Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Shawn Booth IV

Episode Date: October 23, 2017

Live from their Air B&B rental for Whitney Bischoff's wedding, Kaitlyn and Shawn bring on the spooky with their own haunting experience and tips for Halloween costumes. Alos, Kaitlyn announces something very special... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Yes, I am. Well, Caitlin Bristow is creating a space where girls and jens can feel empowered to be themselves. Because there's more to like than Instagram, right? What's that supposed to mean? Welcome to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Now here's Caitlin. Okay, welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow.

Pump and Mount Tires. Whoa! Caitlin Bristow! You can laugh. You have to say something funny first. Oh. Uh, okay. I got nothing.

I got nothing. We just got off a road trip. My brain is not functioning properly. I've got my co-pilot, Sean B, and the Airbnb with me. That's right. And we just finished a road trip. I just said that. Which is very balzy to do a podcast with your significant other after a road trip. Because I feel like usually you get annoyed with each other on road trips. But it wasn't that bad. We never get annoyed with each other.

Never, ever. So I feel like we haven't done a podcast together in a hot minute. It's been like two weeks. No. It's been longer than that. Did you miss it? Podcasting with me? Of course. Oh, okay. You should have me back more often, like every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. You should do like a five-day podcast series every week, every month.

So, like... That's a full-time job. Yeah, you should do it. Like a morning show? Something like that. Okay. Talk about the weather? Maybe. Okay.

We're in Airbnb. It's pretty cute. You should see the room in right now. It's two little twin beds. We don't even get to snuggle tonight. But it's like a little cottage in Cape Cod. Yeah, it reminds me of my grandparents' cottage up in Otis, Massachusetts. I could never say Massachusetts until I met you. Can you spell it? Nope.

All right. M-I-S-S-I-S-I-P-A. Perfect. So we're in Cape Cod. What are we here for? We are here for a big wedding. Yeah. Right?

pretty excited about it we're really good at weddings we are pretty good at weddings uh the lovely whitney and rickie it's right we lovebirds whitby and rickie i just love that his last name's angel and she's going to be whitney angel pretty solid last name great last name uh so we're yeah we're going to a wedding tomorrow so we thought we'd start off the podcast by giving you a little advice on how to do weddings, some wedding hacks, tips for what to do at a wedding. Tips and tricks. We've been to quite a few of them, so we've learned the do's and don'ts of weddings, a lot of don'ts. More don'ts than do's.

That wedding, my girlfriend, Bessiecat, Jess, her wedding. Oh, man, that was off the charts. By the end of it, I don't think people had their pants on. No, I don't think many people were dressed at all. Nope. It was like usually a shirt gets unbuttoned, like one button an hour. This was like one button a minute. Right. I'll get into more detail about that. Okay. The steps. It escalated quickly. Oh, is that one of your wedding hats? Sure. Okay. Okay. So mine is girls wearing heels every time complaining about how sore their feet are. Every wedding, without fail, girls take off their shoes to dance. Wedding Hack. why don't just wear a long skirt and then rock some converse under there?

Or why is there not a heel invented where the bottom of the heel, you can like hit a button and the heel goes up into the sole so it becomes a flat. So it's a heel flat, two for one deal. So you can walk around and look good, take pictures with the heel, but when you're ready to get down on the dance floor, you hit a button and now you get flats on it. When you're ready to get jiggy with it? That's it. You just hit the old butts?

I think I just, uh, somebody right now is writing this idea down and they're going to be a millionaire. Well, we'll start it before this podcast comes out. Okay, we got about four days. Okay. We got this. Yeah, well, I don't know if a button would, but like some sort of like a clip, a clip on heel. And then you can clip it off. That's high tech.

Yeah. We're just 2017, baby. That's true. Okay. You got a wedding hack for us? Wedding hack. Let's see here. Oh, this is a good one.

And it's funny because I actually heard something similar on my, my other favorite podcast over at Barstow Sports. Say what? Part of my take. Those guys are hilarious. And they were talking about how you never want to be like the dud at the wedding, right? You don't want to be the guy who just sits ever. So you don't want to be the guy that sits there the whole time.

So to solve this problem, all you really need to do as a guy is like wait until like halfway into the night. Drinks are flowing. People are on the dance floor. you just get out on that D floor and you give it your all for one song like make sure everybody there sees you One song and one song only And this is what I do

Like get in the middle and start that circle And then hop in there And then get out as soon as the song's done And then you're done for the night And then you're the fun guy at the wedding And then everybody the next morning is like Wow Sean was fun last night Honey did you see him dancing

And they don't even know That you just dance for one song So sneaky It's a good one But I don't even have to do that Because I just really fully enjoy tearing up the D floor all night. Right. Usually we do.

But sometimes, I mean, maybe you're not feeling it, but you don't want to be that guy. So you just get in there and give it your all for one song? You don't want to be boring Tom in the corner. No. Boring Bob. Boring Bob. Yeah. Get in there.

Give it all you got for one song. Okay. And go all out. Like. Like go nuts. Nuts. Everything you get. And pull out all your best moves.

And get everybody, like, clapping. Yeah. And then. It's odd. I'm getting excited just thinking about it You really got into that clap there It kind of hurt my ears Okay, catching the bouquet

Is this thing dead because the last few weddings we've been to There have been zero bouquets thrown That's true It's very traditional And I feel like a lot of people aren't going The traditional route anymore But I hate the tossing of the bouquet I hate it

I hope I love it I want to see it I want to see girls fighting for that thing Oh you're that guy You're just like watching girls fight. What do you want us to go in jello too? Oh boy, here we go, 2017. Be careful what you say.

Yeah. No. Feminist. Yeah. It is exciting. Just like I want to see the guys wrestle each other for the garter. Gardener? Gardener.

Gardnerner. The garter. Where's that, man? I haven't seen one of those tossed out in years. Well, to me, that's good news because I don't like it. And I'm, okay, here's, my hack is just don't do it. My hack is just, well, all the girls are looking crazy and so desperate. SPO out there like, I want to get married next.

You just go hit up the bar, take a quick shot, ski. And that's it. And skip the bouquet toss so you don't look like an idiot. I just remember being a little kid and like the older guys or my dad were like, yeah, get out there for the garter. And everybody's like laughing. Like what are they laughing at? And like I'm sitting there like so focused, like trying.

Like I'm just like, come to me, come to me. I had no clue what happens after that. It means you get married. Oh, it means you got to put it up the girl's leg. Oh. Right? She sits down, get the garter. I thought the groom does it.

Oh, is that? Yeah, I think. The groom does it. The groom takes it off. Yeah, with his teeth and then he shoots it out into the crowd. Yeah, but then the guy then put it on to the girl who's getting married? No. No?

I don't know. What wedding's even going to? I don't know. That sounds like a fun one. Okay. So don't catch the bouquet. Just skip it all together. I always just think it's so embarrassing.

And like, oh, are you really going to get married? No, but that's a little excitement. Okay. Tradition. Okay. Give us another one. guys on dressing at the weddings there's a few steps to this okay so it's a process there's a little bit of a process to it you want to show up with a suit with the jacket make sure you get a

couple pictures with your lady or your guy yeah it's 2017 and make sure everybody sees you fully dressed and then once you get to the reception you can take your jacket off oh and then slowly just Like, right. Take your jacket off about like 10, 15 minutes in. Maybe you wear a hat and a scarf. No hats, no scarves. Just kidding. That was stupid. That was stupid. So dumb. And then about a half hour, hour in, you want to take off your tie or bow tie. Okay. So now you're left with trousers. Yeah. Shoes. What's the point, though? Like, why do you just take off the tie? You can't just rip everything off at once. I don't even think you just take off the tie. Don't you undo it a little bit? bit. Oh, you're right.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I miss it. So, yeah, you want to undo it a little bit. I usually do that once to take the jacket off. Yeah. All right.

And then you undo it. Okay. And then probably like an hour and a half, two hours in when it starts getting real crazy. Do you set a timer? No, you know, in your head. You can tell by the amount of drinks you had. And then you take the tie off completely.

Okay. Use that as an accessory out there when you're dancing, as a prop. Yeah. Right. Like when you put it between the legs? Yeah, one of those. Like what you do with a towel? Yes.

Right. Right. Behind the back on the butt. Behind a girl. Behind a girl. Bring it in. Reel her in. Reel her in. Tie it around like your drunk buddy's head and he looks like an idiot. So it works. It makes you look classy at the beginning and then you can use it as a prop later. Right. It's like a... And then the next day you have no idea where it is.

You're all business, but you're also fun. Yeah. Fun guy. Business at the start, party at the end. Right. Or the middle. So now you got your tie off, your jacket off, and then you start unbuttoning. Now this is the tricky point. You need to figure out how low you want to go. Before it's off.

Before it's off. But you got to kind of feel it out. You don't want to be the first guy out there with your shirt completely undone. Oh, you don't? Kind of like a couple buttons. So now you're getting to like sternum level, maybe two or three buttons. And then, I mean, people know you're feeling pretty good at that point. Yeah.

Right? They're like, here we go. And then you want to talk. Oh. So now it's just like, okay, games are not. Now it's a party. Now it's a party. It's getting pretty crazy.

Okay. And then like once like the most like the. Macarena comes in around like 11, 30, 12. You're unbuttoning that baby the whole way. Oh, yeah. And then that song comes on. Your shirt's off. You're waving it around.

Oh, it's a perfect timing. You've got beer being thrown everywhere. Okay. And then if you want to be crazy Canadian hockey players like Bessie Cat's wedding, you rip off your pants in the middle of everybody as the best man. And that wasn't even at the end. I think that was in the middle. This guy literally.

I mean, he was wild all night. Yeah. I look up, I'm like, oh, my God, oh, my God. And he just takes both of his hands at his thighs and rips off one leg at a time. Oh, wow, that's a power move. That's a serious move. Those are for, like, very advanced wedding guys. Yeah, we should get him on for some wedding hats.

We should. He's got a few. Yeah. Okay. Is that, are we naked now? You don't want to get too naked. Oh, yeah, just kidding. But you want your buddy to be naked.

Yeah. So people don't really remember how drunk you were. Right, the next day, you're not that guy. Yeah, like, wow, did you see Cooper last night? Like, he was drunk. He was completely naked on the dance floor. Yeah, he was, that guy's crazy. Coop Daddy.

He loves being that guy, though. He's MVP every wedding. Every wedding. This is Sean's friend, Cooper we're talking about. Okay, what about figuring out a transition move? You know when, like, the song ends and the next one's coming on and everyone gets awkward and you don't know how to, like, dance into the next song? You don't stop.

Yeah, but what's your transition move? What if it goes from fast to a slow song? What do you do? You stretch. Okay. You're getting a little tight out there. You don't want to pull a muscle. So you kind of like stretch and you go.

That's your transition. People can't see you. No, you want to make sure you're holding a drink the whole time. I'm coming from the guy who doesn't drink. I do at weddings. Do you? I do. Okay, we'll find out tomorrow.

And, yeah, that way. So if you're holding a drink, oh, look, I got to go to fill up. You don't want the awkwardness. What if it's full? You chug that, baby, and say, I got to go fill up. I'll see you out here in about 15 minutes. Okay. You avoid the slow song and you get a drink.

Yeah, avoid the slow song. Do one slow song with your lady, right? Yeah. It's always good. And then after that, you don't want to do any more slow songs. Just one? Yeah. That's all you need, one.

It's a wedding hack for you there. Okay. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. And nobody wants to slow dance by the end. Yeah, everyone just wants to rage. Yeah. Do the macarena.

The old macarini. Oh, my gosh. This podcast has been so 90s. I talked about getting jiggy with it, and you're talking about the macarena. Great move. Do you have any more wedding hacks? Yeah. Always tip your bartender right at the beginning.

Oh, like a big one. Toss them like a $20 bill. And then give them the guns. Yeah, you do a wink. No, no, not yet. You toss them a big bill, so he's like, yeah, I got you all night. So then you walk up to the bar. Yeah, even though they're free, but he's still going to do whatever it takes to get you that drink first.

There'd be like six people standing up there. You walk up and then you give him the gun with the wink. And a 20. He's like, got you, buddy. Yeah. He tosses you a drink. You're good to go. Special treatment all night.

Yeah, it's like VIP treatment. VIPness. Whoa. I said it. Can you say that here? I guess so I just did. All right. It just came out.

We're a penis positive podcast. It just came out. That's also from part of my take. I listen to those guys too much. Vi penis? No. Oh. Penis positive.

No, they're sex positive. Oh. We can be penis positive. We're penis positive on this one. And what do you call vaginas again? Vjutor's. Why? How do you come up with that?

You're like blushing right now. Vjutor? Is that from something too? Or did you just make that up? I just came up with that, I think. Wait, do you want to talk about Veridesk for a second? This is the desk that got shipped to the house a couple weeks ago? Yes.

Yes. Let's talk about that one. Okay. Veridesk helps you stay active at work. I bet you like that. I do love that. And you know what else I love? When the box came to the house, I thought I was going to be up all night,

putting this thing together for you. And it took me about five minutes. Oh, so it's easy to put it in here, too. Just take it out of the box. It's basically good to go. Really? Yeah, pretty much. Perfect.

And it's cute. A simple way to transform any desk into an active workspace and encourage more movement in your day. Standing more and sitting less can help improve your health, reduce back pain, raise your energy, increase your energy, increase. your metabolism and boost your productivity. I need one of those. It's all while working.

It's a boss move. Work and workout. Work and workout. That should be their thing. It sits on top of your existing desk, so there's nothing to replace it. Actually, and I have the one that it's just a full desk. Right. You have at all.

Try one risk-free for 30 days with free shipping both ways. If you go to Veridesk.com to check it out. that's v-a-r-I-desk.com so we're splitting this Airbnb with Carly and Evan they're on their way here right now they get a bed that isn't separated because they booked it yes we get the two

separated Ernie and Burt beds I like it I kind of do too these are like the size of the beds in the mansion at the Bachelor house yeah no these are nicer and bigger and better and not bunk beds yeah yeah my feet when

be able to fit on this but um so we were carly was like oh gosh i hope the Airbnb isn't haunted and i was like oh here's a story for you so everybody remembers my podcast with monica the medium and how crazy that was for us so what happened tell us what happened i know you don't like when i tell the we listen to monica's podcast right for those who haven't listened to it maybe give a little rundown. Monica is a medium and Sean doesn't really believe in mediums, not a big medium guy and I wanted him to believe and all of this crazy stuff happened where she completely nailed everything. His grandpa, how many kids he had, um, the steps at their house growing up, what the house look like, um, everything, how you sometimes smell cigar smoke when they're around.

She nailed everything to the point where Sean at the end was like, okay, I believe in you. and so we go home and we're talking about the podcast and how crazy it was and i'm i always have candles going in the house and and sean said something like still skeptical about it like really like i don't know like how can she know that or how does this work exactly how can she know that and i'm like unless you're telling me i can just talk to these spirits right now and they can listen and i said yeah you can talk to your papa you said give ask him to give you a sign yeah and Sean goes what can you just blow out this candle and I said no but you can ask for a sign and so Sean said okay I want a sign so we didn't really think anything of it am I allowed to

oh whatever yeah you want me take over from here sure no you don't she was so mad that I'm gonna take over I never want you to take over I love talking yeah I don't hate it when you talk I just love talking you sure do and I love telling stories I feel like I'm a little more enthusiastic than you no maybe because it's the tone of my voice I'm just as enthusiastic You're very monotone. Okay, tell it. You storyteller, you? Big storyteller.

All right. We're going to get really dramatic with this. So we are sleeping upstairs in our house because the HVAC system downstairs is broken. There's no AC, so we're in like this big bonus room upstairs. Just a mattress on the ground. Mattress on the ground, that's it. So we're out of our comfort zone. Right.

Okay. Out of the comfort zone. And about one o'clock rolling. around and there's a loud bang that came from downstairs. So I'm like, we're like, oh shit. Like, what was that? What the heck was that? That's weird.

It was a big bang. Big bang. So being the manly man that I am, I got up. Wait till we get further into the story. I had nothing on but my box of briefs. Everybody, take a moment. Just roll downstairs and I'm like thinking, oh, shish kebabs. I don't know.

what's down here that was really scary but i'll check it out right so i'm going around every corner of every room and um you know just trying to protect the old lady upstairs long story short go around every room downstairs upstairs upstairs nothing okay that's weird let's just go back to bed still a little freaked out about it and then we uh turned on some family guy in the laptop to fall asleep a standard routine for us standard routine. So then two hours later, this is about three in the morning. Yeah.

All of a sudden. Out of it. I didn't even hear it. I know. Yeah. I wake up. I sit up and I look and I see Caitlin's pass out completely. And I'm hearing things, but I'm also half asleep.

So I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, thinking to myself, I'm like, what is that? I'm like, is somebody talking downstairs? Like, what is that? And then he wakes me up. Oh, sorry. And then I. He just gave me the.

And then I realized, did I wake you up first? Yeah, you woke me up and you're like, are there people downstairs? And I was like, babe, what is that? What is that? Do you hear that? And I'm like, oh, my gosh, the TV. No, wait, it was two guys talking and the volume shot up. Yeah, let me get there.

Oh, geez. Okay, well, get there then. So I'm sitting up in the bed. I'm half asleep. She's up now. And I just realized that the TV is on downstairs. and the volume is all the way up. Now, keep in mind, I was just downstairs a couple hours ago.

Everything downstairs was completely turned off. We don't have a timer on the TV. Tucker wasn't down there. Tucker was on the bed with us. So the TV is on at full volume. And turned up. At three in the morning. And it's kind of sketchy because then I get up and I look over where the stairwell is

and you can see the brightness from the TV coming from the main room. And it's like flashing. And flashing and really loud. So at this point, we're like, oh, my God. Like, what do we do? Like, I'm thinking 100% somebody's in the house. Yeah, Sean thinks somebody's down there trying to lure us down. And I start freaking.

I almost threw up. I was like, I'm going to pick. I'm going to pick. Right. And so now we're upstairs in this room. We don't have anything. Like, usually I sleep next to some stuff that's going to protect us. So a big tough guy.

I'm up. I'm like, all right, what the heck am I going to do right now? She's, I mean, Caitlin is just freaking out. Oh, okay. I mean, she's. I can't even talk. Yeah, but you were freaking out just as much as me. I said, I said, okay, babe, I'm going downstairs.

Okay, I don't know. Wait, nope. I get to interrupt you. You were like, I'm not going down there because I said, why don't you just go check? You're like, I'm not going down there where somebody's trying to lure us down. Yeah, well, somebody's hiding in the corner next to the stairs. Fair enough. Good call, good call.

And then so you keep getting up and like circling the room. I'm like thinking. Like, what do I do? And then he's like, should I call 911? No, no, no, no. I didn't say that. Okay. See, this is where you're wrong.

I then said, all right, I'm going downstairs, but you have to follow me like 10 feet behind me with your phone. Why would I do that? In case I was like, because I was going to take the bullet for you. I was going to be 10 feet in front of you. I don't want you to take a bullet at all. If I walked out there and somebody just like stabbed me in the back, you had your phone so that way you wouldn't get stabbed because then you could just call somebody. You think I'm going to just casually dial a number while I see you get. Getting staff, I wanted you to, like, you know, get my back a little bit, but also protect yourself.

I don't know about that. And she was just like, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was stupid. All right. So then we got nothing up there to protect us. Somebody's downstairs. I'm like, do we call 911? And then we're like, I don't know.

I'm like, okay, I'm doing it. I just, I picked up the phone. Call 911. I said, hey, I don't want to make a big deal about this. but we think that somebody might have broken into the house but don't want to make a big deal and we heard a loud bang and now the TV is on and we're a little sketched out by this

can you please send a trooper to the neighborhood and just check the area to see if there have been any break-ins we'd really appreciate it she's like okay yeah no problem staying along with me and sure enough not even maybe a minute later So great, great call time. Oh, the reaction time was amazing. Response time.

And then we're sitting there looking out the main window and then one cop, two cops, three cops, four cops, four cops, five cops come storming into the neighborhood with their lights off and just come flying up to the house. Oh, my God. And then they get out of their cars and they're like circling and run around the house. And we can hear them doing this and we're on the line with the 911 lady just being like, okay. She's like, stay there, stay upstairs. So now I'm more freak out because now I'm like something bad. must be happening. That's when I started to feel like an idiot.

I'm like, oh, man, there's probably nobody here. And all these guys just came out here. Neighbors must think there's like something serious going on. Yeah. Nobody's up at 3M in our neighborhood. We're like surrounded by retired old people. Yeah. And then the lady said, okay, they checked out everything and go to the front door and meet them.

So then I walked to the front door and I open it up and there's eight police officers on the front porch. Just casual eight cops. And I'm like the first thing I say is, oh, wow, looks like. Slow night. Pretty slow night for you guys, huh? Yeah, and then they're like, and they just walk right past me, and then they all just clear out the house and go to every room. Then I was like, yeah, so.

Yeah, so it was a ghost. What we're getting at, long story long. Long story, extremely long. Papa was giving you a sign. You asked for it. You're like, hey, I don't know, she nailed everything and said things that only I would know, and you can't Google, but. I mean.

I still don't believe, so I should ask for a sign. Then he turns on the TV and cranks it up loud. Cops have to come because it's so insane. And you're still like, I don't know what that was. I know exactly what it was. Needless to say, the next day, we got a ridiculous security system that's got cameras monitoring every part of the house outside and inside. So now we get to watch Tucker Doodle while he's just chilling in the room. Ugh.

Yeah. That was crazy. That was pretty crazy. And you still don't believe. Great storytelling, Sean B. It's just you drag out stories with no, um, no highs or lows, no really like plot thickening. I'd like to disagree with that. Let's let's let's let the people talk.

Let's see if you're on the edge of your seats in that story. No beginning, middle, and end, no protagonist. There was a beginning, middle, and end of that story. I'm just not very dramatic. Yeah, that's what you need for storytelling. All right, all right. Okay. Moving on.

Yeah. I think we should confess now. It's about that time in the podcast where we confess with Caitlin's. professional booth. See? There's the dramatic noises you need. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Okay, so do you have a confession for me? Why don't you go first? Ooh, because it's heavy. Oh, boy. I feel like you're going to need some time to process it once I tell you. Oh, Jesus.

Okay, fine. Okay, no, come on. You don't have a confession, like you didn't eat on the white couch while you were home and I wasn't because you know how much I hate that yeah no I do that I just walk up to the camera and I'd turn it the other way when I eat on the couch and then I'm done and then I know what you're doing and I turn it back I clearly know what you're doing you don't know what I'm doing yeah you can't see I can hear the noises of you eating you can't see yeah but I know that's what you're doing and it's so rude because you know how much I hate it and it's like I feel like you

get a rush like it's like a high for you to sit on the couch and eat the rush I get these The sloppier, the meal, the better. Like, you're just like a whole... Yeah, I'm so wild. I could drip on this. Oh, man. But I won't. So that's not your confession?

No. Okay. Okay, you want to know mine? Yeah. I took a pregnancy test the other day. Oh, my... What? I did.

I did. Oh, boy. But guess what? So... Negative. Oh, my God. What are you mad? nuts? Why would I be nuts? I was just being paranoid. I didn't want to freak you out. And so I took

it. And, uh, yeah. Oh, man. Look how stressed out you got it. It's not even positive. It's not even positive? It wasn't. Oh, yeah. You're so stressed out right now. I don't know what to say about that. Why? Yeah. If I thought I was freaking out a little bit, it was a couple days late, my boobs were hurting Oh my gosh Well I got scared So I took one Okay next

Yeah I can't be that one I did not take a pregnancy test last week Well it'd be weird if you did It would be weird What can I confess? I can confess to To our dog Tucker doodle because I know he's listening

For those of you do Oh you have a confession for Tucker I do Okay For those Who are my friends or family They know how crazy I am with our dog maybe a little psycho very very very protective of him but anyways he knows everything he's so smart

and he knows when we travel oh my gosh think of how terrible we're going to be when we have kids our dog is the smartest dog he is so yeah so he knows when we're leaving he can like it's gone to the point where we won't pack in front of him because he gets super stressed out he gets sick but that's like a dog thing when people when people uh people's uh people's When people pack suitcases, dogs know what's going on. Yeah. So we make a point to not bring the suitcases anywhere near him. Never.

So Caitlin was gone already. I was packing up. I had a suitcase upstairs on the third floor behind the couch. So I was going up there like every few minutes to pack one thing at a time and I'm making sure he's staying in the room. It's quite a production. It is. And then I thought that he started to catch on a little bit. Oh, boy.

And then he came upstairs when I was like just leaving the suitcase. And I was like, hey, yeah. And if he's as smart as you think and give him credit for, he knows when you're just being shady like that. So then I distracted him. I brought him downstairs. I'm like, hey, bud, want to go for a ride? And so then he got super excited. So like now his mind is like, okay, he's not going.

We're saying for a ride. Short-term memory dogs. Yeah. Yeah. So I throw him in the back of the Jeep. I take the Jeep. I pull it out of the garage. I parked the Jeep on the driveway with the windows down and the air conditioning blasting, and it was cold out.

So he's hanging out in the car. Then I go back into the house and I start running around the house packing for like five, ten minutes, just getting as much done as possible. And then I take the suitcases and I put him outside the front door, close the door. Oh, geez. And so then I get in the car, I'm like, hey, bud, let's go for a ride. And he's all excited. Like in my head, I'm like, you dick. But at the same time, it's like genius to not hurt his feelings.

So really, it's super sweet. So at this point, there's no part of him that's thinking, oh, dad's leaving. Yeah. So I pull down the driveway. Dad. And I go and I do one loop around the neighborhood. And I pull straight back into the driveway and I parked the car in the garage. I'm like, oh, bride.

I was that. Good boy. And I got him out of the car, bottom in the house. And I gave him a treat. And then he was cool. He just went for a ride. He doesn't know how long he was gone for or does he. He doesn't know the suitcases were just on the front stand.

Yeah, he didn't know the suitcases were outside. He never saw any suitcases. So then I brought him inside, said goodbye, I'll be right back, and then went out. To be honest, I think, I don't think that's like a confession to Tucker. I think that's just like a confession how crazy you are with your dog. Yeah, could be. Our dog. Don't ever say my dog.

I don't learn that the hard way. Well, I want him to be mine, too. He's so cute. And he is mine now, too. Right. Yeah. Partially. I understand.

I understand. Okay, and now I just want to take a quick break to talk about figs. Figs are comfortable, fashionable, medical scrubs. Those are the ones that you've been wearing around the house? Yes. Oh, yeah. And I can wear them podcasting. They look comfy.

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You really can't. It might be a nice gift for the medical friends in your life like Whitney. Perfect. Maybe for her wedding? A wedding gift. Yeah. Get her a pair of scrubs. Why not?

For Breast Cancer Awareness Month, they're actually selling an amazing t-shirt and 100% of the proceeds go to cancer research. Wow. 100%. amazing. So if you want 20% off your order, go to wearfigs.com slash vine with promo code vine. 20% off wearfigs.com slash vine with promo code vine. Hi, I'm Allie Hilfiger. And I'm Steve Hash. And we're the host of sitting on podcast one. Join us as we travel around the world visiting creative people in their homes, studios,

and the places they work to discuss their story process and basically everything in between. We're sitting down with the biggest names in the world of fashion, art, and music. like Tommy Hillfigure, Gigi Hadid, Brian Adams, Martin Lawrence Ballard, and Santa Roberts. Check out new episodes of sit-in every week, exclusively on the Podcast One app, Apple Podcasts, or Podcasts, or Podcasts1.com. This is Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. You keep looking at your phone like, um, it's like, are you looking at the time? No. Am I boring you?

No, no, no, no, no, no. No? No. No? No. No. You know how last summer we were doing a whole Snapchat and what kind of guy you were? You're like, I want to be the guy that, like, you just watches his news channel at night and fall asleep in the big easy chair. And then I want to be the guy that wakes up at, like, two in the morning and goes to bed because he's like, whoops, I fell asleep on the lazy boy. Yeah. And then you're like, I want to be the guy that sees the sunrise every morning.

I want to be that guy. I like to be a big morning guy. Huge morning guy. Yeah. And then what other kind of guy were you? I took big bike guy to the next level. Next level, big bike guy. You went so far.

A bike guy that you ended up doing an iron man. Yeah, I went from not even riding a bike to getting an Iron Man metal because I rode 112 miles on a bike. It all started with like one piece spandex suit and from there you became a big bike guy to go on to do an Iron Man. A huge bike guy. A legit big bike guy. Yep.

You can't now, you can never say that I wasn't a bike guy. Well, and you're a big personal cup guy for your coffee. You always have to have your personal cup. Same cup everywhere I go. It's with me right here. You even say you want it to be your thing. Yeah. I want everybody to see that that's my cup.

What a strength? Is it Yeti? It is Yeti. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. Remember like a year ago when you got it? And I have always asked for one from you and I still haven't received.

No, I don't remember that. Of course you don't. Well, you don't get, you don't need that. Yeah, I do. Yeties keep it cold or hot. They do. So, hey, Yeti, what's up? You want to be a sponsor?

I love my Yeti. I know you do. Okay. So. What else was I? You're so many, I can't remember. Now you're, no, you're always a big healthy guy. Big healthy guy, that's right.

But what kind of guy are you this week is what I'm getting at. Like, you always like to change it up. Some you really commit to, but I just feel, oh, your big barstool sports guy. Always been. I've always been a stoolie. Yeah, but there. Instagram's a little dirty. It's a little like, we're not in college anymore.

It's not funny to me. I grew up in college when they were like... I know, but I feel like they're promoting such a president was like, it's such a good story though. Like these are just hardworking regular dudes who took this idea from a basement and grew it into taking over the internet. Okay. So I've been a lifelong stool.

I get it. So it's good to see their success and they're hilarious. I think of like if we have kids and I think of my daughter or son following them on Instagram and then just thinking that's what they should do. to be cool, and it's like really bad stuff. I mean, yeah. But I do appreciate the podcast. It's hilarious.

They're hilarious. It's probably not even them that run that anyways. Oh, yeah. The podcast are the actual bar stools or it's like the Instagram and everything separate from the part of my take. Oh, okay. Yeah, I love part of my take. Anyways, last podcast, we talked about things being the baloney.

What's awesome? What is the baloney for you this week? What are you a big whatever guy this week? What am I? Big healthy guy? Big healthy. I think you're, things as big cooking guy these days. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I just posted a big healthy guy

video. Which is so funny because I always love doing the cooking and now you're getting so into it. Love it. And now I'm like, no, no, I want to be the big cooking guy. Yeah. So going forward, I'm going to try and post at least one video a week of, like, healthy dishes and I'm cooking, maybe like hacks in the kitchen, just fun stuff. Quick healthy football treats on Sunday. And then, yeah, so I'm going to try and do that once a week. So send me any ideas that you have, anything you want to see, any questions you have, and I'm just going to make entertaining one-minute videos.

That I have the pleasure of recording. Oh, yeah. You thoroughly enjoy it. Yeah, because you're a big perfectionist guy. I am. I'm a producer as well. I'm a big producer guy. He's a producer.

He's like, no, get the flame coming up on the stove. Do you see that video? That was solid production right there. Did you have indigestion today? You know, I'm not feeling that great I'm a little bit I want to say I'm under the weather I'm like right at the weather line

But I'm not above the weather I feel like any day now I could be really sick I'm in like fighting You know what I'm saying You're on that fine line Of the weather You're like

Your throat's a little bit itchy And sore You get sniffles You're sneezing You feel a little run down And you know like One more night of like Is this gonna do it in

Well the thing you're not drink anymore That always makes it worse Okay Right Big no drinking guy Yeah big no drinking Oh maybe this is gonna be your thing this week Big plant-based guy

Well we had some We went to a restaurant the other night And they were just like cutting meat off a stick And it was kind of gross Yeah It was good but kind of gross at the same time So we all know Jimmy Kimmel does mean tweets And I don't want to give the trolls names away

Because I think then people would just try And tweet mean things to get on the podcast and have their name or something, but those people just look for attention. But you give it to them sometimes. Yes. We always get in this argument. Because I find a little bit of humor in it where I like to just maybe prove a point and it doesn't affect. But you're never going to prove a point.

There's never been any fight on Twitter that you can win. It is. And I do think some people learn a lesson from it. I do think that sometimes I've called some people out And then they're like, oh my gosh And then they never do it again And then maybe they'll think next time And they won't write something mean on somebody else's page

Right, they won't But then there'll be somebody seeing you respond to their mean tweets And they're like, oh, she gives in to this She's going to respond to me And then I'm going to tweet it for a while I can tell when people I can see through those people All right

Those trolls are a little transparent, you know what I'm saying? All right Anyways, I thought we would do A funny little entertaining thing like that called a troll call Cha-cha-chabuchi Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-chaboochee troll call What is that?

Oh, it's from an S&L skit with Wilfarl Oh yeah, we're just stealing everybody's material today That's classic Caitlin Classic See, that was stolen too Okay, so I'm going to call this lady Susan Let's call her Susan

All right, Susie Susan wrote me the other day and said the whole reason that Sean won't marry you is because you drink too much and every picture on your Instagram is you drinking so maybe if you stop that he'd actually marry you. Is that why you won't marry me? Yeah, put down the glass, sister.

Yeah. Is that why? You won't marry me because I like the drink? Big drinker guy. I'm a big wine guy. You are. It's not like I wake up and need a cocktail to get my day started. Also, I like to point out that wine pictures on my Instagram are also like a from a branding standpoint you know what I'm

it's on brand talking about my podcast which is off the wine yeah I'll hold a glass of wine sue me Susan hey that's your thing right yeah mine's a yetty cup yours is wine yeah so mine has water and coffee in it and mine has grapes and fruit hey just as good yeah okay do you got one ah I don't know if I have no nobody's mean to Sean B everybody loves Sean B No, people are mean to me all the time. I'm just trying to find something. Okay, do you want me to tell you about, quote, unquote, Patricia? Yeah, let me know what Patricia.

Actually, wait, no, I want to tell you about Judy. Judy slid into my DMs the other day. Actually, I think her name is Judy. And she said, you are so rude. Nice. What? How am I rude? I don't even know.

She didn't explain herself. What was I rude about? I don't know. And so I'm like, rude. I said, no, no what I said? Nice to meet you. Perfect. And she said, ha ha, L.O.L. You're proving my point. And I said, and what did that do for you? Nothing.

And then I said, have a nice day, Judy. And what did that do? Got me blocked. All right. Do you feel good about yourself now? Feel great. No, you don't. That's a lie. No, because then she messaged you and said, what, that you're rude. Yeah, and I said, have a great day. I feel through that it wasn't rude. And then she says, thanks for my point. And that got you even madder.

No, it didn't. You're asking more time on negative energy And then you respond to her again It did not make me more mad It made me promise you on everything It didn't It made me laugh and we want to be like Have a great day

All right Kill them with kindness, you know Right Yeah Hi Judy Oh Jude's Judy Judy

What should we call her? She's totally a... She's like an egg on Twitter, though, so maybe she is trolling. Let's call her Bertha. All right. Bertha said... So read the comment first, my tweet. You said, I wonder if when I'm 55 years old, I'll still be leaving voicemails for Ben Zorn, like I just did.

Hey, Ben Z, it's Sean B. Hashtag deep thoughts. Very deep thoughts. Oh, so Bertha said, sorry we all thought you were 55 years old. Oh, no. 31 going on 55, Sean B. Yeah, so... But you are.

Yeah. Was that a nice comment? When you're the guy that wants to fall asleep in his easy chair watching the news and then make it to bed in the middle of the night, you are 31 going on 55. I don't mind that. Yeah. Old soul. If she was trying to troll, jokes on her, that was a compliment. Yes, thank you, Bertha.

Okay. Patricia said, there's something wrong with your face, and I can't. I can't stand it, but I can't put my finger on it. Well, here's a problem. This is why I don't get as many mean tweets and mean comments is because females are bad to females. And it just blows my mind because it's all girls attacking girls. But then all these girls are talking about girl power and being like feminist, but then

they're all attacking each other. And it drives me nuts. I know. Tell me about it. Preach, sister. Jeez. Preach, brother. Man.

No, you have fired. up there. What are you looking at? Is my hair funny? No. And so I think like and guys like I'll get mean stuff from guys but I don't have a lot of guy followers because a lot of guys didn't watch the show. So it's a majority of females who watch the show. That's the majority of our following and girls just want to be mean to girls. It's really annoying. It's terrible. It is. It's sad. It's really sad because that's the world we live in. Yeah. Whether you are on a reality TV show or just real life in like college girls are mean. Right. Yeah. Never ending. Never ending. we get a lot of nice messages too we get way more nice ones and it's like those are the ones

that you respond to which i do yeah and there's so many people that will go out their way and they'll they'll write long emails but those are the ones i actually take the time to write emails back sometimes and like give them nice you know i'll sometimes go into my dms and respond to really nice people yeah because i like being personal with them on that level i don't like call them you know you know what i mean right um but like we were reading emails the other day that one that you got um she was doing your meal plans and lost 31 pounds for her sister's wedding oh yeah and it was like changed her life yeah those are the ones you want to see i mean this one lady was just so uh depressed and didn't want to do anything and had a wedding

coming up for her sister and she just wasn't very knowledgeable about what to eat yeah so then i put a meal plan together for her and she lost 31 pounds was so cool and then she just you know wrote the nicest nicest. Because now she's pumped to be in a bridesmaid dress and be a part of that day. Yeah. Because so many, well, girls especially, but so many girls think like lifting weights is going to make you bulky, which really it just leans you right out. The more lean muscle you have, the more calories you burn maintaining that lean muscle.

And everybody thinks, I'm going to do a juice cleanse. And then you're like, oh, guess what? You're just slowing down your metabolism. You're just going to lose some water weight for about five days. And then you're getting it right back. And then you've slowed down your metabolism. Yeah. Yeah.

It's crazy. So those emails are always nice. Those are the best ones. I like reading those that actually affected people. And that's the reason why I do that to help people out. But the ones you got, too, from your talks that you do at the universities and empowering girls. So there are a lot. There's way more positive out there.

It's just, to me, I find it a little funny with the trolls. Yes. Yeah. But we already know, too, like the trolls, we know that they're just dealing with their own problems and their own Yeah, of course. It's like you feel bad for them. So when they go out of their ways, like especially the ones that make multiple profiles. And it's like they take the time to make new email addresses.

So much effort. And so much effort just to write something mean to you. It's like, man, they have some serious problems going on. And you feel bad for them. Yeah. Sometimes I do you feel really bad. Well, do you want to know what kind of guy I am this week? Thanks for asking.

What kind of guy are you? Big Broadway guy. Oh, yeah? Like Broadway down in Nashville, Tennessee Broadway? Nope. New York, New York. Like the legit Broadway. New York City.

Yeah. Does I have an announcement to make? Caitlin Bristow is going to Broadway. Yeah. Cheers your coffee cup to my wine. Cheers. Ooh. Reek.

Cheers your coffee cup to my wine. Cheers. Cheers. Yeah, so exciting news. I mean, I've known about this for a while now. It was originally supposed to be in Vegas. I was going to host a show. But they moved it to New York over the holidays.

It's called Home for the Holidays. And it's on Broadway with yours truly. Caitlin Bristow. I'll be the host. Man, that is some cool stuff right there. That's what dreams are made of if you ask me. Because if you would ask me when I was little like, imagine you're on Broadway, I'd be like, yeah, right. Like being on Broadway, I grew up dance.

dancing and singing, and I just love everything about that. I love going to Broadway shows. You got me tickets to a Broadway. What was that for? Wicked. No, I know, but what? Anniversary? That was probably just a nice gesture that I did on like a Tuesday afternoon.

I'm like, hey, how you doing, babe? Let's go to Broadway. I actually get to sing in a couple of the songs with the whole cast, which is... Show us now. Let's hear it. No. People from American Idol, Candace Glover, people from The Voice, Josh Kaufman. America's got talents, Bianca Ryan, talents, talent.

YouTube sensations, Peter Hollins and Evan? I think it's Evan. Yeah, sounds about right. Yeah, so it's, I mean, it's a big deal because I get to go do a show every single night on Broadway. We get to live in New York for a little minute. I know you're not too excited about that. Not a big New York guy, not a big city guy. Yeah, and Doodle's not a big city guy either.

But it's so exciting. I'll be going back and forth. I get to like do, it's a Christmas little family holiday show every night in New York. I get to sing. I'll be podcasting from New York. That is very, very exciting. Yeah. So.

Everybody at home, you can settle down now. I know it's really big news. But I am. I wanted to announce it. I could have announced it on Instagram, but I wanted to announce it first for my podcast listeners. Perfect. So it's called Home for the Holidays. If you're in New York.

Come watch me on Broadway. My big debut. No, my big debut is with Cupcake Con. That is true. So you've already been on Broadway. This is your second time on Broadway. Yeah, but I didn't get to say a word. I got to just go out there.

Smile. And who is that? Caitlin Brista without saying a word is not Caitlin Bristow. That's not a world I want to live in. I also claim to be a big movie quote guy. Yeah. So I had an idea. Do you think you could stump me?

I do. You probably can't. Man, this is my biggest fear is that I'm going to start this whole segment called, like, stump Caitlin, and people will have movie quotes, but my fear is actually that I will suck really bad, and I'll get stumped all the time and look like an idiot. So the premise of this, you want me to say a movie quote, and if you don't guess it, I'll drink. Oh, wow. Man. Okay, try and stump me. All right.

We have. It's the first one. Maybe go easy on me. I am. Okay. You got a... I'm not a big movie quote guy, so... Okay.

I figure life's a gift, and I don't intend on wasting it. Forrest Gump. Nope. What is it? Titanic. You know what's so... In my head, I was like, he's either gonna... He's either gonna do Titanic or Forrest Gump, and so I had a 50-50 shot there.

And you got it wrong. And I got it wrong. Okay, do another one. All right. But give me something like... Okay, more of like wedding crashers, Billy Madison, happy Gilmore. All right, how about There's an awful lot

You can tell about a person by their shoes The devil wears Prada Forrest Gump Oh man I actually just watched We just watched First Gump like not long ago Okay fine Why do you have another one for me?

Yes So far You're O for two Yeah That is not a good ratio All right Details of your incompetence do not interest me.

What? The devil wears Prada. Oh my gosh. I don't even know if I've ever seen the devil wears Prada. All right. I'll give you, I'll toss one up for you. Yeah. Tee me up.

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought that I think that I thought I was once. Dodgeball. All right. You can't stumb me. I'm the movie quote queen. The movie quote guy. That's you. That's a good quote though.

That's a good one. White Goodman. Hey, it's me, white. W-H-I-T. V. E. Okay, well, that was a fun little segment. Nice.

The movie quote guy. Well, it might be funny because it's like five movie quotes that I really know. And like family guys. So maybe I should just put it out there that it has to be those. Okay. Should we move into Ken Yan'at? Let's do it. Can you not?

Somebody made me a sweater the other day, and it says, can you not? I love it. And it was the color of Merlot wine, and I don't think anybody's ever really spoken to me like that before. I love it. Do my feet sink? Yeah. I know. I couldn't decide if it was yours or mine, because you have socks on.

I don't think. You stink. You know something you stink. Billy Madison. Before we get into our segment about Halloween costumes, we should talk about Halloween candy. Why not? You're not a big candy guy, but you know I am. There's so many guys in this box.

So many guys. You've always been a big candy guy. I know. And with Yum Earth, it's organic candy, so I don't feel that guilty eating it. It's gluten-free, nut-free, dairy-free, and non-GML. So it doesn't use artificial colors or flavors or corn syrup. It's flavored by actual real fruit juice. Gotta like that.

Gotta love that. There's lollipops, fruit snacks, licorice. And in time for Halloween, candy corn. Is that what we'll be given out at the house? Yes, we actually are. The parents, I figure, are going to love us, and the kids won't know the difference. Exactly. I love it.

Everything is in snack pack sizes to keep you from enjoying too much. It tastes good, and you can pronounce everything on the label. Special Halloween. What, were you going to make a joke about me not being able to read anyways? No, I'm going to make a joke about them having snack packs when you eat multiple snack packs. It's like a meal for you. Well, they're just so good. Special Halloween candy packaging that includes organic candy corn lollipops, vegan gummy bats, and jackal lanterns.

Get them fast because they're selling out. You can get 15% off your first order if you go to yumearth.com with promo code Vine. Halloween's coming up. All right. You know I love Halloween. You know I love dressing up. I'm not going to get to this year because I'll be traveling. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. We've had some good ones. We have. You were the man in the yellow hat. I was curious, George, and I just, like... That was a good one. Hung on to me all night. Made you carry me around all night, like a little monkey.

So basically, it's like a regular Saturday night down at the hockey tonics, except we were just wearing costumes. Yeah. Years before, I've been... I dressed in all pink one time. Put a shoe on my head. I was bubble gum under a shoe. One time I dressed up as a rooster. Put a goalie blocker pad on my hand, and I was a cock block.

You would. I would just go up to, like, random drunk people making out and be like, nope! Not tonight Don't do it He's got chlamydia And then she'd run away And I was like Job all done, Caitlin

Pat me on the back And that's how you used to spend Your Saturday nights Nope, just Halloween's But I thought they were I don't appreciate Girls just trying to be hot on Halloween I can't stand it

I'm like do something funny That's the only thing that they do I know But it's hot if you don't dress like that It's like now that's hot That's something about your confidence is what you were going to say. Yeah, but I tried not to because I say that all the time. Exactly.

Don't call me out. Can you not Halloween costume? Okay, a guy who dresses up as a mammogram machine so that you put your boobs in his face. That's genius. I've never seen that one. No, can you not? That's not genius. First of all, no girls want to put their boobs in a mammogram machine.

It hurts like a bitch. Yeah. I don't know what the hell a mammogram machine is. It tests you for breast cancer, and it pushes down on your boobs. It smushes them together as hard as it possibly can. Oh, that's brutal. Exactly. And that's no joke.

Exactly. So I take that back. It's not funny. No, it's not funny at all. And it's like, that's offensive. We're not going to put our boobs in your face, and nobody wants a mammogram. So, like, tough titties. I didn't even have that one written down.

Oh, wow. A good one. Thanks. What about you? Where's Waldo? I know everyone will see this one out this year. It'll be like a guy and he'll have on his regular clothes like jeans, shoes, a t-shirt and then he'll have like a soccer jersey on or a football jersey and be like, I'm a football player. I'm Tom Brady.

Yeah, I'm Tom Brady. All the girls should want to come home with me tonight. I'm Christiana Ronaldo. See, I'm wearing his jersey. So I'm Christiana Ronaldo. Gosh. Yeah, that's embarrassing. Well, they think they're, like, super cool. Did you do it ever? No, I didn't.

Okay. Nope, I would get into my Halloween costumes. Yeah. I was Top Gun one, and that's a very common one. But me and Feb, my best friend from Hall. That's like risky business. Ooh, that's wear a men's button-up shirt and no pants and slide into rooms. But we also did it where we had a boom box.

We came around the whole night with the Top Gun soundtrack playing on repeat. I can respect that. Until one of us threw it as far. as we could on the backyard at Keene State College party. And then that was it. So cool. Hey, just because you missed out on college. I know.

Almost as cool as me cock blocking people. Sexy cops. No, just anything sexy in general. Sexy everything. A mouse, duh. Yeah, sexy everything. It's like girls wear the lingerie. Sexy lamp.

Sexy lamp. Just a lamp. Are you saying that because you just, saw the lamp in the room? Yeah, exactly. Is that from Anchorman? Yeah. I didn't even realize it.

Yeah, you did because you just said it. Oh, yeah, but I came up with that. While you said it. I'm a sexy iPhone plug charger. That's actually a great idea. Thanks. Okay. Guys being a firefighter.

Yes, girls like a guy in a uniform. Doesn't mean you're going to just wheel the girls all night because you're a firefighter tonight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you not be so enthusiastic all the time? I'm trying to think of other ones that I see all the time. No, I'm calling you out.

Can you not? Be so one level all the time. Oh, maybe we should get into Keny nots about each other. I can do that one. All right. I could do this all day. Go for it, bro. All right.

Bring it. You want me to go first? Bring it. Yep. No, I just went. I got you first. Go. Okay.

Can you not every time that I get some food and you say, I say, hey, babe, do you want anything? I'm not hungry. But every time I make food or I get food, you will just start eating what I got. Well, can you not eat all the time? Well, can you not just say, hey, I'm hungry? I'll get you your own meal. But I don't want a full meal.

I just want a nibble of yours. But I want my whole meal. But I want a nibble. But that's not going to work because I want the whole thing. But you're in a relationship and you have to be. So I will get you your own meal. I will make you your own meal. I'll make you small portions.

You always get good stuff and I just want a little nibble. I don't have the metabolism like you. I don't have the workout ethic like you do, so I just want to nibble. Just a nibble. Can you let me? No. You do anyways? Yeah, sometimes.

Okay. Yeah, I do every single time. But I watch those bites because she's always like, I'm going to take a small bite. And then all my food is gone. That was a little dramatic. Let's see. Taking the dramatics over here. Okay.

can you not not fart around me what what is this thing with farting i'm like getting tweets did you like because i'm getting tweets i talked about it on a podcast which one i can't remember it was a few like a couple podcasts ago i talked about how you don't fart around me i fart around you well they're the silent ones though yeah they're little air leaks shh shh And usually it's silent, silent but deadly, but yours are just silent. SBDs all day. But yours are just silent. Yeah.

You do not toot around me. You want me to start ripping them in your face? Yes, please. That's what I'm asking. Please fart in my face. Doing the old put you under the covers when I'm... Dutch oven is what we like to call that. The old Dutch ovens?

No, but I'm just saying, don't like... I don't know. I guess maybe I just want to feel less gross. You want to feel less gross? Yeah, because I want to be able to toot around you. Because I want to be like, are we not there that I get, like one time we were in the car. I think we're, we're there, we're there, but it's like no, yeah, we're not. You can, you can toot all you want.

I just lifted up my butt cheek out. I was going to do it right now. I want to keep some, like, sexiness in the relationship. Yeah. You know, so you don't have to be, we don't have to be ripping. Why do we keep saying toots? Because I'm a Tootsie girl I know, I always tell you that

This just proves that you didn't listen to my podcast with Whitney Wait, we're still doing Caitlin's confessionals, right? What? Tooting? Yeah, I didn't listen to that whole podcast. You don't listen anymore? Yes, I do. I need to catch up.

You need a mustard. Yes. Catch up. Gotcha. That's a good one. Yeah, toot all you want, sister. But no, because you're telling me that will kill the sex vibes.

I want to take a poll of guys and girls. Okay. And girls. Like, it's funny. Obviously, everybody toots, and we all toot. Everybody toot. It's like a slippery slope. Like, sure, we can toot every now and then, but I want, like, every, like, 10 minutes is ripping.

Me either. Why haven't we talked about this before? I'm all four once in a while toots. All right. Just not all the time. But I just think, I'm like, I would think it was funny if you just ripped a tooth. See, I've done that many of times. By accident.

No, I've done on purpose, too. Sometimes when we're on road trips, I could tell you, too, because I'll send you'll just unroll the window. Yeah, gentlemen. Okay. Class act. Okay. All right, who's turn, my turn.

Yeah. All right, how about can you not get mad at me when it's 11.30 in the morning, and you hear a little bit of noise, coming from somewhere in the house, like in the kitchen, and you get mad because I'm making noise and you're still sleeping when I've been working for like six hours. And then I feel bad. I'm like, yeah, man, I woke her up. And I'm like, wait a minute. It's 1130. She should be up like six hours ago and you're getting mad at me for making lunch. I'm like on my third meal and you're still getting mad at me. Like, keep it down out there. So can you not be so loud?

Can you not sleep 16 hours a day? No, because that's doing you a gracious favor as well. because I'm tiptoeing around the house. I want to get up, put on some music, get in a good mood, do some work, go train some clients, and then come home and make some more food and not get yelled at because you're still sleeping. You don't get yelled at him. Yes. So give me a freaking break here. And then once you do wake her up, it's even worse because you're like, all right, babe, we got to get up.

She's like, give me a minute. I need a minute. It's like, okay. So she needs to, once she wakes up, she has to wake up from the wake up. So then you're talking like, if she set an alarm for like, like, 11 o'clock, she's not getting her butt out of bed to like 11.45 because she needs like, she needs 20 minutes to like wake up. Yeah. And then she needs another 25 minutes to adjust her eyes to the sunlight. Hey, look. Okay, look. Like this morning. I'm like, I come back to the hotel room.

I just want to undo the curtains. Oh, you're so productive and you just want to be in the like, oh, you're just this go get her. It's, yeah, I'm a big morning guy. I'm not. And I know. And that's, if I would have known that when we got engaged. Yeah. Jeez. I thought you were a big drinking guy, sleeper in. Yeah, I was a big drinking guy in the show. Yeah, it was false advertisement. But I did not get a lot of sleep on the show.

So I never once gave you the image of me being a big sleeping in guy. Whatever. Yeah, that's what she says. Whatever. Yeah, whatever. You know what? I like my sleep. studies have shown

that you need like a solid like seven and a half, eight hours. Depends on the person. Do you not enjoy being around me if I get a good sleep? Please, don't hesitate. When you do get up after your 16 and a half hour sleeps, you're still cranky

for the next hour. That is so not true. Yes, it is. No, it's not. It depends on the day. All right. I like to keep you on your toes. You don't know what you're going to get with Caitlin.

That's for damn sure. Oh, real. Now it's a podcast. Gosh. Speaking of being a big healthy guy, have you heard of Thrive Market? Is that the organic and super healthy food that's delivered to your door? You know I like deliveries. I mean, that is right up my alley.

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You should do that while I'm gone. I should, yeah. When I don't have time to cook, I will 100% be calling these guys. Perfect. Questions from listeners, aka time for Caitlin to butcher everybody's name. That's become a thing of itself. Sorry, peeps. Meg.

The real Meg. O.B. That one was easy. Thanks for that. What would be your favorite true Canadian date to take Sean on? Um, hmm. True Canadian date. I would take you to go chop some wood.

Piece of cake. You know once you take me to chop wood once, I'm going to be a big chopping wood guy. That's exactly. And you're going to like turn it. And I'm going to be wearing, like, plaid shirt. Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say. And I'm going to have, like, you're going to come home one day. I'm going to be like, yeah, baby just got back from Home Depot.

You're going to see, like, 16 axes lined up in the garage. We don't even have, like, a fireplace. No. But all the trees, like, you come in the neighborhood and all the trees are down and they're on our backyard. Just stacking up some wood, saving up for the winter. I just feel like I want to go camping with you in, like, Jasper, Bumpf. Bumpf. Bumpf.

Danny, Joe, how do you deal with each other's annoying qualities or quirks? Which I think we just touched on. We don't deal with them. We argue about them. To me, it's so annoying that you wake up that early and want to just like, get the dangling. Yeah, it's such a good feeling. You get up. It's a new day to get things done.

Sleeping. Mary Howard wants to know. Is that a real name? That seems like a fake name. No. It looks like a Mary. Mary Howard? Yeah.

All right. Why does it sound like a fake name? It's like Tim John. Like, okay. It's really not. All right. It's more like Tim Sue because it's Mary and then Howard. All right, all right.

How long is too long to stay upset at each other? Um, I don't know. Depends if it's a big D or a little D. We're both stubborn, so. Yeah, but how long is too long? Depends what it is. It's different for everything. I don't know, too long is probably like a year and a half.

Oh, I was going to say a day. What are you, a Taurus? No, a day is... Are you Taurus? Yeah. Don't they hold grudges? Probably. Yeah.

I would say too long is like three to four days. Three to four days? That's almost a full week of being upset. Yeah, you can give yourself a day. For a guy that likes to wake up and get the day going because it feels good, Should probably get over something in an hour I usually do Positive vibes

I'm pretty good at that She's rolling her eyes Like no you're not You're not I think you should go to bed always Mad Not mad No I think you should go to bed mad

I'm trying to joke That's what everybody likes to say You should never go to bed mad And I think you should go to bed mad Because usually I wake up in the morning And realize it wasn't a big D So I'm like Yeah well you go to bed

And you're sleeping for the next day and a half So I get over it And you're over it Yeah easy for you you. Gretchen Wieners. Just kidding. Her name's Gretch Batch.

What is it? Wait, what? Gretchen. Gretchen. At Gretch, Bech. Oh, that's her name. Yeah. The golden question, does he put the toilet seat down?

You're actually very good about that. You grew up with two sisters, so. Duh. I would lose it if you didn't put the seat down. Yep. I grew up with two sisters. You're very good about that. I don't think you've ever left the toilet.

You know what? There's a small period of time where you were used to live. living by yourself while we, when we first got engaged. And I was like, I always kept that puppy down. All right. Hey, I'm looking at your Twitter, too. Who had the privilege of watching Tucker Doodle while Sean B. was away filming? And did he bring a pick with him to the mansion?

This is from K. Nye. K. Nye. Any relation to Bill? Yeah. She probably hears it all the time. Yeah, we just did that. Will you accept the road? She's probably like right now, can you not?

Yeah. What's your name? What's your name? Kirsten Nye. Kirsten, Kirsten, Kirsten, Kirsten, Kirsten, Kirsten, the science guy, Twitter guy. Okay. Yes, my sister watched my dog. That's one of the only people I let watch, because she was, she grew up with Tucker too.

Tucker, she went to the store with me to get him. So she's got a good relationship with him, and then I did bring, I brought pictures of my family and Tucker to the house so I could show Katelyn. I don't think anybody else did that, right? Yeah, sure I like how you pick the one question To make you look like a true gem That's literally the first one It's literally

It's literally the first one I saw No, you did And I remember falling in love with you A little more when you showed me a picture of Tucker Okay Marla A Would like to know Is it considered cheating

To dance with a random guy at a club If you're in a relationship How are you dancing? Are you like getting jockey with it? Are you doing the macarena? Are you grinding? If I was at home and, like, somebody told me that you were grinding on some dude at the club, I'd be like, yeah, that's a little weird. First of all, I'm not 16.

I don't grind. Why are you saying that this girl's 16? Because I'm assuming she's grinding with dudes at the bar. What? She's probably in college. And then college is just a complete mess. Right. So is it cheating?

It just depends on the situation. If it's goofy and you guys are, like, doing a, like, circle. If you're, like, lassoing him in. or reeling a man? No. But yeah. But if you're, you know, but if you're grinding your T's in his F on his back. Then yes.

Yeah. Okay. That's a good way to answer it. I think we did well on that one. Yeah. Abigail, she's so sweet. She's always very supportive of me and I see her tweets often. What is his love language?

Yeah, that's a good question. Abigail, because we actually, she made me read the book. Listen, made me listen in the book. We did it together in a car ride. Well, you brought it up multiple times. I was very passionate about us both listening to it. Yeah, so I'd like you. What is my love language?

Your love language is physical touch, and I happen to not be a big affectionate guy. Yeah, so that's a problem. And my love language is words of affirmation, and... So, so Caitlin is not grinding her tease up on my B at the club. B? Your butt? My back. No. I, uh, I don't know. I just have never been a really overly affectionate person.

All right. Case closed. And you're not really good at expressing your feelings through words. Sure I am. Why are we together? Yeah. No, we're, we still do it. We hold hands all the time. Yeah. And I, uh, it's not that I don't like it. Like I love cuddly and like we still do it. No, like physical touch and telling each other. I love. cuddling you at night. I love holding hands with you. I've never liked holding hands. Okay. Good question, Abigail. Courtney. Yay, I haven't butchered anyone's name yet. Are you guys constantly in contact while one of you is away? I struggle with being out of contact and don't know if that's normal. We talk like every minute of

every day that we're apart. Yeah, we inserted chips into one another so we can pull up an app and see exactly where they are at what time and what they're doing. That's called find your friends. Oh, yeah. That's an actual thing. That is an actual thing. But, no, we always talk through, like, each hour of the day, I feel like, and then FaceTime it through it. And then Caitlin gets upset if I don't call her after two hours, right? Do I?

I? I get upset if you don't call me after two hours. I don't know. What? Who said that? Do I? Do you? No, I don't think so.

I don't think so either. That was stupid. That was real stupid. Who, Dariah. Who's more embarrassing now out in public? Sean Booth, Caitlin Bristow, or a week? Rick's just embarrassing in general But I would say probably me

What's the best and worst Pickup lines you've both Heard Are you that guy from The Bachelor Oh pretty bad one I've heard is I get them all the time at the airport The like guys If I'm like putting my stuff through the security

Yeah That's where I find guys are the creepiest Oh there's actually a really bad one I heard before It's, um, you're a farmer, right? You can plow the F out of my field anytime. Ha! Ha! That's funny. Where was that one?

Where'd I hear that one? I don't know. She must be a real beaut, though. The guy at the airport says, are you a model? I'm like, yeah, I'm 5'2. I'm not a model. Yeah. Thanks, though.

I think you're a model. Thanks. Aaron Friederman. What are the top three things you have in common? Um, next question. Top three things we have in common? Yeah. What do you mean?

You don't want to answer it? I was joking saying that we don't have anything in common. Oh. Uh, um, we both are real family oriented. Mm-hmm. We both love dogs. And we both, hmm. Enjoy a good grinder.

What? Yes. A good meatball grinder. A good hogan. And we both like pizza. Aw. Who doesn't? Who doesn't?

Okay, I think that's all we have time for. All right. It's been a good hour and ten. Hello. I'm just reading out more questions. What? Okay, hurry. That one's pretty inappropriate.

I'm going to end this podcast. I don't think you want to end it. Have you ever smelled mothballs? Is that what your feet smell like right now? No, but have you ever smelled mothballs? Yes. Oh, how'd you get their little legs open? I'm Caitlin Bristol.

Wow. Yikes. Now that's a podcast. If you guys don't want to miss an episode of Off the Vime, download the Podcast One app or go to podcast.com. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts. If you wanted to do a little review of the sponsors that I talked about and get yourself some deals, there's Bright Sellers, 50% off your first box.

If you go to Brightsellers.com slash Off the Vine, figs, 20% off your order of medical scrubs. wear figs.com slash vine with promo code vine. Thrive Market, $60 off organic groceries plus shipping, thrivemarket.com slash vine. Veridesk, go to Veridesk V-A-R-I-Desk.com for awesome stand-up desk equipment and Yum Earth, 15% off your first order at yumearth.com with promo code vine. And again, I just wanted to talk to you guys about my upcoming live AMA. You can join me for an Ask Me Anything session this Sunday on the Podcast One app. If you download the Podcast One app in the App Store or Google Play Now, just log in this Sunday, October 29th at 4 p.m. Pacific, 7 p.m. Eastern, and ask me anything. I'm Caitlin Bristell with Sean B. And we will see you next Tuesday.

High five. High 10. Low 10. Low 5. Too slow. That didn't arrive. See you later, guys. Next Tuesday is the next time we will see you. Have fun. Good night, bye. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Download or listen to new episodes every Tuesday on the Podcast One app or subscribe on Apple Podcasts or at Podcasts.

And don't forget to rate, review, and share. Happy birthday to us. Happy birthday to us. That's right. The Lady Yang podcast is turning 100. We have laughed, cried, giggled, unfiltered, through. 100 episodes and we want you to join us for our 100th birthday extravaganza. We're looking back at all the best moments, the funniest moments, the best advice we got from our 100 guests,

and we want you to join us. So come find us on Tuesday, and you can find us exclusively at podcast1.com or the new Podcast One app. And don't forget to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts so we can feel famous.