Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - New Beginnings & Learning to Love Being Alone — A Solo Dolo Episode

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

Dusty, crusty and fully embracing the chaos of moving… KB is solo dolo-ing it up from her NEW home surrounded by boxes that need to be unpacked. But before tackling the boxes, she decided to hop on the mic to unpack her emotions from the grief of leaving a home that has so many memories to the excitement of starting the next chapter to navigating the fear that comes with big changes. She talks about the weird stuff she’s been stress eating, from hot sauce on eggs to Primal Kitchen’s pesto mayo on cucumbers. Is KB the only one who eats weird combos like this? She also recaps her trip to Dublin with Clio, shares her thoughts on The Golden Bachelor finale and what her plans are for the holidays. To wrap it up, she shares a confession that left her movers knowing a little toooo much. Whoops! Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: L’OREAL — Visit Target online and in-store to buy the new Bright Reveal Dark Spot Serum and Broad-Spectrum SPF 50 Daily Lotion today. LUME — Use code VINE at LumeDeodorant.com. New customers get $5 off Lume’s Starter Pack and for a limited time, returning customers can get $5 off their next purchase of $30 or more, too!  BOMBAS — Go to Bombas.com/VINE and use code V INE for 20% off your first purchase.  HONEY LOVE — Visit HoneyLove.com/VINE to save up to 20% Off sitewide this month only.  PROGRESSIVE INSURANCE: Get a quote today at Progressive.com. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Okay, welcome to Off the Vine. I've been in the same clothes for probably three days. I finally just got hot water in the house, so I will be taking a shower. Ugh. Moving is so exciting and so overwhelming and stressful, but exciting and I'm trying to like be grateful and still allow myself to feel overwhelmed. I'm just like, how many feelings can Caitlin Bristow feel at once?

It's a test I'm doing on myself. It's an experiment, a social experiment. I will keep you posted because right now I think I feel 13 different emotions. Anyways, the funniest part, you guys are set up on black tie moving boxes. I've got a ringlight I ordered from Target. I still have to set up my podcast studio in this new house. The boys seem to be loving it. They're running around.

They seem so happy. The new house has a great yard and a really great neighborhood. Like I keep seeing families walking around with dogs. And it's so funny because I was, you know, this is, it was my first night sleeping in a new house by myself last night. And I was like unpacking boxes by myself. And I went, how sad. This is something you should be doing like with a fiance or a husband or a boyfriend, like moving in and it should be so exciting.

And then I was like, actually, sure, those feelings are valid, but also how cool that you did this on your own and that you're choosing you. And then I got to read something. I have this beautiful, I don't know what do you want to call her life coach maybe? I want to read something that she wrote. I was having a lot of emotions leaving my old house because I just built such a life there. And I think a lot of people associate like, well, because I've talked about it. You know, I had two relationships in one house.

It was time for some new energy. I started my podcast in that house. You know, like I've so many things started in that home. And I was having a lot of emotions around leaving it. And this girl Courtney, who is a godsend to me, said, name your fears. What can you hear in your head? And my fears were that I was going to regret spending so much money on a new home. I was scared of the growth.

Like, you know how we feel so comfortable in our own safe place? Doing something new and moving on to a next phase of your life can be really scary. And my fear was that I maybe don't deserve it. And I couldn't believe I was saying that out loud because I know I do. But you know, that voice, what do I call her? Katrina? I don't know. Whoever the little bitch is up there telling me lies is telling me,

like maybe I don't deserve this really nice house. Maybe I don't deserve the next chapter of my life where like I don't know. I don't know why I do that to myself. I'm sure people can relate to that because I think we all do it. Even though deep down in my soul I know that I deserve it, I would had a fear around the dogs not being comfortable or liking the home. They've been in that house for as long as they know. I had a fear that I wasn't going to feel safe in the house that I would get here and be like it's haunted, which I feel like it might be. But maybe I just bring the angels with me, you know? Maybe they're just transferring over. Anyways, back to my fears. And then fear that I'll be alone in it for a long time and no one to share it with. And then she said, now name your

trusts. What can you hear in your heart? And I said, I trust that I've never been led in the wrong direction. I trust that I will make the house a home. I trust that I waited this long to find the perfect house and that I will only regret not doing it earlier. And I trust that the dogs will love it even more than maybe they love the other house because they don't care about the walls that they're in. They care about the love that they get. And I mean, they get a lot of love. They get a lot of love. I mean, we cuddle, it's crazy. We cuddle the whole night. I'm curious what you guys think about. I'm sure the dog lovers out there will agree with me that like the dog sleeping in the bed is a hell yes. But I'm curious about how people feel. Maybe leave it in the comments how you feel about

dogs sleeping in the bed and why it just I sleep better with them on my head anyways so I'm here I'm in my new house unpacking each box is just very overwhelming but I don't have a lot of patience I'm a very impatient lady and unpacking and moving I didn't realize how much patience I was going to need I wish I could take you into my closet right now so you could see the boxes the box I'm drowning in boxes in this house but I do want to give a shout out to black tie moving because I was doing my research and I asked so many people that I know have moved so many times in Nashville. And Sean Johnson and Andrew East have a group chat. And so I asked in there who they recommended. And 98% of people said black tie moving. So I'm really grateful for them. I don't know if any of

them listened to this podcast, probably not. But black tie moving, incredible. They rolled out the red carpet. Literally, the carpets are red when they move. I mean, it was a big job. I had a lot of shit. Anyways, thought I would do a solo episode. I wanted to talk to you guys about what's been happening. On my week, I got to reunite with Cleo. My gosh, Bert and Ernie were reunited and it felt so good. It felt so right. We giggled our tits off all the way through Ireland. And by all the way through, I mean, only in Dublin for 48 hours. We were there filming something. I can't really talk about it, but you'll see soon. So I got to go out there and it was just so, I think I said this on Instagram. It's so therapeutic to go laugh in the places you cried.

I had one of my darkest, darkest moments in Ireland. And it sounds silly because being removed from it now and seeing what's going on in the world, I'm like, that was your darkest moment. Sleeping with another guy and regretting it. Welcome to the world, Caitlin. It was so dark in that time because you're so isolated on The Bachelor and Bachelorette that all you think that matters is your relationships because you're not watching TV. You're not reading books.

You're not on social media. You're not talking to your family. You're not talking to your friends. You're not in your normal world. You're in a bubble where all that you're talking about eating, sleeping, breathing is your relationships. And when you're up, left, right, and center, which I was doing, it becomes a lot. And after that night in Ireland, in Dublin, I woke up and I remember calling one of the producers and saying, I'm in a really dark place. I'm not feeling good about this.

Can you come talk to me? No cameras. Well, what did they do? Sent a camera down to the, what do you call that? Foye, I don't know, yard in Ireland. camera looking up at me. He miced himself up, came out onto the balcony and said, let's talk about it. How are you feeling? And then they aired it, those sons of bitches. And you can be mad and say that that's wrong, but I signed my life away for that show. And I'm still grateful for all of it

because I wouldn't even have this house if it wasn't for that show. So again, feeling the 13 feelings, gratitude, fear, anger, frustration, excitement, nerves, all the things. Anyways, Cleo, we laugh so hard when we're together. So many funny things just happen when I'm with Cleo. Like she was talking to me and leaning over the table and I was like, I smell burnt hair and her sweater was on fire at this really nice restaurant. And I looked and I was like, Cleo! She was just like talking to me with her sweater just in the candle and it started on fire. And I was like patting the sweater out with my hand. My hand was getting burnt from the flames. I had burnt sweater stuck to my fingies. Yeah, they're still a little burnt actually. But like somehow that was the funniest thing ever.

And then we go to this bar. All Clio wanted was a dirty vodka martini. I don't know why, because when you're in Ireland, all you should want is a Guinness. That's all I was drinking. And she just really wanted this martini. And we kept going to these little tiny hole in the wall, Irish pubs as you do. And Cleo, Irish people don't walk around. Like, they are so brutally honest. And their humor is right up my alley. And Cleo was like, can I get a dirty martini? And the bartender literally walks away and goes, oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Was that Irish? You come to an Irish pub and you get a martini. And she was, we were just laughing so hard on this guy.

Can you tell us the number one most annoying thing tourists do at a, at a bar? Order 30 matrimies. Order 30 martinis. Ah, that's up there. He was just chirping her left and right and just, it was just, it's such an experience there. Their accents make it so much better. But everybody is just in good spirits, but with so much sarcasm. And they drive on the other side of the road there, which is always so concerning to me.

It freaks me out. But then I remembered I had to drive on a date with Jared through the countryside of Ireland. On the wrong side of the road, wrong side, the right side there. In a gear shift, the stick shift. So you had to do with your left hand. And I kept hitting the curb. So we went back and watched that episode, Cleo and I did. And then I got on this idea of doing a tour, a tour of laughing in the places I've cried.

and making like, I don't know, a podcast episode out of it every once in a while, a tour de la tears, just go up. Who's with me? I feel like I could take you guys on a journey. We could bring this little camera I've got, my little ring light, this little setup, sadly the dogs won't be able to come. Oh, God, I love them. Look at them.

I just love them. But we can go on a tour together. I mean, I went to some shit places, though. Yeah, let's go cry in Iowa. No, let's go laugh in Iowa now. Let's go laugh in Texas. Let's go laugh in San Antonio. Man, where else have I cried?

But I do. I want to do a tour. Now, do I wish we went to better places? I'll go laugh in Bali. Fine. Before I flew to Ireland, I went to New York because, well, when I love New York around the holidays, but it's just so much easier to fly from New York to Ireland. And I took myself on a solo-dolo date.

As you know, I love to do. We talked about this in the last Solo Dolo episode. I went to this place called Sushi by B. It's either by boa or by bow, B-O-A. It's like a speakeasy sushi joint where you like go through a coffee shop and then you press a button and the door opens and then you go in. It is the most legitimate. The guy was like, oh, don't use chopsticks. I was like what?

He's like, no, no, no. It's like traditional here. You don't use chopsticks. I was like, oh, cool. So you eat it with your fingies and you just have like pieces of nagiri. He just, it's like a set menu. You bring out no, no, no. If you ask for soy sauce or wasabi, get up.

out, you get out of here. You eat it with your fingers. Oh my gosh, my mouth is watering. I will probably take myself there every time I'm in New York. It is pure magic. The guy, I think his name was David, was my sushi chef. And he was, I mean, just next level incredible. And so fun to talk to. So it's like one little small bar and there's only two chefs. And usually I don't like interacting. And I'm like, and he was just watching me eat each piece. But he would bring over sake, we would do sake together. It was just such a fun experience. Look it up on Instagram and if you're in New York, please go. If you like sushi, it's probably going to be the best sushi you've ever had in your life and the experience is 10 out of 10. I loved going by

myself. I'm going to do it again. I do want to talk about how empowering it was to buy a house on my own because I don't want to focus on how sad it is that I'm 38 moving into a house by myself. I don't talk about it because it's not sad I can be sad about it but it's not sad it's it's so empowering like doing this moving process and you know talking to the builder talking to my real estate agent talking to like figuring out all the little things that you need to buy a house and the like mortgaging and talking to my financial advisor and everything I was like this is such a big step and I didn't have any help I was trying to do research on this term called hyper independence I think I've got a little case of it, a little case of the hyper-independency.

I think I lost myself so badly to a relationship, however many years ago now in my 20s, that ever since then, I've been trying to be like, I have to do things on my own because I can't, I can't lose myself again. I can never go back to that dark place. I think I almost sabotage certain things just in order to be able to do things myself, and I need to work on that. I got to find that balance of how it's empowering and I can do things on my own, but also like, I can ask for help and I need to lean on other people.

I really realize that through this process. I'm still trying to decide what I want to do with the old house just because I am still so attached to it. I'm like, do I want to rent it? But no, because I don't want strangers in my house. I don't trust anybody. I feel like I just need to let it go, let it go, don't let it hold me back anymore and sell it.

Oh, but I don't know. I think I'll do the thing where my mom taught me to do in the house that we left growing up. I'm going to go to each room, kiss the walls. say goodbye. Thank each room for what it's brought to me, especially the podcast room, and just let it go and trust that I'm clearly on the right path. And I don't know if anybody else does this, but in stressful situations, I either eat everything and randomly or I'm like, have to force myself to eat something because I'm so stressed that my tummy's turn in. Do you guys ever just do that when you're stressed, just eat the most random things? Like, you should have seen what I was put.

I was putting primal kitchen buffalo sauce on crackers last night. Don't knock it until you try it. It was delicious. I mean, I could just spoon, feed myself that buffalo sauce. Actually, anything primal kitchen sauce. You should see my pantry right now. It's all primal kitchen. It's so pretty.

And I could just spoon it into my mouth. And when I'm stressed, I'm like, what am I doing? Also, I'm on a huge, this is weird, cucumber and mayo kick. Cucumbers of mayo just dipped. Cucumber and mayo sandwiches, like a really, classic old like when you're little just the white bread that's so soft cucumbers and mayo please try it i have a pesto mayo and a chipotle mayo with cucumbers i i don't know what it is it's like the crunch with the soft with the mayo with a little bit of salt and pepper that's what i've been crushing in

the last 24 hours it's not like your typical mayo it's like more like a dip i don't know i think i posted their cranberry mayo on instagram that i was using for thanksgiving for the turkey sandwiches Just, dear lord, that was good. But they have all these other sorts of mayonnaise and mayonnaise? Mayonies. It sounds weird. They have all these other different types of mayo that are just freaking. I also put a lot of hot sauce on boiled eggs.

Okay, am I weird? I think I am. Could you please? Maybe we should start something in the Facebook group of like your weirdest combinations of food that you like. Like, what do you like where people are like, that's weird, bro? Because mine might be cucumbers of mayo. Also, I want to talk about the golden bachelor. If I do not get an invite to that wedding, I'm going to question everything that I've done with

this franchise. I question it all the time. I'm like, hey, why was I at the finale? But Gary and Teresa, how beautiful that they found love again. Their stories are similar. They're just so sweet. They're so funny and quirky and flirty and cute. And they remind me of like a honeymoon phase younger couple.

Doe, we can all find love later in life. How beautiful. How inspiring. Catch me on the goal. golden bachelor in 10 years? 20, 20 years, maybe 10. There's just something to be said, though, that that was like the highest rated show. It was 6 million viewers, I think, that tuned in to that episode. I mean, The Bachelor is back, baby, even though I don't think I'm going to watch the next season. I only want to watch the Golden Bachelor from here on out. Also, I want to know what you

guys are doing for the holidays. I can't believe it's December and I'm going to blink and it's going to be Christmas. This is going to be a very interesting December. I've always lived away from home since I was 19. So I feel like I've always kind of done Christmas whenever we can make Christmas happen. Sometimes we do it in January with my family. Sometimes we do it before Christmas. Like I don't need it to be on December 25th. But this year, I'm like, what am I going to do? So I think I'm going to go do a little tiny Christmas tour. I'm going to go to Vancouver and then I'm going to go Edmonton and Calgary, see family, see friends. And then I think I might just spend. Christmas, don't feel sorry for me in my new house by myself. Christmas to me sometimes I think

a lot of people find stress around the holidays, a lot of people have like family drama. I just feel like it's always been like a happy time for me and I'm going to go see family and friends and then I can still make it a happy time in this home and then I want to throw the most. EPIC, I don't know why I don't like that word, epic. New Year's Eve housewarming party. I'm telling you I want a party planner. I want burlesque dancers. I want a giant martini glasses with a photographer where you sit in it and you take photos. I want a champagne. Why do I think I've got millions of dollars in the bank to spend on this kind of stuff? I want a champagne tower in the backyard where you just go fill up your cup. I want it to be great Gatsby. I just want it to be like ringing in the New Year the right way.

But I want to throw just this most incredible housewarming New Year's party. I know you all know because I talk about this on my podcast, how much I hate resolutions, but intentions and just go in it with like the right people, the right feelings. Oh, I found a tarot deck of cards in one of the boxes when I was moving. And I was like, well, I didn't know I had a deck of tarot cards. So I shuffled and I felt when it was right and I flipped it over. And I got the magician, which means willpower, desire, being resourceful, skill, ability, concentration, manifestation. So the magician is one tarot card that is filled with symbolism. The central figure depicts someone with one hand pointed to the sky while the other hand points to the ground as if to say, as above so below.

This is a rather complicated phrase, but its summarization is that earth reflects heaven, the outer world reflects within. It can also be interpreted here that the magician symbolizes the ability to act as a go-between between the world above and the contemporary human world, which I interpret as manifesting, as dreaming, as having big dreams, creative, and like, I don't know. I feel like we're all right here and I want to live here and also right here where I dream really big and I think about the impossible. And I think I was feeling like a little bit stuck in my old house and now the expansion of moving to a new house, I feel like I'm just going to get more creative. I'm going to have more beautiful conversations. Oh my gosh, how did I not go back to this? This is important and this is another thing with Courtney who I was talking about earlier said,

to me and this kind of has to do with the card that I pulled. She said, you have created so much life in this home, the home that I was in. You witnessed your wildest dreams come true when you were inside those four walls. That is so special and fair for you to be feeling the grief, but I want you to be the person to tell you that you created that life, not the home. You did. Your heart did. The energy of those walls held you and what a beautiful thing. And now you can say to this next home, thank you and more please. She said your heart knows that the home has done its job. So step into the safety. that you can trust your greatness and ask for this next home to catapult you into a new realm where you continue to live your life beyond your wildest dreams.

This next home is built for you to continue to create magic in the world and light it up with who you are. I can feel it. She said, your dogs trust you. The unconditional love that you give them is what they look for in a home, not the walls, kind of like what I said. And safety exists inside of your heart. This is my favorite part.

This is all crazy. It's really aligning. I have goosebumps. Okay. She said, you are never alone. I'm going to cry. You are never alone better yet. You get to define it. If right now you aren't building the home with a partner, build it with life, build it with deep conversations, long table dinners, spectacular guests on your podcast, hosting your nieces,

nephews, and family and friends, you get to define how you build this home. It was just such a beautiful thought. Oh, I love her for that. The fact that she said magic and I pulled the magician and everything she's saying to me and that that's crazy. And, I wish I could stay and unpack, but I have to go to New York because I get to go to Huntington and sign bottles of wine. And if anybody out there is in New York, I will be in Huntington 6 to 8 p.m. at bottles and cases. So I'm really excited because Spade and Sparrows is like such a passion project, little baby of mine. And I just love watching it grow and I love watching all of you enjoy and tagging. Get excited. When I see you guys get excited about

Spade and Sparrows on social media and tagging me and stuff, I literally like get like a giddy little kid of yes thank you ah so if you're in New York please come say hi I'll only be there for two hours but I want to meet everybody I feel like this confession is something I shouldn't be embarrassed about but more something I should be like yeah but like obviously I forgot I had a vibrator and some lube in my nightstand table and the movers saw it that ain't bad right it's like I'm sure they've seen worse I just want to know if you ever moved what is the most embarrassing thing that you have left out because i feel like they've got to see some shit so there's a fun thread on off the vine facebook that i wanted to read through

because rachel said let's play a game called i can't be the only one she said i can't be the only one that doesn't drink any caffeine ever 29-year-old mom of one first grade teacher i think you're the only one i'm just kidding that's crazy someone said i can't be the only one that has never seen a single second of Game of Thrones. I've seen a few seconds of it. Couldn't get into it. I can't be the only one that dips my grilled cheese and ketchup. No, honey, you're not alone. I can't eat a grilled cheese without dipping it in ketchup or tomato soup. Eggs, ketchup. Pizza, ketchup. Definitely grilled cheese, ketchup. Emily said, I can't be the only one who's never flown on a plane. You know what's crazy is I didn't take my first flight until 19 years old. No, I was 18. 18 years

old. Had never been on a plane. I can't be the only one who can wink with one eye. and not the other. I am the worst, world's worst winker. Lindsay said, I can't be the only one who hates eating vegetables, just not a fan. Only some I will eat. But broccoli, corn, peas, green beans, the rest gross. That's okay. Some of us, I wonder if some of us have just different taste buds. I love a vegetable. I love a root vegetable. Beats favorite vegetable. Irina said I can't be the only one who doesn't like burgers. I don't like beef in general, but hamburgers just yuck. I'm sure you're not the only one. I can't say the word burger. I feel like I have a speech impediment when I do it. It's like burger. Burger. I don't know. Something happens.

Emily said I can't be the only one who hates all condiments and salad dressings. Ketchup, mustard, mayo, mayonnaise, hot sauce, etc. And every dressing that smells alone makes me want to, she said. I love sauce. Anything that is dipping or sauce, I want it in my mouth. Okay, well, I need to go finish unpacking. I can't wait to take you guys along on the ride of the new house, the new chapter. I just love you guys. I just love you so much. I like doing these solo episodes because I feel like I can just talk to my friends. Like I'm just looking into the lens being like, yeah, hey.

So if you have anything else you want me to talk about or navigate something with you or something that you want to know about me, obviously you know so much about me, but these solo episodes, maybe you want to know more about certain things. But please let me know, just keep the lines open to communication, you know. Leave comments in the YouTube stuff. Leave to comments, leave the ratings, Facebook. keep it going off the vine like just keep keep telling me what you want to hear and and I'll keep sharing with you what you want to see so love you guys thank you for your support and love and

accepting me in my crusty dusty musty state of life I'm Caitlin Bristow I'll see you next Tuesday Thank you.