Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Lo VonRumpf and Arielle Vandenberg

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

Kaitlyn sits down with stylist Lo VonRumpf and actress Arielle Vandenberg to talk about what they'd be willing to give up to stay on Instagram, red carpet triumphs, and decorating their homes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. And Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing pride and prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. Get ready for lots of laughs, tabby topics, unfiltered advice, and wine. Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host.

Caitlin Bristow, co-hosting with me today is Ariel Vandenberg. I got to turn this camera around. I'm filming myself. And now the tragic lighting is off. It's so bad. I'm trying to get an ASMR moment and do like the wine. Wait, that just turned me on. I know.

I know. I do it every podcast. Like, people don't believe me I'm drinking until I do that. Also, I like to say the name of the rosé we're drinking because I can go, Whispering Angel. Oh. I know. Tinkles in the peepie?

Yeah. Did it move a little? Low bed. Yeah. No, I did. I felt not really. Oh. Not a lot of feeling down there these days.

Oh, how come? Dark place. Numb dick? Cool. Anyways. I've been there. been there anyways we should

I guess introduce our main guest Miss co-host Oh Why don't you do the honors? Okay ready I love this I love being a co-host

Like I feel like You're my co-host Yeah You're my right hand man Oh you're the co I mean you feel like the host No No I feel like a co-host

Oh That's like a cool place to be in my life Okay ready And right now I can't I always make Lowe say his own last name because it's like vandershrum we do both have very like we have weird i'm going to try okay do it low von rumpf head it there it is nailed it low von rumpf i always say it with a

rolled r too do you god get out of my head i like out of me i thought you get out from inside of me i'm half latino so i thought you're oh that's rumpf yeah but all also German. Yeah, 50-50. I mean, people have got to know you by now from my podcast. The listener, I mean, people know you anyways, but people that listen to my podcast, you've done co-hosting, we've done a great therapy bachelor at recaps. We, uh, people want more low in their lives.

Oh, my God. They want the low down. How did we not think of that before? That podcast launches in September. Yeah. The low, the low, the low, the low, you like, ruin the name. So it just says, like, low von Rumpf down. You're like, what the fuck?

We do a lowdown. We do like a segment on like current events, and this comes out in like eight months. We're like talking about Roseanne's show being canceled. Old news. And I'm your co-host, Ariel Vandenberg. Yep. This is a good circle we've got here. I know.

It's just fun. Like this is the threesome that what dreams are made of, I guess, if we're being honest with ourselves. Okay. listen up vinos. I want to take a minute and talk about diff eyewear and what really sold me on diff Iwear. It's their commitment to three things, quality, charity, and style. Let's talk quality. Diff charitable eyewear is a disruptive designer eyewear brand. Focus on doing good. Diff's founder saw lack of affordable high quality eyewear and set out to change that. Diff offers the same quality eyewear as overpriced luxury brands, but at a fraction of the cost. I know you've seen

everybody wearing them on social media too. They are cute. Let's talk charity. The biggest thing that I love about Diff is that their main focus is doing good in the world. So for every pair of sunglasses sold, Diff is actually donating a pair of reading glasses to someone in need around the world through various charity partners, including restoring vision. Diff is also helping empower local artisans and improve education in Arua, Uganda, through their program, the Sabo Project. The Sabo project employs local women as tailors to hand-make pouches for sunglasses and all profits made from the Pouch Program goes back to the Little Angel School in Arua, Uganda. Love that.

And finally, style. There are styles for everyone ranging from cat eyes to aviators and everything in between. So go to diffiware.com and use code Vine for $25 off your order and help Diff do good in the world. That's DiffiWord.com and code Vine. Lo, I wanted to just get in your old brain about fashion, about Instagram, your main passion. It's everything to me. Instagram. I think, like, I put family, Instagram.

which comes first money skincare products oh I want to know like no I'm just kidding I guess family always comes first in no not with low in reality

I would I would give up a couple family members to keep my account active okay I feel that sure distant cousins yeah oh distance oh yeah yeah distant cousins they gotta go anyways

I don't even care if I had my Instagram no I'm just kidding yeah I'm like I got them out a long time ago distant cousins okay so Instagram is like I love it okay

this is good this is good. Tell me that again. With more feeling, please. Do you love it because of your career? Yeah, so here's the thing. Tell me. It used to be, I had my website, people would go on there, but now Instagram has opened the door to clients to get to know, like, my personality. Like, yes, it's just, I, I love that. It's just, like, you get a sense of who the person is, and I don't know. I think it's cool. I love, like, telling stories and you can do that through. You are king of, like, the memes. Oh, thank you. Yeah.

Oh, I know. I want to make that account public. I haven't done it yet, but I try and add them in my main page. Well, even your, like, your public profile. Yeah. Would it style LVR? Style LVR. That one has, go follow right now, like and comment.

But that one is like, you still have good stories. But your private one, it goes there. It's gritty. It's just like I, I don't know how inappropriate I can get. You know, sometimes I get a little too raw up on that private one. But that's what people like. That's true. And you've got to give the people what they want.

Amen. Amen. Tell me about the moment that you knew you wanted to pursue fashion professionally. Tell me. I kind of just fell into it. I actually wanted to be a chef. But then I really, I love cooking. That's so cool.

I love cooking. I love eating. But then I realized I don't like cooking for people. I actually like cooking. Wow, well, you would have went into the wrong profession. Yeah, and I was like... I wanted to be a chef, but I don't like cooking for people. I don't like when people eat it.

Yeah. I like to cook and then throw it in the garbage. Prepare it. Dump it. Get that shit out of here. And I'm like a little Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen. You know, I have... Like angry?

Sometimes, but I love that you went there. I was thinking just like, right now I am. Like a lot of forehead wrinkles? Yeah, I know. What's up with that forehead? I don't know. The guy needs to go see him a little. Elizabeth in Nashville for some Botox.

Oh, Elizabeth Best Botox. I did have a heavy brow. Elizabeth in Nashville? Yeah, she's amazing. What? Yeah, she is everything. I don't do it. She's very conservative.

You don't do Botox? No, and I actually... Hold on. I have some. Wait, wait, wait. He'll give me a forehead. You don't do the needle in your forehead? I can't because I swear my whole career is based on making ugly faces.

And if I can't make an ugly face, I'm like, what do I have? Well, then you should be really proud of yourself. Thank you. Yeah, beautiful skin. Oh, thank you. She does. You look incredible. No, I'm not lying.

Really? I'm not lying. And I actually love that you have movement in your forehead. Thank you. It makes you so human and I'm like, oh, maybe I need to lay off because my forehead is a fucking skating rink. Well, you look hot as balls, so I look like a grandma. It's the red lip. It is.

It's a bold lip. She's got a bold lip, guys. My lip glass be popping. My lip glass be cool. Are you a bad? Yeah, I am. You didn't know that about it? I did.

I did. I did. That's why I'm here. I didn't. And I was back to love. Oh. So I began my career in the kitchen. Wow.

So you are Gordon Ramsey. No, I like cooking instead of not for people, but for people I love, I'm all about it. So like family, friends, but I couldn't do it like in a public setting. So then I just fell into fashion. I was obsessed with clothes and I felt confident about it and here I am. And tell me about your grandma. Didn't your grandma have like an influence? on you? Good old granny.

Yeah. Which I don't even like to call her. I didn't really know she was my grandma until I think I was like 10. Pardon? She was an aunt to me. She didn't really vibe with the whole grandma situation. Interesting. She was like, I'm young and funky. Yeah.

She loved herself a Botox needle. And, you know, and she kept it like very youthful and stuff. So, but she was my first client I ever styled. That is adorable. So, yeah, I was super tight with her. Was she your fashion icon as a kid? To this day. Yeah, I'm obsessed with her.

So she's kind of like Elizabeth. He's not okay either. Yeah. Elizabeth Taylor vibes. She was married five times, six. Yeah. We lost count. Yeah.

But she was just like glamour. So I had like that whole sense of like style and stuff from her. And then she kind of pushed me into it. And then yeah, it's like been 11 years. I'm still doing it. I love it. You're very good. I appreciate that.

Who's your favorite designer? Oh, actually. Well, I like different ones for different reasons, but Alexander McQueen is like everything to me. I still love like the skull scarves. I don't care if they're out of style. I want one. I just couldn't muster up the $300 or whatever it is. A skull scarf?

Well, now I can. But like when I really, well, now I'm rich. That's not what I meant. So now I'm killing it. By the way, that's not what I meant at all. But I meant like when I really wanted it, I was like, there's no way I'm spending that much money on it. But I wanted it so bad. They're so cute.

What is it a skull? Why don't I know? I'm, you, low, you know this. I don't, I don't get fashion. That's his logo. It's the skull. I thought it was a girl. What?

Alexander. I thought it was Alexandra. Oh, damn. Oh, my gosh. Is this my confession? I cannot. This is my confession, isn't it? No, I'm so excited to take you to go see the documentary.

You know, you know me. I get my shoes at Payless. That's true. I shop at Payless. Shop Bob. Is that still, Payless is a place still? killing it. Really?

Is that more in Canada? Oh, Bogo. I just learned what Bogo meant literally a week ago. It has a meaning. What is that? Buy one, get one free. Buy one, get one. It's not buy one, get one free.

That would be Bogo. Bogoff. Oh, my God. You guys, we just came up with the best thing ever. Come to our store. We'll give you a Bogo. Pailas gives you Bogo. Screw that noise.

We give you Bogo. It's like a Lord of the Rings character. Let me introduce to you. Bogoff. Bogoff sounds like a hot German guy. Oh, and death. Bogoth von Roomph. Oh, there it is.

Oh, me? I'm dating Bogov. Bonboof. Bogov von Boeuf. My favorite was your face out of it. I was like, I wish people could see this because you're like, I did it. I did it. I went there.

What were we saying? Grandma. Yeah. Love me. my grandma. She got me in the fashion. And yeah. Oh, we were talking about your favorite designer. Okay. Oh, yeah. So you have different ones for it. Yeah. Because he was like, if you haven't seen the movie, it just came out. Not too long. Like a couple days. I was excited about it. Yeah. His whole

life, he killed himself. You mean her? Oh, sure, but did kill himself. He did? With one of those skull scarves. No. On himself. Wait, I don't like the skull scarf anymore. Oh, that's dark. Is it weird that I wanted one more? But anyway, dark. No. I kind of get that. Because it's, It's like in memory of. Yeah. He was so. Whoa.

That's pretty crazy. Intense. That's heavy. Yeah. I think it was like 2009. I mean, I'm coming fresh off a documentary. So I'm like 2009, I believe, in the evening. You went and saw that.

I went and saw Mr. Rogers documentary. I can't wait to see it. Oh, it's amazing. I can't wait. I did. It's beyond amazing. I can't wait to see it.

I'm not kidding. You'll cry. You'll laugh. You'll just have a smile on your face the entire time. Did you love him, though, growing up? Yes, I did. So I didn't like love him. It's a beautiful.

I loved that my mom loved him. Oh. Like, I knew that she really, like, liked him growing up. So I think when I was little, I was like, oh, like, that's someone my mom liked. Yeah. And it just, I don't know. So watching it now, watching him going, my mom used to watch this made me feel so. I was like, oh, that's, that was, like, the sweetest part to me that my sweet little mother's eyes was watching him.

Yeah. And that, like, maybe shaped her into something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it. It's so crazy. Yeah. I don't know. So, I mean, you got to see it.

It's really good. Is it in theaters? Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was like on Netflix. I was like, I'm going to go watch it tonight. I feel like it's in select theaters. Oh.

Because I don't think it's like in like everything. Well, dang. Local arc light, AMC has it as well. Oh, he does? I took my family. Okay, but I'm going to Canada tomorrow. Is it there? I don't think so.

Probably not for another eight years. Do you guys have Taco Bell? Yes. Payless? KFC. Yes. Yes. Oh.

Do you guys have A&W? What? Oh, the Rupier? It's, well, it's a fast food. join A&W. You do have it, Jeff? My producer is nodding his head, yes. Oh, you do.

There might be one in like Barstow or somewhere. Not, I doubt it. I've only seen them in Massachusetts. Oh, okay, okay. Okay, that makes sense. They have the best burgers of all time, A&W, but they also have really strong statement. There's no way. There's no way.

Also, where did, God, why were we talking about that? Because they're the best burgers. No, because of Mr. Rogers. Because Mr. Rogers. Because Mr. Rogers. love them. Oh, yeah. I said, do you have Taco Bell? And then we said, K-L-S, do you have A&W? Okay. This is, I went into Mr. Rogers' side note, hoping it was like a crazy story about, like, maybe he cursed all the time. He didn't like children. I thought it was

going to be like an E-True Hollywood story. Like, Mr. Rogers didn't fucking with kids. And I was like, no. No, no, no. Mr. Rogers is as pure as they come. Like the best. The nicest. Nicest. Niceest guy. Yeah. I actually thought Mr. Rogers was Canadian. Good human. Yeah. He should be Canadian. Well, maybe he is at heart. He's an honorary Canadian. I am too. You are.

Not because I'm nice because I love Canadians. You do love Canadians. You do love your Canadians. Okay, one sec, hold on. I've got some questions for you to think about, why can a car park itself these days, but we have to drive across town to take a test drive if we want to try out a new car? Why can we get approved for a mortgage and lightning speed,

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Visit HyundaiUSA.com slash shopper assurance for all the information. That's HyundaiUSA.com slash shopper assurance. Speechless, eh? Okay, back to what I was talking about. If you could travel back in time to any era, who would you like to style and why? Oh, that's such a good question. I've never been asked that, but I would say, I guess you could say I'm the host of our generation. Yep.

Oh, my God. I feel like I want to guess. Hit it. Yeah, guess. But. Marilyn Monroe. Ooh, is it? That would be a good one.

Uh-uh. I mean, I do love her. James Dean. I would definitely stick with a female. Okay. It's more fun. Okay. Well, I want to guess Madonna.

Oh, wow. I just said it so weird. A Madonna. A Madonna. Like early Madonna. Yeah, early. I love her. I'd say she's top five.

You're going Audrey Hepburn. A thousand percent. Yeah. That's it. You guessed it. Oh, my God, really? Yeah. Because she loved Giovanni.

Like, she was just incredible. She's in sick. Oh, my God. Everything, when I look back at, like, her outfits, I'm like, you are fashion. What about Jackie O? Perfect put together. I'm Canadian.

I don't know. Jackie O is incredible, but you know, a little Chanel suit, you can only see it so many times. But Audrey was, like, she did gown. She was down to, like, have some fun and try different things. Yeah.

But Jackio had to keep it pretty classy. Yeah, that's true. She was the first lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could be a little more outside of the box. I would be down with Princess Diana now. Oh. I would love to have styled her.

Oh, I like that. That's a real. really good one. Especially after the divorce when she was like on a yacht living her best life, that Diana. Oh, yeah. I'd pull like really cute swimsuits and stuff. I'd pull really cute swimsuits. Like high waist.

Yeah, nice high waist. Have you ever styled Caitlin? Oh, yeah. Guilty. Guilty. He actually gave me one of my best red carpet moments. I think mine too. Wow.

The blue? Yeah. I love how I'm like the creep that knows your. It was a couple weeks ago. I know. You're fine. It was. But like, for real.

Like, I think that's one of my favorites. It was a good power shoulder. You had a good, like, shoulder. And it's weird because normally I wouldn't be, like, attracted to that look. But for some reason, I put it on and we both were like, wait, is this it? It was the last thing that we tried on. Oh, oh, let me hold. Which one's that?

My red carpet moment. Oh, yeah. Which great story. So pretty. It was a redempt. It was a story of redemption. I don't know what that means. Okay, so.

Oh, coming off of like a sweatsuit. So this. Redempt. Yeah. So I was. I didn't style that though. But that was also in. That was in.

Yeah, when though. But whenever that was. That was a year ago. That was a year ago. I am literally wearing a sundress on a red carpet to the CMA Awards. Oh, sorry. That was, I get it though. It was my first red carpet.

2006. Like, it makes. She was like that was in the same. That's 2000. Look at 2015. That's not that bad. No, maxi dresses in 2015 were literally the thing to work. Not according to Perez Hilton. Yeah, well, nothing is according to Perez Hilton.

That's true. I don't like his style either. But he doesn't listen. But no, so I went on the red carpet. I didn't understand this world, okay? I came out of the show and I was just like, I shop at Palis and I get my jewelry at Aldo. and like I just don't care. I got bog off. I got bog off and that's all that matters and I am up 20 bucks.

Yep. What? So I went on the red carpet. What? I don't know. I went on the red carpet and I felt good. Like I felt like I was, I did my own hair, I did my own makeup, I didn't you know it was a thing that you can get people to come do that.

I didn't know you could get someone to style you. That was that time? Yes. I was so new to red carpet. So I did this and then all of a sudden I was on the worst dress list from the from the CMAs. And so the next year, I'm like, low. I've been asked to host the red carpet this year,

so I get to interview people. I need to have a comeback. It's the 50th anniversary. You need to, like, put, and so he put me in this Haley Page gown that was like, I'm all for the crop tops because, you know, me and you, we like to show our two abs. Yeah.

We like to wear high-waisted and show the very top part of it. They're probably just ribs. The ribs. Yeah, sorry, back to your. My red carpet moment? Yeah. She was best dress. I got best dress.

dressed it was me and kerry underwood but i had to force myself on to that red car like i was on the red carpet interviewing people but for the like picture um like what is it the step and repeat i like i like i was like really getting my people to talk to people and i was the first one on it like that loser that shows up to like but i ended up on the best trans that's awesome yeah that feels so good so it was my redemption moment so yes so yes lo has styled me and it was my favorite moment that was fun yeah one time i styled myself and i I went to the VMAs, and I got put next to someone, Leah Michelle. Oh.

And it was like, who wore it best? Wait, did you guys have the same thing or similar? Yes. And you won? But I was like a year after her. I just, I don't know, whatever. I didn't like think about it like, oh, it's out of style. Right.

Because it wasn't. I mean, it was, I don't know if I did actually. I actually forget. You had to have. Google it. No. I want to know. I'm actually going to look it up right now.

Yeah, look it up. So you wore the same outfit as her, but a year later? Yes. Oh, is that like a fashion crime? Yeah, like I should go to jail. Like, you should go to fashion jail. That's like me wearing something on people. The headline for my red carpet moment when I failed was Caitlin wore something out of her closet.

And I was like, is that not what, do not wear things out of your closet? That makes me so upset because it's like, yeah, these things can hang in my effing closet. I have a washing machine. Okay, here we go. Ready? Oh, you did wear a banner. that's a hot dress you look like you know you look like Jessica Rabbit oh yes oh shit yeah that's hot I did my own hair my own makeup I styled myself those are my shoes those shoes are the same shoes I wore when you

styled me oh they love them had them for a while yeah who gives a shit of course you can oh yeah that's that's a good look and you got that pose down cute right everybody go Google oh there's another one it's like a different angle oh I'm taking this you are Jessica You are Jessica Rabbit. If I had red hair, I would... But your hair kind of looks strawberry blonde there. I just went to a different picture and it's this. I'm all, that's not me.

Oh, I was like, wait, why? You really look like Kim Kardashian there. I'm all... Oh, wait, that is Kim Kardashian. You know how to work it on a carpet. I'm a carpet worker. You really... Oh, wait, here we go. Here we go.

What? Oh, it's in Spanish. Oh, do you know how to read? Yes. Here. One moment, for a favor. What does that say? So essays, oh, I can't, oh, my glasses on.

Do you know how to read? Wow, even in Mexico, she wore it much better. Oh, much better. No. Mucha better. Mucho. This cushiony dress, yeah. Basically, she wore it better than the lead actress of Glee.

Oh, wait, I feel bad now being like, yeah, I wore it better. It was honestly, like, I felt so. Facts are facts, and you wore a better baby. The thing is, is like, facts are facts. She goes to a lot of things, and it's fun. And she probably wears some other things better than other people. 100%. But the thing is, is like, give me a little time to shine.

Like, this is my, like, I don't know, 10th carpet. She's been on a million. I needed that. Have your moment. Yeah. No, don't feel bad. Leah. Shine and you have your moment and you run with it.

And Leah can take a knee. Oh, wow. That is intense. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. I'm going to go. Girl power. What? Girl power.

Oh god That sound Well speaking of my crime On the red carpet What would you say right now In The Times is a fashion crime Oh fashion crime today Yeah

See I'm pretty open-minded to everything Like I don't want to hate on people's like What about small sunnies? I can't Oh my God, that's mine Really? Literally I couldn't wait to talk I couldn't wait to say

The Matrix sunglasses Are you kidding me Red pill, blue pill? I don't give a... Take those things all. All right. Let's just back it up and wrap it up. Dude, he just puts them on.

He's like, I love my shit. No, dude, they're the worst. The worst. I can't. Nope. What do you want? I can't. I won't.

I can't. I don't. If you just want a little bit of shade, but just not that much around. No. There really is no point in them. But I think they're cute. I do love them. I don't care if there's a point or not.

But... They, they take. They just... I know people that love them. Of course. And I'm down. Well, the most famous hottest people right now, Gigi Hadid literally wears them every second of her life.

I'm going to bed. She wears them to bed. Yeah, I sleep with her, so I know. She wears to bed. Woke up next door this morning. She was wearing them. It was weird because I don't like them. But I don't get the small sunnies.

I really don't. I'm like, no, you cannot have your moment. You can't. You can't. Lo, I love that you're shaking your head, but you just... You definitely. can have your moment. Okay, I feel that.

I'm just like... Really? If you're into it, you're into it. I'm like, I like a little John Lennon, Yoko Ono situation. Like, I'm like, I like the small frames. They're cute. No, they serve no purpose, strictly aesthetics. And I love that it's completely unnecessary, which...

I will get down with the tear away pants again. Ooh, into it. I'll get down with that. I almost bought some at Nike the other day. Yeah, I'll get down with those for sure. Well, no, the small frame thing, to me, I go, okay, it's fine. It's fine if they're like a cat eye and they're kind of like funky and cool. But when you're wearing them seriously, like they're wired framed, I'm like,

or like when they're not, like if they're like pushed down on your nose, that's acceptable. When they're pushed. When they're pushed out. You're like, no, no. That's what I can't get down with. Pushed up small sunnies. I did think of something that I don't like. What?

A trend or whatever. Okay. So there's this guys wear them girls too. And it's like a specific sandal. A lot of high-end designers have them. They look, um, sandals in general. Sandals in general. No, I'd love sandals, but.

Excuse you. Those aren't sandals. No, the ones I'm talking about are these orthopedic, Dr. Scholes-esque looking sandals. And they have one strap around the front of your foot, one around the back. We're wrapping one around the ankle. Sometimes there's, sometimes there's Velcro involved. And I'm talking like, Balenciaga is doing, like these. Oh, they're like, like, have like, cork bottom.

They, yeah. Like an espadrille. Yeah, cork sometimes. I know you're talking about. Platform usually. Yeah. They look like orthopedic special shoes. Right.

Would you say those are crocks? Which would you prefer? Oh, man. I want to get rid of both, but I rather have a crock. Wow. Because if you're going to go down that rabbit hole and look like trash. I'll crock it up. I'll crock it up right now.

I'll crock it up. Yeah, I want the crocs with the socks attached. Sick. They make those. Yes, and they're literally You can't find them That says so much about They're sold out everywhere

I want the crock socks Croc socks No you're literally They're built in socks I'm telling you Built in socks to your crog I'm telling you And I just posted on my story

The other day Balenciaga I think has like a giant platform crock That makes me want to literally shit my pants Are you kidding me? No it's the worst thing you've ever seen in your life But like Yeah it's not a good

Look up the crock sock. It's good. It's just like a, it's literally like an athlete sock, and it's attached to a crock. And it's hilarious. I know we always, we do this, but Justin Bieber, do, are we down with his beach, like, beachy, blonde, long hair with Hawaiian shirts? And, like, are we down? And his slippers from the hotel. Yeah.

Are we down? In the city. And the city. That's not it. What is that? What the hell? There's toes. Oh, my God.

That's not what I'm talking. I would pee my pants if she rolled up to lunch with her. That is honestly the most heinous thing I've ever seen in my life. That looks like a moccasin with toe holes with a crock. No, no, nope, nope, that's not what I'm talking about. They're actually like, they're like basketball players wear what I'm talking about. Okay. Oh, oh, gotcha.

It's cool. It's cool. It's not like a crock with a sock attack. Oh, okay. So I'm actually friends with the crock. No. Mr. Crook. Well, the son of crock

Oh shit The son of crock is actually one of my really good friends Oh And so I posted that on my story and he goes, don't hate And I'm like I was planning on gardening this weekend And nursing So But I posted that and he goes

Don't hate and I was like damn I didn't realize it was a real crock moment I didn't realize they But you were bringing attention to crock So yeah I mean It 100 people I don't know I don't know how many followers I have.

He wins in that. I brought attention to the Balenciaga crook. You did. It's whatever. And it's all about, you know, bringing awareness to something. Yeah. Good or bad, they say. I love bad awareness.

Any kind of awareness is good awareness. Uh-huh. Because it's awareness. Because it's awareness. I have a question, low. Which outfit, which styling, which moment are you the most proud of in all of your career? Wow, loaded Well, we're both sitting right here

I know It's a tossed up between two Yeah Oh, I'm kind of down with that I just had to show you I'm not mad at that Why am I not mad at that? I don't mind that

I know it looks weird right there But like it's like a cute short It's kind of like Athletic Like maybe with something tied around your waist Every other picture is just like Yeah, no those can all Those can all go

That I'm down with that Uh huh Those are Everyone at home is like, you're on a podcast. We don't see. I know. I'm so sorry. You guys look up the crock sock. Yeah, just Google Crock.

Google Crock. I'm sorry. I've ruined everything. No, Google Crocksock and then they can be on the same page of us. There you go. Yeah. Great. Favorite red carpet moment.

Well, here's the thing, because I get like this crazy high. I get so excited. Like, I can't even contain. Like, I feel like I'm going to pee just talking about it. I get so excited to see what you're going to say. Me too. Like, okay, for example. That's a gun all time.

Because the most recent was Ariel, so she's getting ready. And I love, like, watching her get ready. Like, she puts on the outfit. And I have butterflies in my stomach, like, when she puts on the outfit and walks out, like, it's so good. Well, because it's like, you created this look. Yeah. And then, like, I'm about to go in front of a bunch of people and take pictures. And then you get to, like, see the pictures.

So it's like. It's such a cool feeling. There's so many different levels. And you get to see someone feel their best, you know, like, that's got to be a good feeling to put something. moment when she like looks the mirror and she's like oh my god like and she looks amazing and like when i saw you in that so i don't even know like i can't even pinpoint like one specific where i'm like that's it because that was the moment yeah because like i genuinely feel like that every time even if it's not like a major red carpet like it's a pink berry opening whatever a little subway

sandwiches open it whatever where's the new pink berry i don't well you know well you know on So anyways, on to our next conversation. Pinkberry. She needs to know. I love pink bear. Same. Oh, you guys are going to hate me. You don't like the tart.

No, it's pinkberry ice cream, right? Frozen yogurt. Frozen yogurt. I've seen it in the airports. It's frozen crack. We didn't have it in Canada. Oh, it's so good. Okay, Pinkberry.

Next time I'm in the airport, I will have one. Yeah. I mean, they have them like everywhere. So you can have one here. We can do one tonight. Did we have one when we did? Cause I had a bad day. Was it?

That was a Menchies, which is like a not funny story. Oh, man. We, I mean, I really felt at that point that we took the shape of Ariel and became content creators. I was Matt in that moment. Well, I texted you and said how funny that was. And you were like, that's a compliment coming from you. And I was like, oh, fun. But like, for real, like, it was, yeah, it was really funny.

We really had a great time doing that. I think it's still not It might be on my My page on like highlights or something Because I had so much fun doing that with you It should be We need to make a part too Because you had a bad day again

Please Because you had another bad day Everyone's like over it No no Nobody's over it I have a question for you How did you describe your own personal style I would say

Well like today I'm dressed like A backup dancer for Justin Bieber Yeah I was just going to say that Yeah I'm not kidding Like, I look like I just wrapped up a dance session at Millennium, but that's the local dance studio. Oh, I've been.

Oh, I've been. I've been. I'm going this week. I know that's studio. Oh. So, like, today it's like that. And it's comfortable because I was running around. I was working all day.

But, like, sometimes it just depends on the mood. I like to just change up. Sometimes I look like I'm working at Hot Topic. So it's a little bit more all, you know, on the black trench coat vibe. With like a used t-shirt, little slip-knock pin. Cute without any. Slipknot Kew without the A

Oh cute Without the E Is it without the E? Yeah Oh my God Well I'm blacking out right now again Cute without the E Yeah

Oh my God yes Oh I want to play that right now So yeah Might just change is Or sometimes I like to be a little bit more dapper You know So we're like button down shirt And just depends on my mood

I changed all And like the other day I had Short shorts on You know I love showing a little leg Yes I actually love rib jeans I don't know why I pictured you at Disneyland

Land was short shorts on. I'd love to wear him there, too. I just thought, were you there? Yeah. I don't know I know I know I'm a used

I'm like the used Oh the used Oh Burt McCracken or whatever his name is I will kiss him on the mouth Burt McRacken Right on the mouth Burt McClacken

What is that song Is he from good Charlotte No The used He was so hot The bird and the worm. The bird and the worm. Great drum set in that one. Oh, my God, so good.

I went to a show of his in San Diego, and he threw up on stage, and I was like, that's hot. And then I was like, I'm like, I need to take a shower. That was, like, me when I went to Paramore for the first time, and she hawked a lugia on stage, and I was like, I want to be her. Oh, my God. I love, disgusting. What's this one?

Gross. What is that? The U. The U.S. It sounds like the killer. It sounds like the U.S. This is the U. The bird and the worm.

Oh, yeah. Okay. The bird and the worm. Duh. So, uh-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-ha. Oh, God. I love the ewes, but I don't know what they're saying. But, like, sharp operas.

Can't talk. Box of sharp objects. Oh, that's a tough one to say anyways. Oh, my God. It's honestly, when I listen to that song, I go, oh, my God, I was an angsty teen. But I so wasn't I thought I was But like I so wasn't

I was just a normal I thought I was mad at my dad But I wasn't No I loved my dad's amazing He's an unreal Never met him He's the best man you'll ever meet in your whole entire life

Big Mike, he's the best I'm a big mic guy Yeah Big Mike guy I'm sorry That's from the other podcast we did It's okay people will get it I'm always a big something guy

I'm a big my dad guy He's the most incredible man of my life Anyways Oh I love that Yeah, he's incredible. Quick break to talk about Wells Fargo, a company with a storied past, and a big part of that past was built around building trust. Back in the day when the country headed west for gold, Wells Fargo was the bank trusted

to bring it back east. But somewhere along the way, Wells Fargo lost their way. So now they're working hard to earn your trust again. They're making things right by ending product sales goals for branch bankers. They're refocusing on customer satisfaction, making it a top priority. They're working with more transparency and accountability. and fixing problems proactively. It's a new day at Wells Fargo, but it's a lot like their first day.

See what's new at Wells Fargo.com slash renew. Established 1852, reestablished 2018. We'll be back with more Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey guys, if you like my show, then you're going to love the good life with Stevie and Sazon. Join them each week as they inspire minds, captivate listeners, and have powerful conversation with people who are making an impact in the world. From major celebrities to everyday people, they will motivate you to live the good life. Listen free each week on Podcast 1 or wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

And in honor of self-improvement, you may also love the Dr. Drew show, the Jordan Harbinger show or Revenge of the Jocks, only on podcast 1. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Anyways, they used. But no, I had another question for you. As a stylist. what was what is your signature style like if people saw record they're like that is the low that i actually let us a low down i actually try the whole podcast to say that the low down is i actually try to avoid that completely which i don't know i like that yeah i switch it up i i definitely want to

because like some client every client's so different yeah but there are some stylists out there and i'll know like oh that's i know who styled that it looks it's very one note but you go you you're a chameleon and you just adapt to whoever your client is that's shitty I know that no I'm kidding but like it just you're not kidding sort of no wait I want to know who your favorite stylist is is there a stylist that you like absolutely not oh no I'm kidding oh my god I just got so sad I literally was like oh my god that's the worst question ever it's like asking like another basketball player on the Lakers like who's your favorite basketball player they're like me bitch I'm like ah Oh, my God. No, I love so many stylists. There's so many I love, but I'm trying to think. There's so many. I just can't name any.

I love them all. Like, I love them. I love them. Well, I love, I love him. I love, I don't know who's, I don't even know the name of the stylist, but I love Lupita Neango style. Lupita. Lepita.

I love the way she dresses for red cream. Yeah. Who does she stack? Who would we, who would we know? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who that is. I'm sorry.

Wait, I'm sorry. We just basically told them that we don't know who Brad Pitt is. You, wait, hold on. Brad, what? He's like, I'm sorry, one. One moment. While you're Googling, can I ask you this? Would you rather wear Crocs every day the rest of your life or give up Instagram?

Give ups. Give up Instagram. Wow. I'll take the crocs and live in comfort and shame. And have Instagram. You guys, I'm friends with the guy who owns crocs. Can we stop with the crock talk? I'm kidding.

Oscar winning. Oh, wait. No, no, no. No. Okay, wait. Okay, first of all, I asked you who your favorite stylist was. I don't know who styles Lupita Nango, but I... Oh, I know who Lupita is.

Lupita. I got what you were saying. You were asking, like... Yes, okay, so she's your favorite... That was like me asking you, who's your favorite podcast host, and you're not saying me? No. No, that's not like that. You're saying, like, I love off the vine, but not saying, you know?

Huh? We are all very confused. Here's the thing. I know who LuPita. Pita is. Yeah. Of course I do. The actress, I thought that you were naming a stylist.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought you were naming a stylist. That's what I thought, too. And so I was like, that sounds like the actress, but I was like, is that not her last name? And I was questioning my own judgment. Yeah. Slash brain. Load, you got f***ed me up.

Listen, I don't want, like, so yeah. Okay, she's amazing. I love her. Whoever styles her is perfect. Killing it. She is beyond grace and gorgeousness. Grace is a great. word to describe her. No, for real.

She's graceful. Would you call me graceful? No. Oh, I know what we should do. Let's do the feel-good circle. I don't know what that is, but that sounds sexual. It's not... All right. Hold on. Taking my pants. Oh. Wait, what is it? Can you put your pants on? If you could just kindly pull those pants back up, I will start the feel-good circle. Lo. From the day I met you.

Oh. Oh. This is so sweet. I just want to tell you that you were just a real treat and that I was like I think I'm going to be friends with this guy for a long time even though he's just styling me right now

I feel a friendship that will last forever. Oh my God. That's so sweet. Well, I'm not lying. I'm being serious. That's how I felt. And I was like, but I just, and we have.

And every time I come to L.A., I have to call you. We have to have a sushi date. We have to have Kim Crawford. A little saviant. Here it is. And I just cherish our friend champ. That's so sweet.

That's really sweet. Arna, I've been stocking you for a while now. From the day you opened the fridge with your Instagram story, I said, what a content creator she is. Wow. I aspired to be that creative on my Instagram story. And I did. I stole it right from you. Thank you.

And I recycled it. And I didn't give you credit. So this is a feel bad circle now. But what I'm getting at is... We've gone to another part of the show. What I'm getting at is I've put it into the universe that we would be friends. Yeah. Oh, we are friends.

We're past. I think we might need to move in together. We're lovers. I'm going to get... I think we should get an apartment together. I'm in. Here's my key. You can have my key and I'll just call you to get it back when I need to get in.

I will leave Sean to move. in with you down is what I'm getting I'm in Sean and back can have each other yeah they can they can bro it out in a dream home my home her home both of our homes yeah nice homes really nice please don't say where I live so her address

just drives straight up cold water canyon and it's a mansion make a left off the cliff and come on at the bottom no I won't say where you live course, but she's so nervous. I would even say the city. I'm going to tell you, this is a lot. This isn't a live show. We can edit it. Redible spot in St. George, Utah. Yeah. And, no, but I love her, her eye, like, I love the, her place smells like a dream. It looks like a Pinterest, like, my Pinterest, everything I've ever thought would be cool. Like, she worked into a place. and I'm like, I want to move in yesterday.

That's cool. Thank you. It's really beautiful. Thank you. I love the smell of her. Do you do your own design? Yeah. Wow. So I had this interior designer that was helping me, but everything that he saw was all me.

And then the stuff that I had like a built-in closet happen. And she did that because I don't know how to build. Why don't you ever showcase your home? I don't know. You want to keep a private? Yeah. I mean, like, I don't like. That's because you do it on.

your own i have a decorator so i showcase it because i'm like get a load of this oh your dining room my dining room is everything your podcast room oh i haven't seen it in person i'm so excited the wallpaper is to d4 it's my girlfriend in vancouver oh yeah love that she sent it to me really good shout out a new wall well no you're stylish i have a person okay shout out to uh decorist official what i do like my favorite thing is find all of my favorite things and put it into one spot. So, like, it's, there's no real, um, rhyme or reason. Yeah, like, it actually doesn't match.

There's a lot of things that are just out of sorts. But that's you. But that's me and that's kind of where my head's at. And I like, like, I'll, I'll buy, like, a vintage, like, doctor pull down thing. Oh. That is, like, a skeleton body. And that's my art. Like, that's better to me than, like, a picture of whatever.

So, like, I have this amazing, like, pull down, what is it called? Like, from like a college. It's like a college professor would be like, oh, he's your dick. Oh, let. I don't know if he would say that. He would say penis, but I get what you're saying.

Like, like a, um, anatomy, is that the right word? Yeah. Oh, an actual body? It's like a, it's like a drawing of a skeleton. It's like, okay, can you send me like an Instagram story of this? Of course. Okay. Yeah.

I get why you want to keep it private, but send me something. I'll send you all the things. Or I'll just come move in, but... Yeah, you can come move in. Or I'll just see it tomorrow when I'm moving. But yeah, I do want to see you because I don't have an eye for that. I just know what I like when it is put in front of me. But a lot of people, like, need to have things like perfectly placed.

My stuff is kind of like, I have like a little, I don't know. I just have random shit. So like I'll have pictures framed, but they're on the ground. They're not even hung up. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like, I don't know. It's eclectic. It's like a treasure coat.

No, I get that. In my living room, not the dining room, we do that. We didn't hang up. The photos, we have them all like stacked and layered and, like, leaning against walls. I like it, too. Yeah. I want to get into that. My place feels more like a dermatology center.

Pretty sterile. I've only been into your studios. Yeah. Yeah. But it's nice, but they're nice. Your studios are so nice. Yeah. It's beautiful.

It does smell good. It does smell good. I gave Ariel a jacket, and she goes, oh, it smells like your place. And it literally was in my place for like 30 seconds. And it took on the set. It's so, like, it's good. It, like, I like that, though. It absorbed the low.

Yeah. Oh, I feel like, well, I don't know when this is going to come out. So this is tricky, but I feel like you always know the lowdown on like hot topics. and I feel like do you have anything for us today? Oh, like what's happening? Yeah, like what's Wendy Williams saying these days? Here's the thing. Wendy is taking a little bit of a break.

Oh, again? Yeah. Oh, I know. Well, you know what? I appreciate that about her because she knows when her body needs a break. True. I think, what does she have? Not lupus.

She has something. Anyway. Oh, I'm sorry. She's like sick. No, no, she's not. She just is trying and... Do you style her? No.

What's happening? He loves Wendy. I love me some Wendy Williams. Yeah. Oh, I love her. her, too. But I thought you had a close relationship by how you guys were talking about it. The way I'm talking about it right now, I'm like, she's just been

tired, she's on this new medication. But I'm trying to think, hot topic. Well, besides, like, um, like what's going on right now? Drake's baby's mama wants to have her own reality show. Of course she does. She in negotiations.

I would see. Should we produce it? Yes. Okay. Okay. We should get her on the pot. Before Ryan C. Chris does. Get her ass on the pot or whoever. Oh, Seagrass Wood. If anyone's going to do it's him. So she wants her own reality show.

Yeah. Oh. But here's the thing. Like, she's a French prostitute. She's an adult filmmaker. Um, star. Yeah. And has the child.

What does she want her show to be about? Him. Uh, or just growing up, or raising the child, I guess. And Drake being there or not. Oh, like Degrassi 2.0. Wait, you guys. Is that the DeGrasi? Do you guys know what Drake's son's name is?

Droke. Um, I only love my bed. My bed. My bed. No, it's not. I only love my bed and my mom. I'm sorry. I'm telling.

No. Yeah. Low. That's his name. Yes. Yeah. 100%. I'm telling you.

I checked Google. I checked Google lyrics the other day to see if they switched it to my bed instead of my bed. Nope. No. No. No. My bed. They did not.

I know. And I, well, I thought it was a joke. I thought it was like a real. I thought it was a meme. Yeah, and I looked it up, I was like, wait, his son's name is my bed. Which is, I mean, just so genius. Because everybody was like, oh, he has a son and he only said he loves his bed and his mom, and then he's like, jokes on you. Mother of a bitch.

I mean, I mean, jokes on you. My bed. Nice. Thank you for going with me. I love that so much because for the longest time, I was like, same. I only love my bed and my mom too. Yeah, I was like, relatable. Yeah, I was like, hell yeah, I love that.

And then now I'm like, wait, I was like, I want a son. I want to, yeah. Okay, you guys, it's that time, it's that time in the podcast where we confess. And I, myself, Caitlin Brousseau, and my co-host, Ariel will wash away your sins with our wine. Lo, give it to us. Oh, my, I'm going to go up first. Absolutely. I don't have one.

It's okay. You'll have one. It will come to you. Okay. So my confession is, well, I don't want to use names in it, but I'll just tell you, like, I'll confess for myself on this one. So I'm so nervous to say it because I love me some Ariel and I'm so nervous she might end this friendship after this confession. Uh-oh. Really?

Did you eat a hairball or something? That actually would have probably been better. So here's the thing. I have a thing I don't like using the restroom in people's homes I don't like it It makes me very uncomfortable I get it

I rather take an Uber If I don't have a car I'll drive whatever to a nearby gas station To relieve myself Rather than go in someone's home I stayed in your home for two business days You didn't wait until we got to the nail salon You're kidding low

No I actually know a lot of people like that Oh I will poop anywhere anytime I'm sick. Oh. I just can't. Actually, no, that's not true because I have a, like, I don't know, I'm a germaphobe, so I'm like, I'm going to be in, like, in comfort of my own. I'll do it in friend's house.

I will do it at friend's house. I get not doing it in public places, like an outhouse. No way. I'd rather take an outhouse than your bathroom. What? That's rude. No, no. But not.

You have your own bathroom in the guest house. I know. It's not even in about, because your house is beautiful. Your place is, like, it's not about. You're kidding. God. She's trying to. I'm going to pass out.

I don't know. No, I don't know. No, literally. Because I just imagined, like, your house is beautiful. You just shit everywhere. You're like, I can't f*** that up. I just spit my wine back into the cup because I almost sprayed it all over. I'm going to black out.

Oh, my God. So here. I'm going to black. I feel like I'm so, like, out. of the loop because I'm not blacking out. So I would, you're like, I'm dying to blackout. I'm like taking my own. I want to blackout.

You're like holding the oxygen out of your mouth. So anyway, I have no problem pooping in public places. Yeah. Well, I'm grossed up. I just don't like going in people's homes because, okay, my situation is someone came to my place. and clogged my toilet. And I was like, asshole. Ew.

Yeah. Yeah. So clog toll is what we like to call. I had to go out. I had to plunge. It was just a very messy situation. So after that I was like, I and I can't look at that person the same because I'm like, you dropped it hard.

Are you talking about me? No. Looking at me like. And then now I'm not going to be friends with you. I'm like, wait, that's my story. No, no. I'm not going to name names, but. She might be in this room.

I'll just make eye contact. So I had that situation and I thought, man, I am mortified for that person. I'd never want that to happen to me. And it just became like a thing. I just can't go in people's homes, specifically their homes. Anyway, so I went to stay with a client and I traveled, so didn't have a car, whatever. Yeah. And got to her place during the daytime.

I'm sorry, what would it have to do if you did have a car? Oh, because like I was I guess because I'm like I traveled to her house I didn't have a car so anyways I want to say because like

I would typically call like drive like if I was on my way because I was on my way from the airport to her place and didn't have a car so if I did

I would have said like I would have made a pit stop at the local shell gas station or jack in the box whatever I could find to relieve myself. right got to her place and she goes oh we're actually not going to be home for a couple out or like 30 minutes so I was like that's great so yeah that's great first thing I did I was

like I have to unleash the poop dragon and I broke the rule and I was like okay I really got to go yeah so I did I did and broke your own rule yeah and I do like a lot of toilet paper it's more of a comfort thing anyway I'm the same yeah okay I'll use a whole rule and I do usually carry my own baby wipes as well. So does Sean. Yeah. Yeah. Did you just pull baby wipes out of your purse? It's a tissue. But

it's just in case someone doesn't have a toilet paper and I just had a pee, I don't know, whatever. I have a tissue. I have tissues. I don't know. What if I need to blow my nose? Forever. Yeah, totally. Totally. Oh, wow. So I go, so I use the bathroom. Yeah. Number two. Go to flush it. Doesn't really flesh. And I thought, oh my God.

I clogged it. So the water started, well, it didn't go just. So I flushed again. And then the water started to rise. So now. Little. Yeah. Literally.

I mean, not to give visuals. It was a, you know, you're painting a very pretty picture. Thank you. Right on the rim. Yeah. So we're getting that water level. And I start having full blown nerves. I'm sweating profusely because I'm like, oh, my God.

Do you know the trick to turn the tap by the toilet? Well, the, no, I don't specialize in plumbing. He's like, I don't touch. I have. A few toilets in my day. And you just... Yeah, yeah, yeah. If this happens for anybody, there's like a...

There's literally like a little water line. Yeah. Next to the toilet. And it has a little nozzle and you just turn the nozzle off. A pipe. Even if it's rising. Yeah. You turn it.

Water will shut off. Yeah. I opted to call my dad. Like they were like professional toilet cluggers. I just called my dad and I'm like, oh my God. Dad. Yeah. I'm here and there's like poop coming out, you know, floating up, whatever.

And he's like, so he's like, take the, take the lid off, like, on the back. And he's like, and jingle the little wire, whatever. Yeah, whatever. I didn't know what I was doing. So that didn't help. And then I looked and I realized I have about like 10 minutes until their arrival time back at the ranch. I'm upset for you right now. So then I'm like, okay, I don't know what to do.

Because it was also, mind you, just so you guys have like in location area. If it was like a tucked away, like guest bathroom, that's not as bad. Yeah. But this one was directly to the side of the main entrance of the home. Of course it was. So, you know, like, it's one that everyone's going to be using. Right. Right.

Anyway, what I decided to do in my, like, nervous, frantic, manic state. Yeah. Is I got a bowl. Uh-oh. And I, um, I fished out. Oh, my God. This is amazing. I fished out, you know.

Yeah, we get it. The fecal matter, if you will. And I decided to, I saw a side little window area. So I just dumped it out. Oh, no, you did. And it was like, I'm just going to, it's like grass out there. Now, you're telling me, you'd rather do that than just tell them, hey, man, I clogged your toilet. Oh.

Yeah. Wow. I, I, I, I, I, here's the thing. I didn't mind. I didn't mind telling. Yes, 100%. I would fish it out and dump it out. I didn't mind telling them

and I clog the toilet but I don't want it to be like poop clogged poop's yeah situation that's like I did that at my friend Carson's house I was seen at his house I clogged the toilet

it overflowed I cleaned it up I said hey man what if you what if you poop to like who's like the most important person to you or someone you don't really know

that this was a client if it was the most important person me then I for sure tell them a client oh okay okay that's what I mean like that's that's where I understand it was like kind of like a work they were like opening their home to me

so I didn't feel comfortable to be like, was it my house? Got some. I'd be like sending you a boomerang if it was your outfit. A bit rising and going back down and rising and going back down and rising and going back down. And I'd be like, wow. I'm going to pick up a point.

Great content. So I throw it out and I was like, okay. And I told, you know, they walked in and whatever. We were fine. And I said, you know what? Oh my gosh. I'm so embarrassed. I threw a paper towel in the toilet and it clogged it.

Nice save. Very nice save. That's a little bit of murky water, but for the most part, you know, it's a believable story. And she goes, oh, it's everyone thinks it gets clogged. It's a low, low efficiency, like water, like energy efficient. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it's like a droplet of water per hour or something.

So it actually will flush. You just got to give it some time. So that whole time. You touched your poop for zero reason. Yeah. Well, I did have the bowl that I took from the- You just didn't have the patience. What'd you do with the bowl?

Put the bowl in my carry-on. Nice. So you're a thief. Yeah. So not only are you disgusting, you are also a thief. So I put the bowl, yeah, in my carol. In my carry-on. I'm just kidding.

I'm done worse. And then so I'm like, all right, Coase is clear. Like, you know, we go about our business. There's still more. Well, yeah. And then what happened was she goes outside to let the dogs out. Ooh, let that dogs out. She did.

I didn't realize. She did. I didn't realize. What's her name? Oh, no, you can't say. Oh, my God. We'll say, Mary. Mary, let the dogs out.

I just want to sing the song. Mary let the dogs out. Okay. And she's like, we'll make up a dog name. Lexie. Mm-hmm. And she's like, oh, my God, Mom. Of course, her parents were staying there too.

Oh, my gosh, Mom. Lexi shit on my patio. Oh, no. You dumped it on the patio. I thought it was like backyard grass. I didn't realize there was like a nice built patio. area with seating that people frequent. Oh, my God.

That is. So she goes, Lexi, oh my gosh, Mom. Like all that money we spent on training and Lexi's shitting on the patio. And I'm like, I look at Lexi and I'm like, I'm so sorry. Like, I know that she has to take it's me. Now that dog has to go to. And the mom goes, well, she goes, and the mom goes, it's still wet. It's fresh.

Show her what she did. Oh, you're joking. So they bring Lexi. Lexi over and I'm like looking at her like I'm so sorry I'm yeah girl I got you Lexie like on the next one you know Lexi's a writer die Lexi just shits in the bedroom and you're like it was me literally they're like kid out I feel so like on the bed you monster you'd rather take the plane of the dog than just clog a toilet so I say and she's like make her look at it make her look at it so she learned and I'm like no oh my god oh man obviously like I got to get Lexi a steak or some like you know

God get her a steak a hamburger from McDonald's a steak is the least you could do and and she's like does because I have a little pug named Duke I'm like Duke he does that yeah and do you do you do don't allow dogs in my building so he's currently residing in Orange County but anyway so yeah so I I was like oh my gosh, yeah, Duke does that all the time. Like, he loves to poop on the patio. And she's like, she never does that. And I go, well, you know, it happens. Maybe she wasn't well. She's not feeling well. She's sick.

I saw her barfing earlier. But they're like, look how much. You, like, actually barfed on the, it was, no, I automatically felt like the pre-throw-up. Like, I'm going to freaking bomb. And then blame it on, like. And by the way, I'm so, yeah. So I'm like, this dog is disgusting. Yeah.

And the dog is ill. Get rid of it. So Lexi needs to go. Wow. So I was like, oh, man. And which was more awkward was just like, mom, look at this. And then like the mom comes out. Everybody's studying your poop.

The boyfriend. Yeah, they're all looking at my poopsies. Not that big. No. So the, so what happened was it was a man size, but for a smaller. So it must, you know, I don't know. They believed it. So maybe they were just worried about the dog at the end of the day.

No, they were upset. There was poop on the patio. So, well, as they should be. So then everything's fine, a few days go by, like, everything's cool, poop storm is over. And we decided to do a Taco Tuesday. And she goes, oh, my gosh, where's my guac bowl? Nope. Nope. Nope. No. Already. Just when I think this story is like, it's a gift. It's a gift. She's like, where's my guack bowl? And I was like, oh, dang, like, what did it look like?

Like, she's like, it's white and it has like a little area for the guac and the chips around. You know, it's like a sombrero type bowl. You use this umbrella to fix your shit out of toilet? Oh my God. The guawks. No. So, and then I go, I have no idea. She's like, if my housekeeper is stealing for me.

Like, I've been missing stuff. And I go. She just gets fired. Oh, no. I go, you should look into that because it's definitely. You got the dog in trouble. You got the housekeeper fired. Yeah.

Wow. There's more. What am I going to say? I broke the guac bowl. No, you could have just said you clogged the toilet and none of this would have happened. That's true. Anyway, that's true. I did order another guac bowl, had it replaced.

And just because you are, oh, and now she's like, you're a hero now. Because I have a, oh, wow. Now you're a hero. What a story. Humanitarian. Wow. And I'm a good person. What a feel good.

No, literally was from Williamson. Oh, God. They have the best quack bowls and shibbles. So, yeah, replaced it. And then it just was like, oh, it was like, no, I never told her that, like, I replaced it. I put it in a wrong place. And then she's like, oh, my gosh. Why is this bowl in my room?

In my closet. Under my bed. Yeah, near my boots and my snowboard, like, whatever. I just had to, I figured out, like, I put it in the pantry area, like, with a bunch of random stuff. And it worked out anyway. That's my confession. Wow.

Wow. Just tell me, was this in Los Angeles? It wasn't in the state of California. Okay. I just want to, I'm trying to picture for me, knowing that it didn't happen in these state lines. I'm like, what if this person listens? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

I'll die. I'll die. I mean, your last skin fence was pretty good, too. I don't remember what it was. That you were seeing a guy and that he was a vegan and you cooked him lamb meatballs and told him that it. Stop right now. Wait, I hate because I sound like the literal double. I sound like the worst.

Wait. So wait, you were like, aren't these good? And he was like, I'm so thankful these are vegetarian. And you were like. And then he's shit in your toilet. And then he used your guog ball. There it is.

Hello. That would be a great full circle moment. Soycle. No. My ex was trying the whole vegan situation. And I was just like. Does he listen to this? I don't care.

if he did we would have known you ate that lamb you ate it um so i was like tired of like buying vegan food whatever yeah and i was like i just want like normal food and i cooked it and he was like oh are these vegan vegetarian whatever i said absolutely yes just to see and took a bite loved it went back for seconds not my proudest moment but then i said that okay so i shared that little moment with a couple friends and I didn't know one of them was like super vegan and she was like mortified

she's like that's disgusting that is dishonorable and she like she sent me like four and I was like okay well I'm sorry what happened again you're like I can't take it back yeah the balls are in him at this point the balls are inside of him

the it's like a lamb it was like a lamb beef pork Mick like it was like Wow. It wasn't even like a little mixed-in... It's like the epicenter of beef. Yeah. It was like a turdunkin.

It was like a vegan's nightmare. Like a vegan's nightmare. I don't know. I got him at Costco. I almost just said it was a meatball. I'm such an idiot. It was. Like I know, but like I was saying it like that's like a full-blown meatball. You're like, it was a lamb meatball.

I'm sorry. It literally was a meatball. I get it. Anyway, that's my confession. Wow. Well, that's all the time we've got. That was a good confession. Taking a sip of wine after that.

That's good. I mean, if anyone has a quick one, I'll take it. A quick confession? Yeah. Do a quick one? Sorry, mine was like 30 minutes. No, it was all very worth it. I told you earlier, it's the delivering.

I have a quick one. Give it to me. Okay. A friend of mine in high school and I, we, like, she, her dad smoked hookah. okay yeah so they had all these hookas at their house yeah and when they would go out of town we'd smoke the hookah yeah doi so no doi we're uh we're smoking hooka why didn't you laugh at that i said no doi oh ha ha ha um go on please continue actually no doi is pretty cool um okay so wait hooka i'm trying to be fast that's why we're oh okay sorry sorry my bad my bad hookah i'm trying

to speed my confession get in the zone hooka okay here we go your friends did so So my friend's dad, well, they go out of town. I go to my friend's house. We're having a sleepover, a bunch of people. We smoke hookah, and then in the morning we're cleaning up because the parents were about to be home so soon. So we're like, oh, let's smoke hookah while we're cleaning. And like, because we wanted to, like, do it whenever we could because it was illegal.

It definitely wasn't illegal. But, like, their parents weren't like, hey, smoke the hookah. Yeah. So we were trying to do it. You were rebelling. We were trying to do it as much as we could. when they were gone. So anyways, so we smoke cuckoo

and we're cleaning up and blah, blah, and my friend, you know how you have to like make the coal hot? You put it on the stove and it gets hot and you put it on the little hookah thing. Yeah. So. Totally know what you're done. There's one on the stove and I'm vacuuming.

I'm doing everything trying to like clean up before her parents get home. I suck up a hot coal into the vacuum. I suck up this boiling. I go ahead and I suck up a hot coal. I suck up this boiling hot coal. And, and, okay, they had one of, they were, like, very wealthy human beings. So they had one of those vacuums that goes into the wall and all the trash goes into the garage. Yeah.

And I think it's called, like, you started a fire. It's called a central vac. Yeah. So I'm like, I suck it up and I'm like, oh, but, like, this is going to, like, burn that house. I don't know what to do. And I just, I go, whatever, it's, like, going to, I don't know, go to. I don't know. I don't know where this thing is going.

So, long story short, we start smelling fire. I'm like, oh, my God. And I'm like, you guys, something is on fire. Like, I don't know what it is. And I'm dead serious. I don't remember sucking up the coal because we're going fast. We're trying to do shit. I swear to you, smoke is coming out from under the garage door.

And I'm like, you guys, there's a fire in the garage. And I'm like, oh, my God. And literally, we open the door. It's filled with smoke. The whole garage is filled with smoke. And we had to open the garage. Smoke is literally like burrowing. Is that the right word?

Yeah. I don't know. Coming out, roaring out. Yeah. And like the whole house is on fire. Yeah. Anyways, I call Central VAC, like their 1-800 number. Not 911.

Not 9-1. Central VAC. No, because I was like. Resourceful. I was like, I got a call to see how to. Straight to the source. How to post. Now that I'm thinking about that.

Corporate on the phone. I couldn't have the. police and shit showing up. No. Like, no. So I call, I call CentralVAC. They're like, whatever you do, don't pour water in it. As I'm literally pouring gallons of water into the Central VAC.

Anyways, long story short, her parents get home later that night and they're like, the vacuum doesn't work. They're telling my friend. They weren't like their smoke burrowing out of the garage. All the smoke was gone by then? No, it was all gone. There was no smoke damage? No.

No, because it was, I'm telling you, I'm, this isn't, I'm serious. I believe you. It was like a, it was like a, it was like a, it was like a. a metal container that all it stayed in there there was a baby vacuum fire inside of there and it was burning the dust and it like I'm it was the honestly the scary I was like I'm gonna burn down this million dollar house anyways long story short the parents come home they just think that the vacuum's broken and my friend who knows what happened is like honestly like I feel bad because we were we were good kids like we actually were good kids so she was like I feel shut up she's like I feel

bad like I can't lie to them about it being the you know like that it's just broken I'm like you lie right now because my mom can't afford this shit like we're not paying for your central vac anyways so her parents I hope they don't listen to this because I owe you a central vac here's the problem is that there's word of mouth yeah but anyways my name is Caitlin Bristow and I'll see you next Tuesday. I almost burn down my friend's house. Hey, you know what? It's true.

It is what it is. You can't take it back. And I just thank you guys for sharing these terrible stories with me. It's fine. These awful, awful confessions because this is the kind of stuff I look for in confessions. So thank you for showing up. Thank you for bringing your A game and your best material. And.

Catch you on the flip side. No, I'm like, wait, how do I end podcast? Lo, do you got a joke for us? Oh, um, I bet. I bet Aralda's. Knock, knock. Stealing my bits. Always.

Stealing my bits. I still, I thought it was our bits. It's our bits, yeah, sorry. Well, our bits, the fridge. Our bits the fridge. Knock knocks my bit. I'm sorry. You're right.

You can have that. You can have that. You open for Whitney Cummins, so you can have that. Also, don't call it Cummins. It's Cummings. Whitney Cummins. Oh, you're such from Nashville. What was that sentence?

Good old Whitney Cummins. Oh, Whitney Cummings. Comeins. Yeah, thank you. Lowe came to my show. Oh, my gosh. Laugh my ass off. Do you have video?

I do. Oh, I would love to see it. I took like a secret video, but they would remove you from the building if you record it. They're pretty strict about it. That's kind of cool. I would love to see that because I feel like it was hilarious. Yeah, I believe you.

Thanks. I believe you. You don't have any jokes though? Not offhand. I feel like, mm-mm. Okay. My face is kind of a joke right now. I'm like greasy and not feeling chic.

That's not a joke. Don't have like a knock-knock dad joke. Sorry. Okay. Pass. Can I just tell you one? So I'm reading this book about gravity and it is impossible to put down. Oh, shit.

Oh, man. Wow. I don't know. Yeah. All sciencey. You're like Bill Nye. Oh, we didn't. We just don't get it.

You guys should have just said, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill and I the science guy. Cool. That's all we know. On that, Bill, Bill. Where can people find you on Instagram, Lo, since you're such an Instagram advocate? You can find me at Style L-V-R, S-T-Y-L-E-L-V-R. Style lover, but it's also my initials. Oh, oh, my God.

Yeah, my mom was good with an acronym. Is that what you call it? Yeah, an acronym. Thanks, Mom. That's cool. Did you know that the first French fries, that they were not actually cooked in France? They weren't cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.

I'm Caleb Bristle. See you next Tuesday. Oh, my gosh. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Briscoe. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.com, the podcast one app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's that with OTV? Sponsor review for this Tuesday. off the vine. Wells Fargo, see what's new at Wells Fargo.com slash renew. Hyundai, go to Hyundai.com

slash shopper assurance for more information and diff iware. Go to diffiware.com and use code Vine for $25 off your order.