Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Rachael Staudt | First Interview Since the 'Are You My First?' Finale

Episode Date: September 11, 2025

#875. Kaitlyn sits down with Rachael Staudt from Hulu’s new show Are You My First? for her very first interview since the season wrapped — and with no reunion yet, this is the conversation fans have been waiting for!!From never-before-heard behind-the-scenes moments to the burning questions the internet can’t stop asking — what really happened after filming? Where do things stand with Michael? Who’s still close, who’s not, and what shocked Rachael the most when the cameras stopped rolling?Plus, Kaitlyn dives into Rachael’s personal journey with vaginismus and the exciting new chapter she’s writing… literally.If the finale left you with questions, you’ll definitely want to tune in now!If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals!Apartments.com: The place to find a place!Better Help: Off the vine listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/vineQuince: Go to QUINCE.com/vine for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Progressive: Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance.EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: 4:53 – How Rachael got cast on Are You My First?16:46 – Where things stand today with Michael.50:45 – Rachael opens up about her journey with vaginismus.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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to see if you could save on car insurance. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey, Vino's, real quick, if you are listening right now, which obviously you are, you wouldn't be hearing this, can you hit the subscribe or follow button on whatever platform you're on? Please.

simple thing helps more than you even realize. It allows me to keep growing on this podcast and making these episodes the best they can possibly be obviously for you. That's the only favorite I'm going to ever ask. Okay. It truly means the world to me. Thank you. Now let's get into it. Hey everybody. Welcome to Off the Bine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And today we have my favorite version on the show. She's sitting across from me. So this is, I can't say anything too crazy. But we talk all about her time on Are You My First? Where her and Michael are at now. And if she's dating anyone, maybe is she still a virgin? Who knows? We'll find out. On a scale of one to 10. How nervous are you? Are we going? Yeah. Oh, oh my God. Very. Yeah. I'm a 10. Although I'm really

trying, I'm like working on like, like my therapist is like, it's okay if you're like palms are sweaty because that means you're like releasing the anxiety. So. Oh. Yeah. Really? So that's, I'm trying to think of like, oh, it's just a release. Like I'm fine. I always try and think of when I'm having an anxiety, I think of my body being red where the anxiety is. Oh. And then I visualize it like like seeping out and turning green interesting yeah okay so maybe that's like you're like physically seeping the green but it's yeah it's sweaty palms yeah it's funny that's were you this nervous on day one of filming are you my first honestly it was just the the walking in especially because they were like okay walk this way walk that way and you don't really know and yeah like anything staged is

weird to me like i'll get used to this because this is pretty natural but like anything where it's like a stage thing i'm like oh my god i don't know what to do with cameras and you're in a bathing suit so I feel like anybody walking in a bikini is already vulnerable and it was such a long walk it was so long it just kept going and then they're like turn left and you just kind of like okay and then you're like am I going in were you the first one there who's the first no I was last oh you were last yeah oh right because you were like the sexy coming in hot and I knew it because um they were like oh I heard on the mic they were like okay we're micing Rachel like she's the last one or something and so I'm like oh they're about to

make me come in last so yeah I would be shitting my pants actually if that was me coming in last on your first reality TV show. Yeah, but it's kind of nice with them it's like, yeah. That's right. Here I go. She's here. Bitch is here. And then like everybody's watching. But it's fine. Yeah. Because I feel like you are like comfortable in your own skin. Yeah. For the most part? I mean, every girl has their insecurity. Yes, of course. But I, well, I shouldn't assume that. Maybe I'm assuming that you're comfortable in your own skin because you seem like it. I definitely give that. I think from the beginning of the show. I think from the beginning of the show to the end of the show. I watched tremendous growth in you. I think I've told you that a million

times. But like true tremendous growth, which always happens from the inside, but shines on the outside. And I like saw it happen in front of my eyes with a lot of you guys actually. But it's just, it was so fun to watch. I think that's what Colton and I kept talking about in every interview was the self growth journey that everybody went on. So much. I had no idea. I knew it would be a lot because I always heard like on reality shows. That's a thing. It is a thing. But I didn't realize how much. I mean, at one point, I was like, how much growth can one person take? Like, this is a lot. It is a lot.

It's so overwhelming because it literally, and I feel like I'm saying this a lot lately on podcasts. I don't know why, but I feel like you literally get cracked open a little more every day on a TV show because you eat, sleep, and breathe this one show. Right. You're not in the outside world. You don't have your phone. You don't have TV.

All you know is this little bubble that you're in of dating and like really having a lot of firsts, not just, you know, in the term of whatever. people think that means with the show. But, I mean, a lot of first being on camera, so intense. Meeting like other, being one surrounding with all virgins. Like when you, because you worked at a nightclub. Do you know work at a nightclub?

Not anymore. You don't? No, thank God. Oh. No, I was done with that before I came on the show. Oh, okay, okay. I can't do this anymore. I feel that.

I did. Yeah, like I was having panic attacks. I was that bad. No, I totally understand. Because when I was, I did bottle service for a few years. and I remember the same feeling, I would have so much anxiety that I then started drinking on the job, which was like an unhealthy habit for me to have because I was like, that's the only one I'm going to get through it.

That's how I started doing. I don't drink, you know, like, I haven't drinking over a year. Like, I'm not a drinker. So that was like, I was like, this is so toxic. Like, this is how I'm supposed to get through the shift. Yeah. Yeah. Where did you live when you did that?

Tampa. Tampa. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I can't even. And the hours and just like, yeah. It throws off your whole nervous.

system, I feel like. It does. It's not good. I'm glad you did that. You quit. I mean, I'm glad you quit. Okay, so let's start at the beginning. How did you even hear about the show? Okay, so I feel like mine is way different from everybody else's. I heard about this like three years ago or something. Oh, wow. Yeah, so I had, I was in Kansas City at the time, just living, doing bottle service or whatever, and I got a DM from a casting person about Love Island USA. So I ended up doing like an interview for that. I'm very open about being a virgin, so I'm sure it came up in the conversation. Never heard back from them, which tracks, because their shows a little more tense. But that would have been fascinating, but yeah. Yeah. But then because I had said that I was a virgin

and it's like the same company or whatever, then they knew. So then they reached out and they were like, hey, we have this other show. And they kind of told me the premise. And I was like, oh, this sounds way more up my alley. And so like I had talked to them, interviewed and everything like that and then they were like okay we'll circle back around like January like let's get through the holidays and stuff um and I was like okay like I wanted to go live my life that's when I was like going to move to Tampa I was going to go to Italy I was like okay when is this going to happen otherwise like I'm trying to live my life yeah yeah so the waiting game is like but they're like we'll pick up at the end of January whatever so I was like okay so I left I lived my life and then

never heard back and so I forgot all about it you know I just yeah I didn't hear anything so um yeah I just kind of went on with my life and then like two years after that or maybe like a year and a half or something they reached out and they were like thought you never heard here for me again and I was like yeah no and they were like are you still single are you still a virgin I was like yes and so then I had a call with them and we just kind of like caught up a little bit and that was that what that's I didn't know that I think I knew something about Love Island or that you had been in conversation with them but then that didn't happen but it's just so interesting to me. because you do belong on, in my opinion, reality TV for the best reasons because I feel like

you're open about your virginity, you're confident in it, you're like, yeah, I don't have anything to hide. And also, you are very vulnerable and I think you surprised a lot of people. And I think that's where judging a book by its cover comes in. Yes. Because the second, I got to watch your casting tapes. Oh, okay. And so the second, you know, I'm, I always judge a book by its cover and I hate that people do that, you know, like, but we all do it. That's human. Yeah. And I remember as soon as you talked about Vaginismus, I was like, my girl! And all the

producers and stuff, they're like, you know what that is? And I was like, I've got it. Yeah. And I were like, explained to them and they're like, yeah, that's what she said. And I was like, I know. That's awesome. Which we'll get into later, because there's apparently a whole community out there that I was unaware of. Yeah. But was it scary

for you to know that the whole like country could see your personal journey? because like I said, you're good TV because you're so, you're captivating, you're vulnerable and you're real and honest. And to me, sometimes, like for me personally, when I went on TV, I wasn't scared for the whole country to see my journey. I was like, okay, let's go. But were you scared at all? No, I think we're the same. Yeah. I know. I'm always an open book. Like, I don't, I don't care. Yeah. I saw that in you. I felt like virginity seems so personal to people, but at the same time, like, sex in general is, I guess.

Yeah. But there's like, you know, the yin and yang where I'm so open about talking about sex and people are open about talking about virginity. I just always find that fascinating that it's just such a taboo topic to so many people. Yeah. Where I'm like, you know, on The Bachelor, it's such a thing. You wait until the fourth date and it has to be on one-on-one when you tell them you're a virgin and it's going to shift the whole dynamic.

It's a whole life. Yeah. But you got to come in to this common ground with everybody and share that. bond with everybody. What was that like meeting a bunch of other virgins? That's the first time I've ever experienced that. Yeah. Like I swear I do not meet virgins in my life or it doesn't come up. It's like people might be virgin but they're not talking about it. Right. Yeah. So that was new. Especially a group of them dating in one spot. 100%. Yeah. But I loved it. Yeah. I like to hear, you know, people's wise and it like made me feel like, oh, okay. Especially because I mean, I'm not,

mine aren't isn't for like religious reasons. Right. So I, there were some girls or some people that weren't there for or they kind of even if they did have you know the religion and the Christian aspect they were still like I don't know that I'm waiting until marriage and so it's like okay like I can relate like we're just waiting for the right person absolutely yeah I have vaginismus but I'm also just waiting for the right person right because you know it's about safety and yeah everybody has such different stories and backgrounds of why and I think that is so relatable to people like some people the religious beliefs were almost questioned by the end Because they're like, wait, I've been living my life this certain way, and they don't, they haven't

talked to other people about their backstories or what, you know, they're, they're in a bubble. Now this is a different bubble, but it's still bubble. Right. But you were able to relate to people in such a different way. 100%. Yeah. Did the producers ever, like, give you advice about, like, going into the TV world, or were you just willy-nilly in it and, like, naive to it all?

Not real. I mean, the biggest thing was just knowing that cameras were going to be around and just, like, you used to it, like, just ignore them. Yeah. Um, which was mine. Yeah. Like I was down. Yeah, you do, right? Like, it's, I started becoming like such good friends with the camera crew on my show that I was like trying to make them laugh. And they're like, Caitlin, it's not about them. And I was like, oh, right, right. Like I just, oh, yeah. At the end when it was, you know, we were just in a room and like the, you know, a couple sweet or whatever, the love shacks.

That was when it was really weird. So then I had to like, get used to the cameraman. And like, that's when we had a relationship because I was like, okay, this is really weird and like a closed Right? Because it was not, I mean, we still were doing COVID testing, but it wasn't COVID times where they just did the big brother cameras. The camera men were in there with you in the love shacks while you were like sleeping and going to bed. It was a lot. Yeah. That's so crazy. Were there ever moments like this were obviously still at the beginning of your journey? Were there ever moments that you wanted to back out before stepping onto that beach? No. No. No. I truly think that I was meant to be there. Yeah. And I think I trust the timing in my life. So I think the delay of the. two, three years or whatever since I had first heard about it was right because I think the person I was going on to it was the person I needed to be. Yes, I feel that so hard. That's exactly how I felt too about timing. How old were you when you went on the show? 30. 30. Yes. Oh my God, same. Yeah. That was the, yeah. I feel like, I feel like women, um, what age do I always say, 27 is when you really start to be like, wait, I want to know who I am. And by 30, you're like,

I think I've, yeah. But then I'm 40 now and I'm like, that's still don't know who to f f f I am. I'm still trying to figure that out. But you just more and more. But I think he just evolved. Did you know any of the contestants ahead of time? Some people just assume like, well, you guys are all virgins. You must know each other.

But you didn't know anyone going in. No, nobody. Was anybody from the same area as you at all? Well, I mean, Dea is Miami. Oh, yeah. And I think Crash was Miami. So, I mean, I was stolen Tampa. So there was enough distance.

I wouldn't know. Right. You wouldn't know them. And then what was the vibe when like everybody, but he got, because I, I watched a lot from the control room. That's so fun. I know. And I really was invested, but obviously there are times where I was in hair, makeup,

or, like, couldn't be in there. I wanted to just, like, have a chill day. But we're the, like, what was the vibe when you guys all finally settled? You're all there and you've gotten to know each other. Was it, like, right away just, like, comfortable friendships? Or was anyone right away, like, ooh? Because it's a dating show, but I felt like, I was like, you guys need to get off the friend vibes.

Yeah. I mean, I can only speak for myself, but, like, Michael caught my eye right away. He did. So, I mean, I was instantly interested. So for me, I was like, yeah. Funny. Yeah. Because your girlfriend said at the end there when you guys were in the love shock that he's so

your type. Yeah. What is that? So your type is like... It's really, honestly, it's so over, like, all over the place. Yeah. I definitely go off more like vibes and energy, but like looks wise, it could be like a tall, skinny nerd or like an old bald man.

Like, it doesn't matter. It's all crazy. But, yeah, I mean, he definitely is one of my type. yeah yeah okay what was it about him um first impression yeah so first impression uh he was the first guy that came over because like i instantly went to the girls and the guys were kind of sitting separate when i came up which okay and then he was the first one to approach and all the girls like lit up when he came so i was like okay green flag like everybody's like oh we love michael he's so funny and so like that to me i was like okay right away i was like uh yeah that's i was watching one part

behind the scenes and i was like this feels like uh elementary camp where the boys go there and the girls go there and they go, don't talk to me. Yeah. It's not what I expected at all. I thought like they would have been mingling and everything intermixed. And I was like, okay, I guess I'll just come sit over with the girls. What was something like for being on TV the first time. Like I remember coming out of the limo on The Bachelor and being like, there's no music playing.

Because in TV you watch it back and there's like romantic music and all this. And I was like, it's so quiet. Oh my God. What were like moments that surprised you? the first few days of reality TV. Just like the filming like all the time. All the time. Like I don't know.

That's just kind of, even when you're eating, you're like, nothing's really going on. Yeah. And then I would say we had like this like dance party thing and it just wasn't really the vibes. Yeah. You know, it was just the music wasn't probably the music that you hear on the show. Yes. So we just had to work with what we had and it was just a little forced and awkward. And of course, like we're all just weirdos.

so like okay what do you what do you think that is about virgins having the stereotype but also sometimes being a bit strange like what is it that like makes somebody that sex just makes you a different person or like what do you think it is um I don't know because I think we had a mix like we had like true um like people who are more confident or more like people who have sex I don't know I'm trying to say this nicely you don't have to have some like socially awkward people, you know, who aren't used to that. And then you put them in a setting that is a reality TV show and that's even more, you know. Part of what was endearing about watching it back is because I'm like, the awkwardness is like kind

of cute. But then being there, I was like, come on, guys. No. Oh, my God. The never have I ever game or whatever. Oh, or the truth or dare. Truth or dare. The truth or dare.

Yeah. So right from the get go, you had your eyes on Michael and nobody else. Like nobody else caught your eye, right? Um, you know, I talked to other. people, which they didn't show, which was fine. But nobody was like at Michael's level. Yeah. Because yeah, you guys got together pretty early on. And then now watching back, did you watch the whole season back? Yeah. Was there anyone you wish you talked to more? No. No, I will say I do love Mike P. Yeah. We knew we were never going to be compatible because of the religious aspect.

Right. But him as a person, I do really enjoy. Totally. Yeah. I was thinking that too because he really wants a woman of faith and like that's obviously like his number one yeah yeah but i feel like you two and probably do have such a good friendship yeah and we spent a lot of time together because like when michael left right and frissa left we were like well i guess we're together yeah totally yeah we spent a lot of time together yeah yeah he's such a good guy okay so people had quite a positive reaction to the show which i loved yeah i because when colton i first got announced his host in the show it was kind of like I was surprised how many people were talking about it. And I was like, don't think about it as me and Colton.

It's not about us. We're just hosting the show. This is about the contestants and their stories. And then once they dropped, everyone had such a positive reaction to it. And I felt like people really enjoyed you and obviously your relationship with Michael. So people are obviously dying to know what is the update with you and Michael right now. We're not together. I can tell you that.

So that's like the number one. one thing people ask me, all my friends and, you know, like family who watch the show, because I feel like you're the couple that people were like rooting for, of course, and you were the ones who made it to the end. And so you're not together. No. And why? Like walk us through, okay, walk us through the ending. You saw that he got a bit confused at the end. You were very nervous. I saw you both on and off camera, very nervous about his decision. And then he made it. his decision. You guys go home. What happens next? Well, first, you know, filming ended, you know, and I was like, you're not going to change your mind, are you? Like, I literally say that on the final

episode. And he's like, no, of course not. And then filming ends. We have like a couple days in Costa Rica before we fly home. Yeah. So we're putting the hotel room together, whatever. Oh, you two got to spend two days in a hotel room together. Okay. Yes. So originally, we all had our own separate room. So I was like, why would I not be like? Like we're together. Right. Um, so ended up moving all my stuff into his room or whatever. And we spent the day with the other, you know, couples or the last finalists or whatever. And everything was great. It was, it was a good time. Um, it was like happy times. You guys were like in love? No. Okay. But I could see like it getting there. Yeah, for sure. It had potential for love. Like I definitely felt different about him than I have with anybody else.

Really? Yeah. Okay. You haven't talked about it publicly yet. No. So it's like, take your time, please. because I know it's a lot. We can talk through it. I haven't even really got to sit down and talk to you about it. Yeah, no. So this is like in real time. So please take your time and I'm here to help. Day one was great.

And then we were in our room. I was on the bed. I just feel like I've been holding a secret in. Oh, my God. And it's so hard because you like want to protect the relationship you had. But at the same time, it's like, why am I protecting this person? Totally. still and so I've I didn't tell anybody about like this for the whole year since filming

my god um except for Maddie and Saranoo and then it came up recently and I finally told the girls but I still haven't said it like I haven't said it you know and so I get really torn with what to keep secret and private and then what like I want to tell my your story truth too Yeah, so I guess I will rip the Band-Aid off. I'm here for you. And also, whatever makes you feel comfortable. But I do believe you deserve your truth. So, sling in bed, everything was fine.

He, like, went to the bathroom or showered or something, and he came back. And he was like, I have something to tell you. And my heart sank. Because, like, what else could he tell me other than the fact that he's not a virgin? And so I said, you're not a virgin, are you? And he said, no. He told you? straight up and I instantly started crying as you can imagine you replay everything in your mind

and it just like do I know you like do I even know you oh my god the whole premise of the show that was like our fear going into it that somebody would lie and then it's your fear as someone who fell for someone that and for me too it's not even the fact that like he's not a virgin because I've gone my whole life thinking I won't be with a virgin right it's the fact that he's the fact that He lied about it to everybody. To get on a show, what was he there for? So then it gets worse. So I was like, okay.

So like they asked you, like they knew you were a virgin from your other show, 20 somethings Austin, and then asked you to be on this show. So you saw like an opportunity and was like, I have to take this. No. He applied. So he voluntarily just did this. And then I found out that he also lied on his other show, 20 something losses. he was not a virgin than either.

Why is this a fun lie for him? It's a bit. It's like, it's a bit. It's a bit. It's a comedy bit for him. And to me, this was my real life. This was my real feelings. I mean, it was so real for you that we all, like, you know, producers can separate TV show from humans.

Everyone was invested in your feelings. I was devastated. I spent all night crying. I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to touch him. I was so mad at him for insisting that I move into this room. room. And I am somebody who really detaches. And I will cut that cord so fast. And I was like, no, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do that. I want to be better. I want to learn. I don't want to

just run. So I stayed in the room. I was like, okay, I'm not going to like go back to that other room. But I was like, I can't be in here with you. So he would be out on the balcony. I'd be in the room. Then we'd switch because I just couldn't. You just lied to everybody. Yeah, you're processing seeing so much of and replaying everything you just went through together and the fact that you were all there to explore your virginity and find somebody and like you fell almost in love with somebody but you took the relationship so serious I can't so I heard that he wasn't a virgin but I didn't know he actually I was like it could be a rumor I don't know I didn't know he actually told you that yeah yeah and I've seen so many things online like it's not a secret but

Like, I don't think people have the confirmation. But yeah, so I was replaying things. And then he tells me that our first kiss, you know, that you want to kiss on the lips? Yep, yep. Bit. It was a bit. It was a bit. It was a bit that he was planning to do with whoever it is he kissed first.

So I'm looking at, like, I thought that was a genuine, like, moment for us, like our first kiss. I went back to the girls being like, oh, my God, that's so Michael. I thought it was so endearing. And I feel like we and me included is like the butt of the joke. Yeah. Like, I feel like he was playing in our faces and, oh, it was just so, like, what a mind-fuck? I mean, I'm mind-fuck, and it leaves you feeling gross. Yeah.

Like, you're like, I feel gross now because everything is so tainted and I've been lied to. You betrayed me this whole time. The feeling of betrayal is one of the worst feelings in the whole world. Yeah. When you finally, and you, like, really surrendered to everything and leaned in to be able to get to, like, this really raw place with him. I was like, you just, all my fears, you just, like, confirmed. I was like, I finally thought I had the good guy. Yeah.

You know, like, you really think you're giving the good guy a chance, and then that's what happens. So what did he say? Because if he was planning on doing this bit, he's admitting it, he's not a virgin. Is he feeling remorseful? So, yeah, he said, you know, he felt so bad the whole time once he really, like, got involved with me and everything and that, you know, he had talked to the therapist about how to tell me. but it basically came down to no matter a secret note anything if I found out I'd be crying and cameras would be on me like that asking why and it would come out well does he think it

wouldn't come out after maybe he just didn't care oh that really makes me feel icky I'm so sorry and so I was like processing that the whole night I was just like devastated I just cried I didn't want to sleep next to him but I did which is really hard because it's like I've trusted him more than I trust any guy for sure And I felt safe with him. And that was a lot of work for me. Yeah. For it to just be like a slap, no more than a slap.

That's more than a slap in a face. That is like, that's disgusting behavior. I'm so mad. I'm so mad. Yeah. So then the next day, we all went like downtown and whatever. So I was like, okay, let me have a little bit of separation from him. And I told Sarah, you know.

And then throughout the day, we were with each other. And it's like, those feelings don't just go away. So then I'm kind of like, oh. shit like he felt really bad maybe i don't understand the whole comedy thing that like maybe he just is a 26 year old dumb boy who didn't think this through yeah and so i'm not somebody who like is naive but i also am somebody who usually cut somebody off and i'm trying to work on that okay so i was like okay maybe we don't just cut the court yet talk to the therapist and she said about how he's sorry he was and how bad he felt the whole time and how badly he wanted to tell me but

just like he couldn't. And then we kind of talked and I was like, okay, like I'll, I'll try to work through this. Wow. Mm-hmm. Yeah, very big of me. Yeah. I'm very stupid of me. Oh, no.

So then I had a, we both, you know, had her therapy and I talked to me and I was like, okay, the trust is broken. Mm-hmm. And I don't know if we can get back, but like I'm willing to try and, you know, work on it. Like, you're sorry. You got in over your head. I don't know like I don't think he's a malicious person right but yeah so then I was like okay if you're in it I'm in it and he was like yes and I was like okay what does long distance look like for us that's totally

different we're yeah you know physical touch and in quality time people so I was like okay well have to face time we'll have to do those things like I will come to you I was totally okay with doing like 80 20 yeah you know I know he had his comedy career that he was struggling with or whatever and so I was like okay like I can come to you and I was also like no pressure like I can have my own life in Austin, aside from you, I have Maddie, I have another friend there. And so I'm like, okay, it'll be fine. And he's like in it. So then we kind of like went back to normal, left Costa Rica. I went home to Tampa and he went home to his parents. So he didn't go back to Austin. He went to his parents. And we were texting and you know when you just,

it just like didn't feel right and like women's intuition. But I kind of just like was like maybe this is just us getting back like a new normal. Right. We don't know what this is like. I don't know what he's, like, texting, like. True. But I also knew he wasn't doing anything. He was just at his parents' house. I wanted to FaceTime, and he was like, okay, I'm going to dinner with my sister. Like, we can FaceTime afterwards.

And then he's like, I'm tired. And I was like, he's like, we can face time tomorrow. And I was like, okay, next day doesn't FaceTime me, doesn't say anything about it. Michael. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. What is going on? I just, I just, like, moments into which my gut was just saying, like, something else is going on.

But I was like, I think I was trying to go fly and see him, like, after a month. Like, I was trying to plan, like, okay, in a month, once you get settled, we're both settled in our lives again. Like, I can come visit. I feel like that's a good amount of time. And he was like, yeah, so I might be touring then with my friend. And I'm like, you're going to offer up other dates. I was like, okay, well, let me know if those, like, whatever dates work, like, I'll work around. Why can't he just say things?

Why can't he just tell the truth? And so then I was like, okay, well, let me know. And then like a couple of days later, he was like, so I don't think that those dates are going to work. And I was like, okay, I was like, if something else is going on, like, can you tell me? Yeah. And he, I also thought it was weird that he like wouldn't, you know, he met my mom on the show. Yeah.

So you're with your parents. Why would we not FaceTime just, like, introduced me to them? Like, I get, if they didn't want. want to be on camera for the show, but like, you're literally there. Like, why would you not? Yeah. This is who you met on the show that you just went on. This is where you've been. Nothing. No. And so then he called me after I was like, what's, is there something else going on? He was like, I just don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can do the long distance thing. And I said, well, I'm tired of being in limbo, so you need to figure it out. Yeah. You know, I was like, this is your

mistake to make but just know that if you're not in you will be out of my life you will be blocked you will not have access to me yeah and it'll be done yeah um i was like take a few days to think about it and so we hung up um he called me at like noon the next day and was like i talked to my grandma and i just i don't i just can't do this and i said okay wow he really put you through it well, you know, I'll still reach out to you when the show comes out and apologize. I said, don't bother. You'll be blocked. And I said, have a nice life.

And I hung up. And I was just like, you had an out on the show, but you didn't want to be the bad guy. Yeah. But you knew. Then you had another out because I was like, are you in it or are you not? When we were still in Costa Rica when we were done filming. And he said, I'm in. Right.

Then you break up with me like six days later. After no, zero effort. No effort. Didn't even try. didn't even let me come visit. He didn't send you flowers once you got home and like introduce you to the literally nothing, not even the bare minimum. And it was just like watching it back has been really hard because I'm like, no kidding. Did you care about me at all? Yeah. Like truly. And and I watched myself back and I love me. Yeah. I've really worked on the self love. And that's why I was

also okay. Like I got over that shit in two days. Good. Because I was like, I did so much work with the therapist being like, I realized during the show, I was like, I have self respect. Yeah. But I don't have enough self-love. And that's something I really worked on. So when he couldn't be that guy for me, it was a him problem. That wasn't because I wasn't good enough. It was because he has his own shit. He has to work through.

Yeah. But then you watch it back and it's hard. It reopens. Yeah. I missed him. I missed the way I was with him. Yeah. I started thinking like, did he care about me at all? Like, is everything a lie?

Is everything a bit? Like, I just feel like I got so played. Right. By the nice guy. that who everybody was rooting for you know everybody's in my DMs like I love you guys together I love you guys oh my god Michael's so great and when he left like I hope he comes back because you guys are like yeah that's I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this and then I always talk about this with reality TV to have to reopen that chapter that you thought you'd moved through yeah is so much harder than people could ever imagine so when you were having all those feelings and you're like I miss how I was with him I I missed this. Did you reach back out? No.

Okay, good. I thought you were going to like, why had a week moment. Absolutely not. Yeah. It's hard. I keep reminding myself that I don't miss him. I miss the person I thought he was. Because those are two very different things.

I truly don't think anything he could tell me now, I wouldn't trust. He could say he was sorry. He could say, you know, he did have feelings for me and it was all real. And I wouldn't believe him because that trust is so far gone. but also he hasn't tried. Like, granted, he is blocked on texts and stuff, but, like, he could have reached out on social media if he wanted to. Absolutely. Watching it back being like, I really fucked up.

Like, I'm so sorry, I put you through that. Do you think he's watching it back? I don't know. Yeah. Nobody talks to him, really, I don't think. Really? Because I was going to say, once he told you that, he obviously was okay with the potential of people knowing who are on the show.

And if I was on that show, I would be really disappointed and upset because that was such a big deal and something so sacred to everybody and for him to not only betray you he betrayed everybody the casting directors the producers the cast us like we really obviously believed in the show and like everybody was there being so true to themselves so to have I mean there's somebody that does that for reality TV of course but like it's hurting people it hurt people oh yeah and it hurt you tremendously because you allowed yourself to trust and feel safe with somebody and for him to break that trust and that safety for you and then kick you while you're down that's what really bothers me like I was willing to like forgive you and move on

yeah and then you couldn't even try with the relationship which makes me think that you were never wanting one well the problem is to me I'm like the like you said the the second chances and the you had opportunities to get out and for you to not even do the bare minimum as a partner and then end it when you could have just ended. He didn't even have to come to me. I was going to book a flight to him. You couldn't have waited a month and like try to see how things were in person. Oh, so this is also a thought, which I hate that this is a thought in my head, but I can't help it.

Is, you know, I was freaking out when he said, you know, that he wasn't a virgin because I'm like, well, sex is a big thing to you then, right? And he said, yeah. And he's like, but it'll be a big thing to you too someday, which I get. Sex is probably always going to be a big thing to see people. But now I'm like, is that why you didn't want to be with me? It was because you knew. And if we were doing long distance, it would take that much longer to get there with me. And it's such a bad thought.

Yeah. And it might not be real. Like it might not be, but then I can't help myself. I have to think like that. I mean, you're talking to the queen of intrusive thoughts over here. And that's where my brain would go to. Yeah. But I mean, yeah, but the thing is like maybe, maybe not.

From what I hear and obviously I don't know him that. at well, I only know him from being on the show with you guys. To me, I'm just like, he has a lot of self-work to do that you are doing and have done. Yeah. It just seems like it's like he's, and you know, I don't want to pigeonhole all comedians, but a lot of comedians have like a dark past of why they're comedians or like something. So I wonder, but he never really truly opened up to you, did he? Like, I don't feel like he ever fully allowed himself.

Um, he opened up to me like off camera. he snuck out and got in a little one night. You did? That's the only way he would tell me anything. And it gave me a little peek, but not enough. Yeah, not enough for that. God. Your family and friends must just be like pissed.

Yeah. At him. Yeah. And obviously I've been keeping it a secret. Yeah. They're like, why? Yeah. Yeah, truly.

Why? Why are you protecting this guy? Yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, he, I don't care how dumb you are. If you go in a reality show that's about virginity and you're not a virgin, that's going to come out on the internet. Yeah, especially in today's world. Especially in today's world.

And it's like, I don't think he, I don't think he cared coming into it. I think he probably did care in the middle of it because he probably was like, I'm in deep now. And obviously he like was attracted to you. That's obvious to me. But it's like I understand how you would question everything. Yeah. Especially rewatching. because you're like, but I see what we had.

But then I didn't feel what we had after. The cameras are on here. The cameras are off here. What's real? What's fake? Yeah. Because for you, it was so real. So real.

I've really never seen anyone go through such real things in a TV show as you. Yeah. Like I really, yeah, I saw so much of it and obviously things that other people didn't see. But I'm really sorry. I will say, as bad as it was, Michael is. exactly the person I needed at the time. And I can separate the two. I can look at the show and that experience and know that that's the person I needed to be able to experience and grow and do all

those things I need to do. Yeah, was he not the guy I thought he was? Yes, but I also did learn about myself. Totally. And I did learn what it's like to be with somebody who does make you feel safe. Yeah. And I think you also learned that you can trust your gut because as much as he made you feel safe after he did not. Right. And you felt that. So I think that's such a big thing that, I mean, that people in general go through is like intuition.

It's such a real thing. And when you experience it for the first time that you can put the two together and acknowledge like, oh, this is my intuition. My whole gut feels a bit sick right now and something is not right. And you trust it and it proves to be true. You're like, that's some super power shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm rocking with it. Yes. It is a superpower. 100%. Yeah, that's, so what, like, if he did reach out to you, actually, he's here. Come on in. Just kidding. No way.

Because you imagine I did that to you. I would never. I would never. At least I look good. Yeah. You'd do a hair flip when he goes in. But if he did reach out to you and even apologized or even if, whatever he did, would you accept an apology from him?

Like, let's say, we have a reunion show. Give us a reunion. And he, you guys have to be in the same room. Like, do you think he? You couldn't even probably trust what he said on... Like, would he even come? Well, I mean... I hope it's in his contract that if there was a reunion...

Yeah, I hope so. Yeah, at this point, I don't buy it. Yeah. I don't buy anything. And if he does it now, it's like the time has passed. Yeah. You had a whole year. Yeah.

You know, and granted, I said, don't reach out to me, but... God. You still should. What a coward. Wow, I feel great, though. Good. I feel like, yeah, I've had this, like, yeah, I've had this, like, wait on my chest. I probably feel like a therapist in this chair and you're like on the couch and you just like

finally got something off your chest. Yeah. Yeah. I hope you feel better because that I totally understand that like what do I protect? What do I keep a secret? Like I want to drag somebody but I also like it's really hard for me to go to the anger. I am, I think I'm like going through, you know, the stages of grief. And like the other week, you know, I was crying on a plane. It was really bad. Now I think I'm getting to more the anger part, which is different for me because most of the time it's been just hurt. Yeah. And I think I'm finally starting to get like, I'm kind of pissed off. Good. So it makes this a lot easier. I thought I was going to cry. But truly, I think I'm towards the end stages where I'm like, I'm done with you. Yeah. Yeah. I think this is like the last bit. Everybody can hear my

truth and I'll say this, you know, whatever. If there's a reunion, I can whip it back out. Other than that, I can easily move it back out. That's so true, though. It is such, well, first of all, that was a heartbreak for you. It was a betrayal. It was so many things. And that does come with a grieving process. And it is part of moving through your own feelings and your own truth is saying something

out loud. Yes. And I, like, bury my feelings. I'm really bad about that. And I think partly why this has been so hard is that I didn't deal with it a year ago. You know, I said I was over it in two days. And I really, I dropped it. I was done.

Yeah. But I didn't go through the process and the emotions. And so watching it back and everything, I've really given myself that time to like sit in it. Yeah. Even though it freaking sucks, it's like it's what I need. So now I feel like I'm getting the closure I need just by doing it myself. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I think I said this before on a podcast, but I can't remember. I just remember seeing something on social media where a girl was like, I want this. I've always wanted that person to say it to me. I've wanted them to tell me I'm beautiful. I've wanted them to tell me like, that they love me. I've wanted them to tell me that I'm safe. I've wanted them to tell me that they're sorry but like I could say that to myself. I can give myself that validation. Yeah. And I can give myself that closure and I can give myself that peace and and you know like I don't need to hear

it from somebody else when I can say it to myself. I feel like you're in that phase too. I've already learned that lesson. It has to come from you. Yeah. It can't come from other people. And so yeah, I'm yes, I would have liked for him to reach out and apologize but not for me. Like that wouldn't be like healing, I don't think. It's just respect. Yeah. Yeah. God. Yeah, that's, I'm pretty mad at him. I think everybody else is about me too. Yeah, good. But don't hate, like, don't go and like give hate because I hate that, you know, with social media, it gets really scary and like, I don't condone that. So I want to make that very clear. I'm glad you said that because I feel the same way. It's like, as much as we can like dog on this right now because he hurt you. And that's something he did.

That was hurtful. Right. That was not right. And you had put. your whole life and self out there and he fucked that up and we're allowed to be angry now we're not encouraging people to go bully him on his page yeah don't do that yeah don't do that but definitely don't laugh at his jokes yeah just that's you know what if you want to go to a comedy show and boo him i wouldn't just wait from out back and like yeah him where it hurts yeah you're not funny don't bully him just don't laugh at his jokes yeah don't be into it okay we all know this feeling when your to do list is so long. You don't even know where to start. Oh, I feel like that right now, actually. Work appointments, catching up with friends, remembering to drink enough water. Life is nonstop. And if

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because i got the full experience yeah anything i do now honestly i don't think it'll top what i had during that that span i could maybe find the right guy but i don't i don't think so i think i fully had the experience than if I were to do something, it would be something different. What would you want to do? What reality show could you see yourself on if you were to do another one? Well, if we're not talking dating, I would definitely go for traders. I'm like, call. Oh, yeah. Because I'm a big, like, game person. Like, I love that. So that'd be nothing athletic because I get winded literally like, I couldn't even run through the airport, catch my flight. Like, I just can't. I couldn't even come up my own story. I literally was like dying

when I got up. Yeah, don't put me down for that. Wait, have you ever seen? What is the one that Sean and Andrew just did special forces? I could never. I could never. No, Corrissa just talked about this and she was like, I would do special forces. I said, what? And then I was struggling to get my suitcase in the car and I was like, come on, my special forces. Like, absolutely not. Oh, no, no, no. As soon as I see them go underwater, I cry. I also can't be yelled at. No. No, the minute I'm getting yelled at, like, I'm crying.

Same. Mental breakdown. I'm the same. Anytime I feel like I'm in trouble, I cry. And I hate underwater. No. No, I could never. I can't run. I can't do any. car you i can't do anything i couldn't even like carry my pack i could also see you do i if they did okay uh like perfect match i just watched that and i just had sandy on yesterday from that show yeah and i personally could never do that show because i'm like i don't know why i just feel like there a bunch of boys on there that just want to like go do but i could see you meeting a good guy on there that doesn't do like one of the good ones like the whoever freddie he's great yeah freddie yes yes

like meeting someone like that and just being like consistent and like find yeah I think most of the time you know like my life motto is like I hope you dance it's tattooed on me like when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance and so it's like just try things yeah you know so that is like I'd be pretty open to things if it felt right and like yeah I could see you don't know where it comes to worse I guess I get a like free vacation oh yeah and I feel like you you know you're worth you know what you want and I feel like if someone you know how they have to go on other dates with other people and then they like question there you'd be like bye sayanora yeah if you have to question it like yeah that is kind of that's why i couldn't do the show

because i think i wouldn't want somebody to question what they have with me and feel like so torn by someone else because i'd be like it's a simple yes or no like do you want me or do not love me yeah i feel like now it would be hard because i think i just wouldn't put up with the stuff that other people do just to stay on right i mean when the guys were acting up i would call them out and i would be gone Like, I'm never going to, like, think about how hard that would be to watch back if you were AD. They're pregnant right now with their first baby together. They got engaged before they watched the show back. And then you have to watch that back and be like, oh, wait, you f***ed up so hard and hurt me and betrayed me and broke my trust.

And I'm pregnant. Yeah. I would lose it. Because you got really try to work through that. Yeah. Yeah. Which I think they are because they seem like they're quite in love. But I would be like.

I was like, we were all rooting for you. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we were all ready for you. Okay, well, we'll wrap that up with another apology that I'm sorry. And let casting do better next time. For real. Come on. I mean, how do you, everybody asks us?

How do you test if they're real virgins? Do you think they should do a lie detector on season two if there is one? Honestly, yeah, do what you got to do. But even, I mean, who knows? I don't know how, like, reliable those are, but it'd be entertaining to watch. It'd be entertaining. I was also, like, I didn't, like, born-again virgins? I'd be curious if they brought that

because I thought that could be a thing. I thought it'd be really hard to find virgins. So like, I mean, I don't... It's not hard to find virgins. They are sliding into our DMs. Well, where were they? Well, they didn't hear about the show until it came out.

Yeah, okay, we gotta be on that. Yeah, but I actually am interested in that if, like, as a virgin, do you consider a born again an acceptable version to be on a virgin show? Yeah, sure. It's your journey. I don't care. I actually think so, too.

I didn't even care if there was non-virgins on there and that was in the mix. Like, I don't care. Or just be honest. But then you can't be a show about virginity. Yeah, but if you had virgins and the non-virgins, trying to like, you know. And you have to guess who's the virgin?

Whoa. Okay, that's, don't sign me up. That's a little too twisty. I'm like, let's make a game out of it. What was your favorite challenge on the show? Well, the cherry pop was really funny. Yeah. I mean, it was hilarious.

Jake. Godwin. No, when he's like, I just wrote down, clit. I say that all the time now. Like, if I'm ready to something, he's like, I don't know. Deepa cup. Like, I see where you going with it, but no. But absolutely not.

Did you find out shit after the show where you're like, motherfucker? Yeah. I've definitely heard things. Yeah. Mostly with Noah, probably. Who are you the, really? Mostly of Noah, yeah. Who are you the closest with out of the cast?

Maddie. Yeah. Definitely. She needs to go on season two. 100%. Yeah, 100%. I'm like, Maddie's my girl. She needs to go.

I love her so much. She also, yeah, she's one of my favorites. I feel like she's so funny too. Like her, she doesn't know she's being funny. And she's funny. She's just real. She does herself and it works. Yeah.

Yeah. She's a cutie. I love our girl chat. It's very entertaining. It is. It is. But I do, I mean,

I hope you guys know how hard I'm working behind the scenes to get a season two and a reunion and all that because I'm like, I just love this concept in the show and what I really fell in love with

was the people. Yes. And honestly, I've seen so many good things about it. Yeah. People weren't sure about it. I think to start off the premise, they weren't really sure

they thought like we were going to be like pressured to have sex. which like, yeah, it's 2025, I don't think that was ever going to be the thing, but okay. I would never be a part of a show like that. No, when they watch it, they're like, wait, I like this. This is refreshing. This is different. Like, they kind of like that.

We're like quirky and off, but then, you know, like, and there was drama. Oh, there was drama. There was sexiness. There was, there's everything you'd want in a dating show. Totally. It's, I actually, I loved watching it back. It was even better than I thought it was going to be. Yeah.

And I knew. I really enjoyed it. I really was like. Oh, the show's going to be a hit. And then rewatching it. I'm like, it's from the producers of Love Island. Like, it's done so well. Right.

It's a really well done show. And I'm really like. And their music was so good. Yeah, the music was insane. It got me in my feels. I was like, dang, you really had to put this song on though? But it was good. It was good.

Do you think anybody is not a virgin anymore who's been on the show? You do? You know. You don't have to say names, but really. Yeah. You can tell me after. Really? This is why we need a reunion.

Would they admit it, do you think? I think so. Because it's not, we're not like, shame on you. We're like, great. Yeah. I'm glad to you. Obviously, it's weird, like, people knowing your sex life, but like, everybody knows each other's sex life. Like, everybody would just assume, you know what I mean?

We knew you were a virgin. Now we know you're not. Yeah. Yeah. It's just exciting. Crazy. Okay, let's talk about vaginismus. Let's. Which has become a topic of mine, because everyone's been like, you have it?

Oh, I know. Because it makes sense. I can see why you particularly are, like, part of being a virgin to you is vaginousness, or a big part, the part. Yeah. Mine, like, came later in life from something traumatic happening to me. And I feel like I really, because obviously I have sex. When I do, I have to, I know that's right.

When I do, I really have to actually mentally prepare myself. And I do now talk about it with the person because I'm like, this is a thing for me. And I've never really talked about it. and you helped me be more open about it because I was like what is that in my brain going on and why do I have this hesitation and why do I feel uncomfortable every single time and at the doctor's office why am I like having a panic attack every time they even come near me and she told me one time she was like so I found out actually right before I saw your casting tape probably six months before your casting tape that that's what I had oh wow yeah I didn't I knew what was happening

to me every time I just didn't know there was a name for it yeah I didn't know where it stemmed from until I really did a lot of therapy around it and thought about it. And I was like, oh, my God. So my doctor was like encouraging me to go do like this pelvic floor massage. Yeah. Where there's like a, it's like a physio for your vagina to like help massage it open or something or relax those muscles. And I was like, what the fuck? And she was like, you have vaginismus. You've heard about the pelvic floor massaging. Yeah, I've had them. Oh, you have. Yeah. I went to physical therapy. Yeah. They'd be in. in there. Oh shit. Yeah. Okay. I never did it. Um, that's probably because I just like have battled and

I just battle through sex. I'm like, I'm just kidding. Once it gets in, I'm fine. Um, but okay, so it helped. Does it help? Well, I'm at sex. So hard to say. I didn't want to ask. Like, so have you had sex? No, the thing is is that it's just, it's, you have to keep going. You have to be consistent. If you don't use it, you lose it. Yeah. So for me, you got to work. I'm like, I'm always single. I'm never dating anybody. So I'm like, why, why would I do this like every week? You know? Like, I'm not trying to do that. So I don't. You're not dating? Which sounds bad. No. I'm still single. Oh. Think what I thought you're to be like and I'm also in love. No. How do you explain? I always have a tough time explaining it. How do you explain it? I pretty much say like basically my muscles like have a mind of their own. So anytime anything

tries to enter, they're like, no, don't come in here. It's not safe. Yeah. And that's really what happens. They tense up and they're like, no, don't do this. And I'm like, calm down, lady. Now, the vaginismist community obviously has reached out to you. And there's a whole Instagram around it called Tight Lift, which is incredible and genius and I love a pun. How do they, do they explain it in a way, like, do they say it's caused by many different things? Do we know why it happens? It is caused by many things.

So like you said, it came on later through a traumatic experience. I've always been this way. a lot of women get it after giving birth because that is so traumatic to their bodies. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, that's a big one. I think it happens like in menopause. I mean, there's so many different things. And it's just not talked about.

Yeah. I think a lot of women, I got a lot of DMs being like, I think this is what I have. Yeah. I didn't know. Like how you said, you knew you had something, but you didn't know what it was. And I think that's a big thing because it's not talked about. So I'm like, well, let's freaking talk about it. Yeah.

Anything, it's like, you know, when you come up, like even this concept for this show, when they were like it's it's a dating show but for virgins i was like how has this never been done before let's do it it's like yeah it's so obvious never been talked about before let's talk about it right because obviously yeah so many women have it so many i didn't realize which is what i tell people mine i think i'm more on the severe side yeah you know but it is a spectrum so i think it's hard to identify yeah mine isn't that severe where i can't have sex or i'm like that but i will tell you not to scare you that because i think but every time i do have sex still to the same. I'm 40. I'm like, here it comes. Oh, yeah, for sure. I totally get that. But I've never done

the pelvic floor massage. So maybe I should try it. I just, that freaks me out. You can also do acupuncture. I just found that out. Oh. There's like so many things. Ah, needles in there. Mm-hmm. Hmm. That's, I mean, does it affect you being, obviously intimate, but dating? Like, why, why are you so single? I don't, I don't understand. Have you met the men of this world? Yeah, fair. That pretty much sums it up right there. I also can't do like, I can't do like, I can't do like online like the apps yeah because I'm such an energy and vibes person and I also don't particularly like that many people so I do the chances are I'm going to meet and I'm a waste my time I'm a home body I'd rather be at home with my cats than like god I feel that entertaining

if I have to laugh at a man's joke one more time like stop yeah oh my god I totally understand you're right there's a lot of it's bad have you been getting any DMs like from single men the creepy ones oh damn it which is the story of my life always Yeah, nobody, like, of quality, I don't think. Damn it. So I will be remaining a virgin for the time being. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, wait, where are you living right now? Wichita right now. And there's obviously no man there. I'm not, I'm not meeting anybody there. No. No. Do you want a date a virgin? I don't care.

Oh, okay. I mean, I feel like I remember you saying that, but I... Now it's like, it takes the pressure off because no matter what, even if people say, like, I'm not going to pressure you. Yeah. It's all in your own time. Like, there's pressure. Yeah.

No matter what. that's fair I want a man who is ready who has done the work I'm not trying to train anybody you need a divorced man I actually do think I would do that because I this is also why I don't think I'll ever find my man is because I don't want to have my own biological children yeah like that's a big thing for me and everybody wants their kids it seems like I also want to adopt a teenager do you so yeah that's like it's a must for me so I think in my life I've just if I have to do it alone I have to do it alone so my deal breakers are pretty strong yeah so yeah I can see myself with a divorced man who has kids, but I'd also still want to adopt. Yeah.

Good for you. But it would be a little bit more like, oh, if they have their own kids, then maybe they don't need to have their biological kids with me. Is wanting to adopt because you have vaginismus and you don't want to push it out? No. Okay. I've never had that like maternal instinct, but I'm kind of joking, but also because you said teenager, that makes me really realize you don't, like, that's, so you don't have the maternal instinct, you don't think? Um, not in that way. I think I'm more of like a big sister advisor. And so I think I would fit well with a teenager. And, I just can't imagine like somebody being in the system their whole life and then being pushed out

not having a place to call home or a family. It's like a deep thing for me. Like I'm like, okay, I need to do that. I love that. That's actually really beautiful because that's, there's a lot of people who don't feel that way. Right. Just back to the Bagenismus for one second. How do you feel about tampons? Because that was something that I really struggled with for years of my life. Yeah. I'm fine with them. Really? I do kind of have to like relax. Because I just in my head at that point. but yeah and then pulling it out I get a little bit more nervous because I know it's expanded

but it's always fine but also I don't have a heavy flow so I'm not putting like super plus up there I do I like have the worst periods that you could ever imagine like everything you wouldn't want in a period I have the heaviest

the most painful I freaking blackout I had a fibroid I got removed but because I got it removed they say the like two periods after are like excruciating which they have been and I just like

At my time, I'm like, God, this happens once a month. This is crazy. I honestly think that's why I'm tired all the time because I'm like, my body goes through. And you're losing so much blood. One of my best friends, she has two uteruses. So she's constantly on her period. Who just, Hannah Brown has two uteruses. Uteruses?

Uteris. I don't know how to say it. To the uterus? You know how I like to paint a picture for you? I do this often. But a fireplace going, a football game on the TV, maybe some chili on the stove. Can you tell I'm ready for fall? I've been dreaming about this.

I seriously can't wait to cozy up in some pieces from Quince. I'm always thinking about an oversized cashmere sweater, maybe quilted puffer jacket, long blazers, oversized blazers, yes. And of course I love myself a good wool beanie. I will live in a wool beanie in the fall. And the best part is these pieces look designer level, but the prices are so reasonable. And the quality, honestly, is even better than some brands that you'd spend way more money on. Quince works directly with top tier ethical factories, it cuts out the middlemen, so you get the luxury quality pieces at half the price.

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and that is why they offer a tool called AutoQuote Explorer that allows you to compare your progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies. So you save time on the research and can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you. So give it a try after this episode at progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates not available in all states or situations and prices vary based on how you buy. Talk to me about your book. Yay! Oh my God, I forgot about it. Yeah. The King of Smoke and Shadows. It came out earlier this year. What the hell? I didn't like, yeah. Well, when I went on the show, I had been writing it. And so I actually talked a lot to the guys about it. You know, it was like a big thing.

And then when I got off, I took like maybe like a month break to like, you know, not think about anything. And then I got right to work. I'm like, bust in it out. Have you always been a writer? No, it was so random. I like, you know, was doing bottle service and I took a break because it was so bad for my mental health. So I like took a month off because I could financially.

And then I was just like, I always thought I'd write a book. But I thought like a advice book when I was like in my 40s or something because I think I have really good like life advice. Yeah, you do. But then I was like, I'm very imaginative. Like, I definitely make up scenarios in my head and stuff. So I was like, what if I just tried to, like, write? Like, let me just see.

And so I did, like, a quick little outline. And then I just went to work. And it, like, it's truly, like, my talent. So it just, like, clicked. Yeah. So I have that one out now. And then the second one is coming out in November. That's so cool.

I'm banging them out. I'm like, let's go. Like, self-published author queen, what? So there's a new book coming out? Mm-hmm. Yeah, the second one in the series. So it's a series. That's so cool.

What is it about? So it's definitely. So it's definitely like fourth wing vibes. Like it's fantasy fiction. Yeah. My girl, my main girl, she goes to this training sector and she starts to fall in love with the guy. So there's like the romanticity aspect. But then there's also a war brewing and an evil king.

And then the second one picks up right where the first one leaves off. So you don't miss anything. Is it like a court of roses and thorns? What is that book? Yes, yes. It's very much that vibe. That's, you know, it's a mix between I would say that and fourth wing. That's so cool.

I love that you like storytelling. And I feel like you should mix one with. reality TV in there. Truly. Like, you know how they're like, oh, you know, it's part of your life and stuff. If there's some characters in there, there's a big ass liar in there, you know, really? I'm just saying if there is, you know, you know who it is. Oh my gosh. It's, I just want to see you on TV again so badly. So I'm like, okay, I want to be on TV again because I truly think I made for it. You didn't have a bad experience until it was bad. Yeah. And somebody ruined it for you. You didn't, you know, like it wasn't like you went on and you had this terrible experience and you

came of it and you're like, I hated doing that. Yeah. It was somebody ruined it for you. So I'm like, I just love how perfect match mixes people from other shows. And I feel like throwing a virgin in the mix would be so legit. I wondered if they would do something with like Hulu now that there's more shows and they're building their like. I do think because Bachelor in Paradise is trying to mix it up and they're making it more

competitive. I wonder if next Bachelor in Paradise they could bring in other people from other shows. Yeah, I wonder too. In that network, I mean, at this point, they're throwing shit and seeing what sticks at the wall so it's like what about perfect match like did anyone catch your eye on that show freddy is really like he seems like my vibe the only thing is he seems a little like shy totally and i kind of need like an alpha male because i have anxiety and so i need somebody who will not add to that and like bring like make me feel calm which that's what i liked about michael was my anxiety would be like super calm yeah so i don't know

you think michael's alpha what you think michael's alpha kind of in his own kind of way honestly you know better than me yeah he has like that confidence where he like that confidence where he like that's true you know but that's true maybe i'd have confidence too if i was pretending to be somebody or not it's false confidence man i'm mad at him yeah might even not follow him okay well i i i just love you and you know that i feel like you're like my sister and i everyone was like who did you bond with on the show i was like rachel because we just got the opportunity to actually sit down and like i feel like we are similar and we both have oh my god wait i didn't tell you this what i i applied for the bachelor

like years ago like when I was in college in my audition day if I ever saw it I would actually like bury me because it's got to be so embarrassed I want to find it I was like a nudist back then and I like was popless and I had like milk jugs I was like wait truly like I did a rap you would not get on you did a rap you did a rap you had milk jugs in front of your boobs and you were a nudist and I like I would like place the milk jugs down but when I stood back up there was like flowers in the way so you still couldn't see me like my personality 10 out 10 oh my god I do think I was an old enough Like, I don't know. How old were you?

I think I was in college or something. Oh, yeah, you probably weren't. Oh, my God. We need to find that. So what year would have this been in what month? That would have been crazy. It's probably like your freaking season. I love Jared.

I was like, oh, yeah, he's such a sweetie. God, he's the best. I honestly, I'm going to contact Rob Mills. I mean, like, we need to find her audition tape. Which he would love to because he loved you on the show. Oh, my God. Wait, truly hilarious. Because we always do confessions on this show.

Was that your confession? Or is that just a funny story? Oh, that was a funny story. But I don't, oh my God, I didn't plan a confession. I knew you did this. Wait, I need to just revisit this for one second. You auditioned for The Bachelor. One Pablo season?

No, you would have been. Okay, I'm not going to lie. I auditioned a couple times. Yes. I had no chill. That's so funny. I just knew I have been for the fly. Wait, okay, because there was a guy.

Who was Jojo's guys? It's one of Joe's guys. Oh, Robert. Luke Pell. And I thought they were going to make it. him and then I think they thought he was like not genuine or something like that and I was like if it's Luke pell like put me on because I was like oh he's so hot I'm into him but yeah Luke Pell yeah he I remember because he did we did stuff together in Nashville like after he came off

the show oh my god I really want to find that okay well any kind of embarrassing story that you like did anything embarrassing happen to you and you and Michael were sharing a bed together and you'd never shared a bed with somebody no like I but I'm also not somebody who gets embarrassed So it's hard for me to, like, identify, like, what's an embarrassing moment. I'm the same. It's hard. Like, I've pretty much told the worst kind of stories on this podcast where people are like, they really know, they really know me.

Yeah, that's how I'm like, I'm, well, I think that's a pretty funny confession. It is, it's pretty good. That you auditioned for Luke Pell's with Melchard. It would be great if we could get the footage. Yeah, I just like to be noted, like, naked a lot. Like, not in public, obviously you can't, but like, just around, you know. I enjoy being naked. And so I was like, let me incorporate this.

They love the crazy shit. And I was like, well, that is me. So I like went in the refrigerator, pulled up in the milk jugs. And at that point, I didn't have my boob job. So what was I really hiding with the two gallons? Like, come on. How many CCs did you do? 3.50.

Oh, okay. I did 2.25. Do you like them or do you want to go bigger? Because I want to go bigger. I want to go bigger so bad. My doctor was like, if you're debating between one size or the other, go for the bigger because everybody always wants bigger. And I looked up in like 350 ccc.

was like the most common so I was like okay um and also mine went through the armpit oh really yeah highly I would always I like yeah too late now I know you should have hit me up Kansas City Dr Quinn okay tell everybody where they can find you on social media okay yeah uh Rachel underscore stout that's my Instagram my TikTok but you got to spell it because you spell Rachel a C-H-A-E-L underscore S-T-A-U-D-T and then definitely go by my book it's on Amazon it's also on my website which is rachelstout.com so I'm proud of you. Me too. I'm kind of slaying it.

I don't have my life together by any means, but but you kind of do. I'm getting there. You kind of do. I feel like you do more than like you're exactly where you should be right now in your journey. Yeah.

Big manifestor too. I like totally manifested this. I was a big fan of yours. I was like texting my friend's like, I'm going to be at her house. Thank you for popping your podcast, Cherry. Woo! I love that.

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