Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Stop Looking at me Serinda Swan

Episode Date: May 9, 2019

Today actress, model, activist, and all around bad ass Serinda Swan joins the podcast for some Grape Therapy! Having recently shaved her head for the role of Medusa on ABC’s Miniseries “Inhumans,” Serinda speaks about jumping at the opportunity while reflecting on the social pressures that kept her from enjoying the look in her youth. Kaitlyn also chats with Serinda about her charity work and how she was able to parlay her advocacy against human trafficking into her role on USA’s “Graceland”. And Serinda even explains the differences she sees between influence and impact so she can use her career as a platform rather than forming a pedestal. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Grace Therapy. Caitlin Bristow's going to answer your question. drink to your confessions and hear what you have to say about anything bachelor let's shake it up some more here's katelyn hey everybody welcome to grape therapy i'm your host katelyl bristow please welcome sirinda swan stop looking at me swan uh i've been trying to connect with her on the show because not only is she a phenomenal actress uh what you are have been in so much stuff by the way like kevin yes i mean you know we're always so self-critical so i mean like there could my do more. Oh, no, no. You are absolutely killing it. But you also are passionate about doing unbelievable things to give back to the community. Can't wait to talk about all the things that

you're doing right now. And also, I watched your TED Talk. That was a, you, I already had it, you had me hooked at your, the title of it, how much weight we put on our hair. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Because one, I feel like my hair is one of my biggest insecurities. And it's probably just from life and not even realizing it that like I'll never forget two things guys said to me in school they said uh you would be you would be hotter if you had blonde hair and you'd be hotter if you weren't so skinny yeah I got those two things from guys in school all the time and I don't you don't realize how much it affects you it affects you and how much pressure is put on your freaking hair yeah and the color of your hair and so when I watched this TED talk I was like

whoa that is deeper than I ever thought this topic could be you. for hair yeah and it was really and so you actually did shave your head was it for a role yeah yeah I shaved my my head I remember when the when the project came in and the title for the role because it was all secret yeah really talk about it was female lead must be willing to shave head and I was like well that's me I cannot wait oh you were so pumped I was so pumped I yeah as I talk about in the in the podcast or in the TED talk a little bit I I photoshop my head on on Natalie Portman's face. Yeah.

Or I photoshop my face on Natalie Portman's head, like three years before. Because I wanted to see what I looked like with a shaved head. Yeah. And it's something that I always wanted to do, but because of my experience when I was 12 or 11, when I'd cut my hair short and had the same experience as you, was the moment I cut my hair short, everybody started looking at me differently. And once people start looking at you differently, it takes a huge amount of courage and, like, self-autonomy to be able to not be affected by it. So as an 11-year-old, I obviously got incredibly

affected. So for me, how they looked at me changed how I looked at myself. And that was really difficult because, you know, short hair means you're not feminine or short hair means you're not hot or short, you know, all these things. And it didn't help that I was, you know, a jacked gymnast at that point. Like I literally, I could have been on Elward Jr. in two seconds. Like, it was, I was a hot mess in a good way, in a good way. But like, I was just ahead of my time for that period. Yeah. And kids are mean. Kids are, you know, different doesn't mean good. Well, they don't understand, you know, they don't have the life experience or knowledge to see any different from what they know. Yeah. And that causes them to say things that can affect

somebody their whole life and without even realizing it. Yeah. And I mean, at our age, like we're similar age. So for us, we didn't have the diversity that we do now in the media. We didn't have these movements where we made sure that there was like, you know, diverse princesses and that there was, you know, that we were. Which I still don't think there really is. I mean, we're starting, but it's, we're just scratching the surface, which needs to be done. You know, I don't want to, yeah, I don't want to discourage progress or criticize progress. But, you know, we can, we can do it a little faster. Right. But at that time, you know, every single princess that I saw didn't look like me, you know, and I didn't have,

I never saw myself represented on television or in the media or in a storybook. Like, I just didn't see that. And so I wanted to see myself, but my only reflection was through other people's eyes. And so, you know, if that's your mirror, and your mirror is telling you you you're not good enough, or your mirror is telling you you should be blonde or you should be more couracious. Yeah, especially at that age where you're so fragile. Yeah. And you, you, you know, You mold. And that's what I did. I molded.

And I was like, I'm going to quit gymnastics and I'm going to, you know, try to blossom and grow my hair out and get a tan. And I came out and was like bikinis. And that was a horrible period in my life. I still look at it and I'm like, oh, God. Because sometimes, and I did this in my young 20s, you just try and be somebody that you think people want to see. Yeah. And we get tricked. Like we get tricked as young women into believing.

that our ultimate worth is our capacity to create arousal in the opposite sex. Yeah. And if we can do that and the better we can do that, the more likes we get, literally now, the more likes we get. So you're seeing this epidemic on social media of these girls that are just tits and assing it. And I don't judge the girl. I'm like, my God, darling, you are being tricked. And the day that you wake up from that trick is going to be a really hard day because I did.

I went through that. And I still look at me in push up bras or bikinis or lingerie in photos where I'm like, I can see behind my eyes how miserable I am. And it wasn't until I did Maxim one day and I went home bawling that I was like, okay, I got to change. This isn't me. Right. And you did.

And you have, you've been really good about staying true to who you are. I try. I'm trying to figure out who I am still. We all are. Yeah. I'm probably going to try and figure out who I am until like I'm like 99. That's the point of life, I think, right? I hope, my goal is to live to 100.

I'm like, I will hit 100. And now I will still be trying to figure out who I am. Yeah. But I think by 100, we're just not going to give a shit. I think by that point in time, you're right. I'm going to be the grumpiest old curmudgeoned 100-year-old. I always say that about myself. I'm just going to be like a drunk, angry old woman who just like yells at kids who are on her lawn.

Yeah. Well, I sit out on my rocking chair. Inspirational quotes. Like, that's what I'm going to start doing. But like backwards ones. Like, I'm going to just like read the opposite. of like Instagram quotes to kids and just see what happens. All right, quick break.

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light. Yeah. And now I'm just like, that's the same as hope and prayers. Like, what are we doing? Like, what does it actually mean? Right. Those are words. Those are the actions. Let's start actually taking a look at, you know, not, it's another fad. It's another, it's, if you're, if you're easily swayed into saying love and light, you can be easily swayed into saying something racist. Right. You know, and I mean, I know that's a large swing, but what I'm saying is without consciousness, we don't know what we're saying. Yes. And so that is what we need to start bringing into our words rather than the fad. And I've had people that say things. They're like, oh, you know, it's like cool on the streets. And I'm like, but do you actually know what you're saying?

Because what you mean to do is very different than what you're actually doing. So let's take a look at our actions. Let's take a look at how conscious we are of what we're doing. And if you do tag or say or send love and light, then I expect to see it within your life as well. And that's, you know, And I'm trying to practice what I preach, too. I'm not sitting here being like, you need to change. It's like, okay. Like check yourself. Check yourself.

See what patterns or fads or things I've fallen into and be like, oh. I mean, I will say this for myself. I try and do what I call realstagrams where I post without makeup and like maybe I have a couple zits on my face that I don't cover up and just putting myself out there in like a vulnerable position. But still, it's something I still need to work on because I, it's not like, I'm putting out a terrible, like, I still am like, well, I kind of look cute, you know? Yeah, yeah. No, I get it. I took a picture the other day to do one of those.

Right. And I was like, nope. Not doing that one. Exactly. And then I had to sit there with myself and be like, why? Yeah. But why? Yeah.

And it was a really interesting conversation with myself. And I think there's fear still in there. And I think because of the last year or two years that I've had being blonde, brunette, redhead, shaved, long. Like, every single time I look in the mirror, there's somebody different staring back at me. and to be able to not hold on to any part of my identity that would be wrapped in my physical appearance is what's falling away. Like what, you know, every couple of days,

my appearance changes based on my hair or where I go or what role you're in. Yeah. And so it's really been interesting to disengage from any ego that's there on what I consider to value, whether it be my hair or my weight or my skin or... And what do you do to help? help yourself with that. I mean, you're in the Hollywood world. You're playing different roles and

you're on social media and you have this image where, like, if you do Google you, there are like the maximum images and, you know, all those things. That makes my hand sweat. It's crazy, because it's so far from who I am. But, but you can talk about that and you can have conversation around it and admit that and say that, you know, who hasn't done something that they were like, that's not me and that doesn't make me comfortable and I learned from it. And like, what, what, what, kind of self like what kind of tools do you teach yourself to to practice self-love and to actually just dive into who you actually are instead of what you think you're supposed to be it's I mean that's the biggest trap is who you're supposed to be I mean who says who you're supposed

to be right um for me I think you know there was a long time that I I had shame attached with what I the modeling in quotations I had done and that was when I realized the trick that I was talking about. That's when I realized, and I had to forgive young me and be like, you know, my darling, that was not your fault. That was not a defect or a deficiency of character. That was what you were told you should be based on your genetics, which you have nothing to do with. My mother and my father got together. They had a child. I am the genetic offspring of that. How I look is strictly based on that. Right. So for me to create a career out of it, fine, but for me to create self-worth out of what I look like is ridiculous to me.

But that is what we're told within society is how you look is where you fit within a certain value system. And that's always been as well, and it still is. It still is. And we're breaking out of it a little bit. We're definitely, you know, the bandwidth is, is. is getting farther and farther of what people think we're capable of. And that's something that I'm pushing at. I'm pushing at the sides of myself to be like, don't worry, shave your head. Like, you'll be fine.

Don't worry for this role. Put on 10 pounds. You'll be fine. You can age up for this role. You can have a kid for this role. Like, do all of these things. And I think about 10 years ago, I started working with a teacher in Malaysia that teaches meditation and teaches

just some really amazing kind of life lessons for me that I really connected with. And that really changed my life. It was really something that, yeah, I was able to see the difference between the experience and the experiencer. Like for me, I, like, it's hard to describe, but for me, there is the experiencer and then there's an experience. So if I'm experiencing sadness, I can either become the sadness and I can either become the sadness And I can either be like, okay, I'm going to make me sad or I can say, no, I'm experiencing sadness. So there's like a little buffer in between the two. Yeah, it's interesting.

But it's like, I mean, I'm bringing it down to the simplest form. But that was one of the first things that I learned 10 years ago was giving myself the space between the experience and the experiencer, whether it's positive or negative. So if I'm being told that I did amazing work in a film, still keep that space. I'm experiencing somebody telling me that this is good. just in case or just as the same if they tell me that it's bad. I don't have to take it on and then personify it and store it away. And, you know, in my character is like trauma or whatever it is.

I can have that little bit of a buffer. Once I started kind of learning these life skills. That's a really great way to look at things. I'm going to carry that one. Oh, good. Yeah. It worked for me. It was, that was the first thing I heard and I went, I understand that.

What else you got? Yeah. When did you say you started working with her? 10 years ago. With him. Oh, him. Yeah. That's, so you've been practicing this for 10 years?

10 years, yeah. Which that must have made such a difference in your life. A huge difference. I mean, I can think I've, I've been practicing meditation just on like very, you know, I use an app. And it just helps me in certain things for maybe three years. And I can't believe the difference in myself in three years of just even acknowledging how I'm feeling and working on myself. Like just three years. I'm a different person.

Yeah. I can't imagine working with somebody like that for over 10 years. Yeah. Well, I mean, I feel like it's the same. Everybody finds something that resonates with them and you go from there. Like, I remember, I mean, there's a million different forms of meditation. Like, some people sit and have like a blank mind. For me, that doesn't work.

Right. Because I am, my mindfulness is when I actually sit and clear my mind so that I can think. Because being, you know, mindless is being on social media. It's driving. It's listening to music. Like I don't actually sit and focus that often on who I am, why I'm here, the impact I want to make, the impact within myself I want to see changed, those types of things. So for me, the meditations where you just sit and think of nothing didn't work for me. Yeah, that doesn't work for you.

Yeah. I was like, I need to have constructive situations where I can sit down and really think about, okay, like within this one situation, what am I trying to manifest? Or within this one situation, like, what do I need to change? or why am I being affected by this group of people or why do I feel less than when I'm in this situation and just sitting with it? And sometimes I didn't know. And I was like, I don't know,

but at least in not knowing I know. Well, that's it. I mean, that's part of it is I think people don't want to sit in the uncomfortable, which is where you grow the most if you actually just go there. It's just so uncomfortable for people to dig that far down and understand or try to understand so that they just kind of put it off and don't go

there. Yeah, and it's not their fault. I mean, the thing is, is that I even look at how trained I am to pick up my phone and swipe up and suddenly be on an app that I had no idea that I wanted to be on. I just watched the little like monkey mind I have being like, swipe on. And I was like, whoa. Yeah. When did that start? Yeah. And so it's, I think what's happening is we start judging ourselves as soon as we can't focus our mind. And it's the same thing as we start judging ourselves when immediately we fall into a value system of being like, I need to be attractive to the opposite sex or I need to be liked by a group of people or I need to be a certain weight or look a certain way. These are all things that come from the outside. No child was born

with that belief system inside of them. I mean, you look at little kids, they think they're fucking perfect. Yeah. Yeah. And they are. Yeah. It's us who start to shape them and go, oh, honey, don't do this or do that or what they start to see a princess looks like or what they start to see that their hero looks like. Yeah. We slowly start molding into this value system that really doesn't serve anyone in my eyes. I mean, You can play in it. I play in that volume system, but I'm aware of it now. I'm being like, oh, okay.

So how do we make a change? Is it just being aware? I don't know. I mean, like how do you, if you were to have a child and that, you know, they come into you have to, you have to teach them right from wrong. You have to say, don't do that. You have to, there's certain things. I don't understand, like that is my biggest fear in life is raising a child and not doing

everything correctly and to give them the best. You won't. You won't do everything correct. No. And you have to accept that. Yeah. And that, but that is the thing is saying I'm going to do my best and I'm going to be honest with you that my best is just my best. It's not the best. That's all I can offer you. And giving them self-sabrenity and being able to say, you know, when you're right, when you're wrong, whatever it is, I don't know how to do. I don't have children yet. I have a dog. That's it. Yeah. Which is also like a child. It's like a child. It's a fur baby. But he can never speak. So when I did fuck up, he can't tell anybody. Or any of his bad behaviors, I'm like, let's not show those to people.

Or I just won't teach my children that. What kind of dog do you? I have a French bulldog. His name's Buddha. He's 12. Oh, really? I know. Yeah, he looks like a loaf of bread with gummy bears for legs.

He just like waddles around, yeah. A loaf of bread with gummy bears. Yeah, see, now you know, but now you, you painted a pretty picture. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, that's exactly what he looks like. But I think you're doing such a good job of acknowledging and being aware of everything that's out there and trying to work on things and change things. And you have this platform and I feel like you do a good job of speaking to it.

And what did you? You were, tell me about the charity stuff that you do because I find this so amazing and incredible what you do and your passion behind it. Yeah. I mean, a lot of it came around the same time that I started working internally on myself. And I, these, I'm always. so self-conscious of talking about these sort of things. So I'm like, oh gosh, there's so many of these conversations where we're like,

look inside and start to develop like your internal feelings or whatnot. But that's the thing is that's how I got here was looking at looking at the difference between a platform and a pedestal and knowing that I didn't want a pedestal because there's only room for one on a pedestal and I'm not comfortable standing up there and going like, let's celebrate me I want a platform I want a platform so there can be many people standing up here with me that I can champion different causes that I can use whatever spotlight I have to deflect onto issues onto people onto causes that I care about and I think learning that about 10 years ago I got a tattoo on on my ribs that says may my success be for the success of humanity

and that is and has been and will always be my mantra for why I do things and why I'm compelled to continue to fight for the platform versus the pedestal. I love that. I mean, I do too. That's why I got a tattoo. I hope you do. That shit is all me for a knife, girl. Permanent.

Permanently on there. Which, by the way, when we were getting tattoos or when I was getting tattoos way back in the day, nobody had that beautiful like single needle like Doctor Whoo style I'm like I have a f*** sharpie My rib one I have this nice dainty one

But I have on my ribs It's like like they're numbers And they're all like starting to mesh together And like just really poorly done Yeah no no I had I got a swan tattooed And then everybody was like Oh my god your duck is dope

And I was like Oh You're devastating My duck my duck Everyone called me swuck for a while There was like, it was my swan duck, and then I was like, cool, I should never have gotten this, ever. I was 16, and I got it at like Mom's Tattoo in North Vancouver. Oh, my gosh.

By the way, moms, yes, you got a, you did tattoo on a underage person. Oh, no. Yes, straight up. Did you sign something? Were you like, I have a fake ID? No, they literally, it was not, I remember, it was my G-Block spare. We had a group of girls that dared each other to do things. Yeah.

We didn't do it. We had to shave our eyebrows off. What? Yeah, it was really aggressive. Did you ever shave your eyebrows off? No, because I did it. Oh, okay, right, right, right. Right. That's why.

That's amazing. It was by the end of the week that we had to get it done, and I was in my G-block spare, and I hadn't got it done yet, and I was hiding in the bathroom because I was like, oh, my God, I'm going to have to get my eyebrows shaved off. What am I going to do? And I'm sitting there hiding in the toilet, and I look over, and any Canadians out there are going to know there is a toilet paper and tissue brand called Swan. Mm-hmm.

Yep. The logo happens to be a swan. So what does Sorinda Swan decide to do is to rip off the logo of a toy. toilet paper company and take it to a tattoo parlor in North Vancouver in her G-Block spare and say, please, would you tattoo this on me? And the woman looks me and goes, you definitely don't look like you're over, you look like you're still in high school. And I looked her dead in the eyes and was like, if I was in high school, wouldn't I be in high school right now? And she took that and she took it and tattooed a fucking swuck on me. Yeah, I think that was part of it. She was like,

well, if you're going to be skipping, you're getting a duck. So I had a duck for a very long time and then... Did you get it removed? No, I tattooed a fucking rose over it like an asshole. And now I have this shitty rose on top of it. Because some boy was like, babe, I think roses are so hot. And I was like, oh, my God. Again, impressionable.

I was like, let me be what you think I should be. And then I got a horrible, like, sailor version of a rose over top of it. And I was like, okay, I'm stopping. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I mean, I have my ex's initials tattooed on me, so yeah. Do you? Yeah.

That's awesome. I didn't shave my legs I don't JK I mean just kidding well and now my boyfriend's name's Jason and I'm Caitlin so I'm like look how romantic

that turned out You know it's meant to be It was like yeah It was like like Babe I was actually psychic And I knew this was going to happen My intuition told me I would meet another Jay

In my days Yeah Or you could just put rolling after it And say you love Harry Potter Oh You know a worst case scenario I know And I feel like

I know. I also just started Game of Thrones. I'm very behind on... Oh, I did too. Don't worry. I'm still on season one. Okay. I binge watched 72 hours of television recently and watched all of them.

So now I'm... Oh, you're caught up? Yeah, except for... I haven't seen the last episode, and I was at lunch earlier today, and some woman was talking extremely behind me talking about it. And I literally was like, this is rude. Like, you cannot talk about Game of Thrones on a Monday with spoilers. No.

No, you cannot. You cannot. Do it. Yeah, that should just be a law. Yeah. I can't even go. I don't scroll Twitter. I don't do anytime I see anything like game of, I'm like, blah, I just don't look. Yeah, but you're so far away that I feel like by the time you get to the. I'm so lost. Yeah, you're fine. It'll, it takes a second to get into it. But once you get into it, it'll eat your soul. It's already eating my soul. But I'm like so lost and confused that Jason will like send me maps and like certain like diagrams of the families and the names and everything I need to know. and then he'll sit on FaceTime with me

and we'll press play on three we'll go one two three play and then we go on mute and then if I have any questions I come on and ask him That's adorable. That is a good man That is worthy of a foot tattoo

Yes I agree I might even add his whole name on there He's earning that ink Yeah he's a true gem We're also doing this thing online That's a relationship course With this girl her name's Vienna Farron I think you pronounced her last name

She's mindful on on Instagram mindful, God, I should know this. I had her on my podcast, so people know who I'm talking about. But her and her husband do this relationship reset. And Jason and I are very new. We've only been dating a few months. But we were like, you know, that's like, that's a good way to get to know each other. And so it really goes deep into like.

Oh, yeah. They don't mess around. No. And it's talking about your shadows and your sacred feelings and what shadow your parents had and how you carry that into your relationship. Oh, I feel like my girlfriend just did this. probably yeah i feel like my girl hey nat just blowing you up on here sweetheart i won't say your last name yeah no it's a great thing to do yeah absolutely and i was i feel like i got to know him so much

better i figured out like certain things he said to me i remember he was like oh when you doubt our relationship you're not discrediting like what i do for you you're actually just like afraid because of your parents and instead of me saying why why are you discrediting what i do i should say I should like reinforce that I just love you and he's amazing I mean. He's,

yeah, he's great. But it was interesting because you learn even just how to like if we have an argument I'll know certain things of his triggers and how to communicate. He's the best communicator I've ever met.

And so it's he. Oh. When's his birthday? October 24th. Okay, great. I was about to be like, oh no, I know.

And I do that all the time. I literally forgot my ex's birthday. and I called him twice on the actual day and was like, what are you doing? He's like, I just bought a motorcycle. And I was like, why? He was like, just felt like it. And then the next day, realized

it was his birthday. Oh, shoot. And I literally talked to him twice and was like, I mean, I was away shooting and he was here and it was a long time ago. But I definitely felt like an asshole. Well, it happens. birthdays are tough to remember.

They shouldn't be that hard. I'm the worst, though. My best friend in Vancouver has a daughter and she literally, she's eight years old now and she has to text me a day before. And she's my goddaughter. Oh, well, that's great, though, that she texts you a day before to remind you.

It's an angry text. It's not like, it's like a passive, aggressive, like your goddaughter's birthday is in T-minus 14 hours. Like, you need to pull it together. I'm like, yep, yep, yep, it's on the way. Presence is on the way. Amazon now. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, what can I get delivered in two hours?

Yeah. And then pretend it was like a day early. Like, of course. Yeah. It's there. That's, um, what? I just lost my train clock. I love how literally you were like, let's talk about charity.

And I went from that into like Harry Potter tattoo. counseling and now my goddaughter. Welcome to this podcast because I genuinely jump all over the place all the time and have no idea where I'm going with it. Perfect. So you're very, you're on brand right. Yeah, you're on trend. All right.

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Hot off his appearance on the mask. singer, the NSYNC singer turned actor joins his manager of 25 years to take you behind the curtain of pop culture with their unique connections in showbiz. Download two cups of Joe with Joey Patone and Joe Malvehill every Thursday on podcast one or wherever you get your favorite podcast. You're listening to Off the Vine Race Therapy. Okay, Charity, yes. Yes. Tell me everything. Um, okay, oh, I just fell off the desk. Yeah, it's the wine. I do it all the time. I am, I'm so jet-leg, so I think between the two. I started the podcast, I had already started

on my second glass. Yeah. No, that's, this is what you should be doing. In my randomly chilled glass brewmate. Brumate. It keeps everything cold. It does. Glorious. This is, I'm and it looks cool. It does. Yeah, it's like a matte black gangster cup. It's funny because I can't decide whether

or not I'm camping or glamping or just hanging. Hanging. Yeah. All of them. I've been in Morocco for the past month, so everything was sort of this theme. I can't have it. Please tell me you saved all Instagram stories and it's on like a highlight. I haven't yet, but I will. I'm learning, I'm learning how to do these things. I did a Vancouver highlight recently because I don't know how to do

I get somebody else too. Oh, see, this is probably why I hate social media. I'm like, please do something. I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, but you, that's, but this is like part of what you do and you do it so well. So for me, I literally accidentally post things all the time. And then I'm like, oh, I'm that person. Yeah. Shoot. That's okay. People like that person. Yeah. I just delete them very quickly because sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh. God. I'm also slightly like OCD about like colors matching. So sometimes I like post a picture. I'm like, it doesn't match my colors. See, I am the complete opposite. I'm like the more random the better. Like I just throw stuff out there all the time. I'm so like I think it's like the

artistic side of me that really I love like I love. No, your page is gorgeous. It's, I'm always so in everything you do. I'm like, you live such an unreal like adventurous life. No, it's unreal. It's not real. What you see on Instagram is not real. No, it never is. It never is. And that's the thing is like it's a highlight reel. Yeah. And we all know that.

Yes, of course. It's like it's that piece of being like, that's the best photo out of 30. And that's the, you know, I mean, I try to, I try to stay away from, you know, really diving into that world too much. I think the main thing that I do love getting into is the charity side of things. And that was, oh, look at me, segue. Anyway, that was in 2012. Nice. Like, nice, girl, nice.

Oh, she just blew it up. So, in 2012, I watched, I accidentally, I don't want to sit here and pretend that, you know, in 2012 I watched documentaries. I didn't. I was working on a television show in Toronto, and I happened to turn on the television, pour myself a glass of wine, and wanted, like, ambient background noise. and I happened to turn on a channel that I guess was doing a documentary on sex trafficking and it blew my mind the statistics and I started to realize how incredibly lucky I was I started you know it's like a geographic lottery at birth being born in Vancouver, Canada

to be female means you have the right to an education you have a right to your voice, you have a right to choice, you know, there's dangers that you can come up against, but it's not like one in four girls are going to be trafficked or attacked at some point in their life. I mean, we're coming up against such a staggering amount of women and children that are sold every year into the industry. And it really bothers me calling it an industry because I work in an industry and I don't think that we can call it sex trafficking because sex implies that there's two willing participants. Right. These women are being raped daily between 20 to 30 clients a day.

Gosh. Yeah. Yeah, there's, I mean, 1.2 million women and children are sold every year. The average age is 13. Is that really? Every year. Yeah. Yeah. The average age is 13.

Oh, my gosh. And in a lot of countries, their life expectancy is three years because of disease and abuse. And these are the things that I hurt. These are the things that I sat down and went, wait a second, and I looked at a girl on screen that was the exact same age as me, and I realized that she hadn't made a choice that was different than me. She wasn't any better or worse. She hadn't done anything to deserve it. She literally just happened to be born in a different country.

And I just looked at myself and went, what am I doing with my privilege? What am I doing? like absolutely nothing and on top of that I'm an actor and I mean what what platform I have you know especially at that time I was like I don't know what I can do but I need to go and there was just like fire lit within me and I bought a plane ticket and I went to Malaysia and Cambodia and Thailand and I went and I knocked on doors and you know sat in brothels and sat in rescue shelters and was like I have to make change like I have to figure out how to do this and started a yearly fundraiser and then I cycled across Cambodia and then I started working with the UN and and started figuring out ways to get it integrated into the work that I do. So I got a storyline written into the next show that I was working on. Oh, wow. Yeah, I got my character actually who was a DEA agent sold into a sex trafficking ring and for the entire season it became the A plot of the entire series bringing awareness. Yeah. Good for you. Yeah, it was the honestly it was like it was one of the

coolest things ever because my voice became my character's voice and I pulled in the UN and we started doing PSAs in the commercials on USA Network, which I give huge props to USA Network for actually doing that and this was like five years ago. I just gave me goosebumps. That's amazing. Yeah, it was

for me like it was a mixture between it's hard because for me what I have been saying recently is like education is education only harnesses the capacity of the mind. It doesn't harness the capacity of the heart. And that's our biggest problem right now is that our education system really only targets the brain. It really only targets what we can learn

through our thoughts, through our minds, but we're not, we're not linking the two. And anything that I've actually had a lasting impact from or anything that I've actually, you know, has sustainable impact for me is something that hit my heart first. Right. And And that's what I am trying to do now through an education company that I have, is figuring out how to link the heart and the mind together. So it's like for me, like, I always ask people, I'm like, what was something that hit your heart? Like, what was something that you felt in a way that changed your life?

Like, actually, like, for you. I know when you were saying that, I was trying to think. I mean, I'm like the biggest animal lover. and there's this there's this girl who goes and saves animals in China and stuff from and she would send me information on these dogs that like I found out that golden retrievers

were the easiest to abuse because they take it so well and she was telling me all these stories and it made me never want to just go by a dog like I'm like I need to rescue all the dogs in the world and I just feel like that's something that stands out when you ask me that. Yeah and that's the thing is

when we're educated on a topic through our heart. It's something we don't forget. It's the first thing that comes to our mind. It's something that we can articulate in a way that other people understand. But if I asked you to pull a fact

from high school on World War II or on some biological thing that we learned back in the day on our three brains, being like, tell me more about the mammalian, reptilian, or the prefrontal cortex. You'd be like,

how do you even know those words? I know that because we're actually building a curriculum right now on FOMO for kids. Okay. So we're dealing with like factor feelings. Like what's a fact and what's a feeling? And kids are like, I feel FOMO. I'm like, cool, but do you know what FOMO actually is?

And they're like, fear of missing out. I'm like, no, it's actually not. We have our three brains. We have our reptilian, mammalian, and prefrontal cortex. Our mammalian brain is where we have fight or flight. It's where we have PAC mentality. So back in the day, our biological reaction to PAC mentality is when our PAC would leave. We would automatically get the tingling.

the sweaty palms. We would get a feeling if I need to be a part of that. Otherwise, I'm going to get picked off. Whether or not you knew you were going to get picked off, our biology knew that we needed to be a part of a pack to survive. So it's in our DNA. It's in our biology. It's something that we need to do. So when now our prefrontal cortex is evolving at such a high rate that our biology, our mammalian and our reptilian brains are still stuck in the biology, which they should for us to be able to breathe and do everything we need to and our emotions. But we're evolving in a way that we're forgetting about what our biology is actually doing. So when we feel FOMO, we're taking it personally.

We're going, oh, my gosh, this is about my personality. This is about who I am. I'm being left out. Or why do I have anxiety around this? And it's like, no, no, no, that's actually your biology that's just making sure that you stay in a pack so you don't get picked off by a hyena. We don't have hyenas anymore. So we're good.

Yeah, we're good. But our biology doesn't know that because it's something the same as when we get hot, we sweat. Or when our eyes get dry, we blink. It's those types of things that it's built into us. So we're trying to get kids to understand the difference between a fact and a feeling. And the fact is, FOMO comes from your mammalian brain. Wow. This is fascinating.

I'm like, I was one of those people. I'm like, yes, FOMO. But this is the thing is because we didn't have this in our high schools yet. And this is what I want to try to bring into high school. I always think that. So you know Aaron Trelor, who does the raw beauty talks? Yeah. So that, I'm like, she wants to get that, you know, into school systems. And I'm like, why, why is it so tough to, like, branch out from social science, like, facts and bring in things that are actually so important into school systems? Why is that so? It's an archaic system. That's why. I mean, that was my first thing is when I started the company that my business partner, Andrew and I created is a company called Deidley. And that's what we do is we basically bring, education. We bring an elite program to all children, not just elite kids. So everything from Title I schools to charter schools to private schools have the ability to be able to access curriculum that has everything from mind mapping to empathy, to civil action, to the

world water crisis, all of these things. And they're delivered in three to seven minute bites videos that they get to watch. And by watching them, they get educated on an issue. And then at the end, they do a quiz or an activity, and they have the opportunity to actually unlock real donation dollars to donate themselves towards the cause. Wow. Yeah. So it's action-based. So we go from action to activist and be like, all right, let's figure out what you care about.

So that story about animals, within high school or within elementary school, that would have already been developed. We would have been able to harness the capacity of your heart and then show you where you can make a difference, not only monetarily. We always say a donation isn't just a dollar. It's a conversation, it's a tweet, it's a retweet, it's a vote, and a dollar is a vote. Whatever you put your money towards, you're voting towards that being part of your future. So whether that's fast fashion, whether that's, you know, single-use plastics, those are all things that we have a choice to vote for.

And we tell kids that at the beginning. We give them the information to be able to say, what kind of world do you want to be in? Now, when we started developing the curriculum, we went to school boards and different things like that. And we're like, right? This is amazing. like, don't you want your kids to know this? They're like, no. Yeah.

No. We have textbooks, and they're going to read from their textbooks. So we hacked in and we're like, cool, we're going to build an online technological tech company that, as you can tell, my business partner is the tech side of things. I'm the more creative side. I'm like an online technological tech, tech company with tech stuff, and we do tech. Hey, you've got to have both. Yeah, he owns the tech company.

I do all the creative side of things. And then we have the most incredible team of human beings. that do the curriculum and we have a production team that does it all. And yeah, it blows my mind every day I go into work and I get to see what they're creating and understand the future that they're supporting. That is just incredible. I feel like this is why I love to connect with people on podcasts because, you know, it's fun to have this country singer in Nashville.

But like this kind of, I'm like, this is so good for people to know and hear and just, like, I don't know. I just, these are the kind of podcasts I love for. no I love and thank you for the platform like honestly like this that's why I want to have this platform is to make a difference it does yeah really like it's such an interesting thing to talk about as well especially because when you're an actor they're like tell me about your fictional project that I'm like how do I weave in what matters how do I sprinkle in that like I call it the blood diamond effect

like you go because you want to see Leo you go because it's a blockbuster but you leave being like honey where did we get my engagement rate which I'm like damn fucking straight that's what we need to be doing with entertainment that's what we need to do with podcasts because it makes an impact it makes an impact I want to impact people just as much as

I want to be impacted I don't want to influence because influence is coercion influence is making somebody want to do what I do. Impact is something that I'm like, let me impact you and then you decide, because influence is reactionary. Impact is actionary to me. I'm going to remember that. I have a really hard time with the term influencer and, you know, I obviously am going to, but I'm obviously like, you know, I do certain things where I'm like, I'm using this face product and like that's part of my. And I hate the term influencer because I was like, I don't want to like

push something on you and say because I'm doing it, you should. Same with I've talked about Botox on my show before. So I'm not saying because I do things you should and it'll make you this. That means you're an influencer. That means that you're an educator. Right. And I wish people could look at it like that more. Don't worry about it. Yeah. As long as as long as your intention is there, it doesn't matter what people label it. Yeah. It doesn't matter because somebody can label you this, label you that. They can say you're doing this. You can say you're doing that. Don't worry. Because what you're doing is educating people on who you are, what you stand for, other people's passions, your own passions.

And I'm always learning. That's why I like these podcasts, too, is because you're telling me things that I'm like, I'm really glad I know that now and that I can be, you know, I can pass that message along. And it's cool to me that you, you just always, I told you this when we were before we even started recording that you've been my girl crush before you even knew it. Like, I remember you were sitting beside me when at Rodney's in Vancouver. Like, I can't even tell you how long ago, probably 10 years ago. Love Rodney's.

And you were with your sister who I had danced. And I was like, oh, there's surrender swan. I'm like, she's so cool. I'm like, she's so cool. That's hilarious. But you are. But I'm not. But what's cool?

High five. Yep. You know? Got it. You to me are cool. And so now from, you know, over the years, I'm like, oh, and I love that you're Canadian, obviously. Right.

And so seeing what you're doing and things, just everything that you do with, given your career and that you're an actress like you go above and beyond for things that you're passionate about and and I just think that's so cool that you're able to you are cool I'll take it yeah you should run with it I will run with it yeah because I don't know I just think it's so important that people who have an opportunity can use their voice in certain ways and whether that be like sex trafficking and certain things that you're passionate about are as small as certain things that I do with they're not small like literally the fact that you've taken what you do and you've built this platform and you've given people a voice and you've given

people you're building a platform not a pedestal and I see a lot of people in your shoes that build pedestals and they build big shiny celebratory look what I'm wearing do what I do pedestals and it's incredible what you've what you have the capacity to do and the fact that you're doing it like it was so funny I was I mean we've been trying to make this happen for so long yeah so long and this is something that I like I just flew back from Morocco and I was like I don't care I don't care how jet-legged I am I didn't know there'd be wine that definitely helps the situation yeah it's always wine yeah exactly I feel like wine it's either pushing me into farther jet leg or it's just making me ignore the fact also the fact that like just genuine genuinely yeah so you move your wine

I literally was like oh my god my glass is empty I'm gonna push it over there um no the fact the fact that from the moment I walked in we immediately started clicking yeah it's I I love that because sometimes you sit down and you're like, oh, my, how long is this podcast? Oh, I know. How long are we? I've been there. Isn't it crazy where this one I'm like, no. I was like, how did you get a podcast?

Like, certain people, I'm like, who gave this person a microphone? Like, what is going on? I know, I know. We've all been a part of those ones. I'm like, I didn't even look at my notes once. I'm like, there's probably so many things I missed about what you're doing and questions I had for you. But I'm like, I just, my notes are always there for in case, you know, I like real, conversation like that, but I don't want to miss anything.

I want to talk about how you, just, you ride motorcycles? I do. That's amazing. Thank you. To me, I'm like, that's something that I always, I'm like, I would love to ride. Oh my God. Next time you're here. It's liberating. It's also terrifying. It's fabulous. Could I ride on one with you? Yeah, of course. Really? Yeah, of course. I love that.

Yeah. If you're out here for a while, we'll get you out on the motorcycle. And then we'll do, we have a really, we have an amazing group of girls that all ride out here so we'll throw you on the back. I don't have a side card because I would love to put you in a side car. Oh my god, I would die in a side car. It'd be amazing. It'd be, but I can put you on the back and then, because I don't have hair so I would, we would look like the most chic lesbian couple in the world. Oh my gosh, we totally would. Oh, we would look amazing. Um, and then we ride, yeah, we have, we even have a Vespa in our crew. No way. Wait, that would be me. Yeah. Yeah. You'll be on my, I have a triumph. You can be on the back. I haven't cut my seat off

yet because I've been modifying my bike. How long have you been doing that for? years. Wow. That's... I got tired of riding on the back of other dudes bikes. All my boyfriend have had bikes. Really? Yeah. I used to actually fall asleep on the back of my boyfriends when we drove up to Pemberton. Wait, how do you fall asleep? It's horrible. You should never do it. I'm so sorry, father. Yeah, I'm like, wouldn't you just fly off the back? No, so what you do is you tuck your hands in between the inside of his legs and the tank, and you can wedge them in. And as long as he stays with his legs tight enough, he can hold your hands there. And then you just fall asleep. I wouldn't I just wouldn't be able to fall asleep but I was so tired it wasn't it wasn't uh it was up to

Princeton it was like a seven hour thing it was the most painful thing in the world oh my goodness it was horrible I was like 17 and dumb but I was like this is great yeah yeah finally I got to a point where I was like I need my own bike I need to actually ride for you want to see yeah I was like I like I love this so I have I named it after my grandmother her name's Phyllis oh my but I call her Phil on the streets because yeah she's got to be hard I you didn't even have to explain I was like oh yeah yeah yeah Phil Phil yeah Phil Phil yeah Well, wait, what is that? It's a sidecar.

That's a sidecar. That's not mine. That is not me and those dogs. With that are amazing. Oh, there's dogs in there. Wow, I have bad eyesight. Now I can. That is the cutest thing in the world.

That's, I want to be that. I should put my loaf of bread in there. You should put your loaf of bread in there. I was wondering if I could get a Vespa and then get a dog and could I have a sidecar for a Vespa? Or is that just not a thing. Who cares? Do it. It's now a thing.

I'm going to make that a thing. It's do it. I just found my new project. You can come ride with. with us. It'll be amazing. We will be the most badass group. That is pretty badass, though. Good for you. I'm taking you up on that offer. I also would like to ask you if you can do a part two next time I'm here. I'm coming for my birthday because I could talk to you for, I mean, there's just so much more I'd want to talk about. Yeah. Let's go. I'm going to befriend you. I'm going to get your number. I'm here. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. We already established that the minute I walked in.

I knew. We knew. We knew. Isn't that funny? Like, there's certain people that you meet that you meet that you, that you're like, hello, old friend. I'm telling you, I've known that for a long time. I remember being 19. Do you know Penny Thau? Yes, of course. She was just in Morocco. She's there for the Dior show because she's fabulous.

She was just there and I was two hours away from her and our friend, do you know, Michaela? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, Michaela just sent me a text. That's where you heard about the relationship reset. She posted it on her Instagram. Oh, no, it was Nat. It was Nat.

No, Natalie is in, Natalie is in L.A. Oh, okay. Well, Michaela posted. it too. Okay. Is she about to do that? Because I feel like she was. No, but she's, she's doing something else. She's friends with Vienna. Got it. Got it. Okay. But that's, okay. And I want, and I want everybody to go watch your TED Talk as well. Um, but yeah, that was when I met Shana Thao, she walked in a room and we were in a training group together. And I remember going home and telling my boyfriend that I was going to be friends with her and her sister for a long time. And they're

still like my best friends. I love that. Yeah. I just, you do. You know, but yeah, it's your intuition. There's certain people. You're like, cool, cool. Yeah. That's exactly right. That's how I felt about our, uh, felt about Ariel, too, the band of our guest. She's amazing. Okay, I'm just going to do one quick game with you, and it's just rapid fire, and it's going to be two minutes, and then we're going to be out, and we're going to do part two because I have so much more. I just looked at my, like, notes, and I'm like, I have so much more I would have wanted

to talk to you about. Okay. So it's just going to be the last. So last thing you did, don't even think about it. Just tell me, okay? But I have questions for you. Oh, I was like, I saw you here in a car. I took a sip of wine.

No. Shit, am I getting this right? I promise I'll be you. That would be a rude thing to do for you. Last role you audition for. Shit, what was the last rule I audition for? I'm like, this is not rapid at all. No, you know why?

Slow fire. Slow burn. This is called the slow burn. No, I haven't auditioned in a while. Oh, that's good, that's good news. It is. It isn't, it isn't. In my head, I was like, it's great news.

And then I was like, is it? No, it is. Alex Cole, my manager. No. No, because my last role, it was an offer, which for actors, I kind of was like, yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, no, it was cool. Yeah.

I try not, it's funny because my friends are like, don't say that. You need to like pretend that you're cool and like, of course it's an offer. And I was like, do you remember when I, I used to go out all the time with like Corinne and Heikey in North Vancouver and I would go and drive on to the like, or the Lionsgate role or office and just lose my mind because I was in the presence of people working. Right. Yeah, you own that. What was the last thing I auditioned for was

I don't know That's okay, you don't have to answer I just passed on something So I was like maybe that one I was like I didn't audition for that That's okay next question Okay next question but I'm going to figure it out while I do it Okay well this is you can figure out on that too

The next one last text you sent Oh Last text I sent Oh to Cleo Found her Perfect Last book you read Fountainhead

What's that Oh Girl Fountainhead Have you read it? No? Oh, part of it. Yeah. Part of it, because it's like 700 pages. It's by Anne Rand, and it is amazing. Howard Rourke. I read it while I was in Morocco and just sat there and was like, yeah, but it's like this thick and it's aggressive. Actually, Ian Bowen, who played by Love

Interest on Breakout Kings way back in the day, what I do with my co-stars is I'm like, send me three of your favorite books, and I'll send you three of mine. And he had inscribed in it being like, I hope you love this book as much as I do. And I found it. And I was like, ooh, 2012. Oh, better late than never. Better late than never. I guess I'll be reading that one now.

That's amazing. Okay, good. I'm always looking for books. I love reading and I don't do it enough because I just tell myself I don't have time. I do. I have time. I have time to read. Yeah.

I'm on a plane all the time. Read. Yeah. Last date you went on. Oh, God, I don't date. That's amazing. Good for you. Is it, though?

Yeah? I mean, yeah, I guess. I'm like a, what was my date? Oh, I went on a date. I guess I was kind of a date. He also rides motorcycles. Of course he does. He picked me up and we, I hopped on his motorcycle because I was like, it's cool.

I'll get on yours. Fine. I ride my own, but it's fine. And then we rode through Tuna Canyon and then he like packed a bottle of champagne in his backpack. And we like sat on the edge of a little like cliff and like drank champagne. Wait, that's amazing. That sounds like it's like out of The Bachelor. Yeah, you know, it was very sweet.

I know. It was very, very sweet. I was like, he pulled out like a little blanket and everything. And I was like, okay. He was from Vancouver, too. Oh, really? Really? He's a good guy. He's a really good guy.

Okay, that's really cute. Yeah, real cute. Last person you crept on Instagram. Him? No. Who was the last person? You were the last person that I crept on Instagram. Really?

Yeah. Let's see. Let me just put in my searches. I, my ass, in Nuzi. It's a different language. All right. No, that's, let's just see who I. Let me just put in like a letter T.

Michael Costello. I didn't look him up recently. I don't know Oh, I was looking at all the Matt Gala stuff Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah But I'm sure there was a person that I creeped on That's okay, you don't have to tell me

No, I can't find it That's the game The game's over That was it? Yeah, that was the game Oh, useless That was the game, that's it That was so useless accounts

Yeah, nothing comes up You know what's funny too Is at the beginning of this? Oh, awards for good boys That was the last one I looked up What's that? it's stupid shit guys do and then you give him awards stop yeah yeah my girlfriend margie sent it to me and was like girl you have to read this and it's literally like dumb shit boys do and then there's like a little awards that they that's amazing it's like anonymous but it's just like a good laugh I'm gonna go on that next yeah that's what I'll be creepy next um and then I was thinking about this at the beginning of this episode did I even say your name I might have to like I don't I seriously don't think I even I think we just start

started talking. So I'm just going to, at the end of this, I'm just going to go back in and say the introduction. Wait, do I have to do the thing that Cleo told me about the confessions? Yes. No, because we ran out of time. Oh, okay. That's why we're going to do part two. I'm back for my birthday in June.

Dan, I'll tell you about the time I went to jail. Yes. I'm not telling you now. Okay, that's a perfect little tea up for part two. I went to jail. The East Cordova jail, too. Oh, wow. That's scary.

Oh, it was on, it was a thing. Okay, I can't wait. That's, okay, sold. I'm coming. Will you be here in June? Yes, I will. Okay, perfect. Okay, we'll schedule.

I'll get your number after this. Yeah, okay, so I'll just do that at the beginning. Also, is there, where can people go to be a part of your charity donate, your Instagram? Tell us everything. My name, Sarinda Swan, on basically everything that people haven't stolen. Also, can I just say that your bio and Instagram, the fact that you said, stop staring at me, Swan? I died. I was like, yes.

Only a certain group of people get it. it. Such young kids are like, I don't understand. I'm not looking at you. I'm like, just, it's not for you. Yeah, you're like, good. Get off my page. This is not for you then. If you don't get it, child. Don't follow me. Yeah. Don't make me feel old. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. So, if you see, stop, locate me swan, that's the real account. I've had some, I have some, I have some awesome fakes out there. So it's usually just my name. Okay. The most important thing right now for me is Deidley, which is my education platform. We are a 501c3. So anything you don't to us directly goes to the charities that we support, but first we temporarily redirect the funds

through the hearts and minds of kids, and then they donate your donation. So, yes, and 100% of it will go to the charity. So we want to make sure that we activate the kids in a way that they don't get donor fatigue or they don't get education fatigue. We're not trying to, you know, it's that Sarah McLaughlin, the SBCA commercial where the first time you watch it, right? The first time you watch it, but do you watch it again? Because this is the thing. The first time you watch it, you donate like 100 bucks because you're like, this is devastating. I can't handle it. The second time you see it come on television, you change the channel. Because it didn't make you feel good. Yes. That's not what we're trying to do. That's the problem is that a lot of charities or a lot

of like awareness campaigns do that. They get you once and then never again because it's only the capacity of the mind and then it traumatizes the heart. So what we're trying to do is activate them both. So we make sure that all of our content is really uplifting. It's really activating. It's really educational. So for us, that's the biggest thing. And again, a donation isn't monetary. You don't have to come onto our site and donate money. Let us know who your favorite teacher was.

Let us know your connection with your school. Let us know if your children would be interested in our programs. And we've piloted it in 700 school so far. And we're in English, Spanish, and Hebrew. Wow. Oh, good for you. So please check that out. Let us know.

And, yeah, that's my baby. That's amazing. I just like, I only know you for the last hour, but kind of before, because you were my crush. Because we have girl crushes. But I'm just so proud of you. Like, I just, I really feel proud of you and just everything that you do and you inspire me in amazing ways. So thank you. No, thank you for having me.

This is ridiculous. I think this is the most fun I've had on a podcast. What? I love on people say that. No. And I feel like people say that a lot, too. We'll wait for part two because part two will be more wine and jail talk. We'll open with the jail talk.

Yeah. And that's the, and it's only. going to go up from there. So there you go. Oh, yeah. I love it. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. And I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Tune in to hear new mini-sodes every Thursday and check out new full-length episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's that with OTV? This week's great.

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