Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Tarryn Feldman | Unfiltered, Unhinged and Unique Conversations with Celebrity Makeup Artist

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

#703. If you’re looking for a feel-good episode, one that feels like you are just kickin it with the girlies – this one's for you! Join Kaitlyn as she sits down with her good friend, Tarryn, for some quality conversation because the filter is off, the hinges have been removed, and no topic is off-limits. They discuss Gypsy Rose’s fame, the movie Saltburn and what celebrity client Tarryn is most proud of. (Chelsea Handler, if you’re listening… KB would love for you to come on the podcast.) They also get into high school friendships, friendship breakups, and dating preferences. Plus, Kaitlyn gives a mental health update and they bond over their love of animals. Honestly, there is no rhyme or reason in today’s episode. Just a couple of goofy gals riffin’ it up. What more could you want? Enjoy!  For additional cuteness – check out the episode on YouTube! Pinot and Ramen make frequent appearances, you won't regret it. Follow Us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tarrynfeldman/ https://www.instagram.com/kaitlynbristowe/ https://www.instagram.com/offthevinepodcast/ And, thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: PROGRESSIVE — Go to Progressive.com to try the Na e Your Price® tool. DRAFT KINGS — Download the DraftKings Casino app and use code VINE. New players get an instant deposit match up to $100 in casino credits when you deposit $5 or more.  Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.100gambler.net. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. 21+. Physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. Eligibility and other restrictions apply. One per new customer. Must opt-in and make a minimum $5 deposit within 7 days (168 hours) of registering a new account. Max. match $100 in casino credits which require one time play-thru within 7 days (168 hours). See terms at casino.draftkings.com/newplayeroffer2024. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, everybody, welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Today we have Terran on the podcast, celebrity makeup artist, my friend, bad bitch, confidence queen, the queen of saying no. The queen is saying no. The queen of repeating me. The queen of repeating you. And we just act out and have a nice conversation. I freaking love you.

I love you too. I think everyone will just enjoy this because it's how unhinged. Last time I had you on the podcast, I made you watch The Bachelor. So much of it. I learned so much. I knew nothing. You never watched an episode. And now you told me you watched The Golden Bachelor.

You came over. You're like, are we talking about the Golden Bachelor? I was like, no. Because I'm a philosophy pro in it. I don't know what that means. We're a philosophy pro at Bachelor now. Yeah, well, golden. At anything, Jerry Gary.

From the side, do I look like Lord Forquhar? Farquard? No. It's so good. I'm so into it. Do you know that for my whole life, I was made to believe that girls are only pretty with long hair? Yeah, this is the 90s. Yeah.

80s. Well, 80s, I would think 80s. Well, also, I don't know if you're like me, but I hate everything when I first do it. And then two weeks later, I'm like, did you, I'm rich and famous. So that's how I feel. I feel like I look like a little more expensive. Like I feel chic with short hair. Yeah.

Your hair looks so thick, so healthy, so shiny. Which is so chic, so rich. Because it's not. And it just because it's short. So I just want to. My hair bought this house. I feel like she needs a name. Like she's European.

She's a European bob. And I feel like she needs a name. Like something sassy, sexy European. Like rosy. Like Rosie, Mia. Rose. Rose Mia Rose Mia Rose Mia Rose Mia Rose she also does porn I love that Mia Rose I feel like that's like kind of porn she's either rich or she's in porn either one or rich from porn or rich from

porn yeah yeah sounds nice I love that but I love that you're down for anything I could be like we're talking about this you're like great great let's do it like if I said we were talking about anal beads let's go we're to bring out a suitcase I'm like which fine ah you're like the what like the people on the streets and just pull it out and they're like what do you want i got it no i got it whatever you kind of what's you were there when i showed you the burdle beads yeah it was so funny i took video of it i have it on my phone it's real i shared it with off the vine community oh thank god because it was like literally one of the full you're like i was like from the what were they depths of the sea yeah bedroom sheets the burtel beads deep inside

yeah it was so funny have you ever beat it while making a sandwich i think i said something I haven't done anal beads yeah I maybe I have but what do you mean maybe it's something you wouldn't forget I think I've done like a tiny cute little butt plug but I've never done like like these like just a little bit moment yeah just like a cute little jewel oh but I was like I don't like it yeah okay so I was writing notes and I was like I wonder at what point if you can remember what solidified our friendship I was trying to think about it because I was going to say when I found out my dog had cancer but we were friends way before that but that was just like a moment that I was like I just cherish because I fell apart for a second I was trying so hard to keep it together

because I was like it's not my dog and I still want to like lose my mind yeah what's the first I ever did my makeup I mean we've been friends for five or six years seven seven yeah I mean I just feel like we kind of instantly became friends but I had so much fun when we did the jojo thing when you did that forever ago we went to Texas yeah we went to Texas we were doing live on location yeah getting ready for the next season of the bachelor i also had so much fun with you when we went on the boat for your birthday oh that was my 35th birthday yeah that was so much fun yeah did you have fun at my new year's party oh my god we had so much fun at your new that was it was so fun that was just a really good everybody it was such a good time

everybody looked so hot. Yeah. It was like the perfect crowd. Yes. I felt really proud. I felt like I'll never forget, Wells and Sarah when they got married, Sarah Highland. Yeah. And Wells when they got married, they were talking about at their wedding that they really

wanted to take a moment to step away from everybody and watch all of their favorite people in the room like mingle with each other and dance and have the best time. And so I remember doing that on my New Year's party. I was like, I'm going to do what they did. On their wedding day, I'm just going to say, so at one point I was just looking at everybody, like, mingling and all of my different friend groups coming together and everyone having the best time in dancing and laughing. And I was like, I know, because parties are really fun. Especially when you have different groups of friends come and hang and you're like, I knew you guys would always get along. Yes. And I felt so much pressure because I was hosting. So at the beginning of the night, I was like, is everybody having a good time? Like I just kept going around. Are you like, are you having fun? Are you sure? I thought like everybody was having the worst time. I know. But no, that's not, no, not even in the slightest. It was so much fun. I just love friendships.

I know. Solid friendships are just so important. Like, did you have that in high school? Oh, yeah, I had a group. You did? Yeah. I didn't really get that. I changed high schools like mid, I think, like in 10th grade or something.

And then I had another friend group. And I'm still friends with my girlfriend, Chera, that was here. Yes. Was literally my friend from high school. Yeah. That's crazy. And I have another friend in town from high school. Like, Bree is my girlfriend.

from high school but we weren't even in the same grade so we didn't like have the same group of friends like we became really close when our mutual friend died in the car accident so that's how we like really got bonded but in high school i feel like i really missed out on like people on my off the vine facebook group were wondering like what was high school kately like and i was like oh i want to hug her yeah like i was still me i was like outgoing and try to be funny and i had friends but i feel like I was more friends because I dated an older guy in high school. So when I was more friends with there. Yeah.

She loves an older man. And so when they graduated, all my friends were gone. And then the friends in my group, like I feel like I was kind of just like solo. Really? Yeah. Stephen Glensberg. Oh man. I was like so popular and so friends with every group.

Really? Yeah. I do feel like I was friends with every group. It was just, but the girls that were like, the popular girls in high school, like, I was friends with them because they were my friends from elementary and junior high school. Yeah. But they, I feel like they didn't like me. Ew. Yeah.

Oh, I had girls not like me. He did. And you know what they're doing now? They're twots and they watch all my stories. Yes. Isn't that funny? I'm trying to explain that to Cindy right now without sounding like a terrible person. Like, I want to be like, all your friends are twots and they're not going to care about you.

All your friends are twats. You'll have maybe you'll still talk to like one or two or three people. Yeah, because she was like sad the other day about friends being mean or something. And I was like, I was like, I don't even remember high school. Like you think in that moment that's all that matters. And then later in life, you're like, I don't remember high school. It didn't even matter. Yeah.

And also my 20s. I don't remember my 20s either. Oh, man. I felt like my 20s lasted forever. Like I feel like I lived 10 different lives in my 20s and then I hit 30 and all of a sudden I'm 30. And I'm like, aren't I still 30 though? I know. It's so weird.

and like I you know I just turned 40 and it's it's just so crazy how I don't know it's just weird I'm like I got here yeah that's a woman that my hairstylist Joe as he was cutting my hair today was telling me a story about this woman who has survived wars and she was 103 died by choking on a peach I'm so sorry I know she what and then you're like but I'm like I don't know how I didn't die in my 20s or like I don't know how I didn't die in my 20s or like I I think that all the time. Like, how did I get here? And then you think about this poor lady, you could literally you could die on a choking on a peach tomorrow. Oh yeah. We're going to trip on cashews. Yeah.

Yeah. Death by butt plug. Just a baby one. Just a cute little butt plug. Yeah. At 99. And that's how she goes. Oh, if I was 99 died from butt plug, I think that'd be pretty epic.

That makes a paper. 100%. That gets on late night with Andy Cohen. That also gets its own like late night special. Oh, it gets a movie. Yeah. It gets a documentary, it gets everything. Yeah.

Have you gone through a friendship breakup? Yeah. Yeah. I've never gone through, or I haven't in a long time, gone through a, like, I never want to talk to you again. Yeah. Yeah. Same thing, like, I've never had, like, too, it's done between us. But I feel like I've had moments where I'm like, this person might not be the end.

energy I need in my life right now. Or also, like, we just might not be good for each other. It's not always the other person. It's also, I've had a hand in this. We may not just be good for each other. And I've recently, I've had, like, just people I just don't talk to as much, or I take space, they take space, and that's okay. And sometimes you can come back together from it and, like, have a healthy relationship from it.

I'm a big space taker. I've been doing a lot of therapy recently just because I've been, in a dark place. No, I was just, I don't know. I think getting sick made me you feel depressed. Girl, yeah. And then I... You can't go anywhere.

Oh, and I'm like, I need to go do people. I know. I love a, like, lazy day, but one. Not one. Yeah. But I've been like, I don't know, just when I'm in a bad mental space, I feel like I get really angry at people.

And I hate that because I'm not like an angry person. But I've been working through in therapy, a lot of resentment. Even if it's past relationships, There's friendships, like, and a big part that I'm learning is looking at what I've done. Yeah. Like, which is the hardest thing to do. It's so hard.

Inward, the part that you took in that relationship and why it could be possibly unhealthy. Yeah. But it actually has helped me because I'm like, they could sit there and say all this shit about me. I can sit here and say all this shit about that. Yeah. Might as well take some ownership. 100%. And that's kind of like where I mentally go.

And then I just am like, well, well, wait, they're taking distance from me. Oh, like, I did everything wrong. But also I'm like, maybe I need distance from you as well. And this is like a mutual agreement. I'm just, I don't have a lot of people pleasing skills, but I do have some like fear of. I'm not like a huge people pleaser. But when somebody is upset with me, I'm like crippled by that. That's why I don't smoke weed.

What? Because you... Because it makes me think... I literally... Is you a paranoid? I came to be around weed and I'm like... Everyone's mad of me. You smell it and you're like the hate me.

It's awful. It's an awful feeling I can't smoke weed. I'm sorry. I know. It's such a bummer. What about an edible? I think anything in my system and I'm like... Yeah, I remember like everything stupid I've ever said and I'm like there everyone's talking.

Everyone's like on a massive zone talking shit about me. That's so funny. I feel like that. my dreams. Like my subconscious is wildly insecure. Oh, she needs to. All of my dreams I'm either getting cheated on. People are laughing at me while I'm crying. Oh God. People hate me. Everyone gangs up on me. Like, I've had the most like crazy dreams recently where the world is like crumbling around me and I'm like trying to survive. Like it happens all the time. Do you have a dream book or do you ever Google what it means? And it's just like, girl, I keep having these dreams where like really bad things

happened but then I survive and so that's basically I'm like going to doomsday with like certain things recently everybody hates me and I'm going to lose my career and nothing good is and it's just like you're going to survive and drive out of it like you're just having a low moment you get the world is crumbling around you and you're being dramatic and it's actually all I you know I will say something did click I know everybody says this but something did click when I hit 40 it's not that I don't give a it's that I give a fuck about the right things I can't wait for you to be 40 because something's going to click

and I think anything that's like kind of getting in your own way which is you getting in your own way and it's just kind of kind of fade away it's funny because I go through so many phases where sometimes I'm in my own way so much and sometimes I'm like pew and I'm like okay

only up from here and then I go through phases where I'm like wait how do I go backwards from that how can I just keep going pew I know pew pew pew pew pew I just keep on I just keep on I know the trajectory. You're like, what happened? It's like fear-based related things.

Oh, my gosh. I've had a spiritual coach for a hot minute, but I'm like really leaning into her right now. So we do Zoom sessions. And the meditations she will put me through, I ball my eyes out every time. And then you need to talk to her. I know, like phone a friend.

Her name is Courtney. She is a god sent to me. And I try and talk to her once a month. I try and do therapy twice a month, talk to her once a month. And like exercise. because that health me mentally. And you're really good about all those things.

Yeah, I am. But when I realized in that we could be sick when I don't do those things, I'm like, oh, I actually am mentally ill. Yeah. Like, yeah. That's okay because I know how to get myself out of it and I know how to work with it. But wow, not being able to do those things. I know, isn't that crazy?

And hobbies and, like, things that we love doing are just, like, so important. And get out of here. I have to, like, listen to books and, like, we've talked about all the Brie and Elise books and like all those things. Like, I have to have them. Yes. It's weird. Have you done spiritual coaching before?

Mm-mm. Have you, do you know the chakras at all? Mm-mm. Okay. So there's certain chakras in your body that mean different things. And I'm like not an expert and I'm slowly learning. But very first time I did the chakra meditation, she was just like, breathe into your tailbone in this, breathe into right below your belly button, breathe in between your ribs. And each time I was breathing into them, she was like, really notice what comes up.

anything goes. And I was like, yeah, it's weird because when I breathe into my tailbone, like, I just don't feel anything. But when I breathe into below my belly, I start thinking about my childhood. And like when I breathe in between here, all my fears start coming up. Like, it's when you really pay attention, it's crazy how intuitive my body is. Yeah. Like I can tap into my like higher self. Your third eye. It's good. And then that's one of your chakras. Yeah. I know you have a throat chakra. Yeah. Because Chris is always like Your throat was clogged or something

Really? Yeah You would think I would know more about this Having like a best friend Who's an energy dealer But you know Yeah Wait

Yeah you forgot he was Yeah he's practiced And taken so much Educational paths down Just learning everything Your drug chakra Interesting Do you feel like you're not heard

Sometimes Sometimes I don't want to be heard Sometimes I think Sometimes I hate explaining shit because I already know getting somebody to speak your exact language is annoying and this is probably my capricorn I'm like by the time it took me to explain this or talk to you about something or just say this I already bitch I already did it yeah it's already done yeah so I don't need to talk to you about it yeah I'm also like I'm like middle child tough never cry yeah no one ever worries about me

because I've got it together the kind of girl now do you wish people worried about you more or do you good with them. Okay. Because I know somebody that always is helping others, and sometimes they feel like alone from that because they always know that they're the person that people come to when they need help, but nobody ever asks if he needs help. I'm a self-soother, so it's hard for me to even, I mean, you saw it firsthand. I cried for three minutes and I was like, okay. And then I was back. Yeah. And they were like, here we go. Yeah. And then I just like did what I needed to do, got my dog through that I got through that and just like

it's just how I've always been I have a hard time accepting that that's who I am and that I'm not more emotional and then I'm not more because I've always had it in my brain that that's like bitchy but I'm like that's I'm not bitchy I'm so warm

yes you are so warm and I just don't have the time and I feel like you're so honest and raw that I'm surprised you aren't more emotional but that makes sense if you're self-soothered I'm just also there big time. I am too, but I cry.

I only cry when I'm really PMS-E and then I, it's like, okay, that's it, and not crying. Yeah. Like, I make it the lost time. Oh, PMSE or if I'm really tired. Yeah. And then anything related to animals. I actually think my friends will really need to worry about me

when my dogs die. Yeah, I mean, I will say, my friend showed up for me when I was put that week that I was putting, but Twyla was in the Las Vegas and I know it's okay I mean my friends rallied so hard around me

and it like I mean they were coming over bringing food that bitch was eating hamburger she was like am I the pub and I was like yes you are I'm going to say oh yeah I mean it was like my mom was with me

my friend Jen was with me my sister-in-law was with me when I put her down it was like I don't ask for things if I ask you for something I meet it and i i mean it and i need help yeah but other than that i'm good asking for help i'd be like i'm there yeah yeah i'm doing i'm not a cry wolf kind of bitch i'm a bit of a cry wolf got not even more but i was i think i was now i just can't handle lying like even if it's something small like a white lie i hate it oh when people are like you okay

you're like yeah yeah everything's cool everything's great or like even an excuse to like not god i'm like I have to just say I don't want to. Yeah. Like I just can't make up. Yeah. Just tell the truth, always. Yeah. It's just the best policy.

My thing is going, sadly, I'm going to stay home, make ramen, and take a bath. But I, next time. Maybe. Yeah. I'm like, unfortunately, I'm not in the mood. Yeah. We're misregards. I was just thinking of.

Like, I don't know this fine to do well, but no. To who it may concern. Absolutely. Chris calls me the queen of no It's so funny It's so funny Because I didn't even like realize I was doing it

Because I'll be like no I don't want to go or no Like you guys have fun or no or whatever Or like he'll be like Hey I can't do this makeup And I'm like no I'm not gonna do it I don't want to do it My day off is my day out

And it's just so funny I'm like do I really say no that much That's cool though No queen of no I think there's like something in the art of yes of like living more and going and doing all those things

it's just I'm in a season of like very solitary choosy picky do you know what the spirit daughter is on Instagram okay I just had her on the podcast and she was saying that... I'm looking around my mom just like

she is just funny stand behind please I go ahead she was talking about how numeral Wait. Numerology? Yeah.

And how the year 2023, it was about like hybridation and inwards and like prepping for 2024 is like empowering. Go do what you want. And we were kind of saying that before the podcast started. Like, yeah. It's kind of like you could say no to whatever you want, but like you're saying yes to everything you want. Yes. I guess I'm saying no to things I don't want, but I'm definitely saying yes. You're like hard nose and hard yes is out in between.

Yeah. The spirit daughter? Yeah. Also, what is your night routine? and what is your morning routine? Is it strict? Is it flexi, sexy flexi? Sexy flexi.

Okay. I mean, skin care? Stricti. Stricti. Strictie. Dicty. Dicty. Stricty on the skin care.

Okay. Loosey on the, like, I don't know what time I'm waking up. If I was going to have, like, a coffee right when I wake up or if I'm going to have electrolytes of water first. We don't know. I don't know. We don't care. Don't care. No.

I don't know. what the day is going to bring and at night I'm like I would like to have a healthy meal I would like to crawl into bed at a reasonable hour are you TV off but if I want to swing from the rafters till 3 a.m. I'm going to do that if I'm going to play hide-and-see for with two fuzzy animals then that's what I'm going to do. I prefer that actually I love to just like be in bed with my animals yeah how do you feel about if you were to date somebody And they... Girl.

Are you dating somebody? No, I'm happy. You would, yeah, you would have known it. And also I'm like very happily single right now. Oh, I love that. Yeah, like super happy. That's so great when people can be happily single because that just shows your ability to just love on yourself. Yeah, it's, I don't have the space right at the moment.

And so great that you know that because a lot of people try to fill voids with dating. Yeah. I was. I did. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, I was dating. guy and I wasn't even happy, so I don't know what I was doing.

I think he just made you giggle. He made me giggle. Yeah. And he was tall. No, giggle and that's too very important. Those are two of my fives. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. Okay. If he said he doesn't like dogs in the bed. Oh. So you're right? Yeah. Yeah. I was having this conversation.

I was out for dinner in Nashville like, I don't know, two weeks ago. And this couple was really obsessed with their dog. And I was talking about how obsessed with him. And then I'm with my dogs. And I was like, no. I love smelling their breath to fall asleep. And they were like, what? And they're like, oh, we don't let our dogs sleep in the bed.

I'm like, parted. And then we got into this whole conversation about sleeping. And half the group thought it was like dirty and not good. I mean, if you think about it, it's dirty. Right. But I'm like, how often do these people wash their sheets? Because if they don't wash their sheets every other day, that's dirty too. For anybody that's listening and watching, go follow it on Instagram

because you're dogs. I'm not really sure where that audio kicked out and where we're coming back in, but I was saying people should follow Taryn on Instagram because you have three very sweet, cute dogs. So cute. And, okay, so Taryn's a celebrity makeup artist. You've done my makeup for seven years.

And do you ever think about posting, you've been posting a lot on TikTok? Yeah. Oh, what's your TikTok? My TikTok is at Taryn Feldman, T-A-R-R-Y-N-Feldman. Yeah, I'm a two-ar. I feel like we talked about this last time, but I feel like your mom was just like, she's different.

She's different. Who's your favorite celebrity you've ever done makeup on? One I can't say. Oh, okay. I'll sign an NDA. Okay, cool. Just so I won't tell anyone. Okay, but who like, who are you like, wow?

I love Chelsea Handler so much. Yeah. Chelsea is so. She's my dream guest to have on this podcast. Well, I'll work on that. Okay. I have a little game I'd like to play with you. Okay, great.

Because we were talking about dating earlier. And this was a how do you proceed. Okay. Game. Okay. So I'm going to give you a situation like he doesn't want dogs in the bed. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And you tell me how you proceed. Okay. What if he showed up with thong flip flops and a Hawaiian t-shirt? How would you proceed? I don't know. Is it a bit? Yeah. You doing a bit?

Yeah. You're doing a bit? Okay. Because if you are, that's kind of funny. Come on in. If you're not doing a bit. Is this for real? Yeah.

You're doing a bit. Yeah. You're doing a character? That's how you do. I like that. Yeah. Okay. You're about to order and they interrupt you and start ordering for you.

Please don't. Don't. Don't. Yeah. Would you say right straight away? I would say, what do you do? No, that's not. I don't.

You're like, I am the desert dry as a bone down there. Yeah. My pussy ran away. I got to, I got to go catch it. I'll be back. You stay here. No, no. Yeah.

order and all and then I'll just leave. They bring up their ex in every conversation. Oh, that's the easiest way. I do this. You bring up your ex in every company. Caitlin, you got to stop.

I know. I've realized that I do that. Not in a negative way. Like, I'm not, it's just always, I always have a memory or a story. But I'm like that with everybody.

Like, not just exes, just people that have been in my life. I'm always like, oh, this one time that happened. Like, but I bring,

I tend to bring up X's a lot. Yeah, I mean, that's a great warm memory. And I was, I mean, there was a time where I probably talked about Hunter a lot. Yeah. But I got to stop. Yeah, you're saying. Okay. It's just nobody, I don't even want to hear it.

It's there. It's great. It's warm. We're homies. Yeah. And then. That's it. Okay.

Yeah. They get up to go to the bathroom and grab you by the neck and force a kiss on you on the first date. That's, I mean. That's kind of hot. like in a hot way or because that could be weird but if it's hot grab me by the neck any time that's true actually any old time i think i wrote that being like this is weird but now that i picture it i'm like that's that's that's not listen we're in our sexual prime i look i thought i was asexual for a very long time turns out i'm not literally the the older we're getting right now we are oh does the

sex we are becoming more and more like 16 year old high school horny boys i also did a brave, brave thing and took my antidepressants down five milligrams. Okay. And I feel like that's got me all sorts of turned on. Yes, girl. Like I'm not all the way turned on just from getting rid of five milligrams. I'm like

obviously you got rid of five. You're like, Terran, do you like to be choked in public? Taryn, do you have any nudes you'd like to share with me? I've seen your nudes. They are hot. They are so high. They are. Don't underestimate me.

Text me. I will DM anyone nudes. Yeah, they're good. They're so good. Yeah. You're just like, I don't know what it is about your nudes, but I feel like I can feel your confidence through them. Oh, yeah, because I'm like, how dope does this lingerie look on me?

Sometimes I'm the most confident. I'll take a nude, I'll look in the mirror, I'll high-five myself. I'll be like, I'll wake up and I'll be like, I'm the tits. I am the tits. And then other times I'm like, you stupid ugly bitch. I know. Like, it's so bad. It's so bad.

It's really hard to get caught up in that. But it's literally fake. It's not real. And even like in six months, we kind of look different. Like every, we just keep getting older. And then we look back and we go, damn, I look so hot. So it's literally pointless to. like harp on yourself in the moment it's just it's so dumb yeah i talked about this on my podcast

before but i'm going to say it again i heard megan trainer do this thing where she will stand in the mirror naked and just like you eye gaze yeah and you start like really like being like no i actually love this about my body and i love it and you're like so uncomfortable at the beginning but after like a week of doing that every day you're like i love this about myself everyone's hot everyone's hot I have just such severe body dysmorphia. It's so crazy. Well, look what you do for a living. And growing up dancing.

Oh, my God. And I just always like, well, actually, no, I've gotten a lot better. But I will like, I would like pinch parts of my stomach and be like, how do I get rid of this? And now if I ever feel it and I pinch it, I go, thank you for protecting my uterus. Well, yeah. I know. I've always been a bigger girl. And the like fact that I have chosen to be in an.

industry and do what I do where I'm around skinny girls that complain about being fat is a whole other thing to unpack. I'm like, your worst fear is looking like me. I can't even wrap. But that's so, I am, I am so weird. But I want to be you. It's all f*** up. Why are we like this?

I don't know. And then, and yeah, and I, I don't know. I mean, and I also, I'm like, oh, I want to be, I want to look like that too, but it's like, but I don't. So I look like this. I also don't think you do. I have generational, like I, my family looks like me. Yeah. You have that body because of your family.

Yeah. That's true. It's all your face looks like your face because your mom and your dad. I used to get so mad at my one eye being smaller than my other. I would literally go crazy over it in the mirror. And then now I see my dad's one is smaller than his. And I'm like, oh, bless, I got it from my dad. I know.

I look just like my dad and just like my grandma. And I act. I'm quirky like my mom and like, who gives a shit? Yeah. One day we're going to be dead. I saw that. I heard that. I heard that one day we're going to die.

But there is a girl on TikTok. She was like, one day we're all going to be. No, she said 100 years from me from now. It's 21, 24. We're all dead. This is really dark and morbid, but a crazy perspective. People are going to be living in the houses we worked really hard for our photos are going to be gone people won't remember us yeah and we're sitting here freaking out

over things we can't control well i mean also six months we're not even going to remember things that we're like stressed about right it's the control thing i don't know what when we became so controlling over every little thing yeah and like that is something about being 40 that i think you're particularly gonna love is that or something that's changed for me is that i literally am just like i i i i I don't know. I can't control it. It's just, it's going to be what it's going to be. Kat Campbell is like that and she, but she has, happy that bitches. I know.

She's literally just so, shit just doesn't face her. That doesn't matter. If it's out of her control, she lets it go. Does she get really mad over a tiny little things? No. Oh, okay. Nothing bothers her. And like, if it does, she'll just have a straight up conversation about it and it'll be in like

a very authentic way and move forward. Yeah. Like she's just like a solid human. Yeah, crazy. I know. I do wish I, I do get like amped up and stuff, but I just feel like the older I'm getting, I'm like, I can't control this person. Yeah. If you don't want to be in my life, if you don't want to work with me, if you don't want to date me, if you don't want to anything with me, that's okay. What is the word? Reciprocity. Thank you. My word for 2024 is reciprocity. Yeah. That's one of mine too. I mean, it has to be. I can't pronounce it very often. but it's so true and like then you pull back and you go i why is it that like you don't like me but now i'm gonna try even harder like no i can't i can't that's that is what i look forward to because i can tell i'm getting there every year more and more and what a great feeling yeah it's a good feeling like i look around and i talked about this on my podcast last time with when i looked

around at my new year's party i was like i have the best friends yeah such a dope crew it's just It was such a dope crew. Yeah, it was the dopest crew. I loved every second of it. And I was just like, God, it really is important who you surround yourself with. Oh, my God, it's so important. I wish I could surround myself with a gypsy rose, do you? Listen.

Like, the older generation hates her and the younger generation is like, our queen. She's the Pope. I mean, look. They're like, she's a murderer. I think any of us would have killed our mom. She had surgeries and terrible things. I think her mom bestowed upon her some really shitty tendencies that I think she was really, I mean, you could watch interviews of her that's like, I learned from the best.

Yeah. I'm manipulative and crazy just like her. I mean, she literally manipulated a dude to kill her mom and then was like, I think we should break up. I think we should see other people. I think we should see other people. I mean, she literally, like, in interviews, she's like who, yeah, I don't know. I can't speak on him. I don't know.

I guess he's going to spend the rest of his life in jail. I don't know. I have to focus on me. So what? Next question. The Toca Zara, the Panser Zara. Oh my God. Didn't she say something about how she's like the guy that she's with like she loves the D?

Didn't she say that? She was like, the D is fire. And the top of Zara. I cannot worry about the man who killed my mother that I manipulated. Did she actually say the top is Zara? No, she did. She didn't. She didn't.

Yes. Obsessed. She's been on TikTok, like doing get readies with me. You need to do her makeup. 100%. Yeah. You have to. It's going to happen.

I wonder if she'll, like, go on tour and then she'll come to Nashville. I think her advocacy, she's like really into. Yeah. And if she's a piece of shit, we'll find out about it really quick. So, whatever. Absolutely. But she seems like just. But good for her.

Yeah. What a fucking wildlife. Did you watch the documentary, right? I watched the documentary. I watched the Joey King show. Yeah. I was obsessed with all of it. Yeah.

I could not like, it's so wild. Imagine being in pretty. and coming out to instant fame i think she likes it she loves it she loves it she loves it i mean i would too if i was stuck in prison do you know 32 wild i was just thinking of like hot topics i'm like yeah gypsy rose but then i'm taylor have you ever done taylor swiss makeup no oh interesting because she's nashville no she was well she was yeah i feel like you would slay oh it's lay anybody would She's like her skin is like perfect. Her eye is like wing liner like half lash.

It's so red lip by I see it. It's so easy. I feel like I could do Taylor Swiss makeup. Yeah. Wing lip and wing lip and red liner. Yeah. There you go. Yeah.

You'd kill it. I'll call some people. I forget what I love Taylor. I just love her. I was like Gypsy Rose and Taylor are really having their moments right now. They're having big moments. Oh, I wanted to ask you this. Have you watched Saltburn?

Talk about horny. I haven't seen it yet. Oh. But, okay, so it's good? Should I watch it? Yeah. Okay. I feel like people are either like, and maybe it's the horny ones that like it.

I think it's people that just understand, like, good film that are like, oh my God. But also, it's original. The cast was great. The set was great. The guy who played like the main, not Jacob Allorty, but the other dude. I mean, the whole thing was just wild. It is horny. Really?

It is like kink city. It's dope. Maybe I could get inspired. I don't want to get my freak on Get your girl, yeah I kind of want to get my freak on I feel like I was like I yourself a rose

I was always known as like The sexual bachelorette Do you know what a rose is? No Oh Google it Buy it What? When you're done

Shut up Sex toy? Yeah The best sex toy My girlfriend gave it to me For my 40th birthday And I had something similar But I mean

Do you watch porn? Yeah Not a lot but yeah Like once in a while It'll do it for you porn's funny porn is hilarious porn's funny because I just am like

just fast forward to the good shit also the acting the acting turns me off immediately that's why I fast forward so I'm like what oh so you watch like porn porn not like amateur just like a couple making a hot close up oh no

oh that's my jam where do you find that on porn hub oh that's where I go I like lesbian porn you would I was into that for a minute that's all I can much yeah yeah i was into that for a minute it's i can't do dick in vagina no oh i think it's hot no

it like makes me uncomfy which is weird so funny yeah so you'd rather just like watch two girls going down on each other yeah two hot pretty girls on a set with full glam just like going down no i don't even want them to be hot no well i want them to be attractive sorry i don't want them to be attracted but i'm just two girls yeah i want them to be more real i don't want them to be like big porn porn yeah yeah like porn star i like i like it to feel like they're that's so hot have you have you have oh yeah i didn't know she was a fluid queen oh yeah she's fluid that's so hot my podcast listeners know i don't want to be with a woman like i definitely want to be with a guy but like hooking up with a woman i think it's hot just in my brain i go so you're like

So maybe I'm not bisexual. Maybe I'm just, I fluid. Fluid. Yeah. Yeah. Queer. Queer. Yeah.

Queer. Okay. I'm going to end with this. Okay. If you could rummage through any celebrity's closet and do their makeup at the same person, who would you pick? If I could rummage through their closet closet closet and do their makeup? Yeah. Probably Adele because I could probably fit in some of her shit.

Yeah. And also, bitch, let me talk about a liner. I'm really into Fletcher, right? now she's so I did her makeup once you did gorgeous she's really gorgeous yeah I love her a show here pride I think oh she's super cool I had two three drinks last night I feel hung over today really yes that's kind of how I get too well that's never how I am that's why I'm having to Guinness so Guinness sent me of they saw that I liked Guinness because I was in Ireland and they sent me a bunch Guinness and um that's so cute what is that called engraved have you had a car bomb oh so yummy what you

would think would be disgusting because it's literally like curdling it's like a milky baileys isn't it bailey's dropped in a Guinness it's delicious it's so good it's like you can't sit and wait or have a warm taste like coffee yeah it's so good so good what are you excited about this year or you probably can't talk about i know i'm like excited about things i can't talk about okay so excited well we'll have you back on when you can talk about it because like I'm very excited for you, too. Yeah. And I'm just excited to, I'm, I'm going to get spiritual as fuck this year.

Like, I am going to go to a weird place. Dude, we need to have a cacao ceremony. Yes. I know a girl in Nashville that does it. Ruth Lindsay. Oh, cool. Do you know her? Oh, Ruth Lindsay does?

Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. You know what we should do? We should do like a live ceremony. Okay. So that everybody else could join us. Okay.

Well, let's do live ceremony. That'd be fun. Okay. For all the, the witchy, witchy, boo-wooes that are with us. Some are like... All the Wiccans. But all, yeah. Katie Macaroni would do it.

Katie Macaroni would do it? Oh, yeah. Oh, she's a witch in the best way. She's... I knew that Katie Macaroni. You know her well. I know. I pegged her.

I was like, do you want to poll dance with me? Yeah. Be friends. I'll fuck your name up. And also burn some intentions or what? Thank you for coming over and podcasting with me. I'm like, keep looking outside to see if the snow is. I feel like it's a little snow oh there is cute yeah it doesn't look oh it's snowing a little but

please drive home safe because i will nashville don't know how to i know but it's barely snowing it's not that big of a deal i mean i'm a californian and i'm like oh my god we're gonna be fine the grocery stores have been empty it is the apocalypse and it's so funny because it's snowing tomorrow that's it sunny the next day and people are freaking out no like every the the i'm like i want a sled like how much snow are we talking i want a sled if there is a lot We should because Cat and Chandler, we want to go sledding. Oh, my God. I'll bring the puppies.

Stop it. Yes. It's too much. I can't handle it. Oh my gosh. Puppies, babies. It'll be his first snow because he's four months old. Oh my God.

It's his first everything. That's so cute. I can't wait. I hope there's snow on the ground for the boys in the morning. Oh, how cute. How cute. Bye guys. Okay.

Thanks for listening watching. I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday. You're next. Thank you.