Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Love Is Blind’s Deepti Vempati: Vulnerability is a Superpower

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

She may not have found a life partner on Netflix’s Love Is Blind, but Deepti definitely discovered some self love and newfound passions, so we’d say it’s a win win. Deepti joins KB on the podcast to get into all things inside the pod (get it… because Love Is Blind!?) and out, including the most important relationship of all – the one she has with herself. She’s of course answering all the questions we were left with after watching After The Alter. What’s her current relationship with Shake? What happened to cause a breakup between her and Kyle? And, are they still friends? As always, Deepti is keeping it real and vulnerable as she opens up about her love life and ultimately, choosing herself. Plus, she shares a confession about a hookup gone terribly wrong, and gives a sneak peak into what she reveals in her new memoir, “I Choose Myself.” Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: TALKSPACE - To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com and make sur e to use the code VINE to get $100 off of your first month. PROGRESSIVE - Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at

audible.ca slash wondery. That's audible.ca slash wondery. This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com and make sure to use the code Vine to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. And Progressive. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. Welcome to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow.

Get ready to laugh, connect, and feel empowered with Caitlin and her guests as they sip wine, lots of wine, and get candid. They say vulnerability creates connection. So save the highlight reel for Instagram, because when we're among Vino, there's no filter. It's time to unwind. Here's your host, Caitlin Bristow. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow.

My guest today didn't find a fiancé on Love is Blind, but she did find herself. So she found some self-love, and I think that's the most important love of all. Deep Dee joins me on the pod to talk about her love is blind journey, her new book, I choose myself. Love that title,

and gives us the opportunity to learn more about who Deep Dee is. Plus, we get into her recent breakup with Kyle, what went wrong after they got together, and we find out just so much about who she is and her background. I freaking love this girl, such a fun combo. I know you guys will enjoy it too, so enjoy... Say enjoy one more time, Caitlin. They just listen, okay?

Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. Thanks for having me on. Oh, you're so welcome. Wait, you're in Canada right now. Yeah, I'm in Canada. In a good old hotel room. Oh, my gosh. Canada's my homeland. That's where I'm from. What part of Canada are you in? I am in Toronto. Oh, you are? Amazing. Are you allowed to say what you're doing there? Just press or? Yeah. I'm just doing press and then promoting the book. We have a book launch party tomorrow and then I'm doing a self-made summit tomorrow. Heck yeah. Oh my gosh. You're just doing all the things. I'm so excited to talk to you. Obviously, I'm a huge fan. And I love all the love is blind people. And I always force friendships on people like when I watch reality TV and like Big Brother or Love is Blind or Love Island. I'm always like sliding into people's DMs if I like them being like, can we have friends or. That's funny. I love that though. It's like it's nice to have the support, you know, because you've been through it. It's true. It's true. I always say handfuls. of people in this world can say that they've been through like a reality TV show, which is so many ups and downs and so many beautiful things can come from it. But you go through, you know, such a hard time for a lot of it. So yeah, absolutely. We're doing we're doing something crazy. Yeah. So we're doing something. Yeah. Nutty bananas. I feel like everyone when I went on

TV, everyone was like, oh, of course you would like that. Caitlin would go on TV. What was your family and friends reaction to when you said you were going on a Netflix show? Honestly, I think I got the same reaction because they're like, oh, yeah, they're like, I've always been like kind of different. Like I've always tried to pave my own path in new ways. So they're like, of course you want to do something like this. But honestly, my parents were like, oh, you don't want to get an arranged marriage, but you'd go on a blind dating show. Like, that makes no sense to me. Yeah.

It's pretty much the same thing. Like, it's pretty much just like the producers on a TV show arranging your marriage. Exactly, exactly. So they're like, you're such a hypocrite. I'm like, well, I'll take it. Yeah, but it's, I feel like if you're like that, a lot of people that do go on TV are usually risk takers and, you know, it will do something for the experience. So overall, your experience of the show, I know it was a long time ago now because I know that timeline is weird, isn't it? When did you film? Yeah, we filmed last year. And then after the altar was back in April. Oh, it was in April. Yeah. So last year, we filmed the actual season.

And then the catch-up episodes were just, like, right after it aired and we watched it live, that's when, like, literally, like, three, four weeks later, yeah. Okay, got it. So overall, how was your experience on the show? Like, while you were recording it, while you're like, I don't know what I'm getting myself into, but you're on that couch and you're talking and after everything. Like, how would you rate that experience for yourself? Oh, my God. How would I rate it? Oh, my goodness.

I would probably say it's a good eight or nine, honestly. Amazing. Yeah, like, it was a tough experience for me as people have seen. But it, like, honestly taught me so much about myself that, like, I have the strength to kind of get through a lot more than I gave myself credit for. Yeah. And, like, I was on an emotional roller coaster ride. Like, as you probably know, like, you've been through it.

It's like, there's so many emotions and it hits you really hard. But honestly, yeah, I'm so glad I did it because I made some. amazing friendships out of it. You know, I was talking to Rachel and Gabby, who were just the last bachelorette. And at the beginning of their season, I was just so annoyed. I'm like, two bachelets. I was like, this is so unfair. This is so stupid.

And then Gabby gets to go on dancing with the stars. And Rachel doesn't. And then she didn't get her happy ending. And I was so mad. But when I talked to them, they're like, we honestly don't know what we would do without each other. And Rachel was like, I wanted Gabby to go on dancing with the stars. And I'm like, oh, well, shit.

Okay, this is my own insecurity coming out. You guys are cool. Yeah, exactly. you want to see your people like succeed around you and like up with them like it's like cool you got this dope opportunity you know yeah and i mean like we were just saying you understand that something that somebody could never understand what you've been through they can understand that journey you know together more than anyone else in the whole world and and you really do make just such solid friendships off reality tv like i know people always said on on the bachelor like the quote was like i'm not here

to make friends i was like i'm definitely here to make friends and i did and i have some lifelong friends one actually in Chicago is Chicago where you still live yeah yeah Chicago's where I live yeah wait who in Chicago her name is Whitney Bischoff no world now her name's Whitney Angel okay so she was on my season not my well I guess it was Crystal season he was the bachelor and that's how I met Whitney was on the show she ended up getting engaged to him so I guess you can call that winning and he sent me home for her so but again it's like just such a unique experience and we have been best friends ever since. So you would actually love her. If you need a new friend, you probably don't need a new friends. No, I love new friends. I'm here for new friends,

baby. Really? Not me. I'm like, no new friends. No, no. Yeah, but I'm actually going to come to Chicago pretty soon. I was actually going to go there today, which wouldn't have mattered because you're not there anyways. But I'm going to come there soon to visit her. And so we could all go grab a drink or something. Please let's do it. Let's do it. Oh my gosh. I'll take you out. I would love to. Chicago is one of my favorite cities. It's just so much fun. You just miss summer. It's like cold. Yeah, I can handle it. I'm Canadian. I've, yeah, that's true. I got this. That's, is it warm in Toronto? I feel like it would be cold there right now. It's actually, it's pretty chilly today. I think this week changed. As soon as the first day of fall hit, it's like, oh, okay, we're gone. I know.

It's like, we're in Canada now. Way to drop the, drop the tip. So we recently got to catch up with you and your love is blind castmates on after the altar. But one person who was not part of those episodes was shake who you were obviously originally engaged to as we know from the show wait who i'm sorry i know can i actually tell you a funny story when i was going over this with my producer i was like who and i was like who's jake and then i was like oh yeah shake and then i was like oh god that guy um i i remember like from my time being on television there are certain people i was like i don't want to talk about this person like and that was obviously what everybody wanted to talk about but i'm at a point now where i'm like okay i went on the show you got to talk about

it. It sucks and it's annoying and I'm not going to give him any credit because I'm just like, I didn't like that guy. Do you think he was portrayed like pretty like true to who he is? Okay. I'm not going to lie. I think there's a reason why I picked him, right? There was a lot of vulnerability in our conversations and I saw potential in him and that's why I took it there. And, you know, I like to, I feel like I extracted a lot of good out of him. But like, like, oh, you did. Right. Like the, like the tables just turned all of a sudden. And then I heard all the negative shit he was saying about me behind my back. And it's like, I'm allowed to put up boundaries and say, I don't want to accept that.

I don't want to have this person in my life. Like, I don't think that's a bad thing. But honestly, like this like attention that he's getting or like the media, whatever it is, I think it's like really getting to him. And that person, whoever he is today, I have no idea who that person is. You did. You brought out this side of him. And when you are alone in these rooms and you have like, all you have time for is self-reflection

and having these deep intimate conversations. And you really did. You brought out such a different side of him that he didn't even know was in there. And so it was a really beautiful thing to see that happen. But, you know, people, if you don't do the work on yourself continuously and see it as an everyday project, you're going to just go backwards or maybe get even worse because of fame and attention and all this stuff. Reality stars sometimes get a little taste of this. It's like a drug where they get a taste of attention. They want more. They spiral. They go in this negative direction. And then there's people who, who stay humble and create something and use it as a positive to learn and grow and evolve as who they are as a person and chase after this new dream, which is what you're doing. Yes, exactly. So I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. And I promise we're going to just get through this crap part of it so we can talk about your book.

Yeah, let's do it. But, you know, we all know you from the show. And so for people who are listening who maybe didn't watch the show, what happened between you and shake? so yeah we made a connection in the pods and we get to Mexico right after the reveal all of that and you know I've lost a lot of weight like I was 220 pounds at my heaviest so it's been like an 80 pound you know loss and so from that comes stretch marks and blemishes and like I am not a perfect person whatsoever but I think like for him he wanted that like kind of trophy wife who just looks perfect and I'm 100% not that and I love and embrace that about myself and i think yeah i think he just like kind of his energy shifted you know

when we interacted more and he said he didn't have an animalistic attraction to me i guess like it's a it's a vet thing to say because for me it sounds really weird but in any case i don't like that yeah i don't like that either you know but still i was like you know what i want to like give this a shot like maybe that emotional connection that we made can last and you can look past the physicality i mean let's face it physical appearance does matter you want to be attracted to your person sure but i thought we at least built a friendship where you know that we could that could last you know because we're going through something so unique together but you know what like even after filming had wrapped we you know i had to say no at the

altar obviously he said he's not physically attracted to me i'm not going to try to prove my words to anyone you know like we're not doing that especially when you're like my looks are the least interesting thing about me i am like such an awesome person And that's one of the most beautiful parts about love is blind is watching you have this connection that when you see each other after, you're like, I'm already so in love with you. Like, that's real love. Exactly. Like you fall in love with somebody who you truly are on the inside, right? And, you know, and if that's not a thing for you, like, maybe he shouldn't have done the show.

Like, if, like, go on too hot to handle, go on something else. Like, whatever. Like, if that's your thing, don't be on love is blind, dude. Yeah. And it's just like, whatever. But yeah, but in any case, you know, I learned a lot about myself, but I tried to stay friends with him after filming had wrapped. But like, dude, his behavior just, it doesn't mesh with mine. I'm not going to sit here and bash him because he can be whoever he wants to be.

Like, yeah, and I'm not going to judge it, but I'm allowed to say, hey, you know what, based on your actions and what you say and what you do, I don't want you in my life. And that should be okay. It totally is okay. And I know you don't want to bash him. will, just kidding. But like, I heard him was saying something about how you and Kyle were doing things for attention and chasing clout. And I'm like, this just seems like you are, like coming forward. Like, let two people just have fun and do their thing and be happy. And you don't need to chime in just because you were part of that relationship at one point in your life.

Exactly. And honestly, I don't know, I don't know why he has anything to say about Kyle and I. like we we are we were best best friends like we hung out all the time like every like no like that's why i don't even let him get to me because i'm like i know my own truth like i'm not going to let him ruin anything for me good for you that's a waste of energy right there um did you know that he wasn't going to be a part of filming after the altar you know that's a really interesting question because um he released text messages between producers whatever it was um and from me and kyle's perspective they asked us to film with him and i told them absolutely not i nothing left to say to him because it like goes in one year and out the other anyways.

So it doesn't matter. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter. So we, you know, I said if he shows up to that lakehouse, like I'm gone. Like I'm not doing it. And okay. Yeah. So the producer said, okay, like he's not going to be there. So from my perspective, it was like none of the cast wanted to film with him. But, you know, he always has another perspective. So. Yeah. He'll always have his own perspective and not from anyone else's perspective. But yeah, Okay. Enough about him. All right. Low, we're both very open about therapy. We love it. Live for it, actually. It's been a game changer. It's very, yeah, it's a positive thing in my life. I look forward to. And one of the true loves of my life.

And I'm honest. One thing that is amazing is that when it comes to therapy and psychiatry, getting the help you need has never been so simple as when you use Talkspace. Have you ever used Talk Space? I do. No. Oh, my gosh. Low? I need this. I'll sell you on it right now. I'm such a fan. Okay. When you're able to access your provider from the comfort of your device, it means therapy can be on your schedule. You know how hard it is to like find a schedule that works for everybody, drive out there, go see your therapist, you know? Yeah. It's just too much, takes up too much time. Talkspace is so convenient and accessible, plus it's just a fraction of the cost of in-person therapy, which is a win. Talkspace lets you send and receive unlimited messages with your dedicated therapist in the Talkspace platform 24-7. You set goals with your therapist. They hold you accountable. They make

sure you're really progressing. And therapy can help you shift your perspective and develop tools to cope in difficult times. That's literally what it's done for me for the last. Oh, I'm excited to try this out. It's like, don't worry. I got a discount for you at the end. Give me that discount. I will. I know therapy has greatly improved my life and yours and helped so many with my friends too. And Talkspace has thousands of licensed therapists with years of experience and over 40 specialties, including depression, anxiety, substance abuse, trauma, anger management, relationship issues, food and eating, so much more. You can literally find whatever it is you're looking for. And as a listener of this podcast and my friend, Lo, you'll get

$100 off your first month with Talkspace to match with a licensed therapist today. Go to talkspace.com. Make sure to use code Vine to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show that's Vine and Talkspace.com. I honestly used my own discount code on Talkspace. I'm about to use it now too. Yeah, I actually entered Vine. It was like, what sent you hear. I was like off the vine podcast. Myself. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Another love interest of yours that we were just talking about it. You had a beautiful friendship with Kyle. You guys were best friends. If you're okay with that, I would love to just get into it a little bit about your more recent relationship because we saw that you guys were now

you were dating on after the altar show. He said that he should have asked you to marry him. instead of Shana and then we got to watch your relationship get its official start on after the altar like I said. So after the altar premiered on September 16th, the timeline with these things are always so confusing. So it filmed in April. And then when did you two decide? Because you just broke up recently. Yeah. Early summer. That's okay. That's okay. That's part of life. Like we're figuring it out. Dating is hard. But yeah, early summer we broke up. Yeah. Yeah. And what was the conversation that we saw between you and Kyle making your relationship official really when the two of you became official was that like yeah yeah honestly we like obviously we built this

amazing foundation of a friendship together right and there's obviously chemistry there and there's feelings involved but we didn't want to cross the line because he's my best friend like what if it doesn't work out and then we lose each other right so that's why we were like very hesitant but filming after the altar of course there's so many questions around us like what are you what is your label what are you guys that actually really forced us to kind of like address our feelings and be like okay like it's are we going to like are we just going to play limbo mode like are we going to actually address this like are we going to take it to the next level or are we going to like you know what are we going to do so we had that hard

conversation and we both you know didn't want to lose each other and we're like let's just give it a shot because we don't want to have any regrets in life and so we tried we tried but you know how it goes like when there's so much attention on you there's so much pressure on your relationship yes and like there's all this attention we're getting and like there's so many layers it was such a bad time to start a new relationship honestly well that's the thing too timing to me is everything and i i too started out with friendship with jason and some people like can't understand friendships turning into relationships and it can it can be a really beautiful thing and i'm sure you two had a really nice time and then you can also realize like oh we're just so different we actually

would be better friends so now that you two aren't together are you able to still remain friends or do you regret because i know that was a big worry for you will it ruin our friendship if we start dating did it ruin the friendship yeah yeah honestly like you yeah as much as i you know we can we're different types of friends now you know it's like we can't go back to that same type of friendship we used to have because you know like once you cross that line it's just too hard it's not like you just you know feelings aren't like an on and off switch like it's hard to make the decision to separate and to end that thing you know so yeah for me we tried but it was honestly it was too hard for me to see him with other women I don't know how you felt because I was dating

someone else like it's hard it's really hard to go there and you know cross that boundary especially if he's like in a new relationship or like seeing other people like I don't want to like intervene in that, you know, and that's nice. Same with him. Like, yeah, I think we just had to, we had to grow apart for a little bit and we just need distance and space until we're feeling subside. Yeah, that's fair. Because didn't he, he announced out he's in a relationship but wants to keep it private.

So I know, I mean, like you said, like that's hard on, you know, a new relationship to then have this beautiful boss ass lady who's just like so awesome that everybody loves as, you know, so that would make it hard for him to have a friendship with you. Have you met her or do you approve or do not have a daughter? I do. Actually, I've met her a couple of times because Kyle and I run into each other all the time in Chicago, like at the same events and things. And she's so sweet.

She even came up to me and she's like, you're so sweet. I'm like, yeah, of course. I'm not going to be like, you know, a mean girl. Like, that's not who I am at all. I just, yeah, want him to be happy and, you know, do whatever he wants with his life. Yeah, that's fair enough. Do you, again, this is, I want all. my guests to feel comfortable. If you were like, I actually don't want to answer that. Or if you want me to

just cut it out at the end, you tell me, what went wrong in the relationship for you guys to decide to end it? Yeah. Well, you'll read about it in my book. Yay. Kyle is my ninth chapter. Yeah, but honestly, I think it's just, it was, we weren't talking about the, the important things. Like, we just had, we didn't talk about our love languages. Like, we spent so much time in LA together. We got a place for a month. And like, it was 24-7. And, you know, in a relationship, you just, like, need some space. And, like, especially me, I need to, like, recharge and, like, have that. And plus, like, Kyle's a pretty flirty person.

And so for me, like, I'm kind of sometimes can be, like, an insecure relationship attachment style. So if someone's not reassuring me with words and things like that, then I tend to kind of, like, you know, I'm not saying I didn't have any fault in it. But we just, we just, like, weren't the energy was shifting between us, you know? And so, yeah, it's just, it, we recognize that, you know, we weren't bringing out the best in each other. So fair. Breakups are such a funny thing when you're in the public eye because somehow you do and you don't owe people an explanation. Like, people are obviously so invested and they care and you share your relationship. So there is this like small responsibility for you to like be able to share what happened. But you're also like, oh, I want to have, you know,

own boundaries and keep something private and this is something that like nobody will ever understand if this isn't going to happen but if jason and i ever broke up i always think like i already know people would blame me i think people blame women a lot of times in relationships like there must be something wrong with her what did she do to do that even when guys cheat i swear i see it all the time that people are like well what did she do to make him do that it's crazy It's crazy. Are you getting some of that online or do you even read about that? Yeah, honestly, I try to stay out of my DMs when something drastic like announcing something like that happens.

But of course, like sometimes I'll catch comments and things like that. And it is like frustrating because I'm like you get like a slice of our lives like a glimpse of it. And it's like and then they just are so quick to judge everything. I'm like, you don't know anything that happened really. And so it's very tough. But you have to remember at the end of the day. like the opinions of other people do not define your reality like I remind myself of that all the time because otherwise you'll go crazy yeah I go I sometimes do I go crazy a lot and then I have to step back and be like wait this and it's crazy because people will people attack women so much and it's always women attacking others and it's always about appearance and looks and she must have done this and she's crazy and blah blah it's so I always go people are just going to never understand again you see a a snippet of your relationship and you think you know everything about this person, even if you

just follow them on Instagram. And I bet you could sit there and say, well, there's this and there's this and he did this and he didn't do this and I did this. But it's like at the end of the day, that doesn't matter. We just were two people that weren't thinking about the same things. We weren't aligned and we're going our separate ways. And there's nothing wrong with that. Exactly. Our goals were on two different sides. Like, you know, and yeah, we owe it to each other to kind of spend time apart and walk our journeys alone to figure out what the hell it is that we want, you know? Yeah. Like, yeah.

And life is too beautiful not to love it. It's so true. It's so true. Let's talk about you outside of the show because at the end of the day, like you said, that's a very small part of your life. You wrote an amazing book that just came out and the book is called I choose myself, which I love that title. I mean, that's, that's you.

That's how we know you too. Like you do. You choose yourself and so many of us. And so many people listening want to be like, how? How do you choose you? And at the end of the day, like, I think being selfish is a good thing. People think, you know, that oh, selfish, that's such a terrible word or such a terrible quality. It's not.

It's something you should definitely, like, embrace about yourself and choose yourself. But how do you describe the book? Because it does reveal things about yourself from the show. But would you say it's a tell-all or memoir? Memoir. How do you say that word? Yeah. Memoir, yeah.

remember yeah yeah because honestly like you said it's such a small part of me but i really i really wanted to write about my entire life because i've gone through a lot of shit and it's like everyone sees me on screen and they're like oh my god she had this badass moment where she says i choose herself and she's so perfect and she's like so confident blah blah and it's like that is not the reality of the situation like i have gone through so much like self-loathing low confidence low self-esteem and it's been a journey for me and so i wanted to share every single part of my life like my mistakes and how i like overcame them and changed and grew as a person in hopes that it resonates with somebody else like some little girl who was going through like the same type of emotions i

did as a child because i was bullied a lot and like i hated my physical appearance because i was overweight i went through eating disorders like there's all there's a lot in there and so you know i just wanted to resonate with one person so that they can kind of to look at my life and say, hey, like, if she's able to get through this and change and be a good person and be better today, then, like, maybe I can do the same thing. So, yeah, that's why I really wanted to write this book. That's awesome. When do you feel like at what point in your life did you realize you wanted to start choosing yourself first? Oh, man. And every moment where something bad happens to me. Like, for example, like my six-year relationship that

I was in in previously, he told me that he was basically cheating on me the whole time. time and yeah and in that moment i recognized i was like why do i keep going through these cycles and patterns of like that like that like why don't i recognize that i needed to make a change early on in the relationship like intuitively i knew that relationship wasn't working but i stayed anyways you know and so it always takes something like drastic in my life to happen for for me to invoke change in myself and so you know yeah that's like that's all of us though We all need to hit rock bottom or something crazy happens or like my dad always says with that he's in AA for 30 years. He's like, you know, that changed my life, but it took me hitting rock bottom.

But now it's like he's lived the most beautiful 30 years of his life and people going out of terrible relationships and hitting rock bottom and then they start working on themselves. Why do you think we can't do it in the moment that our gut tells us this is wrong? Why do you think we wait until something bad happens to choose ourselves? It's, honestly, it's fear. It's fear based. You know, I was afraid to be alone. Am I ever going to find somebody else? It's like lacking that confidence to know that life is still going to be good, even if you make a decision that really tremendously changes your situation. It's like, yeah, it's just like very fear invoked. And, you know, that's why we have to normalize talking about getting out of unhealthy relationships, whether it be from your family or a boyfriend or sibling relationship, whatever it is, you know. Yeah. There's so many levels of unhealthy. There's so many levels of dysfunctional. It's like there's, it can be unhealthy even if you're just not feeling right and you're just staying in it because he seems great or she like, you know, it's, it can be unhealthy from that level to the point where you're actually getting physically abused and it's toxic. Like there's so many, I think people try and say like, well, he's not that bad or he's not doing this. And like it still can be an unhealthy relationship if you aren't fulfilled. and happy. Yeah. And another layer to that is also, like, recognizing our own behaviors.

You know, like, sometimes, like, somebody doesn't bring out the best in you. And you're, like, you understand. You're like, why did I act like that? And it's because it's like there's something going on within you, too. It's like you have to dig deep and do the inner work yourself too. And it's like there's two people in that relationship. Yeah, I am, I got a new therapist. And I have my third appointment with her, I think, um, on,

Monday. And I'm so nervous for it because I've done so much therapy. But it's always been like, you know, your classic therapy. And this one, we're like going deep. And I am really scared, but so excited because she, I've done research on who she is as a person too and what her therapy style is. And like, it's going to be really challenging and the most healing thing I could possibly do for myself because she basically like goes into your whole past and she calls traumas like there's little tea and big tea traumas like a little tea trauma can be that you're a memory you have your friends didn't want to be friends with you anymore and you didn't know why and it stuck with you um to big trauma to like losing somebody and certain things that you've been through in your life

and you kind of dissect each one and how it affected your life and just starts to teach you who you are and why you are the way you are and I'm like so ready to you know do that next layer because it is it's so important and it just, I'm telling my mom, too, even, she just turned 70. I'm like, it's not even too late to start doing this kind of therapy because everybody wants to get to their deathbed and look back on their life and say, I worked so hard at being true to myself. You don't want to say I worked so hard in the office. Yeah, I don't work so hard to get a paycheck. I worked so hard to be the person that I wanted to be and I'm going to look back on my life and feel proud and I'm going to have compassion for myself and empathy, all the things I went through and made me be like

this like you want to do that and as we can all like probably attest to you that time is going by so fast like you're going to get there and and you're going to blink and get there and wish you would have done all these things so yeah absolutely wait should you write a book yes I should actually yeah this week's episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by progressive insurance low. Are you a multitasker? Sure I am. Yeah.

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by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2020 and May 2021, potential savings will vary, discounts not available in all states and situations. writing a book is so hard and it takes so much time. Did you always like think at one point you're like, gosh, I have a story to tell and I'd like to write it? Or was this something that you're like, you know, I have this platform and a story to share? Like what encouraged you to write your book? Yeah. Honestly, I've always been the type to journal because I, you know, like I said, I went through all the bullying and whatever and I didn't have anyone to really talk to about it because I didn't want to be a burden on others. And so I would always write. And now that I

this platform. I was like, what am I going to do with this? Like, I really want to do something good with this. And so I, you know, one day I was just like thinking about it. I was talking to my publicist Katie. And I was just like, you know what? I think we should write a book. Like, how else am I going to put all of me out there? Like, yeah, like, I can't just, how many Instagram posts am I going to make where someone can understand the entirety of me, right? Like, that's so hard. And so I was like, you know what? Let's, I think it's time to do it. We should let's write this book. And yeah, that's kind of how it came to fruition and honestly Caitlin like it has been

such a therapy session for me these are yeah like these are emotions of my life like these mistakes that I've made in the past they are things that I've suppressed so long ago you know and to resurface them it's like oh man it's been such a journey for me

like there's been many moments where I just sat there crying and being like shit I had no idea this still impacted me or that I haven't let go of this you know right so very healing that's what I've heard That's what I've heard from people who write their story and write books. And it is, and I know you've said it, too, it's when you're at your most vulnerable self, just you're vulnerable enough writing it down.

Sharing it with the world is a whole other level of being vulnerable. And I was going to ask if it just brought up so many emotions for you and probably a lot of healing as well. So how are you feeling now that it's been a week since the release? Yeah, I'm feeling good about it. Honestly, I have to say, like I was bawling my eyes out, like the two days. before it was about to come out. I called, you know, so many people and I was like, am I doing the right thing by putting

myself out there like this? Like, it's going to open like a can of worms. Like I'm, you know, like there's going to be so much judgment. Am I going to get haters? Like, what's going to happen? And, you know, you know, everyone around me made me realize they were like, deep tea, just think about why you wanted to do this. You wanted to impact just one person's life.

Like, think back to that reason. And so I was like, you're right. You're right. I need to stop thinking in fear and living in that. And it's like, who cares what people think? Like, as long as I'm being true to myself, let's put it out there. And, you know, let's just, yeah, impact some lives, you know? You will.

That's the thing. Every time you speak negatively out loud, you're putting a curse on yourself. So put it out there that this is going to change so many people's lives. Yes, people are going to not read it or hate on it. But that's even if they're critics, that means they're buying your book or reading it and putting it out there. you know, there's, there's, yeah, just you're, like you said, you want to impact people's lives and you're going to. That's a fact. So like just sit in that and and marinate in that, that you're changing lives. And, you know, you've been through so much in your life. I know you talk about a lot of it in the book. And what do you think the most vulnerable part of the book is? The most vulnerable part. I mean, you'll read it. But when I was younger, I just really did not want to be myself. And so I'm just going to tease a little bit, but like I became somebody else. Like I became so whitewashed. I, you know, completely lost my own identity. And I, you know, it's just a big part of me that I'm like, why did I do that?

Like, I should embrace my uniqueness and my culture and all of these things. But I got made fun of so much. Like, people would just be like, oh, like, what, you smell like this or like, you know, this like random shit that I'm like. And now everyone's like, oh, my God, I love me some Indian food. You know, it's like, it's so funny how. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Like, in our own minds, we create such a narrative. And that's the thing. It's like the conversation we have with ourselves is the most important one. Let's make it a good environment to live in. And, you know, talking about that growth. Yeah. I love that you're sharing that. I just feel like, you know, when you come to America or Canada, like we are just so privileged. We just didn't know any better. And I feel like having people that are open to talking about it and like even just talking about in your book how you wanted to be somebody else because of this and you got bullied and you learned over your life to be who you are and empower yourself and embrace it, which got you here to where you are today. And it's just such an

important lesson. And I don't want to give too much away about, you know, what's in the book and stuff. But how has yourself love evolved since then? And it's something you still struggle with in some way. Yeah, absolutely. I always say just Sims from Peloton. She's my she's my favorite ever. She's gotten me through so much um but her favorite my favorite quote of hers is you are a work in progress and a masterpiece at the same damn time and i love that because i am working on myself every day you know like i have conference issues all the time like i'm not perfect in in any way but dude it's so funny because it came full circle like that that love is blind altar moment was such a test for me like that entire thing like did you even like learn your lessons like do you have to

self-worth like why are you trying to prove yourself to somebody else in general and so it was like it's so ironic sitting here thinking about it now but yeah it's like you get put through tests you know I feel like the universe just like gives you things that are hard and it's like how are you going to handle it like that shows your true character and so I really think that like every every day I'm trying to work on it and be better and you know make a you know make a change in myself unlocking new versions baby Yes, level up. I love it. I love it. There's, you know, there's so many things that you talk about in the book. And I know so many people that are listening have struggled with, you know, body image, eating disorders, feeling like they got bullied. And all of those things really affect who you are in your adult-like self. What advice would you give them as adults now listening to how to heal those things that they've all been through or address them? yeah i think um like i always say like vulnerability is a superpower right and i think when i was growing up

especially being a south asian woman um it was really hard for me to like talk about my issues with my family and so like i really want to normalize talking about those hard things because if we yeah right like if we don't vocalize it how will anyone know that there's a problem and so in by you know the coping mechanisms of like eating disorders or like whatever else we suppress it and it comes out in other ways, right? Like, believe me, whatever it is. So I think we have to normalize talking about it and say, hey, you know what? Like, this is how I'm feeling. And we have to be able to like, we can't invalidate those feelings. And honestly, therapy, like you said, therapy is so good. And it's so important. I think like just talking it out is so like, it's like just such a

release, you know, and tend to like find comfort. Yeah. Every single person should be investing in that, in that self-love, because I know therapy can be expensive. There's, you know, resources for that. And it's, it's just the most important thing in life. And it's only going to better you as a person. It's going to better you in relationships. It's going to bring out, you know, it's going to bring out sides of you that are going to either put up boundaries with your family or strengthen your relationship with your

family or, like there's so many benefits to it. I could go off. I always go off on therapy, but. No, no, it's totally. Right. It's just the best. And it's also like you get an objective view, right? Sometimes when you talk to your family, they're a little biased. And it's like, yeah, it's it's so nice. I completely agree with you. It's the most important thing. It really is. And, and, you know, this is a quote that came from you. You say that the most important relationship you can have is the one with yourself, which obviously I clearly agree with. How would you describe your relationship with Deep Dee at the moment? oh man i'm i'm honestly i never praised myself and i hate compliments it makes me feel so uneasy but i'm just going to compliment myself because i am so damn proud of myself i really am like i put myself out there and i never do that and i'm always such like a i want to appear perfect to the world and i think

there's so much beauty in saying i am not perfect and you know and just putting myself out there and you know just not letting haters get to me there's so many of them out there and I'm just like you know what I'm just going to shine light into this hate and I'm just going to make you see life in a different perspective and I just I'm just glad that I was able to get the opportunity and the platform to be able to do that and I'm definitely going to use it for good so yeah the relationship I have with myself is again it's a work in progress but I'm so proud of my progress and I love that good I love when people are proud of themselves and I love when they can give themselves credit because you absolutely should. And I know it's like, I always feel awkward giving myself compliments. But at the end of the day, it's like, no, you absolutely should. Like, I've trained myself to give myself compliments now. We're all looking in the mirror and be like, you are awesome. Like, hell yeah. It really is. It's just so, it's so good. It's not cocky. It's, I don't, it's important. It's important work. And it's, you start to believe it when you lie to yourself long enough. Like, God, I am. I am. I am so.

so hot and I am so young. I'm like, I'll start believing it. Yeah, absolutely. For the longest time, I would tell myself like, oh my gosh, look, I'm not pretty or I'm not this and I'm that. And it's like, holy shit, no wonder I have so many like low self-esteem issues. Like once I started changing that and like the manifestations just start coming in and you're like, shit, that's because I'm operating at a higher vibrational frequency. Like that love exudes. It's so, it's so like a parent. True. It's like everything aligns and goes where it's supposed to be when you have that and you speak to yourself that way. It's the coolest thing I've ever experienced because I've just seen it so clearly. So I'm excited for you. I love where you're at. I'm I'm proud of you and I'm so proud of you. And I want to know what is next for you. What are your focuses and priorities now? I know the book obviously. But well, I honestly, yeah, I want to do more like speaking. because I feel like that's where my passion is. I just did a TEDx talk.

I'm so excited. Yeah. And tomorrow I'm doing the self-made summit. And, you know, I want to work with like nonprofits and charities. And I also have a podcast coming out. So I'll have you on there. Oh, I'd love you. Yes.

Yeah. So, you know, there's a lot of things coming into fruition. And honestly, the beauty of the whole thing is I have no idea where I'm going to be in a year. Like, that's what I love. Yeah. Yeah, it's so fun. I'm the same way as you. I have no idea where I'll be in a year and I can't wait to find out.

It's a year ago, actually I said, all I want for Christmas, I did a TikTok and I said, all I want for Christmas is for my wine to be in Target. And now my wine's in Target. And I'm like, holy crap, a year. Hell yeah. Well, it took a lot longer than that. But that's what I, when I posted was a year ago. And I'm like, it's just so cool when you put yourself out there and believe in yourself what will happen for you.

So, God, I'm excited to see. Awesome. Thank you. Also, congratulations on all of your success. I feel like you're such a good role model. Like, it's great. So are you. Thank you for saying that. I feel the same way to you. And then before we wrap up, I was wondering, I always make people give me confessions on the podcast. And one, I don't know if you have one that's related to the book or the show or something that you're willing to share. I do. I do it every time. Yes. Okay, so, oh my God, okay, you're going to die. When I was younger in college, I was, like, a very rebellious child. So I would, like, you know, lie to my parents quite often because they were very strict. And in college, I don't know if you're familiar with U of I, University of Illinois,

but they throw the bombest, like, Halloween parties. So I decided to lie to my parents and went from my college to theirs. And I walk into this fraternity and this meat mime. so he's like covered in white paint he like just grabs me and he's like I like I like you and I was like okay and so we like went upstairs and I was like we were just making out whatever and I butt dialed my mom no during the makeout session and I like it was like 15 minutes I look at my phone and I'm like holy shit like my mom's on the call and I like start I ran yeah I ran out of the room I literally had white paint covered all over my mouth and my friend's

They're like, what is wrong with you? And I was like, we have to leave like my... She's like constantly calling me, I hang up. And she's like, where are you? She goes, I'm at Bradley. She went to my original school, like, where I was. And she's like, I'm picking you up. And I was like, I'm not there.

Yeah, dude, that was... The most embarrassing moment of my life. I was like, I would. I would get this. It's like karma for lying, honestly. Don't do it, friends. No, it's true. karma always kicks your ass but that's so that is and then I'm always wondering like if I was a parent and like that I was listening I would have hung up I just would have went and found you I'm like I'm not going to listen to you make out for 15 minutes but parents would stay on as long as they could when people butt dialed them my girlfriend did the same thing her parents are super strict she was having sex and butt dialed and her parents sat there and listen I'm like I would want to oh hell no nope absolutely not that is so funny and so traumatic at the same time that so how

How much trouble did you get every grounded? Dude, okay, you want to hear the funniest thing? So they came and picked me up and I was so drunk. I just passed out in the backseat. The next morning, they didn't talk to me whatsoever. And they just dropped me off at school. So I got the side, to this day, Caitlin, we have not talked about it. No way.

Yeah. They're like, well, I don't want to ask. I don't want to know. Yeah, that's kind of nice. Is that wild? Yeah. That's funny because I feel like people usually would have got grounded or had to like the birds and the bees talk or something but you got you got away with it so good for you

yeah oh in the indian culture you don't talk about sex that's not that's a no no okay that's a no you know i've never even seen my parents kissed on the lips really yeah nope never what so wait that is part of the culture though that's like it's what is the reasoning behind that it's just you know like it's it's just part of the culture like you know you're not like intimate with your partner like in front of people it's like that's why I want to normalize talking about things like that because I wouldn't have made like these mistakes in my book you know what I mean like it's yeah we have to change it it's got to be different I can't wait to read the book I mean sounds like it would be educational for people as well to learn more about your culture and yeah where can people

get the book it's exclusively on Amazon amazing super easy to find yeah we love Amazon well congratulations and everybody go by the book. I can't wait to read it. And have fun in Canada. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me on. You're so welcome. Any freaking time.

Okay, DM me after this. Yeah, I got you. I'm Kate Lamberto. I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Off the Vine. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow on your favorite podcast platform. And we'll see you next Tuesday. All this month, celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month with Pluto TV.

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