything. I swear to you, it didn't even like, I was like, whatever. Yeah. And it hit two million in a day.

Oh my God. And I was like, maybe I should post it on Instagram. And then I posted it on Instagram and it hit a million in a day. And then I was like, maybe I should do that again. Yeah. And again and again and again. Because it is, it's hilarious. Like I have sent your videos to so many of my friends.

You're so nice to me. I love you. It's because you're so funny. Because there's something about like, well, comedians are always. funny. I just have a, like, I've always grown up loving humor and my favorite kind of humor is like really offside humor and like inappropriate humor. Of course. But your video's like, you have the most innocent giggle that happens while you're cooking. And it's just like, I feel like you act the way I act when I'm high. And I feel like that's what a lot of people probably feel

when they watch you. Thank you. I appreciate that very much. I, I'm very, yeah, like I, I know I keep saying it. I'm sorry, I'm beating a dead horse. I really do feel very great. It was when I stopped scripting little talking to camera things. Yeah. And they felt like we were just hanging out and FaceTiming that the followers really went crazy. Yeah. And I think that that's why. And I get very lucky because my stand-up has always been Jeffrey, but a little bit elevated.

Yeah. Like I'm a performer. I'm gonna, you know, there's a lot of like, I'm such a silly goose. And that's all I'm doing when I'm home having a gun-me making these videos. It's Jeffrey, but a little bit elevated. Yeah. And so when they come see the stand-up, it's that same guy he just has bits now like he has jokes that he has worked out so it's yeah that's so good and so do you take a gummy before

no i can't do stand-up high okay i was going to say this because my whole goal in life when i saw your video i was like i want to get high on podcast with him dude why are we not smoking right now because i thought you wouldn't do it but it was because you were no stop are we allowed to smoke in here yeah no no oh i do have a vape? It's up to you, sis. I'll follow your lead. That'd be so funny, though. But I'm also, I'm also, I'm, you know.

I could get a little high. It's up to you. But what if we take a pause and then go outside and smoke a joint and then come back in? Okay, here's my thing. Gummies, great. Smoking, I literally can take one little hit and be high. So a lot of people don't know this. The reason I'm the gummy guy is I never smoked because I was sick.

singing. But now I'm not singing, so now I'm smoking. And you double up. You'll take a gummy and smoke a little. But only, like, my tolerance is not what you think it is. It's literally like, like when I'm taking an edible, if I'm taking one, it's 10. If I'm taking two, it's 15 or 20 like literally my total, it never goes above 15 to 20 milligrams. I can't even do 10. Yeah, but I'm twice your size. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Wait, do you have a vape? I might In my little tote By the way

I just started I just started I just started I shut up I just started wearing a tote And by the way I'm the guy If you wear a tote

I will make fun of you But I needed to carry All my high things now Toad is a reasonable thing For a guy to wear It's not like you're carrying on Like a prod a tote That's true

It's actually a weed tote Shout out dog walkers Dog walkers Pro rolls Go buy them Oh amazing Yeah Okay.

I do technically have one, but it's up to you. That has weed in it? This is wheat. Will I cough? If you actually inhale, yes. Well, how do you get high if you don't inhale? Correct. So you might cough.

Okay. Okay. I'll do it if you do it. Okay. Okay. What do we do? Tell me, I've never done this. I'll do it first if you want.

Yeah, show me. It's literally just... Do you cough? We're going to be so silly. I have a shirt that has like a goose in jail and it says goose too hard. silly goose too hard I don't know if you cough What do I do?

Just suck? Literally just suck Yeah Breathe it in You're a good girl Yeah How many of those do I do Until I feel something

Maybe maybe one more If you want I don't want you to freak out I won't freak out Yeah well then yeah You can do one more I did You heard me

I did like a big Deep inhale Perfect That's plenty for you I think You might get a little too high Well I'm worried No

You won't. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. I hate it. Next time, next time I'll bring you just gummies. I'm sorry. We won't ever do that again. I apologize. I apologize. I love it. I like it. I just feel like, it's a rookie. No, I'm sorry. I also now. So my anxiety comes from like, like in this moment. Oh my no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to feel, I'm going to feel great. My, my, my, my thing now is now I don't know. I don't know. if this has ever happened to you. Now I... I'm so excited. Okay. Well, now I just feel responsible. Oh.

So now I want to be like, just so you know, no matter what happened, everything's going to be okay. We're going to have fun. Oh, you don't? No. Oh, well, then we're going to have a great time. No, I don't get paranoid. I just get like so...

Laffy. Oh, good. Yeah, this will be great. Is it normal? Yeah. Is it normal? Well, it's funny because I smoked for eight years, which is so crazy.

Like, cigarettes. Oh. And then I quit. And then I, like, had a moment where I went to Europe and I was like, I love a menthol cigarette. And then I came back and I, like, found myself smoking a couple times. And I was like, no, I'm not doing this. The other night, moving to New York, I was like, you know what? Like a sig sounds kind of New Yorker of me.

It does. And so I bought and I literally coughed harder than I just did now. And I threw it in the gutter immediately. And I was like, I hate it. So, like I said, I just started smoking. I don't smoke cigarettes. I only smoke like little pre-rolled joints. Yeah.

And it's my new thing because tour has been very stressful. I love doing it. But like after I'm doing a show and then a meet and greet and then a show and then a meet and greet and you have to be on for five and a half hours straight. And I love like a little at the end of the day. Yeah. And that's been really lovely for me. But I've noticed I love the cooling effect. One time I was a little like I had a cold on the road.

And so I had cough drops. Why is that give me the ick when men's like, I had a cold on the road? Because I'm a baby bitch. I'm like, why are you guys like babies when they have a cold? We are. But I threw in a cough drop and I felt the cooling effect right after smoking of the menthol. Yeah. And I literally was like, I understand menthol cigarettes.

Yeah. I get it. Dude, now my thing is like end of the night little little pre-roll, little menthol cough drop. Ooh, daddy feels good. Daddy feels good. I get that. Yeah. But that's what I smoked.

as like, okay, first of all, I'm 40 and I turn 41 next month. Yeah. Literally like. That's disrespectful, dude. Whatever. Let me tell you, and I never want to be disrespectful. If we need to cut this, we can cut it. Whatever you're doing, tell me because I need it.

Okay. I do Botox. I'm thinking about it. The issues, I have a very expressive face. Don't do Botox. I'm telling you right now you don't need to. Okay, cool. Yeah, your skin's great and men look better when they.

I want to. a little bit. Yeah. I need to get back in the sun and look tan. Yeah. It helps a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

I just have like a crazy skincare routine. Okay. Like how many steps? Eight? Oh, okay. In the morning, eight at night? I do. I do.

Oh, no. I don't have a morning one. Oh. I have a post shower one. Okay. What is it? Just like a serum and a moisturizer? Yeah.

Okay. I'm doing, I need to be better about SPF. Me too. I feel like guys have like the same face moisturizer that they use for like. their hair. No, no, no, I use a high, so I get out of the shower, use a hyleronic. Oh. And then I use Neutrogena water gel. It's really good. It's really light. That's the reason I like it. I don't like a cakey moisturizer. Same. I don't want to feel like it's clogging me. Sometimes it's just like a feeling.

I do at night. Yeah. Okay. Okay. But it's, it's like a water gel. So it's just really nice, really gentle. It's good though. Oh. No, no. I, I, I, the good thing about doing musical theater is that I have been, I've grown up with the gays. You know what I mean? So I have like all the, like I've absorbed some of the good. Like a tote. Exactly. Like a spray tan, a tote. Look, I'll beat the f*** out of you, but I'm going to be spray tanned and looking good when I beat the fuck out of you. You know what I mean?

That's good. You both. Exactly. That's so I like. Everybody should hang out with the gays once in a while to. Of course. Well, my opinion all the time because they do make you better people. They make you better people.

And they clean up neighborhoods like a mother. Yeah. I mean, it's a classic joke. I'm not stealing any. one's joke. So many people have this old classic joke, but it's like if gays are actually going to hell, it's like, that's going to be a really pretty place. You know what I mean? And it's like, it's going to be so fun. Yeah, it's going to be so fun and really tidy and smell great. Like, it's going to be awesome. That's how I can tell that I got like a little bit high is

I forgot we did it. And then I remembered and then you said it and I was like, wow, we're so sympathetic. No, you literally said something about like cleaning the streets and I was like, what? And then I just thought it was so. I didn't even understand what you meant at the time until you said. Like, I also could I tell you that? I don't know what it means when you keep saying press post. When I pressed post on Instagram. That one's on you.

That one's on you. I'll be honest. Sometimes it's on me. That one's on you. Like, so I pressed post. No, when I pressed post on Instagram, literally like, and to this day, it takes everything out of me to press post. I feel so anxious when I press post.

Oh, that's so funny. I do not. I care about if I do when I do. oh, I should, but I don't care. As soon as I post it, don't give. Oh, see, I wish. Wait, how many followers are you at now? I have 800 and change on Instagram.

I have 300 and change on TikTok. And then I just literally like a couple, like two weeks ago, started press and post on Facebook. I was told to do that. So now I have like 40K on Facebook. Oh, I saw, no, I saw the most hilarious video of this woman. She was probably like 65 years old around there. She goes to like jump into the.

pool and do the transition. Did you see this? I saw this. And the comments were like, uh-oh. They made it out of Facebook. Yes, I know exactly the clip you're talking about. And this poor lady's just trying to have a nice vacation. And she probably felt so proud that her daughter really helped her to press post. Oh, I get it now. And then I was like, oh, this poor lady, but I feel like they are so funny on, like, no, it's great. They just want that attention, you know. If we're all even making fun of them. 100%. They're out there just usually negative commenting on my stuff. just wanting attention now they get to have it. 100%. No, I'm pro. I'm pro that. But yeah, no, it's definitely crazy having zero followers

and then having like a lot of followers out of nowhere. How many do you have? I have 1.8. Okay. Also, by the way, and I'm protecting both of us by doing this. We're not being douchebags. We're not being douchebags. And I'll tell you why. Because when management and brands, we have, some of you may know this, we have a media kit. So it literally has like a total number. So you always know it because you're sharing it with people, like with your team. And I sound like an asshole.

My team. You're right. I'm an asshole. You're right. You're right. Dude, how about my dumb ass? I'm not even talking to camera.

I'm talking to camera. I'm talking at looking at myself. Dude, I'm such an asshole, dude. A year ago, I was such a cool guy now. How about I jumped? You're like a male influencer.

I hate male influencers. Oh my gosh. I hate influencers. I literally I talk shit on influencers and people like, aren't you? And I'm like, no, I swear I've been doing comedy for, Yeah, you're like, I'm influencing the comedy world to keep the theater alive.

Literally, I'm trying whatever I need to do to make my dreams come true, which is you have to have followers now, but I hate social media. Look at you growing that. I was at two million. Okay, then we're done. I was at two million and I dropped to 1.8 and I'm like, ah! And I was like, this is why we don't celebrate milestones on Instagram. Like, when I first hit one million, okay, and then I'm done. After coming out of The Bachelor, it was the same thing.

It was very overnight. And then, not as overnight, but it was like over a few weeks. And then, what? I don't remember. You're good. You had followers. You had a million. And then you celebrated a million.

No, I didn't. And somebody asked me on an interview. They're like, why didn't you celebrate with like, usually people get balloons? I was like, because what if I dropped? That would be so embarrassing. So true. Also, I'm not trying to be so disrespectful. Were you the Bachelorette?

Yes. I'm sorry. I meant to Wikipedia you on the way here, but I forgot. I'm really glad you did it. This is so fun. Okay, I know that you probably talked to, this is probably all you talk about. What the fuck was that like, sister? Dude, just 30 guys pawing at you, bro?

No, it was awful. Yeah, of course. You got to feel so weird the whole time. It was so fun being a girl of one of 30 and dating one guy. I had the best time. Did you come in second? Third. Third, and then they picked you to be the next.

Okay. And, okay, sorry, finish. I just have so many questions. No, I bet. And I loved that and then going to be The Bachelorette. I was like, ew, I'm responsible for so many men's feelings and they are all, men are so sensitive to. Oh, I'm a big. You're also a cancer.

I am a cancer and people tell me I'm a good water. I don't know what any of that means, but people tell me I'm a good water sign because I cry a lot. Oh, that's perfect. I cry. Like, I all, that's how like if I'm too stressed, even if I don't need to cry, that's all like my stress releases is like, I'll just start sob. Okay. Now imagine 30 of you trying to date me. Yeah.

Who I have like kind of bro energy. I like, I'm half and half, but that's because I'm Gemini and cancer. But I feel like I'm just like. Well, you're also developing some, whether or not it's like a real thing for camera. You don't have to answer that. I do, I genuinely don't care. Like I consider myself a people person. Yeah.

Like if we were doing this for a three weeks straight, you develop something. And so no matter what, whether it's fake or not or scripted or not or a couple plot lines here or I don't know and I'm not asking. I'm just saying it's going to hurt. It's going to ruin your soul. Yeah. Yeah. And everything's heightened because you don't have your phone.

You don't have TV. You don't have a book. You don't have anything. All you're doing is developing relationships with these people. While producers are like, he is God. Yeah. Yeah. She is the best thing that will ever happen to.

That's, it's genuinely tough. And then you get competitive with the other people there. I'm not supposed to say this, I think. What's the guy that got canceled? Who was the old host? Chris, Chris Harrison. Harrison. Everard voices Chris Ham.

Yeah. That'd be crazy if he came in on your season. Can you take a seat? That's what he does. Take a seat. You came here to eat pizza with a 12-year-old? Yeah, of course. I think he's my third cousin.

Yeah. I think Chris Harrison is my third cousin. Chris Harrison is your third cousin? I think. What do you mean you think? I've been told that. From who? My dad and my aunts.

I don't trust your dad. No, I don't, I, you know what's funny? I trust my dad more than I trust my aunts. Okay, okay, okay. But, so. We figured it out in a, we're like, we're related to his grandma. And the reason I know that it might be true is because my aunts went to a taping. Oh, hilarious.

And they slipped him. They, they said to the security, my aunts are crazy. They're lovely. I love them, but they're crazy. I hope you talked to Polly D, the security. Well, they handed him a slip. They're like, we're not asking. asking for anything crazy, just give this to Chris Harrison. We are long-lost cousins and we want to

meet him and we won't go back there, but like if you could give him this note, just maybe. And then he ended up coming out and they like said hi and whatever. Yeah. I have your initials tattooed on my foot. That was out of nowhere. No, it wasn't. I'll tell you why in a second. It's not nowhere, but I can't see. I have a J and a K tattooed on my ankle. I love it. Because I was while you were saying this in cousins and I was like, I wonder he's cousins with my ex Keller, who's Canadian. But I got his initials tattooed on me. Wait, what?

You have an ex's initials tattooed on you? Yeah. Fiance? No. How long were you guys together? Oh, like three years, maybe two. Hey, babe. Way too soon.

Get them tattooed on you. I know. It was one of my two truths and a lie on one of my podcasts. And my girlfriend was like, you don't have an ex tattooed on your ankle. And I showed her. I was like, I do actually. And she was like, what? That's crazy.

But then I explained this. story to her. It was it was like a dare. Okay. And I was like, yeah. And I did it. And then I was like, well, if we break up, my best friend's name is Jess Knutson. Oh, okay, perfect. So you're fine. So that she got married and now her initials are not. But we're still going with that, okay? At least it's JK, because it's like just kidding. It could be worse. It could be like. Teardrops on my fingers? That's worse.

Why is that? That's cute. I like that. I have both. I think that's kind of cute. I want one. I don't know what it would be though. A tattoo? Yeah, I want one. But you don't know what? No, it'd probably be Jewie. It would probably be a star or something. I don't know.

Oh, groundbreaking. Yeah. Okay. You're making fun of me, bro. You're making fun of me. I don't even have tattoos. You're making fun of me, bro. You got your ex's name tattooed on your foot and you're making fun of me. Groundbreaking, bro.

Get back on the... Bachelor, dude. Get out of here. Yo, producer, when is this fucking over? with this bitch You kill me This is the clip Wolf getter dude

Wolf attack I got an army of wolf back there dude Yeah dude For people listening and watching My producer's name is wolf Which makes it that much funnier Wolf attack

Yeah dude we're in the wolf back And you're not invited I'm jealous of you that you didn't hit that The wolf back No, vape Oh do you want some dude We should have passed Did bro. We could go outside of smoke after though. I know you smoke

You don't. Oh, that's what but you did. Okay. See, I know I can vibe. Okay. I yeah. I picked I picked that up too, but I didn't picture you as a quitter. Yeah. We make him relapse. I didn't smell that. Oh, no. If we just bully it. Oh my God. I stood everywhere. I'm high dude. to KB, I'm high. Okay, insurance is not one-size-fits-all, and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed progressives name-your-price tool for years.

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Yeah, but no, I can't do an hour of stand-up high. Every once in a while when I'm doing a club spot, every once in a while I'll do like a 10 or 15 minute. Yeah. But like I have to be high. I can't like try to ignore it. I have to. I have to. to be like, guys, just so you know. Oh, really? Yeah, like I like address it. I'm like, I might be weird. I might bomb. Just know that I'm trying my, oh my God, bro.

Oh. Nothing to put some hair on your chest like a good old fashioned bomb. Had one had one in a backyard in Brooklyn like a week ago. Oh, recently. Oh, yeah, dude. It's tough. You feel that beat of Sweco down your ass crack? You're like, I don't know if I can save this one.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah. It's tough. And how long did you have to be up there? that one was 10 so it's fine okay yeah yeah you can like and then obviously i've been doing this so many years that like you're gonna have a bomb every once in a while honestly the scarier part than actually bombing is every once in a while you'll every once in a while you'll get a string of really good shows and you're like i'm overdue yeah and so now once you feel like you're overdue you're going

into every set like i'm due for one yeah and then that'll obviously exactly it's like after you play a week of golf, this is where my brain goes. Because I'm like, when I play golf for a week, I'm like, I had a great week. I already know my next week is going to be terrible. Totally like stand up. I want to get back into golfing. We should go golfing. Oh, I love golfing.

Let's go golfing. Okay. Okay. Well, why don't we get high and go golfing? We'll film it. And film it. I love it. Let's do it.

Perfect. Oh my God. That's going to be so fun. Okay. And it's summertime now. It's going to be great. Okay. I can't wait.

I'll get a spray tan before. Okay. I was going to say. Yeah. Just please don't show up as white as this. I'm just kidding. I just kidding. That was here to hear of a good one.

Oopaloo-o over here. You already called me that. I know. Wait, we were talking about how you got into like taking a guppy press post. Yes, ma'am. How it all happened. Ma'am. I'm from the south.

It's not, don't worry about that. It's not an agency. I know that. I'm in Nashville. I know, but it's just yes, sir, yes, ma'am. You old bitch. Copy right where. Now, just call out my, like, wrinkles under my eyes and then I'll really cry.

No, you're so wonderful and nobody's ever been younger than you. Anyway, ask me a question. Well, I've never been younger than this. That's what I tell myself every birthday. I'm the youngest I'll ever be. That's very true. Very true. I have a game for us.

I love a game. It's, if you think it's real and this actually happened while somebody was high, or if it was me just making shit up at two in the morning because I couldn't sleep. Okay. Yeah, I love this. Okay. A woman got high and called 911 because she thought her boyfriend was trapped inside the couch. Real.

Yeah. Yeah, of course. That actually haven't. Yeah, of course. But also, where was he? See, I didn't have any follow-up questions because I was just getting them off of like a Reddit article of like what people have said that they've done while they were high. Perfect. Next question.

I do have follow-up questions. If that was you and let's find the woman who did that. Yeah, let's do that. So we can ask follow-up questions. Okay. A guy spent 45 minutes trying to unlock his apartment door with his. car windshield scraper. No, that's fake.

That's real. What? Yeah. But that thing is like this big. Well, maybe you just had the scraper off the thing. Oh, yeah, maybe. It doesn't really make sense because I grew up in Canada so I know window scraper. I'm Florida.

Oh. That's why I don't know. That's true. Yeah, you picture it like out of the movies. Um, okay, someone ate gummies and became, what? Oh, yeah. Okay. Someone ate gummies and became convinced their Roomba was emotionally avoiding them.

Yeah, that's real. No, I made that all. Oh, fuck. That sucks. That's probably something I would do, I guess. Next question. Well, why do you think I made it up? Because that's something I would do.

I just got it. I literally haven't even opened it out of the box yet. But I just got a robot vacuum mop thing. Do you have a dog? No. I did a brand deal with Ninja. Okay. Like they had me.

And it was great. Shout out Ninja. It's great. They're lovely. your iced coffees with them. Yeah, they're lovely. But I did a part of the deal was a couple free products. And so I got that. Yeah, that's smart. Yeah. Work smarter, not harder. Exactly. There you go. Okay. A man called the police because he thought Taco Bell was too loud. Oh, 100%. I pray. That's probably me. That's probably me. Let me tell you, if I'm, if I'm in bedtime

mode and I'm like, I'm in a grandpa. Are you, dude, I don't go to clubs. Oh. I don't. I don't Such a grandma. Oh, I hate loud noises. I hate groups of people. No, I was also in bed at 830 last night. Oh, that's a little bit much. But yeah, you post your-a-clock early bird special meal. Yeah, but and you have the full, the red light because you post this.

I've seen this. Yeah. That's cute. I need to be better about that. It's tough for me because I do late night shows. Oh. Yeah, it's tough. I'm definitely like not a morning girl or a night owl.

I'm one of the weird ones that like doesn't exist. I'm a unit. You have two good hours from noon to two. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. A girl got high and cried because she thought horses worked too hard. Ooh, horse girls are crazy, honestly.

So I'm going to go, yeah. No, I made it up. Okay. I'm sure that's happening. I'm sure that's happening. Again, I'm like a horse girl the same way. I'm a theater girl. Like, I'm kind of a fraud.

I can't tell you what any of them. Got you. Have you ever jumped on a horse? I've never jumped, but I've rode horses. And then I get sad because I don't know if they like that. And then I've done a lot of horse therapy. Equine therapy Like they heal you?

Yeah, they show you what they mirror what you're feeling Yeah Okay So if you go into that attitude Maybe you're projecting a little judgment Yeah, I'm insecure What about it? Next question We've covered this

I could never be on The Bachelor I'm way too insecure Next question And a cancer who hates his dad Yeah Get me out of here Okay. A guy thought he died, then asked the paramedics if they could still validate his parking. Fake.

Real. I'm bad at this. You are pretty bad. Okay. Someone tried to microwave a salad. Real. Yes, because it was me. I literally, because I had chicken on the salad.

You got to heat up the chicken and melt the cheese or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I actually understand that. Also, hot take, underrated. I'm really high. Um, hot salad is decent. If you're in the right mood, a hot salad is good. What do you mean?

Like hot meat on the salad? So I'll go to the bodega and I'll get like a normal salad. But on top of the salad, I get my grilled chicken and onions and peppers. And they put them on the grill for a while. Right? And because I like them, like saute it up. Throw it on the salad and he closes it. When I walk back to my place, since the thing is closed, it wilts all the spinach.

So it's like a little spinach bowl. A little spinach bowl, a little melted cheese, little hot, onions peps. chicken really good little chickpeas okay that also I eat everything when I'm high and now you just said that and I'm like I'm so hungry yeah you said you had a podcast ever this that sucks we should I I do should go get a billion ice cream sundaes right now oh is that your go to high snack I'm I'm I love a sweet

oh I do too but I like go for McDonald's I love McDonald's so much it's really bad and Jenny's ice cream I had just started getting into ice cream. I never really loved it before. Get on board, sis. Yeah, I think I'm on the board. Yeah. It's the best. Okay, last one. Someone called their mom crying because they thought they'd blinked to manually. Yes. Isn't that so funny? Yeah, for sure. Oh, God. I love it. Okay, tell me last, but not least, tour life. You said you have 47 shows in, or that was like your most in one year? No, so this is my first ever tour and we're doing first ever.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've been doing Santa for years, but this is first time on the road with this. Okay. So I'm so lucky. I think we're doing around 47-ish cities. Wow. And so depending, sometimes they're one-offs.

Like if I... Oh, I'll do, so I'll do four to five shows in a city. So my life right now, which is why I'm tired. And I now have a summer break, which I'm super excited for. But then when September hits, after September hits, I don't have a single weekend in New York City. Really? year. But like if it's a full weekend, this is not every single weekend, but if it's a full weekend of shows, I leave Thursday, do shows Thursday, Friday, Saturday at one club, I'll go to a different

club in a different city, do a Sunday, come back Monday, have Tuesday, Wednesday here, you're back on the road on Thursday. No. Sometimes you don't add the Sunday, so you're going Thursday, Friday, Saturday, you come back on Sunday. So then you have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in the city. But it's a lot. That is a lot. And then you're also trying to do the content thing and you're trying to do the this thing and that thing. So the, you really do have, it's not like I have three days off. It's like I have three, I have three days to fit in a week's worth of work. Because I have, you know, I don't need to explain it to you, but like I have meetings and shit.

Oh. Interesting. My friend's husband says I do that all the time. I was just, if I don't like understand or if I'm asking, I'm like, huh? He's always like, oh. I didn't know I did that. It's so embarrassing. They already asked you that.

Wait, have you done, like, have you been on a tour bus before? Do you know what to expect? No, I've been on a tour bus, but not for stand-up for a musical, but this is not a tour bus. Oh. Oh, you're not. No. You don't fly everywhere. I fly everywhere.

I guess because you're probably going where, you're going all over the place. All over. So, like, this last weekend, it was my last weekend on the road before a summer break. I was in Columbus, Ohio. and then I did Sunday in Louisville, Kentucky. And so luckily my agent, he's really good about routing. So, like, I was able to rent the car and drive three hours as opposed to flying somewhere. That's smart.

But, yeah, it's a lot. Have you been on a tour bus? They know this story. Oh, no. Sorry, I didn't Wikipedia hurt you guys. No, it's good because I love repeating these stories. Yeah, I have three stories and I rip them, dude. Yeah, it's like anytime someone has.

asked me on a podcast. I'm like, really? I'm like, I'm just to say the same shit. Yeah, of course. The story. Yeah. I toured with Dancing with the Stars for like three months and we did, I think, 72 shows, 72 cities, more shows. And I got to do 65 of them. That's a lot. And we didn't leave the bus. It wasn't like we'd come home and blah, blah, blah. It was Monday to Monday. I was sleeping on the

bus. I hated it. They gave me the back room because I was the star. Yeah. And I had like a big bed. And still. And I was like bouncing. Like I wanted seat belts to strap me in. Yeah. Bouncing. And I would have preferred one of the little like coffins.

Yeah, that's tough, dude. I don't know if I could do that. Obviously like I hope one day I have that problem. I hope that one day I have to, I'm touring so hard that I have been. And I'm rich. I wish. Yeah. But I don't know.

A tour bus will happen. Let's hope. And it's a fun experience for a little while. But so you have, okay, where can people find your dates and where you are? Just look me up online. Jeffrey Kellear. Jeffrey underscore Keller on Instagram. You'll find me.

Just look up the gummy guy. You know, literally if you type in gummy guy, I'll probably pop up. Well, I tagged you in a video that I posted of me drinking a THC drink. Yes. And then doing a like cooking video because I was like, this video is inspired by. Like, you influenced me. It was great. And it was so fun.

I've never, I had never done a THC drink. Oh, they're lovely. They are. They hit. They come on a little bit slower. because you don't get the full head at first. So I enjoy a bevy. That's, I was going to take just half the can.

And then I ended up drinking the whole can. One, because it tasted delicious. And two, because after half of it, I was like, I feel nothing. Absolutely. I'm packing up my old apartment right now. And I had a bevy yesterday when I was packing. Shouldn't have. It didn't get that much done.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was the story. Hmm. Hmm? Okay. Okay. Good thing the cameras are on. I'd call you some mean words.

Do it. No. Do it. Do it. Do it. Triple the cameras. I feel like I would take it as like a form of flattery if I was called out by a comedian. You know? Yeah.

But I mean, you hang out with all that. I'm sure you hang out. Well, Amy Schumer was on my season of The Bachelorette. What? She, yeah, because I was like, I need to find somebody for a marriage that didn't work. That's funny that, like, has humor. And so I did a stand-up date. and I made all my guys do stand up.

That's fun. That's funny. Making them all do five or something? That's funny. Were any of them funny? Yes, a couple were hilarious. But that's because Amy Schumer and Nikki Glazer was going, they were going around helping.

Helping, obviously. And then I got to do my own. And this one guy said he was a hockey player. And I told them that I've seen more ice in my drink than he has in his career. And I was like, because that's such a Canadian hockey turp. Yes. And I was like, oh, I'm going in on the hockey player. That's funny.

Again, sorry, I don't know you guys know. The guy who won that you picked, were you engaged for a while? Yeah, we were together for three and a half years. Okay. Which is for that. Not JK. Not JK. Okay.

SB. Sebastian? No. Okay. Sean Booth. Sean Booth. Well, if you don't watch, you would. Shout out Sean, I guess.

I'm sure you guys know them. Everybody if you're in Nashville, go to BC boot camp. It's his gym. It's a wonderful gym. Great. But good terms? Now. Okay. I was 30 when I went on The Bachelorette.

And you're 40 now. And I'm 40 now. Oh, so it was a decade ago. So. My bad. Yeah. So we were together for three and a half years. So it ended when whatever.

I don't know what year. But then I tried again, got engaged, called it off. So we're hoping. Third's the charm. Okay. Everybody go find Jeffrey Keller on Instagram. TikTok, now Facebook. Yeah, Facebook, I guess.

And go find his tickets at wherever you follow. Yeah, Jeffrey Kellercomedy.com. Please come see a show. We're going to make a, she's going to come on the road. We'll make a golfing video. Yeah. And now I'm going to blame you for my next podcast, balming, because I'm just going to sit there and I'm going to go.

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