Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Stassi Schroeder | Sex Lives, Spiritual Soaps, & Stanley Cups

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

#709. After years of trying to plan a podcast swap, Stassi Schroeder Clark finally joins Kaitlyn to talk about everything from Kaitlyn's new chakra-lifting soap routine to the status of Stassi's sex life as a mom.  Two is Stassi's favorite number... She is the author of TWO New York Times Bestsellers (Off with My Head & Next Level Basic), host of TWO podcasts (Straight Up with Stassi and The Good The Bad The Baby), has sold out TWO nationwide live tours, and is the mother of TWO beautiful children (Hartford and Messer). Oh, and if you want to listen to TWO episodes with these two ladies then, keep your eyes and ears out for Kaitlyn's episode on Stassi's podcast, Straight Up with Stassi! Highlights from today's episode: (3:14) Kaitlyn cracks the code of social media trolls. (10:34) Aging, and the fear that comes along with it. (18:40) Stassi's Stanley Cup HOT take. (21:11) Zodiac signs: What signs are the worst? What signs are the best? (26:01) Kaitlyn's spiritual soap experience. (33:25) Breaking down the art of manifesting, kind of. (42:30) "What is your sex life like after two kids?" (49:50) Fan questions from Instagram. (55:14) Game: How Do You Proceed? Thank you to our amazing sponsors! Check these deals out, Vinos: BETTERHELP — Visit BetterHelp.com/VINE to get 10% off your first month. THRIVE MARKET — Go to Thrive Market.com/OTV for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! PROGRESSIVE — Quote today at Progressive.com to try the Name Your Price® tool. SKIMS – SKIMS Bras are available at SKIMS.com. Plus, get free shipping on orders over $75! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. And Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.

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I like, let me see it. I should just have confidence. And I like it, I like when it's thick because it's not going to break. That, like, and I have the worst nails underneath. Like, these aren't my real nails. I have, like, the shortest little, like, sad, sad, sad nails. But I heard those are maybe coming back in. I mean, I'm a big short nail fan.

Really? These are the longest my nails have grown. But, like, nubs, like you can see nail at the end, like cut off here and nub at the end. Well, no. No, I'm not talking about like a monster who like bites their nails to the bone. That's me. That's not going to be in ever. Never?

Caitlin. I heard it is though. That's impossible. And if, and if that is in, I give up. Like, no, like I give up. Shoot me out into the atmosphere. I don't want to be here anymore. Also, cutting a Bob makes you have different thoughts.

And now I want to be a mom. Okay. Let me just talk about how badly I want your haircut. Okay. I want it so badly. It looks so good on you. And I know it is so in. The Bob is, and it, and it, for all the, of course it is, because it's so chic.

It's like, very chic. I get it. I was you, though. You said earlier that you've been dreaming of that haircut, but you can't do it. I did for years. I was like, one day I'll get brave and do it. And it took the extension life that we've both lived. Yes.

For me to be like, I have so many bald spots and like my hair is so thin. And so I was like, just cut it all off. And I went crazy. Is this the first time you've had a Bob? Yeah. Oh. Okay. No, I used to do it back in the day.

I know, and look, so she got you. That's why I'm concerned. I'm concerned. Being a little dramatic. No, you should be concerned. I'm concerned about you. Why wouldn't you do it again? Because after I've done the bob, I've done the bob, and after I, you know, I did the extension

life during 2020. I took those extensions out. I've had two kids. I've been able to grow my hair so long, naturally, without extensions that I am so scared. Yeah. That I won't have the ability to do it again, that I am a pussy. and I can't cut my hair. Also, you have to be at like your hottest in order to have a bob. And I'm still postpartum. So like that's just not it. I would look like an actual just like mom, mom. Women are so funny. You don't think you're at your hottest right now. I think you're the hottest you've ever looked. That is so nice. You have not seen me naked. I mean it. I'm only going to get hotter. Caitlin trust. I love that. I love your confidence for that too. I seriously went on a bit of a spiral yesterday because. People on my Instagram were telling me I looked old.

And I was like, what? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I've cracked the code of these trolls. And it's hilarious if I actually think about it because they know that's my fear. They know my fear is looking old and aging. So that's where they're like, let's get her right in the heart. Right.

And so they do that knowing that that's going to. So then they double down on telling me I look old. Do you? Okay. I fully believe that's a thing. Yeah. I've noticed that certain influencers, when they do talk about something that they're insecure about which normally you would think is the right move so like you're getting ahead of it

you know like you're getting ahead of it yeah but i've noticed that when people talk about what they're insecure about yeah then all the people go into their comments section and start talking about that thing yes do you have mean followers honestly i'm i'm not blaming jason for this but the jason supporters are so that's what it is mean to me yeah and it's not his fault obviously right but the ones that are like tame jason i'm like there's no there doesn't need to be teams to be a team yeah there doesn't be a team so then they go i don't know they called me uh one girl called me um this one makes me laugh raging alcoholic slob on a downward spiral and i'm like that's funny because i've actually never felt better about my life right i was that in the first week of january i was on a spiral i was

drinking and i was just like oh i i love to drink am i then i am on a spiral with you yeah i mean nothing makes me happier than wine nothing i mean my there are some things but like I get what I get that I'm the same way It makes me so happy Last night on the plane Like sitting down and getting I'm such a boogey bitch for travel

Like I will not do anything except for first class Caitlin I feel this I feel this truly there But there's nothing that makes me happier Like that's part of the trip Yeah But yes Getting there is part of the trip

Like that's something that I just want to splurge on Yes Because that's how like it sets the tone of the trip It does So like yeah you get in first class You order your wine You eat that food? I love plane food.

Me too. I talk about this all the time. I love airplane food. It feels like such a luxury. I don't even care if it's terrible. It tastes better because I'm like in the air. Yes. I don't know what it may be.

Maybe that's it. Watching movies on a plane. No one's bothering you. No one's bothering you. The wine, the food, the movie. I just, I feel like I'm like I'm just traveling in the miracle of flight. Yes. Eating and drinking and just like watching.

A miracle of flight. We are just partaking in the miracle of flight And it's such a beautiful thing Yeah Yeah I feel you And the way we get to travel now Compared to boomers Like they had to dress up to get on planes

And like Not have any entertainment The way that I wish we still all dressed up Because I think the airport is our runway Really The airport is Hello world Oh

You never know who you're gonna see This is me This is who I am But you could You can, do you dress up to go on planes? I don't dress up, but I don't look like shit. Oh, I look like shit every time. Let me inspire you.

Okay. You literally never know who you're going to be sitting next to, who you're going to pass. I know. It walking down. One time I sat next to Jared Leto and I do wish I looked a little cuter. There you go. Yeah. There you go.

I should have learned my lesson right there. Yes, like, just like, why not? And also, when you look good, your day is just like that much better. That's true. Like when you feel like you look good. It is funny, the difference in how people treat you in the airport if you're dressed up or if you look like a potato with hair. Yeah, for sure. Like, if I go and I just look like an absolute toe, people are like, next, next.

If I look chic and I'm like ready to go somewhere, like people make you feel important. Yeah, and don't you want to feel important? I personally like when people treat me well. I personally like it too. Hot take. Hot take. I do like being respected and treated well, yes. Yeah, I really do.

That's so funny. I just airport to me is not my runway and it is my chance to just like live my skid life and okay and like maybe lie down you know in your seat and just like relax be comfy be cozy that's fine especially on a long flight I'm not wearing a dress no but are you not wearing trousers I want like no makeup and moisture I don't go anywhere without makeup not even the grocery store come on come on no like I do not how come because I don't like the way look at it. I'm fair enough.

Because, like, if I, like, look in a mirror and I see some psoriasis or, like, rosacea, like, I just don't like that. And, again, I know that I could run in to anyone. Why risk it? And I'm also nicer to be around when I feel pretty. I feel that. I understand and appreciate your honesty. And also, people take photos of you.

Yeah. I mean, not everywhere I go. Like, I'm... Well, you are in L.A. But, yeah, like, when I go to the grocery, I have to wear makeup. Yeah. Because there are lurkers there They're lurkers

And do you still do Paparazzi is that still a thing? It's like they're at specific places And you don't see them Really? Like they don't like jump They're not out in front of you Like I'll just be on daily mail

And I'll be like What the You're glad I was wearing makeup Always like Gelson's or Albertsons Literally every time So they must just like hide In a like blacked out car And not get out

Yeah It's really weird Did you imagine being a paparazzi and just like stalking people and taking creepy photos of them when they don't know it. I mean, I feel like I'd like that life a little. Oh, you should try it. You know, just like a few days a week. You should try it just to see.

And just then you could have like a little more appreciation for what they do. Yeah, for their art, for their craft. Like how everybody in the world should like serve a table. Yes. Be a server. You once the up. Yeah. Everybody should.

I did it for like 10 years and I'm like everyone needs to. Yes. I live by that. I say that all the time. Yeah. Maybe also everyone should try being a paparazzi once in. see they're just trying to put food on their table for their families i always think that about like like producers of reality tv shows i'm like katelyn don't be so mad at them they're just doing their

job and they got them you know there's there's the trickle-down effect where there's the camera crew and then i get out of that and if we didn't have this show that person wouldn't be able to support their beautiful family yes yeah yeah you have to justify all the poor decisions it's really uh speaking of poor decisions i'm doing a tour coming up called poor decisions really yeah because i'm just getting the people if you're going to call me a circus and like tell me I'm a spiral. I'm just going to lean in. I agree. Lean in. I do make some poor decisions. And I'm going to make poor decisions when I'm 80. 100%. I, obviously still. Yes. That's just a part of life. I've realized that the older I get, the less I know. Interesting. I like, you know, I see all these people being like, you know, these celebrities, they like do interviews and they're like 60s and all that stuff. They're like, I'm just so wise now and so sure of myself. Really? Because the older I get, the more I realize like, I don't know shit. Really? Yes. That's true because you're more exposed to like, so many things you're like wow I have so much to learn I don't know anything yes yeah okay even like I feel like in my 20s like when I was younger I just like had this like tunnel vision

and I felt like I was so sure of myself and I knew what I stood for and I just like laugh at that person like I know what I stand for yeah I'm like I have like you know like a moral compass and like I have like a backbone and I know like what I stand for but I just feel like I don't know about life well there's because there's just too much you still got a lot to go though like how old are you again I'm 35 35 oh yeah Yeah, yeah. I'm 38 and I'm turning 39 this year and that freaks me out. Why? Because the word 39 just like feels, it sounds old. It does actually like have an old ring to it. It does because then you're like, ooh, she's basically you're 40. But like, I think 40 is cooler than 39. I do too. Yeah. 40. I feel like 40. Who said it? I think it was Nikki Bella and Nikki and Bree Bella were talking about like their 40s. Yeah. And they were like, I don't want to dress like a 20 something year old anymore. Like I don't I want to be like a 40 year old woman. Like I, I, I, I want to be like a 40 year old woman. Like I, I, I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I feel like more confident in myself i want to dress more confident i like don't need to try and keep up with these trends like i'm i'm just like like i'm cooler than that no i think that

there's something really cool about being in your 40s like i look forward to that which is why i sympathize with you and i understand that 39 it's like 39's a weird one yeah it's like you're right you can't brag about being like i'm in my 40s and i'm thriving yeah you can't brag about that 39 39 yeah well we all go through it least you have two kids though I just got frozen eggs. I mean, frozen eggs are great. Yeah. They're fantastic.

I'm really happy about it, but there's only 12 of them. I feel like that's a lot. Oh, right? I don't know. Isn't it? Well, for my age, I think they were going to be happy if I got more than 10. So yes. Okay.

So 12 seems like a lot to me. But then out of the 12, how many are going to be good ones? And then out of the good ones, how many are going to actually? How many children would you want to have? One. Yeah, I feel like that's now that I have two. Is that smart? I feel like all my friends.

friends have kids i'm like they'll have family yeah you choose your family once you're you know you can have friends and cousins and whatever yes and i think i could do the one and done i think the odds of one of your 12 eggs being strong great healthy all the things are are very high okay yes then i'm thriving i can't wait i honestly i'm telling you when i cut my hair i became a different person they say this they just do we need to cut my hair honestly i'm not going to i'm honestly my Bradley my hair sales I love him my friend like he wouldn't let me okay I love a hair status like also my Botox girl like I asked her to do something once and she was like I'm not doing that to you oh the way I can't wait to get Botox oh my gosh when do you when you get in it well I had a baby like

you can't get Botox when you're pregnant and now I'm four months postpartum so I'm like I'm ready it's so funny because I'm maybe like just pumping your tires a lot but you look so refreshed do I yes thanks no like you're glowing you look refreshing I Your eyes are white with self-tanner. And I use the luminear, um, eyedrops. Yes. They whiten the lights of your eyes. I have some in my travel bag and I always forget that they're in there, but I heard

that as, are you a little nervous at putting stuff in your eyes like that is going to, like you're going to go blind one day? No, because like I have the driest eyes ever, so I need it. Okay. Oh, it like moisturizes them too. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, it's like a little like, you're just, you're just, you just look refreshed.

Thank you, Caitlin. Yeah. For really just making me feel great right now. And I'm not just saying it. Okay. Seriously, I believe you. Because I go through photos of myself every night before I go to bed. And I'm like, wow, look what I used to look like and look what I look like now. You're going to do that in five years and ten years. And you're going to be like, why didn't I love it in the moment? I know. You're so right. And aging is so funny because we obviously the alternative of aging is dying and like we don't want that. But like, I'm like, what do you want me to look like the same way I did when I was 29 on the show? Like, I don't understand what people want for me. No, I know. Wait, do you feel like, though, your followers got mean, like, were they mean before?

I've always had some meanies in there. Yeah. But it feels like the breakup really brought out the Jason Stans who just, like, turned on me, and it must be my fault for everything. And they got very nasty. Okay. Like, really mean. Yeah, people can be mean. Yeah.

I mean, you know. Especially on Instagram. It's funny that, like, rise and fall. I'm like, people could just love you one minute and then hate you the next. and then root for you like a year later and then like you then you they go through different phases of speaking from personal experience yes yes it's a mind isn't it so it's like you really can't put any weight on anything anyone says because they're going to change their minds tomorrow it's so crazy how and i'm sure it's like reality tv in general the the the audience bachelor fans

the like really crazy bachelor fans yeah i mean they will just flip on you and then decide to root for you again and like it's it is a journey i think that's like reality tv fans in general i try and think of it like sports like you know how crazy men get for a sporting event and they're like banging on glass and yelling like and taking off their shirts and like getting drunk and they're just crazy and they're just like taking every like thing that the like football player does personally like it's a personal attack yes on my husband like bow he didn't fumble the ball to piss you off right it's not about you right now right and like he's a professional and that's why they pay him the big bucks and you are in the stands watching like exactly i get supporting and getting excited

and having passion but like i it's not a personal attack but i do compare it to like athletes and reality tv people yeah people think that they just have the right yeah like they're entitled they're entitled to like have these which i mean everyone's entitled to their opinions i don't believe every but no one's entitled to just like go and shit on someone well because i'm like you've one age like life and you're gonna hate follow or like do something that's actually just bringing yourself more misery than it is to me like yeah you're you're wasting your one precious life yes on hate following people 100% angry i agree with you i fully agree with you grab a coffee and discover nonstop action with budmchm casino check out our hottest exclusive friends a one with

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I don't know why. I don't know why. everyone is so fascinated by this like whenever people see this it's not just you that's not a stanley okay the stanley cups i don't understand it i do because when a stanley cup falls over yeah the liquid falls out put it on its side oh exactly you monsters fighting over the stanley cup when you can have a simple modern that like nothing ever falls out of it and this is pretty this bad boy is pretty full i wish i had my stanley mug on me right now because i don't Remember it dumping out liquid when it falls over. Doesn't it have like little like hole?

Yeah, it does. It does. There's got to be a reason though. It's aerating the water. That's true because you want to see something really gross. Yeah. See? What?

Ew. So I have liquid I've been here all the time. So like, yeah, there's a buildup. Yeah, there's build up that I can't get off. Every time I wash it, I still can't get it. See, with the Stanley mug, people have realized that there's, it can get mold like yours is getting right now. A little mold never hurt anyone. Except for that one time I heard that person and she died.

But you, like, can pop off the Stanley mug top and wash it now and get rid of the mold. But I, my kids will knock this over. Yeah. I will knock this over. And then it'll, it'll leak if it was a Stanley Cup. And I just, like, can't. I'd rather have the mold. Interesting.

Yeah. Okay. I'm not going to fight you on it, but I'm team Stanley. How did the Stanley cup thing come to be? Like, who started it? I don't know. And I wish it was me. Mm-hmm.

Because I'd be very rich. Yeah. I don't know, but where are we just? Oh, yeah, you were in here. One of the guys that works for a podcast while I was talking about how. Yeah, some 20-something-year-old just stole like 1,500. What was she thinking she was just going to sell them for less? Resale.

No, sell them for more, Caitlin. Why would anyone, wait? No, but no. Because people like are, because like, isn't there like a shortage in Stanley Cups? And that's why people are jumping over stars. Because she stole 1,500 Stanley mugs. But I was thinking if she stole them. She didn't buy them for the price

So she would sell them for less I understand your logic And that's, yeah, that's fair Okay, I felt really stupid for a second That's like, no, no, no, wait, I have a point here Yeah I have a point to make But I don't know, I'm just

I love Stanley And I don't like, I'm sorry Stanley But like why does the logo have to be so big? No one even knows what this is Because Yeah, but don't you think people are like Hmm, she doesn't do Stanley That's I hope so

I hope so Are you, wait, wait What sign are you? I'm a cancer. Oh. With a Capricorn rising and a Scorpio moon. Oh, sexy. What are you?

Gemini with moon and moon. I mean, cancer, cancer. Oh, I get cancer vibes from you. Oh, yes. I get cancer vibes from you. Do you get Gemini vibes for me? I don't know a lot about Gemini's. Well, we get a bad rep, but I feel like every sign says that.

No, you do. We're like liars, cheaters, double face, double, yeah. That's all I hear about Gemini's, which makes me feel like I just don't know enough. I'm like super spicy. and like big personality and I just like I can adapt to anything but I'm very cancer okay like more cancer every a lot of my no I get the cancer energy from you I do yeah do yeah do I seem sensitive yes yeah I am quite sensitive yes yeah I feel like you are and there's not that's a wonderful thing that means that like you're a good person you care about shit also overly sensitive people are like

highly intuitive and see through a lot of bullshit and yes yeah and I feel like they're more honest and upfront and they just talk about their feelings which I love facts yeah what's the best sign what's Bo? Bo is a Pisces I wouldn't say it's the best sign like like not I'm not talking about I wouldn't say it's that what I mean it's just like everything I know about signs like it wouldn't be like oh Pisces is my favorite like they're like artsy and emotional and they're open with their feelings water sign all that stuff yeah I personally think my favorite sign is Capricorn My grandmother was a Capricorn and the Hartford's a Capricorn. And they just like, they get shit done.

You know what I mean? And they just, they. And they're very loyal, aren't they? I read that. And they see, it seems like that. But I don't know. I just, I like Capricorn vibes. Okay.

But like, truly, I don't know. Like, what's the best story? I don't know. I don't know either. The only ones I really know about are Scorpio, Gemini, Cancer, and Capricorn. Those, to me, I feel like I could talk a lot about. but the other ones, I'm like, whoever talks about, like, Libra? No one.

No. Why doesn't anyone talk about Libra? Who are Libra? Wait, what month is Libra even in? October. Oh, you know. Yeah. Well, yeah.

Oh. That's impressive. They're like, who ever talks about Torres is literally no one. Negative 50% of people talk about Torres. I didn't even know Torres was one of the signs. What? I'm just kidding. I did.

Oh, okay. I was just trying to feed into your narrative there. Thank you. I got excited to feed it to your narrative. Also, I wanted to talk to you about how impressed I am with you, not only because you are glowing and I'm like flirting with you. You are a New York Times bestseller of two books. Two.

You have two kids, host a two podcasts, had two sold out live tours. What's with you in twos? Two. Two is my lucky number. I had to go change all my passwords to things because. Because I said that two was my lucky number before and I'm like, I should probably go change all my passwords. Oh, because it was something, something, too. Yeah, like, people could figure out the numbers in my passwords. It was like, your kid's name with two. Yeah,

pretty much. That's what, I wonder what that is. Like, I'm, are you into numerology at all? Um, I like anything, like, mystical. Okay, wait, to numerology. It represents queen and belong to planet moon. Your queen is what it's saying. That's factual. People who come, under this number are very sensitive, calm, and fun-loving, kind people. I mean, that's just, like, so vague and broad. Okay, the number two in numerology stands for balance, harmony, and togetherness. Not always. Fuck it too.

Never mind. I like to, I saw the word queen, and I was like, perfect. Yeah, let's just leave it there. Leave it with queen. Two, the moon. I kind of like that. Cool. I love the moon.

Yeah. I have a tattooed on me, and I just, I talk to it all the time. You talk to your tattoo? No, the actual moon. Oh. I don't know what's weirder, actually, talking to the moon or your tattoo. I actually have full conversations with the moon. Yes.

Where are you when this is happening? Whenever I see it and I'm alone. I actually can envision you doing that. I do. Yeah, I believe you. I literally do. And like when I pray, I'm like thinking of the moon. I like that.

I pray to the moon. I like that. I feel like it's spiritual. I know. There is something about outer space that's spiritual. I was looking, they got like the closest picture that they've ever gotten of Pluto. Poor Pluto. Does Pluto get a bad rap?

Yeah, like, you know, he was demoted, then they brought him back. Oh, yeah. But, like, now people don't know if he's, like, fully a main character. No, he doesn't. No. And, like, he does not get good contracts. Oh. Like, he just.

I love the underdog, though. Sometimes. Pluto's kind of ugly, though. So what? No, did you see these new photos? No, I didn't have it. Okay. So let's, let's see Pluto's beauty, his glow up.

Pluto got a glow up. Okay. I was in New York the last few days. And I went to this gym to go do a workout, and I'm walking out. And I, like, gravitated towards the store. And I was like, oh, duh, it's a psychic medium tarot card reading lady. Yeah. And so I just ring the doorbell and nothing happens.

I was like, oh, I guess it wasn't meant to be. I accidentally took the wrong turn. And then I was like, oh, I'll just go around this block. Ran into the same medium, just a different store around the corner. Wait, what do you mean? She was at a different, all of a sudden, at a different location? No. She wasn't physically there, but her other store was.

Oh, so she owns two. Yeah. Okay. And so I walk in and I was like, maybe I'll find her here. And the lady was like, she's not here. She's at her other location around the corner, the one I was just at. And I was like, no, she wasn't. I just rang the doorbell.

And so I call her because the number is on the office. And so I called. She was like, oh, sorry. No, I was here just in the back. I'll come out. So I walk back and I go in. She does a full tarot card reading for me. And like, like, I was crying.

She was like. Love that. Holding me. Like, it was magical. And she gave me this. soap and like I'm just such a sucker for the shit I moon dust on it from Jerusalem oh well that I mean no it's legit that would make me emotional too it did and she was like and I'm not even religious no but you're spiritual spiritual but not yeah yeah that's me but Jerusalem is like more

like religious sure but you know a lot of crystals and suffer from Jerusalem okay and this she gave there's oil and a soap from Jerusalem with the crystal in the soap and she said wow your chakra energies need to be she goes they're not not there they're just lowered you need to bring them up she's lying to she was bullshiny and it's not from jerusalem it's from jersey i i would not put it past her but it's not from jerusalem i did spend five hundred dollars on soap no i'm just kidding i'm just kidding oh i'm just kidding it was like 1 30 that's fine but it did something to me this morning that's i mean one 30 is a lot for a soap.

Well, it's for a soap that has a crystal from Jerusalem and oil. That's going to lift your chakra. Yep. I already felt it. I literally feel it. I don't care if it's placebo. Okay. Because that to me is still, there's something about energy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so she said to take the soap and you rub it around your belly button and then you move everything up, everything with the soap moves up. And then when you get the crystal out after like a week of showering with the soap, throw it away because it's the bad energy. Uh-huh. And then you put this oil on your wrists. and your chakras and round rally button and I did it this morning and I listened to like some

spiritual music while I was doing it and something shifted in me okay even if it's placebo effect I agree yeah if you feel better then that was worth it I have asked for signs from the universe I I was like I want blinking lights like I want it to be so obvious that this is the sign you're giving me and I ask for it all the time I was listening to that song lights in my bathroom started flashing okay it's from Jerusalem so you know what I do believe it's from Jerusalem I believe it with my whole heart I was like holy shit I just started like laughing because I was like

okay all right what a beautiful morning you had I did yeah and then I had green juice because I'm in LA and you don't like green juice no but that was really thoughtful of you to offer me some green juice to like pick some up for me that's really sweet I loathe it I don't know why I thought you'd definitely be a green juice girl thank you yeah that's such a compliment because I want to be and I'd like to seem like I am

but I think it tastes like ass. Yeah. With the GR. But yeah. I get it. I like that, though. It's disgusting. I just don't like it.

Do you like an earthy Pino No, actually? Okay. I don't. I've got you figured out. I got like a sweeter like Miomi. Yeah. I will send you my spade and sparrows pinot noir. Thank you.

I am biased, of course, but I truly think it's one of the best. Okay. And it's California, so it's not Oregon, so it's not an earthy. It's like more fruit forward. There aren't that many wines that I'm like, ew. You know what I? mean what about a buttery chardonnay i was just about to say except for a buttery shardin i knew it but i will drink it if it's the only thing on the plane same if i'm having a nice

like what did they serve me last night where i was like i should not eat this it was just two pieces of chilled shrimp yeah oh no i never do that i do why do they do wait really do you i did i actually wonder this when i get like the chilled shrimp like it's like always like on the side it's never your main thing. It's like this on the side. And I'm like, whose decision was it to have like cold raw shrimp on a plane? Like I just, and who in here is eating it? Like I like, no, he didn't touch it. He didn't touch it. He didn't touch it. I looked around to. I looked around. Nobody touched it. And I did. I was so hungry. There's not even like, there's no sauce. There's no. No, there was. They had cocktail sauce. It was delicious. Okay. I've never. I've never had that on plane. I took one bite and I was like, this feels good. Like this feels fresh. I was. I was. kind of drooling actually thinking about it. Hashtag brave. Thank you. Thank you. And I'm here. I didn't get food poisoning. Okay. I'm still not going to do it. I would highly suggest you don't. Right. But there is just something in me that I knew that it was going to be okay. You just felt like you had your

Jerusalem soap with you. And I had that crystal in my right pocket and the Jerusalem juice was really close to me. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, it's protecting me. Yeah. Armor. Okay. Do you think manifesting is a buzzword? It is a buzzword, but I fully believe in it. Oh, me too. Yeah. I've done it with everything in my life. I remember Kim Kardashian did a video and she was like, a watch out world. Like, I can manifest anything I'm about to do it.

And I'm like, I believe her. I feel like she does it too. Did she make a video like that? Yeah. When was that? I just saw it yesterday. I need to look this up. Yes.

So I'm, like, it's weird that you bring that up. I talk about manifesting all the time. Like, because I really believe in it. I feel like we're kind of like soul sister. No, I know. No, I know. I'm, like, trying not to, like, say things that I already have in my outline, so I'm like, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, right. Because we're doing your podcast, so I won't fully, like, talk about how we're soul sisters just yet. Okay.

But have you done the human design test? No. Oh, my God, you need to do that. How does one do that? Plug in when you were born. Oh, is it like a birth chart? It's a, it's a birth chart thing, except it's a different test. It's, like, different personality.

It's human design test. Honestly, I need to. read up on it more so I can explain it better I get that I am I'm really good at having things up here but getting them out never yeah it's like I knew what I like I digest what I read and I'm like oh yeah that's it that's it and then I go to try and talk about it I'm like yeah no I'm the same I'm just gonna stop you should do that test okay well I have time to do it while we set up your pod yes perfect okay yeah I'm gonna send you that Kim Kardashian video too because I truly believe it's become a buzzword and people think that they can just manifest like I don't think they know what they're doing

No, I know what you mean. Like, you can't just, like, think up, like... Like, I'm going to have a billion dollars. I'm going to have $2 million next year. Like, it does... And then it happens. Like, that's not how it works. It takes time.

Yeah. It takes... So much time. Like, you have to be thinking about what you want for years, I would say. Yeah. And you have to just live your life as if those things that you want are actually going to happen. Yes. So by doing that, yeah, you're attracting it, but it's not even about just attracting it.

It's like you start taking the steps to actually get what you want. Yeah. Whereas like if you didn't envision that life for yourself, you wouldn't have taken the steps to get there. Right. You know, like you still have to work and like you still have to like try hard. Manifessing doesn't mean it just falls into your lap. You still have to move mountains to get there. Yes.

And you put yourself like you said in different situations that. would like I knew when I was I want to say 14 14 15 I knew I was going to go on reality television I had vivid dreams about it at one year I think I was 18 maybe I can't remember what year Ben Flannick was the bachelor but I had a very I had a very vivid dream of being I didn't even know there was the in the moment interview rooms like I didn't even know that was a thing and I pictured myself in it in my dream and I was like very much on the show in my dream like I can still remember it to this day that's amazing that is manifesting yes because you have to be able to like play it out in your brain and like feel like it

you're actually there that yeah and feel like it's like actually your reality yeah what do you manifesting right now right now a new home because we've outgrown ours yeah fair so now i've i've realized that i've like taken this stuff like i've i've envisioned exactly what i want and i'm just like and as like different days the days go by i'm like oh i realized that like i just made this decision because I know that this is what I want. Yeah. So it's like it's doing the work while manifesting. It's so

hard to explain. It really is. I tried, do you know who Chris Korsini is? No. Oh, he's like this brilliant astrologer medium psychic. He does sign language while he talks, but he's so funny. He'll be like bitch, you need to be doing

this, Pisces, and I'm like I've just like zoned in every time he talks, he's amazing, but he can describe manifesting perfectly i'd love to meet him he's i had him on my podcast and i was like actually i had him on my podcast in my house and i was i like forced a friendship on him and made him go get drunk with me at dinner that's like the only way to do it though it's amazing yeah yeah but you have to like prove yourself first like i was like i just need to get him in my home yeah then he will want to be my friend but you're so busy you've manifested so many things and

you're like what's the biggest thing you've ever manifested you know i only just like thought about this the other day because I was doing a podcast and we were talking about manifesting and I'm like oh my god I just realized that I manifested my books back when I was 20 like I remember being in college in L.A. living in my apartment that was like right behind the Chinese theater. Yeah. Gromond's Chinese theater. And I started writing a book that was like really basically about like faking it until you make it and it was like this like girly how to kind of book. Yeah. And I still have it on one of my old computers because I keep all my old laptop. So I need to go look this up. But that's literally what my books are now. They're like basic bitch handbooks. Yeah. And I'm like, first of all,

who the f*** I think I was? Like, I didn't know shit when I was 20 years old in college writing this book. That's why you say you get more like you don't know shit growing up. When you're 20, was your confidence not out of control? No, yeah. Like someone should have had me in prison. I was like, I am the shit and I can do anything. Yes. That's what I mean. How does everyone get, like, how are people talking about how, like, you just get more confident as you age? I'm like, I felt like I knew everything back then.

I, like, I'm confident in a different way. It was delusional confidence, yes. I'm confident in a different way now. Like, now I just, I give less fuchs. Yeah. Like, so there's that. It's like there's too much real shit going on in life to care about stupid shit. So I feel confident like that.

And I do feel confident, like, I trust myself to make really good decisions now. But, like, other than that, that's where my confidence ends. That's kind of all you need, though. I guess. That's a good space to be in, I feel like. Yeah, I could do better. We could be better. Well, we can always be better.

True. That's just, that's just facts right there. What do you think is the most rewarding part of being a mom? Like, literally nothing is ever greater. Like, it's just you can't even explain that the, like, the love that you have. for these things yeah the fact that you don't even like yeah like it sucks that you don't get to live life for yourself but you end up not wanting to yeah like you want to live for them I don't know it's just there are a million things they're like built in best friends they're just

like I mean you're a prank it's just it's amazing okay you're selling me on it like there is nothing better but like if you don't I do tell people this though like if you're somebody that doesn't desire that like that doesn't that don't want kids and like don't it. I don't think it's for everyone. And you don't know what you don't know. That's so true. I go back and forth all the time because I'm like, I just want to be in like a good, healthy relationship to have a baby. I just have so many fears. My brain always goes to doomsday and worst case scenario. Okay. Yeah. No, you can't do. Yeah. And I can't even imagine what would that turn into like intrusive thoughts wise if I did have, because I like, I can't even handle a thought of like my

dog. What if my dog hurt its paw? And I didn't know. and he couldn't communicate to me. And he was just walking around with a little sore paw. That makes me, like, want to cry. I know exactly what you mean. I think I do have a superpower where I'm able to, like... Turn it off? Yeah.

Because when I feel an intrusive thought coming in like that, I fully don't let it. Oh. Like, because I don't... I wouldn't know how to actually, like, function as a human being if I just, like, let the intrusive mom thoughts take over. I wouldn't... We would not leave the house. Yeah.

Okay. So maybe that's what I need to work on if I want to be a parent is my intrusive thoughts. I mean, they are dark. Yeah, work on that. You know, go see that lady. Which one? I've got a few. The Jerusalem lady.

Oh, yeah, her. I'm like, which one? I've got a therapist, a spiritual coach, a medium, three psychics. Oh, come on. One of them is going to be able to help you with your intrusive thoughts. Well, they all tell me that I, they see a girl, a baby girl. Every single one of them has told me I have a baby girl waiting. Oh, I know.

Sweet. I know. And I'm talking like to the point where I'm like, Five of you have told me that now. Yeah. Wait, that's so special. I'm never using Jerusalem soap again. I would be like, everything is a lie.

But, yeah, every single one, I'm like, okay. That's really exciting. Before I got pregnant with Hartford, I had my psychic on my podcast, shout out of Chris Medina. Yeah. And he told me, he was like, next year, I see you getting pregnant with a girl. And I did. Holy crap. That's so crazy.

When psychics are right and when they're good. When they're right and they're really right and it's like wild. Yeah. When there's no denying it. Yeah. It's so wild. I wanted to ask you what sex life is like after two kids. Oh, Jesus.

Because I find that everybody, all my friends have kids. All of them have two kids actually. It's really crazy. But they're like, they go, it's just one of those ebbs and flows type things. But I'm like, that kind of happens even without kids. Correct. Yeah. I actually fully agree with that.

Like, as time goes on, even if you don't have children, like, you lose the initial, like, intense lust. Yeah. Like, I have to have you even if I'm on my period. Yeah. What is that? Like, literally no. Like, if I'm on my period, do not touch me. You don't even breathe in my direction.

I can't believe that, like, I used to have sex on my period. Like, that used to be me. I know. Because you're like, we love each other that much. Yeah. And this is never going to go away. We're going to want to have sex. Oh, my God.

seven times a day, every day for the rest of our lives. No, you're not. No, you're not. Kids or not. This is, this is where kids, where it makes it complicated. So, you run out of time. Yeah. When you have two children.

Because one of you is on the other one. Yeah. One of, like, one of you has to have each kid. Yeah. And then, divided conquer. Exactly. Yeah. By the end of the day, I personally am touched out.

I'm talked out. Yeah. I'm emotioned out. I like, I'm drained. I'm a shell of myself. But that's also because. I am in the like thick of it I have a three year old and a four month old so I know that it's I'm drained at the end of the day without that and so I always think about moms in those situations I'm like and even if you got sick you can't take a sick day no shit no that's crazy disgusting it's like it's cruel yeah I miss that type of drained the one that you're talking about where like where you don't have kids and you're drained at the end of the day and I just crawl into bed and like watch what you want do what you want like relax like that's like where it gets hard but I also know it's temporary like even when i just like had hartford it was hard to like feel sexual in the

beginning but then as she like got older it was like oh we're like getting back into the rhythm in our routine and how we figured out when to get it in and when you know so i know that there will come a time where it's more frequent but right now like i'm fully fine with like once every two weeks oh yeah whoa that seems like a lot my husband would beg to differ like it's like literally a some contention in our house. Men are so different. Men are so different. Yeah.

No, I'm good. Twice a month. I'm good right now. That's... I honestly think that's actually quite impressive because... Thank you. But I hope we'll listen to this. Yeah, we'll get...

I'm going to send him a little clip. Yeah, I was going to say, we'll cut this clip. Mm-hmm. And I'll... Because I get that way in like a year and a half into a relationship. I'm like, once every two weeks is fine. Okay. That makes me feel so much better.

Yeah, I don't need it. I feel like I'm dropping the ball. Even though I just said on my last podcast, I'm... been like like lately i'm like i think i got it back i like want it did you ever lose it yeah oh yeah it was gone i thought i was asexual i literally thought i was asexual and i thought while you were in your relationship or once once no it was the end of the relationship the end of the relationship i was like i think i'm just not um attracted to i was like i think at this point i'm i could see myself more with a woman i actually thought that really than a man i was like because

i i get it like i think women are hot and i could i could do that i just was like i just was like I guess this is it and I was fine with it but then once I started like going on a couple dates I was like oh and so like right away the dates were good well because I feel like it's I didn't really jump into like dating a bunch I was like more

flirting at first and then I but I had that urge to like I was like I kind of would like to hook up I would like his peep in the V yeah yeah yeah and I thought that I was really proud of myself for that because I was like okay I'm not the desert down there Caitlin got her groove back yeah she did she did ladies and gentlemen never mind good for you

this is why I can't write a book I understand that yeah it's but you know it sucks sometimes it's just it's the world we live in where like things get spun oh taking out of context put in a headline that doesn't make sense and people start believing that little line that they read and they don't know what you're crazy talking about and so then you just you're like I want to say everything but now I feel like I can't say anything at all that there was a cheating rumor about me that I cheated on Jason and I was like I will take any rumor about myself except for that one like I would not cheat and that like did you say anything I ended up saying something there's like some bachelor count that was claiming that I did yeah and I was like hey like there's a lot of nasty comments in here

but just one thing is for sure I was like I swear all my dog's life yeah there was no cheating squash that rumor right now because there was zero cheating that went on not even emotional so these accounts don't even but these accounts can literally whatever they want oh i know they're not verified okay you guys like i don't mean verified as in like the have the blue check mark i mean like yeah you never you don't even know who's behind them yes they could they literally could be just making shit up do you still love your husband what what is that one of your questions my girlfriends all tell me if you have babies get ready to hate your husband and i am like just trying to work through a lot of my own fears here okay

all right so they're not wrong they're not written down or how much much of couple goals you guys are and how cute you are and how I want to be like that. Okay, that's so nice. You're literally thought you wrote down. Oh, no.

Your husband. What's your secret? Okay. Your friends are not wrong. There are going to be moments where you're like, whether it's because of your hormones, like after you have a baby

are just like going crazy or because like as mothers, as the one that has to carry the child and like all that, you just by default. It doesn't matter. how much your husband or your partner does, by default, you have to do so much more. Yeah.

And so then when you already, like, feel like your body isn't your own anymore because it's been a host for something else and you look completely different, your mind is completely different. Your heart's different. Everything is different the second that you get pregnant and then have a baby. And then on top of that, you have this baby. And then it's pretty much up to you, the mom, to, like, fully take care of this baby. The baby needs you.

then you also hate the way you look and feel and so you just look at your husband like you don't have like you get resentful that makes so much sense but that doesn't last forever yeah that's they also say that that's like a little that's a phase okay and and it's not like it's like every day feels that way they're just like little moments but once like the kids get a little older even now that messers four months like i don't feel like that anymore because beau can do so much more because messer doesn't need just me yes you know yes i get no i get that i just i am just looking for a little bit of hope here and you're giving it to me okay yeah you are i feel like you guys are very cute and i'm thank you we have to work at it though of course and like we still like fight and argue and like want to kill each other all the time but that's that you would not be human if you didn't i don't know there are couples

that don't fight i don't believe it actually my dad and my set mom don't weirds me out isn't that insane yes like how can you just like and they're both retired so they're just spending all their time with each other like how i couldn't do it how how I couldn't do it. It's not in me. So I went to my Instagram story to get some questions from people. They're very excited that you're on the pod. Somebody wanted to know if you have ever done a tattoo tour or if you would ever tell

your story. You know, like, have you seen that on Instagram or TikTok where people do a tattoo tour? I don't have any tattoos. You don't? No. Well, somebody doesn't know. Maybe they're asking me. Probably you.

Oh, it was probably for me. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, yeah. So, yeah, they're really excited about having me. on your podcast. Lots of interesting questions.

Clearly that one I just was like, I thought maybe you had tattoos. No. Not one. Not one. Would you ever? No. I have gone so far that like literally there's nothing.

I'm like fascinated by people who get tattoos and my husband's like fully covered. He has a million tattoos. Yeah. I just can't imagine liking something enough to be like, wow, I love umbrellas so much that I need to get that umbrella on my leg. That's not why I get tattoo. though I don't do it because I love those things so much but mine you do you like aesthetic purposes I actually should do a tattoo tour just to show people how dumb they are and how I actually still like them you do really like all the tattoos that you still have tear drops here so that I could do this because I thought it was funny I still think it's funny it was 18 years ago okay I've got a LOL I've got one that I really need touched up a fairy because I'm a godmother to my favorite little boy okay so that is a that's a sentimental one like you love your role as a godparent so much that you got that yeah that wasn't sentimental the rose i was

like i thought i'd never i was angry at roses after the show and i was like i never want to see a rose again and then i was like wait that was a very pivotal moment in my life that really changed everything and like set me on a different trajectory into like success and so i was like rose okay i mean i could keep going but i'm it's this is a bar stamp from what going to the bar in New York. It may look like a cool tattoo. It's not. It looks like you just set your arm down on some writing.

Yeah. And it's a little dirty. Well, as you could tell, I did not want to wash off my spray tan. No, I still think your spray tan's great. This is the thing. Maybe I am a mess. No, you're not. Okay.

You're not. I change, like, my taste in jewelry too often. Yeah. That, like, what? I get it. That, like, I, the tattoos that I get, I wouldn't change my mind. Are you an extreme person? I don't think.

Okay. No, you're not. I don't. That makes sense. I know, I respect that. Stupid question. Do you love your husband? So, do you love your husband?

Would you support your kids if they wanted to do reality TV? Yeah, I'm not, I feel like I have to, I would support my kids regardless of what it is that they want. Like, even if it was like to be on only fans, it's like, you know, you got to let people be who they are. I agree. I can't control. Have you seen the Kelsey documentary of the Travis and Jason? No, but that is actually something that I do want to watch, I swear, even though I don't like sports. No, but I think they are like, I think the mom really encouraged them to be who they truly are.

And I've never seen it, but this is just what I'm gathering from the internet. And I feel like that's something that I would like to be as a parent. I fully agree with you. That is like, if someone were to ask me like, what is your parenting philosophy, that's like what it is. Like, I hope that my kids are happy. Like, they lead happy lives. And I hope that they just feel confident to be themselves. Well, they will because you.

Because they got me. Because they got you. They got me. Yeah. One word to describe Lisa Vanderpump. Regal. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She is regal. She really is. Imagine her with a bob. Oh, God. Wait. No. I can't. She's had the same hairstyle for...

That's true. It's iconic. Like, I can't picture her with a bob. That's true. I can't. I actually can, but that's because she just seems so chic to me. No, she could carry anything off, anything. But I just, like, can't think of, like, her with a different hairstyle.

I do love her iconic hair. Do you want more kids? I always thought I did until now. Because I realize that unless, like, half a billion dollars. Right. Half a billion. Yeah. Okay.

Lands in my lap. Yeah. Like, I want to be able to give my kids. like the experience like so many experiences i want to be able to travel with my husband again and my kids like i want to be able to yes i get that you know and like you can't that easily you can but like it's so much harder when you add a third like even like even yesterday like we take them out to go someplace and i'm like one of us has to be on one what the f yeah what do you do that's so true so like unless i can afford multiple nannies to fly with me everywhere yeah wherever

Wherever we go, I think I'm, I think we're done with the two, but like, never say never. Yeah, that's, I mean, never say never. I just heard a friend of a friend was sniffed and got, they got pregnant. I think he lied. Like, I think he lied. He actually didn't get snipped. He just wanted another baby. True psychopath behavior.

Like, I just like feel like how that can't be possible. No, I think it is. Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah, it happens. That would happen to me. No, that would 100% happen to me then.

Well, that would mean that you were meant to... Okay. Last thing. I like to play this game called How Do You Proceed, where I just give you a scenario and you tell me what you'd do in that scenario. Okay. And it's really weird. Okay.

Okay, you get stuck in an elevator with two of your least favorite people. How do you proceed? I'm trying to think of, like, people that I really don't like. Okay. Hold on. Let me think of some people. I'm like trying to put my mind reading. Oh, my God.

I'm not on right now. I'm like... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Am I making you uncomfortable? Yeah. Sorry. I don't like this negativity.

But maybe I was setting you up for a spin zone where you would ask them how they are and wish them all. I would, it would be two routes. Okay. If I like, if I'm like, I really don't like these people, I'm going to be the stronger one and be silent and really torture them and make them feel like worthless. Like I'm not even going to give you a conversation even though we are stuck in the elevator together. If they said, how's it going? You'd just be like, it's great. like that's one word and just like make it like I'm so like you are so uninteresting to me that like I love that even in this elevator that we're stuck in I would rather be alone with my thoughts staring at the wall than talk to you you just turn into the corner that's what I would do I would just like I think that's start humming that's probably would be my route or I would go rogue and just be like let's hash it out like it's

I would go, or I'd go rogue. Like it's one, there's nothing in the middle. You like check for cameras and then you're like, this is my chance. We're in a box and I'm just going to say everything I've ever thought of. That's funny. You're at a restaurant with your family and the people at the table next to you start taking your picture. How do you proceed? Oh, no.

And I can tell. Yeah. I can tell. Like, obviously that's happened before. Yeah. But like normally I'm, I'm kind of oblivious and my husband's like aware on my behalf. Yeah. I don't know if I would, I actually like kind of am like a little chicken shit sometimes.

because this is why because all of these social media accounts that post every interaction that a follower or a fan has with someone like we were just talking about can be made to be something that

it's not so if I were to actually be like can you delete that photo like I know you just took a photo I could piss that person off so much that they run to do moi or wherever and then just like tell a lie because I've fueled their anger so like they make it they make me sound worse than I am that sometimes I'm like it's not even worth it like they have too much power I agree I've given them too much power but it is what it is

right now I'd rather just like not rock the boat at this point someone took a sneaky photo of me at dinner the other night and I saw it and then they it got posted somewhere and they were like yeah she glared at me for taking the photo I was like no it's just really uncomfortable because I was like I was like I see you taking the photo of me I'm uncomfortable I feel violated Yes. Sometimes, I will say this, I have actually in the past, when I've caught someone doing that, I have said, do you want to take a selfie? Yeah, I have said that too. Because it's like, dude. I just feel, I feel uncomfortable when people are like sneaky. Like I'm like, no shit. Who in the world wants their photograph taken behind their back? No. Not me. Bless you, paparazzi. You're for your hard work. Thank you. Thoughts of prayers to the paparazzi community. Okay, last one. You randomly wake up one day with the ability to read minds. How do you? proceed it would honestly kind of be the worst right because you like can't turn it off i've seen what women want i love that mill mel gipson mel yeah like uh helen hunt i i i don't know

that i would i don't want it i vote no you how do you proceed i decline the offer i decline the offer 100% that's amazing i love this i'm like i don't even know what time it is but probably over time because i just could talk to well guess what guess what you get to you get to You get to talk to me some more. Now the tables are turning. Podcast swaps used to be like such a big thing back in the day. And I feel like I just brought it back. This is like now my second one.

Oh, I love a swap. Are people, people are still doing this? People are still doing it. All right. Yeah. Cool. I love a swap. Stay tuned.

Okay. So if you guys want to hear more of this, which I would. Right? I would. Who the fuck wouldn't? I don't know. But you can listen to that podcast because we're doing it next. I'm Caitlin Bristow.

I'll see you next Tuesday. I don't know.