Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Kaitlynn Carter: Looking on The Bright Side

Episode Date: March 30, 2021

What’s better than one Kaitlyn? Two Kaitlyn(n)s! One of which has aquaphobia and one has misophonia… curious?!! You’ll need to listen! Kaitlynn Carter joins Kaitlyn to talk all about self awareness and seeing the silver linings (a.k.a. THE BRIGHT SIDE - her new podcast) in tough situations which she’s certainly had her fair share of -- and in the public eye. Kaitlynn talks about how a reality show about your life and relationship is just an added stress she wouldn’t recommend for anyone and how exploring new things about yourself in life (in her case, falling in love with a woman) is really scary but also an amazing opportunity for self discovery. Both Kaitlyn(n)’s share some “mean girl” experiences from their past and how embarrassing it was at the time - something which many girls can relate to - but they agree that everything always turns out okay and that those situations can become a pivotal moment of growth rather than a forever trauma you have to carry. It’s a power of positivity episode that is good for the soul. P&G - If you’re looking to nourish your hair, REALLY nourish it, it’s got to be Hair Food. Look for it at Amazon, Walmart, and Target. CLARINS - Go to clarinsusa.com and enter promo code OFFTHEVINE10 for 10% off your purchase  GEICO - Go to geico.com, and in 15 minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance.  JENNI KAYNE - Go to jennikayne.com and get 15% off your first order when you use code VINE at checkout. FITISH - Go to fitish.com and enter code VINE15 at checkout for 15% off your first order.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor free of charge but mGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario who's that with o tv who's down with o tvs podcast one presents off the vine with kathlin briscoll and kaitland is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves get ready for lots of laughs tabby topics on filtered advice and wine lots of wine Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. Welcome to Off the Vine.

I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. My guest today is a content creator, an entrepreneur, animal advocate, and one of the stars of the hills, new beginnings whose life and romances have been put on full display for the world to see. She also started her very own podcast last year called The Bright Side, where she sits down with inspiring friends to have meaningful and authentic conversations and look for the silver linings in all of life's many challenges. We talked about how she got to where she is today, how she's been doing during the last crazy year, what it's like to have your life, especially Love Life, so public.

She's amazing. I loved getting a chance to record with her and talk to her. You can catch me on her pod as well soon. So look out for that. I hope you enjoy today's podcast with Caitlin Carter. Hello. Hi. How are you? I'm great. How are you? So good. We have so many mutual friends. but this is the first time we're meeting. Classic quarantine pandemic meet over Zoom, but nice to finally meet you. Yeah, I know it's kind of funny when that happens because even though we don't know each other, it's sort of in a way feels like we do.

I agree. I'm like, you're in the reality TV space. We have mutual friends. You have a podcast. We're same, same. And I want to talk to you about your podcast because I love the premise of it and everything that you have going on.

But before we get into it, you're not from L.A. are you? No, I'm from New Hampshire. Oh, you're from. I knew you went to school there, but I didn't know if you're from there. Okay. And so what made you finally decide to move to L.A. and when? After college, I was working at a job in finance.

I worked for the CEO of a big asset management company. And I was living on the East Coast between Palm Beach, Florida, Boston, and actually London. So I was between the three for my job. And that was great when I was in my early 20s because I didn't care about having a personal life. And I just wanted to work and grind. and I loved my job. When I turned 25, I started to think more about what I wanted long term.

And I was like, you know, obviously love to have a family and I want to settle down. And I just kind of knew that wasn't going to happen if I was on the road like that all the time. So I just thought, you know what? I've always one of my best friends went to college here in L.A. USC. And I thought, you know, I just want to, I want to try something new. It was something totally different. I had never lived out on the West Coast. And so when I was 25, I just picked up and moved here.

and within a month i met the guy that i ended up marrying like literally happened like this and so i just never looked back yeah yeah it's okay i we'll get to that too but is it weird now because you're filming season two with him right as your ex are you guys friends yeah okay it's funny because i i hate to say it but i feel like we should i don't want to say we shouldn't have ever gotten married but we get along much better now. Yeah. I think, you know, there were a lot of things that we just both kind of ignored because we really enjoyed each other's company and love each other. But I think a lot of the practical things we were overlooking and we just kind of pushed forward with getting engaged and getting married and all of that when now with the benefit of hindsight, obviously I can look

back and say, okay, there were definitely some things that, you know, we weren't on the same page about. and I know now that those are really important things. Yeah. But we both are able to say that. And so I think when you realize that you just both want very different things, there's nothing to really resent about each other or be angry about. So we're lucky in that we do get along and respect each other very well. That's incredible because that's a very mature thing to do.

And I feel like I couldn't do that. I would be very immature at that situation. I'd be like, I'm not filled with him. I definitely think it makes a difference if one of you is very mature. really hurt in the breakup. But he and I, it was a very mutual decision. We just both had gotten to this place where we were like, we are not on the same page. Right. And so even though, I mean, there are definitely moments that it's been sad or it's been a little challenging just to kind of reconfigure a relationship that was once very intimate. You know, I mean, you got a,

it's kind of a little awkward at times. But with two people who want to do that, it works. That's so nice. I'm glad both of you are on the same page with that because that could make things like way more challenging than they have to be. Did you get approached to go on the hills? I should know this stuff, but I'm like, I like to hear it from other people sometimes. Did you guys get approached to go on or was he already on something? I can't remember how it all went down.

So he was on the original show, the Hills, back in the day. And they came, you know, I think neither of us really thought the Hills was ever going to come back. And actually Spencer Pratt approached Brody and said, we're going to bring the Hills back. We want to do this. and we're like, yeah, no, we don't really, that's not really what we're kind of, I don't know, we just, neither of us was particularly interested in doing a reality show. Yeah.

Again, at that point in time, we were both focused on other projects, but over probably the course of two years, it just evolved into a reality. And all of a sudden, the executives from Viacom and the production company evolution approached us. And they were like, no, like, this is really happening. And, you know, and I think because. Brody and I were going through some kind of tough times in our, in our relationship. We thought, you know, we've been working really separately. We both spent a lot of our time on the road.

We were apart. We thought, would it be nice if we did this project together and how to do, you know, and spend more time together? And, you know, obviously it didn't really go the way we plan. But that's sometimes how you learn those things, right? Yeah, 100%. And I think we're both grateful that we did it. And I was pretty nervous about going back for season two because because of how drastically

the show, what an impact it had on my life the first time around. But actually, this time around, we've had such a good time. And I think that's awesome. On a reality show is a really nice change because you're not concerned about anyone else. You're not responsible for anyone else. So we've been able to have a lot more fun with it. But yeah, so he was originally on the show and that's how I came to be on. yeah because i feel like jason and i talk about this often like if we would ever do a show together

and i just i would feel that responsibility like or pressure on the relationship but it's i'm i'm not saying that's what broke you guys up or anything obviously it was like five years of loving each other and figuring things out and eventually coming to that conclusion but i'm like i i could just never handle that pressure i would love to do something with him but i could never have the focus beyond our relationship is what i don't think i could do yeah I mean, it's just an added stress that I wouldn't recommend to anyone. Right. It is an added stress.

Yeah, because, and, you know, as much as you want to think you have control over yourself and what stories you're going to tell, in our case with an ensemble cast, it's so easy for somebody else to bring up a topic that maybe you don't want to talk about. But if they keep bringing it up on camera, eventually you're going to have to address it or talk about it. Right, yeah. You really just don't have control over where the story goes. I don't know. One of my girlfriends on the show, she's got a new boyfriend and she really wanted to bring him on. And she actually did bring him to filming one night. And she was completely not herself the entire. She was embarrassed by the things that she was supposed to be doing. She ended up leaving the night early. And then she was stressed that she didn't do a good job. Yeah. This is the problem. You know, it's it. You just don't have that, that, you know, my kind of. That's usually me. No, stop it. really you just your guy to call just calls you up apparently i need to take an appointment i'm sure

it's like something but confirming that you're uh good for you though good for you for taking care of your your health that actually reminds me i need to make an appointment so thank you for that yeah well i mean i feel like i went a solid year without going to the doctor which is very unlike me i'm uh like what do you call what's the hypochondriac yes really yeah yeah yeah Yeah, and actually it made me think, well, maybe my mental health is better if I'm all of a sudden not a hypochondriac this year. Because I think it's a good time to start. I feel like this time in life, it's stressful enough, like adding a hypochondriac onto being stressed in a pandemic, probably not the best combination. So what a great year to, you know, cleanse of that.

I don't know what that is called. I think of, like I have misophonia. Do you know what that is? No. I can't handle the sound of people. chewing or like drinking or like unless it's my dogs I'm like that's the cutest thing I've ever seen but but like if Jason is chewing cereal I'm like ah like it's always been a trigger for me yeah wow mine is flooding water go on don't know if there's water anywhere that it's not

supposed to be okay water overflowing in any space that it's long I just it's like the most terrifying feeling to me. I wonder if there's a name for that. I don't know, but it is really horrifying to me and I don't know why. Like, if there's ever a flash flood driving on the highway, I can, like, I cannot drive through. Have you had a bad experience with water in your life? No. I have nightmares about always my, this is so random too, but I think just because my, I'm sure my mom instilled this in me when I was growing up, like, if you walk on the ice, because where we lived, yeah, I mean, you're from Canada. I'm sure. You have, you probably had this too.

You know, all the lakes and ponds would freeze over in the winter. And so that plays this lecture, like, don't walk out on the ponds or lakes. Like you could fall through and then you get trapped under the ice. So I always have nightmares that my family members, like my siblings usually are under the ice and on through and I can't get them out. And I feel like the flooding water is in a way somehow connected with that. That makes actual total sense. So yes, that's, that's allowed.

I wonder if there's a name for that. But there's got to be. It's aquophobia. Yeah. We figured it out. Aquophobia. Okay, I don't mean to laugh at your aquophobia, but that's, there you go. There's a name for it.

You don't have to feel crazy now. Okay, cool. So I'm not the only, there you go. That's, I thought I was crazy my whole life. I thought there's something wrong with me because I actually get so triggered that I get angry sometimes over people eating. And I felt better once there was, like, once it was said what it was. It's just an irritation.

Yeah. It's not a fear, but, okay. Right. Yeah. It's more of it. I have a fear of birds, which is a whole other story, but that was definitely instilled in me from my mother. She is terrified of birds. And now my sister and I are both terrified of birds. Anyways, thoughts and prayers to the aquaphobia community. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. I wanted to ask you because I just know how hard it was for me watching back the Bachelorette, when I was on it. It was hard for me to watch with my partner and for obvious and very different reasons of your show. But then when we broke up, they re-aired my season and I found that super tricky to watch. And I wasn't yours airing when you guys were going through a breakup and you're

in a new relationship and you're trying to like, did you watch? I did not watch. Okay. Because of how overwhelmed I felt throughout filming the first season, I mean, it was really the most stressful time of my life because I knew that our relationship was falling apart. Everyone on the show was talking about it and calling us out, but we didn't want to have this public conversation about it because we didn't know where it was going to go or what was going to happen. And we've got, you know, families that we owe explanations to, you know, we, I don't know, you get it. So when the show actually aired, I really just had this kind of, I was like repulsed by it sort of. Yeah, it felt I felt icky. Yeah, I felt icky to me and I just really wanted to remove myself from it as much as I could. Once I signed on to the second season, which actually I tried to get out of doing a second season, but like they get you. They're good. So there was no option for me to get out of it. Now I'm grateful that I didn't because I'm much better this time around. But once I was signed on to the second season, we were about to start filming. I went back and I watched the first season. Oh, you did. And it wasn't as bad as I thought. Yeah.

And yeah, I really just wanted to kind of see it to give myself feedback on what I would do differently or, you know, in what ways I thought the show could be improved or, you know, just just to kind of get like what we had made. Yeah. What we were going to make going forward. And it was, it was a little embarrassing just because some of the things that I was saying at the time, like, you know, divorce isn't an option for us or the things, which I truly felt in the moment. Yeah, of course. I got married with every intention of staying married forever. And I feel like I've become a little cynical about marriage since because I genuinely felt that way. And then all of a sudden, it really wasn't an opportunity.

I mean, I really didn't have the option to stay married anymore. Right. So it was, I felt a little embarrassed about just maybe how naive I had been in that moment. But I also am really, like, proud and grateful of how far, both. and I have come since we were filming that and like how much more we've been able to own the reality of what's going on in our lives now. And I feel like having gotten through that, there's nothing that I feel embarrassed about anymore. I feel like everything that could have ever been put out into the public about me ended up being out there. Like no matter how

much I wanted to control it. Yeah. I think having that lack of control really just makes you realize that you can't control things and you may as well just not try and stress yourself out about it. Yeah. You kind of have to just surrender to the process. And when you do everything ends up better, I think. It's so true. And I mean, you seem like a very optimistic person who sees the silver linings and things. Were you always like that?

Or was that something because of these experiences, you've realized how beneficial that is? I think that I zoned into the fact that I was that way. because I was going through so many difficult things, because I actually had a few people say to me, you know, like you don't, almost like I don't live in, they thought I didn't live in reality because I was always seeing the positive side of whatever it was that I was going through.

And I'm like, I feel like it's almost more of a defense mechanism in a way, like not trying to see things. Like if I looked at everything exactly as it was, that would be a really harsh reality sometimes. And that being able to just, look on the bright side, but being able to look on the bright side of these situations and see a potential positive coming out of something really challenging is sort of my way of dealing with things. And I think that for me, that works. And part of the reason why I wanted to

start my podcast was because I knew a lot of people who didn't look at the world that way. and I felt like, you know, could, could maybe employ just some of that thinking in order to handle situations a little differently or to just, like, feel better about certain circumstances they were going through because I feel like for me, it's been beneficial to, you know, just try to look at what I can be grateful for in certain moments. I mean, I think gratitude is really, really important. Yes. And I don't think there's anything, like, delusional about being grateful for things when you're going

through something hard. And I don't know, I just, I just feel like there is truly always a silver lining to every challenging circumstance. It's just, you know, reframing your thoughts and trying to find what those are. Yeah, you sound very self-aware, which I love. And that's, I think that it literally took me going through everything I did over the past year and a half because I, I was really, I forced myself to be alone. I mean, you know, Brody and I split up, obviously got into a relationship quickly after that. But once that ended, I said to myself, you are not going to date anyone until you are 100% happy and feeling at peace with everything within yourself. And you're going to sit through the suffering of being alone and feeling lonely and wanting to have, you know,

a partner in life. And I did. I just made myself do it and it sucked. Yeah. But I feel like that's my one piece of advice for anybody who's going through a break. up is like just just sit with it and be uncomfortable and you learn so much about yourself when you only have yourself to look at you don't have anyone else to be you know reflecting your thoughts or ideas you don't have anyone else influencing what you're thinking and and yeah I think that because I was forced to really like dig deep and look within and determine what my problems were why I was ending up in the situations I was it was just like a huge period of growth and like becoming more self-aware. I mean, I'm, I also know I have a lot of work to still do.

And I, of course, doing that. That's part of being self-aware is knowing that. That's, I mean, me too. I'm just, I'm going to be an ongoing project my whole life. And that's, I mean, everybody is. Every year I learned so much about myself. And that was, you know, that's what I tell people, too, is you got to sit in the suck. You have to just sit there and you have to feel everything because I find that oftentimes people, you know, you want to jump into something else next because is a fun distraction and it's fun and that's okay to do that too but oftentimes you are just having someone there to project your own insecurities on you just like like you said you don't look deep into who you are you're more just like focused on the distraction and you or if you're like

me i project my insecurities onto somebody else if i'm not in a confident space and like the analogy of it being like putting a bandaid on a bullet hole you know what i mean it's like it's like yeah okay for that moment, it makes you feel better, but you still didn't address the actual issues. Yeah, absolutely. That's, and you have so many inspirational conversations on your podcast, that in itself, because I know, I find podcasting has been therapeutic for me because I get to have so many incredible conversations with so many great people who have different views and it's just always different and I love that.

And I feel like that's probably been such a, you started in 2020, right? Gosh, I think I recorded the first episodes when I was home. I went home in New Hampshire at the start of the pandemic. Yeah. And I recorded the first few episodes at my parents' house. So, yeah, I would have been like March, April, April 2020. Yeah, that's a good time to start having inspirational conversations and looking on the bright side. I needed to.

You know, my best friend who produces my show, actually, she'd been talking to me about doing a podcast for a while. And I just didn't really know if it was for me. But then we went into lockdown and I was like, I am going to go crazy if I'm not doing with something. And yeah, and I mean, I actually, like you said, I've really enjoyed having these conversations with such inspirational people. I had the founder of It Cosmetics actually on yesterday. And it was such perfect timing because I had just kind of woken up with this idea for a new

business. I'm really interested in pursuing. And I was feeling kind of overwhelmed by it. And, you know, she basically, like our podcast is her giving me a giant pet talk, basically. But I was like, how perfect that I got to have this conversation with one of the most entrepreneurial, incredible women in the country. You know, I mean, he's had incredible success and she was so kind, so generous with her advice. And I just thought, yeah, like, I'm so lucky that I get to do this.

Yeah, that was probably, well, exactly what you needed in that time. And I always believe in, like, the power of the universe and how it aligns you with the people you're supposed to be aligned with. And that was probably just like a conversation where you're like, of course that just happened. That's exactly what I needed. Yeah. No, it was literally exactly. It kind of actually shocked me because I was like, what are the odds that today I've been so stressed about this specific thing? And this is who I got to talk to.

Yeah, that's amazing. Who else have you loved talking to? Like, who are some of your favorite guests? well actually an episode that's that's airing today Lauren Paul and Molly Thompson who started the kind can't I love them yes they're wonderful and actually the my confession story was kind of inspired by the conversation that I had with them recently so we'll get to that but I loved having them on they were just you know I don't have you had them on your show yes yeah I did they're they're just wonderful people but you know I would say some of my favorite ones have

honestly been friends of mine. Yeah. Because I feel like we have conversations that we wouldn't normally have. I never sit down and interview my friends. You know what I mean? It's a little different when I'm having them on the podcast. And I feel like I've learned a lot about them that I didn't already know. And so that's been really fun.

And I also think it's nice for people to get a little peek into what those more intimate conversations are like. You know, I mean, I love having guests that I don't know. on um because i feel like it's informed informative but it's not as intimate you know so i think my favorites are having my friends on that's it's funny that you say that because i feel the same way like when i have my mom or my sister or one of my best friends or do you know do you know low von rump stylist oh no you don't talking about bosworth because she was on the hills um oh no who is it oh he's one of my favorite people i you should have him on the podcast um he's one of my favorite

people to bring on the podcast. He's just so funny. He styles me anytime I go to LA and he's become one of my best friends. And people will message me all the time requesting Lo to come back on the podcast because just like the banter between us and the, you can tell you're just sitting in on a friend conversation. Like people love hearing that that kind of thing. So it is fun to have friends on and be able to have that. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. And people are listening to your show because they want to hear what, you know, they want to learn more about you. Yeah. And I feel like that's where it gets tricky with having guests on all the time because, you know, I'm sometimes, obviously people want to learn about what the guest has to say. But I think a lot of the time they want to hear about you.

And when you have people on your show who know you, I think a lot more of that comes out. So. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. It's so funny because I just feel like what more could people know about me? I feel like everyone knows everything about me and I'm not sure. like what more I could share. I feel like this is also really, I'm starting to feel like one of these old people when it comes to the internet because I, my news source is yahoo.com and I don't know why.

I think it's like from, you know, 12 years ago when email first started, I must have had a Yahoo account. And I just got used to looking at the news on Yahoo. And for some reason, that is where I always go. But I swear every single day there's something about you on Yahoo. Really? Yeah, is they're like your biggest fans or whatever? I don't know. I feel like...

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. You're a Yahoo star. Yeah. That's so random. I didn't know that. That's a very... Now I'm going to switch my homepage to Yahoo.

Yeah. No, I know. I don't even know where... Like, where do you get your news? Because... Twitter. Okay. Well, that's a good one.

Well, it's a lot of news on there, though. Yeah. And often very overwhelming. Maybe I just need one. I think that's why I like Yahoo because I feel like it's just really usually international headlines and then

Caitlin Bristow. That's so random. I'm definitely checking that out because that's funny. Is it good stuff? It's like you know she won Dancing with the Stars and she just put out a new song. It's like all that yeah, all that stuff. I mean that's where I found out that you were going to be co-hosting

the goshworet. That's so funny. is up to date over there on Yahoo. That's so funny. My boyfriend is such an old soul. He actually reads the paper every morning. I'm jealous of that. I kind of want to start doing that because I feel like we're spending so much time on our phones. I know everyone says this and it's so annoying, like, whatever. We're all so much. But truly we are. And I feel like it takes a toll on your body. And I just want to get back. I started doing a puzzle. I have this. I love puzzles. Yeah. I have that, well, this one, I don't even know if I'm going to be able to do it. It's a 3D Harry Potter puzzle and all of the pieces are very similar in color. But the other day I just said,

you know what? I'm so sick of being on my phone or looking at the TV. I'm going to, I mean, I don't know how many years it's been since I sat down to do a puzzle, but I'm, that's what I'm doing. I totally hear you. The wrinkles in my neck have never been more severe from like putting my head down on my phone at all times. And I feel the same way. I got a book called The Road to You. And it's kind of about like enneagram numbers and and that kind of thing which I am always fascinated with and it's so funny because I'll get like three pages in and be like but what's going on on my phone I can't I know it's it's an it's a horrible addiction it is an addiction I'm like what am I even there's nothing happening on my phone it's fine put it down okay Matt Cutschall cutchall did a

video about um when you're on the toilet I wish I could find it right now and just show you he it's like a skit he's so funny he did he did this whole skit about how like if you're like on the toilet and you don't bring your phone about how it's like a panic like he like there and you can't get it yeah and he did this whole skit about him like jumping down the stairs with like toilet paper between his butt cheeks like just to go get his phone because it like felt better when he went to the bathroom and i was like that's so sad that i can relate to that yeah i mean i think everyone can it is and that's ariel's fiancee or something right yes yes i just i She and I also have a lot of mutual friends and have met at parties here and there.

So sometimes I'll see their little videos on. They always do really funny stuff. She is one of the funniest, but also most humble, beautiful souls I've ever met. Crazy. I'm beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. She's, it's not even fair.

Like, I'll be around her and I'm like, how are you like attend so hilarious? Also a really big sweetheart, super smart, motivated, like everything. I'm like, the list goes on. She's incredible. I'm like that about Tiffany Shepard. There are a few girls I'm friends with who I'm like, God, I just, how do you do it? I know, yeah. Yeah.

That's, they probably feel the same way about you though. No, I, you know what? I don't have the same. I just don't have the same. The one thing that I definitely know I'm lacking is the drive. Like, I don't have the same motivation, I feel like as a lot of these. I don't know. No, I feel like everybody feels that way because you see everyone doing something.

all the time, especially in L.A. Everybody's always creating something, doing something, like, seems so motivated. But I feel the same way people will often say to me, like, how do you do all these things? You're so motivated and driven. I'm like, I actually have to, like, pull myself out of bed some days or, like, I feel so lazy at times. And I have a team that helps me out so much. And I'm like, I don't know.

Feel a little better. But I was thinking that the same thing about you. I'm like, okay, she went dancing with the star. Like, how many things can you do? But it's also funny because I am one of the laziest people out there. And it makes no sense. I just, I like to call it balance. That's what I pretend it is.

It's just balance, okay? I can go in dancing with the stars, but I can also like drink wine every night and stay in my sweatpants until two in the afternoon and feel no shame. Yeah, no, that sounds great. I definitely feel shame when I do that, but I do it all the time anyway. Don't feel shame.

You got to do what, you got to be who you are. If that's who you are, it's not like you're, you're successful. You're doing good stuff. You know, you've got it going on and you're allowed to be lazy too. Okay. I give you permission. People to tell me this because I really will feel guilty. I'm like, no, I should be doing more.

Like, I feel like every minute of the day, I should be doing something productive. No. Instead, like marriage or mortgage is on and you just do your puzzle and watch your shows. And if that makes you happy, you just. feel zero guilt about it you should feel guilty if you're doing things you don't want to do yeah that's a good point okay that's how you look at it that's how i justify it to myself right well while we're on the subject of like you feeling embarrassed because you think you're lazy tell me an actual embarrassing story it's it's the time of the pod where we confess

about something. I'm going to make you feel better about your confession, too. Well, this was something that I was super embarrassed about at the time when it happened. But it's also kind of, I don't, I'm not sad about it now. So I don't want anyone to feel bad for me when I tell the story. The reason I want to tell it is because I had Lauren Paul and Molly Thompson on my show the other day from the Kind campaign. And for anyone who doesn't know, even though they've been on your show too, so they probably will know. The Kind campaign is an organization that addresses a girl and girl bullying, you know, or just like all through the school years. So they go into these. So for a long time, I felt like I should share

this story, but I never did because I was still kind of embarrassed about it like all these years later. But when I went to college, I went away to college and my best friend went to college with me. But when we got to school, we like didn't really, I don't know, something happened. Like, we just weren't really as close friends anymore. And I started dating this guy and he was the captain of the hockey team at UNH and like totally fell in love with him. And I kind of did that classic like bail everybody to be with the boyfriend. Well, my sophomore year of college, I decided like, okay, I really need to find more balance and like kind of figure out my girl relationships. I didn't really have any close girlfriends at the time. And the only girls

I had become friends with at school where classmates and, you know, these were the people that I had sort of socialized with all the weekends. And all of them were in this sorority. And so I decided my sophomore year of college to rush the sorority. And it was, you know, there were probably four or five sororities on campus and you had to go through the rush process. Were you in a sorority? No, I'm like, what's a rush process? I don't even know what that is. We didn't do this in Canada. Okay. So, well, you know what, good because I actually think that it should be abolished because it was like this ended up being so traumatizing for me. So basically you go through this process where you go around to each of the houses on campus and you meet with all the girls in the sorority. And so like all these

girls that I was pretty, that I'd become sort of friends with through school were in the same sorority and they're like, you should totally join, you know, like we would love to have you and da da da and so I was so excited about it. And I'm like, I want to, you know, be a part of this like club and join the sorority. And so you go through a process where you meet with each house and you tour the house and like meet all the girls. And then essentially there's like an elimination process where you say like the houses you're interested in

and they say if they're interested in having you. Oh. Yeah. I mean, it's it's kind of rough actually. But like it's supposed to be that you kind of, you know, the different houses match up with different types of people. And essentially what ended up happening was the house that all of my friends were in,

rejected me from joining. Oh, my gosh. And it was kind of like, I just wasn't expecting that. I thought like it was basically the biggest humiliation for me because I felt like every single girl that I knew at college, which at the time was my world. Yeah. Didn't like they had kind of, they'd been telling me they wanted me to join this club that they're all in.

And then they denied you. Did me. Why? All knew. I don't know. I still don't know to this day like what. the reason was, I don't know. I feel like this was kind of a pattern like throughout high school. I think, too, I was always kind of friends with all the boys. And I feel like the girls were always

kind of mean to me. And I feel like the same sort of thing happened in college. And I think this is like a common, like Lauren Paul was saying the same thing that a lot of girls say, you know, I don't really have girlfriends. I'm just friends with the boys because it's easier. And I feel like that was sort of always my mentality too was like, I just, I don't know, like girls always felt kind of mean. And so, and I was so devastated when I was rejected by this sorority. Like I literally called, I called my mom. I called my boyfriend and I was like hysterical. I feel like I spent days in bed at home just like mortified because not only was I rejected,

but it was like in front of everyone that I knew. That's terrible. And I was friends with. And I was so sad about it. And the reason I wanted to tell the story, it has kind of a funny ending. Okay, because I'm like really sad right now. And I know you said don't feel bad for you, but I wanted to like, how'd you? No, I mean, for a while, I mean, I felt pretty bad for myself, too. But I wanted to tell

this story because I wanted other girls or women to know that like these things happen and you can go on. Like, that's a moment in your life that at the time felt so pivotal and brutal to me and I was so devastated that I didn't get into the sorority and like my life was over. But, you know, I went on and like have had a great life since. And. And so, and this is going to make me some kind of evil, but I, it was like one of those karma moments, okay? Yeah. So fast forward eight years, I would say. And I was engaged to Brody.

Mm-hmm. And we were living in Malibu, and, you know, at the restaurant Nobu Malibu. Mm-hmm. So for anyone who doesn't know, it's just like this, it's like this beautiful sushi restaurant on the water in Malibu. And it's like really, generally pretty difficult to get a reservation. You'd want to book it really far in advance. But because Brody grew up in Malibu, he grew up going to Nobu. Went back before it was even on the beach there.

It was like this little tiny spot in Cross Creek. And so he'd known, he'd become friends with like the GM and the chef and all that for a long time. So like we were fortunate enough that we could like go there and just say, hey, we want to get a table and they would give us a table, which was really nice. So one night we went there and we were like, oh, hey, you know, saying hi to everybody at the front. They're like, oh, hey, you want us to get to your table? And we're like, yeah, we're just going to grab a drink at the bar first. And we walk into the bar and across the bar, the president of the sorority sitting there with like some random guy and she's like waiting for a table.

and she's like, Kaelin, oh my God. And she's like, now all of a sudden she, you know, she's waving. And I just remember thinking, and she was like waiting and waiting. And we ended up going and sitting at our table and having dinner. And I still see, she's like still sitting there waiting for her table. And I just thought like, oh my God. Karma has no deadline. Right.

And I mean, I know it sounds kind of like, I needed this revenge. I just thought in that moment. you know what everything's okay actually like yeah or anything just didn't matter and and I just thought that for anybody who ever went through that experience because it was so painful and traumatizing to me in the moment and embarrassing yeah that I don't know I just wanted to share it because I thought you like you can have something like that happened and go on to like have a great life and like you know these things I agree with you I was sitting here nodding my head and smiling the whole time because on a lower scale it wasn't in front of too many people but same

thing happened to me where I was more friends with guys in high school and I had a group of girlfriends and we were all friends they were kind of mean and like not maybe not necessarily directly to me but just kind of mean girls in general and I was in and out of the friendships because I was more friends with guys and so when they were all going to our graduation party prom I was like, well, hey, can I be in the limo with all of you girls? And they had to have a meeting about it. And they originally had said no. But then all of my guy friends were like, you guys are so mean, like let her be a part of the limo that they had another meeting.

And then they said, okay, I could come. I had to sit in the front seat of the limo. Are you kidding? No. And it was this stupid little dinky frigging friggin' limo with that on you. when you're that age. Yes. And it was like, oh, my, I remember being like, I have to sit.

I'm sitting in the front seat of this limo because these girls, they don't even want me here. Like, why would I just not go with my guy friends? I should have just went with them looking back at it now. Right. But like, say, I bet that happens to so many girls, I bet so many girls have the same story. And I always think of my niece right now, who's 13. And she was telling me about a couple of girls who have been mean to her. And I'm like, it just, it's like triggering.

It puts me right back into that mode where I just want to like tell her. that like you're not even going to remember those girls names at you know when you're 13 and to where you're going to be in life in the stage of life that matters you're not going to even remember who these people are right it's so true and like it's really again it's like the benefit of hindsight but yeah in those moments you just feel like that's that's the end of the world your whole world is is your classmates in your school and and that's what I love about the kind campaign is how they go around and and really kind of remind you know it's like it's like my my story or your story in Lauren or Molly's words like their own version of that and I think it's

it's just so great to remind young women that like this is a moment in time and it's not going to be the rest of your life and and you know people go on to do amazing things like people that you look up to now or you know everybody's had that path and and challenges to get where they are and and yeah I don't know I think it's just a good reminder to know like everyone's you know real and these things happen. Yeah, and I feel like it still could happen to, like, adults and, like, women still have that, you know? It still happens to me all the, like, these things still totally happen.

It's just that I don't care. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You just stop giving shits about it, yeah. Yeah, I mean, and also, you know, when I, and it's funny because I feel like a lot of people say L.A. is, like, the hardest place to meet genuine, no people are friends. I mean, the best friends I've ever had when I moved to L.A. I mean, it's nice. Yeah, I mean, it's a, I don't know, I feel like I had the opposite experience where like I really, maybe at that point I just knew how to identify friends better or whatever, but I, that's what I was going to say. I think you get to a point to you in your life where you realize the benefit to yourself by surrounding yourself with good people that you start attracting those good friendships anyways. So I feel, I feel like that's part of it. Like you definitely attract the stages you're in in life, like where I like kind of like in relationships.

you accept the kind of love that you think you deserve in the time and you can grow and change out of that and then finally accept the love that you deserve kind of thing with friendships as well that probably happens and I mean you're doing such good work you you work with organizations you're passionate about animals you're probably finding your friendships through these incredible things that you're doing um yeah I think that having having greater greater causes and interest outside of your social life are definitely help in developing good relationships with people who have like-minded interest. And, you know, one of the things that, Jamie, the founder of it cosmetics said to me yesterday, which I really liked, was that happiness and feeling truly fulfilled comes from doing things

that are benefiting more than just yourself. And I feel like that comes with relationships too. It's like, you know, when you find those relationships where, yeah, like you're both not just focused on like your immediate self and you've got. greater things that you're working on and passionate about like that yeah it's your personal relationships 100% so true and are you you're dating someone right now right yeah are you are you keeping it a little more private i feel like you are but that's up to you obviously i'm not like yeah no i am it just in the sense of you know i just feel like i've learned that there's really no

benefit to putting it out there so much but i'm not like i mean we i'm not hiding him or anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And actually he, he came to filming the show for the first time the other day, which I never thought we would do. Yeah. But it just sort of made sense for this one thing. But no, his name's Chris. He's like, I don't know if you're familiar with Brock Collection. It's a women's wear luxury brand. He makes absolutely stunningly beautiful clothing. Oh, amazing. Yeah. And so he co-fellers. founded Brock collection. His name's Chris Brock. So it's like a namesake thing. And he's started that, I think, in 2014. And so he's a designer and creative director. And just like a really

interesting, talented person. And so, you know, and like a full grown-up. He's got a son. And so that's been really nice. Yeah. It's like a very different, different dynamic. And definitely makes me feel very grounded, which I feel like is the opposite of any any other relationship have I've ever had. That's a nice feeling to feel in a relationship. Yeah. I think that's the goal, you know. Yeah.

That's so nice. How long have you guys been dating? We've been dating since last May. So whatever that would be, like nine months. Yeah, well, that doesn't matter. Nine months. It's funny because I feel like always in the past, I've been so focused on like the steps in a relationship and like the, you know, timeline and everything.

And this one, I just, it's like I don't think about anything. I just go with the flow and it's just been so easy and great. It's so interesting that you have been like that in the past because I read your L article and like I wouldn't think you would in the past. That was by the way a beautiful article and I loved everything you said and not, you know, not liking the labels and putting yourself into a box. So I wouldn't imagine you counting those steps and like, you know, doing that in past relationships. I just think it was like a control thing maybe like really wanted to check certain

boxes in my life and and realizing again like you don't you just can't control everything and you have to really go with the flow and I feel like the more I've relaxed in terms of trying to make things happen the more they've happened you know yeah isn't that interesting but thank you for reading that article I I you know that was for me so important because I felt again kind of like the sorority story although I feel like I told the L1 better um I I just really wanted anyone who felt like they were in a place. I don't know. I think I just had this kind of this empathy for anybody who was in a position

similar to mine where they found themselves in a same-sex relationship or a relationship that, you know, nobody really under, or like they felt like they couldn't share. It's not represented as much. Represented or whatever the case. I felt like I was so fortunate that my family was so wonderful and like open-minded and accepting. And they've always been so great about everything.

thing with me. And I feel like I sort of put them through the ringer over the course of my adult life. And I just felt like if anybody didn't have family like that, which of course a lot of people don't or they don't have a supportive community in one form or another, that I just wanted to share my story so that they would know they're not alone. And again, like, you know, these are things that happened to everybody, you know, whether you would think it or not. It's like, you know, everybody goes through these moments and like rediscovering or discovering themselves and like it's okay to you know find find something out about yourself later in life that you know is different and like embrace that and just be up into all these different things yeah i mean there's so many people

that obviously struggled that that article probably helped them but i mean that must have been on a whole other level being so public for you as well again that's out of control like you know what i mean Yeah, I mean, well, basically, I was kind of hoping to never have to say anything about that entire situation, but I felt like, I felt like the way that it was being portrayed in the, in the media was like very not true to what my actual experience was. Yeah. And so, I mean, certainly that was a benefit to writing the L article as well was just kind of saying my piece and like being done with it. I hadn't initially planned on saying anything, but it was like getting so. carried away and I felt like you know what I really want to say my get my like kind of narrative out there I wanted to be like it was like a really real experience for me because I can see why

from the outside it would seem sort of ridiculous like I was married but not legally married and I was dating all of a sudden dating my friend and it wasn't a public spectacle or were we just trying to fuck with our husband you know what I mean it was like right everybody there was so much input from now so many yeah so many people trying to control your narrative without you having a voice right and and for me it was like such a such an emotional and like serious and real thing and i was like this isn't funny it's not a it's not intended to be a spectacle it's not um a revenge plot like it right it was none of those things and and so i was you know i just felt like it was important to also for yeah for people who have these relationships like it's not a joke i think

people like to realize same-sex relationships, especially between women. Yeah, I just thought, you know, I don't, I'm not okay with that. And I want it to be very clear that, like, this is not a joke. And, you know, these are real situations people have. And, like, it's nothing to be ashamed of. And it should be, you know, made fun up. So. Yeah. I loved, I loved it.

And I just, I feel like everyone should read that article. But tell everyone where they can find your podcast and everything that you've got going on. Okay. So my podcast is called The Bright Side. And it's available wherever everyone streamed for podcast. Spotify, Apple. My Instagram is at Caitlin, which is K-A-I-T-L-Y-N-N. And you can find my podcast through there as well.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. And I'll be on the hills on TV, which I think as of now is supposed to be, we're slated to start airing that show in May. Oh, I was going to ask. Oh, May. Okay. Yeah, fingers crossed. I mean, you know, we've had some hiccups with COVID and everything.

Right. Scheduling-wise for filming. But I think the plan is May. So. I'm Caitlin. Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Brisco.

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