Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Phoenix Live Show with Jason

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

Kaitlyn comes to us live from Phoenix this week with the one and only Jason Tartick. In the most Kaitlyn fashion she kicks off the show with a discussion about natural deodorant. Next they play a game called, "Answer the Internet" where Kaitlyn asks Jason and Brandi questions even she is embarrassed by! Listen for three extra special guests and a confession from Kaitlyn about the early stages of her and Jason's relationship. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. Get ready for lots of laughs, tabby topics, unfiltered advice, and wine. Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. Oh, no! Phoenix?

Phoenix is insane. Yeah, Phoenix. Oh my God, I love you guys. Let me tell you, every single time, without fail, I need to ship my pants before I come out here because I get so nervous, and I don't know what the crowd's going to be like, and I'm like, this guy's like, this girl. He's like, yeah, she just cheers me, that's cool.

And now I'm like, I shit my pants. Every time And then I come Just to reiterate that Every time Every show And this time Somebody came backstage

And they're like This is your best crowd yet So thank you For making me shit my pants Best feeling in the world In the world It's so funny Because I think I'd like tell the crowd every time

because it always happens right before I come out here and we all know I do confessions and I share too much information and so it just feels natural to tell you guys that like that's how I open every show so I shit my pants in it it's the nervous poops it's the nervous poops we all get it

oh my god you guys thank you so much for coming out tonight I had a daytime show and so I'm drunk is what I'm getting at literally backstage like tequila wine wine tequila the hardest decision of my day today has to been if I'm going to just stay with wine or switch it over to tequila so I'm going to do both

do you guys have your spade and sparrows wine I like it I like it I'm like every time I do this I want to make eye contact with like each and every one of you because I'm just like so grateful for all of you but that would be a impossible and that would be a really boring show and it would get weird um what are you drinking sir corona what's your name chaz chaz chas like chas michael michael damn it i thought i was being so original um and it did your girlfriend drag you here fiancee hey get it girl uh and so this is again a running my whole team is probably like you make the same jokes every time but i will say i hope you get a really good blow job tonight.

Yeah. Oh. Wait. Wait. That's a great sales pitch for men because women always buy my wine, but he's saying, for all the three men in here, he's saying that he gets lucky every time she drinks spayed and sparrows. Wow. You should get that on video.

We need a video endorsement. Say that into the microphone. Swipe up. It is a great gift, though, no matter... Okay, stop, Caitlin. I'm not here to... I'm not here to sell you on it. You know it's good.

Let me just face the label out to the front for any photos. Yeah, so I had a daytime show today. I'm not going to lie, I guess Phoenix gets lit because the daytime show... Was fire. I warned them. I told him.

I said the daytime crowd was lit. Liddy, at 1 p.m. And I was like, you got to bring the heat to do better. And you are. They're doing it. Yeah. Y'all are doing it. And I feel really, I'm sorry if I have my back to you guys.

I don't mean to, but I love, I love you too. And I love you. And I love you. And I love you. And I love you with the sign. What does it say? KB is the Vino's choice. Aww!

Aw! I lost. I mean, I was nominated for a people's choice, and I was like, that's fucking rap. And then I lost, and I was like, well, that sucks. But, like, it was cool. We were there. It was obviously, like, I got pushed over so many times for other cooler people to come through the red carpet,

but I was so okay with that because I'm like, here's my chance. I'm going to walk the carpet. And then Pink walks in. I'm like, yeah, you go ahead, you go ahead. And then I'm like, all right, and here I go. And then Gwen Stefani and Blake. I'm like, yeah, you guys, go ahead.

And then it was Hannah B. And I was like, yeah, okay, you have your moment. You're like, I'll just leave. I'll leave now. I had mine. You have yours. It was fun. I love Hannah.

What? I can't hear when you scream like that. But I get it. What? Number one bachelor. I'll give you a scrunchy later. Thank you. saying that. Uh, I agree. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Um, Brandy's looking

fine tonight. Thanks guys. Man, I love Phoenix. Can we come back like once a month? Yeah. You guys rock. I'm not gonna lie. The, it's not that I underestimated you guys, but I went into Seattle, my first show. And Seattle is known to be kind of a sleepy city. And I was like, ooh, I'm gonna have to really bring the heat, you know? And I got there. And people were like, puking and like slamming on the. the stage and I was like oh shit I blame Blake oh it was it for Blake

I don't know it's probably Blake's fault right oh yeah Blake Blake was like well Blake was the drunk one the whole tour exactly he was literally like at a certain time there was one time last show where Blake was up there and he was like not making any sense with his confession that Jason had to come out and be like

yeah and just like have some more wine and we'll just wrap this up because it got weird it got really weird anyways you guys know Jason I am so good at podcasting. Did you see that segue? That was just a sick transition. Yeah, okay, so I guess I don't really have to introduce my guest.

I hope some of you aren't as creepy as the women in the daytime show with him. He was like going out asking questions and people backstage can watch this on a TV screen. And I always like watch him like, that girl just put her hand up his shirt. Like, you can't f*** to do that. So we got her kicked out. And I lost one bino. That's it.

So it was a good day. Anyways, tonight my guest, I'm going to give him an intro anyways because I like to pump his tires. Tonight my guest is someone obviously near to my heart. You were first introduced to him as the gel-haired blazer-wearing professional on Becca's Season of the Bachelorette.

Oh, he's eased up on the gel And he grew a little facial hair And he's got scruff He looks so hot right now He's looking good He looks so good Um What is, now I lost my train of thought

Oh, he's the father of my dog child The I said earlier Nobody takes me down a notch like ramen It's like I think I know Don't blow your load Ramon is so

tired right now because he played with Astra I always want to say Astrid Yeah you and all my podcast listeners They're like Astrid is so cute I'm like Astra

Astra Astra Those two were playing backstage So he's going to come out in the second half But You know what I'm just gonna make

The next time I like have like anything Like a dud crowd I'm just going to be like And now Roman Because I'm like Anyways, he's the Ross to my Rachel The yin to my yang I'm so happy he's here

Doing the tour with me He's been just like I mean he is there for me Unless he has something going on But other than that He's there for me Please give a warm welcome to my all-time favorite Phoenix Arizona what's going on

I said this earlier I'll say it again Caitlin has been over to 35 cities of this tour, 10 cities, and there is only one city on this tour that she chose two shows. And that's Phoenix, Arizona, baby. Woo! We got a hair extension issue here. My hair extension is a day in the life adjacent here.

Kate, is your hair extension covered? Yep, you look great. Okay, what's going to do for you? That's a good guy right there. He always makes sure my hair extensions aren't showing. But why is it caught? Ow! Ow! Oh, okay. Do we get it? We got it. Okay. Hi, Jason! Hey! How are you, dear? It's just... Dear. Oh, my God, you're your dad.

I'm such an old man. You are, it's the best. You, like, are an old soul, like, an old man in your soul, and it's the best thing ever. I like this crowd. No, I know. Especially Chas Michael Michael. Yes. Oh, yeah. The guy beside him is like, I've been here the whole time, and you haven't said shit. to me just chugging his like beer being like this guy for sure is trying to get on the bachelor because he looks so good no no he's engaged oh i take it back i take it back both you guys should be i mean they got the look this guy's like colton 2.0 right here you guys are

really good looking you're a very good looking couple but you know what i like about this crowd like all you see the girls in the back are still like chugging wine getting hammered yeah it's a beautiful thing yeah and i will i will say you didn't get to see this But we have a special guest who just came in backstage. And let me tell you, this guy is an absolute gem. Oh, did he just come in? Oh, he came in hot, he's ready to go. Oh, shit.

So second half, buckle up. And end of the first half, we have a special guest, too. And of the first half, actually, we have three special guests. We have three special guests for you. Not one, not two, but three. That's funny. I forgot about that. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Wow, that was so Canadian. Did you hear that? I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Any Canadians in the crowd? Where are you from? Winnipeg. No, I've been.

It's terrible. I mean, it's Canada, so I still love it. And I can say that because I'm from Edmonton. I feel like it's very similar, where all you have going for you is your NHL team. And that's same with Edmonton. But I love it. But I love it.

It's the greatest people that come out of shit cities like that. Because you're like, what else? We have our imagination. We're daydreamers. We have Connor McDavid, which everybody's like, who? Beauty. There's like five people. He's a really good hockey player in Edmont.

You know, I didn't think about this till right now, and that's the best part. Caitlin and I always have like a plan of what we're going to do, and we always go off the plan. But in our relationship, we're A-Z, we always go back and forth. It's nice to have 600 people here to either agree or disagree with us. So the first thing I'm going to say, I'm going to pump your tires here. But Caitlin wakes up today, and she's like, I look like shit. I just want to put it out there. How fucking hot does Caitlin Bustle look tonight?

Oh, my God. And we could go back and forth on arguments, but you look smoking tonight. You're just trying to get lucky. Did I not say that back then? Yeah, you did. I did. I did. I think it's the jean jacket. Oh, you like that? Because I'm sweating so bad right now, and I was just contemplating, taking it off.

Are you wearing all that? Are you wearing deodorant? No. Jason thinks I'm so disgusting because I only wear natural deodorant. Okay, he thinks I'm disgusting because it doesn't work. Oh, you have... We got real natural deodorant that works? That's a beautiful thing. Wait, can I...

How about that fucking timing? All right, so funny story. Caitlin walks by a few weeks ago. It was before Seattle. And I was like, babe, Jesus Christ Wait, wait, let me finish And so I'm just like, gee, honey, like Honestly, you smell like one of the boys in the locker room

And she's like, then she throws I am changing till natural deodorant So I don't have cancer I am organic, like she lays the smack down Yeah, I did I was like, holy shit, I'm sorry As I'm probably going to die of liver failure I'm like worried about

But like it is a thing I just worry about certain things. I started trying to go natural and apparently I still smell. Yeah, you did. But anyways, I only said I look like shit when I woke up this morning because I'm on my period.

Well, I don't know. I like to make it weird. I'm on my period. And I was like, I don't know what it is and I don't know if this happens to you ladies, but like I just like woke up in a pool of my own sweat. This guy hates me. And I was like, why am I going?

Like, I'm sweating. I'm always cold. I'm sweating right now. It's like I'm going through menopause. I have hot flashes. And so when I woke up, I have really unfortunate hair, okay? I work well with what I've got, and I have extensions in. But if you see me out of the shower and let it air dry and then sleep on it, I look like a drowned rat with like, like this side has a, first of all,

is it cowlick or calick? Cow lick? Oh, wow. You win that one. I told you, Brent. If I go to Buffalo, everybody like, Calick. Because the reason it's called that is because it looks like a cow licked your head. Yes.

Cow lick. I lose. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that is what it is. I lost. You lost. Hey, all the guys out there, admit when you lose, it's a good thing. Anyways. I lost.

And so one side of my hair is like, and like wavy and then this side's dead straight. And it's very unfortunate. Anyways, it doesn't matter. All right, Vino's, if you are looking for a fun way to pass the time while engaging your brain and enjoying breathtaking visuals and a gripping story, I have the answer for you. It's a game, and it's called Best Fiends. It's filled with puzzles, fun characters, and has a story to keep you constantly engaged and entertained. Best Fiends is a casual game that anyone can play no matter your experience playing games.

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Mine's probably my PMSing for you. I'm trying to hit. He snores. Oh, I thought, there's like 40 that was like, ew, you guys like snoring? It's terrible. And ramen snores as well, so I'm like, wow, I really hit the jackpot.

And last night it was really cute because we were sleeping and I woke up and again, I'm on my period. So I was like, ah, you're snoring. I have a big day back-to-back doubleheader shows. Okay, I wasn't that mean. But I was like, cool your f*** chits on ramen. We'll bring them out.

And what was I saying? Cool your tips. Did I say cool your death? Oh, yeah. And so he went and slouched on the pillow couch because he felt bad. Oh, my God. And someone else just said, where's ramen?

I swear to God, we will bring him out. He's sleeping. You want him to be on his A game, right? Yeah. We always save ramen for the end. It'll be a thing. We're all going to enjoy it. We're all going to enjoy it.

I have this funny game in my pocket. Do you have parts? Oh, I do. You haven't seen these. So it's this game called, Answer the Internet. Questions as f*** up as you are. Right up your alley, honey. Yep. What did I say? I said something today and you're like, that's my girl. I forget what it was. But it was probably terrible. So we're going to ask Brandy a couple. We're going to ask you a couple. And they're messed up guys. Like, feel free to answer.

We were reading them in the car. And Caitlin, of all people, was embarrassed to read it out loud in front of our driver. That's how bad it is. Yes. Yeah. I mean, one question. What was the one? It was like, no one would say it out loud. I don't know. I'll do it now because I love shock value for the crowd. Okay, let me ask Jason. this one. Can I offer another game on top of this? So whoever gives the best answer, we get the crowd's opinion, and then the loser's got to drink the most.

I miss that way. So we all give our answers. Yeah. Whoever gives it, we pull the audience to see who gave the best answer. And then whoever... But it's not it's a would you rather. It's not a better... Okay. I'm just trying to get people to drink. He's just trying to get you drunk. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. I got one. Okay. If you could be part of... What? If you could be part of the crew from any TV show or movie, what would it be and why?

A crew? Oh, I see part of the crew? Yeah. I want to be in front of the camera. Yeah. What crew? I don't get the quick help. This is the type of shit the producer.

Yeah, this is lame. I've always wanted to be in the Avengers. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, people didn't love it. That was a lame question. Well, because we went from, like, real dirty shit to, like... Brandy's in third grade shit. I have...

I have a Mary F***le one for you. Okay. Italian food, Mexican food, or Chinese food? Italian, Mexican Chinese? Yeah. Hmm. Mary Mexican food. Italian food.

Chinese food? Yeah, that was good. That was really good. I respect that answer. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I want to ask so many people. Let's just ask, I don't know. Chaz Michael. Why do I? I'm sorry. You know, I'm like, I'm not a comedian, but you know comedians are when they just like heckle the guy in the front? That's sorry. That's what I'm doing to you and I apologize. I'm going to ask your fiancé. What's your name? Sarah. Sarah. Ah, um, these are, I want to ask Sarah a good one.

Any more cards? Um, yeah, pull those. I want to get you a really, like, you seem like a little timid. Are you? Oh. Okay, well, I read you wrong. I'm like, I have really good intuition and judge of character. You seem shy.

No? Oh, so many Sarahs are like that. They look all innocent, but they're freaky. That's true. It's so true. Yeah, very true. You are such a Sarah. Oh, are you on crutches?

Why? What happened? Oh, hip surgery. Oh, I'm sorry. It's a little sympathy card, though. Yeah, still fun. He still makes it work. Okay.

So if that's a Sarah, what's a Caitlin? Oh. Are you a Caitlin? And Katie. I think we are just unpredictable. Like, Caitlin's could be really, like, sweet and normal, or you could be a psychopath like me. Well, what would you say Karen is? Oh my God. That's what I call my period. So many periods. I call her Karen. Any Karen's in the crowd?

Yeah, right. There's just a table of Karen's. Show me your ID. That is such a lie. You just wanted to be a woo girl for two seconds, and I respect it. Who's really a Karen? You are. Okay, see, I knew it. There's one. There's two. I feel like we should bring Karen up. Are you crazy? Little, yeah, but are you mean? No, okay. I don't know, oh, I don't know what it is about Karen's on Instagram,

but they're just like the most savage bitches out there. Not you guys, but like, every time I see a mean comment, I'm like, fucking Karen, or Susan. Yeah, it's always the Susan. Susan, oh, I'm sorry. Or, there's another one, Karen, Susan. Patty! Patty!

Patty. You know We hashtag pray for Patty There I don't remember This is how irrelevant it was But Patty said something so mean to me once And I was like

I really want to show Patty some love If everybody could pray for Patty I remember this She's clearly having a rough day And being really mean And she just needs a hug Let's just all pray for Patty Well somebody at my show in L.A.

had a shirt that said pray for Patty And it was everything Your mother-in-law is Patty And Yeah R-I-P Patty mayonnaise Yeah Patty, we'll pray for her

Yeah Yes Oh April over here Was born in November That just That's weird What I don't

Oh happy birthday Yeah of course Happy birthday in, no, yeah. Oh, I was like, wait, is your name, November, April? You're in November. I don't even know what date is today, I don't know. So, okay, I know everyone who listens to the podcast here,

you know, we play games, we're pretty raunchy, we just are raw, we say whatever, I think we should confess. let's confess do you have one I got one okay because I I got one I know it's tough to come up with them

I know always but it's like I actually didn't think I had one until I was backstage talking to one of my girlfriends and she told me something that she did once and I was like I did that to Jason and he doesn't know and there's my confession

the things I learn in your confessions I know sometimes you're like like I say to Jason what I say to my dad like just don't listen to this podcast just you know take a knee and sit this one out okay so I'll start I know Brandy do you have one

yeah you kind of yeah okay actually let's start with you Brandy oh that's actually it's actually good so I don't have to like follow up some like really great one you've kept secret all day or something in the car he's like I don't have confessions

they're hard and then he gets out of here and he's like I got a confession. I know. He works the crowd. He's so good. All right. My confession. It's funny.

I talked about it earlier and didn't mean it to be in confession. And I was like, that's kind of one hell of a confession. That's good. So here we go. Okay. So I feel like I'm always talking about how I'm sexting my boyfriend. But to be fair, he lives in South Africa. Okay.

It's all you have. I only see him every three months. We've got to keep the fire going, you know? Totally. I mean, we do that on the weekends when we're not around each other. Yeah. I'm all this. It's a man.

So. I mean, he just, you know, we really loves it when I talk about how I have so much fun playing with all my toys, thinking about him. He just eats it up. He absolutely loves it. He thinks it's so hot. Oh, he thinks it's so hot. I don't really have toys. I have, like, one.

I have, like, one vibrator, like, whatever. Yeah. So he comes over here for the first time, his first trip to the United States, and he gets to my house, and literally the first, like, within two hours being there. So how about all those toys you always talk about? Where are they? And I'm like, oh, oh, yeah, they're in my other house. Yeah, I use them when I'm there. You know, sometimes I stay at the other house and just really turns me on.

And so I keep all the toys there. I have zero toys. Which is also a humble brag, because you have two houses. Everyone's like, I'm with you. I sext about my toys. I don't have toys. And my other, no, I usually, I don't. Humble brine.

Which also, we said that's hot in between that. Paris Hilton just followed you on Instagram. She did. I don't get excited about much, but I was very excited about Perra Shelton's fall out. I know. Oh, people don't agree. I'm like, she's such a legend.

I'm like, no, she's... Maybe too young, because the simple life was just everything. Everything. Everything. I love that. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Since I'm always put on the spot in these snares,

so then what happened? So he says, you don't have toys. He fully believed they were at the other house. Oh. But then you're like, we're going to, I'm going to make up for this. But the other house is like 30 minutes away. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll go get them. Does he still think there's, like, toys somewhere?

I think so. Like, there's a treasure chest somewhere. He's very gullible, yeah. Does he listen to your podcast? He listens to my podcast, but I don't think he knows that I go on your podcast. I mean, okay. He just doesn't really, okay. He's not like a big social media guy.

No. Oh, he doesn't even have it, remember? Right. He doesn't have social media. What a blessing. It would be great when he comes on this podcast to get the reverse story. Oh, that's a good call. Yeah, I'm going to make him confess something to me.

Do you have toys? I'm so boring I'm like so vanilla I wouldn't say you're boring How is that possible Okay I'm not boring I had one once when I was single And I was like

See this is where you say I don't need toys Oh yeah I don't need toys Thank you Brandy Appreciate that Obviously you'd know if I did All right this is a 30 second commercial And I'm gonna throw a lot of numbers at you

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Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow Okay, here's mine So when we were doing long distance speaking up Jason lived in Seattle, I lived in Nashville, we were doing long distance And I went over to your apartment once And this was in the phase where like I was not talking about my period I wasn't being gross, I wasn't like talking about I shit my pants And we were just like in that new honeymoon phase

Where I was just trying to be like so cute all the time And like I'm really chill I like don't really like I'm just here my heart's starting to race I'm like oh oh what's happening um you know how guys when they like live by themselves

they don't really like have toilet paper sometimes oh that's oh that's Oh, that's okay. I didn't want any more anyways. Yeah, I know. So one time I was, I had to go to the bathroom.

And you were at work, but you were coming home from a lunch break. And I was, like, freaking out because you didn't have toilet paper. And I just went. And so I used one of your face cloths. I did. Like a reusable facecloth? or like a washcloth? Like a washcloth.

Are we talking number one or number two? Two. Wait, that would be so boring if it was number one. What the f*** did you do with the washcloth? I put it, I only put it in your hamper. To be fair, I had every intention of doing your laundry. And it was when I got sick. Remember I got a cold really bad?

It was like right at the beginning. any of us hanging out. Yeah. So I forgot because I was so sick the next day and had to take a flight. I totally forgot to do your laundry. But I mean, so the dirty club. You washed it.

Wow. Yeah, I think so. You know. He's so disturbed. He just went, ugh. I'm thinking through this. I'm like, yeah, I changed outfits a lot. You should have thrown in the trash can.

And then I was like, what the fuck? I smelled like shit. But that was your shit. Yeah. It was mine. That's pretty fucking. Curried you to, like, just throw it away. So he didn't put it on his face ever.

But wouldn't you just like, bottle over and, like, it's above the dryer. What was? I mean, everyone's had to do the waddle to get... Oh, they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You never thought about that? I didn't know that's where your toilet paper was. I looked under cupboards.

I looked on the roll. There was nothing there. I panicked. You were about to get home from your lunch break. That explains my acne in Seattle. I went to a doctor for that. I was going to say pink eye, but, okay. That too.

I did. Oh my God, you did. I had a pink guy in Seattle. I got it on both my eyes, actually. Oh, my God. Seriously, I did. I didn't. The guys in the office churned me, they still churned me about that.

They're like, you didn't get one. You got two pink eyes. Oh, then you don't do good laundry. Yeah, you know what, to fight, like, no joke. My mom, everyone chirps, I'm not good with, like, things you're good with something. I'm not good with laundry. I don't do, like, the whites and bleach, so that may... It wasn't a white.

It was the gray ones. Why would you screw? Those are nice. Yeah. But they're also gray. You thought that was a good idea? You're not white. Is this, this real?

What's your confession? I'm sweating. How with one washcloth, do you get enough? Just tell us, you're so I could forget. I immediately regret this decision. You're sweating. I'm sorry. I'm going to show you guys literally my health insurance history, like, pink eye, pink eye.

And I went to the eye doctor for this. I didn't even go to the general doctor. The eye doctor was like, it's because you travel too much. Okay, I'll stay out of planes. Little did I know. Go, just do your confession, please. I still carry Purell because of that. Oh, my God.

Okay, we get it. I'm gross. Okay. What's yours? And then we have a special guest for our confession. My confession is from, it took me a long time. I think about it, but two nights ago, Caitlin had Nick Vial as her guest.

And this is why I did it for a reaction. It's called Downloads, people. Well, I'm fine when they. I'm fine with Nick. Nick's a good guy. So, all right. Well, duh.

Anyway. So, Caitlin's getting ready like for that night, right? So she's like getting all dressed up and she's wearing something extremely conservative,

something extremely liberal, something in between. She's asking my opinion. And I'm like, I think you should go with this. And she's like, oh, you just don't want me to look like that. I'm like, Kate, I really don't care.

So she ended up settling on jeans that were like up to her I don't know what you call that shit it's a shin okay shin jeans that haven't been Do you want me to pull out the whiteboard jeans that haven't been washed

in 18 years up to her shin and she has a white shirt pink pink top which looks super hot I'm like do you have to wear that I had such good side boob yeah side boob no bra I'm like really we got to go there okay and then she had a jean jacket

that was tie-dye color I'm like you know what This does it all. It's got some spunk. It's got a little sexiness. But, like, you can walk out of that door, and I feel good about it. I'm like, go do you. So she goes, does her. I go out with Blake and Wills.

We're having some drinks for ketchup up on life. Things are good. Now, this is 100% legitimate. Obviously, like, my nerves are kind of bubbling. Blake and Nick have a little beef. Nick and I are cool, but people want us to have beef. There's obviously crazy history because we live in this weird incestual world of the Bachelor. Hey, you were in love of Becca, and I love her.

And I walk in from BK to KB, baby. So I walk in. I actually, I miss that. So I walk in. Someone said that to me today. Anyway, I walk in, and I'm in the green room, and I see these, like, sparkly heels. Like this. Sparkly heels like this.

That's dramatic, but. Like this. Yeah. And then I see, like, there's, like, legs in this, like, fur jacket and this long blonde hair, back to her back. And not being, like, underneath the jacket? No, and I'm looking down at the heels, and I look at the heels. So I walk right in, I see Nick to my right. I look right, and I see the heels, I see the legs, I see this pink fur jacket, I see the hair.

Little booty shorts. I literally take her, I turn her around, I look back at the heels, I look at the no legs, I look at the booty shorts, I look at the booty shorts, I look at the face, I'm like, are you fucking, oh my God. Demi, it is so good to see you. He literally spun her around, was like, what the fuck? What did you change into? Are you fucking, like, where's the cameras? I thought what, because Caitlin and Demi are like the same height. They both have the hair in the back. And I thought for sure it was Demi.

I thought for sure it was Caitlin. So, and Demi's like, what did I do to you? Like, what's your problem? So anyway. To be fair, did you see what she was wearing? I love her to death, but holy shit. It was like these hilarious like rhinestone booty shorts and a crop top with a big...

And she pulled it off like you couldn't believe. Oh, and she knew she did. But I'm just like, you went from fucking shin jeans to this? Like, what? But it was Demi. Well, Nick's giving me a look in the corner of my eye. I'm like, this is a fucking nightmare. Yeah.

Anyway, it was Demi. I confuse Demi and Caitlin, love them both, and they both know the story. So that is my confession. I apologize. It's good. We have one more confession, and then I have to pee, and we're going to refill some wines and do our thing, and then come back for the second half. But, like, if you were to hear a confession from someone, who would you want to hear it from?

Yeah, of course, Tyler. Tyler C. What did you say? Somebody said first. Mama Bee? My mom? Oh shit! Mama B!

Mama B! Mama B! Hey, Mama B Mama beat, Mama beat, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Moma, Mama Beat. Woo! Ladies and gentlemen, Caitlin Bristol, 2.0. Oh. Oh, my gosh.

The song we always sing when Mom comes out or is on my podcast, says, Mama Beat, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama beat. Mama beat, Mama beat, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, my mama beat. And we all know that mom has some good confessions. But can we take a second with this outfit? This is

Canadian. I am Canadian. But friends of Caitlin, it's called Smash. And Tess. The most comfortable rompers, this is a romper. I'm just going to rock, rock. I feel like I'm looking at my future, and I like it.

Good luck with that. The best is that mom sometimes thinks she's an influencer. So she really, like, because Smash and Tess send her that romper, she truly believes that she needed to give you guys that plug right there like you're welcome you're welcome yeah one time one time i always used this um collagen powder it's called true marine from vancouver also it's local from where i come from so i like to use local sometimes and it was a small business and they sent her some she literally piled it like a like an influencer like she set it up in stacks so it was all pretty and stood beside it and tweeted to her 10 followers thank you so much

much um true marine for the college in uh hashtag ad uh really enjoying it and i'm like mom you don't have to do that she's like well i want to say thank you i learned from the best i'm like a quick email a quick a quick email would have been great um so mom yes yes first of all you're just a vision right now stop yeah yeah can we just talk about what age you just turned no you have to own it it, say it. 67. Mike, are you shitting me? It's so, I always, I hug my mom all the time when I can and say, thank you for making me

win the genetic lottery, because you look fantastic. Thank you. But I thank my parents and on and on. Yeah, they were all, we're just a really beautiful family, so. And true marine collagen, we'd like to thank them for... Give us your best swipe up.

For our healthy skin, hair, and nails. Can I ask how many takes you have to do? Yeah, how many takes? Oh, you should talk. Well, that's why I ask. You should talk. Did you see how many takes it took them on her head? If you only knew.

It took me way more than his. He just didn't catch it on Instagram. Here's a difference. She's doing it. She's like, fuck shit. And I'm like, oh, I can't, I want to take a video, I can't. Okay, two minutes later, I'm like, shit. She's like, oh, everyone's laughing at you.

This is great. This is awesome. I was, I was laughing. Yeah. Especially when you put your hand through your hair. Hair back, yeah. Yeah. It was great content, but I will say we all do it.

Before you do an Instagram story, you all... I was just going to drink my microphone. Oh, I do that all the time, Mom. Okay, all that... That's when I know I'm, like, had a bit too much is when I'm, like, doing this and I'm talking and then I go or I talk in the this where I'm not alone. I don't know where you got it

from. You know why? It's because you have your mic in your right hand and you're winding your left. Switch it up and you won't do it. It's a trick I learn. You're welcome. All right. If you guys are like me, you've got stuff, like lots of stuff. Too much stuff. Stuff you no longer use. Maybe you never used some stuff that doesn't spark joy in your

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So why not give it a try? Ring in the new year with less stuff in your home and more money in your pocket with Mercari. That's M-E-R-C-A-R-I-M-R-C-R-R-R-E-Selling app. So mom has a few confessions. And we both share something in common. We like the stage. Okay, but that's it, because I'm already drunk. We both like to share the stage.

Yes. We both kind of like the attention. We're kind of hammy. We're a couple of hams. And, oh, I was like, no, no more. And so I like to get on stage in Nashville and sing with the band and obviously perform Shoup

because it's my only go-to. And so it was my... Sure, we'll go with it. It was my birthday. If somebody's birthday, and we took Mom up on stage and everybody started singing, Caitlin's mom has got it going on. Then na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, whatever that song is. And the whole band started singing Caitlin's mom

and did the whole song. You tell the rest, Mom. Here, I'll hold your wine. Don't drink it. Okay. I have my own wine. You can have so many time you want. I was playing spin the bottle of your daughter.

I got it from my mama. Okay. My mom? My mom? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. My mom. I feel like we should just let your mom sing a song.

Mom, do the confession. What would be your song? All right. The confession is. we're at this really huge honky tonk like it's four levels in Nashville you know where I'm talking about right on Broadway right Brandy so so we're there and I'm just like oh wow wool goalie wow so then she's up on stage and she's singing and I'm so proud of her and then they go I go okay So I go up

And they were singing Caitlin's mom has got it going on And she's had a few cocktails I had on two times the size of these heels And all of a sudden I went Yeah In front of a lot of people I wasn't even drunk, I promise you

She was drunk So I'm like this And Caitlin's going Mom I told you not to wear those heels I told you not to. So I get up. I get up. I get up.

I get up. Yeah. Thank you. And then. And then I was good. I thought it was good. And then she fell again. Twice.

And then I said, forget about it. And I took my shoes off. I feel like I'm with Caitlin. I'm sorry. Katelyn's mom has got it going on. Caitlin's mom has got it going on. She fell twice. And I'm talking like,

That was a cute fall, mom. You bailed. She was looking at me, and she was like, Mom, no, no, you're going. You're going, Mom. I said, no, I'm not. Twice. And people were, it was like, they had secondhand embarrassment for her. Like, they were like, oh.

And then the second time they're like, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, not even funny. And she wasn't going anywhere. She's like, I'm not leaving this goddamn stage. So she just took off her shoes and just went to town again. I did. I did. Caitlin, I don't see

at all where you got it from. Just you wait. There's my dad, who is like the quietest, most like calm, even keeled. I remember playing games growing up because our family loves games, and we'd be like playing this game where a catchphrase

where it's like a hot potato. Like you have to try and explain it. Love catchphrase. Get it out of your hands. Get it out of your hands. And my dad would go, oh, okay. Well, and my mom would going,

God damn it, Mike! It's a hot potato! And my dad's like, oh, sorry. But now they're both happily remarried, and it's all good. It is all good. Rob, here's to you.

Rob's back in the green room. He's probably just, like, sleeping on the couch, being like, oh, no, I don't know. And he golfed today. Well, it's funny, because I'm like, If my dad was here, I'd be mortified. My stepdad, I'm like, he, he just gets it.

He's good with it. He's very to my mom. Well, thank you. What? Can I just say something? Oh, God. Is this going to be emotional? Oh, God.

Is this going to be emotional? Jason, I heard something about her using a washcloth for a toilet paper. I thought we cut the volume out back then. No, no, no, no. We had the... Oh, God. Oh, man. I did not think he was going to come on on stage.

Oh, he's like, I came to bring her off stage. What a good-looking couple, huh? Get the hook. Does he not look like Kevin Costner? Google it. Google it. Anyways. Anyways.

Watch your step. Okay. I think, um, such a mom. She's like, get the fuck off. you're spoiling my life you're out of my life guys I'm getting such evil look at intermission time I know I know you know you know what's funny is

you don't bring up sex toys or anything else we've talked about you're like the washcloth oh god like we've talked about so much raunchy stuff no no no but I have a point and if there's any men in the crowd thanks for being here kudos to you thank you but I really hope

that a washcloth a you use on your face never gets used I hope that you replace the goddamn toilet paper like what? What? Like it serves you right. Well it's crazy because toilet paper runs out and then you have

a lot and I got 16 goddamn rolls over the washer. Yeah but you don't change it. You got to put it on. I was working. My mom has a sign above the toilet paper dispenser that says changing the toilet paper rule does not kill you.

Yeah. I have that sign. Yeah. But you have a lot of signs in your house. Like, I went to, first of all, I did have. She's a big signs guy. There's a lot of signs. But I was like, every place I went, I'm like, yeah, I don't know. Like, I went to wash my hands, and I go to the cloth and there's a sign, don't use these.

They are for decoration. I was like, I like dried my hands on my. Wait, before we take a pee break and a wine break, Brandy, can I say what's in Miley's bathroom? The sign? Oh, please. By all means. So in Miley's bathroom, there's like a really. pretty framed photo that's

knitted and it says please do not do cocaine on the counters which of course means feel free to do coke on the counters. Yeah yeah it's just a yeah exactly well it used to we'll be back with more off the vine with

Caitlin Bristow during the season of giving we'd like to offer you a little something special and all we're asking in return is a few moments of your time We need you to complete a short survey because your opinion really matters to us, and it actually helps support the show. So it'll only take a couple of minutes, and if you're one of the first people to do it, we'll give you a reward in return. Sounds pretty cool, I'm all right.

Just go to podcast.1. Study, and everything will be right there for you. That's podcast1.study. The first 150 people who complete the survey will get a $10 gift card to Amazon.com. All of our shows are supported by advertisers, so filling this out will really, really help. us and help you in the long run. So please go to podcast. Dot SETI, and as always, thank you to my VINOs for supporting the show. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow.

I heard we have some single ladies in the crowd. And I don't know if you guys remember, but about a year ago, I interviewed Paul Bissonette, a.k.k.a. Biznasty from Spitting Chicklets. And he may be our bachelor tonight. We've got some horny girls out here. Yeah, baby. All right. So, what's your name?

Caitlin? Nice. You guys all introduce yourselves. Ashley. Kirsten. All right. I like it. And our bachelor, we're going to get Jason to introduce him.

Because he's good at this. All right. Here we. go. Halling from Wellenden, Ontario. He was an NHL native, a fourth-line hero. He could beat the shit out of anybody in the United States of America. But more importantly, this guy is a barstool sports future Hall of Famer. Your fan favorite in ours, Paul Bissoners. I got the horses in the bag Horse like is attached

I'm already on stage I'm already on stage All right We're back in it, whoa Nice Someone's gonna get her Hey, whoa, whoa. Come on.

This is for charity. This is for charity. And that mustache is for charity. Do you have like a swipe-up or a page that people can go to to donate? Because that's cool. No, it's for men's health awareness. Well, I know.

It's prostate cancer awareness, but I thought you maybe had a page. Yeah, what are you doing? Now you're making me look like an asshole. Oh, my God. Okay, so. There's a guy here? Yeah, only two.

Only two, Paul. And he knows about the Pink Whitney. I'd say blink if you need help, but, like, I can't see you. I love it. Here, in that direction? Yes. That's a stretcher. Oh, shit.

Oh, man, they love the stretch. That was a sick, sick toss. They love these things. Simon says. I'm keeping this one. Yeah, I think these are going to go up in currency. Keep that for later. All right.

Okay, so here's how it's going to work. It's going to be in my crotch. She's going to be game-worn. We're going to ask the girls a round of questions. Paul's going to pick his favorite at the end, and he's going to take them on a date possibly. Okay. Sure. And ladies, just to be clear here, think of this rapid fire.

You have 30 seconds or less to answer the questions I'm going to ask you, so you got to be quick, okay? Quick, quick, quick. Okay, here we go. You ready to go? Yeah, we're ready. All right. Paul, are you ready? Yeah, obviously

I was going to say that the winner can pick if they want to go on a date with me or Air Bud back there in another green room. Oh, Rahman. He calls Roehanerba. This guy's a diva. He was like bossing me around there and shit. What's that guy's problem?

Is all the fame going through his head? Yeah, he's got a lot of Instagram followers. He's like, who's this loser? I'm like, whoa, man. I'm just like, Caitlin asked me to come. Yeah, that is a napkin on his head. Okay, Brandy, go right with the questions. Paul, listen up.

Round one. we go. Okay. What is one thing you never leave the house without? Bachelorette number one. Her dog. I like it. Oh, that's true. I was going to say my dog, actually. Some form to help me see my either glasses or contacts. I'm probably flung as a bag.

Sexy. Number three? My phone? Her phone. Very honest. I like it. Dog, dog and phone. Very honest. I didn't even hear the first answer. Her dog. She will not live home without her dog. Number one takes her dog. Okay. All right. Next question. What is your theme song for your life? Number one?

Shit. Party in the USA. Good answer. Good answer, number one. Great answer. Number two? Living on a prayer. Oh.

Also a good answer. A rob or three hit. Fat bottom girls. What's that one? Fat bottom girls, you make the rock and world go round. You know that one. I don't know that one. You liar.

Paul, like you've never, come on. Unless you're, maybe you're just. It's not seeing it good enough. I don't know. That right I'm good at the rocking world go round. They play at the Roxy all the time. All right. Okay.

All right. Next question. After what date is it appropriate to have sex? Bachelorette number one. What? Four. Four dates? What?

Are you crazy? That's not for you to answer. Okay. After what date is it appropriate to have sex? Chastity belt. What was the second answer? Oh. We're just.

now starting. Bachelor at number one says third. Third. Third. Third date. Okay, third. Third date? Bachelor at number two? If my parents were listening, like, the fourth, but, like, it depends. Number three? First. She says first.

Write that down. Right that down. Right. That's down. Okay. Coming over here. All right. Round two. Do we have to continue, or? Oh. I'm fucking out. I'm kidding. I'm not that crazy. All right. Round two.

What is your favorite movie of all time? Number one? This is important. He's just not that into you. Oh, he's just not that into you. It's deep. Number two? Good fellas. Good fellas. Great one. Number three?

Jaws. Jaws. Number three keeps getting better. Number three. Just blabbering it. Yeah. All right. question.

What is the best thing you can make in the kitchen? Number one. A sandwich? A sandwich? Say that with confidence, girl. Say it with confidence.

A sandwich? No, you can like a fucking sandwich. Whatever kind you want. Okay. Number two? A homemade keeline pie. What? Key lime pie homemade. Homemade.

Yeah. Number three? A cassidia. Yeah. Holy smokes. This is great. Caitlin's. The fucking Tom Brady a blind dating here.

All right, question number three. If money was no object, where would you live? Number one? A farm. Farm. Number two? So humble. It's cute.

I don't know. Number two doesn't know. Number three. It's good to be good. What was the question? If money was not an option, where would you live? Oh, Canada. Greece.

Okay. All right. Number two says Canada. Okay. I can make Greece work. Yeah, we can do that. Greece. All right.

Round three. Is this the final round? This is the final round. This is very important. Oh, shit. Very important. First question. Ooh.

What is your ideal marriage purpose? proposal. Say a pink Whitney. Number one. On a mountain. On a mountain. I want to stand with you on a mountain. Okay. Number two. Caitlin, what did you say? Oh, say, as long as he served me a pink Whitney.

Mm-hmm. That. As long as he serves a pink Whitney. Number three? With food. With food. Yay. I like that answer. Okay. All right. Next question.

Number three is on fire. Yeah. This isn't fair. Her name's Caitlin. This is a big question. Yeah, of course. This is a big one. Everyone, this is serious.

What do you define as cheating? It's a big one. Jesus Christ. Bachelorette number one. Likeing another. Right off them. This is ridiculous. What is your favorite number of other girls' Instagram?

Oh, my God, Paul. Bachelorette number one said liking another girl's Instagram photos. That's a fair comment. That's fair. I wouldn't like if she was liking dudes pictures. I mean, come on. Although I am a hypocrite.

Yeah. And I'm going to like girls' photos. Paul and I have been friends for a long time. He likes my Instagram photos. Is that okay? Yes. What the fuck? Yes.

Come on. Come on. She's a gal pal of mine. That's right number two. I get it. I'm going to go the more, like, emotional route of just actually having a more inappropriate emotional relationship with someone. I know, come on. No, that's fair.

Emotional cheating is real. Okay. Number three. Following call her daddy's rules if it enters the whole. Call her daddy. They are, right? You're going to go there? Yeah.

What? Do you do this? No. Yeah. Okay. All right. The last question is also a very big deal. do you want kids

and if so how many Bachelorette number one Absolutely not No kids Bachelorette number two Oh you're over here Absolutely yes I don't know I'm not making that decision yet

No number in her head Okay number three Three Number three one's three kids Okay now this is the last Yeah three kids The last question is for Paul Because you ladies also have the

choice to just walk away right now, okay? So, Paul, my question to you is, if you know you're going to get laid, how far in advance do you stop jerking off? Like before the date? Yeah. Well, I don't know. How far in advance?

I mean, oh man. I mean, do I sometimes? Yes. Right. Does it depend? No, no. More like an afternoon shift, if it's a night date. I mean, if we're grabbing Starbucks in the morning, I'm not cranking one out in the shower, but I got 8 a.m. I'm just like, I'm not there yet.

But the cat's like, I'm just like, worrying about where I'm going to get my first bite of food, you know? No morning cranks over here. Oh, morning cranks. The night date afternoon. So a good afternoon crank into a night date. How conservative is this crowd? Not. Not. All right. Because I heard someone boo a little bit of goal. I just like, sorry. You're always going to have one boo. It's okay. Okay. All right. We do this for shock value. Okay, so I think now...

She can get the game worn scrunchy. Yes, she just needs a... It was coming from that direction. You hit number three in the back of the head. Okay, shit. Well, I mean, that's my... I'm flirting. That's me.

That's my... I can actually see through this. Okay, real quick. Paul, I've got a question for you. Higher? This way? Oh, put it out. There we go.

Nice catch. For the girls that could potentially... day you have you ever used Viagra on what occasion would you do? Yeah I use Seattle some time Yo chill out, time out I'm traveling a lot I'm tired you guys call it a hot

girl and you don't want to This guy's not down with performance Yeah I take 5 milligrams for sure I don't give a shit I'll be flexing in the mirror like Bateman from American Psycho I don't give a shit Judge me for using performance enhancers it's about her not me

not me. Come on. My tongue game made that good good. That is a really good answer. It's about her, not me. I like it. All right.

I think we're going to leave it up to the audience. I feel like the IOC is going to pop in and shit and like test me. Like, no more for you. It's not the Olympics. No one would ever stop you at what you're good at, Paul. All right. Sorry, I'm done. So we have the audience to help us vote, okay?

So, for a round of applause, who wants Bachelorette number one? Bachelorette number two. And Bachelorette number three. Wait, right, wait, wait. I mean, we're compatible. Wait, the best part about Bachelorette number three is she didn't even really want to be up here. Not at all. Poor Rochelle.

Once Colton didn't walk out, she was like, Oh, fuck this guy. Rochelle, who was supposed to be up here, was in the bathroom. And so, anyways, okay, Paul, now it's, I mean, you heard the audience. Who do you choose? Well, three, yeah. Yeah. Take off your blindfold.

She doesn't like me. She doesn't like me. I could take rejection. I don't give a shit. Next. All right. Well, you can take off your blindfold now. Meet your girl.

What's up, girl? I thought it was going to be the girl that I actually brought here. Have you guys? you're going to be f*** with me that you know what's up girl how i doing you kind of look like her hope she doesn't mind at least give her a scrunchy Jesus Christ do you accept this scrunchy yes you have a winner speech here I said do you want to say any speech speech she doesn't give a shit oh no I'm done I'm done game over okay I came on a little too high and then once I take the blindfold off I'm like yeah it's okay yeah I know I

There's a lot of people here. Holy shit. Where are the guys at? There are they like, boys, what's up, man? You guys good? Are you guys okay? All right. He looks like you're kind of guy, I feel like, you know?

Yeah, boys, yeah, the boys. Okay, well, we have to say thank you to our bachelorette for playing. Don't call him. He'll call you. Okay, thank you for playing. And now we just have a couple questions for playing. Oh, now we've got to, like, do the whole, like, sit. Like, not the Bowser.

I love Taylor. She literally does not give a f***. I love her. She was like, why am I here? Oh, does she leave? Where's my date? She's him. So everybody, do you guys remember when I podcasted with Paul a long time ago?

Everybody was like, do you guys? I thought we were going to team up for a podcast. What? That I never heard from you. I'm kidding. Wait, what? I'm getting yelled at because I'm drinking water. Well, he's really high.

Oh, yeah, pour me a glass. Let's go. Yeah. Here, let's get him a glass and wine. Here. Oh, wow. There's your bottle. Do you want red, Paul? Hey, show of hands, girls.

If Caitlin wasn't Jason Jason, who would f*** him in here? Cut throw. That's cut throw. I hate everyone, you just raise their hand. That was a good test. Now, like, security. Loyalty. Security, get these little whole bags out of here.

I'd go them. I'd go them, too. I'd do you, too, Paul. Paul, I have a couple more questions for you. All right, all. First of all, this girl's, like, yelling at me, so I can't really hear you. She's being a bully. It's okay, because her fiancé loves you, so it's, like, a good balance.

You're with Barstool Sports. You have a podcast, Spit and Chicklets. You have the Pink Whitney that sold over a million bottles. Yeah. It's a really good drink, you guys. It's like vodka and pink lemonade. And it's very simple, but it's delicious. I don't think anyone really thought to, like, just, like, do something like that.

Just bottle it up. It's like, wait, nobody did that. All right. Let's do it. I know. It's like there's Mike's Hard Lemonide, but that's so old that you, like, revamped the Mike's Heart or the little pink lemonade. Or like this white cloth shit.

It's going like crazy. What's some? I don't know when there was like a shortage of it and people were going nuts when are people going to realize that white claw actually doesn't get you drunk it's like just a sparkling water that gets you full and after like oh i'm really blowing my white claw spawning yeah i was just going to say uh i do not agree with what she said there's anyone here from corporate white claw he's your god's you you ain't that cool i have a question for you yeah uh we're doing this game and i just feel like you're perfect for answering this question i've done it before i've done it before i've done it before you What? Barstool created that game. Exactly. That's why I think you're perfect for answering them. Let's go.

Would you rather lose half your dick's length or half your dick's girth? That's a good one. That's a good one. I don't know. I would probably say girth. Because as long as it's not like so short, I don't know. I love how the audience cheers. I should have done that.

I should have been like, yeah, so like half. It's a lose-lose. Either you got, like, a chode or a skinny piece. Like, you can't win. It's like a little, like, half a Coke can. It's like a top of a leg. It's like a top of a leg. It's like, last one. It's like, I'll go in.

Last one. Next. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. What do you call, like, okay, let's call, it's a penis, but how do you refer to it? I call it a piece. No, a wrench or something. I don't know.

I don't know. A wrench. What do you call it? Boyd taught me about a wrench. I call it a hammer. So we got hammer. I like wrench better. Randy, what do you call it?

Hammer. A hammer? Yeah. I've ever heard of that. What do you guys call? What do you call it? He calls it a wrench. What do you call it?

What did your fiance call it? A sneer. A sneer. A peener. You call it a peeler? He's got like venom coming out of it and shit. That's, that sounds like two. cute.

What did she call it? A peener. Yeah. Okay, I wait, I want a couple more. My mom's just dying backstage, by the way. She's like, oh, Jesus Christ. What do you call it? What do you call it?

What do you call it? She really thought about it. She was like, a penis. What it's actually called, you sicko? Sick bastard. Yeah, you weirdo. Okay, wait, one more. One more.

Your steak? You call it a snake? Oh, snake. What kind of hammers? Okay. I thought you said my steak, and I was like, I kind of respect that. First of all, before we asked Paula's last question, have you guys had a good time tonight? Oh, shit!

Yes, as long as a guy raises his fist, I'm like, I did a good job here tonight. We all did a good job here tonight. Oh, yeah. How about the, I'm a buffalo guy, so I'm used to the back row. How about the people in the back row? You guys having fun? Yeah, I love it. How about the people that I've had to turn my back to this whole time?

I'm so sorry. Can you see my extensions? Oh, Evan, you dick? My friend was like, yes, I can't. Do the girls who would bang Jason get a shout out at the end here? No. All the girls who would bang Jason. Can you not?

Uh, can you not? Can you not? We haven't done any can you nots all day. Yeah, we usually do can you not segments on this podcast. Uh, so maybe we end with that. Yeah, I like it. A good, uh, Phoenix, can you not? And you know what?

My girlfriend, Elise, is here. Where is she? Come here for a second. Elise, come on, Dad. You guys remember her from The Bachelor, Colton's season. She went on that date where she was with the kids and we all wanted her to stay and she left. She has a good Phoenix, can you not? Is she coming out?

Give it up, yeah. Yeah, bring her up. Bring her up. Why was she not on Paul's Bachelor? You know, I know who that is. She lives in Phoenix. Yeah, I met you at the golf tournament. I met you at the golf tournament, yeah.

Okay. By the way, rude. I was just ordering you a shot tequila. Oh, well, I'll say you interrupted me. How did you guys meet? She was at the golf term, and I said, hey, you were the girl that was on the bachelor, or a bachelor or whatever the f***er called, and I don't know. I'm not a lesbian, but.

And what did you say back to him? No, we had a conversation. We were respectful. Yeah, I don't know. There was no number exchange, Jason. I listen in a white dress. I don't pray on people. No, he does.

Um, so, you said, you said, something backstage that was about Phoenix and I mean we can what who actually is from from Phoenix but who moved here from another place in Elizabethan I hope you have a good sense of humor people who are actually from here because this is funny so we were talking about a backstage and we were talking about like it wasn't a can you not but yeah why don't you both sit down there's two chairs this is a gentleman over here yeah I do actually know her you can give her that shot oh yeah she does know me i will take the shot we'll take the shot give me the shot um so so we were talking about like phoenix and and and i mean i don't want to put you on the

spot but there's a good can you not in there about um what you said not so much phoenix but scottstale can you not okay okay scott stale can you not be 40 and still paying for bottle service when you don't have a mattress or a box spring. Wow. Yeah, drink to that, girlfriend. She was like, everybody's either, like,

you know, married with a beautiful family or still buying bottle service when they can't afford rent. And that's just, you know, and to each their own, I was there at one point. I thought bottle service was great. It still is.

But I think it's a funny, can you not? Be the bottle. service girl not the guy that can't buy a box spring yes and i could say it too because i was a bottle service girl i yeah how would you know he can't afford a mattress i could not afford a mattress well if you had brought me up for the singles club i would have told you on how many times does it take to go home with the guy but i wasn't allowed yeah no i you know what's funny is i i literally was in Vancouver living in a 420 square foot apartment doing bottle service, and I loved it.

I bought it. I bartended here. There you go. Get it. Paul, do you have a can you not? Do you even know what this is? Yeah, I kind of got lost a little bit. I'm enjoying it, though. Okay, so a can you not?

A couple inside jokes I didn't get, but whatever. It's all good. Are there hockey fans in Phoenix? Oh, there are a while. It's great. Teams is good this year. Let's go. Let's go.

Best team in the city. Do you have any, like, like... Paul, if you don't finish that, Rosa, I'm going to be disappointed. Why? Because he's on a good pace right now. That's a half of a bottle and he's hot. But this guy's an animal. He is known for that.

Don't push him into it. Sorry for peer pressuring you, Paul. Don't peer pressure me. By the way, this is really good, and I'm not saying that. Yeah, we're going to share it. She says, she said, I'm actually not very nice and I would tell you if I didn't like this. But is there any hockey things that you're like, oh, can you not say that? Like, when people live in this hot climbing,

and they think they know hockey. Just kidding. But you know what I'm saying. Oh, that was a shot, Caitlin. Well, I mean, I'm from Evanton. It's called all we have is hockey, so I feel like I'm just being a bitch. I'd say from being a player,

like I think sometimes fans are maybe too hard on my guys. Yeah. Like they don't know what's going on behind the scenes. I'm a little bit more empathetic. I know it's kind of a lame answer. You're being really nice. What? No, it's true.

Yeah. Like when you're playing, like people think, because you guys work really hard, hockey players, Athletes in general work really hard, and us all at home are like, shoot! Yeah. Shoot the puck!

And you're like, I get paid millions of dollars. I know when to shoot the puck. I mean, I've never had to experience it because I'd never made, like, big money, and I was kind of a duster and known as a duster. But there's some, man, there's some guys in league who, like, go to Toronto and they get these big contracts. And, like, people are, like, sending, like, death threats and shit. Yeah. That's a hardcore, like, hockey fans are in Canada.

We think we have a bad coming off the Bachelor and Bachelor head, but athletes actually get it so much worse online. Oh, man, it gets hammered, hammered. Not so many Karens or Susan's, but more, is there like a name? Any girls in The Bachelor or Bachelor, I get, like, death threats for, like, shit they did in the show and stuff? Oh, for sure. Oh, what? I got so many death threats.

What? That's bad. That is crazy. I had an email that said... Just people hanging out dating. I had an email that said I should literally die and rot in a dumpster. For doing what? Being Canadian?

I don't know. Making out with a bunch of dudes. I don't know. Well, not the people here because these people love you, Caitlin. Hey, this is how much she loves you guys is we never get to see each other and she was so tired, or not necessarily tired,

but she wanted to have energy for the back-to-back shows where she didn't, she didn't even come to dinner last night. They both went to bed. That's how much she cares about the quality and she's pumping out. I would have been out until like 2 a.m. So that she loves you guys. Thank you for saying.

You're loyal. Thank you for saying that. Because I would, like, I, Paul is a good time. Let me tell you. I've been out with him many times and it always ends at 4 a.m. And just being like, what happened? That was the best time in my life. And last night, they were all going out.

And I was like, look, I got back-to-back shows tomorrow. I really want to be on my A game for the Vino's. And I'm going to go to. So I went to bed early. Hey. Because I wanted to party with you guys today. As soon as they told me, I was like, no, I received. respect it. That's cool. That's cool. She's that loyal.

Yeah, I am very loyal to the binos. You guys know that. I'm done pumping your tires, okay? Let's make. Next question. This is so nice. Keep going. But I will say now that we're on that topic, now I'm going to get all sentimental and shit, but I do want to say thank you to everybody

who came. It was two sold-up shows in Phoenix. And two of my favorite crowds. You guys really brought the energy. You drank wine. you were like, very respectful to the conversation and the games. You were just really a great crowd, probably my favorite of the tour. So thank you.

Thank you. Thank you for buying the wine. Thank you for listening to the podcast. Thank you for being scrunchy psychos like myself. And I do get emotional. Like any time I go on the off-the-vine Facebook page or if I come to these events, I get off and I'm just like drained because I'm just like, so full of like emotion from from feeling proud and proud to of this community so thank you guys so

much I have such a bad arm I like thanks I was trying to get the people in the back because I'm like sorry and then I'm like I have a really bad arm thank you Jason for being my guest today thank you for being such a good human being. Thank you brandy for being my DJ. Thanks for having me. Thank you Elise for coming on stage. Where's Air Bud? Let's get Air Bud out here. What? Let's get Air Bud out here for one like final

Yeah. Yeah. And thank you Paul for being such a good sport with the dating game. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Briscoe. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast 1.com, the podcast one app, and subscribe on Apple.

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