Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - New York Live Show Part 1

Episode Date: April 9, 2019

In the first half of the Spring Break Tour live show in New York Kaitlyn's beau Jason Tartick chirps her on her American Geography knowledge, Kaitlyn forces one of the guys in attendance to make his date his girlfriend, and Jason gets a big surprise from a family member! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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What's on, New York! Oh my gosh, I am so excited to be here. I feel like this is a very intimate crowd, too. Like, my last venues have been kind of big, and now I'm like, you guys are right here. How many dudes in the crowd? Every time I do that, I hear girls woo. I'm like, how many dudes?

Girls are like, woo! But really, only do you. dudes. How many dudes? Oh, so it was... You confused me! That's a very girly woo. I respect it. It's loud and I like it. Okay, so there's one guy here. Awesome. Two, I see a hat over there. He's putting his head down. Don't be shy. Mother

Friker. Don't be shy. Oh, two. Okay. Three. Four. I see some in the back. Five. Six. Holy shit. This is our biggest turnout ever. 7-8-9-10 No way That's a girl

You can't fool me Oh my gosh Thank you guys so much for coming I mean I guess you could say This is our first Public appearance together Oh my notes are on that side

I think I was Oh and my drinks over there I think I'm supposed to sit on that side It's so It's so you and I can make icon Yeah, actually, okay, wait, you know what? I don't get you for good. Crushed.

Jason gets here and, like, I am forgotten about it. Let me tell you guys. I actually do like being on this side. One, you guys are so positive. I'm like, I like being on this side. You're like, woo! That side, totally. But I like making eye contact with brandy.

Yeah, it's intimate, you know. Yeah, because I need to talk so much about your new boyfriend and how you send. Oh, wow. New York. the most excited about my love life I'm here for it. What if I said like dog poop?

I knew it. This is, what show is this for us? Girl went for it. One, two, three, four? I think we've been on tour for two months. We've been on tour for, yeah. What's going on two years now is what it feels like, which is fun.

Anyways, I would like to say also that anytime you don't find me funny, could you just laugh anyways? okay cool cool so let's talk about it let's go there tax day is almost here and with tax reform you might be more stressed out than usual you may want to work with the tax pro this year to make sure that you get your maximum refund that's why hr block has tax pros waiting to help you you can pop into an office or schedule an appointment through hr block dot com all the way up until

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have heard of him, but I really wanted him to be the Bachelor. Not mad that he wasn't, but who didn't want him to be the Bachelor? Oh my God, thank you, because I didn't want like loud woo's, but I wanted like some support for him.

Okay, so yeah, I really wanted him to be the Bachelor. When I did a podcast with him, I left and I went, whoever dates that guy is so lucky, so let's introduce my fucking boyfriend. Jason Tartan! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, let's go Buffalo. Just for Jason's heart right now, can we all go, eh, eh, hey, hey, hey, hey, let's go Buffalo.

What is the rest? The bills make me want to shout. Woo! It is good to be back in New York. Wow. God. I miss the East Coast. Wow.

You are New York. Oh, my God. It is good to be back. Hey, when I first met you, I was like, that guy's way too New York for me. When I just landed, I, like, took the taxi in. I'm like, God damn, it's good to be back in New York. I see some hair gel in these guys. People are drinking.

life is good again because it's not like that in the West Coast he feels so comfortable in a blazer here I always make fun of it I'm like so west coast because I lived in Vancouver for so long that I'm like why aren't you in just Lulu's and like a backwards hat

and like a little sweater and you're like no blazers and gel because he's Buffalo but I'll tell you what's funny well the thing is so I had a job in New York and then I moved to Seattle and I show up an all suit, corporate banker, red tie.

And everyone's in like casual athletic. Yeah, and they're like, what the hell is this thing? Yeah. Go change. Get a load of this guy. Andrew Teagan, 2.0. Let's go. Well, you, I mean, Seattle's right by Vancouver. It's like the biggest leisure area of the world.

Like, everyone's just so comfortable. Is that where Lululemon's headquarter? In Vancouver. I thought it was like an upper east side thing in New York. Doesn't matter, because we like Reebok anyways. Everyone's like, what are you talking about? First of all, cheers, everybody. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers to you, my lovely little man. What a beauty you are. I'm so glad to have you as my guest. How lucky am I? How lucky am I, guys? Are you kidding me? And now here...

Talking about a guy who out kicked his coverage. Holy hell. And now here's where we will hear the louder woo's. How lucky am I? Oh my God, who's luckier? We're so hashtag blessed. Puk. No, you guys like it.

You say burf, but I say puke. Barf. Anyway, drink. You know, the best part about New York is I know that there is not one person that's going to walk out of this door sober, and that's what I love. And on that note, please no drinking and driving. You guys all live closer here. just walk or Uber, right? Cabs are...

Nobody has cars here? What are I talking about? Does anybody drive here? Oh, my God, that's amazing. Oh, there's one. One girl drives. Wow. Uber driver. Five stars, for sure.

Yeah. For sure, man. How about everyone takes just like a big gulp? Yeah, big gulp. Come on. It's Wednesday. Let's act like it's Saturday. Everyone take a big gulp. It's home, dude? First of all, all my, like, friends...

Friends and Jay's friends are over here, and I feel like you guys are just really, like, lurking in the back. So, cheers to you, you weirdos. One of my good buddies who was on this show. Actually, my brother-in-law is here, and my good friend David is here. My brother-in-law's good friends here, so life is good. And two of my best friends are here, so. What did you say? Which one?

David's hot. David is hot. The girls think David's hot. Bring him out. Bring him out. Can you have that? Bring him out. Bring him out. You know what? David, I will say, sorry, ladies, very taken. Did you just? Would you say it?

He was like, he was hyping it up. Like, he was excited. I thought he was like, no. I was like, what? And for all those dudes out there, my brother-in-law is taken, too. Yeah. So watch out. I'll kick your right. So back off, everybody. Back off. Anyways, can we let them show their face? Yeah, let's introduce them.

Come on, guys. Just say hello. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Just say hi. None of them want to get up. No, no, no, no. This is the best.

Jason Tarduk, the way he introduces his people, give it to David right now. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. Howing from Vancouver. Six foot one on your program, number one in your hearts. David Ardo. Hey, he's not from Buffalo. Season 14, episode 6, David was there, said zero words, but he was in the show.

I.M. He's the most beautiful guy that ever touched The Bachelor. He's so cute. And here we go, coming in my brother-in-law from New York. New York. He has an undergrad at Cornell and a law degree at NYU. Eight times smarter than me, Billy Rosen.

Hey! He also showed up Bachelor Season 14, Episode 9.0 Words, so we're on fire in the Tarduk family. But get a load of his facial hair. Doesn't it look good? He says it's temporary, but I say

keep it. Cheers for keep it. Cheers for don't keep it. Keep it. Love you. Okay, now do I... Wait, you should introduce your friend. It's a she.

There's so many single girls in here, aren't there? She's Jess. I don't know her, but she's beautiful and probably really shy, and I'm about to embarrass the shit out of her. Jeff! You can just come out, wait. Jess has two kids and just had a four, a three-month-year-old. I mean, living the dream, looking good, life is good.

Oh, and Jess's, oh, my gosh. So Jess's husband was the officiant at Billy and his brother's wedding. Yeah. Let's go. Okay. Who here has listened to my podcast about raw beauty talks, Aaron Trollor, hashtag real Instagram. Give it up I'm not going to say anything else

That's enough Oh don't be am Are you Aaron's your law Hey I'm like I love you She's like I hate you Okay if you guys haven't

Aaron has a new podcast sell With Raw Beauty and it is It's amazing I'm not even She didn't pay me to say that I just genuinely believe in her brand I was actually working with Aaron And trying to be like a

What would you call me Remember we were trying to come up with like sayings for Twitter and T-shirts. I was like trying to be a creative mind behind raw beauty because I supported it so much before I even went on the show. And then after I was like, wow, what a great platform to promote like women's beauty and being like just who you are. So Aaron's inspired me a lot, a lot, a lot. And my other girlfriend, Michaela, who's giving very deep breaths right now, I feel like you're nervous. Are you nervous? She's just a bomb.

I don't, ah! All right, give her the intro. She's like, I'm not nervous. Give her the intro. McKaylor, everybody. I found out backstage as this Hugh Jackman's chef right now. She's like, oh, my God, don't tell anybody that. So, sorry to embarrass you guys. I love you.

I think we should all take another drink after that. Jason? I know what New York likes it doing. We like to drink, so let's do it. Well, I'm not going to lie. The last podcast, I did crowd surf, and I think I blacked out. Oh, boy. This is what happens

I work, I go the morning, I work out I go back to work I see videos of her crowd surfing part I'm like Jesus Christ I got my MBA I'm getting my ass kicked and she's living the dream First of all

I think it's so hot that you work I think it's so hot that you crowd surf like Freddie Mercury Hey what song did I crowd surf to It's a party in the USA It was pretty epic Honestly, Brandy playing party in the USA I just literally, I didn't even think twice

I just went like this And then I fell backwards And I was like, let the Vinoes take me Where I need to go Which, by the way, was only the VIP Vinoes So it was like 20 of them And it was like, I really trusted them Because I don't know how I did it

Like I just kind of lean back And then I realize after I'm like, oh wait, that's not everybody in the crowd. There's like a small group and I could have easily died. It helps that you weigh 98 pounds. I have that going for you. I have a hundred and two now.

Oh my God. I think with a doctor. I mean, the thing is, is you say that, but I've seen, you eat, you eat girl. Holy hell.

It's actually gross. It's amazing. And I poop too. Let me tell you that. She toots, she poop, she eats, and we all know she drinks, so.

The other day, Jason walked in on me like this I did this at the last podcast but I don't care I'll repeat my content because it's true he watched it on me like this what are you doing down there okay which is what you said and I said tooting

if anyone needs to know of a good way to get rid of bloating you just sit like that and let the air come out okay and she wonders why I can't come up with confessions I see her bending over and she's tooting I'm like what the fuck what the fuck else do I say this is a confession in his self Jason took David how long

three hours today to try and think of a confession. I'm like, oh, you just can't think of anything you did wrong. Like nothing. He's like, I don't know. No detentions in high school, no suspensions, or nothing. I mean, I don't know what to say. Not even lunch detention. And then I even went there and I was like, what about with girls?

Like, tell me something about like what happened with girls. And then he told me one thing. And I was like, no, tell me that. I don't want to hear it. God. Thursdays on the CW don't miss a single moment of the highly anticipated new series in the dark. In the Dark is from executive. producer Ben Stiller and the director of The Big Sick. This is the story of Murphy Mason,

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Don't worry. She missed her 9.30 boxing class. She made her 12. That's when you know you're hungover. 9.30 is not that late to go work out, Caitlin. And I was like, I can't do it. And he called me and he was like, feeling a little rough today?

You remember our 16 last night? I love putting him on the spot. Yeah. And who was in the best? next to you during the sexting. This is where it gets like a little hot. I'm like sweating. And by sexting, I mean fully over the phone, dirty

talking. Thank God for that Xanax. You didn't not hear a. I took a full Xanax. Brandi took a Xanax, so we were good. I looked over and she was out and I was like, can we get a bottle of tequila to the front stage, please? This is what's funny about Jason and myself is that you're very

like, um, like I'm obviously. a weirdo open book talk about anything plus I'm like I have my vinoes so I'm like you guys are like you get me

where if this was a room of dudes who didn't get me I'd be Jason I would I'd be like oh my god your vinos who are like yeah go rage I have my mother who it's like what the fuck were you doing last night get a load of this bad bitch energy on this guy's

wrist like just let's go rocking a brink Great pink scrunchy, I love you. I think. Elbaum, can you stop being so public with our relationship? That's disgusting.

How dare you date a guy and put it on social media? That's gross. Really this quick? Oh, my God. Are you the devil? How dare you find happiness in this world? Ew. You need to be negative.

Ugh. Ugh. Gross. I just looked at the mic. Disgusting. Kailin and I, I'm like, you know, things are moving in the right direction.

We're going to work on citizenship, shit like that, but we'll figure that out down the road. Do you know where New York is? Okay, babe, here we go. I love New Jersey. I look like I should be on Jersey Shore. I love New Jersey.

Home of Frank Sinatra. Hey, just, hey, take a back seat for a second. Here's the map of Canada. Point out Alberta. Okay, first of all, Alberta is not a providence, a province. West Coast, west coast, next to BC to the right. That's because I prepped you on that. Well, thank you.

Point to me, point to me where Manitoba is. Well, yeah, Manitoba, not far to the right, not far to the left, right down the middle. It's good. How about Ontario? You want to go there, too? Do you want to know why he knows this is because he made so much fun of me for not not knowing where states were that he studied the Canadian map just so I couldn't call him out on this.

And I might say... It's true. Did you guys ever learn in school where things were in Canada? Well, we did about America and I forgot. Well, you know what? And I've been studying and I got 96% on my test and I now know where New York is on the map. That's awesome.

Let's go. That's awesome. That was such a weak cheer because you guys are like, that's embarrassing. You suck. You suck. But you are a West coaster that has a New York attitude. Like, you're just like,

fuck God. Oh. Do I, do I have a New York? Is that the New York attitude? Just like, oh, okay. I think I was like, I think I'm an honorary New Yorker. You are. I think you are.

It's not easy to be a New Yorker or the West Coast. It's also not easy to be a Canadian saying that you're a New Yorker because we're like the most polite people in the world. Yeah. You're like, oh, sorry, sorry, but sorry about same. Yeah, you guys are so nice. Your manager, Cleo, she's such a sweetheart.

But everything, yeah, Cleo, let's go out. Did Cleo come out and get some questions from you guys? Yeah, unreal. First of all, New York, very special to us. It was the first time we ever, like, really hung out. Yeah, it was. So I think people know this, Because do you guys listen to the podcast?

So we obviously did a podcast together, and it was so weird because at the time I really was single. And he came in, and I was like, I think I said this earlier. I don't know, I've had like eight shows now and 80 drinks. But did I tell you guys this already that when he left, I was like, whoever dates him is really lucky. Yeah, yeah, okay. That's cute. I did, eh? She loves to say that.

Remember that one time I said whoever dates, Jason? It's going to be really lucky. I'm like, yeah, it's the eighth time you've said it today, but keep telling me. I'm also not a numbers guy, but eight shows, 80 drinks. That's about 10 drinks a show for 100 pounds. Yeah, and that says a lot about my character. Brandy has to hear the same shit every show. Yeah, yeah, Dave's great, I get it.

Oh, and your boyfriend's just so hot and loves animals and doesn't have Instagram. Oh, you get to see your boyfriend every weekend. Poor you. Wait, this is like a whole cany knot in itself. If you come to meet and green, I'll show you a picture. I ever said that. And then the way you guys met, I said, Brad, we're backstage. Brandy, good to see you. How do you do?

Boom, boom, boom. And then she tells me, I said, how do you meet up this guy? He is the safari guide. Are you kidding me? Yeah. If that's not a dream come true, what is? Yeah, it's pretty dreamy. Hey, how's your neck?

That's why I don't want to sit in that seat talking to Brandi. You're like, but he's did a good job he's like looking at the crowd but giving me like side profile so I don't feel like he's not talking to me yeah it's great yeah it's great I guess he's as great as you say I love this crowd they love you too oh I don't love him she does she dropped the L bomb you heard it hey hey hey hey hey don't say that in public okay I love you. I love you too.

It's not the first time. No. I have a question for the cute couple. Okay. When did you guys say I love you first? What was like the date? Do you remember where were you? I don't remember the date, but it was the cutest thing how it happened.

Can I tell the story? Yeah, you tell the story. Okay. So first of all, did not expect to fall in love so fast. One, and two, was someone in Bachelor Nation? I think five months ago, today are like around the last time. I met you on the podcast.

Yeah. What a wild fucking world, huh? The wildest weird. I'm like, I'll tell you what, anyone out there, it's like, you know, life's up and down tomorrow. Things change like that. So just, you know what?

I walked into our podcast sobbing. My feelings hurt, like don't want to get into it, but so sad and be like, I hate amory money. You walked in sobbing. Huh? I walked in hammer.

He did I was nervous Yeah tell them that But wait wait just back to that For anybody out there I don't know if anyone's going through a breakup Or a hard time or anything in life Literally tomorrow could bring you some sort of joy

And you have no idea what's around the corner And that's like so exciting if you think about it And don't I tend to think negatively And Jason calls me out on it all the time He's like don't be so negative And I'm like but it's Tuesday. Like, I'm, like, so negative about the most random things.

And he'll be like, what's wrong? And then I think about it. And I'm like, that's true. Like, the next day could be the best day of my life. And that has happened for us, obviously. Well, I'm not, I'm not, okay, you can awe. No, ah. Thank you.

But I really wasn't expecting that even when we met, because I walked in crying, and I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm, like, having a really bad day. And then you're like, I'm having a tough day too. So we'll have a tough day together. And I was like, oh, whoever dates him is so much. Well, that's how you perceived that. You want to hear the background?

And then you tell your side. Okay, so my side, I'm like, Camrystal, what a smoke show. Okay, but like I don't know what her story is. And, you know, the truth of the matter is I was a hundred. 100% not, not against the bachelor, but I just really didn't know much about it. My father, no, no, no,

my father knew nothing. My mother is obsessed. So then she finds out I go out in the show and she's like, what the fuck? I'm like, and she, my mother. Your mother would never say. Billy? Billy's like, yeah, she would say. Anyway, we get to the point

though. My mom's like, here she says, it's like, I have my husband, he does this. I'm like, bro, son, they do this. And I like, my one escape is the stupid bachelor. And then, not stupid, but my son has got to get in the mix. Like, you've got to

be kidding me. It's stupid. So then, you know, I go, this whole thing happens. I go through the process. I end up going on. She's like, you got to be shitting me. So we make it on. I have a family announcement. Billy's laughing right now because my father's like, what the hell's going on?

But they all think, okay, here it is. A little grease ball from Buffalo. Let him have his last. Hottest grease ball ever. Hey, let him throw a kiss on that cheek and get the hell out of there in week two. And then things are going on and they look at reality Steve, week three,

she forgets my name, week four of this happens, and then all of a sudden they got to do a hometown and my dad's like, what the fuck? Long story short, they all show up. Your dad's the best. He is the best. But anyway, the show goes on.

We have a good time. And, you know, it is what it is, everything works out for the right reasons. But the show's playing, and my mom tells me, you got to check out Caitlin Bristow's Instagram. He always says my name wrong, by the way. It's the weirdest thing. You got to check out Caleb Bristow.

I'm like, cool, it's not my name, but. Bristol. That's a Buffalo thing. Okay, so 2019 is only a third of the way through, and yet history has already been made. The new normal is here. Have you seen it brought to life in a short film that runs only two minutes long?

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Alexa isn't the only one with breaking news. Make sure to hang around at the end of this podcast for the latest breaking headlines on the AP News Minute. Check out shenanigans with Sheena Shea. Every Tuesday on Podcast One. Shout out right here. Everyone's favorite from Vanderpump Rules shares juicy stories from behind the bar with amazing guests.

And I was like, hello. And she goes, oh, hi, Derek. Good morning. And I was like, am I Derek? I thought I had turned into a guy named Derek. Check out shenanigans with Sheena Shea at Podcast One and Apple Podcasts. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. For New York, let's go.

What if I imagine I just burp for my, like, videographer? Get that on. I party. Where were we? I totally forgot. Do not. Do not all me. I've been drinking since three. I'm on my like, what show?

I'm hungover. Give me a break. I mean, I know. I mean, I'm very raw and real on my podcast, but when it's live, I'm like, let's fucking go there. That's do it. I wear. leopard for nobody

only for New York really though did you see my first two shows I was just like in sweats New York I'm like let's go gross and eight guys respect for those guys

so earlier Jason we were talking about notes and I was like I'll have notes on the table and I'm like just go with a flow though because we won't even look at notes. You see what I mean now? I see what you mean. I haven't even gotten to the first. I was like, so, New York, where we met? And then it, like, trailed off into, like, me rolling on the floor and shooting scrunchies

out into the crowd. I love you. Sorry. I love you, too. Oh. Can I. Hold on. And he totally ruins everything. That was sarcastic. No, it wasn't. Oh, it was very sarcastic. Do you want to have our first fight up here?

Let's have our first fight. Why did you say that? Because we get shit. Every time we have fun together, we got to put it out there. Well, guess what? We're having fucking fun, so we're going to put it out there. Do we care? I don't give a shit.

We care about all of you who came here to see us tonight. Thank you. And who love us and who root for people's happiness. Because at the end of the day, you don't really know what happened. You don't. And I'll tell you one day in a book. I'll say one thing and I'll be done with it. You're damned if you do.

you're damned if you don't it's a weird world like a year ago this is insane to me being up in front of you guys and i'm just a guy that goes to work Monday through Friday and I'm still a guy that goes to work Monday through Friday so hot this is insane to me this is still insane but at the end of the day like I get I get messages of people saying like you keep putting it all out there like what's your problem and then you get people that are like you're hiding it so you're damned if you do you're damned if you don't the grass isn't greener and like you're Let me tell you, at the end of the day, be true to you, live your life, and f*** everybody else. Beep, be, b, b, b, b, b, b, b.

All right, on that note, let's get more drunk. Okay. Can you throw a little movement plug out there? Because every time KV sees me and I'm wearing a movement, she's like, you know what? You kind of look good, because normally you dress like a dad. And I'm like, well, thanks to movement. but they keep my shit right. That's actually true.

So the first time I met you, there's certain dad vibes going on, which I respect. I respect it. Do you? Do you? No, I don't. I mean, I kind of like it.

Let's ask Brand. Does Brandy's do that dad? No, Caitlin and I bonded so hard last night before last over the fact that both our boyfriends have the worst dad style. Only mine's at, my boyfriend is actually worse.

Wait, you can chirp me, but we can't chirp you. Jason, but like my I have a video of Jason in like dad glasses with his hair slick back into like a lacost like polo

playing Donkey Kong with his legs crossed like this with slippers on by the way and then Brandy and I were talking about and Brandy's like

my boyfriend wears like khaki shorts with cargo shorts I'm sorry cargo Oh, but you're wearing a very cool hoodie, sir. This guy's a beauty. Are you guys dating?

What does this mean? What does that mean? Are you having sex? Okay. Yeah, girl. Are you having sex with other people? Then you're dating. You're dating.

Oh. You haven't asked her? Okay. Everybody calm down. you guys have been dating six months having sex with no one else but each other and you won't ask her to be your girlfriend can i just say one thing as a guy let me ask you one thing as a guy i gotta tell you what my man you're in new york you do research i don't know what the hell you do but if you show up at a place like this having sex like a girl for six months not dating you are going to get crushed

so either right now you guys are dating or you're not dating making a little bit of you're not dating make a decision or walk out. He's saying! Hey! Hey! Hey, hey! Hey, eh. Hey, eh.

Let's go, Buffalo. No, we don't know. No, no, no. We don't need to say Buffalo. What's your name again? You guys are a shitty city upstate. Caleb. Let's go, Caleb.

Let's go, Caleb. You got to respect the guy. He's like literally one in that, I don't know, 600. Yeah, imagine you say. No. No, I won't make her my girl. I'd be like, get the fuck out. Okay, so what do you look for in a man?

Stand up. What's your name? Stand up. Hello, everybody, in New York. Don't you love her sweater? Oh, thank you. Where'd you get it? Actually, rent the runway.

I can't even lie. Oh, no, no. Yeah. I'm, like, back to back from the Ariana concert. You look amazing. I'll start a cute for you. Girl, I'll pick this out for you. Cool, cool.

You're the cutest. That's fucking amazing. Anyways, what do you look for in a guy? Tall, like, six, three and above. You are limiting yourself. Well, with hills, I'm, like, a solid six foot, and I want to be able to, like, I don't want to, like. But that is hot, girlfriend. Like, I wish I was six foot tall.

I'm five, four. being very generous and my goal in life is you know when people are like I'm short I wish I was tall I have straight hair I wish I had curly hair

and I don't know we should all really just love who we are but girl God I want to be tall but I'll accept my height but go on yeah

honest I mean I mean that should go across well yeah Fliars yeah great sex not good great

yeah Don't shoot for average sex ladies You're stuck with that for life Yeah You know What's great sex to you by the way You got a dish You got to answer

You know if you're getting a mic On my pot I'm going though I mean I think multiple orgasm should be Regular Totally regular Yeah Okay Yeah

Amen And like Like, one ballerine. No. And I should definitely be receiving as much as, like, that should be, like, damn there every time. Like, every time almost. I mean. Give it up.

It's give and take, but, like, we're both giving and taking. Right. Right. So, yeah. I hear that, and I respect it, and I'm recycling it, and I'll see it tonight. Why do I feel awkward right now? So make that happen, you know? Oh, trust me.

I love this Jason. God, he's good. Well, thank you for sharing that. No problem. Well, that's my original question. I don't remember either. So we all know tax day is almost here, and with tax reform,

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their new upfront pricing that lets you know the price before you begin if you've been putting off your taxes this year just head to h and r block because no one knows tax reform better Stop into an office or go to HRBlock.com to schedule an appointment with a tax pro today. Brandy, what were we talking about, though? I don't know, but I just got a text. What is it? There's a surprise. You would guess that's a surprise.

He's sitting right over here. Stange left. Why don't you come on out? Oh, my God. Let me give me a little. Wait. Oh, my God. I was like, who the hell?

is going to surprise the day. Jesus' brother just showed him! Yes! Jason's brother! Okay, I can't help it, but I always tell people I'm like, he's so smart and so handsome, I can't even handle it. Look at him.

Look at him. This son of a bitch tells me he's meeting with like Cher Alanis Morsev, I can't make it tonight. Yeah, wait a second. And he's here tonight. I just want to tell you, if there's like, okay, cool. Sweet, I was on bachelor and i had like i don't know eight episodes this guy had 10 seconds on the show

and everybody's like we love this guy he's better looking than you he is smarter than you he's more articulate than you so anyway without further ado i literally had no he told me he wasn't going to make it tonight he's here tonight he's the better version of me he is and i can't i'm so happy he's here. This is awesome. I actually think I told your brother that I was wildly attracted to you. I think that's how this started. Hello. Yes, sorry. I know that's weird.

But oh my gosh, what happened? You weren't supposed to come. You got to work really? I finished my work thing. I couldn't miss this. He finished working with Alanis Morseh to be here. Everyone is way too young. You guys know Lana's Morseh. Thank God because she is my hero. She is the reason I am who I am

today. I did a book report on her in the 6th grade. I love her. But what do you? Tell us what you're doing with her. So Alanis Morissette is bringing Jagged Little Pill to Broadway. Oh! Yes. And you should all see it. It's going to be great.

Absolutely. Where are they doing it? Do they know yet? It's going to be on Broadway. Oh. Yeah. But we don't have like a distinct theater. Not quite yet. This fall. That is so exciting. Like she's literally my hero.

Is she going to be like Alanis? She is not in the show, but you're going to hear all of her amazing music. But she's doing, like, obviously she's involved. Wrote all the music, and then they've made this amazing story about, it's a modern story. I shouldn't be plugging my shows, but see, Jacket, Little Bill, it's really good. So you guys are all cute, but can you tell this story about when I met Caitlin? She said she's on Broadway, and I tell my brother, let's just, let's do this. It's a good confession.

Tell us about when Jason first met me, and he was talking about, because you're very involved. of Broadway, that's your thing and I was involved with Broadway and so you asked Jason, oh, you tell the story. Steve, don't be politically correct. Okay.

Give it to the people. It's fine and my feelings don't get hurt. There are a few things I could ask for more in a partner for my brother than somebody who is a Broadway performer. And so, and I have to

confession time. Like, I don't know this world at all. So... The Bachelor World? The Bachelor World. I'm not familiar with that. How do you feel about it? It's great.

And so... It's fine. Lovely people pass through it. And so that's a good thing. Everyone I've met from the Bachelor World is lovely. So... Who have you met? I've met you.

I've met you. I've met Colton. Yeah. Like, all lovely people. Yeah. All lovely people. Go on. So, anyways, so Jason told us you had met this girl and that she seemed really special.

And then he said she was from this universe. And, like, really? The Tardix know how to karaoke. Like, we karaoke hard. I can tell this is a karaoke crowd. Yeah. Yeah, so you get it. Like, when we karaoke, this is a varsity-level event.

Yeah. And so we were doing a family karaoke, and we've all got our tracks locked up, and we're ready to, you know, we've got our, like, peacocking ready. And then Jason walks in, and it's very hush-hush, because we know we're going to meet her for the first time. And Caitlin walks in, and everyone's like, okay, we're going to tap, you know, we're going to tiptoe delicately around this. Like we're meeting, we're meeting a new entry point into the family. This is a big deal. And we're all like, okay, let's do our proper karaoke songs. Lexia, glory, alleluia.

And then it's Caitlin's turn to pick up the mic. Ask them what they think I sing. What do you think? Yes, you're right. Y'all know her. Y'all know her better than I knew her. because I was expecting something beautiful and angelic. I was expecting some, you know, beautiful soaring ballad.

And all of a sudden, here I go, here I go. Here I go. But you know what? It was between that or let's talk about sex baby. Let's talk about you and me. So I was like, I should go and shoot. Go on. You made the right choice.

Yeah. But so my dad had a scar. My dad were very competitive. and he's like, the winner takes the scarf. I walked into a very competitive family in karaoke, and I was like, this is my thing. You guys are all going to be sorry. But I didn't realize that it's all their things, too.

You and Billy have practiced a song for 10 years plus. Billy and I, we karaoke. Like, you show up on a Friday night at 2 in the morning, and the two us are in a room by ourselves workshopping. Like, that's our level of karaoke. Big karaoke. So we bring a high game. However, we were not...

Let's break Billy out. Here, babe. Share, let's do you with me. Can you guys actually sing the song? No. You guys want to battle right now, motherfucker? Come on. Freestyle, let's go.

I would do some weird things to battle against you guys right now in karaoke. I just want to let everyone know everyone's like, oh, this was planned. This was not planned. Didn't even know who's... Stephen told me we were getting drinks after. I'm like, okay. One second. Let's just let him finish that at the end of the day, we bonded like, oh.

It was a deep visceral. Nothing brings people to. Listen, if you can pass the trial of fire that is Tartic karaoke, you're in. And this one is in. Ah! Should we have a battle? They got to go first. I don't know what the hell.

No, we'll lose, and I'm totally fine with that, because these two are amazing. Remember what I said earlier? I was like, everyone needs to drink. Everyone right now, let's drink. There we go. Glasses up, let's drink. We're in New York.

It's a Wednesday. Cheers. What is your guys' song that you do? Together? So our duet is suddenly Seymour. Oh, yes. Suddenly Seymour. You get it.

You get it. That's our duet. But it's suddenly Stephen. Okay. Oh, my God, I love you guys. Go. Do you need, like, a beat, or you can just do an acapella? Or do you...

This is amazing. The reality is we're not good singers. That's what karaoke's all about, so... We need a backing track. Okay. What do you need? No, no, no, just go. Give us, like, a verse.

We'll stop. You don't have to do the whole song. Kick us off, Billy. Wait, literally, how does it start? We start, two or me. Lift up your head. Wash off your mascara. Here, take a Kleenex, wipe that lipstick away

Show me your face, clean is the morning I know things were bad but now they're okay Suddenly Stephen is here Standing beside me Suddenly Stephen Showed me he can Learn how to be more. That's good.

We're good. That was it? No key point. That's the sample. Okay, here's our sample. Hey, yeah, I want to soup, baby. He doesn't know it. Okay, what do you know?

Oh, I know. Okay, one you're swedhiwabah, yeah, Uvenyae, you winya, yeah. Okay, one, you're sweating, two, the vein coming out of your forehead is scaring me. Three, pick a song we both know, you dick. Do your Hamilton thing and I'll know. Now he's chipping my tooth, just trying to get the mic.

Do your Hamilton. Sure, I only know one part. He's so good at this. Okay, go, go. Am I really doing it? Yeah. Oh, you know you knew for the last two weeks you were doing this. No, I actually did not.

Go. They say, George Washington's stealing is hard and is ready to steal. I don't know the word. He forgot the words. But we're going to have fun and party on a Wednesday. I'm so sad. Are they going to place whoever's in charge?

If so, who's next? There's nobody else who can lead their country a chart. It's the only song in Hamilton with like six words. in it and every time he sings it he like draws it like and who's next he doesn't go and who's next he goes and who's next does everybody know that

Caitlin literally has an album coming out this girl literally she's got scrunchy she's got wine she's got a podcast and shit she's got album coming out way to distract everyone from me making fun of you that was very clever a little smarter than i looked little buffalo boy with a little hair gel smarter than i look you know we like his hair gel though don't we all right vinos we just had too much content to work with here it's going to be continued on thursday's grape therapy part two jason and i live in new york

Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's done with OTV? Sponsors for this week's Off the Vine are CWs in the dark. Watch it Thursdays on CW or anytime on the free CW app. H&R Block, visit HrBlock.com to find the office closest to you. And MedMen. Experience the new normal at MedMen.

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