Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Rubina Bernabe | Big Brother Finalist on Strategy, Showmance, and What’s Next!

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

#789. From Big Brother’s final four to falling head over heels, Rubina Bernabe joins Kaitlyn to dish on life in the spotlight, her under-the-radar strategy in the house, and her whirlwind romance with Tucker (spoiler: they're still going strong!). She opens up about her dating life before the show, the challenges of having a public relationship, and why Julie Chen Moonves might be right about Big Brother being the ultimate matchmaking experiment. Get ready for behind-the-scenes secrets, laugh-out-loud stories, and a reminder that manifesting isn’t just for dreamers—it’s a game-changer! If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE! Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals! Gravity Defyer: Use VINE for $20 off orders of $100 or more at gdefy.com Progressive: Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Shopify: Sign up for your $1-per-month trial period at SHOPIFY.COM/vine, ALL LOWERCASE. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (1:20) - Rubina shares her Big Brother strategy of staying out of the limelight by being a listener rather than a talker. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now starting. Welcome to Grape Therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And today we have Rubina from Big Brother on. And, oh, she's just such a sweet little treat. We really bonded.

And this was honestly more of a podcast where you can legit hear and watch us form a bond and a friendship. And it's just a fun listen. So I hope you enjoy. In the house, I like kind of, you know, laid low a little bit. But now I can be 100% Rubina. Is it hard? It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. What do you mean?

Was it hard? Yes. To like have to, you know, it's not even like I wanted to dim myself or tell myself down. You're playing a game. So like, to some degree, nobody's being 100% themselves because that's part of strategies to like, you know. Even by the end, like you couldn't. By the end, I was so depleted. I didn't have it in me to be 100%.

Yeah, that's fair enough. I'm like, let me just survive this. So wait, what was your strategy? So you knew that part of the game was to. like not, like you said, not dim your light, not keep yourself small, but to like almost not be what?

The center of attention. Because that means... Putting a target on myself. But, yeah. You know, and if you're big and loud and like... I mean, here's the thing, obviously, there was a lot of big and loud personalities in there. Which for me, I was like,

you know what? This is going to be the first time in my life that I like take a step back and not have to be that person. Right. Not that I feel like I have to be that person, but I usually am that person. Right.

But in here I was, I, instead of being the talker, I became the listener, which is not usually how I am. And that was part of my strategy was to not be the one who needed to be in the limelight. And do you think that is why you went so far? I feel like it did definitely help. Yeah. Because they just put a lot more targets on other people instead of me. Angela being the target every single week and then not going home, I was so confused by that. Angela being a super fan, and I have to kind of respect her in some ways because I do think she knew what she was doing.

To some degree. Of course. Even with her meltdowns? You think that was strategic? I think there's some that's like, some of them were so hyper-aware that they were on a show, whereas I, I, 100% forgot.

A lot of the time I was like, oh my God, wait, I'm on a TV show, my bad. I forgot. No, but, you know, a lot of people were, I think, more calculated and aware that they were on a show, so they were able to, like, play up some things and be, you know, a memorable reality show person, you know?

Yeah. And I don't mind that. Right. Like Tucker, for example, I feel like he was, you know, shaking things up and being great. But I feel like that, I don't, did he have a strategy? You know, that's a great question. I think he did. His strategy was to be, I can't confirm, I'm speaking from what I saw.

Yes. Was to play a game that was unlike any other. Right. To put things in the limelight that other people wouldn't have the nerve to do. And he always says, do that I know and self be true. So I think he just wanted to play as honest, even though he had a million final twos and as a game as he could. I guess protecting himself, but exposing everyone else. When he was on my podcast, he was so scared for the finale for having to tell you that he was the-

Was he scared? Good. I know. Be scared. I didn't even think about it. And he said he was like, he felt so bad. And I was like, what are you nervous about? And he was like before knowing what he was going to say.

And he said that was like, he's like, I'm so nervous to have to say. Yeah, I was, I hope he was worried I was gonna be mad. He was. Well, here's the thing. The problem is it was so long ago. And for me, it doesn't help me to harbor and hold on to things. It's like, I'm just not that person in regular life.

I've been through a lot of real shit enough to know, like, you know what? Does this matter at the end of day? Not really. But obviously, looking back now, I'm like, damn, that's kind of, I know. But I also realize, if it were me, I might have done the same thing. But I don't think, he didn't have the intention, I think, to make me cry. No. But that's just how I reacted because you're in a pressure cooker.

Well, for people that don't know what we're talking about. Yes. He got money from America. Exactly. He got voted to be the A. No, what was it? AI instigator. Yes.

And so he had to like come up with things that would rattle the house that the AI would say. And so he exposed your relationship. Right. When you guys were trying to keep it under wraps. I thought we were. Right. But did you really think you were? No, I mean, everybody's working on a girl. Yeah.

It was like me trying to convince myself. Because when I tell you, this is the last thing I would have ever, one, wanted to expect it. What? Are you serious? Okay. Rameen's sister is chiming in. Tell us. She really did not want to showmance.

I told you. At all. I literally, and I kind of like manifested, I feel like, because I was like, you're going to go in there. And whatever, you're probably going to. find somebody and come back with a boyfriend. Yeah and I was like you're I she was crying a little bit about I was crying about it all about me I was like girl are you kidding you're my sister. Are you high right now? There's no way but the problem was that I think because I was so I was so tunnel vision about that not even

being a possibility that the universe said it always yeah that's when it always happens that's what you get yeah yeah because I was four years strong of being single I was like I got my bachelor's degree in being single there's nobody I'm not even interested but that's when it happens it's because you have been so independent and so focused on yourself and you've been hyping not only yourself up but the internet yes i like went on a doom scroll through your social media and i was like i want to go rollerblading with you roller skating whatever yeah and i was like oh that's so awesome but that's where you like in general say it wasn't in the big brother house were you open to dating or were you like no i'm staying strong on being single

I was so, no date, I was on no dating apps. I, like, was on a dating app one time just to, like, have, basically I went live to have people swipe left or swipe right with me during the pandemic. Okay, it was a, it was a boring thing, not for serious dating. Never going on dates, never looking at anyone, never even thinking anyone was attractive. My friends would be like, ooh, look, and I'm, have, I can't see when people are attractive unless I know what your brain and your heart is like. I genuinely, yeah, I genuinely can't think you're attractive unless. Yeah.

So in the house, it was. so easy the first like kind of weak to be like I don't care I can just be myself yeah I'm not looking for anything and then I think it helped because I was just so myself like I didn't I wasn't like trying to put it on yes for anyone that that's it I mean you could resist no I couldn't I couldn't I my favorite I wish they showed more of your hilariousness thank you because there's like obviously you know memes or whatever would come out on the internet yeah like oh my gosh show more that. Yeah, I know. I agree. Like the recap show. Yes. I usually skip those because I'm like, we already know. That, the way they did this season was perfect. It was so funny you got to see

more of everybody. He's like, yes. It was so good. I loved every second of it. My girlfriend and I, we watched, we've always watched, and she skipped it. And I was like, don't. Don't sleep on the recap. Wait, what were we saying that I wanted? Oh, because you don't usually have a type then because you get to know somebody first before you. Right. I feel like I've dated United Nations as I say like honestly you could pick line them up and it'd be like none of these people have anything in common right yeah I just really like

I'm more about vibe and energy and where your brain in your heart is at yes I feel that so with Tucker are you guys are still going strong oh yeah we are okay good yeah I didn't want to like oh no do you imagine all of them and be like please don't talk about that it's very sensitive

we broke up that that's like giving Brianna chicken fry and Zach Brian do you know who those people are no I love you um this country singer who's huge right now okay and i'm obsessed with his music but i am not obsessed with him as a human being oh no i know like she knew they were breaking up but she didn't know he was announcing it on his story and she was like blindsided that is i know i know oh i do it on the internet anyway yeah imagine if that's their case no way well that's what i'm like so you never know with when now you have a public relationship okay girl can we talk about that yes i did not realize

that's what i was doing i know because now i had no idea and People are so invested. I was in a vacuum. And so like I did not occur to me at all that there would be two beina. Stan accounts. Two beena. First of all, let me say. I do love that it's mostly my name.

That's so funny because whenever people mesh my name with theirs, I always get hyped if it's more my name. Yeah. Yeah. It matters. To beina. Yeah, too bina. But I didn't realize that would be such a thing. I know.

Do you feel pressure? I mean, they're not. Nobody can pressure me. I'm 35, girl. You know what I mean? It's like, I do believe peer pressure exists. but like yeah as far as this goes I my thing was that for 45 days because he left halfway through right I had to like push it down to survive in there because like I was

hurting yeah I was like what is this feeling I forgot it hurts because it'd been four years I was like oh my god I feel in physical pain yeah um so I had to like push it out so in my brain I didn't think it would be a thing outside right because for me I was suppressing I was like okay this isn't a thing not knowing on what was happening on the outside that he got out here and was big stand. Oh, yeah. I didn't know. Oh, it was, I, I always thought about that, too, because I'm like, you have no, like,

it's not like producers are going to be like, oh, he said about it. Right. And they can't. No, they can't. Yeah. So were you, were you watching the live feeds and excited about this guy? Or were you like, no, not him. Go to the mic.

I'm sorry, but, like, I have to be the protective sister, right? Yeah, of course. And this is on TV. So I'm like, I don't know if it's real. I don't know if he's playing it up. But there was like, I could see the genuine like connection and energy that they had with each other. And they're both like weirdos.

So I saw that between them. But, you know, I can't help but be guarded and protective because I'm her older sister. Right. That makes sense. Yeah. The I would be the same way. Would you? Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. You'd be like, who's this guy? First of all, I. She'd be a detective on the internet. I'm sure she would. went through the, you know, I would do so much research. I would be good. Because, again, you don't know.

And sometimes people go on TV shows and then you come up and you find out all this bad shit about them. Exactly, girl. That's scary. So I love that you had to be 100% like yourself, though, in the house. Not maybe not, you know, like as bubbly. I was, one of my big goals in there was to play this game and somehow also still be authentically myself.

That's what I, authentic. That's a good word. Exactly. Even if it wasn't like to the max, it was still a version of myself. I could look back on and be like, you know what? I'm proud of her. Yeah. And I hope you are. I feel like I'm still trying to wrap my brain around. I was on a TV show because it's not hitting me still. Well, I get that. And also the fact that you were in this bubble that you get so used to that the after coming out of that show must be one of the wildest experiences ever. Like the most overwhelming in good and bad ways.

Right. Especially with. I mean, I guess everybody loved this season. We're getting a lot of good, I'm so grateful that people liked it because we kept seeing it in the house. We're like, we're the best. But of course we think that everybody's going to think of. But I love that we were so well received. But coming out, I didn't realize that would really mean anything.

Yeah. Other than like, okay, cool, they liked it. But it's like people are hyped, stand, like hard. Yeah. You probably get stopped on the streets all the time. That was happening immediately. Yeah. Like somebody was riding their scooter in West Hollywood and whipped around

and said Rubina. And I was like, yeah? And he was like, I'm an Aquarius too. And I was like, oh my gosh, you even know about me? Isn't that crazy when people like know who I am? Yeah. Because also, that's what I wanted to be proud of too, is like, I am the same person. If you meet me, if you watched my videos before, you met me in real life, I was on this show.

I come out of the show. I'm still me. What is it like, though, having to, like, for example, if you're first dating a guy, you're always on, like, you get to spend two hours with them or like, whatever. you're spending 24-7 with this guy that you have feelings for. You have to go no makeup. You have to use the same bathroom. Right.

That freaks me out. You kind of like, I know. It's like, let's do this backwards, actually. Like, does the HOH let you go use the bathroom if you're like, okay. Yeah, so you can have some privacy? Yeah. We were really lucky that everyone who was HOH, we were so open about, like, using the space and everything. But it's crazy to do this backwards when, first of all, I haven't dated in forever.

So I don't even know how to do it correctly. There's not right or wrong. There's no right or wrong. So it's both blessing and curse, you know, because it's blessing because you can just, you just have to be. Right. What am I going to do?

I'm not going to put on makeup and put on makeup right away. I want to just do what I would normally do in my regular life. And also curse in that it's so much more than you would get in, like, you're spending that many hours. Think about it. You'd maybe go on a date for two hours. Right. And then see them again in a week or two.

And like, so it's like, it feels like a year condensed into, what, five weeks, six weeks. I get that. Julie Chen kept, Julie Chen Munevez, kept saying, thank you, kept saying that the, that Big Brother has a better success rate than The Bachelor. Apparently, but that makes sense to me because you spend way more time getting to know somebody. So you must really want to be with them after where on The Bachelor, it's like you get like five minutes with somebody. Even one on one. Even one on one. It's like little to no time.

And then you literally, I was with the guy that I picked. And he was like, what's your middle name? Oh, my gosh. You know? Exactly. But so Big Brother, you're different. All this time together. You have nothing but time in there to like learn about each other and like who you are.

Yeah. What you, you know, who you really are. Yeah. And even like, especially like living in a house, which for me was, you know, such a big thing. Because that's what made it. Tucker was so good about a lot of things. Yeah. A lot of the other guys had zero awareness about.

Like what? Cleaning and cooking and like, you know, just. taking care of people and like even with me I was I didn't eat for like 10 days what I was I was I had zero appetite I cannot believe it and girl I like to eat I'm Filipino like let me get this straight like I love to eat yeah and there had zero appetite I get that yeah and he was the first one to make sure that I eat oh sweetie I know I know that's did you realize how all the other girls were having crushes on them too um you know the thing is that I didn't realize because I didn't care oh do you know what I mean so like I I don't know how to

explain this and we were I hope people believe me but truly for me there's no it's not a competition in that way yeah we're not on dating show so I don't care right like if you do you don't like I'm not like I'm not going to be like oh my god you have like but I in terms of game I was like okay if he's getting closer to them then I feel less protected you know yeah because then you're like what then you question everything about what's real and what's not because you're like I didn't have that gameplay I did have that do you remember that yeah I had to because we were getting deep in it where I was like oh my God I have feelings yeah and I'm not trying to get her hurt and who else is going to protect me if I don't do it for myself, you know, in terms of

game and my emotions. So like, you know, I had to have that moment with him. And that was, and again, I forgot I was on a show. Yeah. And I was just being genuine. But that's what I think for me personally, as a big brother fan, I can tell when people are putting it on and when people are just being themselves. And of course you have to put it on when, you know, you're doing the comps because you know

you're on TV for that. Or diary room. Yeah, diary room. Oh, I would turn it right on for the diary room. like you have to but to just I don't know just be yourself in that house at first I think that would be really tricky because you're just getting to know people right but then the the paranoia right that must go feels like psychological warfare no it is girl it's mental torture let me be honest here that was I think people really and I also really underestimate yeah the like

the mental fortitude it takes to do something like that for so long yeah so like when people were like what's your strategy like girl surviving alone in there is a strategy yeah like taking care being making sure you're mentally okay yeah holding in all these you know emotions and thoughts and having to maintain and put an outward facing like I'm good how did you do it like how did you protect your mental health here's how I feel I'm so grateful if I did this when I was in my 20s girl yeah I always say that about bachelor you know what I'm saying yes because thankfully I always believe you know trust the timing of your life yeah I did this when I was 35 I was I had all the systems in place to be able to be like other people's opinions about me none of my business

don't care inside the house outside the house whatever outward perception is i cannot care about that i don't have control over that all i have control over is myself and who who i give my energy to and how i protect my energy right and so in that house my biggest thing was the hardest thing was even though i'm so protective of my energy i really care about who i give it to and i know not everyone deserves it in that house you have to give it out freely you know and so for me that was the biggest struggle because not everyone's gonna appreciate or understand your energy right so I was so I was my biggest struggle was like angel and devil like share it don't share it yeah you know so I would struggle so hard with that because I'm like I'm so many different things like I'm I'm I'm a people

pleaser but then at the same time I'm not yes exactly it depends who you are right and then I feel like I make inappropriate jokes that might not land on the right audience I held back so many inappropriate jokes I bet I'm a that's what she said girl oh all day all day that shit makes me laugh yeah so I held back I felt like where's my personality because I had told back so much of like you know for PC sake yeah who I am but so now now that you're in the real world yes and and with Tucker does he does he love you even more because you're even more yourself now I mean we haven't even had the opportunity to be ourselves around each other it was his birthday week right so it was oh my gosh it was constant oh right there was a we literally got maybe like Airbnb yes yeah we maybe

got eight hours hanging out. I know. So I'm excited for when we do get to hang out and just be. Like we decided next time we hang out, it's just going to be us to do. Yeah. Because we need that time to like just be and figure out. Seriously. Because I, again, I had to hold back all my feelings and he was able to like let them out

more fully. So I'm still trying to play catch up. Even though I know how I felt was so real. Yeah. I just had to like push them down. That's, yeah, you need, you guys need lots of time. I know more than, I know. Well, and how are you going to do this because of living situations? I know, right? Well, long distance can be a beautiful thing

I think honestly where I'm at in my life and where he is, I feel like that might be best case scenario so we can still focus on ourselves and when we come together we can focus on each other You know, and so I'm not worried about that to be honest What was the most shocking thing that you learned about the outside world when you got out? Immediately on stage that

Well, there were some assassination attempts and that the Malas running and what else was I'm shocking oh did he oh yeah yeah you're like oh yeah exactly I did say are we like to guess on here oh yeah absolutely oh hell yeah yeah I swear all the time on this podcast yeah that yeah that's got to be wild so it's just like it's 90 days of not knowing anything anything is wild but it was like I I had to lean into that because I was like when else am I ever going to unplug like this especially after this never again how overwhelming was it to get your phone back I'm still not okay with yeah it's taking me three to five business days to respond to anything

Well, yes. I feel really bad, though, because I know I need to, like, jump on it, but, like, my mental is, I know, you can't, you can't keep up, especially with fans. I know, I know, I'm behind on, I hate saying behind, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Yeah, you are. However, I'm struggling, girl. Let me go real pressure on that. It's like all these new things. I have my phone again.

I guess I'm in a relationship now all of a sudden. There's, like, fan accounts. I'm like, you know, being pulled in every different direction that I had not been acquainted with. before. Well, and probably now all these agencies are reaching out to be like, you should work with us. Yeah, that also, which is great. I'm grateful. I'm grateful. Yeah, of course. It's just overwhelming. It is. But in good ways. Because then you're like, I got to ride this wave while I can. And I don't want to feel that way because I also feel like I can't miss what's meant for me, right? I fully believe that. I feel like you get it. You get it. This is why I, my girlfriend who watches the show

with me all the time was like, you and Rubino would be like, we're very similar. You get it. Yes. Wait, I don't remember, like, am I allowed to ask, how would you are? Oh, 39. Oh, okay. Let's go. You look so good. Thank you. So, but you get it when you're like in your, once you get past the myth, you just.

Well, and I'm a very spiritual person of like, I'm very much an energy person. I'm very much where I'm supposed to be alignment. You get it? I'm so big on that. Yeah, I'm, I get more, I don't want to say woo-woo because I feel like that. No, it is, it is woo-woo to the, to people who aren't in the woo-o. I get more woo-woo every year of my life. Oh, so do I.

Yeah. And loudly woo-woo. Like more like, you know, openly woo-woo. Same. I've got fucking unilome on my... Yeah, I'm not hiding my woo-woo anymore. I have the universe in my hands over here. You know, I mean, it's like, it's in your hands.

Okay, bitch, we get it. You love the universe and the universe loves you. Oh, I... People probably get so sick of how crazy I am about the universe and the moon. Oh, my God. Are you a moon girl? I'm a psycho moon-girlie. Let's have a moon, a full moon party.

I do. All the time I go to a full moon ceremonies. Hey, can we hang out? Yes. I knew this would happen. I literally put water outside of the full moon. And I drank it in the morning and I spoke to the water before I put it out. That's right. Your intentions. Yeah. Yes. Do you charge your crystals? All the time. Duh. What am I new? I go here.

I work here. I work here. No, I'm fully one of those. And I believe it because all the proof is right in front. And also, literally, we shape our realities. Yeah. Okay, so whatever I choose to believe in, everyone's choosing what they want to believe in. And if it works for you, then that's what works for you. Right.

And I am so big on, you know, manifesting. Oh, me too. And choosing your reality and, like, all those things are so real if you choose to believe that they are. And you have to really believe. That's what it is. Yeah. It's really truly believing. Are you numbers girl also?

Huge. 1111. Yeah, of course. 1-11, 4-4. Yes. Why am I even talking? Of course I have numbers. I had like a numerologist on my podcast before.

Oh my gosh, really? Yes. Love it. So even if I'm staying in a hotel room, I look up what the meaning of my room number says. Oh my God, I love that. Yeah. If I see anything, I think that it has me,

how can you deny signs? You can't. You can't. You can't. And I always think a woman's body can create a life. Wait. Okay, I talk about this also and I need you to know. Wait, because I think, how are we not magical?

This is magical. We're. We're wizards. No, we are. Sorry, we're actually magical. Hello, the world, what would the world be without women? I'm so sorry. It wouldn't.

It would not exist. Sorry, if men had to give birth, there would be no children. And we need men, and I love men. We love them too. But if it were the birth part or the pregnancy part? My favorite, I reposted something the other day where two guys were in a library and they had to try and stay silent, but they put a machine on them that makes them feel what? Yes, and they couldn't handle it.

They're dying. And you put it on the women, they're like, what? They're like, oh, here we go again. Clockwork. Exactly. I know. Imagine. I'm sorry, Hartz.

Who else can bleed gallons and still live? And be synced up with the moon? Actually, though. My period came a week early this month because of the full moon. Because it was a super one, too. Oh my gosh, that's true. That's why mine came early, too. See?

It's real. So then how can we not believe in manifesting and creating the life we want? If we can literally create life? A baby with a brain and lungs and fingernails. And then you're not going to trust your own gut? Dang. Preach, girl. That's crazy.

If you really break it down and think about it, it doesn't make sense to not believe. No, because we can even, our minds are so powerful, we can even make ourselves sick. It's true. So we can obviously make ourselves happy, too. Your mentality is your ability. 100%. Tattoo it on us. Let's go.

Right after this. You get it. Wait, I'm hyped right now. I knew you. I knew this would happen. There's always when I watch. one of the Big Brother seasons I go I'm gonna force a friendship on that one and you were one of them oh mark wait I'm humbled and grateful you are the one I want to force a friendship on anyways what was the jury house girl did you know I didn't even get to go in the jury house oh right you walked out right after so what happened is yeah I didn't get to go because literally next day was jury roundtable and that's where everyone finds out who the last juror was which was me right I didn't even get to but it looks so cool and look I can't be mad obviously right right but it looked like they have but it looked like they have had a good time.

Really? Friendship bracelets and painting and coloring and doing karaoke. And you actually get to like hang out with your producers too, right? Right, exactly. So I didn't get to have that. Well, I did make it further than I thought. Final Four. Yeah, Final Four is huge.

In Big Brother World, I have to give myself some credit because that. A lot of credit. I think, girl. Yeah. I usually am that person, but I'm still coming down from like, oh, I was on a show. Oh, wait, I made it far. Yeah. Oh, people know who I am.

Yes. And so, first of all, four, is my, I'm born. on February 4th. Four has been in my number of my whole life. Week four was when it was the first time I ever got nominated and I made it to the top four. Like it seems I could not be more grateful. It is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I always see 9-11 on the clock and I was always like that's a weird one and but I have for like 20 years. Always? Okay that's real then. Always but listen to this. What? This is sad but it's sad and also very powerful. Okay. So

I kept being like Like every day I see it morning and night. And I always go, of course. And so I had a medium on my podcast and she was like, what is the number you always see? And I was like 9-11. And she goes, did you have a close friend that passed away? And I went, yeah. My best friend died when I was 18.

And she goes, what day did you bury her? And I was like, I don't remember. I messaged my girlfriend. It was 9-11. And she was like. It's her saying, like, she's here. I know. I know.

Because that is so, like, angel sending messages through numbers and things like that. I believe in that. I do too. And 9-11. And I was like, I don't know when I buried her. I know the date she died, but I don't remember when the, and my girlfriend was like, I'll never forget because 9-11 is a terrible day for everybody. I know.

And so now- But it always has different meaning for you. So I was like, oh, that's why I've seen it for the last. 20 years that's wild yeah because she which is crazy that she's been gone that long but yeah yeah it's yeah I totally believe physically gone spiritually she's like girl I'm right here yeah hello I've been telling you yeah I know that's what that's what all mediums tell me that she's like I'm right here yeah and she's she was hilarious they one medium told me that she said I am literally with her all the time not when she's like in

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Are Lee and Quinn a thing? Oh my gosh. I also have questions about that. I thought there was one moment where she was admitting that she was starting to have a crush. Yeah, same. Which, listen, guys, Quinn, I know he played up a big character and he's, but he, anybody would be lucky to have Quinn as her. He was in the top three his favorite people for America. I know.

Yeah. Because they love the drama. America loves being messy. True. The messiest. Yeah, we were a messy season, so I know they loved it. but America loves being messy, so I get it. I couldn't believe Angela was in that top three.

I thought that I was. No, we knew. I was like, I bet you any. I had a suspicion. I bet you anything because they love. Yeah, messy. Yeah, exactly. They love, but personally, you know, that was, it was.

Living it is entirely different. Oh, my God. You know, living it is different. I can't, I'm just such a, to myself kind of person. Yeah, I didn't have that for so long. And I love my me time. Yeah. Do you like now just cherish every new time that you get?

I'm literally, I'm going to see my family. I saw some of my friends. I'm going to see them. And then I'm going to go be by myself for a week or two with just me and my dog butters. Oh, butter. Sweet, sweet. Is that the real reunion when butters jumped in your arms?

Yeah, she was like, oh, yeah. But she like, Loki was like kind of mad at you? Uh-huh. Yeah, dogs do that. No, I didn't really, because it was an extended period of time. She was like, oh, you're back. Yeah. That's nice.

I don't really care. I was thinking of you also because you, fall a lot. I eat shit. I ate shit so hard last night and I was like, I went to tell her. Oh, wait, you eat shit? I always eat shit. Oh, I don't.

But it cracks me up. Oh, you don't? No, I'm not really like a clumsy gal. Oh, good for you. And last night, this is kind of embarrassing. I had a couple drinks. And I went to Dancing with the Stars to watch. And then I went for martinis after with my girlfriend.

Nice. And it was so funny because we get, I don't really know L.A. areas very well. And I was like, oh, probably have to get on an Uber that's so long. And we walk out of Tower Bar, wherever. A bar. Yep. And my hotel was right across the street.

And I was like, hey, I'm home. And I was like, that's so funny. Anyways, we ended up going, like, right next door to this comedy store. And I don't know. Oh, I think I know what you're talking about. And had a drink there. And then I went home and I was like, I'm ordering McDonald's. And so I ordered McDonald's.

And I was like a kid on Christmas going to, down to the lobby to meet the postmaids driver. I was in my house coat. Oh, robe, you guys call it. I'm Canadian. I was in my robe and I got in the elevator and I decided to run to my room because I was so excited. And I wonder if I can roll up. You did not bruise yourself.

Girl, wait, what? I thought it was a bruise. You bled is what that means. I fully, fully scabbed money. I fell. So hard. Were you wearing heels? I was in bare feet.

I was in bare feet. Oh my gosh. In a robe and fully ate shit on the carpet of the hotel. And I remember, like, I went. You rug burned yourself. I rug burned myself. And you know, and like, like, my head flew down in my, and I like, so dramatic. Sat there.

And I was like, that is so embarrassing. Like, you know, I hope some security footage is out there. I thought about messaging the hotel because maybe I am a clumsy girl because, I have hotel footage of me. Maybe when you're not in your environment. Having a realization, I actually am fuzzy. I was wearing like a long jumpsuit and the bottom of it got caught on my shoe. And I just, again, fell flat on my face.

And I immediately went to the hotel. I was like, could you find that footage for me? And I found it and I put it on my Instagram story. So maybe I should. Honestly, please check because that's hilarious. If you're running with McDonald's in a robe. Honestly, girl, that's so relatable. like someone out there is going to feel seen and the someone is me.

So I would like to know what I, like I literally was like, you know, like one of the first things you do is you laugh at yourself and then you look around to see like, who saw? Because I mean, it was like the loudest thud too. And I was like, holy shit. And then like waking up this morning to the shame of like the empty McDonald's bag by your bed. Yeah, I know what you do. And I'd like woke up in the middle of the night to like chug the Dr. Pepper that I got. And I just had rug burn on my knees

And I was like, 39, what's up? Never too old, never too late. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I start singing your song. And use it for something that doesn't. I'm going to do that next time. You have to. Oh, my God.

You have to. I am going to ask them for that footage. Oh, please do. No, please. Oh, my God. I haven't even looked at my notes once, by the way. Oh, my God. What are we talking about?

really want to make sure that I'm just hanging out now what hello we need to we're on the clock I know I just like to yeah I know me too we need an adult I need adults we need a chaperone somebody stop us um okay so you had have you ever watch Big Brother before girl no oh my god hilarious okay so was it what you expected probably not no I had once I realized I was in the process I was like okay I think I watched like five seasons yeah I like put it in work but even when I was just watching it was kind of hard for me me to like take notes and I'm just watching it to understand what the heck is going on right um but as far as being on the show I don't think even even the fans the super fans on there could never expect

you could never expect anticipate or prepare yourself for an experience like this because even so watching it it's going to change with who's in the game right you know and so like we had so many game changers in there that it honestly what we had the veto you we had not one normal week to like week 12. It honestly was the craziest thing because as a fan, I'm like, this is what I want to see. Yes.

But as someone living it, I'm going to die in here. This ain't right. It was crazy. We're like, well, it's Monday, so everyone buckle up. It's about to be another roller coaster ride. Well, I really want to know, like,

so much more about the storage room. I feel like shit goes down on the storage room. I did. Okay, so what is your question? Well, because I know that they have, like, dental dams and condoms and you can like go in and request whatever you want apparently and like

what is the crazy shit what is the crazy shit someone ordered in there oh well I mean it's sometimes it was really cool like sometimes they would throw us a party and they'd always be like they can't because you're not supposed to see production right so anytime they were going to give us anything it was in the storage room so like when we'd

be like there was a Labor Day we had a party and so they would just be they'd announce hey had to the storage room and there was you know one beer, takeout, and like, even for birthdays, that's where they put, like, cake. It's really nice. But other times in there, it's like,

we went in there to, like, have conversation. You know, it's not, you can hear everything in there. But I was wondering that, too, because everyone's like, the walls are paper thin? I'm like, are they? They really are. And, like, the door doesn't, they leave a space under the door.

But it's also, when there's so many people in there, there's only so many spaces that can be private. So you're using any single space that you can get. Wait, and you really had to live outside. Girl, we're going to talk. about janky world i would have lost j-a-n-k-i-e no i hate it i can't i that would have sent me over the edge no i think that was the goal yeah well yeah i think it is it is reality and i was on the block that week against my bestie oh yeah oh i feel like honestly i handled it as best as i could but it

was they we were woken up to sing and dance the song would go three four times back to back Like dancing would go three, four times back to back. Pizza party. Like, first of all, you really had to eat pizza and ice cream the whole time? My skin changed after that. I started getting eczema again. Oh, I believe it. For real.

And I, on my mental health during that way, and it was hot. That was, there was a heat wave that week. And we were living outside. So. They, like, looked at the weather. And they were like, you know what? This week. Yeah.

Seriously. No, I think it just happens to be that way. But living outside, we were so hyped when we first got the announcement. Let's go outside. Yeah. I know. that was sad we were so excited genuinely and our jaws dropped to the ground that wasn't an earthquake that was all of our jaws dropping realizing oh wait we're actually living out here then we saw them

bringing out the cots and we're like oh this is real a week a week outside and the thing is here's what makes it terrible because you still have to play the game there's no privacy outside you literally have to watch people talk and then and you know in the paranoia how many fart walks did you go on fart walks yeah I mean I wasn't I tried not to eat the pizza I was eating the gluten-free and I ate like almost nothing that I lived off of protein shake that week and water. Oh, so you could still have protein shakes. Yeah, they gave that. Okay. So that's all, like, I lived off of that. The liquid, they also gave liquid IV at one point

and water. And then I was, at one point I was just eating the vegetable toppings to have some nutrition. Yeah. But that's torture. Like, it was a different form of torture. Like, but you didn't get to go back in. So did they bring out your clothes? And like, once that we were told, you know, they, they, we film all that. And then they're like, okay, everybody has five minutes to grab whatever you need for a week and they're counting down you put everything in your duffel

you have five minutes to grab anything and everything you might need for a week and we didn't know it was gonna be hot we didn't know what yeah we were gonna only take cold showers

I didn't yeah my skin changed that week and so did my soul yeah I honestly was like this must be a TV trick like there's no way you guys actually live yeah it was real

it was so real and like luckily we were able to do our laundry because the laundry's outside That was like the one perk, but no privacy, no nothing. Girl, wait, it was port-a-potties, the same porta-potties for a week. And it was baking in that heat. That's disgusting.

It was disgusting. That's actually disgusting. Yeah, no, so that's a different form of torture. But like, so here's what I, I had to channel my inner child, honestly, because I was like, if I were 13, this would be a dream gun true. Slumber party in the backyard. Pizza and ice cream and dancing. Yeah. Yeah, I'm 35.

And so it was. Oh, that's. That took a different mental strength. I don't know how I would do. You know what? I think a lot of people who not have survived in there, luckily, were evicted already because otherwise, self-eviction. Right. Yeah. There were times I was like, do I need the money more than I need mental health? I'm not sure, you know? I think I'll make that money some other way, you know? I would be thinking the exact same thing. Okay, so now that the show's done, so many people

love you, what are you going to do with this platform that you have now? Oh my God, I didn't even realize it would be that way. I was hoping, honestly, my biggest goal, if I didn't win was to have, a positive impact on like being authentically yourself like being a woman who stands for women yes and for being someone who you know I didn't see I didn't grow up seeing anyone like me on TV the closest I got was like tequila but she's not even Filipino she's just small and Asian right you know so I those goals I feel like if I hit those and I feel super fulfilled yeah now that I have a platform I'm still going to I prior to this I was big on women empowerment yes big on experiences I was big on like I'm 35 I don't have kids I'm not married I'm big on women doing

whatever the fuck they want to do yes and so I'm gonna run with that that's like my big overarching ideas like because even before this I hosted trips like I traveled with followers oh cool yeah so they would sign up to go with me on a trip they've never met me with people they've never met before to experience something they've never experienced before oh that's cool yeah so I think I'll probably do that on a big scale yeah exactly and I just want to I yeah I just want people to know that it's never too late you're never too old and And at the end of the day, the only person's opinion you need to be worried about is yourself.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. And every podcast I make, people tell me an embarrassing story, which I already told you mine. Embarrassing stories. Ooh, so many. Where do I start?

Let's see. I bartend it for a long, long time. Me too. And it was one of my last, most recent jobs, I was, anyway, it was a new job. It was a really, really, really big, big restaurant. We're going up the stairs. I just met everyone for the first time.

We're walking. We're talking. What's the first thing I do? rip my pants in half. As we're going up the stairs and I'm leading the troops. No. It echoes in the hallways

and I rip my pants and I'm like, you know what? This is a great introduction to Rubina. Just so you know, this is very much me. And it was, it was, at least settled it that I am this person. Yeah. And get used to it.

We're going to be working together. Rip my pants first hour. Why? Why? So what did you do? I bar, I had to make friends. Yeah. Can I borrow a jacket?

I'm just going to wrap it around. Yeah. And the thing is, it's kind of hard for me to get embarrassed anymore because like I just am I accept that I'm cringe yeah you're not you can't tell me that I'm cring because I think yeah I'm cringe but I'm free you know people are gonna find you cringe if you're free and you're so yourself and you're comfortable with that oh see I I I find the opposite if you're not comfortable with yourself and you're not free and you're trying to be someone else that is actual cringe but there's different people who

cringes up to your perception and opinion okay but I agree that's more cringe to me than me being me right but people are going to find me cringe and that's okay Wait, tell everyone where they can find you because you are very fun to follow, very empowering, and I love your content. That means so much to me because I am very intentional about it now. No, it's so good. But you can follow me on Instagram at With Rubina, R-U-B-I-N-A, or on TikTok, the Rubina show, because it's the Rubina show. I love that. What kind of TikToks do you do?

Oh, girl. I'm figuring that out still. Yeah, same. I'm a millennial. I'm trying to get, like, I don't know how to use TikTok, to be honest. I'm literally, like, so stuck on TikTok. I'm like, sometimes I just want to delete it. And other times I'm like, wait, that was fun.

Yeah, see, that's how I feel. Maybe we just have fun. Just have fun. Yeah, just have fun. Yeah, just have fun. Just be yourself. Just be you. I was going to say that.

Just be you. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for even inviting me. What the heck? Who am I? Where am I? This is amazing. Thank me.

Thank you for being you. And letting me be me. You can always be you with me when I'm being me and you're being you. That's right. If you know, you know, I-Y-K, Y-K, bitch. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating of you.