Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Miracle Baby Caelyn Miller-Keyes

Episode Date: May 14, 2019

Today, a fan favorite from Colton's season of the Bachelor Caelynn Miller-Keyes joins Kaitlyn and Lo VonRumpf. You wont wan to miss all the fun as Caelynn share her experience on the show as well as coming to terms afterward. A single Caelynn is bombarded with speculation from Kaitlyn about a possible Paradise appearance before Lo asks her to describe what it is she's looking for in her man. And a special, though brief, appearance from Mama B on the phone results in a linguistics lesson for Kaitlyn. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in. Grab a coffee and discover nonstop action with Bud MGM Casino.

Check out our hottest exclusive. Friends of One with Multi-Drop. Once even more options. Play our wide variety of table games. Or head over to the arcade for nostalgic casino thrills only available at BetMGM. Download the BetMGM Ontario app today. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly.

If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor free of charge but mGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario who's down with o tv who's down with o tvs podcast one presents off the vine with kately bristow caitland is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves get ready for lots of last tabby topics on filtered advice and wine lots of wine Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin.

Coming up on Off the Vine, we've got special co-host, Lowe, in the studio. And your fan favorite from The Bachelor, who is on Colton's season, Kaylin, Lowe's got a juicy confession about a tooth falling out in an apple. You'll have to listen to hear the rest. Kalin's confession, something to do with Fourth of July, text didn't go through, and it ended up with the cops coming to look for her. And I call my mom for some lessons in Japanese. Let's talk about Home Depot, one of my favorite places to go.

You already trust the Home Depot for studs, sheetrock, electrical, everything to build your house. Now you can make that house your home by shopping thousands of decor pieces that suit your taste. From sofas to area rugs to that faux floral you've been admiring, Home Depot has all the pieces you need to create your dream space from start to finish. And the best part is it's free and flexible delivery, no hassle returns on everyday essentials and more. Find exactly what you're looking for at Home Depot.com slash. decor your perfect home is waiting for you and it's just a click away plus for a limited time you can save even more on the styles you love when you use code vine home depot at checkout

now there's more kinds of doing at the home depot valid on select items online only free delivery on select items 45 or more visit home depot.com for more information we'll be back with more off the vine with kaitland bristow now back to off the vine. with Caitlin Bristow. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow, in the studio today with... Just give me the look. You say it.

You say, okay. I'll say it. I'll freaking say it. Say it. It's low here. Low von Rumpf. I just like how you say your last name. Happy to be here.

Talk about butchering last names. I'm like, Van Rumpf. Yep. Von Rumpf. You've known me for years. Yeah, I know. I'm still like, say that fun last name of yours. That's my move.

If I don't know to say somebody's name, I'm like, you say it. A fun German thing you. I just love how you say it. So I'll let you introduce. You're my co-host today. Yes. And I love when you're in. I love, this is my favorite thing ever to be here.

You just add so much to the pod. Like, you're just your presence, okay? Thank you. Yeah, don't cry. Need it. And I would say you are up there in one of the fan faves of, like, Bachelor World. Thank you. Don't you think so?

Uh, uh, no. I like, don't you? Pump your own tires. Kailin Miller Keyes is in the house. You have a unique voice. I really like your voice. Wow, thank you. Have you been told that?

I've heard some weird things. Yeah. Oh, are people assholes about it? No, people just say weird things about my voice. They say weird things about everything. Yeah. I get some weird stuff, yeah. What's the weirdest thing anyone's ever said to you when they meet you in person?

Oh, in person? It's always over DM. Nothing in person, right? No, I mean, like, even if it's nice, like, people come up to me sometimes and they're like, you're way prettier in person. And I'm like, oh, that's. No, I get that all the time, actually. It's weird, right? Because you're like, that is, thanks, but what?

Yeah, you're like, is that backhand? It's just, yes, it feels like a backhanded compliment, even though you're like, well, no, you're still pretty on it. And I'm like, okay, okay, just tell me I'm funny. Just tell me I'm funny. All I want to hear is that I'm funny. I'd rather be funny. So anyways, you're obviously going on Paradise. Are we allowed to confirm or deny this, or you just can't say yet, or you don't know, or

Tell me what you have to tell me. I don't know. Okay. If I'm single, you know. Right. Oh, yeah, you have to be single to go on the show. Do you? Well, I don't know.

You should be. There is the whole, I mean, if you aren't, we'll find out. That's true. We will find out. Yeah. What have you been doing since the show? I just got back from Morocco. Wait, so did surrender.

Really? Yeah. Oh, no way. How weird. They were on the same trip. Everyone was in Morocco this past weekend. I don't know why. Like, everyone.

That's the richest-sounding thing. I love it. Who's not in Morocco this weekend? I feel like a loser now. I'm all poor. I was like at the Westfield Mall. Like, shit. I'm like, wait, where was I?

I was in Denver. I was in Denver. Sorry. Why was everybody there? I don't know. Was there a music festival or something? I know, maybe. Hello, Morocco.

Yeah, 2019 Morocco Fest. Wait, that's so crazy. Yeah. Oh, what were you doing there? I was just there with a couple people just for funcies. Yeah. Wow. What's the coolest thing that you did there?

I really like the market. I like not doing, well, that was pretty touristy, but I like getting to like a feel of authentic culture and all of that. And so going to the market and seeing people and watching them make shoes and all of that was really cool. Oh, did you get the cute little shoes like that go up like Princess Jasmine? Oh, not like that, but the pointy. Oh. Oh, yeah. You know?

Yeah. Now, you've been really doing the circuit of podcast tours and doing the stops and the rounds. You know you do your media thing after the show and it's very overwhelming. But you better give me some gold to work with here today. Okay. Okay. Always. Of course.

Well, I feel like she's. I know. You've been around. You've been around the block. And what I'm saying is bring your A game today, Kailen. Okay. But honestly, you're only my third podcast. Oh, really?

Right? Yeah. Third podcast. She's done like 55. So. I should just say the media rounds You know when you come off the show And they're just like, we need you here,

we need you here, and everyone's just, what? You know, it's doing my thing. Well, good for you then. Love that. She's just above it and I like it. That's so amazing. Okay, I'm looking for you.

So, okay, it's so funny because I read my notes. I'm like, I don't want to ask her that. Now I want to know. Well, it's just funny because so much time has passed since you've been on the show. But it's funny to like, I know from experience that you come off the show then it takes a few months for it to actually air then you're like friends with people that are already with the person and then it's been like months and you're

like so remember that time you were heartbroken by that guy and then they're like yeah it was a long time ago but you also have to know where you came from so it's like it's like a gray area of how to get there and talk about it but how was your experience on the show like for me on going on the bachelor was so much fun and then the lead was like the heart of thing I've ever done. But I had the best time, and some people have gone through that process and said, like, that was actually hell for me and I had a really difficult time. What was your experience on the show? No, I had the best time, like, of my entire life. I have, like, nothing bad to say. You saw the good sides of me. You saw the bad sides of me, but I just, I had so

much fun. I had Cassie, which, like, had a lot to do with that. Right. And then I came off the show and watched it back and saw, like, some of my flaws. And I've spent the time since the show, just working on myself. And what do you mean flaws? Wait, I love this. Hold on. You, do you really think that they were flaws or did they edit you to like? No, no, no, no. They didn't. I, I will stand by like everything I said, I said. And they didn't edit it poorly. Because I got to take ownership. I called, I did, you know. Wait, why do I forget what happened? What did you? You called someone a stupid bitch.

Oh, well, yeah, but girl, we all do that. I still feel terrible about it. I still think about it. She was a stupid bitch, though. No, she's great. Who did you call stupid bitch? Don't change that honest heart. Yeah. People live for those moments. She probably was family. Yeah, but I mean, I said some horrible things that some of it got aired, some didn't. But, you know, sometimes you're just in a heated moment.

You say things you don't mean. Exactly. We all forgive you. Thank you. Yeah. I don't even remember who it was. That was like the worst moment. I got a lot of trolls after that.

Oh, well, buckle up because they ain't going anywhere. Sweet. Yeah. If you're going on Paradise, like, if I'm not confirming anything here. But that's Troll Central, like. Awesome. Troll Island. Troll Island.

You shouldn't make a show about trolls. Oh, God. A bunch of dudes coming out of their basements being like, you're a bitch. Like, no. I would really actually like to see that. Do you ever look at their profiles? I do. Sometimes it's moms with like a two-year-old.

No, it's always moms with a two-year-old. They always have Bible verses in there. And I'm like, Christians and. moms they'll get to yeah and if their name's Karen Karen's I don't know vicious I named my period Karen so yeah sorry for all the Karen right now well tell Karen to fuck off I swear it's no offense to all the Karen's out there because I have a friend that's Karen and I'm sure there's lovely Karen's but a lot of trolls names are Karen or Susan and so I was like I'm going to name my period Karen Susan's the worse because like we all know a susan we all know a susan right yeah susan like susan dm like i know who it is

but it was a susan and she's like you dumb queer i was like susan i know love your spice respect the spice but also beat it susan a little rude yeah oh yeah too much ouch geez that it really is though why i don't understand and it's always like susan like susan like like 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Like, why do they always have so many numbers at the end of their... Just come up with something clever. Yeah, yeah. I get a lot of trolls whenever I hang out with Caitlin.

Really? I love it. Oh. No, they're hilarious. No, because they're always like, you're destroying her. Like, they'll always say some weird... What? Yeah, like weird shit.

Like, I posted... We went to sushi together. And I had all these DMs, people like, like, you're not respecting her relationship. And I was like, I'm not into Caitlin like that, but... Oh, do they think we're a... thing? Yeah, we're going to have... Shut up. I don't know.

There has to be it. Like, why... I mean, there's a lot of chemistry. One time I hung out with, there is a lot of chemistry. I hung out with one of my friends who, he's been my friend for almost 10 years, and he's a hockey player, and he's just known for being a dirt ball. And I know this about him. I've never touched him in my life.

He's a friend. He's my ex's friend. Like, it's not a thing. And it was so funny because people were so upset. I was hanging out with him and, like, doing Instagram stories, because they're like, what about Jason and I was like what this is like you can't have friends that are dudes apparently it's just so bizarre We're going to take a quick break to talk about our friends at Custom Ink. They know how to make an awesome event even better with custom apparel and accessories.

So whether you're planning a viewing party, a weekend away, or any other event, make it memorable with custom gear like tanks, bags, or wine tumblers. The Custom Ink website is super easy to use and you don't have to be an artist to make something cool. They have tools and artists to help you out. But if you do have a design, you can upload it and there are tons of different kinds of products to choose from. custom ink makes it so simple to create fun custom items for your group and with the group order form it's easy for each of your friends to get in on the matching gear all you have to do is share your design then everyone can place individual orders choose their own size pay for items and even have them shipped directly to their doors so bring your girls together custom ink can help off the vine listeners you can get 10% off your next order for full details and to start designing go to custom ink dot com slash vine but anyways i'm glad you had a good time on the I did. But, yeah, I mean, we, anyone can go on on TV and if you're, well, there's alcohol involved. There's heated moments.

You're being filmed a lot of the time. And who can date the same guy with a bunch of other girls and not make a mistake or say something wrong? Like, people just don't, people are just so quick to judge, obviously, as you know. But they can never put themselves in your shoes. And that always pisses me off. Because I'm like, I dare you to go on national television and date. Yeah. Like one guy who all these girls in the same house after a while are dating, like, and not call somebody a stupid bitch.

Right? Come on. I mean, I totally get it. I totally get it. So when you left the show and we saw you heartbroken, what was the transition like coming off the show? Were you kind of like, oh, that wasn't my guy and like he's happy with my friend and just kind of like sometimes it takes you just being removed from the situation to get over it. Was that kind of how that worked for you? It took a while.

Yeah, it did. I thought I was going to go back. And I was like, he's my person. Like, I'm going back. I'm going to fight for him. I'm going to go to Spain or wherever they are. Oh, what? Really?

Yeah. I was like, I was convinced. I was like, Colton is so weird to say now. Like, Colton is my guy. And then I just like took some time and got over the heartbreak. And then Cassidy came home and I read spoilers. And I was like, well, shit. Like, I got to get over this now.

Yeah. And so that kind of helped. Because you two are really good. Do you guys live together now? We live two floors apart, but in the same apartment building. Oh, same apartment building. building okay yeah so then do you guys hang out all as like friends like you colton and cassie is what people get it so weird this is so good yeah that should be a tv show i yeah we're really

not that interesting though maybe just put it on ig tv yeah no talk about trolls every time i hang out with cassie and colton i get people are like you're trying to get to him you're like and i'm like are you kidding me i'm so over him i'm not attracted to the dude yeah yeah it's well again people just don't get it People will never get it until they're into it. What low? You're so intrigued by that day now. So wait, because the dynamic, like, so you've made out with Colton. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. All right. So did you have, like, a sit down conversation and like with, like, after everything's wrapped, you guys sit and like, hey, we're going to be friends and like, sorry, like, we made out. Like, it's not weird. Did you have like that kind of coming to Jesus moment?

Yeah. No, he, we were, I was with him and Cassie, and he was like, Heylan, like, if you ever want to talk, like, I can, you know, help you, you know, talk to you about what happened and whatever. And I was like, I'm good. Like, as soon as I found out it was Cassie, like, I'm such a girl's girl. I was like, he's off limits. Like, you know, completely separated my feelings. Okay.

Good for you. That's the kind of girlfriend you want to. That's the kind of friends you need in your life. We all know I haven't had all of them. It's just all. To me, friendships and relationships is all about boundaries. like that's just to me knowing your boundaries

and knowing that you can you know put him off limits and just be friends with Cassie and obviously she's such a sweet person that she can understand that too I love Cassie I do too we just were on the phone and I was like

I'm doing Caitlin's podcast I was like give me a confessional I don't know what to say that's always people's biggest fear coming on my show they know oh God I have to come up with a confession and like we like it juicy around here so Lowe really brings the heat of his confessions.

We were out there talking for a little bit. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, my confessions get pretty dark. They're the confessions we all want and need, though. It's like I know I can. I have one today. Yes, I know I can always count on you for a good confession. Like it's.

I live my life pretty shitty. So lots to confess. No, it's, you know what? You live your life honest. Yeah. Honestly. There you go. Well, not so much.

I become honest when I'm here doing my confess. That's when I like share my little secrets with the world, but it's all good. But don't you notice and let's make Kaelan feel good about this because it's a safe place. And when you open up on Off the Vine about your confessions, the listeners come and support you and anything you say and they'll be like, girl, me too. And like you'll build like a solid friendship with some of them through your weird poop stories and like it people really scooped poop out of the toilet and people were like. same girl yeah you find your own little community that's amazing

it just makes you feel really comfortable I got some great endorsements I got some great you did wait yeah so Lowe told us a story about scooping poop out of the toilet and blaming it on a dog and who sent you good wipes

shout out to good wipes I also had no I had Sharman sent me wipes as well I had you're like nobody said anything about messy wipes here but thank you yeah they're all like we know Like, we know you have, like, issues.

You know, we want to support you in that life. And I was like, I'm down. No, they sent me one. It smells like lavender. So, like, my butthole literally smells like cedar and lavender. That's amazing. Can I smell? I was, you sick, twist.

And that's when I get the trolls. You made Caitlin smell your butthole. I'm like, no. Like, I already know. I'm going to get dragged by your crazy off the viner. Yeah, they're like, they love women. but then they're like, who is this asshole? Kill the gays.

Who's that? Who's that? Well, people are psychopaths out there. I have, you've sent me a couple screenshots of your DMs, and I'm like, I'm so sorry. I love it. Yeah. I crack up because I know, well, one that I clicked on, it was like a lady, and she's like with her cat.

She's all, like, me in the picture. Of course she was. Susan probably. Yeah, Susie. Anyways. I'm like, I want to move from the Colton thing because it is such old news. And I always try. You probably do so much.

many interviews where they just want to talk to you about your experience with Colton, where you're like, let's talk about other things. What do you have going on right now that you want to talk about? You tell me. Well, I don't know. I think it's just like, yeah, yes, you do. Tell me anything. Like I said, I've been trying to, like, focus on myself and I've been doing a lot of volunteer work and just trying to, like, give back as much as I can. Because I am the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I think it's just, like, self-reflecting. And I'm so happy. That show will do that to you. Yeah. Yeah. And so I want to just like give back and, you know, share this happiness. So I'm volunteering with children's hospitals. But I also, I love, I was, I was hospitalized as a kid. So it's like my favorite thing to go back. Yeah. Wait, what, what happened when you're, if you mind me asking? Yeah, yeah. I had encephalitis, which is the swelling of your brain. And I had a 10% chance of ever walking again. What? Yeah, I lost all motor functions. Couldn't eat, couldn't walk, couldn't do anything. How old were you? Two. What? And then the doctor. like gave up and my mom didn't and here I am wow I love to like go and just visit those kids and

just be like a little miracle baby you are a little miracle baby sweet and so wow you probably have no real memory of that but that's like crazy that that happened to you and that you like live with knowing that and that you can go now to children's hospitals and like make a difference yeah I just think it's so cool because honestly it was that my mom she literally never gave up on me So if I go to these hospitals and still hoping the parents, too, it's like, it helps. It's meaningful. That's amazing. Good for you.

I don't know much about what you mentioned, the endocephalitis. Incephalitis. Oh. That is a tough one. But is it just something that affects infants and, like, babies or, like, do you have any? It can affect adults, too. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I think in the 90s, it was just they didn't really know how to diagnose it.

And that's why I was on the brink of death, basically. Wow. But now they're a lot better about it. it. Wow. That's wild. Did you talk about that on the show? I don't remember that. I talked about a lot of things on the show. Yeah, you're like, I don't know what they did. Yeah, that's so true. They always, they always record so much. Like, we can cut that out. Nope. As we're, as we're recording this right now, the Batswit reunion's on, and I'm like, what the hell's happening on there? Like, what are they showing? What are they not showing? Like,

oh, God. I'm like so scared to go on my Twitter because we all know I don't have a filter. And that you get a couple of glasses, why I mean, I'm telling Lo, I'm going to sniff his butthole, so. So who knows what I really said on that. You're in blackout in the mansion. That happens. I mean, back in my day, we didn't have the two drink limit. Wait, that's the thing now? Two drink limit.

Yeah. So if you want to get drunk, you really got to try. Yeah. And Cassie did. Actually, you know what's funny is they had the two drink limit for the Bachelor at reunion and we were all like, that. And we ended up like screwing the system and figuring it out. Yes.

So if you drink at 155. Yep. And get your two drinks. And then you can get your next. two drinks at two o'clock yeah because it's two drinks per hour oh my god so really you can still get licked or you ward them in your room can they be shots oh yeah whatever oh wait wait no maybe one shot like can you get like a double vodka lime soda situation yeah so it's two three shots in there now I'm so out of it I don't know what's your go-to drink oh margarita

spicy margarita oh spicy mark with salt on the rim or tahin What's that? Oh, Tahin. I got really into that. Okay, Grazie. She loves the tahin. It's a little chili powder. It's a chili salt powder. And it's so, you've not had it before.

I'm, I'm sure I have. It's like a game changer. Watermelon, Margarita with the tahit. Oh, I'm like salivating. I kind of am too. I'm like, sorry, I gave you a dry white. I should really step up my game, like, with the alcohol selection. I have a whole bottle of tequila in my car.

I was like, should I bring this? What? You do? No. I'm like, wait, pause. Somebody go get it. If we run out of wine, if this podcast gets deep and we go there, we might have to whip out the tequila. Let's do it.

Well, I was just curious about the two drink limit. Wouldn't producers want to encourage you to get shuasted? They used to. Okay. But there's a situation on Bachelor in Paradise where some things got out of control. Oh. Yeah. And so they like legally.

Wait, wasn't someone saying that they were like touched inappropriately or? Full blown raped. Something, no, somebody, one of the producers was actually uncomfortable with how far something went on the show because of alcohol. I'm actually to be honest. I never do that. Yeah. Yeah.

To be honest, I'm actually surprised it took this long for something like that to happen because they do provide so much alcohol and there is like, I remember being like, it was just, I mean, whatever you wanted whenever you wanted and I can't believe it took that long for something to happen. But the same go for like, I need bagel bites. Like could you get? Oh, no. Food's endless.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You write a grocery list in the kitchen. That was the best. And you just write down whatever you want and it would be there the next day. That's incredible. I tested the system. I put down a juicer and they brought one in the next day.

Yeah, they brought in a juicer. We tried like Chris White strips. That's as crazy as we got. Oh, girl. Did you get them? Yeah. See, I went for a juicer. It was like $800.

I'm like a juicer. Did you take it with you? I know. Little gravel. You think I had room in like my two suitcases that you're allowed to pack for, I was very cocky when I packed because I was like, well, I won't be going home any time soon. I packed like my like finale dress. Oh my God.

Yeah. I did too. I mean, you got to be prepared. So, yeah, I didn't really have room for a juicer to be in there. Those things aren't really like compact. That's my favorite thing I've learned about this whole situation since the start is you get your own grocery whatever you want. That's the best thing you've learned from this. And meeting you.

But it's incredible I'm like, wow. Miracle baby and my little whino over here. Yeah, you will be called Miracle baby for the rest of it. She is a little miracle. Oh, you are. That is so cute. So funny.

So you're living in L.A. now, wait, where are you from? Virginia. Oh, okay. Did you just move to L.A. from there? I was living in North Carolina for like a year and a half. And then, yeah, moved to your. Wait, now you were Miss North Carolina. North Carolina.

Yeah. Yeah. That's okay. And so the whole, I can't believe they didn't put you against Hannaby for the Bachelorette the same way they did me against Britt. I knew that was going to happen. I was like this and I was going to say no because I couldn't. Yeah. Oh, I was going to ask you that. If they did that, would you have said no? Absolutely. That's like, I don't know how you did it. It was torture. Yeah. It was absolute torture. But I'm like as if they're not going to. I mean, I was, I didn't think they would do it only because I know how much flack they got when they did that for Brit. myself to go against each other. So I was like, there's no way they'd do that again. But the whole pageant thing, like they really play up the whole pageant thing. Oh yeah. So I was like as if they're not going to put the two pageant girls against each other for for bachelorette. All right, ABC's sexy summer drama, Grand Hotel is your new guilty pleasure, a five-star hotel with five-star secrets set along the gorgeous backdrop of Miami Beach. Eva Longoria, executive produces this bold and provocative family drama drenched in romance and mystery. A young woman,

woman's disappearance during a hurricane unravels a slew of scandals and lies. It's like pretty much clue for television. It's a contemporary fresh take on an upstairs downstairs story as the staff's lives intertwined with the owners of the hotel and nobody is who they seem. Guests bask in luxury, but there are many explosive truths hiding beneath the picture perfect exterior. With so many twists and turns, you'll be on the edge of your seat every single week an all-star cast, including Academy Award nominee, Damien Bitcher and Rosaline Sanchez. Grand Hotel check in Monday, June 17th on ABC. Do you think maybe, like, are you happy that you weren't The Bachelorette?

Do you think it's like in the cards for you to do something else? Because I always think everything happens for a reason. And I actually thought you were going to be the Bachelorette. I thought that's who it was going to be. I thought that's who it was going to be. Like, you're not standing right from me. But I was actually shocked. It was Hannaby.

Do you think that was meant to be in that there's something else in store for you, like the love of your life on Paradise? I'm not saying that's what it is, but that's what I think. Yeah, no, I'm so, honestly, I don't think I could have done it. I've talked to, you know, Colton and other people, and I don't think it's for me. It's a heavy role. Yeah, I couldn't. I'm very happy. If I do Paradise, I think that's definitely more at my alley.

Yeah, it's so much more laid back. Yes, like on a beach. And you, like, you get to see the guy and you get to, like, be there with him versus. You get so much time with them. Yeah. It's a whole other. I've heard that Paradise is the most fun to film, which I believe. I'm a little terrified, but I'm excited.

Well, yeah, because the hardest part about... It looks humid. It's like you're sweaty the whole time. Like, very sweaty. You are very pretty. Like, you could be gorgeous without makeup. You as well, Caitlin. Stunning without makeup.

So I feel like that's a good, like, you're just fresh little highlighter, doy. Very low maintenance, I guess. So, like, I don't care. You know, fill me however you want. I just want to, like, meet my husband. I'm not cute in sweaty situations, though. Oh, I'm not either. I look like a little drowned rat in my game.

Yeah, it's not cute. Like, and I only sweat in my hair. So, yeah, it's sick. My face is not cute. Yeah, my face gets red. Yeah, my face gets red. Yeah. It's not cute, but.

But you really want to meet your husband? Yeah. I'm like, so I went to Coachella. So basic of me. And every single one of my friend groups. So Cassie, Colton, Michelle Gregg, and then my roommate, Maddie, and her boyfriend, I'm the last single one out of our friend group, like, everyone. That does something to you, you know, when you're around all cute couples that are all happy and in love, and you're like, do, do you are single?

Yes. Okay. Okay. Open to dating now? Are you? Well, she just said she wants to find her husband. Oh, okay. Yeah.

That's true. Do you think you could find your husband on Paradise? I mean, maybe. yeah you can we all can I mean there's such success stories out of that so I'm confident

I'm hopeful and you know Jade and Tanner and Carly and Evan and everyone that's been they've all done obviously Bachelor and Bachelor and just say how nice it is

to be able to spend that quality time with the person in the boom boom room what hell is the boom boom room it's where people have sex like that's at the end right

is that like a night no that's the fantasy suite so there's boom boom boom room is for if you want to just go spend the night with the guy in any night. Well, it doesn't mean you have to boom, boom. You act like all I want to do

is zoom-o-zoom and you're boom-boom-boom. Why, you got to be like this? It's okay if you boom-boom. Yeah, if you want to boom or you don't boom, it's up to you. But you get to, it's like, you know, if you want to actually just spend more time with the person, you don't have to have to have to.

It's called the Bristow Lounge now. Oh, boy. You don't want to know it goes down in the Bristow Lounge. But what I'm getting at is if you want to spend more time with the person, you can go to boom, boom, you just have to spend your life away. Wow. But, I mean, is there anybody that's interest, piques your interest from other seasons that could be on Paradise? I've looked at the guys from the season's headshots.

Yeah. And I'm excited for next week to, like, don't go off their headshots. No, it's terrible. They are so, people were making such a big deal about these guys. They're like, ew, no one's cute. I'm like, no one's ever cute in their head shots. No, mine was terrible. Oh, I'm like, have you seen mine?

No. I'm going to pull it up. But don't ever go off the headshots. But who, like, give me names of who you're excited about for if you went on Paradise. I think his name's Connor. Connor? I think that's his name. From this season right now?

Yeah. Okay. And if there is any guy from any past season that you could pick to be on Paradise, who would it be? And I heard you on Ellen. I heard you on Ellen. You wish Jason was the bachelor. And that's my guy. I was like, hey, hey, see, we have the same type, okay?

So you like a little flava. I like, yeah. A little flava. Isn't Jason Italian? He looks Italian. He's a little bit of everything. But he's white. He's everything.

He's a little bit of everything. But in terms of type, like Blake and Jason are much more my type than Colton. Yeah. And is so far from who I typically date. Right. But I mean, when you go on The Bachelor, they put them on such a pedestal where it's like, oh, you're like, you're crazy to. not fall in love with this person that they just build up and you go on these dates with

and I mean they're not they're never ugly guys they always have great personalities like it's they really build them up like colton's great like oh yeah they really yep yep they go for it would you rather be with a guy who is more like because I don't really know Colton but to me he feels very like corn fed like like a white dude from a ranch I don't know what his story is you're thinking of crystals you know loves like a Mayo on that sandwich. Like, who is that? Wait, that doesn't even look like you.

No. Well, first of all, that was like five years ago. Oh, thank. I was lifting weights. Oh. Doesn't she look so innocent? Yes. Yeah.

I just, I mean, that was five years ago, so I definitely have changed. Where did you think is it like at Sears? That's what I mean. Don't, you never go off the head. It's exactly. Walmart shot. They make you feel so confident when you're taking it to. Oh, I feel good.

Totally. What? They're like, Now that hand on your hip, head tilt, and then they're like, oh, gorgeous, beautiful. And you're like, no, no, no, no. We're having a stroke. Wait, I actually have a confession.

I just thought about this. I used to think cornrows were so cool to put in my hair. And I'd always be so jealous when girls went on vacation and came back with cornrows. And so I was probably, how old was I, like, 16. And I went and got cornrows put in my hair. put in my hair with beads on the ends. No, it gets better.

It gets better. Okay. I went to Walmart and got glam shots. What? Yeah, I have them somewhere. I'll find it. Stop. Yeah, yeah.

Keep those under wraps. I need to see them. I had corn rose with beads in the ends. Like full? One and a half. What do you mean? Oh, no, full. All the way to the end.

No extension. So it wasn't like cute. It was like just my little thin, frail hair. Like you could barely even braid the bottom. the end of my hair because it was just so fine and I don't know how they got the beads

on there and they're like falling off but then I went and got glam shots and I remember thinking like I got them all printed I got big ones in case my friends

wanted them like I got key chains key chains this is back in Canada I had like I had frosty lip gloss that looked like I white powdered donuts

and like just really thick chunky mascara and like a big Christina Aguilera nose piercing with like my really thin eyebrows oh my gosh

And I really, like, I really genuinely went to Walmart to get glam shots to be like, I, that's your face is like mortified. Like, I really went there thinking like, you know, my friends can hang this in their locker. What? Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. So confident even then.

Like, I really was. I really. Trailblazer, if you will. I really thought, I mean, I thought I was ahead of my time. Wow. You really were. Was I? Or was I just really behind?

I don't know. Let's confess then if we're on that train. I mean, set us up here. Okay. Wait, I want to finish asking that one question. Oh, what was it? Sorry, this is so me. Sometimes, like, people who kind of have a problem with me but still listen to my podcast, they'll write me and go, can you let your guest talk?

Oh. And, like, stop making it all about you, which, you know what? Dusha. It's your podcast. It is. Thank you. But go on with yourself. Okay.

For Farm Boy, like, egg sandwiches. Is that type. That's how you picture Colton? Yeah. Farm boy egg sandwiches. Yeah, basically. He's from like Iowa, right? What?

Right. Colton? Yeah. No, Chris Souls. No. Colton's from Iowa? Am I crazy? He has to be.

Well, you would know more than me. I'm Googling at. Let's find out. What do you think he's from Manhattan? No. But like, like maybe Milwaukee. Oh, okay. A little bit more flavor than Milwaukee.

Colton Underwood. I think it's Iowa. Yeah. Indianapolis. Oh, same thing. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Just got me back there. Yeah. Is that the same thing? I'm Canadian. I'm like, I don't know, is it? No, no. Not at all. Okay.

So that type. Or do you want more of like a business guy that's like New York vibe, Chicago, New York, whatever? What's your type is what he's asking? Well, which guy do you prefer? There's two different types of guys. Which one? Do you like a little nature?

You want like a little city slicker? What's your vibe? Yeah. That's what I want to know. I've never picked my vibe based off that. I don't know. Yeah. My vibe is like, I'm going to be careful what I say here.

My vibe is blazers and guys from Buffalo and businessmen. What is your type? Business select. I like, like, it's all dark cancer. Very stereotypical. Okay. Like, suave. A guest on.

But really funny. Okay. Yeah. But I like someone funny and tall. Okay. I've got a lot of requirements. That's okay. Would you ever date a really short guy?

I have before. How was that? Do you see her face? That is not an excited thing. No. She was like, I have. She smelled a fart. Yeah.

All I got through the same. Okay. I'm like, oh. Wow. Shorties are out. Man. So you have before. It didn't work out, obviously.

But I don't know. I like height. I like a guy, just as long as he's taller than me. Like when I'm wearing heels, I don't want to be able to like swing my arm around you. Yeah. Like Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. Yeah. Not my vibe.

But for some people, it works. Yeah. I mean, some people are in a show with us. And Sophie Turner. Oh, is she taller than him? Yeah. All right. Let's hold up for a second because there is a paradise that I need to make another trip to.

And that is Disney World. While Disney World Resort is the perfect escape, and now as an adult you can experience it an entirely new way, enjoy classic attractions that you loved as a child like Space Mountain at Magic Kingdom Park or Test Track at Epcot and indulge in experiences that you can appreciate even more as an adult. Come discover your happy place and experience a side of Disney you've never seen, including foodie dining, unique shopping, and other magical experiences at Disney Springs. Explore new immersive worlds like Pandora, the World of Avatar at Disney's Anastime, Animal Kingdom Park, where you can ride on the back of a breathing banshee or Toy Story Land at Disney's Hollywood Studios where you can experience the exciting toy-filled world of Andy's backyard.

Celebrate Spring at Epcot International Flower and Garden Festival, where the park comes alive with brilliant gardens, fresh flavors, and rock and live entertainment at the Garden Rocks Concert Series. And don't miss out on the celebration as we party with Mickey during his 90th birthday at Mickey and Minnie's surprise celebration. Why not make a stop at Rose and Crown? This family-friendly British pub features traditional favorites waterfront dining and lively entertainment. Relive the nostalgia of Disney or create some new memories. Now is the time to find your happy place at Walt Disney World. We'll be back with more Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Alexa isn't the only one with breaking news.

Make sure to hang around at the end of this podcast for the latest breaking headlines on the AP News Minute. Hey, guys, if you like my show, then you're going to love A.J. Benza, fame is a bitch on podcast one. Join the gossip columnist as he gives his unfiltered opinion biggest scandals with his insider perspective on the lives of who's who in Hollywood and tough guy demeanor. Download new episodes of Fame is a Bitch every week on Apple Podcasts and Podcasts and Podcasts. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. The only reason I love Jason Mow is because he wears scrudgies on his wrist. Does he? Yeah, he wore, like, a Gucci scrunch on his wrist.

He needs to wear yours. It's my goal in life to get a do scrunchy on Jason Mamo's wrist. Make him like an Aquaman one or something special for him. No, that's, he wouldn't do that. You don't know? No, he's cool as it. That's like wearing a, like, the band tea to the concert you're going to. That's stupid.

I always do that. No. Of course you do. Who doesn't do that? That's so stupid. If you're going to a Taylor Swift concert. You do not wear a Taylor Swift gear. What?

Clearly, I didn't get the freaking memo. No, that's like... What do you wear? You want to support T. Swifty? Like the teenagers, like my, I bought my baby sister there, and she, all of her friends did it. Yeah. What is it? 1989?

Whatever. What the fuck I was you born? 86, I don't remember. Whatever. I bought it and I, at the little area, gift merch, and I put it on there. Maybe that's different than, like, showing up, right? Yeah, I was pretty excited. Okay.

For Mariah Carey, I literally have, like, Mariah Carey pants. No. Okay, well, maybe give us a confession. You make up for this right now. It's okay. Here's your chance to do better. Confession time. So, well, this one's not that bad.

It's not like that scooping shit out of the toilet story. But I went on a date. Everything was going great. He's awesome. I miss him every day. Really? No, no. Is this the guy where he was a vegan and you fed him a burger?

He told me about that. It's so funny. It was like my ex of five years. No. But this one, we had gone on a couple dates and it was magical. Everything was really nice. I think we went to like Gracious Madre, you know, cute vibe, patio seating. The second date or second or third date, we go and I had told him that I love caramel apples.

that's like my thing so he you do no I don't know what I don't I actually hate but he was saying that he used to go like pick apples or some weird shit and I was like I love apples yeah and he's like meat like that's like my favorite thing and I was like I know same yeah love apples dip him and green ones always I hate green ones I actually don't like apples in general anyway so she buys me this stupid apple but it was so sweet. And I was like, oh, shit, I forgot I said that. So he's like, let's have dessert. And he brought that out. And I was like, oh, cute. So I decided to bite into it at the table because, you know, he's all excited about it. My tooth came out. My freaking, my tooth, my front tooth came out.

Is your front tooth fake? It's very fake. Okay. I was going to say it has it. It can just come out of your gums like that. Venere. So it came, I didn't realize, but I've been into the apple and And then I see my tooth. Stuck in the fucking caramel. And I was like, I want to kill myself. Because I automatically went to like,

I'm disgusting. Like, I know how it looks without a front tooth. I look like a freaking hillbilly. They have like, they shave it down, right? Oh,

like a little nub. She knows. Low nubbing. They shave it to like a little shark-like point. Oh, it freaks me out. It's so sharp. Like that's with thunder here. Oh.

Like a little sharp point. Anyway. Like a screw? Like a little screw? No, they literally shaved my original tooth down to a very sharp point. Aren't there nerves in your teeth? Yeah, they numb you. I've got a couple too.

Okay. All right. But I never let's go. No, I know. I intentionally was like, let me see. Before they put the new tooth on, I was like, give me the mirror. I want to see. If that was me, I would have made like a funny Instagram story.

I would never. I would be like, baby shark. Baby shark. As I'm getting my fake tooth. So, no, just these two are fake. This one, too. But anyway, I have three fake ones. So it fell out on the apple.

And I was like, oh, my God. And he's like, his white as a ghost. He's like, are you okay? And I was like, what? All like, freaking toothless. And I said, I'm fine. I'm fine. And he's like, oh, my God, your tooth.

And I automatically was super self-conscious. And I was like, I got to wrap this shit up. And I was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I got to go. And so I took the apple. And I'm like, you made sure you took the apple. I'll get that to go, please. I didn't know if I needed my tooth back to give it back to my dentist.

Whatever. No, they made me a new one. But anyway, but then I was so mortified about what happened. So he called to check in on me. He's like, hey, is everything okay? What happened to your mouth? Is everything? And I said, you know, I'm going through a lot.

And I was just really embarrassed. And I said, I have this disease since I was a kid. And it's like this weird degenerative bone disease. Are you making this up, though? Yeah. You couldn't just say I had a veneer and came out in the apple? No. Okay.

No. Okay. You just make things a little more complicated. Like, I would have just been like my tooth fell out. Okay, well, aren't you freaking mother terrific? So I'm here. Honesty is the best policy with Caitlin. Well, it's not in my world.

You can make up a story about you a disease since you were little? Yeah. I don't know why. But that's the thing. Why did I go to that place? I was like, I have bone disease. And he was like, oh, my God. And I was like, yeah, literally, like, my teeth are rotting and I can't do anything about it.

And he's like, I am so sorry. And I'm like, same. My only regret is that I have bonitis. And I, like, just left it there. Wow. Did you get a date, too? No, I said that because I don't know. I didn't want.

He actually was like, is everything okay? Like, he followed up and stuff. And I'm like, I have a couple more treatments and stuff. I don't know why, but I just... He starts a go-fund me page for you. You use it towards your new teeth. I think I have, because I just, well, oh, here's the thing. He was very adamant about, like, oh, I like, plastic surgery sucks.

And I'm, like, a huge advocate for plastic surgery. I want, like, everything replaced. Like, I, but he was very, like, natural, like, whatever. He's like, I want to age and, like, wrinkles tell a story. And I'm like, my story will never be told. I don't agree with it. My story will be told on Caitlin's podcast, not through a wrinkle. Yeah.

So because I knew that in my head, I was like, oh, if you knew I had a veneer. But by the way, I only got it because I got my tooth, like, knocked when I was in high school. So it was like, this one was fixed, and then I just decided to match this one to it. So, anyway. Oh, thanks for that explanation. I am sassy today. Thanks for that. Brilliant.

Thank you. So, yeah, that's my confession. It was pretty shitty. And I feel bad. Yeah. You feel bad about lying about a bone disease or just because. All of the above. Yeah. Tyler, I don't have a bone disease. I really hope Tyler listens to Althevine. That's amazing. I just had a shitty veneer.

Because I'm fake. I'm plastic. Okay, I'm done. Yes. That's a good confession, Lowe. I forgive you. I know. That was amazing. Kaylin, follow that one. I know, mine's pretty shit compared to that. No, she said she's like, I have some, but like, oh, I don't know if I can say that on the air.

Say those ones. No. I'm not, no. But people will love it. You know this low. No. I mean, I've said some shit. Okay, tell us, well, go get the tequila.

You know what? Send somebody to go get the tequila. Okay, tell us your G-rated one. Yeah, this is like PG-13. Okay. You know, okay. I'll take it. Okay.

Yeah. Where to begin? So, um, it's not even that bad. I mean, kind of. I'm excited. So my parents were super strict growing up and I just graduated high school. It was the 4th of July.

And my parents, like, didn't let me party, didn't let me, like, if I stayed out of friends' house had to call from their parents' phone, like, super strict. So I was, like, feeling balzy and was drunk one night and texted my mom was like, I'm staying at Jesse's tonight and turned my phone off but the text didn't go through uh-oh so I'm like I'm like that is a mom's worst nightmare and I feel like such a jerk because it was the fourth of July I easily could have gotten in a car accent oh my gosh so I'm like drunk and I went to this party I had the crush on this guy since high school like the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen in your life like just so attractive and he never gave me the time of day like was I wasn't very

reactive in high school. I don't believe you. Were you like Josie Grosie? What? Josie Grosy, never been kissed? I'm not Josie Grosy anymore. No. Have you seen Never Been Kissed with Drew Barrymore?

Oh, years ago. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I act like it just came out. It's like over a 20 years old. It's literally. How could you not have seen that? Like in theaters, you're like, yeah, I saw it like in 06. Sorry.

Bad reference. No, I really enjoyed the dosy grosey. I can't picture you being not beautiful. No, it was bad. Oh, it was bad. Really? Pre-veneers. Oh.

Yes. Gotcha. Noted. Noted. I had bad teeth, too. Oh, it was terrible. I mean, they weren't that bad, but I wasn't attractive in high school, basically. And this guy, like, never gave me the time of day, but got drunk on Fourth of July and was

suddenly flirting with me. And I was like, oh, I got to stay. So I, like, texted my mom. I was like, this is going to happen. and she called the police because my text never went through. So the police are literally scouring Fredericksburg, Virginia. My parents are, like, running around. And my sister takes to Twitter, and she's like,

my sister's missing. Has anyone seen her? Oh, my gosh. You were like on mail curtains? Oh, my gosh. And so someone tweets back to like, yo, she's at this party. Like, what are you freaking out about? And so me and this guy, Dan, are,

in bed together. Nothing's happening. And a guy stands at the top of steps. He goes, Kailen, your parents are here. And I was like, shit. And I like throw the covers off

and run upstairs and I'm wasted. Like, so drunk. And I like run out to my parents. This is also the first time they heard me cuss. And I was like, what the, what are you doing here?

Oh, no. You fucking bitch? Like your mom? Like, what? It was a bad time. Oh, my God. You're like, hey, if I'm in trouble, I might as well, like, get it all out right now. I'm drunk.

I'm going to swear. That was once our miracle baby. He was like, fuck you, mom. Oh, God. And then my mom's like, all right, well, grab your car. And I was like, I can't drive. Are you kidding? Oh, no.

Did your mom make you drive home? No, no. She finally realized. I'm going to put you in jail. And see, yeah. your punishment. Screw grounding. You're going to jail, bitch.

Oh, yeah. That's crazy. That's my confessional. Oh, that's, did she really have a tough time for, like, trusting you after that? Yeah, it wasn't a good summer. I did a lot of bad things. Yeah. Well, because you're rebelling.

That's what strict parents need to know. My parents were a little bit strict to you, and then they realized they couldn't control this beast. And then they just let me go. Yep. She's going to learn for herself. One minute, 60 seconds. that's exactly how long this commercial will last,

and you know what else you can do in about a minute? You can get an offer for your car with true car. That's right, in the amount of time it takes to floss your teeth, pet your dog, pet your fake dog, do a few sit-ups, or just listen to the sound of my voice. You can get a true cash offer. And best of all, you can do it from your smartphone or your home. Just go to True Car and simply enter your license plate number

and just watch how your car's details pop up. Answer a few questions and you'll get an accurate true cash offer from a local true car certified dealer. It's literally that easy, and after that, you can bring your car in. They'll check it out with you together. You can ask questions and get the answers that you need, so there's no surprises. Simply leave with your check or trade in your car for a new ride. So when you're ready to experience a better way to sell or trade in your car, check out true car today.

Let's get back to you. So you, wait, what did you take in college? Journalism? Yeah. So do you feel like you can do something with that now? journalism is so interesting because of like the times that we're in but when you like what do you want to do now with with this platform that you have um or you have any plans are you just kind of like kind of like well i want to i definitely want to be on broadcast journalism for sure like hosting or

doing something fun yeah um and then i'm really into fashion so i'd love like one day to start my own line oh that's cool yeah but i am so not into fashion but i just as you wear this don't switch it yeah it's people just if they send me cute stuff then I'm like cool I I totally know what I'm wearing but I like me shopping is a nightmare like I'm not you know low low is my stylist like I have you for a reason because I cannot dress myself yeah now yeah like I remember I had to dress myself for I went on Ben Ben was on my season then he became The Bachelor and then I'd go on his after show one time and I didn't know like that having a stylist was a thing and so I just picked out my I wore purple lipstick purple gray um dress pants and like a crop top sweater perfect yeah and I remember the stylist for the show carry comes in and he goes what are you changing into before you go on and I was like no I'm wearing this and he was like oh he goes of course you are and he just like walked out of the room with like his head down are you looking for this so you think you can dance set yeah I I look like I yeah yeah I wonder if I can pull up a

It was very unfortunate, but yeah, it was definitely had purple lipstick on. The outfit you were on this episode was amazing. Well, thanks to Lowe. I loved it. Low, uh, low pick that out for, you, you always make me feel like, like, like I can still be myself and I've got a little bit of gangster in there, but like chic as well. Yeah, we find a happy medium. Yeah.

But I love, I love trying stuff on her. You're down to try. I will say that. Yes. You have a specific vibe. Like she loves like a leather skirt. She loves a freaking t-shirt. Yeah.

I do love a good white basic cotton tea. Same. But she's down to try anything. I remember, I think I tried on like, I think it was like Stella McCartney pants. And I was like, oh, these are Stella McCartney. You're like, who's he? That is, I don't. Yeah.

I just don't know this stuff. Del Jane, Cagrana or whatever. I don't. Cassie's the same way. Is she? I tell Cassie design. She's like, who? What?

Yeah. I'm just fashion is not my thing. It's just not my. I always wish it was because I love when people are like, they, like, they get it? I don't get it. I get it on other people with me. Like, I could design stuff for other people, but, like, when it comes to me, I'm like, I need someone to help with me.

Yeah. You should design like, pageant dresses for girls. Oh, no, just kidding. That was stupid. Worst nightmare. But then you could, but that's because you could make it different. You can make it not, that makes you cringe. You could make it, like, the more edgy

your version. Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you. I'll take 10%. I'm sure she's going to run without one. You should get back into the pageant world. She's like, oh, I'm so far removed. Well, you know what I mean. I'm just trying to come up with ideas.

I'm a business woman, okay? I'm just trying to help you. I read the article. Wait, weren't you on Forbes? Yeah. No? Oh, am I? I don't know.

What was that? Oh, it was Entrepreneur magazine. Yeah. Same font, though. Yeah. Same font, yeah. Like I said, I, like I said, I. I am a businesswoman.

So if you need any career advice on how to start your own business. It was about how to create an empire. Yeah. I'm not lying. I'm just trying to make. I'm just trying to seem really humble about it. I'm doing that whole thing where I'm like joking, but I'm really serious. Okay.

We're going to play a game. Oh, yes. It's just to get to know you a little bit better than we might have seen on the show, okay? Rapid fire questions just first thing that comes to mind. This never works. People are always like, oh, okay. I'll be better. If you had to wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would you wear?

Jeans and a t-shirt. Yeah. Girl. Actually, no, I'd wear a sweatsuit. A onesie sweatsuit. Lo, what would you wear for the rest of your life? I would do a onesie as well. Yeah, black, obviously.

Black. Yeah, always. What are some of your biggest can you nots and pet peeves? Like, can you not? Can you not? Ooh. Pet peeve is chewing with your mouth open. Yes.

There is nothing. I'll be so happy and it makes me so angry. Yeah, like rage comes over. Yes. I wish she didn't. I told Cassie on the show, we were staying next to each other on a 17-hour flight to Singapore. And I was like, Cass, I love you, but you got to stop. Really?

She's never done it again. Really? Yeah. That's good. She probably thanks you for calling out. It's offensive. Yeah. Who?

Michelle, her sister. Oh, she's with her mouth of them? But it was like a 17-hour flight. I was like, I've got to tell you. Otherwise, I'm going to lose my freaking mind. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what?

Your friend should tell you that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. If I was doing something annoying, I'd really want my friend to tell me that. Yeah. What's your biggest pet peevelo? Mine's static.

I hate static. Yeah. Really? It's like a big pet peeve. Mine like it gives me, yeah, static. I've never heard that. Yeah. And rude people.

I've never heard. I did not. What? The hell. Static and rude people. The worst. Like, balloon, like when you rub your hair. Oh, don't.

Oh, that's your thing. Oh, my God. Yeah. I got to do. I'm going to put it on Instagram. I'm going to rub it on your hair. I hate it. Like blankets.

Anything that goes Yeah, that static you feel Yeah I hate it It like makes me angry My pet peeve is when people compare to other people Like if someone specifically

Oh you look like my friend And then I show you that friend Like don't ever do that to me I never want to see who you think I look like I don't even want a celebrity look like But more so it's like Oh my God key you look just like my best friend's sister And then you see this like troll

I've never had a good one tell me I look like Miley Cyrus. I get it a lot. I used to get that too. Yeah, I could see, not that I can't, but like I could see it more with you than me. No, I see it more with you. Really? Yeah.

Well, thank God she's not ugly. Yeah, that's a good one. Love Miley. It's the personal ones that are like uncomfortable for me. Yeah. I hear you. But maybe it's that you actually just remind them of them and they have a good heart. So they like, I don't care about their heart.

They're troll. What is your deal breaker for a guy? Chewing with their mouth open? Yeah, honestly. Yeah. And I dated an atheist before. I'll never do that again. Okay.

That's to be a Christian. Yeah, okay. What about Jehovah's Witness? Sorry, just throwing it. I was like, probably not, but. Little Lutheran vibe. Yeah. Okay.

Little spice. What's your deal breaker? Oh, a good deal breaker for me. I'd have to say being broke. Yeah. If you don't have, if you don't have. money like I'm not interested I'm not

I won't even text you back I don't want to build your empire it needs to be built it needs to be ready to go I think what you're trying to say is you like someone established I'm going after money baby no I'm not a gold digger you're not a gold digger you like someone who's established

I do like and I like yeah some I don't want someone that's like building something I want established yeah what if it's the love of your life and no chance there's no way they're the love of my life with their figuring their life out. But what if they really figure it out and they're like the most successful person ever and you missed your opportunity because you were a little shallow dick. Well, a little touch.

Oh, my God. I feel like I just lost the love of my life. I still, I'd be okay with it. Bye. Can't do it. See you. I wouldn't want to be a. Yeah, contact me when you have the empire.

Okay. I just, I like, unless they're very driven, that, that, I could like squeeze through the crack if someone's like super like, I have this, into something. Yeah. Passion. Okay, that's fair. Mine's just if you smoke, but okay. You wouldn't date a smoker?

No, never. What if Jason started smoking? I would be disgusted. Would you break up? He just wouldn't because he would know I'd break up with them. What if he did? Okay. Yes, I would break up with him.

If he picked up smoking? Viral, everyone. Caitlin's breaking up or no. If he picked up a cigarette? No, thank you. No. What's your go-to karaoke song? Something Disney.

Okay. Maybe the little, that's not a karaoke song. I sang part of your world at karaoke in New York, not too long ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Great song. Great song.

Lo. Oh, um, live in Lavita Loca. Rikki Martin. Outside and inside of living La Vita Loca. Cool. If you could pick somebody to play you in a movie, who would it be? Reese Willerspoon. Oh, good one.

So good. You look like you could be her daughter. I just get that. Yeah. Her daughter is gorgeous. I still have a big chin, but before I grew into it, I was like, there's so much. Oh, my God.

I hope you don't think I meant that. Does she have a big chin? We've both got, like, the heart-shaped faces and, like. That's not a bad thing. I like a good heart-shaped face. Lo, who would play you in a movie? Oh, wait, what's her name from... I love that it's a shoot.

I know. The Schitts Creek. Oh, the girl who's also the mom in home alone. Yes. Yeah, she's hilarious. What's her name? I can't remember, but have you seen that mockumentary about dog lovers, Best in Show with her? Oh, I love Best in Show.

It's hilarious. God loves a terrier. Okay. What's your favorite cheat meal? Are you like a healthy eater? I'm from the South. Oh, okay. So definitely not.

Okay. Do you eat grits? Yes. Do you like that? Colored greens. Not colored greens. I like grits. I just wanted to fit in there.

I'm like, I love in Nashville. I like grits. I live in Nashville. I also sing and write music. I'm so Nashville. Okay, so what's your favorite southern food? I really like mac and cheese as hot sauce. Oh, see, I really love pizza.

I love mac and cheese with ketchup. Oh. I know. That's a freaking gross. I know. It's a Canadian thing. You guys have like ketchup chips, right? Oh, so good.

Really? I love ketchup chips. Oh, so you'll have ketchup. On it. on a chip, like baked into a chip, not squirted on top of, like, freaking mac and cheese. You sick twist. I'm going to throw up. Like, I'm going to visit you.

Have you tried it? Have you tried that? I'm going to be sick. Well, now I have to. Have you tried it? Never. Well, then shut up. Okay.

I'll try it. I'm making you try it. That sounds like poor people's spaghetti. Do you put, do you put ketchup on your eggs? No. I put hot sauce on my eggs. Yes. Remember that time I opened a bottle of hot sauce at my house and you were over and you weren't looking and the hot sauce blew up in my face?

Like it had been on an airplane or something Like there was like pressure and I opened up the foil and it went In my face and load it no and I went whoa I was like oh god and he thought I had like a seizure or something was bleeding all over my face Traumatic and he was like she's like Helen Keller I'm like in her kitchen she's like trying to feel around I'm like oh shit oh my god oh my god And I had like stomach pains I had like a kidney stone so I was like dealing with my situation And she's over here blind and he thought I had a seizure in that I was bleeding everywhere.

It freaks me out. And he almost fainted and he didn't even help me at all. He was like, and, uh, uh, I was like trying to like book a flight. Like, how do I like wash my hands of this? Like, is she a citizen? Like, I'm like freaking out. Like, what do I do? How do I deal with a Canadian import?

Yeah. I had it up into like my sinuses and everything. I, like, tasted it for a week. Oh, it was sick. That's why it was really funny, though. What's your favorite way to de-stress? I don't know. I like going on hikes, I guess.

Okay. Smoke a little weed. Yeah, I can get down with smoking weed, just not cigarettes. Yeah. Yeah. I like a little edible situation once in a while. I've never had an edible. Oh, let's have one tonight.

No, I'm scared. It's legal. What does it do? Huh? Does it make you hallucinate? No, no, it's not like acid or shrooms. What is it? do it just kind of gives you well there's different kinds but it gives you like a body high you have

some uh i do i'm scared i think yeah i do have some gummy bears so i didn't video it okay emma what jeff what what's what do you say back there i'm edibles are five times more psychotropic because they release an enzyme so it's that's why people freak out on edibles yeah see i don't want that i don't want to i don't i'm going to hide it in your little nasty mac and cheese just perfect edible and eating it lapping it up I can't wait to make you try that

you're going to like it what is your favorite place you've ever visited Japan Tokyo is the most beautiful place in the world Really? Okay

I love it That's cool I had the option of going there or to Iceland I picked Iceland but next time I'll pick Japan Really? Yeah

There's like something The people, the architecture The food Really? It is I almost moved there What? Yeah. Domo-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a.

Oh, wow. She's fluent. Ami-a-mi-a-fi-a-i. Yeah, my mom lived in Japan for a year. I don't really know what I just said. I think it's a song, but I thought it was, too. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a song. But I do know, don't like, don't like, have a good day.

I don't know, actually. No, arigato, goze. I don't remember, but I do know that don't tastermastamasta is don't mention it. Don't tach to masta. What doesn't even sound like Japanese? Well, I'm probably, I don't have the right dialect or like, probably. I'm like, doing the Italian. Don't tis.

Okay, let me try again. Don't chat. No. I'm going to call my mom, get her to say it. She's going to go off. Oh, hello? Um, hi. You okay over that?

I'm looking at the phone thinking it's FaceTime and I don't see a picture. Oh, you're getting old, mom. Oh, honey. No, no, it isn't getting old. It's like you never just phony. Oh, well, that's because you're on my podcast right now. Hey, Mom. Oh.

Oh, wait, let me put my podcast voice on. Oh, no, please. Hi. Oh, there it is. That's, this is her, like, voicemail. She's like, hello, you've reached the voicemail. I'm like, why do you do that voice? I have Kaylin, remember Kaylin from Colton season?

Oh, my gosh, yes. And Lowe, and Lowe's here, too. Hey, Mom. Oh, Lowe, I just love you. You just know my daughter's, well, I was going to say my daughter's body, but, you know, how to dress my daughter's body. See, you're ruining her, you're right? But we were talking because Kaelin loves Japan, and I said about how you live there.

And I was trying to say, don't touch to mascha, but I was sounding Italian. How do you say it? Oh, do you touch the mastecta. Oh. Don't touch the mast. Oh. And then you say, do I touch the mustache. Yeah.

Don't touch the mustache. Yeah. Oh, that's how she always remembered to say it. Don't touch the mustache. Okay. Thanks. That's all. That was your big moment.

Okay, honey, I love you. Okay, I love you too. Bye. Okay, bye. She's so cute. Like a buttermilk spice muffin. A buttermilk spice muffin? That's your mom.

Yep. The sweetest little voice. I love it. I haven't met her. She sounds like. Oh, she would love to meet you. Okay. Thank you so much for being a part of the podcast, though.

We will do a part two. I always want to do part two with people. Lowe's like on his part 10. Me and Cassie, we should do it together. Yes, absolutely. I'm coming back on June 19th for my birthday. birthday and so then we'll do one then birthday's on the 15th are you a Gemini yeah are you a Gemini yeah we crazy yeah we are yeah and I usually I befriend Gemini's so there you go okay well done

we'll do it we'll do a full what's Cassie do you know what she is April April 27th Aries isn't that I don't know I don't know anything about this I don't know and for anybody who doesn't know or follow you which I'm sure a lot of people who listen to this podcast do What's your Instagram? It's my full name, Kailen Miller-Kees. Okay, perfect. Thank you so much. Thank you.

It's so fun. And thanks for sharing your confession. But next time I expect something juicier. Excerated. Lo, thank you for being my little co-host today. You always add a little something, something to it. I'm not sure what that some-sum-sum is, but it's there. Thank you.

Love you. I love being here. And I'm so glad I got to meet you. Miracle baby. Our miracle baby. Our little miracle baby. I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday.

Thanks for listening to Osper Vine with Caitlin Briscoe. Get new episodes every Tuesday. day exclusively on podcast1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's done with OTV? Sponsor review for this week's Off the Vine are ABC's Grand Hotel. Check it out Monday, June 17th, 10, 9th, on ABC after The Bachelorette. Walt Disney, plan your next magical getaway today. Customink, go to customink.com slash Vine for 10% off your next order. Home Depot. Use promo code Vine Home Depot at checkout to save up to 10% now and Truecar. Visit TrueCar for a more

confident car buying experience.