Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Kat Timpf | Comedian & Bestselling Author on Shattering Stereotypes in Politics, Pregnancy, and Santa Claus!

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

#791. Kat Timpf— New York Times bestselling author, comedian, and Fox News star—is back with her trademark wit and a brand-new book, I Used to Like You Until... (How Binary Thinking Divides Us). Kat joins Kaitlyn to spill everything: meeting her husband on Raya, what it’s really like working at Fox as an independent thinker, and the biggest misconceptions about her. From hilarious takes about sauce drama (dry nuggets are a crime) to revealing why she opened up about dating women for the first time in her book, Kat doesn’t hold back! She even talks aliens with Donald Trump, the psychology behind internet outrage, and—yes—why her love for Santa Claus has grown after this fun chat with Kaitlyn. Tune in for laughs and insights on life, labels, and why Kat refuses to be boxed in! If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE! Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals! Gravity Defyer: Use VINE for $20 off orders of $100 or more at gdefy.com Ouai: Go to THEOUAI.com for 15% off sitewide and enter promo code VINE. Progressive: Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now starting.

Hey everybody. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And today we have Cat Timp on the podcast. who I think people just make assumptions because she's on Fox News, but she is here to kind of explain how we all need to see each other as human beings again. The fact that she's a comedian is really nice because she gets to kind of intertwine her humor into politics. I usually don't do politics on this podcast, but I like her interesting take and I like her as a person. So please enjoy this conversation. Okay, let's just call it what it is.

You're having a bad day. I just limped up to your front door I'm very late I'm very late I'm very sorry I'm like I'm like unacceptably late like there's late There's like she's kind of an asshole late And then there's like is she really coming What the fuck's going on late And that was the one that I was

And I really want to apologize Today I came here from New York I flew I went all the way to LaGuardia And I'm going through check in They're like you need to be at JFK And so I ran through the airport and I'm pregnant and I'm not supposed to be running because I have like I'll get like pelvic floor pain and I like it's bad I like pulled by my like pelvic area and my hip like I think I like pulled

something I'm limping around and then oh I get to the cat the car and I'm like having a meltdown you know I don't like handle stress well I'm like crying you know I'm crying yeah hyperventilating airports do it to you too dude and this is like the third time I've gone to the wrong one I'm not good at it oh loat then the guy I'm like crying I'm calling my husband he's not answering because like he's It's like an ungodly time to even be awake. Right. But then the driver turns around. He's like, how's Carl?

Who's my dog that he trained? And it's like, stop. You never want people who know you in real life to see you like that. I was like, he's good. And then I had to get out and run at the other airport. And then obviously I got here. And I said that I said, well, it's only up from here. Yeah.

I knew better than that. Well, wait, I'm confused. Your Uber driver was also your dog trainer? She was my dog trainer. I guess he also does that. Well, that's crazy. Yeah, it was crazy. Oh, Carl.

I have a French bulldog. Oh, I just pictured a French bulldog when I heard Carl. Yeah. Oh, that's so cute. Yeah. I love dogs so much. Well, I'm glad you made it. I made it.

It was horrible. Like, there's an act. The traffic was absolutely insane. Oh, the traffic around this time, like three o'clock, I would say, is when it gets gnarly. Yeah. Yeah. Nashville's not great for that. Well, you're here.

I'm here. We're doing it. I limped my way up. Your decorations look great. Oh, they're not mine. I don't know in this house. Oh. Well, whoever did, whoever did.

I know, they're fun, right? I live, like, 10 minutes from here, but I'm already ready for Christmas. I'm one of those. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, I have a couple pumpkins around, but I'm like, get to November. I want it to be Christmas time. See, my husband likes Christmas more than me.

I'm not coming out as anti-Christmas. Like, I like Christmas. I like to spend time with my family. Yeah. But he's all, like, the Hallmark movies, like, everything. He's into that. How did you meet him? We met on Raya.

How cute. Isn't that weird? What is, is he like a somebody? No, he's a finance guy. Oh. But yeah, he's... So what is Raya? Is Raya like you got to get in to know?

Is it like a Soho house of dating? Maybe. Like, to keep, I met a lot of douchebags on Raya too. I met a lot of people who are not my husband on Raya. Yeah. And, but your husband's a sweet angel. He's a sweet guy. Yeah. Any man who likes Hallmark Christmas movies makes me happy.

But he also went to war, which is crazy. Oh, shit. Yeah. So it's like you don't expect... Well, thank him for his service. service yes thank you babe yeah thank you thanks babe you're watching this thank you oh my gosh wow yeah and now so then he came out of that and did went gone into finance yeah exactly wow wow and you tell me how your career started like uh so i got into columbia journalism school okay and i was all psyched to go but then i

realized i didn't have money to go so i was like i can't go yeah you need that and i was living with my college boyfriend at the time in los angeles and the plan was and i was 21 so it's like a 21 year old plan I was going to live with him until my internship was over and then we were going to break up and I was going to go to Columbia and when I decided I wasn't going to Columbia I just non-consensually moved in with him but I was like I'm not going to Columbia

and then I was like okay and I just didn't go anywhere and I live there which like didn't like solve all the problems the relationship had so I kept I kept just living there but then we broke up right because it's whatever but I

so then I kept living in LA like I moved to this horrible apartment this horrible neighborhood kept interning kept working in restaurants, started doing stand-up comedy, because I really found that talking about this stuff on stage was super helpful to me. Of course. It was really kind of a disaster, though. Like, I didn't have any money.

Then I lost my apartment and I'd move in with this bartender. I was kind of seeing from the California Pizza Kitchen where I worked. CBK. But we weren't like to gather together. Yeah. But like, I needed to live there. Whatever. That was a disaster.

I've been in a similar situation, yes. It happens. It happens. It happens. He was hot and dumb. Great. Yeah. And you were how old?

I was 21. Incredible. So I was like, this is great. Yeah. Let's go. Nobody dates of ugly and smart man when you're 21, it's hot and dumb. Yeah, you're not even considering. No, no, no, no.

You want hot and dumb. Then I moved to D.C. I got a job in D.C. writing, and then I kept doing comedy. And then I started getting on TV, on Fox, for pieces like stuff I wrote. Yeah. And then there was a show called Red Eye that aired at 3 in the morning that I was on. I actually always really liked the show. It was a weird show.

It was a fan of the show. And the host of it had me on when he saw me on. talking about something else that we just hit it off yeah and then the rest is kind of history where so that because that you kind of just casually dropped that you went from comedy to fox that's yeah i'm like make it make sense so i went yeah so i was also a writer too and the show like the show that i'm on is is a comedy show but i also do analysis but the fox thing is interesting for me because i'm not i'm not a republic i'm not conservative yeah but i'm also i'm not liberal either i'm just independent i guess yeah so it is kind of this weird position where it's like people sometimes who watch Fox aren't the biggest

fan of me or you know people do like me that watch Fox but yes there's people who sometimes are like you know you're a deplorable gross human being because of XYZ you know yeah of course but then people will say the same thing about me from the other side when they find out that I work there in the first place so that's what my book my new book's about yeah I was going to say which it leads me into your book yeah because okay so it's called I used to like you until you're naked on it with hate male covering you, which I assume because you are in the world of politics, but you're also a comedian, which is very interesting mix. But what is, because you say how binary thinking divides us. Yeah. What does that mean? It's like the two sides, I feel. Yeah. Like, it's like, okay,

you're either Republican, you're either Democrat, you're either this or either that. And I feel like so many issues are more complex and people are always nuanced and complex. Right. And I've lived a lot of life already. And I know so many different people with so many different beliefs. and they're all valuable relationships to me in one way or another. And so I wanted to kind of write about that. And I share a lot of deeply personal stories in the books. I think being vulnerable is a huge way out of the mess for people. Because we don't really see each other as human anymore.

And that's a huge part of it. When did that change? I don't know. I think that social media is a lot to do with it. But I just expose myself a lot like in the book. So I love that you, I love vulnerability. I like when people can expose themselves. I've always considered myself an open book.

In the last, I would say, year I've been so, like, hanging onto other things and more of a closed book and like scared to share because it feels like, well, I even wrote it down, like being open and vulnerable when people are just going to hate you no matter what, like, what inspires you to keep being vulnerable? Because I need the advice when people are just going to like still come out. And they do, by the way. Like I have been, I have been bullied for the exact things that I have put out there about myself. Right. I think, honestly, but I think it's worth it when people do connect with me on certain things. I mean, I've opened up in the book about being in a horrific relationship that was not just mentally and emotionally abusive, but physically abusive as well. People have come up to me talking about that. Yeah. And I also really just think that if you want people to see you as human and we need to see each other as human, you got to be willing to show that you are a human. Yeah. And I always am kind of like, you know, if I have to think, okay, if I put this out there, people might be mean to me about it. But if I don't, then I'll wonder what I've made my point better if I did. Well, that's why social media is so tricky, because we don't see each other as humans because we are illusions just showing what we want to show.

So if more people would show up vulnerable on social media and talk about real things, we might see each other as more human. But it's, it is crazy how much people align themselves. Like they've already, the work is done for them. So they go, oh, I'm on this team. And then they don't do their own research at all. And I'm on this team. And then everyone does this.

instead of having their own thoughts. Or even an association. I mean, so, I mean, in this book, I talked about having dated women, which I've never talked about publicly before this book. And it's one of the things that everyone in my life knew about because I did, so it's like, what are you doing this weekend? You know what I mean?

And I was nervous about it just because I'd never talked about before. I don't want people to make a big deal about it. And Variety did a piece about my book and about me where that was the first time that this was gonna be out there. And I was so nervous and I was so relieved that nobody made a big deal about it, But instead, all the, not all the, but a lot of readers of the magazine were horrified that they had done something on somebody who works at Fox without even clicking on it, seeing anything about me. So I think another thing that helps, and this is kind of a sick, twisted thing, you're never going to get shit for what you expect.

You're going to get shit for. Oh, God. Don't I know it? All the stuff that I've worried about getting shit for never happened, but it's some other thing. Yeah. It'll always be something, especially. I mean, I'm sure people just, like you've said, Fox, then they associate you with one lane and one lane only. And they put you in a box now and you weren't allowed to have any other thoughts or opinions because you are on Fox.

Exactly. How do you defend that? It's crazy. It's just my experience. It's like, okay, let's hang out for five minutes. And then you'll realize it's different than what you think. And also, I have friends at Fox who are conservative who aren't these things that people say. And there are, of course, there are assholes who are conservative.

There's assholes who are of all different political persuasions, right? And I feel like the, you know, the powerful people, they have a lot, including media, even though I work in the media, has a lot to gain from division, right? But I see how much we kind of lose with that. And I mean, I don't know. So I've just decided to be open about it, but people get, and you never know people are going to pissed about. I want to pull up something. You said something and I thought I'd remember it, but I haven't.

Now I need to just pull it up on your Instagram. because I loved what you said. Oh, gosh. And I won. I say a lot. Well, first of all, your piece on chicken nuggets without the sauce. Thank you.

Really resonated with me. I snapped the other night when my Chick-Balay order came and my sauces weren't there. And then did they try to refund you like a couple cents for the missing sauces? Yes. You've ruined my entire dinner. Yes. Because I was, like you said, nobody likes dry chicken nuggets. Nobody.

No, you've ruined my dinner. Like, give me all my money back or send somebody back with the sauces. Yes. I'm going to eat this, I'm going to regret eating this. I'm not going to want eating this. But you know what I did? I bought gallons of the sauces now. Yeah. So I'm prepared. I've left and gone to the store to get ranch before. I believe you. I refuse. I will not eat. I actually won't eat anything without sauce. No, I agree. Like, I don't care if it's dippable or not. I'm eating it with a sauce. Okay. This is what you said. So obvious,

I can't believe they conducted it. But it's true that moral outrage is more often rooted in self-interest than altruism. So studies actually found the, if people felt powerless over a problem, the more motivated they were to direct that outrage at a third-party target, and then the better they felt when they did. And it makes a lot of sense. Explain why that makes a lot of sense. But I was listening to that and I'm like, oh, damn, that's so true. Even I do it. Yeah. Yeah, I wrote about it in the book where it's like you think of all these people who go, okay, this is problems because of you, because of you. You realize it is really a lot of the times people are projecting all the time.

It's such a thing. And think about it. If the other side or if this person or that group is bad, then you get to be good just because you're not on that team. And that's a really hard thing to give up. And I call myself out for times I've done stuff like this throughout my book as well because it's human to do this kind of stuff, sadly. Yeah, I know. What do you think people will gain the most from reading your book? So I've had so many people say that they've had their minds opened to different.

things because probably the point. Which is the point where I've had people say, oh, you know, I used to be somebody who was like, I'm conservative and all liberals are bad and crazy. And now I don't think of it that way or in the reverse. Right. And people can sometimes find it's an uncomfortable book to read because it does make you think about that stuff. Yeah. And I and I begin the book by calling myself out for it too. So it's not like I'm, oh, I'm so much wiser and better than everybody else. It's kind of just like, oh, I've noticed that I keep doing this and what I lose when I do this and how much better it is if we don't do this. But since it's, I'm independent, either side, if you're conservative, you're liberal, regardless, you'll read the book and

you'll find stuff you disagree with for sure. But you'll also find some stuff you agree with. And also, again, I really do expose myself enough and talk about, I share enough about myself that I think it makes it a little easier to kind of digest, first of all, because a lot of the stories are wild and it's fun and it's interesting to read. But also because you can find something to relate to because we've all been through stuff it's it kind of reminds me of therapy yeah like people don't want to dig into their past because that would be so hard and it would bring up a lot of shadows and darkness and shame yeah so they just don't go there and then they don't grow as a human being and they stay stuck and they're angry and all the stuff it's kind of like people don't want to look at

all the sides of politics and go into that because then they might be wrong about something or they might question their whole belief system and they don't want to. It's easier to just pick aside for a lot of people, have other people do all the work for them with the research and be like, yeah, that. Yes, exactly. And there's also research in my book that shows that we are really off in our estimations of each other and both parties do this where there is a huge gap between people who actually hold these so-called extreme beliefs and then the ones that actually do. And people, they'll totally overestimate that. So they're things. They're thinking, oh, I hate, let's say I hate Republicans or I hate Democrats because they believe X, Y, Z.

And a lot of times, most of them don't actually even believe that. Right. What is the craziest hate mail you've ever gotten? It's hard to say. I mean, I've gotten a lot. I mean, okay, I've gotten, you know what is crazy is I've gotten a lot of hate mail from women since I got pregnant about how I'm talking about it wrong, you know, talking about it too much, dressing wrong during it. I thought And I get

I mean the men are all like Your tits are big now So it's like it's not like Which they are Which I never I never have had boobs in my life And now I do That's like the one exciting Well the baby's exciting

But also the boobs are exciting Yeah I haven't met the baby yet So I don't really know Yes But that's been kind of wild It's like I was like Oh I'm gonna be so connected

To all these other women Yeah Who've gone through pregnancy And that has not been my experience I hate that I went over at Barstool I did out and about out. And I had my, I love, I love them. I love that Joey. So, and I had my belly out for the

interview. And boy, you think I pillaged a village and burned it to the ground. Some people were like, you put that away. Like, on their podcast? You think you would. But it was people that probably watch Fox and then saw like, you know, my bell. Like, you know, or if I say like, or shit, like, that's not how a mother should talk. Or I'm talking about it too much. Or it's like, and also, yeah, I'm, it's, like, is that your whole personality? I know. I'm like, yes, it It is. As of right now, yeah. Actually, for the next several months it is. The thing that affects every decision that I make is also going to be affecting my personality. No shit. I pulled my, I'm going to probably be sitting in my hotel room with ice on my pelvis having done nothing fun today. And you're probably going to talk about it. I ran through a nerve. Yes, exactly. I'm going to talk about it. But I've gotten insane. I mean, I've had to put people in like jail and stuff because of like actual threats to my life. shit so but those were all men

those were all men my gosh the violence was all men that's actually so scary like I did a I did a reel the other day I haven't posted it but it was me and my girlfriend walking and saying like night walks are so fun

it's just the shame that like men murder at this hour night walks would be so fun to go night walks with your girlfriend but like it's too bad that men murder it really is but that should be the name of Dateline yeah

But it's just so, I'm just so inspired by you to keep going and keep doing what you're doing when people are just hate mail, that kind of level of hate mail. I don't know what is going on with me, but I've recently just been wanting to shut down instead of share more. I hear you. I kind of do, like, I cry a lot. I do I cry like a lot. Yeah.

And not just today. Like, today was a lot. Today was a heavy day. But on an average day, I usually cry. Yeah. But I, sometimes I can feel that way too, though. Yeah. I think I just do it anyway.

Because I can be like, why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Because everybody hates me. Right. It's both sides. Why am I doing this? Because what I also drives me nuts too is I know I can make more money and I can be more successful with the platform that I have just going on and just being like, I agree.

When I sit down, I know what the viewer is watching me, the majority of them want to hear me say. Right. And I also know that if I say that, then more people are going to come to my shows. They'll sell out all of them. will sell out. I saw it a decent amount of shows. I do well, but it'd be all of them. The venues would be bigger. But I just can't. I can't. I just feel, yeah, I just, it's not right. And I don't want to so, but it's not like I am getting tons of props from people on the other side either because I do that. Right. I guess it's just, it is worth it for the people who say, okay, oh, you've changed

my mind about this. Yeah. Oh, this or this or this or oh, this or this or this. Well, that's your purpose. Why did I go into this? I didn't go into this like just to be on TV. It sucks getting your hair and makeup done every day. It really does. People don't, it's really bad for your eyes. Yeah, it's bad for everything. I really, I really, I had to film something for five weeks and I was like the one thing I don't like about this is having to get my hair and makeup done every day. And then taking it off every day. Like the full drag. Like my hair is, even right now my hair is fake. But like, you know, it's same. It's yeah. I love when people are like, oh, your hair is so beautiful. I'm like, yeah, no, no. That's not. It's not. I bought it. But it's. It is beautiful, but it's not mine. How do you stay strong in your mental? health. I go to therapy. And I'm not always strong in my mental health. I consider strong in your mental health being able to cry and move through emotions that way. Like I mean, I'm on

antidepressants. I'm on anti-anxiety. I am totally an emotional human, but I still think I'm mentally strong. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm also on Medicaid at the first time of my life. Nice. Because I have ADHD and I've been off of my vibe. I was on stimulus as I was five. Yeah. So it's been really hard. But also I'm like really way better on stage now so I'm like oh there you go what do I do like the impulse control problem is an issue at home but like it makes me really funny on stage so what do I don't know I think comedy helps laughing helps telling jokes helps you can always tell to me telling a joke about something that is making you feel powerless gives you power over it yeah I agree that's what I love definitely working out's always help me can't do that now because my pelvis is just like it's so it's so

crazy yeah pregnancy is like really bad for your body how far How long are you? And congratulations, by the way. Thank you. I'm almost six months. Okay. Yeah. Oh, my God, you're the first person that's not said weeks. Yeah, it's like 24 weeks, I guess. Wow. Yes. I also heard you're not supposed to say congratulations until the baby's born. So I'm happy for you. Really? I don't know. I don't know. Because no one's, yeah, but we don't, yeah, we don't know. Yeah, but we don't, yeah, but we don't, yeah, but we don't, yeah, but we don't, yeah, but we don't, yeah, but we don't know. You worry about that. Well, I was fascinated by your opinion piece on Fox. I read that and I'm always fascinated by mother-daughter relationships and I'm sorry that you lost your mom 10 years ago. It will be 10 years on election day. That's what were you into politics 10 years ago? Wow. Yeah. I just started getting like guest appearances on Fox at the time. And were you close with your mom? So I write a lot about this in my book in the last chapter, which is also this is the hardest to write, the one I was the most nervous about coming

out and the one I've been attacked for the most, actually, in a lot of ways. Because we were really close. We had a lot in common. Our personalities were exactly the same. She was really outspoken. She was really kind of crass, swore a lot vulgar, but she was very Catholic. And I'm not religious. And that was a huge wedge between us because, and I get where she's coming from. Because it's like, if your daughter's going to hell, you're not going to be chill about that. You know? So I get why she couldn't move past that. But that really, I just wanted her to be able to see, like, hey, I'm not religious, not because I don't want to be. I would love to be actually.

Yeah. I would love to think that she was watching over me, that I was going to go to a paradise after I die, and I still hope to actually get there. I still hope to become at least more spiritual at some point, because I'm just totally agnostic. I'm not an atheist. I'm kind of just like, I don't know. How should I know?

I'm an idiot. You know what I mean? Like, I went to the wrong airport today and I, like, you know, that I, like, showed up ridiculously late limping up the stairs. Yeah. Yeah, like, don't talk to me. I can't even tell you what airport to go to, you know? I know the mysteries, the answer to the mysteries of the universe.

But, yeah, so it's been really, especially hard since I got pregnant. Yeah. Because I want to be able to ask her these questions. Right. And I can't. Yeah. You know? I'm sorry.

And do you know what you're having? I don't know. You don't. Okay. Yeah. I want to be surprised. And are you scared to bring a child into the world? I'm terrified.

Yeah. Like, because I think I was reading. that you were maybe on the fence about having kids or you wanted it to be IVF or what was that? So I was totally, I wanted to tell my dad it was IVF because I wanted my dad to know that I had sex. Oh, my dad knows for sure because I went on The Bachelorette and had sex with three people.

And he was like, cool, Caitlin. I always think about that. Like, you know, whatever I've seen reality shows, I'm like, oh, man. Yeah, my poor dad. That's what I think. My dad, but I share a lot too. Yeah.

Like had an ostomy for a while, but it's like, it's an illyostomy. It's a shit bag. Oh. You can see my scar right here, but it's like back in now. And I have like jokes on stage about how like I had sex with it. And then my dad is like sitting there in the right there next to my husband. So it's like my poor, my poor dad too.

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I was really scared of having kids. I'm still really scared of having kids. I don't, if somebody handed me a baby right now, I wouldn't know how to hold it. Oh, really? And I'm growing a baby like at a rapid pace. You're going to surprise yourself. I feel like I feel like all women have motherly instincts.

you just don't know it until it happens like you might not you know it might be in other ways where you're like oh like this feels comfortable to me i just think all women have it in them you just might not know it yet there's just so many things that can go wrong like babies yeah really easy to kill on accident like you know it i get so scared of even like dogs it's the innocence of somebody that they don't it it is fully 100% your responsibility for everything about them and no matter what you do everyone's going to say it's wrong everyone Everyone's going to say it's wrong. I know.

I mean, I would yell that for eating cookies. I would keep on the other than that. They're like, oh, she did. Like, okay, Brenda. I got yelled at for putting my dog in pajamas. Yeah. And it was the cutest thing ever. Yeah.

That's insane. Yeah. That's insane. You know, there's people dying. Yeah. Like, out there's people dying. And we're worried about a golden retriever in pajamas? Yeah, exactly.

There's violence out there and illness. And people are like, you know, your belly's out. You're like, there's a baby in there. But yeah, it's scary. Yeah. Because it's like, and every kid is always like, yeah, well, my trauma and like, what am I going to do wrong? Because I know it's going to be something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be something. That's the scariest part, too. I think we're all as a society realizing how much trauma is passed on from like, not even just our parents, but like. Generational. Yeah, but I did like a full moon ceremony last night and she was talking about lineage. Okay.

Like just like mega history from. your past and ancestors of what's being passed down to you and now we're obviously going to pass things on but we are also aware now of trauma and so it's like we're over doing it the other way where we're saying

to the kids now we're like oh we don't yell at kids anymore we do gentle parenting and it's like now we're going it's like how do you I'm almost too especially being on the internet you know you are going to get a lot of opinions coming your way but you already do I already do, but yeah, but it's also just like your own identity as a woman and all that other stuff.

Yeah. And you're, dude, it's just like rough on your body. All right. And again, I'm not even like, I'm not even to whale status yet. Like, and I'm going to be, I'm going to be getting there. I was always so skinny and just like chewing nicotine gum all day. I'm like, you know. See, I'm like, it's my dream to just like have a big old pregnant belly. I love it. Yeah. Oh, I think pregnant women are like the most beautiful things on planet Earth. Oh, it doesn't. feel that way. And I know all women don't feel that way, but every time I see a pregnant girl, I'm just like, that is so beautiful. Yeah. It's beautiful to me. So when you saw me howling up the stairs with my, yeah, I thought it, I thought, I was like, what a queen. An absolute queen. But I do feel like even, you know, being a comedian, I do feel like, not me being a, yeah, you being a comedian. Like, it has some good deflecting tactics. Yeah. And the ability to, but I feel like that could also help like you said it also brings joy and laughter

into like maybe some serious conversations does that help you with like Fox being on Fox News yeah it absolutely does and because the show that I'm on is a comedy show and a lot of times I love to make jokes and it helps me to make jokes. But do people realize it's a comedy show because I think people just say you're on Fox and make assumptions yeah people just say I'm on Fox and they just make assumptions almost all this time my first chapter in book is called I Work in Pornography

because I have straight up, I've been at parties and people are like, what do you do filming? I'm like, oh, I'm like, only fans, girl. Like, I do porn. Because then people are like, that's cool. Like, you know what I mean? And then, because if I say Fox,

then it's like, oh, well, what? And then it's just, it's not a conversation anymore. And I mean, at a party where like, you know, sometimes you're at a party and you're talking to someone, you'll never see them again. Yeah. And you're still got like seven minutes with them

for whatever reason and I'll just handle it that way. Yeah. Or I'll say, no thank you. Yeah. No thank you. Yeah. I like that. Like on an airplane, that's probably your biggest, like, fear.

So I'm being like, what do you do? You're like, oh, yeah, television. They're like, what show? And like, what is it? And it's like, and it's also just like, you know, a lot of people, if you don't watch it, you want to know. Right. It's like, you just, and my, the host of the show is a conservative guy.

Yeah. And, you know, but he's also my friend. Like, it's fine. Right. Yeah. It's, it's. I loved when you were like, you asked Donald Trump if the aliens are real. Yeah.

And he said his pilot friends have seen. some shit yeah basically and he's like and these are like you know the smart guys or whatever that was crazy for me yeah the the i was like what am i going to what am i going to do what am i going to ask you're like what do i ask aliens i kind of well because i thought if there was ever a president that would just come out and say something it would be him yeah absolutely that's and so do you believe there's aliens i think so i i want to again i want to believe in all this stuff i know same i like i want to believe in ghosts i want to believe in i i have such a thirst for the spiritual because I just don't have it.

Oh, I've got it if you want some. I know. It's like I should. I feel like, well, I was raised Catholic as I said. And I feel like the Catholic to woo-woo pipeline is. I did it. Did you? I was like, it's a pretty, it's a pretty.

I went to Catholic school, elementary, middle school, and high school. And they like made us go to church at school. And I had to sing songs like, God's not dead. He is alive. God's not dead. And then Mrs. Hughes would say, is God dead? And we'd all go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My Catholic upbringing.

He is a lot of God's not dead. There were fewer songs and a lot more like, you're bad. That was like out of Catholicism. I grew up in Canada though. Oh, see, for me it was like I was so, I was a true believer too. Oh yeah. I was doing like bread and water fast for the lost souls in purgatory when I was like 12 years old. And then I, the main thing is when I was in high school, I was having sex with my boyfriend, which is normal. Right.

But I thought I was going to hell. but I still kept doing it so I was like what is wrong with you well my confusing thing is about people like I got told many of times I'm going to hell because on Bachelor again I had sex with people and I'm like the women telling me

that I was going to hell said that I like deserve to be in a dumpster and die and I'm like does Jesus fuck with that yeah yeah that's how I always felt I was kind of like it's very confusing yeah that's what I kind of that's one of the reasons I was like this doesn't make sense Yeah. I shouldn't have to spend forever in firing eternity because I'm having sex with my

boyfriend who would do that to someone, you know? So. I know. But I mean, I know that there's also versions of Christianity, versions of Catholicism that are not like that. Yes, of course. But that's, I've had to learn, I've had to get to know a lot of people. I have friends who are very Christian, who are some of the least judgmental people that I know. Same. But just the version of it that I was, was not. Yes, of course. Healthy for me. Again, there's so, there is so, there is so many different. I literally went to church for Christmas, last Christmas and had loved it. I loved every second of it. It was a fun church. It was a fun church. It was very just like, inclusive celebratory of like who your God is. Yeah. It could, you know, the moon could be your God and

that's how you believe. Like, you know, it's like, I don't know. It was fun. I went to confession. Like I would go and tell the priest that I was having sex with my boyfriend. And he would just like, They don't even listen. They're just like pray Hail Marys or whatever. But like, I'd be sweating every time. You're like, God, you did it again and now you got to do this. You're going to like a teenager, you know? That takes a toll on a little teenager to feel that amount of shame every week.

Again, I'm having sex with my boyfriend. Yeah. Really not groundbreaking stuff there. Really not groundbreaking stuff. But it felt that way to me. Yeah. And I was like really judging myself like, really is this worth spinning forever in hell? And I guess I kept designing that it was.

And then next weekend rolls around and you're like, well, you know, it's like, there's just, like, it's a hell of a bird into place that somebody's like 17 years old. It really is. You know? I always, my niece is 16 and I try and have really open, honest conversations with her about things. But she's, I mean, my sister is one of the most incredible parents I've ever met. She's just so. But I also don't want to overcorrect with my own kid. Like, if I have a daughter, I want to be like, so you having sex?

Like, I don't want to be like that mom either. You know what I mean? My husband, he's like, I'll take the kids to church. Like he's like, I think it's good for kids to go to church. So it's like, I'm friends with Dr. Drew, right? You know Dr. Drew? Yes. And he's always like, you're not at risk of ficking up your kids in the way you were

fucked up. You're at risk of overcorrecting in the other direction. That's like what people often do. That's exactly what they do because they go, I will not be that. So they think the, by not being that, it's the opposite of that. Well, I've been told that I have to not. Can we talk about Santa on this? Is that too?

Talk about what? Santa? Okay. Is Santa a code word for... I was like, is Santa a code word for, like, Satan? People get weird about Santa. I don't know. Sorry.

I guess I've been yelled at a lot about Santa. God. I love Santa. Of all the things I've already said on here, I was like... Santa. I'm like, sexuality and religion. I'm like, who's Santa? Can you say Santa?

Okay, so he's not real. We could say that. Okay, so he's not, okay. I didn't want to tell forever that my kids, kids at Santa wasn't real because, like, I didn't, because it's like, I don't want to, like, lie to them. I want to be like, like, everything. And my, Cam was like, my husband's name's Cam. He's like, you can't just, like, open them up to all the truths and eels of the world when they're, like, little kids. I know. So I actually never saw this before, but I will say, I will, I'll do the Santa thing.

I will. I just, but I'm on, I'm on record a lot saying that I'm not doing it. And I think it's horrible that one of the only things we can agree on is society is that we were going to, mass, engage in a mass delusion of our children. I love that though. Right. It's magic. And now I'm softening on that.

I'm like, to me, Santa, I think what we can do it, but I think this is the first time I've ever say, I'm ever saying this. Oh, wow. I think that I, because it just hit me when I was talking about the overcorrecting. Yeah. That might be what my Santa things about. There you go. There you go.

The fact that I was so scared to talk about it, too. I know. I was like, people have gotten really mad at me about it because they're like, that's the happiest but also I found out it wasn't real when I was like five so I never really got to enjoy it I found out it wasn't real in the sixth grade and it was embarrassing but my parents did a great like kudos to my parents but you're not you don't feel damage at all by Santa no you're never like I like love I think it's like have you ever gone to a magic show not on purpose by accident yeah I mean it's like happened like I've been like it's like you know it like brings

out some nostalgic feeling in me where I'm like, this feels like something that I, I, that it is magic. It's magic to me. I don't understand it. I don't know it and it blows my mind. Santa used to blow my mind. I used to be like, how does one guy go from house to house? Get all these presents. He's just this big old fat white guy with a beard. Yeah. And reindeer's are pulling. Like the magic to that for me was, I was like, wow. And I still feel that way when I go to a magic show. I'm like, wow. I, like, it's like, you. believe in something again. Wow.

Yeah, the cookies and the cares. I used to feed Santa non-alcoholic beer and cookies. Because he's driving. Yeah. Oh, you know. Really it's because my dad was a recovering alcoholic and that's what you had in the house. So we had that, yeah. I think, I guess I was like, I don't want to lie to my kids.

But I guess I don't think, I guess kids aren't growing up like on the streets. But you're going to, I mean, you're not going to tell them. truth about everything at the beginning anyways it'll be such a magical thing for them yeah you know see I I got so a girl told me my class the tooth fairy wasn't real and then I just used

a deductive reasoning as a five year old to be like oh the Easter money and it was fake and then Santa yeah but tooth fairy I wanted to believe in as long as I possibly could because I got money oh yeah so I would like lie until I was like trying to manipulate my parents into me still believing in the tooth fairy

just so you get your wisdom to out when you're like in your 20s like I should get a lot more money for this I had to go under you guys looking under my pillow they're like you're in Germany I got my wisdom teeth out in Germany it was emergency dental surgery in Germany and they don't give you painkillers or put you out are you okay no it was traumatizing and like nothing not even like laughing at like nothing and and they prescribe they have to prescribe you Advil in Germany you can't just get Advil over the counter that's crazy will you put your kids on social media No, I don't think so.

Yeah. I don't think I can do it. Like, just the stuff people say to me. And I've, like, signed up for this and, you know, they didn't. Yeah, I think that's how I feel, too. I go back and forth all the time. One, if I'm going to have kids, I want to, I think. But two, if they would be involved in my social media because I think I would be so scared of it.

I feel like I'll have to, like, tell stories about that. I don't know about having to tell stories, sure. Yeah, but not, not like, I'm not going to have a page for the kid. Yeah. I just don't. No, no, no. But that could be their career down in 20 years. Well, that's true.

That's like a college fund these days, just building some of a kid's Instagram. It really is. It is. Oh, my God. And the kids got no idea. No idea. The kids got no idea. What if they don't like their username?

What if they don't like the pictures of themselves? Right. Yeah. What do you think the biggest misconception of you is? I think the biggest misconception of me depends on the person. I think that some people think that I'm an idiot because I am silly. and I'm vulgar so they think they don't

I can't be smart and I'm actually a really good writer and I people who read my writing know that but not everyone does I think that also but the biggest misconception of me is just probably that I

people who say that I tow the line which is really I have very strong beliefs on issues but they just don't fit neatly into one partisan box or the other right which as I said earlier it would be a lot easier if I did they did. Or if I even pretended they did. But that's part of your magic is that you're not here to do that. You're here to do this and show people that it doesn't have to be. Why am I make, I'm like

training like a kid. It doesn't have to be like this. It doesn't. And if you have different views than me, then that's cool. I mean, when it comes to disrespecting people or being an asshole, that's different, right? I guess what's like something you would want people to know moving forward when it comes to different parties, different beliefs, how we can all see each other as human again? I think that just not being so quick to write people off because of way you've told you should have to feel. And being curious instead of being judgmental. I'm curious about people. I like to meet new people and be like, why do you think that?

And a lot of times people have reasons for why they think stuff that is different than what you might have thought it is. And are people do you think just too afraid to say their actual beliefs so they stick with other people? I mean, research does show that too, that there's gaps between people what they say. they believe in what they actually believe. Wow. And I get why, because it sucks to get hate all day long. Yeah. It can definitely get to be.

It gets to be sometimes. Right. A lot sometimes. Yeah. But I really do think that we do have so much more to gain by getting along with each other, you know? God, one day, do you think? I think it's going to get worse before it gets, but, I mean, sadly, I mean, like, the election, yeah, is going to, this is a rough time. Okay.

Well, speaking of your writing, where can people get your book? the real cattimp.com book tickets to my shows merch oh i love that yeah i'm like now look into the camera and tell everybody how they can all get along yeah please be nice to each other out there be nice to each other thank you so much for your opinions and for being so vulnerable in your book and being able to just have the strength to say what you believe i think a lot of people are scared of that thank you for having me i'm so sorry that i was so ridiculously unacceptably late it's okay and i'm very sorry and I like I feel like I work some shit out here today and I feel like I really enjoyed this conversation. Thank you very much. Thank you. You know how you yeah you worked out some

Santa stuff? Yeah. My husband is going to be really excited. I'm going to be like you remember Caitlin Bristow from The Bachelor slash the Bachelor? Well I talk to her and we can do Santa. That's literally the phone call that I'm about to have. Oh see guys. You saved Christmas. I just saved Christmas. I just saved Christmas. You did. You're welcome. Merry Christmas. Happy, Happy Hanukkah. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating and review.