Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Live At Caroline's NYC with Claudia Oshry

Episode Date: November 28, 2017

Kaitlyn takes to the stage for the first time in her podcast's history alongside Girl With No Job's Claudia Oschry to talk about the rise of her blog as well as every other wacky thing Kaitlyn has up her sleeve. Kaitlyn also announces something exciting for the new year! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow, live from Carolines in New York City. Caitlin is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves. Get ready for lots of laughs. Taboo topics.

Unfiltered advice and wine. Lots. of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. You guys, I'm going to cry. This calls for a Snapchat. Oh my gosh.

Just do that same reaction again. Okay, I did not know what to expect. Like, I've never done a live podcast before. And I'm like, are we on? Like, are we recording right now? I don't know. What's funny, too, is I like, I was like, I'm not going to plan this one, okay? I'm just going to wing it.

I'm just going to drink my wine. Plus, oh, no, I got to say this for confessions. So I just finished Broadway show. I don't know if you guys heard, but I'm on Broadway now. It's funny because I think I'm going to forget to introduce my guest because I'm like, I'm having a great time up here. So you notice there's three mics. I thought I would like give, oh.

I thought I would give you guys like your bang for your buck. I'm like, you know how the people pay. You got to give the people what they want. So Sean B is the co-host today. No grabbing his butt. No grabbing his butt. Is this not insane? I was confusing. I didn't even know where you were.

I didn't know where I was going either. I was like, I probably should have scoped out the room before. Every time we've done like a city strong and we do like a meet and greet after, I always have to watch girls' hands. I'm like, I see you, and that's not okay. How's everyone doing tonight? Everyone knows who are a special guest is tonight. How do you

Bwinge? Bwange. And you're Bungge. I like that. I've never met you yet. This is Claudia's husband, everybody, Ben. And Claudia's sisters up front row VIP.

What did it? Swunge. Swunge. And did you bring Pwange? Oh, Pungge. Teo. But wait, you switch the name. okay i'll bring out claudia and then we'll talk about what was it before

mufon movie because that's your guys's nickname for each other okay let's bring out let's bring out claudia a.k.a girl with no job aka guange queen oh yeah you did the same thing as both of us I had no idea where I was going Give it up

Yeah pour yourself some of that wine Before you sit down Before you sit down, pour the wine Oh, I don't know who they thought was sitting here Much better This is why I feel comfortable The fact that I haven't planned the podcast Is because it's you

I'm like We're just winging it Yeah, we're just going to wing it And no matter what, it's going to be great Because you're funny Do you guys want? Do you want a little? I'm going to have a tough time

getting a word. Oh, yeah. Good luck, Sean B. I was going to sit here. We're always going to be talking over each other the whole time, so. Cheers. I think we've talked about this so many times, but my mom's always, like, texting me, like, can you let Sean talk this next interview? And I'm like, nope.

I don't know why you're up here. Because he's easy on the old eyeballs, that's why. Let's do a group. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. To my first live podcast.

podcast, which is, I honestly did not think it was going to be this legit. Yeah, this is serious. I feel like we should, we should do confessions right off the bat. I've never had an easier time preparing for a segment because I'm disgusting. Like, everything I do is gross. I, like, I know I look amazing, but I have, like, the worst hygiene. My house is disgusting. And I was like, just one.

I wrote like six. You have notes and everything. No, that's... Wow. She is prepared. This is why you're a great guest to have because you like to leave nothing on the table.

You're all for it. All for it. And I'm with you on that. My personal hygiene is very questionable. But I don't know. I just feel like in 2017 we have like such high standards for hygiene.

Whereas like if I was living in like the 1800s, I would be the cleanest person ever. Oh. They only bathe like once a week. they didn't really have like underwear like that was meant to live in the 1800s that's a world I want to live in oh yeah if you were overweight it meant you were rich like I'm totally meant to be in the 1800s I wish that's amazing it was a sign of wealth I wish I kind of want to just let you talk sometimes because everything that comes out of your mouth is so funny guys

can we give it up for Caitlin seriously okay you can give it up for me all night I like that Ben was like you really shouldn't drink like you talk a lot of shit like when you get drunk and I was thinking like No please I know And I just whatever Please keep drinking then Loose lips

Can we call you that Blue lips? Yeah sure Okay it's very flattering As long as you're calling me something Good one Okay so let's confess Okay

I'm really glad you started off with that personal hygiene thing Because that is actually one of my confessions Yeah Sean was like I'm not sure if you should share that. Like, that's not okay. And the truth is, I have not showered in four days.

That's rough. Wait, I'm talking like... Wait, has anybody else out here not showered in four days? Anybody? Oh, we got one right there. All right. Yes. Thank you for standing up. Five, anybody. Yeah. Nope. All right. You got one out there.

There's a difference between showering and washing your hair. I just want to say there's a huge difference. And yes, Maybe I don't shower every day, but I cleanse a sponge bath every now and then. Not me. No. I'm talking, like, I don't know the last time I washed my hair.

I'm talking body. Right, right, right. But I use, this is disgusting. Like, hey, Neutrigina, if you want to, like, sponsor the podcast. I use you down there to get fresh sometimes. That's not that bad. All right. All right.

I feel like such a third wheel. You kind of are, but, okay, so that's gross. But I'm okay with it. It's not gross. It's not gross. I don't mean to turn my back on you guys. Hi. Oh, Jasmine. Oh, my gosh.

Hi, guys. I don't know if you like want to be pointed out, but Charlene and Jasmine over there. Canadian Bachelorette in the house. Woo-hoo! And then Charlene from the lovely Juan Pablo's season. I will collect. Gifts after. Thank you. Yeah, I'll do it after.

Quick photo op. Okay. Sean, do you have a confession for us? Nothing can be worse than what I just said. Watch me. That's nice to follow. Do I have a confession? I don't know. I'm thinking. I feel like you're just like so clean and so amazing. I think that can be a confession

because I just realized when I was in the back area over there that I've been walking around with a tube of face moisturizer in my pocket for about the past week. He makes me carry it in my purse. That's not even a confession. I should get my manned card for that.

How many men walk around with a moisturizer bottle? Moiterization is key. That's why you're nice to look at. Do you walk around with face? Really? I don't know. But he doesn't.

All right. That's not a confession. I just talked about how disgusting I am and how I don't shower and you're going to go and say your confession is how like moisturize your skin is. That's why we make a good team, babe. Because I'm gross and you're not?

I didn't say it. Claudia, please. Okay, we're going to go around more than once, right? Absolutely. Because when Caitlin was explaining to me, she was like, we need to come up with these, like, confessions. Like, for example, like I told everyone I peed in my pants. So that just, you know, spiraled into a whole train of thought for me.

Specifically to, I would say it was a year ago, maybe a little over. Ben and I went to a wedding, black tie, like, dressed to the floor, all that stuff, spanks, everything. And it was in Brooklyn. and we were leaving and like I kind of had to pee but I was like all right whatever we'll be home in 15 minutes so much traffic like non-stop my bladder was killing me I was like on the verge of tears and I was

drunk so like I was already like loose like you know? In two ways yikes now it's a podcast I just got that and so we are in our hallway and the apartment we used to live in like had a carpet on the hallway floor and we're like it's like it's the

11th hour like if I don't go in the next second, I'm going to die. We get upstairs and we look at each other and neither of us have a key. So honestly, I just looked at him and I was like, I'm so sorry. And I just peed everywhere.

But, lest we not forget, I was wearing spanks. So I half peed on the floor on the carpet and then also like half, like filled up the spanks. You know what I mean? And there was like a huge wet spot on the carpet on the hallway.

to like attempt to pull the spanks off? I was in no state to attempt. You just stood there. I tried to like, you know they have like a pee hole? I tried to like, you know? And I left a huge pee spot. And then to make matters worse, we had to go sleep uptown at Ben's parents because we were locked out of our apartment.

And so I just sit in another cab in my soiled clothes. Wait, it gets worse. We finally got home the next day and like the spot had dried up. and like I just didn't tell anyone. Just left it there. Not even that. It was fine. It didn't even smell.

How clean am I? Been there? All right. Yeah. Nice. I think a lot of people have been there, but not many people will admit it. I admitted it on my podcast that I peed my body suit because I forgot to unsnap it. And I had some wine.

And I just like pulled my pants down. I'm like, well, here we go. That's bad. But that's not the only time it's happened. It's just the one time I admitted it on a podcast. This is the thing. When you're as funny as we are, cracking jopes, left and right, wearing tight clothes, drinking a lot.

We can't do it all. No, things happen. We can't do it all. Okay, let's go around again. Wait. Shumby's like, how did I get here? Yeah. And he's like, if my first confession was moisturizing, what the hell am I supposed to say now?

I've bared myself recently. That's too bad. You're missing out. I'm trying to think of a confession for you that you wouldn't say that I can just, like, kind of embarrass you. But I can't think of any. I think I might know. Do you, like, do you take your shirt off and, like, look in the, mirror and like yes he does right I like make faces yeah he I'm a fitness professional yeah he's

critiquing his physique and like no he you do do that I would thank you I love my audience you guys picked up on the do do um he will like are you upset no he's like like if we're walking past a window that has a reflection, he'll be like oh, and you do the one eyebrow? I can't do it because I have Botox. By the way, everyone does that. Everyone does Botox. Everyone does Botox. Everyone looks in the window.

We're only human. Like, and I would too if I was Sean B. Oh, yeah. Duh. Like, you're ridiculous. I got a, I was looking Vanessa is that how you said her last name? Gremaldi. tagged a photo because we did Bachelor Canada the other day and I, so stupid.

Spill the tea. I looked at the comments which I should not have done and a lady went off, I'm not joking 30 comments about how I've had plastic surgery and a nose job and I'm like, girl, it's Botox. Big difference not as like I didn't go under a knife to get like no lines in my forehead.

Oh my God, it's like so not even a big deal. I think about plastic surgery the way I think about, like, editing your photos. Like, we know you're doing it. Like, let's just talk about it. Let's embrace it. Thank you. I think it's cool.

And you can afford Botox. That is just a symbol of wealth, like I said. That's 2017. Is that if you can afford, you know, if you have no wrinkles, you can afford some Botox. Yep. That's so true. And, I mean, I don't, Sean's against it.

He's always... Not against it. Here's the funny thing. I'll like... I just don't think you need it. Oh. This is why we have a hard time with confessions Because he's perfect

But that's all I come home He'll know I'm going because I tell him I'm like I'm going to get some bodogs in my forehead And he goes, okay, I come home And he goes, you look so good Did you get a new forehead? Like trying to compliment He thinks that's how you're

And I'm like, it doesn't kick him for two weeks But thank you There, that's my confession I get Botox Not plastic surgery My next confession Yeah, just skip Sean. It's not even worth it.

Like, his confect, like, I'm very open, but, like, his lack of confessions is making me, like, self-conscious about my own... No, don't. This is what I live with. This is what I live with. What was that? Okay, my confession is I am truly, like,

and honestly, the most fearless, public, wedgy, and nosepicker. Like, I don't care. I used to be, like, in... Okay, so I went to a high school where you had to wear skirts, and I always wore, like, a tight skirt. that, like, rode my underwear up.

We got nose pickers in here. People who piss themselves. People haven't showered in five days. Wow, what a crowd. It really smells good in here. Can I just say one thing before you can go in? This is why I say if you go on any type of show, just completely be exactly who you are and be authentic

because you will build people like this to come see you, and you can all bond over being disgusting. And it's just a beautiful thing. I love all of you for this. Keep going. No, that's basically it. And I feel like it's getting, like, more difficult to be a fearless wedgy and nose picker because, like, the more popular, like, girl with no job gets, people, like, sometimes, like, know who I am, and it's just like, oh, I saw a girl with no job.

Like, she looked great, but she didn't stop picking her nose, you know? Like, and I was on an airplane, like, a week ago, and I, like, really needed to pick my nose. And there was just, like, this really cute, like, 18-year-old blonde girl. I'm like, she was just like so my demographic. I knew she followed girl in the job. I knew she probably knew who I was. And I was like, hmm, to pick my nose or not to pick my nose. And I was like talking about it on my Snapchat.

I'm like, do I pick my nose? Who I pick my nose? And she was like watching my Snapchat right next to me. So it's a vicious cycle. But I will continue to be a pioneer in picking and touching my nose. It's an issue. Exactly. Where do you put the books?

Where do I put the? Oh, okay. Another confession. Okay. Now I'm getting red. Because Sean B, like, asked me where I'm with my boogers. Honestly, I really, like, I'm pretty much an open book, but I draw the line at where I put my boogers.

I refuse to answer that question. It's such a mystery. That's between me and God. That's it. Wow. And probably whoever's sitting next to me. So you do leave a little bit to the imagination. Now I'm going to be thinking all night about where you put your boobs.

You'll say. Sean also thinks it's weird. I say booger, and he says booger. Okay. Bougar, right? Bougar. That's weird. Who says booger?

Bougar. Canadians. Is it booger or booger? Oh. Booger. Boog. What a deep, deep conversation we're having right now. Just really changing lives over here.

Booger? Yeah. Bougar. All right. That's because you're classy, Charlene. Well, what do you guys call those things in your eyes? Like, I don't. Sleep.

What? Buggers. Okay, Ben calls them sleep. I call them like, boogers, crusty's. Sleep? Yeah. Sleep.

Custation. With a pee, yeah. Sleep. Sleep. No. Yeah. Oh, we really got the crowd going now. Okay, Sean, do you have any other confessions for us?

I feel like we should move on. I'm going to pick two people to confess in the room tonight. Okay. Right in the front with her friend waving your arm. Go ahead, stand up. Stay loud. Wait, that's a... Wait, what?

Okay. Repeat the question? No, don't repeat the question. I'm lost. Wait. Did you just ask if I'm circumcised? I am so... Does anybody understand the question?

I pick the wrong person. Okay, I'm going to save you for the question. What does that mean? Wait, sorry, am I missing something? Do you participate in certain? Have I performed any circumcisions? I don't know what you're talking about. This is supposed to be a confession.

Oh. Security! I don't understand. I really want clarification. I don't want to move on. Yeah, I can't. move on. You're supposed to confess something. Well, no, we need to

figure out the circumcision thing. Fair. She's not even cracking a smile. I'm, like, scared. The cheapest, what is the... Rip-off? Oh, oh, I get it. The cheapest circumcision he's ever participated in is a rip-off.

Okay. Like you rip off the four-skinned? Unfortunately, that joke did not land. I was like, are you calling me a rip-off? Okay, we'll slow clap you on that one. Everybody slow clap. Oh, I thought you was calling the show a rip-off, and I was like, excuse me? Me too. I got very concerned.

Okay, I get it now. I'm sorry that it was not a joke segment. I thought you were confessing. I did not know where it was going. Do you have a confession? Can we get a confession? Whoa, well, wait a minute. What's your name?

Wait. Megan, like uncircised penises. All right. That's a confession. Now it's a podcast. Two times. Okay, you opened a door here. This is great.

Did you say it makes you feel better? It feels better. Okay. All right. We'll have to take your word for it. I'm just going to. Okay. Where is this going to be in like half an hour?

I'm scared. Okay, we're taking one more confession. Okay. What's your confession? All right. She's just, that's very fiscally responsible. I appreciate it. Wow.

That's just like strategic and like a, you're a business woman is what you are. kudos to you yeah i will cheers to that yes and you know what this is the time where we wash away all of our sins i'm looking at you uh confess i mean no what i'm drunk wash away our sins with wine cheers okay for any of you newbies just joining the podcast and you haven't heard about bright sellers yet well you better get used to it because i'm probably going to talk about it every podcast it's the wine i drink while i am broadcasting to you and you can discover new wines that are delivered directly to you. For personal wine bottles sent to your door each month,

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wines for free. And you can get 50% off your first box of wine if you go to brightsellers.com slash off the vine. Again, that's 50% off your first box. Like, let me break that down for you. 50% off a box of wine. And not boxed wine, a box of bottles of wine. Brightsellers.com slash off the vine. I have more confessions just waiting. Okay, one more. Let it rip, baby. Let me choose the best one. One more. I'm giving it to my guest, Claudia. I'm sorry.

Okay. Tweet me. Okay. So, I have a dog. And I've had a dog now for four months. And I have not once ever walked my dog. He's basically homebound. And I use an app called Wag where the dog gets walked by a complete stranger who I lend to my home when I'm not home.

because I would literally rather get robbed than go for a walk. Wait, that's just genius. No, I mean, you guys have it easy. Like, you have a backyard, you have a home, like even the suburbs. Not right now. Oh, not right now.

He's a home. But, like, in general, Doodle's home base has, like, some grass. Yes. So it's like, for me, it's like to put on a code and put on the leash, you go downstairs, walk around the block,

go back upstairs. It's like a whole thing. Like, I just wouldn't much rather have someone else do it. And I feel like... Sounds like a terrible dog model. No, no, no. That's very on brand for you.

Thank you. Yeah. If you did walk your dog, I'd be like, who are you? Yeah, and it's like, I'm just so busy, like, all the time. You're just being very on-bring. Taking my meetings and stuff, that, like, I just can't. I can't even. I can't.

I am the little engine that literally couldn't even. Anyways, moving on. Should we bring somebody up here? It's a ton. Oh, sorry. We already have a plan. Yeah. That was misleading.

We're sorry. Let's try that again. I'm going to let you introduce her. Okay, a lot of you know her. She's the morning show we don't deserve. Sorry. She's the morning show host we don't deserve, but the one that we need. Give it up for the one, the only. Jackie Lowe.

Woo, who, who, this just got a whole. Now it's a podcast. You're really bringing our group out. average down here, okay? Hi, Jackie. Hi, guys. Really happy to have you up here. So excited to be here.

Speaking of people who we have but don't deserve, I have a bone to pick with you guys. Let's do that. Tell us. Yeah, you should get serious. So I was being a good friend and a fan and a supporter, and I tune in to the morning breath. And you're talking about the Bachelorettes.

As we frequently do. As you frequently. That's why I tune in. I'm like, well, I don't plan. and you were talking about Rachel and you said she's the best bachelorette we've had in a long time I have two response

it's been a long time since you were the bachelor's and some old news I feel like I speak about you and Sean together so frequently that like I slipped up I'm sorry but like I literally I've told you this before I have your YouTube video of you guys getting engaged like save to my favorites on my YouTube app like I

have shown no shortage of Shambi and Caitlin Love. I'm sorry I slipped up. It was a big mistake. All I wanted. In her defense, I feel like she thinks of you guys as friends and not so much bachelor people. So when she was thinking of the bachelor like these figures, she wasn't

necessarily like thinking about you guys because you're just real people to us. Which is why I felt like I could call you out because we're friends and I'm just being funny. I appreciate the honesty. Because you do show a lot of support to the two of us. And you know what we've moved on from that world? Yeah. We are Sean B and Caitlin now, yeah.

And I feel like everyone in this room agrees that, like, it's been, like, the Bachelor world is interesting because, like, there's a good mix of people who are really there, you know, for the right reasons. And then there are the people who just want to, like, sell tea on Instagram. And it's been so long since we've gotten a couple who, like, really just were there for the right reasons. Do you know what you mean? Yeah. And there's, like, I get that there's, like, both parts are necessary, but we're really missing out on, like, the Shambies and the Kalins these past few seasons. Do we agree? And that.

And I feel like that's only going to get worse as Instagram gets bigger. Yeah. Like the Wah Boom guy? I was like, see, and I am indifferent because I'm like, good for him. Like he obviously did not give a shit about Rachel. And he was like, I just want to sell T-shirts. And I was like, I'll take two. I just was like, that's funny to me because he was so clear that he was not there for her.

But I just feel like as time goes on and Instagram and social media gets bigger and crazier and more depressing, it's people are going to go on that show just for and maybe that will be the downfall of the show yeah that's what jacky always says like there like it's starting to self-implode a little bit I think they took a step back by casting Ari but it's it's how do we feel how do we feel I don't care you guys no matter who they cast you guys are all still going to watch of course yeah exactly so it doesn't matter and they know that they're like yeah we'll bring back, Ari will bring back, like, that, like, loyal following we once had, and you guys are, all the millennials are going to watch now.

Like, I don't know. I think they're just doing that, but let's talk about the morning breath. Please describe, first of all, I was supposed to, I wanted to ask this earlier, but did, how did Girl with No Job even start? Like, what was your job before Girl With No Job? And do you get backlash for being a girl with no job that has a really successful job and just building an empire and, like, I'm done pumping your tires now? backlash it's more like without fail

anytime I meet someone no matter age gender all that they're like stop like you really don't have a job and it's like well I mean I don't have a job like I do a morning show and I have a podcast it's like please fuck you like I have a job that's like when people are like

did you really like Nick I'm like do you know how editing works yeah oh I learned my lesson quick with editing on say yes to the dress oh did you oh my god you should do say yes to dress. I already have my wedding dress. Oh my god. Okay magazine. I already did say yes to the dress. Haley page obviously. But anyway so you how did you start this girl with no job

and then we're gonna get to the morning breath but I forgot to ask that earlier. No it's okay it's my favorite question because I literally have the answer memorized well I'm sure you do because I also watch a Snapchat where you're like I hate when people are like what's one piece what's the best piece of advice you've ever gotten for I get asked like truly so of the most annoying questions. Of course, we all do. What inspires you? Oh, that was my next question. Literally, like, nothing inspires me. I'm the least motivated person on the face of the earth. Like, the fact that I got here today, like having my hair done is a miracle beyond belief. We're really proud of you. Thank you.

Yeah, girl new job started, basically, just when I was a freshman in college, it was like blogs were popping up there nowhere nearly as annoying back then as they are now. And the only bloggers that I really knew about were like Perez Hilton, man repel. like Leander Medine and I got this internship in fashion when I was starting college and I don't know why like I literally hate fashion I couldn't care last I hate everyone who works in fashion I hate everything about fashion it was just terrible I literally like fashion yeah I really like wear pajamas all day I don't know who I thought I was I was like I also like used to like I don't know I was just like Doc Martin's I don't know who I thought I was I love Doc Martin's I don't know who I thought I love Doc Martin's and it was just like terrible internship like everyone was mean to me everyone was so skinny they like use words like espadryl like I didn't know what was going on and I started this blog on Tumblr called Girl With a Job where I literally talk shit about everyone. Nobody read it. It was like so pathetic, so sad.

And I obviously got fired from that internship. Did you have an egg as a profile picture? Of course not. Jennifer Gardner from 13 going on 30 was my... Even better. Where she was holding like the Lisa Frank pen, you know? Whatever. It was just a terrible thing. I changed the name of the blog once I got fired to Girl with No Job

vis-vis, you know. So I got an Instagram you know, that's that's it. And then it blew up. And then it just Now I'm here. Now you're just Bobby Big Wheels. Yeah. And then, woo. And then how.

One woo. And it was your husband. And it was Ben. How many guys we have here tonight? Where are the guys at? Oh, yeah. Oh, we got a few. I see three.

Ever happens. Were you dragged here by your women? Oh, happy birthday. That's awesome. You dragged him here. Yeah, of course he did. No guys want to come here. When guys ask for pictures,

It's always the same thing. It's, oh, my wife will kill me if I don't get a picture. I'm like, just admit it, you watch the show. And I'm always like, can we get some more guys in here? Like, I'm really sick of Sean Bee being the hot one. He's always the hot one. But, okay, and the morning breath, you guys just decided because, I mean, all of you and your sisters are worthy of some FaceTime,

because you guys are funny and you have good banter and you're quick and witty. We hear her to say that. And I do, I really enjoy watching, like, if I roll over and get like, oh, they're on live. I'm like, great. And it starts my morning sometimes. Well, Caitlin was like one of our first guests. Yes. Showing her support.

And Jackie and I, you tell it. Okay. So a few years ago. Yeah, let's let Jackie talk. I guess it was like right after we watch the morning glory, that movie about morning show. Has anyone seen that movie? If you haven't seen that movie, it's like with Rachel McAdams, it's a great movie. Harrison Ford.

I think it might have been like straight to DVD, but it's great nonetheless. So good. And we were, like, obsessed with morning shows. And we were just, like, had this idea. Wouldn't it be funny if someone made a morning show called The Morning Breath? And we laughed about it. And we made, like, a fake Twitter account called The Morning Breath. Actually, The Morning Breath.

Because it's one too many characters. So the Twitter account tweeted, like, ten times. Then we, like, never, ever spoke about it again. And then I was working at AOL with our older sister, Olivia. And the CEO of AOL is really innovative and cool. And he knew that Claudia was our sister. So we brought us all in. And he was like, we want you to, you know, build out.

social brands for the company, like, what do you guys want to do? And we were, like, the morning breath. So, but now in 2017, a morning show, like, you don't need to be on ABC to just, like... No, you get more views probably on Facebook Live than you know. I mean, we'll take a primetime network. If ABC comes knocking... You're not above it. You're not above it.

We were literally, five seconds ago just saying, like, honestly, like, I love doing the morning breath, but it's literally so annoying to wake up every day at 1030. Like, not 10.30. Did you go live at 10.30? We both like up at, like, 8.39. Yeah. She was like, I'd be happy to do the morning breath that they were at 12.30. And I was like, I would do the morning breath happily at 10.30, like, if we were on a network.

Yeah, please. Oh, I would you literally, I would wake up at 6 a.m. to be out of network. It's true. So, that's how the morning breath was born. And then all you guys started watching. And it's been really great. So thank you. How did you get Gronk?

Olivia. And how? And how? And how? Yes. Let's me never get. What? Gronk reached out to us.

Wait. And then how, he was kind of, like, quiet and. So it didn't help. that the man who came with him, like, literally could not stop talking. I felt so sorry for you go. I was like... And it's like, what he was saying was definitely interesting. But it was nowhere near what I needed to talk to Grunk about.

Like, they came on to talk about their new app, and the man obviously knew more about the app, but, like, we could have talked about other things, too. All day. It didn't help that we started a few minutes late because they wanted their video to play. Yeah, it was like a whole thing. And that they had to leave a few minutes early.

And did you feel sexual tension between you and Gronk? Because it was definitely coming through over Instagram Live. I didn't, while we were sitting. there but then I read the comments and so many people did and I was just like so flattered that you could ever like put our two names in a sentence together so sure yeah yeah I was like oh that might be a thing and then imagine Jackie 100 pounds five feet tall thank gronk 800 pounds eight feet tall just imagine the possibilities you paint a pretty picture I did that was an episode full of tension because afterwards we had Peter from the bachelor and Claudia and him

Fell in love. Yeah, I mean, he more so fell in love with me. I'm a happily married woman, but it was just, it was uncomfortable because he was so obviously, like, dormant to me. Yeah. And he kept saying that his dream girl is brunette

and she wasn't on The Bachelor, like, I don't know, it was just uncomfortable. And he were just like, ah, God gave it to me, I signed for it, the world keeps on spinning. Yeah. I felt like he didn't respect at all, like, I'm married.

So fucking rude. Maybe that's why he didn't. didn't take The Bachelor because he was like, that ruins my chances of Claudia. Yes, I did read in people that he was offered Winter Games, but he was still so in love with this girl he met on some morning show that he decided not to do it.

I don't even know what this Winter Games means. I have a game, I think we should play. I love games. To see my phone. This is the one thing I'm prepared for. I'm weirdly competitive. Like, I will kill you. We almost like broke up over like what's that game we play? Dominoes.

Anything. It's like the least competitive games. I thought you were going to say like tennis. I thought you were going to say apples to apples. Oh, that's nuts. Yeah, no, I'm... Okay, we're going to play what would you rather. Oh.

And I got some good ones. Okay. Would you rather... What was this question for? Everyone on the panel. Except for Sean because... Oh, okay. I literally forgot Sean was here.

Just hanging out of here. Only the first question, because you don't like either. one of these things. Would you rather give up ranch? Okay, you can answer. Would you rather give up ranch or alcohol for the rest of your life? Ranch.

Alcohol. I feel like Shelby doesn't even drink, right? Rarely. He'll have like a... How do you say that beer name? I used to drink a ton. Oh, yeah. Back at the day. It was false advertisement, I tell you.

On the show, he was partier, and then we get in real life and I'm like, eh. Yeah. And... Strip her. I probably drank more than anybody on that show. Yeah, you did. You needed it.

Because nobody drank. It was weird. That's weird. That's a waste. It's such a waste. There's so much free alcohol everywhere. Top shelf. Anything.

Like, you make a grocery list, too, of like, I remember testing my limits, too, in the mansion, like on The Bachelor. I'd be like, a juicer. I like the grocery list. And then all of a sudden there's a juicer in the kitchen. I was like, what? Yeah. Next time I was like, my phone back, please. That did not happen.

Please. Yeah, no. Okay, so you'd rather give up ranch. Well, it's not a question of equals, because we're not huge ranch people. So let me find the equivalent to alcohol for you, Claudia. Okay, would you rather give up alcohol or a chicken? Whoa. I mean, that's so, so challenging.

It's either you don't eat or you don't drink. Right, because I literally only eat chicken. like chicken fingers, grilled chicken, stir-fried chicken, like in any form chicken, I will eat it. So what you're saying is you haven't watched what the hell? Oh, okay, me and Ben started it, and we were like, look at each other, we're like, this is depressing, turn it off.

It was like, all the things you're not supposed to do. Like, we basically definitely both have diabetes, and I was like, I don't want to watch this. It was very upsetting. That was like when I tried to watch that movie, the McDonald's, the Super Size Me, I was like, I'm just craving McDonald's now. Yeah.

Like, this just makes me want to go buy a burger. Like, whenever the effect, it was supposed to have on you, like, it had the opposite effect for me. I was like, fuck this, life is short, let's eat. You're, like, eating raw chicken on your couch while watching it? Process meat, I, like, bought out the whole aisle. I love processed meat. I would definitely probably give up chicken.

Like, it's a, like... Oh, after that chicken rant? Wow. I've recently just been, like, thinking about, like, how much I drink, and it's probably, like, not good, but, like, whatever. I just feel like we're young, you know? Totally. Thank you.

you validating my obvious problem. That should be on a t-shirt. Yes, we're going, yes. Speaking of T-shirts, everybody should buy my can-you-not sweaters. That's on my Instagram shirt right now. No, this is a different one. Oh, I'm sorry. I actually made a can-you-not sweater that has a kendall on it and says,

You Not. Oh, that's funny. I think there are a couple here, right? Aren't there a couple ladies here who have? There they. Yeah, oh, my gosh. I love that you guys did that. Thank you for just being awesome.

Reek Okay Back to my game Oh my gosh Would you rather lick butter off a homeless person's toes Or drink a glass of urine Drink a glass of urine I've already done that

It's sterile Butter Wait Sean that's a confession You've drank urine I did in college by mistake It has nitrates It was by mistake He's not perfect

I woke up in my house with my buddies And I was hung over and I went to his fridge and there was a bottle of green tea there. Great. Yeah, you told me this. We had a big party at the house tonight before and then I said, I'm taking your green tea. And he was like, no, no, I want it. He didn't know either.

So I ran there and I opened, I started chugging it. Why was it green? Didn't you smell it on the way to your mouth? And then it started foaming up. I'm like, that's piss. But I didn't tell him. I played it cool. And I was like, is this the new green tea?

And so then he drank it. And he started throwing up everywhere in his bedroom. Did you ever find out why there was a fridge? That's college. That's like, yeah, that's just an excuse. Where did you go to college? Keene State. Anybody from Keene State?

Keene State. Oh, wow, one. No, you just want to bond with Sean B. You're not from Keyn State. Liar. Vegas Party School. Okay, I have another one. This is a good one for you guys.

Okay. Would you rather have your own spin-off show or be the Bachelorette? Spinoff done. Spin-off. But that's a good question. Yeah. I respect that. I take a second to think about it.

Now I want to ask why. Well, like, if you're the Bachelorette, like, you get one season. If you have a successful spin-off. Thank you for the chance for two seasons. Oh, right. I would be the worst Bachelorette. I would be like, do you want to be friends? That thing over there.

This was like, you know, one of those questions that metaphorically. Yeah. Or, I mean, hypothetic. Yeah. I don't do big words. Okay, would you rather Have vaginas for ears or penises for fingers Wait, are we talking circumcised penises or uncircised?

That's all other topic I think vaginas for ears Because you can cover them up Yeah, hats, earmuffs, long hair Yeah, that was stupid What a stupid question I guess you can wear gloves all the time But then you couldn't use your phone

It's a whole thing Okay, last one Would you rather get a tattoo of my face on your butt or shave your head and not be able to wear wigs? Caitlin's face on my ass. Every day. I would do that just like regularly.

Yeah. We are in Times Square. I think I know a place. So the more wine I feed you, the more chances I have of my face being tattooed on your butt for the rest of your life. Or until I get it removed. Yeah. I hate that there's tattoo removal.

That's such a cop-out. Except they do these videos on Instagram or like they show you in hyperlapse, like undoing people's tattoos and it's mesmerizing. So I'm glad that it exists just so I could like stare at it. Okay. Weak laughs, I'm sorry.

I'll do better. I'll do better. I was like, oh, should we wrap up? This is, things aren't landing anymore. Okay. So we all know that Cupcake is also my dentist. And when we talked about electric toothbrushes the other day, he said if everybody got one, the world would be a better place. So we all know I have now become passionate about electric toothbrushes.

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You can even subscribe to receive new brush heads on a dentist-recommended three-month plan for just $5, including free shipping. Quip is backed by leading dentists and has been mentioned in about every gift guide this year, including Oprah's O list, GQ, and Goop. So I guess you could say it's kind of a big deal. Prices start as low as $25, and by including a year of automatic brushhead deliveries, you can make this the holiday gift that keeps on given. Right now, go to getcquip.com slash vine to get your first refill pack free with a quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at get quip.com slash vine. G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash vine. What's up, guys? It's the Lady Gang podcast. We're very excited because Jenna Fisher,

you know her, Pam from the office, is on our show and she's talking about her brand new book and actors' life. She's also talking about the time she auditioned with Larry David. And hugged him when he was trying to get her to leave the room. It's amazing. I've never been so jealous. It's one of the funniest episodes and funniest guests we've ever had on. So tune in to The Lady Gang this Tuesday, exclusively at podcast.1.com or the new Podcast One app. And don't forget to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts so we can feel famous.

Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. I mean, since I'm wearing the sweater, I think we should get into a Ken You Not. Uh, can you? Can you not? Rant. Let me pull out my list. Yeah. This is a thing.

I was like, sometimes I'm so brain dead that I can't think of can you nots because I'm thinking too hard about it. Yeah. And so I thought because you're queen of Instagram, you're welcome. Self-titled. Self-proclaimed queen of Instagram. Yes. I thought we would do just, it should be easy, general Instagram, can you not?

and mine are so lengthy and so specific that if you listen hard enough you definitely know who exactly I'm talking about I can't wait and then we kept going and then we stopped we're like you could guess by now so like we had to trim it back

but mine kind of pertains mostly to like this generation of Instagramers who have like a mediocre following but talk to their following like they're like Beyonce you know how like if everyone in the world didn't know where your jacket was from we would just implode like I just

okay so they like do these like Instagram story like Q&A DMs and they just like they probably get I don't know this is the thing with Instagram you could have 50,000 followers but like really like maybe a hundred people like engage with you that's just the way that the Instagram numbers work so like these bloggers who like like like I said think they're Beyonce I have like 50 to 100,000 followers do Q&As like you know that they have fake accounts like submitting questions like you just know and they're like at the end of the Q&As they're like literally are crying they're like it just means so much to me that like you guys like care about like me and like it's just so inspiring like I do this for you.

And it's like, I love you guys. It's like, oh, my God, you're such a force. Like, I can't even. Can you not? Can you not? Everybody at the same time. Can you not? I feel like I'm in church.

Jackie. We have so many. We have so many. Oh my gosh, let's do that. Let's do. When we say, can you not? Okay, people who still use throwback Thursday and use it as an excuse to post pictures

from the one time they went to Mekanos. Yeah. Or, like, the one month in college when they we're skinny, and, like, every Thursday we're seeing it. Guilty. You never take me anywhere. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. We're going to Miami.

I'm sorry, I'm kidding. That's funny. Are you done? Can you not? Shambi. Spooky. Spooky. I use this one on one of your podcasts.

Go on. I get, I see a lot of females out there who will take these like professional photos and they'll be like all glammed up and every caption is like, I'm really just thinking about tacos. No, you're not. Oh, I just want pepperoni pizza right now.

No. You're not, you're lying. You just want to post a picture of yourself. Yeah, piggybacking off of that, when I was doing me and Ben were doing our engagement. Shoot, we had like a very fancy wedding photographer and he was literally telling me that there are these bloggers

in New York who like pay he's expensive like I literally just came up my whole life to pay for him and like there are these bloggers who literally use him on a weekly basis to shoot their photos I'm like why do you need a wedding grade photographer

to shoot your Instagram photos like a phone is perfectly fine How about this one? How about can you not have every bachelor girl think they're a model as soon as they get off the show? Can you not? Okay, we're going to get specific Don't judge a person on The Bachelor

from their edit, judge them by how douchy they are on their social media afterwards. Yes. Amen. Let's go down this hole. Because Jackie and I say this one specific person who I will name in one second as a perfect example of why the Bachelor

is self- imploding. No, well, I'll get to her next. Right after she got off the Bachelor, Sarah Vendell put up this hardcore music video. Like, it was definitely filmed. It had a drone. It had a hair and makeup team.

She spent the day in Santa Barbara. And it's like, first of all, who is paying for this? Second of all, why do you, at this time, 70,000 Instagram followers need a full-fledged music video on your Instagram? Wait, who is this? Sarah Vendal. She was on the same season as Rachel,

who was on... Nick. Ugh. He who shall not be named. And she didn't make it that far, but for some reason, And I think the producers liked her, like, she remained so, like, relevant, and she's friends with all those girls. And she was just, like, so annoying.

Like, that's the only... I'm sure she's so nice, and I happen to have said a lot of not-nice things about her, and I know that she has heard them and, like, doesn't know why I don't like her. And I never met her. I'm sure she's really nice, but, like, her Instagram just bothers me. I love that, you know, like, I'm all about, like, pumping women up, so I'm like, yeah, keep saying those nice things. But, yeah. No, but I do it in an empowering way. Yeah.

You're empowering her with your business advice. Constructed criticism. It's business advice. I really hate the face tune if you're going to change the way you look. Okay. I happen to disagree.

Okay. I'm moderating. And I understand, but I want to set the bar low. I want, when people see me in person, to be like, whoa, you're even better looking than in your photos. And I'm like and I don't like the false advertisement

and I'm like don't change who you are I'm like wait in the backgrounds sure like face tune that bring out the eyes sure but don't like change your body no I see that I don't necessarily disagree but my point of view is more so of like we all just edit our photos like who cares

I mean I want to look better and I'm not gonna diet I'm not gonna exercise I'm just gonna face tune but I do take major umbrage with people who pretend like they don't. Like, your door is crooked. I know you made your legs longer. Like, just own it, embrace it. Like, it's one of those things, Botox. Just talk about it. It's not a big deal. Everyone does it. It's almost cooler if you just, like, embrace it. Like, I'm proud of the fact,

I look nothing like my Instagram, and my Instagram's amazing. Like, but I agree with you. There is some sort of, like, social responsibility when you have followers on Instagram. But I'm just, I'll be a role model in other ways. And I will say that I think we all know, I just like, if you're honest. So the fact that you can just be like actually I did face you and the door's crooked but my butt looks better. Like that's cool. Whatever. So that doesn't really lead me into a good

can you not. But Ken or not? Sean. Can we just not with captions anymore? I just hate captions. What's the point? No, because no. They stress me out. Too much pressure. They really do stress me. No, because I only get likes for a good She tells me that the likes are based off of the caption. For me personally. I'm like, shit. I got to go with a good

No, but you see people leaving comments on your Instagram being like, oh my God, how funny is this caption? Don't you? That's so heartwarming. Caption goals all the time. And it's like, I think like I could post the worst picture in the world, but if my caption's good, people will be like, ha, she's still funny. And I feel like that's my thing.

It's also, you could post any picture in the world, but if it's like of you two, it performs so much better. Oh, I know. I'm like, wait, where were you guys on that one with like on me announcing I'm on Broadway, always and you don't care? But you care if I'm with Sean Bia? Okay, cool. Um, my final, can you not, because I ran out of my list, because I just share her with someone who did not come prepared.

No, I'm kidding. She really contributed to a list. Who contributed? Yeah. Um, is something I've been noticing. Like I said, I have, I'm just obsessed with people who have, like, 100,000 or less Instagram followers, because, like, you're, like, not really important, but, like, there's something might be interesting about you.

Also, it sounds like you're just guy with me. No, sorry. Shire. Okay. No, but you're, you're exempt. You're very premium. You're very premium. Um, brands are clamoring.

to work with me. But there's this thing that people do that I'm noticing it's like a new trend with people who maybe don't have like so many followers

is that I don't do. What do you think is so many followers? Above 100,000. I mean, a thousand is a lot of followers to me. Like our 500. Sure.

Okay, perfect, Sean B. Yeah, what else? It's so relatable. Sean B, literally the one thing I have is just like, let it be. Let her have it. Let it be, Sean B.

Okay. So what these people are doing is, let's say they get 10, 15 comments. Like, love your shirt. What they'll do is they will respond to every single one, thus automatically doubling the amount of comments they have, thus doubling their engagement rate, which to a brand is like super impressive. So let's say you get 30. What if they're really nice and just, you know.

Sure. Let's say you get 30 comments and you respond to every single one, even just with an emoji, like thanks, heart, smiley. Like, you automatically have 60. comments. So it's pretty smart actually, but I notice it. Yep, it's a new trend. Like businesses notice that? All of a sudden, I'm responding to every

comment. I don't know if businesses notice it, but I definitely do. I don't know if businesses notice, but I do. Oh. So can you not? Oh, we're not doing this anymore? Excuse me, hands off. Everybody, it's the last one on three. One, two, three. Can you not? We should get

a can you not from the crowd. Who's got a good one? Social media. Yeah, I agree. Yes. My can you knots over there. I hate when people post things on social media about their significant other when they're fighting with them. And then it's like, hashtag, plus, hashtag, luckyest girl in the world. Like, hashtag, all these things.

I'm like, I've heard you fighting five minutes. That's what we do every day. Hashtag. Here's a confession for you. Guilty. I'll be like. That's a good one. That is a good one, but I'm, I've done that.

Oh, of course. I think we did tonight. No, but two nights ago. He's like the sweetest guy in the world, but I'm a female, so I'll be like, that wasn't good enough. Like, what did you do? You got me flowers, everything on Broadway.

And then when we got home, we were laying in bed, he was so tired. Oh, I'm such a jerk. And he was, like, falling asleep. I'm like, can't you look me in the eyes and tell me how proud you are of me? And he was like, are you serious? He's like, I just drove from Nashville to New York,

which, by the way, is in a quick drive. Why? With our dog to come live in New York, which... And then I wrote her a card and she left it at the sushi restaurant. And it was like the nicest card ever. Brought me like the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and also told me... Sorry if I'm embarrassing you, but...

You are. He like came up after and he was like, that was like incredible. It was so crazy to see you up there. And the craziest part is that it's not that. crazy because you deserve it. All right, all right, enough. Next one. Who's got a good Kenyonato out there? Oh, yeah. Sorry. We're just making you look even better than your ears.

Oh, my God. Is that a Tyco? And then it's like, I get a bed and I'm like, why can't you look me in the eyes when you say that? Yeah, of course. And then the next day, I Instagramed, and I was like, you're the most supportive, sweet loving him. But I really do mean it. Oh, thanks, babe.

One more Keny Knot from the crowd. It's so good. Okay. No circumcision. Oh. Or the lip sense? That's a good one. That's a good one. So she was saying that, what was it?

When you're on Instagram. I couldn't hear either. If you, you know, like you haven't talked to somebody in 10 years, we've gone to high school with them, and then all of a sudden they reach out and they're like, oh, it's so good to see you. Like, haven't talked to you a long time. Have you tried lip sense? Lipsons. No, no. Guess what's more annoying. What?

Hey, what's up? How are you? I haven't spoken to you in so long. I'm starting out this business on Instagram. I was wondering if you could check it out. And post about it. Yeah, it's like, I feel like you would really like it. Like, let me know if you want a shirt.

No. Andrea. I'm good. Andrea. Are you using real names? Yeah. Of course you. Whatever.

She pronounces it differently. Oh my God, I'm going to get so much trouble. Do you know who I'm talking about? Because I'm sitting here thinking like you're like, you're Susan. in or like, Carol, Carol. Wait, can we talk for one second? Does your microphone smell? Yeah.

Yeah. Does your microphone smell? No. Mine does. It sounds like lips. I feel like it's my breath, you know. Still got that morning breath. Shameless plug.

Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at the morning breath. We are now on YouTube and the podcast app. Oh, and we're live on YouTube now. I think we should take some questions from the crowd. Cool. There has been a girl on a white t-shirt over here who has just been dying. Okay. To be heard.

White t-shirt. In this. Okay. Oh, yeah. No, not you, but it's fine. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Soon. We're working on it. Katelyn will be our guest. Yes, I absolutely. And you can see this all over again. Same material. Same material. So, what, January?

New Year? Hopefully. We're so slow. that's okay you're building hard to get things done because we work with like a big company so everything we do is illegal that's great but it's not like you're struggling and yeah hashtag blessed um wait what i didn't hear it what did i get $200 from it's not the real person's name but the pseudonym we use is Lynn Manuel Miranda yes and maybe I should retell the story for people who don't know because it's an amazing story I want to know okay

It's a great story but I'm kind of embarrassed of like how I found myself in this like super sketchy situation but like Jackie and I were like recently working with mayoral candidate he lost Bo Dietel he was just like he's an

ex New York cop who's a cool guy we thought he was funny we liked his policies he was independent he was in Wolf of Wall Street yeah so we like bombarded him like met with him and we got to know a lot of people working on his campaign and this one specific person got my phone number maybe six months ago and was like

call me out of the blue I had no idea who it was I thought it was, he's this old guy. I literally thought it was the rabbi who was doing our wedding because they both are like old and I was like, hello? And he basically called me and he was like, he has this client who is like an Instagram star and she needs to be verified on Instagram. I don't know how to do it.

Like, can you help me? And I was like, no. And he was like, well, I'll give you $500. I'm like, wow, sure. So I'm like going on my merry way, like figuring out, I have some weird shady contacts at Instagram. And in order to get verified on Instagram, Instagram, you have to submit an application that's $200.

So I called him and I was like, hey, like, I will. I'm like, I'm trying to get off the vine verified. Cool. Oh, I got it. Don't worry. Thank you. So I called him. I was like, hey, so it's $200.

I'll fund the $200, but if I get it verified, just give me $700. And if I don't, just give me the $200 back. He's like, yeah, sure. So I submit it. Obviously, this girl does not get verified. She has like no followers. Nobody knows what she is. She doesn't even have a Facebook page.

Like, to get verified, you really need a verified Facebook page. That's a secret. And so I called him And I was like, hey, so the application wants to deny, just here's my address, send me the $200. That was five, four months ago. And every few weeks, I'm like, remember that I'm owed $200.

And I'm like, let me call that guy. Let me give him a call. Call. Oh, yeah, it's on the way. Oh, you forgot your apartment number and the address. Okay. I play along. Now this is like two months ago.

And I'm like walking in the street and I get like pissed. I'm like, nope. takes advantage of me I like remember I'm like this is bullshit so I call him again and he's been like weirdly like not answering my calls

and Instagram lives going on up here yeah so he's like weirdly not been answering my calls and I have a a genius moment around like let me call him from Star 67 to see if he's ignoring me or if he's just like old doesn't know how to use his phone Star 67 picks up at a second

I'm like hi Lynn Manuel Miranda that's just the name I've been giving him I'm like hi it's Claudia Oshrey. I thought I haven't got the check yet. Maybe he was lost. Hanks up. I can't hear you.

What? Hanks up. And now I'm wild. And I'm out of tricks because I can't call for my phone and I can't call from Star 6-7. So later that night, I take Ben's phone. He has a 9-17 number. It's like a New York number.

I'll for sure pick it up because he'll think it's like business-related. And I call, picks up in two seconds. I'm like, I'm pissed. I'm like, hi, it's Claudia. and this is Swear to God exactly how it sounds He goes like this Claudia

I'm flat broke I don't have any money until October 1st So instead of calling me 100 times like a 2 year old You could wait till October 1st Goodbye I was

Fazzled I just got an 80 year old man I had no idea what to do I felt so bad I was like well if I knew he was broke I wouldn't have been bothering him so much I was like oh my god I was literally shaking I was like sweating I was like so upset

I never wanted to upset someone I just wanted my money back and I'm like so October 1st comes around give him a call actually October 1st was a Sunday I don't want to take time out of my weekend I called him on Monday so professional very professional it's been a month now I call him once a week I'm never getting my money

but just for fun I like to keep calling him and it's a great story so that's worth the $200 you should actually write him a check for $200 just to help a brother out. No. Then I would be out double my money.

So to answer your question in a very long answer, no. I already forgot the question. Okay, sure. I don't know, pick one. I can't even really see you. Oh. He's doing great.

Today he took a leak on the sidewalk. Nice. He was so confused and he's never done that before. Oh, my God. I know. And he's 10 years old, so I was pretty proud of him.

Is Tucker a boy, right? Yeah, he's a boy. Well, my dog, Theo, is gay. Well, Tucker's gay. Tucker's gay. Really? Yes, let's set them up. We actually do.

Because he's so in love with Sean. He likes big dogs, though. Theo is a butt sniffer of other big dogs. Yeah, but that's why we love them. Yeah. You accept him for who he is. Yeah. And maybe if it was up to him, it would be non-gender.

And that's okay, too. That's what I always say. He's gender fluid. Yeah. We don't call him. He is she. Gender non-conforming. It's an it.

It's, she's, he, whatever, is whatever he wants. She wants. It wants. I just love that you were never, like, a dog mom until you were a dog mom. And I remember you were like, I hate when people are like dog moms. I'm like, I'm a mom. I know. I'm a mom.

Yeah. And then now you got a dog and you're like, I'm a mom. I fucked up. Like I said, I made a big statement on Mother's Day. I was like, all right, Mother's Day. This is not for, like, white girls and they're dogs. But it is. Now I'm a white girl with a dog.

It's for me. I'm totally going to buy myself a present on Mother's Day. Or maybe Father Ken? That was another thing that I did with Sean. It was Mother's Day. I'm like, you didn't even get me a card. Oh, God. Well, you did.

He got me a card the year before because it was still the honeymoon phase. And he was like, I'm so happy that you're the mom to tuck her. And I'm like, that's so cute. And then this year I'm like, oh, is romance dead? Is that what's going on? When we first got off the show, she came. to live with me, and she did not... Do you not?

No? I'm going to go as far as I hated Tucker? Absolutely not. I would never in my life hated dog. She moved in with me. I would never, in my whole career of living, hate a dog. But you didn't like him. I was jealous.

I will admit that. I liked him as a dog. I was like, this is not going to work. But I was like, I moved him with Sean, and I was like, I am not. not the most important person in this room and then Tucker was like what's going on I'm not getting all the attention I need

and we would sit at the opposite ends of the couch and like look at each other like side eye when he went to the gym and but it was what this is a boring story but I'm going to tell it anyways but it was one thunderstorm and Tucker jumped up on me

he was so scared and he put his paws on me and we hugged all night And I was like, this is it. And we were in love ever since. I never hated him. I've always loved him. I was just jealous. All right.

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Okay. Are you American? Canadian three years. Okay. And he just got a job in Toronto. Yep. Nudies. Don't do it. I say nudies.

He says don't do it. We did long distance for so long while the show is airing so many nudies. From me, not him. I'd be like, you want to return the favor? My long distance relationship advice is genuinely send hot photos and always FaceTime and keep it

spicy and I'm like trying to and turn on the like where are my friends oh my God totally hey babe where are you I'm sleeping

wait it's been three years how come you're not living together yet yeah why didn't you get engaged after 11 weeks yeah Oh, gosh. Don't do long distance. That's my advice. Break up.

No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. It's a quick flight. Do you love him? Is he the one? Okay. Love Alberta, guys. Okay.

Fair enough. Make it work. send nudies tell me how it goes okay hi hi we love all of you we love you I wanted to know if Claudia's like sing the wine bottle oh my god of course you will

did you actually think she would say no don't make her sing don't make her sing okay for those you don't know I do a segment on my Snapchat called Bath Time Q&A and I just really like love to sing and I like never know what to sing so like you know when you're like on the toilet that you have nothing to do.

You, like, read the back of the shampoo bottle. Well, I sing it. Oh, so you're going to do it with the wine bottle. The selection of grapes comes from the Veneto region, region, region, region. North East Italy, a very special taste of Italy. Pino Grigio, Veneto, Indicacion. It's not English. Typica, bottled in baldobia dene by la, A G-O-Sah, oh, so.

Oh, wow. Great question. I think she might deserve a standing o for that. I think, uh. You're far too kind. We're not worthy. We're not worthy. My Venmo is Claudia Ostrae.

You should be on Broadway. Oh, yes. Maybe if Candice gets sick? Oh. Yes. Maybe if we poison her. Candice doesn't get sick. She's out for the whole season.

Sick gets Candest. Oh, I thought that was going to be way funnier. Pardon? Oh, I tore it up in Nashville. I can't believe you guys live there. It's dangerous. Nashville is my personal Vegas. Like, I was broken.

It's become Vegas. I was broken. I lost my voice. I sang Jolene. It was just everything. I feel like Jackie hasn't got enough FaceTime up here. I'm sorry. I'm like so.

Do you have anything to say, Jackie? Honestly, I'm enjoying the show. I'm not to be honest. We're just happy to have you up here. Nothing. Okay, one more question, guys. I'm like, who wants it bad enough but not too bad, but doesn't really care to have it? Okay.

Oh, good question. Great question. So we are, well, somewhat new to New York. Sean's from Connecticut. Right. Okay. So is Countess Luann. Even though she thinks she's from Europe.

So is Evan Bass. Which, of course he is. So I guess I would just throw that out there. What, where are we saying? Oh, Connecticut. Thanksgiving. Oh, so yes. So for Thanksgiving, okay, let me just brag for a second.

So I'm doing a show every night. On Wednesdays, it's our only day off. On Wednesday morning, I fly to Toronto to co-host Bachelor Canada after show. Then I fly back Thursday morning to continue to do show. on Broadway. But Thanksgiving, the cast was supposed to be in the Maisie Day parade,

which is so crazy because I'm Canadian. I'm like, what's that? What? I'm just kidding. I know what it is. But we ended up not getting, we're not that cool, so so now we get to drive

up to Connecticut and spend family time with Sean's family and they are like, Thanksgiving. They call it Thanksgiving, and it's like bigger than Christmas, and it's like a thing and you do this gift exchange and all the family's there, and it's just like he has the best family.

And we're going to try and get her to run a road race. Who wants her to run the road race? Don't do it. Five miles. I've got news for you. I fly in Thursday morning from Toronto, so thankfully I cannot do any sort of them. We're going to try and get her to run the road race.

Oh, I already ran like 100 of them. I'm like so far past it. I'm much more of an iron man kind of gal. I'm an iron woman. There you go. How was that, by the way? How was your Iron Man? Like, you enjoyed that?

Iron Daddy. That was fun. My Iron Daddy. Uh-oh, I'm kicking in. No, no, you like, when you were running and swimming and stuff, you were like, this is exactly what I want to be doing right now. Sadly, yes. Right.

For the first half, I was like, this is awesome. I'm going to do more of them. And then towards the end, I'm like, holy shit. No, you were still about it. It's just so weird that, like, you and I get along so well because we couldn't have less in common. That's how I feel. No, when he did the Iron Man, I was like, seven months of training, I'm like, can you not?

Like, I'm really sick of sharing a vehicle with you. You're, like, gone all the time. You're making me feel like the laziest piece of shit in the whole world. Actually, no, we are uncommon because I peed myself during the Iron Man. Woo! Is there wine in your coffee muck? Because we're getting to the good stuff now. Was there a bathroom?

No, that's what you do. Like, the legit guys, they just ride their bikes. They don't stop. Keep going. The real question is, did you poop yourself? I did not. But if I think it's so easy for a boy, like, let's say you're on the bike, just whip it out, put it to the side, and go like a girl, you have no choice.

Like you just have to pee in your pants. A boy, let's say you're jogging, you pick up a cup, go, as you're jogging, easy. He dumped a water bottle on himself, so when he was running, he still looked sexy, but he was actually peeing himself so that just so much liquid was coming out that nobody noticed. Yeah, smooth. Smooth. But it was really cool. We will wrap this up because I think it's time.

More questions. We have three minutes. You guys, you are the best crowd. I will take more questions. I just feel bad for taking up your time. You can leave if you want. No. That was like today in the Broadway show,

I saw people leaving early, and I was like, I was singing joy to the world And I was like That is so rude I've done it but it's rude Many times Yeah okay Okay

Since you're standing in front of us And I can't help but look at you Go ahead I don't know if you want to see But who have been like your worst And your best podcast yet Great question. Great question.

Honestly, that was one of my biggest fears starting a podcast, that is that I would have a guest that I just do not bond with. And I was really nervous, and I'll tell you that I've never had a bad guest where I was like, this is terrible, I can't stand you. I've had one where it was awkward. Who? Oh, no, I love Lauren B. Oh, my God.

Speak no evil of Lauren B. No, I love her. She has God's gift to this earth. Preach. I love her. Not team Vanessa, team Lauren. Team Lauren. Yeah, I love Lauren.

So if I'm being honest and I don't ever want to say negative things about anyone who'd ever grace my presence for my podcast, it was just... Say it. No, I'm going to say a name. It's not mean. It was just awkward because it was over the phone and it was rushed. And it was... What's the guy who does the wine chugging? Matt Belisai.

Matt Belisai. And I was so upset because I, he was like, I'm a wine chugger. Let's, like, I'm a fellow wine chugger too. Let's do the damn thing. And it was just unfortunate because he had a hard out and I was late. So it has nothing to do with him. It had everything to do. It was circumstantial.

And it was just so unfortunate because I wanted him to be wasted. Yeah. I wanted him to be so full of wine and go on rants. But he had somewhere to be and he was sober. And I was late and he was rushed. And it was basically just like 20 minutes of me just trying to be like, ah, wine. We both like wine. That's all I have to talk about.

And then it was rushed and we had to take calls. It had nothing to do with him. And that is nice to say that that's my only unfortunate podcast experience because it really wasn't that unfortunate. It was just the timing. I love to talk about like someone I didn't like because this person never ended up even coming on our show. But, Chad?

Yes. We were reached out by Chad Johnson from The Bachelor, who I already didn't like, wait, it gets worse. So he was just so difficult to work with, like, vis-a-vis email. I didn't do it, Olivia did. She was just coordinating everything. And he's never coming back on the show, so I don't care of saying any of this stuff.

Not that he ever came on, but he was just so nasty. He was like, well, since you guys aren't paying me for this, I'd like to talk about my protein powder. And I was like, okay, sure, talk about whatever you want. Yeah, just like so weird. And he wanted, like, shoutouts on Gwange. Yeah, I'm like, do you know how this works? So, oh, better yet, he slept through the interview.

yeah what wait say that again he slept through it oh yeah I said it was Chad Johnson they didn't hear yeah what Olivia's saying he kept talking about himself in an email in third person

like as if someone was emailing on his behalf but then accidentally slipping up and being like yeah sure I'll be there but then he ended up sleeping through the whole segment and never even made it on the show so he's our favorite guest who was never there kind of like that time you didn't have service in Jamaica and couldn't be on my podcast

And it was true. Obama. I'm just kidding. It's so hard. No, I get it. You know, we're there. You know. I get it. Sometimes we're just tired, you know.

Oh, she knows. Yeah, because you don't lock your dog. How could you make a podcast? Sometimes you don't know. Who is your favorite guest? My favorite podcast guest. Besides Sean. Who is your favorite?

I'm not even joking. Today is my favorite because this is the... Woo! This is, I honestly, I'm like, no, I don't want to get emotional. I honestly cannot believe the support that I have received just from, like, this podcast alone and just how effing weird you guys all are. I love so much because I'm so effing weird. And I just really feel like I can connect with you guys through a podcast, which is so crazy. Because I'm like, there's Instagram and whatever and, you know, there's trolls out there and weirdos.

but like this is such a family. Oh my God, I'm not even cheesy. But I really am just so grateful and the fact that I get to do a live podcast with all of you here. Let's give it up for Caitlin. She was wronged by Mike Fleiss, but she has been vindicated.

She didn't make it on Dancing with the Stars, but she's on Broadway. She didn't make it on Dancing with the Stars but she's welcome back anytime according to Mike Fleiss thanks to Mike Fleiss

I'll go back in time two years and do that I honestly feel emotional just sitting up here being like I did not expect this like I was like cool live podcast like maybe I'll have like

a little like a couple tables in here I walked out I was like I'm just so grateful for all of you and just everybody's support and yes

Oh My house In my bed Without everybody Because I have another show tomorrow When's the wedding That question is not allowed My God

Can you not? Hey guys Just to give you a little rundown Of all the deals I've gotten you During this podcast I'm just going to run through them Green Chef $50 off your first order Green Chef.

Vine. Bright sellers, 50% off your first box of wine. Brightsellers.com slash off the vine. Movement watches, 15% off with free shipping and returns. MVMT.com slash vine. Quip, first refill pack free, get quip.com slash vine. My Amazon page, Amazon.com slash shop slash Caitlin Bristow. And guess what? Your prayers have been answered, people. Can you not sure it's are here? They are still available and you have to order them by December 3rd and get them before Christmas. Podcast 1.com slash vine merch. I'm putting this out there.

You guys, send it back if you're not feeling it or let me know, I'm thinking about doing an extra show once a week for some mini Q&A episodes. Maybe you guys can do some confessions with me, ask me some questions. I'll give you life hacks, life advice. Let me know your thoughts and maybe we can get that going. and I promise I will end it with this when we have a wedding date you all will know I will announce it on the podcast you will never have to question me again

slash maybe we are already married because I needed a green card to work on Broadway thank you to my fiance and my co-hosts today thank you Claudia, thank you Jackie I could have talked all night I could have done this all night. You guys were a great guest to have,

and I just appreciate you both so much. Everybody tune in to the Morning Breath. Also, like, we need... I feel like this is a thing, like, where can we find you? Like, tell us everything. Make sure you're following the Morning Breath on Facebook and Instagram, YouTube, at the Morning Breath.

That way you get a notification of every time we go live, which is Monday through Friday, 10.30 a.m. Eastern Time in the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous in New York City, the Dedicated, Texas, New Investigations, big families are members of police why no special fix of unit these are their stories dun-dun-dun cheers everybody I love it for Caitlin

who wait I have to take like a panel selfie do oh okay sometimes I need to like panel selfie do oh okay sometimes I need to like see in the camera Rick just to like really get my channel my inner Rick so okay did Ben win this tournament wait do you want to know he lost in the first round what tournament?

He played in a basketball tournament today I was not trying the whole thing he lost in the first round oh yeah you're such a B-ball player wait power forward four no I beg they're not to leave she had to qualify so they won the first four

but then when it actually counted they lost but she left Oh, yeah, everything's my fault. I have nothing. Justice for me. Justice for me! I had to go.

Oh, wow. I wish you guys could see this right. You see that? I wish you guys could see how good this. Anyway. Look, some weirds going on here. We're going to try this one more time. Ready?

Hey, why are you now Rick's on the podcast off the vine? With Donna. Hey, Donna, speak up for the people on the back. No? Oh, guys, they'll love you. I feel like I had something else to say, but I lost it. I really have to pee. It's hot as hell up here.

I consider just, like, doing a lot. live pee and confessing about it. But I'm not going to do that. Okay, thank you guys. Honestly, I can't... Oh, I had to do my sign-off. Duh, that's a podcast. I forgot what I was doing.

This is a podcast. I'm like, oh, you're going to... What time is it? Okay. Have you guys heard about the new documentary about constipation? Hasn't come out yet. I'm Kaelin-Briston.

I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Join us for new episodes every Tuesday on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app or subscribe to Apple Podcasts. Who's not with OTV? I know we all know what Fab Fit fun is. We see every bachelor, bachelorette, people promoting this on Instagram, but there must be a reason for it. It's a seasonal subscription box of fashion, beauty, home, fitness, and wellness products. Every three months, you can get a beautifully designed box with over $200 worth of products for just $49.99.

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