Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Ken Rideout | From 10-Year Opioid Addiction to World-Class Athlete (PART 1)

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

#938. Ken Rideout has lived a lot of lives—and in this episode, he doesn’t hold anything back. From being a full-blown opioid addict for over a decade while secretly building a high-powered Wall Street career… to becoming one of the fastest marathon runners in the world over 50—his story is as intense as it is inspiring.Ken opens up about growing up around addiction, the moment everything shifted after a simple ankle injury, and how he managed to hide it all—even from the people closest to him. He shares what it actually feels like to live a double life, the mental battle of getting sober, and the moment he knew he had to change everything before becoming a father.This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation… and trust me, you’re going to want to come back Thursday for Part 2!If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these AMAZING deals!Macy’s: Go to macys.com, browse their gift guide, get inspired — and knock it out before Mother’s Day sneaks up on you!Figs: Right now, if you go to wearFIGS.com and use the code FIGSRX, you can get 15% off your first order.EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: (5:15) “One week is all it takes…” the brutal truth about how fast addiction takes over(17:15) It started with just 7 pills… how a simple injury turned into a 10-year addiction.(20:55) He hid his addiction while dating his wife—then she found him unconscious.(33:20) He’d never run an ultramarathon… then won a 155-mile race after just 1 month of training.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by Macy's. Go to Macy's.com, browse their gift guide, get inspired, and knock it out before Mother's Day sneaks up on you. Figs right now, if you go to Wherefigs.com and use code FigsRX, you can get 15% off your first order. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey, Vino's, real quick, if you are listening right now, which obviously you are, you wouldn't be hearing this, can you hit the subscribe or follow button on whatever platform you're on? Please, that one simple thing helps more than you even realize it allows me to keep growing on this podcast and making these episodes the best they can possibly be obviously for you.

That's the only favorite I'm going to ever ask. Okay. It truly means the world to me. Thank you. Now let's get into it. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Off the Vine podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow.

I love this man, Ken, ride out. You guys, I'm friends with him in the real world. And he wrote a book. And I was like, you must come on my podcast and talk about your stories because he is, lived about five, maybe 10 different lives in one life. He was a full-blown opioid addict for 10 years while working Wall Street, making money, looking completely put together on the outside. He was actually working with Wall Street while he was in London when 9-11 happened.

Fast forward, he's now the fastest marathon runner in the world over 50 years old in the world. Winning some of the hardest races on the planet. And it's just his mindset will blow your mind just hearing him speak through this podcast. So the question is, one extreme to the next, how does somebody go from addiction to that level of discipline? And he really believes that everyone listening, everyone watching, you are capable of whatever your dreams are made of. And he really makes you believe that on this podcast. So I wondered if it really is a transformation or just the same intensity pointed into a different direction, which I'll let him answer. So please welcome.

My friend Ken Ride Out. We're going to jump right in. You were a full-blown opioid addict for 10 years in your third. 30s while working on Wall Street, making money, building a life, looking successful on the outside. Then you become the fastest marathon runner in the world over 50. In the world? In the world.

What a stat. At the race that was considered the age group world championships, I won. Now, is there a guy in Kenya who's faster than me, who's a former pro runner? Probably. Probably. But it's like if you win the 100 meter dash at the Olympics, you're the Olympic champion. They're the best in the world. Right.

Is there a guy who was like not there? for whatever reason that there might be a guy that can beat me over 50, but on the day that mattered, I beat them all. That's incredible. And then also two very completely lives you've lived. Very different. Very different. Not even, not it too.

10. 10. All through your 30s, do you feel like your 30s, you just lived 10 different lives? Or you mean over your whole life? Over the course of my life, like growing up in the inner city in Boston. Then I worked as a guard in a prison. My stepfather had been an inmate there when I was a kid. Then my brother ended up being an inmate there when I was.

done working there. So that's how I paid for college. Then I went to college, had dreams of being a professional athlete, got cut from my hockey team, my junior year. My life kind of like spiraled, started doing coke and drinking like a nut, fighting with my friends in Boston, like really hanging out with like, I mean, my friends who I love are all good people now. There's a lot of them are successful. A couple of them are dead from overdose. But it was a rough place. Wow. I remember being in New York for a couple years and saying to someone, dude, you know, I've been to a bar. out here so many nights. I've never seen a fist fight. And they're like, why would that be surprising? I was like, if I went out with my friends in Boston, it would be very rare if someone

didn't get into a fist fight. Crazy. It was crazy, aggressive place. What is in the water or the beer out there that makes you guys just so. Anyone from Boston hearing this will be like, yeah, that's accurate. But I get to other people that be like, oh, he's full of shit. That's not really true. It's true. It was a crazy, aggressive, violent place. I also know you and cannot imagine you on cocaine. It's a terrible thought. But I was telling someone the other day, there is nothing more like uplifting and happy than the moment you call someone to tell them to bring you cocaine. And from there, it just goes down. And it slowly goes downhill until it crashes off the side of a cliff. And you're like, what have I done? And then, you know, a week later, I'm like, let's do that again. And then I'm like,

that's crazy. It's crazy. Horrible. But that that cocaine run didn't last long. Once the opioids got me, though. I took opioids the first time and for 10 years, I took them all day every day. Morning, lunch, and dinner. Morning lunch and dinner. You were just every single day. If I didn't take that, if I missed one of those three cycles, I would be in full-blown withdrawals. And what would that life look like for you, your day-to-day? Like functioning, totally normal, going to work, getting shit done? I would never look like Tiger Woods on the side of the road, like completely, like completely out of it. I never took enough to be incapacitated. I'd go to work. And take them and I'd just be like, you know, I'd be either happy and euphoric or extremely irritable

and like grouchy and aggressive. And you didn't know which version of you you're going to get? I knew when I took the pills. You were going to get the happy like, let's go version. So I would time them out to take them before I had to be like on. Yeah. And try to time the, you know, in between period. But it got to the point where it was no longer like I felt high when I took them.

I just didn't feel sick. Because once you get into a certain state of that addiction, you're just trying to stay well. You're just trying not to be sick. And it doesn't take long to get addicted. One week is all it takes to establish a new addiction. A new habit, seven days. But it only takes seven days of sobriety to get clean.

The problem is by day two, three, four, you're sicker than you've ever been. And you know you can stop it at any time by taking the drugs again. And the balls that it takes to get to that seventh day was took so much effort that I didn't have the balls to do it for 10 years. By the way, the whole time I'm doing this, I know, can I curse on here? Of course. The whole time I'm doing this, I know I'm a fucking dead dog loser.

Wow. I'm like, but in my heart, I'm like, I'm a good person. I'm a winner. I'm making millions of dollars working in finance. I have everyone fooled. No one knows. I never was concerned like someone's going to find out because, you know, when you're, when you're doing this, you're like, you think you're smarter than everyone. Yeah. So people, I don't think anyone never thought I was on drugs. I just think that they thought that I was like unstable and aggressive, like overly aggressive because that's how my irritability came out. And I didn't grow up thinking, I'm a tough guy and I'm going to beat people up and I never did. But I put on a front

of like, I'm going to act so tough that you don't even want to test me. And my wife would be like, well, you told that guy not to get in front of you at the airport. What were you going to do if he turned around and said, let's fight? I say, I was going to punch him as hard as I could in his face. And she's like, and then what? I go, then we'd have a fight. And hopefully someone would break it up if case he was getting the best. of me. That is a wild mindset. Yes. Like, well, because you grew up, I mean, you were really honest about growing up around drugs and chaos, which probably like shaped a lot of that. But as a kid, I was scared of everything. I was really scared. I walked into a boxing gym at about

15 years old. Just I didn't want to be in a fight. I was so scared just like everyone. No one wants to get in a fight. I don't want to get in a fight now. Right. I've just come to terms with it as a technical So if I did have a fight and I have had a few, not many as an adult, but if you do, you just realize like, this is happening. I'm going to try to be as calm as I can. Well, punching. Yeah, and just execute what I know I need to do. But as a kid, I was scared shitless, like anxiety ridden and there were fights all.

And I got in a lot of fights. So I walked into the boxing gym. I mean, you talk about being scared, man. This wasn't like, hey, we're doing Tybo. This is like the heavyweight champion of the world at the Somerville Boxing Club. No one was in there like, hey, welcome in. Let me get your hand wraps. They were like, do you have gloves?

No. Do you have hand wraps? Have you have a box? No, no. Can you afford $20 a month? I said, I can do that. They're like, all right. Yeah, come over here.

I'm going to show you how to wrap your hands and they just started training me. You didn't have to hire a trainer. A trainer there was just like, all right, this kid wants to fight. Let's get him trained up. And you were 15? Yeah. And at what age was it that you watched your uncle shoot up heroin? Like that'll give you anxiety.

Oh, that was at like seven, eight years old. Oh. So you're like an environment growing up. was obviously like like I just said like chaos chaos was that part of what got you into boxing like you were like I've got to toughen up and deal with all this just the fear of everything going on around me is what got me into it and when I was maybe I was 16 because I could drive because I must have just gotten a driver's license and I got a car as soon as I could and I drove to the boxing club and started taking boxing lessons so I could at least figure okay at least if I don't want any

trouble but if trouble finds me I want to know that I can at least defend myself and every every day I'd go there more scared than the next, but I just kept showing up. It became a theme in my life, like running. I just kept showing up. Yeah. Well, you know it, you're like, win or die trying is your whole thing. Yeah. And before you know what, you're like, I'm pretty good at this. Well, you should be. You've been doing it for every day for several years. I mean, never have those words come out of a Canadian's mouth. Like, I'm just scared and I just got to go ahead and tough it up and you never know what kind of fight you're going to get. I'd be like, oh my God, but I feel like kind of like addiction was almost normalized for you in your life.

Yes, but as a kid, I hated everyone around me. I hated it. that what was happening around me. I didn't want any part of it. I was disgusted with the most. Like close family or uncle? Or was it your dad? My parents were divorced. I lived with my mother and my,

I have a brother 11 months younger who's like a career criminal in and out of prison. And then my mother had another son who's eight years younger than me with a new husband. And we lived in my grandmother's two family house. My grandfather died very young when I was very young. And so it was my grandmother in this two family like, you know, triple decker house in the inner city. And we lived downstairs. her and she my my mother's brother my uncle lived with his mom my grandmother and he was a heroin addict

full time so him and his buddy and they were like punk rockers so they had like Ramones shirts and like which was not cool like I was an athlete I was like this is not cool and um those guys would be shooting heroin and then occasionally like they would rob drug dealers or stiff a drug dealer and they'd come over and beat guys grown men would come over and beat the shit out of them and I was like as a little kid, I'm like, yo. That's so terrifying. Traumatizing. Yeah.

I'm talking hurting them, like pummeling them. And I'm like, there's nothing more traumatizing than watching one man pummel another man on the street. Oh, God. That makes me like sick to my stomach just even thinking about it. Me too. So then did you ever think you would go down that path? No.

Because it just took an ankle injury for you to get addicted to opioids. As a kid, they used to tell me like, you think you're better than us. You're not better than us. And I was like, I definitely do think I'm better than you. I definitely do. I promise. I will not stay here. As soon as I can leave, I will.

And then working in the prison, which sounds crazy when you're 18 years old. But they were the same people that I knew from the neighborhood. And I walked into the prison the first day. And this big Irish gangster, Barry Hiltz comes running over and grabs me like a fireman's carry like on his shoulder and like a double leg takedown. And he's running with me. And I'm like, in a police uniform. And I'm like, dude, put me down.

Not for the other inmates. I was like, the other guards are watching. And he put me down over a distance away. And he goes, yeah, the inmates are too. he's like, I need them to know that you're with us. Ah. Because prison is very segregated. You know, blacks and whites don't really, you know.

Different prisons, it's much more strict. This one wasn't as strict. But still, he's like, I need them to know that you're with us. I looked like a little kid. So he was basically saying everyone like he's my friend. Yeah. Whoa, that's crazy because I was just with Julie Crisley for a while and talking about her experience. So scary what happened to them.

Oh, my gosh. And like, just to hear her side of like, what she experienced was. so insane, but like that was what they call a camp. It wasn't even like a real prison. Like they didn't have the gates around a block that they weren't treated. Like, but she told me certain stories about the men's prison that was right beside them. And I'm just like the shit that goes down. Did you see the craziest stuff ever?

Crazy, but I grew up with these people. So none of it was startling to me. It's not like a movie where they're like raping people against their will. I mean, you have a hundred men. The chances are 10 of them are gay. Yeah. There's plenty of guys dressed like women in there. Like it's not, yeah.

It was just incredibly hostile. But what I would say, the reason that people like the Crisleys get my attention is because if you're not a street person and you go to prison, you're in trouble. Like if you're a white guy growing up in Boston, you know the other, and you're a criminal and a street guy. You know the other people that do the shit you do. So they get in there like, oh, hey, what's up, Joe? Like, I interviewed a guy on my podcast, Johnny Bartz.

And he went to jail for 27 straight years. And he's a hardcore Boston. guy. We have a bunch of mutual friends about my age. So I thought he went, he was in the Hells Angels, which I didn't know any motorcycle gang when I was in Boston. He came to Nashville to do the show and he stayed with me. So I was telling my wife like, oh, he was in the Hells Angels and I think he had he went to jail on a drug charge. But I was like, you were having dinner with my kids. Four kids. I'm like, oh, you went to jail on a drug charge. Right. He's like, no, no, no, I killed someone. I go, what? What? Someone died in a drug deal? He's like, no. I saw a guy in an opposite

a gang who I thought was trying, said they were going to do something to me. And I ran them over with my car. And I go, what did you do after you ran him over with the car? I started running. I said, why didn't you just keep driving? He goes, because there was a dead guy stuck under the car. Oh, my. My kids are like, eating dinner.

My wife's like, are there going to be any murderer, any more murderers coming to stay? But the thing is like, I love this guy. He's my friend. But I tell that story. I say, when he went to prison, he was like, yeah, as soon as I walked in, they were like, Johnny, you're over here. You're with us.

Like we sit here. Like if someone else was there, they're like, hey, you got to go. Johnny sits there now. Same people, same seats.

That was federal prison. But point is for the Chrysley's, if you don't know prison life and you don't know people, it's very difficult. Now, I've heard Todd's interviews and he was in a lower security.

Thank God for him. He will get himself out of any situation. I know. He's, him in Savannah, but yeah. He really worked the system really well. Yeah.

He got into a group, but he's lucky he was in the place he was in. Oh, God. He was like eating Chick-fil-A. and like ordering pizza, you had a cell phone. Yeah. It's crazy. Even that's crazy, though.

He told me a bunch of that on the podcast, and I was like, that's so insane. I have a question. Do you guys feel like you're a good gift giver? Or do you absolutely spiral like yours truly, KB? I just feel like I go into every gifting situation being like, okay, I'm going to nail it. This is going to be so thoughtful. And then somehow I just end up with 47 tabs open, second guessing everything and leaving things in carts. And Mother's Day is just one of those things.

where I actually want to get it right because it's not just one person. Like I'm thinking about my mom, my stepmom, my sister, my friends who are moms, even my friends who are like fully commended dog moms, I'm like, you deserve something. I see you. So there are a lot of people I want to show up for and I want it to feel personal. And then I think what I've realized over time is that the best gifts are when you actually stop trying to be creative and you just pay attention to who that person kind of already is. Like my mom, for example.

She loves a beauty routine. She has her go-to products. She loves trying new things. She has her whole little setup. You should see her house. She has like a vanity with all these. I don't know. Like I just always call them potions.

So instead of trying to reinvent the old wheel, I'm just going to lean into that. And that's why I love going to Macy's for this because they carry all of the brands I already know that most people love. YSL, Prada, Oliplex. Who doesn't love those? It just takes the guesswork kind of out of it.

And I'm not experimenting on her face. I'm just getting something I know she will actually use. So my. sister's totally different. She's way more minimal and loves pieces that she can wear every day. And so for her, I always lean towards jewelry. I'm just such a believer in jewelry elevating all outfits. So something simple, something classic like a bracelet or a necklace that she can just throw on with anything. And I feel like jewelry is one of those gifts where every single time they wear it, they think of you, which is really cute. And also, I like when my sister thinks about me. And then I have friends who are like

so good at hosting. And then I love hosting that you go over to their house and you're like, Why does this feel like a restaurant but better? Just candles are lit, table set. Everything looks so cute. And I'm like, hey, and I brought the wine, which also looks good on a table. But anyways, for them, I'm just loving getting things for their home, like serving pieces, cookware, things that just elevate what they already love doing. And Macy's has so many options for that as well, which again is dangerous because then

I'm like, well, I need this too. But I think the biggest thing I've learned with gifting is to stop overcomplicating it and you don't have to reinvent who they are. Just lean into what they already love and go somewhere that actually has options for all of it, because otherwise you're going to go to five different places trying to figure it all out. So I will die on this hill. A gift card is not a bad gift,

especially if it's to a place they actually shop, like Macy's. It's kind of the best case scenario. I love a gift card. Then you can get exactly what you want, no returns, no fake reactions. Like, oh my God, I love it. We've all been there.

And if you're someone who's like, okay, I want to be thoughtful, but I also need directions, Macy's has a full Mother's Day gift guide online, which is so helpful. And it kind of breaks things down by personality, which makes it way easier to shop without spiraling. So if you're starting to think about Mother's Day, which you should.

And you want to actually feel good about what you're giving this year. I would definitely check out Macy's. Go to Macy's.com, browse their gift guide, get inspired, and knock it out before it sneaks up on you. So going back to your ankle injury, what happened? How did you get the ankle injury? And this is at what, 30? So I was in my late 20s living in New York. I had some, like I might have rolled my ankle or something.

The guy gave me seven Vicodin. And I took them and I was like, oh, my God, this is awesome. So every week I'd go back and get seven more. Seven Viking is no big deal. So the guy was thinking nothing of it. I'm like, yeah, I'd take one at night to go to sleep. But I take them all in like two days, which is crazy because eventually it would be like seven would be like one serving. And eventually after a few, after like a few weeks of this, I would change the seven to a two and add a zero and take it to like a small independent pharmacy where I knew they wouldn't check.

They're just happy to have the business. Addicts are smart. Too, very. Yeah. You know, when you see people in prison, I'd always be like. like if you took all the energy you put into your crime into like a genuine business, you would be wildly successful. Totally.

And by the way, that's what I did with running and the things that I do now. I put the same energy that I used to get drugs. I was awesome at getting drugs. Yeah. I would get drugs in London. I got drugs in Thailand. And even though it was like if you get caught with drugs, you're going to jail for the rest of your life, I justified everything that I did.

One time I walked into a pharmacy in L.A. and convinced them to give me 20 percassette, no prescription, no doctor, nothing. I was just like I forgot my prescription. I have a broken back. And the guy was like, right here. Just in an unmarked bottle. Just gave them sold them to me.

Doesn't that freak you out for like the future? Because anyone can just work the system. I don't think. I don't think now you can get them. I mean, even if you get a prescription. Because there's been like opioid crisis like obviously happening. There's a crisis.

There is a, they have new system in place for prescriptions that if you get a controlled substance, it goes into a national database. So if you go like if you, you shop, doctor shop and go to like one doctor to another, which I've done all that. If you go to another doctor next week and try to get any kind of controlled substance, they'll be like, they'll look, they have to enter it into this system. And they're like, what the fuck you got Xanax two weeks ago from this doctor?

Right. I can't do this. Right. There is a lot of you can. It's very difficult to get away. But now there's so much fentanyl and fentanyl gets pressed into pills to looks like, to look like oxycontin and fentanyl is like. Which is so scary.

Can you get pills tested? Like, say you got. Like, if you got prescribed from a doctor, would you be worried about those? Are you talking like on the street? On the street. But I have friends that are like big time, like big time musicians and their band. And I was talking to them, they were doing coke in the dressing room. I'm like, aren't you worried that people pull fentanyl?

Yeah. The guy looked at me like, I was crazy. He goes, dude, we got testing kits right here. We test every bit of coke before we do it. I was like, wow, the drug addicts are getting resourceful. Yeah. They're thrifty. They're resourceful.

But now, too, everyone has, I mean, I have Narcan at my house. Like you don't know what if someone gets hit with fentanyl in anything, not that my kids are young, but you see someone overdosed. And if you have Narcan, they're going to live. If you don't, they might die. So Narcan is so readily available. They sell in vending machines. And Narcan, I have some in my purse.

Yes. Narcan also, like, isn't it, it soberes you up immediately? Like, but then do you go right into withdrawal mode? Yes. People wake up from being hit with Narcan coming out of a withdrawal, like an overdose, and fly into a rage. Yes. Like almost like, why did you save me? Now I'm straight.

And this, it's, I think it has like a now, now dextron like a blocker type effect. Yes. So like if you do more immediately, it doesn't really affect you. It blocks all the opioid receptors from what I understand. Yeah, I've heard that too. So then what was, because did you go off and on so many times? Like what did withdrawals look like for you? Imagine having like the worst case of COVID or the flu that you could ever imagine for like a week

to 10 days. Oh. And you, how, were you with your wife? at this time. So I met my wife towards the three years before I got sober. So the whole time I'm courting her, I'm high on drugs. But does she know this? Not really. Eventually, she realized like, what is wrong with this guy? Like, because she spent enough time with me that she was like, this is so unstable. Right. And it would get frustrated. We break up, get back together. And I never really came clean with the, to the extent of the addiction until she found me unconscious

going through withdrawals before. We got married in 2007. Yeah. In 2010, I had been on subutex, which is like methadone type drug where you're not really getting high, but you're definitely not sober, at least not for me. And it's just like you're in this awful purgatory because that's very addictive too. You can't just stop taking it. Yeah. Withdrawals from that are just as bad as the opioids. So we got matched with my daughter to adopt my daughter from Ethiopia in 2010.

And I knew I had two months before we went together. And I was like, this is it. I have to get sober. Wow. I went to an outpatient detox where they would. give me like every day I'd check in in the morning. They'd give me riddle in to stay awake during the day. They'd give me Xanax and blood pressure medicine for the evening to try to sleep. If I got to seven days sober, I could then get another drug called Vivitrol, which would block opioid receptors

and keep me sober for a month no matter what. You couldn't get high. Right. You could take drugs, but the only thing you could possibly do is overdose because they wouldn't affect you. You would not get high. So I'm like, okay, I can do seven days. I can do this. And you know. And your wife knows this at this point. No. Oh, wow. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. She doesn't. You're about to adopt your daughter. Right. She doesn't know that I'm doing this outpatient detox. I'm just like, I can, I might be able to get away with this and just do this.

I never have to tell her. And I'm embarrassed. I don't want to like. Yeah, yeah. So around the third or fourth day, I must have gotten up to pee in the middle of the night, passed out in the bathroom. She comes in, freaks out. And when I wake up, I'm like, oh, my God.

And I'm looking at her and looking at the balcony. We were on like the 50th floor of this gorgeous high-rise glass building in Manhattan. And I was like, I'm just going to run and jump. off the balcony. I don't want to be alive. Like I hated myself. I was so disgusted. I'm like, I'm a fucking loser. But I was doing everything right except this. Yeah. And I just told her everything. And she was like, wow. Her jaw was on the floor. And then she was like, you know, after she came out of her shock, she was like, well, let's just get through the next few days and you will see. It will be good. So for her, it was like, it was over quickly. And then yeah. And then I got sober. And then you haven't

touched since. No, no, no. I have definitely like. Oh. mistakes along the way, but not like, not like catastrophic. Again, no one was ever like, oh my God, look, he relapsed. It would be like, only I would know. Interesting. Yeah. So your wife is a saint. Yes. I know. I mean, I've met her and I loved her immediately. Yeah. But that's, she really, she really stood by you. What did that teach you about her? Oh my God. She's done so much. So like even, even after the addiction stuff. And then, you know, marriage is very difficult. You know, when you get, when you're dating someone, you're hanging with your best friend. You're sleeping in, you're going vacation here.

It's all fun. Yeah. When you have children, now you run a deadly serious business together and there's no days off for five years. Each kid when they're born, they're not going to go to the bathroom, have a bite of food or anything without one of you. So all of a sudden, it's like, we run a business together. The fun stuff is like put on hold.

Like your life that you knew is over. Yeah. For better or worse. And like, it's great having kids. But it would be naive to be like, oh, yeah, this is a barrel of laughs. and I have no problem not picking up and going skiing at the last minute in Aspen. Through that, it's been challenging. She's, her dream job is to be a mom.

I wanted to have kids more than anything, but she's like living her best life. But I'm like, I always say to her like, when we have disagreements, I'm like, you're doing all the things you love. Like, I still have to go out in the world and deal with these monsters and like, and deal with the slings and arrows and pitchforks. Yeah. So I said, recognize, like we have different, we're going through a different experience. It's like I want to take it easy sometimes, but it's like I have four kids. So it's been difficult.

But to my wife's credit, she's the one that holds it all together. I think if she had ever been like, F this, get out of here. I can't deal with you anymore. And I think that goes for a lot of marriages that if one person isn't holding it together, it would be very easy for it to fall apart because like many times in my life I've quit at many things. And it's like a theme in the book. Like once you know the sting of quitting, it stays with you forever.

You can never shake it. It's like there's a part of me that was, like always a drug addict loser. It sucks. I don't want that feeling. And I don't want to have the feeling of like going to the Ironman in Hawaii the first time getting on the run and being like, this is hard. I'm going to quit, which I did and changed the cost of my life because I was like, I will never feel like that again. I will never quit. It might seem petty and trivial to people who are like, who gives a shit about some running race. I care. And guess whose opinion matters to me? Only my own. Yeah. Because I can't be concerned about the opinions of other people other than my

wife and children. Right. So point is, I have given up on a lot of things in my life. And if my wife had not like been so strong to hold everything together, this whole thing could have collapsed like a house of cards. I mean, it's so, I love the story about the adoption with your daughter too, because there's so many, I've heard a few stories like this where you go to Ethiopia. You're finally sober. You're staying there. You didn't only advocate for you and your daughter, but for other families to be able to bring your kid home. Yeah. But your wife had to stay there for six weeks in Ethiopia.

You guys had struggled to get pregnant. This is why you were adopting. No, no. We were going to adopt anyway. So we had started the adoption process and it took three years. But for three years, every single month, we tried to get pregnant. But no, we had no one had any issues. We couldn't figure out just unexplained infertility.

And she just wasn't getting pregnant. Right. So then you're in Ethiopia. You leave. She stays with your daughter. Yeah. We were there together for a week. Yeah.

And went down to this resort. was in this little town south of Addis Ababa, the capital. She must have got pregnant that week. So I come home back to work and she's living in this guest house in Adasababa, Ethiopia, which is not like the four seasons. It's rough. But she's toughen it out. She's just having a great time. But my daughter is super like sick. She has Jardia. She can't keep any food down. She's losing weight. And she only weighed like seven pounds at four months old. Incredibly malnourished and couldn't keep food down. So we're like going to emergency rooms in out of Sababa. So I fly back for Thanksgiving and bring a pregnancy test. She's pregnant. But she had been

pregnant. We had done seven rounds of in vitro. She had three miscarriages. So when she was pregnant, we were like, okay, you know, okay, we've been here before. Let's see what happens. So she came home on Christmas Day, sorry, on a one week before Christmas on the 17th, went straight to the doctor from the airport and had an ultrasound, I think an ultrasound. And they're like, yep, you're pregnant. It's all good, like looking good. So from the minute we had my daughter until my son was born, like we were either pregnant or had other children with her. So she never got to be like the only child. That's so crazy. Because now having four children going through all of that to now be like and now we have like the full house. An army. An army. Yeah. That is such a cool story though. Do you feel like that's what it is

like when you let go of the stress is of trying to get pregnant or what do you think that is because I've heard that story. I'm like a big science guy. So I'm like cut the shit. That doesn't make any sense. Don't give me this hocus, pocus. But it's hard. I'm like all about the hocus focus focus. I know. It's hard to deny that that's what happened. I mean,

the minute she had a baby in her arm, she was like, all right, I'm fertile. Let's go. Right. And then she had two more after that. And it was like,

so now we have three biological boys and an adopted daughter. They're great kids. My kids are very nice kids. They are nice kids. They stand up, they shake your hand. They ask questions.

Like, very good job on the parents. That's all my wife. And for someone who's listening, raising kids, and obviously you being a dad, how do you protect your children from the things that you were exposed to without over-correcting and like living in fear? It's very difficult. I want to protect them from everything.

Anytime they make a mistake, I'm like, what are you doing? Don't do this. Don't do that. It's like, but that's my own insecurity. It's like I've got to let them figure out things for themselves. But they've all read the book. They know they ask me questions about it. And, you know, even with cursing, I curse too much.

And they're like, if I catch them cursing, I'm like, dude, what are you doing? And they're like, dad, you curse. I go, you sound like a moron. Only idiots curse. And they're like, you curse every day. I'm like, yes, I'm an idiot. I'm like, it shows a total lack of intelligence. You don't have any more vocabulary words you can use.

So it's like, I know all that. That's the last habit I have to give up cursing. But I try to be very honest with the kids about everything. Like they're part of my life. They're like my friends. Yeah. But I'm also their dad. I mean, there's no like, believe me, there's no gray area.

They know like my dad will kill me. I hear them talking like my son, my older. someone will have buddies come over and they'll be clowning around or something. I heard my son one time say, dude, my dad will kill us. Do not do that. I love that. You got to instill the fear in them while also being their friend. That's a good, but since the book has come out, that's like my greatest accomplishment in life

because I know that they're super proud because all their friends' parents have read the books. They asked me to sign books for their teachers and it's been, that part of it's been incredible. Shout out to anyone in healthcare for a second because how are you on your feet for hours doing the Lord's work and still expected to look put together. I don't understand. My best friend Kat works at Indy Skin Care Clinic and whenever she's there, nonstop, clients back to back, moving all day. Somehow, she always looks so cute and I always think it's because of her figs. My vet the other day, I think I told you guys this before, wearing figs the sweetest little like pastel pink color and just beyond how they look, they're made for real life shifts. They're lightweight,

breathable, have stretch, even antimicrobial, which feels very necessary. Plus the little details, the functional pockets, the clean lines, and colors that you actually want to wear. They have the cutest colors. It just makes such a difference. So whether you're in a clinic, a hospital, just running to grab coffee after a long shift, you deserve to feel good in what you're wearing. So go to figs.com and use code figs rx for 15% off your first order. That's wherefigs.com promo code figs RX. How would you describe the book?

Like for someone that's going to read it, what are the takeaways? What are they going to learn? No, no, that's a great question. I think that they're going to learn that your life is, whatever you decide it's going to be. I hope that people look at that, read that book, look at me and recognize I'm the most average person in the world on the surface. All of the things and all the accomplishments from the book were controlled by my brain. Like it's not physical. I'm like a very, you see me. I'm like 5, 10, 170 pounds. I am not extremely muscular. I'm not

particularly handsome. I'm just like a guy who just decided I will never accept mediocrity from myself. And whatever I do, I did with a hundred and 10% conviction. So when I started running, I wasn't trying to win races. Right. I was just trying to run as fast as I could and be the best person I could be and be sober. And very quickly, I started winning races, started to get a little bit of attention. And then it until everything happens small until it happens big. Yeah.

But there was no intention of being like, I didn't want to be an influencer. Yeah. I don't, I'm not a creator. I'm a person who's doing shit. And sometimes I talk about it on my Instagram. Whereas there are so many influencers out there that are like, I'm handsome. and I'm extremely muscular. Therefore, listen to me wax poetic on life.

And I'm like, you're an idiot. You were born handsome and you lift weight successively. Other than that, you have zero accomplishments, other than you know how to edit video and make cool, like transitions, like grow up. Stop following people that haven't done anything. So I would say my book doesn't tell you how or what to do about anything. It just tells you what I did.

Here's how I shot myself in the foot by getting into an addiction that is incredibly shameful. But here's how I turned it into an incredible superpower that now I get paid money to go and talk to people about the most embarrassing thing I've ever done. Right. Become a drug addict. When I was in the throes of my addiction, I was suicidal. I never thought that I would ever tell anyone about this. It has become the greatest gift I've ever given myself, which I wish I didn't have, but I do.

So I've made the most of it. And every time there's been a step back quitting when I went to the Ironman in Hawaii, which to me was qualifying for the Olympics at the time. Yes. To go there and quit and feel like such a piece of crap. And then use that as motivation to come back the next year and like doing a phenomenal race and get like start to get attention. And then I want to race. The picture on the cover of the book is from the Gobi March across the, um,

Gobi Desert in Mongolia that I signed up for like for one of the hardest races in the world, 155 miles across the desert. Are you kidding me? 155 miles. And I had never run an ultra marathon. I had never run with a backpack. I had never slept in a tent. and a friend of mine who was the CEO at Equinox,

Scott DeRue said he was doing that race a month before. And I said, you think they'll let me in? I bet you I can kill everybody. And he was like, are you crazy? Yes. Email the director. And I did. And they were like, you're in.

And then I had an immediate anxiety attack and then started training. Wow. And I went there and I won by 90 minutes. Oh, casual. And then the Wall Street Journal wrote about me, the New York Times, Forbes, muscle and fitness. Like it was the like longest overnight success in history. And all of a sudden I was like, holy shit, people even know I'm alive.

I can't believe this is happening. I love that you get to now have a platform and share your story. I hate when people have a platform who shouldn't have a platform. 100%. I can't even get over that. What is your mindset in that moment when you're doing that? What's going on up here? I would be like, get me the fuck out of here.

I think that this, I think that it's funny. You know the Farley brothers? Yeah. Yeah, one of them is reading the book and was like telling a buddy, he sent me a screenshot of text saying like, dude, I got to talk to you about this book. It's incredible. Yeah. I think there's a whole movie just about the race in Mongolia, like with flashbacks to my life

because I started training. I'm scared shitless. I don't know what to expect. I don't know any of the. What did you do to train? I'd put on a backpack with like 20 pounds of weight, towels and bottled water in Nashville in June. Ooh.

It's like a thousand degrees. Yeah. And I just started running like 20 miles every day. my neighbors would see me and be like, anytime I meet anyone in Nashville, anyone, they're like, are you the guy that runs?

Yeah, yeah, that's me. And now, now, even this morning, people stop me every single time. They're like,

Ken, can't, and I'm like, oh, fucking, let me stop my stuff. What's that man? They're like,

dude, love the book. And I'm like so happy for it, but I'm like, you know I'm working right now, right? Yeah, it's like stopping me from painting a house.

Yeah. Hey, stop working for a minute. But, yeah, the race in Mongolia, I just, When I started training, I was incredibly panicked.

But I remember, I've told this story before, but when I, my wife's driving me to the airport and she's like, oh my God, you're going to Mongolia. Are you happy? I'm like, no, I'm not effing happy. I'm scared to death. Like, I'm going to make a fool of myself. I have sponsors. Like, I have huge responsibilities.

What if it doesn't go right? There's so many variables I don't know about. I'm, I had to carry for six days every single thing in that backpack that I needed, including food for six days. Was it just like canned tuna? No, it's like free, you know, like camping food like, like, uh, MRIs, ad, water to freeze dried food? No, I never get sick. You didn't get sick. No, not at all. Total normal bowels. Oh, by the way, you also had to have your own toilet paper in there. There's no toilet.

You had to like to handle business. Like it was, it was, it was that when I go to run a race, you need to go on Survivor. No. Oh, just kidding. I hate that kind of stuff. What? Really? Yeah. What, like, reality TV? I just dealing with the other people. I'd be like hated immediately because I would be like win at all costs. I just feel like anything you do, you're going to win or like. I'm going to try or you're going to die trying that's right but that is really a mentality that's what i tell my kids like you don't just get to win like yeah the guy who wins has had a lot of losses and my life is full of losses it just so happened that the wins got attention but you don't get the wins without all the kicks up the asses that i got on the way yeah well i mean that's such a big part of what i talk about on the podcast

as a lot is everybody's rock bottom and what got them until the next point it's always a rock bottom moment where yours wasn't just one specific oh it's over and over i'm in idiot. Like I'm like, I'm like one step away from slipping on a banana pill today. Well, I know you're like about science and stuff, but every experience that you've had with loss and miscarriage and drugs and the way you grew up, everything, does it change the way you think about like timing, control, like, um, even faith? It's funny to say that. I have recently started like a faith journey and I've had a bunch of people like, uh, Steve Weatherford on the podcast, who's a hardcore Christian. He was the punter for the Giants, won the Super Bowl.

twice the fittest man in the NFL, Walter Payton, Man of the Year award. Yeah. And he came on my podcast to talk about his faith and then talked about some like, really like painful, like sexual abuse stuff as a kid. And I was just like, like, and now he's like a, like, man of faith. He's like a pastor. Yeah. And then I did Nick Baer's podcast and he's really into faith.

So he was talking about it. And now people keep posting and sending me messages like, Ken, we're coming to get you. Like we know the Lord is speaking to you. Really? With that you're, you're being called to serve. You're going to be saved. And I'm like, listen, I'm here for it. I want to be more faithful because I've tried everything else.

And in a lot of ways, because of the experiences that I've had, I have a hard time enjoying the success now because I feel like I'm one mistake away from being back at the bottom. So it's constant, like, drive and push and aggressiveness. And by the way, none of the things that I do what I tell anyone else to do. This is not a tutorial. Like, don't do what I do. I'm like, I could be a lot happier than I am. I'm not professing to have all the answers. People are like, well, you have a running addiction.

I'm like, yeah, well, I was addicted to drugs and suicidal. Now I'm addicted to running and have like a bestselling book and I'm like celebrated for being someone who works hard. I don't think that this is the answer, but it's better than the life I had. What does running give you that drugs didn't before? Because it's, it is also an addiction. But I think like what you just said, it's like it's almost like you swapped one for the other in a good way, obviously. but what what did running start giving you well the running gave me a purpose and a focus whether right or wrong it just gave me something to pour all of my energy into and when i'm running and preparing for a race that's

all the time i spend doing that is time i don't spend agonizing over whether or not to do drugs or like is it a daily affirmation for you that you have to do i wouldn't say it's an active daily affirmation but i could tell you that if i didn't run one i've run every i've run a minimum of 10 miles every day for five years. Not as someone said to me, are you, are you like on a streak? I'm like, no, dude, I'm like a normal guy. I don't have time to focus on streaks. Oh, I just looked up and I was like, oh my God. I like, let me do the calculation. Wow, I ran 10.6 miles every day for five years without missing a day. Like I missed a day here and there. I had surgery on my shoulder. I had to miss four days when they told me not to run for four weeks. That's what I worry about people who

have that addiction to running because it really is such a way out of a lot of terrible things for people. So what happens if you get injured and what happens if you can't run? Well, I've had COVID, I had COVID a couple of times. I couldn't run for three or four days. Does that trigger something in your brain? No. Like, you know, when you're really sick and you can't get out of bed, it's not, it's not even a second thought. You're like, I'm going to die. That's what I mean about getting injured. Isn't that scary to possibly have to go on some sort of pain meds, be injured, not run? Like, is that a, when I had the shoulder surgery, I definitely had pain meds. Like, I would never have survived without it. I had a whole like reconstruction on my shoulder,

or but the guy was the doctor said like four weeks don't do anything arm in a sling after the fourth day I had a belt around my neck holding it with my hand and was just running and by this by the end of the first week at day seven I ran like 15 miles and it healed and everything went although now it's bothering me again oh god yeah you just you cramp me up it's been like four years the other thing that shocked me of something that you've been through which just came to me now I'm not even looking at in my notes is who is the person you worked for with wall street and that happened when 9-11 happened Why am I blanking on this person's name? Fitzgerald. Oh, Canada Fitzgerald?

Yes. I worked there during 9-11 and I was in London. They hired me. I had a contract with a competitor. So right before 9, a few months before 9-11. So go to London until your existing contract runs out because they can't prevent you from working overseas. And I set up their commodities trading business in London and when I was in the throes of my

addiction. So when the whole time I was there, I was like whacked out. But I got sober there for like white knackled. It went to NA meetings. just one day just stopped doing it. And when full withdrawals got better, while I was there, 9-11 happened.

So after that, about six to nine months later, I came back to New York, took over another division of their counterfeit jail called credit derivatives. And that every time these things happened, these major life things happen, like they've become the springboard for something better.

So I took over this desk. It led to other better jobs in finance, like on a sales desk, and then eventually running business, development at an asset manager and then to what I do now, which is like an independent placement agent. But every step of the way through my finance career, I was always had my eyes on like, what's the next step up like the prestige totem pole of finance. Yeah. But that's, were you working like with like, were you six hours ahead in London? Yep. Trying to get a hold of people. No, they were on

an open line. We had like a squawk box. So you could just push the button and yell on to the trading desk there. So it was like an open intercom. So they would yell to us like, hey, where is this particular a commodity price, for instance, and we would quote them a price and they would like scream like, buy them, sell them. Oh my God, I thought that was just in the movies. Yeah. So you always had, yeah, oh, you had two phones like this all the time. They had mute buttons here. So you would be like, what does he want to do? He wants to buy. Hey, I'll buy those from you. Okay, but sold to you. And just like what you would see on a, like a trading desk. So then all of a sudden everyone went silent when no, it started out like what you would imagine like, yo, someone just flew plane into the building

below you guys. Like yeah, yeah, we're hearing it. There's all smoking shit. We're going to get out of here. Okay, get out of there. It looks like there looks like there's a small fire. And then slowly it's like, yo, are you guys getting out of there? And then it's kind of chaos. And then eventually the communication gets cut off. And it just, it just continues to escalate of like what's going on. Then it's like, obviously the building's on fire. And then the building falls down. And then you're like, oh my God, did they get out? But no one who was above that plane crash got out of there. So there was a guy sitting on the desk next to me who was his dad and his brother were in the building talking, you know, obviously you don't know when the.

building falls if they got down or not right because i had friends that were in that building in 93 when the first terror attack happened they lit off a bomb in a truck in the parking garage underneath the world trade center and one of the guys i worked with happened to be working on the 83th floor in the world trade center dude walking down 83 stories is so much harder than you could ever imagine and you're in an internal stairwell with no ambient light so it's pitch black and the entire thing is filled with smoke and in your shoulder to shoulder with other people. I can't even. Men and women thinking about it.

Panicking. Yeah. Yeah. So and you're talking like two or three hours to get out. So when they emerge, everyone is completely black with smoke like firefighters, the face, everything. All you can see is eyes.

So because of that, we were like, okay, they're probably walking down one of the stairs internally. And then obviously when the buildings fell, we were like, it was, it was long enough that they might have gotten out, but none of them did. Oh my God.

Horrible. So then. didn't you go back to New York after that? Yeah. And kept going in that career. Like, did that change anything for you? It was almost like a delayed reaction. Yeah.

I don't know if I would call it post-traumatic stress, but you just kind of like compartmentalized. Like I had been seen so many like effed up things through my childhood and then working in the prison and like that was just like another thing on the like pile of shit that I was dealing with. Did you get to unpack that at on site? Yes. Okay. So at on site I dealt with all of that.

Yeah. And for people who don't know. they probably do because I talk about OnSide a lot. But I obviously am very familiar with OnSight. I've been. Do you feel like three days of like pretty intense therapy and you go through what is it like 13 hours a day of therapy and you're doing all different like inner child? You're doing equine therapy.

You're doing like different talk therapy. Were you there by yourself or were you with a group? So I did the individual intensive and went there not really knowing like when I was driving there, it felt like I was driving to the electric chair. I was like, I don't want to do this, man. I do not want to do this. And I got there. I didn't even know if they would take my phone.

I was just, I didn't ask because I didn't want to know. And when I got there, they took my phone. I was like, oh, I haven't put on any like alerts to say I'm not in town. Like I was just like, I don't know what I thought. Yeah. So when they put me in my room, they sent me to the room. I was a nice, there's nice cabins and stuff. You know how it is.

It's beautiful. Yeah. And I'm like, what the F? There's three double beds in here. Like one roommate would be a lot of two other men. So there were two other guys and the first guy comes in and super handsome, some big guy and I'm like, hey, what's up, man? You know, you're not supposed to ask anyone their name, just the first name.

So Eric comes in. I'm like, hey, what's up, man? And right away, obviously, this guy's an athlete and he's like incredibly handsome. And I'm like, oh, did you play sports in college? Yeah, yeah, I played baseball and football. Did you play after college? She's like, yeah, played in Denver and New York Jets. And I'm like, oh, what position receiver?

And then I'm like, oh, I know who you are. Eric Decker. And I only say that because we've spoken about, he's in the book. He's cool with me talking about this. we became like best friends and we basically spent the whole time together. So I had a little schedule taped up on the wall with all the different sessions and I would cross them off like we were in prison. I was like, guys, one more day to go. So we just made light of it. And, but, you know, we were there to work. Yeah. It's cost 10 grand. It's not like you're going to go there and like fake your way through it.

No, you, you have to put you, you have to like my favorite word of surrender to the whole process because otherwise why even go? But had you done there? Because with with a chaotic childhood and then, everything that you've gone through and then going to that, like, was that your first dose of therapy? Because that's pretty intense. Or have you experienced therapy in the past? No, I had been, I had been in therapy, but nothing like that. But I knew enough about therapy to know what was coming. Like, it wasn't like I was blindsided. And I've been through A-A and N-A. And, you know, those are like group therapy sessions. And so I knew enough to know kind of what I was getting into. And I mean, I've tried everything. I did that. I tried five M-E-O-D-M-M-T,

psychedelic therapy. Oh, you did? Yeah, I'm going to go, I'm going to go do this Ibegain journey in a couple months. You are, you are doing that in a couple months? Does anything scare you about that? I'm scared like, I'm, I don't know if I would rather do that or like, you know, face jump in a wingsuit. Like, that's how I feel like, oh my God, why am I doing this? But I know that my life could be better. All right, you guys, we're going to pause right there because there's just so much more to get into with Ken. And trust me, you do not want to miss what's coming next week. We go even deeper in his story mindset and some of the moments that really shaped who he is today. It's a really inspiring conversation. I feel like you're all going to love it. So make sure that you're

subscribed and come back this Thursday for part two of the conversation. TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra. This is the movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator and TV shows like Survivor. Bob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Hazzam! Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.

It's Kail Lowry, join me for Barely Famous. You might think you know me, but trust me, you don't know this version of me. This is where I say what everyone is too scared to ask and ask the questions that nobody wants to answer. I'm talking exes, unexpected guests, viral chaos, messy relationships, really just all of it. Nothing is off limits, nothing is off the record. and yeah, things can get a little unhinged. It's real, it's raw, and it's probably going to make you gasp at least once. So follow, rate and review, barely famous, wherever you get your podcasts.