Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Just another Manic Monday with Tanya Taylor

Episode Date: June 26, 2018

Kaitlyn is joined by friend and PR teammate Tanya Taylor as they recap the latest episode of the Bachelorette, confess, and Kaitlyn gets indignant over indigestion. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Get ready for lots of laughs. Taboo topics, on filtered advice, and wine. Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. Do I sound like a man? Yes. Oh, in a good way.

Oh. That's like my mom. She has a, I think I've talked about this before, but she has her phone voice. And every time she's like on her answer machine, I'll be like, Mom, just like to talk like yourself, be like, hey, you've reached Leslie. She goes, hi, you've reached Leslie. I'm sorry, I can't take your call. It's so awkward.

So breathy. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow, and we're podcasting from my sweet podcast room at home tonight with my girlfriend, Tanya. Have you been, would people know you from my Instagram? I mean, you've been in a couple stories. Tanya is part of my team. Let's say that. Yes.

You're a friend first. Thank you. But you're also part of my team. You do a lot of PR with Sean. I do. You help us out big time. You are the reason for our success. Thank you.

You could say that. We just finished watching The Bachelorette. I do actually feel like I sound like a man right now because I've been sleeping. I slept 40 hours in the past three days. That's how tired I am. Finally have some downtime. So now I feel like I do sound like a man. So your voice is rested?

It's kind of rusted and rest. Yeah. Oh, sexy. That could be a name for a wine. It's coming home. Rusted and Raspi. Write that down. Nobody steal that.

Let's pour some wine, shall we? We shall. We just finished watching The Bacheloret and felt the need to podcast. Yes. And drink another bottle over a day. Yeah, we were like, hey, let's open another bottle because this show, I tell you, how do I get so sucked in every time? Even though every episode, I'm like, okay, when is the good stuff coming? When are the relations going to build?

But now I'm sad because Jordan's gone. I know. Spoiler alert. Sorry, everybody. Yeah. That was such a bummer. As if they thought he was going to make it to the end. I'm not really spoiling anything for you, but I'm definitely sad he's gone.

Ditto. I definitely tried to, this can be a confession for you. I definitely tried to reach out, reach out, reach out. Reach out to his DMs. Yeah, I slid into Jordan's DMs. to get him on Off the Vine today to answer some questions about... I just wanted some beauty tips. Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life than being really, really, really ridiculously good looking?

I just wanted some, like, my nails look like boy nails. I want to know, like, how he keeps his manicure so well kept on a show like The Bachelor. How he gets that perfect part. Well, Sean B had the perfect part in his hair on the show, too. Maybe he was channeling that. Yeah, maybe he was, how he keeps his skin so glowy. But unfortunately, he didn't answer me. And that makes me believe that maybe he's on Paradise.

So. I'm thinking yes. I don't think that guy goes far away from his phone. No, that's, I'm like, I feel like he would know by now. Wait, let's check one more time just in case. And nothing. Okay. Wait, did he read it?

No. Okay. God. He doesn't have his phone then. No, he definitely doesn't, because it's Monday night. He'd be all over that. Yeah, all over it. Okay, so first of all, the one-on-one date with Colton, that was the, like, I don't find a hot tub in the middle of a desert sexy at all, especially after coming off camels.

I'm like, that just sounds sticky and, like, spitty and smelly and so sweaty. Those camels would not let the two of them touch. No, and why, but why in the world would they go in a hot tub in the desert? A cold tub would have made a lot more sense. Absolutely. But a hot tub just doesn't seem sexy. Okay, and can we talk about Wayne Newton? I had to, like, I still want to Google.

I'm scared. I actually want to Google this right now. Is Wayne Newton okay? Is Wayne Newton? Okay. And I mean that, I'm being serious. I know. Is he okay?

I don't know. he looked like he was about to fall over he looked like he was he he didn't even sound like he could sing it sounded whoever his Botox person is tell me so that we don't go to them yes I just I honestly was a little bit concerned for his well-being but maybe he's just old I'm trying to think he was born in 42 oh does that make him I don't know okay my mom she's gonna hate this was born in 52 so he's 75 my mom really too well then he's born in no that means he's 75 okay well then that makes sense he's just moving a little slower but he looks great his face didn't move his body did yeah exactly he was moving a little slower

actually his face was moving a little slower too okay Wayne Newton all sorts of uncomfortable don quay don quay what does that mean don quay thank you for all the joy and I don't, thank you. Is that German? Thank you. You would know. Didn't you live there? I should know that.

I should. Well, I don't know if that's what the song's about. Anyways, guys are starting to get cocky. Guys are starting to get uncomfortable, all up in their own grills, which is what I've been waiting for this whole season. Oh, yeah. So the two-on-one, Jordan, David, are obsessed with each other. A little too much.

Not obsessed with Becca. Not obsessed with Becca at all. She felt that, too. Well, good thing she's not obsessed. with either of them. The feeling is mutual all around. Correct. Becca doesn't like Jordan.

Jordan doesn't like Becca. Becca doesn't like David. David. David doesn't like David. David doesn't like David. David doesn't like Jordan. Jordan loves Jordan. Jordan loves Jordan. I love Jordan.

I love Jordan too. And I love you like Jordan. Jordan loves Jordan. I love that Jordan said Becca looks like a snack. I'm seriously going to miss him. A snack. Like what kind of snack? a trisket? Because I like calling girls a trisket. Why? I don't know. It's funny. She's a little

Trisket. Yeah, a little salty, sweet trisket cracker. There you go. I don't know. And did you notice the Spencer Pratt crystals just sitting in the middle of the two-on-one? Like just there for good vibes or what? Prat Daddy. Prat Daddy Crystal shout out. Why was their crystals? I think they were trying to create some harmony, but didn't happen. And like, were they even drinking? Do they drink on the dates anymore they had champagne oh they did but clearly not enough it's so weird i just want them to drink more champagne um okay when he's sitting there and he's like they're like what can we just take this all in and then he keeps talking yep editing you pointed that out to me which i was never known that but you you usually notice this kind of stuff on tv shows i do you're very good

about noticing things on shows, but this was, I was like, okay, so Becca said, everybody go back and watch this. Becca said, can we just take this all in for a minute? And he goes, listen, what was he saying even? I don't even know. I'm just really glad we're here. But I notice, I'm like, he's saying that to her in a separate time that they just completely edit out. They're making it seem like he's talking during that, but they never once show the three of them talking at the same time. He wasn't doing that. Not at all. He was probably taking. it all in but they wouldn't even show her face yeah everybody go back and watch it just the hair just the hair just the hair so TV tricks I know what a snack Becca you're such a snack uh what else do um oh david okay we little we melted

it a little bit for no don't david Jordan we melted a little bit for Jordan yeah during this episode he opened up he did and he shared a like why he's so loyal and can love through anyone through anything i was like you know what i knew i liked you from the start you are a little golden retriever he is he is he's loyal he's loving i actually got teary no i know i did got me because i was like you know what he's just being honest i thought so i hope so no he's not somebody you'll find out a sick joke but no i thought it was really sweet and not that it did anything it was a little too late for that it was but i just thought it was i don't know i think he could have redeemed himself, but then they had one on one time.

And he totally blew it. Yeah. I don't know. I never thought I'd say this, but I thought Jordan made a lot of sense this episode. I did too. Everything he was saying, like, I too would love to shove my foot up David's ass. I was on the same page as him. I was like, David needs to just take a back seat and just cool his jets.

He's just, he's too much. He's a little too much. I just don't get his vibe. I'm like, dude, have you watched the show before? Nobody likes this guy. No, and when you have time with whoever the lead is, the last thing you should do is be talking about other people. I know.

I don't get that. That's what I mean. Has he ever watched the show? I'm sure he has. How has he never asked? Like, I don't feel like I've ever heard David and Becca talk about David and Becca. Or about David? Or, like, I don't even know anything about David.

All I know is he's obsessed with Jordan. He wears chicken suits. And he falls. out of top bunks. That's all I know about David. I think that's all America knows. That's all they know. And he can't be quiet.

What did Jordan say? I can speak. Oh yeah, Jordan. I can speak. I can walk. I was like, what if I'm like, wow, okay. You can. That's a fact.

So then anyways, both of them get sent home. By violation. Yeah. Womp. Sad. It's, I'm definitely sad that Jordan's gone. David stayed too many episodes, one too many episodes for me. I'm super bummed.

What am I going to talk about on the podcast anymore with Jordan Gunn? Well, the relationships are starting to get better. Okay, who? Blake. We like Garrett. We love Garrett. I really like Garrett. I really like Garrett.

Blake. I like Will's. Oh, yeah, we love Will's. I really like Will's. I really, really. Will's has game. Wills has game. Wills has fashion goals.

Wills has Stee's. And he's so normal. He's the most normal one of the whole group. That's why you know. he won't be the way. Excuse me. Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

I don't know what's going on. I made that like scrambled egg, fried rice thing. And it's just like, I poured hot sauce on it. And it's just really not mixing one with this rosé. It's all just like burning in my chest right now. Ow, it actually hurts. What were we saying? Oh, Wills.

I don't know. Right now, Wills might be one of my, he's in my top three. He's definitely top three. Yeah. He's just, he's very lovable. Great eyes. Great eyes. Yeah.

Great hair. Yeah. It's kind of like the fresh prince of ballet. He doesn't put up with anything. Yeah. But he's nice about it. He's very polite and he's calm. And then he just exits the room.

Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I really, I'm digging Will's. Yeah. I keep trying to think of Will's puns, but I'm tired. I know. Wills.

Wills. I'm not going to say Will's you except that's I'm a good one. No, I'm pretty sure it's been used to sign any times. But that would be cute. Where there's a wills, there's a way. I said that before, and I think, I feel like the Bachelorette took that and ran with it on a tweet. And I was like, hey, you stole my line.

That's mine. That's my lie. Give it back. It's a romper. Oh, can we? That's what I keep trying to remember. There's a name for male rompers. I look, I can't, I don't know.

There's a name. Okay, wait, let me see if I can pull it up. All I know is he looked. On point. He did look on point. Male romper's name. I did that too. It just said male rompers.

Male romper. Men, urban dictionary. They should know what it is. Rumpper? No. Romp him. Romp him. Because romper, romp him.

That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. He looks great. Men's rompers, brompers, rompers for dudes, and the proper name, romp him. romp him well wills has the balls to wear romp him is all we're getting at yes he does oh that's so funny I'm Googling now I'm getting into a rabbit hole of like romp him images anyways rompums

oh um his little beef with Danny Wood I know I keep saying Danny Wood he's a combination of Danny Wood from New Kids on the Block uh Chris Chris he's a combination of Danny Chandler's roommate and Ben Stiller I can see that Yeah All into one

The hair Yeah And I feel like he's like Actually you know on friends When Rachel's dating Ben Stiller And he's like just a spazz Mm-hmm

Quick quick quick quick What are you quacking about Dumb Donald Dodo That's him Chris Yeah He's starting to spazz out a little bit A lot

A lot a bit yeah he's losing his cool he had one one one one one the guy gets one one on one and he thinks he's winning the thing yeah it's so funny i love when guys get all up in their grills during the show and then you just they probably watch it when they come home and they're like damn i know well it's like confidence and then insecurity oh and when they're feeling confident they're like oh yeah and then he like crush i love that chris had his like comeback moment from like i don't want to write down my feelings and perform a song because of my dad. And then all of a sudden he's like,

Dung a shan, he's like performing work in the crowd. We're like, okay. But we liked that. No, we loved it. We loved that. Until he got too cocky. Yeah, and it's like he thought

Becca was going to come to him. He should have just taken a knee and been like, I killed that. Yeah. Crushed the performance. And go get some time with your girl. And if you don't, you're on the bachelorette. Hey.

You can't, you can't spend all your time with her. No. And if she didn't like that performance and sends you home, you don't want to be with her anyways. Exactly. I'll tell you what she doesn't want to be with. Desperado. No. It's not a good look, Danny Wood slash Chandler's roommate slash whatever.

Ben Stiller. Slash Ben Stiller. That's a good one. Yeah. Garrett was so right, calling him out. Oh, yeah. Garrett was like, she needs someone emotionally stable. He's probably like, oh, dang, that ain't me.

That's not me. That ain't me, dog. That's why he was ready to go home three times today. Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't send him home. I was too. I was actually surprised. But the other guy didn't even talk, so I didn't even remember. Oh, yeah.

What was his name? He seemed so nice. He seemed so sweet, too sweet. Just, you know, not good for the old TV screen. No. Unless he's on Paradise and redeems himself. I'm thinking, no. Now I'm wondering who's on Paradise because I'm like pretty sure Jordan is.

No, that would be stupid to not put Jordan on. I think that's why he's not answering. you. It's got to be. It has to be. I mean, if I got big-timed by Jordan, actually, that would make me like him even more. Me too. He's probably going to hear this on the big league me and I'd be okay with it. I don't need you now. Yeah, that, you know what? We're over it. Over it. Over it. See you on paradise? Just kidding. We want skincare tips. Yeah. I actually, I don't care about Paradise or who you've Is that way he was shacked up with shirt? No, he's, he is more feminine than me. He's more put together than me. yeah and he's smarter than me yeah i said it no i seriously have heartburn right now oh it's like

i'm sorry i don't mean to laugh no i'm like i never get heartburn drink more wine yeah does that help no but if you get it worse if you get buzzed oh yeah i just won't care just take it away if i get buzzed i just won't care he'll just fall asleep oh god you can snuggle with tucker oh i've been snuggling tucker the last shon gets home to tonight. So I will not be snuggling Tucker. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe Tucker will be in the middle. We're going to take a mid-show break, and I wanted to talk to you guys about Digster. It has a playlist for every moment mood and minute of your life. Dixter is soundtracking your world one

playlist at a time. Go to digster.fm and see what I'm talking about. They have thousands of the best playlist, and it's honestly like your best friend or your boyfriend or your fiancee ever made you a mixtape. Remember that? These playlists are here for the right reasons guys digster creates really awesome playlists i love the hip hop cats songs inspired by women and wedding songs i'm a sucker for a good love song i actually got a chance to get together with digster and create my own playlist with a mix of my favorite songs like canaan smith love you like that hello being sean's song little big town girl crush and nirvana come as you are old school go check out digster dot fm slash fine follow it share it listen to it love it be sure to follow

my playlist so you can listen over and over and play it again play it again look brine see what i did there i'll be updating my playlist weekly so be sure to check back each week grab a glass of wine and that way you're not alone if you have my playlist with you you know again go to digster dot fm slash find digster dot fm to follow share and listen to my off the vine playlist and be sure to head to digster dot fm to find the best mix of music for every moment mood and minute of your life we'll be back with more off the vine with Caitlin Bristow Everyone's favorite housewife is back

and she's ready for round two Step into Heather Debrose World Now twice a week on podcast one I loved it Heather's bringing you more of what you love Like YouTube's Glow Zelle And now you've got a beautiful, healthy little girl Who's going to hate you in 13 years

And you're going to go Do you know how much I paid for you? Roll the tape! Roll the tape! Do you see? Check out Heather DeBribeau. Bro's World every Thursday and Friday at Podcast One and Apple Podcasts. Also remember to rate and review. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Okay, I think we should confess.

Okay. Because, well, mine's so embarrassing. You tell yours. Mine's not funny. Mine's just cheesy. But it goes in line with the episode. Yeah, exactly. So Chris gives me major Danny Wood vibes.

Google. Everybody pull up your Google right now and Google Danny Wood, Newk is on the block, then Google Chandler's young, young Dannywood. Yeah. And then YouTube. And then Google Chandler's roommate and then Ben Stiller and then imagine them combined into one human being. That's Chris.

Yeah, anyways. New kids on the block. Yeah. So when I was teenage, I don't even know. Yeah. I don't know. You said you had posters on the wall. I had posters.

I had sleeping bags. I had backwards hats. I had posters I made of new kids on the block. Yeah. What's kind of embarrassing, though, is that I'm like a decade older than you. So that's part of the confession. Well, we're still into the same band. That's kind of embarrassing because I think you were probably the age that should have been in them.

No, no, no, no. I was way too young. Okay. I was, New Kids on the Block were around for a while. They had a comeback. They, did they? They still tour. Wow.

I mean, I would actually probably go. I know. I would too, for sure. Yeah. So I used to, your listeners probably don't know what this is, but it was a ghetto blaster. Oh, yes. Well, they do. If I do, gangster rap.

Yeah. So Ghetto Blaster, cassette tape, listening to New Kids on the Block song. Yeah. I would literally write the lyrics on a sheet of paper. Yeah. hang it on my wall every single song from the record it was my headboard hey that's i think that's pretty artsy of you and if you think about it i wish i could say i was going for artsy i think i was kind of crazy yeah but we all were we all were i i think it's cute i used to be this just sets me back

too ghetto blasters i used to have two and that's how i would record oh because you know how in ghetto Blasters, you could press record and you could talk into it. Yes. So I would play my other Ghetto Blaster and play I just talked about them on my last podcast, the 90s podcast. Spice Girls? No. So guys that

Made him, me back. And they wore the overalls backwards. Oh, Chris Cross. Chris Cross. Cross will make you. Jump, jump. I used to play that in one cassette or ghetto blaster, record it on the other and sing along and then have my own mixtape of me singing a

along with them. Now see, that's artsy. Thank you. That was good. Do you have that? No, I wish I did know. I do too. But I remember thinking it was so genius and now I'm like, technology. That's so crazy. Well, I think that's cute. Thank you. That's a pretty innocent convention. I know, but if I said anything else, I probably wouldn't be married anymore. I'd be going, he's already mad that I'm not home yet. Yeah, he's already mad that I'm keeping you by podcast. I'm like, now. I need a podcast to come out tomorrow. This is all, this is all, I blame the comedy club in San Francisco. No, not Irvine.

Irvine was good. San Francisco because I was supposed to have the lady gang podcast come out today because my one with Bree was supposed to come out yesterday. And now I've been traveling and go, go, go, go, go. And then I was not feeling well the last couple days. And now I'm like, huh, ha. So Bachelor recap, you're getting. Hey, you're welcome.

It works. My confession is bad. It's bad. It was so bad that I was like, I can't even think to tell that on the podcast. That's too bad. But now I'm like, you know what? Everybody's confessed their poop stories to me, their whatever stories they've got. Mine is, I mean, you're 33 years old, Caitlin.

You should probably know when you've put in a tampon and when you've taken one out. But not me. The other night, well, first of all, my girl time is very complicated. because Aunt Flo will arrive for two days, and then she'll just disappear for one or two, and then she comes back hot. Seriously? Yeah.

And I want to get that looked at. I've got an appointment on the 28th with my gyno. And so I was like, on the back, and then I forgot I had put one up there already. So I put another one up. Anyways. Are you sober? I was. I think that's the most embarrassing part of the confession,

that I was sober. Wow. So I took, oh, my God, if any guy listens to this podcast, I'm so sorry. I took my one tampon out, not realizing there's two in there. And when about my day, thought, um, she's gone, Flo's gone. And little did I know, another one's just up there absorbing away. Ew, ew, ew. Anyways, I haven't even got to the gross part.

I don't know. I don't want to tell you. Like two days. Oh, my. I know. And then the whole reason I found it. I might have to edit this out. I'm embarrassed.

I need another sip of wine. What? Do you know how many girls probably have this story, though? I don't know about this part. If people were tweeting you that they didn't know they had two holes. That's true. This is, you're going to get some love. But the whole.

Tweet or your loved, girls. The whole reason I found out there's another one up there is because I pooped it out. Okay. Have you ever pooped out a tampon? I haven't. But you know what? I will say there have been times where I've curious if there's another one up there, so I've checked.

I should have done that, but I wasn't curious. Yeah. Because sometimes the string is not long enough. Like if you use the little travel ones, the string can kind of disappear. Thank you. I feel like that's what happened to me. And then I was like going to the bathroom. And then I was like,

there's an extra pop. So were you plop? Yeah. And I was like, wait, what was that? And then I was like, how long has that been up there? Oh my God. It's hard being a girl.

Oh my gosh, so hard. It gets so complicated. And like that's also a health risk. It is. I could get toxic shock syndrome from that. I think probably longer than two days, but yes. Really? I hope so.

I don't know. Well, we'll find out when I go to my gyno on the 28th that I could have toxic shock syndrome. So there's my confession that I lost a tampon and pooped it out. And when was this? Yesterday. I'm so lucky that my, no, this was like five days ago. Oh, I thought this was like a long time ago. Oh, no.

This was in Toronto. Oh, you need to break. I think I'm also losing my mind. You need a break. I seriously think I'm losing my mind. I've just, there's so much going on. also we need to tell everybody Tanya who's very shy on the mic over here

as you're a good thing I'm good at talking you're so shy it's so funny I'm not though I know you're not oh you are on my being shy oh yeah am I yeah see I feel like I'm talking too much oh my gosh no no people always tell me you talk too much calm down no Tanya no I talk too much But that's because I have a podcast, so that's, I'm allowed to talk too much.

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Okay, we listened to the Vinoes. We listened to everybody's suggestions, and we came up with the name, and the name is not going to be released yet. But we love all of your input, and we went with the majority of the voters. They're going to be happy. And you guys are going to be happy, and we're going to do a lot of cool stuff with it. A lot of cool stuff. Cleo has really good ideas. Cleo has great ideas.

And Aaron's been great. Aaron is great. It's a solid dream team. We're going to make some good wine, and now we need to know what kind of wine you want. want to drink. I'm hoping you'll say a Pino Noir. And a rosé. We're going to start with a red.

Yeah. Start with the red because it's going to come out around the fall season. Everybody likes a good glass of red. Warm up the old cold heart. That's what I always say. I just made that up now. I don't know. I've got a pretty warm heart.

I don't know. Me too. But a nice glass of red for the fall. Yeah. So? But there might be more than one varietal. Oh, there will be. Yeah, but we're going to start off with red.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. But I mean, there might be more than one red. Oh. Like, if we could do two reds. I would love that. Yeah. Okay.

Well, it's your wine label. I know. I just don't want to get too cocky. I don't think that's cocky. And then, and then... And then when we do send out the wine, we'll put scrunchies around the neck of the wine. Yes. We need to do a 90s bottle of wine.

I love that idea. I also like the idea of doing the confessions on the cork or something fun. Or something fun. Or like a... QR code on the bottle where you're talking or something. Yeah, with a something. I think, I think I should put on every like, every like couple hundred bottles, I have a good confession on the cork or under the label. Yeah. I don't know. There's so many ideas. So many ideas. So many ideas. But I really like that. Yeah. The name. All of it.

All of it. You're going to have your own wine. It's a dream come true. And we're going to make it come true. It's going to. I don't even care if we sell 500 of you out there listening buy a bottle, just to say I have a wine label. It's just a childhood dream. I've been wanting this my whole life. You know, people have always asked me, why don't you have your own wine label yet? And I'm like, I'm on it. That'd be the one question they stop asking. Yeah. Yeah, but they will never Stop asking. We've all talked about this. When are you getting married?

When are you having babies? When are you going to die? Not the people asking. I'm just saying that's why I feel like people will ask me next. God, my heartburn! I've never had heartburn like this before. It can't be from the wine. No, I think it's because of food.

Yeah. I did like so many onions and green onions and hot sauce on my eggs and rice. It's the hot sauce. It can't be the onions. Burns. Ugh. I keep drinking. I'm like, weird.

Oh, we confessed. And then I lost track of The Bachelorette. Missing Jordan. That's where we are. What happened at the end of the episode? Why am I blanking? Who went home? Oh, Danny.

The Chandler's roommate. No. He didn't go home. She kept him. Oh, yeah. Do we? Although, preview. He's probably going home next week.

Yeah, he's probably going home next week. Well, I guess we're not going out anymore. Man! See you in Paradise. Do you think he'll be there? Yeah. You do? Yeah.

I think a lot of people from this season will be there with a lot of Ari's girls. It has to be. I mean, who else would it be? Robbie again? Ashley, I and Jared. Benzie and his dog. Probably.

Well, isn't that where Ashley and Jared got engaged? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Congratulations, Ashley I and Jared. We're all so happy for you and how you're totally going to get an ABC wedding. Exactly. Well, truth is, I don't want a Paradise wedding.

That's what they keep getting, you know, like, Jane and Tanner, of course, they get a Paradise Wedding. They're on Paradise. Carly and Evan. And everyone's like, oh, Caitlin's probably so mad. And I'm like, no, I don't want a Paradise wedding. No. I didn't come from Paradise.

It wouldn't make sense. And they don't do Bachelor, Bachelorette weddings. And if they do, sorry. No. Anyways. If you're going to get married on a beach in front of a camera crew, it's going to be somewhere other than Paradise. Yeah.

Yeah. It's going to be for a YouTube series. There you go. On brand. Yeah. It's probably just going to be for my close friends and family, but I think we should end it with the can you not? Can you not? Let's do it.

Can you not? David. And now, let me just say, we mean this with love. We're kind of ripping on David. I know, we're ripping on David, but he's, I mean, maybe he got a bad edit. And I'll give him that. We all know that guys get bad edits, girls get bad edits, people get bad edits. maybe this is like a small portion of who he was on the show and that's all they aired but

David can you not can you not and I'll happily take a call from David if he wants to call in and justify his I bet he's not in paradise no I don't think so I don't think so David so David take this take this with love okay take this as um tough love constructive criticism I can't even say constructive criticism no we're just we're just giving you hard time we're chirping you rip on you but guess what you're being talked about so that's cool that's like um i was on us weekly magazine this week um in a bathing suit which is fine um and i was like hey i was talking spencer pratt did like a snapchat story and he goes katelyn uh they must have run out of room you just got like a small part of this page and he was

like uh i was talking about like fitness they're like they're like uh maybe they ran out of room to say you're doing Sean Booth app and I was like what the I'm like they interviewed me about my scrunchies and about the rosé fest and I was so I was so confused I'm like why did she keep asking me about my body little did I know they were preparing for a bachelorette body issue oh no and they knew I wouldn't say yes to that so they said they would promote my scrunchies didn't put it in there and I was like to Spencer I was like oh I was weekly did me dirty they put me in and only talked about my body he goes you're still in magazines and you're like four years off the show Caitlin he goes come on and I was like a good good call good call so you're still in the

weeklies but you're off the bachelor couch right yeah so after this season no more yeah no more having to fly to LA yeah red eye and get cut out I'll start using you as PR to get me still in those magazines you don't even need me I'll just keep hanging out in bathing suits um okay so can you not David can you not be so obsessed with Jordan like just be obsessed with Becca it's a lot more attractive but we're all obsessed with Jordan you're right I am too I get it but David you're there for a different reason yeah can you not um can you not fall out of your bunk and act like that's up guy you can't fall out of a top bunk and then act like the cool guy on the show he's like yeah well you know I think I got a great connection I'm pretty

happy without today wind and Becca doesn't need a guy like Jordan were you top bunk or bottom bunk I was bottom, bottom. You were bottom. I totally would have fallen out at the top. Yeah. I was like, I'll take the bottom. Actually, that's just where my name tag was. Okay.

When he's like, let's just absorb the silence. Can you not? Can you not absorb the silence, David? You know what sucks for people listening off the vine that don't watch the show? Yeah. Sorry. They're bored. Well, now you're caught up on what's going on.

Yeah. And you don't need to watch. No. David, can you not side eye me with your bloodshot eye? Yeah. Use the other eye. Why can you keep side eye? eyeing me with your bloodshot eye. Yeah. It's creeping me out. It's a little creepy. Can you not

use your time in the spirit of being honest? Use your time in the spirit of being there for Becca. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I'm going to use my time in the spirit of being honest. And then he talks about Jordan again. And he's probably not even being honest. No, no. Yeah, actually he lied. Yeah. You know what? He used his time in the spirit of lying. Yeah. Jerk. What's his name again? David. David. Chicken. If you will. Chicken. Can you not talk when we just...

Oh, you just said that. What, did I say? Can you not talk when we just want silence? Oh, yeah. And then we talked about the editing. Whatever. I sent that one to you. Blame me for that one.

That was like when I was doing stand-up comedy on my season with Amy Schumer. And she's like, if anyone booze you, just be like, Amy told me to say it. Yeah. And they did. They booed me one time. I was like, oh, whatever. Amy told me say that. And then they're like, ah, ha, ha.

And I'm like, yes. Yeah, Caitlin told me to say it. Thank you, Amy. Last one, David. I'd love you, but can you not raise your shoulders every time you talk? Yeah, we'll just picture I'm doing it. Yeah, well, you know, I'm happy with how things went and, uh, how you doing, buddy? Yeah, see you on the top bunk.

Bye. I'm sure he's a nice guy. I'm sure he's got a great heart. I don't know. I don't think so. I just hope he never falls out of a top bunk again. That's my wish for David is that he never... Is that like a hard floor?

Oh, yeah. Is it like, oh, it's not like carpeted? Nope. Damn. Hardwood. Damn. Tough bounce for David. Is it really high?

Yeah, it's pretty high. I don't know why they don't have like guard rails on it, but they don't. Well, because they're grown-ups. They were like, finally, it's been 34 to seasons and we finally had someone fall out at the top. You can't tell me they don't have a camera in there. No, they don't. I'm sure there's hidden mics, but I'm still not sure. Okay.

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slash fine for an extra 25% off the already super low prices. I seriously have to go because of this heartburn. I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to deal. This is good. Take medicine. What do you take? Tums? Yeah, there's all kinds of stuff.

Zantac? I don't know. I don't get heartburn. Do you have any jokes? No, I suck it. I'm not funny. My husband wishes I was. You know what? The two of you, Mike, you, y'all can just movie quote each other to death oh i could movie quote till the cows come home yeah but no i'm just not funny you know what me either right now this heartburn's killing me yeah wait

tucker you got a joke i have an idea i have an idea okay hardburn jokes i got it it's not necessarily a joke just a funny comment i'm about to make if heartburn during pregnancy means you'll have a hairy baby then I'm about to give birth to Chewbacca. That's so stupid. Patient. Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake, doctor. Next time take off the candles. So I guess what we've learned today is there's no funny heartburn jokes.

Yeah, I have one. Okay. It's not about heartburn. Oh, okay. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, sorry, we don't serve food here. Like. I'm Caleb Bristow

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