Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Kati Morton

Episode Date: July 9, 2019

Today, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a Masters in Clinical Psychology Kati Morton joins Kaitlyn and special co-host Clio De La Llave in studio. Find out more about the journey the inspired Kati toward a career in the mental health field. Kati explains the importance of checking in with oneself when discussing her book, "Are u ok?". And as the owner of a successful YouTube page Kaitlyn asks Kati to weigh in on the potential effects of social media on mental health. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's beautiful. A guest today has a master's in clinical psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has leveraged the power of social media to discuss mental health and connect with people all over the world. Her YouTube channel centered on a variety of mental health topics has over 53 million views. Crazy.

I don't really keep up with it. Probably. That's insane. And she recently released a book to further reach people called Are You Okay? A Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health. Please welcome to the pod.

Katie Morton. Did I say that right? Yes, you did. Thank you for having me. It is a good name. Oh, thank you. It's so funny because a lot of people call me Katie, but no one really knows that,

but like my close friends and family. And I was with Jason last night. And people were like, Katie, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, huh? Who are they talking to? And I was like, oh, I haven't even told you that people call me Katie. Okay, this is so cute. So I came into this podcast, a hot mess, which is just, you know what?

That's just been me for the last few days. And we have ramen. I think that's a big reason why I'm a hot mess. I'm not getting proper sleep. I want to bow down to all the actual mothers out there with children. Do you have kids? No. Okay.

I want to bow down to moms because it's, I mean, getting less sleep messes with your whole system. 100%. It just messes with everything. And I feel like I'm losing my noodle a little bit. but that's okay. He's so cute, and I'm just so happy that he's, like, having some energy because he's recovering from surgery. That's why he shaved a little.

Yeah, yeah, so that's why he shaved a little bit on his back leg. And it's just so nice to see him, like, have energy and jump and play and do all that because I'm like, he's just been sleeping for, like, two weeks. I'm sure, like, getting over the anesthesia or whatever. Well, and I think the time change, right? Because then he was awake during the night, but sleeps all day. Yeah, he's so cute. He's like a little puppy around and stuff.

He's very cute. What does it sound like? Oh, it's like ASMR? Yes. You know what? So satisfying. Thank you. Yeah, that's all I need in my life right now, a little rosé.

I just need to not be the mom that's just distracted. I just keep staring at there. Okay, first of all, very excited to speak with you today because mental health is obviously something that I try and discuss openly and honestly on my podcast. Also through my social media, the other day I had, I did a podcast. It was definitely rushed. I just did it with one of my best friends. we had been drinking. It was like my birthday celebrations. And I just wasn't in the right headspace to

just like put out solid content. I was stressed. I was rushed. I was just like a mess. And I just was like, you know, I'm going to be real with this. I'm going to tell everybody because they're going to read my tone. And I don't hide happiness. Like I don't fake happiness. I mean. So, you know, and it was interesting because I actually received a little bit of criticism from the people that listen, and I understand it because I was like, look, that was a shit podcast. Like, I can do better than that. But, but, like, how many podcasts have I done? And we're not robots. We're not robots. And I had one, you know, one where I really feel like I dropped the ball. And it's just, you know, but I, again, went on my off the vine Facebook page. And I said, you know, my feelings

are a little hurt, but I totally understand. Um, I was having a really bad day. I had severe anxiety for like a full blown hour where I like couldn't breathe properly. I was rushed. I just, just in the bigger picture, and at the end of the day, I was like, God, I'm like, you know, sat down to pour a glass of my own wine from my own label with my boyfriend and my friends and everybody told me how much they love me. And I was like, wait, this is what life's about. But I said in my recent Instagram post, it's like you can't, you don't know when anxiety will strike. You don't know why sometimes. And you, it's really out of your control. So it's nice to have you here today to talk about this kind of things. Good timing. Yeah. It is. It's just so important, you know, to talk. Talk candidly about anxiety, stress, bad days, all those things that people really try to not show, especially on Instagram, with the highlight reel. So tell me a little bit about your background and how you decided that you wanted to go into the mental health profession, specifically why you wanted to become a marriage and family therapist. It's a lot of things.

So like when I was a kid, probably like middle school age, I really love being the secret keeper. Do you know where you know all the drama, but you don't tell anybody? You're a vault. I was a vault. exactly those are like the exact words I would use yeah and I loved I like took pride that I was the vault yeah you could come to me tell no one right you know and so that was kind of like I guess where it began without realizing that's where it began yeah and then when I took I took like a psych class in high school that was like the first time it was ever offered and I didn't even really

around that time I started my own therapy because my mom thought we should all be in therapy thank you mom oh that's great yeah and my brother and dad hated it surprise not surprising if you know them at all. Right. And then my mom and I like continued on on her own. Yeah. And so around that time I was taking that class and I was like, wow, this is a really cool thing. Like I think I kind of like this. Yeah. And then, um, continued into school. And when I started college, I was a double major in music and in, um, psychology and loved it. And then grad school even got better. So I think like anything, if you just keep trying and keep learning more, if you keep being interested and, you know, excited about it, then you want to do it. Right.

And then, um, yeah, I got into, I especially like, and eating disorders and self-injury. That's like what my practice is. And that kind of happened by accident because I put myself through school. Like I didn't come from money. Like not that I wanted for a lot of things, but it was just like our vacations were like camping and, you know, there's nothing bougie about my upbringing. Oh, I like it. And so I had to find a job that paid. Yeah. Yeah. Surprise, you know. Right. And so when I was in graduate school, I started working at eating disorder treatment center because it was only one that paid. And I had a close friend in high school who struggled. And so I didn't think that was what I wanted to do.

I thought it might be too close to home. But it ended up being the most fulfilling work ever. Really? And I can imagine. Yeah. It's really heavy stuff, but it's so important. And it's probably rewarding to be able to help people in that way, you know? Yeah, it's so transformative.

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I don't know if you've heard, but it's been in vogue, glamour, you name it, try the Flamingo Shave set this summer. I've actually found myself reusing the cute little purple pouch it comes in. I know that a lot of people who go into the mental health profession do so because they've experienced issues, personally or with family and friends, did you suffer from anxiety or experienced mental health issues when you're growing up? And is that something you talk about with clients to relate? Or is that something I'm always just interested if I see a therapist all the time? Okay. Good. And I'm always,

and she's very open with me about her struggles. And I appreciate that, but also I can understand if you didn't want to do that, maybe you just read your audience. But did I just ask you like eight questions in one? That's okay. I'll break it down. Okay. So when Um, so in my own life, I, I didn't have an eating disorder, but I definitely have had anxiety over the years. Like, I even have my own issues with it now. Yeah. Or like, I'll be fine and you lay down to bed and you're like, yes. Oh my God, my thoughts are raising, you know, and I'm like, so I totally get that. Um, and I do see my own therapist. And looking back when I was younger, I definitely had OCD in some flavor, which is part of anxiety disorders. Right. Which kind of makes sense. Um, because I went through this phase where I would like have to spell every word. It was when we were having a spelling bee coming up. And so when I would say, something I'd make myself spell it in my head okay what yeah that was really horrible um and I was really super super clean I'm still kind of a little clean freakish yep but definitely got that under control after having many roommates as one does oh yeah yeah yeah um and so there's that so I don't really talk about so that's my story I share some stuff online as I feel comfortable I don't feel

pressure to share anything it's my story to share or not um but and I also had friends had eating disorders and stuff like I said but when it comes to therapy in the room I don't share much we're not really supposed to it's not like against the rules right but it's your time for you yeah and it shouldn't be about me right oh that makes sense so the only reason I would share because there are reasons that you do yeah is to help you know that I get it yes I think that's what mine does she and it does help me that she gets it yeah and I think sometimes I ask and And then she's like, no, no, this is about you. I'm like, so what happened in your childhood?

Like, I'm like trying, like, get an argument. Like, what? And you had mentioned something about OCD. Do you think people are throwing around those terms, too, and do you think, like, what are the best terms to use and what should we not be saying when discussing mental health disorders? Because I know a lot of people, for example, use OCD when describing just being clean.

Totally. You know, and in their everyday lives. So do you think using terms casually can be harmful? Yes. I don't know. It's not like necessarily stigmatizing, but I think it removes the true meaning to the diagnosis. So if someone, for instance, true OCD like can be completely debilitating. It can take you four hours to leave your house because you have so many rituals you have to do.

Like let's just think about that. Yeah. And then having a friend that's like, ooh, put a coaster under that and you're like, geez, your OCD. Yeah. Like that can be really invalidating to people who are really struggling. right and that's not to say that we should weigh and measure like oh yours is worse and yours is better of course i'm just saying that like actually understanding a diagnosis and instead being like wow you're like a clean freak yeah even even the term anxiety i feel like so many people throw out there

and i'm i'm actually guilty of it too like i do have anxiety but sometimes i'll just say like oh that show gives me anxiety like yeah i just throw it out there and i've caught myself recently doing that because because i do experience it and it is something so serious that you're like i shouldn't be just throwing that out there that term when it's you know yeah is there like like a measurement for you that you would when people come in because I'm sure there's a lot of people that get anxiety and that probably don't know or there's not like a scale right it's that you can't say oh I'm a five anxiety yeah right to go see someone is there is there a point where people are at that you're like oh this would be a good time to go talk to someone yeah well people know that's a

great question and obviously there's the diagnostic stuff which is like you have to meet xyz in order to get a diagnosis but the true answer is how well are you following you functioning. And I think people forget. So I always ask my patients like, okay, so is it easy to socialize? Has your anxiety prevented you from going to an event you really probably should have, or you might have enjoyed? How's work or school? Are you able to concentrate? Are you able to, you know, so we go through kind of the different facets of everybody's life and see how well they're doing. And if anxiety is stealing something from you, that's when you should see someone. Because I'm sure, but people end up thinking that's the norm. So I guess it's just you have to

ask those right questions enough time for them to know yeah and I mean even anybody listening you can just check in yeah like we spend so much time putting energy out like one of my favorite I don't know if you know who Brené Brown is yeah course oh my god amazing yes bow down to Brenna Brown I know oh my god I just made that I'm kind of like it but yeah I'm obsessed with her yeah yeah and she talks about like breath in for breath out and how we do so much external right like you're creating this podcast that's a breath out there are times when you don't have that breath to give, but you still feel like you have to, right? And so she talks about how creatively and energetically and just we have to breathe back in. And so I think, you know, when it comes to like managing our life and everything, we have to take breaks and breathe back in and check in with how we're really doing. Because we're doing so much. It's easy to keep the focus out versus turn it in. Yeah. So what are some ways that people can do that? It's like I think do meditate. I do. I'm not as religious as I should. be. You know, Sue's from Unplug is going to be mad at me. She's been working with me so hard. She's so

patient. But I should be doing it more. I definitely, I do yoga as well. So that's kind of my like way to do my exercise and my meditation at the same time. But I think it's just like checking in maybe there's a day of the week that's not as busy for you. Maybe Sunday, maybe Friday night. I don't know. Maybe Tuesday night. You can sit down, turn the TV off, put your phone away and just think about how your day is gone, how your week is gone. Yeah, nobody does that. No. You know, if you ever have a minute of downtime where you don't have to do

doing something, you'll find something else to do on your phone or a TV show. And you, yeah, people don't really check in with themselves. And sometimes it's just as simple as listening to your body. Oh, I'm thirsty. I need water. Like it's, you know, sometimes that could just shift something and, you know, just something so simple that you need. Agreed.

Like, I'm tired. Maybe I should go to bed a little earlier. You know, and so our body gives us a lot of signals. You know, on our mental health is the same as our physical health. We have to take care of it all the time. And so it's just like slowing down. Honestly, it probably takes like less than five minutes. Yeah.

How has this week been? Am I feeling productive? Am I feeling like fulfilled? Am I doing enough things to like breathe in? Yeah. Hmm. Think about it and then check in. And if you're not functioning,

we don't have to wait until we're like at the, like, doing the worst and feeling like our worst self to see a therapist. Yeah. It's honestly better to see them sooner rather than later. Yeah. And for people who are out there, you have a YouTube channel. So what made you decide to do a YouTube channel? Because that can be a scary thing, too.

Like, you have, you know, you have to be on and you have to, you know, it's a bit of a performance. I mean, you're on, you know, people are watching you. Yeah. So did you just think like that was such a good platform to reach a lot more people? Because, you know, you live here in California. Yeah, in Santa Monica. In Santa Monica. So, yeah, people who are across the world can't just come here to see you.

So tell me about your YouTube channel. So it actually started my then-boyfriend now husband. Amazing. He was like, he does film production. Okay. And so he was like, I went to this conference and they're talking about the power of like social media and YouTube. And this is back in like 2009, 2010. And he's like, it got me thinking like, you talk about, because I was working the eating disorder treatment center. He's like, you talk about how nobody understands eating disorders. You're always complaining to me, you know, as one does. And he's like, yeah, you're like, yeah, you're my person. I was like, I come. Who else am I going to talk to? Yeah. And so anyways, he was like, what if we made some videos and put them up so people could understand? And like any therapist, I was like, hell no, that sounds really uncomfortable. I don't like to be on camera. What if people don't like me? And there's so many regulations, too.

Totally. And anyway, and so then after like six months of him sending me videos of people, he's like, no, this is a thing. People do. This is how it works. Blah, blah, blah. And me checking with my supervisor at the time because I wasn't even quite licensed. I was still gathering my hours.

And so I decided to try it. Yeah. It's so cool because, I mean, obviously everybody uses platforms as influencers and you're trying to get people, and I do it too, to buy this and, you know, you do this. for your hair and it is and it's great but it's also nice to know that there's platforms out there like what you have to discuss mental health and for people to have like a safe place on you know social media or YouTube to actually go and feel better instead of worse yeah that's the hope all right you guys it's coming the biggest shipping day on the planet yep amazon prime day

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that I didn't grow up with it. Because I do think it is totally changed the way that we view the world. And so I guess let's start with the bad So we can end with the good So the bad is that the comparison factor is so intense And like you said earlier You just briefly mentioned like the highlight reel of Instagram And social media is so easy to edit out the bad things Like oh I look like shit today I'm not going to take that photo

Or oh, you know I'm feeling bad But I'll post this photo from last week that looks like I'm like hiking on a trail and it looks so Yeah Perfect light right Oh my gosh so sweaty and it's such a good workout I know. It's really just my, you know, my little highlighter. I don't have a funny story about that after.

Okay. And so I think that that comparing your regular life where you're sitting in your pajamas, binge watching Netflix, eating a pizza to someone in like Rome in like a $5,000 dress and a $1,000 pair of shoes. And you're like, why is my life not like that? Right. And I think when we're young and we're developing who we are, that's really dangerous. Because it doesn't allow us to just be. Right.

Like you're always comparing to others thinking of what you don't have, realizing that you actually have everything you need. those are just things. They're not, you know, relationships, experiences, confidence, things that are important. Right. So there's that. And I think that that is definitely something we should all keep in check. Like if I, this sounds really crazy, but if I look at someone's Instagram and repeatedly for more than a week or so, I'm like, ugh, I mute them. Yeah.

Or unfollow them. Yeah. Because I don't need that. It's, and it's on me. Yeah. It's not them. It's me. It's my reaction to what they're putting out there.

And if I can't control myself right now, it's probably just not good. My therapist calls that shopping for pain. When you like keep going back and looking at things, yeah, shopping for pain. And we are all guilty of that. Yeah. It's like mental illness, S&M almost. Right, right. Just looking for the heart, the hurtful things.

So there's that. But the great thing that social media does is it connects us. And I think I realize that over the years of being online, I get comments. I mean, some of them are like, I'm 66 years old. And this is the first time I ever knew there was a word for. how I felt and that's really freeing and that's like fucking awesome yeah so cool like the fact they can reach people and this is like in Indiana someone's in like cypress someone's in you know we have someone who pipes in through a VPN in China to watch the videos because she was on vacation here

and stumbled up on the channel like it's huge yeah and that's what makes it amazing and I think the more we can be honest with our audiences the more we can show the this is me with you know a pimple on my nose and I'm in like I'm sweatpants yeah blah blah it'd be honest I think that makes it more real and more relatable and it stops that comparison thing because sometimes those people in the $5,000 gowns just want to be in sweats eating pizza 100% and they probably look at their social media and think

why am I not doing that with my life exactly and they could be like in dead up to their eyeballs trying to like keep up this yeah exactly you just never know people's true story and I think it's important for people to talk about their story yeah you know honest about where they're at because we can all connect so much with like just relating to hard times yes everybody I feel like almost everybody's been through at least one hard time in their life yeah you know whether it's financially hard mentally hard a relationship that ended or we had to move just stressful we can all relate to

that so I encourage more people to share their real life stuff yeah I think too with social media it's kind of like I see it as like the pendulum and I think at first it was all about everyone was talking about the most positive things and doing the highlight reel but I think think that it's getting to point where society is starting to get a little bit sick of that. And that's why there's so many counts now where you go on and they're being real. And there's a whole paragraph of like how hard it is to be mom sometimes or, you know, and I think that that's actually really refreshing. And that's what people are gravitating towards. That's when you started doing the raw beauty talks. You know, like it was really like people were connecting

with that. So I just wonder if at one point there's also going to be that part where it's like people start to use social media a little bit less. It's going to be. interesting to see it will be interesting and I agree the pendulum is kind of coming back where honestly and this is just from like an analytic standpoint when you look at your numbers like my photos that are

I don't ever do FaceTune I just don't have time for that right but for all the do that's fine but I whiten and brighton I totally white and bright I have no shame it's totally fine yeah but I find the ones that are like me

doing things like random watching TV and also looking at my phone and making a joke about how I don't know why I'm always multitasking yeah yeah those do better than like the pose like look at me with my coffee yep I'm sitting at this table so beautiful yeah it's just the the the blogger-esque pictures it's true that's same for me I mean the ones where I just look like absolute garbage do so well for me

they do but I'm like I like that too because it's kind of nice and it's like I love when I'm scrolling and see something so refreshing like that which I and I do it like Cleo was saying And I do think things kind of shift and that people are starting to be aware of how dangerous it can be to compare. And so it's just starting to be, it's just, you know, being mindful can even take you so far. So I do like that there's, you know, and there are such, did he have an accident? He did. Shit. No, just piss.

Don't worry. Oh, no. But you know, Jason's out there being a good dad. Just wiping up the pee. I might have not been pee. Oh, was it? Shut up. Oh, was it poo?

Oh, no. It was all. He's also trying to eat. Bless his heart. Oh, I feel so bad because I just feel like something's wrong. Like, he's nervous and he's not comfortable where he is. Oh, my gosh, he pooped. He's never had a poop accident.

You know what? I think he knows. You can tell. I know. He feels bad. He needs to learn too, right? It's part of the whole, like, learning process. And he's a, are you from Canada?

Yes. That was the second. So my husband's from Montreal. Oh, is he really? Yes. Oh, I like it. First, you said something. I forget the word and I was like, hmm, she's something.

I don't know. It was like, I don't know. Maybe sound different. It was just, I was like, ooh, my Canadian spidey senses. Yeah. And then when you said, sorry. I was like, oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

My favorite is. Cleosis, sorry, three times all the time. Sorry, sorry, sorry. And you say, Canadians say process, not process. Yeah, they do say process. My sister-in-law does it all the time. She'd be like, it's just part of your process. Yeah.

I just like how that sounds. I know. It's so funny. Shout out to all Canadians out there. I know. Proeth. All right. We're going to take a quick break and talk about Express. As you all know, I genuinely love a good deal, especially when it comes to clothes and fashion.

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this podcast for the latest breaking headlines on the ap news minute hey i'm hather And I'm Ava Bernstein-Mitchell, aka Ava Flav. And we're the host of the new show, The Dance Room, on Podcast One. We're veteran dancers and choreographers that have worked with the likes of Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, and many more. Oh, and, you know, I used to be on this little show called Glee. I don't know if you watched it. Well, each week we're going to go full out on our favorite TV dance shows, like, so you think you can dance, dancing with the stars. And World of Dance.

So don't miss it. Get new episodes of The Dance Room every Thursday on Apple Podcast and Podcast One. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. I find it really interesting. You said that your mom encouraged all of you guys to go to a therapist, and I love that. And then obviously we're talking about how social media is affecting people, like, especially younger and younger. Is there an age that you would say as a parent would recommend to start bringing your kids

to therapy? There doesn't have to be anything wrong. And again, I think that that association's starting to like melt away. But yeah, like, what would your recommendation be? I think middle school. And if you're out of the States and you're listening, that's like maybe 12 years old. Yeah, around that because I think that, I mean, we can all think back to that time. What would that be year seven?

Grade seven. Great seven. Yeah. You are married to a Canadian. Grade seven, yeah. So I think around that time because of hormones, because of body changes in girls and boys and everybody and dating and that, there's just a lot going on. I think that that's always a good time to start. They don't have to continue.

I think that's the thing people don't understand. This therapy is not lifelong. It can be if you want, but you can pop in. I think of it like getting a checkup from the doctor. So I go and see my therapist, Jana, two or three times. If I start to feel a little bit better, maybe I'll go a few more times. And then I'll be like, okay, I'll call you in a couple months. And then, you know, especially I travel too.

So it's like, okay, I'm gone, but I'll see you in like two weeks, three weeks. And you can just do that. Yeah. It's not like intensive treatment all the time. So I think, yeah, middle school would be my. Yeah. I wish I had done that. I just think it's so cool. Well, when we were talking about OCD and certain things like that, and you were talking about like breath in and breath out, and I know it was a bigger meaning than this, but I didn't know the term anxiety. I didn't know OCD when I was growing up. And I don't know how I grew out of it because I didn't go to therapy, but I suffered really bad with anxiety and OCD when I was younger. And to the point where I couldn't sleep at night because my breath in was shorter than my breath. out. And because of that timing that it wasn't even, it like, I would make myself sick. It bothered me so much. Same thing. Like, I'm touching my shoulder. If I had touched this one, I wanted to touch

this one. Everything had to be even. I became obsessive with like symmetry. Symmetry. Yeah, yeah. Things looking equal. Yeah. It was just so, it was to the point where I actually through my whole fifth grade was sick. Like, ill. Like I wasn't well because I would just stress myself out over these things. But, you know, my mom and bless her heart had no idea of what anxiety or OCD. You know, she didn't know. Otherwise, she would have put me in therapy. But like, what did you think? I don't know. I just thought something was wrong with me. Yeah, something's wrong. Like I just knew. And I don't know how I grew out of that. But like, resiliency. Yeah, I guess so. Because I still obviously suffer with some, some anxiety in certain

things, but it's not anything like that. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I think we all have our own predispositions. Like we could I could really nerd out and be like, oh, in genetics, we know. and these markers and but really we all know like people have problems yeah yeah our basic needs are meant so what are we looking at we're dealing with our other like other issues right and so it's very normal and i think children the thing that's great about youtube and the thing it's great about getting kids into therapy in middle school is age is then they have words to put to it because there's something really powerful and validating about saying i'm not something's not wrong with me i just am struggling with anxiety yeah like if you had known that when you were

younger you know you're not thinking oh but exactly like you that that gives you almost more anxiety just thinking that there's something wrong with you unless you knowing what it was yeah i'm telling you i would i would make myself absolutely sick just thinking something was wrong with me yeah well and i even have patients now um in their 20s will be like oh i had such bad anxiety i just feel sick like nauseous yeah and legitimately and they're like but it's kind of good because i've lost weight and i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah no no no that's a dangerous zone yeah because i'm like then we're in my niche, right? We're an eating disorder. But I'm like, just listen to your body. It tells you things. Yeah, it really does. Our brain is just like the hard drive of our body. So something's wrong,

something's hurting. And the doctors are like, we don't know what it is. Right. So would you say a lot of people that have anxiety and will can turn into eating disorders? I mean, I think that a lot of things are, we call it comorbid in the therapy world, meaning like they can happen together. Yeah. And I, in my experience, and this isn't 100%, but let's say like 85% of the time, if we have an eating disorder, we have something else going on. Right. Because an eating disorder, the thing people don't realize is, I mean, we can lump them all together, like self-injury, eating disorders, alcohol, drugs, shopping. Those are all coping skills. Okay. And for better for worse. Right. And so they start out as a way to like numb out from the anxiety or the depression or the

OCD. It's a way to like distract ourselves. It could be abuse going on too. There's a lot of things that could be going on. But it's like they're almost secondary to somewhat, you know, I always tell like my audience. I'm like, the root of the root. Like, where did this come from? Yeah. Because our brain doesn't make shit up. No. It's happening for a reason. So what happened? Yeah. Like, I think I love being, I call it like a detective, like a mental health detective. Yeah. Yeah. What happened? Yeah. And curious. And I think people are always scared to go that deep into their soul to discover what it is that, you know, when you ask that question, it's, that's heavy for people to really dive into, you know, what did happen. That's right. It's good to see a professional. Totally. It makes it real.

sometimes too, which can be scary. But seeing a professional means it's done safely at a good pace. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And is that the book, Are You Okay? Is that about checking in and tell me about the book? It's kind of just like a mental health 101.

Yeah. Because I think of all the things I've learned being online is that people just don't know what they don't know. Yeah. Like how are we supposed to ask questions about something when we don't even know what it is? That's the things. Even with anxiety and stress, like sometimes just doing research on it can help. Mm-hmm. And I talk about the difference between stress and anxiety. Okay. Because they are different. Okay. What's the main difference? Yeah. What's the stress has a cause? Anxiety doesn't. That alone right there actually just helped me. Yeah. Okay. Because you know, anxiety comes out of nowhere. Yeah. You're like, what the hell is this? Yeah. I was totally fine until five minutes ago. Yeah. So that's in the book. I just break down like the most common mental illnesses at the very beginning. And then talk about the difference between mental health and mental illness because they use them interchangeably, but they are very different. You wouldn't call. physically healthy the same as like I have pneumonia, right?

So talking about that and then what's the difference between a therapist, a psychologist, a social worker, I don't know, what's LCSW versus LPCC? What are all these letters? I break that down. I love that. Because it's so confusing. Okay, I'm going to read this book because I feel like even just things you're saying right now. I'm like, I do. I love getting in there.

I brought you a copy. Yes. Thank you. Oh my gosh. Okay, that makes me really happy because I do. I love getting curious about this kind of thing and learning more about it. And just that, thank you. Oh, my gosh.

Yes. That alone just, you know, can help just reading up on it and learning about it. Because we, how else do we know? We don't know how to ask. And then I go into like more detail about common mishaps and communication and toxic relationships. Even how to find the right therapist. What are signs you're seeing a good therapist and what are signs you're seeing a bad one? Yeah.

Because people don't talk about that. And then what are the levels of treatment? So like, what if I'm seeing a therapist and I still feel terrible? Like, what do I do then? Because people just don't know. That's amazing. I think that you do need to educate yourself before you see therapist because that is an unknown world. Yeah.

So this is almost like your guide to kind of help you because there has to be some ownership that goes on yourself. Like the onus has to be on you to also do the research to have someone else help you. And there's not one person in the world that wouldn't benefit from reading a book on mental health. Because we all have a mental health. Yeah. Everyone. Yeah. Every single person.

People buy how many dieting books. Yeah. Seriously. it's just when this could help your diet yeah really because honestly our relationship with food is very interesting it is very interesting they have a really good one with food yeah I love I actually do do but it's it's it is I find food very comforting but that's interesting right it's like soothing it is or it's not right you know it's interesting we reward ourselves with food yeah I take it away because we didn't do what like what does I say about it you're right has a lot of power yeah very in value it's Interesting.

Do you talk about it in the book? I'm not really. That would be maybe my next book or something. Yeah. That would be, I would dive in a little bit more. So interesting. That's one of our girlfriends,

Erin Trillor. She always talks about even just when you're chewing your food, like actually just breathing while you eat. Yeah. And really thinking about what you're eating and what you're feeding your body instead of just like bra la. Yeah. Totally.

Like checking in. Which is something like in the eating disorder world we do a lot where I'm like checking with your hunger and fullness. So like how hungry. are you? Yeah. And then does it taste good? Yeah.

Do you like this or not? Right. Because we just like mindlessly do it because it's like something you have to do. Yeah. It's interesting. Absolutely. Yeah. Actually, that would be.

That is your next book. Yeah. Okay. So the original, the OG reality show is back and streaming now only on Facebook watch. MTV's The Real World Atlanta is the next true story of seven strangers picked to live in a house and have their hookups, screw ups, apologies, fights, tears, voices, and lives streamed exclusively on Facebook Watch. It's the return of the first unscripted show in TV history that tackled gender, race, AIDS, taboos, life, death, addiction, connection, acceptance,

and reality, and it's now being reinvented. MTV's The Real World Atlanta is an all-new reality experience with more content dropping daily and new episodes every Thursday. Find out what happens when the next generation stops being polite and starts getting real again. in Facebook click on the Facebook watch icon and search the real world on watch MTV's the real world Atlanta streaming now only on Facebook watch so yeah I went through some questions with listeners they submitted for me to answer on my Friday drunk dial episode that I do with my podcast but it is but I thought these would be great to get your insight on so Lauren wants to know what advice do you have

for someone who feels lost but does but does not lack confidence well that's good Confidence is really, honestly, I believe, like, the root of anxiety, depression, it, like, affects us really. Yeah. There's so many ways in our life. I think then we just have to be curious. I think people are afraid to take risks. Yeah. So my advice would be try something new.

Like, is there something that you've always been like, oh, like, it's kind of stupid to, like, take that guitarical lesson because, like, I'm not going to be a musician. I don't care. Try it. Yeah. Like, I think if you're feeling lost, the best way is to go about it looking for things that fill you up, like our breaths in. Yeah. And then you'll be able to see clearly because often when we try to fix the problem, we're, like, clouded by our own judgments about what that means and what we should be doing or what's expected of us because we're X number of years old, blah, blah, blah, especially women. And so I think I'd just be curious about life again, looking like for me, I mean, as a 35 year old, I'm like, pretend you're like 22.

And you don't even know what you don't know yet. Things are just so exciting. And you're living on your own, like look at things with those fresh eyes. And I think she'll see it more clearly. Right. Yeah, that's good. I like that. Mandy says, I need some tips on how to love myself when I'm not feeling it.

Fake it till you make it, girl. Oh, I am such a believer that. Fake it till you make it. And write down, like, I always tell people, write it somewhere where you'll see it, like, on Post-it notes. Compliments about yourself that you've heard from other people. Or if you can't come up with those, imagine, like, tell your mom, have your mom or best friend to tell you some. And write them down and post them because those days when you feel terrible, then you'll, like, you know, go to your medicine cabinet window and be like, the mirror. That's nice.

it'll say something nice um wait was i just going to say about that then oh Aaron did the same thing so she was um health and wellness coach for me for a while and made me do a hundred things i like about myself and i was like you got to be shitting me like i'll give you two but like it's hard to do that really hard but then once i got to a hundred i was like get over yourself kately you feel guilty you know i love yourself so much because i was like oh you did come up with a hundred oh you did but so much about it is about confidence It is at 100%. And the thing that's so funny is like we have such judgment about what it would mean to be confident.

Like is if confident somehow equals like narcissists or asshole or, you know, jerk. No, it just means I feel good about who I am and we should want everyone to feel that way. Yeah. I think it's so interesting that when, you know, when I'm feeling my happiest and I post something and people come down on me, like, well, that's just part of having a platform on social media. I'm like, oh, like miserable people, miserable people hate happy. people. Yes. You know, and they, I'm like, what? Like, are you trying to bring me down? Yeah, of course they are. But it's just, I find that interesting to me that. And I think that's actually a good check with yourself. If you're always feeling like you're comparing yourself or you're

writing negative comments. Yeah. It's like if anyone thinks that they're doing that, then just take a second and just reflect on what's going on with you. Yeah, exactly. Because honestly, wanting to spew hate to strangers. Right. Is a symptom of something bigger. Yeah. There's something going on there. Yeah. It's not really them. Like I said, on following people, that's not their problem. That's my problem. Yeah. Because I'm the one having the reaction. Right. I'm allowing myself to feel that way because feelings are like waves. You don't have to like continue to indulge them. You can just ride it out and be like, hmm, feeling angry today. Interesting. That's, you know what? I love that you said that because I, I tweeted one time. I said, nobody feels their feelings quite like

Caitlin Bristow. Like I love sitting in my feelings and feeling them up. Yeah. I'm a hot tub of them. I admire that about you. I think that's awesome that you do it. And sometimes you're like, oh, I think it's better to feel it. And then you can get past that. Yeah, I do. I think it's important, yeah, to feel. And if you're feeling angry, don't feel shame around it.

No, it's okay to feel. Your feelings are valid. They exist for a reason. Right. You have to let them be. Totally. And I always say like those of us who feel deeply, I have this saying and I even made hats a while ago that were called like empathic badass.

I'm like, I feel so much. I'm such, it's like my superpower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. I can really feel for you, for me, for your dog. Yeah. Well, that's me, even right now, I'm like, look at him. He's so sad. He doesn't even know.

He's like, oh, my God, Jason's still cleaning. He's doing so good. It needed a chlorox wife. It definitely needed a chloroics. I can't believe. The carpet thinks of you. It does. I just can't believe it was poop that we're sad about this.

Yeah, we're not happy about that. But you know what? I cannot believe Roman's face. I just met him today and I'm already in love. It's insane. I'm going to need more wine. Oh, yes. Oh, more wine.

Yes, absolutely. Oh, that's delicious, by the way. With an Angel, I know, but wait until you have my wine. Oh, Stade and Saros. You know, we drank it all last night. We liked it so much. Yeah, we did. We drank it all.

We're getting more, though. Where will it be available? Where can I purchase it? Oh, I'm so glad you asked. Through my website. And also, if you want to just give at Spade and Sparrow, that would be greatly appreciation. Okay.

Okay, wait. Oh, questions. Stephanie says, I'm struggling with the pressure to settle down and have children from my peers, family, and my parents. myself, I'm in a happy, long-term relationship and don't necessarily want children right now, but I'm feeling confused and conflicted by all the pressure. Do you have any advice? I have a lot of advice because my husband and I are not having children. We're child-free, we call it, because people call it childless as if I'm missing something, which is kind of offensive.

Yeah. I think, because there's a lot of- Jeff agrees. Yeah, Jeff's back there, you know, giving a thumbs up. Child-free. Because I think, like, so I'll talk about, like, my experience and then I'll give some, like, specific advice. I think it took me a while to come around to, especially as women. And I'm sure guys feel this, but I don't think it's the same. Like, my husband has not had the pressure that I've had. Like, when are you having kids? Because we've been together for almost 11 years and married for six.

So people are like, time is a ticking. Yeah. You're getting older. Your eggs and shit. Yeah. What? Yeah. Your eggs and shit.

Yeah. It's true, though. It's true. And I always tell people, I'm like, that's not my only reason I'm on the earth. Right. and I have things that I enjoy. Yeah. And having a child isn't going to increase that for me.

Right. I love being an aunt. I love, you know, all of my friends, a lot of my friends have kids now, too. So I'm like, I love being like the crazy weird aunt that just comes in and buys them like baby eggs, which are super not necessary and ridiculous. But like, I don't have kids so I can afford it. Yeah, exactly. And so I think that's kind of my, my thoughts on it and the fact that like just because other people choose things doesn't mean I have to. Yeah.

I have friends that have chose to be lawyers. Yeah. Do I have to be a lawyer? No. I have other friends that have moved out of the country because their spouse got a job or their boyfriend got a job in like Germany. Yeah. Do I have to do that? Is that me my life is less than because I didn't choose? No. Don't let other people's decisions, you know, change your decisions because people should be, it's free to be you and me. Yeah. You want to do that? That's great. I support that. You don't want to. That's awesome. Are you happy where you are? Great. It's good for you, not for me. Yeah. Yeah. And so I think something and it's taken me a while, like, because we don't want to. Like, because we don't want to be. Like, We knew from the beginning we weren't going to have children. I've been with my husband when I was like 24. I think it's just having honest conversations with the people who really matter in your life. Not everybody. Because everybody from the lady at Starbucks will like mention like, aren't you going to have kids?

No. You know? So those people are important. But like your mother, your mother-in-law or whatever, you can just say like that's not for us now. You know, but we'll make decisions based on what we want. Right now we're very happy. So thanks for asking. I always say that.

We're so happy. Thanks for us. asking yeah that's yeah yeah I remember Taylor Swift somebody interviewed her recently and said something like so you know now that you're in a blah blah blah like are you going to get married and and have get and she was like you and ask a man that so I'm not going to answer this question I love that wow yeah because that's true yes you're like do answer it that was great yeah because why why is that our only thing that we can do I don't know why I just I get really I used to get really angry yeah and then I just feel really sad for people who are so

limited. That's all, you know. And it's interesting because the more I've had conversations, even with my close girlfriends about it, that have children. They're like, I never really thought it was an option. And I was like, that's sad to me. Yeah. See, I can't. It's your body. It's your life. And that's the thing is that it's your life. And what works for you might not work for me. And I can't wait to have kids, but I'm not ready right in this moment. Yeah. And you get to make the decision when you want. Yeah. And you get to make the decision when you want. Yeah. And I froze my eggs and shit. We even thought about doing that Because what if I'm like 46 and I'm like Oh, now I have the right itch I highly recommend a dog Go see Whitney Bischoff At Ova In Chicago

I love that So I'm just going to do Just three Myth or facts about mental health People with mental health issues Often cannot tolerate the stress Of holding down a full-time job Myth

Or fact Okay Therapy can benefit anyone and everyone just like going to the gym. Yes. People do not commonly face mental health issues until they reach adulthood. False. It can be difficult to tell someone is suffering from depression.

No. False. You can tell? Oh, they said it's typical to not be able to... Difficult. Oh, difficult, sorry. It's difficult to tell if someone is suffering from depression. Yes, correct.

Yeah. Okay. I was like, yes. Well, I really, I really want people. I'll do like, if we, can we do like a swipe up for your book when the podcast comes up? Oh, yeah. I just think it's so important. I'm really excited to read this and look into it.

And I think what you're doing is amazing and using a platform for that as a safe place for people to go. And your YouTube channel, how can people find that? It's just Katie Morton. Same thing on Instagram. Yes. Okay. Amazing. Thank you so much for having this conversation.

Yeah, thanks for having me. Drinking wine with me. Of course. You know, talking about mental health is something I actually really enjoy and think is important just and drinking wine at the same time and just being able to, you know, have real conversation. So thank you, Cleo. Thanks for having me. You're always a nice little addition to the group. So I'm going to go hug my dog.

Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Briscoe. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on Podcast1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Sponsors for this week's Off the Vine are MTV's The Real World Atlanta, streaming now only on Facebook watch. Flamingo, go to shopflamingo.com slash vine to get your shave kit for only $16 and free shipping. Express, go to express.com or in store and use promo code 9989 for $20 off a pair of jeans. Apartments.com, visit Apartments.com to find your perfect place and honey. Get honey free at join honey.com slash vine.