Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Shannon Christensen | Building a Village: Helping Moms, Supporting Families, and Fighting Burnout!

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

#797. In this inspiring episode of Off the Vine, Kaitlyn sits down with Shannon Christensen, the founder of Mamas for Mamas, a movement born from Shannon’s personal journey and a deep desire to help moms everywhere feel seen, supported, and connected. From overcoming personal tragedy to creating a space where kindness is the currency, Shannon shares the powerful story behind her nonprofit that has grown into a nationwide community. Whether you're a mom or not, Shannon's story is one of resilience, empathy, and the power of community to make a difference. Tune in for a conversation that will inspire you to find your own village—and maybe even start one! If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE! Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals! Boll & Branch: Shop their Cyber Event for 25% off, plus free shipping on your first set of sheets by heading to bollandbranch.com and use promo code VINE25. Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per-month trial period at Shopify.com/vine Skylight Frames: Get $20 off a Skylight Frame at SkylightFrame.com/VINE Progressive: Quote at See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now starting.

How are you feel of me? Welcome to the... Hey everybody. Welcome to Off the Vine. Today we're diving into what I think is just a truly inspirational story with Shannon Christensen, the incredible woman behind the specialized poverty relief agency, Mamas for Mamas. She's going to tell us all about it. You literally like nailed it on the head. Everything we talked about, I was like, yes. Yes. Really important. What started as a small local initiative has blossomed into a movement that's transforming motherhood into a space of empathy, connection, and community. And I just loved hearing your story and where it all started and where it's gone. And I just think even if somebody is not a mom listening to this podcast, you're going to feel inspired. Oh, man. You don't have to be a mama to be maternal. I know I've said it eight times already, which people will hear, but put that on a t-shirt. Put that on a t-shirt.

Why don't I say that? Thank you so much. And people are really going to enjoy this conversation. Thank you so much. I'm so glad to be here. Yeah. Let's jump into it. I'm so stoked to have you on the podcast because you are the reason I am here in Kelona.

Shannon Christensen, you are the founder of Mamas for Mamas. That is right. Now, explain to everybody who's listening what exactly Mamas for Mamas is. Well, I'm just so excited to be here, first of all. And I'm so excited to share about Mamas for Mamas because it's been 10 years. And now we can share not only how we started, but where we've kind of gone from there. But Mamas for Mamas is a nonprofit organization that is really there to fill the gaps in the social services that are available for families, kids, moms and dads, foster parents, grandparents, whoever's raising these kids, caretakers, whoever's raising these kids and are struggling for whatever reason to, provide food or shelter or safety or access to any of the social determinants of health,

we'll make sure that they can access them. So we've got like 250,000 moms on our social sharing economy groups across the country and they were run through Facebook. And there's no money that exchanges hands. It's just kindness is currency. Give each other what you need. Share as much as you can. Take what you can. Give what you can. volunteer. It's a really cool way for people to give back to one another without it being about charity. It's about community. Yeah. And then when the community is kind of exhausted, its ability to support one another in that

peer-to-peer mom-to-mom way, which is a really powerful way of supporting each other, we built a safety net with clinical counselors and social workers and victim service workers and people who can actually help you go from that space of, I need a little bit of help to, you know, I need everything but the kitchen sink. Right. And we can actually help you go from that place of poverty to a place of, you know, prosperity and help you with your budget, with your financial plan and get you into a place to live and get you into a position where you're not in the red every single month. And that takes

some time, but it's system change. Well, especially in Kelowna right now, I feel like the cost of living is bananas. So I feel like the community needs help more than ever. But over 10 years, you've been building this. Like, where did it start? I mean, I have all this information right here, but I'm just going to try and, like, get through it. Like, you described the loss of your dad actually as a pivotal moment in your life. So I can't imagine. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Thank you.

How did it reshape your vision for the future you had planned as a forensic psychologist? Well, I was a forensic social worker at the time. Okay. To be a forensic psychologist, you need your PhD. Okay. Which, I mean, I would have loved to do at some point, but mama's actually ended up taking me off going for that path. Right. And brought me into more of the social service nonprofit world.

But yeah, I was doing youth forensic psychiatric services work, treating violent offenders who had been convicted of, you know, sexual assault or murder or general, just general assault. Yeah. And general crimes and theft and stuff like that. How old were you when you started doing this? 25. Wow. Yeah.

And it was pretty powerful work. And I had some experience as an at-risk youth myself, but I had a lot of support. Yeah. My dad was a lawyer and he was a really good guy and kept us all out of trouble. And, you know, but there was this budding kind of lack of support for youth that was kind of starting about 20, 30 years ago here in Colonna where we were starting to see a lot more kids out on the street late at night. We were starting to see just the general kind of community essence change. And I think that's everywhere. I don't think that's just Colonna.

Every single community we're in. We're in 63 communities across Canada. And everyone has a different experience. of seeing their neighbors struggling with something new. There are people that are still financially okay, but their mental health is worse than it's ever been. So bringing that back to when my dad passed away, this was my way of kind of healing my heart. That was my way of bringing my mental health back to a place where I could feel kind

of connected to the world again because he died the day after my wedding. Oh, my gosh. And was it sudden? Yeah, he was only 53. He had a heart attack. And it was just like he had all the gift. in his truck he was on the way to the gift opening and no no you know yeah like hard no um and i was 23 and i remember you know thinking i'm going to make that matter like i'm going to do something

that yeah yeah let him stay as part of my life because i just didn't feel like i got enough of him yet yeah of course i i like wish i could just jump across and hug you And I don't talk about it a lot, but I'm so glad when I get to because it brings him back into my psyche. And he was the gestalt for mamas because he was this like safety net for this community. He did countless cases for families adopting children and didn't charge them. You know, he did. He was a quiet, low flying angel for a lot of families, kind of like Jill was for mamas. Yeah.

um teaching quietly supporting doing things that would normally cost a lot of money for people that were just starting out and um i just remember thinking like you know he left me with a bit of money when he died and i didn't want it like i didn't feel good about having it yeah and part of me thought well i know he wouldn't want me to just not have it or give it away completely so i'm going to do something that kind of fills my cup and fills my heart. So I started buying groceries for moms that were on Facebook groups, you know, those shop and swap groups. And they would put it out like, oh, I'm struggling. And the first time I did it, it was this mom and she was like 19 years old. And I brought her groceries. And the experience was so profound that I thought, I mean, that was selfish, how good it

made me feel. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to keep doing this. I just want to help maybe one more person tomorrow and every day that I did that I felt a little bit less broken right you know he left a little bit of his angel soul in you yeah it's so I've had like a few friends who's dad like two of my best friends have lost her dad and I think a lot of people get scared to like touch on the subject because they're like I don't want to make you cry but my friends are like I want to remember him I want to talk about him I want his legacy to live on and I want people to know what he did and what he instilled in me and, you know, like your dad clearly left this beautiful legacy and inspired you. And that's why I have it in my notes because it kind of shaped your future

for giving back. Oh, big time. I don't know anybody in their 20s who has the ability to engage in philanthropy. And that was such a gift that he gave me. Yeah. Most people are just trying to, you know, get through paycheck to paycheck. And all of a sudden we had the ability to get into the market and pay off our student loans. And I felt a little bit of guilt around that. I felt a bit of survivors' guilt and shame around being the age I was 23, buying a house in Colonna. It just didn't feel right to have as much as I did and not try and build a longer table with it. Like there were a lot more people that we could help with a longer table instead of a higher fence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I love how you say that. Yeah, it just started to feel more aligned. And 10 years now you've

10 years. Are you so proud of yourself? I'm so proud of myself, but I'm so proud of my family and my team, because it has this real, it takes a village effort behind it. I had an idea, but I think a lot of people have ideas. Not everybody has the people behind them that I'm so lucky to have. Like my sisters, my mom, you know, from wherever she is in the world, she lives in Malawi right now, and she's texting me right now and sending me messages and telling me how excited

how proud she is. And I have a real, you know, an incredible group of people that kind of brought mammas up with me. Lindsay and Melissa, we all used to work in the domestic violence, sexual assault trauma community. Yeah. And we'd be on our lunch breaks hanging out one of our offices. And I was like, all right, so I'm starting this little charity. Do you know what a bylaw is? Yeah. It's a, it is a big job to start a charity. I don't think people realize how much work it actually does take. I sure didn't. Well, no, you don't until you're into it. Because I always want to start my own and I, you know, I hope I do one day. You will.

Yeah, I will. I will help you. Yes, please. You're the first person I would call to help. Let me give you all of my trial and error. Yeah. And all of the legal time and energy that we've spent learning the things. I mean, it's different in the States than it's in Canada, but the premise is the same.

I can't even imagine, but did you know about the study that they did about. women who live longer and why and it's not about you know they some of these women they drink wine every day they do whatever they're not working out but they have community yes yes the communities that have the longest lasting i think it's octogenarians or whatever the term is for the uh those living in their 80s but there's like uh okinawa in japan and a few different places and they get together every day and the elders are revered and they're supported by their community and the younger folks or, you know, dancing with their grandparents and they're eating together. And that is like the essence of mental health.

The place where I did my master's has this, the Adlerian background for well-being is that a sense of belonging is the strongest predictor of mental health. I mean, there's an epidemic happening in the world of loneliness right now. Mental health crisis. And it's because we all do feel alone because what are we doing? We're not eating dinner at the table together. We're not coming together as community. We're scrolling.

We're comparing our lives. We're trying to do what other people are doing. And we're losing sight of everything that matters when it comes to community and mental health. Yeah. And our very first community is our family. Yeah. And over the last 10 years, I have been, you know, 16, 18 hour days, five to seven days a week. And I've loved it.

Yeah. And it was only when I realized that I was not with my kids. kids as much as I was with the kids of people who were struggling, that I realized something needed to change. Like, I'm a great mom, but when I'm not home as much, nobody can be a good mom. Nobody can be the mom they want to be if they're not there. And you, at just 23, made a huge decision to start a family instead of pursuing your career. Yeah. I just, because my dad died and he's, I always had this thing, you know, he really wanted me to finish my schooling while he was still working because he wanted to retire. And I want to. And I want to. I want to. I was. I always had this thing, you know, he really wanted to

retire and I wanted him to retire so I said I'll get my schooling done ASAP so that you know you can be done once I'm done my PhD you can retire and then I'll figure out my life and have babies and do whatever and I I met a guy when I was 18 who was just like husband material yeah dad material I was like sure I feel like I got like sure I got off the paw this is dill he was like the real man you know I mean he was a bouncer who kicked me out the first time I met him so naturally I was like I don't think so I will see you later her. I am all the way turned on. That's amazing. Yeah. And so we've been together 20 years. Holy shit. Yeah. It's been wicked. So I just kind of knew in that moment after my dad passed and Dylan

and I went back up north to, you know, he was building a road. And I just kind of said like, you know what? I don't know what I'm waiting for anymore. Like I originally did want to wait until I did my PhD, but I feel like the universe is telling me that's not your mission right now. That's not your place right now. And then I just was like, P.S. I went off birth control. We should have a baby. It's like, oh, shit, okay. Well, you know what? Let's go for it. Really? Yeah, and two months later, I was knocked up. At 23, how does one know to listen to your intuition and the universe? I have this beautiful privilege of having been raised by a very intuitive woman. I love that. My mom and my nana both just had this sense of, like, my mom ever since we were like five years old

when she left my dad and had four little girls under the age of. five and she was a teacher and she said we have an abundance of money now we didn't we did not have an abundance of anything but she just just had this belief system that if you believe in yourself enough and you keep pushing towards that goal it's going to happen it's not if it's when and she just said like if you don't know ask yourself your internal voice that is that's your soul voice these are voices these are guides these are your ancestors from other places that are giving you tips and tricks and it's up to you to learn how to listen. Yeah. So I had to learn how to meditate and really like tap into my intuition and my higher self to be able to get that yes and that

no. So when I am trying to better make a decision that isn't necessarily based in hard facts or anything that you can really quantitatively understand, I just go into my gut and my intuition has never really been wrong. How powerful because I feel like now that's starting to become you know like buzzwords with meditating and manifesting and all these things but you like for that generation to raise you in that mindset is actually like it was wild yeah and it was really ahead of the curve like my mom was um to bringing me to naturopaths when I was a kid and I had severe mental health issues as a child I was very depressed I had major anxiety one of the reasons I became a trauma counselor is because I was seriously traumatized as a teenager was

bullying and then I became the aggressor because I was afraid of being weak and there was this really important lesson around how to trust women and be kind to women and you know in particular not engage in the things that had put me in a place of feeling less than so do you believe that's why women can be so mean and awful to other women is because they've gone through something and they're projecting like do you think that's really where it all stems from I think hurt people hurt people, but I think healed people heal people. And I really just like to focus on the ladder because, you know, when you, when you work with, over a million moms we've worked with in the last 10 years. And if we have a few interactions that aren't positive and the majority of them that are

really great, we're still going to focus on a few of them that didn't go perfectly. Yeah. So for us to be able to give love and the practice of meta, you know, giving love and wishing well to those who might not want or wish the same for you you know people who have harmed you the best way i have found to deal with that because i've dealt with it a fair amount over over the 10 years of building and growing and i've learned that by truly wishing them well yeah i feel better about the situation and i really do wish them well in the beginning i had to fake it in my head i was like meta meta wish them well in there i really do wish you well yes and by the end of my meditations i actually started to wish them well and I started to realize I want you to be as happy as you can not just

because then you won't come after me but because I want you to be happy yeah and that shifted something in my brain where I realized I don't I don't need to be you know convincing other people that it's that I'm good enough if they're there if they love me great if not that's cool too you do you boo I'm really leaning into the wish you well when I I'm lying to myself and a lot of times and I will say same thing it's starting i'm starting to be like no i actually do wish them well yeah takes a bit because i don't want to carry that kind of you know resentment and animosity towards somebody because of course you're going to for a minute but if you convince yourself that you wish them well you really start to i mean i've done a lot of EMDR therapy now recently through it that actually EMDR lets you

sit through those emotions and the reason that you get through them is if you sit with them so it's so draining and scary and then all of a sudden like five days later i'll be like whoa something shifted yeah yeah it's wild isn't it yeah really forgiveness and permission and surrendering yeah as somebody who's engaged in a fair amount of male energy in the last 10 years yeah as somebody in my life would so gently say it you throw your dick on the table a fair amount and it's nice for you to be able to step back and not feel the need to do that like i don't like throwing my dick on the table so to speak I don't actually have one, just to be clear. But metaphorically.

I don't like throwing my metaphorical dick on the table. But I had to at some points in my mind to protect Mamas. But you know what it also did is it presented the opportunity for me to be too overprotective. Yeah. Which now puts me in a position of polarity. And I am a polarizing figure where I'm either, you know, you love Big Mama or she's going to you up, you know what I mean? So I don't want to be the latter.

You're like the, you're like the Mama from Chicago. go like if you're good to mama mama's good to you remember that i do i i think i need to put that on a t-shirt you need to that is so you i i picture you at like 23 having children and you know everything you've dealt with and things you've gone through and and you know struggling with bullying or mental health stuff when you're younger did you suffer with postpartum immensely and i had so much shame around it because i was like nope you didn't freak out when dad died you can definitely get through this. You're like, not me. Not today. Not today, Satan. Yeah. But I actually almost died in the births. He was seven weeks early and I had an

eruption, yeah, bro, it was righteous. I, yeah, bro, it's righteous. Talking about a wave. No, you almost died. Yeah, no, it was, I was in bed and my husband had gone back up north the night before and I was 34 weeks pregnant, just almost 34 weeks pregnant. And my dog, Harley, came and started biting my feet. And he was this boxer, sweetest, kindest little boo. And he didn't bite. And he didn't do anything. He started barking at me.

And I was like, what the hell, bro? I got up and I just sort of gushing blood. And it was like a freaking murder scene. It was like Carrie, the movie. Yeah. Terrifying. It's scary. And I went into shock.

And I called my husband. And I said, my water broke and it's really red. So I'm going to call the hospital. And he's like in Lachlohash. And they're like trying to send him in on a chopper. And it's pouring rain. And so he gets in his truck and he's ripping back in. And I'm like with my sister's laughing, oh, can you get my yoga ball?

I'm going to need it for labor. And she's like, okay, don't need your yoga bowl. So you had no idea what was happening. No. I mean, probably part of me. But I went and fed the dogs. I went and like, you know, started to pack up my bag. And then my sister showed up.

She got to my house in 11 minutes and she lived 30 minutes away. Oh, wow. The girl rips. Yeah. Yeah. Jamie Kim will get there. you need her. She was in her little Mercedes or BMW or whatever she had at the time. And she's like, boop, boop, boop. She gets there and she saved my life, I'm sure, because she got me to sit down.

She got me in the hospital. And then Jimmy was born at five pounds, four ounces, which is big for that for 34 weeks. And he was, you know, it was precarious. He had to be in the NICU for about 34 days. But he made it. I made it. And the wild thing was, he was. He was. He was born on my parents' wedding anniversary. Really? Yeah. Like, my parents had been separated, divorced for like 20 years, and they were back together. Yeah, I know. I know. I love your eyes just there. It's like,

what? Your parents got back together? Yeah, they were like dating again. And like, they were like talking about my retiring together and they always loved each other. It was just life got in the way. Law firms and babies and shit. It's stressful. So they were like, they walked me down the aisle together. They were the cutest little

couple. And she was all cute. Did her hair extra cute. Like, she was It was the sweetest thing you've ever seen. It was a love story rekindling. And they walked me down the aisle and he died the next morning. And she was devastated. She actually moved to Shanghai really soon after that, which was really tough being in the hospital without my mama.

And going through postpartum and almost dying. And that's a lot of heavy years. Yeah. And my husband wasn't home. So he worked out of town like 28 days on, four days home. So it was really isolating. So I spent a lot of time by my. What, isolating is, yeah, probably the exact word I'd use. Yeah. And I just kept thinking, well,

you know what? If I can just be a really, really good mom, then it's okay. Like, it's all worth it. And then I'd get Dylan home for a few days every month and I would get to sleep and catch up on rest. And then I had my second baby when I was 26 and I was finishing my master's degree. And I was like, this is really hard. I'm going to start a Facebook group. I'm going to call it Mamas for Mamas because I have a lot of really expensive stuff that I'd like to give away instead. of selling but I want someone to be nice to me do you feel like Mamas for Mamas Facebook also helped with postpartum because you felt that sense of community major I didn't start mamas for Mamas to build a charity I just started a Facebook good thinking you know this is great

for me it was a bit of a selfish thing it was like I'm going to build this for me I'm going to give away all my items and other moms that aren't having kids around the same time as me we can trade clothes my first mom I met on there was Tara and we just we still connect and we still trade well not really clothes anymore because our kids are like men now but like my son is like same size clothes as my husband but you you met people that had a real desire to build that longer table and they wanted to trade clothes not just because they didn't have to go buy them but because it was nice to talk to another mom who was going through the same developmental stuff you know going through the same sleep deprivation going through the same postpartum or not but they can at least kind

to connect to you on a level that other people struggled to connect with me at time all my friends were going to concerts yeah yeah they were living their 26 year old life right good for them yeah that's the the connection that vulnerability can create can help yeah you know even if it's just even it's huge but even if it's just this much and it helps you know at that time when you just need a little bit of hope or a little bit of light yeah having other people relate to what you're going through and talk about it yeah and to be able to help them. Like I had, you know, I had money in the bank from my dad and I didn't have a formal structure or how I wanted to help people with it. So people would post on the group randomly.

There was no money that was allowed to exchange hands between moms. But because I had started the group, I'd said, if somebody comes to me and needs help with something as a social worker, I'll help you find the resources in the community. And that's how the at risk program started was just moms randomly DMing me being like, I'm going through domestic violence, do you know what shelters are available? And I was like, oh, let me Google it. Yeah, yeah. I've got a bit of background on that. Someone was like, oh, I need a food hamper. And I'm like, oh, well, the food bank does food. And then they said, well, I've already been there this month. And I said, oh, I didn't realize you could only go once a month. And they said, yeah, if you have a baby under 12 months, you can go once

a week on Fridays, but my baby is now 13 months and I'm really struggling. And I'm like, oh, well, where else do we get food? Right. So we started looking at what was out there. And then we realized there's a pretty big gap still for fresh food, for that kind of stuff. So that's when we built the farm. So we built a farm. So we built a farm, natural. I mean, shit. What are you going to do? Go and buy a bunch of groceries for moms if you could actually just grow them? Right? So we had Penny, who was this outrageously brilliant mom on the group who was like agriculturist and likes chickens. Okay? This is going somewhere. So Penny is like, oh, my church has this great big piece of land. If we put some chickens on there and build a

Cluckington Palace type thing, then we can use the land for free and we'll just give them some eggs. I'm like, girl, brilliant. Let's do this. So we started doing that and then we actually expanded it where I don't think they actually accept our eggs anymore because they're just like, you guys just keep them. You're so awesome. We love you guys. We work at them on a bigger project and we did like 60,000 pounds of fresh food to families

across the Okinawagon for the cost of Cluckington Palace and chicken eggs. And Home Depot actually built Cluckington Palace for us. God bless you, Home Depot. We love Home Depot. Wow. Yeah. So we were able to just kind of create our own sharing economy between community organizations now, not just between moms. I love hearing the story because on the contrary, we all know that the competitive nature of motherhood online can also be shocking and isolating as well. It's terrible.

So what led you to the moment to think like enough is enough? Let's come together instead of, because I can't, it is one of my biggest fears in life is having a child and being a personality on the internet. Yeah. Yeah. I would say like, well, okay, I know exactly when the moment was. I was in a group of moms that went to the library. And I was like ostracized because I was like younger. I didn't fit in. Let's just put it that way. I didn't fit in. I was talking about fissures and leaking boobs. And these were like like moms with like decorum. And I just felt so isolated once again after I'd made such an effort to meet people and go for walks and connect with people. And I just wasn't invited to like the lunch after or whatever. And I just remember thinking like, this can't be it. This can't be the only experience. And I went to my Nana's house. And I was like, man, they're just such bitches. And she's like, yeah, they are. Here's the thing, sweetie. You're not going to find the right people right off the bat. You're going to have to keep trying. And if you don't find your community, you're going to have to build it. And then she started telling me about her experience building community when she was overseas her husband worked with mobile oil and she

helped to build a motherless baby's home and she was like there's just there's kids that need help there's people who can offer money if they want to stay in their little expac community and not come into the market and help that's great then i'll take a hundred dollars from them and i will do good work on their behalf yeah and i thought oh shit that's a good little model like yeah what does that look like in real life now and she's like i don't know give it a shot go on the facebook you know And just try one of those the, the, right? The Facebook or YouTube. The Instagram.

Check to see if there's other moms out there that have a similar problem with ladies being the bitches. Wow. She sounds like a powerful influence. She's a very, very powerful woman. She passed away in 2020, but she's very much present. Oh. Like. A woman like that doesn't go away.

She only gets stronger. Yeah. No I'm saying? She's here right now. I'll tell you that. Do you feel certain things? I do. big time well she just has this incredible ancestral energy like she she has ancestors coming in to see me

all the time yeah i got to be honest i was never into the ancestors and meditating and in 2020 i did an intuitive meditation course yeah completely changed my life and i i actually started to like myself yep i was like she's not crazy like she is no she crazy but she's not bad we love that we love that i she could be good crazy yeah i honestly started believing in that stuff always knew something and it was when I went to this retreat for mental health and they did visualizations and meditations around that kind of thing and I went to Hawaii after and I Googled spiritual blessing on a it was supposed to be on a marriage and I did it on my relationship with myself and it doesn't rain very often in Hawaii and it started downpouring while

I was getting this blessing on my relationship with myself and all these turtles started coming up and the guy said to me these are your ancestors oh my god i have goosebumps all over my body right now i actually do too i actually do too and i was like i would have thought before i would be like okay yeah and but like the hawaiian culture is so beautiful and so spiritual and i was like i believe you because i had just done a week of opening myself up to family history family trauma breaking the cycle learning more and it was so powerful and I was like I mean who hires a guy to come bless them by themselves in a like people are walking by being like what's the trick doing and I'm like crying because my ancestors are turtles like I was like

I just believe in that shit so much I feel this in my bones I feel this in my core I I am like as you're talking, I'm like, uh-huh. Yeah, no, I believe, like, I didn't even have to think about it. Yeah. And I, and it opened up my whole, it cracked me open to loving myself and loving the generations before me. Yes. To put me here and in the space that I'm in and doing what I love to do. And I'm just like, yeah. Grab a coffee and discover nonstop action with Bud MGM Casino. Check out our hottest exclusive. Friends of one with multi-drop. Once even more options. Play our wide variety of table games. Or head over to the arcade for nostalgic casino thrills only available at BetMGM. Download the BetMGM Ontario

app today. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531, 2,600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. I love your idea of kindness as currency. Yes. Yes. So beautiful. How did you come with the concept of creating a space where mommas could trade freely without judgment. It was mostly because I wanted to give things away for free because there was a lot of these sites where people were selling and the haggling was what really disconnected people.

So I thought if we created a place where everything could just be given away, it's also cool because there's moms that might have items that they can trade and then they develop a bit more of a relationship. And for me, it just kind of felt like the one thing we were missing the most as moms was kindness. So if we implemented that as currency for things that were necessities, it would have to start to become part of our everyday life. And there was a competition culture that I found so disheartening that I, instead of competing with the competition, I just stopped engaging in it.

And I thought, well, if this doesn't work, that's okay, but it works for me. And you said it a few times in this podcast, too, with the building longer tables instead of higher fences. That mentality alone, to me, because I am a very competitive person. I have compared myself to other podcasts and what they're doing and what they're doing and I have my moments, but I have really been leaning into that mentality of like, kind of what you said, just disengaging in the competitive side of thing and what doesn't feel good and just staying true to what feels good to me. But have you seen that philosophy change your community

over the years? Oh my gosh. Absolutely. It's not even just the moms that are part of the Facebook groups. It is in so many ways we're seeing this onion. getting peeled back and I think us as moms felt like we had to be the crispy tough outside of the onion all the time because there's so many things coming at us there are so many things we have to deal with every day there's you know our kids and their doctor's appointments and their their assessments and so many kids are going through ADHD and autism diagnoses and they are just trying their absolute best to to be and feel connected yeah and so when when moms are good kids are good and that for me was just such an important piece of this the the longer our table is

the more kids will be fed the more kids will be happy like this this was about the moms but at the end of the day it's really about it's really about healing my inner child like I think that that's at the end of the day what we're all trying to do yeah in one way or another and I have gone through a lot of therapy hi David but I've gone through a lot of therapy around like we're why am I doing this with mom? I was like sure because my dad passed and I had the funds to do it like because my nana was so involved in nonprofit because my mom brought in all the kids off the street and didn't I wasn't a foster parent sure but it's really because I don't want little kids to have to go through the same experience I did where I felt unseen and unheard and ended up struggling with my mental health

to a to a degree I don't feel like I should have had to if there was enough support and intervention And so it's healing the inner child work, and I just feel blessed to be able to do it in a way that actually helps others too. Yeah, it's, I think we're all trying to, I think everybody is put on this planet with a mission and something that they're supposed to learn and break a cycle. But that being said, I think every person is meant to heal their inner child and work through that. And it's only going to create, you know, the next generation is only going to benefit from all of that, which is essentially what. you know, you're doing. The whole plan. That's the plan.

Go with the plan, you guys. Generational system change. It's fine. No big deal. It's called evolution. Ever heard of it? And I got to visit your like center of the Mamas for Mums in Colonna. And I seen it makes it so much like I want it.

I was like, I got to leave and talk about it because to see it is just so it's, it was really powerful and really impactful what you guys are doing and just seen like all the little things and the people that go into it and it's not you think of it as just one thing but there's like a million different things that go into it and you're not just in colonna right where else are you how can people get involved in help so honestly like this is cool because we're getting back into building community not just the clinical components of it so we have 63 communities across the country and they are available in a hybrid and satellite format which means we don't have a physical office space yeah reason we don't have physical office space and all of them is because we are

very conscious of not spending charitable dollars on overhead so we get free spaces in just about every area that we operate and then that way we can the funds that come in go directly back to the moms and to the program staff so we do have like a bustling calgary location and those gals are absolutely killing it i heard that they are just slaying and every single branch that has done really really well are the ones that started with the community and then grew with the grassroots mentality versus we tried to open a couple faster because people were like, I have money, you know, I'll give you this, we'll open a space. But the community essence hadn't been built yet. So there was a missing link. And that was good for us to know because it really wasn't about steps towards opening a

branch. There couldn't really be a checklist. There was a checklist and then there was like a vibe check list. And it had to be, it was going to be sustainable. So, you know, we've got Vancouver, which is that was our second branch and it would be it's it's flagship like it supports all over the lower mainland and i'm going to be starting a little gulf island branch of mamas for mamas because now i live on salt spring island i moved to a tiny island to live a fairy forest life and i am homeschooling my kids and i'm actually spending time with my husband and it's like what is this life called balance yeah and happiness relief yeah joy are these feelings or are these feelings or are these just dreams. It's really, really special. So my sister lives in Salt Spring and just had a baby.

Brand new baby. Aw, sweetness. Sweet little babe. And that's, I think the most important thing in the world to me is family. Yeah. Being around family, my extended family, being there for my sister's baby because my mom's in Malawi right now. So I get to be a little bit of honorary grandmother until my mom's home. Yeah. And I'm just, I'm the happiest I've ever been being out there. I believe it. Gosh, That's like, I feel like we all talk about it to just live on a, at least I talk about it, Golden Retriever Farm. Yes. I have two Goldens. They came with the house.

The Salt Spring. Stop. Salispring is so rad. That would have sold me right there. I literally rented a house and it came with two Goldens. The guy's a yacht captain who owns the house. He's like, they're pretty independent when I have to go drop off boats. They go down to the ocean and wash themselves.

And I was like, dude, this just gets better. What? So I have two. They're Harry and Jasper. Oh my. And then I have a cane corso that's ours and then a Shih Tzu Yorkie. So I live on a dog farm. You're doing what I want.

That's my like. Come visit me anytime. I want to say five year plan, but realistically 10. Like I do want to do that. Yes. And you can. Like I honestly didn't think I could for like 10 years. This was my retirement plan.

Yeah. And then I had a massive burnout situation last year after the fires in Colonna. I just felt like a horror movie. It was. Yeah. And that was off. And we were already. burnt out at the organization and we were just we were just doing the fires were for people who

don't know the colonna fires were burning down the whole city it it watching it on social media my body was like yeah trapping trauma in there because I didn't know how how to process what I was seeing it was the most collective trauma this community's ever experienced and the amount of moms that came in with kids with no shoes on and like burnt blankies and the firefighters uh didn't have underwear and socks and we were like, F that, you know, Jillian popped on right away and she's like, girl, what do you need? And I was like, well, the firefighters really need underwear and socks. Next thing, I think we had like a thousand, 100,000 pairs of underwear and socks. Jillian Harris is a godsend and I can't believe when she gets hate. I know, it's ridiculous. Well,

you know what? Haters are fans in disguise. It's true. Haters are fans that don't know how to communicate. You know what? Like if I wasn't somewhat self-aware and have not done therapy, I would get annoyed at Jillian because I'm like she's doing so much she's so busy she gives back she's making money she's got a family she's doing it all she looks so good doing it's so good doing it yeah but I'm like she's a she is one of my favorite human beings on the whole planet and and she does so much for other people and I just I look up to her in so many years and I have for years me too she's what got me involved to be you know yeah well introduce to mom's for mamas and she does that so generously she shares her social capital in a way that is like kindness is currency yes like she has

extended our ability at the organizational level to bring in products yeah at no charge to redistribute like she helped us bring in two point six million dollars in in in kind product last year alone that we were able to yeah two point six like just last year in 2023 and that was just the brand new stuff that had itemized receipts everything else that was dropped off that was brand new or or gently used without receipts weren't tracked. Yeah. So we have this really beautiful ability to accept items and get them out into the community quickly because we're a bunch of moms and dads that are like, yo, we know what needs are.

We know how to meet them. Everybody show up, load up your trucks. Let's go. Yeah. And I mean, obviously, it's social media can be such a bitch, but it's also so powerful for so many reasons. And like, how does Mamas for Mamas use technology differently to unite Mamas and foster real relationships? Oh, girl, this is the best freaking part.

Like, I got to tell you, COVID. was effed on every single level, right? But there was a beautiful community expression on these groups when everybody was all of a sudden stuck at home. Domestic violence went up by about 80% in just about every one of our areas. We had families who did not know where to go and what to do. And they went to the Mamas for Mamas Facebook group. And it became a beacon of hope for hundreds of thousands of people

that were like, what the actual? Yeah. Am I supposed to do? I lost my job or I didn't lose my job and I have to leave the house to go work and I have no child care. And they were able to not only find each other and help each other find different jobs, they were there to support each other to get out of unsafe relationships. They were there to provide three o'clock in the morning just advice and conversation when they

were going through another sleepless night. And I think one of the more important things is we were able to establish a clinical counseling program that's available online and it was accessible to anybody in Canada. wow so that was through tell us and it was a game changer wow and it because mental health is is the secondary pandemic or epidemic that we're facing after the pandemic and you know in the lockdowns and the economic hardship and everything that people were facing i don't think people realize what they went through mentally not yet it'll take a while i think for us to all wrap our our heads around it and kind of how we we process it but i know our team started doing monthly team building and yoga

and somatic release and we do sound healing and our community offers these programs to our staff for free because at the organizational level you're in it for the outcome, not the income. So we don't make a lot, but we do a lot and we're happy to do that. So when people offer these little services of like sound healing, it's like they're really seeing

our staff for the work they're doing and that means a lot. Yeah, because that goes a long way and we all know that burnout is so real. As someone who's obviously built a movement around supporting moms, how do you protect your peace? And I know you've been through burnout. Sure. I didn't do it very well, honestly. I got to be honest. How do you avoid burnout, I guess, now? Well, actually, I had to change my position within the organization because I was trying to do it all.

And as any founder knows, that is untenable. You know, when you have an organization that makes $50,000 a year, you can do the accounting and you can do the social media. You can do everything yourself. We, you know, we brought in $6.2 million last year and we held like an $18,000. to 20% overhead. So it's a lot of creativity going into managing an organization and running a business. And I got to tell you, I love helping babies, but I am not a big fan of the minute details of insurance policies and extra provincial registration requirements. Like, I've done it and I'll do it. But I'm far more effective building strategy and doing like the director of national development work that I've just moved into, which is like major gifts and fundraising and going

back into how we build community and then we brought on an executive director to really take care of like all the stuff you know risk management and legal and god you wouldn't believe how many details they're involved in running a charity and I constantly am learning more about what there is to you and constantly learning about what I'm good at and what I'm not and I think learning what I'm good at and doing those things and just as importantly not doing the things that I'm not good at is what prevents me from burnout. When I try and do the things I'm not good at just because someone needs me to do it or they're asking me to do it and I don't want to let them down, it's actually better for me to build a boundary and say, no, I'm actually not going to be able to do that because I need

to focus on my lane here. Yeah. You know, I'm organizing private jets for, you know, our entertainers and I'm organizing. We got Shania Twain. We're going to meet Shania Twain. Well, I'm not, but four people are going to go meet Shania Twain on a private jet for the Mama's for Mama's Live auction item. And like, I'm hustling all these little bits and pieces like, want, won't, won't. And then little things pop up like, oh, did we get an insurance policy, you know, for the Kitchener Waterloo branch of Mama's doing a swap next week? And I was like, I don't know, Susan.

Like, I don't know. And I wish I did. But actually, no, I don't wish I did. You know, like, I want to write the list of the fancy bitches committee, the FBC. You're part of it, by the way. The fancy bitches committee, we have like all the swag bags and like who gets this part. What tier fancy bitches are we at right now? And it's incredible. But it's like I want to work with Jess Tatu organizing who gets the bags, not which items have gone into the bags and where the candle

company item is or whatever. Although we did that yesterday. It was actually very entertaining and I had a fun little visit. But you know what I mean? Like once I get out of the weeds and I go back up to that 10,000 foot view, I'm far more effective in leading the team in our strategy for reducing the impact of poverty on marginalized families. Yeah, wow. Period. End of story. Period. Yeah.

You know, like, let me go work with the federal government because no one likes doing that shit. I don't mind. Right. You know, Trudeau, Pollyev, whatever. Like, I don't have to be a fan of their politics or their platforms to work with whoever it is that's at that level to make proper real change happen for these families.

I mean, you are built to be doing what you're doing and it's because of what you've been through and it's because of your heart and it's because of how you're raised and because of, you know, everything has aligned good or bad to you and for you for you to be doing you're making a difference in the world and that is so cool thank you yeah it is pretty special and I feel really lucky to be able to go do it from saltzburg now where I can I can be regulated and grounded and the last year of like PTSD recovery basically my nervous system just like shut down it was like girl we've been trying to tell you

that you need to slow down and I was actually going to take a little bit of a break right before the fires hit wow and I was like I'm just going to take a couple of weeks, you know, go to a meditation retreat or something. I was like my blood pressure was really high. I was like only sleeping two or three hours a night. And it just isn't tenable. It's not healthy. So what advice would you give to not only moms out there, just people who are doing the most and are like on their way to burn out?

But mostly moms. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, it's not as hard. as we think it is, to take a little bit of time for ourselves. Like, take an extra three minutes in the bathroom, blow dry your hair a little bit extra longer. Like, do the little things because they turn out to be the big things. Yeah. And honestly, building boundaries. Like, it's not comfortable to have to change the way that you interact with people. But if you are saying, like, you know what,

I understand that that's an issue for you. Um, I'd love to chat about that, but this time frame doesn't work for me. Like, I'm going to have to chat about this later. Like, for the first time of my life, I set a boundary around. I can't engage in non-gala stuff the week before the gala. And I kept having people come to me being like, hey, what about this? And I was like, well, that sounds like something not dollar related. I'm happy to chat about it. I'm just not in the space right now or I think I want to dedicate time. Like every 10 minutes I'm not. You got to know your capacity. Yes. Yeah. So know your capacity and share your capacity. Yeah. And you know, you can be gentle and kind about your boundaries and still be firm about it. Right. You know. So just share where

you're at with people. And when you do more than what you're willing to do, it breaks your own boundary and it builds resentment. So you're not giving yourself, you're not doing anyone a favor by building resentment within yourself. Right. Right. So like if you don't want to do it, don't do it. That's my burnout tip, right? Or find someone who can do it better. Yeah. Or find someone. Right. Learn to delegate effectively. I used to be so frugal, I will say, but I realized I needed a team. I need help. Yeah. And it wasn't even about, I didn't understand. I always had the mentality that I was still like $5 in my bank. and then I real scarcity mentality and then I realize once you get the right people around you who you trust and that actually want to help you which you have to go through a few people that don't yeah unfortunately hey yeah but now I'm like I'm just in such a better place for to not burn out because I'm leaning and paying people yes yes the right people to help where I can't show up and you know you have to spend a bit of money to make some money yes and you know at the charity level at the non-profit profit level at the for-profit level, it really is all the same. If you are scaling your organization,

you need to be able to backfill so that you can grow with the scale. Yeah. You know, so I am really excited to be still doing this national development work, but I got to tell you how happy I am not to have to do the administrative, executive board reporting side of things because I, it took away every little bit of happiness that I had left. Yeah. And it crushed my soul. Yeah. Because board of directors, essentially, when you start a charity, you're basically going public with your. your idea before you have any concept of sustainability. So you're putting your idea into the hands of people that you don't know if they will have your back. And it's the scariest part of running a charity is having a group of volunteers who can decide your fate. Yeah. So if you have great ones,

excellent. If you don't, find great ones. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way, unfortunately. Yeah. But also it teaches us a lot about just trusting people and bringing you on the right folks and open communication and also like there are some people to do really really well with governance like the gal that we have in loves that kind of stuff which makes me so happy because someone's got to do it yes someone's got to do it gives her anxiety thinking about going and asking for a hundred grand from someone and I'm like that's just Tuesday yeah like that you know and if they say no then they say no there's always an opportunity for us to continue working together but it's nice to know that I'm not a failure because I can't do it all right I'm actually succeeding

better because I'm learning what I'm not very good at. It's so true. That is such a powerful lesson. I love that. Massive. Again, like I said at the beginning, I'm here, you are running this gala. It's me, Gillian Harris, Birds Papaya, Brett Kissel's performing.

Yes, and Erin Cebula is going to be hosting with us. I love that. And she's amazing. Yeah, I'm just meeting her and she's freaking fab. Yeah, no, she's like freaking fab. Yeah, she's really, really, really great. I've known her for a while. My sister coming yes the whole the whole freaking crew is going to be there and we have a mechanical bull riding contest girl i brought i brought because i have this badass dress i'm wearing and i brought

booty shorts to put on under the dress just so i could ride the mechanical ball i am so excited honestly well it's like you got to do things up with a bit of fun like fundraisers are they can just be a little monotonous they can kind of be the same thing over and over so every year we try to do something different. In our first annual, we had to borrow hay because we had no money for seating or anything. So we, like, had a country formal fundraiser year one because that theme we could get stuff basically for free. So this year's country formal fundraiser again. But instead of raising $7,500, we're raising $750,000. Holy shit. So it's pretty rad. And how long does that go in? Like, how can people donate? Where can they donate? Tell everyone everything. Mamas formamas.org

is the best place. There are breakdowns about donating to specific branch. you can just donate to the overall and we support the whole organization and there's going to be an online auction so everybody who wants to like check in on the auction can actually like they don't have to be in Kelona they can buy from anywhere there are some Kelowna specific items but you know go to mammas from mamas.org and follow us on Instagram because that's kind of the most up to date stuff that we do and it's like you can volunteer in your community you can help drive food hamper's to people you can if there's a physical location you can work in the karma market and help families find items they need at no charge. I love the karma market. It's just so cool. And that's the whole

thing. Like items come in, items go back out to families who need them, to people who need them. And to be part of that redistribution of wealth is a pretty powerful place to be for the volunteers as well as for the staff. So I mean, even just mom and I picking up diapers and bringing it to you felt good. Like it's, I dare anyone to just go out and do something for someone else and tell me it didn't feel good. Oh my God. And it's like, you know, sometimes people are like, I want to do a good deed for someone, but I don't know if they really need it. Like, I don't know how to help them. Give it directly to mammas because we know who needs it. Yeah. You know, we know who are going through it. We have thousands of clients who are going through literally

every situation you can imagine. We had somebody donate like prosthetic leg braces that we were able to find a kiddo who could use them. Wow. You know, we have a deaf and heart of hearing program and we help people get these hearing aids and these, you know, mold so they can go into swimming class. And then when we identified, well, Kelly on our team identified that like these kiddos, yeah, it was great if they could have the hearing aids for things like this, but it's actually the coaches and like the people teaching them that need to know how to communicate with them when they can't wear their hearing aids. So now she has launched like a community-wide free ASL teaching class where all of the teachers and all of the principals and the ECEs and anybody who wants to learn

how to communicate with kids who are deaf or heart of hearing can do it at no charge now because that was a gap. I mean, you just learn as you go and you realize that it probably never stops. Yes, that's exactly it. And that's why mom. Mamas is just going to continue to evolve. Yeah, it really is. I mean, it has and it will. Yeah. It's like the Boys and Girls Club that does support for at-risk youth and YMCA that does

child care. Mamas for Mamas looks after the family. Yeah. Unit and the mama and the papa in particular to kind of catch the gaps, catch people falling through the gaps. So I imagine, you know, seeing a Mamas for Mamas in every community just like you see a boys and girls club in 2035, 2040. I see it.

It will happen. Yeah, it's not if. It's one. Yeah, it's one. Well, thank you. so much for sharing your story and I'm but I I interview so many people and I love the you know like the love is blind and getting the juice and the gossip but like this shit fills my soul and like these kinds of conversations matter and I just like appreciate your vulnerability and your hard work

and your honesty and everything that you do and for all the moms listening just remember we're all doing our best yes and good Lord just you know when in doubt be kind be kind to one another to yourselves yeah like you never know what people are going through it's you know i catch myself sometimes i'll be a little bitch sometimes and then i go hey you know what that's i'm going through something yeah and and and that's the thing is being able to being able to be fallible is important and being able to be real about it is equally important i'm the the first to acknowledge if i've been a little bit of a bee myself and it's like sorry about that and mine comes out in humor so i like think it's okay but it's not mine comes out in just like really firm professionalism

So, you know, because I'm kind of, like, more funny than I am, like, firm. So when I become firm, they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm like, just kidding. Laughy face. That's amazing. Well, you're amazing. Thank you for having me. You're amazing.

I'm so excited for this weekend. Me too. I can't wait to see what you're going to wear. Oh, it's fire. I'm actually, it's one of my favorite outfits I've ever worn. Oh, my God, yours. Not that that's what this is about. Well, I mean, it's not not about it.

It is a theme. But yeah, I'm just so grateful that my audience that I have a platform where people can hear and learn and be able to do something about it too. And maybe it's inspired a few people. So I'm appreciating so much being here and chatting with you. And I'm excited to just party on purpose this weekend. Party on purpose. You know what? Put that on a t-shirt. Right? We're going to party on purpose. Actually, let's put that on a t-shirt. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating in a movie.