Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Living, Laughing, and Lo-ing with Lo VonRumpf (Pt 2)

Episode Date: May 18, 2023

Part 2 of this beautiful hot mess of a podcast resumes with Lo’s list of discussion topics from the past two weeks in Nashville. It’s safe to say that this list might have the most range of any list ever made… we’re talkin’ everything from grief to toots. Lo has plenty of words when it comes to Kaitlyn’s hosting skills, from her open-fridge policy to her ability to make his trip feel more like a stay at an all-inclusive resort. The two get into their favorite parts of home, especially during childhood, like the beauty of snuggling up in mom’s bed and watching TGIF. Kaitlyn and Lo then share why KB found herself in full tears the night before recording, a confession of hers that Lo actually finds quite sweet, and everything you did or did not want to know about Kaitlyn’s farts. They’re also giving all their opinions on spoilers, debating text etiquette (like responding with a “K” vs. a thumbs up), and giving Lo some advice and feedback on a recent friend encounter… is he the asshole?? Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: JUST THRIVE - Right now, you can save 20% off the dynamic duo bundle of Just Thrive probiotic and Just Calm when you go to JustThrive.com and use code VINE at checkout. ANGI - Go check out Angi, your home for everything home. THIRDLOVE - Visit ThirdLove.com to find your fit and shop their bestselling bras. ONESKIN - Get 15% off with the code VINE at oneskin.co.   Hyundai: Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. And Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. This episode of Grape Therapy is brought to you by Just Thrive. Right now you can save 20% off the dynamic duo bundle of Just Thrive probiotic and JustCom. When you go to Just Thrivehealth.com and use code Vine at checkout. And while you're there, be sure to check out all their other research-based gut. and immune health products, all with the bottom of the bottle guarantee. Angie, go check out Angie, your home for everything home. Thirdlove, visit thirdlove.com to find your fit and shop their

best-selling bras. Get $15 off your first purchase. One Skin get 15% off with Code Vine at OneSkin.co. And Hyundai. The Hyundai Tucson comes with America's best warranty, including 10 years or 100,000 miles. The Tucson with America's best warranty, it's your journey. Test drive the Tucson at your nearest Hyundai dealer or learn more at HyundaiUSA.com. Call 562-314-4603 for complete details. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now starting. Welcome to the... therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bressow. And I'm your

hot mess of a co-host, Loe Von Rump. Hot mess, Express, Lovon Room Fear. Your session is now starting. Okay, there's a lot to discuss besides our toxic relationships with me with Chipotle and yogurt and dairy, but also just you as a host, can I just take a moment to address the audience and say, this little Canadian Maple Delight really knows how to host a mother for you do from like a podcast or a home or a show or all the above all of the above like all of the above you're a great podcast host you lay you you ran so i could walk is that the phrase i walked so you could run i think it's you ran so someone no no no no oh

you walk somebody could run okay well i'm running thank you for taking a nice stroll um i don't know I love podcasting. But you're phenomenal at podcasting, host-wise, but I'm talking more just the home space here because that's what I experienced as being a foreign exchange student in your home. And I loved it. It was great. I feel like that year because you're like, this is going to be your room. Like you can just feel free to make yourself comfortable, whatever you need.

This is your home now. No bitches after 11. No bitches after 11. But like fresh sheets, here's the thing for a good host. And I feel like you can teach a master. masterclass in this because I've been staying with you for seven years for 84 years. Which is funny because it's all been in this house. It's a great house. A lot of memories.

These walls could talk. Wow. I want to hear what they'd say. No, but you're an incredible host of what I'm getting at. And so, and part of it is your mattress in that guest room, high quality. It's very temperate vibes. Oh, is it? Okay.

I love Casper mattress. If Casper could reach out and do a brand deal. Casper for 20% off, off the vine. No. Actually, Healy mattress I have in my bedroom and Casper and the guest. Oh, that's the other thing. Okay. I'm not even lying.

I know. No, I know you're not. I hate when people think I'd do things for like, she got paid to say that. I was like, well, you'll say if you did. I would absolutely. Yeah. I did at one point get paid to say it. But I was like, well, I need to test it out.

And then I was obsessed with it. I don't get paid to say it anymore. It's legit. Yeah, that mattress is great. But I have my own room, my own bathroom, fresh towels, fresh linen. fully stocked fridge, bar, everything. This is an all-inclusive resort here. And you're just so thoughtful.

And I don't know, I just, and what's also so sweet, I loved it is when I would. Oh, God, what I do? No, it was the sweetest, because the moms were here. So I slept upstairs in, it's, what do you call that? The cloud room, the game room. It's a bonus room. The bonus room. I actually like sleeping in there because there's a really comfy couch.

Well, it's so comfortable. It just gets so bright in there in the morning. Yeah, there's massive window and there's just a little shroud of a curtain, if you want to call it that. It's definitely just for design, not for blacking out any light. It's like completely translucent. But it looks beautiful and chic. But yeah, five o'clock in the morning when the roosters crow, so does my ass get up? What do you think I'm on a farm just because I live in Tennessee?

You have deer. You have deer roaming the streets. You live in a little forest land. It's beautiful here. Into the unknown. No, what was that? What? I don't know.

I said into the unknown. You're like, love. Love. Oh, cute. Into the fore. No. Into the thick of it. Into the thick of it.

That's not what I was doing. But anyways. You said to me, though, you go, you go, low, you can sleep up here because her mom, Lester took the guest bedroom. And you go, but you know what? I'm going to get up early for a workout. If you want to crawl into my bed, feel free to make yourself at home. I took you up on that offer for a week. I've spent time in your bed.

You have the most comfortable bed. I just love it here. I have mastered the hotel vibe. Yes. Yeah. Yes. It is everything. Just comfortable.

And the product, like everything's great. This is an incredible place. I can't believe I still live here. What? Why are you saying? Like, it's bad. Some people live in their homes for decades. No, no, no, no.

I only say that because when I moved in, I was renting and I had zero intention of living here for longer than one year. Oh, really? Yes, it was renting. I rented it. Oh. And then I was like, I'll rent it. And then when I had the option to buy, I did.

And then I was like, well, I'll just sell it. And now I'm still. I mean, it's a great. I'm not leaving. Yeah, I'm not leaving. I'm not feeling. Wait, what movie? I'm not leaving.

I know. Wolf of Wall Street. Thank you. Oh, my God. You got it. You had it. So you're an incredible host, and I love staying in your home, and you, yeah, just make me feel very comfortable. And I've never, I will say, I've never felt more comfortable in anybody's home outside of my parents' home. And it's the equal level of comfort. It's crazy.

Truly. Like, I love that. Oh, you're like, whatever. And we also are just very comfortable with each other, too. I think that's a big part of it. Yeah, but I, yes. But I do love that you said that because I, that's how I want people to feel in my home. I want people to just feel like they're at their parents' house.

They can do anything, say anything, go in the fridge. Like, I've always loved the idea, even though I love my alone time, which I still get if people are here. Because I want people to understand, hey, I might go do my own thing. You can still say here, go in my fridge. Roam the cupboards. Whatever you want to do. Roam the halls. Roam the halls.

I do. Just make sure my dogs don't go through the fence. Yeah, I was so paranoid about that. Well, no, but they're good. Safe and sound. We have more things on our list. What else on the list? More things on the list for little Judy.

Okay, the next thing is, oh, Ovalteen versus Nesquick. You and I got into it for something so stupid. I don't even know what the first one is. Ovalteen. What the fuck is that? More Ovalteen, please. It's an American classic. I'm surprised they didn't have that in Canada.

Maybe they did. Her nation? Uh, is no. Built in marshmallows? No. Ovalteen is a malt chocolate drink powder form similar to Nestle Quick, but the consistency of it was like Folgers coffee, which I love. Folgers instant coffee.

Sick. Any instant coffee. Sick. I love instant coffee. Like in hot water dumping a package. That's so gross. Oh my God, Sanka. Yes.

I sound 78 and I don't even care. I love Nestle Quick because it was a childhood. nostalgic moment for me where my mom would God, I was so spoiled. Which would she do? She would carry me from the bed. Wait, how old were you?

14? It was, I don't want to talk about it. It started at when I started like school, so five and went till teen years. She couldn't carry me anymore. Well, she

and she would put me down in my favorite peach blanket and I'd be so mad because I hated the morning. And I'd sit there and then she'd go, here's your hot chocolate. and she would stir it and if there was a goddamn film on top of it from milk oh yeah the milk skin I didn't really do much I would just be like I don't like it um ego waffles a certain syrup in the

microwave I was but okay so but I always thought it was me being spoiled but I was actually just severely OCD which you're not anymore no no I'm really not I don't think you are you mean you're clean like you like clean yeah yeah I mean you like clean yeah I mean you like clean yeah I mean even in your kitchen like it's always cleaned like i love it like when you're cooking oh my god your cooking is so good but while you're doing that i'm cleaning up but because that makes me happy but i'm not like this has to go here oh did you get under the cracks of here i just am like oh clean while we go yeah and i actually loved it because then by the time we were done with dinner kitchen was cleaned ready to go you're ready for bit we were ready for CPC we were ready for the oilers to lose

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next thing on the list we have more um oh Oh, the comfort of a mother's bed hits different. That was something I wrote on the list. It really does. It does hit different. When I was growing up and I would be sick, I'd be like, I'm going to stay home and you always slept and you always crawled into your mom's bed because you grow up with a stupid single mattress in the room that you're used to.

And then you get a chance to go into mom's queen king bed with a bigger TV. It's better. And it's like a forbidden space where you're like, special occasions. Yeah. Well, I was going to ask you that. Was mom's bed special occasion or was it free for all? Like you could always go in there.

No, no, special occasion. Really? Yeah, it was Friday nights on TGIF when we watch Full House, Family Matters, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Mr. Cooper. Step by step. Step by step. And we would have our popcorn and our licorice black and red. And we would all cuddle as a family, full house sometimes.

And it was like the special. time in mom and dad's bed. And then they got divorced. It all came tumbling down. At 18, still trying to be like. Why? I get it. That's tough.

No, they've been happily married since. Thank God. It's all good. But so that's interesting that you say that about a special occasion because my mom and dad's room was like I was always in their bed. Yeah. I would be. So they had no boundary.

Okay, goes to Hoffman once Okay, so they didn't have boundaries And now you struggle with your own boundaries Okay, that's why you're in my bed at night And I love it It's so true I know I love it You're not wrong

Wow, it's kind of a full circle moment Because I'm literally in your bed all the time But that's how it was raised not but they're so i wasn't and i still love it only with certain people thank god oh i do shower a lot and so i wouldn't even you know i don't care about that that's true um no but so it wasn't that well my mom and dad had boundaries with like their stuff i'm joking low of course they have boundaries how dare that my mom loves you so much no but my dad always was like it's the forbidden space it's the marriage bed my mom was like my mom grew up in a house where

where she would always go and that's where, like the kitchen table is number one and number two is the bed. My mom is just very comfortable with me. And I'm an only child. So I would always just be hanging in the room in their bed and their bed. And I slept in my own bed at night. But I think that's sweet. I slept in my own bed at night. But like I would always just go and catch up with them more so just to shoot the shit.

And then I would end up falling asleep. And now in my 30s, I'll still go to my parents' house. Like I'm flying home tomorrow, which I'm kind of bittersweet, sad to leave. Yeah, but you'll come back in tomorrow. It's Mother's Day. Oh, that's true. Okay. So there's that way.

You just ripped the band-aid off. Get the fuck out. It's so easy for you to say goodbye, isn't it? So it easy for you, you hardened, frozen quick. It just depends. Like, I know I'm going to see you June 2nd. Oh, yeah, it's true. So I'm like, oh, all good.

Yeah, see soon. And then I know we'll plan something else, where if it was like, Even my mom, I know I'm going to see her in June. If it was a goodbye where I was like, I don't know what I would see you again. I could be up to a year. I mean, a goodbye, like, okay, not to bring up dookie. Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, but you brought up your dog that passed off a saint. I'm sorry. I can't with you. I couldn't even handle that goodbye and I wasn't even there and wasn't even my dog. So you helped me a lot through that death. I will stop right now. But you were just so, you were an incredible friend always, but that moment there really was like, wow. I'm telling me what, losing a dog, I can't, I can't.

You saw me last night. I was like, no. We were talking about our favorite flowers. That's how it came up. That's what triggered the conversation. I used the word triggered too loosely. That's what sparked it. But, no, Jason had said that his favorite flower is a sunflower.

And I said, oh, that's funny you say that because I didn't like sunflowers at first. But now it's one of my favorites, too. And then he's like, why? And I said, well, when Duky passed. And then I started sharing the story of when he passed and how sunflowers were involved at like his little funeral. And so, yeah. And anyway, I told the story, which is a lot.

I'm not going to even go there right now because I will. You're crying too. I can't. I can't. But I'm saying the story. And I look over and little Judy, you are just pulling. Like. I can't do this.

And just ball. And Jason's like, I don't know who to comfort because I'm crying. Little Judy's bowling her. I wasn't just crying. I was like the sobbing. I couldn't handle it. I can't handle it now. I know.

It is very painful. And anyone who has experienced that kind of loss, like they get it. They know you're for babies. It is. It's crazy too because like a pain. I wish unto nobody. We've both experienced loss in so many ways. And there's just something like an innocent.

sweet pet like it's like the fact that we have to accept that our parents and dogs or pets die before us and then possibly other people in our life i hate it i do too well obviously that's why certain things i went to hoffman i go to therapy because losing a best friend at 18 i'm like nobody get close to me yeah yeah it's just i mean it's very painful okay this is dark let's turn the beat around turn the beat around laura estherfan what else is on the beat up what else What's on the list? We got more. Okay.

Oh, well, this is on the list, though. Not to take it to another place, but a dark place, but making a dog blanket out of our dead dogs. I'm so sorry. You told me. Put that on the list. No. Yeah. If my dog ever passed, it won't.

Both of my dogs are, what is it called? Nocturnal. Eternal flames? Eternal flames. Nocturnal and eternal flames. But when they do, I will, I don't know. I can't talk about it. Okay, go on.

No, I had someone that I know or I actually don't know this person personally. But a guy I know. But a guy, a friend of a friend, whatever. But their dog had passed away and they turned the dog into an actual blanket. Cute. I thought that was weird. Oh. For me, I wouldn't want Duky to be a blanket.

Some people taxidermy their dogs too. So it's like stuffed. I wouldn't taxidermy my dogs because that seems like f***ed up. But a blanket. No, but like does the blanket have the face like a bear rug? I don't know. I mean, it could if you want to.

That would terrify me. Do you want to know a really big confession? Yeah. I still have a tiny zip lock of Tucker's hair. Oh, that's a sweet confession. Oh, it is? I thought that was. fucking terrible.

No. Yeah, I do. Oh, I think that's, I mean, you love Tucker. That's sweet.

Yeah, and I thought I could never love a dog the same way, and now it's times a trillion billion and I'm scared. I know.

Yeah, that's the toughest thing about having a little fur baby is like, knowing a heartbreak's coming. Oh, yes. And I don't mean a heartbreak.

I mean, I'm, people need to check on me, I will not be well. Oh, I know. I know you know. Yeah,

I get it. And you checked on. And so people could call me, dramatic and be like, it's not a human. I will not be well. I actually am going to say this, and again, maybe an unpopular opinion. I've lost family members, and not to say that I'm winning the friggin gold medal at the trauma Olympics, but everyone has that trauma, but I think grieving Olympics more so.

I'm a silver to bronze medalist here. I've lost a lot of people, and some people have never lost anyone. Some people just lost someone for the first time recently, and you're lucky. I'm so envious of people that, like, have never experienced loss. I'm like, damn, like, you are so blessed and like, good, like, that's amazing for you. But it's also not because then they're going to experience it and not know how to deal. Like, there's, there's highs and lows to both situations. Yeah.

I guess I'm a grass is greener. I'm like, oh, you know, because I have friends that just barely lost a grandparent for the first time recently. And I'm like, wow. Hard things are always going to happen in life. Absolutely. I know, you know what? I don't even know how to say that because I don't want to say like, so that makes it easier if you lose people along the way. No, it doesn't.

It still is gut-wrenching. It doesn't. Whenever it happens, it just sucks. Yeah. It doesn't matter. It hurts. Mine were at pinnacle early stages of my life, and I lost a lot of people who shaped me, and it was sad.

It was the worst. Yeah, it sucks. But you know what? I will say that now when I know someone's experience lost, that is one good thing that I've gotten from, and anyone who's lost the empathy, compassion, and understanding. Now I kind of go through the world, like, if someone's a real asshole to me, I'm like, you're probably going through. something like i don't know what it is and i don't even care to know yeah but like sometimes i'm i'm

gonna take that on but if i have that lens it gives me a bit more patience for some of the people who are kind of the worst not that it gives you permission to be an asshole to anybody no matter what you're going through be kind but i think it just gives me a little bit more empathy and understanding as just you know you get it you've experienced a lot of loss too it sucks not as much as you but it's not a yeah comparison game no no so you win okay More people die for you. Okay, moving on from dead people in sadness. Can we turn it around?

Yeah, let's turn the beat around. I have more on the list for you. What is it? You told me to make this list. I want to talk about. This is what happens in our day-to-day life. I think it's important to make a list because when we go to podcasts, I mean, we can interview people all day long, but to shoot the shit about what goes on in our day-to-day-life and

And the conversations that come up is fascinating. I am so excited to go over this next point. Jesus. It's the fact that your farts smell like straight up turkey. Sick. All right. I thought your fart smell like cinnamon rolls personally. I enjoy a little Judy fart.

I didn't mind it. One time you farted and I was like, is that cinnamon? Is that a little cardamon, little anise, anise seed? Cinebomb. Cinebomb? Is there cinnamon here? I thought I was at the airport. Yeah.

It was hungry. I was kind of craving it. But that was a fart during the holidays too. Have you smelled the turkey one? No, but you said Jason said your smart smell like deli meat. Jason says my fart smell like turkey. And I'm confused by that because I think they smell like cauliflower. That makes more sense.

cauliflower for sure. You know what's crazy though? I never have loud ones. Silent but deadly. Not always deadly. Yeah. Always a little flat hair, a little. Oh.

A little air leak. You've never had a, you don't really make them loud. I mean, I could if I tried, I guess. Pushed hard. I just guess I have a loose asshole. When you have a loose asshole, they just kind of. They sneak out. Yeah.

It's like a yawn. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I my fart it depends on what I'm eating truly but sometimes it's more on the green side of life and so it's going to smell like I why do I hate this I mean I don't I think I'm the only one that's all I have smelly parts like be gross other people do I'm like sick gross don't like my sister oh she'll kill me but like she'll just rip one I'm like you're disgusting

And then I'll, like, be like, and it's terrible. And she's like, oh, my God, good one, Katie. And I'm like, thanks. And then she does it. I'm like, sick. Oh, my God. And you're dropping freaking turkey bombs left and right. I like to call them cauliflower bombs.

Mine sometimes smell like broccoli. Broccoli, uh, yeah, sulfur, like eggs. The sulfur ones really flog me up because since I had COVID, it doesn't smell the same i would like to know anyone else out there feels the pain that i feel where eggs and sulfur toots smell like i'm not kidding a carcass i'd like to know if anyone else joins rotting carcass yeah yeah like you know how they say you like the smell of your own brand yeah not anymore oh you can't get behind it Just like ginger, your receptors on your tongue, your language.

Yeah. Are different now. Now it tastes like battery acid to you. Another soap or something. Do people enjoy listening to this? Like, are people having us in their ears and being like, what a great podcast? What is this? Or are they like laughing?

Are they crying? Are they like, what a waste of my life? There's educational podcasts out there, okay? There's certain ones, but nothing beats a good belly laugh. Yeah. Nothing. No. I don't care how smart you are, how driven you are, how much you need a personal help book.

Belly laughing and talking about farts. Yeah, it's where the heart is. We'll bring you joy. It will true joy. Align you into your path that you're supposed to be on because you will be, it'll be like, nothing else matters. Have you ever farted during sex? Yeah.

Not in like 10 years though Oh okay Yeah A decade same But I remember It's been five Well is a quefe of fart Um

Well I've never farted farted out of my butt Okay But I have Queef One time And I remember going What?

That never happens Which is air Yeah there's no shame And queffing Of course not Yeah There's no shame in farting I didn't like it

When it happened to me During sex Well that's because you're like Did I poop Well, you can quief, and if you fart, you can't trust a fart, you're taking it in the bed. I knew I didn't shit myself. I knew I did shit. You fasted?

Yes. No solids after 2 p.m. We're talking anal life over here. Hey, speaking of anal life, episode three of the last of us, they eat that massive steak dinner. I know. And meat and potatoes and gravy and veggies and all the fixings and wash it down with like a thick port. with a thick not even to cab like a Zinfandel oh yeah heavy and the meat was questionable had been hanging in the backyard yeah and they go ready to sex yeah let's let's get down with

some anal now which is romantic as hell because I love that episode it was a very sweet the whole episode is great but I was like oh when you set weird I know low says don't you eat broth before that not that you sent me I was like Like she is a gay ally. She is a human rights activist. She is. I was worried about them. I was worried too.

I was watching. I was like also the fact that he looked the other guy. So there's a guy from Parks and Rec. Yeah. And then there's the other guy who looked like a just for men hair model. Like a hair dye type of model. He was actually from season one white lotus. Oh, that's where he's from.

I couldn't pinpoint it. The Australian. Yeah. Okay. He's hot. But he just looked a little too like perfectly. like the hair groomed groomed yes

you're like a cute lumberjackie outfit when you just happened to be yeah did you see that coming no no oh you did yeah oh yeah I mean it was great great episode I mean that's the other thing that's on the list is I've never met anyone in my life

who hates a spoiler more than you I think no it's it is so ridiculous so much that this podcast is called off the vine I'm like does it have anything to do with wine don't want to listen I already you already ruined it for me it's off the just stop stop that would say the last part yeah i know and i live for a spoiler why i i like

to know what is going on always i want to know what i'm in for if i want to stay and enjoy the writer i want to get off of it i want to know and i don't i want to be like am i in for like a near-death experience or am i going to come out of this giggling my tits off i mean you like to have a little bit more fun in that way you're more adventurous than i maybe it's a control thing for myself. I don't know. Let it go. I guess.

I just like to know the outcome. I get anxious. I'm like, I just want to know what's up. Like I would never, ever, and if someone does this, I'm like, you're saying, I already know what you're going to say. Go to a restaurant without yelping it first. Oh, no. I love that.

Really? Mm-hmm. I would never. Because Yelp has the angriest people on there. I want to hear from all the Karens. No, the Karens are going to tell you the worst thing you're going to go and you're going to have the best experience. And do you want advice from the Karens?

I'm not getting advice. but like on yelp you want to take what they say seriously but sometimes on yelp you'll see a five star restaurant i'm like whoa i'm sorry five stars or if i go on yelp and i'm like that restaurant has one star and like 50 of the reviews are talking you were going to say if if you had an envelope in front of you saying the day you would die on it you'd open it oh i would love that to happen what if it said tomorrow 2 p.m oh well i'm canceling my flight looks like i'm going to die here in this studio yeah put that on me. Sure would,

babe, Bestie. Welcome to Bestie. You're like, I would. I would. I know. I would do it

in the Trading Secrets office, though. I'd put it more on Jason. Fair. Mine as well. You know. Okay. Are you looking for

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Oh, I love her. She's great. Wasn't she on your show? Yeah, she's become a friend. Oh, that's cool. Hide your obsession, Caitlin. Yeah. Oh, she's awesome. Love her. But you had said, oh, yeah, I was watching the OC.

And I was like, yeah, same. And you go, oh, wait, do you know what happens? I'm like, yeah. I was like, also, the show came about like 20 years ago. You're like, I don't, I don't want to tell you, but I don't want to. We should die. It's like, it's like, even like Titanic, you're like, I just, I don't want you know what happened to the ship.

Anyway, I live for a. spoiler but also I don't think yeah I guess I have a question for you can I can I get advice from you please okay this recently happened okay um and I would love your oh I tried so hard of a loud fart there I did no did you just have a silent one yeah I always do but I tried really hard to have allowed one just vanilla ice cardamine no that's broccoli oh hmm maybe it's oh it's this this candle's not even lit and smell strong um But anyway, so a friend said to me, hey, can I FaceTime you right now? Typically, that's fine.

There's only about three people that could do that. And you're one of them. Anytime FaceTime. I don't care what I look like. But it's not something I typically love to do FaceTime. This is one of those of the three that I'm comfortable with. But I was in a podcast recording. I said, I'm in a podcast.

I'll call you when I'm done. He goes, there's somebody here from your past or something like that, that I want you to see. So FaceTime us. I said, who didn't respond? Just FaceTime us. That was my response. I was like, I kind of want to know. I don't like that.

I want to know who it is. There are a lot of people from my past I don't ever want to see. His response was like I wouldn't ever like recommend or like FaceTime somebody who you wouldn't want to see. But I also was like, I don't know. Maybe there is someone. So he was actually pissed because, well, I was recording and then he was blown up my phone. And then finally I was like, it was too long. It had passed.

I guess they weren't with the person anymore. And so I called him like an hour. later. And he's like, you really embarrassed me. I was with someone and trying to FaceTime you. And then you didn't. Why didn't you pick up? And it ended up being somebody that I hadn't talked to in years. And, uh, and I would have been happy to see that person. What's the question? I, she just made me get to the point. My question is. I actually only said that because I want to refill my wine, but gone. Ah, I hate speech. Uh, my question is, am I in the wrong for not wanting to pick up that face time.

No. Am I the asshole? No. You really think I'm not? Because he was like, that wasn't cool. You should just picked up. Why do you have to know who? Because I was genuinely doing something to surprise.

I'm like, I don't want a surprise. I just want to who it was. And we had a bit of, you know. Doesn't even, it doesn't, not even a 0.01% in my mind, do I think that you were in the wrong there? Okay. That's great. Because I did feel a bit bad after because he was like, I was embarrassed and they

were, the person questioned if we were even close and we are. And I was like, she's like, why didn't you pick up for him? I was like, well, I wasn't a podcast, and then I just figured, I'm busy. Oh my God, I'm the worst. I mean, if you, I could look at it and go, I don't want to, and that's fine. You don't have to be in a podcast. You don't have to be naked.

You're going to be in the shower. You can literally be sitting on your couch doing nothing and go, I actually don't feel like this. I don't feel like this right now. I don't feel like a surprise from a ghost of Christmas past. No. Okay, well, I feel better about it because I just feel a little guilty for a second. And it's on them. because if they're like you should feel bad um no you shouldn't okay so we're good great okay

any other brain busters I'm good thank you for the advice I'm glad I got to the point quick oh I got 50 more things on the list oh wow fancy sparrows it's sparrows oh this is my Wow, these are very light. It smells so good in here. That smell nice. Oh, I do have another, I have a question for you. Go. Text etiquette.

Texting etiquette. Sometimes I'm good. Sometimes I'm bad. If it's you, I usually write back right away. Oh, yeah. And I don't overthink what I say. It's usually funny or I'm like, got to save this until I can actually have a good conversation. Do you mean like a date?

I'm going to go with just in general, I'm fucking terrible at it. And I love a K. I hate a K. Love a K. Oh, I find it's short. It's curt. It's abrupt for me. So what do you mean?

You are so busy that you can't even give me an O. Yeah. Yeah, I am. I think I think K is better than okay. Oh, I like, I like it. I don't mind a K with an exclamation mark. Give me a K and a heart. Just soften.

the k i don't like just i don't use k i never just i'll i throw something with it i got i got a bad a little something to it i buffer it i'll never hey lo can we just see you tomorrow are you on your way or that's in that's not a good response okay uh low make sure you bring the the da-da-da bring the shoes she called him a dr-bron-d-d-d-da-da so i told them Yeah, lo, bring the th-da in the freaking shoes and whatever. Kay. Rude. What?

I don't ever get K's from you. I do K's all the time. Well, I'm... And I do it like this. Okay. See, now that I hear, I don't mind it. Or I go, K. Like, I'm driving or I'm at a red light.

I'm driving. I'm in an appointment. K. K. I just want to acknowledge, I think it's better than ignoring. That's true. Is it, is it better to say K than it is, or would you rather ignore? I would, don't ignore it.

This is such a good question for the Vino's. Would you rather someone respond to your text with a, with a Kurt K? Or write you later and have a better response. I don't even need a better response. I need a fucking thumbs up. You thumbs up that text. If you're on a Samsung Galaxy, then we're not even friends at this point. You'd rather a thumbs up than just a hard K.

Yeah. absolutely like if somebody was like hello I'll be there in five minutes you'd rather thumbs up it than say K yeah just to give that I don't need just the K with the period psychopath just give me the thumbs up or a heart give me a heart show some heart okay that's where I'm at so if I ever send you a K you're going to be offended no I see but yours I don't get offended with your texts maybe you have sent me a K I'm sure you have I haven't taken in an offensive way I think it's but I'm also this it's so different it's family level here now so it's like sometimes you'll send I mean whatever you'll send a gift to respond or whatever

gift gift gift but um for people that I don't have that familiar comfort level with uh okay is a bit abrupt for me I like a thumbs I prefer a thumbs in the way no I was trying to see John Legend song how long what is okay I've had this happen where someone from a ghost from my Christmas past reaches out and this was a friend who I genuinely love this friend and I haven't spoken to them it's been a minute I'm talking like six to eight months just lost touch things happened they moved out of state it sucks but I it's not that I don't care or love this person it's just life happened and we completely lost touch they sent me a message that was a hearty beautiful well written message we're talking a solid

paragraph and you say k no no you wouldn't no i would never say just k of that everything is context oh i'm off the k train now oh this was a completely no k for just like hey when you said low will you pick up some toilet paper you needed some tp for the house pick that up i'll give a k i still gave a heart but like i thumbs up when you said look can you pick up some toilet paper i think i gave it a thumbs up okay now that you say that because i was like oh shit right a toilet paper And in my brain, I'm going, I can't host a house without toilet paper for a guest that's staying here. And so I said, lo, can you pick up toilet paper on your way home? You could have taken that as, oh, look, pick up toilet paper on your way home.

Oh. I know you wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. But then if you said K, I'd be like, ungrateful. Selfish bastard. So it is all context. It is. I know.

I know. No, I gave it. I get a heart or something like that. And then anyway, no. this is now just texting etiquette for someone who reached out from your past and I know this happens to you or someone will reach out and you're like, oh, I haven't talked to this person forever. Sometimes you even have their number anymore and they reach out. And so I just had this happen.

And I actually want to respond to this person, but life happens. And I didn't have, when they sent the text, I was in the middle of work and I didn't have the emotional bandwidth to even devote time to responding because I just too much shit on my plate. Took a beat, took a minute, then had a flight, had a pack. I packed for your home to go see you in Nashville like I was Taylor Swift on tour five fucking check-ins. Five trailers. Trailers. Yeah. So I was getting ready and stuff.

And so then I now we're going on over two weeks now where I didn't respond to this person. And I heard from a friend of a friend, hey, heard you like aren't talking to this person anymore. Like they try to reach out. Like there's like drama now. I'm like, whoa, whoa. Oh, no, no. I'm not, I'm not ignoring them. Oh, shit.

It's just now it's been three weeks. So it seems like too long that's passed. I've had to go where it's like three months. And I completely, then I just forget, life happens. And so I'm trying to get better about that because that's a bit shit to be that way. I'm not proud of that. That's a bit shit. Yeah.

Anyways. Let's end this on high note. I still don't get advice. So, um, people say let Jesus take the wheel. I'm just going to let. Hey, Zeus. Hey, Zeus. universe, science, whatever you believe in at home.

Allah. Whoever, whatever, God, universe, Jesus, science, Buddha, whatever it is. I'm going to let them take the wheel. That's, yeah. I'm going to write a whole song about that. Jesus, God, universe, science, Buddha. No, anyone take the wheel. Bangor.

So what do you need a device on? Well, no, I was just more I'm curious, not necessarily advice. It's just I would wait like a few months to respond to someone. Unintentionally, also my line of work, but again, these are excuses. But like people are blown up my phone constantly. My clients are like, should I wear this bra? Should I wear this? Like it's always my, my texts get blown up a lot.

And so people sometimes fall, someone I put on the back burner, like I'm going to give this the time and energy that it deserves to give a proper response. And then I forget and then I feel like shit. and then I get to it like three months later and I'm like yikes and so and for me to be like hey sorry it was just super busy the thing is I have you ever waited that long yeah and I try and put myself in the other person's shoes so let's say I message someone and they don't want me back for three months unless they are my in my five close five circle yeah I'm not offended fair unless you are my like ride or dies and you take months or you forget or you're like

oh my god i'm so sorry months later i don't care okay yeah it could and it could be even like say one of i'm friends with so many of the past bachelorette's if one of them forgot to respond to me after three months and they're like oh shit girl i'm so sorry not one inch of me would be offended i like how dare you so you shouldn't hold that weight on you to not respond to somebody because they probably don't care they probably don't care yeah i usually warm it up with uh Hey, was in the shower. Yeah. Something, you know, light in the mood.

Just got out of the shower. No, and that's another thing I've learned. I make it funny. But that's another thing I've learned, too, is not that you're lying, but. No, it's clearly like something stupid. Like, I'm making a joke. But my favorite thing is to do is just to be like, I goofed it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I goofed it. I goofed around and I forgot to write you back. I had texted one friend, and it was, hey, like, how are you? And then they had said, good. And I said, oh, we need to catch up. I'm just running into a meeting. And I said, we'll catch up later. And they said, okay, cool, call me later.

Six months. Oh, yeah. Half a year. I sent them a text, though. Hey, just got out of the meeting. They just said their laughing face. They were cool with that. Like, I used it like that.

Good. There was somebody that reached out to me from when I first was off the show and I was in Chicago. And like a few months later, he realized. I was engaged, but at the time he didn't. And he goes, hey, come back to Chicago anytime soon. And that was like, 2015. And I saw it in like 20, 23.

And I was like, hey, no, not anytime soon, but I'll let you know what I do. He's like, yeah, I've been like eight cities since. Thumbs up. Yeah. Oops, sorry, miss it. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. It's, you know, you just, you do what you can.

I like the owning it and just saying like, oh, God. Owning it's the best. Yeah, owning it's the best. That's true. owning it no matter what is the best that's the best thing you can do in life in any situation is own your fucking truth hey man that's a perfect note bye bye i did have something else to say no but i forget um i was going to say that's a perfect note to not end it but just that's a perfect note to say anything too it's beautiful live your truth my truth is that um i have blisters on my hand now And I never had callous. And these are thanks to Caitlin Bristow. I mean, he left whites.

She sure did. Gloveless. And apparently if I like to wear gloves. I like a glove. No, you got to build calluses. My hands are always soft. You want to know my truth? Hmm.

Feel that spot right there, that what spot? Yeah. I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. Goodbye. I'm very, I want this on record. And I don't know if I've said it on record. But I love you so much. and you mean the world to me

and you are an incredible host a friend, you're a mother figure to me, you're yeah, like very maternal. I have a mom, but you're very maternal and gentle and sweet. Are you attracted to me? Yeah. What? I know. I'm, my

confession is a little bit. I'm down. You already know I've had sex dreams about you, but they were like weird. I mean, you know, I was in a dark place. I was vulnerable and scared. I'm scared you. We were laughing all the time.

I took that serious moment away from you. It's okay. No, but I have had sex screams and I am. I think you're beautiful. But no, I am definitely down for dick. I'm a gay man coming out on this podcast. I'm here. I'm queer.

And I have no fear. And I'm your greatest fan. I'll follow you until you love me. Ba-ba. Potsie I just want to say that you are an incredible friend to me and you've been a pillar of strength a rock for me truly on a serious note you have been so good to me so kind you've seen me at my lowest low and you've accepted me right back and love me and yeah and I just I'm really grateful this trip so thankful to have and doing like that I didn't do the bike ride but you did but seeing like situations like that and seeing how fragile it reminds you how fragile life can be. And all these little moments and these glimpses into different people's lives, I'm like, whoa, I'm really grateful for you in my life, really.

And these are moments where you could say, you know, you have your family, but chosen family is everything and more. I'm all about chosen family. It is everything. Kat is chosen family to you? I'm chosen family. Like, they're... I have the best family in the world.

You love your parents. You still don't choose your family and you also still do choose your family. It is a really beautiful eye-opening moment in life when you can think about it like that. Yeah. Because sometimes you feel alone in your family or sometimes you feel like you don't have, but you get to choose people in your life. And that's sometimes stronger than family. Absolutely.

And I don't have any siblings, but I'm like, if there was one that I had, but it's also weird because I had sex streams too, so that's weird. But like, you know, there's that. I have six step sisters and I have a real sister. and they're all lovely human beings and my sister is my ride or die and I still get to choose my own family and you're one of them.

Thank you, Quing. Thank you for bringing me in. Quing. Quing. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating in a movie.

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