Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - ShrinkChicks

Episode Date: March 26, 2020

The ladies of the ShrinkChicks podcast, Emmalee Bierly and Jennifer Chaiken, join Kaitlyn for the show today to talk about how to deal with these uncertain and stressful times. They discuss how to cope with the stress that comes along with quarantining and some tips for what to do to when you’re struggling. Later, they share and answer listener questions. GEICO - Go to geico.com, and in fifteen minutes you could be saving fifteen percent or more on car insurance CRATE & BARREL – Create your Crate & Barrel registry at crateandbarrel.com or at a store near you. HULU – H ulu has the reality TV that you love so start your free trial today at Hulu.com CALIPER – Get 20% off your first order when you use promo code VINE at trycaliper.com/vine PEPSI - Pepsi; That’s what I like.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's what I like. And Caliper CBD. Caliper CBD believes everyone deserves a little piece in their pocket. Get 20% off your first order when you use promo code Vine at tricaliper.com slash Vine. We're on with OTV. Podcast One presents Off the Vine Grape Therapy. Caitlin Bristow is going to answer your questions.

Drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything Bachelor. Let's shake it up some more. Here's Caitlin. All right. Welcome to Grape Therapy. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Today we have two very special guests joining me here virtually. This is, I don't usually do over the phone, but desperate times, call for desperate measures.

And they're going to share their backgrounds and expertise and help those of us who are experiencing some anxiety and panic with everything that's going on in the world right now, which I know is a lot of us. And they're co-founders and owners of the West Chester Therapy Group and hosts of the shrink chicks podcast. They use their platform and practice to help people through all of life's bullshit, which amen to that. Today, they're here to share some wisdom with the vinos and help us stay positive through this. difficult time. Please welcome to the podcast. Can you say your names for me so I don't butcher it? Yes, absolutely. I'm Emily Beerley and I'm Jennifer Cheekin. And we're so excited to be here. Thank you for having us. Oh my gosh. Of course, that's so funny. That is how I would have pronounced them. But I was like, I'm going to let them say it. But I, you know what? I would

have nailed it. So there's that. Well, you want to know what? Then we want to give you a straight congratulations. That's very impressive. Really? Is it people usually say it wrong? A hundred percent. I mean, my last name is beerily, but people usually say biarily. But come on, it's beer. I used to get, like, chicken, you get chicken. I get a lot. Yeah. Which, I don't know how people butcher it like that. That's so funny.

Did you, like, in high school and stuff? Did everyone, like, call you chicken? Yeah, and not, okay, not just that. They would call me chicken breast. Oh. Oh, dang. I know, like, they got me good. That's, yeah.

I mean, they really cut to the core of you there. They did. They did. It haunts me. Well, yeah, that's, I know I've said this on my podcast before, but I used to get called katelyn no breastos oh god people how do they always go for the tits always always is that i don't know it's like and you can't win because if you had big jugs then they like made fun of you for that too and if you had little ones like yeah and we can't see their penises so we can't say anything no right course

we just be celebrating all boobies they're all fabulous i'm surprised i didn't get more scarred growing up like i like learned to love my small boobs and now i'm like a proud itty-bitty-titty committee member Well, small boobs are very in now. Yeah, that's true. It's very, um, it's on trend right now. On trend. Okay. So you guys are both LMFTs, which stands for marriage and what, no, that doesn't make sense.

No, license marriage and family therapist. So we work basically within family systems. It doesn't mean we just work with couples and families. I mean, we work with a lot of individuals that everything happens within context. part of our bigger system, right? So you're part of your system at work or in your family. And so basically what we specialize in is relationship dynamics. Okay. That's amazing. Okay. And that's my, I thought I shut my messages off and they're dinging right now. I might have to tell my girl group chat to just chill out. Right. The group chats are the worst. The group chats. They really get, I wake up and I'm like,

how do I have 96 text messages? And then I go to my group chat. And I'm like, oh, right, right. Right. Right. That's fine. I'm horrible with group chat. You're like on one tiny subject, though. It was one meme and like the 95 things that followed after that. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yes. And then all I have to do is scroll up, but all I want to see is the funny meme. You can't catch up fast at no. No. Okay, sorry. What were you saying? So yeah, so basically we work in dynamics. And one of the things right now, specifically with COVID-19 and our social distancing and self-isolation we're doing right now, it's there's a lot of dynamics that are coming up. So whether it's our relationship with ourselves, whether it's relationship of whoever quarantined with our home, how it's affecting

our work-life balance. That's really what we help people with. That's, this is like your prime time for a podcast. Like, you know, like this is your guys' moment. All right. So Mr. Chris Harrison was telling me about this crazy party Hulu through in Beverly Hills with all the biggest reality TV stars from like every show. And now I have to watch the commercials to see what happened like everyone else i don't usually get fomo but in this case i have extreme fomo here luckily for you hulu has the reality tv that you love so start your free trial today at hulu dot com you were holding a putty thing earlier so we were doing this zoom call right now and we could see each other um at first and you guys were holding this putty tell me about what's going on here so we when we

see clients yeah um you know if they're coming into therapy and they're uncomfortable sometimes it's hard to eye contact. Sometimes they want to fidget with something. Um, and so it just gives us something to fidget with while we're chatting with you. Yeah. And also because our, I don't know about anyone else, but our nails are destroyed right now. So like just from the anxiety, my cuticles are nothing. I have no nails anymore. It's going to be horrifying when I'm allowed back in a nail salon. So this is our attempt to save our skin a little bit because I don't know about you, but our, our lotion industry, they're making out right now. My hands are so dry. I know. There are certain businesses. that I'm so worried about.

And there are certain businesses that are just thriving right now. Jurgens, congratulations. You lucked out, my friends. Right. And any, like, food delivery service, you know, like the nail salons are going to be in for a real treat

when everyone comes back, like, with... And you know what? We were talking about, like, because, you know, toilet paper has been very sparse because everyone's buying toilet paper. I don't understand that. Well, I don't understand it either.

Okay, well, here's my theory. So it's that like none of us usually spend this much time at home. Now personally, I would I say for the record, I have a bidet and y'all need to get a bidet. This is ridiculous that more everyone still uses toilet paper. But it's because nobody's used to shitting at home this much. Right. It's true. That's very fair.

Everyone likes to get paid for pooping so they do it at the office. You get the toilet paper at the office. I didn't even think about that reason. I saw something. There was this guy. He was like explaining like you'd have to take 180. 85 shits a day to justify the amount of toilet paper you're buying and if if you're taking that many shits a day something's wrong yeah something is clearly wrong i found it we have to play this

because it's so funny please please also does anyone notice how slow the internet is is that because everybody is just yeah all right now yes because we have we have we have very little things to do right Yeah. Also, I think our internet provider is just like, f*** this. Totally. Okay, this is hilarious. This was such a tease. I clicked on it and it took me to like a radio station and now I'm listening to Harry Styles. Any sense. Okay, whatever. Let's just say people go look it up because it's where it's hilarious. And it's like it kind of makes whoever did go out and hoard toilet paper like I hope you feel so stupid. Sorry, that was rude. But I think it goes to like how insanely strong everyone's anxiety is right now. Like there's this scarcity mindset we're all sort of getting thrown into because there's so much fear. And keep in mind, we're wired for fear, right? So everyone, a lot of people have been saying, like, is it normal to feel this anxious?

Is it normal to feel this scared? Yes, absolutely. Like, our bodies do this on purpose to take care of ourselves. So, you know, it makes sense people are doing it. But you've got to hone it back in and sort of check yourself that, like, we do not need this amount of supplies. Right. Like, and there's still like the grocery stores are like necessities that these places are still open. So it's not like, you know, we're not locked in here, not being able to get toilet paper if we need it.

Right. And I also think the anxiety is just as contagious. Contagious as COVID-19. Oh, like one of the reasons I was buying toilet papers because I saw everyone else doing. Absolutely. Yep. Yep. That actually makes sense.

Yeah. It triggers your anxiety. And so you see other people being anxious. you start to feel anxious you see it on TV there's so many notifications about it so it's hard you know the anxiety is just as contagious that's that's a good point like even even if i'm watching someone like um i know colton who was was the bachelor he has it and even just watching him talk about being short of breath like i feel like i started being like am i short of breath like oh my gosh on friday we both were like oh like i feel very sick and really our anxiety was just so high we had a tightness

of our chest. And we now know multiple people that have tested positive. And all of their symptoms at the beginning was the same as anxiety symptoms. Yep, yep, exactly. It's nice because I live with Jason, who's my boyfriend. And he's very like, he's very a calm person, very positive. And I feel like that's helped me through this because he's genuinely just like a calm person. And I think if he wasn't, if he was nervous and freaking out, then I would. And that's something that's help me through this. Absolutely. And I think that's tough too, like especially if you're living, whether you're living with a partner or living with your family, it really, you know, how they're reacting to it could also affect you. Absolutely. Yeah, that's, I thought my mom would be

like a nervous Nelly through this whole thing and just be worrying because that's usually what moms do. And she has been so great. She'll message me and be like, how are you feeling today? Like, do you want to talk about anything? What are your fears right now? Like, she's totally being a calm like mom and it's so nice wait that's amazing and your family your family lives in Canada right well they're kind of all over the map so my mom and my stepdad just bought a place in Mexico and that's where they are okay wow yeah and we're actually supposed to go there in April obviously not happening and then my dad and my stepmom are in Canada and that's where my sister and her kids are so it's a lot of face times yeah of course what's it like over there um it's about

It's the same kind of in Canada. I think they've got it a little more under control. But, and in Mexico, it's like, I think there's one case and he's in the hospital. Wow. Amazing. Yeah, yeah. What was like, I'm distracted right now because I'm looking across from me. And so I have this set up in my office where usually if I interview somebody, they're sitting across from me.

And Pino just jumped up and he's sitting here like it's an interview. It's really, I'll have to take a photo. So Pino's sitting in. for us. Yeah, Pino's sitting in for you. Yeah, maybe you could put like a pair of glasses on him and like we could sort of like a nice shine. Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. All right, everybody. We obviously know that wedding planning is such an exciting and fun time, but everyone knows also that a lot of the process can be stressful and overwhelming, including registering for your wedding. But no worries, Vinos, because I'm here to tell you that it doesn't have to be when you register at crate and barrel.

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I do this all the time with my house. I'm like, yeah, but how long is this going to be in style for? I love that you don't have to worry about that at crate and barrel because so much of their collection is just timeless. Plus, crate and barrel makes the registering experience so much fun with a private party just for engaged couples. So they host private registry events each month in all of their stores with the stores close. to host you and your fiancé. I think that's pretty cool. I also love that Crate and Barrel offers group gifting.

This is my jam right here. So friends and family can chip in to purchase a larger item that you love. That way you don't have to feel bad throwing that one big item you really want on your registry. You just have your friends go all in on it together. I've actually done this before for one of my friends' weddings. We got a group together to purchase the biggest item on her registry because we knew it was something obviously that she really, really wanted. So it was honestly ideal for us to be able to go in on it together versus just going separately and smaller gifts. So some of their top registered for products include mirror and white dinnerware, organic wash sheets and duvet, which the more you wash it, the softer gets, yes, please.

And so much more. I think the monogram beer glasses are so fun to get for couples because then every time they're having a cold one, they're thinking, hey, remember when KB got this for us? And thinking back on all of our memories together, they're personalized, which I, I love anything that's unique and personalized in my home. The fact that their dishwasher safe is such a bonus, too, because who really wants to worry about delicately hand washing glasses? Not I, people, not I. Create your crate and barrel registry, crate and barrel.com, or at a store near you.

You guys had said earlier that you're feeling anxious, and I think a lot of times people feel like, you know, if you're on the other side of that where you're helping people with anxiety, usually we think you're the calm ones and know how to deal with this so that you're fine. Like, talk to me about your anxiety and how you guys are dealing with it. So I think that the best part is like, so one of the things that we've built our entire practice on and how we really relate and supports for us with our clients is that we are very real people.

We are people first and we're therapist second. Yes, everyone feels very anxious right now. If I try to sit here and pretend and say to my clients like, oh, no, no, it's all fine. One, it's invalidating. and it's a huge lack of empathy. This is the first time we're all going through something together. Yeah. Right?

It's the important is that vulnerability brings connection. So for us to be able to be vulnerable about our anxiety and how we're handling it. So for me, it's a lot of, I have to really limit my media consumption. I am someone who can go a deep, dark hole with information overload. So for me, I have to put up very strict boundaries around that. Jen, for you. so I think yeah we're both anxious about it however I think the most important thing when you're a therapist and you're taking care of other people is that you're taking care of yourself

first so we do everything that we can do in order to work through our anxiety and I think a lot of our clients who were already anxious about this even before everyone started to get anxious about it are kind of in this place of like I told you so right so you're feeling very validated right now like people who have been prone to anxiety are feeling very validated that they're saying, well, I've already felt this. I knew this was coming. I'm already prepared for it. The fact of the matter is that like anxiety is built within us as a means of protecting us. Right. So like if you feel anxious about this, number one, you're human. Number two, you're alive, right? And you care about your life. Right. So it's triggering this anxiety in all of us.

And we're all, I think everyone's dealing with it in different ways. And I think a lot of people are dealing with it by turning outward and looking at, you know, news articles, looking at notifications on their phone, talking to people about it. And I think it gives us, you know, we do that as a means of control, but in the end, it's kind of giving us this false sense of control over what's happening. We do this thing where we think that if I can, if I can predict it, I could prevent it. So we do this thing where we overthink and we overconsume information thinking it's going to help us in some way. It's great to be informed. It's very important to be informed, but it cannot be everything. And you have to sort of know what's the difference between anxious scrolling and sort of

conscious media consumption. Oh, how do you know the difference? Right. Great question. So great one to ask is how do I feel afterwards, right? So like one of the things that we're really working out with their clients is like it really isn't helpful to check your phone the second you wake up and the second you go to bed. It's really set it. Right. So for you to say, you know, maybe I have to disable all the non-essential notifications from my phone. Maybe I need to have a news briefing every day at 11 and 3, so I have time to process around it. If I'm feeling anxious or if I'm just saying they're scrolling through Instagram,

scrolling through Twitter, any of these things, you're going to start to feel disconnected from yourself and those around you. So maybe you start fighting with your partner. Maybe you feel pulled away from your pets. Maybe you've noticed you haven't really like hugged Pinot and Ramen all day. you've probably been living in your head too much oh i definitely do that i i am the kind of person that if i'm scared i like act out like i get mad and i i don't know really are you the same way i'm the same way so for me my anxiety looks like irritability and being an asshole i for me all

of my anxiety comes out super passive aggressive and it's been something i will work on until the day that i die so my poor my husband gets it the worst yes same with jason i feel the same way and I feel like I'm a bad person because I honestly like I I've I work on it and I'm conscious of it and I like he's so good because he can call me out in a way where I don't feel attacked and so we can talk about it but I'm the same way like I've I'll do something and I'll realize in the no after the moment that I'm like wow that was like my full blown anxiety talking and that's I'm the exact same way it comes out as irritability and that's um and poor jason Yes. Right. And here's the thing, though, as long as you know yourself, our partners, we're not supposed to be perfect in a relationship. It is not our job. Somebody asked us the great question last week is like, how do I, as I'm learning to manage my anxiety, how do I have it not trigger my partners? And here's the deal. That's not our responsibility. Our responsibility is to take care of ourselves and when we fuck up apologize. That's all we can do in life. Know ourselves, try to be better when we know better. And our partner's job is to also,

try to not take it personal and to adjust that's what relationships are it's an act of choice i'm i'm going to get him to listen to this podcast yes absolutely send it on over that's so it's you're we're to come back again with both of you guys yeah it's seriously we should i actually love the idea of doing a podcast as like a relationship um like just an open podcast being being vulnerable and having someone like because because what relationships like will not be able to um relate to any of it like so really and i think this like really tests you know if you're living with your partner this really tests your relationship because you can't avoid your issues as much as you could if you weren't stuck at home with them that's a good point i feel like well with jason we have

obviously very unique careers where we are home a lot or or we're you know traveling but usually together and so i feel like this is kind of like not too big of a shift in our relationship where it's like overwhelming and we're like oh my gosh i can't but for people that are you know usually at their nine to five and then come home and have that time and then they have their routine what are you recommending for couples during this time one of the important things and we talk about this all the time is that we tend to have this communication about our relationship in the times in which we're with we're in the distress um and when we're in those times we're way more reactive yeah right So, like, we'll typically try to communicate through these reactions when we always recommend that

the best thing to do is have these conversations when you're not reactive. Like, talk about your relationship when you're not in your anxiety. And if that means before, if that even means after you have a fight, that you're more separated from your emotion because it's going to be way more productive to be able to do that. And this is the time to not make assumptions, right? So to say to your partner, all right, so if we're both working from home this week, who's going to take which room? How are we going to operate this? Is there going to be times where I take a break or you take a break? Don't try to assume that everything's going to work out

and that you can read each other's minds. Just because even if you've been with someone for, you know, decades upon decades, it doesn't mean you know everything. And it definitely doesn't know, mean that you know everything in a time of a pandemic where people are anxious and stressed. And, you know, especially people that there's a lot of people that have lost their jobs or are worried about losing their job. I mean, this is so stressful. There's so many people. What's the balance between staying informed and keeping calm? Like my phone is constantly going off every three minutes updates and it totally does trigger my anxiety. So, but I also want to stay informed.

So what is that balance? So absolutely. So for you, leave your phone out of your room. I know you're somebody who is obviously on social media. You've been doing a ton of lives. Thank you for the good content. We're loving the entertainment. You have to also think about yourself first.

Yes. So many of us are trying to support others, which is so. beautiful and so amazing, but you can't discount yourself. So here's the thing. If anything big was happening, don't you think someone would tell you, Caitlin? That's fair. Yeah, right? All of us do this thing. We're like, I have to know, I have to know. I'm going to call bullshit for most of us. That's so true. Somebody would inform us. We would get, if anything happened, we would get some type of public service synonym. Like, you would find out in some way. You are not living in a hole. So if you decide you want to take the afternoon and leave your phone outside, then you're going to be

okay. Yeah. You won't miss anything because you're also still making good decisions. You're not leaving your house. You're social distancing. You're washing your hands, right? That's all the control we have right now. And then we have to release the rest. Right. Hey, do you own or rent your own home? I'm sure you do. And I bet it can be hard work. You know what's easy is bundling policies with GEICO. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowners and renter's insurance along with your auto policy. And it's a good thing too because you already have so much to do. around your home. Go to guyco.com, get a quote, and see how much you could save. It's Geicoeasy. Visit guyco.com today. That's guyco.com. What do you think about these people that are

not practicing social distancing? Well, I think one of the things is that, and you know, we talk a lot about control, is that we only have control over what we do. Other people are making stupid decisions. That's their stupid decision to make. Right. And you can also set a boundary. If you have someone in your life who's not taking it seriously, you can set a boundary with that person to say, like, you know what, that I guess I can't see you, right? Or like, you know, like, I guess we'll have to wait, you know, another month and, like, pass another 14 days if you're going to continue to do this behavior. You don't have to inundate them with information. People know. I mean, I had a client's like, well, I've set my mom, you know, 10,000 articles. Your mom doesn't

care anymore, man. Yeah. You know, one of her article is not going to change her opinion. It's the same thing we talk about politics. We can't really convince other people of our opinion. we can do control and take care of ourselves and set appropriate boundaries of other people are not making those choices yeah boundaries are always super important and obviously in this time too and i mean there's just so many we have like look at us right now we're we're doing this from our own locations connecting still being able to do this so what are other ways people can connect right now because i think it's so important for people to realize that social distancing and social isolating are two very different things and you don't have to isolate absolutely and so this we talk about this

a lot. And that just because we're physically isolating ourselves doesn't mean we have to emotionally isolate ourselves. And it's such an important time right now because when we're all in this state of stress, being able to connect with each other is something that's going to lower our stress to. And the higher our stresses, the more susceptible we're going to be to illness. So, you know, some of the things that we can do is you can plan some FaceTime, you know, get together with your friends. Oh, and have you done a house party? I'm loving house party. Oh, I'm loving house party. Oh, I'm all over house party. I'm fucking all that house party.

The games are fabulous. I highly recommend anyone getting on house party. It's so fun. Like, it's more fun than, like, going out to dinner with your friends. Like, it's at your, I find that in this time, people are connecting more because, yes, one, we're like, again, like you said, what was the line you said? I really liked it. Vulnerability creates connection. And I think that we all are so vulnerable right now with being open about being anxious,

just because we're all scared and we're all in this together, that when you do have, you know, FaceTime dates or conversations with people, you're really coming from a vulnerable place and opening up and connecting with people more than usual. Absolutely. And you know what? And this is one of the first times that we're all feeling the same thing, right?

Like it's affecting all of us in different ways, but we're all going through the same thing. It's like the first thing that we all have in common besides the weather. Yeah, usually you're like, oh, how about this rain? Right, how about this fucking pan? Right. Like the small. small talk is usually surrounding the weather now we have the pandemic to talk about that which is a lot

more i mean that's that's way different different than the weather you know which also also crazy because Nashville went through this tornado and then now this is happening i feel like we're all just like so um just like living in fear right now and it's just such a scary time and i know you know for me personally i love talking to my therapist and and sometimes like a common concern in general right now is not being able to afford certain things, let alone therapy. So are there any resources that you guys would recommend for people to turn to when they're feeling overwhelmed? Absolutely. So one of the amazing things that we've seen is like so many therapists are coming out doing these virtual groups. And they're very inexpensive,

right? So $30 for a virtual group, Jen and I run one. You know, I highly recommend now is a good time. Maybe you can't afford to it. Also, a ton of clinicians are doing. lower fee things. You can do a half a session for half price or a 15 minute check-in, you know, whatever you might need at this time. Now, if you are someone who's on the front lines, there's a phenomenal resource. Now, I might butcher it. I'm so sorry, that I have to give out because it is so cheap. And it is called, I think it's called a coronavirus online therapy. And you can get matched with a therapist in your state. It's super cheap. And it's specifically for people on their front lines, health professionals and such. There's so many amazing things,

but the other thing that we can really do to talk about is like try to not minimize your own grief. A lot of us have lost stuff during this. And it might not just be your job, but maybe it's an event that you had. Kielan, you were supposed to be going on tour, right? Jen and I had a trip plan we were supposed to go on. There were so many things. People have had weddings that are canceled, baby showers. There are things that it is not bad to say you're sad about and to also give empathy for other people to say like hey i'm really sorry this thing in your life isn't happening the way you thought we're allowed to grieve the reality that we had and and i don't like if people are like you know like it does we don't need to compare situations like one can't

doesn't have to be worse than the other like a canceled podcast tour to a wedding those are two very different things that are one is more devastating than the other but you still having empathy for people going through other things that they couldn't do that they're sad about absolutely And I want to recommend people stop with the toxic positivity bullshit. Because what that is is when we say to people, oh, but at least you still can do virtual podcast, right? So Brune Brown, I'm sure if you've read the work of Brayne Brown talks about that an empathetic statement has never began with at least, right?

So, and it's great to have gratitude right now. And you don't have to like walk around saying like, oh, you know, like my life is so horrible. But you can validate and express and give yourself space to feel your pain and still cope. That's so interesting that you say that because Jason and I are both very different people. He's so positive and so and that's something I love about him. But he can sometimes look at me and think I'm super negative when I don't think I'm a negative person. I think I just am honest with how I'm feeling about things. And and that's interesting that you say that because sometimes I feel guilty for for coming across as negative or seeming like pessimistic when really I'm

just trying to like try to just talk about my feelings and and communicate the how I'm feeling. Right. And well, that's interesting that you bring that up because so many of us are dealing with this in different ways, right? Like so we're all reacting to this in in ways in which we react to anxiety. And so Emily talked about how when she gets anxious, she gets more irritated. I know you said that too, that you get more irritated. For me, when I feel anxious, I turn more inward. Right. Like I get very quiet. I kind of shut down. And so...

She becomes a turtle. She's a key to try to go into my shirt, like just hide away. And I think that this is, you know, even though we're all going through the same thing, it's pushing people to cope with things in the ways in which they typically cope with their anxiety, which may be very different and much more apparent when you're living with someone who is coping with it in a different way than you are. Yeah, absolutely. Because, yeah, we all do deal with things so differently.

And this is, I mean, if you live with, with anyone you're going to see how they deal with things and you got to, for your own sanity, try and work through that with them and understand their, you know, what they're going through and things that you can do to help and do that for each other. Absolutely. Absolutely. All right. So if you're a human out there in the world right now, you pretty much are guaranteed to come

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Now back to Off the Vine Grape Therapy. Okay, I'm going to ask you a couple questions from listeners, just because I feel like it's going with our conversation right now. But somebody said, I think her name's Sadie, I hope I'm not too late with a question. if we know that we have anxiety and know sometimes it makes us think we are sick, what are some ways we can get our minds off the symptoms we are creating due to our anxiety? She said, I'm fine when I'm not thinking about it. So I think one of the things is to first ask to, you know, one of the things we talk to our clients about a lot is this concept of metathinking, which is thinking about your own thoughts.

And so when you think about your own thoughts, you can say, okay, what am I thinking right now? and how are these thoughts affecting me? And to also ask yourself, am I thinking with my emotional brain or am I thinking with my rational brain? Right. So to really look at those thoughts and say, is this something that is based in reality, right?

Just because I'm feeling sick, could these symptoms be part of my anxiety or is it part of coronavirus, right? So our minds, when we have anxiety, are jumping to, okay, we must be sick. you know, how am I going to deal with this? And we very easily fall down that rabbit hole. And so to really catch yourself when it first starts to say, okay, is this actually something I need to be worried about? Or could this be, you know, part of my anxiety? To just start

questioning a lot of those thoughts. Right. And to say to yourself, so if I take my time and I do a free, that's the other thing, there's so many, the one of the coolest things that has come out of this. I mean, I honestly think a lot of cool things have come out of this. One of those things I think is so many people are putting up free virtual offerings, right? So a yoga class or a meditation, right? So for you to say this up, am I starting to feel these symptoms? If I go and do a 10-minute meditation, what has happened to my symptoms? Have they decreased? Have they increased? And so to say there, and this is really one of the best things you can do if you're someone who struggles with anxiety is create and your inner monologue. Right? The number one skill I use for my anxiety

management is to talk myself down. I have to constantly be like, all right, chill the fuck out, Emily, tone it back. Don't be an asshole to your husband. You know, like, like, right, like your kid's just a toddler. You know, I have to do all of that stuff internally. That's one of the best things you can create for yourself. It is how we soothe ourself. We cannot, this is a great experience that, like, so often we rely on other people for our soothing. We have to create that for ourselves. This is really building up your distress tolerance. Yeah, I always say to myself, I'm like, fuck off brain. You're supposed to be on my side. Yes. Yes. That's a great. one that's perfect and sometimes we recognize our reactions before we recognize what we're thinking

yeah it's so true gosh that's so true um okay this person says um my question is how do i deal with the anxiety of not being able to work i'm a kindergarten teacher and i'm constantly thinking of my little ones who i know don't have good homes and depend on school for their love and happiness i'm so worried if they're okay and the unknown of school possibly being canceled the rest of the year is making me super anxious. Is there any way to deal with this? First of all, what she's experiencing is horribly sad. It's a real thing. We are really realizing how much school means and how much teachers do. And I really hope this leads to teachers getting paid more because all of a sudden everyone's realizing how damn hard this is. Yep. So I think what you're going to have to do is say you have to

have a mind shift during a pandemic, right? So one of those things is there could be some good that comes from it. There could be bonding that happens at that home. It could take, you know, those parents get to be home with their kid a little bit more. There's also so much that we cannot control. So what can she do? She can, you know, I know so many schools are giving out boxed and bags lunches, right? You can volunteer in that type of program. But at the end of the day, you know, there's limits and boundaries. You know, Jen and I had the same experience worrying that some of our clients, we can't show up to their houses. So what we can do is try to check in. When you have a kindergarten, you probably can't send them an email. But what you can do is make some cards for when

this is over to deliver to them. What you can do is think about next year what you'd like to do and teach differently. We can only control, we can control. And she has to take very good care of herself because the pain, and it's also grief. She has to let herself grieve how she's feeling towards this school year. She might not be going back to school. Unfortunately, a lot of us are trying to face that reality right yeah that's yeah i think a lot of people want to just like put band-aids on things or just stop them from thinking or feeling these things when it's actually okay to feel that pain and to be sad and and think about how you what what things like you said what can you do because there are certain things you can't control so what can you control and how how can

you like the letters that's a really good idea i like that absolutely and you know what it's it it is okay to allow yourself to feel how you feel if you think about it when you're feeling something, if someone tells you, oh, you're not supposed to be feeling that way or you should feel something different, it makes you feel even worse. So to really just like allow yourself to be upset about it, right? Allow yourself to be anxious. Tell yourself it's okay. And then work on ways in which to soothe yourself and to focus on what you can take control of. Absolutely. It's also, some of us need a little numbing. Right, you know, like there's a few nights where you've got to have another glass of wine or you've got to like just lose yourself you know in some trashy television

you know for me i want to just get deep and dirty with love is blind that's all i got to say so whatever if you do need to numb that's actually a totally normal coping skill figure out a way to do it safely and there's so much information if you need to numb towards the end of the day there's nothing wrong with that it's actually okay find the balance find the balance thank you for saying that thank you for saying that that's a jason and i like to have a glass of wine and play this game it's called Rummy Cube and we have been just it you literally don't think about anything except the game that's in front of you and having a glass of wine and it's like something that we now do every single night because it's just like something you can do to shut your mind off for an hour

and and just you know think about something else because our brains are just fully on like overdrive right now with all this information and everything and it's so scary that it's like hard to take your mind off that for 10 minutes let alone an hour so like a puzzle or a game or well always drinking wine like usually i'd be drinking wine right now this is so funny because i usually drink a glass of wine and then this morning i poured coffee and i'm like wait this is like airport rules right now i should have a drink well right you should absolutely it is like airport take a drink at like 6 a m at the airport you're like don't even know where you are right you know so like whatever works for you and this is the important and this is one of the

difficult things about like all the time we're spending on social media right now is like know, people are closing at, like, cleaning out their closets or, you know, doing these fitness challenges. You need to do what works for you. There's a lot of people, especially people that have, like, struggle with disordered eating or difficulty with, like, exercise consumption that, like, are feeling very triggered right now. For wherever you're at, know whatever season of life this is for you and meet yourself there. All right. Let's take a break. As I've gotten older and maybe a little bit wiser, I've realized even more now how important it is to enjoy life. full on 100%.

2020 brought us a brand new decade and now is the time to become our very best selves and enjoy every single moment, no matter what craziness is going on around us. Vino's create moments of unapologetic enjoyment with me. Celebrate out loud, even if people give you weird looks. Trust me, been there. Dance, sing, even if you're the only one, I've been there too, asked Jason. Pepsi encourages everyone to do what they enjoy even in the face of others' judgment. Sometimes when I'm walking peanut.

and ramen. I'll realize I'm having a full on one-sided conversation with them, and I'll only realize it when somebody walks by me staring. But you know what? My goldens bring me happiness and existing with them in their happy world is where I like to be sometimes all the time. Pepsi supports living a fearless, confident, unapologetic life, and one of my life mottoes has always been, I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not. At Pepsi, they believe the most enjoyable life is one free from constraints, and that, my dudes, is something to celebrate. Pepsi. That's what I like. One of my friends, Alon Gale, who used to be an executive producer on The Bachelor, he's been sober for, I think, I don't want to get it wrong, but it's something

like 10 years or maybe, it's something like, you know, and he was saying during this time, like, people are getting triggered with either addiction or eating disorders or certain things like that that are really serious because people stress eat or people don't eat from stress or people turn to you know, they're addictions. And it's so hard because there are things out there for people to use, like, I'm sure there's virtual, you know, AAs and groups. There is. There is tons. There are virtual AAs. And listen, if you need any help finding it, you can reach you out to Jen and I. I mean, we really want to be there for people right now. And there is tons of virtual meetings that have been set up. There is a ton of virtual support groups, specifically ones for people with

disordered eating that are struggling, being in their house with food or going to the grocery store and seeing that stuff on, I mean, everything feels scary. There is a group going on. I think one thing that people have done a fabulous job during this is to grow up and to support each other. And it's something, it's a, it's a beautiful collective healing that I've never seen before in my life. Absolutely.

I think one of the tough things, too, is that this has taken away a lot of people's coping mechanisms. Yeah. Right? And so it's just been such a transition and an adjustment for a lot of people, right? So if your coping mechanism was like meeting up with someone every single week or, you know, doing so... I'm going on 15 hinge dates.

There you go, right? Like that coping mechanism has been taken away. And so the tough thing is that when your coping mechanism is taken away, you have to replace it with something else. And this happened so suddenly, you know, wasn't something that a lot of us were prepared for, that, you know, everyone is really adjusting and making this transition together. And it's really about finding new coping mechanisms that work for you. That's so true.

that's yeah and forgiving yourself for if you do you know sleep until noon or you're not feeling productive or you do have that extra glass of wine or whatever it is that makes you feel guilty like forgiving yourself and having just so much empathy for your own self and and things that you need to do right now to make yourself feel better like like like I know a lot of people who are you know go geters and super busy and they're feeling like they're just not productive in any way they're feeling guilt and it's like there you literally can't go do these things so you might as well not feel guilt because you can't do them even if you wanted to. Absolutely. And what we have to remember is that self-care is productive. Rest is productive. Right. It is okay. Right. And there's a difference

between self-soothing and self-care, right? So like maybe for self-soothing, you're playing with putty like Jen and I are right now or taking a bath. And for self-care, maybe it is sleeping until noon or maybe it's calling a friend or maybe it's doing your taxes. You know, it doesn't matter really what it is. But now is the time to have unconditional compassion and grace for yourself. Right. Because no one taught you how to go through this. No. No.

We're the experts and we're so working on it. Yeah. No one taught us this in grad school. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like we're almost parenting our parents now because if, you know, like we're so worried about the older generation that we're like, what are you doing? Like checking in with them and don't go out.

Don't do this and be home for this time. Yeah. Absolutely. And it's, you know what, it's brought up a lot of fears about more. mortality of the older generation. Yeah. It's, the thing we don't like thinking about as millennials is like our parents are getting

older and what's this going to mean. No, that's the scariest part for me. That's where my anxiety comes in full blown is thinking about my parents or people who aren't in great health and how quickly this can spread and get at them. Like that's, that's what keeps me up at night is worrying about my family. Absolutely. And I don't know if you guys are having this experience, but like my parents are like, do you want to come over and like hang out?

And I'm like, no, no, you don't understand. Like, we can't do this. I know. It's fine. Like, come on over. I know, because they're like, we're family. Yeah, but like, no, you need to stay with whoever is in. So, like, Jen and I've seen each other because we had seen each other.

We've only seen our families and ourselves. And that's like, you got to quarantine with who you've been with guys. Right. That's it. We're not wanting people in. Yeah, I got tested for the coronavirus. And because I was so sick. I was coughing, I was wheezy, and I was short of breath.

I had a fever of 102, and I was like, well, I definitely have it. And I, like, waited until the last minute. Like, I was like, I don't want to go take a test and, like, take it away from somebody else. And I was, you know, feeling guilt about that. And they said it was first come for a serve. And I just, Jason and I jumped in the car and we went and I got a test. And it came back negative. But it took, like, four days to do it.

And I was like, yeah. And I was like, hey, should my boyfriend come in and get a test? And they said, oh, no, if you have it, he has it. Like, right? 100%. Right. And it's so different, right? So we're, like, located in Philadelphia.

Philadelphia, it's like, you go through a drive-through and it's sort of like a drive-thru thing. In New York, they're going to people's apartments. I mean, everything is different. Yeah. And all we can do is control we can. So what that means is disinfecting all the stuff that you touch, washing your hands, all the stuff we keep hearing. And it is so sad.

And I think giving comfort there, there's a lot of stuff. it's going to have to get canceled. And you're one of those people. How do you take care of yourself through that? And I always think about the parents, too, like this girl, Nicole, said, I'm okay alone, but I don't want my kids to feel alone. They are five and three. We know there's a germ that needs to go away before we can do more things that we love.

So how do you explain it to them? I don't want this to be something they'll need therapy to work through later. So the best indicator, one of the things we know from research is the best indicator of your child's ability to deal with their anxiety is the way you deal with your anxiety. So your kids will be okay if you can be okay through this. Our job is to cope. Their job is to be kids. That's it. It's pretty simple. So the best she takes care of herself, the best outcome for her children. And so, yeah, it's really hard to not have those play dates. You know, I've seen so many amazing teachers that are setting up Zoom calls with their classes. I, you know, I've seen there's

so many there's people that are doing uh virtual readings libraries that are doing a book readings every day uh kids musicians that are getting online and doing live uh kids story classes and music classes use your resources that we have and you can explain it to your kids by saying like you want to know what the best part about this is i get to spend more time with you and i love spending time with you your kids just want me to be there same with those dogs you have right i mean pina ramen they're they're winning from this oh yeah oh they're loving all this time home they're like you know and also if your kid if your kid wants to go to therapy when they're older then it really just means they're taking good care of them yeah we should sell about that that that was

something that I was going to say after reading that I was going to be like it's not a bad thing there's some there's always going to be something that we as like people or your kids or certain things will go through in life that they will benefit so much from therapy later in life you know like that's we should encourage that absolutely and that you know to to eliminate the stigma around it, that it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you, that we all have to go through a bunch of shit throughout our lives that affects us, and we can't protect our kids from everything, that they're going to be experiencing these things, they're going to be affected by it, and that's okay. And that more so modeling ways in which

they cope with it and ways in which they take care of themselves through it is more important than protecting them from the things that are going to affect them anyway. And one of the things that what you keep in mind is that research tells us that people go to marriage therapy seven years too late, and typically individual therapy, about a year to three years too late. So if you're saying to yourself, hey, I'll wait till this is over to go see someone, maybe do it now. You know, there's no wrong thing. The same thing. If you're feeling depressive symptoms, it doesn't matter if it's from an external source or an internal source, you could still benefit from meds if that feels important to you. Anything you need to

get some support right now, there's no shame. And I think it's a beautiful model for those around you yeah i agree with you all right so mr chris harrison was telling me about this crazy party hulu through in beverly hills with all the biggest reality tv stars from like every show and now i have to watch the commercials to see what happened like everyone else i don't usually get fomo but in this case i have extreme fomo here luckily for you hulu has the reality tv that you love so start your free trial today at hulu dot com this is an interesting question somebody asked what kinds of consequences do you think society should expect as a result of this massive episode of anxiety we're all experiencing? So it's interesting they say consequences. Yeah, we think of them.

We're positive. Yeah, we keep thinking that there's some positive. It sounds so negative. Yeah, it does. I don't, I have to ask, a client asked me yesterday, do you think things will go back to the way that they did before? And I don't. No, I don't know. And maybe that's a good, and maybe that's a good thing. Right. Right. I think we're learning, you know, to use technology in different ways. we're learning that we can connect with each other, you know, over Zoom, over FaceTime. And it gives us more space to be able to connect with one another, that we don't necessarily have to meet with people in person. And so we've been talking a lot about, like, the positives that might come out from this because we're usually just hearing about the negative things

and no one's really talking about the good things that could come from this. And a lot of these things we're doing, all of a sudden classes are set of virtually and working me said virtually. These are certain things that people that are in the immunocompromise and in the handicapped world have been asking for for years. Yeah. That's so true. We're just making life more accessible for everyone. And that's a beautiful thing to do. And I really think that there's some positives that can come out of this. Now, I also think a lot of people are going to lose their jobs. Businesses are going to shut down. But what we're seeing is people, I mean, the stuff you've seen online, support your hairdresser, support local restaurants. Restaurants are

getting more unique and creative. Fitness instructors, you can Venmo them over like $30 or to one of their classes. You know, I love, it's just more accessible. And I think there's a beauty for that for so many. It's more inclusive of all of our society now. And I think one of the things that we, we know, at least from being therapist, is that we as human beings are very resilient, right? Like, we see people work through so much all of the time. So we are at like the front lines of people really working through transitions, really coping with anxiety. And so we get the privilege of being able to see people go through that. And so we really understand that people are very resilient. We believe that, you know, we have the ability to work through this. It's just like

a huge transitional period of time, which brings about a ton of anxiety. But we know that people will get through this and they're finding different ways to connect and to cope. Yeah, I think it's, it's so like think about if this happened however many years ago when we didn't have all these resources when we didn't have like social media and all this these these communities that we can turn to right now like we we have to see that as a good thing and feel so fortunate for for being able to have those kinds of things to help us through this right now I saw this girl from my high school today was on freaking um on her sewing machine making masks for the hospital I don't I don't have a sewing machine I don't know how to sew but how cool right?

That's a beautiful thing to say, I don't have a lot, but I know that I can sew and this is something I can create. That is a way to get control. And you're right. I mean, people are comparing this to the Spanish flu. None of us were around for that. So no idea. But I can sure ship that it was different than this. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's, I heard of some people doing that sewing and just doing what you can. Like, that's such a small thing that she can do that just, you know, it's going to go a long way. And I just think it's so incredible. All these health care workers who are just putting their lives at risk and have families at home and they're just the real heroes through all of this absolutely absolutely and people that we don't often honor

people working at grocery stores someone working at target i mean this is a time to treat everyone with kindness absolutely that is like the the door or what is it door dash and postmates like like just being so kind goes such a long way and acknowledging what they're doing for us Absolutely. And I don't know about you guys, that I see people coming together, even not physically, but emotionally, more so than I have seen in a really long time in supporting each other. There is a lot of beauty in this time that we have to look for and acknowledge. And there really is like even your podcast, like that's probably bringing people so much comfort in these times to just hear you guys just talking about anxiety.

like there's that's you know that word and and that conversation is starting to be more um i don't know what the word is not not acceptable because it always has been but you know what i mean like it's it's it's just starting to really be a norm and in this time i think it's so important that that we do talk about it and are open with it and so it's it's great that you guys have a podcast is it every week what days where can people find it so yeah they can find it anywhere you could find any podcast, iTunes, Spotify, Google Play comes out Monday morning, shrink chicks. You'll be able to find us. You can follow us at shrink chicks. We're around. You can follow our therapy practice too at WC therapy group. Yeah. So we're there. Okay. Yeah, I love your Instagram with all your

quotes because I'm a big quote guy. We're real into quotes. We love a quote, man. Yeah, I used to make fun of my mom she used to send me quotes like every day when I was going through like a hard time and I'd be like enough with the quotes and now I'm like I love a good quote you're like give me all the quotes please and that's something simple people don't do right now right if there's certain things that make you feel good hey now's a great time to write them out stick it on your mirror give yourself reminders this is stuff that may seem silly but there's nothing wrong with doing extra stuff right now right so it's a great time to print something out or to use you know use some fun colored pencils and write things out anything that gives you support it makes you feel good you know we're about like

for us on the east coast we're only about like you know a week into this if this keeps going it's going to be harder so you don't think like you know we're at the end point right now continue with the compassion continue with the self-care and I hope that for everyone we create a habit here we say it takes 21 days to take a habit I would love for at the end of this we got a habit of more self-care and self-love right i love that thank you for saying that because i i do think that if if we are aware of that and we can do that for ourselves like it is it's did you say 21 days that's that's that's what they say that's what the internet says that's well i haven't got everything on the internet but yeah that's it's it's interesting what you can do if you you know there's

so many people that want to practice self-love and and working on themselves and what a there's no better time than right now and all these people you know there's so many people out there in the world right now that have this job that they're unhappy at and yes it pays the bills and whatever but now is the time to think about what do you actually love to do it just from your home right now like what is that thing you've been putting off that you could do to start something that you love like that now's the time absolutely and because we're less distracted by our jobs right now we're more focused on what we need and what we're want and how to take care of ourselves. So to be less avoidant of like the things that are going to take care of you. I think this is also going to show us how the culture of a company treats some of their employees. Yeah. Right. I mean, I can tell you how many moms I work with that there's no child care right now. You know, unless you have a nanny or in home child care, there's no daycare. There's no school. People with kids at home that are supposed to also be working nine to five, come on, get real. And we're going to start to see, and I encourage,

everyone, how do you feel like your company treats you throughout this? Are they compassionate? Are they empathetic? And is it the right place for you? And I also encourage everybody listening who runs an organization, be kinder to your employees. This is so hard. We cannot think that people don't have emotions. It's ridiculous to think that we're all just going to function. Like there's not a freaking pandemic happening. Like robots. Yeah. This is not real. No, exactly. That's, thank you for saying that. And thank you guys for being on this podcast. It's so I was really looking forward to this, and I think it's so important. And I hope everybody tunes into your podcast now through this time because it's important.

It's important work what you guys are doing. And thank you for what you do. Caitlin, thank you so much for having us. We really appreciate it. Of course. You can come on anytime you want. So you let us know. Next one we'll do it.

We're going to do an in-person couples therapy session with you and Jason. I am so down for that. I'll just have to talk Jason into it. Thank you. so much and everybody tune in to their podcast and go follow them on all the things i'm kately briscoe your session is now at me thanks for listening to off the vine grape therapy tune in to hear new minisodes every thursday and check out new full-length episodes every tuesday exclusively on podcast one dot com the podcast one app and subscribe on apple podcasts who's that with o tv