Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Lori Harder | Mastering the Art of Surrounding Yourself with Supportive Networks, Nurturing Friendships, and How It All Elevates Your Income!

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

#733. Join Kaitlyn Bristowe and special guest Lori Harder as they delve into the intricacies of energy alignment, the power of authentic connections, and the journey of shedding negativity to embrace success. In this episode of Off The Vine, Lori shares her personal insights on overcoming jealousy among women, the importance of cultivating a supportive tribe, and the transformative impact of surrounding oneself with the right people. From navigating the challenges of adult friendships to embracing entrepreneurship, Lori provides invaluable wisdom on stepping into your fullest potential. Tune in for an uplifting conversation packed with actionable advice on building a fulfilling life grounded in positivity and purpose. Plus, discover more about Lori's book "A Tribe Called Bliss," offering a roadmap to cultivating deep, meaningful connections that elevate every aspect of life. If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE! EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (10:00) - Lori shares her personal experience of making friends as an adult and emphasizes the necessity of a supportive network. (12:05) - Learn how one's social circle significantly impacts their personal growth and financial success, as highlighted by the idea that "your network is your net worth”. (15:10) - Lori shares her journey of transitioning from dropping out of school in the 8th grade to becoming a successful entrepreneur. (28:52) - Lori emphasizes the necessity of consistently stepping out of one's comfort zone to achieve growth, likening it to a muscle that needs regular exercise. (42:29) - Embracing pressure as a privilege and the importance of putting oneself "on the hook" to drive personal development and success. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Lori Harder. She dropped out of school. She's a massive speaker now on how to be an entrepreneur. And it just turned into one of the best conversations with a girlfriend. We just talk a lot about our energy, aligning yourself with the right people, celebrating your friendships and how to get ahead in life in a healthy, happy way. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Oh, I'm so grateful. I'm so excited for people to listen to this one because, first of all, your book, a tribe called Bliss. So I'm just loving the messaging around this and like finding your tribe. And I also love that women there's like facts out there like women with strong circles of other women around live longer they're happier they have healthier lives what is the what is the science behind that like why you know it's

crazy i don't know if you've watched any of the blue zones the um shows about blue zones on netflix no it's centurion so they study centurians who live you know a hundred years or more yeah they they find them all in these blue zones and they go and study why they live as long as they live And the number one thread, because there's so many different things, right? There's a blue zone in Italy, and they're drinking, you know, they're drinking wine and eating pasta. And even though the food is like very healthy and clean, they're still having all these carbs and they're drinking wine every night, then they go to Greece.

And it's like, okay, a really Mediterranean diet and super duper healthy. But how can you explain, like, what's the through line of these places that are so different? And the number one reason is community. Like the main part is they feel like they have a sense of purpose and they're really deeply rooted in community. Do you feel like, because I do feel like that is a very European thing or other countries know what they're doing. But I don't know if it's women in general or if it's just like America and Canada, or maybe this is across the board. But I find that women tend to be so jealous of other women or like mean towards other women. And like, but we all know when you have that community and that tribe and that group of people.

women that you surround yourself with it really does make you a better person so like I guess how do we get over that I think we were you know I think a lot is changing now I really do because there's just so much information on relationships in general out there having good girlfriends is essentially it's there's I've been married 19 years like there's so got you've been married 19 years long time yes we're setting records over here there's so much that has to like that romantic relationships and friend relationships actually have in common. Yeah. And I think when it's girlfriends, like we have been raised.

And even if you look at different shows that we saw growing up, like we have kind of been raised to pit against each other. Like if she has something, it takes it from you. Yes. Or, you know, if she, maybe she's going to try to, like, steal your man or whatever, whatever that whole thing is, like, you get intimidated if it's a woman who's, like, powerful or beautiful or whatever. And what I have learned through just so many different things that we'll probably talk about,

is like when you are surrounded by those women and if you can appreciate them and be so grateful that they have a skill set that you don't have, you almost inherently like get to feel like you have that thing that they have. So if I have a friend who's super incredible at marketing, she's just like a freaking marketing genius and maybe I'm not and she's, you know, she's beautiful and all of the things and she's outgoing, if I can really learn to like celebrate that and stop getting jealous by being like, okay, your best friends probably brought up jealousy in you at one point, but if you can get over that, it's like the level of, like, richness that you can go to with that person and they fill this void that you have in your life or this need that you have in

your life. If you can learn to almost like, you know, if a friend is making me jealous because I'm like, oh my God, she's so gorgeous, she's so good at whatever. I'm like, okay, how can I celebrate this? This actually makes me better. She makes me look better. She compliment. this thing that like I have this gift that I have with her gift together like we can do anything and I've just learned to like really celebrate instead of getting jealous like I say okay how could you celebrate this instead of feeling jealous I love that and but I think there's like also a fine line of okay are you jealous of this person or is this actually bad friendship because yes there are people that like I have been so lucky in life for the women that I've been friends with throughout my

life. I've like, I have the same core group of friends, some of them since, like, the age of five. And some of them since the age of 19 when I first moved to Vancouver and found the most incredible friends. And I find ways to work with them. And I find ways to just like always be around them because they bring out the best in me. I love that. So I've been really lucky because, and I'm very good at cutting a bitch off. If I'm like, oh, you're not, you're dead to me. It's like, I'm really good at that. But how do people shed bad friendships and, and celebrate the good ones? Like, how, how can we shed the bad ones, I guess, to start. Well, these are answers people don't like hearing because it's hard. It's super hard to shed bad friendships. And typically, you know, typically they don't leave well. They leave like in a huff and it's not easy. And there's a lot of times that when you start letting go of friendships, like people are not like they talk shit about you or it's going to be a rough, like it's going to be a hard, it's going to be a hard transition. Yeah, transition into the new into the new place you want to go so how do you do it some of i'm i'm thinking back to some of the relationships where i have had to do it and there's a couple different ways that you can do it and you

have to decide you have it's it's so dependent on each situation yeah so if you have somebody who let's say they're not really wanting to leave your life but you are like you know that this is done like this energy in your life is done you can't really move forward and they just feel like such a drag and they're always negative yeah what i have typically done and what i've told people is like if you start crowding your life with really good people and good things, you start to just naturally not have time for them or you can invite them to these things that maybe you know they're not going to want to do. Like if you're starting to really work out or you're starting to go to personal development things or whatever that looks like, you can invite

them along. Most times they're not going to want to go. So it starts to be like, okay, well, I'm inviting you into this new version of me, but you're not wanting to go. So all of a sudden, it becomes natural where you almost don't have time for them and they kind of like go off into the sunset. Now, that's one example. It doesn't always happen. And then there's times where you're like, this isn't going to, like, they're not going to go away unless I have a conversation.

Right. And so sometimes I've had conversations where I'm like, you know, I'm going into this different like point in my life. I would love for you to come along, but I'm not going to be going out, you know, drinking three times a week anymore because I have to do X, Y, and Z. and I've absolutely had people be like, oh, you think you're too good for me. Like, then they go and they get this group and they try to get the group to go against you and talk shit. I'm telling you that who you are will always end up winning.

Like, no amount of gossip will take you down if you truly to the core are a person who is a good person that means well. It might take you down for a second. It might not feel good. You might hear a bunch of stuff. but eventually who you are is going to like win over that. I always have to think about that with just like social media in general and this idea that some people have of me and just like sometimes how it takes me down like at times. But remembering that like I know who I am and at the end of the day that will always be like

you said what wins. I thought of that with you when you came on my podcast because there were so many things that I was thinking of that you've had to go through throughout the years. Like that's a really intense journey. That is like you're learning all about yourself and all about your life and you're having to do it publicly. Yeah. And there's so many

different personalities that are like also like melding and like going into this pot of just like you know a million different personalities. And I thought when you were on what's so cool is I can honestly tell you like you are the type of person who when I've talked to different people or your name has come up, it's always always a

amazing. Really? Always. And I'm in like more of the personal development community and I'm like, yeah. That's so cool. Wait, that's special. Thank you for telling me that. You're welcome. But I do want to talk about the book because I want to know, like, is what we're talking about right now? Is that kind of what your book is about? Yeah. So I, so the reason for the book, it's about like connecting on a deeper level than just superficial friendships. Yeah. You're like, I get that. And so I was raised in a more restrictive religion where we couldn't associate with anyone outside of my religion. So when I decided to leave when I was 18, I had to completely start over. And to be honest, I didn't really have any good girlfriends until my late 20s, early 30s.

Like when my husband and I got married, I was 24 years old and I had like just, they weren't random people in my wedding. But it was just like, you know how you kind of, they were just crappy friends. Like my maid of honor on my wedding. was recruiting people at 8 p.m. to go to a bar that was not my wedding, obviously. What? And I was like, just not, you know how you just don't. I'm like, you're not a good friend. Yeah. This is not cool. Well, and if you were in a certain bubble and situation where you're conditioned to be a certain way and think a certain way, you probably weren't able to actually attract the right people in your life to actually align with who you are as a person.

That. Yeah. That. Because I was not in an, I was not in an authentic place. I didn't know who I was. So I just attracted all these random people who also didn't know who they were and we were all trying to find ourselves. And so the reason that that I wrote that book and why that's still such an important topic for me is because I had to go and make friends as an adult. That's weird. Yeah. It is weird. It is hard.

Like people typically all have their own, you know, friends at that point. And so I learned really quickly that, especially because I, became an entrepreneur at a fairly young age that you can't do that alone. Like you need a really good group of people, especially the more goals and big things you decide to go after, you need a core group of people. Like you need a crash pad. Like you need people who will love you if you fail. You need people who will love you if, you know, shit goes down and people are talking about you or it's bad or maybe you said something stupid. Like that is why I think that you have had such staying power and you're so successful is you have a good girl group. I do. I always give them credit for,

I feel like they've, and I've said this on the podcast a million times, but like the group of girls that I surrounded myself with through my 20s in Vancouver, I'm like, I didn't realize how important that was into my 30s or just like shaping me as a person or like how I want to treat other women and like they every single one of them. I had about like I would say seven really solid girlfriends there who like consistently we cheered each other on and grew together and called each other out for things and wanted each other to be better and I'm I didn't realize how important that was and I didn't realize I was so lucky to have that in my 20s now looking back I'm like wow it really did wonders for me and it does keep me humble as well and grounded and then with any

success that I've had I've I've been around people who are toxic and want to take from you and just want a piece of you and it's so hard to like not lose the little like i feel like i have a little bit of magic in me from growing up in a very small town and like all the things that keep you you and so i do think that's cool to to be sharing that kind of message with people about surrounding yourself with because what do they say that you're the sum of the five people you surround yourself with it's totally true it's also true about your income tell me more tell me who should be So they also have found like your income is like the average of the people you spend the most time with, which is also interesting. Wait, can you dig deeper into that?

What? Because I think I had something here. Hold on. Let me look. Why your network determines your net worth. Is that kind of? So it might not be who you spend all of your time with as well, but it's like who are you listening to the most.

So if you're listening to podcasts of really successful people, if you're reading a lot of books, like what are you consuming the most? Like that's the average, most likely of where your financial thermostat is set. So consuming all the social media that we're doing, I feel like a lot of people, are consuming things that either make them feel like they're not doing enough or they're comparing or they're like I always I always talk about this fear monster they're feeding that fear monster of like so it's it's important to be following things that actually inspire you and make you think and make you feel good and reading the books that do the same thing yeah it's I've I always find

it so fascinating that we do this literally partake in our own mental abuse by scrolling oh my god I'm a really good friend who's, she's super successful, but she, we were at dinner the other night, and she's like, I've just been feeling kind of bad, but not as bad as I did. And she's like, because I'm like, are you still listening to those murder podcasts? She's like, yeah, but way less. I'm like, so how do you feel after each one? She's like, I feel terrible. I'm like, stop listening to the, like, the murder podcast. Like, what are you doing to yourself? Yeah. And she's like, I know, but I'm addicted. I'm like, get addicted to something else. Like, it's, but why do we do that? Why do we get addicted to feeling shitty over? addicted to feeling really like full and happy. Okay. So our brain, our brain gets addicted to whatever chemical cocktail you've been giving it. I wish I had like all the data behind this, but I know I've read a book on it before. And I remember this. It was like your brain just gets used to, so you lay the pathways, like neuropathways of whatever you're doing the most. And so it gets, that's the pathways that your brain wants to take. So it's like if you're a really negative person, it feels easier to be negative because those are the pathways that your brain is used to

taking that's what you're used to doing but like I used to be a very like fearful anxious negative person and I've just done so much work that that doesn't feel natural to me anymore it actually feels so foreign it doesn't feel good to do that it's like I have to work hard to do something negative where it feels easier to be positive teach me okay I can be both I can be really like I it honestly I'm I'm such a mixed bag of tricks over here I just You never know what you're going to get each day. I'm just like, what are we feeling today? It's so bizarre.

But so I wonder, okay, so you had this really strict upbringing. Yeah. You ended up dropping out of school. And now you're like this full-on entrepreneur. Like, I guess, do you think it had to do with your upbringing of why you were thinking negatively or you just didn't? Like, and then how did you come out of that? How did you decide I'm going to drop out of school?

I'm going to be an entrepreneur. I'm going to like change my neuro pathways. I'm going to be. And then now you're. fully successful and living out exactly where you want to be. None of that was decided. When I'm trying to think, okay, so I was homeschooled through high school. Partially because of everyone in my, a majority of the kids of my religion were being

homeschooled and also because I had watched my mom have a panic attack at the age of 14. What I didn't know and what we didn't know then is she was going through postpartum depression. She just had my brother. So he's 14 years younger than me. And I remember we were in a grocery store and she threw the keys. at me and she was like I didn't even like know who my mother was she was having she was having a panic attack we didn't know what that was and so I'm 14 didn't know how to drive she threw the keys

and all the groceries were on the conveyor belt and she just ran out like crying like freaking out so I was like okay paid drove home which was great for me but you know oh my gosh at 14 and you didn't know how to drive you kind of know because you're from the Midwest but like whatever it was still it was still this moment of wow yeah the person who was supposed to be taking care of me It was like a moment of, holy crap, my mom's not, like she didn't feel like the same mother. I wish we would have known more at the time what that was. But right after that, I had my first panic attack. Like literally, right after that.

In our church, we went to church three times a week, so the odds of me being there are pretty high. But I didn't know what was going on with me. And when it happened, it was like I couldn't breathe. That was super dizzy. I, like just being around people was making me nervous. And so that just spiraled because the more that you think you're going to have a, another episode, the more you have another one. So I, this is like what just started growing in me, which at the same time, what's so weird

is that I don't know if you've had this like when you're young, you almost know you're meant for something bigger, but you don't know what the hell that is. So here I am in this reality that didn't look like, hey, this girl's got a really promising bright future. Like she's now homeschooled through high school except what my parents, my parents were so, I love them so much, but they were so caught up in their own life that I can now sit and have compassion for them like they went through bankruptcy around that time they had my brother that they weren't expecting we were from a super small town like you know we had we were we were a part of

this religion that was like not about making money and my dad lost his business they just had so much stress but you don't know that as a kid yeah so you know I start homeschooling they don't look at any of my schoolwork so I pretty much stopped like schooling in eighth grade wow like legitimately my mom went back to work I watched my brother every single day and then I would like go snowboarding in the evening because I just like was not doing any like I should have had a tutor and a teacher and all the things because I already struggled with school so how did I get to where I am now because a lot of people in that hard situation and you know like not getting your education which of course everyone's make like that's so important yeah on paper that was a big

thing but like a lot of people can go I always this is like Hoffman terms from when I did Hoffman but like the left side of the road like that's so dark and like it's the negative way of thinking and it's like the pity parties and then pour me and like numbing yourself and all the things or you can take the right side of the road where it's like you get the tools that you need to actually become a better person you do the networking you build a good community you go after your dreams you know you're meant for something bigger you get there how did you take that right road so I wish I could say it happened pretty quickly after that but it didn't so I end up just doing random jobs and I was always like the best employee at the random job because I was a hard

worker like my dad really instilled hard work into me which is an amazing thing to have and so I end up getting married and I was just doing random jobs but I meet my husband and my husband is like this person who he's like you can do anything you want like don't let that stuff stop you and I'm like but my anxiety yeah yeah he's like not taking any of that as an excuse and so 2008 hits we'd been married about a year so 2008 was when the like the recession happened and he was in mortgage and finance, which mortgage and finance was the thing that just, like, took an absolute shit. Right, right.

What happened was he was always the breadwinner, and he was doing really well. And 2008, we lost everything. So we lost our home. We lost our cars. We were $300,000 in debt, which at the time was like $3 million in the Midwest. Like, it was, it was crazy. Grab a coffee and discover nonstop action with Bud MGM Casino. Check out our hottest exclusive.

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please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531, 2,600, to speak to an advisor free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. And now, mind you, I'd already gone through a bankruptcy as a teenager with my parents, so I already saw this. And I was like, is this my destiny? And that doesn't feel good. It's a really scary place to be when you just keep feeling like you're going to lose everything. And so once that happened, I had this like super visceral moment. And I looked at him because he told me like what was going on and he was so scared. I was going to be so mad at him because he's like, we've been living beyond our means. Like he's only like 26 at the time, 27. And it's like I had a full body moment

of this is never going to happen to us ever again. It's like, I don't know. we're going to do, but I will never let this happen. That's like literally our stories. Like, I don't know. Something just came over her. And she was like, this is never going to happen again. So from that moment, it was like, I need to do opposite of everything I have been doing. And that meant I was avoiding all my fears. So I knew that I had to go and dive head first into everything that scared me. Holy shit. It was at the time, I was really into fitness because it changed my life as a young kid because I was an overweight kid and I wanted to do fitness competitions because I wanted to be on the cover of a fitness magazine because I used to carry around these fitness magazines like as a

teenager. They'd be dog year. They'd be like from three years prior and I would just hold on to them as a dream like because those women changed my life because I was like, okay, if you look that way, you must be strong and confident. So that was in my head, right? And I felt very like anxious and weak and scared. When that all happened when we lost everything, I was like, oh God, I have to do a fitness competition. Like, what does that mean? Yes. I did them for four years and I ended up winning. I became Ms. Bikini Universe, Ms. Bikini America, Ms. Figuere Universe all in one year and then went on to get 11 fitness magazine covers. But that wasn't, here's the thing. That wouldn't have even really got me anywhere at the time because you have to use that. Like, you have to take your

15 minutes of fame. Because I guarantee there are lots of women that you know who got some of the same things that you got who are not where you are. Because you have to take that and you have to work for it and make it something. And so, you know, when when we lost everything, that was the moment of I have to, like, I have to step up. I have to go face my fears. Like, I have to figure this out. So I ended up getting a job at LA Fitness for $6 per 30 minute session. That's what they were paying at the time. And this was $6 per, so $12 an hour, but they were 30 minute session, $6. And I, you know, went and did that for like four months, like four months into what I was like, okay, I'm doing the math. I'm like, I'm never going to be out of debt. Like I'll be

80 by the time we're out of this $300,000 in debt with our lifestyle, like trying to pay for things. And so this is a huge part about your vision, like speaking your vision to other people or your dream to other people. So I would go into work and I would tell people, you know, I want to be like I want to own my own gym. I want to be on the cover of magazines. So I would tell everybody that, like even though it felt so fraudulent. Like it felt like such imposter syndrome. And one day this woman that I trained, she was 27 years old at the time. She was opening a chiropractic center. She was like, Lori, you always tell me about how you want your own gym. I just open a chiropractic center. And in the lower level, I have a basement. It's totally unfinished.

But if you train me for free, you can have it for a while and we'll talk. We'll renegotiate in three months. And I was like, I'm there. Yeah. So literally two weeks later, I'm in her basement. Exposed beams. Like the wires are hanging down. Like I went, we were, we were poe at the time. Yeah. We went to Walmart. I bought the, you know, the mirrors you stick on the back of the door. like you stick them. So I have three of those up. I buy like the the rubber cables that like, you know, snap in your face once in a while. I'm like, please sign this waiver before you come so in case your eye pops out. So put together like, you know, the squares that you piece together and like your toddler's playroom literally had that on the floor. And I started training people.

I started charging like a way bigger rate. And I remember this woman pulled up and she pulled up in a rangerover. I didn't know what it was at the time. I just knew rich people drove that car. Yeah. That's all I knew. I was like, oh shit. Here comes this woman. She's about. to come down in this basement that is so pieced together and I charged top rate, right? Because I had to. I was like, I've got to get out of debt. And so she walks in and I'm like, oh, we're under construction. You know, we're brand new when this buildout comes. Like no build out was on, was in the future. So from that, I think that we were in such a place of, I was in such a place of like, you know, how do I make money? How do I, what would it look like if I was like to make a

million dollars? We started listening to Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. And so this rocked our world. So we not only listened to it, it's a book by T. Harvecker. but we did all of the things in there every single night, Chris and I. So in bed, we were doing such, we felt so ridiculous like saying these mantras like, I have a millionaire mind and like healing our money past and like our old money story. And in one year, what ended up happening is we, one of my clients who came, like who answered one of the like the ads, ended up telling me about network marketing. I was so against network marketing.

I'm like people, you know, do network marketing. They don't get bite it back to holidays. Like their family doesn't like them. And this is awful. And one day, like six months later, she decides to bring in a check. And the check is for $13,000. And it was for one week. And I was like, teach me how to do that. And so in one year from listening to that book and from like truly deeply manifesting, like what is what is open for me? Like, what can I do? We made a million dollars in about 13 months. What? Yeah. It was crazy in network marketing. And I just like let go of all ego.

I just, we ran through a wall. It wasn't like it was easy. It was the hardest thing we've ever done. But that was the beginning of like our journey of opening, just even opening that world of being able to make that type of money. Yeah. That's incredible. So, I mean, everyone listening is probably like, okay, I want to do that. Yeah.

So like, do you have, like, what's a formula that you have that you're like? here's how to do it. There isn't necessarily a formula but I do think it goes back to if you have so I had been doing something I didn't realize that I was doing and I was building an audience on Facebook at the time just by being super consistent and documenting my journey. So every single day I would show up on Facebook and either I would write something like I would just write a paragraph about like something I was struggling with and how I was working through it or even just like the book I was reading. And so I was building not a huge audience. Nothing compared to now. I think maybe I had like 25,000 people on Facebook and, you know, yeah, yeah. But then I had friends who had millions on Facebook, you know, so it was, I think it was just, I was so like calling in the people who resonated with me because I was really, really real and vulnerable every single day. And so I think the key is always like being real about where you're at, documenting the journey every single day. But then I also got really, really, serious about learning how to sell. Like I didn't take that lightly. Like I really wanted to know

like the art of selling and what that looks like and overcoming obstacles and like closing people without them feeling, you know, like threatened by it or put off by it. So I put a lot of work into learning how to sell too. I feel like that's hard for people who are more of introverts. I was an introvert for sure. I mean, the anxiety panic attack girl. But the pain of where we were at was way greater than the pain of like learning how to sell yeah i was like how does somebody who is an introvert start is it is it kind of what you were saying with doing things that just make you scared like is it challenging yourself and going for it like the people who are introverts that are like i wish i could go out and do networking and sell and like be this outgoing personality like yeah what what advice would

you have for them you have to start small i started really small so um i would you know in my in my town like I was in Minneapolis at the time I would invite like a small group of girls over like I needed something to practice on and I I remember I invited four girls over for dinner and I was just going to facilitate a dinner meaning like it was like a sort of a business and dreams like talk about your goals that's what it was and I was going to stand up and just facilitate like hey okay we all have you know two minutes to go around and share like what our goals are what we need and it started with these dinners of like four people and I was so nervous really so like sick to my stomach for weeks leading up like oh my god I can't believe I'm going to stand in front of these people I drank like a ton of wine before I even had to do that like that's the level of nervous that I was and I just started doing that frequently because what happens is people they don't do it enough yeah so you'll do it once and you're like cool I did that and yes that will build confidence but you actually have to do scary things every week because it is a muscle Like right now at this point in my life, I speak on really big stages, but I'm at a place where I speak just like probably every three months where that's just enough time where I get nervous again.

Very, very sick to my stomach, feel like I want to die nervous. And I'm like, I just, I need to work that muscle a lot more if I want to, you know, feel better. It's like anything. It's, I guess it is if you want to do it or not, you know, like some people might be like, actually I'm happier just staying in my, you know, comfort zone. some people are like that. It's like anything like I've learned so much in therapy about the muscle building of like the mental muscle building is such a thing, but I've seen it work. It does work. And like you said with starting small, like I'm all about the micro shifts and like celebrating those because I'm like, I've seen that work over years where obviously I'm

never going to be like, I'm healed and I'm happy all the time. That's not realistic. But how I deal with things and how I think around things and how I speak to myself. Like I've, it's all been about the micro shifts and people think they need to do these big things or have these big huge goals or, you know, it's starting off small with a girl's dinner and standing up and saying something. And now you speak on stages in front of how many people? 15,000 is the most of done. That's insane.

That's insane. I literally, actually, like if my younger self knew that, she would just be like freaking out. And what are you on stage? What all are you talking about? Usually like entrepreneurship business or fears. Like I'll take, I'll take like a regular story and relate it to just like a lot of resilience. And that micro shifts. Like yeah, I have a talk called the go for it formula. And it's pretty much like how do you go from, you know, where you are right now. Or how I grew up to where I went. And it was it's not fast. I'm 43. Like this was not fast at all. But it gets you really big. results of people are willing to put in five years like it doesn't matter how old you are right now five years is not a long time if you're really willing to put in five years you will be a completely different person with completely different network with a completely different bank account it's just people want it in like a year if they see I did reels I posted this it didn't work I'm like how long three months

okay well let's talk to me in two and a half years yeah like yeah then we'll talk I always talk about you know manifesting has become such a buzzword and people think like well if I think about okay it should happen like in the next week and you have to have so much patience with your goals and how you want to feel and where you are going to be in your life you have to have patience for it because I at 24 was writing down where I wanted to be and it happened for me at like 34 totally and I'm like oh okay it's you have to have patience and you're just not the person yet who can handle what comes with those things like can you imagine no no you wouldn't have never you would have crumbled I would have crumpled I would have crummed

so hard, I would have Justin Biebered it. I would have, like, gone, like, I love Justin Bieber, by the way. That's not dig. But, like, you get that much, like, attention or success or, obviously, again, I'm not on that level. But I would have crumbled. I would have absolutely not been able to handle that. And that's true, too, for people to think about.

Like, I'll be in a better place. I'll be in the right place when this dream of mine comes along. I thought, that's another thing I thought of when, before I was like, you know, coming up with stuff for you on my podcast, it was like you, people think they want this. Like if they woke up right now, there's somebody listening who would love to get a million followers or, you know, an extra million followers overnight. Except people don't understand, okay, with that million followers, can you handle, you know, 500 negative comments about you or like every day or whatever that looks like. No, you're not the person yet who wouldn't take that personal, who wouldn't freak out, who wouldn't, like. When you are ready for it, it will happen because your blessing holds so much challenge. Like you have to be a different person to be able to hold that level of blessing and success. Yeah. And we're probably not there yet. You have to go through all of the challenges in order to become the person who's strong enough to do that.

Like challenges are so incredibly important. So if you're in a challenge right now, it's like everybody tries to like run from them or get out of them. I'm telling you, I believe the bigger the challenge you have in your life right now, the bigger your call is. So you just need to figure it, figure that out, like lean into it. Joy and pain exist every single day on the same highway. Like every single day. And so you will, you know, dependent upon what you're focusing on is the type of day you'll have. So even though you have this pain that's always, it's always there in the background, I'm sure you've had a lot of days that you've decided to only think about the joy. Oh my gosh. Last night, we had a dance karaoke party at my house. And I was

just listening to my favorite music and dancing with my girlfriends. And I was saying this on social media too where, like you said, the joy and the pain can exist in the same day. People always think, like, you know, if you see somebody on vacation and living their dream life, they're probably not showing you the painful parts of their day because, I mean, and that's, I get that because sometimes I'm like, I don't want to share this with people. Like, they don't need to be brought down with me. And sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.

But I'm like, there's 24 hours in a day. I just showed you this Tulum pool party I'm at, and I was only there for two hours. And of those two hours, I did five stories. So 50, not me having to do the math, 50 seconds, like, of my two hours you saw, this highlight. Well, what about the other 22 hours in the day where you're not sharing, like, people aren't consuming that part of your day? So I'm like, I want people to know that I can have an epic meltdown and I can move. move through those and then I can still have like a highlight of a friend's party and having the best time in my bathing suit living and like cry myself to sleep like that can all exist

in one day and I don't think people either people feel it because they do it themselves but then that's why we're comparing ourselves to other being like oh they just had a perfect day here I'm crying in bed no we're all crying in bed too sometimes and this is what freeze people I think it's so important for us to all have conversations like this like yeah and and you're totally right I'm not going to put all the sad stuff out on social, because there's plenty. If you want to find sad stuff, you can go find it from someone else. We need to speak enough to be like, hey, we get you. We experience this too.

But I just, it's like, that is life. It will never change. You're not going to ever hit a point where you're like, everything is good. I'm so at peace. And that has actually been what has made me, like, have the most joy in my life is to go, oh, it always exists every single day. Like, if you have a business, you will always have a challenge every single day. And honestly, if you didn't, you should worry because, like, as an entrepreneur, you should be waking up to solve problems. And more problems you solve, the better your business is probably doing.

So it's like they're good things. We have to stop resisting them. And it's kind of like you said, stop comparing ourselves to people that we think don't have them because they're human. I have been trying to think of a quote for probably a year now. And I always say, what do you don't heal will be revealed? but it's a different I finally just thought of it it's what you what you resist will persist oh there it is oh my god I've been trying to remember that quote forever it's because as soon as you let go of what you're resisting that's when you can work through it and feel better and stronger on the other side like whether that's

in relationships or in business or being an entrepreneur or being a freaking school teacher like whatever it is that you're resisting will just keep persisting until you work through it and heal it's there for you Yeah. It keeps trying to, like, and it will come in the form of, like, a friend that you thought was supposed to be your friend. It'll come in the form of business. Like, it will come in to continue to try to teach you until you get it. Yeah. We talked about the go for it formula.

Is there like four specific things that you have? So it is figure out what you really want and why. Because I think a lot of times we pick things because we see other people. Oh, she's got a product. I want a product. She has a wine brand. I want a wine brand. Like, is it because you see it or because you actually want it and your skill set can drive it?

Right. You know, I think we all have unique, unique skill sets that we don't even realize that it's like, oh, that would go really well with this. Like, think of that when you're thinking about your businesses. Yeah. And then the second one is figure out your fears and learn how to support them. So it doesn't mean figure out your fears and get rid of them. It's learn how to support them.

For me, that is surround myself with other entrepreneurs who have the answers. that is like, okay, when I first learned how to raise money, because, you know, obviously eighth grade math education, I was like, I can't raise money. Who am I to do this? They're going to find out I'm a fraud, like all of these things. I went and asked someone who had raised money. We had invested in their company. I was like, hey, do you think I'd be able to do it? Like, here's what we're working with. I just got really vulnerable. People can't help you unless you honestly tell them where you're at. So I told this guy, his name is Bill Glazer. I'm like, look, I have like an eighth grade math level. I am super good with like connecting and all these things. But this scares me. I'm worried that. people are going to not ever want to invest because I need to know the numbers. And he's like, here's what you need to know. You can learn this. I was like, I could absolutely learn that portion. And he's like, you have somebody who can help you every step of the way. So he introduced me to an attorney who every conversation, she just really, you know, like educated me. And I told her the same thing. I'm like, look, I want to learn this. But I'm super green. I feel really vulnerable about this. She goes, no problem. I got you. Like, we'll have the conversation together.

That supported all of my fears. So it was like, okay, I can go now. I can go. and do this. And so no matter what it is, I'm like, what am I afraid of? What do I need? And it's usually a who, not a what? Yeah. So it's always like who can help me, not what should I learn. And there is always someone that can help. Always, every time. So who, not what? Like, what do I need to do? It's like, no, who could help you. Yeah. I like that because I've been talking a lot with my spiritual coach about, well, and my therapist about supporting your fears. Like, I always said, I have a lot of emotions. I feel things really big, whether that's happy, joy, sad, fear.

I feel them a lot. And she goes, there's a difference between having feelings and supporting yourself in those feelings. And that's what I'm really working on. So I love that you said that. The fourth one, because I can't remember the third one, I have given this talk 15 times. So I have an actual fear of forgetting things. You need like one of those click, click, and it comes up on the screen. I know.

The screen's not here right now. I'm sorry. but like if this is anything for anyone like i have a fear of forgetting things and i forget and i'm we're fine so we'll post it online later okay great yeah so number four is put pressure behind your goals so i i think enough people do not they don't put pressure behind it meaning put money to if you want to have an event a live podcast yeah go book at the venue yeah guess what you're gonna not do you're not going to lose that money because you have the money down on the venue yeah like i've always had this thing that i didn't even know i was doing where i would tell people

or put money down or just be like, this is the date. This is when we're doing it. And I would maybe tell really influential people in my life that that's what I wanted to do. And so Billy Jean King, who's a famous tennis player, she says pressure is a privilege. And so if you can't, if you don't have that pressure in your life, you have to create it. So whenever you want to do something, you have to be like, what is, what am I putting myself on the hook for? And if you're not on the hook, you'll let yourself off the hook every single time. I think that scares people, though. Oh, yeah, because you have to do it. Yeah, because you have to do it. So how serious are you. Do you want it? Because if you really, really want it, then you'll put yourself

on the hook. This is a weird comparison, but I think about like somebody who struggles with addiction. You cannot help them unless they want to help themselves. Totally. And it's kind of like not obviously not the same, but same mentality of like if you have to want to do this for yourself to actually go and do it. Yes. And I think what I think where people have a miss is like they think if, okay, let's just use live podcasts for an example. Like, okay, I have this small podcast right now, but I want to do this big podcast. I don't feel like I'm the person who could do that. Well, you're not the person who can do it yet when you put the money down. But the second that you make that like, it's like a soul agreement with the universe. It really is money is energetic.

Yeah. So when you put it down, it's like an energetic promise of like, oh, that's holding me to that thing. And so when you do that, it's like you then start to be like as soon as the next day, you start to become the person who can do the thing. Yes. Because you're like, Oh my God. Okay. It's down. Like it's happening. Yeah. We're in it. And you start living your life as if it's happening. Yeah. Where and that's how you become a different person. Which is literally one of the rules of manifesting that people can miss sometimes. Like is actually putting yourself in that in that space even if it's energetically. Yeah. Yeah. I have like a saying in my head that's put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. Oh yeah. I like that. Because if you don't like you'll never meet her. Yeah. I'll never meet her. Because there's no problem. pressure. She doesn't have to rise to the occasion. I've met her a few times. I like her. She's awesome. I love my eyes. So do I. I'm like, dang. How can I be her more? I know. I know. I love that. I'm like such a woo-woo spiritual, like, I fully believe in all of that. Same. And it's like if people could get into my head, I did do a podcast. I can't remember if this

podcast will come up before the one that I did by myself. But I literally talk about how I will sit there and I will envision myself in my throne and I like bring in my 12 year old self I bring in my higher self I bring in my spirit guide and we all have a conversation and I'm like that sounds nuts to some people but holy shit the truth comes out the real feelings come out all of a sudden I'm like clear on what I need on what I want it's it's really powerful the the inner child stuff is one of the biggest things that completely healed my life like if people don't believe in it you can literally just picture it right now. All you have to do is just picture like your eight-year-old self. So if you're not driving, just close your eyes. We'll do this for you. Okay. It's just going to be quick. Okay.

Close my eyes. Okay. So I want you to picture your eight-year-old self. She's so cute. Isn't she cute? She's standing right in front of you. She's wearing her favorite, what is it, dress jumper? There was something at around eight to ten that was like a favorite outfit. It's a snap under the crotch body suit with like plaza pants. Cute. Yeah. Okay. She's in front of you with what hair style? It's actually like it is right now Half up and I had a little Vinny scrunchy And then long wavy hair Okay so she's literally standing right in front of you

And she takes her little hands And she puts them on your cheeks And she says I'm so proud of you For what? What does she say? I'm so proud of you for what? She's so proud of you for Always staying true to who you are And not losing your magic Like

Okay you can come out But she is like That inner that you're younger self that inner child like I always bring her in I'll bring her in before I go on stage because I'll get so nervous yeah and she's like I'm just so excited we're even here totally like how did we even get invited this is amazing like you can't do anything wrong at this point yeah because you got here yeah you're not a great thing to do before you go on stage but also really powerful but I will like bring me to tears because I remember like that little girl

would be so freaking proud of all that we've been through and I know some people People are like, oh, maybe I'm not where I want to be, but she would be so proud that you got through what you got through. Totally. And it's just like if we can always aim to make that version of us proud, I feel like it's such a powerful. You're right. Because I'm in such a place in my life where I'm so sick of competitive, Caitlin, and like, well, they're doing this. I should be doing this. And I'm so competitive.

But I'm like, I've never thought, like, the only person you have to be competitive with is yourself in a healthy way. I have done nothing but grow and evolve into a better person every year. And that's, that's all I need. Literally all you need. Yeah. Do you have joy in your life? Like, does that make you really joyful? And you feel like you're, you were just saying you were on stage and that's like the most fun that you get to have. I love it. You have an amazing audience that shows up that loves you. You get to speak. I mean, you, you probably are doing everything you've ever dreamed of doing it. I am. Yeah. Literally doing everything I could have ever dreamt of. The only thing that's missing is like having a family but I'm like so solid in like I live by myself in a beautiful

home and I'm like it'd be nice to share this with somebody but like I'm also very solid on my own yeah and that well I mean I fully know if that's something you want to that will happen as well yeah right when it's supposed to right when it's supposed to see and I fully believe it I love this conversation so much like you talk about having like deep conversations with people and set a service level like I love this shit so much I'm like let's go it's Like it's just, because I'm like, we can talk about, I mean, there's so many podcasts out there. But I'm always big on like, I just want people to like feel good listening to this podcast or learn something or take away from it or even if they just laugh or have a cry like just feel something for 45 minutes to an hour. We just want to feel something.

Yeah. Just feel something. We literally all just want to feel something. I have one last question for you. What is your next like biggest fear that you want to overcome? I'm really working through like letting it be okay if I fail really big. I have failed fairly big recently. Like I had, but I, but I pivoted.

I turned it into something good. But that really, that really rocked my world and made me be like, it made me really dig into even just my relationships and friendships and, like, who is there for me when things aren't going well and when things aren't looking great. And that's next level of self-love for me because I learned the addiction to like doing well and success and all of those things. Yeah. That's a good one. That's a good one. Mine's always a big fail. Like, I think that would be, yeah.

I think it's working through my challenges, like, just internally. Like, that feels very scary because I don't get to, like, throw blame somewhere. I don't get to, like, numb it out or, like, I'm really sitting with it. It's like, what part of me caused this? Yes. Accountability is, it's very scary for me to think of what I did wrong. But then it's going to be freeing because you kind of, yeah. And that's what I'm looking for you.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. And then tell everybody where they can find you, find your book, find your podcast, all the things. Mostly on Instagram, but podcast is Earn Your Happy, anywhere where you do podcasts. What is your Instagram? Tell everybody. Oh, it's Lori Harder. Yes. Yeah. Well, I loved this conversation.

Me too. Thank you so much for having me. You're amazing at what you do. And this truly was just like the, it was the best girlfriend time. It really was. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating.

in a review.