Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Jess Val Ortiz | Broadway and Breakups!

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

#922. Jess Val Ortiz knows what it means to hear “no.” From brutal Broadway auditions to building a massive online following, she opens up about rejection, resilience, and creating your own path when nothing goes as planned.Jess also shares where she’s really at emotionally following her recent breakup, the clarity that came with it, and why she believes heartbreak can lead you closer to yourself.She reflects on the pressure she faced at a young age surrounding her appearance, how it shaped her confidence, and why this season of her life is all about choosing herself.Plus, wild audition stories, behind-the-scenes Broadway culture, and an unforgettable self-tape moment that did not go as planned!If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these AMAZING deals!Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bollandbranch.com/vine15, code vine15 to unlock 15% off. Exclusions apply.Nutrafol: For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code VINE. Bombas: Head over to Bombas.com/VINE and use code VINE for 20% off your first purchase.Figs: Check out the limited-edition Team USA collection, and get 15 percent off your first order at Wearfigs.com with code FIGSRX.Dime Beauty: So if your skin is begging for hydration, head to DimeBeauty.com for 20% off with code PODCAST20  or you can also find DIME on Amazon and at Ulta!EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: (1:58) Jess takes us inside the brutal reality of Broadway auditions.(18:28) Jess opens up about her recent breakup and where she’s honestly at emotionally right now.(39:40) Jess shares how growing up her mom pushed her toward plastic surgery and how that experience affected her relationship with herself.(53:53) A hilarious self-tape story that proves anything can happen when you least expect it.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Thank you. Now let's get into it. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. and today we have Jess Val Ortiz on the podcast. She is so funny and talented and raw and real. And she's built an online empire by being what I love unapologetically herself.

Broadway level talent, musical comedy, and painfully relatable storytelling skills about dating and heartbreak and kind of figuring out who you are in real time. She studied musical theater. She chased the Broadway dream. And somehow turned rejection, resilience, and real life into millions of people following Earth. has like 11 million followers on TikTok. I feel like she really makes people feel seen, and I think

she does it without trying. But recently she shared something deeply personal, the end of a relationship that so many people had watched kind of unfold alongside of her. And, oh, it kind of broke my heart. A few stories that she had today really broke my heart. But instead of pretending to be okay, she said something that really stuck with me. And she said, I'm not going to be okay. I'm going to be better. I thought that was a really good mantra, actually, for life. So today I want to talk about what that actually means, the reality of walking away from something that you loved, the identity shifts that she's already experienced and she's just turning 30, and how heartbreak and rock bottoms always lead to something bigger and better. Rebuilding yourself, it's always an option,

and it always makes sense down the road. So not just as a creator for her, but as a person. I loved having a conversation with her, so let's welcome Jess to the podcast. I do want to jump into Broadway because for people who have never experienced Broadway auditions, I want to know what that world is actually like if you could paint the picture. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, I'm sure we've had different experiences with that, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, and it takes like a lot out of you, but in a, in a good way. It's like, I've learned so much from all of my auditions and it's only made me a stronger, wiser performer. And I'm very thankful for every single know that I've gotten because I just feel like it just makes me better in the end.

And I like over the past year, I've been called back for Alphaba and Wicked. I was called back for Seteen and Moulon Rouge. Holy shit. Yeah. And it was now looking back the best experiences I've ever had in my life because I've learned so much. I've had coachings. I worked with an acting coach. I worked with my voice teacher for many, many weeks on the material.

And it was great. And I still work on that material to this day because I know. I know in my heart that I will be going in for those things again. And I just need to be ready. And I maybe in the beginning, whenever I like first got the audition, I, looking back, I don't think I was particularly ready. And now that I've like spent a year or two, like, working on the craft and trying not to, you know, overthink and stress myself out, like giving myself time.

Like I just feel more grounded and better about all that. but it's crazy. I don't even know you and I feel so proud of that response right there because saying that you're grateful for every no is like such a sign of tremendous growth as a human because so many audition processes that gives you no, like it would usually take people down and make them rethink like I'm not good enough or I'm whatever, all the negative thoughts that we tell ourselves. But for you to be like, I know I wasn't in the right time.

timing and I know this no is going to be a direction to a yes and I'll be ready for this. Like I feel like, I mean, is it true that you probably prep for weeks just to be in a room for 30 seconds? Mm-hmm. Pretty much. Yeah. And like I've gone to, you know, different acting coaches houses and taking classes and Zoom calls and just so many coachings to help parame for these roles because like they're like the biggest

roles on Broadway. And I'm like, oh my gosh, like I have to put in the work. Like Ariana Grande said whenever she was being interviewed for Wicked, she's like, I'm not going to get it because I'm Ariana Grande. Like I have to earn it. Like you have to earn Wicked. Like that is. It's it's not about like stunt casting. Like she clearly did an incredible job and did her homework and did the work. Like it's it's important. Like it's the craft. The craft. It's about the craft. I feel like people don't really fully understand what goes into that and how much work and prep. And again, how many knows. But I actually have a question. So. I, you know, people are just absolutely taking down Whitney Levitt online. It's their favorite thing to do. Like she was on Dancing with the Stars and they like rallied on the internet to get her voted off. And she's just like literally trying to pursue her dreams. And people will be like, oh, she's a mom. Like how does she have time for that? Or oh, she's not even that good. Why are we letting her do Roxy when it's, she's like, yes, passing, but she's not excelling. And I'm like, what? So how do you feel about because that role? I don't know. people realize that role is meant to be for like like a pamela Anderson did it once a pamela Anderson the Pamela Anderson who else a real housewife did it and I don't know if people understand that that's like an ever-changing role for like for people to come in and out of but what does what is your take on people coming in and getting the role of Roxy who haven't done the Broadway grind okay uh this is such a

timely question because I just saw her last week in the show yeah and I thought she was marvelous. Like I think she clearly put so much work and dedication into it and heart and soul. And I've seen, you know, some like stunt casting before with that role. And I'm not going to say who, but like I just, you know, I'm always going to like compare other people to each other. And she, in my opinion, was one of the best Roxy Hearts I've ever seen in that role. And I, yes, I love her so much. She's such a great dancer. And I'm sorry. Like, I'm just finishing season three of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. And I don't get why there is so much hate around her.

I really don't. I don't see it. I don't either. Like they just, it's everyone's causing drama. And I'm like, why is she the one being pinned? Like, it doesn't make any sense to me. I think she is so talented. I mean, clearly on Day of From About the Stars, she was one of the best performers.

Like it's. I've ever seen. She's one of the best, actually, probably the best performer I've ever seen on that show. No, she's. phenomenal. And on stage, I was like, oh, my gosh, it's going to be amazing to see her live, see what her vocals are like. And for never singing in her life, I was like, wow, that is very impressive. She has so much potential to go even farther than singing Roxy Heart. And I've gotten to know her a little bit. Like, we go to events and stuff with each other. And like, she's so gracious. She's so professional.

She's the exact type of person who should be doing the things that she's doing. So I don't. I totally agree. Yeah, anyone who disagrees. I mean, whatever. Everyone's going to have an opinion. There's people out there who think that Beyonce sucks. And it's like your death is important to go away. So it's just, I love her.

And I think she's great. I think she is so mentally strong, too, for just still telling everyone to go F themselves and living her dream and still being a wonderful mother. I've seen her parent. And she's the most supportive husband. and I just don't understand why we don't support people chasing and achieving their dreams. It'll never make sense to me other than those people are absolute, like, jealous haters that are just upset at something else in their life, which is also just very sad because then we get the brunt of it on the other end and we're still humans. So I'm glad you said that though, because she, I've seen some little clips. How are there clips of her out there?

Are you not supposed to be recording in Broadway? And what is going on with that? Oh, my gosh. Whenever I went to go see it I was like fifth row back It was very close to me And there were like two girls next to me This one woman just had her phone out

And I'm like are these ushers like not Yeah hello They're not doing their job Like in the beginning of the show Like some people will have their phones out And they'll like shine their little flashlights on them But like throughout the rest of the show The ushers are not doing a good job

Because there's so many bootlegs There's so many bootlegs It's so disrespectful And the lady sitting next to me were like talking for like the full like the first 10 minutes of act two and I was shushed them. I was like I literally leaned over and I just shushed them and then whenever they were like, excuse me. And then they just like scooted past me.

They were so upset that I shushed them. But like well, they're just saying. Because yeah, it's I can't believe when people don't have the etiquette. And I mean, again, that's what kind of happens when these people are probably reality TV shows and they might even be haters of her just going to like hope to catch something of her messing up or something. It's so sad. I never thought about that. That's probably true. These people need to get a life. Yeah, but I mean that money is going in her pockets from their ticket buying. So L.O.L. But also, if you're going to watch Broadway, look up Broadway theater etiquette, everybody. It is a thing. What was your experience like? Wait, I want to hear about your

experience on Broadway. Oh, it was the best time of my life. I lived on the Upper East Side and I I just like felt like such a New Yorker and taking the subway, which eventually I didn't take anymore because there was a bomb threat when I was on at once. And I was like, I'm out. I won't pay for an Uber. But like just having a dressing room and being behind those curtains and just like I was a theater kid growing up. And I would have never in my wildest dreams thought that that was something that I could achieve as going to Broadway. And it came to me because they wanted me to just host it. And they picked like a winner from American Idol, a winner from The Voice. these YouTube people who I absolutely adore, they, Peter and Evan Hollins, and America's Got Talent Winner,

and then I was the host, but I ended up singing. I'm pretty sure they turned off my mic. I always say that because I was not on their level at all, but I got to like sing in the show, even though if my mic was off. And it was a pinch me moment every day. Like I grew up in competitive dancing and then I also did theater. So I just felt so honored. Like I would like smell the curtains backstage i was like i need to remember every single moment like i loved it it was it was a dream yeah well you were you were just born to be a stardoll um so oh god that's how i feel about wittany but also when i listen to you sing your voice is stupid like oh thanks you what i was watching a video where you like just kept getting higher and higher and i was like oh my whole body had goosebumps

it hurt like your voice is insane you keep you keep what you're like that I never thought I would hear those worst coming from you. I'm like so honored. Like you have no idea. I understand the lore. I know the lore. And this is this is big for me. So I'm not a fan girl.

Like I do not fan girl with other people. You are so sweet. I'm like letting out my my vulnerable side right now with you. But this is. I wish we were doing this in person. Well, luckily I will be in New York soon. But the virtual, I'm just like, I want to jump to the screen and give you a hug right now. Oh, I know you too.

Well, I'll meet you this summer when you're here. Absolutely. Well, I cannot wait. I cannot wait to be like a New Yorker with my dogs and just do all the things and eat all the food. And I just, I'm like, I used to be very nervous about it. I've been thinking about moving for three years. And I finally decided to. But it's been actually probably longer four years, I think.

And yeah, because it was like 2021. One, I wanted to get a tiny little apartment and like maybe podcasts out of it. And that's when I started thinking about it. And now I'm actually doing it. So I just love. I love the thought. I feel like you were saying something about how auditions are humbling. I feel like moving to New York is also humbling.

Like I feel like there's so much happening. And you have to just like be tough to live there and roll with the punches and the, I don't know, just the electric energy of the city is a lot for my ADHD brain. No, it is. I mean, you've spent a lot of. time here. Like you know what New York is and I'm sure you understand the neighborhoods and whatnot. But it's like the people here are like what's the comparison? People always make a comparison between L.A. people and New York people. They're like L.A. people are like nice and mean, but New York people are like rude but true or like something like that. Yeah, it's I don't remember

exactly, but it's like people from L.A. are like they're almost like they say whatever you want to hear. then they say they're going to do something, but they never do it and they're only in it for themselves. And then New Yorkers like, will say it how it is and they show up and they mean it. Like they're, yeah, it's just a whole other beast out there. But I just love it. I feel like, yeah, have you had an experience that was just so humbling in an audition process where you're like, that's one for the books? Oh my God. So it was actually my very first Broadway audition. And it was with the team that I had already worked with. I did a show with them in 2019. And then they had this like tour of this show, so I toured with them for a bit. And so I was like, oh my God, this could be like

my chance. They already know me. They already love me. And then I, that I was like really nervous. It was my first like in person audition since COVID. So I went in and I was like, oh my God, like the sticks are high, but like let's do this. And then I sang, it was a song from Legally Blonde The Musical. And I quacked like four times on the final note. And I just like, I took a step back and I kind of just like had this look of defeat. And the director was kind of like, all right. Well, thanks, Jess. And I was like, thanks.

And then I went out that building as fast as I could. I put sunglasses on. And I just like, I ran to the train. I sat in the corner seat of a subway cart. And I was just bawling my eyes out. I was like, oh, my God, I blow it. Like, it could have been mine. But the show ended up.

up getting canceled anyways. So it didn't even matter. So it was kind of like you got that out of the way. You had your fumble and you had your one fumble and now never again. Well, yeah. Well, yeah. Actually, I don't think I have cracked in an audition since then. So you're right. There you go. You're right. Yep. You got it out of the way and you cried about it and then it didn't even matter. Don't you think a good old hair day does more than we give it credit for? Like when your hair feels healthy, but I just feel like we show up differently. We're more confident. And we're not constantly fixing it and touching it and it becomes just one less thing that you're stressed about. Now, we all know I've been using Nutraful for years. I genuinely swear by it. It's one of those things that I stayed consistent with.

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through and sharing it with the world. And it's not just like you've got a few followers. I mean, you have shmillions of people following you and knowing your story and you show up online in every way I would ever want anyone to show up. Like funny, authentic, talented and just raw. And I feel like you're probably in a very raw phase right now of, you know, going through a breakup, which I obviously know what that's like to do online. And I know I just feel like women listening to this to some degree can kind of relate to what you're going through because it's also fresh. And every time I am in my Offuttime Facebook group, somebody is dealing with heartbreak.

And it always crushes me because it's one of the worst feelings on planet Earth. But where like how is your heart? Where are you emotionally right now? I am not going to lie. I was taking a shower this morning, getting ready for this wonderful interview. And I, you know, was listening to me some music and I had a little moment, a weak moment. You know, I started crying a little bit. I'm just kind of like, you know, he's not here in my life anymore.

And it's just, it just, I'm in that like grieving stage right now. And it's really tough. And I don't want to get like too much into details about the breakup because like it was very mutual. Like it genuinely was very mutual. We just did not want the same things out of life and something that I discovered in. In the past, well, pretty much my whole life, I've known that I did not want to be a mom. I didn't want kids.

And I thought maybe this was going to be the relationship where that would change. And he told me he does want a family with me like seven months into the relationship. And I was like, oh man, like that's really stressful. And I tried to like change my mindset. And I would try to like really keep an open mind about it. And I just couldn't get there. And I was like, this is not really something that we can. can get past. And like, I never realized how much of a deal breaker that was going to be in a

relationship until now. And that's like moving forward in, you know, my future, you know, dating experiences. That's something like now I know I got to lay that out on the table because that is massive. Yeah. That's so hard. That, I mean, a heartbreak in general is so hard. And like, it's almost, I don't know what's easier. Like there's situations where somebody like cheated or somebody does something wrong, but when it's mutual and you just don't have like the same like path forward, that's got to be a different level of grief. Yeah. Because you still have to, yeah, miss that person so much. Right. It's like no one did anything wrong. Thank you. It's, you know, he's a lovely person. I want him to have anything and everything he wants in his life. And

and he told me that that's, you know, that's how he feels about me. And it's truly. love when you know that, you know, you want the other person to be happy even if it means you're not in their life. And that's how we feel about each other and it sucks. It's like beautiful and it sucks at the same time. Like that's such a beautiful way to end if you have to end something for it to end that way and want nothing but the best for each other. Like that's so like gut wrenching and beautiful at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. And I I never really like talked about like my relationship. online before i like yeah make a lot of like comedy skits i try to like right i like to sing online and so but it like a couple weeks ago i was really really really really going through it and yeah i was like

making comedic style videos would feel extremely unauthentic so i feel like it feels it would be best if i just share what i'm genuinely going through and i never want people to like say anything bad about him because he never again never did anything wrong It's just this is as a woman going through a breakup in my personal experiencing experience with how to deal with it is, I think, extremely valuable for other people to learn from. I totally agree. That's that's part of what that I love that you share. You said something that I feel like so many people connected to with, I think it was on TikTok that you said, I'm not going to be okay. I'm just going to get better.

And I don't know if I'm misquoting that, but I thought that was a, like, I think. never heard that before. Yeah, like so many, but so many people in my life were like, Jessica, like, it's okay. You're going to be okay. Like, I'm like, no, I'm not just going to be okay. Like, I'm going to be a better person from this because I learned so much more. Yeah. Breakups are growing pains because you just become an even more authentic version of yourself because you know what you need. You know what you want in a relationship. I'm so grateful for every person that's come into my life. Friendships. A. boyfriends that haven't worked out.

Like, it's only, they're only stepping stones to helping me get to where I need to be in my life. And it's, you know, a really sad but beautiful. I talked to this girl, Sophie Skelton, the other day, and she talked about how much she didn't realize that ballet training her whole life and all the, like, hardchets she went through with, like, how her, you know, teachers would tell her she about her body and her just, like, physical. strength and mental strength that she had and the discipline and everything that she went through has prepared her for so much in her life. But I almost feel like you have that same mentality of like you've been through so many nose and heartbreaks in your career that have only put you on the right path for what you're supposed to be doing. And I feel like you have such a good mindset about that in like life in general. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, it takes a lot of

experiences of being kind of beaten down and feeling like you're at Rockwater. to, because the only the direction you can go from, the only direction you can go from there is up. So it's, you know, it is a lot about mindset. Lots of therapy that I've all the things.

Self care. Especially in that industry of, like, you probably walk into a room for auditions and there's 500 girls that have gone before you that look just like you. And it's like who they're going to pick. And that's what I also love about what you've done with your career. You kind of change the narrative

of, oh, they're not picking me for these shows. I'm going to pick me and I'm going to put myself out there on social media. And you built such a crazy community just from being authentically you and showing your skills and your talent and your emotion. And now you have a whole career. Did that just shock you when this was all happening? Yeah. I mean, I didn't ever think I would have like, I guess the following that I had.

But I did work very, very hard. And still to this day, like I make, I think so much content. I love doing it. Like I, and you probably feel the same way. like being like a self-producer. It's like it's so fun. And it takes a lot of hard work and a lot of strategizing and lots, you know, it's like business.

Like having your own business is, you know, it doesn't just come out of nowhere. Like you definitely put a lot of work and and heart on you too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's it was something I worked very hard for us. But I was very passionate about it. I went to school for musical theater.

and I graduated in 2020, which is when COVID happens. So I was like, what am I going to do now to like fulfill my creativity? I literally don't know. And I watched a lot of Bachelor and I was watching you hosting The Bachelor a lot. And during that time, got a lot of inspiration. And that was really fun. But I just really tried to, yeah, make as much like content that felt like really good and authentic to me.

And I saw other people were making it or. career for themselves. So I was like, I could, I could do this. Yes. You sure did it. Yeah. So it all, it all worked out. And I'm very grateful for everything that I have. Like sometimes I feel like a little bit of imposter syndrome. But and it's, you know, I feel like a lot of people experience that. I don't know. Do you ever experience that? All the time. All the time. But I go back and forth like there, because I've done so much work on myself. There are times where I think I am supposed to be here. I am doing, I do deserve this. And then there are other times where I'm like, who the fuck do I think I am in this position? Like, how did I get here? There's so many better people for this position. Like,

I go back and forth all the time. Well, you're very special. And I think that you deserve everything that has come your way. And I'm genuinely, I've been such a fan for years. You are a little angel pie. Think of how many people will come to like a Broadway show and then think of how many millions of people get to watch your content and like you have your own stage. And it's of course never going to be the same because Broadway is Broadway. But like you get this cool stage on your own that you work so hard for and millions of people are inspired by you. That must feel so good. Well, I also feel I feel like we have a lot in common. Like we both very much love the entertainment and like reality.

TV like world I mean I haven't been on reality TV but I love reality TV I love watching it and like we're both theater kids like yes we're both live in New York and we're both so funny and we're both home iconic and funny and just such so iconic I love that I I'm having a great time I and I hope I'm having the best time and I like think about this again with just the way I love connecting with women, but I also have to think about in the Broadway world or in, because sometimes like even in the TV world, women become so competitive. Is there like an unspoken competitiveness in your world or is there more of like a camaraderie in the struggle? I as a content creator, I think this is a huge reason why I really love content creating is because I do feel a lot less

competitiveness because it's like we're all kind of just like, kind of, kind of help each other out. Like there's enough work for all of us. With theater, like, there's only so much theater. There's only so much work in theater and like there's only so many roles in theater. And it's a lot of the time, you'll see people that you know and have worked with or went to school with and like they booked the thing that you wanted to get. And it's like, oh man, that really that's hard. That's hard to see. But like as a content creator, it's like, it's like I have my own business and I get to work with other brands and go to these events. And it feels a lot more like collaborative. And I think that that's really special. I love that I get to just like pour all of my

creativity into a business where there's really no limits. I can really just like make content about like whatever I want. Like I am like a comedy creator, but like I can talk about my boyfriend and I can talk about like my breakup and I can sing. I can I can do like whatever I want to do. Like the sky's the limit. So I think that that's a little. really beautiful thing and it feels a lot less competitive. But like when it comes to like the numbers and whatnot, that's when it feels like draining. I don't know if that's something that you feel like you get stressed about or have like some type of feeling towards. But I do and it's more because I don't understand it. And I hate when I can't understand something. Like I'm like I think I get like I am

not a consistent content creator. I'm not constantly putting out things and like, creating and I'm just like oh if I feel it in the moment I do it and I know that like the more you do the more the numbers show it I just like don't have that consistency to like see that amount of growth so I kind of like accept my numbers because I'm like oh this is like it's still fun and it's so cool and I'm like I'm still connecting with people and I never want my content to become performative just for numbers and I find that really hard to do because I I'm creative but you are on a different level of creativity where like you really enjoy doing the content you enjoy putting where I like sometimes I have to be in the right mood I have to think of something that I think is hilarious

and other times I'm just like I don't have the effort for it but I was thinking like with all the million people millions of people watching you and showing up that often online how do you stay authentic when like you're being fully yourself online how do you do that when there are days The fact that you show up and talk about like, hey, I'm not actually going to be okay, I'm going to be this. How do you stay authentic with that much pressure? Or do you not see as pressure? Yeah. No, there's definitely pressure. I've experienced pressure from day one, March of 2020 to this very day. Like it's never gone away and it probably never will go away. And that's also something that I've talked to Haley Bailey about who I saw you.

Yeah, I love her. a bit ago. She even still talked about, and like she is freaking the queen of TikTok. And like she we talk about it all the time. Like, oh my gosh, the numbers, the numbers. It's like it really takes a lot of your

brain power. Yes. When it comes to like the authenticity, it's so crazy. When I first started doing content, I was looking back at like my old videos and how I was talking to the camera how I was speaking. Like if I was

doing the makeup video and just talking about my life, about who I am, I'm so performative. And I'm like, get ready with me. I'm like, whoa. Well, you're a performer. Yeah, yeah. But like, I was watching videos in me from like 2021, 2022. And I was just doing way too much. I think I was very, very insecure at that time.

Like, I was still living in my hometown. and I was still like just trying to like figure things out and I felt like there was still like something to prove and I was like yeah I was like 23 24 like I was like oh I like look at me look at me I need to like do all these crazy things with my hands and do all these crazy things in my face to get people to look at me and I'm like now looking back at all those videos I'm like whoa I need to take a breath and I need to just trust that like I like I I am enough. And now this new, like, era of my life, like, you know, coming off of this relationship, moving to New York City. And, you know, I'm almost 30. Like, this is something that I feel like

is only comes with age and experience and, like, really just, like, finding yourself. So I think it's beautiful. So I kind of look back on, like, my video diaries. It's like my diary of 2022 and, like, Talking about myself and seeing how I would act in front of the camera. I'm just like, I was so insecure. And I just wanted to like be heard and be seen. And I was so desperate for that. And now it's like, yeah. I don't have many favorite parts of the new year, but I try and look for the little things in the new year. Like setting little tiny goals and making some 2026 resolutions. Like sure, I've got the usual read more and hit the gym and take over my well. wellness journey and finally get jelly roll on my podcast. Come on, please. But this year, the top goal is

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more insecure? Like what have you done for yourself that it's gotten better and you're in a new era? Like, okay, I think the influencer world was like very new. It was coming up in 2020. And so, like, influencers were getting invited to big offense, New York Fashion Week. And, like, I would go to these places and see really cool people and, like, see you. And I'd be like, oh, my gosh. Like, I don't deserve to, like, be here.

Like, this is crazy. Like, I have to, like, prove myself. I need to prove that I'm, like, worthy to be in this room. And I think it just came with, like, experience and time and growth and, like, realizing, oh, way like I am like we're all just people and we all kind of do the same thing and we're all just here to have a good time and to share art or share you know something very special like it's it's not that deep like it's not that deep and like if you just like be yourself then like it's not going to feel so exhausting and like you have to prove something I agree the exhaustion of trying to prove yourself

is something that I've definitely struggled with in my life. and it's just not worth it because I think it's, especially in the world that we're living, I think people see through the performative, like, even if you're performing, that still can be authentic to who you're being because that's what you're doing in the moment. But I'm talking about like trying to be someone you're not to perform to fit in. Like, that's the exhausting part, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot.

It's a lot to think of. And I'm like, I love that you're only 29, 30 and 30. Like if you're already this self-aware and understanding of that world and have gone through the experiences that you have, because that's what I always want to tell people when they're going through like their rock bottoms. You can't be like how people are like, you're going to be okay. You can't say that, but you also just want them to know that they will be better from the experience. Like you, I've never hit rock bottom and then gotten worse. Like I've only ever gotten stronger, better. And then looking back on it going, I'm so glad I went through that.

But of course you can't see it in the moment. But it's it's something that we should all think about constantly. And it's something that you're proving daily that it's it's life experience. It's your rock bottoms. It's coming out of it. It's the rejection. It's finding your path. And that it's never also too late. Like I'm 40 and I'm still finding my path. Yeah. And what makes me happy of how I want to show up online. And it's yeah, it is exhausting because I also like I like I said, I go back and forth with what matters. Like do my numbers matter? I don't think. for me personally it does. I feel like my podcast is where I would actually care more, where Instagram I'm like, I just want to like people, I want people to laugh and like feel something when they're on my page and that's all that really matters to me. But, but it should be more consistent because when I do do it, I enjoy it. It's more of like, I don't know, maybe I'm just lazy, but no. I wouldn't use that word at all. I'm a go-getter, but when I can be lazy. I will be lazy. Oh, my God. Well, hey, everything in moderation, right? Everything in moderation. Also, like, the pressure of just online. I feel like for most people, they just exist, but online, you're feeling like

you're being evaluated almost and not even online, like, in auditions. I think a lot of women have complicated relationships with their bodies. And I talk about mine a lot. How old were you when you first started becoming aware of your appearance in that way? Oh, my God. When I was, like, going through puberty, I mean, my mom was the one who, like, kind of told me a lot about, like, when I need to fix. And, like, when I started going through puberty and, like, I got my period, like, I started, like, gaining a little bit of weight. And that, the weight comments from, like, my mom were just, like, nonstop. And I have always had, like, a really, like, tough relationship with food because of that. And, like, sometimes I would binge.

And, like, sometimes I would just, like, starve myself because, like, I was like, oh, like, literally what do I do I couldn't find like a medium and that was like really hard growing up and like I I was also a dancer growing up whenever I was in middle school and high school and I was in the show a chorus line and that was like the most dance heavy show I've ever been in my life and I it was after that show I got my breast reduction and I just I it was so crazy like experiencing that because like my parents wanted me to do it to help with my dancing and help me with my career. And in that way, I guess I was, like, thankful for that. But it just felt a little strange, like, that I had to, like, change something about my body. And the nose job was like, that bricked me out the most.

Because I remember going in for my consultation and he, like, took a picture of me. And then he did, like, a before and after. And, like, he was like, oh, after, like, before AI, he was like, we generated the photo to show you, like, what your nose would look like. And he was. And, like, what your nose would look like. And I started crying. I was like, that's not my face. I was like, that's not my face. That's not who I am. And my mom was like, Jessica, like, stop it.

Stop it right now. Like, you're, you're going to get it done. And so like, I got it done. And then like I wasn't even like happy with it. Yes. That breaks my heart. Yeah. I'm so sorry.

I mean, I didn't even know because the choices that I've made were definitely because I wanted to. And I can't imagine being told by a parent. Like, because, you know, we all want to feel unconditional love. And when things start feeling conditional, that just warps our brain into a whole other place of insecurity and what love means and what acceptance is. And I just, I'm like, I'm even more proud of you now for just who you are as a person because that's so hard. Do you, does your mom feel bad? Like, or have you talked to her about it? Oh, my gosh.

Um, yeah, I've talked to her about it. But she was like, it was the best decision. Like this. Your nose. Oh, honey. there was that big bump on your nose. And I was like, yeah, I guess. But like I was, I was 20.

I was 20 years old. I was still in college when I got it done. And like, like, looking back, I'm like, oh my God. Like, I was out with a child. I was like still a kid. Like, I wanted to like maybe make that decision for myself. And like, totally. I've gotten other things done.

But it was fully my choice as an adult. Yes. Done and stuff. And like, yeah, I just felt like I was pressured. that by my mom. I am so sorry. That, that actually, like, I felt when you were saying that, like my heart was physically hurting. Well, thanks. That's, well, that's so hard. Yeah, it was. And I know other women, I'm sure, have gone through harder things. And I'm very aware of that. But I just, you know, it's tough whenever you're going through that as a kid, as a kid,

and you're being told by someone who loves you. And they, they're, they're, You need to say something about how you look, like what? And how does that affect, like, the way you saw yourself and see yourself now? Yeah. I still feel like there are things that I, like, want to change about myself. And, like, I, but does that ever end? Does that ever go away? Even, like, my girlfriends who are my age, they're always like, I need to fix my eyebrows.

I need to fix my hair. I need, like, chin thing. I'm like, oh, my gosh, like, does it ever end? Like, will we ever feel satisfied with the way that we look? And I, as a woman, like, I just. feel like when it's something that we're never going to experience. I think about this often because I'm the same way. Like I always used to think, well, if I fix this, then I'd be happy. And then I would fix it and then I'd find something else. And then you fix that and then you find

something else. And it is such a slippery slope. And it's interesting too because I've never loved myself more, but it's from the inside. Like, and I do still, I'm so hard on myself on the outside, but I love who I am on the inside. And it's such a complex feeling. beautiful. It's just and it's I mean look at the world we live in of like AI and FaceTune and people like me who are out there. I'm like I want to be transparent. So I want to talk about the fact that I get Botox and filler and I got my boobs done and teeth fix. Like I want to tell people because I don't want them to have this unrealistic expectation. But at the same time, am I, I, am I part of the problem? Sometimes I think yes. Sometimes I think no. It's it's so confusing. It's it's a societal, you know, thing that we go. through and like and now with ozempic like that has shifted everything massively yeah we went so far backwards on body acceptance yeah yeah and it's like when is it ever going to end i feel like there's just i don't know if it ever will and i don't know what to do i know because then i mean i think about my niece or if i ever have a little girl or something like what would i tell her because here i am

fixing things that I don't like about myself. And I would never want a young girl to think those are options in life and to not accept who she just is on the outside. Like, I don't know how to navigate that world either of the next generation because again, I like being honest. I like being an open book. I like being transparent. But I also don't want to send the wrong message because this is for me, but it's not for like it's, I just feel like, I don't know. My intentions are always the purest they can possibly be, but the impact I fear sometimes. Yeah, it's going to be scary to see, like, what else they come up with to like, yeah, you know, another like beauty medicine that they're going to create in some sick lab that, you know, is going to change the beauty standards yet again. So it's, I guess, important for us to like watch out for it and like be educated in it. And yeah, you know, just be so hard on ourselves and just we need to look at the mirror and just say like, we're beautiful. And it's enough.

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and stepping into a completely new chapter again, which is so exciting. 30s, oh, you're going to love it, especially in like this new era you're in where you're already like, I can tell you're ready to step into it and you're excited for it and you know like good things are coming. But, you know, there's breakups and career pivots and growth and they all force yourself to meet yourself in a new way. And who is just right now? Like what feels different about this season of your life? I definitely feel the most grounded of it I've ever felt in my life. I feel very like confident that like I can make shit happen for myself and now I have like no nothing holding me back.

I can do whatever. I set my mind towards. I told myself when I started making content, like, I'm going to make this my career. Other people are doing it. And I have what it takes. And so I made that happen for myself. I have, you know, this lovely apartment that I pay for with my own grown money.

And the money I've worked for me very, very hard for over the past six years. And, you know, like, the sky's the limit. And like I don't want to have to feel like I have to hold back or not believe in myself because it's like if other people who, you know, aren't as hardworking or aren't as passionate, like if they're making it happen for themselves, like, why not me? That is my favorite new saying is why not me. Yeah, why not? Yeah. Why not me? It's taken years to get to that point because like I think there was a lot.

I spent a lot of years not loving myself and not. believing in myself and I think that's just all it takes is like okay I need to look at the world around me right now what I've made happen for myself and realize that I have more power and you know I'm smarter than like I I all my whole life I'm like Jessica you're so stupid like I was horrible in school like oh horrible grades like my sister was super smart my brother was super smart and I was not smart and I was like I'm such a dumb person but like now I'm like No, like, I'm actually a smart person. And I think that's cool.

Who gives a shit? I don't even know what I learned in school. I barely graduated. And I'm like, I was the same thing. I thought I was so dumb. And then I realized, like, just because you are bad at school does not mean you are dumb. Like, there are so many intelligent people out there that are, you know, there's people who have the highest grades and they're, like, IQ is insane.

But then there's people who just are good people who have, like, they're smart about whatever they are passionate about and they go for that. And then that's what you want. School is so stupid. I hope no kids are listening to this. But also it's just dumb. I was just, all my friends were like super smart. Even like my friends to this day, like they're just like super, super, super super duper smart.

And so like when it comes to school, so I was like, I'm not smart. But like I am smart. And I think that's a beautiful thing that I discovered this year. Oh, oh, I love that. Okay. So I'm like such a believer in like, I have tattooed on me high vibrations because I'm like, I just want to live on this vibration where I, you're, I don't know if you even know this, but you're literally, even if you cry in a shower, even if you have a breakdown here, you are still,

I can tell you are living on a high vibration and you are really, like, believing in yourself and you're aligned with what you're supposed to be doing. And I really feel like these next few years are going to be really big for you. Like, I just got full body chills. Okay, Kayla, I will take it. I will take your word. I really believe it. My very, my very Caitlin got mother. I'm claiming the energy. I'm taking it right now. It's yours.

I really feel it. And I can feel your energy through a freaking virtual interview. Like I really feel like you're on your path and that these next few years are going to be some of the most beautiful and rewarding for you. Thank you, Diva. I think this is the time. Because I've also like since I graduated from school, I've been in a relationship. And before my most recent breakup, I was in a relationship before you. years and then we broke up. I was single for six months and then I got into my new relationship.

But now I'm like, okay, Jessica, this is the year. This is the era of you. You, you, you. And I am so ready to just be with myself and honor myself and honor what I love and what I'm passionate about. Yes. And not having to take care of anything else, anyone else. Just date yourself. You could, I literally took myself for dinner by my mom. on Valentine's Day. I took myself out and I whined and dined myself and I had the best night. And it was so fun. And I love it. I love going to movies by myself. I love going to dinners by myself. And I like just like reflecting while I'm sitting there by myself and being okay with being alone. And it's so powerful. And it's changed so much for me to these last like even if I'm dating, I'm not saying I am or I'm not. But like just being alone in my house and

having the alone time that I have and doing things for me has been just extremely grounding. And I love every second of it. We've gone deep. I think the most relatable moments are always the ones that are imperfect. And I know that you're goofy like me. So it's an off the vine specialty that we do around here where we share an embarrassing or hilarious story, what we call a confession. Okay. We are ready for this.

Take a time. Oh, something embarrassing. Oh, my gosh. Lots of embarrassing moments. I like fell the other day, but I can do better than that. Same. You should see my knee right now. I wonder if you can see how bad. It's not there yet. It's going to become black and blue. But my whole knee is just going to be a bruise because I slipped on. After I took myself out for dinner, I was in these like really nice Chanel boots and the bottoms were like so slick. And all I'm in Toronto right now and all the slush had turned to ice. And I was dancing. my way home because I was listening to like this song I can't get out of my head I was listening to it it's um I want to run away oh yes yes yes of course okay so I was dancing to that slipped smashed my knee in the splits and I bounced right back up because I was like oh my god who saw that I looked around nobody saw it and I was limping the rest of the way home so yeah I felt too oh no I'm so sorry it's okay oh wait perfect example okay I was I was I was I was Well, I actually have this. I have a clip and I put it on social media. Okay.

And I was filming a self-tape in my kitchen and like over and I have this like awkward space over here. I was filming a video. And earlier that day, I was going to go into the city and like ran out a studio space to film this audition. But I like, I forget why I didn't go, but I just ended up staying here. I was going to get a dog sitter. So I went on wag. and I hired like someone to come, but like I never got like a confirmation email. Like it never like matched me with someone.

So I was like, okay, well, whatever. Like it doesn't even matter. Like I'm going to stay home and like my dog is just going to be here with me. And so I was in the middle of singing the wizard and I from Wicked. Oh my God. And this girl just walks right into my apartment. She goes, hello. And I like screamed.

I'll send you the clip. I'll send you their clip because it's crazy. Oh my God. My soul just like escaped my. body. I was so embarrassed. Wait, I just picture, like, if I sounded like you and I was singing and somebody walked in, I'd be like, hey. And I'd be like, come on in. It is such a vulnerable experience to be like in this small space filming an audition and then someone just walks in in the middle of, it was, that was the most embarrassing thing. That's happened to me. Wait, New York apartments

must be wild because how many people are just belting like Broadway tunes or doing acting or like practicing music in this tiny little shoebox. All, I mean, all the time. I, so right now I live in Jersey City. So that kind of behavior is a little more rare. So this woman came in and she was like, what the what are you doing? Like, crazy woman. And I had like lights.

I had lights all up and I had like a backdrop. So it's like I had this whole production around me. That's impressive. You shouldn't have been embarrassed. I would just show her your TikTok and be like, this. This is what I'm doing. I don't like to. get into all that with like strangers, especially a babysitter for my dog. It was just, I was just

like, hey, I like, I don't need you anymore. So like I never got a confirmation on my phone about you coming. But, um, yeah, goodbye. And then she just left. You should have like saying like, I'm goodbye. Like I just would, if I had a voice like yours, I would break into showtune songs all the time. Like, that's how I'd talk to people. Oh my God. I, in the shower, I definitely sing a lot. I can't even imagine. It's, yeah. You're an absolute force. You're hilarious. Honestly, I think what is so powerful about your story is that you didn't wait for your life to be perfect before actually living it. I feel like you kind of lived through uncertainty, through heartbreak, through rejection. And you just trusted yourself all along the way, which is so beautiful because I can't say that for myself. So thank you for being honest. Thank you for being real. Thank you for letting people see the real version of you. And just thank you for reminding all of my listeners today that they're allowed to outgrow what no longer fits. I think that's always a very important. important life lesson. So where can everybody find you? I am just Val Ortiz on all my social platforms, TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Snapchat. So check it out.

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