Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Shawn Booth VI

Episode Date: April 24, 2018

Kaitlyn and her Fiance Shawn talk about their feelings on the British Royal Family, play a no hold bard game of would you rather, and call listeners for relationship Ken you not? See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. There's a new active deodorant for women made by secret. Oh, see what I did there? That was good. What an intro. It's called Secret Active. It's activated by activity, so it is designed to work when you're moving around a lot.

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Who's that with OTV? Podcast One presents off The Vine with Caitlin Bristol. Caitlin is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves. Get ready for lots of laughs. Taboo topics. On filtered advice and wine. Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up.

Here's Caitlin. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to your favorite podcast, Off the Vine. I'm your host, Sean Booth. We've got a good one for you tonight. Easy, tiger. Getting pretty comfortable over here in the host seat. In the hot seat?

The hot host seat. What was I just going to say? Oh, because you have a sexy radio voice doesn't mean you just get to take over. Today's forecast is looking like we're going to, I have a lot of rain. Hey, girl. Oh, God. Anyways.

Welcome to you. Yeah, that's right. She's rattled. She's nervous. I'm coming for her spot. Oh, my gosh. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow, the one and only.

What? What? You're pointing at the microphone. You got to speak up a little bit louder. Yeah. You're sitting back over there. Okay. We're making up for lost time here.

I didn't have Sean B in the studio for a hot minute, but we're making up for it with two in a row, double header. Is that what they say in baseball? That is. Oh, the game that I just made you shut off so that you could be present in a moment for once? Gosh, the things I do for you. Oh, turn off a baseball game? Yeah.

It was a great start to the game. To get plenty of exposure. Wow. Wow. Okay. I only had one glass of wine. I'll be taking this over from here. No.

All right. Today we've got a lot of cool things coming your way. You're back up Bobby for a reason. You're not host Sean B. You're back up Bobby. Always a bridemaid, never a bride. Bridemaid? Yeah.

Bridesmaid. Yeah. Bride made. Bride made is not correct. This is going to be a fun episode. Sean B is back by popular demand. We're going to play a couple. Games, confess, take some calls, do some Kenyan Nats, and just maybe get to know Sean on a deeper

level, you know? Oh, wow. Maybe this will be informative for myself. How deep can we go? Communication is lubrication. Say it with me. Communication is lubrications. Do you know what that means?

What's that mean? It is sexy when you communicate. Hell yeah. Cool. That's my thing. Communications is your thing? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And working out is mine. Let's start out with the important stuff. It's one of the week. Your big, what was it called if there's like a song for something? A theme. Theme song. Yeah. Make up a theme song for Wine of the Week.

Go. We've got wine, we've got wine, wine, we've got the wine of the week coming right to your face right now. Wine. We've got the wine. We've got the wine of the week coming straight to your face right now. Wine of the week here, folks, we're looking at a nice red wine from Tennessee antebellum, maybe from ladies. Is it? Is it not? It is. Arrington Vineyards, or

the vineyards, some would say. 2014. Read the back. Now read it dramatically. Located south of Nashville in eastern Williamson County, Tennessee. Our beautiful hillside winery is open daily

for tours and wine tastings. For more information visit us online. Wait, don't give them a big shout out. Why not? I'm saying, what does it say? pair it with oh it doesn't oh yeah according to the surgeon general women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy yeah that sounds like it would go really well with a good filet mignon oh really anyways lady a let me just pour this so i was thinking about new segments

for the podcast because you know sometimes you just got to rebrand and keep it fresh yeah so i was of what I can do. Mm-hmm. And I was thinking of one of my favorite shows, New Girl. Okay. And I... Not a big fan. What?

Not a big fan. Why? It just doesn't do it for me. It doesn't landy with you? No. Doesn't Landy very often. There's better shows. Doesn't Landy Sandberg with you?

No. Nope. Nope. Okay. Well, I, it Landis with me, and you know how Schmidt's one of my favorite characters? Yeah, the lovable douchebag, I believe, is... What you call him. So I thought, okay, so I thought, I'm going to bring this to every podcast. Okay.

What does that say? That says douche jar. It's a douche jar. A douche jar. So anytime someone says something douchey on my podcast, like if they name drop too much, or if they're like, they have to put a dollar in the douche jar because they do that on New Girl. Okay. Schmidt always fills up the douche jar. Perfect.

Okay. So that's just going to say. Sit right in front of your face. It's going to be empty. That's a dollar. That's a dollar right there. So do you think that's a good new segment? Dushar?

Sure. Not a segment, but just something that lingers over people. Oh, you got to keep in mind. It's 2018. People might get offended by douchery. Because of the actual douche. Disclaimer, you know, the douche might cause a little bit of controversy. Well, because I'm calling somebody a douche or because of the actual douchery?

Doche project, product, okay. Oh, man. It's fine, you're off tonight, that's why I'm here. It's Monday. Yeah, you know, douche might be offensive to some. In one way, you've got to explain. You've said that three times now, but you haven't said why a douche is offensive. I just go.

Do you know what a douche is? Yes, I do. What is the purpose? To doche up the old vagineskeys, I know. Okay, I know what it is. I'm just saying, I tend to. The old vagineskies. I tend to side with the, the, I'm very cautious of what is offensive and what is not offensive today.

That's a very sad way to live. Right. It's, you know. I choose to be offensive and not offended. Right. I have a shirt that says that. Okay. Guess what?

That's a dollar for the douche jar right there. Really? Yeah. Canadian loony or American bills? Two tunis. No, that would be $4. Yeah, I think that was worth $4 of duchery. Okay.

You can't turn the game on the host. Who is the host tonight? Me. Hey, a question for you. I heard you're dropping in the polls with all the stuttering going on tonight. Dropping the polls? In the polls. Sure.

Amy Pollers? Hey, are you a big royal family guy? You know what? Did you watch the Royal Family? wedding back in the day and everyone stayed up to the middle of the night. No, I remember waking up and my mom was crying over the Princess Diana death. I remember that and watching that. Yeah, of course. Obviously, everybody does. And I'm not a big royal family guy, but I am a big hairy guy, specifically when Harry was in his crazy days and running around Las Vegas butt naked,

that was my hair. I already knew you're going to say that and you like jumped to my like eighth question about this but okay okay i feel the same way i'm not like i'm not super into the royal wedding i'm not like oh my gosh i can't wait for them now their next baby i can't wait for megan and harry to get married people love that stuff they live for it yeah i'm i'm not living for it but i will say that i'm just trying to keep things relevant and say that kate and william have a baby boy today had a baby boy today saw the picture of her holding the baby baby and a red jacket with the baby wrapped in white like princess diana did with william yes william is that how you pronounce it william william with william oh boy but yeah i thought that was

very classic yeah classic you know but anyways what i'm getting at what's the baby's name thank you for the say i betcha you know in a land of the Kardashians where gosh i mean you can think of any crazy name imaginable we got the other side of it and i'm i bet you they named him um wooliskeys robert robert is not that's a Kardashian it is the ultimate Kardashian the first Kardashian so i thought of we could do a little royal name generator and we could come up with first of all we'll come up with a name for the new royal baby okay um my my my pick would be Rick. Richard,

obviously. Right. The first. Yes. That could go either way though because it can be Dick. Yeah. Perfect. Even better. Even better. But there's this thing that you can do online and it's the royal name generator.

So your royal name it says you have to use the initial of your first name, then the initial of your middle name, and then plus the initial of your surname. But it gives you all the options. So right now, okay, so it says ABCD, if you're doing it, S. Oh, so the first part of your royal name would be milady.

Malady. Yeah. Step two, the initial of your middle name. What's your middle name? You probably don't even know my middle name. She's trying to laugh down because she does it. No, of course I know it. Oh, yeah?

What is it? Dick. You don't know my middle name. No, I didn't when we first started. Oh, no, we're talking right now. Christopher. Okay. Obviously, I know your, I know.

you kidding obviously i know your middle name christopher so c xavier so milady xavier and then the initial of your surname booth frinton say it again malady xavier frinton sounds very very i'm going to call you that later yeah i can't wait for you to call me that okay want to know what you're calling me what's up my royal name would be countess countess Clement Countcy Clement You Clement Uh

Frinton Oh yikes That's not sexy at all Nor does that sound royal No, it doesn't sound like any of that Wait let me see it again Countess Clement

Frenton Ew Yikes You got the old shaft on that I really did Okay so I'm just going to pick random ones out of here to name the new royal baby what i would name him okay earl yeah bishop okay of mayfair wow i like it you do yeah strong right it is strong can you remember what you just said

no mayfair i would name him duke crispin marple i knew you would pick duke yeah strong Purple. Wait, is Duke Ben Z's dog's name? Zeus. No, Zeus. But it's funny you say that because when I said that I have a buddy, Brandon, an old friend of mine in Michigan, Brandon O'Sheski. Oh.

Yeah. Good guy whose dog's name is Duke. Oh. Wow, that is funny. I said that. Yeah. Hilarious. I bet everybody at home is laughing.

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I have a question for you. All right. Shoot me straight. You said this earlier, something about Kardashians. Would you rather be in the Kardashian family or the royal family? Oh. I did not think you would hesitate. The royal family. Yeah. But I'd spice it up. I mean, they're a little too. Are the Kardashians royal? No. Are you kidding, don't spice it up. The royal family is

So classic and timeless. No, I like the royal. Yeah, I'd be the royal family. Yeah, but you can't spice them up. If anything, you've got to tone them down. Harry can't be doing his naked thing in Vegas. I would be the wild. Oh, you're so wild going to bed at 8.30 and not drinking wine with me right now.

Yeah. You're so wild. You know, the old Sean. Yeah. We're talking about new Sean. Yes, I would obviously rather be a royal. Prince. Yeah, that's why I surprised you hesitated when I asked you that question.

I didn't quite understand the question. Excuse me. I haven't been drinking like a ton of wine lately, but my mom FaceTime me and we decided to drink wine. Well, I cooked you dinner, and you can tell by the few little slipskies that I've had in this pod skis so far that maybe it's hit me. I think it is. That's okay. Makes for a good pod. Yes, it does.

Oh, my gosh. You're such a difficult guest. How am I difficult guest? No, you're a great guest, one of my faves. But when I have other people in the studio, you know, like people don't want silence, where you're just like, you're totally okay with a head nod. Because I know I know you more than anybody else does, so I know you're just going to keep talking. So I sit back and then you say something.

I'm like, yep, she's going to keep talking. I know. I let you go with it. Whereas other people are in the studio, they're probably nervous and they want to be like, you know, keeping up. I'm just like, yeah, let her do her thing. But I kind of rely on you But you know what? We've all come to realize that

Some nights you can't do your thing And it's okay Just like tonight So on that note I'll take over I'm human I'm picking up the slack here Duce jar Okay

Dollar in the douche All right Anyways Okay so you'd rather be in the royal family Me too Yeah But do you think Kardashians are kind of royal No

They're not royal they're just popular in social media age they're genius genius for sure they um they know what they're doing yeah and they're building who's your favorite kardashian oh bruce brucey well he's not a cardat she's not a cardassian my i i love katelyn jenner yeah uh i really like Courtney Kardashian i feel like she's consistent. She doesn't change her hair. She doesn't get all this stuff.

Like, she's just always kind of been Courtney, and she's always been pretty confident and funny. Big Courtney guy. Yeah. As of late. Like the last year, too, she's grown on me. Yeah, because I loved Chloe for a while, but I loved Chloe and Courtney's connection.

Yeah. But Courtney just seemed like, or Chloe just seemed like she didn't care. Now I'm like, no, she cares. Courtney's consistent. Yeah. Courtney's a babe She is But just because

Like I see her and I'm like She's so attractive Because she's just not trying to be She's just She's herself I think the older I get too It's like yeah She's really

Attractive She's a mother She's got it going on Yeah Yeah I like them all I can't You like them all

Yeah Oh come on Oh, what? Be authentic. I am being authentic. You like them all. You like all the Kardashians? Yeah.

I think they're all genius and brilliant at what they're doing. Yeah. I love what, what's her name? Chloe. Yeah. She's kind of gotten herself into the fitness world. I like that. I like her new show.

She didn't know what a mountain climber was. We'll give her a break on that. She was on, Chloe had a, her own fitness show. Okay, come on, babe. We're not being rude. It's funny. I know. I'm just saying if she ever wants to train her on her show, let me know. Gunner is awesome. Chloe had a fitness show where it was Revenge Body. And so Ellen had her on her show doing, do like these cute moves, whatever. And Ellen said, do sexy mountain climbers. And Chloe didn't know what a mountain climber was. I said, we'll give her a pass.

If you have a fitness show, you better know what a mountain climber is. We'll give her a pass. It's time for a good old-fashioned game of Would You Rather? Do you have a tune for this? Would you rather? Hey, would you rather? Hey, hey, would, would you rather? I wouldn't.

That sounds a lot like if I had a nickel. I know. I'm counting on my podcast producer to come up with something for this one. Okay. you rather no coffee or no protein shakes for the rest of your life? Ooh. Wow. I know how to cut to the core of you.

You know what? I'd have to say no protein shakes because I can get my protein through food. I don't need protein shakes. I know how to manipulate my body into looking the way it needs to or I want it to by eating the right food. So I need caffeine. I need espresso. That's like the only option.

You just can't get high on life, man? Yaman. Tough one, but I'd have to go with, I need the espresso on that. Would you rather be in a room of snakes? Nope, next one. Or a room full of Bachelor producers. Oh, God. You really know how to cut to the core on that one.

That's what I said. How long they've got to be in the room? 24 hours. Which producers are there? The worst. So all of them? The worst of the worst. Good one.

Thanks. That's a good one. Listen, I've got a love-hate relationship with the producers. They all know that I think every person that comes off that show does because they're doing their job. So you'd rather be in a room with them. Yeah, I'd love to sit in a room with them now, especially after... Oh, you'd love it now. After that was such a tough question.

No, after a couple years have gone by, I'd love to sit in a room with the producer. Post-bachelorette. What would you say to them? I would just, I don't know. Look, you're getting nervous. No, you know. I had some really good connections with some of the producers. You know, you think until you watch things back and realize.

So snakes. So not a big snake guy. I mean, it's a simple. Simple question. You just really danced around it. No. Would you rather? I like them.

I like, there's the producers I respect and I'd love to have a nice conversation with them in a room. Perfect. Would you rather give up sex or the gym for the rest of your life? Come on. Serious. The gym. Okay. Well, I was like, is this, is he trying to meet?

Oh, you're serious. Okay. Yeah, I'll get my workout in during the sex. Nice. Oh, my God, I could just picture us doing it, and you're, like, doing push-ups somehow while thrusting. Yeah. Counting. Oh, boy.

One, two, and we're done. Ah, see what I did there. Yeah, two pumpchum. Hashtag. A-o. Hashtack. A-o. Would you rather lose all of your social media followers and fans or your ability to work out?

What? You heard me? That's kind of a weird one. Yeah, exactly. Not any, would you rather questions are normal. No, yeah. I mean, my following, because at the end of the day, I mean, yeah, I would rather be able to, the ability to work out and keep myself healthy and strong.

I mean, I was hoping you'd say that. Yeah, of course. Would you rather have Cheeto dust on your fingers for a year or walk around in wet socks for a year? Oh, Cheeto dust. Wet socks is one of the worst feelings in the world. Dusty Cheeto fingers aren't. Not as bad as wet socks. Okay, well, I have to give a huge shout out to some of my vinos for some of these because they were helping me come up with this.

Okay. Would you rather free gas for 25 years or own your dream car? If you do the math up, I think. I'm not sure that's even, if you do the math up. If you do the math up, yo's. then I already have my dream car that's the best thing about it I've always said I wanted a brand new Jeep Wrangler

That's your dream car? Yeah years ago I said That's what I wanted was my dream car My dream car used to be a G wagon Mercedes G wagon Oh what are you a Kardashian What are you trying to be cool or something? But this was like a while ago when I didn't

I just liked how they looked badass They looked like you know But now I'm like Yeah you wanted to be trendy and cool You wanted to be a big shot. Doose jar. Throw in a dollar for the deuce jar for wanting a G-wagon. Throw in a dollar to the douche jar just for talking me like a douche.

You wanted to be a flashy, cool G-wagon guy. No, I actually didn't realize the price of them or the coolness of them. And this was like at least eight years ago when I just thought they looked badass. And I didn't know they were that expensive. Okay. Do you know me at all? I don't think so. Am I a flashy, I want to be a Kardashian kind of guy?

I mean, all the Kardashians have G-Wagons. I didn't know that. Duce Jar for knowing that. I thought you watched the show. If it's on. You watch that show more than I do. Ask me like anything that's happened in a season. Are any of the Kardashians pregnant?

Nope. They're not. Is it Kim? No. What is this, the Kardashian podcast? Yeah, apparently. Can you ask me some? Okay. Would you rather sit in a room with snakes or producers from The Bachelor?

You can't, oh, you're asking me the same question? Yeah, yeah. No, I know, I'm asking you that question. Producers, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Oh, you're like such an easy choice. Yeah, I hate snakes. Okay.

They're two different kind of snakes. Next question. Would you rather sit in a slightly warm, Toilet seat. In or on? Or a very cold toilet seat. The slightly warm is like, I'd way rather it be freezing cold.

Okay. Would you rather speak your mind all the time or never speak again? I think you already do one of those. Yeah, it seems to be a problem here. Fulfil your biggest wish or resolve your biggest regret. Ooh, that's a good one. That's deep. Say it again.

Would you rather fulfill your biggest wish? Yeah. Or resolve your biggest regret. Fulfill my biggest wish. Really? Mm-hmm. Life with no regrets, yo. Well, yeah, but imagine living your wish.

What is your wish? That I'm singing my song and that the crowd is singing my lyrics back to me. Okay. Well, then that will come true very soon. Thank you. Pick the year you're going to die or pick the way you're going to die. That's both just messed up. If I wrote that, it's sick.

Pick. Yeah, pick the year. Oh, I'd pick the year. Yeah, I'd pick the year for sure, because I'd pick, like, I'd pick, like, me being 110, so I wouldn't even know the way I'd go. I'd be like, ah, fuck it. Yeah. Okay, my turn. Okay.

Oh, no, that's it. Oh, one more? I thought there was one more in there. No? Okay. Do you have one more for me? Yes. Would you rather, we used to do this game all the time back at, uh,

Pacey Park in high school with all lifeguards and camp counselors. I just remember this one. Would you rather jump off a 30-foot, 30-story building? How many meters is that? It's like 30 of these. Okay. And you would survive. Or live under a pole.

porch for one year, then you can't come out. I would love to live. And you can't stand up. I would love to live under a porch and lay down for one full year. That's what dreams are made of. One full year. Just lay there. You get fed, probably.

You die if you didn't. But when you jump off the building, you survive, you have some injuries you have to deal with. You rehab fully back. But it's going to take a while. Actually, you know what? I changed my mind. I'd go with falling off a building because I'd be such a legend I'd be the girl that fell off a 30-story building and survived and rehabbed her way back to being the

I'm not going to say it because I'll have a dollar to the douche jar but okay that would hurt you'd be in a lot of pain and you'd have to physically but would I get percissettes no oh so you're just dealing with the pain you're rehabbing without medication. All right, let's get rid of that one and let's do this. Would you rather live under a porch for six months and you can't stand up? But you have like 20 yards to wiggle around, like some room. Some wiggle room, they call it. Yeah, wiggle room. Or would you rather live in a shed that's the size of your body and you can't move back and forth, but you can stand up? Lay under I'm a big fan of laying down

Oh, okay All right Well, you can't stand up Think about the thought of that You just can't stand up Ever For like six months Yeah, sounds great

You're eating, laying down You're drinking laying down You're going to the bathroom, laying down You don't All right I'm really thinking No, I would I'd rather lay down

And not stand up you've got some wiggle room. If you're standing and you don't have any room, it concerns me. Okay. Do you have one for me? Would you rather New Bachelorette Becca or old Bachelorette Rachel?

Wait, what? That's the question. Answer it. Oh, wow. Yeah. Would I rather Take it as you will. Rachel. Okay.

no explanation no team rachel i'm a big rachel guy too i don't know much about beck rebecca all i know is everything is do the damn thing now i'm like she said it once do the damn thing remember in jamaica when we had such a stoner conversation about the universe yeah that's weird and i googled like how did the earth start and then our minds were like hurting yeah This was supposed to be after I said pick the, or you said pick the year you're going to die or the way you're going to die. Because then I was just thinking like while I was planning the podcast, I was like, wait, remember?

And then I'm like, remember, it's just crazy thinking that we're just here on Earth, we don't know how long we'll be here. The Earth is a really messed up thing. What's outside the Earth? What's outside the universe is the universe has been around for like 16 billion years. How does anybody even know that? Yeah, who is around to say? It's been 16 billion years.

Think about that. Billions of years, this universe has been around, and then there's billions of other universes that go how far, so you could travel straight up into the universe for billions of years, and you go where? Where do you go? Maybe you just evaporate. I mean, you just, like, there's got to be other life on other planets.

One day we should do not off the vine, but off the... on the vine on the weed yeah and talk about life yeah that'd be wild man you know what else is wild what's that support for today's show comes from Microsoft Teams Microsoft Teams is your hub for teamwork in office 365 with so much to look after wouldn't it be great if there was just one place to look teams is that single workspace where you can work, share, and connect with the people in your work life. Teams brings together your chats, meetings, files, and apps all into one place. Take teamwork where you work with apps for

mobile and desktop. So whether you're sprinting towards a deadline or sharing your next big idea, teams can help you and your team achieve even more. Microsoft Teams in Office 365, visit office.com slash teams to learn more. We'll be back with more Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Guys, join Financial Guru Sue's Orman with her podcast, Women and Money, every Thursday on Podcast 1. Ask Suez all your questions as she helps you become more empowered with your money. Download Sue's Orman's Women and Money Show at Podcast 1 and Apple Podcasts.

Also remember to rate and review. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Do you know who that's a podcast? I don't know if you know this. I don't know, Shaq, Shaq does. Well, of course, Shaq Daddy. And we need to get Shaq on. Easy.

Oh, no, let's get him. Let's call him out right now. Let's call him right now. Shaq Daddy. Shaq, you listening? You need on this podcast, we can help you out. You know, not many people know who you are. Rick and Dona do.

We'll shock your name on an Instagram. Yeah, yeah. Nobody knows Shaquille O'Neal. Shaquille O'Neal, and the thing about him is everybody loves Shaquille O'Neal. It's like you can't, it's going to be an entertaining podcast. podcast. Everybody knows him. He's just a... Oh yeah, because all of my listeners are just big basketball guys. It doesn't matter if they're basketball guys. Shack's like a legend of the world.

Well, and Rick and Donna, Shaq's the only one that they follow on Instagram. Yeah, so if we get a Shaq podcast, that'd be great. Anyways, who I'm saying has a podcast? Who? I'm going to give you... Another bachelor, bachelrette person? Obviously. There's a gate of those. I'll give you two guesses who has a podcast.

Think hard Of who I would tell you right now I feel like you're going to get it Not Ellen No A female No This isn't 20 questions

You just got to guess All right I'm going to go and say It's Peter Griffin No McCulley Culkin Oh wow

I saw that. Is he making a comeback? No. Has he cleaned up his act? No. Really? What do you mean cleaned up his act? What happened?

I mean, he was pretty, he was, I don't know if he was into drugs or. Well, yeah, he's a child actor who grew up in the 90s and now is the biggest child actor ever. Of course he was into drugs. Yeah, but I think he got into drugs bad. Oh. He's got a podcast? Yeah, called Bunny Ears. What is he talking about?

about bunny ears no he says they talk about just whatever but it was so funny he was on ellen today does he need a guest i'm going to show you him on ellen today yeah so i'm like we need to put it out in the universe to get macaulay calkin on my podcast but then he was telling ellen that he gets super annoying like he's his number one he looks the exact same as when he was six well i know but the the number one thing his people probably tell other people are don't ask him about home alone Don't ask him to do the... Don't talk about home alone. Ah!

Yeah. Don't ask him about home alone. But that's all I'd want to ask. Exactly. That's all I'd be like... I'd be like, so... What was the sweater budget? I have a strong reason to believe that come Christmas time in December,

I bet you... Where is McCulley Cokin now is the number one Google... Top five Google search. and what do you think comes up um i can tell you because i can i google it every december and i read every article i can on him because it's so fascinating he's like he's like a groundhog like he only comes out once a year and it's definitely not around christmas time yeah did you see when he came out or or ryan gosling was wearing a t-shirt of mcculley hulkin and then mcola cokin was wearing a t-shirt of ryan gosin wearing a shirt of mcculley gulay it's amazing oh

that's good stuff man those are the days There's a picture that Macaulay Culkin, Doogie Hauser, Urkel. Oh, wow. And fresh friends. Well, it depends. Actually, he looked like Stefan, not Erkel. Yeah. And Fresh Prince.

Man, I really hope whoever's listening grew up in the 90s. It's hope so. It was the best decade ever. Should we confess? Sure. Do you have a confession for me? I can go first. Okay.

Not sure how I forgot to tell you about this. Oh, geez. Is it going to make me mad? No, I don't think so. I don't think it'll be mad. Kind of funny. Oh, boy. I was in the gym a couple weeks ago.

Yeah. Shocker. And I was working out. And when I go to the gym, I like, actually, I was wearing something similar to this. Yeah. We have a hood on? Yeah. I always like working out in the hood.

Why? Because I just... Do you think you're like... Like this guy? What's the name? Rocky? Yeah. No, I just, because I keep the ear, earphones in.

I'm like in the zone or just in the model. You think you look cool. No, it's not about look. It's about how I feel. Right. So anyways, I was working out and felt something like kind of in the back of my hood, like, no big deal. And then. Is it my dirty undies?

Why are you trying to ruin the story for it? Oh, my God, was it? So I'm working out. Oh, my God. I'm working out. I'm going to throw up. And I feel something back my neck. And then I flip my hood back and I continue working out.

And after the set, I look down and there were a pair of panties sitting right next to me. Were they dirty? I'm assuming no, because they probably came from the same batch of laundry. So your panties got lodged into my hood. Like the old pantaloons were just chilling. my neck for about an hour workout and then laying on the floor and I was like scooped them up put them in my pocket and kept working out no yeah which ones I can't even remember I don't even know where they are now oh my gosh that's funny I just got mortified because I was like

what if they're dirty I mean even better no well better confession but who's that really embarrassing me or you no probably me because that's not a good look oh did people notice i'm no i don't know i mean i was sitting there next a pair of panties in the i'll tell you it's not a good look hood up at a gym with no sleeves whoa whoa like remember family guy let's let's let's make sure we understand you have no sleeves on that shirt on the hood but i always wear a shirt underneath that has sleeves oh you wear long sleeve shirts and a short sleeve shirts and a long sleeve shirt i never wear a cutoff i wear a cutoff sweatshirt over a t-shirt remember i'm family guy when you were trying to fall asleep last night

and they gave the bees steroids to produce good honey and they're like oh my gosh does that be on steroids and Stu's like well he's wearing a sleeveless hoodie so yeah I would say yeah that's you

that is that's me mine is the steroids in the sleeveless hoodie you should put a dollar in the old douche jar just for wearing what you're wearing right now okay settle down Okay, I will. That was rude.

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and your discount will be applied at checkout. That's article A-R-T-I-C-L-E forward-slash off-the-vine. All right, let's hear your confession. Oh, yeah, okay. So we have a cleaning lady that comes once a month. Yep. And we love her. She's amazing.

And sometimes she watches our dog, too, if Megan can't. But, so I just couldn't get my shish together today, and I kept running back and forth and doing that. Anyways, everybody knows it's no secret that I have been taking hormone medication and that I had to stop it because I was like, no, this is a screwing of my hormones too much. So anyways. I didn't notice. Very subtle, Sean. So I stopped this progesterone. you know

luckily this is a female friendly podcast oh boy got my period you know unexpectedly yeah it was barely there but it was there didn't want to use a tampon created what

I like to call a man pun you put your sock up your vagina skis boom douchear uh dochear also for checking your text through your damn

watch right now. It says you have a new something from Montego Bay. Anyways. So a man pawn is a man you know like a man made tampon? Yeah. Man pond. It's 2018. Wow. You can take a dollar out of the

douche jar for that one. Yeah. Yeah. Totally redeems himself. Okay, so I had a woman pawn in. Yeah. Man made, woman made where you just wind up. I know. I know. girls out there to feel my pain on this, you just wind up a bunch of TP and stick it in there. I don't know much about tampongs. You have two... Tampongs?

Or a man-made tampings or whatever they are. But all I know is that you never have them. And it happens every month and I'm like, this is unbelievable. I've been with you for three and a half years. And every month at that time, you just don't have tampongs. I mean, it's like, obviously like, babe, I need... you to go get me some tampongs and why are you calling them

tampons? Every month I'm about to just buy like the biggest life supply and if there's a tampon company listening right now ship 20 boxes to our house. Actually there is I would love them to be a sponsor again because they sent me and it's all natural

tampon tampon sorry I would love that. Yeah, just ship them to this house and you never and then and then you go out and when you during that time of month and you're just like I don't have my tampon and I'm like, what do you mean? You know you're on that time a month. Yeah, I'm very

regular too. And you're very regular and why don't you carry some tampongs? Please stop calling them tampon. Yeah, I need to get better at that. Because I know I can just make a woman pawn and call it a day. Anyways, my confession is that our cleaner I just threw my woman pawn, manpon madman tampon in the toilet

without flushing even I know you can't do that you can't do that you can't flush women feminine products down toilet paper so it was fine and I didn't even press the flush button where in our bathroom and then she cleaned the bathroom

and then there is yeah well that's what confessions are for it's the confession booth that's why you got your own bathroom. Yeah, but part of the confession booth is you're supposed to make me feel better. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You're supposed to give me the most disgusted phase you've ever made and go, ugh. That's why we have our own bathrooms for situations like these. This is so typical, okay? You don't even tell your own confession, you tell about my dirty panties in your hoodie. Just to make me look stupid. I never said they were dirty. How would your dirty pantaloons get in my hoodie?

Do you like the word panties? Panties, yeah. Why not? I don't know. Some people don't. Panties. Panties. Panties.

Panties. Panties. Pannies. Petus, penis, penis. Vagina, vagina. No, you're just talking crazy. That is Waterboy. No. That is Titanic.

No. That is... Oh, yeah, that's Titanic. I don't know. That's the one with the whipped cream boobs. Oh, that is Friday Night Lights? No. Varsity Blues.

Yes. Varsity Blues. Okay, so I told my listeners I'd have a few of them call in for my can you not segment. Uh-huh. To help us out. That's exciting. Can you not? I'm really trusting a few people with my Skype name here.

Because can you not? Can you not? Relationships. I feel like we've maybe done that before, but I mean, we could go on forever. Like last night, can you not wake me up at 1.30 in the morning? because you can't sleep. I was in... I woke you up

because my arm wouldn't stop twitching and I thought I was dying. It had nothing to do with working out. Yes, it did. We googled it and it said muscle strength. No, it said stress and anxiety. Yeah, from working out so much.

No. Yeah, but why would you wave me up at 1.30 in the morning and be like, babe, I can't sleep. I'm like, cool, now I can't. I've been up since 1.30 in the morning today, which is crazy. Whoa, man.

What? you saw my arm it was twitching uncontrollably for like 15 minutes no no no no no no I decided to wake you up about a half an hour after I was sitting there with the twitch going on hailey Schmidt you're up hello hi heyley hello hi hi hi hi heyley you're on off the vine podcast we're recording welcome to my podcast welcome to our kitchen oh my gosh it's so exciting oh you are adorable and it's so I feel like I'm talking to you because I'm looking at your photo right now. But we have a question for you because we wanted to involve the vinos in our can you not segment. And so we wanted to know your relationship, can you not?

My relationship, can you not, is can you not put your clothes on the floor next to a hamper when clearly the hamper is there for you to put your clothes in. How is it that hard? You know, like Sean does this too. Okay, go, oh, Sean. Okay, what about what about this, Haley? I got a good one for you. How about can you not put your dirty panties in my sweatshirt that I'm going to work out in?

Yeah. That was an accident, though. I get in trouble for always wearing Travis's sweatshirts or like long-slave shirts. And then he's like, they smell like you and I can't wear them anymore. I'm like, it's called using a washer. Well, and it's called appreciating your woman's scent. Exactly. That's funny.

Yeah. So here's my theory. So Sean just had a confession that he was at the gym, and my panties were actually in his sweater, and they fell out while he was at the gym. And I'm like, that only means that I was doing your laundry, so you're welcome. Right, you're welcome. Yeah, exactly.

Or I don't complain about how it smells, and I'm like, fine. I'll just go put all your stuff in the washer. And then he's like, but you're never going to put it in the dryer. And I'm like, at least I tried. So basically what we're getting at is we can't win in relationships. So just can you not relationships? Yes. Can you not relationships? Perfect. Amen, sister. Thank you for being on the show.

Of course. It's so exciting and I'm a huge fan of both of you. Oh, thank you. All right back at you, Haley. You're welcome. Wait, does it pronounce Hallie? No, that would be embarrassing. Okay, good. Okay, have a good night. All right. Thank you. You too.

Bye. Bye. What a sweetheart. Okay, Victoria, you're up again. Hello? Victoria, we got you. Victoria, welcome to my podcast. Okay. Sean likes to pretend it's his podcast. But anyways, hi, Victoria. How are you doing tonight? Good. How are you? Oh, we're so good. Well, you know, we're in the middle of a Kenyanaut relationship. So we're kind of tearing each other apart. But do you have one for your relationship? A Kennaut?

Yeah. Okay, we're ready. Let's hear it. Okay, so there's one that sticks out in my brain. It happened a couple weeks ago. So do you guys know that Amazon Alexa? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm surprised she didn't speak up. I was hearing you say that, but yes. Yes. So we have one, and that's been our alarm clock. And one night, I always wake up before my boyfriend.

I just have an earlier day. And one night I set my alarm. I wake up at like six or seven. And it wasn't the normal alarm tone that goes off. It was, I kid you not, Alex Baldwin saying, wake up sunshine. I know who it was and I was like knit sleep and it was a random man talking and I and you said can you not yeah I was never more scared in my life and I'm like if you're going to do that can you give me you know warning or or give you like a Sean B voice not

Alec Baldwin like the most random person that is okay here I have wait what I have a suggestion you should switch from Alexa we recently did this this and we have a new alarm clock and it actually um it rises it like it makes the light of a sun babe she's trying to talk over you i'm sorry Alexa is kind of confusing me right now um so anyways what's the name of this light that we have in there i don't know oh anyways it's an alarm clock and it just lights up the room and it's supposed to like natural sun lights yes and that's how it wakes you up but let me just say here's what we're going to do for you victoria We're going to record Sean B saying, good morning, beautiful,

and we're going to send it to you, and you can set it on your phone as your alarm. Oh, my God. I would love that. Okay, it's happening. I've got your Skype name, so wait for it, okay? That's fantastic. Okay, thanks for calling in, but I called you. Thanks for being on.

Thanks, Victoria. Thank you. Bye. Bye. These people are all so sweet. Carissa. Are you ready? Hi.

Hello. Do we pronounce it, Carissa? Yes, oh my gosh. Hi, Carissa. How's it going? It's going so good. I cannot believe I'm on the phone with you. Oh, my gosh.

Well, we can't believe we're on the phone with you either, Carissa. Yeah. Thank you so much for taking the time to call into my podcast. Oh, my gosh. It's my podcast. Anyways, we're doing the can you nots. We want to hear your can you not relationships. You're on, kid.

All right. Can you not leave an empty whatever, whether it be a bottle of ketchup, egg carton, milk carton, in the fridge, and then get mad when there's nothing left when you didn't tell me to get some? Yeah, I'm guilty of that. Didn't we just have this conversation today? Yes, I'm guilty of not so much the refrigerator, but the cupboards. I'll empty out a box or something and I'll always put the box back in. I actually went to give, I have to spell it out, otherwise he'll get a good. excited but I had to give Tucker a T-R-E-A-T um today and I go in the cupboard to get the dog

T-R-E-A-T-E-S and I'm like well this bag's empty and I'm like oh this bag's empty too and then I pull out a box and I'm like okay babe can you please throw this in the garbage when you're done you do this all the time in the cupboards and so I guess that's not just your guy only it's everyone I think it is yes it's definitely an everyone thing and I also have to spell out, T-R-E-A-T for my dogs. You understand. Yeah, you understand the lingo. Okay, amazing.

Walt, thank you for being part of the podcast. Thank you for having me. Oh, my gosh, this is so unreal. Oh, my God. You are adorable. Thank you. Thank you. We love you.

Have a good night. I love you. Bye. Bye. Okay, I want to be friends with everybody. Did I call Jennifer Farrell yet? No. Or she my last one?

No. And Jade, right? Yeah, you need more. Jennifer, okay? Wait, while we're at it, can you not just take your dishes out of the sink without making it a competition? Like, can you not just know that it makes me happy if you don't have dirty dishes in the sink? I haven't had dirty dishes in weeks. Because you made it a competition.

What's wrong with that? Why could you do it because it makes me happy? It's like a lose-lose. I leave dishes in the sink, then I make a competition. Have you not noticed? Have you not noticed that I've been way better moods when I get out of bed in the morning because the kitchen's clean? you have to notice. Really?

All right. Yeah, you know. Okay, you're just... My vinos will believe me. You know. Jennifer. Why do I like that noise? Hey.

Hey. Oh. Hello? Hello. Hi, Jennifer. Hi. We were just, um, We were just singing along to the tune of the Skype call, so sorry about that.

We're great. How are you doing? I'm doing good. Just driving to the airport. Oh, where are you going? Which airport? Why are you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?

L.A. I was just dropping my friend off, but I'm making her drive. Oh. Good life. Is that because you've had wine? Yeah. Amazing. And you have a can you not for us?

Before. What? Yes. Wait, before I do my can you not, can I just tell you that I love your Facebook page and I'm a modman for it and it's fantastic. Oh good. Oh, thank you. And thank you for being a part of it. And sometimes when I'm bored, I just go on the page and just cry out loud because I love you guys so much. I know. It's a job. Well, thank you for doing that. You're welcome. So my can you know it is, can you not tell me no when I want to eat maybe two or three bites of your

food because it tastes better than mine. Oh, what a group. This is a great one because Don't do it. Don't do it. Okay. I do this all the time. Wait, are you saying that he does it to you or you do it to him? Both. I mean, I don't want him eating my food when it tastes good and he doesn't want me eating his food like it tastes good. I always order the wrong thing. Yeah. I'll take a bite of his and it tastes ten times better.

Yeah. But he doesn't want to switch. You get the food envy. Okay. So this is not cool. This is a thing for me. I actually, this is a problem. This is a problem and a fact.

I actually think food tastes better on other people's plates. And so it's not just Sean. It's my mom. It's my dad. It's my sister. It's my friends. If I see food on their plate, I want to eat it, and I find it tastes better when it's theirs. And I can be so full, and my mom gets so annoyed and Sean gets annoyed because I just, I have to eat it.

Well, I get so annoyed because I'll tell you, babe, I'll make you a sandwich. I'll make you this. Do you want me to order you that? and you say no, no, no, I'm not hungry. But I don't want a full sandwich. I want my full sandwich. I want my full sandwich. I don't want to give away two bites. Yeah, that's not fair. I can't afford. I don't want to give two bites.

Well, do sure. Well, what if we want three bites? Will you give us three bites? Yeah. Three bites. No, because he doesn't like odd numbers. Yeah. Okay, four. Okay, four. Four bites. Four bites.

No, if he's not. I don't go from two to four. I don't know. It's just not going to work. It's not going to work out. It's the worst. But I appreciate. your input, Jennifer, and I'm Team Jennifer, I'm with you.

Okay, well, I'm Stephen Caitlin. You're Sean. Thank you. Tell your friend to have a safe flight. Yes, drive safe. Yeah, she said thank you. You're welcome. You too.

Bye. Bye. Jennifer. How do you want to rate this call? Let's give it a five stars. Five stars. I didn't know you could send. I didn't know you can do that.

Okay, we got Jade left. Here we go. Oh, we can see you. Oh. It's a legit face time. Wait, did I even mean to do that? I don't, honestly, I'm not very good with Skype, so I just pressed a call button. Oh, you can't see us, though, right?

No, I can't. Because that would be really humiliating. Sean's got my panties come on out of his hoodie, and it's not a good scene over here. Do you feel like it's creepy, though, because we can see you right now? yeah i mean i'm just in bed in my pajamas as well so oh well you look cozy you're actually your whole vibe in there looks very cozy thank you yeah yeah get it that's a that's a cool looking wall you got there yeah what is that i i'malayan salt okay it has like screws on it it's do you know what it is in wait wait wait is your is your man there that you're about to do a can you

nod about? Yes. Yes, let's hear it. McLean, do you want to come over here? Yeah, we got to see the face to know what we're working with here. I told him, I was like, I was like, oh gosh, we have to get Skype. I was like, give to your computer. Hi. There he is. Okay, let's, you can do it about her too. We can do a couple Kenyanauts, but fire away. Light it up. Here we go. My biggest Kenyanaut. you not use all the toilet paper and then get a roll and leave it on the toilet paper on top of the drives me nuts

I'm guilty of that you've already done the hard work of going into the closet and getting the toilet paper and like I think they forget that girls need toilet paper for number one and number two so like you know it's so it's complicated it is and I grab it

and then rolls on the ground or when they put it the wrong way like if they put the toilet paper roll on but it rolls the wrong way like under not over yes yeah he's not having this wait do you have a can you not or when oh wait sean does or when you use all the toilet paper for your manpongs your oh gosh her homemade tampons okay you guys will have to hear the podcast to know what he's talking about but you can assume he paints a pretty picture anyways um do you have one about her um honestly i don't really come prepared if sean would like to you know

You know, jumpstart me. You get provided me in the example. What's a, what do you got? Like, oh, man. Like, can you not, hmm. Ooh, like, sometimes in the shower, I'll, like, you know,

rip out, like, chunks of hair, and I'll just put it on the shower wall, and I'll just let it sit there. And then he gets in the shower, and he's like, ew, can you not? Yeah, that's a, that's a good one. Hair in the drain? Hair in the drain.

Or, uh, she's a big, um, throwing all of her wet clothes into the dryer with the dryer with the dry clothes because she's too lazy to fold my clothes so she just throws in another load of wet clothes on top of those clothes. Which should teach him a lesson to just fold his dry clothes out of the dryer without me having to do that. I know a good one. Is it the hair? No, no, no.

What's like when we're doing laundry and you're folding the laundry? Oh, I got to, all right. So I'm the laundry folder. The laundry folder guy. A big laundry folder guy. I can fold towels excellent. I fold them excellent. You look like a big towel folding guy.

Oh, thank you. But it takes shirts a little bit longer to fold in towels. I guess can you not have every single shirt inside out, so I have to right side in it. That is. And outside in it, like a normal. I'm sorry. I have to apologize.

I have to. I have to right side in it, or if you may, and then, and then, fully. It's tough. I've been trying to figure out what's on your T-shirt right now. Is that a baseball shirt? Yeah, it's a perfect game. Yeah, it's just a... Did you pitch a perfect game?

He's a big baseball guy. I'm a right-fielder, but I've had this shirt for forever. Nice. Yeah, I'm a big baseball guy. Who's your team? I play for Wofford. It's a small college in South Carolina. It's a small D-1 in South Carolina, and I'm a seven.

I'm a senior here, getting ready to graduate. Hopefully, you know, get to play at the next level. Nice. Wait, I really like you guys. How long have you been together? Two years. Two years next week. Yeah, you guys are cute.

I can even just tell by the way you're looking at each other. It's really sweet. I'm sorry that that's weird that you can't see us, but it's better that way. It's okay. Well, we love you, and we actually, like, watch the Bachelor and Bachelorette together. So I, like, I was like, Caitlin, picked me. And when I was like, oh, my God. Yeah.

She wouldn't tell me for the first five minutes, so I had no idea. I was just like, don't ask questions, get the computer. Oh. We're using my computer because it's a little more updated. Yeah, it's mine's a little bit of a dinosaur thing. Oh, that's sweet. Well, we wish you guys all of the best, and I'm really glad we actually saw your faces because I feel like I connected to you guys more than the others.

Yeah, and good luck with the rest of your season. I appreciate it. Thank you guys. You guys are sweet. Okay, bye. Bye. Oh, I want to be friends with them. Did you see them?

They were so sweet. They were. Yes, new friends. Yes, new friends. Yes, yes, yes. You know the song, no new friends? No. Well, get with the times.

Those were all A plus callers. They were. I loved every single one of them. I feel like, did I? Okay, no. You know what the thing is? I have really great vinyl. You do.

Yeah. You've built yourself a nice, Little community there. Okay, well, is this it for us? Because since you've been up since 1.30 with an arm twitch, you should probably hit the hay scene as it's... I feel that twitch coming back. We're coming on 9 p.m. here.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Wouldn't want you go past that. No, we wouldn't. You know, Wild Sean, we heard about earlier. You and Harry would just have a great time going to bed at 9 p.m. now. We would.

Is there anything else? Oh, you know what we should do? A douche jar. Tally? Yeah. Let's tally it up. And then at the end of every podcast, I will collect the money and I'll put it all towards of charity.

Okay. Let's do it. Oh. All right. I'm ready. Okay. Deuce jar tally. Where's the douche jar?

Hopefully it's not this wine glass. Doose jar. Tully! I've never put $50 in the dush bag jar. $4. $4 for who? Between us, both. I don't know.

Three for you, one for me. Whatever makes you sleep at night. That's long my arm's not twitching, I don't give a damn. Okay. $4. You know, it'll all add up after a year of podcasting. We'll put it towards a good charity. Yes.

Just get some douchers on your podcast. Oh, good call. They'd make for good podcasts and we'd raise a lot of money. Exactly. It's really tough, though, because I usually have good people on. but as long as they have a good sense of humor, you know? Yeah. Excuse me.

Yeah. So what we got playing for tomorrow? That's tomorrow Tuesday? Yeah. Well, obviously, listening to Off the Vine. But I think, didn't you want to go look at trucks? Yeah. No, I went this afternoon, actually.

Mm-hmm. How was it? It was good. It was fine. Did you find one you liked? Yeah. I found a couple looking for a silverado. a black one.

How did it drive? The one that I took today was a little off. How come? There was a problem with it. What was it? It just, it wouldn't go left. What? Yeah, it was weird.

It was just all right, all right, all right. Ew! Boom! Nice joke! Thank you. Set it up so well. See you later. No, that's not how we end these.

Oh, okay. I was excited. Thank you for trying to take it over. What we do around here is we say Thanks for tuning in We'll see you next Tuesday I love you Good night

You don't say I love you Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Briscoe Get new episodes every Tuesday Exclusively on podcast1.com The Podcast One app And subscribe on Apple Podcasts Who's down with OTV?

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